WEBVTT - Ramona Singer, How an Affair Changed Her Tune 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.160 Hi guys, it's your I Do Part two celebrity mentor 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:22.200 Jen Fessler, and today I am so excited because I 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:25.439 get to share the mic with a legend an icon 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.640 in reality TV. She's in her I Do Part two 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.960 era and I cannot wait to dive in with her today. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:34.000 You guys know her from the Real Housewives of New York. 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.199 She's the author of Life on the Ramona Coaster. It 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:38.280 is Ramona Singer. 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:42.360 Hi, Jen, I am so excited. I am so excited. 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:44.720 I so Ramona and I just for the listeners, we 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:47.000 go back a little ways, right, we know each other 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:47.440 for a bit. 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:49.400 Well. I love the fact that you make these great 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:52.720 comfortable shoes. Yes, major, f major, thank you. I actually 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:54.840 got it right. Yeah, I really want to get something right. 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:55.480 I know the name. 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:57.880 Okay, okay, we know that you get a lot right. 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.760 But you guys, I just quickly we want to just 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.160 let you know, Ramona and our listeners. I've been a 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.760 fan for so many years. It is and I know 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:08.800 we've met before, but this is quite the thrill. So 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:14.440 you guys, let's let's talk to Romona about everything Part two. 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:16.280 But I hope we can just kind of start with 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:18.600 Part one, okay, whatever you like to gym. Okay, well, 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.200 I would love to talk for the audience who doesn't 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:25.160 know about you, know, your love and relationship backstory. Can 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:26.880 you tell us a little bit about how you and 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:29.880 your ex husband Mario met, how long you guys were married. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:31.680 I mean, so many people followed you on the show. 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.360 What a gorgeous couple. But just tell us a little 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:36.640 bit about how you guys met and how it all started. 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.800 All right, Well, let's say that was probably what I 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:43.200 met him. Let's say we were married in nineteen ninety two, 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.240 so I met him in the late eighties, and that 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.320 was when you could meet men. Okay, I know today 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.680 everyone has a problem meeting men. Then you'd meet men 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.960 like drop fruit, hanging fruit at the gym because no 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:56.480 one was wearing that hair pod. The vertical club. The 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:59.000 vertical club, hell, you've got effect. Every boyfriend I had 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:01.520 was in the vertical club. And the wildest thing is 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:03.600 wherever I went to i'd be an aspen a guy 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.680 say me, you're from the vertical club, right, I've been 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:07.800 trying to talk to you for the past like three months. 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.519 You never look at me. And anyway, that's how I 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:12.680 met my ex husband. You met him at the vertical club? Yes, 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:14.880 but about how good am I? Yeah? Babe? 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:15.160 God? 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.880 But outside the vertical club. So I'm at the hot 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:21.640 restaurant called chowd Bella. It was like kitchen, it was 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.120 like the popular place. And he was standing next to 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.679 me and I see this good looking guy and he 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.720 looks at me and he says, you work out at 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:29.399 the vertical club, don't you. I go, yeah, he goes, 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:31.120 and you wear that little black G string with the 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:35.080 green ruffle. Everyone's wearing g strings then, but with like 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.160 I had a little acid green ruffle, and at that 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:44.120 caught his eye right my butt and then what he asked? Well, 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:46.480 we then we went out, but I had just broken 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.000 up with the guy I was engaged with, and the 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.079 whole date I was talking about the Ring, the Ring, 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.600 the Ring. Never talk about x's on your days. I 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:55.880 know that. Now is the rule? Why it worked? No, 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:57.880 it didn't because we broke up for a year. Wait, 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.400 you and Mario broke up for a year. Yeah, and 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.280 then I got engaged to somebody else, So I only 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:03.119 went out on one date. 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:04.640 Hold on, so you went out with Mario? 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:07.160 Okay? We had what? Okay with Wow, we had we 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:14.000 had one. We had a date and and that was 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:16.560 and then he was take me out that weekend, and 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:18.040 it was a Saturday. He was, I'm gonna call you. 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.160 I'm gonna take you on my boat, take a change 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:22.320 of clothing, and blah blah blah blah blah. So I'm 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:24.519 waiting by the phone, and you know, we didn't have 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:27.800 cell phones then, and it's like now eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock. 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:29.400 I go, you know what, that asshole is probably with 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.760 some other girl. You know, I'm calling him up. And 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:33.920 I called him up, but he says, oh, I'm not 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.200 feeling well and I'm just calling bullsh myself to him. 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:39.760 And then a few days later he calls me on 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:43.160 my answering machine and he says, Hey, it's Mario. Call me. 