WEBVTT - #169 It would be hating you if I didn’t say this 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.600 It would be hating you. If I knew something and 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:05.720 I believe something, whether you believed it or not, regardless 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:08.200 of if you believed me or not, or anyone believed me, 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:11.160 it would be hating you. If I believe something it 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:25.279 didn't tell you. Welcome back to the podcast. Welcome to 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:29.160 the first podcast of twenty twenty three. Happy New Year, 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.920 Happy New Year. It's crazy that people will be listening 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:34.120 to this. Hopefully years from now they're gonna be like, wow, 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.680 twenty twenty three. This is so old, but it's the 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:40.240 first one that we're doing in the new year. Well, 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.960 I mean this with me. This is episode number one 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.960 hundred and six sixty nine. Dude, you've done one hundred 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:50.360 and sixty nine of these things. Yeah, you are getting old, 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.360 so that's a long time of doing these things. Man. 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.800 It is great for real and you. This is Bernie Calcote. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.680 He's been a guest on this podcast. Probably fifty of those. 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:04.720 Forty of those, I have no idea. We'd have to 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:08.199 count it up. But one of my favorite guests. I've 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:12.520 always hesitate to say my favorite guest because you know, 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:16.399 I got brothers and pastor Chad. Gotta love those guys. Too. Yeah, 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:18.800 for sure. Well, it's an honor to be here. Guys. 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:22.319 Love you, love your fans, and love the opportunity just 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:25.800 to sit in chat like we're driving down the road 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.800 and pick up talking about life. That's exactly what we do. 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:31.839 We answer your questions. If you have a question, email 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.720 Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll just get 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.920 to it. We'll talk about it long form. Not always 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:42.920 right about everything, but we'll talk about it like we're 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:45.560 just buddies. We'll talk about it like we're right, but 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:51.880 it doesn't necessarily mean we are all right. First question here, 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:53.920 I'm gonna hit this one right here. I just randomly 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:56.280 hit this in the inbox. It says is it worth it? 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:00.280 Email says hey Granger my name is Brady. I'm a 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:04.760 small town called Gilliford, Indiana, near Lawrenceburg, Indiana, where you 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.560 played a show not too long ago. First off, I 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:09.560 want to say I listened to the podcast every Monday 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:11.320 while I'm at work and it's helped me through a lot. 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.560 I'm seventeen, I'm a senior in high school. I enlisted 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.359 in the Army back in March. When I was enlisted, 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.760 I was in a relationship that I recently ended after 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.520 a year and a half. The reason I broke it 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.480 off was because she was worried that she was going 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.800 to cheat on me when I leave for Basic training 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:30.960 in June of twenty twenty three and won't be back 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:34.359 until December of twenty twenty three. Sorry for kind of 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.880 chuggling there. My question is is it worth getting into 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:41.720 another relationship before Basic or should I wait till laughter. 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:45.400 I started talking to my biggest high school crush, but 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.680 I'm not sure if what she thinks about me. I've 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:51.240 tried talking to God about this, but God never answered 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.840 the phone. Just kidding, he said, but I haven't found 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:58.480 an answer. Any advice is appreciated, Bernie. Before we say anything, 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:02.079 I'm switching this. I'm making this question come from Boston, 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:05.120 your son, who is twelve. Okay, we did this on 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:09.720 the last episode. Now Boston is now Brady. Yeah, this 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:12.440 is five years from now. Yeah, he's going into the army. 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:15.800 He says. Dad, I just got out of this relationship. 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.080 The girl dumped me, and I'm wondering, Dad, should I 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.880 get into another relationship right now or just wait till 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:27.000 go to Basic training. Okay, Boston, whenever you were first 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:30.920 telling me this, it sounded like y'all broke up because 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:34.080 she was afraid she was gonna cheat on you when 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:37.200 you were gone for basic training. Is that right? Yeah, 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:40.400 but that's another girl, Okay, but you're not with her anymore. 