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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

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Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in

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Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here

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Speaker 2: back for another episode as we of course break down

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Speaker 2: the Psychology of our twenties, I want to firstly, just

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Speaker 2: before we get into it, thank you all for the

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Speaker 2: love that you have been showing my book recently. If

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Speaker 2: you didn't know, I released a book earlier this year.

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Speaker 2: It's called Person in Progress, and in the last month

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Speaker 2: I have just been receiving some of the kindest reviews,

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Speaker 2: kindest comments, kindest messages from you all out of nowhere.

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Speaker 2: So I just wanted to give you a formal thank

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Speaker 2: you for just being so kind about this thing that

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Speaker 2: I put out into the world. If you are yet

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Speaker 2: to get your hands on a copy, the book is

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Speaker 2: basically well like the Ultimate and Extended Guide to the

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Speaker 2: Psychology of Your Twenties. So if you like the podcast,

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Speaker 2: I think I can make a fairly certain assumption that

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Speaker 2: you will like the book as well. I will leave

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Speaker 2: a link in the description, but again, you have all

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Speaker 2: of my gratitude. Thank you so much to you all.

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Speaker 2: So for today, I can't speak for you guys, but

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Speaker 2: recently I have been going through, I would say a

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Speaker 2: few periods of feeling very alien, very unlike myself. It's

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Speaker 2: been this strange experience where the best way I can

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Speaker 2: summarize it is that people will ask me, you know,

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Speaker 2: describe yourself, or they'll ask me what I'm interested in,

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Speaker 2: or oh, who I am beyond work or beyond my

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Speaker 2: immediate relationships, And I'm kind of in this situation of

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Speaker 2: grasping at straws at the moment, interests, values, hobbies like

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Speaker 2: I know I have them, but there's this strange wall

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Speaker 2: between between me and the things that make me me.

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Speaker 2: That means that I feel kind of strange and unoriginal

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Speaker 2: and a little bit bland and very detached from myself.

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Speaker 2: I remember this period right after my last boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: I broke up, where I felt very similar. You know,

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Speaker 2: that relationship rocked my confidence so much that for like

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Speaker 2: six months afterwards, I just felt like I was living

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Speaker 2: outside of my body in a way, and all the

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Speaker 2: things I knew to be true about the person I

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Speaker 2: was felt impossible to feel. I also had moved cities

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Speaker 2: at the time and was trying to make new friends,

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Speaker 2: and I just felt so detached from my spirit. I

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Speaker 2: couldn't hold a conversation, I couldn't really engage with people

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Speaker 2: on a deep level. It seems like this detachment is

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Speaker 2: the best word. This detachment from our sense of self

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Speaker 2: is a fairly common experience for a lot of us

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Speaker 2: in our twenties. I think. Actually it occurs in quite

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Speaker 2: a cyclical manner. We go through periods of feeling very confident,

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Speaker 2: feeling very alive, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, we

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Speaker 2: just don't feel like ourselves anymore. And it kind of

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Speaker 2: serves as a reminder of when we need to reconnect

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Speaker 2: with the deeper parts of ourselves, when we need to

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Speaker 2: re identify what we care about. But it's also kind

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Speaker 2: of a really scary and uncomfortable feeling. So today I

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Speaker 2: want to dissect and kind of break down that feeling.

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Speaker 2: I want to give you as well a bit of

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Speaker 2: a guide as to how we can feel like ourselves again,

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Speaker 2: or how we can perhaps connect with a newer version

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Speaker 2: of ourselves that's emerging when we are feeling kind of

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Speaker 2: like a stranger in our own life and a stranger

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Speaker 2: in our own body. We are also not just going

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Speaker 2: to talk about things that are run of the mill. Journaling, meditation,

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Speaker 2: spending time doing your hobbies are or fabulous, fabulous ways

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Speaker 2: to combat not feeling like yourself, but I feel like

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Speaker 2: we all kind of know them. I want to just

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Speaker 2: go a little bit deeper and a little bit broader

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Speaker 2: and give you some tips and advice that you probably

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Speaker 2: haven't heard before, some research that you probably haven't heard before,

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Speaker 2: so that this episode is as practical, informative, and as

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Speaker 2: original and as it can be, so that it is

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Speaker 2: as helpful as it can be as well. We're also

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Speaker 2: going to talk about why you may be experiencing this

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Speaker 2: at this chapter or point in your life, but also

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Speaker 2: why it's maybe not a bad thing to feel a

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Speaker 2: little bit lost within yourself sometimes. So, without further ado,

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Speaker 2: we have so much to cover, so let's get into

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Speaker 2: my guide to how to feel like yourself again. Before

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Speaker 2: we get into the seven plus strategies I have for

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Speaker 2: you today, let me just say the best thing you

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Speaker 2: can do before you implement any new habits, before you

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Speaker 2: try any thirty day recent, any seventy five hard program,

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Speaker 2: anything like that. Basically, before you add anything to your

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Speaker 2: already busy life. It's just to understand why this disconnect

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Speaker 2: may be occurring. There is no growth without self knowledge.

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Speaker 2: And the thing is, this feeling probably isn't an accident.

