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Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is a vice. Hey,

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Speaker 1: professional homegirls, it is your girl ebine here and I

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Speaker 1: hope all is cute. Now we are back with a

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Speaker 1: PHG rewind episode, and as we close out this mental

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Speaker 1: health awareness series, I am bringing it back to one

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Speaker 1: of my most unforgettable conversations from the PHG archives. Okay,

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Speaker 1: now let me tell y'all how this episode came to be.

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Speaker 1: So maybe like three or four years ago, I was

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Speaker 1: invited to La by Mary, but she is a friend

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Speaker 1: to the show and she is also the daughter of

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Speaker 1: the legendary Florence Griffin Joyner that is correct aka also

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Speaker 1: known as flow Joe. Okay, so she invited me to

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Speaker 1: attend the premiere of the documentary that she created about

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Speaker 1: her mom, and y'all, it was such a full circle

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Speaker 1: moment because if you haven't listened to that episode, please

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Speaker 1: make sure to check it out. But I share with

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Speaker 1: Mary how much I was so obsessed with her mom

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Speaker 1: when I was growing up. And now listen, I am

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Speaker 1: not no runner, I ain't no track star, but I

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Speaker 1: just thought that her mom, Flow Joe, was just so

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Speaker 1: fly like. She used to just have the outfits with

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Speaker 1: the long nails, the laid hair, and the beat face,

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Speaker 1: and like, I just thought that she was just the

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Speaker 1: epitome of black beauty, right, So just imagine how it

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Speaker 1: felt to be in the same space with her family

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Speaker 1: and just to be able to, you know, get behind

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Speaker 1: the scenes and interact with people who really knew and

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Speaker 1: loved her dearly. So once the event was overwhel I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm in the la Let me kill

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Speaker 1: two birds with one stone and let me just hit

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Speaker 1: up some ig friends that you know, I never get

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Speaker 1: to see besides on Instagram. So I hit up one

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Speaker 1: of my homegirls, and you know, we decided to link

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Speaker 1: up for lunch. And I was super excited because we

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Speaker 1: always like ki Keen and our dms, sharing memes all

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Speaker 1: that other good stuff. So we went to lunch and

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Speaker 1: it was a really, really cute time. Right. So in

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Speaker 1: the midst of us Kikian, you know, she just casually

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Speaker 1: mentioned that she had been molested by her brother. And

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Speaker 1: I ain't gonna hold you when I tell y'all that

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Speaker 1: called me off guard, like the way I almost choked

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Speaker 1: my damn crab sandwich, because I don't know, it's not

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Speaker 1: because she said it or what she said, But I

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Speaker 1: think it was more so just how calm she said it,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, oh, like a as a matter of fact.

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Speaker 2: Type of energy.

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Speaker 1: You know. So, as she continued to share her story

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Speaker 1: with me, you know, I asked would she be open

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Speaker 1: to sharing it with y'all, and she agreed. She opens

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Speaker 1: up about her relationship with each family member, her parents' reaction,

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Speaker 1: and the many ways this experience shaped her. So get ready,

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Speaker 1: because I was molested by my brother starts now. So

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Speaker 1: before we get to your story, I want to get

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Speaker 1: your opinion on some things. First, do you feel like

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Speaker 1: siblings sexual beauty is often less discussed than any other

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Speaker 1: types of family violence, And if so, why.

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Speaker 3: You know, Like, I really couldn't answer that, because I

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Speaker 3: don't know what's going on in everybody's family, you know

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like, and I know a lot of

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Speaker 3: I know a lot of girls who have been touched

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Speaker 3: by like their stepfathers, people like that, But you rarely

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Speaker 3: hear anyone talk about being touched by their actual father.

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Speaker 3: But you know that that happens as well, So, but

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Speaker 3: that's more hidden, you know what I'm saying. So I

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Speaker 3: think like stepbrothers, stepsisters, you know what I mean, like aunts, uncles.

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Speaker 3: I think people are a little bit more open about

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Speaker 3: talking about sexual abuse, but when it's in the main family,

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Speaker 3: I think people are a little less likely to talk

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Speaker 3: about it openly, right because it's embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely in the shame and the guilt. Mm hmm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what would you say, are some signs of sexual abuse

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Speaker 1: and stif blims?

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Speaker 3: I don't, you know, Like I wish I was like

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Speaker 3: well versed in that because I'm still like deep in

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Speaker 3: the trauma of it. Like I'm a grown ass woman,

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Speaker 3: still deep in the trauma, you know, trying to fight

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Speaker 3: off alcoholism and all kinds of stuff.

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Speaker 1: So as far as the.

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Speaker 3: Signs, like, I really wouldn't know, but it has kept me.

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Speaker 3: I would say it has kept me from having my

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Speaker 3: own children because I'm I don't feel like I'm well

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Speaker 3: balanced enough.

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Speaker 1: I'm such a millennial. Millennials were so much smarter than

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Speaker 1: our parents, Like, you know, the generation before us was

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Speaker 1: like have a bounce, fucked up, Let me have a

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Speaker 1: baby six or seven, fuck them up too.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, I just want to see a thing

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Speaker 3: that looks like me, right, So, like I just feel like,

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Speaker 3: definitely don't want to like have kids and have this

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Speaker 3: in me where I think, like just because I put

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Speaker 3: them in the same room, like something it's gonna happen,

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Speaker 3: or I'm thinking something is happening, like I don't want

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Speaker 3: to put them in that situation or myself in that situation,

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Speaker 3: you know. So the signs are like the signs for

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Speaker 3: like having trauma and.

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Speaker 1: Stuff like that.

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Speaker 3: Like I think I should leave that up to doctors

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Speaker 3: and people who really can see what's going on there.

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Speaker 1: Because I just got into doing therapy.

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Speaker 3: I just start taking medication for you know, for some

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Speaker 3: really bad anxiety that like left me, you know, unable

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Speaker 3: to like even drive a car or just like live

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Speaker 3: a normal fucking life, you know what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 3: I couldn't tell you the signs, but just for that shit.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: If you're a parent, look for that. Look for that,

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Speaker 3: don't ignore it, and don't act like your son is

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Speaker 3: above it, right because a boy is a boy.

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Speaker 1: M hm. You know, I really commend you for saying.

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Speaker 1: One of the reasons why you are you don't want

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Speaker 1: to have kids, are you're thinking about not having kids

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Speaker 1: because you're afraid that it might be in you. And

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people feel that way,

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Speaker 1: but they don't voice it. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean honestly, I feel like I need to

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Speaker 3: be dealing with that more than I need to bring

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Speaker 3: you know, anything into this world, any offspring or you know,

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Speaker 3: children into this world. That's not my priority. My priority

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Speaker 3: is to like heal myself. And people are so selfish,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, I think that's the least selfish thing

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Speaker 3: you can do, is to heal yourself before you start

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Speaker 3: having kids. You know, you don't want to put that

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Speaker 3: off into another another human being. They have to grow

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Speaker 3: up too, you know what I'm saying. And above you

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Speaker 3: being able to provide financially, you have to be able

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Speaker 3: to raise them to be like, you know, an adult

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Speaker 3: that can handle life. And unfortunately, I don't think that

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Speaker 3: most people know what the fuck they're doing.

