WEBVTT - Episode 2: Breaking Big 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.239 I'm barely keeping my head up in my arms from twitching. Here. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.160 It is last family dinner before I started my new 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:22.799 school and after pulling an all night with Marcos. So 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:24.960 the first episode of our pode can drop right away. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:28.240 I accidentally took an adder all instead of my climbing pin. 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:31.920 I am wired. My inner freak out has been going 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:37.920 strong all day. Yo, Reuben jay z or Nas. Oh God, 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:42.160 this game again for the million times He's trying to relate. 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:46.080 But come on, dad, this game is so ancient. We'll 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:51.320 try one on me. Okay, Inderson, Pack of Future. Okay, 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.800 I don't know who those people are. Oh do they 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.280 have beef? No? This is just so he has to 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:01.360 pick between artists from this decade. Okay, okay, fine, point 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:04.840 taker and your old man is old. So are you 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:09.840 ready ready for school? First Stand, Washington Stand Academy? No nerves, 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:14.320 Oh yeah, no, I don't know. I guess I don't 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:17.640 know when I get there. Nerves. They don't know the 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:21.120 half of it. I'm on my last one. You know 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.200 that feeling when you have a secret and all you 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:24.679 want to do is talk about it, but at the 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.280 same time, all you want to do is keep it 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:29.520 to yourself. That's how I'm feeling right now. But the podcast, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:33.759 it's out there, live on the internet. All I can 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:35.839 think about is finding out how many listeners we school? 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:40.959 How is last night at Marcus? Here we go? Now 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.720 I gotta lie. What if one of the co workers 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:45.840 saw me in the city last night. What if they 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:47.840 spoke to Marco's parents and found out we went to 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:50.160 the city. What if this is a trap? I can 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:53.040 feel that judgment already, even as they smile at me, 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.760 trying to coax me out of my shell. I can 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:59.400 hear my mom called the podcast a little project or 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:03.000 a little hobby. She has a way of belittling anything 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.160 outside her hopes and dreams of me attending college and 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.280 entering in the corporate America. Their vision of my future 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:11.480 is so specific it feels like a straight jacket. But 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:13.560 I can't seem like I'm bursting at the seams right now. 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:20.200 It's fun. He's staying in bene watching Netflix. Oh that 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:25.120 sounds nice. Oh okay, no signs of entrapman. They just 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:27.600 want to know what I'm up to. But I'm barely 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:31.120 holding together. It's been an endless weekend and they cannot 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:36.360 know about it. What movies did you watch? Uh? Just 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:42.320 some comedies, old stuff, House Party, Friday, Half bab You know, 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:48.200 Dave Chappelle is hilarious. You know who's going on school now? 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.280 I remember when I was in college, my buddies and 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:56.040 I used to smoke, watch Half Baked. It's fun times, 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.639 It's good for you and Marco best butts to the end. 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:02.360 Oh and so out of touch. They don't even know it. 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.200 My dad used to smoke. It drives me nuts that 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:08.680 I get words of encouragement for my life about staying 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:11.160 in and watching stoner movies, but I can't trust them 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:13.200 to react. Similarly, if I tell them the truth about 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:16.480 my much more ambitious plans, it's worse because I'm freaking 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:20.640 out inside and they can't even tell. It's like I 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:22.520 don't want them to know, and I'm mad at them 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.400 for not seeing through the light. At the same time, 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:27.240 and now I felt a way guilt for being so 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:30.799 annoyed at than when I'm the one hiding something and 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.040 come on, you know, no phones at the table. I 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.080 try to still a glance of the notification when I 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:40.040 go to Sidnce my phone the Texas from Marco. My bad? 