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Speaker 2: It is stemming from somewhere something in your life that

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Speaker 2: is creating dissatisfaction or disconnect. The most likely explanations are

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Speaker 2: as follows. Firstly, you may be feeling unlike yourself because

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Speaker 2: you've just become a little bit stuck. You are in

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Speaker 2: a period of stagnation where nothing feels new, nothing feels different.

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Speaker 2: Your days are the same, your routines are the same,

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Speaker 2: and as a result, your sense of self, your soul,

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Speaker 2: whatever you want to label it, this core part of

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Speaker 2: who you are is not being given the opportunity to expand.

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Speaker 2: The thing is, our sense of self is not a

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Speaker 2: static thing. It demands constant evolution from us, your sense

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Speaker 2: of self. And it's gonna sound so silly, like the

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Speaker 2: way I like to describe it. It's kind of like

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Speaker 2: a dolphin. It's kind of like a shark. You know,

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Speaker 2: the moment a dolphin or a shark stops swimming or

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Speaker 2: stop swimming forward. You might know this, but they die,

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Speaker 2: and it's kind of similar for your soul. The moment

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Speaker 2: your soul feels like it's not moving forward, it's not

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Speaker 2: experiencing new things, it's not being allowed to grow, it

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Speaker 2: also kind of experiences a similar kind of death. Psychologically,

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Speaker 2: we thrive when we have a sense of forward motion.

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Speaker 2: This is what the psychologist Abraham Maslow you might know him,

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Speaker 2: called self actualization. So maso, I don't want to say created, maso.

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Speaker 2: He founded, even the worst word to use. Basically, he's

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Speaker 2: most famous for his hierarchy of needs and this idea

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Speaker 2: that the very top need that we want to achieve

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Speaker 2: is a state of knowing ourselves in a state of

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Speaker 2: challenging ourselves. That is self actualization. But he was not

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Speaker 2: the first person to understand this or recognize this. In fact,

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Speaker 2: this core part of human psychology has been understood and

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Speaker 2: practiced by indigenous cultures long before Western psychologists gave it

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Speaker 2: a name. Particularly, Maslow really identified self actualization as a

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Speaker 2: core priority of this self when he was living with

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Speaker 2: members of the Blackfoot nation in Canada and in America

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Speaker 2: during the nineteen thirties, and he saw that this community

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Speaker 2: really kind of understood that if a human was to

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Speaker 2: thrive and was to flourish, they needed a sense of movement,

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Speaker 2: of purpose, They needed to be doing things. I think

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Speaker 2: it's really important to talk about where these concepts in

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Speaker 2: Western and modern psychology come from, way back when and

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Speaker 2: at their roots, because that is a part of history

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Speaker 2: that has often missed, and it's a part of history

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Speaker 2: that I actually didn't know when it comes to self

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Speaker 2: exialization and the hierarchy of needs until one of the

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Speaker 2: listeners told me, so very interesting that this idea of

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Speaker 2: forward movement is one that cultures and societies have had

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Speaker 2: longer than we as a modern society could put a

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Speaker 2: name to it. So back to what we're talking about.

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Speaker 2: If you have found yourself stuck in a routine doing

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Speaker 2: very monotonous things, finding that you've outgrown your environment without

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Speaker 2: realizing it, this may be contributing to a deeper detachment

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Speaker 2: from core parts of you. It could also be that

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Speaker 2: you've kind of been stuck in survival mode for longer

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Speaker 2: than you realize. You may be so focused on prioritizing

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Speaker 2: the bit busy and and urgent parts of your life,

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Speaker 2: that there hasn't been much room to slow down and

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Speaker 2: to observe and to learn. If this is the case,

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Speaker 2: you know now, do you feel disconnected? It's almost impossible

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Speaker 2: for your brain and your body and your mind to

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Speaker 2: pursue growth and expansion when your nervous system has been

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Speaker 2: hijacked by stress, by burnout, by anxiety, maybe even by trauma. Additionally,

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Speaker 2: you know, another very valid explanation is that you're just

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Speaker 2: straight up overwhelmed by the state of the world and

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Speaker 2: the state of the news and the tragedy of life

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Speaker 2: at the moment, and because of that that doesn't feel

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Speaker 2: like there's much worth in prioritizing yourself or your well

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Speaker 2: being when everything else is falling apart and millions of

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Speaker 2: other people are suffering. It's a very difficult line to cross.

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Speaker 2: You want to be empathetic, but I also beg you

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Speaker 2: not to fall into this trap. As awful as the

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Speaker 2: world feels, of not taking care of yourself. It's not

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Speaker 2: selfish to take care of yourself and to feel a

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Speaker 2: connection to the deeper parts of you. It's actually incredibly crucial.

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Speaker 2: Just as a little side note to mention that secondly,

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Speaker 2: our second explanation for why we may be feeling a

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Speaker 2: little bit lost from ourselves is that we're just bored.

