1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,760 Speaker 1: Hello from the bright Side, Hello Sunshine. 2 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: Today on the show, we're fueling up on friendship. We're 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:13,320 Speaker 2: deep diving with friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayer Jackson. 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 2: She's sharing three ways we can strengthen our bonds, the 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 2: amazing health benefits we get from sisterhood, and she drops 6 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 2: some major gems on how we can all be a 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 2: better friend. 8 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: Speaking of friends, Sharon Dion, Rachel and Monica, Hillary and 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,240 Speaker 1: Ashley Banks. We love a good on screen sisterhood, but 10 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: today we're revealing the most unexpected famous friend pairings in 11 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: real life. It's a game we're calling homies or don't 12 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 1: know me. It's Tuesday, April second. I'm Simone Boyce. 13 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,959 Speaker 2: I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright Side from 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: Hello Sunshine. Tell me what you did last night. We 15 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,239 Speaker 2: usually we get to talk on the phone at night, 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 2: and I didn't get to talk to you. 17 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 1: You know what, My weekends, my nights lately have been 18 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: very uneventful, and that's okay because I'm busier than ever, 19 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 1: and so I think I'm really enjoying just the normalcy 20 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: of those periods. 21 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 2: M Normal is so underrated, it really is. 22 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: I totally agree how about you. 23 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 2: My Monday was actually more eventful than usual. Usually I 24 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 2: like to take it easy on Monday and Friday nights. 25 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,839 Speaker 2: But I went to dinner with a girlfriend who's about 26 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:25,119 Speaker 2: to be an author. She's coming out with a book 27 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 2: this summer, and so she gave me her proof copy 28 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 2: and I spent the whole night reading it. And then 29 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 2: you know what I did. This is my secret, little 30 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 2: magic moment of joy. I went to get a foot massage. 31 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: It's one of those places where there's like twenty beds 32 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 2: and you all get a foot massage in front of 33 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 2: each other and there's. 34 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 1: A little curtain in between each one. Oh, this doesn't 35 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: have a curtain, Okay, so you're just you're out there together. 36 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I carry all my stress in my feet, 37 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 2: my feet in my hands. I was so joyful. 38 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: Listen, foot massage sex. I mean it's really tight there. 39 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: It's their neck And for me, I told you, are 40 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: you the same way? Oh my gosh, a foot massage. 41 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: I love getting foot massages. I also will roll up 42 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: for like a cheap and dirty foot massage, even at 43 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: the nail salon. I'll just stop by soak my feet 44 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: in that tub and get I'll be like, twenty dollars 45 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,519 Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, hook me up, yes. 46 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 2: And then I want an extra five minutes after. It's 47 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 2: never enough time. It's never enough time, you know my mom. 48 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 2: I remember when I was a little girl. My mom 49 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 2: used to be like, I think I'm done with heels. 50 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna wear sneakers or your sandals all the time. 51 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 2: And I looked at her and I'm like, you are 52 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 2: giving up. Why would you ever be done with heels. 53 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 2: I'll never be like that. And I am so done 54 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 2: with heels. I can't even tell you. I'm living in sneakers. 55 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 2: This is why I need a foot massage all the time. 56 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: Totally done with heels. I just got a pair of 57 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: those Adidas Sambas. That's gonna be my new go to 58 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: shoe now. Oh, I like that. When you were talking 59 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: about your mom and that memory from growing up, it 60 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: reminded me my aunt Monica. She used to pay me 61 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: and my cousins a dollar to give her a foot massage. 62 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 2: That is so familial. There's somebody in every family who 63 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:05,919 Speaker 2: does this. 64 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,079 Speaker 1: Yes, she was such a hustler too. She was such 65 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, so that made a lot of sense she 66 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 1: would kind of like gamify the foot massage and find 67 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: like a business angle to teach us about business and entrepreneurship. 68 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 2: But that is funny. Yeah, well, I guess we can't 69 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,359 Speaker 2: spend the whole episode talking about feet, should we get 70 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 2: into it? 71 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: I did not expect for this to be our foot episode, 72 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: but I guess it's a good time as any. Let's 73 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: get into it though. 74 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 2: Okay, we have a funny topic to discuss today, and 75 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 2: it's all over the internet. So Golden Retriever boyfriends and husbands? 