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Speaker 1: Just in general, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's not I'm not you know, I'm not saying that,

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Speaker 3: you know, everything is perfect if you get yourself together,

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Speaker 3: but they'll be better off.

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Speaker 1: They'll be better off, right. Do you think there are

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Speaker 1: ways that people can prevent this from happening? Or is

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Speaker 1: it hard to say? Rights? Hard to say, like you

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Speaker 1: gotta talk.

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Speaker 3: You know, like I grew up in a highly religious

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Speaker 3: family and the religion kind of took over everything else,

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Speaker 3: and there wasn't any real talking. We didn't sit down

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Speaker 3: and have conversations about what could happen or what's going on.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't, you know, it wasn't There wasn't any openness

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Speaker 3: about sex because we were so religious, and I think

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Speaker 3: that that's harmful, honestly. I don't know about you know,

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Speaker 3: like just coming from a religious family. I know that

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Speaker 3: there there's a girl that you know, she was kind

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Speaker 3: of in the same situation as me, and we were younger,

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Speaker 3: and I don't know how old I was. I had

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Speaker 3: to be like ten or something, ten or eleven, and

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Speaker 3: I remember telling her what was going on. I remember

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Speaker 3: her telling me what was going on in her household

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Speaker 3: and we both come from like heavily Christian households, and

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Speaker 3: her brothers were touching her and molesting her.

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Speaker 2: Well made me tell you.

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Speaker 3: I don't know till this day, to this day, but

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Speaker 3: I told her, I was like, the same thing is

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Speaker 3: happening to me, And I just couldn't believe what she

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Speaker 3: was saying to me. I was like, really, like I thought.

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Speaker 3: I thought I was the only one. So I you know,

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Speaker 3: first of all, I felt alone. I didn't even know my.

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Speaker 1: Sister was going through it. I had no idea my

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Speaker 1: sister was going through it.

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Speaker 3: And so you know, my sister right now, she's dealing

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Speaker 3: with bipolar disorder and she's on the streets. She's on

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Speaker 3: crack cocaine. You know, she's on that. She's on that

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Speaker 3: real shit. It people don't and not everyone deals with

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Speaker 3: something that serious the same.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, for sure, No, for sure the same.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know how I got on that, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: just the just having a conversation and don't act like

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Speaker 3: sex is so dirty, because I think it goes the

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Speaker 3: other way in a family.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you go the way where you where

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Speaker 1: you're teaching.

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Speaker 3: Kids that sex is this and that, and they're not

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Speaker 3: learning properly that you like, it's natural and it's normal

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Speaker 3: and it's something that you should be having with someone

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Speaker 3: that you love, and we're not talking about it openly.

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Speaker 3: I think that it becomes a hidden thing. I think

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Speaker 3: it becomes hidden fetishes and porn, And I was looking

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Speaker 3: at porn. I know, I was looking at porn a

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Speaker 3: lot as a kid, and only because it's like that

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Speaker 3: was the way I learned about sex.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: Even when I got my period, it wasn't discussed. I

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Speaker 3: got it too early. I was like eight years old.

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Speaker 3: I got my period.

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Speaker 1: It's too early.

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Speaker 3: So just being an early developer as a child, like

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Speaker 3: I think that has to do with being molested. I

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Speaker 3: don't know if there's any connection. You know, don't listen

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Speaker 3: to me, people, I am not a license nothing.

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Speaker 1: All right, No, but I and before you continue, because

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Speaker 1: I know this has got to be pretty difficult for

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Speaker 1: you to share your story. But I did say I

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Speaker 1: want to say thank you again. I told you just

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Speaker 1: movies at lunch because I do feel like this conversation

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Speaker 1: is not happening enough because unfortunately a lot of people

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Speaker 1: can relate to this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people. And it doesn't matter the race,

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Speaker 3: but I noticed that or the gender or the gender,

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Speaker 3: it really doesn't matter. But I noticed that, like people

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Speaker 3: don't like to talk about when it's immediate family members.

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Speaker 3: Yet family members. I noticed that it is something that

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Speaker 3: isn't is rarely talked about. And I think it's because

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Speaker 3: even the victim feels shame. Even victim feels like I

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Speaker 3: mean I'm not speaking for every victim, but even I

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Speaker 3: feel like.

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Speaker 1: Nasty, you know what I mean, Like I don't feel

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Speaker 1: good about it.

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Speaker 3: But it's like I was a kid, and when I

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Speaker 3: look back, it's like he was a kid too, but

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Speaker 3: he was.

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Speaker 1: A lot older than me.

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Speaker 3: Right, So that's you just have to make sure that

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Speaker 3: the siblings understand what sex is and where it should

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Speaker 3: be right, which is outside of the home, off of

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Speaker 3: your sibling, your girl's sibling, right, or your boy's sibling.

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Speaker 1: Do you know if sexual abuse runs in your family.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think my mom went through it. She wouldn't tell

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Speaker 1: me who did it to her. She's like that's another thing,

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Speaker 1: like right, like talk to your kids, like talk to people.

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Speaker 3: That's what I feel like Millennials like where we have

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Speaker 3: learned that, like it's proper to have a conversation about

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Speaker 3: things when even if it's hard, because that's the only

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Speaker 3: way to deal with anything.

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Speaker 1: And that all this hidden secret bullshit like it brings

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Speaker 1: about more trauma, just more and more trauma.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not saying every millennial knows how to have

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Speaker 3: a conversation. There are plenty of girls my age and

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Speaker 3: younger who avoid everything right and act like nothing's happening.

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Speaker 1: And not happening. Girl, we go we're chilling, No, we're

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Speaker 1: not chilling.

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Speaker 3: People traumatized, right, traumatized you know. So like the sexual abuse,

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Speaker 3: like that's no joke, and it's no joke when it

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Speaker 3: happens to you, especially as a young kid with half

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Speaker 3: of a fucking brain, right, you're not developed enough to

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Speaker 3: understand what's going on. Like I just now, I'm just

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Speaker 3: now experiencing sex that is pleasurable to me and sex

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Speaker 3: that I know is proper, rather than me feeling like

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Speaker 3: I have to give something up, right, because that's what

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Speaker 3: it was for years For me. It wasn't like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm having a sexual experience because I want to.

