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Speaker 1: It would be hating you. If I knew something and

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Speaker 1: I believe something, whether you believed it or not, regardless

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Speaker 1: of if you believed me or not, or anyone believed me,

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Speaker 1: it would be hating you. If I believe something it

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Speaker 1: didn't tell you. Welcome back to the podcast. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the first podcast of twenty twenty three. Happy New Year,

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Speaker 1: Happy New Year. It's crazy that people will be listening

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Speaker 1: to this. Hopefully years from now they're gonna be like, wow,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. This is so old, but it's the

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Speaker 1: first one that we're doing in the new year. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean this with me. This is episode number one

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Speaker 1: hundred and six sixty nine. Dude, you've done one hundred

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Speaker 1: and sixty nine of these things. Yeah, you are getting old,

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Speaker 1: so that's a long time of doing these things. Man.

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Speaker 1: It is great for real and you. This is Bernie Calcote.

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Speaker 1: He's been a guest on this podcast. Probably fifty of those.

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Speaker 1: Forty of those, I have no idea. We'd have to

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Speaker 1: count it up. But one of my favorite guests. I've

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Speaker 1: always hesitate to say my favorite guest because you know,

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Speaker 1: I got brothers and pastor Chad. Gotta love those guys. Too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure. Well, it's an honor to be here. Guys.

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Speaker 1: Love you, love your fans, and love the opportunity just

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Speaker 1: to sit in chat like we're driving down the road

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Speaker 1: and pick up talking about life. That's exactly what we do.

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Speaker 1: We answer your questions. If you have a question, email

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Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll just get

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Speaker 1: to it. We'll talk about it long form. Not always

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Speaker 1: right about everything, but we'll talk about it like we're

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Speaker 1: just buddies. We'll talk about it like we're right, but

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Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean we are all right. First question here,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit this one right here. I just randomly

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Speaker 1: hit this in the inbox. It says is it worth it?

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Speaker 1: Email says hey Granger my name is Brady. I'm a

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Speaker 1: small town called Gilliford, Indiana, near Lawrenceburg, Indiana, where you

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Speaker 1: played a show not too long ago. First off, I

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Speaker 1: want to say I listened to the podcast every Monday

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Speaker 1: while I'm at work and it's helped me through a lot.

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Speaker 1: I'm seventeen, I'm a senior in high school. I enlisted

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Speaker 1: in the Army back in March. When I was enlisted,

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Speaker 1: I was in a relationship that I recently ended after

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Speaker 1: a year and a half. The reason I broke it

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Speaker 1: off was because she was worried that she was going

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Speaker 1: to cheat on me when I leave for Basic training

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Speaker 1: in June of twenty twenty three and won't be back

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Speaker 1: until December of twenty twenty three. Sorry for kind of

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Speaker 1: chuggling there. My question is is it worth getting into

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Speaker 1: another relationship before Basic or should I wait till laughter.

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Speaker 1: I started talking to my biggest high school crush, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if what she thinks about me. I've

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Speaker 1: tried talking to God about this, but God never answered

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Speaker 1: the phone. Just kidding, he said, but I haven't found

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Speaker 1: an answer. Any advice is appreciated, Bernie. Before we say anything,

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Speaker 1: I'm switching this. I'm making this question come from Boston,

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Speaker 1: your son, who is twelve. Okay, we did this on

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Speaker 1: the last episode. Now Boston is now Brady. Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: is five years from now. Yeah, he's going into the army.

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Speaker 1: He says. Dad, I just got out of this relationship.

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Speaker 1: The girl dumped me, and I'm wondering, Dad, should I

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Speaker 1: get into another relationship right now or just wait till

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Speaker 1: go to Basic training. Okay, Boston, whenever you were first

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Speaker 1: telling me this, it sounded like y'all broke up because

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Speaker 1: she was afraid she was gonna cheat on you when

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Speaker 1: you were gone for basic training. Is that right? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's another girl, Okay, but you're not with her anymore.

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Speaker 1: She's gone. Okay, just making sure because we had to

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Speaker 1: take care of that first son. I love you, and

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Speaker 1: ultimately I'm gonna support you no matter what. But I

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Speaker 1: hope that you just can be seventeen and you're about

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Speaker 1: to leave, and you know, let's go like kick the

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Speaker 1: soccer ball around and go fishing and like play with

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Speaker 1: your family, and like there's gonna be many girls down

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Speaker 1: the road, and you're gonna meet people in the military

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Speaker 1: that you know, you click with and have those opportunities.

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Speaker 1: But for now, I would just like say, nah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And if you knew, I understand like putting this in

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Speaker 1: the context of my son, but like you know, Boston,

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Speaker 1: this is the last conversation he's gonna have with me.

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Speaker 1: He's gonna be like, Dad, I'm ready for the military.

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Speaker 1: I'm focused. Yeah, I'm not getting distracted by anything. So yeah, Brady.

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Speaker 1: The unanimous answer from me and Bernie and every single

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Speaker 1: person listening and all of your friends and your parents

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Speaker 1: and everyone around you is No, you should not get

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Speaker 1: into a relationship before basic training, especially for what it

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Speaker 1: sounds like just to get into a relationship. You're just

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Speaker 1: you sound like someone that's like, well, I need to

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Speaker 1: check a box, like I'm supposed to be in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Should I check that box now or wait till after? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you sound like somebody's seventeen and right, we were seventeen

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Speaker 1: and we were so dumb. And I'm not saying you are.

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Speaker 1: I was, but there's a good chance that you might be.

