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Speaker 1: Hi. I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling raivalry. No, no, sibling.

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Speaker 1: You don't do that with your mouth revelry. That's good.

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Speaker 1: So I'm sitting in bed last night and my teenager,

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Speaker 1: my oldest wilder. You know, you know when your teenager

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Speaker 1: is coming in for something, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I've actually been researching and reading a lot about sort

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Speaker 1: of the teenage brain and how we kind of have

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Speaker 1: to give our kids a little bit of grace because,

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Speaker 1: you know, some shit happens, the wires get all crossed.

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Speaker 1: They think they're the shit. You know, they don't understand

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Speaker 1: that you meaning me, meaning us as parents, have had

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Speaker 1: forty plus years of experience in this world, and that

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Speaker 1: we may know what we're talking about, but there's just

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Speaker 1: no sort of getting that into their skulls, and it

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Speaker 1: can get frustrating. But at the same time you have

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Speaker 1: to understand that it's just all part of the process

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Speaker 1: of growing up. And then you go back to when

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Speaker 1: you were a kid and remembering sort of how you

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Speaker 1: thought and how you sort of you know, your parents

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Speaker 1: probably felt that you didn't like them and you weren't

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Speaker 1: connecting with them, and it's just not the case. Anyway.

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Speaker 1: My oldest comes in, of course, immediately starts challenging me,

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Speaker 1: you know about my knowledge of working out. You know, Dad,

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Speaker 1: you don't even get it, Like you don't understand what

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Speaker 1: creatine does. And this is what happens, and I mean,

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Speaker 1: it was the whole thing, and it's fun. You play

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Speaker 1: the games, you know, you kind of give each other shit.

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Speaker 1: And there's a pecking order that happens, you know, with

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Speaker 1: the boy and his dad, and you know, it's the

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Speaker 1: age old story of you know, he's sort of puffing

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Speaker 1: his chest out, you know, trying to establish some sort

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Speaker 1: of dominance when in reality, yeah, it'll never happen. And

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Speaker 1: I tell him that, I'm like, dude, you'll never be

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Speaker 1: as cool as your dad. It's just not possible, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like we're going to Europe this

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Speaker 1: summer and he wants to go to clubs because he's

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Speaker 1: allowed to at sixteen seventeen, and I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go to clubs with you, and he's like

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Speaker 1: all right, and I'm like you're going to see Bud,

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Speaker 1: Like you're going to have your first experience with your

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Speaker 1: dad going into like a nightclub or something where you

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Speaker 1: know he's cool. People are going to be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and then you're gonna respect me more. He's like, no,

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Speaker 1: my dad. Anyway, he comes into my room and go

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Speaker 1: through that, and then and then he's like, so, you know,

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Speaker 1: is it cool if like there's this dude, dude who

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Speaker 1: you know is worth a lot of money and he's

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Speaker 1: got like a million supercars and stuff, and my friends

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to like rent a supercar on the

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Speaker 1: last day of school to like drive around. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: are you out of your mind? A supercar? I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the hell that is? Number one, it's a

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Speaker 1: car that probably goes nine billion miles an hour. Wait,

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Speaker 1: what's in your head right now? Are you crazy? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I I just love that he comes to me knowing

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Speaker 1: who I am and expects me to even give it

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Speaker 1: even a thought, being like, well, let me think about

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Speaker 1: this now. The kid is apparently a young kid, he's

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Speaker 1: like sixteen and has supercars and rents them out. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what the fuck? Anyway, that just pops into my mind.

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Speaker 1: So interesting guest today Cody Shechuan. He has a book

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Speaker 1: coming out. He began his career in Canada and the

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Speaker 1: death care sector. So yeah, I think he spent twenty

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Speaker 1: years or so as a funeral director and balmer. I

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Speaker 1: always like to have on these guests that are different,

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Speaker 1: you know, to talk about things that interest me, that

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Speaker 1: scare me of course death, so this will be interesting.

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Speaker 1: He's got a book called Everyday Legacy Lessons for Living

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Speaker 1: with Purpose right now, and let's have him on. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to get into it. Maybe he'll curb my fears

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Speaker 1: or maybe he will exacerbate my fears of death. This

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Speaker 1: remains to be seen. So let's bring him in. Open

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Speaker 1: up the door, open up the casket, open up the casket,

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Speaker 1: and let Cody in.

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Speaker 2: Yo. Hey, how's it going, Oliver?

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Speaker 1: What's up? Brother? How are you good?

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Speaker 2: How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: What's happening?

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Speaker 3: Man?

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Speaker 2: You know, live in the life? What about you?

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Speaker 1: Are you? Because here's the thing everyone says that, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like you live in the life. Everything's good. We

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Speaker 1: all bullshit each other, really, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: because we just have to deal with the pleasantries and

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Speaker 1: sort of that, you know, that standard conversation of how

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Speaker 1: are you. I'm good, I'm good. You know, do you

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Speaker 1: think we do? You think it would behoove us to

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Speaker 1: be honest with each other? You know, in fact, I'm

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Speaker 1: like not great right now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Los, I totally gets you. I understand the shitting

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Speaker 2: one another. But I think I may maybe look through

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Speaker 2: through a slightly different lens because of because of my

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Speaker 2: work experience. But you know, it is every day great? No,

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Speaker 2: obviously not. You know, we all experience this crazy word then.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I also choose in not a poly

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Speaker 2: positivity kind of way, but I do seriously choose to

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Speaker 2: you know, look at life and be grateful for it

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Speaker 2: every single day that I wake up and draw breath,

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Speaker 2: and that that really motivate me. It doesn't mean every

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Speaker 2: day is great, like I said, doesn't mean I'm in

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Speaker 2: the best mood every day, but it certain helps provide

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Speaker 2: sort of that central place, that repository for me to

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Speaker 2: spend time that helps me maybe look at things a

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Speaker 2: little bit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's it's really true. I mean, especially when

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Speaker 1: you first wake up in the morning, because that's when

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Speaker 1: the day is sort of fresh. Now, of course, you

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Speaker 1: have tasks ahead of you and some stressors and you know,

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Speaker 1: whatever life is going to bring you. But in those

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Speaker 1: in those first few quiet moments of waking up, there

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Speaker 1: is a way, and I try to do it to

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Speaker 1: where it's like it's going to be a good day

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Speaker 1: no matter what, because I'm here, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many people that that isn't the case

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Speaker 2: for either anticipated or maybe even you know, oftentimes worse,

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Speaker 2: it's not anticipating.

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Speaker 1: So how did you get into this business? Because who

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Speaker 1: you know, who is sixteen fifteen? It's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: what do you want to do when you grow up?

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Speaker 1: I just want to deal with death. I want to

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Speaker 1: embalm people, you know, like, how did you how did

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Speaker 1: you get into this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Well I can certainly said that wasn't my first thought.

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Speaker 2: You know, as you know from my book. Interested in

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Speaker 2: just the human connection, you know, what makes people tick,

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Speaker 2: what makes some people show up in our lives in

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Speaker 2: ways that other people who have the same opportunity don't

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Speaker 2: or can't or maybe they choose not to do. And

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Speaker 2: human connection for me really interested me. On top of

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Speaker 2: this just I don't even know what it was. I mean,

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Speaker 2: often funeral directors will tell you they don't they can't

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Speaker 2: answer that question felt like a calling, and that has

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Speaker 2: larned me. Although we were friends with the funeral home

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Speaker 2: owner in the town that I grew up in, and

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Speaker 2: maybe there was a degree of that. I mean, he

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Speaker 2: did have a beautiful home and drive nice cars and

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Speaker 2: live on the water and have all the toys in

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Speaker 2: the world. And as you know, as a fifteen year

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Speaker 2: old kid, you think that looks all pretty good.

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, I mean, I mean, you know, look, death

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Speaker 1: is a great business. Everyone does it, you know. I

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Speaker 1: mean it's like, you know, but at some point, yeah,

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Speaker 1: how did what does money even play into that?

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Speaker 2: Exactly? I mean, listen, everything can be a good business,

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Speaker 2: but it doesn't you do that business well? And you

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Speaker 2: know a lot of times, I think funeral directors in

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Speaker 2: a lot of our communities, you know, especially in North America,

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Speaker 2: are really sort of unsung heroes. You know, we think

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Speaker 2: about first responders all the time, who play is such

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Speaker 2: an important release, officers, firefighters, paramedics, But funeral directors are

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Speaker 2: kind of like the last responder, and they're people who

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Speaker 2: sort of run into the burning building, just like the firefighters,

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Speaker 2: when everyone else just wants to repent and run away,

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Speaker 2: and so I often think they just don't get the

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Speaker 2: credit for all the compassion they bring to the business.

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Speaker 2: So and that is where it's for me as a

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Speaker 2: young kid, you know, I started to volunteer at the

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Speaker 2: film through my high school co op and and I

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Speaker 2: realized very quickly that you know that that might be

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Speaker 2: a side benefit. You know, all the nice things that

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Speaker 2: this person has in their life, but this person is

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Speaker 2: really showing now all the right reasons every single day,

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Speaker 2: and how they're able to make a connection with people

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Speaker 2: at such a loss, at such a you know, a

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Speaker 2: tragic time in their lives and really make a difference

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Speaker 2: like it, like really difference was fascinating to me, and

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Speaker 2: that is ultimately what kept me there. The emboming was

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Speaker 2: just a whole other that's just part of the part

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Speaker 2: of the professional, part of.

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Speaker 1: The right right right now. It's interesting because yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean it's well put, we kind of don't look at

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Speaker 1: how important what you and others do. You know, how

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Speaker 1: important it really is because you were dealing with obvious

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Speaker 1: tragedy and now having to sort of take a really

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Speaker 1: sensitive topic, you know, and deal with this sort of

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Speaker 1: humanity around that, but still be a business man. You know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's still a price list, so how do

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Speaker 1: you handle that? And I'm sure there's different people who

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Speaker 1: do a different way, some little more cutthroat than others.

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Speaker 1: But you know, how do you sort of marry those

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Speaker 1: two things?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm a little bit removed from it now,

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Speaker 2: so it was my career. I still work in the

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Speaker 2: space money, okay, a lot of a lot of my

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Speaker 2: consulting clients, and I speak at a ton of conferences

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Speaker 2: not just in funal and cemetery, but also outside of

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Speaker 2: about leadership and legacy. And I always say that, you know,

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Speaker 2: the most successful organizations that I've ever met, and many

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Speaker 2: that I know in the in the funeral and cemetery space,

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Speaker 2: they really prioritize the three p's in a very specific order,

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Speaker 2: being process, profit and when you you know, when you

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Speaker 2: have the right people doing the right things for all

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Speaker 2: the right reasons, and then you figure out how they're

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Speaker 2: going to do those things, How are we going to

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Speaker 2: show up for our communities, how are we going to

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Speaker 2: be there for the families that come. I really think

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Speaker 2: when you do those two really well, the last part

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Speaker 2: just follow just happens. The profit piece becomes so you

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Speaker 2: don't even have to think about but we can all

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Speaker 2: think of nations companies in all different kinds of airs

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Speaker 2: of work, different sectors that put profits first and then

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Speaker 2: figure out how they're going to make that money and

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Speaker 2: then think about the people last. And to me is

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Speaker 2: what often staying professions in the sense that those are

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Speaker 2: often the ones that rise to the top in terms

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Speaker 2: of the news stories that you know, the salacious things

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Speaker 2: that happen that are are sort of unsee. And the

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Speaker 2: truth is that do the exist, Yeah, of course they exist.

