Speaker 1: It would be hating you. If I knew something and
Speaker 1: I believe something, whether you believed it or not, regardless
Speaker 1: of if you believed me or not, or anyone believed me,
Speaker 1: it would be hating you. If I believe something it
Speaker 1: didn't tell you. Welcome back to the podcast. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the first podcast of twenty twenty three. Happy New Year,
Speaker 1: Happy New Year. It's crazy that people will be listening
Speaker 1: to this. Hopefully years from now they're gonna be like, wow,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. This is so old, but it's the
Speaker 1: first one that we're doing in the new year. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean this with me. This is episode number one
Speaker 1: hundred and six sixty nine. Dude, you've done one hundred
Speaker 1: and sixty nine of these things. Yeah, you are getting old,
Speaker 1: so that's a long time of doing these things. Man.
Speaker 1: It is great for real and you. This is Bernie Calcote.
Speaker 1: He's been a guest on this podcast. Probably fifty of those.
Speaker 1: Forty of those, I have no idea. We'd have to
Speaker 1: count it up. But one of my favorite guests. I've
Speaker 1: always hesitate to say my favorite guest because you know,
Speaker 1: I got brothers and pastor Chad. Gotta love those guys. Too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. Well, it's an honor to be here. Guys.
Speaker 1: Love you, love your fans, and love the opportunity just
Speaker 1: to sit in chat like we're driving down the road
Speaker 1: and pick up talking about life. That's exactly what we do.
Speaker 1: We answer your questions. If you have a question, email
Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll just get
Speaker 1: to it. We'll talk about it long form. Not always
Speaker 1: right about everything, but we'll talk about it like we're
Speaker 1: just buddies. We'll talk about it like we're right, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean we are all right. First question here,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit this one right here. I just randomly
Speaker 1: hit this in the inbox. It says is it worth it?
Speaker 1: Email says hey Granger my name is Brady. I'm a
Speaker 1: small town called Gilliford, Indiana, near Lawrenceburg, Indiana, where you
Speaker 1: played a show not too long ago. First off, I
Speaker 1: want to say I listened to the podcast every Monday
Speaker 1: while I'm at work and it's helped me through a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm seventeen, I'm a senior in high school. I enlisted
Speaker 1: in the Army back in March. When I was enlisted,
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship that I recently ended after
Speaker 1: a year and a half. The reason I broke it
Speaker 1: off was because she was worried that she was going
Speaker 1: to cheat on me when I leave for Basic training
Speaker 1: in June of twenty twenty three and won't be back
Speaker 1: until December of twenty twenty three. Sorry for kind of
Speaker 1: chuggling there. My question is is it worth getting into
Speaker 1: another relationship before Basic or should I wait till laughter.
Speaker 1: I started talking to my biggest high school crush, but
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if what she thinks about me. I've
Speaker 1: tried talking to God about this, but God never answered
Speaker 1: the phone. Just kidding, he said, but I haven't found
Speaker 1: an answer. Any advice is appreciated, Bernie. Before we say anything,
Speaker 1: I'm switching this. I'm making this question come from Boston,
Speaker 1: your son, who is twelve. Okay, we did this on
Speaker 1: the last episode. Now Boston is now Brady. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is five years from now. Yeah, he's going into the army.
Speaker 1: He says. Dad, I just got out of this relationship.
Speaker 1: The girl dumped me, and I'm wondering, Dad, should I
Speaker 1: get into another relationship right now or just wait till
Speaker 1: go to Basic training. Okay, Boston, whenever you were first
Speaker 1: telling me this, it sounded like y'all broke up because
Speaker 1: she was afraid she was gonna cheat on you when
Speaker 1: you were gone for basic training. Is that right? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's another girl, Okay, but you're not with her anymore.
Speaker 1: She's gone. Okay, just making sure because we had to
Speaker 1: take care of that first son. I love you, and
Speaker 1: ultimately I'm gonna support you no matter what. But I
Speaker 1: hope that you just can be seventeen and you're about
Speaker 1: to leave, and you know, let's go like kick the
Speaker 1: soccer ball around and go fishing and like play with
Speaker 1: your family, and like there's gonna be many girls down
Speaker 1: the road, and you're gonna meet people in the military
Speaker 1: that you know, you click with and have those opportunities.
Speaker 1: But for now, I would just like say, nah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And if you knew, I understand like putting this in
Speaker 1: the context of my son, but like you know, Boston,
Speaker 1: this is the last conversation he's gonna have with me.
Speaker 1: He's gonna be like, Dad, I'm ready for the military.
Speaker 1: I'm focused. Yeah, I'm not getting distracted by anything. So yeah, Brady.
Speaker 1: The unanimous answer from me and Bernie and every single
Speaker 1: person listening and all of your friends and your parents
Speaker 1: and everyone around you is No, you should not get
Speaker 1: into a relationship before basic training, especially for what it
Speaker 1: sounds like just to get into a relationship. You're just
Speaker 1: you sound like someone that's like, well, I need to
Speaker 1: check a box, like I'm supposed to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Should I check that box now or wait till after? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you sound like somebody's seventeen and right, we were seventeen
Speaker 1: and we were so dumb. And I'm not saying you are.
Speaker 1: I was, but there's a good chance that you might be.
Speaker 1: So just let the girls go focus on being seventeen
Speaker 1: and having fun now and like enjoy being young, because man,
Speaker 1: it goes like that. I'm not sure that you're dumb,
Speaker 1: but there's a chance that you might be. I think
Speaker 1: that's what you said, and make that put that on
Speaker 1: a T shirt, all right? Yeah, Brady, don't get to
Speaker 1: stay single going going to the army. Now, here's the thing,
Speaker 1: the last thing I'll say before we beat this dead
Speaker 1: horse in the army. Especially if you deploy, you're gonna
Speaker 1: start feeling lonely and you're gonna start thinking about this
Speaker 1: high score girl and she's gonna get prettier in your mind,
Speaker 1: and prittier and prillier and cooler and nicer and sweeter
Speaker 1: until she's like the greatest girl on the planet Earth. Okay,
Speaker 1: just know that going in that you're gonna feel loneliness.