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Speaker 1: So just let the girls go focus on being seventeen

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Speaker 1: and having fun now and like enjoy being young, because man,

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Speaker 1: it goes like that. I'm not sure that you're dumb,

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Speaker 1: but there's a chance that you might be. I think

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Speaker 1: that's what you said, and make that put that on

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Speaker 1: a T shirt, all right? Yeah, Brady, don't get to

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Speaker 1: stay single going going to the army. Now, here's the thing,

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Speaker 1: the last thing I'll say before we beat this dead

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Speaker 1: horse in the army. Especially if you deploy, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: start feeling lonely and you're gonna start thinking about this

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Speaker 1: high score girl and she's gonna get prettier in your mind,

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Speaker 1: and prittier and prillier and cooler and nicer and sweeter

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Speaker 1: until she's like the greatest girl on the planet Earth. Okay,

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Speaker 1: just know that going in that you're gonna feel loneliness.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna feel like you need somebody. But man, seek

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Speaker 1: wise counsel of guys in the army ahead of you.

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Speaker 1: They will tell you how big divorce is because of

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Speaker 1: that feeling. Because that feeling to get into a relationship.

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Speaker 1: And then the second step is I better marry her

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Speaker 1: now before I deployed it to wherever. And then you

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Speaker 1: get married, and then you have a baby right before

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Speaker 1: you leave. Then you're gone for sixteen months, and then

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Speaker 1: you come back and the baby's born and growing and

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Speaker 1: she doesn't love you anymore because you're never there. This

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Speaker 1: is a thing, and wise counsel from other guys in

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Speaker 1: the army could really help you. Let's say another one.

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Speaker 1: Subjecon says need guidance. I want to start off by

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Speaker 1: saying thank you, Granger for everything you do. My name

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Speaker 1: is Tyler. I'm twenty one from a small town called Monroe, Washington,

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Speaker 1: currently working as a heavy equipment operator. But my dream

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Speaker 1: job is law enforcement. That's why I'm messaging you. Recently,

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Speaker 1: while listening to your podcas Cast at work, which helps

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Speaker 1: me get over the Monday blues, I realized I've gone

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Speaker 1: down the path of alcoholism. I'm addicted to nicotine. I've

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Speaker 1: lost touch with my faith, and I'm I've never been

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Speaker 1: a good reader. I do listen to an audio version

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Speaker 1: of the Bible. I got a tattoo with Galatians two twenty.

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Speaker 1: It's a reminder every day of who I was. How

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Speaker 1: do I quit my ways of bad habits and reunite

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Speaker 1: with God and strengthen my connection. I've tried reaching out

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Speaker 1: to my elders in church, but it's just hard with

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Speaker 1: my schedule. Any suggestions. That question took a turn that

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Speaker 1: I didn't think it was going to take. There's a

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Speaker 1: picture of his tattoo here on the But yeah is

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Speaker 1: Galatians two twenty before I'm crucified with Christ, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: I live not I, but Christ lives with me? Is

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Speaker 1: that I think? So? Okay, maybe y'all correct me if

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Speaker 1: that's not top of my hand. If that is it,

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Speaker 1: then it kind of contradicts what the last thing that

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Speaker 1: he said, let's look, which was being busy with his schedule. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I've been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I

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Speaker 1: who live, but Christ lives in me in my life,

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Speaker 1: which I now live in the flesh. I live by

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Speaker 1: faith in the Son of God, who loved me and

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Speaker 1: gave himself for me. But what he's saying is he

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Speaker 1: got that tattoo to remind him of who he was,

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Speaker 1: as if that used to be him, but not him anymore. Yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: where do I start because this is tooking. This took

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Speaker 1: a turn because you were like your heavy equipment operator.

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Speaker 1: Your dream job is law enforcement, that's why you're messaging

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Speaker 1: the podcast, and then you realize you're in alcoholism, in

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Speaker 1: nicotine and you've lost faith. But what does that have

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Speaker 1: to do with the dream job as law enforcement? Maybe

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Speaker 1: he I mean because the email title says need guidance,

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Speaker 1: and maybe he's like, Hey, this is the path I'm on,

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Speaker 1: this is where I want to go. These are the

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Speaker 1: things that I do believe. I believe them so much

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Speaker 1: I put them on my body, Like how do I

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Speaker 1: course correct If I'm kind of understanding and tracking with you,

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's the guidance that you're looking for.

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Speaker 1: So what I'm seeing here, you're just kind of wanting

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Speaker 1: to restart on life. You're wanting to get a new job,

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Speaker 1: which is your dream job. You're wanting to quit alcohol, nicotine,

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Speaker 1: and renew your faith, and you're asking us guidance on

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Speaker 1: how to kind of rekindle this new start. He said

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Speaker 1: something at the end about schedule though, can you read

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Speaker 1: that part again? Which is interesting. I saw that too.

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Speaker 1: I've tried reaching out to my elders in my church,

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Speaker 1: but it's just hard with my schedule. Okay, So I

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Speaker 1: remember you've talked about this many times on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: you did a sermon about it, you talked about it

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Speaker 1: at the movie premiere. There's this word that people in

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Speaker 1: our culture just really don't like, and that word is surrender.

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Speaker 1: And that's honestly what you tattooed on your body, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm crucified with Christ, and yet I live not I

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Speaker 1: but Christ in me, Like you have surrendered your life,

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Speaker 1: or you did at one point, And let me just

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Speaker 1: empathize a bit with you. We understand that life can

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Speaker 1: just feel overwhelming. It it it can feel like a struggle,

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Speaker 1: and there's just a lot of suffering and hurt and brokenness.

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Speaker 1: In our world. So we're not taking that out of

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Speaker 1: this conversation. But if you're looking for guidance, the first

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Speaker 1: thing you have to do is make room in your

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Speaker 1: schedule to meet with the elders of your church. Make

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Speaker 1: room in your schedule for God's words to really start

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Speaker 1: to like be what has your attention. If that's first

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Speaker 1: and foremost, I promise you, and I know grant you

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Speaker 1: will say the same thing. The path that you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be on, the good works that He prepared for

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Speaker 1: you before the foundation of the earth, you will see

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Speaker 1: what those are to walk in those It may be

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Speaker 1: in law enforcement, it may be in something you have

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Speaker 1: no idea. That's the adventure of this faith is that

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Speaker 1: we are surrendering. I think there's a lack of surrender.

