Speaker 1: Hello from the bright Side, Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2: Today on the show, we're fueling up on friendship. We're
Speaker 2: deep diving with friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayer Jackson.
Speaker 2: She's sharing three ways we can strengthen our bonds, the
Speaker 2: amazing health benefits we get from sisterhood, and she drops
Speaker 2: some major gems on how we can all be a
Speaker 2: better friend.
Speaker 1: Speaking of friends, Sharon Dion, Rachel and Monica, Hillary and
Speaker 1: Ashley Banks. We love a good on screen sisterhood, but
Speaker 1: today we're revealing the most unexpected famous friend pairings in
Speaker 1: real life. It's a game we're calling homies or don't
Speaker 1: know me. It's Tuesday, April second. I'm Simone Boyce.
Speaker 2: I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright Side from
Speaker 2: Hello Sunshine. Tell me what you did last night. We
Speaker 2: usually we get to talk on the phone at night,
Speaker 2: and I didn't get to talk to you.
Speaker 1: You know what, My weekends, my nights lately have been
Speaker 1: very uneventful, and that's okay because I'm busier than ever,
Speaker 1: and so I think I'm really enjoying just the normalcy
Speaker 1: of those periods.
Speaker 2: M Normal is so underrated, it really is.
Speaker 1: I totally agree how about you.
Speaker 2: My Monday was actually more eventful than usual. Usually I
Speaker 2: like to take it easy on Monday and Friday nights.
Speaker 2: But I went to dinner with a girlfriend who's about
Speaker 2: to be an author. She's coming out with a book
Speaker 2: this summer, and so she gave me her proof copy
Speaker 2: and I spent the whole night reading it. And then
Speaker 2: you know what I did. This is my secret, little
Speaker 2: magic moment of joy. I went to get a foot massage.
Speaker 2: It's one of those places where there's like twenty beds
Speaker 2: and you all get a foot massage in front of
Speaker 2: each other and there's.
Speaker 1: A little curtain in between each one. Oh, this doesn't
Speaker 1: have a curtain, Okay, so you're just you're out there together.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I carry all my stress in my feet,
Speaker 2: my feet in my hands. I was so joyful.
Speaker 1: Listen, foot massage sex. I mean it's really tight there.
Speaker 1: It's their neck And for me, I told you, are
Speaker 1: you the same way? Oh my gosh, a foot massage.
Speaker 1: I love getting foot massages. I also will roll up
Speaker 1: for like a cheap and dirty foot massage, even at
Speaker 1: the nail salon. I'll just stop by soak my feet
Speaker 1: in that tub and get I'll be like, twenty dollars
Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, hook me up, yes.
Speaker 2: And then I want an extra five minutes after. It's
Speaker 2: never enough time. It's never enough time, you know my mom.
Speaker 2: I remember when I was a little girl. My mom
Speaker 2: used to be like, I think I'm done with heels.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna wear sneakers or your sandals all the time.
Speaker 2: And I looked at her and I'm like, you are
Speaker 2: giving up. Why would you ever be done with heels.
Speaker 2: I'll never be like that. And I am so done
Speaker 2: with heels. I can't even tell you. I'm living in sneakers.
Speaker 2: This is why I need a foot massage all the time.
Speaker 1: Totally done with heels. I just got a pair of
Speaker 1: those Adidas Sambas. That's gonna be my new go to
Speaker 1: shoe now. Oh, I like that. When you were talking
Speaker 1: about your mom and that memory from growing up, it
Speaker 1: reminded me my aunt Monica. She used to pay me
Speaker 1: and my cousins a dollar to give her a foot massage.
Speaker 2: That is so familial. There's somebody in every family who
Speaker 2: does this.
Speaker 1: Yes, she was such a hustler too. She was such
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, so that made a lot of sense she
Speaker 1: would kind of like gamify the foot massage and find
Speaker 1: like a business angle to teach us about business and entrepreneurship.
Speaker 2: But that is funny. Yeah, well, I guess we can't
Speaker 2: spend the whole episode talking about feet, should we get
Speaker 2: into it?
Speaker 1: I did not expect for this to be our foot episode,
Speaker 1: but I guess it's a good time as any. Let's
Speaker 1: get into it though.