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:43.840 She's gone. Okay, just making sure because we had to 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:50.560 take care of that first son. I love you, and 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:54.960 ultimately I'm gonna support you no matter what. But I 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:57.880 hope that you just can be seventeen and you're about 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.320 to leave, and you know, let's go like kick the 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.040 soccer ball around and go fishing and like play with 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.480 your family, and like there's gonna be many girls down 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:08.520 the road, and you're gonna meet people in the military 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.240 that you know, you click with and have those opportunities. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:16.640 But for now, I would just like say, nah, yeah, 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:19.120 And if you knew, I understand like putting this in 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.719 the context of my son, but like you know, Boston, 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:25.159 this is the last conversation he's gonna have with me. 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:27.960 He's gonna be like, Dad, I'm ready for the military. 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:33.240 I'm focused. Yeah, I'm not getting distracted by anything. So yeah, Brady. 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:36.920 The unanimous answer from me and Bernie and every single 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.159 person listening and all of your friends and your parents 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.800 and everyone around you is No, you should not get 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:47.800 into a relationship before basic training, especially for what it 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:52.359 sounds like just to get into a relationship. You're just 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:54.920 you sound like someone that's like, well, I need to 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:57.840 check a box, like I'm supposed to be in a relationship. 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:01.640 Should I check that box now or wait till after? Yeah, 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:05.160 you sound like somebody's seventeen and right, we were seventeen 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.960 and we were so dumb. And I'm not saying you are. 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.719 I was, but there's a good chance that you might be. 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:16.080 So just let the girls go focus on being seventeen 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:20.240 and having fun now and like enjoy being young, because man, 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.920 it goes like that. I'm not sure that you're dumb, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:27.080 but there's a chance that you might be. I think 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.479 that's what you said, and make that put that on 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.440 a T shirt, all right? Yeah, Brady, don't get to 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.120 stay single going going to the army. Now, here's the thing, 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:37.120 the last thing I'll say before we beat this dead 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:42.480 horse in the army. Especially if you deploy, you're gonna 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:45.320 start feeling lonely and you're gonna start thinking about this 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:48.719 high score girl and she's gonna get prettier in your mind, 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:52.320 and prittier and prillier and cooler and nicer and sweeter 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:55.680 until she's like the greatest girl on the planet Earth. Okay, 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:59.640 just know that going in that you're gonna feel loneliness. 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:04.320 You're gonna feel like you need somebody. But man, seek 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.680 wise counsel of guys in the army ahead of you. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:11.520 They will tell you how big divorce is because of 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.560 that feeling. Because that feeling to get into a relationship. 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.040 And then the second step is I better marry her 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:21.520 now before I deployed it to wherever. And then you 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:23.320 get married, and then you have a baby right before 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:25.320 you leave. Then you're gone for sixteen months, and then 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.680 you come back and the baby's born and growing and 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.640 she doesn't love you anymore because you're never there. This 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.560 is a thing, and wise counsel from other guys in 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:40.760 the army could really help you. Let's say another one. 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:45.280 Subjecon says need guidance. I want to start off by 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:48.200 saying thank you, Granger for everything you do. My name 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.840 is Tyler. I'm twenty one from a small town called Monroe, Washington, 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.880 currently working as a heavy equipment operator. But my dream 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:59.000 job is law enforcement. That's why I'm messaging you. Recently, 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:01.159 while listening to your podcas Cast at work, which helps 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.960 me get over the Monday blues, I realized I've gone 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:08.680 down the path of alcoholism. I'm addicted to nicotine. I've 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:12.240 lost touch with my faith, and I'm I've never been 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:14.720 a good reader. I do listen to an audio version 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:17.440 of the Bible. I got a tattoo with Galatians two twenty. 