Speaker 1: I'm gonna pin your verty yo, so I can see you.
Speaker 2: I'll do the same, do the same for you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay your veratyo.
Speaker 2: So see, this has to be a part of it.
Speaker 2: Why like that in your video song.
Speaker 1: So to see you? Okay, I'm gonna start now, Okay,
Speaker 1: Jordan's I think.
Speaker 2: We already have started.
Speaker 1: We need a bigger, more formal.
Speaker 2: Why they need a formal, bigger I mean they were
Speaker 2: like people listen to me formerly, Sir David Attenborough was listening, bitch.
Speaker 1: It's not rig I'm not trying to marry my seven daughters.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to have people listen and like, all right,
Speaker 1: here we go.
Speaker 3: All right, what's up?
Speaker 1: Everybody? Welcome to Adulting. I'm your host, Michelle Byte.
Speaker 2: And I'm Jordan Carlos, your co from GO. So good
Speaker 2: to see you today, Michelle, So good to be bred.
Speaker 1: Look, I love that interest so much. So form it's formal.
Speaker 1: It's a formal podcast. Introcy, I noticed that you have
Speaker 1: khaki shorts on today, bro, I mean a medium king
Speaker 1: in khaki shorts. Where's the fishing trip?
Speaker 2: What time?
Speaker 1: What kind of sandwiches can I bring? Do you like
Speaker 1: the smoke Matzarell. Should I cut the crust off?
Speaker 2: Do you want a white cloth? Khaki?
Speaker 1: They're not khaki? What are they?
Speaker 2: She's doing it? Yes and go. They're just a nice
Speaker 2: London short. It's like, actually it's not No, it's a chambre.
Speaker 2: It's chambre.
Speaker 1: Shut you chambre the fuck up.
Speaker 2: I just you were staining momentum and everyone was like,
Speaker 2: it's going so well, but they're actually I know, I
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: I love a chambre. Now are you going on a
Speaker 1: safari trip in Brooklyn, nytime soon?
Speaker 2: Or No? I'm not. No, I'm not hot.
Speaker 1: It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. We've been waiting for it.
Speaker 1: We've been waiting for it. Would you questions? We have
Speaker 1: a really good show. We have a really great Friendolona
Speaker 1: Blazer coming up. Okay, we'll get to it in a minute.
Speaker 1: I have a question. So would you ever wear like
Speaker 1: a linen onesie, like a linen overall? Are you that
Speaker 1: kind of Brooklyn dad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I haven't bought clothes in probably four
Speaker 2: or five years, I know. So if they showed up then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they should, I don't know, I might buy
Speaker 1: you something. Now, would you ever do a tank top.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm getting there at the tank see, I know,
Speaker 2: I know, I mean, I'm getting there. Things are going well,
Speaker 2: working out, body snatched. So I'm like, do you I
Speaker 2: do you want in August? I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's a wop summer for Jordan Carlos everyone. That was
Speaker 1: pretty fucking gross. And I said this is that was
Speaker 1: the second F word. That was the second F word,
Speaker 1: like within seconds. But it's the heat. It does stuff
Speaker 1: to you. No heat, Oh my goodness, the heat. I
Speaker 1: feel like everywhere I go is lord of the flies,
Speaker 1: the parking lot, the whole foods.
Speaker 2: You gotta have a healthy New York sweat going on,
Speaker 2: you know, so you can take your two showers things
Speaker 2: like that. How many showers do you take in New
Speaker 2: York summer?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, definitely two or three. Sometimes I just
Speaker 1: get the hot spots, you know what I mean, as
Speaker 1: if it's like the walk of shame, you know. But
Speaker 1: I do love a shower, cold water, baby oil let
Speaker 1: that just sink in while your just get's a little
Speaker 1: bit wet. No big deal. I was meeting a friend
Speaker 1: for coffee the other day, just kidding. This is a
Speaker 1: made up story, but she was like, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna wear? And I'm like, deodorant, bitch, Okay, that's what
Speaker 1: I'm wearing because and you know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: get something with aluminium, but you just don't put lemon
Speaker 1: juice under there.
Speaker 2: Just do something Aluminum is bad. That gives you Alzheimer's.
Speaker 1: I said, don't do it. You did see I don't
Speaker 1: do it? There I go, there, I go. Now like
Speaker 1: this is the game of telephone.
Speaker 2: This is my moment.
Speaker 1: I think, especially in a place like New York, you
Speaker 1: have to really plan out your outfits because you might
Speaker 1: be just walking around. You need to like have a
Speaker 1: change of clothes.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm actually going swimming later.
Speaker 1: Okay, black boy Joy, you bet an tell the black
Speaker 1: girl Magice what you doing. Are you gonna go ride
Speaker 1: a horse and apple picking afterwards? I mean, are you
Speaker 1: gonna go find a canvas and paint with your fingers?
Speaker 2: I may? This is all about Black Joy And I'm
Speaker 2: going swimming today. Dad's going swimming, all right.
Speaker 1: And when you're kids swimming, hell.
Speaker 2: No, I'm gonna enjoy myself. I took my kids swimming
Speaker 2: all weekend long and too. Yeah, the paddling the k
Speaker 2: K k k K kick, yeah, k k k k kick.
Speaker 2: You know, yes, that was so stressful and now Dad
Speaker 2: gets to swim, Dad gets to make a dive, an
Speaker 2: awkward dive.