Speaker 2: Okay, we have a funny topic to discuss today, and
Speaker 2: it's all over the internet. So Golden Retriever boyfriends and husbands?
Speaker 2: Do you have one? Do you want one? TikTok defines
Speaker 2: a Golden Retriever boyfriend as someone who is trusting, who
Speaker 2: is kind, who's unashamed of his feelings, takes a playful
Speaker 2: approach to life, full of positivity, loves PDA, and really
Speaker 2: just has the qualities of America's quintessential dog. It gives
Speaker 2: me ken from Barbie. I think of Travis Kelcey, Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift's boyfriend. They're both giving me Golden Retriever energy.
Speaker 1: Golden Retriever energy. This is such a funny conversation. You know,
Speaker 1: for the longest I thought that I was married to
Speaker 1: a golden Retriever husband. But I just realized I'm the
Speaker 1: golden Retriever in the relationship. What do you mean, I'm
Speaker 1: the golden Retriever. I'm the I'm the effervescent, energetic one.
Speaker 2: Because you're the likable one. Is Michael not like it?
Speaker 1: No, don't say that.
Speaker 2: He's very likable, but that's part of it.
Speaker 1: No wait, really, no, I don't want to say that
Speaker 1: he is. He's so kind and nice and likable and
Speaker 1: gets along with everyone, So don't get me wrong there.
Speaker 1: But I'm just the more energetic, bombastic like I've got it.
Speaker 1: I'm hyper. I'm like a hyper Golden Retriever puppy.
Speaker 2: You're the happy, go lucky pogo stick.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, well said, Well said. There's this other phenomenon,
Speaker 1: the blackcat girlfriend. Have you heard about this.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the usually the person who's married or partnered
Speaker 2: with the golden retriever. So like you can only really
Speaker 2: have one Golden Retriever in the relationship. The other person
Speaker 2: has to kind of take more of a back seat,
Speaker 2: is what they're.
Speaker 1: Saying, right, The black eyed girlfriend has to compliment the
Speaker 1: other person, so they're a bit more antisocial, calm quiet,
Speaker 1: which gets to this age old theory of opposites attracting.
Speaker 1: Do you think that that's true.
Speaker 2: I do think that a lot of people partner looking
Speaker 2: to complete themselves, so we look for things that we
Speaker 2: don't have. It's sort of like this natural instinct. I
Speaker 2: usually do partner with my opposite. Is Michael your opposite?
Speaker 1: Yeah? We do contrast each other in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2: There has to be some overlap, like you need similarities
Speaker 2: in values. Maybe even like some similar interests would be nice.
Speaker 1: I think it's a contrast in energies that has to
Speaker 1: happen right more well, because it's like you said, if
Speaker 1: you both have that really hyper Golden Retriever energy, that's
Speaker 1: probably going to be a lot and you might drain
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 2: I don't know were you thinking, because you're the golden Retriever.
Speaker 2: So what's Michael?
Speaker 1: He's more, he has more black cat energy. He has
Speaker 1: that he has that calm, quiet, level headed energy. Are
Speaker 1: you Are you attracted to a Golden Retriever man?
Speaker 2: Not really. I do like somebody who's enthusiastic about life,
Speaker 2: but I'm more of a low key person and so
Speaker 2: if someone has too much energy, it's just not a
Speaker 2: match for me. I was thinking about what I do, Like,
Speaker 2: I think I decided I either want a German shepherd
Speaker 2: or a labordoodle. And I'm gonna tell you why.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me why? Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2: Okay, So German shepherds are large dogs. I don't need
Speaker 2: somebody tall. I would like somebody, you know, like I'm
Speaker 2: five to one, just taller than me. Wise, that's not
Speaker 2: too much task, not too much task. Intelligent. I love
Speaker 2: a smart man. They form close bonds with their owners,
Speaker 2: and they're hard workers, like they're serve dogs are in
Speaker 2: the military. They assist, which I love like a man
Speaker 2: of service. Is so beautiful to me.
Speaker 1: I'm just laughing at how seriously you're taking this dog
Speaker 1: breed partner conversation.