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel like you need somebody. But man, seek
Speaker 1: wise counsel of guys in the army ahead of you.
Speaker 1: They will tell you how big divorce is because of
Speaker 1: that feeling. Because that feeling to get into a relationship.
Speaker 1: And then the second step is I better marry her
Speaker 1: now before I deployed it to wherever. And then you
Speaker 1: get married, and then you have a baby right before
Speaker 1: you leave. Then you're gone for sixteen months, and then
Speaker 1: you come back and the baby's born and growing and
Speaker 1: she doesn't love you anymore because you're never there. This
Speaker 1: is a thing, and wise counsel from other guys in
Speaker 1: the army could really help you. Let's say another one.
Speaker 1: Subjecon says need guidance. I want to start off by
Speaker 1: saying thank you, Granger for everything you do. My name
Speaker 1: is Tyler. I'm twenty one from a small town called Monroe, Washington,
Speaker 1: currently working as a heavy equipment operator. But my dream
Speaker 1: job is law enforcement. That's why I'm messaging you. Recently,
Speaker 1: while listening to your podcas Cast at work, which helps
Speaker 1: me get over the Monday blues, I realized I've gone
Speaker 1: down the path of alcoholism. I'm addicted to nicotine. I've
Speaker 1: lost touch with my faith, and I'm I've never been
Speaker 1: a good reader. I do listen to an audio version
Speaker 1: of the Bible. I got a tattoo with Galatians two twenty.
Speaker 1: It's a reminder every day of who I was. How
Speaker 1: do I quit my ways of bad habits and reunite
Speaker 1: with God and strengthen my connection. I've tried reaching out
Speaker 1: to my elders in church, but it's just hard with
Speaker 1: my schedule. Any suggestions. That question took a turn that
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was going to take. There's a
Speaker 1: picture of his tattoo here on the But yeah is
Speaker 1: Galatians two twenty before I'm crucified with Christ, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I live not I, but Christ lives with me? Is
Speaker 1: that I think? So? Okay, maybe y'all correct me if
Speaker 1: that's not top of my hand. If that is it,
Speaker 1: then it kind of contradicts what the last thing that
Speaker 1: he said, let's look, which was being busy with his schedule. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I've been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I
Speaker 1: who live, but Christ lives in me in my life,
Speaker 1: which I now live in the flesh. I live by
Speaker 1: faith in the Son of God, who loved me and
Speaker 1: gave himself for me. But what he's saying is he
Speaker 1: got that tattoo to remind him of who he was,
Speaker 1: as if that used to be him, but not him anymore. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: where do I start because this is tooking. This took
Speaker 1: a turn because you were like your heavy equipment operator.
Speaker 1: Your dream job is law enforcement, that's why you're messaging
Speaker 1: the podcast, and then you realize you're in alcoholism, in
Speaker 1: nicotine and you've lost faith. But what does that have
Speaker 1: to do with the dream job as law enforcement? Maybe
Speaker 1: he I mean because the email title says need guidance,
Speaker 1: and maybe he's like, Hey, this is the path I'm on,
Speaker 1: this is where I want to go. These are the
Speaker 1: things that I do believe. I believe them so much
Speaker 1: I put them on my body, Like how do I
Speaker 1: course correct If I'm kind of understanding and tracking with you,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the guidance that you're looking for.
Speaker 1: So what I'm seeing here, you're just kind of wanting
Speaker 1: to restart on life. You're wanting to get a new job,
Speaker 1: which is your dream job. You're wanting to quit alcohol, nicotine,
Speaker 1: and renew your faith, and you're asking us guidance on
Speaker 1: how to kind of rekindle this new start. He said
Speaker 1: something at the end about schedule though, can you read
Speaker 1: that part again? Which is interesting. I saw that too.
Speaker 1: I've tried reaching out to my elders in my church,
Speaker 1: but it's just hard with my schedule. Okay, So I
Speaker 1: remember you've talked about this many times on this podcast,
Speaker 1: you did a sermon about it, you talked about it
Speaker 1: at the movie premiere. There's this word that people in
Speaker 1: our culture just really don't like, and that word is surrender.
Speaker 1: And that's honestly what you tattooed on your body, Like
Speaker 1: I'm crucified with Christ, and yet I live not I
Speaker 1: but Christ in me, Like you have surrendered your life,
Speaker 1: or you did at one point, And let me just
Speaker 1: empathize a bit with you. We understand that life can
Speaker 1: just feel overwhelming. It it it can feel like a struggle,
Speaker 1: and there's just a lot of suffering and hurt and brokenness.
Speaker 1: In our world. So we're not taking that out of
Speaker 1: this conversation. But if you're looking for guidance, the first
Speaker 1: thing you have to do is make room in your
Speaker 1: schedule to meet with the elders of your church. Make
Speaker 1: room in your schedule for God's words to really start
Speaker 1: to like be what has your attention. If that's first
Speaker 1: and foremost, I promise you, and I know grant you
Speaker 1: will say the same thing. The path that you're supposed
Speaker 1: to be on, the good works that He prepared for
Speaker 1: you before the foundation of the earth, you will see
Speaker 1: what those are to walk in those It may be
Speaker 1: in law enforcement, it may be in something you have
Speaker 1: no idea. That's the adventure of this faith is that
Speaker 1: we are surrendering. I think there's a lack of surrender.