Speaker 1: I love this for you, and you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: going to share a picture when this episode drops of
Speaker 1: you swimming in Greece because you already enjoy stuff like
Speaker 1: you will you even enjoy like a government mac and cheese,
Speaker 1: like you just enjoy things. You're just happy to be there.
Speaker 1: But like when you have time to yourself, the smile
Speaker 1: is from like north to south east, so what your
Speaker 1: smile is from the rooted to the tudor like it
Speaker 1: is out. So I love this for you. I want
Speaker 1: some too. I was tong ki the other day. Can
Speaker 1: I just take five minutes to touch my fucking toes?
Speaker 1: It's a lot of fucks. I'm so sorry everyone, but
Speaker 1: here the fuck we are here?
Speaker 2: You went swimming other at your house and the waters yeah.
Speaker 1: So we have a little ocean in the back of you.
Speaker 1: We dip a toast, very cold, stale, and the horseshoe
Speaker 1: crabs are out, so it does feel like I'm swimming
Speaker 1: with dinosaurs. And so you know, the kids enjoy the
Speaker 1: nature I'm like, can we get a pool with no sand?
Speaker 1: Sometimes because even sitting like in the garden area of
Speaker 1: a restaurant is like camping for me, where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's gonna fly over here. And my
Speaker 1: son Otis is like a cat, you know, like he'll
Speaker 1: just bring in stuff from outside and present it to me.
Speaker 1: And he put a snail on me, and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: thank you, and you put on you He put a
Speaker 1: snail on me. He's like, here you go, Mama. I'm like,
Speaker 1: do you like me? But it was very sweet. He
Speaker 1: talked about the snail for thirty minutes. All this to say,
Speaker 1: we did go swimming. So much negotiating, so much talking,
Speaker 1: so much rule making, so much sunblock. Right, nobody had
Speaker 1: a blowout in the water. That's a good time. Also,
Speaker 1: they sleep better, which I love. Also, I took him
Speaker 1: to the Brooklyn Children's Museum. Oh my gosh, on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: I just got to do stuff with them. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? I can't twins. It's an automatic
Speaker 1: daycare class.
Speaker 2: I love the Brooklyn Children's Museum. You can only go
Speaker 2: there on the hottest day of the year only It's
Speaker 2: only open on the hottest day of the year. That's it.
Speaker 2: It's like because there's like no trees around there, it's
Speaker 2: just baking. I'm baking that place. But it's great.
Speaker 1: It's giving a forty days, forty nights five, he's giving
Speaker 1: first testament. Whoo chaw, what's the net basket? Let's just
Speaker 1: notsch on it. I don't even eat pork. But if
Speaker 1: there's like a non coach or hot dog, I'm like,
Speaker 1: throw it at my face.
Speaker 2: I'm hungry. How is the line for the bus? You
Speaker 2: know how there's like that little bush.
Speaker 1: Oh Jordan, let me tell you you guys. Broken Children's
Speaker 1: Museum adorable. They have a bunch of New York things
Speaker 1: that it was really educational. They have a vespa next
Speaker 1: to like the pizza parlor. They have a Caribbean Day
Speaker 1: Parade room. They have a New York City bus, and
Speaker 1: my son loves to drive the bus. There's a big
Speaker 1: old wheel and you can sit on the bus. You
Speaker 1: be a passenger, you can drive. There's always a line
Speaker 1: of two to five year old boys that don't know
Speaker 1: how to wait in the line and waiting for the bus,
Speaker 1: and their parents are always on the phone, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: get off Instagram. This is when you're supposed to be parenting.
Speaker 1: And so my Otis is very sweet and polite, and
Speaker 1: plus you know, I'm a black mom in public. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what you're not going to do is, but I can't
Speaker 1: be parenting everybody's kids. You gotta do that, buss. There's
Speaker 1: no cell phone surface in the museum. What are you doing?
Speaker 2: I know, what is that?
Speaker 1: I don't know? But this other kid was very polite
Speaker 1: like Otis, and they just kept getting jumped and it
Speaker 1: was the kid's turn and I said, Otis, wait your turn,
Speaker 1: he's got to go. It was just a bunch of
Speaker 1: coopers and tailors and Brendan's no offense everyone, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I just I'm already like I can't like
Speaker 1: if somebody was going to be named Brett, I was like,
Speaker 1: get out of here and.
Speaker 2: Sut up.
Speaker 1: I know, just a bunch of tailors. And she said
Speaker 1: thank you for that, and I said, look, the last
Speaker 1: thing I want to do is add any more male
Speaker 1: toxicity to this planet. She just looked at me like
Speaker 1: I needed a snack. And I was like, I'm good,
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm just letting you know what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: Like I have no time to waste. I also needed
Speaker 1: a nosh, you know how I sometimes the blood sugar.
Speaker 2: The water part is nice, the water part where it's
Speaker 2: like the kids are.
Speaker 1: Like, well, yeah, the water goes down and look at
Speaker 1: it go. Yeah, there's this little water pool where you
Speaker 1: can have like little plastic crabs and see life in there.
Speaker 1: But there's a water gun and there's only one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so there's usually a long line for that, and
Speaker 1: so Otis had to wait his turn again, damn. And
Speaker 1: it was the Brooklyn Chose Museum was just a lesson
Speaker 1: in waiting which gets.
Speaker 2: Them ready for life in New York. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. When they want that corona, that black Sea bagel,
Speaker 2: that whatever it is, see, it really does get you ready.