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.760 And I'm like, you know what about Hey, it's Mario. 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:47.120 I'm starting to get to see you. I'd like to 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.640 see you again. And his version was like that girl 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:51.160 never called me to check up on me if I 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:52.800 was sick or not. So we never went out again, 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.960 and I got engaged to somebody else, and I'd always 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:58.480 see Mario at the gym and we'd flirt and he 0:03:58.480 --> 0:03:59.800 said we should go out. I go, I can't go 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:03.600 out with you. I'm engaged and my fiance doesn't know you. 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:07.800 And then the day I broke up with my fiance 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.200 and I moved back into my apartment, the phone rang, 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:12.120 I go, who could be calling me? No one knows 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.720 i'm here. I just found out i'm here. And he said, 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:17.080 it's Mario, and I think we should. You know, I'd 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.119 like to see what your status is. And I go, funny, 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.000 you should ask me. I just broke off my engagement. 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.400 It's fine, let's go out. Oh my god, I said, 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:26.160 I'm not ready to go out of this story. 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.160 See, I'm sorry. I have this whole thing about playing 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.240 a little hard to get I kind of. I mean, 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.680 some people think don't play games. But like the way 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.039 you just describe this, like you were not and these 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.080 I know you listeners if you watch a show not 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.640 they were a gorgeous couple. He's a tall, very handsome man. 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.000 Yeah. People use a mistakeme as an older version of 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:44.680 John Kennedy junior. 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:47.000 Oh, I can see that. I can absolutely see that. 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.640 So but you like you were you remoaned him, you 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:51.159 were not kissing his ass. 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:52.479 I love it. But then we went out and I 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:54.919 broke up with him again, really yeah, And then we 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:56.960 got back together again and we got engaged and married 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:58.520 in twenty two years, right yeah, and we had a 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:00.720 beautiful marriage until it wasn't. I would if I had 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:02.440 to do it all over again, I would. You said 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:02.760 that to me. 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:05.320 You've said that to me, which I love, because I've 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:06.800 made plenty of mistakes in my life and I think 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:09.760 I would not enjoy doing them over again. But they 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:11.680 got me to where I am now, so you know, 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:14.560 worth it sort of. But anyway, okay, you guys were 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.799 married twenty two years. Tell us a little bit about 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:21.039 when you knew it was time to actually, you know, 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:21.839 pull the plug. 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:26.520 And well, I found out my ex was cheating on 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.640 me with this horrible girl. But when I remember going 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:31.800 to my therapist and he said, you have to realize 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:33.640 this is before I know he's having an affair, that 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.080 he's having a midlife crisis. And I started laughing. She was, 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.800 don't laugh. This is a serious thing, and he was. 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:40.960 And most of my friends thought as soon as I 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:42.359 found out he was cheating on me, I'd be so 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.960 out the door, but I said, you know, you can't 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:48.039 you can't really figure out what someone's going to do 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:50.919 if you're not living in their shoes. And I believed 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.360 in marriage. I believed in our relationship. I believed he 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:55.640 was going through something, and I believe maybe we can 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:58.360 work through this. And after one year of trying, I 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:00.280 realized I couldn't make it work. Because I don't know 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.120 if someone gave me this advice, but I think the 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:05.240 best advice is you never leave a situation, whether it's 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:10.479 a friendship, a lover, a job, anything you're doing until 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.800 you're absolutely sure, because you die. I have to tell 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:13.960 you that. 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:18.719 It's very interesting because they say that you know it's 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:22.440 right to get divorced, when it just nothing matters. It 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:24.279 doesn't matter about the money. You don't give a because 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.880 divorce is hard. You don't care about the money, not 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.520 that you certainly care about the kids, but you just 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.920 feel like, listen, this is something that I absolutely have 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.440 to do. It's such a trauma and I don't think 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:37.080 I've ever shared with you, Ramona, but I actually was separated. 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.560 I also my husband also had an affair. We were 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:43.520 separated for like a year and a half, and like you, 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:48.120 I was you know, I was able to forgive him. 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:49.640 I mean, we had this year and a half that 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:52.120 was crazy, and I kind of made it up so 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:53.240 to it like I. 