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Speaker 1: It was like I have to mm hmm. That's directly

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Speaker 1: rooted in what I went through, right. You know, how

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Speaker 1: many siblings do you have and what was your relationship

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Speaker 1: like with them? I have. I have four siblings and

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Speaker 1: we're super tight.

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Speaker 3: Is like close growing up, I don't know how to

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Speaker 3: say certain things without putting my identity out there.

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Speaker 1: We were clothes.

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Speaker 3: We were like like a gospel Jackson five and we

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Speaker 3: you know, I work in the art world, and so

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Speaker 3: that's what we did, we would sing and but it

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Speaker 3: was gospel. And my mom is a professional musician and

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Speaker 3: singer writer, musician, and she used to work for our Green.

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Speaker 3: That's probably not a good thing to say, but whatever, right,

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Speaker 3: A lot of people used to work Power Green.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just five motherfuckers. I think my mom was one

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Speaker 1: of them.

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Speaker 3: But anyway, Yeah, so I grew up in a very

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Speaker 3: musical world, you know what I mean but that, but

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Speaker 3: you know, also like this is someone who's a musician,

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Speaker 3: and a lot of musicians.

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Speaker 1: Are fucked up. You know, a lot of medians are

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Speaker 1: fucked up.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people who I just know personally get

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Speaker 3: locked up in the art world. And so I was

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Speaker 3: raised by somebody who I love very much but probably

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Speaker 3: wasn't well and it kind of just bleeds into the family.

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Speaker 3: When the matriarch, you know, well.

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Speaker 1: What about your dad he's it was like he was like,

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Speaker 1: I mean he is, like he's a pastor. Oh I

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Speaker 1: didn't know that.

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Speaker 3: But he's also willing to do anything for my mom.

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Speaker 3: So my mom is like the king mm if that

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Speaker 3: makes sense, right, Dad is like, we're doing this because

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Speaker 3: Mama wants to do this, right, So she she's everything she's.

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Speaker 1: You know, the alpha and Omega honestly.

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Speaker 3: Right, Mary for over forty years and just kept that

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Speaker 3: type of relationship. And you know, as a feminist, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: go ahead, But as a daughter, I'm like, oh, so, how.

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Speaker 1: Old were you when your brother began to molest you?

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Speaker 3: I don't even know how old I was, Like, I

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Speaker 3: don't because I only remember when I was like around

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Speaker 3: eight years old.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like it probably happened earlier.

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Speaker 3: But I don't remember those earlier years because I just

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Speaker 3: be spoken so much weed now as gets so high.

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Speaker 1: So it's I try I.

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Speaker 3: Think, like subconsciously, I'm trying to erase memories. Well, you

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Speaker 3: know that's a thing too, because I had my childhood

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Speaker 3: was very traumatic and it's just a mental block, like

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Speaker 3: you try to forget certain things and then you actually

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Speaker 3: end up forgetting until something triggered you to remember.

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Speaker 1: So that's very common exactly.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, there's certain dramatic moments that like I'll never forget,

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Speaker 3: that won't leave my mind. But I couldn't tell you

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Speaker 3: the first time it started happening.

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Speaker 1: How old was he? Well, how much older is he?

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Speaker 1: He's eight years older than me. Oh so he's a

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Speaker 1: he was a teenager. Yeah, he's a teenager. Mmmm. That

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Speaker 1: was a little I was like a baby girl. So

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Speaker 1: do you remember the first time it happened. The reason

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Speaker 1: why I'm asking is like, do you remember any signs

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Speaker 1: that he displayed before he was I don't remember any signs.

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Speaker 3: What I do remember is that, like around the age

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Speaker 3: of eight, I would do normal stuff, Like I remember

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Speaker 3: we were having like a barbecue and we were all

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Speaker 3: in the living room and I was like, I had

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Speaker 3: on these little pink shorts and it was my favorite shorts.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, I remember my innocence being taken away

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Speaker 3: because and this had nothing to do with my brother,

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Speaker 3: but this is when I remember like I was a

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Speaker 3: sexual being to people because I was playing and I

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Speaker 3: had sitting I sat Indian style, and I was like

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Speaker 3: playing with something in my hands, and my dad said

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Speaker 3: out loud where everybody could hear, close your legs, and

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, okay, So I closed my legs

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Speaker 3: and it was the first time I was like, are

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Speaker 3: people looking in between my legs?

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Speaker 1: Like hey, what the hell?

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Speaker 3: Like it was perplexing because I was a little girl,

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Speaker 3: so I wasn't thinking about anyone looking in between my legs, right,

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Speaker 3: you know now as an adult, like if I if

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Speaker 3: I play Indian Style, I want nigga.

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Speaker 1: To looking between my legs, looking between my legs. I

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Speaker 1: wore these shorts for a reason. I was a little girl,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't understand, but I will always.

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Speaker 3: Remember how it made me feel like people want to

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Speaker 3: touch me below, people want to whoa.

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Speaker 1: Like sex became introduced to me. Mmm, So how long

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Speaker 1: did it continue to happen for? How many years?

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Speaker 3: It happened until I was probably until I was like

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Speaker 3: probably twelve mm, probably twelve maybe thirteen was the last

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Speaker 3: time when it was like I was just getting too

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Speaker 3: old and I was starting to defend myself, and you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, It wasn't cute no more.

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Speaker 1: I was like I was getting muscles and shit, I

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Speaker 1: was pushing back. Yeah, you was protecting meself. I was

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Speaker 1: protecting myself and so yeah, I think I was around

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Speaker 1: like it felt like it happened my entire childhood. But

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Speaker 1: by the time I was a teenager, it wasn't happening.

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Speaker 1: But I had already been fucked up, right, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, now I'm a teenager and I'm

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Speaker 1: in high school. That means he's an average black girl.

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Speaker 1: That means he's grown at this point. He's at this.

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Speaker 3: Point, right, and he gets the stereotypical LFE skinned girl.

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Speaker 3: And it's like it's another thing, like I'm dealing with

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Speaker 3: like my brothers, who one of them married a white girl,

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Speaker 3: so the other one married like the phenal type of

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Speaker 3: like what they feel is a dying piece, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, light skinned girl, hair, skinny, you know

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like that type of two thousand and two.

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Speaker 1: Right right outline of a woman.

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Speaker 3: That every black man put on a pedestal and still do.

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Speaker 3: She represented that. So it felt like I was a secret.

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Speaker 3: Just I was a secret not only to my brothers

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Speaker 3: but to like every man. So I was already fucked up.

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Speaker 3: And to know what's happening to my sister. It happened

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Speaker 3: to my sister by both.

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Speaker 1: Of my brothers.

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Speaker 3: And I don't want to tell her story, right, but

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Speaker 3: both of my brothers did it to my sister, both

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Speaker 3: my older brothers, and.