Speaker 2: Wait, the best part is that they're athletic, and I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I need somebody who wants to work
Speaker 2: out with me.
Speaker 1: Wait, okay, so I have more about that. That's really
Speaker 1: funny that you mention it, because there was this hilarious
Speaker 1: article in The New Yorker comparing celebrities to dog breeds.
Speaker 1: They said that Michael B. Jordan is like a Belgian shepherd,
Speaker 1: which is just like a German shepherd, so highly athletic.
Speaker 1: They said that Ryan Gosling is an Australian shepherd because
Speaker 1: he has gorgeous eye and an ability to follow specific commands.
Speaker 2: So I guess it does what Eva Mendez tells him
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 1: I guess. And also he's really talented. He has all
Speaker 1: these different skill sets. He can sing, he can dance,
Speaker 1: he can act. Kevin Hart is a Chiuahua.
Speaker 2: I don't find him nippy like a chihuahua.
Speaker 1: He is a little bit if you see it in
Speaker 1: his stand up. Really, yes, that is funny.
Speaker 2: He has that little.
Speaker 1: Yippy, yeppie diminutive.
Speaker 2: Think they're just saying because he's kind of small, so
Speaker 2: they're calling him a chuaha, which is not fair. I
Speaker 2: stand for all the small people.
Speaker 1: I love Kevin Hart so much. He owns it though,
Speaker 1: you know, does he really owns it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? He does.
Speaker 1: And then this article compares Killian Murphy to a cat.
Speaker 2: I'm to think, like, who's a poodle, who's a Doberman pincher?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know that. I want that Doberman pincher
Speaker 1: energy in my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like the guard dogs of the late nineteenth century.
Speaker 1: Thank you for that. Danielle In our hosting relationship as workwives.
Speaker 1: Who has more Golden Retriever energy? Is it you or
Speaker 1: is it me?
Speaker 2: I feel like we need the producers to weigh in
Speaker 2: on this. We need the paticles.
Speaker 1: What do you think I'm gonna say it's me, just
Speaker 1: because I have that everywhere I go.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say it was you too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you're.
Speaker 1: Bouncy, You're fun, You're very fun too, king But I'm
Speaker 1: a lot. I know, I think I'm a lot. It's
Speaker 1: something that is always in the back of my mind.
Speaker 2: So, you know, all over the internet people say that
Speaker 2: if you think you're too much, the other people around
Speaker 2: you are too little. I don't think you're too much
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, So if I'm the Golden Retriever, then what are you?
Speaker 2: I think that makes me the black cat.
Speaker 1: She's wearing all black today.
Speaker 2: I want to be a labradoodle. Okay, Can I just
Speaker 2: be a labradoodle?
Speaker 1: I feel like labradoodles and Golden Retrievers would be best buds.
Speaker 2: I think so they're playful. You know, they like long walks.
Speaker 2: I like a walk a day, love a good walk.
Speaker 2: My parents always walked after dinner, and now I always
Speaker 2: feel like I want a partner that's going to walk with.
Speaker 1: Me a constitutional yes. Yeah, maybe we should instead of
Speaker 1: calling them hot girl walks, we should just take ourselves
Speaker 1: for a dog walk.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you said that, because one of my
Speaker 2: best friends lives six blocks from me. Uh huh, and
Speaker 2: sometimes I call her and I say, hey, can you
Speaker 2: walk the dog? Being me, I'm the dog because it's
Speaker 2: so funny. I can't get out of my apartment, like
Speaker 2: I'll just work on my computer all night, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: can you please come walk the dog.
Speaker 3: I'm dying.
Speaker 2: I'm dying.
Speaker 1: Okay, besties, we need you to settle this score. Who
Speaker 1: has more Golden Retriever energy? Is it Danielle or is
Speaker 1: it me? Let us know at hello At the brightsidepodcast dot.
Speaker 2: Com wloofwoof After the Break, friendship expert Danielle Buyer Jackson
Speaker 2: is hanging out with us. She's given us her tips
Speaker 2: on how to be a better bff.
Speaker 1: Stick with us. Okay, bright Side besties, I am so
Speaker 1: excited to introduce you to Asking for a Friend, where
Speaker 1: we are gonna be answering your biggest, most burning questions
Speaker 1: about friendship, whether that's creating new connections, fostering existing ones,
Speaker 1: or navigating conflict.