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Speaker 2: Not only are we stuck, we're bored, and so therefore

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Speaker 2: we're not very interested in the world, and we're not

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Speaker 2: very interested in our own development. Now, this boredom and

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Speaker 2: this apathy can sometimes take years to take a hold,

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Speaker 2: and you don't really realize how just simply uninterested in

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Speaker 2: life you are until you have a moment, perhaps like

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Speaker 2: the one you're having right now, where you realize, like, Hey,

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what it means to feel like

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Speaker 2: myself anymore. I don't even know who I am. If

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Speaker 2: someone asked me, I wouldn't know how to answer. This also,

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Speaker 2: of course, has a bit of a clinical name. We

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Speaker 2: know it as depression. Feeling like you don't know yourself,

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Speaker 2: feeling uninterested in life, feeling unmotivated is a large sign

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Speaker 2: symptom criteria for a diagnosis with either a minor or

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Speaker 2: a major depressive episode. If that's the case, yes, you

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Speaker 2: will still get something out of this podcast, but you'll

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Speaker 2: probably get more out of seeing a therapist who can

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Speaker 2: really get to the core of your own individual issues.

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Speaker 2: So I would encourage you to see that out as well.

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Speaker 2: The final explanation has to do with you are not

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Speaker 2: living a life in line with your values, and that

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Speaker 2: is why you don't feel like yourself. This matters so

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Speaker 2: much more than we think our values. Although we probably

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Speaker 2: I don't know about you, I don't think about them

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Speaker 2: day to day, they are still there and they are

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Speaker 2: my compass. And if we throw out the compass, if

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Speaker 2: we ignore the compass, we're obviously going to get very,

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Speaker 2: very lost. If you really value creativity and curiosity and

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Speaker 2: yet you're doing something in your life that is very

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Speaker 2: systems based, or you're working a job that doesn't really

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Speaker 2: allow you to express yourself and you don't have an

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Speaker 2: outlet elsewhere, you're not going to feel like yourself, are you?

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Speaker 2: If you value the outdoors and you value adventure and

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Speaker 2: you know it's been a while since you've hit the road.

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Speaker 2: Same thing. How I explain this is like taking an

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Speaker 2: animal out of their natural habitat and expecting them to thrive,

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Speaker 2: taking a human away from their values and expecting them

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Speaker 2: to feel like themselves. It never works. And when you

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Speaker 2: take yourself out of environments or situations that reflect your values,

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Speaker 2: when you don't have opportunities to live your values. You

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Speaker 2: are not going to feel amazing psychologically or mentally, emotionally,

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Speaker 2: even physically. So these are the three major explanations for

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Speaker 2: this feeling. Regardless of which one you relate to more

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Speaker 2: maybe relate to all of them. The path back to

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Speaker 2: your self really involves a simple process of a remembering

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Speaker 2: what you care about, b remembering what you like about

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Speaker 2: yourself and what you like about being alive, and see

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Speaker 2: finding ways to practice that as much as you possibly

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Speaker 2: can so that the gap between you and your truest, purest,

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Speaker 2: higher self gets smaller and smaller. Let's talk about how

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Speaker 2: to do that exactly. I will say some of these

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Speaker 2: strategies may sound a little bit woo woo, a little

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Speaker 2: bit you know, enlightened, but I promise you they work.

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Speaker 2: I promise you there is science behind that. And also,

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Speaker 2: what do you have to lose? You know, if you're

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Speaker 2: feeling very lost, I don't think it can get worse

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Speaker 2: than that. And here's a hard truth. You know, if

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Speaker 2: you're at a point of wanting to change, well, that's

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Speaker 2: not just going to happen by thinking about it. To

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Speaker 2: try things that you haven't tried before, and you have

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Speaker 2: to try things that maybe you don't think that will

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Speaker 2: work and be surprised. So we're going to start with

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Speaker 2: this first exercise. If you want to feel like yourself again,

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Speaker 2: you have got to identify, even just loosely, what you

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Speaker 2: mean when you say yourself, who are you? What does

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Speaker 2: that look like? What does that feel like? What does

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Speaker 2: that version of you behave? Behave like? You have to

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Speaker 2: perform a bit of an identity reevaluation. There's actually heaps

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Speaker 2: of ways to do this. You're in luck and it's

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Speaker 2: not as hard as it sounds. But the best exercise

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Speaker 2: that I've found to do this is something that I

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Speaker 2: call the identity inventory, and it basically just asks you

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Speaker 2: to really just put a spotlight on yourself for a

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Speaker 2: second in a way that you're not used to, sit

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Speaker 2: down and ride out ten phrases, ten words that reflect

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Speaker 2: different parts of your identity. Do an These can be

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Speaker 2: formal roles, so you could say, of my ten words,

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Speaker 2: I am a teacher, I am a student, I am

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Speaker 2: a mother, whatever personal traits, I'm an optimist, i am

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Speaker 2: an introvert, passions, I love nature, I am a writer.

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Speaker 2: Or it could be relational roles. I am a friend,

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Speaker 2: I am a good daughter. Think of it as like

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Speaker 2: listing the different hats that you wear on your everyday life,

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Speaker 2: the parts of you that are going to show up

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Speaker 2: in different situations, in different relationships, and moves that all

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Speaker 2: kind of come together to create your sense of self.

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Speaker 2: Some of these things can also be aspirational things that

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Speaker 2: you haven't quite achieved yet but which you know will

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Speaker 2: be in your future, and that which you know you

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Speaker 2: really want to have happened and that you're working towards. So,

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Speaker 2: for example, I actually did my identity inventory the other

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Speaker 2: day when I was writing this episode, and my list

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Speaker 2: includes things like podcaster, It includes things like rider, extrovert, explore, EmPATH, sister.