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:55.640 Was, I know, I get a few flings on your side, Yes, 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:59.279 definitely so so, but but you know, it's hard. Divorce 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.320 is a bit. It's like losing your arm. I felt 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:02.800 like I was losing my arm. Yeah, you know. And 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:04.920 when you're in a really good marriage after a while, 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:06.720 it's like it's like a comfortable shoe, you know, it's 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.160 just corrafortable and agree. I have no family, you know, 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:11.080 And I remember he went he was pushing for the 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.560 divorce really and I still, you know, and it was 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:16.600 just and then we tried to recommend it was it 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.040 was tough. It was the toughest thing, and I lost 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.200 so much weight. I remember visiting my daughter at college. 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:21.760 I wasn't telling her that he was having the affair 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:24.280 then or anything, and she was, Mommy, what's wrong with you? 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:26.840 I was emaciated, and I said, I have to flu, 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:28.480 you know, And I was covering for him. 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:31.320 Yeah. Wow. I mean, it's so funny because I didn't 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.400 tell my kids either until they were I mean, I 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:35.200 never sat them down and told them, but they kind 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:37.440 of figured it out also because I went on Jersey 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:39.600 and talked about it there. But before, I mean, they 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.080 knew before that. But it's an interesting thing because I 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:44.520 always wanted to protect them, you know, and they have 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.400 a great dad. He's wonderful and we're back together. So anyway, now. 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.679 Now everyone was some good, really good advice. It doesn't 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.560 work well to hold onto anger on your ex. I 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.960 remember when I was going to a therapist. I was 0:07:57.480 --> 0:07:59.560 convincing my daughter to make up with my ex husband 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:01.600 because she went and forgive them. And my therapist said, 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:04.680 who are you. No women do that. They're thrilled when 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.720 their kids don't want to talk to their spouse, like, 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.120 oh no, she needs to have a relationship. And you know, 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:13.120 it just creates angst and anger and aggravation, and you 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.480 know what, we're like best friends. 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:18.080 Now, you know. It's so it's just everything you're saying 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:20.480 resonates with me. Again. I mean, I Jeff and I 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.320 ended up getting back together, but I was so I 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.080 think part of it was because even when we were separated, 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:28.800 like my daughter would call and you know, try to 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.360 bad mouth him. Daddy's doing this. I was like, honey, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.600 you dialed the wrong number. Don't call me to bad 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.719 mouth Jeff Fessler. Okay, he's the bad and I think 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:41.120 that was so great for them, so I think it's 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:44.920 very important. Yeah, So, okay, I want to talk about 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.760 something called gray divorce. Have you heard of this? No? 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:49.199 I really haven't, so please educate me. 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.480 Okay, I hadn't heard of it either until very recently. 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:56.440 Apparently couples are splitting up after long marriages. So like 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.800 Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, right, they were together for 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.160 like nineteen years, and of course, like everything else, they 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.960 have to give a term to describe it or whatever 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.079 saying to describe it. And it's a great divorce when 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.200 you have a long term marriage and you get divorced, 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:13.600 like after around fifty So apparently it's on the rise. 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:15.199 And I don't know why that is. 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.800 Why would you think, well, your call, oh because they 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:18.360 have gray hair? 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.439 You mean, I know, which I actually it's kind of offensive, right, Okay, 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:23.120 don't because that actually happens a lot of people get 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:24.840 divorced once the kids go to college, like you know, 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:26.640 and that's actually what happened with my excuisband. 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:28.880 Once my daughter's going to college, people start re examining 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.800 the relationship. Do we have anything in common? I actually 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:34.800 I had dinner with this woman who's a therapist, said, 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.120 this couple came in. The man said, I'll stay married 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:38.600 to you, but I want to be with other women. 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:40.439 And she didn't want to leave the marriage and leave 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.560 her life. And she says, okay, she accepted that. So people, 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:46.760 I think we're all living longer. We're married longer. 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:49.920 So that's actually what Yeah, I mean, I've been reading 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:51.600 about grade divorce and they say a lot. They talk 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:52.440 a lot about the fact. 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:55.079 That people there's sixties have hout. People in their seventies 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:58.040 are getting divorced together for thirty forty years correct, yep. 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:02.360 So they say that like this, our demographic over fifty 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:06.319 is actually calling it quits more often, like baby boomers 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:09.520 and older adults like are three times more likely to 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:13.520 be divorced than they were in the nineteen nineties. So 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:16.680 I don't know. It's a study by Bowling Green State University, 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.120 and the trend of getting divorced after fifty has whatever 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:21.160 been nicknamed gray divorce. 