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Speaker 1: That think like every like you said, in any business,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have that, you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 1: they do.

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Speaker 2: But but but I'm tidd Oliver. Honestly, I really have.

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Speaker 2: I really have many funeral directors who are have knock,

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Speaker 2: got their heart in the right place. They really are

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Speaker 2: there for all of the right reasons, and I think

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Speaker 2: that's why they go a bit unsung in terms of

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Speaker 2: the credit they deserve. I mean, it's also one of

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Speaker 2: the last businesses, much like first responders that's twenty four

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Speaker 2: seven out twenty four seven three sixty five. You know,

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Speaker 2: it's it's it's ever of the day, every day of

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Speaker 2: the year. These people who often are giving up time

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Speaker 2: with their own families to be with the families they're serving. Wow,

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Speaker 2: they you know, they often prioritize others' needs, often their own.

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Speaker 2: And I, you know, so an advocate, I can advocate

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Speaker 2: for the profession as long as the day is light,

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Speaker 2: because I just I think it's such a special career

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Speaker 2: that I'm really lucky to heavy to have found motivation

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Speaker 2: might have been a little odd. I'm as a fifteen

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Speaker 2: year old boy, so I think it's fair to know

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Speaker 2: why maybe, But what really kept me in that space

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Speaker 2: and keeps me still space is really all the people,

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Speaker 2: the people who were there just serving so passionately.

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Speaker 1: So how long were you in the game, Like, when

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Speaker 1: did you start this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I started in my co op when I was sixteen.

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Speaker 2: I just turned just turned forty four to celebrated a

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Speaker 2: birthday last week.

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Speaker 1: Congrats, thank you.

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Speaker 2: And yes, so every year since sixteen I've been involved.

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Speaker 2: I went to mortuary college and got licensed. I still

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Speaker 2: maintained my license this day. I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: friends in the business, a lot of professional college speak

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Speaker 2: a lot and consult so I'm still very connected to

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Speaker 2: the business. But on the front front line of the

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Speaker 2: business up until about twelve thirteen, I was still in

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Speaker 2: the front line. And now I just get to support

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Speaker 2: those who are and I see that equally as much

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Speaker 2: as I get.

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Speaker 1: And then so when you're sixteen years old, because I

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Speaker 1: have a sixteen year old right now, I was literally

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Speaker 1: just talking about him in my little preamble, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. Yeah, I mean I can't imagine if

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Speaker 1: you had said, Dad, you know, this is what I

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Speaker 1: want to do. You know, where does that come? Where

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Speaker 1: does that come from? And we just we touched upon

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Speaker 1: it a little bit, but yeah, you know, as a

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Speaker 1: sixteen year old, who's you know, hormones are raging. You know,

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Speaker 1: you want to find relationships, you want to party, you

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Speaker 1: want to do what you want to do as a

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Speaker 1: as a sort of a standard six year old, where

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Speaker 1: were you was it? Just? Did it come from a

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Speaker 1: place of just pure compassion? Like are you that amazing

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Speaker 1: of a human?

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Speaker 2: No? No, not at all, Okay, not at all. Really truthfully,

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Speaker 2: it came from a place of curiosity. I would say

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Speaker 2: that that was that was the That was the first

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Speaker 2: the compassion in the profession, even in myself. I mean,

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Speaker 2: that was a kid, but that's what kept me there.

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Speaker 2: And and I think that's that that's the beauty of

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Speaker 2: it is curiosity led here. And you know, oftentimes, listen,

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Speaker 2: death has a stigma in general in the world, and

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Speaker 2: even more so in North American culture, where we're pretty

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Speaker 2: death averse. So it worries me if you know, a

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Speaker 2: kid goes to their parent and says, hey, I want

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Speaker 2: to be a funeral director, that they don't think that's

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Speaker 2: slightly peculiar. Again, that's probably ego and judgment jumping to

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Speaker 2: the front of the line to send to say no,

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Speaker 2: you don't want to do that, when the truth is

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Speaker 2: like it is a it is a career of service,

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Speaker 2: and it can be incredibly powerful, not just for the

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Speaker 2: people you get to serve that your privileged to serve,

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Speaker 2: basually for yourself. And if that helps you to be

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Speaker 2: a better person, to live more life in your years,

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Speaker 2: then I mean, hey, that's just that's a side benefit.

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Speaker 1: So what does that do you know? I mean, I

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Speaker 1: want to get into sort of your feelings about death,

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Speaker 1: which I'm sure you've talked about a lot, and sort

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Speaker 1: of how what you have done throughout your life has

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Speaker 1: informed those feelings and where you land on it. But

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Speaker 1: going back into that question when you're sixteen years old

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Speaker 1: and your brain honestly hasn't even fully developed yet. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it must have just changed the trajectory of your thought

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Speaker 1: process about what it is to die. And how did

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Speaker 1: that evolve, you know, from when you're sixteen until now?

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Speaker 1: And are you afraid of death?

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Speaker 2: Terrified? I am? Yeah, I am.

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Speaker 1: You would think it would be the other way around

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Speaker 1: for some strange reason.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think, what if I can articulate a

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Speaker 2: little bit differently, it's scared of death. Maybe not death,

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Speaker 2: but because I worked in that space, I often get

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Speaker 2: this question, Oh my gosh, you know you worked in

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Speaker 2: the funeral world or you work in the funerald You

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Speaker 2: know you must have learned. And I say, like, like

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Speaker 2: the apple opposite, I learned so much about life and

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Speaker 2: so I don't know that I'm scared of death as

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Speaker 2: much as I am scared of not living. If that

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Speaker 2: makes you know I have I'm blessed. I've got amazing,

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Speaker 2: amazing people in my life. And you know, part of

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Speaker 2: the joy in life, as much as it comes with nimes,

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Speaker 2: are the people that are around us. And I don't

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Speaker 2: want to miss out on anything. Maybe maybe I have

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Speaker 2: a serious case of fomo in things. But I just

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Speaker 2: feel like, you know, you also hit a certain stride,

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Speaker 2: you know, you know, around our age that you think,

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Speaker 2: I kind of am starting to figure out what life

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Speaker 2: means to me. Not the meaning of life that I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure anyone can ever answer, but what it means,

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Speaker 2: what it means to me Oftentimes, at least in the

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Speaker 2: least you know that I have had and that friends

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Speaker 2: have had our worlds it's more important for them to

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Speaker 2: get smaller, not bigger, And so as a consequence, those

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Speaker 2: worlds often also, you know, becomes really really important to us.

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Speaker 2: It becomes something that we can't not but be thankful

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Speaker 2: for and want to have more of. So I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it's dying that I'm like, how I go

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Speaker 2: and uh and why? Because I don't want it to

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Speaker 2: be any time soon. I just don't know.

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Speaker 1: I know I'm not dissimilar, you know. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: used to freak myself out when I I was younger.

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Speaker 1: I'm forty seven, but when I say younger, I mean

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Speaker 1: probably in my early teens, I think. And I can

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Speaker 1: still get to this place of freaking myself out where

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Speaker 1: you go, Okay, when you die, it's just black and

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Speaker 1: where the fuck are you? And oh my gosh, you

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Speaker 1: know I mean, And if you can dip into that

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Speaker 1: feeling enough and marinate in it, it can be scary.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, it doesn't make sense because

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Speaker 1: that means you have consciousness. If you can't, you can't

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Speaker 1: know you're in darkness, you know, without having some sort

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Speaker 1: of consciousness. The idea of letting go and truly being

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Speaker 1: unafraid of death, to me is how you can fully,

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Speaker 1: truly freely live.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: If you do not have that fear, then I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying you're have you a risk taker. I'm just saying

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Speaker 1: it's you're just freed up and I feel like it

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Speaker 1: would be a beautiful feeling.

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Speaker 2: Well, so I actually not want to be afraid of it.

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Speaker 2: I want to now do I paralyzed by it? No?

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Speaker 2: You know, there's a difference between observation and obsession. You know,

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Speaker 2: there's a very fine line. You can observe something and

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Speaker 2: uit and pay attention to it and use it, or

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Speaker 2: you can obsess about that thing by just like an

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Speaker 2: inch beyond that line and listen. That's also a dance

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Speaker 2: thry and do and most of us don't do it. Perfectly.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes we trip into fear intrepidation, and our ego you know,

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Speaker 2: is not kind to us and tells us we're going

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Speaker 2: to die every single minute of every single day, and

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Speaker 2: it's paralyzing. And that's also good. So when you're there

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Speaker 2: thinking about being free of it, of course that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: You know, you think God, if any anywhere but here.

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Speaker 2: But the truth is when you walk that fine line

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Speaker 2: of observation, you can actually use it really powerfully in

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Speaker 2: your life. You know, we weird fear about death, and

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Speaker 2: yet it's in our common vernacular when we think about

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Speaker 2: it things, you know, things like we talk about bucket lists.

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Speaker 2: If I said to the top three things on your

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Speaker 2: bucket list, and I said said it to you or

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Speaker 2: said Kate or anybody else, you probably have an answer.

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Speaker 2: But what we're really saying is like, hey, before I die, I.

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Speaker 1: Want this to happen exactly.

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Speaker 2: But we never say, like, you know, what I was

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Speaker 2: really thinking of last men, was you know, before I die?

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Speaker 2: I really want to because people are like, holy shit,

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Speaker 2: why are you thinking about dying? Like what's going on?

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Speaker 2: But tell me more just the way with that, you know,

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Speaker 2: But when we think about the stoic times the Stoics.

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Speaker 2: In ancient times, they used to say mental maori and

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Speaker 2: loosely translated that means remember you will die, and they

383
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 2: about it things like skulls were things that happened around

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Speaker 2: them and were around them often both those thoughts and

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Speaker 2: these sort of things to remind them, hey, you aren't dead,

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Speaker 2: you are still allow you're here, put life in your years.

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Speaker 2: And a modern day version of that is yolo, like

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Speaker 2: you only live once, and people throw that around, no

389
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Speaker 2: big deal. And so it's this, it's this oddity of

390
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Speaker 2: having a comfort with something in one lane and the

391
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Speaker 2: very same thing mirrored in another lane, just looking slightly different.

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Speaker 2: And we have this, you know, we're marred in fear

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Speaker 2: and it repels us. You think that that is again

394
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Speaker 2: that observatation versus ession, whereas if you use it really powerfully, Heck,

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Speaker 2: I don't ever want to be afraid of dying, because

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Speaker 2: if it keeps me centered around, being focused with the

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Speaker 2: people I love, doing the things the things that I enjoy,

398
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Speaker 2: and making memories, well that to me is my meaning

399
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Speaker 2: of life. But if I let it control me and

400
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 2: cripple me, yeah, like you probably want to abandon that

401
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Speaker 2: space really really fast. Just be like, I'm out of here.