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.360 Who was it? Just a text from Marco. They can 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:47.040 tell I'm distracting that I'm not sharing everything, but I 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.240 know they won't pry. They'll chalk it up the good 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:52.480 old fashioned teenage rebellion. And they know as well as 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:54.080 I do that Marco and I are trying to figure 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:55.880 out what our friendship looks like now that we're going 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.240 to separate schools. I'll tell you what looks like. You're 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:03.600 about done with Danna. You can be excused. Thank God, 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.600 I do not need to be told twice. I thank 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:09.720 them both and rush up the stairs to my room, 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:13.400 slamming the door behind me. I blast my own music 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:15.840 and whip out my phone, eager for the latest news 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:21.600 and Yo downloads in less than twenty four hours. I 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:26.640 told you this was gonna be big ship. That's an audience. 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:31.039 This is gonna catch on, like for real enough that 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:35.000 we can score more interviews, maybe even advertisers. My mouth 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:38.559 is literally hanging open. I can feel my jangling nerves 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.719 light up inside of me. Whether I'm ready or not, 0:04:43.200 --> 0:05:01.600 here comes the break. The numbers are un believable. An 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.320 audience this big, so fast, was not what I was expecting. 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:08.080 I feel excited and worried at the same time. This 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.039 must have been how Ice j J fishing Shiggy felt 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:12.479 when then my feelings dance blew up. I need to 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:15.400 talk to Mark about what all this means, what's next? 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:18.080 I keep telling myself we were just doing this for fun. 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:22.520 That episode was just testing the water, but that was 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.960 just a way of calming my own nerves. This is 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:32.320 happening faster than I thought. Yo, twelve thousand in a day. 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.560 That's crazy, man, right right, It's not just people who 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:38.240 saw it in my feet either. It's Novellas fans. They 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:40.640 found it and sped around everywhere. I'm surprised it even 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.600 blew up so quick. So what do we do now? 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:46.000 All right? I set up an email link til here 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.160 comes to break account in the episode description, and I 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.520 already got a message from ma Seo guns pressed people. 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:53.599 He's a nice New York rapper. He wants to be 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:55.800 our next guest. Are you free to do a phone 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.240 interview tomorrow? You gotta keep booking these if you want 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:02.040 to post regularly and build the phone man, So tomorrow, 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.240 I mean, yes, yes, yes, I can make it work. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:10.400 Bad strike while is hard and all that. Right, God damn, 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:12.800 my parents are calling for we'll talk tomorrow. Man sleep, 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:21.920 bro you earned it, Mr podcast host. Ye Sleep. There's 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.440 no way I'm sleeping after that news, and I've been 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.800 on a two day tear. I'm practically delirious right now. 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.480 I can't even sit down. I immediately begin pacing around 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:33.200 my room thinking of how I'm going to record this 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:38.080 interview without my parents figuring it out. Maybe use the basement, No, no, no, no, 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.799 my classes. Yeah, better sound protection. And I need questions 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:45.000 from macyr Guns. Not the obvious stuff the other interviewers 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.560 are asking, you know, the basics, who's your biggest influences, 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.400 what's your next project? No way, I have to dig 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.520 deeper and ask questions about things that matter, you know, 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:58.480 about their family and and fears, the stuff that our 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:08.159 listeners can relate to. Oh shit, we have listeners. Mom, 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:12.000 you sure you don't want to come downstairs or a dessert? Yeah, 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:17.040 I'm good, Thanks, Okay, see you in the morning. My 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.480 son thinks he's too cool for mom's apple pie with 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:25.880 cream damn vibe killer. I can't blame her for trying, 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:28.640 but there's too much going on with me now that 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:31.680 she and dad just wouldn't understand. Now that I'm pursuing 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:34.760 internet fame on my own. I feel like our relationship 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:36.920 is harmed by their reaction when I went viral before 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.400 the twittiness and my limbs from the midstime that of 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:44.200 all his fating, and I'm crashing down hard. It's dawning 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.000 on me that I'm being funneled into this new stem 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:48.920 school to keep my future on the safe, predictable path. 