Speaker 2: Lue Collie Pizza. It's gonna be a way, you guys.
Speaker 1: This is what I'm talking about. It's always half full
Speaker 1: with him, It's always it's always half full. You know,
Speaker 1: when you have that positive friend, when they're just like,
Speaker 1: I have to complain about something, you got to sit
Speaker 1: down and listen because they've just been like bubbling up
Speaker 1: and so you gotta let them get it out.
Speaker 2: Oh, New York has made me a glass half full
Speaker 2: of acid kind of person. It's so terrible. No, you
Speaker 2: want me to tell you what I did, which is
Speaker 2: like I hit the bottom of the barrel last weekend.
Speaker 2: Last weekend, my wife was in Mexico. Good for her.
Speaker 2: Do it? Go to Mexico girl, get that brice, do you?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: I was holding down the fort as I should, but
Speaker 2: there's no rest for the weary. My kids we go
Speaker 2: to like a little school gathering right in Prospect Park
Speaker 2: by the lagoon. My kids will not interact with the
Speaker 2: other kids. They're like, I want to do the paddles,
Speaker 2: pedal blets, jackhammer, get paddles, paddle bots. I'm like, all right,
Speaker 2: right after an hour, we go out in the paddle blets.
Speaker 2: Nobody else wants to do it. It's the hottest moment
Speaker 2: of a very hot day. Plastic just like searing my flesh.
Speaker 2: So we get on on the boats. My children are
Speaker 2: of no help because they have little t rex legs
Speaker 2: that are not helping at all. So I'm the one paddle.
Speaker 1: The boat over and okay, Morgan Freeman and driving Miss
Speaker 1: Daisy go on. I'm listening.
Speaker 2: I look out in the water. I looked at the
Speaker 2: right and I was like, wow, that wallet looks like
Speaker 2: my wallet. What's it doing out in the water? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: Oh my god. So your boy went for a dip, Michelle,
Speaker 2: your boy went for dip. And let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: That wallet went down. It went down, down, down into
Speaker 2: the reeds. Right. And so now I am in the
Speaker 2: Prospect parkon no to my chest in are.
Speaker 1: You like an outis shape aquaman? Just at the Prospect Park?
Speaker 1: This is so if I would have seen you die
Speaker 1: for your wallet in the Prospect but I would have
Speaker 1: been like with security, see to say something, see something,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't you know, you gotta get one of those sticks.
Speaker 2: Oh do I that's what I gotta do. You got notes?
Speaker 2: I the truth?
Speaker 1: I am not a few good men?
Speaker 2: Oh no?
Speaker 1: So wait your pat Wait you're paddle boating with your
Speaker 1: kids and your wallet comes out.
Speaker 2: In the water. Absolutely why not? Why not? So I
Speaker 2: quilt a lace of obscenities.
Speaker 1: Wait did you have your keys?
Speaker 2: Did you? My phone was like how about it? And
Speaker 2: like tried to get out too, and I was like
Speaker 2: fuck no, So I put that to the side. I
Speaker 2: was out there. I was out there, and then they
Speaker 2: offered me a paddle I almost flapped that out of
Speaker 2: the man's hands, but I took it anyway. And then
Speaker 2: I'm searching now and just it's muck. It's Meyer. I
Speaker 2: didn't really know the difference, but there's a difference. It's
Speaker 2: like muck Meyer, reeds, condoms, bottles, Jimmy Hoffa's head, like
Speaker 2: all the shit. And so I finally, ye, finally, after
Speaker 2: ten minutes, because I don't give up, pup, I get
Speaker 2: my wallet and I bring it out of the water
Speaker 2: like god like EXCaliber, right, and so I then almost
Speaker 2: throw it on the boat, but I was like, gently
Speaker 2: set it down because I didn't. I want want to
Speaker 2: model good behavior for my children. And then, oh my god,
Speaker 2: and then this very old lady that operated the paddle
Speaker 2: boats goes in all my years in the paddle boats,
Speaker 2: I never shot anybody. Get the wallet back. I was like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't give them. I don't give up.
Speaker 1: And you know what my sons, my god, was this
Speaker 1: the ghost of Jessica Candy.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm sho. You know what my son said to
Speaker 2: me after that? What can we keep going? Now?
Speaker 1: Malcolm? We need to take a beat. Malcolm. He's like,
Speaker 1: did you do what you had to do? Malcolm, No, oh, Jordans,
Speaker 1: what did you drink when you went home?
Speaker 2: All of it? I was just so.
Speaker 1: Tired, a little, a little what are you like.
Speaker 2: A darkened storm? Because that's my personality. But I was
Speaker 2: like this, it just made me so upset. Yo, that's
Speaker 2: my alter.
Speaker 1: You go, that's wild. Even if you are not alone
Speaker 1: with the kids, that's wild. If you're just by yourself,
Speaker 1: that is wild. Period.
Speaker 2: No, And you know here's the rough part. It's the
Speaker 2: lady that operated the paddle bulls was like, maybe put
Speaker 2: your wallet da da da da aside because nine times
Speaker 2: out of ten while it's come out, there's no warnings
Speaker 2: like that. In New York, you're on your own usual.
Speaker 2: So remember I told you the story about my phone
Speaker 2: falling into the subway tracks and me going to get it.