Speaker 2: Yikes here to help us. Dig In is one of
Speaker 2: my favorite you know what, she's not one of MI.
Speaker 2: She is my favorite expert in this space. And she's
Speaker 2: a fellow. Danielle, Danielle Bayer Jackson is here. She's a
Speaker 2: friendship coach and host of the podcast friend Forward. So Danielle, welcome.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: We have been talking about you for weeks now. We
Speaker 1: have been Our whole office has been so excited to
Speaker 1: get you on the show. I think we have plenty
Speaker 1: to talk about, plenty of questions for you.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that everybody had so many friend issues.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, wonder you have a job. I get it.
Speaker 3: That's right. It pays the bills, I'll tell you that.
Speaker 2: But you weren't always a friendship coach. You started out
Speaker 2: as a teacher, so I'm curious as to how you
Speaker 2: journeyed into this new title. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So, I actually started out as a high school teacher,
Speaker 4: and I was working with seniors and it's the number
Speaker 4: one thing they wanted to talk about between classes and
Speaker 4: after school was the friendship drama. And then I became
Speaker 4: the academic chair, and so the teachers who were in
Speaker 4: my department, they were talking about, how can we solve,
Speaker 4: you know, all the drama that's getting in the way
Speaker 4: of the learning in the classroom. And so after six years,
Speaker 4: I left the classroom and I got into public relations.
Speaker 4: So suddenly I'm working with these charismatic, high achieving women
Speaker 4: and it wasn't long before I realized that they too,
Speaker 4: privately had their friendship issues where they weren't feeling seen
Speaker 4: and satisfied. So that's why I kind of got curious
Speaker 4: about what research was available to help us understand women's connection.
Speaker 4: And so for the past six years, I've been leveraging
Speaker 4: my background and education to study with the research has
Speaker 4: to say about women's connection and conflict.
Speaker 2: Tell me about what friendship means in your life.
Speaker 4: You know, you can't do this work and not have
Speaker 4: it directly impact or personal relationships. And I'll tell you this,
Speaker 4: I think the way that it's impacted me most is
Speaker 4: I think it's made me braver because I'm learning that
Speaker 4: a lot of us are scared of rejection. I'm learning
Speaker 4: about the benefits and so being equipped with that technical
Speaker 4: knowledge makes me bolder in my relationships, to pursue new friends,
Speaker 4: to appology, to declare if I want more connection with
Speaker 4: existing friends, and so I'm so appreciative to have this
Speaker 4: knowledge impact my life in such a personal way.
Speaker 1: Danielle knows that I love to nerd out about science,
Speaker 1: So can I get nerdy with you about the data here? Okay? Okay, great.
Speaker 1: So I want to know more about the health benefits
Speaker 1: of female friendship. And also I'm curious if you've come
Speaker 1: across any research about at what age do women report
Speaker 1: having the most satisfaction in their friendships.
Speaker 4: Well, say this, There are a bunch of benefits, but
Speaker 4: a couple that really blow my mind is a lot
Speaker 4: of us are familiar with the concept of fight or
Speaker 4: flight as responses to stress. Well, they did that study again,
Speaker 4: this time with women, and they found that we have
Speaker 4: two more responses tend or befriend. Yeah, so when we're
Speaker 4: facing distress, we might either go and tend to those
Speaker 4: who are more vulnerable and care for them, or go
Speaker 4: and gather with other women. It decreases our stress hormone,
Speaker 4: increases oxytocin, and so it's quite literally helpful to go
Speaker 4: and gab with your girls when you're freaking out. You
Speaker 4: know it has these impacts, and having quality relationships overall
Speaker 4: just contributes to your longevity and your overall life satisfaction. Now,
Speaker 4: in terms of what age where we start to feel
Speaker 4: most satisfied, I do know that the research shows that
Speaker 4: your social network grows and grows until about the age
Speaker 4: of twenty six, at which point it begins to decrease.