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.360 But because the kids are probably I would imagine the 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:25.760 statistic that they're saying that kids are in college. Yeah, 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:29.200 and now people are you know, they're rethinking their life. Okay, 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.480 my kids are in college, they're taken care of. Is 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:33.360 this really what I want from my life? I also 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:34.080 thirty year. 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.000 People, I know people are lily like having affairs and 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:38.640 they were like, well, I'm going to stay with him. 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:40.520 That was always or I heard like friends of mine 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.160 who are whatever having an affair and the guy would say, 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:45.200 I'm just waiting for the kids to be in college 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.640 and then I'm gonna leave. There was a lot of that. Sure, 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:50.640 lots of times it didn't happen, but yeah, I think 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:53.600 it's I think it's interesting. So what do you think 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:58.480 is one thing that people don't anticipate about marriage? Like, 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:01.880 you know, you and Mario, at least as a viewer, 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.320 you just looked like the perfect couple. 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.360 Now, we were very male in love, that we were 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.559 already divorced, and during COVID all my girlfriends would save me. Okay, 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:11.520 you must have been making love to Mario. You must 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.720 have had sex with at least once, because our sexual 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.440 energy was so intent. I mean you could see it, 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.840 you could touch it, right, which just our chemistry was great. 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:18.200 Right. 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:20.120 But I think you know what people don't realize in marriage? 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.760 That you know, a lot of times they get married 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.000 for the site, sexual attraction or whatever it may be. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:26.640 But it's really important. You have to have the same 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.640 goals and morals in life. You have to think about 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.600 money the same way. You know, if someone's a big 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.319 spender and you don't want to spend, that's going to 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:33.880 be a problem. You know, you have to have some 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:39.120 similar philosophy with raising children. You have to have common values. 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:41.880 If you don't have common values, it's gonna really you know. 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:43.599 I always say that because although it doesn't seem like 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:44.960 it with you and Mario, but I feel like so 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:48.600 often the spark that people talk about, right, that initial 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:49.480 attraction and. 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:51.920 Sparks, it never went away. If yeah, well in vary. 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:53.439 I mean, at least from what I know and the 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.120 people I've spoke to you, that's very unusual. 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.360 My therapist told me that when first this is before 0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:00.199 you even do that unfair. I questioned my marriage when 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:01.640 my mother died, and she says, you know, I was 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:03.439 only in my I think I was in my early 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:07.240 for fifty cent maybe late forties, and that you're thinking 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:10.120 about your life and your marriage because your mother died. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:11.760 He thking about earlier she goes, tell me about your 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:13.320 sex life. Igo, We have a great sex life. We 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.160 make love like three four times in weekses, are you 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.800 kidding me? Just most couples. I stop after two three years, 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:19.240 I go, are you kidding me? So all of a sudden, 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.840 this because I love sex, I love making less, I said, Okay, 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:22.880 I'm sticking with this guy. 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.440 Yeah. Yeah, Well, I honestly like I think that the 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:28.120 part you when you were talking about having common values 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:29.800 as well, that's so important. Do you feel like you're 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.320 the common values you had with Mario changed? I mean, 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.240 obviously the attraction, the physical attraction didn't. 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:38.040 But my ex husban I don't really talk about him much. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.760 He first of all, he gets very depressed. And when 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:42.959 he gets depressed, he gets a bedridden and that's very 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:45.600 difficult to handle and hard. I'm a very positive person. 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.000 I look at the glasses half full, this is half empty. 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.600 So he had like clinical depression. 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.640 So I would have to always like I didn't know 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:55.120 when he's coming through the door, is gonna be happy 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.360 or sad, you know, And that was a lot of 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.480 pressure on me, Like I had to just always keep 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.720 him happy. That was tough that, you know, And that 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:03.920 happened in our later years of our marriage, not in 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:04.400 the beginning. 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.080 It sounds like though even at the end it wasn't you. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.160 You describe it at least as it really wasn't you, 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:11.920 like you would have gone on like that, you know, 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:13.400 no act. 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:15.319 And he wasn't happy with his career. He never liked 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.280 his career when we were he had his own company, 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.240 and when he when I was first marriage, so I said, listen, 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.320 if you don't like what you do, do something else. 