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Speaker 1: I think when that comes in, you're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: look into also some therapy, some substance abuse support. There's

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Speaker 1: some counseling and other support that you're gonna need. But

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Speaker 1: I really think that it comes down to that word

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Speaker 1: of surrender, which is you know, it kind of makes

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Speaker 1: us cringe a little bit, but I think that's where

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Speaker 1: this is going to start for this fellow. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: so I want to kind of break this down, take

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Speaker 1: a little time on this question with you, because I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of people listening probably there's probably at

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Speaker 1: least one or two things in here that they could

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Speaker 1: relate to. So let's break this whole thing down. And

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Speaker 1: I'd love to start with what Bernie had instantly heard

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Speaker 1: about the schedule thing. I'm a firm believer that you

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Speaker 1: could always tell how badly someone wants something by the

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Speaker 1: result of that thing in their life. So like someone

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Speaker 1: says my number one goal, like all I want is

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Speaker 1: to be a good father, But if they're not being

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Speaker 1: a good father, then you go, well, you don't really

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Speaker 1: want to then, And so when you say I really

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Speaker 1: want this, stranger, I really want to change my life,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really wanting to meet with my elders. And

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Speaker 1: then you turn around and say, but it's just hard

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Speaker 1: with my schedule, then I would say back to you, then, brother,

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Speaker 1: you don't really want to meet with your elders, because

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Speaker 1: if you did, that would be the priority. And you're like, grangeer,

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Speaker 1: you don't understand my schedule. With my heavy equipment, I

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Speaker 1: got a lot of work. And I'm like, then you

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Speaker 1: don't want this new life bad enough, okay, And I

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Speaker 1: could see another example of that. You say, I want

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Speaker 1: to read the Bible, I want to renew my faith,

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Speaker 1: but I've never been a good reader. I would say,

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Speaker 1: then learn how to read, try to read harder prays.

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Speaker 1: That's a good prayer. That's a good prayer, Like God,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a big I don't feel like I'm a

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Speaker 1: big reader. Hey, I'm not either, Like reading is not

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Speaker 1: a first Like I wasn't born with the ability to

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Speaker 1: just pick up a book and read, and some people are.

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Speaker 1: I'm a guy that's had to learn the art of that,

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Speaker 1: the craft of that. I've had to force myself to

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Speaker 1: sit down and be undistracted. And that's a good prayer

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Speaker 1: for you, Like Gotta, I want to read your word,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm not interested. I'm not a good reader.

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Speaker 1: So enlighten me so that I want to read more.

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Speaker 1: Help me have patience. Set small goals for yourself, like

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Speaker 1: I'm going to read one chapter one that's it. So

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Speaker 1: small goals. And then something I want to talk to

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Speaker 1: you about, Bernie, how do you and your personality? Cause

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Speaker 1: everyone deals with addiction in different ways or bad habits,

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Speaker 1: breaking bad habits or bad addictions. Everyone deals with that

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Speaker 1: in different ways. So how do you deal with breaking

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Speaker 1: a bad habit? I think first you have to be

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Speaker 1: self aware? You you yes, okay, Okay, So I have

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Speaker 1: to be I have to be aware, and luckily I

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Speaker 1: have a beautiful wife that can help me be aware

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Speaker 1: of some of these bad habits. But you have to

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Speaker 1: really be self aware enough to I have to be

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Speaker 1: self aware enough to accept them, like, Hey, this is

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Speaker 1: a bad habit. This is causing destruction in my life.

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Speaker 1: It's not healthy, it's not biblical, it's not beneficial. And

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Speaker 1: I have to have that conviction. So conviction has to

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Speaker 1: be the first thing for me that this has to change.

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Speaker 1: I think that if you can, if I have like

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Speaker 1: let's just say flossing, Okay, that was something I never did.

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Speaker 1: Dennis said, you need to do this. Have you heard

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Speaker 1: of keystone habits? Yeah, okay, okay, So attaching something like

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Speaker 1: that to something else, and it can it can be

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Speaker 1: the same thing. If I'm trying to break a habit,

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Speaker 1: I have to form like a keystone habit that will

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Speaker 1: help me replace that thing and then from there, and

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Speaker 1: that can be a small thing, that can be something

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Speaker 1: really small. Hey, I'm gonna get out and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: run three miles this morning. Okay, you know for some people,

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Speaker 1: well that's a lot somebody small. I'm gonna get out

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do this, and then from that I

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Speaker 1: can start to attach different habits to that keystone habit

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Speaker 1: that then will basically just like take the attention from

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Speaker 1: me focusing on the bad habit and like I can't

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Speaker 1: do that. I can't. It's like, this is what I'm into,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm focused on. And I think that

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Speaker 1: over time, I think you start to build. And maybe

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this is true, for it's been

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Speaker 1: true in my life. I think that over time, the

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Speaker 1: the understanding of habit forming and how to break habits

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Speaker 1: and and form habits has become a little bit easier.

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Speaker 1: So there's some things that you know, for me now

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Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm gonna start doing that. I start

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Speaker 1: doing it, and I haven't stopped for the last sixty

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Speaker 1: six days. But cold Turkey, if you would have asked

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Speaker 1: me that, you know, ten years ago, there's no way.

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Speaker 1: So it's it's like you've always said, you have to

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Speaker 1: start with small goals and then just kind of build

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Speaker 1: and build and build. So yeah, so what being aware

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Speaker 1: of it? That's not that's first. Let me tell you something.

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Speaker 1: And Tyler, you're the alcohol especially down the path of alcoholism.

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Speaker 1: That sounds like you're you're you're pretty consistent with it.