76 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 2: Do you have one? Do you want one? TikTok defines 77 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 2: a Golden Retriever boyfriend as someone who is trusting, who 78 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: is kind, who's unashamed of his feelings, takes a playful 79 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 2: approach to life, full of positivity, loves PDA, and really 80 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 2: just has the qualities of America's quintessential dog. It gives 81 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 2: me ken from Barbie. I think of Travis Kelcey, Taylor 82 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 2: Swift's boyfriend. They're both giving me Golden Retriever energy. 83 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: Golden Retriever energy. This is such a funny conversation. You know, 84 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: for the longest I thought that I was married to 85 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: a golden Retriever husband. But I just realized I'm the 86 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: golden Retriever in the relationship. What do you mean, I'm 87 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 1: the golden Retriever. I'm the I'm the effervescent, energetic one. 88 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 2: Because you're the likable one. Is Michael not like it? 89 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: No, don't say that. 90 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 2: He's very likable, but that's part of it. 91 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: No wait, really, no, I don't want to say that 92 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: he is. He's so kind and nice and likable and 93 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 1: gets along with everyone, So don't get me wrong there. 94 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: But I'm just the more energetic, bombastic like I've got it. 95 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: I'm hyper. I'm like a hyper Golden Retriever puppy. 96 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 2: You're the happy, go lucky pogo stick. 97 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:55,040 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, well said, Well said. There's this other phenomenon, 98 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 1: the blackcat girlfriend. Have you heard about this. 99 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:01,159 Speaker 2: Well, that's the usually the person who's married or partnered 100 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 2: with the golden retriever. So like you can only really 101 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 2: have one Golden Retriever in the relationship. The other person 102 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 2: has to kind of take more of a back seat, 103 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 2: is what they're. 104 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: Saying, right, The black eyed girlfriend has to compliment the 105 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: other person, so they're a bit more antisocial, calm quiet, 106 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: which gets to this age old theory of opposites attracting. 107 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 1: Do you think that that's true. 108 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 2: I do think that a lot of people partner looking 109 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 2: to complete themselves, so we look for things that we 110 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 2: don't have. It's sort of like this natural instinct. I 111 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 2: usually do partner with my opposite. Is Michael your opposite? 112 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: Yeah? We do contrast each other in a lot of ways. 113 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,119 Speaker 2: There has to be some overlap, like you need similarities 114 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 2: in values. Maybe even like some similar interests would be nice. 115 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 1: I think it's a contrast in energies that has to 116 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: happen right more well, because it's like you said, if 117 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: you both have that really hyper Golden Retriever energy, that's 118 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: probably going to be a lot and you might drain 119 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: each other. 120 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: I don't know were you thinking, because you're the golden Retriever. 121 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:04,840 Speaker 2: So what's Michael? 122 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: He's more, he has more black cat energy. He has 123 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: that he has that calm, quiet, level headed energy. Are 124 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: you Are you attracted to a Golden Retriever man? 125 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 2: Not really. I do like somebody who's enthusiastic about life, 126 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 2: but I'm more of a low key person and so 127 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 2: if someone has too much energy, it's just not a 128 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: match for me. I was thinking about what I do, Like, 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 2: I think I decided I either want a German shepherd 130 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 2: or a labordoodle. And I'm gonna tell you why. 131 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me why? Tell me more about that. 132 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 2: Okay, So German shepherds are large dogs. I don't need 133 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 2: somebody tall. I would like somebody, you know, like I'm 134 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 2: five to one, just taller than me. Wise, that's not 135 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 2: too much task, not too much task. Intelligent. I love 136 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 2: a smart man. They form close bonds with their owners, 137 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 2: and they're hard workers, like they're serve dogs are in 138 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:04,359 Speaker 2: the military. They assist, which I love like a man 139 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 2: of service. Is so beautiful to me. 140 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 1: I'm just laughing at how seriously you're taking this dog 141 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: breed partner conversation. 142 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 2: Wait, the best part is that they're athletic, and I 143 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I need somebody who wants to work 144 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 2: out with me. 145 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 1: Wait, okay, so I have more about that. That's really 146 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: funny that you mention it, because there was this hilarious 147 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: article in The New Yorker comparing celebrities to dog breeds. 