402
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Speaker 2: This has been fun, but I'd rather just not feel

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Speaker 2: this way.

404
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Speaker 1: So it's a dance.

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Speaker 2: It's a dance.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I know. You mean when you say you're

407
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Speaker 1: you're afraid of death because you just don't want to

408
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Speaker 1: miss out, you know, you're not actually afraid of the

409
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: act of dying necessarily. It's like, oh fuck, I have

410
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Speaker 1: too much to do, way too much that I can

411
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Speaker 1: completely relate to. You know, I have three kids, they're sixteen, fourteen,

412
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Speaker 1: and eleven. My life is good, things are exciting. I'm

413
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Speaker 1: still middle aged. I feel like I'm scratching the surface.

414
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Speaker 1: There's so much more to accomplish creatively and spiritually and

415
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Speaker 1: just pure fun, you know, and that part is the

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Speaker 1: scary part, like ah, and especially my children under bike.

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Speaker 1: That is big for me, you know, and I think

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Speaker 1: that probably stops me though, from doing thinks some things

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Speaker 1: that I would want to do when it maybe it shouldn't,

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Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, I totally yeah, do you have kids?

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Speaker 2: Totally? I don't have kids. No, I've got some incredible nieces,

422
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:33,959
Speaker 2: nieces and nephew.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But but even that, you know, I'm I'm probably of

425
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 2: all of our siblings were what did Kate refer to

426
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 2: that once a patchwork family or a patchwork family? Yeah,

427
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 2: same thing. But but I am the first removed from

428
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Speaker 2: the small town that we grew up in, and I

429
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 2: oftentimes think like, am I missing out by being further away?

430
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Speaker 2: You know, you get back for the you know, the

431
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Speaker 2: the holidays, which is you know, only a couple, only

432
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: a couple of rand scheme of things. Yeah, and you

433
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 2: know you think, God, these kids are growing up, like

434
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 2: they're tall, and they're mature, and they have personalities and

435
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,479
Speaker 2: they're they're doing things, and what is the gap in

436
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 2: between between, like things I've missed out on? And so yeah,

437
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 2: I got desire for curiosity around that.

438
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: Did you ever want kids?

439
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 2: I never had that paternal need to pa DNA for myself.

440
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 2: I've just never felt that and so it hasn't happened

441
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: for me, and it won't happen for me. And that's okay,

442
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 2: that's just a decision. I don't judge people for not

443
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 2: wanting to have children to I empathize with those who

444
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: really want them and can't. I mean that.

445
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 1: I only ask because I you know, as I told you,

446
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: I have three, right, I have this conversation every once

447
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: in a while with friends, and you know, you think

448
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: about your life and what you know you're gonna leave behind,

449
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: what kind of mark you're going to make, And it's

450
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,719
Speaker 1: different for different people. It's different for everybody. You know.

451
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 1: For me, your true legacy though, isn't an Academy award,

452
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 1: isn't the money that you make. I mean to me,

453
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 1: it's for me personally. It's my children because essentially I

454
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 1: am passing part of who I am down to them. Now.

455
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: They can take what they want from it, but it

456
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: is my It is my DNA and my genetics are

457
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 1: there and they will be there through my lineage and

458
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: how I parent who I am as a father, the

459
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 1: experiences that I have with my kids, and essentially when

460
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: I'm on my deathbed, hopefully at one hundred and seventy

461
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: eight years old, and they now are pushing, pushing the

462
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: narrative of the of who I was. You know, yeah,

463
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: that is my true legacy, you know, not a movie,

464
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 1: a TV show, an award. You know, it's that is

465
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: it for me? You know?

466
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean you and I we've had totally different

467
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 2: experiences in life, just like you and you and even

468
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,479
Speaker 2: your sister have had totally different experiences as yours are

469
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 2: more common with her than maybe yours or mine or

470
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 2: mine and hers. But the truth is, when you distill

471
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 2: it all down and you tear everything away, we're away.

472
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 2: We're just We're just humans, that's it. And so we

473
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 2: have to think about that in a really rudimentary way.

474
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 2: I mean, people always say to me, how do I start,

475
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 2: you know, living my legacy, because part of the impetuss

476
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 2: for me getting into this work and talking, you know

477
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: about legacy, writing a book about legacy, talking to you know,

478
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 2: at conferences, and you know, to companies about leadership and

479
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: how those are tied together. It really is about redefining

480
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 2: that whole idea, the construct of legacy, because most people

481
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 2: when they think about legacy, they think about it as

482
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 2: something that comes after, something that's there sort of once

483
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 2: you're gone, once you're dead, and you know, so often.

484
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 2: In fact, there was one particular story where it was

485
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 2: like a lightning bolt moment when I was working still

486
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: in the funeral home, and it just struck me that

487
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 2: the idea of the notion that we just had this

488
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 2: all wrong, you know, that we instead of thinking about

489
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 2: legacy after we're gone. Are we thinking about legacy to

490
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 2: steer us powerfully while we're still here. Hence the name

491
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: of the name of my legacy, And the whole idea

492
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 2: is figuring out what's important to us and infusing more

493
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 2: and more of that into our lives and then by extension,

494
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: into the lives of the people who are you know,

495
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 2: closest to us. Such story about fatherhood with your you know,

496
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 2: your three kids, it reminds me of a story when

497
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 2: my sister was pregnant with her first child, my first nephew,

498
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 2: and at one point she was getting really close and

499
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 2: I said, you know, Sierra, what are you looking forward to? Like,

500
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 2: you know, fast forward. I know you don't want to

501
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: think about this, you're pregnant, but fast forward.

502
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 1: To the end of the end, Like what do you

503
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: want to be remembered for? That's amazing? Now we're just

504
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: giving birth, but let's talk about death.

505
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,959
Speaker 2: Now. Most sisters would be like, what the hell, But

506
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 2: my sister was like, yeah, okay, this is just one

507
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 2: of those of those deep station questions, which was fittingwa

508
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: was fitting for say, It's not like I brought it

509
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: up while we were you know, eating dinner at you know, right.

510
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: The way she's laboring in the middle in quest right.

511
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 2: Fast forward, and she said, you know what you know, well,

512
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 2: right now, all I can think about is motherhood. So

513
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: I guess would be you know, be in a good mother.

514
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 2: And I looked at her and I smiled, and I said,

515
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 2: that's bullshit. That's fine as ada as a construct. But

516
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 2: if being a mother, if motherhood is the cake, what

517
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: are the ingredients that you're putting into that cake? You know, kindness, empapathy,

518
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,199
Speaker 2: you know, a caring nature, thoughtfulness, integrity, whatever those things are,

519
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 2: and they're gonna be different for all of us. All

520
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: of us have a different value system. Whatever those things, though,

521
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 2: that bake the cake of motherhood. That's the stuff that

522
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 2: you give to your children. Those are the qualities and

523
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 2: the values that they start to perhaps consider as important

524
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: in their lives and create alignment with because because of

525
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: theirs with you and that value and as long as

526
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 2: those values are good and impact the world in a

527
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 2: positive way, keep them coming. Let that be the generational

528
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 2: thing that we hand down from generation from generation. It's

529
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 2: no different in a company as a leader, from a

530
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 2: leader to an employee who may become a leader and

531
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 2: then pass that on to their team. You know, organizational

532
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 2: legacy is just as important as our legacy, and when

533
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 2: those two things come together, we've maybe doesn't feel quite

534
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,959
Speaker 2: as divided as it seems to sometimes right now. You know,

535
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 2: and this might sound like spiritual woo woo to some people.

536
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 2: The listener, the listeners you've got, I've been you know,

537
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 2: I've been a listener. It's not going to sound like that.

538
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 2: Someone been listening in it the first time might be like,

539
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 2: what the hell? And again, those aren't that. That's not

540
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 2: who I choose to focus on, you know, I want

541
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 2: to focus on me, what I'm bringing to the terms

542
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 2: of my relationships, because that is the stuff that's going

543
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: to be remembered. Isn't the Academy awards. It isn't the stuff.

544
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 2: It isn't the bank accounts. Listen, Oliver, in all the

545
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 2: years that are active on the frontline of of funeral homes,

546
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 2: I never saw you haul ever once attached to a

547
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 2: funeralhearse right, not once you're not taking the stuff with you.

548
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,360
Speaker 2: No one cares about that stuff. I've never overheard of eulogy.

549
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 2: Someone stands up and says, you know, Oliver was an

550
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 2: accomplished business person, you know, earned this much revenue and

551
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three and and I'm the Top Employer of

552
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 2: the World award. No one gives a shit about that stuff,

553
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: right because truthfully, Oliver might have accomplished all that stuff

554
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 2: and I sold the whole time along who cares. I

555
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 2: don't care. I probably wanted nothing to do with you,

556
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 2: and probably most of the people around you were just

557
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 2: guessing your ass and around you either. And the reality

558
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 2: is that when you distill it down those values, those ingredients,

559
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 2: that cake that you're making, it's just important to them

560
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 2: now it's really important. And when you that, it shifts

561
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 2: that idea.

562
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good analogy, you know, the cake, because

563
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: the cake essentially is the finished product. I would go

564
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: one step further and saying that it's a it's a

565
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: cake with no recipe because we're all so different and relating.

566
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,719
Speaker 1: It's sort of parenthood. Yeah, you want that cake at

567
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: the end of the day to be incredible, but it's

568
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: going to have a lot of you know, there's there's

569
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 1: might be some shit in there that you didn't think

570
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 1: was going to be good. But at the end of

571
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 1: the day, it mixed well with all the other ingredients

572
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 1: and it tastes all right, because you know, we're only

573
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: we're doing the best that we can. Is no there

574
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: is no road, real road map. You know, Perfection is

575
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: not really a word that should even be in the dictionary,

576
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: you know, because there is no such thing.

577
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 2: You know, Perfection is an illusion.

578
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: It's a total illusion.

579
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: And we are designed through most are design through our

580
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 2: life experiences that it is something that is attainable and

581
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 2: that we should strive for. And it is such a fallacy.

582
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: It's such a fallacy to think to think that you

583
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 2: can lead get there. You may get to perfection, but

584
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 2: you have to calibrate what perfection means for you or

585
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 2: that thing like perfection is going to be different for

586
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 2: every single person, just like that cake is different. And

587
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 2: we've all eaten some dusty ass dress dry cakes. So

588
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 2: but to some person, somebody thought that cake was just

589
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 2: the best cake they'd ever eaten. Maybe that person, when

590
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 2: you look at it in context, has never eaten cake before. Yeah,

591
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 2: so gift that opportunity is for them. So again, it's

592
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: just all thinking about you. In the book, you know,

593
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 2: I talk about this a lot, and I say that

594
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: for people who are trying to figure this legacy thing

595
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 2: out now, not just living life and not being not

596
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 2: being aware of just and hoping it's good at the end. Right,

597
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: what to do that you know you can start to

598
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 2: really get a grip on what you want. But inevitably

599
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 2: sometimes there's sometimes there's this idea of being selfish, Like

600
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about me and my what I give and

601
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 2: III and most of us are raised to be selfless.