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Speaker 1: That's going to lead to a lot, a lot of

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Speaker 1: bad things. That's gonna lead you to losing your dream

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Speaker 1: job at law enforcement for sure, possibly losing your current

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Speaker 1: job at heavy Equipment, which sounds like a great pay

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Speaker 1: and gig. And it's definitely gonna be very destructive in

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Speaker 1: your path. Talking to your elders, You're gonna feel a shamed,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna feel not worthy. It's gonna it's gonna create

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Speaker 1: all kinds of problems. Now connected to that is your

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Speaker 1: addiction to nicotine. Those things, those two things are directly connected.

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Speaker 1: This is how it works. Either either one one's gonna

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Speaker 1: spur the other. So either your nicotine when you're having

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Speaker 1: your fix, cigarettes, vape, or chew, you're gonna think to yourself,

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Speaker 1: I need to drink. I need to drink. I'm a

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Speaker 1: little edgy. I need to drink to just calm things down.

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Speaker 1: And the same works the other way. You're gonna have

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Speaker 1: a few drinks and you go, I need to dip.

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Speaker 1: I've got a few drinks in me. I'm gonna have dip.

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Speaker 1: So those two things are connected. You're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: attack one or the other. The reason I asked Bernie

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Speaker 1: that question is because I liked turkey. But it takes

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't mean to sound self righteous at all,

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Speaker 1: but it takes self discipline to just be like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not touching it now. Bernie's on a great point that

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Speaker 1: you need to replace it with something, and so the alcohol,

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Speaker 1: you could replace it with doctor pepper. It's not a

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Speaker 1: good alternative because it's got so much sugar in it,

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Speaker 1: but it's something or Coke zero or something that's liquid

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Speaker 1: that you drink. You could do that. Somebody would suggest

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Speaker 1: you avoid places with alcohol, so you're not gonna go

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Speaker 1: eat at the bar at Chili's when the bartenders like,

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Speaker 1: you want anything to drink, and it's right there, it's

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Speaker 1: like might as well. So you're gonna avoid those kind

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Speaker 1: of places. You're gonna avoid people that are socially drinking

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Speaker 1: with you. So it's like, hey, Tyler, same drink we

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Speaker 1: always have together, buddy. It's very it's much more difficult

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Speaker 1: to be like, actually I'm trying to slow down on alcohol.

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Speaker 1: It's like, come on, man, just this once. It's harder.

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Speaker 1: So you've got to set those boundaries at the very beginning.

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Speaker 1: Then the nicotine thing is much easier. And I actually

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Speaker 1: went through this recently. I was doing those Velo pouches

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Speaker 1: because that's what it ended up being for me, which

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Speaker 1: is nicotine, and I was thinking with it. It helped

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Speaker 1: my brain. It helped me with doing radio until I realized, like,

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Speaker 1: this can't it says in the box, like not going

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Speaker 1: to cause cancer or whatever, but I'm just thinking this's

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Speaker 1: gotta be bad for me, Like this can't be good

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Speaker 1: for me. No one really knows what this stuff's doing.

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Speaker 1: So I decided a while back that I'm just gonna stop,

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Speaker 1: completely stop. And once again it was a cold turkey thing. Now,

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Speaker 1: how how do I help myself with cold turkey? I got.

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Speaker 1: I threw away everything in my house, in my car

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Speaker 1: and my bus that was those pouches so that I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have an idea that I might want to grab

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Speaker 1: another one. Then I replaced it instantly with gum. So

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Speaker 1: I started chewing like watermelon gum and every time I

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Speaker 1: had a feeling like I want one of those pouches.

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Speaker 1: I popped a piece of gum, and over time, I

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Speaker 1: think they say, like twenty one days you could break

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Speaker 1: a habit like that, and when you break that, the

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Speaker 1: alcohol habit is going to follow if you're staying away.

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Speaker 1: So this is a long, really long answer, but I

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Speaker 1: think it's important for a lot of people to hear

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Speaker 1: that you don't have to take everything at once and

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Speaker 1: just go I'm gonna meet I'm gonna meet with my elders,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna renew my faith, I'm gonna read my Bible.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna quit cigarettes and vape and chew and stop drinking.

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Speaker 1: Like that's too much, you can't do it. So start small.

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Speaker 1: Go to the gas station today and get you some

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Speaker 1: watermelon bubble gum and go, okay, here we go, tiny

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Speaker 1: tiny steps, aim low, and the next time you want

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Speaker 1: a cigarette, put in that watermelon bubble gum. It's a

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Speaker 1: tiny step, but that's a small victory, and these small

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Speaker 1: victories will build the confidence up. Your buddy calls and says, hey,

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Speaker 1: you want to eat at Chili's, and you go, I'll go,

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Speaker 1: but I'm getting a booth in the back. I'm not

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Speaker 1: sitting at the bar like I did. Why. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to cut down alcohol. I got a dream job coming

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Speaker 1: up of law enforcement, and I'm trying to better myself.

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Speaker 1: These are small steps. All that gives you the confidence

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Speaker 1: then to clear your schedule and go talk to an

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Speaker 1: elder and go look, these are the steps I'm taking.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about this. I want

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Speaker 1: to read more in my Bible. I want I want

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Speaker 1: to figure out this thing because I crave it and

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Speaker 1: I miss it. Look at this tattoo on me. This

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Speaker 1: is something I want in my life. And here's the steps. Look,

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Speaker 1: here's my watermelon bubblegum I got in my pocket. This

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Speaker 1: is what I'm doing. And the Elder's like, You've come

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Speaker 1: to the right place. Yeah, that's great man, great answer. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: focus on progress not perfection. Let's take a break, give

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Speaker 1: yourself some grace. There. Welcome to twenty twenty three. You

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Speaker 1: all the very first podcasts of the year. Hey, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for supporting me Granger in all these

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Speaker 1: years of the podcast. The people that have listened the

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Speaker 1: longest and the people that are brand new to it

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Speaker 1: and have seen it evolve over time. Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: If you have suggestions on what you want to see