148 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: They said that Michael B. Jordan is like a Belgian shepherd, 149 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: which is just like a German shepherd, so highly athletic. 150 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: They said that Ryan Gosling is an Australian shepherd because 151 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: he has gorgeous eye and an ability to follow specific commands. 152 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 2: So I guess it does what Eva Mendez tells him 153 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 2: to do. 154 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 1: I guess. And also he's really talented. He has all 155 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: these different skill sets. He can sing, he can dance, 156 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: he can act. Kevin Hart is a Chiuahua. 157 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 2: I don't find him nippy like a chihuahua. 158 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: He is a little bit if you see it in 159 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: his stand up. Really, yes, that is funny. 160 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 2: He has that little. 161 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 1: Yippy, yeppie diminutive. 162 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 2: Think they're just saying because he's kind of small, so 163 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 2: they're calling him a chuaha, which is not fair. I 164 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 2: stand for all the small people. 165 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: I love Kevin Hart so much. He owns it though, 166 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: you know, does he really owns it? 167 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 2: Yeah? He does. 168 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: And then this article compares Killian Murphy to a cat. 169 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 2: I'm to think, like, who's a poodle, who's a Doberman pincher? 170 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know that. I want that Doberman pincher 171 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: energy in my life. 172 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like the guard dogs of the late nineteenth century. 173 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:39,199 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. Danielle In our hosting relationship as workwives. 174 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,719 Speaker 1: Who has more Golden Retriever energy? Is it you or 175 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: is it me? 176 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: I feel like we need the producers to weigh in 177 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 2: on this. We need the paticles. 178 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,719 Speaker 1: What do you think I'm gonna say it's me, just 179 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: because I have that everywhere I go. 180 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 2: I was gonna say it was you too. 181 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. 182 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you're. 183 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 1: Bouncy, You're fun, You're very fun too, king But I'm 184 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: a lot. I know, I think I'm a lot. It's 185 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: something that is always in the back of my mind. 186 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 2: So, you know, all over the internet people say that 187 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 2: if you think you're too much, the other people around 188 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: you are too little. I don't think you're too much 189 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 2: at all. 190 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 1: Thank you. 191 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 2: Love. Yeah. 192 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: Okay, So if I'm the Golden Retriever, then what are you? 193 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 2: I think that makes me the black cat. 194 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: She's wearing all black today. 195 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 2: I want to be a labradoodle. Okay, Can I just 196 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 2: be a labradoodle? 197 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: I feel like labradoodles and Golden Retrievers would be best buds. 198 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: I think so they're playful. You know, they like long walks. 199 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 2: I like a walk a day, love a good walk. 200 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 2: My parents always walked after dinner, and now I always 201 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 2: feel like I want a partner that's going to walk with. 202 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: Me a constitutional yes. Yeah, maybe we should instead of 203 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: calling them hot girl walks, we should just take ourselves 204 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 1: for a dog walk. 205 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 2: I can't believe you said that, because one of my 206 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 2: best friends lives six blocks from me. Uh huh, and 207 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 2: sometimes I call her and I say, hey, can you 208 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 2: walk the dog? Being me, I'm the dog because it's 209 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 2: so funny. I can't get out of my apartment, like 210 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 2: I'll just work on my computer all night, and I'm like, 211 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,199 Speaker 2: can you please come walk the dog. 212 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 3: I'm dying. 213 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: I'm dying. 214 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: Okay, besties, we need you to settle this score. Who 215 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 1: has more Golden Retriever energy? Is it Danielle or is 216 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 1: it me? Let us know at hello At the brightsidepodcast dot. 217 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 2: Com wloofwoof After the Break, friendship expert Danielle Buyer Jackson 218 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 2: is hanging out with us. She's given us her tips 219 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 2: on how to be a better bff. 220 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: Stick with us. Okay, bright Side besties, I am so 221 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: excited to introduce you to Asking for a Friend, where 222 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: we are gonna be answering your biggest, most burning questions 223 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: about friendship, whether that's creating new connections, fostering existing ones, 224 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: or navigating conflict. 