602
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: Most of us are raised that's better to give than

603
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: to receive. So I'm kind of recoined the word to

604
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 2: be self full that ultimately that when my cup is full,

605
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: and it has to be full in order for me

606
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 2: to be of service to other people, just like anyone

607
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 2: else in this world, you have to be of service

608
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 2: to yourself. You've got to fill your own cup first,

609
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: but overflows that's for everybody else. But I have to

610
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: be full, I have to be whole. If I can't

611
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 2: do something for myself, how am I ever expected to

612
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 2: do for other people? So it really think about everyday legacy,

613
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 2: creating an everyday legacy. It's alignment between those values and

614
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: then values to behaviors, and once we're into behavior mode,

615
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 2: then we're in habit mode. And so it does cat

616
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,239
Speaker 2: quickly and you know it doesn't mean the rainbows, and

617
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 2: you know it doesn't mean the world there's rainbows and

618
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 2: unicorns and you know everything is easy and peasy. That's

619
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 2: not likely, but it sure makes the process of going

620
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: going through those just a little bit more level.

621
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: What do you think about this, though, because I wrestle

622
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,959
Speaker 1: with this a little bit. I mean, and I do agree,

623
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: because when your cup is not full, it's hard to give.

624
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: It's almost like, if you don't love yourself, how are

625
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: you going to love someone else, you know, or how

626
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: are you going to love someone else to to your

627
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: fullest capacity unless you are unless you have that self love,

628
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: which I've dealt with like one hundred percent. Self love.

629
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: Self worth has been sort of an issue for me

630
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: just generally within my life, and that's what I work

631
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: on through meditation or therapy or or just daily shit journaling,

632
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is. But I would let me

633
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 1: ask you this question. You say, if your cup is

634
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: not full, you know, it's hard to sort of give essentially,

635
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: But what about the idea of reversing that and being

636
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: selfless to fill your cup? You know what I mean,

637
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: meaning you're half full in that cup, but if you

638
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: can start giving, you start to realize, Wow, maybe it's

639
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: not all about me, you know what I mean, maybe

640
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: I've been selfish, so now volunteering at the children's hospital

641
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: all of a sudden starts to fill that cup because

642
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: you're like, holy shit, you know I have a different

643
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: kind of a purpose other than a self fulfilling purpose.

644
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I think that's exactly why I tried to

645
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 2: recoin the work coin the word because I got proximity

646
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 2: to it. Sort of feel like that at like, what

647
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 2: if things I do are for others, and that's great,

648
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter to me as long as it feels

649
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 2: it fills york, brings you, meaning, brings you, It makes

650
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 2: you happy. Likely when you are happy, when you are

651
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 2: filled with joy, you are inspiring others to be the same,

652
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: to look for those opportunities. You know, can we all

653
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: life of absolute service? No unfortunate world works? Then you know,

654
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 2: the economy doesn't doesn't unfortunately work on kindness, although I

655
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 2: think it could use a lot, hell of a lot more.

656
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: Of it, a lot more.

657
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 2: But the reality, you know, you can actually start to

658
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: put more into your tank by the things you do

659
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 2: that mean something to you, So it doesn't have to

660
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 2: be in service to others. It can be, and I

661
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 2: agree with you. I think beree with you. I think

662
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 2: that's you know, that whole idea of givers gain. I

663
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: think it for a lot of people is what fills

664
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 2: their cup. But it can also be just spending time

665
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: with the people you love, taking taking up you, you know,

666
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 2: brings you joy, Spending time with people you care about,

667
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 2: having conversations that matter. It doesn't matter to me what

668
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 2: it is. If it's jumping out of planes, I have that.

669
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 2: But if it fills you up, it makes you feel

670
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 2: good and causes you to show up better in the

671
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: world as a consequence of that thing. Keep on keeping on, like,

672
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 2: keep on doing it.

673
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: So, how did your experience the twenty years as a

674
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: funeral director? How did that sort of inspire this? You

675
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 1: kind of touched upon it a little bit, that sort

676
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 1: of aha moment you had, But how are you sort

677
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 1: of how are you connecting the two in your book?

678
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,240
Speaker 1: What's what's the full name of your book?

679
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,800
Speaker 2: Every Day Legacy Lessons for Living with More Purpose? Right now? Okay,

680
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 2: and the idea is right now? You know that it

681
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 2: was almost as if I'd hit this point in my

682
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 2: career that you know, these are things that were right

683
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 2: under my nose, like death, dying, ying, a lot of

684
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,919
Speaker 2: sitting with a lot of families. I wrote a chapter

685
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 2: called Echoes of Regret, and that I can't count, oliver

686
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: the number of times I sat around an arrangement team

687
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 2: but with families and heard I wish I would have

688
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 2: I would have, you know, I wish I didn't go

689
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 2: to bed angry. I wish i'd said I leave before

690
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 2: they left the house. I wish I wish I should,

691
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 2: people should all over themselves. And the truth is that

692
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 2: there was a little tiny voice in my head that

693
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 2: every every time I heard thought, why didn't you say

694
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 2: I love you? Why why didn't you give them another hugly?

695
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 2: You know, could you have? And chose not to? And

696
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 2: then they and it's almost as if all this was

697
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 2: to be. But I was just unconscious. I was just

698
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 2: you know, I was I was doing a job that

699
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 2: I loved and in it and serving people. But it

700
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 2: seemed like below the topical nature of that, there just wasn't.

701
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 2: I didn't and I didn't that depth until that lightning jolt,

702
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 2: and then it was, you know, very it became very aware.

703
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 2: It became one of those things that once you see it,

704
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 2: you can't unsee it. You start to see, oh my god,

705
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people that were serving are serving

706
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 2: and have a tonnel. Oh my gosh. There's a lot

707
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 2: of people that are thinking about legacy either when someone

708
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 2: gets sick, so they're starting to think about the end

709
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 2: of their life only when they have to. And there's

710
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 2: also we as a society or dedized with this idea

711
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 2: of death, but then also realizing actually we're not, you know,

712
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 2: we we think about bucket lists and celebrate people, check

713
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: things off and put it on on social media, all

714
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 2: applause them or applaud them. And yet when we talk

715
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 2: about death head on, when I say to you, Oliver,

716
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:02,760
Speaker 2: how do you want to be remembered?

717
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

718
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 2: That is a powerful, powerful question. In fact, I think

719
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 2: it's think it's the one that can articulate sort of

720
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 2: your own purpose. You know, when you think about God

721
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 2: fast forward to the end, good grief. I don't really

722
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 2: want to think about it. Some people might even say

723
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: it's a bit macabre. Well, think about the result of

724
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 2: that thing, So really that is that is that's where

725
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: this happened. Uh, And I ended up talking you know,

726
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 2: about this a lot to a lot of people, to

727
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 2: a lot of friends and family, and and originally, to

728
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 2: be honest, I started to write a book, a business book,

729
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:37,240
Speaker 2: this book. And because I work in I'm a business

730
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: person and a speaker, and uh I speak at you know,

731
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 2: speak at conferences. And the reality was reality was people

732
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 2: to write a book, write a book. And so I

733
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 2: started to write a book. Well, so I started to

734
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 2: write a business three times, and each time it was crap.

735
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 2: It was just there's just nothing there. There was nothing,

736
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 2: there was nothing like it was just you know, even

737
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 2: even in even some of the Chris books, you know,

738
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 2: Simon Sine start with why great book, a plot of business.

739
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 2: But when you really think about it, it actually, if you

740
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 2: strip out all the business has nothing to do with business,

741
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 2: you can use that book just as powerfully in your life.

742
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 3: And I thought, start with why, I don't know, I

743
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 3: don't know. It's a it's a good read. Yeah, and

744
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 3: I think generally speaking, it's a well respected read. Just

745
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 3: assignment as a well respected person, and yeah, it's it's

746
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 3: it's a good one.

747
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 2: And and I thought, you know, what if I approach

748
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 2: this differently? What if I skip the business book and

749
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 2: I just write a book for people, you know, if

750
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 2: you know, And again we talked about like people, process, process, profit,

751
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 2: asking people to put themselves first, to know that when

752
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 2: they fill their cup, when they think about the end

753
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 2: and how they're showing up today, and let let that,

754
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 2: you know, or enable or allow them to have a

755
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: conversation like that into their language, which might be tottally

756
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 2: foreign the way they speak with themselves or with others.

757
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 2: What a what A what a gift? You know? I

758
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 2: kind of think of my everyday legacy as as an

759
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 2: impacts hard to define because it means different than things

760
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 2: to different people. But if I can impact, you know,

761
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 2: more people in the world to think positively about who

762
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 2: they are, what they're doing, the people around them, the

763
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 2: relationships that ships that have, the many man, that's the

764
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 2: biggest gift I could I could ever have. And so

765
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 2: that is ultimately what caused me to put voice to voice.

766
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 2: Note said, most people say he per But I didn't

767
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 2: write my book. I talked to my book, did you really? Yeah?

768
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 2: I can't. The ADHD brain doesn't work like that. So

769
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 2: sitting and writing was that just didn't work for me.

770
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 2: So I spoke my book into into the world and

771
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: then oh, of course yeah, and then edited it, edited

772
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 2: it obviously, you know, through editor and publisher, and then

773
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 2: got into the world that way. But that that's the

774
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 2: intersection right there. That intersection is the answer to your question.

775
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting because it's almost like it was less

776
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: about the deceased and more about sort of watching the

777
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 1: families of the deceased deal with the deceased. You know,

778
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: oh I wish or I should have or you know,

779
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 1: and then it's like, well, how how are you going

780
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: to define your life? How are you going to sort

781
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: of not have that at the end I should have

782
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: you know, are you religious?

783
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,719
Speaker 2: I'm not actually very religious, No, I would say more spiritual.

784
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, me too. I'm just saying living in that

785
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 1: world of death for however long you did before you

786
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: got out, I mean you're still involved, but you know

787
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 1: the day to day. Yeah, you know how you're looking

788
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 1: at death and how religion plays into it. I'm sure

789
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: you've seen all kinds of different religions and dominations of

790
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: religions come through. Now do you see a through line?

791
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: Meaning when you were witnessing all of these different kinds

792
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 1: of funerals, different ceremonies, different religions that are playing a

793
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:41,760
Speaker 1: part in these ceremonies. Is there a narrative, a singular

794
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: narrative that you can extrapolate from all of it, or

795
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: love or you know.

796
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 2: In a way. I mean, in many cases, I would

797
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: say the majority. I mean, there's always these unique situations

798
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 2: where someone passes away and they were you know, they

799
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 2: didn't know, they didn't have it, or they maybe weren't

800
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 2: so well liked, maybe they weren't that leaning the you know,

801
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,839
Speaker 2: impacting the world the way they thought they were, or

802
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 2: they didn't do anything about it, one or the other.