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Speaker 2: And when I write these words down, yes, they might

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Speaker 2: just be words, but all together they create kind of

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Speaker 2: a unique a unique vision, a unique kind of I

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Speaker 2: don't know, a unique bored, a unique mood board I guess,

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Speaker 2: splattering of who I am that makes it easier to

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Speaker 2: live that truth. You know. For example, sometimes I feel

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Speaker 2: kind of distanced from the creative side of me, but

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Speaker 2: I know when I'm not doing something creative, I feel

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Speaker 2: less like myself, and so having that word on this

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Speaker 2: list forces me to basically acknowledge like, hey, if this

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Speaker 2: is how I see myself, I also have to actively

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Speaker 2: express this and I have to actively work on this

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Speaker 2: side of me. Your identity is not just made of words,

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Speaker 2: although there are words on this list. It's made of actions,

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Speaker 2: it's made of doing, It's made of behaviors. At your center,

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Speaker 2: how do you see your Who are you? What parts

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Speaker 2: of your identity feel valuable to you? What are you neglecting?

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Speaker 2: How can you act in a way that aligns the

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Speaker 2: part of you that feel important more towards yourself and

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Speaker 2: that distances you from the behaviors that perhaps aren't reflecting

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Speaker 2: this core inventory of pillars, or I guess, the core

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Speaker 2: foundation of how you see yourself. Secondly, as important as

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Speaker 2: it is to of course identify what areas you need

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Speaker 2: to love more or need to prioritize more, it's also

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Speaker 2: important to identify the things that you are doing just

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Speaker 2: because you feel like you have to do them. These

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Speaker 2: small choices chip away at our sense of self day

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Speaker 2: after day. If we're not careful, it is so easy

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Speaker 2: to say, Okay, well, I'll say yes to this thing

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Speaker 2: at work because no one else will, or I'll do

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Speaker 2: this kind of exercise because it's apparently good for me,

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Speaker 2: or you know, I'll hang out with this person even

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Speaker 2: though I really don't enjoy that company because I feel

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Speaker 2: a sense of loyalty and I should. I'll post on

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Speaker 2: LinkedIn or social media because that's what I should be doing.

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Speaker 2: Doing things purely out of obligation rather than out of

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Speaker 2: an actual sense of choice and a desire to do

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Speaker 2: them is a subtle form of self abandonment that over

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Speaker 2: time accumulates and means that you feel more and more

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Speaker 2: disconnected from that compass that should be at the center.

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Speaker 2: When we repeatedly act out of shoulds rather than genuine

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Speaker 2: desire or personal values, our sense of autonomy is very

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Speaker 2: quickly eroded. This disconnect between what we do and what

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Speaker 2: we want to do and who we are. I guess

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Speaker 2: it's what psychologists call inconcuruence. It's a mismatch between the

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Speaker 2: self we project and our true self. Kyle Rogers suggested

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Speaker 2: he's a very famous psychologist you probably heard me mentioning before.

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Speaker 2: He was the one who suggested that this incongruence is

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Speaker 2: what creates a great deal of psychological distress in the

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Speaker 2: modern day human There was a twenty sixteen study in

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Speaker 2: the general motivation and emotion, and it found that when

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Speaker 2: participants were given the opportunity to do something they wanted

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Speaker 2: to the way they wanted to do it, versus doing

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Speaker 2: something out of pressure or guilt. Of course, naturally they

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Speaker 2: reported being overall more happy at the end of the

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Speaker 2: experiment when they had the choice to guide their own

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Speaker 2: behavior versus those who were made to do something out

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Speaker 2: of obligation. It wasn't just that they were less satisfied

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Speaker 2: with their experience in the experiment. They were less satisfied

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Speaker 2: about their life in general. A lot of them gave

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Speaker 2: much more pessimistic outlooks about their life, the life that

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Speaker 2: existed beyond the lab having done that experiment. So those choices,

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Speaker 2: although they might feel quite I don't know, innocent, over time,

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Speaker 2: when you continuously do things that no longer serve you,

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Speaker 2: you do risk becoming a bit of a stranger to yourself.

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Speaker 2: I think it's also the right time to point out

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Speaker 2: another central point here. Sometimes getting back to yourself isn't

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Speaker 2: about adding more to your plate. It isn't about adding

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Speaker 2: more to your life, but thinking about what you can subtract.

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Speaker 2: Imagine how much time we would have for ourselves if

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Speaker 2: we were a bit more selfish and just said no more,

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Speaker 2: and we said yes only when we really wanted to.

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Speaker 2: It's a wild thought for some of us, especially if

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Speaker 2: you're a people pleaser, especially if you have a really

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Speaker 2: ingrained sense of obligation to family or to friends, especially

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Speaker 2: if you think that saying yes will make you more

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Speaker 2: successful and saying no, we'll make you a pill to

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Speaker 2: work with. But who benefits from you continuously saying yes

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Speaker 2: when you don't want to. Who is getting something out

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Speaker 2: of that? Because it's not you, it's someone else, it's

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Speaker 2: other people, it's society at large, whatever you want to

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Speaker 2: call it. But you are not being served by that decision.