225 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,200 Speaker 2: Yikes here to help us. Dig In is one of 226 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 2: my favorite you know what, she's not one of MI. 227 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 2: She is my favorite expert in this space. And she's 228 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 2: a fellow. Danielle, Danielle Bayer Jackson is here. She's a 229 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 2: friendship coach and host of the podcast friend Forward. So Danielle, welcome. 230 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: Hello. 231 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 3: I'm so happy to be here. 232 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: We have been talking about you for weeks now. We 233 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,199 Speaker 1: have been Our whole office has been so excited to 234 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: get you on the show. I think we have plenty 235 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 1: to talk about, plenty of questions for you. 236 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 2: I didn't know that everybody had so many friend issues. 237 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, wonder you have a job. I get it. 238 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 3: That's right. It pays the bills, I'll tell you that. 239 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 2: But you weren't always a friendship coach. You started out 240 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 2: as a teacher, so I'm curious as to how you 241 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 2: journeyed into this new title. Yeah. 242 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 4: So, I actually started out as a high school teacher, 243 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 4: and I was working with seniors and it's the number 244 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 4: one thing they wanted to talk about between classes and 245 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 4: after school was the friendship drama. And then I became 246 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 4: the academic chair, and so the teachers who were in 247 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,439 Speaker 4: my department, they were talking about, how can we solve, 248 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 4: you know, all the drama that's getting in the way 249 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 4: of the learning in the classroom. And so after six years, 250 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 4: I left the classroom and I got into public relations. 251 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,199 Speaker 4: So suddenly I'm working with these charismatic, high achieving women 252 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 4: and it wasn't long before I realized that they too, 253 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 4: privately had their friendship issues where they weren't feeling seen 254 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 4: and satisfied. So that's why I kind of got curious 255 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 4: about what research was available to help us understand women's connection. 256 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 4: And so for the past six years, I've been leveraging 257 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 4: my background and education to study with the research has 258 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 4: to say about women's connection and conflict. 259 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 2: Tell me about what friendship means in your life. 260 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 4: You know, you can't do this work and not have 261 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 4: it directly impact or personal relationships. And I'll tell you this, 262 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,959 Speaker 4: I think the way that it's impacted me most is 263 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 4: I think it's made me braver because I'm learning that 264 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 4: a lot of us are scared of rejection. I'm learning 265 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 4: about the benefits and so being equipped with that technical 266 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 4: knowledge makes me bolder in my relationships, to pursue new friends, 267 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 4: to appology, to declare if I want more connection with 268 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 4: existing friends, and so I'm so appreciative to have this 269 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 4: knowledge impact my life in such a personal way. 270 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: Danielle knows that I love to nerd out about science, 271 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: So can I get nerdy with you about the data here? Okay? Okay, great. 272 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 1: So I want to know more about the health benefits 273 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: of female friendship. And also I'm curious if you've come 274 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: across any research about at what age do women report 275 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: having the most satisfaction in their friendships. 276 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 4: Well, say this, There are a bunch of benefits, but 277 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 4: a couple that really blow my mind is a lot 278 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 4: of us are familiar with the concept of fight or 279 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 4: flight as responses to stress. Well, they did that study again, 280 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 4: this time with women, and they found that we have 281 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 4: two more responses tend or befriend. Yeah, so when we're 282 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 4: facing distress, we might either go and tend to those 283 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 4: who are more vulnerable and care for them, or go 284 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 4: and gather with other women. It decreases our stress hormone, 285 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,719 Speaker 4: increases oxytocin, and so it's quite literally helpful to go 286 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 4: and gab with your girls when you're freaking out. You 287 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 4: know it has these impacts, and having quality relationships overall 288 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 4: just contributes to your longevity and your overall life satisfaction. Now, 289 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 4: in terms of what age where we start to feel 290 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 4: most satisfied, I do know that the research shows that 291 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 4: your social network grows and grows until about the age 292 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 4: of twenty six, at which point it begins to decrease. 293 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 4: But in terms of like a point where you'll feel 294 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 4: fulfilled and happy, I don't know that it's one particular age, 295 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 4: but I do know the more that you commit to 296 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 4: growing and to evolving and you get intentional about your 297 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 4: platonic relationships, I think that's when we'll start to kind 298 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 4: of catch a rhythm and feel a little more confident 299 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 4: about those relationships. 