803
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 2: But the consistent through line spraying religious beliefs or convictions

804
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: was just love. And what I think most funeral directors

805
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 2: try and do is to enable the family to see

806
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 2: the impact that that person had on their life and

807
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 2: to celebrate that in the coming days, you know, to

808
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: celebrate who that person, not what they did, but were.

809
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 2: And that's a big distinction that there's a big difference.

810
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, the the hearson, the funeral coach,

811
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: those are things that's what who is Who is the

812
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,280
Speaker 2: guest of honor here at services? And it's the person

813
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 2: at the front of the room in the in the

814
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 2: it's not there, or your religious belief might have you

815
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 2: believe otherwise that they are around you, or they've gone

816
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 2: to have it, what doesn't it, whatever works for you,

817
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 2: and that and that in fact, what happened that day

818
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 2: that that I totally believe about that lightning moment was

819
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 2: I was standing at the back of the chapel listening

820
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 2: to the service. Obviously Nestley at the professional you're listening

821
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 2: for the cue. When do I go in? When as

822
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 2: the minister to those sort of things. But you know,

823
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 2: I got to know a lot of people through stories

824
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 2: and eulogies, and the eulogies that words that were being

825
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 2: told particular gentlemen. He was in his late eighties, and

826
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 2: his name I've forgotten anyway, He's just the eighty six

827
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 2: year old man. And the stories that these grandchildren and

828
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 2: children were telling about him. About him, there was moments

829
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 2: of pure and laughter and then moments of pause filled

830
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: by sobbing, like a depth of sobbing after and it

831
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: was this oscillation between the two for the better part

832
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 2: of you know, thirty minutes. Well, I could think Oliver

833
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 2: was my God. I hope he knows the difference he

834
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 2: made right because if he didn't a shame. What a

835
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 2: shame If he didn't needn't understand to take it even further?

836
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 2: What if he did know? What if the reason he

837
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 2: able to have this kind of impact now once he's

838
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 2: gone is because he was as he was aware, as

839
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 2: he showed up consciously in his life. And the truth is,

840
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 2: I'll never know that answer for him, but I can

841
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 2: know that answer for me. I can make that choice.

842
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 2: I can can choose how I show up in the

843
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 2: world and how people might just remember me. And for

844
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 2: a control freak like me, that's great.

845
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's it's it's it's so. It's true. I mean,

846
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: if you have self awareness and you are someone who

847
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 1: people naturally gravitate towards for advice or they respect sort

848
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: of the way your outlooks, and and then you do

849
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 1: realize how you can sort of help other people move

850
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 1: through certain things, it's extremely gratifying. And I've experienced that. Yeah,

851
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 1: so it is. It's You're right. It could be big,

852
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 1: could be little, it doesn't happen, could be could be.

853
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 2: As simple as like your quick wit. It lightens my

854
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 2: day And I love spending time with you because every

855
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,760
Speaker 2: time I do have got tears rolling down my face

856
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 2: and I lean my God like Oliver's that God. I

857
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 2: love spending time with this makes me laugh, fills my

858
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 2: soul great. It doesn't have to be this big, impactful,

859
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 2: meaningful thing, like we often think of these things as

860
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,399
Speaker 2: like these grand gestures and say it's not. Sometimes it's

861
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 2: the teeniest, tiniest, smallest things seemingly inconsequential to us that

862
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 2: have the biggest impact on bull And those are sometimes

863
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 2: the things that create giant ripples in the world of goodness.

864
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 2: That's and if you're a part of that, I like

865
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 2: to say, chuncter blessings, you're you're lucky to be at

866
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 2: parliaments or to have those people in your life exactly

867
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 2: who you are and that you do have you do

868
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 2: have value, because it's easy for us in today's world

869
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 2: to forget all that we are worth. And we're not

870
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 2: taught to think about our think about ourselves, you know,

871
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 2: so outwardly positively, but or to speak about ourselves that way.

872
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 2: But like everybody has a very definitive worth in this world.

873
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: You just got to figure out not vices, but by

874
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 2: how you show up in the world and others respond to.

875
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 2: It's usually an indication of the things that you're really

876
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 2: good at that you should maybe think about giving more

877
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 2: of to the world.

878
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: Do you do you have any sort of belief or

879
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: a belief of where you might go after death? Seeing

880
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: you're not religious, you're more of a spiritual person. I mean,

881
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: are you Is there an Eastern philosophical idea? I mean,

882
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: is there a reincarnation? Is it? Who the fuck knows?

883
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: Or what? Do you think?

884
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 2: I think the common answer would be who the fuck knows?

885
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 2: I think that I think by answer, you know, there's

886
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 2: these moments, these shoulder taps, oftentimes as I refer them to,

887
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 2: to them as where you think you're really thinking about

888
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 2: someone that has passed away. My grandmother, who I wrote

889
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 2: about in the book, was someone who's incredibly impactful in

890
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 2: my life. She is part of who I am, and

891
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 2: that was by how she showed up in the world.

892
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 2: That was her everyday legacy. How though, should put that

893
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 2: back then, and that in and of itself maybe makes

894
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 2: me think that you know, she's around, she's she's around,

895
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,399
Speaker 2: hopefully not all the time. I don't need her around

896
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: all of the time. In a moment where you can

897
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 2: call on, you know, call back to that guidance, that reflection.

898
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:24,720
Speaker 2: Who's to say that they're not that they're not ricepering

899
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 2: in your ear? Who knows? And we don't know? And listen,

900
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 2: it's the same, you know, Catholicism, those who you know,

901
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 2: if if you are Catholic and you you repent, and

902
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 2: you go to church every single day all day, and

903
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 2: and you you draw your last breath, and the pearly

904
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 2: gates aren't there, well if it, if that, if doing

905
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 2: those things called to show up better in the world,

906
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 2: to be kind, teamed, tympathy, and to be just good

907
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 2: in humanity, keep going. It doesn't It doesn't really matter

908
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 2: to me. What matters to me is the people around

909
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 2: I show up as a con what's my choices, my

910
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 2: behavior is my decisions. That's really what matters to me.

911
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 2: And I like to think that, Yeah, Grandma's not that

912
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 2: far away.

913
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 1: Right, So you so essentially you you do believe that

914
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 1: there is something. I mean, energy never dissipates, right, we

915
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: know that hun aer science standpoint. We are made of

916
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: electricity and energy, so where the fuck does it go?

917
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: But is there a consciousness still attached to that energy?

918
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: I mean, there are all questions. Of course, we have

919
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 1: no idea about Yeah, unless you are a religious person

920
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: where you have a real, you know, clear idea for

921
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: yourself of where you're going, you know, which I just

922
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: don't believe in. But you would still say it's safe

923
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: to say that you believe that we go somewhere, our

924
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 1: energy dissipates somewhere. You just don't know, but it's it's

925
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,360
Speaker 1: circulating somehow, it's there somewhere.

926
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 2: Safe to say. Let's say I don't know, you don't know.

927
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 2: I'm certainly not eager to find out.

928
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 1: Well and ask you a question. I mean, like in

929
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: your experiences, you know, at a funeral, poil or have

930
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: you had mystical supernatural situations to where you're like, wait

931
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: for me, you would, but no.

932
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 2: No, you know, there isn't that now. I am but

933
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 2: one person. There are thousands of funeral and cemetery for professionals,

934
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: you know, between in North America and the world for

935
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 2: that not even more. Is someone going to say they

936
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 2: haven't experience every other day? Yeah they are. It isn't

937
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,439
Speaker 2: my experience. But again, I'm not one to quickly discount others.

938
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 2: So does it happen maybe just just not not for me?

939
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: Yeah?

940
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then sorry, I wish I had a go

941
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 2: juicy story for you, but I don't.

942
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I'm just it's

943
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 1: just pure curiosity. I mean, you know, it's funny. I had,

944
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 1: you mean, an interesting, a quick story about sort of

945
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 1: the supernatural with my family, you know, I've I don't know,

946
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,360
Speaker 1: it always we always have some weird fucking experience in

947
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: my family. But Mom was doing a movie like in England,

948
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: and we were in the countryside, and we were in

949
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: this old house and we ended up leaving after two

950
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: weeks because it was that haunted, you know. I mean

951
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 1: we'd hear footsteps going up the gravel driveway walkway and

952
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,839
Speaker 1: then a knock on the door and there was nobody there.

953
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: I mean, there were footsteps going up and down the

954
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 1: hallway all the time and there was no one home

955
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 1: except for me and like a couple other people. My

956
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: sister would trip in the same spot up in the

957
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: hallway and there was nothing there. Every time she walked

958
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: by it, she would trip.

959
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 2: You asked about the funeral world, Now I have had

960
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 2: any experience personally you have, But I have had an

961
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 2: experience personally, just not not in the funeral homes.

962
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:49,879
Speaker 1: Or is it an experience that you can square, meaning

963
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: wrap your head around, or you're like, I don't know,

964
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 1: I have no idea.

965
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 2: No, no, very not wrap my head which keeps the

966
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,479
Speaker 2: mysticism of it all the curiosity all.

967
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: You want to share it not keen curiosity.

968
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 3: Right.

969
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually haven't told this story to too many people,

970
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 2: too many peoples, but no, it was. It was during

971
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 2: my internship and I worked in a you know, fairly

972
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 2: large urban searge urban centrance. My dad had passed away,

973
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 2: and my dad passed away sily. We had a very

974
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 2: estranged relationship which I write about, which I write about

975
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 2: in the book in a chapter called Meeting Bob and

976
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: that's who he was on met him more after he

977
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,439
Speaker 2: died than I did while he was breathing. Wow, And

978
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 2: which is a's that's a that's a story. That's one

979
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 2: I'd have to hold it together for. But yeah, So

980
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 2: this woman who I had become friends with, she ran

981
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 2: a hospital foundation, and her husband dropped dead right around

982
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 2: the same time. He was making tea for them in

983
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 2: the living room and called her name, and as she

984
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 2: as she got to then he was clutching his chest

985
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 2: and he was gone. I was young, like he was

986
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: in his I think like late forties, early fifties, and

987
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 2: she was devastated. At one point through our friendship, she

988
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 2: had said, you know a group of us medium to

989
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 2: come to town. Do you would you come? Mostly so

990
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 2: you can take notes for me, And I said, yeah, sure,

991
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 2: I'll come. She said, do you believe in that stuff?

992
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 2: And I said, I have no idea. I have no

993
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 2: idea if I believe it. I never I believe it.

994
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,359
Speaker 2: I've never had of it. And so I went with her,

995
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 2: and of course we're in a room, no one there

996
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 2: who I know except for except for Liz, and were

997
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 2: she's she's is talking, and all of a sudden she's

998
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 2: talking about that this middle aged man that has passed

999
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 2: away suddenly, and I'm kind of excited for Liz because

1000
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 2: here is Rick coming to speak speak to her as

1001
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 2: she's described to me as the common experience or hopeful experience.