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Speaker 2: My third tip for us today is more of a

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Speaker 2: daily exercise, and it's one that I personally do. I

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Speaker 2: have spoken about it on the podcast before. In your

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Speaker 2: journey back to yourself, it is so valuable to set

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Speaker 2: intentions for your day, every single day that relate to

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Speaker 2: what you want to get out of that next twenty

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Speaker 2: four hours. Let me explain the premise behind this. So

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Speaker 2: recently you may have seen a TikTok of a girl

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Speaker 2: who basically said that every day, the moment she wakes up,

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Speaker 2: she asks the universe, show me how good it can get,

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Speaker 2: show me how good it can be. And when she

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Speaker 2: does that, she reports almost every day. At the end

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Speaker 2: of the day, she reflects back and she's had like

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Speaker 2: the most amazing twenty four hours. The reason why is

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Speaker 2: that your thoughts about your situation and your life shape

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Speaker 2: how you view opportunities, how you view good days, how

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Speaker 2: you view bad days. They shape how you behave, which

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Speaker 2: in turn shapes your reality. We can do this same exercise,

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Speaker 2: this same thing to reconnect with ourselves by setting self

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Speaker 2: directed intentions, like today, I'm going to go only where

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Speaker 2: I feel I can find joy. Today, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: really listen to myself. Today, I'm going to say no

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Speaker 2: more than I say yes. Today, I'm going to let

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Speaker 2: the universe show me where I need to be. I

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Speaker 2: know I'm going to have a great day. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to be excited by life. Today is going to be excellent.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to feel amazing. Those are just some examples

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Speaker 2: of those affirmations or intentions that you can set. Psychologically.

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Speaker 2: This also taps into a concept called priming. This is

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Speaker 2: the idea that what we focus on, especially when our

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Speaker 2: mood is really malleable like at the start of the day,

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Speaker 2: that can shape how we interpret the world around us.

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Speaker 2: Two people can be experiencing the exact same situations, but

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Speaker 2: if one of them has an intention that they're going

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Speaker 2: to only engage with things that align with them, and

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Speaker 2: the other person doesn't have an intention like that, how

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Speaker 2: they finish the day is going to be very different.

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Speaker 2: So basically, setting a daily intention shifts your cognitive filters.

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Speaker 2: You don't see everything that sucks. You focus on the

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Speaker 2: areas where you can expand you focus on the areas

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Speaker 2: that you want to and the areas that make you

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Speaker 2: feel good and that make you feel more like yourself.

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Speaker 2: So the world does start to reflect what you want

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Speaker 2: to see. And because you're being more intentional, you also

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Speaker 2: get to be more in touch with what you actually want,

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Speaker 2: because that's the only way that you can actually express

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Speaker 2: or set an intention is if you have a desire

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Speaker 2: for a certain outcome in the first place, which as

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Speaker 2: a consequence means you have to feel you have to

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Speaker 2: have better communication and be better able to listen to

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Speaker 2: your internal desires. This is our starting point, and I

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Speaker 2: know all of these tips have been very I guess

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Speaker 2: like thought based, thought based exercises, thought based activities. Enough

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Speaker 2: of that, we're done. We're done with that. We're done

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Speaker 2: with the thinking component. We're gonna move on to the

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Speaker 2: doing component. We're going to move on to the fun

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Speaker 2: side of this episode. So if you want some practical

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Speaker 2: things that you can do right now, right at this moment,

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Speaker 2: in the next twenty four hours, in the next seven days,

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Speaker 2: that aren't gonna feel like a chore, stay with us.

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about all of that and so

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Speaker 2: much more after this shortbreak. So there is this common saying,

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Speaker 2: perhaps you've heard of it, how you spend your days

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Speaker 2: is how you will spend your life. How you spend

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Speaker 2: your days will also determine how you feel about yourself.

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Speaker 2: Spend your days, I don't know, glued to your phone

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Speaker 2: or you know, your weekend's kind of doing the same thing.

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Speaker 2: You're going to feel very one dimensional because all you're

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Speaker 2: doing is passively consuming or passively kind of following a

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Speaker 2: routine that was laid out for you. If you spend

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Speaker 2: that same time making things, exploring, pursuing goals, looking up

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Speaker 2: at the world, I guess therefore, you as a part

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Speaker 2: of the world is going to feel more expansive and well,

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Speaker 2: I guess just rich rich in experience. It's not just

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Speaker 2: thinking exercises that are going to get you back to yourself.

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Speaker 2: Experiences are going to do the same for you as well.

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Speaker 2: Starting with your weekends, here is how I think a

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Speaker 2: typical weekend goes for many of us. You know, Saturday,

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Speaker 2: you sleep in, maybe you see a friend. Then maybe

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Speaker 2: you like go out drinking or like, you do something

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Speaker 2: in the evening. And then Sunday, you know, you're so

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Speaker 2: tired from the week before understandably and also maybe from

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Speaker 2: the night before that you don't really do anything. Maybe

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Speaker 2: you like do some chores. Then the Sunday scary is

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Speaker 2: hit and like that's it, it's Monday again. Typically, it

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Speaker 2: is the same stuff every weekend and then it's over.