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.440 And then his business was failing and he goes, look, 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:25.800 all our friends are so successful, and you know, look 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.080 at me. And I said, so do something else. He's like, 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.200 I said, well, you know you like cars, so why 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:33.480 don't you like buy old cars, refurbish them and and 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.120 do it. And he's like, well, I don't know how 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:36.559 to do it. We'll just figure it out, because that's 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.880 what I read you, right, because well, I'm not like you. 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:40.760 I don't know how to reinvent myself. So right, he 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:42.520 just wanted to just pack his bags and move to 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.520 Florida permanently. And I go, I'm not moving to Florida 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:45.000 perman This is. 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:45.880 Why when you're on the show. 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.000 Yeah, right, he wanted to just like just. 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:48.840 Didn't like doing the show. 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:50.880 By the way, he liked it in the beginning, and 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.360 then he didn't like when I got all the attention. 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:54.240 You know, in the beginning, he'd be the one to 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:55.960 take the photo because I never was like one to 0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:58.240 like photos. I don't, you know, people get the world idea. 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:01.800 They Okay, I loved doing the show because number one, 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:05.440 I had fun doing it. I enjoyed doing it. I 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:07.320 was good at it, and I enjoyed making the money, 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:09.040 and it was like something different for me. Yes, what 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.520 I did like, which is like kind of a paradox. 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.800 I didn't like the attention. I didn't like being written 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:15.480 up in the press. I never wanted to sit at 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:17.160 the front of the restaurant people come over to me 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.760 and give me all that a duration. I didn't like, Wow, 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:23.720 are you guys? I mean this made me uncomfortable, so 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:24.760 made very I know. 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.640 You, guys, our listeners, if you're surprised to hear that, 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:31.000 but I am very surprised to hear that because your personality, 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.840 you're such an extrovert, and at least on the show, 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:36.440 you were always at the center of everything you have. 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:38.160 You're certainly not a shrinking violence. 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.360 No, I'm very sorry. People are everything to me, right, 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.560 but I don't like strangers interrupting my conversation with you. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.840 And I remember before people did selfies. I remember going 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:50.160 to the wine festival in Newport in Nantucket and these 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:51.680 people come over. Can I take a phone? They go, 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:52.840 I don't like to take it again, I don't like 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:54.480 the funk. Can we take it? And then, thank God 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.640 for selfies? Just take a quick selfie or I'd be 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:58.720 in a restaurant. I'd be gracious to take one photo. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.600 Then twenty people come over. And I like my life 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.400 apart me. Even my ex husband said, you know, we 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:05.400 have a life with the TV. We have our life 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.160 apart my friends. Never changed. I was never you know, 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.480 I'm very consistent to who I am. I looked at 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.120 as a separate life and as a business and I didn't, 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.720 you know, and some people like, I'll tell her right, 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.080 she knows it, like jill' zarren, she would. She didn't 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:21.640 know how to divide the two her. Her her social 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.400 life was her her TV life. She got to separate 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.640 the two, right. I had a total separation. Yeah, yeah, 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:28.400 my church. 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:41.720 And state like church and state. Let's get back to 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:46.320 the whole second part of your second right. Okay, Well, 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.800 first tell me what you learned about yourself going through divorce, 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:50.200 because we are going to get to our part too. 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:52.800 But going through it, do you feel like you discovered 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:54.680 things about yourself? Did you find it in her strength? 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:55.600 Did you feel like. 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:57.560 It was very It was the toughest time of my life. 0:15:58.120 --> 0:15:59.920 I remember like people would like write to me, how 0:15:59.920 --> 0:16:01.840 you're getting through this, and I say, you just take 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:03.280 it one step at a time. I would just make 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.320 sure i'd wake up in the morning, put my sneakers on, 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:08.040 put some you know, workout clothes on, and I go 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:09.400 out and just take a walk, get out in that 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.920 fresh air and just do something physical, because that's good 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.800 for your mind. I would I would meditate positive things. 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:20.440 I love this Polynesian Spa. It's a tape and well 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:21.800 I know what you call it now, a CD. You can 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:23.360 get on spot You can get it on Spotify. Right, 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.080 it's the sound of waves and music, no. 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.200 Words, let me write it down Polynesian spot No, it's incredible. 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:29.880 I love that. 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:31.560 Yeah. Actually I use it a lot. When my ex 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:34.480