1002
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 2: I guess in these sentence it turns out that the

1003
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 2: medium suggested, no, it was not for her, it was

1004
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 2: for me. And of course that caught me a little funny.

1005
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:52,759
Speaker 2: And because I am a bit of a pragmatist, I said,

1006
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 2: you know, listen, you can share whatever you'd like with me.

1007
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna I'm going to ask you a few

1008
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 2: questions because I need to create some belief in what

1009
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 2: you're about to say. So if you can answer these

1010
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 2: questions or he can answer these questions, great, But if not,

1011
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 2: I'm I'm out. I'm not. You can move on or

1012
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 2: ask off. I don't care. And I said, of course,

1013
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,720
Speaker 2: court I said it much much more kindly, and she said,

1014
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 2: he said something about you know something about a silver car,

1015
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 2: and if they can, lady, you saw me get out

1016
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 2: out of my car. It's a silver car like nice try,

1017
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 2: but that doesn't cut it. And I basically said that

1018
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 2: wouldn't be enough to convince me. And she said something

1019
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 2: about he's got a small child with him. That didn't

1020
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 2: make any sense. My mom and dad when they were

1021
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 2: married only had me strict to that story, remind me

1022
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,560
Speaker 2: to come back, which blows this up to like I

1023
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,319
Speaker 2: just got goosebumps right now thinking about it, because that

1024
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 2: that's a piece that's like caps. That ice is the

1025
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 2: cake that reference it, keep it, keeping it in that

1026
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:57,280
Speaker 2: ref And I said, I don't understand. He said, okay,

1027
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 2: and of course goes into her dialogue or whatever she's doing.

1028
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 2: To hear his voice, and she her exact words, Oliver, were,

1029
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 2: he says you he says you can't. And I said, okay, shoot,

1030
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 2: and she said a corduroy blazer, uh, mismatched matched yepes

1031
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 2: that are too short and mismatched such socks and a

1032
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 2: rush of emotions, including tears. And I'm back in that

1033
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 2: room right now because because that what we buried him in.

1034
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?

1035
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? It was all he had. He had this old

1036
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 2: corduroy blazer that he'd had for quite literally decades.

1037
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1038
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 2: And there was a back black pair of pants slacks

1039
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 2: that were you know, they weren't. It wasn't a combo,

1040
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 2: wasn't a suit. And the socks that he had were mismatched.

1041
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 2: They were not. And in my mind, I thought, there's

1042
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 2: in May, there's no way. There's now there is no way.

1043
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1044
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 2: Uh. And so that that's one piece of it, no

1045
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 2: big deal, Asterix is. Of course. I'm later speaking to

1046
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 2: my mom homes two to this day, and I said

1047
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 2: to her, you know, I'm telling her about the experience.

1048
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 2: And when I said, you know, the car and she

1049
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 2: we both laughed. You know it was parked outside. Easy

1050
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 2: answer and then I said, I said that she child

1051
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 2: is with him, and I said and I said, no,

1052
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 2: that's not and she stopped me to tell me that day.

1053
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 2: In fact, before I was born, I thought I was

1054
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 2: the only child child that they miscarriage and all of it.

1055
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 2: So she was sort of overcome with emotion. And so

1056
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: it all that to say, who knows, if you ask me,

1057
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 2: I'm more convinced that, you know, there's got to be more.

1058
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 2: What that is, I don't know. But how do you

1059
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 2: how do you argue with that? I mean, it becomes

1060
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 2: a little.

1061
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: It's an impossibility to do back research on the corduroy

1062
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: jacket and the mismatching sock. I mean, it's actual impossibility

1063
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: that that's not possible.

1064
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:04,279
Speaker 2: That you know, I'm still dumbfounded to this day I

1065
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,760
Speaker 2: tell that story and yet it is verbatim exactly what happened,

1066
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 2: and it still to this day blows my mind. Yeah,

1067
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:14,600
Speaker 2: I was having a lot of uneasiness, by the way,

1068
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,920
Speaker 2: when my dad had passed away, you know, up until

1069
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 2: that point, a lot of uneasiness. I wasn't sleeping well,

1070
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 2: I was, you know, I was regretful about I was

1071
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,520
Speaker 2: really regretful about the the experience we had had as

1072
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 2: a man and a child he had fathered genetically, genetically

1073
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 2: at least, and after that experience, it all went away,

1074
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 2: it all dissipated. I was. I was, Yeah, it did,

1075
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 2: and I was able at that point. That point to

1076
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:45,000
Speaker 2: the point I got to in my book where I

1077
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 2: wrote the chapter about meeting Bob, because it's kind of

1078
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 2: the first time in my life I actually decided to

1079
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:54,680
Speaker 2: sit with the idea that I had a construct atractive

1080
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 2: who he was. But that came from a place of

1081
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 2: there was nothing. It was like blackness. So how can

1082
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 2: you form an opinion from something that is nothing, which

1083
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 2: means it's just judgment, that's all it is. It's just

1084
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 2: judgment against how he had showed up or in many

1085
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 2: ways hadn't showed up. And I was able to totally redefine

1086
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 2: my relationship with him because.

1087
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: Of that experience from beyond essentially, it's.

1088
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:22,320
Speaker 2: Insane to me that, you know, I really met my dad.

1089
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 2: After I met my dad and understood his value in

1090
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 2: my life when there was none left body.

1091
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, I don't have a dissimilar

1092
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:34,359
Speaker 1: story as far as the relationship with my dad goes.

1093
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 1: I mean, things are getting better now, you know, so

1094
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 1: we're talking and more regularly, and you know, but it

1095
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: was rough for a minute, but essentially there is only

1096
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 1: compassion and love there. You know. Now you just have realizations,

1097
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:59,800
Speaker 1: you know, I mean everyone has their stories. There's patterns

1098
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,720
Speaker 1: that have existed through his life that I can't possibly

1099
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: understand that he might have passed down got passed down

1100
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 1: from his father to my to me. I mean, there

1101
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: are so many different reasons, and until you sort of

1102
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: dig in and really try to understand them, you know,

1103
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 1: you're just going to throw it away.

1104
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 2: That's the thing to work, You've got to You've got

1105
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 2: to take the time to do that. And the problem

1106
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 2: is in these sort of relationships that's tenuous because it's

1107
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 2: painful work. It's painful conversations that sometimes you're having by yourself,

1108
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,760
Speaker 2: you know, with the relationship is inamicable. All of a sudden,

1109
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 2: you're stuck with you, yourself, infan you now you got KD.

1110
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 2: I've heard I've heard the two of you talk about

1111
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 2: about this before. But in my case, there's there their

1112
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,959
Speaker 2: opportunity at this point for him to come to the table.

1113
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 2: He was he was dead, he was gone, and so

1114
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 2: the only option I was left with was to sit

1115
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,680
Speaker 2: with this resentment that was crippling at times for the

1116
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 2: rest of my life and use so much, I would

1117
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 2: actually say a disproportionate amount of energy to manage the

1118
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 2: anxiety and resentment versus the ability to just spend some

1119
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 2: time in a space that just is uneasy as the

1120
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 2: space I was living in resentment, but to try and

1121
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 2: see it differently, and and it came from an experience

1122
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 2: as my uncle. So, but that side of my family's

1123
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 2: really really small. My grandparents, my grandfather died Owther died

1124
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 2: after to Canada after the war, and he passed away,

1125
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 2: and my grandmother and he only had two sons, and

1126
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: each of those two sons only each had one son.

1127
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:26,800
Speaker 2: Wow and yeah, and so very very small. And you

1128
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 2: know when he passed away, he passed away at I

1129
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,720
Speaker 2: was in my late twenties. He was fifty four when

1130
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 2: he passed away. Suddenly, Uncle and I were emptying his

1131
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 2: apartment after and of course I'm in a space that

1132
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 2: I've never been. You know, there's a there was a

1133
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 2: there was a photo of me, one photo on his

1134
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 2: stereo system and it had an inch of dust on it.

1135
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 2: It wasn't it wasn't something that other than visually, it

1136
00:57:53,160 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 2: was frequented very often. And if that and I just well,

1137
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 2: like I was foreign to this person, this experience, and

1138
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: at every you know, twenty thirty minutes while we're the minutes,

1139
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:12,480
Speaker 2: while we're going to empty and his apartment, packing his thing, separating, sorting,

1140
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 2: you know, basically in the home of a stranger, mostly

1141
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 2: to me, I mean my uncle. They had a you know,

1142
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 2: they grew up together, so the slightly although even to

1143
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 2: a large degree, estranged as well. And there'd be a

1144
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 2: ring at the buzzer and it was someone coming a

1145
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:35,640
Speaker 2: friend to express their condolences. Of course, I'm filled with

1146
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:39,520
Speaker 2: with the whole range of emotions. I'm mad, I'm resentful,

1147
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 2: I'm I'm pissed off, I'm sad, I'm going through it

1148
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 2: all over coaster of emotions. What pierced that was these

1149
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 2: people coming and saying, I loved your dad so mad

1150
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 2: so much. He meant so much to me. I'm going

1151
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 2: to really miss him, and it makes me emotional because

1152
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 2: I never looked at him that way. Yeah, ever, I

1153
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 2: never looked at him one who had a lot of

1154
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 2: value in my life. Yet now one of the most

1155
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 2: valuable people in my life because of how I'd been

1156
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 2: able to reframe him.

1157
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 1: Did you have to reframe him though through other people's experiences?

1158
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,480
Speaker 2: I don't know if I had to, but it was

1159
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,439
Speaker 2: a catalyst for me to do it because these people

1160
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 2: who I had never met, I think one out of

1161
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 2: the several people, several people that kept them before, and

1162
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 2: so I turned to them for guided who are his

1163
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 2: closest friends? Who should be pallbearers at his funeral? Who

1164
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 2: should be? You know, I ask who could I invite?

1165
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:42,160
Speaker 2: You know, it's wild. When you are arm's length from someone,

1166
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 2: it's easy to think that their world is small and insignificant, unimportant.

1167
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 2: What I realized was he had a lot of people,

1168
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 2: a lot of people that cared about him. And so

1169
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 2: when I said who could be pallbearers, let's just say

1170
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:58,000
Speaker 2: their list was longer than the six I needed. Wow

1171
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 2: and through through that, which was definitely another aha moment.

1172
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 2: You know, it really did waken me to the fact that,

1173
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 2: you know, he was a terrible dad. Terrible couldn't in

1174
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:13,920
Speaker 2: my opinion of being a father, But it was clear

1175
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 2: to me he was one hell of a friend, and

1176
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 2: so what if at that magic spot in life, that

1177
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 2: so many kids are blessed to have with their parents,

1178
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 2: where you hit that stride where it's not really a

1179
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 2: parent child relationship anymore. You're you're almost at that age

1180
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 2: where you have a lot of shared experience, you've experienced,

1181
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 2: you've got some you know, your parents have some perspective,

1182
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 2: and you become friends. Well, what if he hadn't died?