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Speaker 2: No wonder we feel so disconnected because you have nothing

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Speaker 2: to actually connect to, nothing to look forward to in

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Speaker 2: your free time. So here is how you are going

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Speaker 2: to reprogram your weekend. Firstly, you are going to choose

432
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 2: one day of your weekend and it's going to be

433
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 2: a should free day. No, I should do my chores,

434
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: I should go to the gym, I should see this person,

435
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,479
Speaker 2: none of that. This day is for you. You are

436
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: going to go where your feet want to go, where

437
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 2: your heart wants to go. You're only should for that

438
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 2: whole day is to get out of the house and

439
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 2: do something that you normally wouldn't. That's it, leave the house,

440
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 2: experience something other than your day to day. That is

441
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 2: your only should. The reason this is so important is

442
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: because new and novel experiences that we feel intrinsically motivated

443
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 2: to perform stimulate the brain's reward centers and promote a

444
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: sense of expansion, but also openness to new experiences. I

445
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 2: think as well, you just give yourself the space to

446
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: breathe and to be present in the moment that is

447
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 2: perhaps not available to you when you're working, when you're

448
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,120
Speaker 2: stuck in like the monotony of the day to day.

449
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 2: When you actually have an open perspective and an open

450
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 2: mind towards your weekends and you want them to be

451
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 2: expansive days for you, you have more opportunities for happiness and

452
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 2: to feel joy and to feel like, hey, this is

453
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 2: a good life and this is a good feeling. And

454
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 2: when you feel that way, when you feel relaxed and

455
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 2: open to new experiences, that also signals your nervous system

456
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: that it's safe, all is calm. You relax for a second,

457
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 2: and that's when you can really here, like the call

458
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 2: of your true self better, when you're no longer in

459
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 2: survival mode, when you're no longer kind of crowded out

460
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 2: by urgency and busyness. Alongside this, I want you to

461
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 2: create a bucket list. And yes, we have talked about

462
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: this before, and you know why it's come up in

463
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 2: a few episodes is because it is so down important

464
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,239
Speaker 2: as an adult to have things to look forward to

465
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 2: and to have ambitions that have absolutely no purpose other

466
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 2: than that they make you happy. You know, remember when

467
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 2: we were a kid and we would like make our

468
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 2: summer bucket list and it would be like have a sleepover,

469
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: like make s'mores, go to the amusement park, lemonade stand

470
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,960
Speaker 2: like we need to bring those back as people in

471
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: our twenties and thirties and beyond, we need to bring

472
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:57,719
Speaker 2: back adventure. Also, it means that when you have one

473
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: of those days of being like, ugh, I don't know

474
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 2: what to do. I don't like I feel bored, but

475
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 2: I want to do something instead of just like wasting

476
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 2: your time thinking about which fun thing to pick or

477
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 2: trying to search up and find or seek out inspiration.

478
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: Like you have your list, you have your bucket list.

479
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 2: You don't have to waste any time you go out

480
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 2: and you make new memories and in those moments, you

481
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: get to see yourself in different spaces, different environments, different situations,

482
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 2: learning kind of who you are on the job. I

483
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 2: guess one thing on my bucket list right now that

484
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to do when I'm in Chicago

485
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: later this week is the twelve hour Walk challenge side

486
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: quest here. I recently read this book. It is called

487
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: actually very aptly, the twelve Hour Walk, and in it,

488
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: the author he is a professional endurance athlete. He talks

489
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 2: about this personal experiment that he thinks we should all do,

490
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 2: where when we are feeling disconnected from ourselves, when we

491
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 2: are feeling a bit lost, you need to commit to

492
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 2: walking for twelve hours straight, alone and in silence, with

493
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 2: nothing about your thoughts, through your city or through a

494
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 2: city wherever you are. And during this twelve hour period,

495
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: you can stop as much as you want, you can

496
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 2: take breaks, you can sit down. You could literally walk

497
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 2: for an hour and then like sit in a park

498
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: for the rest of the eleven hours. But you can't

499
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: be on your phone, you can't listen to music. You

500
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 2: have to just be with your thoughts. And obviously, yes,

501
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: you can sit for eleven hours. The idea is that

502
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 2: you don't typically do that. He wants you to keep

503
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 2: walking and keep moving forward, and he argues that this

504
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 2: is a really easy way to reset, I guess your

505
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 2: spirit because you have to face so many internal fears

506
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 2: and doubts and be alone with your thoughts and notice

507
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 2: more about the world that we are kind of unable

508
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 2: to do on our day to day and in our

509
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 2: day to day life. It's also just again an adventure.

510
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 2: So people are aparently like, finish this walk feeling like

511
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 2: an immense sense of purpose, an immense sense of direction.

512
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 2: It's apparently very profound. So I'm gonna try it and

513
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 2: I will report back. I think you should also try

514
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 2: it if you're feeling that that's an inspiring idea to you.

515
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: If you have any sense that that seems like something

516
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 2: fun that you should do, you should do it. Obviously,

517
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 2: the twelve hour walk is something that you have to

518
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 2: do alone, but there are probably a lot of things

519
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 2: on your bucket list that would be better with other people.

520
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:39,959
Speaker 2: And yes, whilst spending time alone is vital for reconnecting

521
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 2: with yourself. If you feel disconnected, please don't allow that

522
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 2: to make you withdraw from your friends anymore or self isolate.