Speaker 1: I think when that comes in, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: look into also some therapy, some substance abuse support. There's
Speaker 1: some counseling and other support that you're gonna need. But
Speaker 1: I really think that it comes down to that word
Speaker 1: of surrender, which is you know, it kind of makes
Speaker 1: us cringe a little bit, but I think that's where
Speaker 1: this is going to start for this fellow. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: so I want to kind of break this down, take
Speaker 1: a little time on this question with you, because I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people listening probably there's probably at
Speaker 1: least one or two things in here that they could
Speaker 1: relate to. So let's break this whole thing down. And
Speaker 1: I'd love to start with what Bernie had instantly heard
Speaker 1: about the schedule thing. I'm a firm believer that you
Speaker 1: could always tell how badly someone wants something by the
Speaker 1: result of that thing in their life. So like someone
Speaker 1: says my number one goal, like all I want is
Speaker 1: to be a good father, But if they're not being
Speaker 1: a good father, then you go, well, you don't really
Speaker 1: want to then, And so when you say I really
Speaker 1: want this, stranger, I really want to change my life,
Speaker 1: and I'm really wanting to meet with my elders. And
Speaker 1: then you turn around and say, but it's just hard
Speaker 1: with my schedule, then I would say back to you, then, brother,
Speaker 1: you don't really want to meet with your elders, because
Speaker 1: if you did, that would be the priority. And you're like, grangeer,
Speaker 1: you don't understand my schedule. With my heavy equipment, I
Speaker 1: got a lot of work. And I'm like, then you
Speaker 1: don't want this new life bad enough, okay, And I
Speaker 1: could see another example of that. You say, I want
Speaker 1: to read the Bible, I want to renew my faith,
Speaker 1: but I've never been a good reader. I would say,
Speaker 1: then learn how to read, try to read harder prays.
Speaker 1: That's a good prayer. That's a good prayer, Like God,
Speaker 1: I'm not a big I don't feel like I'm a
Speaker 1: big reader. Hey, I'm not either, Like reading is not
Speaker 1: a first Like I wasn't born with the ability to
Speaker 1: just pick up a book and read, and some people are.
Speaker 1: I'm a guy that's had to learn the art of that,
Speaker 1: the craft of that. I've had to force myself to
Speaker 1: sit down and be undistracted. And that's a good prayer
Speaker 1: for you, Like Gotta, I want to read your word,
Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm not interested. I'm not a good reader.
Speaker 1: So enlighten me so that I want to read more.
Speaker 1: Help me have patience. Set small goals for yourself, like
Speaker 1: I'm going to read one chapter one that's it. So
Speaker 1: small goals. And then something I want to talk to
Speaker 1: you about, Bernie, how do you and your personality? Cause
Speaker 1: everyone deals with addiction in different ways or bad habits,
Speaker 1: breaking bad habits or bad addictions. Everyone deals with that
Speaker 1: in different ways. So how do you deal with breaking
Speaker 1: a bad habit? I think first you have to be
Speaker 1: self aware? You you yes, okay, Okay, So I have
Speaker 1: to be I have to be aware, and luckily I
Speaker 1: have a beautiful wife that can help me be aware
Speaker 1: of some of these bad habits. But you have to
Speaker 1: really be self aware enough to I have to be
Speaker 1: self aware enough to accept them, like, Hey, this is
Speaker 1: a bad habit. This is causing destruction in my life.
Speaker 1: It's not healthy, it's not biblical, it's not beneficial. And
Speaker 1: I have to have that conviction. So conviction has to
Speaker 1: be the first thing for me that this has to change.
Speaker 1: I think that if you can, if I have like
Speaker 1: let's just say flossing, Okay, that was something I never did.
Speaker 1: Dennis said, you need to do this. Have you heard
Speaker 1: of keystone habits? Yeah, okay, okay, So attaching something like
Speaker 1: that to something else, and it can it can be
Speaker 1: the same thing. If I'm trying to break a habit,
Speaker 1: I have to form like a keystone habit that will
Speaker 1: help me replace that thing and then from there, and
Speaker 1: that can be a small thing, that can be something
Speaker 1: really small. Hey, I'm gonna get out and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: run three miles this morning. Okay, you know for some people,
Speaker 1: well that's a lot somebody small. I'm gonna get out
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do this, and then from that I
Speaker 1: can start to attach different habits to that keystone habit
Speaker 1: that then will basically just like take the attention from
Speaker 1: me focusing on the bad habit and like I can't
Speaker 1: do that. I can't. It's like, this is what I'm into,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm focused on. And I think that
Speaker 1: over time, I think you start to build. And maybe
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is true, for it's been
Speaker 1: true in my life. I think that over time, the
Speaker 1: the understanding of habit forming and how to break habits
Speaker 1: and and form habits has become a little bit easier.
Speaker 1: So there's some things that you know, for me now
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm gonna start doing that. I start
Speaker 1: doing it, and I haven't stopped for the last sixty
Speaker 1: six days. But cold Turkey, if you would have asked
Speaker 1: me that, you know, ten years ago, there's no way.
Speaker 1: So it's it's like you've always said, you have to
Speaker 1: start with small goals and then just kind of build
Speaker 1: and build and build. So yeah, so what being aware
Speaker 1: of it? That's not that's first. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: And Tyler, you're the alcohol especially down the path of alcoholism.
Speaker 1: That sounds like you're you're you're pretty consistent with it.
Speaker 1: That's going to lead to a lot, a lot of
Speaker 1: bad things. That's gonna lead you to losing your dream
Speaker 1: job at law enforcement for sure, possibly losing your current
Speaker 1: job at heavy Equipment, which sounds like a great pay
Speaker 1: and gig. And it's definitely gonna be very destructive in
Speaker 1: your path. Talking to your elders, You're gonna feel a shamed,
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel not worthy. It's gonna it's gonna create
Speaker 1: all kinds of problems. Now connected to that is your
Speaker 1: addiction to nicotine. Those things, those two things are directly connected.
Speaker 1: This is how it works. Either either one one's gonna
Speaker 1: spur the other. So either your nicotine when you're having
Speaker 1: your fix, cigarettes, vape, or chew, you're gonna think to yourself,
Speaker 1: I need to drink. I need to drink. I'm a
Speaker 1: little edgy. I need to drink to just calm things down.
Speaker 1: And the same works the other way. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: a few drinks and you go, I need to dip.