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:53.120 To them. I've been the obedient son, taking the transference stride, 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.480 not doing anything out of the ordinary. But I become 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.440 distant and making here comes to break with Marco is 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.240 already turning out to be out of the ordinary. It's 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.120 flirting with the same kind of future that had them 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.800 so confused and rattled back in my buying days. I 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:10.160 started to feel dizzy. I think back to the Navey 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:13.080 Jolie interview and what was their advice to kids trying 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:18.240 to get their parents support, keep your grades up? Even 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:24.480 better advice for me starting at a new school and all. So, 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.080 I take a deep breath and turn to one of 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:28.040 the coping mechanisms that I've been taught for dealing with 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:41.960 this dress. I decided to meditate. I'm not a very 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:45.679 well practiced meditator. I'm usually too amped up to settle 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.520 down like that and stop thinking. But even if I'm 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.040 still experiencing racing thoughts while I closed my eyes and 0:08:51.080 --> 0:09:01.160 focus on my breathing, the practice helps m. I feel 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:12.000 the pressure in my chest lighting up. I remind myself 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:15.720 to let the thoughts speed past me without latching onto them, 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.120 to be mindful but not caught up in all the 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:30.040 contents of my mind. It's a lot harder than it sounds. 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.199 The first wave of thoughts is happily about the interview, 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.800 figuring out where to record it, what questions I should ask. 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.160 Those thoughts are pleasant, and letting them drift past me 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:42.320 is nice too. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:52.760 even in my passive state. The second wave of thoughts 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:56.000 is a thorn of your family stuff. I imagine my 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:59.839 mom and dad finding out them blowing their tops how 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:03.439 and You're not gonna tell us about this, You're shutting 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:07.320 this account down right away. Man. I can't help but 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.959 cling onto these starts and feel my own anger. Even 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:12.040 though I'm just imagining it, it feels real to me. 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:15.520 I have so many unresolved frustrations from when they shut 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:17.880 down my fine account. But I was too young to 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:19.959 understand them then, and it's been too long to flip 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:23.959 out on him about it now. It's like this landmine 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:26.840 of emotional damage buried in our family history, and I'm 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:30.200 dancing around it trying to make this podcast. I kept 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.280 beginning to explain what I'm doing to them until I'm 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.120 less angry at the thought of it. Kind of diffused 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:38.960 this land mind somehow. Eventually I'm able to let these 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:47.720 thoughts pass from my mind too. I can feel the younger. 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.680 That's okay. I just I don't want to be caught 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.360 up in it, running in circles in my own head, 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.400 pink punking back and forth between my excitement and my frustration. 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:04.880 M hm see. I can only sit and meditate for 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.720 a few minutes at a time. Like I said, not 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:13.960 very good at it, but it was enough panic attack 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.120 fades and to keep it at bay for the rest 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:18.160 of the night. I turned the right in my interview questions, 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:24.120 researching my subject the work. Tomorrow's phone call with Maze 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:29.040 your guns be here before I know it, and I'm 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:55.120 gonna crash hard any oh. I jumped up from my 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:58.520 desk hours later, woken up by light peeking through the windows. 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:03.120 Mhm it I finally crashed from my pill mix up. 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:07.520 No time is it at six o'clock? Damn? I have 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.840 to interview Mazie this afternoon, and I haven't done any 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.120 prep in my foggy half a week state. It only 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:18.440 occurs to me now, shit, I have school today. The 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:20.360 whole wee can has been such a blur, and I've 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.840 been so caught up in Here comes the break. I 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.880 rush around my room, putting together a bag and stuffing 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:29.839 it with notebooks, pencils, all the usual crack. There was 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.559 an orientation packet that came in the mail. I'll need that. 