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Speaker 1: So oh go ahead, no, go ahead, no, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: definitely I did have a question about that, but not

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Speaker 1: to go too deep into her story because that is

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Speaker 1: her story. But before I asked you that question, did

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Speaker 1: you tell your parents?

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Speaker 3: I was grown when I was twenty six, twenty five,

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Speaker 3: might have been twenty five. I was twenty five when

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Speaker 3: I told my parents, which wasn't long ago.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know. I think my mom kind of panicked.

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Speaker 1: She started saying, what was wrong with they own drugs?

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Speaker 1: What was wrong with them? I can't believe that that's

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 3: She started speaking about it like it was something to

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Speaker 3: be spoken about in a normal way right first, and

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Speaker 3: then we never spoke about it again. And then it

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Speaker 3: pissed me off that we didn't speak.

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Speaker 1: About it again.

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Speaker 3: And so maybe like three years after that, I brought

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Speaker 3: it up again and I said, you know, I have

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Speaker 3: I have vovaldinia.

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Speaker 1: Vovaldinia is something that women.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes women will get pains in their vaginal area because

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Speaker 3: I couldn't never wear tampons, and I was like, why

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Speaker 3: can't I wear tamp It hurts for me to wear

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Speaker 3: a tampon.

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Speaker 1: What's wrong with me?

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Speaker 3: And it was because I had that, And it's like basically,

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Speaker 3: your your vaginal muscles trying to protect you from entrance.

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Speaker 1: For that. Because at my homegirl she was on the

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Speaker 1: show and she was talking about how sex. It's painful

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Speaker 1: to have sex, so we're just talking about it and

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Speaker 1: we having a conversation and make a long story short.

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Speaker 1: She later disclosed to me that she was sexually abused,

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Speaker 1: and now we did I'm doing research because I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: like I want you to bust or nothing, like why

401
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Speaker 1: you can't have sex? Right, So when she told me

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Speaker 1: that we started doing research, I'm like, it's probably because

403
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Speaker 1: of what happened to you at a younger age and

404
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Speaker 1: your body is rejecting it. And then that's how we

405
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Speaker 1: found out about it. Yep.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I had a racist obg yn tell me

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Speaker 3: I had to write a whole letter and everything with

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Speaker 3: her racist sad but she told me, she told me

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Speaker 3: very in a way that was like very She didn't

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Speaker 3: consider my feelings at all.

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Speaker 1: She told me like it was just normal and that's

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Speaker 1: not a normal thing to happen. I really cut my

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Speaker 1: eyes out.

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Speaker 3: I cried my eyes out that I had to deal

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Speaker 3: with something like that, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And this was in twenty twenty, bitch, Like this was

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty, right, Like this stuff is just happening

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Speaker 1: for me. So yeah, yeah, that trauma is nothing to

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Speaker 1: mess with.

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Speaker 3: It's really like something that's very serious. You can't take

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Speaker 3: it lightly. When I did tell my mom, I could

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Speaker 3: tell that she had gone through a lot too sexually,

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Speaker 3: because she wrote back that I needed to grow up.

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Speaker 3: What would happen if I were to say anything? What

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Speaker 3: would happen if the you know, my oldest brother's kids

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Speaker 3: were to find out what happened, Like they wouldn't look

427
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 3: at him as their hero anymore? Why would you want

428
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Speaker 3: that for your brother?

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Speaker 1: That type? And what about me?

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Speaker 3: It was never a you know? And it's like she

431
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Speaker 3: put she poured out a big like I'm sorry, you know,

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Speaker 3: Like finally, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what to say. And I'm like, that's

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Speaker 3: the most honest thing you could have said, right. I

435
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Speaker 3: could have just said that, right?

436
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Speaker 1: What did your dad say?

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Speaker 3: My dad has not said anything till this day, girl,

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Speaker 3: And he knows about it, But he hasn't said anything

439
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 3: till this day.

440
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 1: I don't think he knows what to say either. I'm

441
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: not holding it against him that they don't know what

442
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: to say. But let me tell you something.

443
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 3: I still can't have normal conversations with my parents because

444
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 3: I'm smart, I'm not like a I'm not a dummy,

445
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 3: I'm not oblivious, and so it's hard for me to

446
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 3: be like.

447
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like like nothing, elpn, y'all, let's.

448
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 3: Party, let's I'm the most logical bitch on earth. And

449
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 3: that type of stuff to me is like, I'm not

450
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 3: gonna I'm gonna query it.

451
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: I'm not finna sit with you and eat with you

452
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: and act like you can't have that. We can't fake,

453
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: I don't care how hard we try. It is the

454
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: most uncomfortable thing ever. It's hell for us to fake it.

455
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: It is really hell. It is really hell. And so

456
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not gonna fake with y'all. And I

457
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: love you.

458
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,199
Speaker 3: And when I do call you and I tell you

459
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 3: that I love you, but I can't stay on the

460
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 3: phone with you long like I think the last time

461
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 3: we stayed on the phone like an hour and that

462
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 3: was the longest, but we weren't talking about anything really substantial, right,

463
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 3: very surface level, which I appreciated on their part, right,

464
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 3: but it was like, yeah, I can't fake, and it's

465
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 3: just very hard for me to do. So, yeah, I'm

466
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: not like someone who can just put that behind me.

467
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 3: Is never gonna be behind me, right, So yeah, I'm

468
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 3: still currently going through that.

469
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: Do you think the reason why they don't want to

470
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: admit to it is because they feel like it would

471
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 1: make them look bad?

472
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think they felt I think they probably already

473
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 3: think they looked bad. Right, They probably already think that

474
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 3: they did a bad job or right. I think parents

475
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 3: go straight to like what could I have done to

476
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 3: maybe prevent this? Like what did I do wrong? But

477
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 3: they still not willing to learn nothing though, right, you know,

478
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 3: saying if I say, my mom mentioned that, you know,

479
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 3: something happened to her when she was fifteen years old.

480
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 3: She was out here in California and some stranger she said,

481
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 3: had raped her and she said there was blood and

482
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 3: he had a gun and all this stuff happened. And

483
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 3: the only reason why he let her go is because

484
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 3: she said her pastor was James Cleveland and she was

485
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 3: going to church to play she had to play for

486
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 3: the choir.

487
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: And he let it go.

488
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 3: And I'm like, you never went to talk to nobody

489
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 3: about that. You carried that trauma with you, and I know,

490
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 3: like back in the day, y'all didn't know like you're

491
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 3: supposed to talk about things. I understand that, but you

492
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 3: should know now, and you should know that you have

493
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 3: like a thirty plus year old daughter who's living on

494
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 3: her own, who's not a fucking dummy and tell you, hey,

495
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 3: maybe you should talk about it, and you still view

496
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 3: me as someone who's not smart enough.

497
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: To let you know that maybe you should talk about it.