Speaker 4: But in terms of like a point where you'll feel
Speaker 4: fulfilled and happy, I don't know that it's one particular age,
Speaker 4: but I do know the more that you commit to
Speaker 4: growing and to evolving and you get intentional about your
Speaker 4: platonic relationships, I think that's when we'll start to kind
Speaker 4: of catch a rhythm and feel a little more confident
Speaker 4: about those relationships.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I want to talk about the flip side
Speaker 2: of this, which is friendship conflict friendship issues. You have
Speaker 2: said that there is one main overarching theme that all
Speaker 2: issues revolve around.
Speaker 4: So something that I hear pretty commonly is about are
Speaker 4: you as invested as I am? And for women especially,
Speaker 4: we really place a lot of emphasis on reciprocity and
Speaker 4: mutual prioritization, Meaning I want to feel like if you're
Speaker 4: my number one girl. I want to feel like I'm
Speaker 4: you see me the same way, and I want to
Speaker 4: feel like if I'm pouring in, you're doing as much
Speaker 4: as me. And so you know, typically, you know, if
Speaker 4: somebody's giving me some kind of grievance about their friendships,
Speaker 4: it's somewhere in the realm of.
Speaker 3: A lack of balance and equality in that way.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's me. It's me. You guys, what
Speaker 1: do you mean? Which one are you? I'm her, I
Speaker 1: would I'm the friend. I'm the friend who thinks about reciprocity.
Speaker 1: I get I get bothered if I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: investing a lot in a friendship and I'm not getting
Speaker 1: a lot back. And I think that can manifest in
Speaker 1: a lot of different ways, like if if I'm always
Speaker 1: the one reaching out, if I feel like I'm being
Speaker 1: really intentional about connecting with you and I'm not getting
Speaker 1: that in return, or let's say, if if we schedule
Speaker 1: things and you always flake like that's going to be
Speaker 1: a big deal for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're You're not alone.
Speaker 4: It's like the number one thing, because you know, none
Speaker 4: of us wants to feel foolish for like in this
Speaker 4: by ourselves, or that she doesn't care as much, you know.
Speaker 4: So I've definitely felt that way about certain friends where
Speaker 4: you get suspicious because either you're pouring in maybe like
Speaker 4: of your time, of your emotional support. Yeah, you feel like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm always listening to your stuff, you know, so you're
Speaker 4: definitely not alone. And I think reciprocity is something that
Speaker 4: we are hungry for for sure.
Speaker 2: Can I ask you a question about that? Is it
Speaker 2: really about expectations or reciprocity both.
Speaker 4: It starts with expectations, because the research does show that
Speaker 4: women tend to have higher expectations in their close relationships,
Speaker 4: both platonic and romantic. But it's only kind of compounded
Speaker 4: by the fact that we often don't communicate it because
Speaker 4: we feel like we shouldn't have to. I always joked
Speaker 4: that if I had a dollar for how many times
Speaker 4: women said Danielle, I should not have to say that
Speaker 4: I need X y Z. That should be obvious. But
Speaker 4: that is a relationship killing myth that your friends just
Speaker 4: ought to know. And so if you feel like you
Speaker 4: desire more from a friend, whatever that looks like, you
Speaker 4: want to be careful to package it more as an
Speaker 4: invitation instead of an accusation, Oh that's good, you know.
Speaker 4: So instead of like, well you know you don't call me,
Speaker 4: maybe it's just like, hey, I know the last couple
Speaker 4: of times we went out, I was giving you suggestion
Speaker 4: for where I wanted to go.
Speaker 3: But you know, I would love to hear from you
Speaker 3: what you want.
Speaker 2: To do, an invitation, not an accusation.
Speaker 1: Can you give us a template for having hard conversations?
Speaker 4: Yes, So I'd first like to say, if you feel
Speaker 4: weird about conflict, it might start with the reframe. Depending
Speaker 4: on how you were raised or what the culture of
Speaker 4: conflict was in your home, you might be very scared.
Speaker 4: But I need you to see it as an opportunity
Speaker 4: to meet a need.
Speaker 3: So it's a good thing.