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:20.360 It's a reminder every day of who I was. How 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.640 do I quit my ways of bad habits and reunite 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.840 with God and strengthen my connection. I've tried reaching out 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.760 to my elders in church, but it's just hard with 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:36.520 my schedule. Any suggestions. That question took a turn that 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.720 I didn't think it was going to take. There's a 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:42.400 picture of his tattoo here on the But yeah is 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.320 Galatians two twenty before I'm crucified with Christ, and yeah, 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:47.440 I live not I, but Christ lives with me? Is 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:50.600 that I think? So? Okay, maybe y'all correct me if 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:53.720 that's not top of my hand. If that is it, 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:56.600 then it kind of contradicts what the last thing that 0:07:56.640 --> 0:08:04.880 he said, let's look, which was being busy with his schedule. Yeah, well, 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:07.360 I've been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:11.320 who live, but Christ lives in me in my life, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.000 which I now live in the flesh. I live by 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.280 faith in the Son of God, who loved me and 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.000 gave himself for me. But what he's saying is he 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:20.600 got that tattoo to remind him of who he was, 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:28.000 as if that used to be him, but not him anymore. Yeah, Okay, 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:31.120 where do I start because this is tooking. This took 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:36.320 a turn because you were like your heavy equipment operator. 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:39.360 Your dream job is law enforcement, that's why you're messaging 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:43.440 the podcast, and then you realize you're in alcoholism, in 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:46.120 nicotine and you've lost faith. But what does that have 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.360 to do with the dream job as law enforcement? Maybe 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:52.040 he I mean because the email title says need guidance, 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.480 and maybe he's like, Hey, this is the path I'm on, 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:58.240 this is where I want to go. These are the 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.760 things that I do believe. I believe them so much 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:03.839 I put them on my body, Like how do I 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:07.840 course correct If I'm kind of understanding and tracking with you, 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.080 I feel like that's the guidance that you're looking for. 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:13.520 So what I'm seeing here, you're just kind of wanting 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:17.040 to restart on life. You're wanting to get a new job, 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:22.480 which is your dream job. You're wanting to quit alcohol, nicotine, 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:27.559 and renew your faith, and you're asking us guidance on 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:32.480 how to kind of rekindle this new start. He said 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:34.480 something at the end about schedule though, can you read 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:37.000 that part again? Which is interesting. I saw that too. 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:39.640 I've tried reaching out to my elders in my church, 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:46.520 but it's just hard with my schedule. Okay, So I 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:49.439 remember you've talked about this many times on this podcast, 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:52.040 you did a sermon about it, you talked about it 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:55.160 at the movie premiere. There's this word that people in 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:59.840 our culture just really don't like, and that word is surrender. 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:06.720 And that's honestly what you tattooed on your body, Like 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:11.240 I'm crucified with Christ, and yet I live not I 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.400 but Christ in me, Like you have surrendered your life, 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:19.760 or you did at one point, And let me just 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:24.760 empathize a bit with you. We understand that life can 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:28.520 just feel overwhelming. It it it can feel like a struggle, 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:32.920 and there's just a lot of suffering and hurt and brokenness. 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.760 In our world. So we're not taking that out of 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:40.079 this conversation. But if you're looking for guidance, the first 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:43.440 thing you have to do is make room in your 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:46.600 schedule to meet with the elders of your church. Make 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:51.600 room in your schedule for God's words to really start 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:55.640 to like be what has your attention. If that's first 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.400 and foremost, I promise you, and I know grant you 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.920 will say the same thing. The path that you're supposed 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:04.160 to be on, the good works that He prepared for 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.920 you before the foundation of the earth, you will see 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.319 what those are to walk in those It may be 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:11.840 in law enforcement, it may be in something you have 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:15.320 no idea. That's the adventure of this faith is that 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:19.319 we are surrendering. I think there's a lack of surrender. 