Speaker 2: This was worse. Yes, me diving, No, putting my face
Speaker 2: into the waters. Was just like, yeah, well, I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: like I probably have a good five years to live
Speaker 2: and get my things in order before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, get a tennis shot, take some vitamin D, get
Speaker 1: a tennis shot. Maybe you'll be like Will Smith in
Speaker 1: every movie where he's like the only one on earth,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like maybe it'll give you
Speaker 1: like a superpower, like don't go slapping Chris Rock or
Speaker 1: Tony Rock or Jordan Rock. But like definitely, you know,
Speaker 1: keep my family's name at your mouf and you know, yes,
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, dude, that's wild. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad
Speaker 1: you remembered, because honestly, I've had moments with children in public,
Speaker 1: but I black it out immediately, Like as you're telling
Speaker 1: me the story, I'm really forgetting as I think that's
Speaker 1: the only way. Yeah, I think it's the only way
Speaker 1: you get through.
Speaker 2: I mean yes, but like it's like forgive, but don't
Speaker 2: forget their names.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Just like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: all right, Arianna Stark, dang.
Speaker 1: Let me not piss you off. I didn't know you
Speaker 1: were such a fighter.
Speaker 2: I'm a scrappy little dude.
Speaker 1: I really like I would have had a moment where
Speaker 1: I'm just like, what's in the wallet?
Speaker 2: Also, where's the net? Where's the net? New York?
Speaker 1: You know, like, yeah, there should be a net.
Speaker 2: Net one fucking swimming pool net.
Speaker 1: You should be net. We went for my birthday one year.
Speaker 1: My husband took us on a kayaking trip on the
Speaker 1: Hudson River. Which is talk about where you hide the bodies,
Speaker 1: talk about sleeping with the fishes. If you're picking up one,
Speaker 1: I'm laying dang gang Joe Peshi. This one was but
Speaker 1: you and oh my god, I've never sounded like an
Speaker 1: auntie from Jersey before until now. When are we going to?
Speaker 1: Whah wah? I got a hankering for a hooking And
Speaker 1: you know, there was a lot of chop in the Hudson,
Speaker 1: but they tell you right away put all your shit
Speaker 1: in a plastic.
Speaker 2: Bag, right, thank you?
Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, I'm so glad you're gonna go swimming. You
Speaker 1: deserve Yeah, I feel like it. Also, this is very adult.
Speaker 1: I love that your wife took a trip without you
Speaker 1: and the family.
Speaker 2: She had a little bit case. She went down to
Speaker 2: Mexico to meet our new niece, Keani and very cute,
Speaker 2: beautiful name, little baby, and yeah, she wanted to do that,
Speaker 2: and I was like, right, so that, as they say,
Speaker 2: was that, And I'm so glad we were able to
Speaker 2: swing it. She needed a break because I've been working
Speaker 2: really really hard and her covering the bases and everything
Speaker 2: like that has not been easy and it's been a
Speaker 2: real tax on her. So yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to be your mind reader, but it's
Speaker 1: important to recognize when you're partner needs a break. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna be playing, let's say, here we go
Speaker 1: with Michelle's examples a soccer game and you're looking at
Speaker 1: your goalie or you're looking at your defense and you're
Speaker 1: just like, oh, they're not going to let me know.
Speaker 1: They're just gonna be a team player. You have to
Speaker 1: make the decision and be like, you need to sit down,
Speaker 1: go take a break, go have a gatorade. And you know,
Speaker 1: I love that. Elina's like I need a gatorade and
Speaker 1: you're like, bye bye.
Speaker 2: She needed a gatorade in Mexico. Yeah, I gotta go
Speaker 2: get it in Mexico. She has so much fun. I
Speaker 2: cannot advertise this town enough. It's called sam Poncho, which
Speaker 2: is just north of Guadalajara. It's a nice surf spot.
Speaker 2: You get the surf fiando going. So she just got
Speaker 2: to do all the things.
Speaker 1: Does your wife surf?
Speaker 2: She can surf. Yeah, she's a good surfer. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I saw her water ski yes in Greece. Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean for like more than three minutes.
Speaker 2: She could do it all day.
Speaker 1: She was going and I was like, what in the
Speaker 1: eighties movie with Michael J. Fox is going on? She
Speaker 1: was the hot one in a red bikini. I was like,
Speaker 1: go go yeah, do you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm just like barely jumping in the water, trying not
Speaker 1: to get my hair wet, my vacation hair, and y'all
Speaker 1: are out here doing the most with all the machines
Speaker 1: in the water. It was very nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, pass the hand twirl. It's crazy. She's like a
Speaker 2: juicy fru commercial.
Speaker 1: I like to see. I'm a double man.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, double double your excitement, no single gun, double
Speaker 2: freshens your mouth, like yeah, I got you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thank you so much because I have twins.
Speaker 1: But I really enjoy seeing people enjoy themselves. Like I'm
Speaker 1: definitely a grandma that way, where I don't need to
Speaker 1: eat the fried chicken, but I want to make it
Speaker 1: and watch everybody eat. Like that's where I find joy.
Speaker 2: You can make a great grandma. Look, you're gonna make
Speaker 2: a great great grandma'nna do I know.
Speaker 1: I always call myself Puerto Rican grandma because honestly, UH
Speaker 1: don't even know what that means. But I'm very excited
Speaker 1: for you that you don't have to go in that
Speaker 1: water anymore. I think it's also really important for not
Speaker 1: only like you don't have to be a parent to
Speaker 1: be like I'm tired, I need to break whoever the
Speaker 1: fuck you is and you feel like you need one.