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Speaker 1: this podcast do in twenty twenty three, hit me up

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Speaker 1: on Instagram, go to my latest post and say, hey man,

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Speaker 1: just listen to your podcast and I got some ideas

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Speaker 1: for you for twenty twenty three. You want me to

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Speaker 1: keep on answering your questions, you want to hear more guests.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your ideas, and once again, just

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for being a part of this

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Speaker 1: journey with me. Back to the podcast. All right, we're back,

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Speaker 1: pulling up another email if you want to email me,

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Speaker 1: by the way, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: Got my great buddy Bernie Calcote, a long time guest

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Speaker 1: on this podcast. I'll be here many times in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty three. Lord willing, yep, I'll hold you to it

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Speaker 1: all right. Next question religion. That word dom dominus dom

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Speaker 1: ominous word of religion. It says, please withhold my last

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Speaker 1: name from anything online. Peter. I'm thirty four. I'm from Maine.

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Speaker 1: Good morning. Prior to twenty twenty, I hadn't really been

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Speaker 1: very religious. My mother has always said I'm an Anglo Catholic,

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Speaker 1: but I never went to church unless it was a

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Speaker 1: wedding or a funeral after twenty twenty, I just had

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Speaker 1: a strong feeling of a needing to be part of

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Speaker 1: a faith or a community. I've taken some silly what

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Speaker 1: is your Religion? Test online, but none of the answers

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Speaker 1: are consistent. How would you find which religion best suit you?

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Peter, Oh, Peter, great question, bro. I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad you came to this podcast with your question and

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Speaker 1: with your name Peter uh thirty four shout out to Maine.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a great question. And and I'm I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you're gonna expect what me and Bernie

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Speaker 1: are gonna say, but either way, I I don't even

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Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna say. So you go. First, I

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Speaker 1: just hope you're I hope you're listening. And first of all,

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Speaker 1: let's define religion, okay, and and we'll explain your your

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Speaker 1: longing for it and ironically what you said. I I

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Speaker 1: just have a strong feeling to be part of a

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Speaker 1: faith or community. And that's just man such human nature.

424
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 1: We're we are just community creatures. We we crave family

425
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: and community and friends and common common ideas and common hopes.

426
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: And common dreams and common enemies, and because we're tribal

427
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: and and we we always have divided up into tribes.

428
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 1: We've always done that since the beginning, just the way

429
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 1: that we're created. And so we not only like common

430
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: dreams and hopes and aspirations and missions and battles, but

431
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:14,479
Speaker 1: we also like common enemies and common adversaries and common

432
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: things that we like to avoid because we just kind

433
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: of pack animals, you know, we're tribal creatures, and so

434
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: what you're saying is normal. I'm affirming what you're feeling

435
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 1: is normal. It's not strange. This is this completely rebukes evolution,

436
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 1: because no evolved creature, an accident pond scum would have

437
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 1: this strange need to be in community and to want

438
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: something like some people say a higher power or something

439
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: that we could worship, because we're just made to worship something,

440
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 1: whether it's Elvis or Aliens or Donald Trump, or a

441
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 1: god or a Golden Calf or or a Tom Cruise.

442
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: We we we were just or a soccer player. As

443
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,680
Speaker 1: we've seen a wide range. I'm just thinking of everything.

444
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of everything, or or AI or Armageddon like

445
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: or zombies like we we just want something to worship

446
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: and we crave it. And everyone worships something or wants to,

447
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: whether they admit it or not. You just just a

448
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: small diagnosis of any human on the planet. Oh yeah,

449
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: they're worshiping something. So you're normal. Welcome to the crew.

450
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: You are a human. We've checked your pulse. Now let's

451
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: dive into what is religion. Well, religion is man made

452
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: and it is it is the way that we come

453
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: together to worship something and we create a way two

454
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: for us to honorably worship that thing, whether it's a

455
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 1: World Cup soccer game, and you wear let's all wear

456
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: these clothes, and let's do this hand signal, and let's

457
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: chant this, and then we'll do you know, we'll all

458
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: get together and we'll build the statue and we'll do this.

459
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: That's essentially religion. What I'm trying to do. I'm trying

460
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: to do my best at separating a relationship with Jesus

461
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 1: Christ from everything else that I've been saying for the

462
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: last three or four minutes. Religion, worshiping higher power, the

463
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 1: man upstairs, aliens, God, a God, a lowercase G God.

464
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 1: I'm trying to separate all that from the only way,

465
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 1: the way that you were intended to worship the way

466
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: that you were intent you created to love and yearn

467
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: and adore and have joy and have hope. In is

468
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: your creator. The only thing, the only entity, the only

469
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: being that you need to worship, is the one that

470
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: made you with the desire to worship. Yeah, it's good.

471
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: So all those first things that you listed, I think here,

472
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: like this is what I'm kind of hearing from you,

473
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 1: Like all of those things that you first listed are

474
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: really focused on making us happy. Yes, they are tools

475
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 1: in order to make us happy. We do these things.

476
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: And the difference when Jesus comes onto the scene is

477
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: he says, I actually am not here to make you happy.