Speaker 1: I've got a few drinks in me. I'm gonna have dip.
Speaker 1: So those two things are connected. You're gonna have to
Speaker 1: attack one or the other. The reason I asked Bernie
Speaker 1: that question is because I liked turkey. But it takes
Speaker 1: I don't I don't mean to sound self righteous at all,
Speaker 1: but it takes self discipline to just be like, I'm
Speaker 1: not touching it now. Bernie's on a great point that
Speaker 1: you need to replace it with something, and so the alcohol,
Speaker 1: you could replace it with doctor pepper. It's not a
Speaker 1: good alternative because it's got so much sugar in it,
Speaker 1: but it's something or Coke zero or something that's liquid
Speaker 1: that you drink. You could do that. Somebody would suggest
Speaker 1: you avoid places with alcohol, so you're not gonna go
Speaker 1: eat at the bar at Chili's when the bartenders like,
Speaker 1: you want anything to drink, and it's right there, it's
Speaker 1: like might as well. So you're gonna avoid those kind
Speaker 1: of places. You're gonna avoid people that are socially drinking
Speaker 1: with you. So it's like, hey, Tyler, same drink we
Speaker 1: always have together, buddy. It's very it's much more difficult
Speaker 1: to be like, actually I'm trying to slow down on alcohol.
Speaker 1: It's like, come on, man, just this once. It's harder.
Speaker 1: So you've got to set those boundaries at the very beginning.
Speaker 1: Then the nicotine thing is much easier. And I actually
Speaker 1: went through this recently. I was doing those Velo pouches
Speaker 1: because that's what it ended up being for me, which
Speaker 1: is nicotine, and I was thinking with it. It helped
Speaker 1: my brain. It helped me with doing radio until I realized, like,
Speaker 1: this can't it says in the box, like not going
Speaker 1: to cause cancer or whatever, but I'm just thinking this's
Speaker 1: gotta be bad for me, Like this can't be good
Speaker 1: for me. No one really knows what this stuff's doing.
Speaker 1: So I decided a while back that I'm just gonna stop,
Speaker 1: completely stop. And once again it was a cold turkey thing. Now,
Speaker 1: how how do I help myself with cold turkey? I got.
Speaker 1: I threw away everything in my house, in my car
Speaker 1: and my bus that was those pouches so that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have an idea that I might want to grab
Speaker 1: another one. Then I replaced it instantly with gum. So
Speaker 1: I started chewing like watermelon gum and every time I
Speaker 1: had a feeling like I want one of those pouches.
Speaker 1: I popped a piece of gum, and over time, I
Speaker 1: think they say, like twenty one days you could break
Speaker 1: a habit like that, and when you break that, the
Speaker 1: alcohol habit is going to follow if you're staying away.
Speaker 1: So this is a long, really long answer, but I
Speaker 1: think it's important for a lot of people to hear
Speaker 1: that you don't have to take everything at once and
Speaker 1: just go I'm gonna meet I'm gonna meet with my elders,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna renew my faith, I'm gonna read my Bible.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna quit cigarettes and vape and chew and stop drinking.
Speaker 1: Like that's too much, you can't do it. So start small.
Speaker 1: Go to the gas station today and get you some
Speaker 1: watermelon bubble gum and go, okay, here we go, tiny
Speaker 1: tiny steps, aim low, and the next time you want
Speaker 1: a cigarette, put in that watermelon bubble gum. It's a
Speaker 1: tiny step, but that's a small victory, and these small
Speaker 1: victories will build the confidence up. Your buddy calls and says, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to eat at Chili's, and you go, I'll go,
Speaker 1: but I'm getting a booth in the back. I'm not
Speaker 1: sitting at the bar like I did. Why. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to cut down alcohol. I got a dream job coming
Speaker 1: up of law enforcement, and I'm trying to better myself.
Speaker 1: These are small steps. All that gives you the confidence
Speaker 1: then to clear your schedule and go talk to an
Speaker 1: elder and go look, these are the steps I'm taking.
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about this. I want
Speaker 1: to read more in my Bible. I want I want
Speaker 1: to figure out this thing because I crave it and
Speaker 1: I miss it. Look at this tattoo on me. This
Speaker 1: is something I want in my life. And here's the steps. Look,
Speaker 1: here's my watermelon bubblegum I got in my pocket. This
Speaker 1: is what I'm doing. And the Elder's like, You've come
Speaker 1: to the right place. Yeah, that's great man, great answer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: focus on progress not perfection. Let's take a break, give
Speaker 1: yourself some grace. There. Welcome to twenty twenty three. You
Speaker 1: all the very first podcasts of the year. Hey, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for supporting me Granger in all these
Speaker 1: years of the podcast. The people that have listened the
Speaker 1: longest and the people that are brand new to it
Speaker 1: and have seen it evolve over time. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: If you have suggestions on what you want to see
Speaker 1: this podcast do in twenty twenty three, hit me up
Speaker 1: on Instagram, go to my latest post and say, hey man,
Speaker 1: just listen to your podcast and I got some ideas
Speaker 1: for you for twenty twenty three. You want me to
Speaker 1: keep on answering your questions, you want to hear more guests.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your ideas, and once again, just
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being a part of this
Speaker 1: journey with me. Back to the podcast. All right, we're back,
Speaker 1: pulling up another email if you want to email me,
Speaker 1: by the way, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Got my great buddy Bernie Calcote, a long time guest
Speaker 1: on this podcast. I'll be here many times in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three. Lord willing, yep, I'll hold you to it
Speaker 1: all right. Next question religion. That word dom dominus dom
Speaker 1: ominous word of religion. It says, please withhold my last
Speaker 1: name from anything online. Peter. I'm thirty four. I'm from Maine.