Speaker 1: Stop talking about it. Go get your koochie wax, open
Speaker 1: them legs up, put a mask on, open your legs up,
Speaker 1: get that kuci whatever you need to do. My second,
Speaker 1: I have a friend who's been talking about getting her
Speaker 1: Kuchi wax for three years.
Speaker 2: It's like, really, bitch, Oh no, is it me? I
Speaker 2: can't remember? Alright? We got to get onto our guests,
Speaker 2: don't we do? We? We do?
Speaker 1: This was fun? What a fun catch up for me
Speaker 1: and only me.
Speaker 2: It was fun for me too. I have been walking
Speaker 2: around with that inside me for so long and only
Speaker 2: like my kids now and a couple of parents, and
Speaker 2: it's like now the world knows.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I just I wish there was like
Speaker 1: an animation of like our stories.
Speaker 2: Make it so exactly right media. I want it. I want.
Speaker 1: Oh, I am sorry, I am so sorry. Well, thank
Speaker 1: you for your service, thoughts and prayers. Let's get on
Speaker 1: you guys. We have a very exciting show with a friend,
Speaker 1: a boss, an activist. She is my most favorite person
Speaker 1: and she's a broken mama, just like what I used
Speaker 1: to be there with the Brox started from the bottom.
Speaker 1: Now we hear Alana Laser.
Speaker 5: Oh love it so much, Alana Michelle, and shut up.
Speaker 6: Suela Latina. But's so catholic. I've been confirmed seven times
Speaker 6: in Michelle's mind.
Speaker 1: Muddy. I just feel like once you have been in
Speaker 1: New York City for so long, Oh my god, doing
Speaker 1: the comedy thing. We are all Puerto Rican and Dominican.
Speaker 1: We are all in the height. It is all heightened.
Speaker 1: We are all The west side story is US and
Speaker 1: we are the west. No one's got a East side story.
Speaker 2: No, oh yeah, there's no East side story because it's boring. Yeah,
Speaker 2: good architecture, though, there's so much going.
Speaker 7: On the West Side, and you're looking at Jersey. You're
Speaker 7: wondering should I be here?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: If you had to, would you be able to swim
Speaker 1: the Hudson from West New York to Jersey.
Speaker 6: I'd rather swim than drive.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I's almost parted.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know what scenario would you
Speaker 2: have to swim across the Hudson like that.
Speaker 6: Oh, Jordan, you know the scenario one.
Speaker 8: We're all.
Speaker 6: All day every day. If you saw the Batman you
Speaker 6: might know.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, just some terror, some.
Speaker 6: Apocalyptic, half natural half.
Speaker 2: Terror, horror, some new horror.
Speaker 6: Yeah, some new horror. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Is that a little Yeah, that's a little one. Isn't
Speaker 1: nap time?
Speaker 6: No, she's having.
Speaker 7: Something this uh these past couple of days of like
Speaker 7: a little haw, I'm not interested in food so much,
Speaker 7: and she's normally such a good eater, so I don't
Speaker 7: know she's like.
Speaker 6: So she's just struggling in general.
Speaker 1: Oh is it teeth?
Speaker 6: Yeah? Yeah, teeth is a big thing now and almost a.
Speaker 1: Year eleven months, yeah, oh my goodness. You know, I
Speaker 1: remember my nanny when the kids were almost one. She
Speaker 1: would pretend to walk with them and like crawl with
Speaker 1: them as if she was like walking behind them, and
Speaker 1: she would like even make noises like I'm walking, I'm walking.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't pay you enough to train
Speaker 1: them to walk, ma'am. Wow, And she got Hazel walking
Speaker 1: in ten months.
Speaker 6: Wow.
Speaker 1: She asked me, when do you want them to learn
Speaker 1: how to read what in the monossory?
Speaker 2: And a little is going.
Speaker 1: On damn every time something like if it was drool
Speaker 1: or whatever it was. She was their interpreter. She knew
Speaker 1: exactly what it was. Wow, So what's baby doing now?
Speaker 1: Chewing on lots of stuff, chewing on stuff. She's danging
Speaker 1: on talks and pants with a windspoon.
Speaker 6: She's so impressive. She loves like music and just bangs
Speaker 6: stuff together and she's like that's an instrument. I'm like
Speaker 6: it is. And she's getting there with walking. Oh my god,
Speaker 6: is that incredible about your nanny?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Yeah, she's getting there. She pulls herself up. She pivots
Speaker 7: and stuffs and pivots and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And she's also like, you know, babbling with intention.
Speaker 7: She's saying ship and it's like me the way it's
Speaker 7: like dream language.
Speaker 6: She's like mean by It's like whoa.
Speaker 1: They do that until eighteen and then it stops.
Speaker 2: It dies off.
Speaker 1: My little cousins, I'm like, was that even a sad or?
Speaker 1: Are you just like scatting?
Speaker 6: It's like TikTok speak. They're like, don't.
Speaker 2: I feel like usually at that age they're making a
Speaker 2: list of things that they want to grab, like in
Speaker 2: their head. They you're like taking them around, They're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: gonna need to grab that, pull that down, and then
Speaker 2: you're reaching there, get that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love to grab stuff.
Speaker 7: I'm just always like handing her stuff and then she's
Speaker 7: like a.