Speaker 4: And the research tells us that on the other side
Speaker 4: of healthy conflict, people report feeling closer. So hey, it's
Speaker 4: a prerequisite to platonic intimacy. So tangibly, it looks like
Speaker 4: four steps. One you lead with vulnerability. So you might
Speaker 4: open by saying the very reason you're reluctant to have
Speaker 4: the conversation. That might look like, Hey, I have something
Speaker 4: I wanted to talk to you about, but the last
Speaker 4: thing I want is for things to be weird between us.
Speaker 4: The second thing is to highlight the impact of her
Speaker 4: behavior instead of the behavior. So I might say, hey,
Speaker 4: when you share things that I told you, it makes
Speaker 4: me feel really uneasy and question you like trustwise, and
Speaker 4: I don't like feeling that way, So I'm highlighting the impact. Finally,
Speaker 4: I ask questions, and so I might to say, like, hey,
Speaker 4: what's going on. Finally, you're going to end by collaborating
Speaker 4: on what you're going to do differently moving forward, so
Speaker 4: everybody can feel a sense of security and knowing that
Speaker 4: next time we'll be better.
Speaker 1: I love that template that you just laid out. It
Speaker 1: makes it so easy, especially for me, someone who having
Speaker 1: hard conversations doesn't come easily for me.
Speaker 2: Well, we're not the only ones that want to learn
Speaker 2: from you. We actually had some listener's message and they
Speaker 2: have questions for you too. So are you ready for these?
Speaker 3: I'm so ready. Let's do it.
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of us can relate to
Speaker 1: this one. I used to have a friend I was
Speaker 1: really close to, but we kept having conversations about how
Speaker 1: I felt like I was reaching out more than she was.
Speaker 1: I just felt like she wasn't showing up the way
Speaker 1: I wanted her to. So I finally asked for space,
Speaker 1: and now it's been months of not really top How
Speaker 1: do you know if you should revive the friendship or
Speaker 1: just let it die, especially if it hasn't had a
Speaker 1: proper death signed grieving.
Speaker 4: That's so such a powerful question because I know we've
Speaker 4: all been there. If you're trying to figure out whether
Speaker 4: or not to rekindle or revive a friendship. The first
Speaker 4: reason I like to pose to women to explore that
Speaker 4: is if something has changed since the last time you
Speaker 4: were friends, because sometimes we get to missing her and
Speaker 4: she's familiar and we want her company again because we
Speaker 4: love her. But if nothing has changed since the first
Speaker 4: time you stepped away, then I would encourage you to
Speaker 4: look at that right And also, has enough time pass
Speaker 4: where people have gained perspectives, So what's going to be
Speaker 4: different this time around? And does everybody have the necessary
Speaker 4: data to move forward? So if you still have some
Speaker 4: issues that you were upset about, but you plan on
Speaker 4: re engaging her without communicating that information, I just don't
Speaker 4: see how things would be better the second time around.
Speaker 2: I had a friendship I put to bed one time,
Speaker 2: and the question I asked myself, was every time I
Speaker 2: call this person or she calls me, do I get
Speaker 2: energy or do I feel drained? And if nine out
Speaker 2: of ten times I felt drained? You know, because everybody
Speaker 2: goes through stuff, so you got to be thoughtful about that.
Speaker 2: But if it's if it's all the time, it's just
Speaker 2: not for me anymore. And it's tough to put a
Speaker 2: friendship to bed. I like that question nine nights. Okay,
Speaker 2: not tough for someone, Okay, Danielle, this is my favorite
Speaker 2: question of the day. Over the past four years, one
Speaker 2: of my closest friends has become increasingly politically active. She's
Speaker 2: supporting a candidate whom I strongly disagree with on a
Speaker 2: fundamental level. I don't want our political differences to drive
Speaker 2: a wedge between us, But at the same time, I'm
Speaker 2: finding it increasingly difficult to engage with her without feeling
Speaker 2: like this is a values issue. How can I navigate
Speaker 2: this situation without jeopardizing our relationship or compromising my own
Speaker 2: beliefs signed politically parted?
Speaker 4: Oh, I feel for her, and I know that more
Speaker 4: of us were going to experience that in an increasingly
Speaker 4: divisive political season.
Speaker 3: I'll say this, it sounds.
Speaker 4: Nice and fluffy to say, you know, well, sometimes we
Speaker 4: just agree to disagree and you maintain the friendship.