Speaker 1: Good morning. Prior to twenty twenty, I hadn't really been
Speaker 1: very religious. My mother has always said I'm an Anglo Catholic,
Speaker 1: but I never went to church unless it was a
Speaker 1: wedding or a funeral after twenty twenty, I just had
Speaker 1: a strong feeling of a needing to be part of
Speaker 1: a faith or a community. I've taken some silly what
Speaker 1: is your Religion? Test online, but none of the answers
Speaker 1: are consistent. How would you find which religion best suit you?
Speaker 1: Thank you, Peter, Oh, Peter, great question, bro. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you came to this podcast with your question and
Speaker 1: with your name Peter uh thirty four shout out to Maine.
Speaker 1: I think it's a great question. And and I'm I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're gonna expect what me and Bernie
Speaker 1: are gonna say, but either way, I I don't even
Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna say. So you go. First, I
Speaker 1: just hope you're I hope you're listening. And first of all,
Speaker 1: let's define religion, okay, and and we'll explain your your
Speaker 1: longing for it and ironically what you said. I I
Speaker 1: just have a strong feeling to be part of a
Speaker 1: faith or community. And that's just man such human nature.
Speaker 1: We're we are just community creatures. We we crave family
Speaker 1: and community and friends and common common ideas and common hopes.
Speaker 1: And common dreams and common enemies, and because we're tribal
Speaker 1: and and we we always have divided up into tribes.
Speaker 1: We've always done that since the beginning, just the way
Speaker 1: that we're created. And so we not only like common
Speaker 1: dreams and hopes and aspirations and missions and battles, but
Speaker 1: we also like common enemies and common adversaries and common
Speaker 1: things that we like to avoid because we just kind
Speaker 1: of pack animals, you know, we're tribal creatures, and so
Speaker 1: what you're saying is normal. I'm affirming what you're feeling
Speaker 1: is normal. It's not strange. This is this completely rebukes evolution,
Speaker 1: because no evolved creature, an accident pond scum would have
Speaker 1: this strange need to be in community and to want
Speaker 1: something like some people say a higher power or something
Speaker 1: that we could worship, because we're just made to worship something,
Speaker 1: whether it's Elvis or Aliens or Donald Trump, or a
Speaker 1: god or a Golden Calf or or a Tom Cruise.
Speaker 1: We we we were just or a soccer player. As
Speaker 1: we've seen a wide range. I'm just thinking of everything.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of everything, or or AI or Armageddon like
Speaker 1: or zombies like we we just want something to worship
Speaker 1: and we crave it. And everyone worships something or wants to,
Speaker 1: whether they admit it or not. You just just a
Speaker 1: small diagnosis of any human on the planet. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: they're worshiping something. So you're normal. Welcome to the crew.
Speaker 1: You are a human. We've checked your pulse. Now let's
Speaker 1: dive into what is religion. Well, religion is man made
Speaker 1: and it is it is the way that we come
Speaker 1: together to worship something and we create a way two
Speaker 1: for us to honorably worship that thing, whether it's a
Speaker 1: World Cup soccer game, and you wear let's all wear
Speaker 1: these clothes, and let's do this hand signal, and let's
Speaker 1: chant this, and then we'll do you know, we'll all
Speaker 1: get together and we'll build the statue and we'll do this.
Speaker 1: That's essentially religion. What I'm trying to do. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to do my best at separating a relationship with Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ from everything else that I've been saying for the
Speaker 1: last three or four minutes. Religion, worshiping higher power, the
Speaker 1: man upstairs, aliens, God, a God, a lowercase G God.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to separate all that from the only way,
Speaker 1: the way that you were intended to worship the way
Speaker 1: that you were intent you created to love and yearn
Speaker 1: and adore and have joy and have hope. In is
Speaker 1: your creator. The only thing, the only entity, the only
Speaker 1: being that you need to worship, is the one that
Speaker 1: made you with the desire to worship. Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1: So all those first things that you listed, I think here,
Speaker 1: like this is what I'm kind of hearing from you,
Speaker 1: Like all of those things that you first listed are
Speaker 1: really focused on making us happy. Yes, they are tools
Speaker 1: in order to make us happy. We do these things.
Speaker 1: And the difference when Jesus comes onto the scene is
Speaker 1: he says, I actually am not here to make you happy.
Speaker 1: I'm here to make you holy and worship me because
Speaker 1: that is what you were created to do. So we
Speaker 1: have this decision to make do we believe that he
Speaker 1: is worthy? All everything on that other side and you
Speaker 1: taking these tests, it's like you're you're you're actually seeking
Speaker 1: something and its happiness. Like, Okay, this thing. Maybe I was,
Speaker 1: you know, a huge Brazil fan in the World Cup
Speaker 1: and they fail. My soccer team failed me, that religion
Speaker 1: failed me. So I'm gonna go to this girl and no,
Speaker 1: that's fail. So now it's like faith. I feel I
Speaker 1: feel like I need to I need to fill this
Speaker 1: to make me happy. I need to find a religion
Speaker 1: that's gonna make me happy, it's the best fit for me,
Speaker 1: but satisfy this yearning inside me. But you you have
Speaker 1: to like understand the context of your question when you
Speaker 1: come to Jesus. He's not gonna say I fit you,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna make you happy. He's gonna say I
Speaker 1: don't need you as if you know, got to serve
Speaker 1: by and hands alone. But he gives to all things life,
Speaker 1: breath and everything. I don't need you, but you need me,
Speaker 1: and you were designed to give me everything. And if
Speaker 1: you if you decide that you feel that tug in
Speaker 1: your heart like that's that's it. My eyes are open
Speaker 1: and that's it. Then everything that you've wanted in that
Speaker 1: and seeking happiness and that contentment and that security and
Speaker 1: that satisfaction that will all be found in him. It'll
Speaker 1: just be very different than maybe the way you're viewing
Speaker 1: it right now. I don't know how totally. So now
Speaker 1: what I want to do. Now we've like come in
Speaker 1: with like light gloves. Let's just let's get a sword
Speaker 1: out and let's start breaking some stuff. Okay, Like, let's
Speaker 1: just go at it with the sword and smash. Okay, Granger,
Speaker 1: are you saying that Jesus is the only true religion?