478
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: I'm here to make you holy and worship me because

479
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: that is what you were created to do. So we

480
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: have this decision to make do we believe that he

481
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: is worthy? All everything on that other side and you

482
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: taking these tests, it's like you're you're you're actually seeking

483
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: something and its happiness. Like, Okay, this thing. Maybe I was,

484
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: you know, a huge Brazil fan in the World Cup

485
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: and they fail. My soccer team failed me, that religion

486
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: failed me. So I'm gonna go to this girl and no,

487
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: that's fail. So now it's like faith. I feel I

488
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: feel like I need to I need to fill this

489
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 1: to make me happy. I need to find a religion

490
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: that's gonna make me happy, it's the best fit for me,

491
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: but satisfy this yearning inside me. But you you have

492
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: to like understand the context of your question when you

493
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: come to Jesus. He's not gonna say I fit you,

494
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna make you happy. He's gonna say I

495
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 1: don't need you as if you know, got to serve

496
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: by and hands alone. But he gives to all things life,

497
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: breath and everything. I don't need you, but you need me,

498
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: and you were designed to give me everything. And if

499
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: you if you decide that you feel that tug in

500
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: your heart like that's that's it. My eyes are open

501
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: and that's it. Then everything that you've wanted in that

502
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: and seeking happiness and that contentment and that security and

503
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: that satisfaction that will all be found in him. It'll

504
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: just be very different than maybe the way you're viewing

505
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: it right now. I don't know how totally. So now

506
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: what I want to do. Now we've like come in

507
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: with like light gloves. Let's just let's get a sword

508
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: out and let's start breaking some stuff. Okay, Like, let's

509
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: just go at it with the sword and smash. Okay, Granger,

510
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: are you saying that Jesus is the only true religion?

511
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: How could you say that? Sounds so arrogant. Let me

512
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: answer that question, that hypothetical. Every religion, all of them,

513
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: are going to say that they're the only way. Okay.

514
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: So first of all, I'm not going against anyone. I'm

515
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 1: going against everyone when I say, when I say something

516
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: like that, Islam, Hindu, Buddhists, they're all going to say

517
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: that their way, their way is the right way. They

518
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 1: come across on paper like they're all inclusive. But no

519
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: religion is inclusive. And so I would say. Jesus says,

520
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: I am the Way, the Truth, and the life. No

521
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: one comes to the Father, which means no one goes

522
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: to heaven. But through me, that's what he's saying. We

523
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,959
Speaker 1: all are here comes the sword. We all are our

524
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: eternal beings. We have two destinations, Heaven or Hell. We're

525
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: going all of us are going to one of two places.

526
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: Jesus is the only way to go to heaven. That's

527
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: what the Bible says. Now, this is a subject that's

528
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: not often put on social media because people these day

529
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: feel so sensitive about putting that out into the world

530
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 1: because they're like, oh, that sounds so exclusive, Like you know,

531
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to make anybody mad. Well, I don't

532
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: have to make anybody mad. I'm just I'm repeating what

533
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: the Bible already says, and that's what I believe. So

534
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: then you're like, well, how do you believe that over

535
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: the other ones? I would say a great question. So

536
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: I would start researching. If I were you, Peter, I

537
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: would research your name. First of all, where did your

538
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: name come from? Very interesting too. I would take a

539
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: deep dive on Jesus and the god of Israel Yahweh.

540
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: I would do a deep dive on who Yahweh is,

541
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: Where did he come from, Where does his story begin,

542
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: Why do people know him? What does the Bible say

543
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: about him? I would take a deep dive, and then

544
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: I would start contrasting that on the other world religions,

545
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: and then take a look at that and put all

546
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: the facts in front of you. Seek and you will

547
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: find knocking. The door will be opened. But Jesus, you

548
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: need to know he's not including everyone. He's saying I

549
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: am very exclusive. You have to come to me, you

550
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: have to come through me. You have to ask from me.

551
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: No one will else will get in. I am the door,

552
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: I am the way. What way? What way? To Heaven?

553
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: Me through me? That's what he says. So you could tell,

554
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: as I'm building your question, this is much more than

555
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: what religion should make us happy. Like Bernie said, like, yeah,

556
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use some a line from one of your

557
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: songs and forgive me, I don't remember which one it is,

558
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: but if it's if it comes easy, it won't last. Shoot,

559
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: now I'm having a I had it in my head. Okay,

560
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: well what's the line says? It's basically the inverse of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

561
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: it's if it comes easy, won't last. If it lasts,

562
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: it don't come come easy. That's it. Yeah. Okay, so

563
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: what he's talking about, I swear I'm a fan died.

564
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 1: So what you're talking about is not easy. If you're

565
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: looking for a computer system to tell you which your religion,

566
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: which seems very easy, it's not going to last. Whatever

567
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 1: you're going to come up with, even if it's Christianity

568
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: or whatever, it's just not going to last. Like what

569
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: Granger is asking of you is to give you something

570
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: that will last. And so just know that it's not

571
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 1: going to come easy. But if if you really want this,

572
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 1: I just challenge you to do what he's saying, like

573
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: dig into this, like this is actually eternity for you.

574
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 1: So it's worth your time. It's a great way to

575
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: start twenty twenty three with this kind of question. Just

576
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: in case any of you guys wonder why I do this,

577
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 1: In case you wonder why Bernie drives an hour during

578
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: the middle of his day on a busy day when

579
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: he has stuff to do, why he drives over here

580
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 1: to this podcast, and why I do it every single Monday.

581
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: It's it's not because it's a job or a career

582
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 1: or a platform builder or a fan grab. I'm trying

583
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 1: to tell you, Peter, that when you ask about religion,

584
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell you what the Bible really says.

585
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: Inside this book, it says that if you don't go

586
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: to Jesus, you're not gonna make it. You will not

587
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: make it. It's this is life or death. It's not

588
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 1: happiness or sadness. This isn't a pick me up. This

589
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 1: is life or death. So I get on here in

590
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: this podcast and I say stuff like this, and I

591
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: lace it with a lot of questions about relationships. But

592
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: the true fact of the matter is I want you

593
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: to know desperately the difference between life and death is Jesus.

594
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: You can call me wrong, you can call me a bigot,

595
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: you can call me false, you can try to cancel me.

596
00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: I am not giving any new information. I'm telling you

597
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 1: information that comes straight for the Bible that I have

598
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: experienced wholeheartedly with my entire being and has saved my life.