Speaker 3: And I like that sentiment.
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 4: But if you start to realize that the difference is
Speaker 4: something where it feels like it's a threat to your
Speaker 4: actually said identity or humanity, and your world views are
Speaker 4: so different that it feels like you'd be somehow compromising
Speaker 4: your sense of self to maintain this friendship, then I
Speaker 4: don't think that makes it a superficial reason to withdraw.
Speaker 4: So always start by saying, is there a way that
Speaker 4: we can set boundaries around certain discussions or behaviors and
Speaker 4: still engage in and this friendship still adds some kind
Speaker 4: of value to my life. But if you're unable to
Speaker 4: contain those differences in that way and it has you
Speaker 4: feeling resentful, it has you feeling devalued, unappreciated, unaffirmed, then
Speaker 4: I think it's totally valid to want to withdraw from
Speaker 4: a friendship like that.
Speaker 2: This is a tough one.
Speaker 1: Do you feel about it? This has actually happened to me.
Speaker 1: I've been on the receiving end of a friendship breakup
Speaker 1: because of something that I posted and my friend didn't
Speaker 1: actually address why she cut off the relationship. She just
Speaker 1: basically ghosted ended communications. And it was tough because we
Speaker 1: had moved to a new area and they were our
Speaker 1: only friends in the area. But in the end, it
Speaker 1: revealed a lot more about her than anything else, that
Speaker 1: she didn't have the maturity to have the conversation, and
Speaker 1: also that she she didn't have room for nuance. And
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. I do think that today,
Speaker 1: in today's day and age, it is becoming increasingly difficult
Speaker 1: to have friendships with people who seemingly are really far
Speaker 1: apart from us on values. But I also think it's
Speaker 1: unrealistic to have a circle of friends where you agree
Speaker 1: with everyone on every single thing. I think that's impossible.
Speaker 4: And I'm sorry that happened to you, because that's so
Speaker 4: like devastating and jarring, right and hurtful. If you trust
Speaker 4: somebody and then they leave, you start to think, gosh, well,
Speaker 4: what did this friendship mean to you? And I want
Speaker 4: to clarify. I do think we should start with curiosity, Hey,
Speaker 4: why do you believe the way you do? And honestly,
Speaker 4: a person's more likely to change their mind when they
Speaker 4: see new world views from a friend, like somebody in
Speaker 4: my intimate circle. That's going to get me thinking about
Speaker 4: things differently. But if you do find that you know,
Speaker 4: they're saying and doing things that make you feel like, gosh,
Speaker 4: you disrespect you know me and the group I belong to?
Speaker 4: Do you even see me or respect me? Then those
Speaker 4: are the kinds of things that at some point some
Speaker 4: might feel like, Okay, this is something I just I
Speaker 4: can't sanely maintain.
Speaker 3: But it is tricky. It's tricky all around.
Speaker 1: And I don't know that there's one clear cut answer.
Speaker 1: It gave such a beautiful answer, but I really think
Speaker 1: it is situationally dependent.
Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick break, but when we
Speaker 2: come back, we're putting our guests celebrity friendship knowledge to
Speaker 2: the test with a little game we're calling homies or
Speaker 2: don't know Me?
Speaker 1: Stick with us, all right. We want to take advantage
Speaker 1: of having friendship guru Danielle Bayer Jackson with us today.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna play a game where we guess unex
Speaker 1: expected celebrity friendships without further ado. Let's get into a
Speaker 1: round of homies or don't know Me? You ready, Danielle,
Speaker 1: I'm so ready? Yes, here's how this is gonna work.
Speaker 1: This is multiple choice, So I'm gonna give you a
Speaker 1: few choices and then you have to answer the question.
Speaker 1: All right, So first up, who is best friends with
Speaker 1: Dolly Parton? Is it A Sylvester Stallone, B, Timothy Shallome, C,
Speaker 1: Diane Keaton or d Selena Gomez?
Speaker 3: Oh? Wow, all those shock me. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 3: go with d E.
Speaker 1: It's actually Sylvester Stallone.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: That is a random pairing.
Speaker 1: Isn't that shocking? Okay, here's a little background. So Dolly
Speaker 1: and Sly first met on a movie set in the eighties.