Speaker 1: How could you say that? Sounds so arrogant. Let me
Speaker 1: answer that question, that hypothetical. Every religion, all of them,
Speaker 1: are going to say that they're the only way. Okay.
Speaker 1: So first of all, I'm not going against anyone. I'm
Speaker 1: going against everyone when I say, when I say something
Speaker 1: like that, Islam, Hindu, Buddhists, they're all going to say
Speaker 1: that their way, their way is the right way. They
Speaker 1: come across on paper like they're all inclusive. But no
Speaker 1: religion is inclusive. And so I would say. Jesus says,
Speaker 1: I am the Way, the Truth, and the life. No
Speaker 1: one comes to the Father, which means no one goes
Speaker 1: to heaven. But through me, that's what he's saying. We
Speaker 1: all are here comes the sword. We all are our
Speaker 1: eternal beings. We have two destinations, Heaven or Hell. We're
Speaker 1: going all of us are going to one of two places.
Speaker 1: Jesus is the only way to go to heaven. That's
Speaker 1: what the Bible says. Now, this is a subject that's
Speaker 1: not often put on social media because people these day
Speaker 1: feel so sensitive about putting that out into the world
Speaker 1: because they're like, oh, that sounds so exclusive, Like you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to make anybody mad. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: have to make anybody mad. I'm just I'm repeating what
Speaker 1: the Bible already says, and that's what I believe. So
Speaker 1: then you're like, well, how do you believe that over
Speaker 1: the other ones? I would say a great question. So
Speaker 1: I would start researching. If I were you, Peter, I
Speaker 1: would research your name. First of all, where did your
Speaker 1: name come from? Very interesting too. I would take a
Speaker 1: deep dive on Jesus and the god of Israel Yahweh.
Speaker 1: I would do a deep dive on who Yahweh is,
Speaker 1: Where did he come from, Where does his story begin,
Speaker 1: Why do people know him? What does the Bible say
Speaker 1: about him? I would take a deep dive, and then
Speaker 1: I would start contrasting that on the other world religions,
Speaker 1: and then take a look at that and put all
Speaker 1: the facts in front of you. Seek and you will
Speaker 1: find knocking. The door will be opened. But Jesus, you
Speaker 1: need to know he's not including everyone. He's saying I
Speaker 1: am very exclusive. You have to come to me, you
Speaker 1: have to come through me. You have to ask from me.
Speaker 1: No one will else will get in. I am the door,
Speaker 1: I am the way. What way? What way? To Heaven?
Speaker 1: Me through me? That's what he says. So you could tell,
Speaker 1: as I'm building your question, this is much more than
Speaker 1: what religion should make us happy. Like Bernie said, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use some a line from one of your
Speaker 1: songs and forgive me, I don't remember which one it is,
Speaker 1: but if it's if it comes easy, it won't last. Shoot,
Speaker 1: now I'm having a I had it in my head. Okay,
Speaker 1: well what's the line says? It's basically the inverse of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's if it comes easy, won't last. If it lasts,
Speaker 1: it don't come come easy. That's it. Yeah. Okay, so
Speaker 1: what he's talking about, I swear I'm a fan died.
Speaker 1: So what you're talking about is not easy. If you're
Speaker 1: looking for a computer system to tell you which your religion,
Speaker 1: which seems very easy, it's not going to last. Whatever
Speaker 1: you're going to come up with, even if it's Christianity
Speaker 1: or whatever, it's just not going to last. Like what
Speaker 1: Granger is asking of you is to give you something
Speaker 1: that will last. And so just know that it's not
Speaker 1: going to come easy. But if if you really want this,
Speaker 1: I just challenge you to do what he's saying, like
Speaker 1: dig into this, like this is actually eternity for you.
Speaker 1: So it's worth your time. It's a great way to
Speaker 1: start twenty twenty three with this kind of question. Just
Speaker 1: in case any of you guys wonder why I do this,
Speaker 1: In case you wonder why Bernie drives an hour during
Speaker 1: the middle of his day on a busy day when
Speaker 1: he has stuff to do, why he drives over here
Speaker 1: to this podcast, and why I do it every single Monday.
Speaker 1: It's it's not because it's a job or a career
Speaker 1: or a platform builder or a fan grab. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to tell you, Peter, that when you ask about religion,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell you what the Bible really says.
Speaker 1: Inside this book, it says that if you don't go
Speaker 1: to Jesus, you're not gonna make it. You will not
Speaker 1: make it. It's this is life or death. It's not
Speaker 1: happiness or sadness. This isn't a pick me up. This
Speaker 1: is life or death. So I get on here in
Speaker 1: this podcast and I say stuff like this, and I
Speaker 1: lace it with a lot of questions about relationships. But
Speaker 1: the true fact of the matter is I want you
Speaker 1: to know desperately the difference between life and death is Jesus.
Speaker 1: You can call me wrong, you can call me a bigot,
Speaker 1: you can call me false, you can try to cancel me.
Speaker 1: I am not giving any new information. I'm telling you
Speaker 1: information that comes straight for the Bible that I have
Speaker 1: experienced wholeheartedly with my entire being and has saved my life.
Speaker 1: And y'all have seen a drastic change in my life
Speaker 1: on in my in my public stance. That's it. That
Speaker 1: is it. Yeah, So I would say, not just for Peter,
Speaker 1: but beginning of the year, there's probably a lot of
Speaker 1: let's just like take this and consider this for other
Speaker 1: Christian believers out there, Like what do you believe? And
Speaker 1: why do you believe that? Why? Why do you just
Speaker 1: trust what Granger says because he has a platform and
Speaker 1: a cool TikTok? Why do you just believe what the
Speaker 1: pastor at your church says? Like, I promise you there's
Speaker 1: so much more to seeking you will find than Oh
Speaker 1: I just found Jesus and he's it. Now, no, the
Speaker 1: depths of this, like we haven't even scratched the surface.