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.679 Where did I put it? I pull it out from 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:37.240 the drawer of folders, where I must have thrown it 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.839 weeks ago. That's about right for the amount of head 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.520 space that I've given school lately. I feel like I've 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.439 been on an autopilot in my own life. I passed 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.160 for a beat not taking the welled photo of the 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:52.680 STEM campus, complete with stock photography full of smiling multicultural 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:57.480 students photoshopped across the front page. Uh, I can barely 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:01.319 stand and look at it. Reminds me of my frustration 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:06.480 with my parents. Now I'm headed to the belly of 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:10.440 the beast book or t itself, and I'm gonna have 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:12.400 to find time to do my interview prep during the 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.320 school day. The first school day of the new year 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:24.640 in an entirely new school, off with my backpack loaded, 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:26.640 I grabbed some toasts from the kitchen and hit the 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:31.439 train station. I can't forget to make my transfer. I 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:33.160 make it's a home room, just in time to bust 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.199 out my notepad and pull up some Amazing Your Guns 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.559 music on my phone for inspiration, but not enough time 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:41.160 to actually get any work done. They all rings the 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:44.040 first period. I cram everything back in my bag and 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.600 keep an eye towards study hall. I gotta admit it. 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.160 I don't know if it's the fresh green juices that 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:54.280 they make in the cofeteria, the fab labs, or recording studios, 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:58.320 but this school is a vibe. The teachers here are 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:02.760 progressive there y'all and woke. That helps make classes less 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:05.880 of a snooze, and the lectures and conversations are more 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:10.640 than interesting, they're actually invigorating. But Mrs Donnelly, isn't it 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:15.160 also true with the democratization of the news perception, they're uh, 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.720 this is cute girl with locks of my audio lab class. 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:21.000 I catch your size and me yet While the teacher 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:24.760 goes on about the semester long project. For a first day, 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:30.320 this is going pretty well. Accept the interview. Prep bell 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:33.800 rings again for study hall. Finally I got a chance 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:35.840 to sit with my notepad and headphones and write out 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:40.520 my questions. The day is almost over, but not for me. 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.360 The bell rings one last time, but I've still got 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.360 the interview with head of me. I have to get 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:48.560 home fast enough to record this in my closet before 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.720 mom calls me down for dinner. For school out, I 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.080 book it for the train station and make my way 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.880 back out too far rockaway. The train rides at the 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.120 end of the line has never felt longer and more 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.680 drawn out. When I'm finally off the subway, I rushed 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.640 back home through the door and straight up the stairs. 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.960 Finally a breather, I paused for a minute and take 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.480 the whole day in. I'm loving this podcast work so far, 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:18.960 but it's definitely already putting a strain on my attention 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.800 and energy for my family and school work. Mom and 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:25.000 Dad are gonna notice eventually. I guess I'll just have 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.520 to play it off and struggling to adjusting my new school. 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.000 Of course, that plan is complicated by the fact that 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:35.880 I'm actually enjoying my new school so far. But I 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.840 guess it'll do for a cover story with a little 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:40.960 bit more time on my hands. I started symboling my 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:44.080 closet studio, shoving all the hanging shirts to one side, 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.640 awkwardly squeezing my desk chair until it fits inside the closet. 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.400 For now, we're still pretty bootleg quality. I'll record the 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.560 call on my phone and send Marco the audio file. 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.840 I checked the time and the views coming up close. 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:03.760 Fifteen minutes, grubing your Hey, mom, you shot right up 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:08.680 the stairs. Is everything okay? Can I come in? I 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.320 hate that she asked if she can come in and 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.800 then opens the door without a response. It's a small thing, 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.520 but speaks to the lack of freedom and privacy I 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.200 have in this house. Of course, it gets under my skin. 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:23.360 I freeze up, hoping she doesn't see the chair in 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.120 my closet, and masts, what's up? Your father's making short rips. 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.240 You want to hear how your first day went. Great's 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:34.320 dinner almost ready? Fifteen minutes, half an hour tops okay, 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:37.760 oh man, that's gonna overlap with the interview. I'm really 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.200 gonna have to keep it tight. Text me when it's ready. 