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.839 I think when that comes in, you're gonna have to 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:30.000 look into also some therapy, some substance abuse support. There's 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:33.000 some counseling and other support that you're gonna need. But 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:37.520 I really think that it comes down to that word 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:39.960 of surrender, which is you know, it kind of makes 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:41.800 us cringe a little bit, but I think that's where 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.200 this is going to start for this fellow. Yeah, and 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:45.920 so I want to kind of break this down, take 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.439 a little time on this question with you, because I 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.000 think a lot of people listening probably there's probably at 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:51.680 least one or two things in here that they could 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.920 relate to. So let's break this whole thing down. And 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.800 I'd love to start with what Bernie had instantly heard 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:01.760 about the schedule thing. I'm a firm believer that you 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:06.840 could always tell how badly someone wants something by the 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:10.640 result of that thing in their life. So like someone 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.680 says my number one goal, like all I want is 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.959 to be a good father, But if they're not being 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:19.600 a good father, then you go, well, you don't really 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:23.600 want to then, And so when you say I really 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.840 want this, stranger, I really want to change my life, 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.679 and I'm really wanting to meet with my elders. And 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.200 then you turn around and say, but it's just hard 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:35.280 with my schedule, then I would say back to you, then, brother, 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:38.040 you don't really want to meet with your elders, because 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.240 if you did, that would be the priority. And you're like, grangeer, 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:44.160 you don't understand my schedule. With my heavy equipment, I 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.720 got a lot of work. And I'm like, then you 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:53.400 don't want this new life bad enough, okay, And I 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:58.480 could see another example of that. You say, I want 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:01.560 to read the Bible, I want to renew my faith, 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.280 but I've never been a good reader. I would say, 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:10.800 then learn how to read, try to read harder prays. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.760 That's a good prayer. That's a good prayer, Like God, 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:15.280 I'm not a big I don't feel like I'm a 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:19.520 big reader. Hey, I'm not either, Like reading is not 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:23.240 a first Like I wasn't born with the ability to 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:25.360 just pick up a book and read, and some people are. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.440 I'm a guy that's had to learn the art of that, 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:30.960 the craft of that. I've had to force myself to 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:34.120 sit down and be undistracted. And that's a good prayer 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:36.319 for you, Like Gotta, I want to read your word, 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.720 but I'm not. I'm not interested. I'm not a good reader. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.920 So enlighten me so that I want to read more. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.760 Help me have patience. Set small goals for yourself, like 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:50.800 I'm going to read one chapter one that's it. So 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:55.480 small goals. And then something I want to talk to 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.920 you about, Bernie, how do you and your personality? Cause 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:03.600 everyone deals with addiction in different ways or bad habits, 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:07.400 breaking bad habits or bad addictions. Everyone deals with that 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.720 in different ways. So how do you deal with breaking 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:16.320 a bad habit? I think first you have to be 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.520 self aware? You you yes, okay, Okay, So I have 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:26.200 to be I have to be aware, and luckily I 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.560 have a beautiful wife that can help me be aware 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.640 of some of these bad habits. But you have to 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.560 really be self aware enough to I have to be 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:37.720 self aware enough to accept them, like, Hey, this is 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:40.640 a bad habit. This is causing destruction in my life. 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:46.800 It's not healthy, it's not biblical, it's not beneficial. And 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.120 I have to have that conviction. So conviction has to 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:52.000 be the first thing for me that this has to change. 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.640 I think that if you can, if I have like 0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:01.320 let's just say flossing, Okay, that was something I never did. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:06.400 Dennis said, you need to do this. Have you heard 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:11.560 of keystone habits? Yeah, okay, okay, So attaching something like 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.760 that to something else, and it can it can be 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:17.280 the same thing. If I'm trying to break a habit, 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.800 I have to form like a keystone habit that will 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:23.880 help me replace that thing and then from there, and 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.200 that can be a small thing, that can be something 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:29.600 really small. Hey, I'm gonna get out and I'm gonna 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:32.840 run three miles this morning. Okay, you know for some people, 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:34.640 well that's a lot somebody small. I'm gonna get out 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.600 and I'm gonna do this, and then from that I 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:43.440 can start to attach different habits to that keystone habit 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:48.200 that then will basically just like take the attention from 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:51.120 me focusing on the bad habit and like I can't 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.160 do that. I can't. It's like, this is what I'm into, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.840 this is what I'm focused on. And I think that 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:03.280 over time, I think you start to build. And maybe 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.000 I don't know if this is true, for it's been 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:09.280 true in my life. I think that over time, the 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:13.520 the understanding of habit forming and how to break habits 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:17.880 and and form habits has become a little bit easier. 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.520 So there's some things that you know, for me now 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:23.320 it's like, oh, I'm gonna start doing that. I start 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.400 doing it, and I haven't stopped for the last sixty 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:29.320 six days. But cold Turkey, if you would have asked 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.280 me that, you know, ten years ago, there's no way. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.960 So it's it's like you've always said, you have to 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:38.880 start with small goals and then just kind of build 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:44.160 and build and build. So yeah, so what being aware 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:47.440 of it? That's not that's first. Let me tell you something. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:55.200 And Tyler, you're the alcohol especially down the path of alcoholism. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.800 That sounds like you're you're you're pretty consistent with it. 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.360 That's going to lead to a lot, a lot of 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:04.159 bad things. That's gonna lead you to losing your dream 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.840 job at law enforcement for sure, possibly losing your current 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.240 job at heavy Equipment, which sounds like a great pay 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:14.000 and gig. And it's definitely gonna be very destructive in 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.760 your path. Talking to your elders, You're gonna feel a shamed, 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:20.840 You're gonna feel not worthy. It's gonna it's gonna create 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:23.919 all kinds of problems. Now connected to that is your 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:28.200 addiction to nicotine. Those things, those two things are directly connected. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.920 This is how it works. Either either one one's gonna 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:36.040 spur the other. So either your nicotine when you're having 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:40.160 your fix, cigarettes, vape, or chew, you're gonna think to yourself, 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:43.000 I need to drink. I need to drink. I'm a 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:45.920 little edgy. I need to drink to just calm things down. 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:47.879 And the same works the other way. You're gonna have 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:49.680 a few drinks and you go, I need to dip. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:51.880 I've got a few drinks in me. I'm gonna have dip. 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.359 So those two things are connected. You're gonna have to 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:58.000 attack one or the other. The reason I asked Bernie 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:02.560 that question is because I liked turkey. But it takes 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.959 I don't I don't mean to sound self righteous at all, 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.920 but it takes self discipline to just be like, I'm 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:11.600 not touching it now. Bernie's on a great point that 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:16.480 you need to replace it with something, and so the alcohol, 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:22.439 you could replace it with doctor pepper. It's not a 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:24.520 good alternative because it's got so much sugar in it, 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:30.800 but it's something or Coke zero or something that's liquid 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:35.720 that you drink. You could do that. Somebody would suggest 0:18:36.000 --> 0:18:39.480 you avoid places with alcohol, so you're not gonna go 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:44.080 eat at the bar at Chili's when the bartenders like, 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:45.960 you want anything to drink, and it's right there, it's 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.480 like might as well. So you're gonna avoid those kind 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:52.359 of places. You're gonna avoid people that are socially drinking 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.840 with you. So it's like, hey, Tyler, same drink we 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.880 always have together, buddy. It's very it's much more difficult 0:18:59.880 --> 0:19:02.560 to be like, actually I'm trying to slow down on alcohol. 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.280 It's like, come on, man, just this once. It's harder. 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.400 So you've got to set those boundaries at the very beginning. 