523
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 2: I get it. When we feel bored, when we feel

524
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 2: stuck in our lives, when our self esteem is deflated.

525
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 2: Sometimes the last thing you want to do is is

526
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 2: like have to can seal that actively from your friends.

527
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 2: The last thing you want to do is be social.

528
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: Social withdrawal is a very common coping mechanism when we're

529
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: dealing with a sense of identity disruption or when we're

530
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 2: not feeling like ourselves, often because it takes a lot

531
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 2: of effort to be socially present, but also because we

532
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 2: think more time alone automatically means more time to find ourselves,

533
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 2: it's actually quite the opposite. It often results in a

534
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 2: further exaggeration of depressive symptoms, a further exaggeration of loneliness,

535
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 2: a further exaggeration of dissatisfaction. It's this weird behavior that

536
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 2: does make us feel a little bit okay at the moment,

537
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 2: but actually often ends up worsening our situation. Whilst I'm

538
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 2: very aware that this urge can be very hard to fight,

539
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 2: especially if it's connected with a mental health disorder. When

540
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 2: you feel yourself slipping into this self isolation social withdrawal pattern,

541
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 2: I want you to remember the findings of this particular study.

542
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 2: The study is from twenty fourteen and it's titled Mistakenly

543
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 2: Seeking Solitude, and in it, these researchers looked at the

544
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 2: experiences of over a thousand individuals who, when they were

545
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 2: given the opportunity to engage with another person, were either

546
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 2: encouraged to lean into the situation or they were told

547
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 2: that they could do whatever they wanted to so they

548
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: could engage, or they could not engage. It was up

549
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 2: to them, basically. In the second situation, what they found

550
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 2: was that those who were encouraged to talk to someone,

551
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 2: who were encouraged to sit with them to engage with them,

552
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:41,239
Speaker 2: they reported much higher levels of connection, positive mood, and

553
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 2: they left feeling happier despite the fact that initially a

554
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 2: lot of them thought it was going to be a hassle.

555
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 2: A lot of them didn't actually want to engage with

556
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,239
Speaker 2: this other person in front of them. They thought it

557
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: was going to make their mood worse. The opposite was

558
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 2: the case interacting with others even if it feels like

559
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 2: it's going to be Agitating often ends up making us

560
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 2: feel better. So if you want to feel more aligned,

561
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 2: it is time to start seeing your friends again. It

562
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 2: is time to start planning fun outings. It is time

563
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 2: to know your neighbors. And if you really want to

564
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 2: go one step further, if you have time, it's time

565
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 2: to start volunteering you really like. If you feel disconnected

566
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 2: to yourself, volunteering is a very easy way to get

567
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 2: back to that version of you who you respect and

568
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 2: who you enjoy. This might sound controversial, but thinking about

569
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 2: yourself all the time is probably making you like yourself

570
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: a lot less. It's this thing called the self absorption paradox.

571
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 2: Higher levels of self focus and self awareness can actually

572
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 2: increase levels of psychological distress. The more you try to

573
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 2: connect with yourself, the more you try to investigate your behavior,

574
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 2: the more you time you spend with your thoughts and

575
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 2: your thoughts alone, the less happy you're actually going to be.

576
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 2: This is a such suation that I found myself in

577
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 2: last year. I spent so much time being like, all right,

578
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: I'm just going to sit at home and I'm just

579
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 2: going to think about my situation and I'm just going

580
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 2: to examine my behavior, and if I think about it enough,

581
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 2: I will come up with a reasonable explanation that will

582
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 2: make this all go away. The moment that I decided

583
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 2: to just instead direct that attention that I was putting

584
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 2: on myself towards something and someone who needed me and

585
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 2: that was bigger than me, the better I felt for me.

586
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 2: That was volunteering with animals. I started fostering dogs. I

587
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 2: started doing rescue runs for local animal shelters, where you

588
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: basically fill your car full of dogs that dogs that

589
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: are from kill shelters and you drive them across state

590
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 2: lines or to other areas that aren't kill shelters. And

591
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 2: in those moments, I felt more like myself than I

592
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: had felt in a while, because the focus wasn't on me,

593
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 2: it was on someone who needed that attention more than

594
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 2: I definitely did. Doing something for it's so important and

595
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 2: it's so valuable, and I think as a society it's

596
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 2: something that we often neglect, especially when we are, you know,

597
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,839
Speaker 2: told to be very individualistic and told to be very

598
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 2: self focused. But I know this is going to sound ironic.

599
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 2: For this final tip, I am actually going to redirect

600
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 2: the attention back onto ourselves once more. Despite that whole

601
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 2: speech about you know, doing more for others, I know

602
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,240
Speaker 2: it's ironic, but I do think that this final tip

603
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 2: is equally important and bears mentioning. If you want to

604
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 2: feel more like yourself again, you need to set a

605
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 2: big goal for yourself that has nothing to do with

606
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 2: your professional identity, nothing to do with external validation, nothing

607
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 2: to do with getting ahead or anything like that. What

608
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 2: I mean to say is that it is important that

609
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 2: each of us has some kind of a goal. Yes,

610
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 2: we may have a broader goal that is very visible,

611
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 2: but it's also important that we have a private goal

612
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 2: that we want to accomplish, that we want to meaningfully

613
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: work towards silently, day in and day out. Setting a

614
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 2: deeply personal, non performative goal, one that is detached from

615
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 2: social or professional approval, can really restore a fragmented sense

616
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: of self because it engages you with your intrinsic self.