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:43.880 That should keep from accidentally interrupting an interview. I see 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:47.040 a flicker of concern passed through my mom's eyes, and 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.720 I get it. I've been running around like a madman 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:52.360 for the past four days. I'm just starting to book 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.680 of t and I'm keeping here. It comes to break 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:58.080 from her. Her spidy sense is going on, but she 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:05.760 doesn't push. Not now I will, and she walks away. 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.560 I feel a fresh wave of anger, but this time 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.720 it set myself. I'm mad at her and my dad 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:15.640 that I can't talk to them about here comes to break. 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:18.480 Sure angry they shut down my first shot at the 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.480 internet family. We never really talked about it. I'm mad 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:23.359 they transferred me to the STEMP school and I just 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.240 went along with it. I'm just all around piste off 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:27.720 and I don't know how to express any of it 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:32.280 to them. It's just a shitty situation all around. But 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:36.080 I not theres something else about my reaction. I'm not panicking. 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.440 I've got an interview coming up any minute. I spent 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.119 the days scrambling at school and mom and dad are 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:47.639 knocking down the door, and yet I'm excited. I feel good. 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:49.600 It's not like it was at the show the other 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:51.879 night when I almost had a panic attack at the door. 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:58.200 I'm exhilarated. This podcast is good for me. Now, I've 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:00.160 just got to keep it growing under the radar long 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.080 enough that my parents can't shut it down when the 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:07.720 truth comes out there. It is our second interview calling 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:13.199 me personally. Here comes to break, episode two. Here we go. 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:25.600 We'll be right back and now back to the show. 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:35.200 So tell our listeners, who is Mazio Guns? What is 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:37.960 your music about? Oh? Yeah, Like we don't see stuff 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:39.400 like well I'm from like we see the same thing 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.040 like you can come outside from East New York too, 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:47.240 called cousinuinning this down? Feel me is that's murders and 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.679 all of that. So I'll just be doing it for that. 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:51.920 Like the show, people like you ain't got it? Did? 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:55.119 This gets more to liftedness stuff. So that's why I 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.720 kind of come over the way I do with my music. 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:01.240 I'm only twenty years old, so I haven't seen a 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.680 lot and it's just like certain ways you can't that 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:05.879 coming from one from it East New York. You can't 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:07.600 move with a certain way of the carless you know 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:10.480 the stuff at one time and it's over do the 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.119 room thing and may cast you a lot, feel me. 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:16.840 So we can't move crazy anyway. So that just come 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:18.959 with it. You just learned that as be growing up, 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:22.240 I ain't gonna front sometimes I do begin quote up 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:24.960 a little mix up and all that, but I'll be 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.399 having people around me let me. Thank God, like I 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:29.800 got the people around me that boys keep me on focus. 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.119 But when they come to stuff like that. You know, 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:34.840 everybody want to be a rapper. Everybody want to do 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.119 something like but you want to be let But when 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:38.880 they kind of meet, that's what I really doing any 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:41.520 kind of music that's me all the way I feel that, 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:43.040 I feel that you know what it really is about 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.520 the people around you, and can you speak a little 0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:48.040 more to your circle of trust? You know those people 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:50.080 around you when they come to that. But as the 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:52.440 artist and the artist part coming a longest, it's crazy 0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:55.320 because and be a lot of love. People that never 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:58.159 showed you love before start to show you. Like when 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:01.840 we start getting up the hood, right, I'd be like, damn, 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:04.639 I was the same person before even I was doing 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.959 the same ship before, so why charging me? Someone love now? 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:08.520 People that have been with me, A lot of people 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:10.800 have been with me. And then iwas down. I wass broke, 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.520 I wass I have money? I spent on my money. 