Speaker 1: I feel like the older I get, I realize I
Speaker 1: know nothing, Like I know nothing. I am constantly wrestling
Speaker 1: with Well, why do I believe that? Where did that
Speaker 1: come from? What history does that have behind it? Like?
Speaker 1: What authority was that under? Like this is a good
Speaker 1: time to wrestle with those things? And I promise you,
Speaker 1: I mean, the name God's Chosen People Israel means to
Speaker 1: wrestle with God. Like, guys, what if this is a
Speaker 1: year you just wrestle, You don't take the easy like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm a Christian and I go to church
Speaker 1: on Sundays and you know that's good, you know hee
Speaker 1: what he said, Oh yeah, I'm gonna like that. What
Speaker 1: if we decided, man, let's just wrestle with this and
Speaker 1: it's it's like this, you know, like thing we get
Speaker 1: to just stretch open and look at and then it's
Speaker 1: always gonna kind of like come back. So not just Peter,
Speaker 1: but all of us this year, what if we did that.
Speaker 1: Don't take my word for it, That's what Bertie's saying.
Speaker 1: Don't take our word for it. Yeah, don't don't believe
Speaker 1: me just because I say it, wrestle with it, dive
Speaker 1: into it. Uh. But but this is uh, this is
Speaker 1: a serious matter, and why do I do it? Like?
Speaker 1: Why do I Why would I care? I'd like to
Speaker 1: think that it's it's it's my responsibility, and I'd like
Speaker 1: to think that, Peter, I love you, man, because you're
Speaker 1: one of my fans. You come, you come to me
Speaker 1: with a question, and it would be hate. It would
Speaker 1: be hating you. If I knew something and I believe something,
Speaker 1: whether you believed it or not, regardless of if you
Speaker 1: believed me or not, or anyone believed me, it would
Speaker 1: be hating you. If I believe something, it didn't tell you, right,
Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's good man. It should be a preacher. Whatnot?
Speaker 1: All right, let's hit let's hit another one here. My
Speaker 1: husband stays silent. Hey, Granger and friend or just granger.
Speaker 1: You're lucky you got a friend. Please keep me anonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm from the Great Set of Utah. My husband and
Speaker 1: I have been married for three years. We have three kids.
Speaker 1: So far, it's been ups and downs and the twist
Speaker 1: and turns that are expected. My thought and question is this,
Speaker 1: when I'm going through a hard time, or just talking
Speaker 1: about things that are hard on me. My husband stays silent.
Speaker 1: There's no sympathy, empathy, or just a damn hug. I
Speaker 1: understand he doesn't have anything to say. But I feel
Speaker 1: lonely and I'm resentful, and I don't feel like I
Speaker 1: can lean on him. I'm leaning on Christ and I
Speaker 1: feel my relationship with the Lord is on solid ground.
Speaker 1: I just don't have the cleave unto one another Genesis
Speaker 1: two twenty four, feeling. Before I got married, I was
Speaker 1: confident and comfortable by myself, but now that I'm married,
Speaker 1: I'm lonely and I feel worthless. I understand I can't
Speaker 1: change him. I'm just wondering if you have any other
Speaker 1: ideas for me to strengthen my relationship. Thank you, anonymous.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for trusting us with something so vulnerable,
Speaker 1: and I am here to tell you that you are
Speaker 1: not alone. There are a lot of people that feel
Speaker 1: this way. Probably a lot of people listening right now
Speaker 1: that feel like they're in your shoes. Some somebody had
Speaker 1: just echoed and said, that's my story. Thank you for
Speaker 1: asking the question, because this is the world we live in,
Speaker 1: and this is this what this happens so many times.
Speaker 1: So thank you for being the voice of many and
Speaker 1: asking a very hard question. I'm gonna help the best
Speaker 1: I can. This is where I'm gonna lead you. You
Speaker 1: say I'm leaning on Christ, and I fill my relationship
Speaker 1: with the Lord's on solid crown, Jesus says to Peter,
Speaker 1: not the Peter that just asked the question. He says
Speaker 1: it to his disciple Peter. He says, do you love
Speaker 1: me feed my sheep? Do you love me feed my lambs?
Speaker 1: He asked him this three times, and the way that
Speaker 1: he wanted an answer from Peter to prove his love
Speaker 1: was that he fed his sheep, meaning that he served
Speaker 1: his people. And so the answer, no matter how difficult,
Speaker 1: no matter how lonely, no matter how oppressed, the answer
Speaker 1: doesn't come from violence or sharp words, or divorce or
Speaker 1: other kinds of critical tactics. The answer biblically always comes
Speaker 1: through serving. And that is so hard because it sounds
Speaker 1: so passive. Something that is that comes with such brunt
Speaker 1: force can appear to be so passive and weak, like serve.
Speaker 1: That's the answer, Granger, that's what you're gonna tell me
Speaker 1: to do. To my husband who just sits there on
Speaker 1: the couch and doesn't say anything, and I'm so angry
Speaker 1: with it. You're telling me serve him, and I'm saying, hey,
Speaker 1: there is something that we have no clue about in
Speaker 1: our DNA and our makeup that when we serve, it
Speaker 1: replenishes us in a completely selfish way. Like serving when
Speaker 1: you go to a soup kitchen. You do it because
Speaker 1: originally you want to like help others, but you drive
Speaker 1: home and you're like, man, I feel awesome, I feel renewed,
Speaker 1: I feel my tank is full. We all know that
Speaker 1: feeling when you give a gift at Christmas, and you
Speaker 1: give that you give that person like it starts off
Speaker 1: as a self self less thing. You're like, look at
Speaker 1: this present I gave you, And then when they love it,
Speaker 1: you start filling up yourself and you're like, wow, that
Speaker 1: almost felt better than me getting my own present. In fact,
Speaker 1: it that's the best part of Christmas. It's me feeling up.