599
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 1: And y'all have seen a drastic change in my life

600
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: on in my in my public stance. That's it. That

601
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,919
Speaker 1: is it. Yeah, So I would say, not just for Peter,

602
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: but beginning of the year, there's probably a lot of

603
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: let's just like take this and consider this for other

604
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 1: Christian believers out there, Like what do you believe? And

605
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 1: why do you believe that? Why? Why do you just

606
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: trust what Granger says because he has a platform and

607
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: a cool TikTok? Why do you just believe what the

608
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: pastor at your church says? Like, I promise you there's

609
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:48,439
Speaker 1: so much more to seeking you will find than Oh

610
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 1: I just found Jesus and he's it. Now, no, the

611
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: depths of this, like we haven't even scratched the surface.

612
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: I feel like the older I get, I realize I

613
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: know nothing, Like I know nothing. I am constantly wrestling

614
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 1: with Well, why do I believe that? Where did that

615
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: come from? What history does that have behind it? Like?

616
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 1: What authority was that under? Like this is a good

617
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 1: time to wrestle with those things? And I promise you,

618
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: I mean, the name God's Chosen People Israel means to

619
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 1: wrestle with God. Like, guys, what if this is a

620
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: year you just wrestle, You don't take the easy like,

621
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm a Christian and I go to church

622
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: on Sundays and you know that's good, you know hee

623
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: what he said, Oh yeah, I'm gonna like that. What

624
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: if we decided, man, let's just wrestle with this and

625
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: it's it's like this, you know, like thing we get

626
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: to just stretch open and look at and then it's

627
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: always gonna kind of like come back. So not just Peter,

628
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: but all of us this year, what if we did that.

629
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,919
Speaker 1: Don't take my word for it, That's what Bertie's saying.

630
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: Don't take our word for it. Yeah, don't don't believe

631
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 1: me just because I say it, wrestle with it, dive

632
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 1: into it. Uh. But but this is uh, this is

633
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: a serious matter, and why do I do it? Like?

634
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 1: Why do I Why would I care? I'd like to

635
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: think that it's it's it's my responsibility, and I'd like

636
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: to think that, Peter, I love you, man, because you're

637
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 1: one of my fans. You come, you come to me

638
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: with a question, and it would be hate. It would

639
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: be hating you. If I knew something and I believe something,

640
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: whether you believed it or not, regardless of if you

641
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: believed me or not, or anyone believed me, it would

642
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: be hating you. If I believe something, it didn't tell you, right,

643
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's good man. It should be a preacher. Whatnot?

644
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: All right, let's hit let's hit another one here. My

645
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: husband stays silent. Hey, Granger and friend or just granger.

646
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 1: You're lucky you got a friend. Please keep me anonymous.

647
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 1: I'm from the Great Set of Utah. My husband and

648
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 1: I have been married for three years. We have three kids.

649
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 1: So far, it's been ups and downs and the twist

650
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: and turns that are expected. My thought and question is this,

651
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: when I'm going through a hard time, or just talking

652
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: about things that are hard on me. My husband stays silent.

653
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: There's no sympathy, empathy, or just a damn hug. I

654
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: understand he doesn't have anything to say. But I feel

655
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: lonely and I'm resentful, and I don't feel like I

656
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: can lean on him. I'm leaning on Christ and I

657
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: feel my relationship with the Lord is on solid ground.

658
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: I just don't have the cleave unto one another Genesis

659
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 1: two twenty four, feeling. Before I got married, I was

660
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: confident and comfortable by myself, but now that I'm married,

661
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 1: I'm lonely and I feel worthless. I understand I can't

662
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 1: change him. I'm just wondering if you have any other

663
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 1: ideas for me to strengthen my relationship. Thank you, anonymous.

664
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for trusting us with something so vulnerable,

665
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: and I am here to tell you that you are

666
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: not alone. There are a lot of people that feel

667
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 1: this way. Probably a lot of people listening right now

668
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: that feel like they're in your shoes. Some somebody had

669
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 1: just echoed and said, that's my story. Thank you for

670
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: asking the question, because this is the world we live in,

671
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: and this is this what this happens so many times.

672
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: So thank you for being the voice of many and

673
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: asking a very hard question. I'm gonna help the best

674
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: I can. This is where I'm gonna lead you. You

675
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 1: say I'm leaning on Christ, and I fill my relationship

676
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:32,240
Speaker 1: with the Lord's on solid crown, Jesus says to Peter,

677
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,479
Speaker 1: not the Peter that just asked the question. He says

678
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: it to his disciple Peter. He says, do you love

679
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: me feed my sheep? Do you love me feed my lambs?

680
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 1: He asked him this three times, and the way that

681
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: he wanted an answer from Peter to prove his love

682
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 1: was that he fed his sheep, meaning that he served

683
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: his people. And so the answer, no matter how difficult,

684
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 1: no matter how lonely, no matter how oppressed, the answer

685
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: doesn't come from violence or sharp words, or divorce or

686
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 1: other kinds of critical tactics. The answer biblically always comes

687
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: through serving. And that is so hard because it sounds

688
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: so passive. Something that is that comes with such brunt

689
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: force can appear to be so passive and weak, like serve.

690
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: That's the answer, Granger, that's what you're gonna tell me

691
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: to do. To my husband who just sits there on

692
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: the couch and doesn't say anything, and I'm so angry

693
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 1: with it. You're telling me serve him, and I'm saying, hey,

694
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 1: there is something that we have no clue about in

695
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 1: our DNA and our makeup that when we serve, it

696
00:41:54,760 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: replenishes us in a completely selfish way. Like serving when

697
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: you go to a soup kitchen. You do it because

698
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,760
Speaker 1: originally you want to like help others, but you drive

699
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: home and you're like, man, I feel awesome, I feel renewed,

700
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 1: I feel my tank is full. We all know that

701
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: feeling when you give a gift at Christmas, and you

702
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,879
Speaker 1: give that you give that person like it starts off

703
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 1: as a self self less thing. You're like, look at

704
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 1: this present I gave you, And then when they love it,

705
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: you start filling up yourself and you're like, wow, that

706
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: almost felt better than me getting my own present. In fact,

707
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,439
Speaker 1: it that's the best part of Christmas. It's me feeling up.