Speaker 6: Part of the moment whatever it is. Wow, look at
Speaker 6: the underside on the top side, on the side side.
Speaker 1: We were just talking about spending time with our kids,
Speaker 1: the mishaps. It's also like taking your kids in public
Speaker 1: is so different because then you have to be around
Speaker 1: other people that parent, and you don't know if they're
Speaker 1: get a parent well so weird, and you have to
Speaker 1: put up with that, and it's like there's this.
Speaker 7: Thing of like no judgment, I don't judge, no judgment,
Speaker 7: and it's like, of course I'm fucking judging.
Speaker 6: You love to make I have.
Speaker 7: To make sense of the world, you know what I mean,
Speaker 7: Like we're all judging each other's parenting.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah I am. Yeah, I just really judge myself no,
Speaker 1: because it's also like what am I getting into? It's
Speaker 1: protection because then you know, one of the times I
Speaker 1: took the kids to a museum in Rye, New York,
Speaker 1: and this kid just grabbed this tool that Hazel was playing,
Speaker 1: right out of her hands, and the dad didn't say anything,
Speaker 1: was on the phone and I saw Ki the husband, ooh,
Speaker 1: he got hot. He started biting his lower lip. I
Speaker 1: know that bite. And then and then he goes he
Speaker 1: taps the guy on the shoulder. He goes, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I said, what in the white male? Oh yo? I say,
Speaker 1: you can't touch people, he said, but I have to
Speaker 1: talk to him. Oh my god, like not even at
Speaker 1: the customer service at Target.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the hood spat on ice. I'll tell you, I
Speaker 1: dream of it one day and always like, you have
Speaker 1: to watch your kid. And I'm like, we can't tell
Speaker 1: parents how to parent, Like we just have to explain
Speaker 1: to Hazel why this is wrong right always.
Speaker 2: But my takeaway from that story is it is important
Speaker 2: to pack a white person. That happened to me in
Speaker 2: the Berkshires. It was like we were waiting this place
Speaker 2: I was asking for. This is gonna be the worst story.
Speaker 2: We were waiting for our table at a place called
Speaker 2: the Prairie Whale. And then so my kid is like
Speaker 2: playing bean bags and then this other kid like takes
Speaker 2: a bean bag and like chucks it, and then my
Speaker 2: kid is upset. And then I kind of like figure
Speaker 2: out what's going on. I was like, what's going on here?
Speaker 2: Don't do that, da, and like it's not right to
Speaker 2: do that. And then the dad goes, well, you know,
Speaker 2: we're gonna have to work on his apologies and things
Speaker 2: like that. It's like this dad saying we're gonna have
Speaker 2: to work on his apologies. And then my wife took
Speaker 2: all the bean belt boy and through them like just
Speaker 2: at least twenty thirty yards and was like, how about that?
Speaker 2: How about now?
Speaker 9: Wow?
Speaker 1: I could never That's like the great thing about having
Speaker 1: a white partner because they get to do everything that
Speaker 1: you can't.
Speaker 6: I mean, that's that's.
Speaker 1: If we're gonna if we're gonna talk about it, If
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it, do you guys tell them
Speaker 1: like do this you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Or do they just go off?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Oh Jordan does like he did it in Greece.
Speaker 1: He was just like, you go ask for that table
Speaker 1: because you know they'll listen. They'll listen to you.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't have to tell christ He'll just go up
Speaker 1: and do it. Oh my god, you activated, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: You tell them like if we're okay, let's say we're
Speaker 2: like ditting ding ding ding ding upstate.
Speaker 6: It's confidence.
Speaker 2: If we're at the Price Chopper upstate and we're lost,
Speaker 2: I'm like, you better go out there and ask I
Speaker 2: got you. Don't worry, I got your back, But get
Speaker 2: asked them all right, because who knows where they're leading me?
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's tough. You know.
Speaker 7: It's like when you get married, you're like sort of
Speaker 7: investing in a different level of a thing.
Speaker 1: So that's a different level of a thing, you know what.
Speaker 1: And it's not taught in any class. Has that been
Speaker 1: to two universities and never saw that as a class?
Speaker 1: You know? Just this is why we love adulting because
Speaker 1: it's just shit that no one would ever tell you.
Speaker 1: So we were talking about parenting and public very different
Speaker 1: because when you're on display, on display, it Craig, can.
Speaker 2: I ask a question. Let's do a little water displacement,
Speaker 2: y'all displace things. You're both hot celebreties out in this
Speaker 2: world and you're at the playground as a word, at
Speaker 2: the PG, do you have people come to you and
Speaker 2: want to be friends with you, like parents trying to
Speaker 2: be like what's up? Like, you know, like it's happening.
Speaker 2: Does that happen? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. He got so excited that, like your
Speaker 1: mic was like, I can't handle this black boy joy enthusiasm.
Speaker 2: Do you want me to tell you how thirsty I
Speaker 2: was to make playground buddies with Oscar Isaac.
Speaker 6: That's a playground.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, a thick, hairy loaf of playground buddy.
Speaker 6: Tell me about the slice you got?
Speaker 1: Yum me.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be in Dune two with him. And
Speaker 2: then well, okay, anyway, so our kids are playing and
Speaker 2: I was like, this is the moment, dude. You know
Speaker 2: but Oscar Isaac is not paying attention to our kids
Speaker 2: playing and being friends. So I like climb the same
Speaker 2: big toy that the kids are on and I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 2: you're that dad. You'll notice Oscar.