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:11.600 Then the nicotine thing is much easier. And I actually 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:17.640 went through this recently. I was doing those Velo pouches 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:19.800 because that's what it ended up being for me, which 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.679 is nicotine, and I was thinking with it. It helped 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:26.960 my brain. It helped me with doing radio until I realized, like, 0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:29.840 this can't it says in the box, like not going 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.240 to cause cancer or whatever, but I'm just thinking this's 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:34.040 gotta be bad for me, Like this can't be good 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.440 for me. No one really knows what this stuff's doing. 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:39.800 So I decided a while back that I'm just gonna stop, 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:44.040 completely stop. And once again it was a cold turkey thing. Now, 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.160 how how do I help myself with cold turkey? I got. 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.560 I threw away everything in my house, in my car 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:54.600 and my bus that was those pouches so that I 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:57.720 wouldn't have an idea that I might want to grab 0:19:57.760 --> 0:20:01.320 another one. Then I replaced it instantly with gum. So 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.560 I started chewing like watermelon gum and every time I 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:06.520 had a feeling like I want one of those pouches. 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:10.000 I popped a piece of gum, and over time, I 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.080 think they say, like twenty one days you could break 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:16.199 a habit like that, and when you break that, the 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:19.960 alcohol habit is going to follow if you're staying away. 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:23.320 So this is a long, really long answer, but I 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:25.040 think it's important for a lot of people to hear 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:28.720 that you don't have to take everything at once and 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:31.040 just go I'm gonna meet I'm gonna meet with my elders, 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:33.359 I'm gonna renew my faith, I'm gonna read my Bible. 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:36.359 I'm gonna quit cigarettes and vape and chew and stop drinking. 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:40.600 Like that's too much, you can't do it. So start small. 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:44.720 Go to the gas station today and get you some 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:50.280 watermelon bubble gum and go, okay, here we go, tiny 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:53.760 tiny steps, aim low, and the next time you want 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:57.520 a cigarette, put in that watermelon bubble gum. It's a 0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:00.600 tiny step, but that's a small victory, and these small 0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:04.239 victories will build the confidence up. Your buddy calls and says, hey, 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:06.720 you want to eat at Chili's, and you go, I'll go, 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:09.280 but I'm getting a booth in the back. I'm not 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:12.240 sitting at the bar like I did. Why. I'm trying 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:14.720 to cut down alcohol. I got a dream job coming 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:17.760 up of law enforcement, and I'm trying to better myself. 0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:21.320 These are small steps. All that gives you the confidence 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:23.199 then to clear your schedule and go talk to an 0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:25.920 elder and go look, these are the steps I'm taking. 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:28.440 I want to talk to you about this. I want 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:30.280 to read more in my Bible. I want I want 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:34.679 to figure out this thing because I crave it and 0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:37.120 I miss it. Look at this tattoo on me. This 0:21:37.200 --> 0:21:39.720 is something I want in my life. And here's the steps. Look, 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.360 here's my watermelon bubblegum I got in my pocket. This 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:45.480 is what I'm doing. And the Elder's like, You've come 0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:48.960 to the right place. Yeah, that's great man, great answer. Yeah, 0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:51.800 focus on progress not perfection. Let's take a break, give 0:21:51.800 --> 0:22:00.200 yourself some grace. There. Welcome to twenty twenty three. You 0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:02.800 all the very first podcasts of the year. Hey, thank 0:22:02.800 --> 0:22:05.520 you so much for supporting me Granger in all these 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:07.639 years of the podcast. The people that have listened the 0:22:07.680 --> 0:22:09.800 longest and the people that are brand new to it 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:13.080 and have seen it evolve over time. Thank you so much. 0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:15.680 If you have suggestions on what you want to see 0:22:15.680 --> 0:22:17.919 this podcast do in twenty twenty three, hit me up 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:20.360 on Instagram, go to my latest post and say, hey man, 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:22.800 just listen to your podcast and I got some ideas 0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:24.679 for you for twenty twenty three. You want me to 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:27.920 keep on answering your questions, you want to hear more guests. 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:31.560 I'd love to hear your ideas, and once again, just 0:22:31.640 --> 0:22:34.080 thank you so much for being a part of this 0:22:34.240 --> 0:22:41.320 journey with me. Back to the podcast. All right, we're back, 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:43.879 pulling up another email if you want to email me, 0:22:43.920 --> 0:22:47.120 by the way, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:52.240 Got my great buddy Bernie Calcote, a long time guest 0:22:52.359 --> 0:22:54.520 on this podcast. I'll be here many times in twenty 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:57.879 twenty three. Lord willing, yep, I'll hold you to it 0:22:58.760 --> 0:23:04.280