708
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: So my point is, when in doubt, serve, when you

709
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: feel lonely, serve, how does that look? I would say,

710
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 1: I would say you you you know his favorite meal

711
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 1: and on a random day, you you you get in

712
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 1: the kitchen and you make something. Now, this is. This

713
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: sounds so chauvinistic and so oppressive. I know how it sounds,

714
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: but I would say the same thing for the husband,

715
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 1: if he had to email me, I would say the

716
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 1: same thing. Get in there and you just make this

717
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: beautiful meal. And he comes in and he's like, what's

718
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: the occasion, and you go, I just love you, and

719
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,919
Speaker 1: I'm just I just I appreciate you working so hard

720
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: for me and the family. And inside you're like, no,

721
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: no way, no, I don't feel that way. I feel

722
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: lonely and you're an idiot and you don't treat me right,

723
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna divorce you and other there's other men

724
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: out there that would treat me so much better than you.

725
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 1: Even though that's what you're screaming on the inside, on

726
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 1: the outside, you serve, you serve, you serve, And although

727
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: you can't control how he reacts to the serving, something

728
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 1: begins to grow in you, something begins to restore and

729
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 1: rejuvenate inside you, and the loneliness starts fading away. I

730
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: can't explain how, but I know it's true. Yeah that's

731
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: good man, So running out of time. But the last

732
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 1: thing I'll say to this question, I'll say what I

733
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: said on the last podcast, because I think that this

734
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: statement was just very impactful and true in my life.

735
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:08,720
Speaker 1: But gratitude is the front door to the house of grace.

736
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 1: What you are needing for your husband is grace, to

737
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 1: show him grace, and that's undeserved merit, you know, undeserved favor,

738
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 1: unmarrited favor. Like if he's just sitting there, he's not

739
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: really engaging, like he doesn't deserve your grace and your

740
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: love and your you serving him. But if you can

741
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: somehow when those thoughts of resentment or bitterness or whatever

742
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 1: those come in, if you can just somehow in your

743
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: mind change the channel and switch those to gratitude and

744
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: just go focus your attention back on some great time

745
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: that you guys had together, some awesome time that he

746
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: served you or made you feel loved or did listen

747
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 1: to you, and go back there. It's gonna like change

748
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: the way that you start to respond to him. With grace,

749
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: you're able to serve him and really feel it's genuine

750
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: and there's just a lot of grace there. The last

751
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: thing I'll say is just very practically, my wife and

752
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,439
Speaker 1: I did this. I'm sure that wherever you are there

753
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:15,879
Speaker 1: is some local church that's offering a program called Reengage.

754
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: If you could somehow get your husband to commit to

755
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: do this, it's it's pretty awesome. It like it definitely

756
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 1: changed Leslie and I's marriage for sure, and we had

757
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:33,359
Speaker 1: a pretty strong foundation. But it's for anybody in this

758
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: kind of situation. In really dire situations, you know, a

759
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,760
Speaker 1: nine out of ten doesn't matter. You're going to start

760
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: to like unpacked, unpacked reasons why he can't empathize, why

761
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: he can't listen and respond in a way you want.

762
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: It may not be about you, you're kind of making

763
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: it about you. There may be things about him that

764
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: you don't know because you've never dove into his childhood.

765
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: So if you can find and in this for any

766
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: anybody out there, we highly recommend this. If you can

767
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: find to re engage to get a part of you

768
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: will know and understand your spouse so much better and

769
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: hopefully that will be able to create better healthy environments

770
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 1: for everybody. What they're going to tell you is you're

771
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 1: right both of your name and your spouse's name. On

772
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: a piece of paper, You circle your name, and then

773
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: you spend the next sixteen weeks working on the people

774
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 1: inside the circle only, so if you go into it

775
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: with that, maybe that can help your relationship. That was

776
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,960
Speaker 1: your question. So that's so good, and I'm so sorry

777
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 1: Anonymous Hut. I wish that I hate this for you.

778
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: I hate what you're going through. I wish it wasn't

779
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 1: this way. I wish that so many people listening weren't

780
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: going through this. But I could just say, just hang on,

781
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: hang in there. This is a season, and the season's

782
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,720
Speaker 1: going to pass. The answer is not divorce. The answer

783
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: is not somebody else. The answer is staying there, gratitude,

784
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:07,399
Speaker 1: loving him, serving him, regardless of how he responds to it.

785
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 1: That's right. And I want to say for the third time,

786
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: this is not about some kind of strange chauvinism. I

787
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: would say the same thing to the man. If a

788
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: man had emailed, I would say the same thing about

789
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 1: him getting in there and making the meal and serving.

790
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 1: I would say the same thing. Regardless of man or woman,

791
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 1: we should serve each other, we should serve our kids.

792
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 1: I would say, it's the same answer if you have

793
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: a friend you're going through this with, or a parent,

794
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: a dad, a mother, a child, a sibling, the same thing.

795
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: I would just say, serve them, served them selflessly. And

796
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: although it might be difficult at first, you feel this

797
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: growing tank as you start growing with gratitude and just

798
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: starts spilling over. And then that breaks the curse, that

799
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: breaks the bond of whatever he's going through, and he

800
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: starts coming out of a shell because he's like, I

801
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 1: just can't I can't deal with all this gratitude. This

802
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: is amazing. Got to come out of my shell here,

803
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: but somebody's got to break it. If you nag him,

804
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 1: if you ask him why he's so quiet, if you

805
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: ask him why is not a better husband? If you

806
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: make examples of other people that are better than him,

807
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: it does not make it better. It just gets worse.

808
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 1: Ye love you guys, See y'all next time. See you

809
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the granger Smith Podcast.

810
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me

811
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

812
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and

813
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

814
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that

815
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at

816
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yi