498
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 3: So our relationship is suffering because of this, right, you know,

499
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 3: like my sister's going off the deep end, and so

500
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 3: you would think like maybe you know what I mean,

501
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 3: You would think they would be like, well, maybe I should.

502
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: Get some therapy. I don't know, maybe Jesus can't be

503
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: my therapist, right, you know, I had it before. I

504
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: had another conversation before we started our conversation, And this

505
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: lady been through so much shit, like she been raped

506
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: and beating so many times so she can't even count.

507
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: So she's a trauma expert and she traveled all around

508
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: the world to teach people more about trauma because people

509
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,719
Speaker 1: sometimes mistake trauma for mental disorders but not understand that

510
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: trauma can lead to mental disorders. Yes, and I asked

511
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: her this question. I'm gonna ask you you do you

512
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: think that people are desensitized when it comes to trauma

513
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: because since they've been through it and survived social youth. Yeah,

514
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: I think that most people don't understand.

515
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 3: Like even now, I have a boyfriend who you know,

516
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: I have a boyfriend who he grew up in a

517
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 3: situation where his parents were selling dope, and he acts

518
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 3: like everything it was fine, it was cool. It was

519
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 3: like it was fine. It was like your parents were selling.

520
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: Dope, right, Like that's not normal, that's not.

521
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 3: Nor you think, so you have no trauma branching from that,

522
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 3: or like the fact that your dad was there but

523
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: he didn't raise you, Like he was just there, but

524
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: he didn't raise you though, Like you know what I'm saying,

525
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 3: there's a lot there, But he doesn't think that he

526
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 3: has any trauma. He smokes a lot of weed though

527
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 3: he smokes a shit little weed. And so it's like,

528
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 3: I think people don't even know they have.

529
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: It because they think it's so normal because they in

530
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: this space for so long that they think that, yeah,

531
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: it's just it's just normal that I drink this much

532
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: every day. It's just normal that, like I need to

533
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 1: have sex the way I need to have sex, Like

534
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: it's just normal.

535
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 3: That's I have a healthy appetite for like, but you

536
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 3: never really sat down and thought, why do I have

537
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 3: a healthy appetite for I have an abnormal appetite for Dick?

538
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: Why? Right? No, it's true, and people are not even

539
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 1: knowing that they're using that as a escape mechanism.

540
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: I think balance is the key, Like, you just want

541
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: to be balanced, right, Why to be balanced as possible,

542
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 3: even though it's like you know, it's really hard.

543
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: I don't even know if it's possible. I don't know

544
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: anyone who's perfectly balanced. Yeah, I don't think nobody's perfectly balanced.

545
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: You want to get as close as possible, for sure,

546
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: for sure, but it definitely does take a lot of work,

547
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: especially with everything that we've been through it trying to

548
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: figure out with no fucking blueprint and with no money, Okay,

549
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: just like in debt. Right? Yeah, besides your friend, did

550
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 1: you tell anyone else about this? When I was younger,

551
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: I used to just tell everybody because I didn't know

552
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: how to deal with it.

553
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 3: All my friends, you know what happened to me? Right,

554
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 3: I couldn't hold water. I just but I would never

555
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 3: say it was my brother. I would always say it

556
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 3: was my uncle. I would say it was my uncle,

557
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 3: and yeah, I would never say it was my brother

558
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 3: because I didn't want people to to start looking at

559
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 3: me weird, or if they were to ever meet my brother,

560
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,719
Speaker 3: look at him weird, right then it would make me

561
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 3: feel weird. You know what I'm saying, Like you understanding

562
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 3: what's going on at the time, so it's even more confusion.

563
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 3: It's even more confusion. So like, but like I was

564
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,479
Speaker 3: acting out. I was acting out. Even in middle school,

565
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 3: I was acting out a lot by lying. I would

566
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 3: lie so much, like it just made me feel better.

567
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 3: I would like, now I'm a writer, you know, Like

568
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 3: I learned how to put all those lies on a

569
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: script and you know, make up worlds on a script

570
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 3: rather than in real life. But in high school, I

571
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: used to lie to my friends and it would make

572
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 3: me feel better because they always thought I was like,

573
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 3: oh wow, not a man, hell of a storyteller.

574
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, professional now you know man. So it's

575
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: like people really really look.

576
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 3: Forward to like what I had to say the next

577
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 3: day about the boy that I was with.

578
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 1: And I would never be with that boy. That boy

579
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: didn't even know I liked him, you know what I'm saying.

580
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 1: I would lie about boys you were bad.

581
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 3: I was acting out and like now it's it's you know,

582
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 3: I'm so glad that I grew out of it.

583
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: Is like a growing pain thing that I'm glad I

584
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: grew out of that. Or you could look at it

585
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: as something that you use to protect yourself is also

586
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: what you use to make money. Yeah, moment, it is

587
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 1: a full circle moment. But you know you have to

588
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: learn how to you know, direct that stuff direct. Oh

589
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 1: you don't. You're lying on people and then you know

590
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: what I mean, and that's gonna come back to you.

591
00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 3: But if you direct that into the right energy, it

592
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 3: can make something, you know, beautiful, right right. But I

593
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 3: was just lying on niggas and I wasn't saying nobody

594
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 3: was raping me or nothing that was too far.

595
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: But like I was a soap opera good at it.

596
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: So you definitely mentioned earlier that the same brother that

597
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: molested you also raped up sister with your other brother.

598
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 1: How did you find out about this, Well, because my

599
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,399
Speaker 1: mom told me. She said, I didn't know.

600
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, So the reason why I told my mom is

601
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 3: because my sister told my mom. And it was around

602
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 3: the time that my sister started going missing, and oh

603
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 3: she my sister's two years older than me. Wow, so

604
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 3: she you know, I don't know when she started getting

605
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 3: molested by my older brother.

606
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: But then I remember the oldest brother.

607
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 3: This is something I remembered distinctively. I was in a room.

608
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 3: It was my bedroom at the time. I think I

609
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 3: was in either my bedroom or my sister's bedroom. And

610
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 3: I remember I was young. This is when I was

611
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 3: getting lested by my other brother. I remember my oldest

612
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:18,760
Speaker 3: brother came old. He's he's like forty five right now.

613
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 1: Also, he was way older than you. I was a

614
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: lot older. Yeah, he's like older older. So he came

615
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 1: into the room and I remember him standing in a

616
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: corner and looking at me really weird. But he just kept.

617
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 3: Looking at me, and he wasn't doing anything, and he

618
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 3: was super high. He was on some drugs, my mom

619
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 3: not wrong, like he was on something, and he was

620
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: just standing there and he was staring at me, and

621
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 3: I just finally started I started yelling at my mom's name,

622
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 3: and it scared him and it spooked him and he

623
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 3: ran out, and I was like, was he gonna do

624
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 3: it to me too? I was like very confused. I

625
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 3: didn't know what the fuck was going on. So then

626
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 3: when my mom said that when I was when I

627
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: was twenty six, I was like.