617
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 2: When we pursue something for the sheer joy of mastery

618
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 2: or expression, or the joy of the behavior. When we

619
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 2: do that, we re establish autonomy over our time, over

620
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 2: our identity, over our actions. This is a form of

621
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 2: autotelic behavior, which is basically a kind of behavior that

622
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 2: engages with the flow of the behavior for its own sake.

623
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 2: It's something that really nourishes our own internal compass. It's

624
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 2: something that really allows us to understand what we want,

625
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: what we care about, and it fosters something called self integration. Basically,

626
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: self integration means that day by day, our behaviors align

627
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 2: more with who we want to be, until we feel

628
00:37:55,840 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: like we are a more enlightened, higher version of ourselfs

629
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 2: I think also the ultimate goal of this is that

630
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 2: it builds trust in yourself as well. Often, when we

631
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 2: feel detached from who we are and we don't know

632
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:12,439
Speaker 2: who we are, we don't trust ourselves to get back there,

633
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 2: and we don't trust ourselves in general. We don't think

634
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 2: that we are capable of achieving what we want to achieve.

635
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 2: We don't think we're capable of getting back to ourselves.

636
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: We don't trust that we can take care of this problem,

637
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 2: or any problem for that matter. But when you set

638
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 2: a goal and you work for it, just invisibly, just

639
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 2: in your own life, just for your own sake, you

640
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 2: silently say to yourself, hey, we are able to go

641
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: after things that we care about. We are able to

642
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 2: achieve things that we care about. You can trust yourself,

643
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 2: You can trust that you are going to be true

644
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 2: to your word. Here are some examples, because I know

645
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 2: sometimes they hard. To think of writing a novel that

646
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 2: no one knows, you're working on, training for a solo

647
00:38:54,920 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 2: hiking trip, growing like a balcony garden just from scratch,

648
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 2: just because you kind of want to. Creating art that

649
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,439
Speaker 2: you're never going to post anywhere, you're never going to sell,

650
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 2: you're never going to put online is another amazing one.

651
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: These activities, you know, really connect us with ourselves and

652
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 2: they bring our idea of ourself, the one that we

653
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: have in our mind in line with how we're acting

654
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 2: and how we're behaving. I think we could all benefit

655
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 2: from a challenge as well. You know, when was the

656
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 2: last time you challenge yourself? This right here, this moment

657
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 2: where you're questioning a lot about who you are, is

658
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 2: a great opportunity. Again, what do you have to lose?

659
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 2: There's so much more that you can gain, and these

660
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 2: new experiences are just a really amazing way to kind

661
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 2: of find the path back to yourself, even if you

662
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 2: are kind of blind for the first part of the journey.

663
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 2: Just doing things putting yourself in spaces where there is

664
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 2: the opportunity for self discovery, even if you feel a

665
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 2: bit unsure, is really the only way to get through this.

666
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 2: So as we wrap up this episode, I just want

667
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 2: to say, yes, all these tips are important. I'm sure

668
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 2: that they will be helpful. I hope they will be helpful.

669
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 2: But just have some grace with yourself. There are a

670
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 2: lot of people in this with you. There are a

671
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: lot of people in this world who feel very similar

672
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 2: and don't know who they are because I think modern

673
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 2: society and modern culture has made it very hard to

674
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 2: spend time with ourselves and to spend time on our

675
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,879
Speaker 2: wants and our needs and not our shoulds. I think

676
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,720
Speaker 2: that's where this disconnect really comes from. We can't really

677
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 2: hear the internal voice that's within all of us that

678
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 2: is able to communicate with us and tell us what

679
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 2: we want, and we feel that emotionally, and we're feeling

680
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 2: that mentally and psychologically. So any kind of activity that

681
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 2: just takes you out of what you think is expected

682
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 2: from you, or takes you out of your routine or

683
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 2: a stagnant mindset and just into a new space of

684
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 2: novelty like that is particularly luminous and it's particularly incredible,

685
00:40:58,520 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 2: and I really do think it will help you out.

686
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 2: So I'm sending you a lot of love and a

687
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 2: lot of empathy. I know how difficult it can be

688
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 2: to not know who you are right now, but there

689
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 2: is definitely a way back. Send this episode to someone

690
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 2: else who you think might benefit from it. If you

691
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 2: yourself benefited from it, make sure that you are following

692
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 2: us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast, and leave the

693
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 2: podcast a five star review wherever you are listening, particularly

694
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 2: on Apple if you want to leave. If you are

695
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 2: listening on Apple and you want to leave a little review,

696
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,720
Speaker 2: those really really benefit us and help the show grow

697
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 2: and reach new people, especially if you feel like there

698
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 2: was value in this episode or any others. Yeah, I

699
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 2: very kindly asked that you consider it. Also, my book

700
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 2: is still available and I will leave a link in

701
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,479
Speaker 2: the description. Make sure you check that out as well.

702
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 2: But until next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle

703
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,399
Speaker 2: with yourself, and we will talk very very soon.

704
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 1: Y