Speaker 1: So my point is, when in doubt, serve, when you
Speaker 1: feel lonely, serve, how does that look? I would say,
Speaker 1: I would say you you you know his favorite meal
Speaker 1: and on a random day, you you you get in
Speaker 1: the kitchen and you make something. Now, this is. This
Speaker 1: sounds so chauvinistic and so oppressive. I know how it sounds,
Speaker 1: but I would say the same thing for the husband,
Speaker 1: if he had to email me, I would say the
Speaker 1: same thing. Get in there and you just make this
Speaker 1: beautiful meal. And he comes in and he's like, what's
Speaker 1: the occasion, and you go, I just love you, and
Speaker 1: I'm just I just I appreciate you working so hard
Speaker 1: for me and the family. And inside you're like, no,
Speaker 1: no way, no, I don't feel that way. I feel
Speaker 1: lonely and you're an idiot and you don't treat me right,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna divorce you and other there's other men
Speaker 1: out there that would treat me so much better than you.
Speaker 1: Even though that's what you're screaming on the inside, on
Speaker 1: the outside, you serve, you serve, you serve, And although
Speaker 1: you can't control how he reacts to the serving, something
Speaker 1: begins to grow in you, something begins to restore and
Speaker 1: rejuvenate inside you, and the loneliness starts fading away. I
Speaker 1: can't explain how, but I know it's true. Yeah that's
Speaker 1: good man, So running out of time. But the last
Speaker 1: thing I'll say to this question, I'll say what I
Speaker 1: said on the last podcast, because I think that this
Speaker 1: statement was just very impactful and true in my life.
Speaker 1: But gratitude is the front door to the house of grace.
Speaker 1: What you are needing for your husband is grace, to
Speaker 1: show him grace, and that's undeserved merit, you know, undeserved favor,
Speaker 1: unmarrited favor. Like if he's just sitting there, he's not
Speaker 1: really engaging, like he doesn't deserve your grace and your
Speaker 1: love and your you serving him. But if you can
Speaker 1: somehow when those thoughts of resentment or bitterness or whatever
Speaker 1: those come in, if you can just somehow in your
Speaker 1: mind change the channel and switch those to gratitude and
Speaker 1: just go focus your attention back on some great time
Speaker 1: that you guys had together, some awesome time that he
Speaker 1: served you or made you feel loved or did listen
Speaker 1: to you, and go back there. It's gonna like change
Speaker 1: the way that you start to respond to him. With grace,
Speaker 1: you're able to serve him and really feel it's genuine
Speaker 1: and there's just a lot of grace there. The last
Speaker 1: thing I'll say is just very practically, my wife and
Speaker 1: I did this. I'm sure that wherever you are there
Speaker 1: is some local church that's offering a program called Reengage.
Speaker 1: If you could somehow get your husband to commit to
Speaker 1: do this, it's it's pretty awesome. It like it definitely
Speaker 1: changed Leslie and I's marriage for sure, and we had
Speaker 1: a pretty strong foundation. But it's for anybody in this
Speaker 1: kind of situation. In really dire situations, you know, a
Speaker 1: nine out of ten doesn't matter. You're going to start
Speaker 1: to like unpacked, unpacked reasons why he can't empathize, why
Speaker 1: he can't listen and respond in a way you want.
Speaker 1: It may not be about you, you're kind of making
Speaker 1: it about you. There may be things about him that
Speaker 1: you don't know because you've never dove into his childhood.
Speaker 1: So if you can find and in this for any
Speaker 1: anybody out there, we highly recommend this. If you can
Speaker 1: find to re engage to get a part of you
Speaker 1: will know and understand your spouse so much better and
Speaker 1: hopefully that will be able to create better healthy environments
Speaker 1: for everybody. What they're going to tell you is you're
Speaker 1: right both of your name and your spouse's name. On
Speaker 1: a piece of paper, You circle your name, and then
Speaker 1: you spend the next sixteen weeks working on the people
Speaker 1: inside the circle only, so if you go into it
Speaker 1: with that, maybe that can help your relationship. That was
Speaker 1: your question. So that's so good, and I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: Anonymous Hut. I wish that I hate this for you.
Speaker 1: I hate what you're going through. I wish it wasn't
Speaker 1: this way. I wish that so many people listening weren't
Speaker 1: going through this. But I could just say, just hang on,
Speaker 1: hang in there. This is a season, and the season's
Speaker 1: going to pass. The answer is not divorce. The answer
Speaker 1: is not somebody else. The answer is staying there, gratitude,
Speaker 1: loving him, serving him, regardless of how he responds to it.
Speaker 1: That's right. And I want to say for the third time,
Speaker 1: this is not about some kind of strange chauvinism. I
Speaker 1: would say the same thing to the man. If a
Speaker 1: man had emailed, I would say the same thing about
Speaker 1: him getting in there and making the meal and serving.
Speaker 1: I would say the same thing. Regardless of man or woman,
Speaker 1: we should serve each other, we should serve our kids.
Speaker 1: I would say, it's the same answer if you have
Speaker 1: a friend you're going through this with, or a parent,
Speaker 1: a dad, a mother, a child, a sibling, the same thing.
Speaker 1: I would just say, serve them, served them selflessly. And
Speaker 1: although it might be difficult at first, you feel this
Speaker 1: growing tank as you start growing with gratitude and just
Speaker 1: starts spilling over. And then that breaks the curse, that
Speaker 1: breaks the bond of whatever he's going through, and he
Speaker 1: starts coming out of a shell because he's like, I
Speaker 1: just can't I can't deal with all this gratitude. This
Speaker 1: is amazing. Got to come out of my shell here,
Speaker 1: but somebody's got to break it. If you nag him,
Speaker 1: if you ask him why he's so quiet, if you
Speaker 1: ask him why is not a better husband? If you
Speaker 1: make examples of other people that are better than him,
Speaker 1: it does not make it better. It just gets worse.
Speaker 1: Ye love you guys, See y'all next time. See you
Speaker 1: next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the granger Smith Podcast.
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that
Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yi