628
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 1: I remember that one time where I thought, did he

629
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: just try to do the same shit to me? Like

630
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: I was very confused. So I'm like, so, what is

631
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: going on? You know, and like did my older brother

632
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: touch my younger brother? Which other like I didn't.

633
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: I still to this day don't really know what the

634
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 3: fuck was going on. I only know what was going

635
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 3: on from my perspective what happened to me.

636
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: Right, But everybody mom to tell you like like she

637
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: just told her, Oh, because this happened to your sister,

638
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: Like well, because because she said, well she brought it

639
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: up first.

640
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 3: She was like, your sister said that you know soul

641
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 3: and soul was messing with them molested in her said he.

642
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: She didn't use the word rape.

643
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 3: She just said was touching her and doing some nasty

644
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 3: stuff with the you know, she old school. So I

645
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 3: was like, well, I just want to say he did

646
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 3: the same thing to me, and I didn't want to

647
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,240
Speaker 3: leave her hanging. You know, I'm twenty six. I was like, crazy,

648
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 3: I'm a feminist. I was like, no, braw Wednesday, like

649
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 3: that type of feminist, right, So I was like, yeah,

650
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 3: he did the same thing to me too. I couldn't

651
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 3: wait to tell her, and she was like, she said uh,

652
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 3: and she said so and so to you too, because

653
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 3: she said both of them did.

654
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 1: It to her. And I said really, so.

655
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 2: I didn't know, but how do you feel?

656
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 1: And I'm asking this question respectfully, like I don't know.

657
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: I can see why this is why, this why your

658
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 1: relationship is a little strained with your mom, because it's

659
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: just no way that you know that somebody's touching your babies,

660
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: regardless of who it is. And like.

661
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,959
Speaker 3: I just like I wrote her, my sister is mean,

662
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 3: like my sister has my polar disorder.

663
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: But can you blame her? Though I don't blame her

664
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: at all.

665
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 3: I don't, but the type of letters she was send

666
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 3: by email to my parents were awful. I'd be like,

667
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 3: the way you're talking to our parents is crazy boo,

668
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 3: Like I get it, but come on now.

669
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 1: But then it led me to write a letter because

670
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I gotta write something too, because

671
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: y'all really don't get it.

672
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,439
Speaker 3: But I wasn't quite as like vicious about it because

673
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 3: I have more in my mind. So you know, I

674
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 3: wrote something to my mom, and I said, it's a

675
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 3: shame that you chose to protect the boys over the girls, right,

676
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 3: because that's what you did. You're choosing to protect them,

677
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 3: you're choosing to put them first, You're choosing to take

678
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 3: their side. And I don't get that. I don't get

679
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 3: that luxury. I'm out here. You're treating me like the son.

680
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: You're treating me like the nigga that need to go

681
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 1: get a job and do right by themselves. But they don't.

682
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 3: They're like pristine white women. That's how you're treating them.

683
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 3: M Like they need to be coddled right and protected.

684
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: But I'm good, I'm fine, right. Meanwhile, I'm fucked up,

685
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: hell with it.

686
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 3: I'm a whole female out here. I'm a whole woman,

687
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 3: a lady, and I'm not okay. And I don't get

688
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 3: the benefit of the doubt. I don't get it like

689
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 3: a hug, I don't get it. I'm so sorry. I

690
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 3: don't get a protection from my father. I don't get

691
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: any of that. I just get ignored about it. Right,

692
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 3: And we get to just fucking move on and they

693
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 3: get to have their wives and they get to live

694
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 3: their life, and it's just infuriating, right, I'm saying this

695
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 3: on the podcast, but a bitch is mad.

696
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: Nah, I really feel you're not. I really hated know

697
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: nobody was there for you, man. I know, I really

698
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: can't take that, huh. I'm not the only one, no,

699
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: I know. And it really bothers me when I hear

700
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: stories about kids just being harm and nobody just protecting

701
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: us when we need it. It's very very unfortunate, very sad. Yeah,

702
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 1: I'm getting emotional because I really hate when like, because

703
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: you know, we make we don't make fun of people

704
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 1: who be out on the streets and stuff like that,

705
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: but you know, from the hood, so we crack a

706
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 1: little jokes here and there, but like, you just really

707
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 1: don't know what people going through or how they got

708
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 1: to where they at and a lot of people, you know,

709
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,479
Speaker 1: certain things being sexually abused or being physically abused, And

710
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 1: she's like that that shit would really break people. Some

711
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: people are not built to stand and set the time

712
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: of that shit. Honestly, they're not. They're not very heartbreaking.

713
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 3: It is heartbreaking, and you know, and some people they

714
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 3: find you know, I've been watching a lot of drug

715
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 3: documentaries ever since I decided to take lexapro and some

716
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 3: stuff to help with my anxiety.

717
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 1: I don't get attached to nothing. I don't want to

718
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: get addicted to nothing.

719
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 3: I just want to see the worst of the worst

720
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 3: so that I can avoid it myself. So I've been

721
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 3: watching a lot of drug bocks, and I'm like, man,

722
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 3: it's so easy to just say yes to like one thing,

723
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 3: and if it feels like it's what you've been looking for,

724
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 3: it's over you and you can't get sick, and so

725
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 3: you have to keep taking it. And you do like

726
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 3: the high, but you also can't get sick, so you

727
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 3: just keep taking it over and over. It's really a

728
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 3: downhill battle. Yeah, fact, yeah, So what is your relationship

729
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 3: like with your sister now? Like, does she know about

730
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 3: your experience? My sister knows about my experience, but she

731
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:51,280
Speaker 3: cut everybody off in the family, right, But my sister

732
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 3: does crack, and so you know, even if she I

733
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 3: don't think that she doesn't love me anymore. But I

734
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 3: don't think she wants me to see her in the

735
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 3: state that she's in. So I think it's probably easier

736
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 3: for her to cut us off than to like let

737
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 3: us know where she's sad or what she's doing.

738
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: She goes to jail.

739
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 3: She's back and forth from jail in the mental hospital

740
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 3: kind of regularly. And honestly, when we would hear that

741
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 3: she's in jail, we feel better because at least we

742
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 3: know where she was right, right, But we haven't heard

743
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 3: from her in months. It's been like nine months. We

744
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 3: haven't heard anything from her. My daddy calling me like

745
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 3: did she call you? And no, she didn't call. No,

746
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 3: she said fuck you to me. So she's not trying

747
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 3: to talk to me because I told her. I told

748
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 3: her our parents are bad, but they're not that bad.

749
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 3: They just don't understand. I'm giving them grace. And she's like,

750
00:42:55,719 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 3: fuck that grace. Shit, she not here for the grades

751
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 3: study and she was like, oh, fuck that ship.