300 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 2: Okay, so I want to talk about the flip side 301 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 2: of this, which is friendship conflict friendship issues. You have 302 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 2: said that there is one main overarching theme that all 303 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 2: issues revolve around. 304 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 4: So something that I hear pretty commonly is about are 305 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 4: you as invested as I am? And for women especially, 306 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 4: we really place a lot of emphasis on reciprocity and 307 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 4: mutual prioritization, Meaning I want to feel like if you're 308 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 4: my number one girl. I want to feel like I'm 309 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 4: you see me the same way, and I want to 310 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,480 Speaker 4: feel like if I'm pouring in, you're doing as much 311 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 4: as me. And so you know, typically, you know, if 312 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 4: somebody's giving me some kind of grievance about their friendships, 313 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 4: it's somewhere in the realm of. 314 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 3: A lack of balance and equality in that way. 315 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's me. It's me. You guys, what 316 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 1: do you mean? Which one are you? I'm her, I 317 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: would I'm the friend. I'm the friend who thinks about reciprocity. 318 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: I get I get bothered if I feel like I'm 319 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: investing a lot in a friendship and I'm not getting 320 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 1: a lot back. And I think that can manifest in 321 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: a lot of different ways, like if if I'm always 322 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: the one reaching out, if I feel like I'm being 323 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: really intentional about connecting with you and I'm not getting 324 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: that in return, or let's say, if if we schedule 325 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: things and you always flake like that's going to be 326 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 1: a big deal for me. 327 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're You're not alone. 328 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 4: It's like the number one thing, because you know, none 329 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 4: of us wants to feel foolish for like in this 330 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 4: by ourselves, or that she doesn't care as much, you know. 331 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 4: So I've definitely felt that way about certain friends where 332 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,360 Speaker 4: you get suspicious because either you're pouring in maybe like 333 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 4: of your time, of your emotional support. Yeah, you feel like, Okay, 334 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 4: I'm always listening to your stuff, you know, so you're 335 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 4: definitely not alone. And I think reciprocity is something that 336 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 4: we are hungry for for sure. 337 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 2: Can I ask you a question about that? Is it 338 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 2: really about expectations or reciprocity both. 339 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 4: It starts with expectations, because the research does show that 340 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 4: women tend to have higher expectations in their close relationships, 341 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 4: both platonic and romantic. But it's only kind of compounded 342 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 4: by the fact that we often don't communicate it because 343 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 4: we feel like we shouldn't have to. I always joked 344 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 4: that if I had a dollar for how many times 345 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 4: women said Danielle, I should not have to say that 346 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 4: I need X y Z. That should be obvious. But 347 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 4: that is a relationship killing myth that your friends just 348 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 4: ought to know. And so if you feel like you 349 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 4: desire more from a friend, whatever that looks like, you 350 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 4: want to be careful to package it more as an 351 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 4: invitation instead of an accusation, Oh that's good, you know. 352 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 4: So instead of like, well you know you don't call me, 353 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 4: maybe it's just like, hey, I know the last couple 354 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 4: of times we went out, I was giving you suggestion 355 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 4: for where I wanted to go. 356 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 3: But you know, I would love to hear from you 357 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:12,240 Speaker 3: what you want. 358 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 2: To do, an invitation, not an accusation. 359 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: Can you give us a template for having hard conversations? 360 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 4: Yes, So I'd first like to say, if you feel 361 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 4: weird about conflict, it might start with the reframe. Depending 362 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 4: on how you were raised or what the culture of 363 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 4: conflict was in your home, you might be very scared. 364 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 4: But I need you to see it as an opportunity 365 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 4: to meet a need. 366 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 3: So it's a good thing. 