1183
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 2: What if he had lived? And what if we just

1184
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 2: hadn't hit that stride yet? Now again, that's that's you know,

1185
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 2: the idea that maybe we never would have maybe I

1186
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 2: would have sat in resentment ever, but it's enough for

1187
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 2: me to think, what if what if we had hit

1188
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 2: that Who knows, we might have been the best of

1189
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 2: best of friends.

1190
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 1: Were you able to dissect though, why he was such

1191
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 1: an amazing friend but not an amazing father? I mean

1192
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:15,120
Speaker 1: going back into his history, his past, his parents, your grandparents,

1193
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:19,000
Speaker 1: his psychology. Did it all add up, you know once

1194
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 1: you did the forensics on it? Yeah?

1195
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 2: I mean I think it's hard to do math when

1196
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 2: you don't you know, you're you say, what's the answer

1197
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:27,160
Speaker 2: to this question? Plus?

1198
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 1: Mm hmm?

1199
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 2: Well two two plus what two plus ten two plus yeah?

1200
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 2: Nine times four divided by nine, like, what what what

1201
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 2: an idea? So I don't I never had I never

1202
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 2: had all those them. You know, you know, my grandfend

1203
01:01:39,920 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 2: father as right after the war. I don't know what

1204
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 2: their relationship was. My grandmother was an incredible human and

1205
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 2: she often played you know, grandma, grandma dad because of

1206
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 2: his lack of in my life. So I don't entirely know.

1207
01:01:55,240 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 2: What I do know is that when he me, he

1208
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 2: just obviously wasn't prepared to be a dad. And you know,

1209
01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 2: in the moment, you might say, shame on you. You've

1210
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 2: done this thing, have accountability for it. But you know,

1211
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 2: we all do things in our lives. We all find

1212
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 2: ourselves and shit and think, oh my god, how did

1213
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 2: I get here? And now I'm expected to deal with

1214
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 2: this thing? And I'm not equipped. And some people take

1215
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 2: on the task and acquire the skills and learn and

1216
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 2: figure things that in other people can't or don't or

1217
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 2: don't from their past. Like you said, you know, only

1218
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:31,720
Speaker 2: those people know what those puzzle pieces are because oftentimes,

1219
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:35,000
Speaker 2: you know, mental health in particular is not something that

1220
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 2: until recent years, we've really been that open to talking to.

1221
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 2: And he was certainly part of a generation that you

1222
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 2: never ever spoke about that stuff ever, right if you did,

1223
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 2: it was a giant weakness and social ostracization with that too.

1224
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:51,000
Speaker 2: And so I don't know, I don't. I don't have

1225
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 2: a recollection of him enough to know. Maybe those things

1226
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 2: were at play too. May maybe he he out on

1227
01:02:56,960 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 2: the rate, you know, or find relationship I should say,

1228
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,040
Speaker 2: with his dad, but he only he battled with it.

1229
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 1: I don't.

1230
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:04,320
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just know one thing that our

1231
01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:09,600
Speaker 2: relationship as father and son was disenfranchised apps by the

1232
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 2: by the notion that while biologically he could be a

1233
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 2: dad and I'm I'm kind of happy he could.

1234
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,320
Speaker 1: As we show up here together.

1235
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 2: Played out. But biology and you know, spirituality in terms

1236
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 2: of or you know, our the spirit side of life,

1237
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:34,240
Speaker 2: us showing up in it may for that that that

1238
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 2: part you have to be ready for and you got

1239
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:40,320
Speaker 2: to work on. And that's that that is just called life. Yeah,

1240
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 2: and you know, you you can go through life as

1241
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 2: an inactive participant. And I want to live my life.

1242
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 2: But not everybody gets dealt the same same cards. I mean,

1243
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,720
Speaker 2: not everybody can can can do that, and so.

1244
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: That yeah, I think this, I think it's it's extremely relatable.

1245
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 1: I think it's a powerful thing to be able to accomplish,

1246
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:10,360
Speaker 1: you know, because essentially anyone can. I mean there's degrees obviously,

1247
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:13,680
Speaker 1: you know, there's degrees to how bad your father or

1248
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:15,720
Speaker 1: of course or someone might be where it's like, no,

1249
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you know, you're done. That's the end of it.

1250
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:23,720
Speaker 1: You're a fucking complete asshole and that's that. But I

1251
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,240
Speaker 1: think it's hell, it's just healthy. I mean, even to

1252
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 1: reconcile personally after someone has gone, it's it's doable, and

1253
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:35,400
Speaker 1: it probably puts you on a nice emotional trajectory through

1254
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 1: the rest of your life instead of carrying resentment and

1255
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 1: carrying anger because that only is it's poison, dude, Physically

1256
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:47,160
Speaker 1: it's poison. I mean it can actually kill you, you know, totally,

1257
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 1: so if you can find a way to get through that,

1258
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 1: you know, after death, especially coming to terms. And I

1259
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 1: just love the concept and I'm gonna might steal it

1260
01:04:56,720 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 1: for like a movie idea. But this concept of having

1261
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:04,640
Speaker 1: a relationship after death with your father or somebody, you

1262
01:05:04,680 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 1: know what I mean, to then take you to another place,

1263
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:08,120
Speaker 1: it's pretty great.

1264
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's totally powerful. It's the the I guess, like

1265
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,440
Speaker 2: I'd use to describe it, well, freeing. That's an obviously

1266
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:17,960
Speaker 2: it's an obvious one. It was freeing to create. Even

1267
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:21,960
Speaker 2: if it was a one sided, one one singular narrative

1268
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 2: way of looking at things, it worked for me. And

1269
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 2: the other word that it is capacity. You know, it

1270
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:32,200
Speaker 2: really gave me the capacity to put that energy towards

1271
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 2: other things. You know, just because I just because I

1272
01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:37,800
Speaker 2: ficationship in life doesn't mean every other relationship I have

1273
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 2: in life is rosy. You know, yes, other places it's

1274
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:44,800
Speaker 2: including including that person in the mirror, right, Like, you

1275
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:46,520
Speaker 2: hit a certain stride in life and you think, I mean,

1276
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 2: you think, I think time for me to have some

1277
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:49,440
Speaker 2: conversations with myself.

1278
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: That I've been avoiding for a time.

1279
01:05:50,920 --> 01:05:53,960
Speaker 2: And when I have those conversations, as painful as they

1280
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:57,439
Speaker 2: may be, there they might just enable me to show up,

1281
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:01,040
Speaker 2: you know, differently than as long as that positively, then

1282
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:04,080
Speaker 2: maybe it's maybe it's time to have those conversations, even

1283
01:06:04,120 --> 01:06:04,959
Speaker 2: if they're gonna be tough.

1284
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, cool man, Well we're coming to a clothes We're

1285
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:10,880
Speaker 1: getting to the end. But you know, as far as

1286
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,440
Speaker 1: your old life still your life, but your your your

1287
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:17,200
Speaker 1: funeral director life, is any any crazy shit happened in there,

1288
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like through the years, things

1289
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:22,320
Speaker 1: are like, oh my god, you know the body fell

1290
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:25,080
Speaker 1: off the table. Are just weird things that have happened?

1291
01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,640
Speaker 1: Or is it pretty much by the book? Bang bang,

1292
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 1: here's what it is. Embalming goes right. No one exploded.

1293
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:32,920
Speaker 1: You know, everything's good.

1294
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:36,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, lots of there's lots of great uh you know,

1295
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:40,760
Speaker 2: fun funny stories, of course, never at the never at

1296
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 2: the cost of a family you're serving.

1297
01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:43,760
Speaker 1: Around, no, no, no person.

1298
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, but just circumstantially, substantially. I mean, there's so many,

1299
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 2: so many funny sunny stories, and.

1300
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:51,800
Speaker 1: Give me one to end us out.

1301
01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 2: So not all right, Well, this is a story. Uh

1302
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:58,280
Speaker 2: you know that that my family's family says him a story,

1303
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:00,160
Speaker 2: Please tell the story. And I always say yeah, prior

1304
01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 2: to selling the story. But it's not a story that

1305
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 2: I've ever I've never told on a larger scale. So

1306
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 2: I can tell tell this story, oh my gosh. And

1307
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:10,640
Speaker 2: it is just it is quite the quite the story.

1308
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:13,240
Speaker 2: So I'm an intern. I am. I'm working at a

1309
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 2: funeral home, busy funeral home. I'm based in Canada, so

1310
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 2: it's where I grew up. And uh, it is a

1311
01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 2: blizzard outside, like the snow is coming down sideways, it's

1312
01:07:22,160 --> 01:07:25,200
Speaker 2: not even coming down, it's coming across. And we are

1313
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 2: headed out to a burial, so we're in preceptory. And

1314
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 2: it's common for Buddhist families to use a lot of incense,

1315
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:35,680
Speaker 2: and so it's also common that the eldest grandson will

1316
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:39,160
Speaker 2: also accompany the deceased from the funeral home to them

1317
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:41,840
Speaker 2: to the seme means I was driving the funeral coaches

1318
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:46,320
Speaker 2: the intern but basically means no experience, and the grandson

1319
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 2: was sitting the passenger seat beside me with the incense

1320
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 2: and dope jawn just a crack because the weather was

1321
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 2: terrible to the cemetery, and it is like an open

1322
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 2: farmer's field. It is that there isn't a thing to

1323
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 2: block that weather. You're just getting punched left right and

1324
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 2: left right and center the snow and the wind and

1325
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:05,560
Speaker 2: the gusts, and it's it's trouble. And of course there are,

1326
01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:09,120
Speaker 2: like most services, at some form of clergy or a celebrant,

1327
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,240
Speaker 2: and in this case it was these Buddhist monks who

1328
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 2: were in the service. Their temple was actually forty almost

1329
01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:19,479
Speaker 2: forty minutes away from where we were. So we get

1330
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:23,599
Speaker 2: to the cemetery, we have this service, and the funeral director,

1331
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 2: the senior funeral director, turns to me and says, hey,

1332
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:27,640
Speaker 2: can you continue. You take the monks back to the

1333
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 2: temple pole, no problem. So I usher them over, put

1334
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:35,519
Speaker 2: them in the car. There's I guess the head monk.

1335
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:37,280
Speaker 2: If there's three of them, the head monk, the one

1336
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:39,560
Speaker 2: who was in charge, and then two sort of supporting

1337
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:43,840
Speaker 2: actors in the And we're driving along and again weather's awful.

1338
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:47,920
Speaker 2: We're driving along and the monk turns to me and

1339
01:08:47,960 --> 01:08:51,360
Speaker 2: he says, it's very hot. It's very hot. And I said,

1340
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,880
Speaker 2: oh oh, I said, okay, I'll turn the heat down.

1341
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 2: And I had it jackacked. I mean, I was arazing.