752
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 1: Fuck you do then, right, you know, nigga, don't you

753
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: hear for that great ship when things happen? Yeah, So

754
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 1: it was over after that. So what has your relationship

755
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:22,240
Speaker 1: been like with men? With men, it's been.

756
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 3: Like I have a I have I'm in a relationship

757
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 3: right now with the guy who's super sweet, and I realize,

758
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 3: like my dad, even though his protecting is a little

759
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 3: off by the little eye mean a lot right, the

760
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 3: way that he is with my mom influenced me, so

761
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,919
Speaker 3: that whole being sweet to my mom, you know, being

762
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 3: there for her, always, just always willing to be there

763
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 3: for my mom. Like that type of man. I have

764
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 3: that type of boyfriend and we've been together for like

765
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:08,240
Speaker 3: five years and he's just the sweetest, most gentle human

766
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 3: being ever. And so you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes

767
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 3: the good stuff does transfer, and I think that's one

768
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 3: of those things that transferred for me. So as far

769
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 3: as with men, I do. I am in a good

770
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 3: relationship with the guy, but sexually I still struggle, right, I.

771
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: Still struggle with him.

772
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 3: Since I love him so much, it's hard for me

773
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 3: to want to have sex because I feel like people

774
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 3: I love I shouldn't be having sex with. It's like

775
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 3: a subconscious thing that's like, no, like I actually love you,

776
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,760
Speaker 3: so no we shouldn't.

777
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 1: We're not supposed to. No, You're like you're like family.

778
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 3: Now, No, we're not supposed to, you know, And so

779
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 3: that subconscious shit is weird.

780
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: But that's kind of the only thing, because you know, like.

781
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 3: I get horn I get horny for a lot of

782
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:10,839
Speaker 3: different dudes. So there's a whore in me, there's a

783
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 3: hole in me.

784
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 1: I think that's a hole in all of us that

785
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 1: everybody nobody.

786
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 2: Is that the trauma?

787
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: Or am I horning? Because I've been old horny a

788
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 1: lot too. So look at this was like, oh, yeah,

789
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: I've been seeing some guys. I said, Oh, I said

790
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:31,760
Speaker 1: where he come from?

791
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, so relationships with dudes like but it took a

792
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 3: long time, and took until I was thirty years old

793
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 3: two or twenty nine, twenty nine years old to like

794
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 3: find somebody that makes sense. But I would protect myself

795
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 3: in my twenties where like, if I had a one

796
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 3: night stand, I wouldn't allow them to ghost me. I

797
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 3: ghost them, right, I'd be like, dud, don't nobody need you.

798
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:04,760
Speaker 3: I was like a city girl before city girls was popular, Like, bitch,

799
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 3: I'm a city girl minus.

800
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 1: The money and the purses. It shut up for real,

801
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 1: Like I missed the part where you're supposed to get paid.

802
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: But so wait, so what those family gatherings look like?

803
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: Oh do you even go out to see your family?

804
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:27,399
Speaker 1: Because oh, yeah, no, I don't be going home. I'm

805
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: go Last time you spoke to him, it's been at

806
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 1: least three years.

807
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 3: Oh that's not the recent, Yeah, that's it's pretty recent.

808
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 3: Only because like I had to. I think we were

809
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 3: looking for my sister at the time, so like I

810
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 3: had to. I remember, I went home like I ran home. Uh,

811
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 3: I was in I was in where I was born,

812
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 3: visiting my parents. And then my parents said my brother

813
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:57,760
Speaker 3: was on his way over.

814
00:46:58,520 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 1: And then I lied.

815
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 3: I said, oh, that my plane is coming now. I

816
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 3: thought it was at this time, but it's at this time.

817
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 1: I gotta go now, and they were like, oh oh,

818
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: and they took me to the to the airport. Girl,

819
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 1: do you know I had slept in the airport until

820
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 1: my real plane came. That's how much I didn't want

821
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:21,879
Speaker 1: to see him.

822
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:26,760
Speaker 3: So like, yeah, I don't have any relationship with my brothers,

823
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:31,280
Speaker 3: neither of them or their wives, my niece and nephew.

824
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 3: I text them because it's not their fault, you know.

825
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: But do you fear for them? Do I what do

826
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: you fear for them? Like, do you feel like something's

827
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 1: gonna happen to them my niece and nephew, Yeah, from

828
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:55,760
Speaker 1: your brothers. I don't, but only because I never thought

829
00:47:55,760 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: about that. Wow, yeah, I can tell yeah, I never

830
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: thought about that. But that's like their right.

831
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: I hope nothing, and I you know, and I always

832
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 3: tell my little niece. I'm like, and I should tell

833
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: my nephew this too, And I think I did tell

834
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 3: him this, but I mostly told my little niece, like,

835
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 3: you can tell me anything. You can talk to me

836
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 3: about anything that's going on in your life, don't hesitate,

837
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,879
Speaker 3: you can call me. She's a little nerd right now.

838
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 3: It's like she might need to get older before she

839
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 3: call her little black aunt.

840
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: Oh that's like she mixed.

841
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 3: She's yeah, she's mixed, and so like her white side

842
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 3: is highly influenced in her right now. And I'm like,

843
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,879
Speaker 3: it's something traumatic might have to happen before she called

844
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 3: her black aunt. Girl, you know what happened to me

845
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 3: start talking black all of a sudden.

846
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:58,760
Speaker 1: But you have a fair question. Wow, yeah, I'm surprised

847
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 1: you never thought about that. I never thought about that.

848
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: I think, like, I just hope not, like please God, right,

849
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: I really just hope not. So at this point, do

850
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:14,479
Speaker 1: you even want an apology from your brother? It would

851
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 1: be nice.

852
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 3: I would like some acknowledgment in an apology as an adult.

853
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 3: You know we're adults now, so you can find the words.

854
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 3: You're not stupid, stupid?

855
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:26,720
Speaker 1: You stupid?

856
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 3: Right, But you're not, you know, a dumb ass. You

857
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 3: got a job, so you can find the words. But

858
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 3: you it's like it was easier for him to just

859
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 3: decide to just cut all ties. So it's like, okay, well,

860
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:49,760
Speaker 3: I'm the queen of cutting ties, right, I'm the queen

861
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 3: at it. So if you really don't want to, we

862
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 3: ain't ever got to, but it. You know, all you

863
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 3: have to do is apologize.

864
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,760
Speaker 1: Even if you don't get an apology, have you forgiving him? No,

865
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 1: not yet, And I'm working on like I'm working on that.

866
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 1: Actually I'm not. I'm not working on that at all.

867
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You gotta

868
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 1: do it in your own time, when you're ready. Okay,

869
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:25,280
Speaker 1: I'm figuring maybe it'll happen. I don't know, not happening

870
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: right now. And last, not least, do you want to

871
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 1: have a relationship with him? And if so, what does

872
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: that relationship look like?