367 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 4: And the research tells us that on the other side 368 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,400 Speaker 4: of healthy conflict, people report feeling closer. So hey, it's 369 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 4: a prerequisite to platonic intimacy. So tangibly, it looks like 370 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 4: four steps. One you lead with vulnerability. So you might 371 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 4: open by saying the very reason you're reluctant to have 372 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 4: the conversation. That might look like, Hey, I have something 373 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 4: I wanted to talk to you about, but the last 374 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,160 Speaker 4: thing I want is for things to be weird between us. 375 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 4: The second thing is to highlight the impact of her 376 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 4: behavior instead of the behavior. So I might say, hey, 377 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 4: when you share things that I told you, it makes 378 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 4: me feel really uneasy and question you like trustwise, and 379 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 4: I don't like feeling that way, So I'm highlighting the impact. Finally, 380 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 4: I ask questions, and so I might to say, like, hey, 381 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 4: what's going on. Finally, you're going to end by collaborating 382 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 4: on what you're going to do differently moving forward, so 383 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 4: everybody can feel a sense of security and knowing that 384 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 4: next time we'll be better. 385 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: I love that template that you just laid out. It 386 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,160 Speaker 1: makes it so easy, especially for me, someone who having 387 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: hard conversations doesn't come easily for me. 388 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 2: Well, we're not the only ones that want to learn 389 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 2: from you. We actually had some listener's message and they 390 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 2: have questions for you too. So are you ready for these? 391 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 3: I'm so ready. Let's do it. 392 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of us can relate to 393 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 1: this one. I used to have a friend I was 394 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 1: really close to, but we kept having conversations about how 395 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,159 Speaker 1: I felt like I was reaching out more than she was. 396 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: I just felt like she wasn't showing up the way 397 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: I wanted her to. So I finally asked for space, 398 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: and now it's been months of not really top How 399 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: do you know if you should revive the friendship or 400 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 1: just let it die, especially if it hasn't had a 401 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 1: proper death signed grieving. 402 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 4: That's so such a powerful question because I know we've 403 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 4: all been there. If you're trying to figure out whether 404 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,160 Speaker 4: or not to rekindle or revive a friendship. The first 405 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 4: reason I like to pose to women to explore that 406 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 4: is if something has changed since the last time you 407 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 4: were friends, because sometimes we get to missing her and 408 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,439 Speaker 4: she's familiar and we want her company again because we 409 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 4: love her. But if nothing has changed since the first 410 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,479 Speaker 4: time you stepped away, then I would encourage you to 411 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,280 Speaker 4: look at that right And also, has enough time pass 412 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 4: where people have gained perspectives, So what's going to be 413 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,399 Speaker 4: different this time around? And does everybody have the necessary 414 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 4: data to move forward? So if you still have some 415 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 4: issues that you were upset about, but you plan on 416 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 4: re engaging her without communicating that information, I just don't 417 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 4: see how things would be better the second time around. 418 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: I had a friendship I put to bed one time, 419 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 2: and the question I asked myself, was every time I 420 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: call this person or she calls me, do I get 421 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,880 Speaker 2: energy or do I feel drained? And if nine out 422 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 2: of ten times I felt drained? You know, because everybody 423 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 2: goes through stuff, so you got to be thoughtful about that. 424 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:14,239 Speaker 2: But if it's if it's all the time, it's just 425 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,639 Speaker 2: not for me anymore. And it's tough to put a 426 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 2: friendship to bed. I like that question nine nights. Okay, 427 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 2: not tough for someone, Okay, Danielle, this is my favorite 428 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,160 Speaker 2: question of the day. Over the past four years, one 429 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 2: of my closest friends has become increasingly politically active. She's 430 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 2: supporting a candidate whom I strongly disagree with on a 431 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 2: fundamental level. I don't want our political differences to drive 432 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,360 Speaker 2: a wedge between us, But at the same time, I'm 433 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 2: finding it increasingly difficult to engage with her without feeling 434 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 2: like this is a values issue. How can I navigate 435 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 2: this situation without jeopardizing our relationship or compromising my own 436 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 2: beliefs signed politically parted? 437 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 4: Oh, I feel for her, and I know that more 438 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 4: of us were going to experience that in an increasingly 439 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:01,719 Speaker 4: divisive political season. 440 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 3: I'll say this, it sounds. 441 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 4: Nice and fluffy to say, you know, well, sometimes we 442 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 4: just agree to disagree and you maintain the friendship. 443 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 3: And I like that sentiment. 