1342
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:59,000
Speaker 2: I can't imagine how they weren't freezing. I mean they

1343
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:01,040
Speaker 2: were wearing their big puffy coats and yeah, I had

1344
01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:02,720
Speaker 2: my big, you know, funeral director coat on, but it

1345
01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:05,960
Speaker 2: was still I was I was frigging and uh. And

1346
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,200
Speaker 2: so I turn it down from thirty two down to

1347
01:09:08,280 --> 01:09:11,040
Speaker 2: like twenty seven. We're driving a long and it is

1348
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:12,880
Speaker 2: dead silent. By the way, it's you know, you know,

1349
01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,559
Speaker 2: you don't put the monks back to the temple. It's quiet,

1350
01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 2: it's like no music. All you're hearing is the buzz

1351
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:22,679
Speaker 2: of the fan so and the pelting of the weather

1352
01:09:22,760 --> 01:09:25,880
Speaker 2: on the car. And I'm driving slow, I'm driving lee,

1353
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:29,760
Speaker 2: going along, and once again comes to the comes out

1354
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 2: of the it comes out of this lima. It's it's hot.

1355
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:36,240
Speaker 2: It's really hot. I'm like, fair enough, down we go, knock,

1356
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 2: knock the temperature down a little bit, living along, driving along,

1357
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 2: doesn't he say it again? It's too hot, too hot?

1358
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,080
Speaker 2: And in my head I think, oh god, because now

1359
01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 2: at this point is but almost air conditioning coming out

1360
01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:50,240
Speaker 2: of this thing. I'm thinking, I think it's warmer outside

1361
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:51,840
Speaker 2: than it is in this car right now, And so

1362
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 2: I instantly think, oh my gosh, how did I not

1363
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:56,280
Speaker 2: think of this? The seat heater is probably on? So

1364
01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:58,840
Speaker 2: so I so I look over and the and the

1365
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,800
Speaker 2: indix show the seat was on and what let level

1366
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,519
Speaker 2: it was on? Not on? And I thought, that's really

1367
01:10:04,560 --> 01:10:08,000
Speaker 2: really weird. What I don't understand. And just as I'm

1368
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,280
Speaker 2: saying it, he says hot hot, and he's kind of

1369
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:12,880
Speaker 2: like kind of like himself and like he's as if

1370
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:15,519
Speaker 2: like he's sitting on heat. Thinking oh, maybe it's not working,

1371
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:19,920
Speaker 2: and he lifts his big puffy jacket up and open

1372
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:24,640
Speaker 2: and if a one foot flame basically abrupt from this

1373
01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 2: guy's crotch. Yeah it was, And people think, what do

1374
01:10:29,439 --> 01:10:31,719
Speaker 2: you mean? A flame from his cross? Quite literally what

1375
01:10:31,960 --> 01:10:35,760
Speaker 2: had happened was at the cemetery, one of the embers

1376
01:10:35,760 --> 01:10:39,720
Speaker 2: had caught his robes underneath, and the robes were just

1377
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:43,000
Speaker 2: sort of just burning along, real slow burn. It was

1378
01:10:43,080 --> 01:10:46,000
Speaker 2: just like just like there, and it didn't take long.

1379
01:10:46,120 --> 01:10:48,720
Speaker 2: And the minute it hit the polyester coat and he

1380
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:54,439
Speaker 2: added air, it literally ignited. It was like a small

1381
01:10:54,479 --> 01:10:58,840
Speaker 2: flamethrower coming from our coming from this Maria crotch. Yeah,

1382
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:03,400
Speaker 2: from Monk's crotch. And I quite literally said out loud

1383
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:07,640
Speaker 2: what the fuck and quickly gone to the car on

1384
01:11:07,760 --> 01:11:09,719
Speaker 2: the highway to the side of the road, ran around

1385
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 2: the car, unlocked his belt and quite literally kind of

1386
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:16,160
Speaker 2: sumoed him in to a snow bank and started like

1387
01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:19,479
Speaker 2: piling snow on. Of course, I'm thinking thinking like what

1388
01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:21,599
Speaker 2: the hell, I'm not connecting the dots in the moment

1389
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:23,559
Speaker 2: I think what the hell just happened? In my mind,

1390
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 2: I'm thinking the seat heater dysfunction, that's why the light

1391
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 2: wasn't on something mechanically, and we just nearly burnt the

1392
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:34,360
Speaker 2: ass off this mouth. What is happening? And so of

1393
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:37,040
Speaker 2: course now he's standing snow covered, the back of his

1394
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 2: robe has got a distinct like burn area of the back,

1395
01:11:40,320 --> 01:11:43,280
Speaker 2: and he won't get back in the car. He thinks

1396
01:11:43,320 --> 01:11:46,920
Speaker 2: the seat is has malfunctioned as well, so he gets

1397
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:49,320
Speaker 2: one of the supporting actors in the back to sit

1398
01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:50,760
Speaker 2: on the edge of the front of the seat while

1399
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:53,320
Speaker 2: he got in the back, and then said, take us back,

1400
01:11:53,360 --> 01:11:55,639
Speaker 2: take us tack, take us to the town. Oh no, no, no,

1401
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,719
Speaker 2: we're going back to the funeral funeral home. They believe

1402
01:11:57,720 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 2: the story. I'm an intern, they'll fire me in two

1403
01:12:00,560 --> 01:12:02,600
Speaker 2: I need to go back and match the back of

1404
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:06,439
Speaker 2: your ass to that seat, And sure enough we did,

1405
01:12:06,800 --> 01:12:10,639
Speaker 2: and later that day the manager with funeral home said,

1406
01:12:10,720 --> 01:12:14,800
Speaker 2: you're lucky you came back, because we would never ever

1407
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:18,960
Speaker 2: have that story. And that is the story that that's

1408
01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:21,640
Speaker 2: a story that started my careers and in turn, I

1409
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:23,839
Speaker 2: not only buried someone but burn thurmoke.

1410
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:31,160
Speaker 1: Wow, amazing, They're hysterical, unbelievable. Amongst flamethrower crotch.

1411
01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:34,240
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm real you can't make this stuff up, Cody.

1412
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:37,320
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, man, Thank you so much. It's really

1413
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:40,799
Speaker 1: great talking to you. I'm excited about your book. Hopefully

1414
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:42,440
Speaker 1: you sell a billion copies.

1415
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:44,040
Speaker 2: That would be lovely.

1416
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:49,240
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, everyday legacy right, this is what we're talking about.

1417
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:51,160
Speaker 1: Listens for living with purpose right now?

1418
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:52,519
Speaker 2: You got it?

1419
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,439
Speaker 1: Well. I appreciate you, Thank you man. Thanks for your

1420
01:12:55,479 --> 01:12:57,960
Speaker 1: stories and thanks for your candor honestly, thanks for talking

1421
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,240
Speaker 1: about your dad. I think it's I think you you

1422
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 1: can touch a lot of people with with those with

1423
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:06,040
Speaker 1: those stories in your emotion. I mean, as you know

1424
01:13:07,040 --> 01:13:09,599
Speaker 1: that relatability and being able to sort of reach into

1425
01:13:09,640 --> 01:13:12,759
Speaker 1: someone's soul a little bit, even if it's just one person,

1426
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:15,280
Speaker 1: you can sort of say, oh shit, man, like I

1427
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:17,000
Speaker 1: feel that I went through the same thing, and they

1428
01:13:17,080 --> 01:13:18,440
Speaker 1: just feel a little bit better.

1429
01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:21,880
Speaker 2: One one person, yea. And I wrote the when when

1430
01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:23,240
Speaker 2: I wrote the book, I said that, I said, you know,

1431
01:13:23,240 --> 01:13:27,439
Speaker 2: if this book impacts one person, my job here is done. Done. Yeah, exactly,

1432
01:13:27,439 --> 01:13:30,000
Speaker 2: And I realized the person that impacted was me.

1433
01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:30,719
Speaker 1: Of course.

1434
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:33,360
Speaker 2: It really opened me to a vulnerability that I've not

1435
01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:36,800
Speaker 2: had before. And uh, you know, the more people that

1436
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:38,519
Speaker 2: we can shift this idea of leaving it, leaving a

1437
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:41,599
Speaker 2: legacy in it every single day, creating that everyday legacy. Yeah,

1438
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:44,080
Speaker 2: and the world, the world for what the world is

1439
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:44,960
Speaker 2: to each of us will just be.

1440
01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:46,760
Speaker 1: I think it's a great way to wake up every

1441
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:47,840
Speaker 1: day and say, what am I what?

1442
01:13:48,400 --> 01:13:48,600
Speaker 2: You know?

1443
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:53,480
Speaker 1: What is that that small little fraction percentage half a percentage?

1444
01:13:54,479 --> 01:13:56,240
Speaker 1: How am I going to sort of even what am

1445
01:13:56,280 --> 01:13:59,040
Speaker 1: I going to learn today? How much better today? You know? How?

1446
01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:00,000
Speaker 1: What what kind of legacy?

1447
01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:00,200
Speaker 2: See?

1448
01:14:00,280 --> 01:14:02,360
Speaker 1: Living legacy am I sort of even trying to create

1449
01:14:02,479 --> 01:14:06,280
Speaker 1: just today even for one small thing so powerful metal? Yeah,

1450
01:14:06,520 --> 01:14:09,479
Speaker 1: good messaging, all right, brother, thank you, good chat with you, Oliver,

1451
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:15,760
Speaker 1: all right, man, talk to see good chat, easy, breezy, fun, fun.

1452
01:14:16,640 --> 01:14:19,240
Speaker 1: You can tell he's like a public speaker, you know

1453
01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:22,960
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's just it's nice. You don't have

1454
01:14:22,960 --> 01:14:26,040
Speaker 1: to do so much. You can listen and learn. I

1455
01:14:26,080 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 1: love what he's talking about too, that kind of this

1456
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:30,680
Speaker 1: idea of a living legacy. You know, we do we

1457
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,840
Speaker 1: think of that. It's like, oh, what's what is it

1458
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:36,000
Speaker 1: going to be at the end? But why not think

1459
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:39,160
Speaker 1: about it now? You know how we're creating that legacy

1460
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:44,320
Speaker 1: whatever it means to you. I don't know what the

1461
01:14:44,360 --> 01:14:47,559
Speaker 1: hell legacy I'm leaving behind. Jesus Christ. I know, I

1462
01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:50,240
Speaker 1: know people like me and I make people laugh. You know.

1463
01:14:50,520 --> 01:14:53,880
Speaker 1: I'm a I have good insight into relationships, I think

1464
01:14:53,960 --> 01:15:00,160
Speaker 1: and sort of you know, kind of bigger questions. I'm

1465
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:07,760
Speaker 1: a philosophical, you know, devastatingly handsome. That's a legacy. I'm

1466
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 1: definitely gonna leave behind someone who knows how handsome they are,

1467
01:15:12,080 --> 01:15:17,880
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's important any who'sy. All Right,

1468
01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:24,679
Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave now. I have things to do. But yeah,

1469
01:15:24,680 --> 01:15:28,680
Speaker 1: that was good. All right. The revelers, is that what

1470
01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:32,200
Speaker 1: we call them. I don't even know, all right, revelers,

1471
01:15:32,240 --> 01:15:33,519
Speaker 1: revel piece