873
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,879
Speaker 3: It would probably look like it did when we were

874
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 3: ignoring get as kids, and it was like a fun relationship,

875
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:44,839
Speaker 3: Like it was fun and everybody was always having fun

876
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 3: and laughing and talking and it was creative making music

877
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: writing stuff, you know, that type of stuff, like we

878
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 3: were having fun when we were ignoring it. But I

879
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 3: was a kid ignoring it, and now I'm fully developed

880
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 3: brained adult. No way that I'm ignoring that, you know.

881
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:15,280
Speaker 3: So I think they just weren't anticipating us becoming women, Yeah,

882
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 3: right and thinking for ourselves.

883
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to ask you one more question because

884
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: I just just realized this. What were your thoughts on

885
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: R Kelly? And the reason why I'm asking I hate him? Well, no,

886
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 1: obviously that's obvious, right, But the reason why I'm asking

887
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 1: because what did you what did you What was your

888
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: thoughts when you heard that he was sexually molested and

889
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 1: stuff by his siblings? Yeah, okay, so.

890
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 3: I really disliked R Kelly, Uh, really really badly, Like Ben,

891
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 3: It was when you know, I was on Facebook just

892
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 3: going in on R Kelly every post. I was just

893
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 3: going in on him because I felt like he was

894
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 3: getting over on touching young black girls, right, you know,

895
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:04,919
Speaker 3: he wasn't getting any type of.

896
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 1: Punishment for it. I don't think it's a it's a license.

897
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 3: If you're like, I don't get to go and touch

898
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 3: kids now because of what happened to me, right, So

899
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 3: I have compassion for what happened to him, but I

900
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: don't give a fuck because it happened to me. So

901
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 3: that's the thing you were talking about, the whole trauma

902
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 3: thing of you know, they happened to me, So I

903
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 3: got over, won.

904
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:26,400
Speaker 1: Don't you Like?

905
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 3: I kind of have a little bit of that too.

906
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 3: When it comes to harming other people, you don't get

907
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 3: to go and do that just because it happened to you.

908
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:41,839
Speaker 3: That's not a license in my opinion. And you use

909
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 3: like your fame and your glory and all of that stuff,

910
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 3: you use that as well. And it's just to me like,

911
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 3: he doesn't get a pass. He doesn't get a pass

912
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 3: from me. Fuck that dude.

913
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:54,839
Speaker 1: Man.

914
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 3: I can't stand that man, and I'm glad that he

915
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,080
Speaker 3: got what he deserved. I don't listen to even a

916
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 3: little bit of R.

917
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:04,240
Speaker 1: Kelly music, and sometimes when I hear my friends listening

918
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,760
Speaker 1: to it, I'd be like, yo, y'all are wow, because

919
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 1: it's wow. I'm listening to a man that was touching

920
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: girls that look like me and y'all got daughters. Honestly,

921
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: when people were able to do it, I'm like, Okay,

922
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 1: you know, go ahead and do it. I heard, you know,

923
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson did some stuff and when they put on mic,

924
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:26,240
Speaker 1: I still dance to mic. And so people have their things,

925
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But when it comes to R.

926
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 3: Kelly, he doesn't get a pass from me because I

927
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,279
Speaker 3: know that motherfucker you you it's just.

928
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: Ill, just ill.

929
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 3: You know, he gets no past for me. But it

930
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 3: does It does suck that he had to deal with that. Yes,

931
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:46,959
Speaker 3: And I think he had a true hate for his mother.

932
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 3: He hated his mother. And I think he buried her

933
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:53,920
Speaker 3: in like a a in like a This is what

934
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 3: I heard in an interview from like his brother said.

935
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 3: He buried her was w y'all, he was crazy, buried

936
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 3: her in a wooden box, didn't pay for no headstone,

937
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:09,320
Speaker 3: buried her badly.

938
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 1: And this is when he was rich.

939
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,839
Speaker 3: Okay, So he he has a hate for his mother

940
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 3: and probably for his family in general. Yeah, and it

941
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 3: is tainted and traumatized. Now that's a traumatized man. I

942
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 3: will say that.

943
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:26,880
Speaker 1: Damn.

944
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 3: I will say that, you know. But you don't get

945
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,879
Speaker 3: to do that though. You don't get to them go

946
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:36,399
Speaker 3: and do that, fuck you, fuck you. You don't get

947
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,879
Speaker 3: to them going nah nah, I want to slap the shit.

948
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 1: I want to I leitn'tly get so upset. Nah, I'm

949
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 1: the same way I feel you like I think you

950
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: said it perfectly, Like I definitely have compassion for what

951
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:53,959
Speaker 1: he'd been through, but I would not accept the things

952
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 1: he'd done to these little girls. No, can't, absolutely not.

953
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 1: It's not there's no excuse for that. There's no excuse

954
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: for that. You don't get to do that. You don't

955
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 1: get to do that. You should have broke the curse.

956
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 1: That was your job.

957
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 3: And if you don't make the curse, I don't care

958
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 3: if you're I don't give a fuck who you are.

959
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 1: You don't have to be R Kelly. I'm gonna feel

960
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 1: the same way about you no matter who you are. Right, Well,

961
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:23,720
Speaker 1: I appreciate you for coming on the show and sharing

962
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: your story. I'm so happy that we got to finally

963
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,279
Speaker 1: meet in person, and I'm pretty sure this friendship is

964
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: going to continue to grow. So thank you so much,

965
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: and I'm super proud of you. I know we want

966
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: to keep this anuonymous. I'm not gonna say too much

967
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 1: about what you do, but you know, I am a fan.

968
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me, and you know,

969
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 3: definitely like I was happy about going to brunch with

970
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 3: you because I'm like, I really want to be her friend.

971
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 1: I want to be her friend for real. I feel

972
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,920
Speaker 1: like she's so cool and you remind me of me.

973
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,000
Speaker 3: And I don't think I knew you were in Aquarius,

974
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 3: and now I know why.

975
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 1: Because we was key here for at least like what

976
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: three hours, four hours you.

977
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 3: Were and the time was just flying by, you know,

978
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:13,320
Speaker 3: So it was really fun and you know, definitely definitely

979
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 3: gonna be bringing.

980
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 1: Yes and to our listeners if you have any questions,

981
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 1: comings with concerns. So you just want to say hey girl, hey,

982
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 1: please make sure to email me at hello at the

983
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 1: PHG podcast dot com. And until next time, everyone, later,

984
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: you're not gonna say bye, oh bye bye, y'all. The

985
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:43,760
Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black Effect

986
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 1: podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

987
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:51,360
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

988
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:54,400
Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you

989
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: can connect with me on social media at the PHG

990
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:57,800
Speaker 1: Podcast