444 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 1: I do. 445 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,879 Speaker 4: But if you start to realize that the difference is 446 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 4: something where it feels like it's a threat to your 447 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 4: actually said identity or humanity, and your world views are 448 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 4: so different that it feels like you'd be somehow compromising 449 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 4: your sense of self to maintain this friendship, then I 450 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,159 Speaker 4: don't think that makes it a superficial reason to withdraw. 451 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 4: So always start by saying, is there a way that 452 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,199 Speaker 4: we can set boundaries around certain discussions or behaviors and 453 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,120 Speaker 4: still engage in and this friendship still adds some kind 454 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 4: of value to my life. But if you're unable to 455 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,919 Speaker 4: contain those differences in that way and it has you 456 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:46,200 Speaker 4: feeling resentful, it has you feeling devalued, unappreciated, unaffirmed, then 457 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 4: I think it's totally valid to want to withdraw from 458 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 4: a friendship like that. 459 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 2: This is a tough one. 460 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 1: Do you feel about it? This has actually happened to me. 461 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,640 Speaker 1: I've been on the receiving end of a friendship breakup 462 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: because of something that I posted and my friend didn't 463 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 1: actually address why she cut off the relationship. She just 464 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,159 Speaker 1: basically ghosted ended communications. And it was tough because we 465 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: had moved to a new area and they were our 466 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,840 Speaker 1: only friends in the area. But in the end, it 467 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: revealed a lot more about her than anything else, that 468 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: she didn't have the maturity to have the conversation, and 469 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: also that she she didn't have room for nuance. And 470 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. I do think that today, 471 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: in today's day and age, it is becoming increasingly difficult 472 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: to have friendships with people who seemingly are really far 473 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,120 Speaker 1: apart from us on values. But I also think it's 474 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: unrealistic to have a circle of friends where you agree 475 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: with everyone on every single thing. I think that's impossible. 476 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 4: And I'm sorry that happened to you, because that's so 477 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 4: like devastating and jarring, right and hurtful. If you trust 478 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 4: somebody and then they leave, you start to think, gosh, well, 479 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 4: what did this friendship mean to you? And I want 480 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 4: to clarify. I do think we should start with curiosity, Hey, 481 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 4: why do you believe the way you do? And honestly, 482 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 4: a person's more likely to change their mind when they 483 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 4: see new world views from a friend, like somebody in 484 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 4: my intimate circle. That's going to get me thinking about 485 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 4: things differently. But if you do find that you know, 486 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 4: they're saying and doing things that make you feel like, gosh, 487 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,040 Speaker 4: you disrespect you know me and the group I belong to? 488 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 4: Do you even see me or respect me? Then those 489 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 4: are the kinds of things that at some point some 490 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 4: might feel like, Okay, this is something I just I 491 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 4: can't sanely maintain. 492 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 3: But it is tricky. It's tricky all around. 493 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: And I don't know that there's one clear cut answer. 494 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 1: It gave such a beautiful answer, but I really think 495 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: it is situationally dependent. 496 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick break, but when we 497 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 2: come back, we're putting our guests celebrity friendship knowledge to 498 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 2: the test with a little game we're calling homies or 499 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 2: don't know Me? 500 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: Stick with us, all right. We want to take advantage 501 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,479 Speaker 1: of having friendship guru Danielle Bayer Jackson with us today. 502 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: So we're gonna play a game where we guess unex 503 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 1: expected celebrity friendships without further ado. Let's get into a 504 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: round of homies or don't know Me? You ready, Danielle, 505 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,120 Speaker 1: I'm so ready? Yes, here's how this is gonna work. 506 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 1: This is multiple choice, So I'm gonna give you a 507 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 1: few choices and then you have to answer the question. 508 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: All right, So first up, who is best friends with 509 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: Dolly Parton? Is it A Sylvester Stallone, B, Timothy Shallome, C, 510 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 1: Diane Keaton or d Selena Gomez? 511 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,919 Speaker 3: Oh? Wow, all those shock me. I'm gonna I'm gonna 512 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 3: go with d E. 513 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: It's actually Sylvester Stallone. 514 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 3: Wow. 515 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 2: That is a random pairing. 