Speaker 1: The movie was Rhinestone, a musical comedy that came out
Speaker 1: in nineteen eighty four. In that Dolly plays a country
Speaker 1: singer who makes a bet with Sly's character Freddy that
Speaker 1: she can turn anyone into a country star in two weeks.
Speaker 2: Wait, I saw this film.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but now I want to go
Speaker 1: about the watch this movie.
Speaker 2: Okay, Next one, John Travolta gets his style advice from A.
Speaker 2: Lil nas X B. Samuel L. Jackson, C. Barbara Streisan
Speaker 2: or D Pitbull. Mister three oh five?
Speaker 3: Oh god, I'm gonna go with b Samuel L.
Speaker 2: Jackson. It is our other bald headed friend. Mister three
Speaker 2: oh five Piple was the one who convinced John Travlta
Speaker 2: to shave his head in twenty nineteen. Ballet Simona lived
Speaker 2: in Miami for a few years, so it's coming out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my blood. These are actually really hard now that
Speaker 1: I'm now that I'm looking at it. So you're doing great, Danielle.
Speaker 1: We threw you some hard ones today.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Finally, Bette Midler is homies with which rapper? Is it
Speaker 1: A Cardi, B B Nicki Minaj see Snoop Doggie Dog
Speaker 1: or d Fitty Cent?
Speaker 4: Well, I feel like Snoop is besties with Martha Stewart,
Speaker 4: so I'm going to take him off. I'm gonna say
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go with a but honestly, who knows anymore?
Speaker 1: It's actually fifty Cent. Fifty Cent and Bette Midler are friends.
Speaker 1: They met through charity work, and Bet has said that
Speaker 1: Fiddy has made her life Fiddy Fiji has made her
Speaker 1: life worth living, and that they've been through thick and
Speaker 1: thin together.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Never one of thought I need photo and video evidence
Speaker 2: of this. I love this friendship so much.
Speaker 1: Danielle, you have been spectacular. I want to be friends
Speaker 1: with you too. I totally understand why Danielle was so clingy.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about her.
Speaker 2: Whoa Clay's a very strong word.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry she gets that way sometimes. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us for all our bright side
Speaker 1: besties out there. Danielle Buyer Jackson is a friendship coach
Speaker 1: and host of the Friends Forward podcast, and her debut book,
Speaker 1: called Fighting for Our Friendships, is out May seventh.
Speaker 2: Wait, I just Danielle, please tell everyone I'm not clinging.
Speaker 3: We were not clinging at all.
Speaker 4: Like it's like the perfect amount of space and respect.
Speaker 2: I don't believe that was like Coors, Okay, we gotta go.
Speaker 3: Have a great day.
Speaker 2: Why doesn't anyone teach us this stuff? I think I
Speaker 2: learned more in that one conversation about how to show
Speaker 2: up as a friend and when to let go of
Speaker 2: friends than I have in the rest of my thirty
Speaker 2: plus years combined.
Speaker 1: It's so true. Couldn't agree more. I Mean, there's so
Speaker 1: much wisdom I'm ticking with me from that conversation, so
Speaker 1: it's hard to pick just one idea that we want
Speaker 1: to leave our bright side besties with. But here's what
Speaker 1: we decided on. To be a better friend, you have
Speaker 1: to be a brave friend.
Speaker 2: So go out there and be brave.
Speaker 1: And this is not the last time we're asking for
Speaker 1: a friend, So send us a note with your trickiest
Speaker 1: friendship question, or even better, a voice memo at Hello
Speaker 1: at the bright Side podcast dot com.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow, Amanda Montella is joining us. She's an author, linguist
Speaker 2: and host of the podcast Sounds like a Cult. She's
Speaker 2: dishing on magical overthinking, and she's putting me in simone
Speaker 2: to the test on our knowledge of Internet slang.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's it for today's show. We'll be back tomorrow
Speaker 1: with your daily dose of sunshine. Listen and subscribe on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: You can find me simone Voice at simone Voice.
Speaker 2: And you can find me a Danielle Robe at Danielle Robe.
Speaker 1: Ro Ba Y see you tomorrow.