Speaker 6: Wow, it's so funny. I get it.
Speaker 1: This is what I love about you, guys and friends
Speaker 1: not only in the business, but have children around the
Speaker 1: same age. Whenever a life thing happens, your goal shift,
Speaker 1: your life is different, something like what a huge shift
Speaker 1: when we got the twin Bubbas where I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm only fucking with parents who who are good people
Speaker 1: who get it and also, don't judge a bitch for
Speaker 1: taking edibles and having kids and we're just having a
Speaker 1: good time. And so I just have to talk about
Speaker 1: the Halloween party for two point two because you guys,
Speaker 1: you guys only child over here, and I had this
Speaker 1: Halloween party that I love that I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: making my own holiday.
Speaker 6: Oh hell yeah.
Speaker 1: It was so fun. It was a family themed costume
Speaker 1: party that y'all came to. Yes, you guys, bleue it
Speaker 1: out the water. Will you please tell us how you
Speaker 1: dressed your family up?
Speaker 2: Oh good question. Do you want to start? I wanna?
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 7: So I like to barely have celebrated Halloween beyond my childhood.
Speaker 6: This was truly my dream, like a.
Speaker 7: Day party with day drinking, day, gummies, day whatever and
Speaker 7: the kiddos.
Speaker 6: Was just my dream. And it was heaven. That party
Speaker 6: was heaven, Michelle. I just wanted to say, So.
Speaker 7: My baby was like four months old in the thick
Speaker 7: of breastfeeding, so I was feeling like a real cow
Speaker 7: at the time. So I dressed as a cow. I
Speaker 7: dressed my baby as a cowboy and my husband as
Speaker 7: a milkmaid.
Speaker 2: Why you were dressed? Why she dress so good?
Speaker 6: Because I was like, I'm literally am a cow right now.
Speaker 2: It looks great. You look like a beautiful vash hollandaise.
Speaker 1: It's a dojo cat song. Bish, I'm a cow, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's right. I don't say meow move bish, get out
Speaker 1: my way.
Speaker 6: Yeah you did it. That would have been a great
Speaker 6: song to roll into.
Speaker 1: Ah ah next time.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I think we were one hundred and
Speaker 2: one Dalmatians. We were pungoin party and then the kids.
Speaker 2: My son was definitely that kind of misogynistic man that
Speaker 2: owned the dogs who hated Corella. My daughter was Krela
Speaker 2: because she loves Krella and she's like, we need to
Speaker 2: look at Kerrella differently. Krella is not the villain that
Speaker 2: you make her out to be. She's childless.
Speaker 1: Oh his daughter is like aoc at the playground and
Speaker 1: she got to wear a red lipstick, so I know
Speaker 1: she loves the statement land Oh that was fun.
Speaker 6: Wow, I love that perspective.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a feeling because she has no kids.
Speaker 7: Yeah, we have to look at Kruella differently. It's important
Speaker 7: that we do. We got to talk about this, guys.
Speaker 1: We need to stick up for the people that can't
Speaker 1: stick up for themselves.
Speaker 6: That's right.
Speaker 1: I can't even remember what we were.
Speaker 2: I thought it was the Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 1: Oh, Wizard of Oz. You're right, of Oz.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's right. That was mind blowingly beautiful. Oh my god,
Speaker 7: your family.
Speaker 1: It was very fun. And those are the kind of
Speaker 1: times I want to have because I grew up going
Speaker 1: to Caribbean parties where everybody had fun, the kids, the adults,
Speaker 1: the teenagers. There was enough food and drink for everybody.
Speaker 1: And that's the kind of experience I want to, you know,
Speaker 1: give to my kids and my friends, my chosen family.
Speaker 2: By the end of the night, everybody was doing like
Speaker 2: the electric slide, they were doing the Chacha slide. Kids
Speaker 2: were screaming for their parents to like leave, and their
Speaker 2: parents are like, I don't hear you. I don't care,
Speaker 2: and I don't hear you. I'm not here, free as fuck,
Speaker 2: and we are dancing and romantic. It was nuts, and
Speaker 2: I was like, we have to eventually go home because
Speaker 2: my children were just like they're so routine oriented. They're
Speaker 2: just like, what's happening, mom? And dad snapped their cap,
Speaker 2: you know, so like it was so much fun and
Speaker 2: we were about to meet like mutiny against our own children.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that? I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're definitely gonna do it again this year. But
Speaker 1: the minute the sun went down and Bell biv Devaux
Speaker 1: went on, Yes, it was like prom all over again.
Speaker 1: It was real fun. I think all the kids were
Speaker 1: just asleep on the couch watching cocomelon. There were so
Speaker 1: many games from Candy all over the couch. I was like, whatever,
Speaker 1: And you know, this is a very adult thing that
Speaker 1: nobody told me that. I had to figure out. When
Speaker 1: you have a party the next day, you should book
Speaker 1: some cleaning to come through it so you're not stuck,
Speaker 1: hung over, tired, cleaning with dirty feet.
Speaker 2: I do that thing where I half heartedly and I
Speaker 2: admit it's half hearted, but you're getting half of my
Speaker 2: heart where I'm like, do you want me to clean
Speaker 2: the thing? And then you don't mean it.
Speaker 1: But you know what, I love that your wife is
Speaker 1: just like Jordan get the back like, she gets it done.