516 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: Isn't that shocking? Okay, here's a little background. So Dolly 517 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 1: and Sly first met on a movie set in the eighties. 518 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: The movie was Rhinestone, a musical comedy that came out 519 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 1: in nineteen eighty four. In that Dolly plays a country 520 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: singer who makes a bet with Sly's character Freddy that 521 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: she can turn anyone into a country star in two weeks. 522 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 2: Wait, I saw this film. 523 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but now I want to go 524 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 1: about the watch this movie. 525 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 2: Okay, Next one, John Travolta gets his style advice from A. 526 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 2: Lil nas X B. Samuel L. Jackson, C. Barbara Streisan 527 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 2: or D Pitbull. Mister three oh five? 528 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 3: Oh god, I'm gonna go with b Samuel L. 529 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 2: Jackson. It is our other bald headed friend. Mister three 530 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 2: oh five Piple was the one who convinced John Travlta 531 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 2: to shave his head in twenty nineteen. Ballet Simona lived 532 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 2: in Miami for a few years, so it's coming out. 533 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: Yeah, my blood. These are actually really hard now that 534 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm now that I'm looking at it. So you're doing great, Danielle. 535 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,000 Speaker 1: We threw you some hard ones today. 536 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:51,679 Speaker 2: Okay. 537 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 1: Finally, Bette Midler is homies with which rapper? Is it 538 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: A Cardi, B B Nicki Minaj see Snoop Doggie Dog 539 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: or d Fitty Cent? 540 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 4: Well, I feel like Snoop is besties with Martha Stewart, 541 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,440 Speaker 4: so I'm going to take him off. I'm gonna say 542 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 4: I'm gonna go with a but honestly, who knows anymore? 543 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:21,199 Speaker 1: It's actually fifty Cent. Fifty Cent and Bette Midler are friends. 544 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,400 Speaker 1: They met through charity work, and Bet has said that 545 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,199 Speaker 1: Fiddy has made her life Fiddy Fiji has made her 546 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: life worth living, and that they've been through thick and 547 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:31,640 Speaker 1: thin together. 548 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 3: Wow. 549 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 2: Never one of thought I need photo and video evidence 550 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,639 Speaker 2: of this. I love this friendship so much. 551 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: Danielle, you have been spectacular. I want to be friends 552 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,919 Speaker 1: with you too. I totally understand why Danielle was so clingy. 553 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: I'm sorry about her. 554 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 2: Whoa Clay's a very strong word. 555 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,000 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry she gets that way sometimes. Thank you 556 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,400 Speaker 1: so much for joining us for all our bright side 557 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,879 Speaker 1: besties out there. Danielle Buyer Jackson is a friendship coach 558 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 1: and host of the Friends Forward podcast, and her debut book, 559 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: called Fighting for Our Friendships, is out May seventh. 560 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 2: Wait, I just Danielle, please tell everyone I'm not clinging. 561 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 3: We were not clinging at all. 562 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 4: Like it's like the perfect amount of space and respect. 563 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 2: I don't believe that was like Coors, Okay, we gotta go. 564 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 3: Have a great day. 565 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 2: Why doesn't anyone teach us this stuff? I think I 566 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,360 Speaker 2: learned more in that one conversation about how to show 567 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 2: up as a friend and when to let go of 568 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 2: friends than I have in the rest of my thirty 569 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 2: plus years combined. 570 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,480 Speaker 1: It's so true. Couldn't agree more. I Mean, there's so 571 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: much wisdom I'm ticking with me from that conversation, so 572 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,560 Speaker 1: it's hard to pick just one idea that we want 573 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 1: to leave our bright side besties with. But here's what 574 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 1: we decided on. To be a better friend, you have 575 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: to be a brave friend. 576 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 2: So go out there and be brave. 577 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: And this is not the last time we're asking for 578 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,679 Speaker 1: a friend, So send us a note with your trickiest 579 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: friendship question, or even better, a voice memo at Hello 580 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: at the bright Side podcast dot com. 581 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,680 Speaker 2: Tomorrow, Amanda Montella is joining us. She's an author, linguist 582 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 2: and host of the podcast Sounds like a Cult. She's 583 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 2: dishing on magical overthinking, and she's putting me in simone 584 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 2: to the test on our knowledge of Internet slang. 585 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 1: Okay, that's it for today's show. We'll be back tomorrow 586 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,639 Speaker 1: with your daily dose of sunshine. Listen and subscribe on 587 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 588 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: You can find me simone Voice at simone Voice. 589 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 2: And you can find me a Danielle Robe at Danielle Robe. 590 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 1: Ro Ba Y see you tomorrow.