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:15.960 They have the more money, so they know what's up 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.240 is genuinely ain't faking it, you see me vice versa 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:22.080 what she set up? Like, do you most to record 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.720 a studio or do you have a set up at home? Now, 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:28.040 I'll be in the studio four seven. I don't like 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:30.000 being outside the studio because when I'm outside of the 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:32.520 studio it's easy for me to get in trouble. So 0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:34.359 I like being in the studio like a lot myself 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:37.639 in the studio. But before I really started being on 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.159 some studio ship, I was recording all my studs in 0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:42.399 the crib. No I still got as soon that's coming out, 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:44.119 that's from the crib. That's crazy. But yeah, I used 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:46.720 to recording my room save me living at my mown. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:48.600 Now I feel like that got a lot to do 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:50.679 with how I found my sound because I was engineering 0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:53.320 my own stuff for a little minute. So once I 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:55.119 got back in the studio and I started recording what 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:57.080 engine is like, I know how I want everything to sound. 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:00.200 I got pinpoint where this go, where that go off? 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:02.720 Like that. I've heard you have an archive music you 0:21:02.800 --> 0:21:05.480 make but don't have a release. How many songs do 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:07.840 you think you've written? Yo, I ain't even go a lit. 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:12.720 I probably got right now, like at this moment. That's 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:14.720 crazy that you asked me that, because I just was 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:20.240 thinking about that at this moment. I probably got gotta say, 0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:24.880 like seven hundred songs you got just got to beat. However, 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:27.080 I'm feeling at the moment I say I've failed come 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:30.399 or something. You mix it master the case may be, 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:33.480 but I would saying, listen to it. If I like it, 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:35.800 I'll put it. I got like my sertain folders, so 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:38.040 I got my favorite folders. Then I got the I'll 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.280 go back to a folder. Yeah, these times I'll just 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:44.000 do a hook and lead a verse open and then 0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:45.840 put it in the acount folder and then go back 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:47.639 to it probably like three months later, and then put 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:51.040 it verse only and then they come out fired. So mean, 0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:53.320 just like a little work process that I got seven 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:57.280 hundred songs. That is a lot, man, And your track 0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:00.240 whispers in my head. You say the voices in your head, 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:03.080 maybe the demons. I think we all have inner critics. 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:05.800 So how do you cork with the voices in your head? Well, 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:08.080 we all got a demon that we fight. My dealers 0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:10.199 really get the streets and stuff and choose the room. 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.359 Bet we were right, because you could want to do 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:15.800 it right and the only thing is for you to 0:22:15.840 --> 0:22:17.760 go home. I got a lot. A lot of people 0:22:18.080 --> 0:22:20.360 don't really talk about it like that, but I don't 0:22:20.359 --> 0:22:23.560 really care though, but I do it anxiety too. Sometimes 0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:25.439 I gotta be a move like I gotta shake my 0:22:25.560 --> 0:22:27.080 leg or something like that when I go to sleep. 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:28.960 Me for me, because I didn't been through mad ship 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.720 for me, took him out, get shot at like you 0:22:31.760 --> 0:22:34.920 should like that's gonna through crazy ship for me? Voches 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:37.000 in my head. I did that like at a crazy time. 0:22:37.080 --> 0:22:38.720 That's why I couldn't make it out because I really 0:22:38.720 --> 0:22:41.240 wanted to get out the log. It's like, damn, I'm 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:44.640 tired of that ship. Last question, what do you want 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.200 your legacy to be a legacy to day? I want 0:22:47.200 --> 0:22:50.560 to be don't one that people think about and be 0:22:50.680 --> 0:22:54.000 like he really stood on his ground, he really knew 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.680 what he wanted to do and did it and put 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:00.359 that before anything. He really put a hunt sending the 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:06.080 way he did and change the atmosphere around this music ship. 0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:10.720 Like anybody, not even music, just life period like that. 0:23:10.840 --> 0:23:13.280 Anybody feel like they could do something, just put a 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:17.800 percent into it and do it. All of adversities, all 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:21.359 the obstacles and all of that. For me, just stick 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:23.159 through it, like if that's really what you want to do, 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:27.280 give it your heart and whatever achievements that come out 0:23:27.280 --> 0:23:30.600