Speaker 1: She will clean up. She's like, I don't know where
Speaker 1: it went, so I put it here. I'm like, it
Speaker 1: looks good there.
Speaker 6: She's a badass.
Speaker 1: She's a badass.
Speaker 2: She is she is. It's a terror, but I need
Speaker 2: to learn how to deal with that. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. I need to put my arms around it,
Speaker 2: not my head around it. Now, if that's your rules,
Speaker 2: you have those party rules, and I've learned those from you, Michelle,
Speaker 2: which is an adult, brings vine preferably rose, and then
Speaker 2: helps to clean up at the end.
Speaker 1: Not all the time, not all the time. But you
Speaker 1: can't just keep coming off and not doing nothing, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Yeah, And then I mean A
Speaker 1: huge peppyeve of mine is when people go into like
Speaker 1: the fruit bowl, the shit does not even on the menu.
Speaker 1: It's like, why are you eating up all the good
Speaker 1: snacks for the week? You know that was not on
Speaker 1: this plank.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's not a grocery store.
Speaker 1: Like you open multiple doors to find it. And I
Speaker 1: won't always have enough snacks for the party, So why
Speaker 1: you gotta come for like the organic treats? But take care,
Speaker 1: but listen, I also have to be more open minded.
Speaker 7: I guess it takes so much work to make a
Speaker 7: huge party for everybody, and they're going into your groceries.
Speaker 7: It's I think that's a that's a I think that's
Speaker 7: a healthy boundary to have.
Speaker 2: Wait, Elana, do you have to ask you this Alana,
Speaker 2: I have to ask you. So you said eleven months old,
Speaker 2: so your daughter's first trip around the sun is coming.
Speaker 2: What you're gonna do is bounce you in your future
Speaker 2: likes Jimberree in your future, Like what's what's you going
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 6: Oh my god, bounce you or Jimberree.
Speaker 7: That's kind of about like a blow up house or
Speaker 7: something maybe, But we are getting.
Speaker 6: A house out east and having the grandparents out, like
Speaker 6: when Michelle talks about like having a big.
Speaker 7: Caribbean party as a child and everybody's like dancing, like
Speaker 7: we did not have that. We had like quiet Jewish
Speaker 7: holidays that you know, I don't know ended you could
Speaker 7: hear spoons on plates, you know what I mean. That's
Speaker 7: like the kind of parties we had. So that's why
Speaker 7: I go to that party and I'm like, oh my
Speaker 7: a day party and I'm losing my mind. And I
Speaker 7: also honestly ideal for me because I'm like six o'clock.
Speaker 6: With my.
Speaker 2: Oh big time.
Speaker 7: Our only plan is just to be at this house
Speaker 7: with the grandparents.
Speaker 6: I should let her have cake, is that right?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Sure, yes, Marie Antoinette, absolutely.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, maybe all of it, don't the bouncy house,
Speaker 7: like to crawl on a bouncy house. It doesn't it
Speaker 7: doesn't make sense yet, but that's all I will do.
Speaker 1: I think, Oh, I love that, and also like celebrate
Speaker 1: you guys, we were just saying before as well, you
Speaker 1: got to give your partner a time out. I mean
Speaker 1: partners need to chill, right, not just even parents. It's
Speaker 1: just like the day to day, you know, crawling out
Speaker 1: of a quarantine. Like we need to give each other
Speaker 1: to And I think we're all workaholics here and we
Speaker 1: love work. It feeds my soul. But you know what
Speaker 1: feeds my soul to a spot.
Speaker 6: Yes, I was just gonna say, a massage. That's the thing.
Speaker 7: If I can get the massage in, if I could
Speaker 7: do it weekly, I'm like, such a better person.
Speaker 2: You do a massage weekly?
Speaker 6: No, but that's what I go for.
Speaker 7: And if I get it even a few weeks in
Speaker 7: a row, I'm like, this is what I do when
Speaker 7: I do.
Speaker 2: This this scene.
Speaker 6: You know, it's like if I could get into a.
Speaker 7: Little routine rather than once a quarter or some.
Speaker 2: Trip, I feel you I need to stop being like
Speaker 2: I need to call it like a curated moment for
Speaker 2: myself because I have a lot of like Christian guilt,
Speaker 2: and I'll be like, oh, I'm being selfish, Like for instance,
Speaker 2: I know, like this morning I went to the park
Speaker 2: and there were some awful people there, some people that
Speaker 2: I've already talked to before, and I just don't like
Speaker 2: talking to them. So I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: Buddy Be and my dog, We're gonna got to the
Speaker 2: pier instead. We're just gonna do this because usually, And
Speaker 2: then I felt guilt. I was like, man, you know,
Speaker 2: who knows? Who knows when you'll see those people again?
Speaker 2: I was like, what is the matter with me? But
Speaker 2: I feel like who cares?
Speaker 6: You?
Speaker 1: Hope no cares? Your Yeah, who cares.
Speaker 7: If they honestly if they suddenly left? Have we even
Speaker 7: remember and think of those people you don't like.
Speaker 1: I know these are people I don't like, and I
Speaker 1: have to pretend. I can't believe you still have hair
Speaker 1: in your head. I know, I can't believe you worried
Speaker 1: that much and still have a full head of hair.
Speaker 1: Thank god you have dimples, because I would feel like
Speaker 1: you're worried all the time.
Speaker 6: So what did you do?
Speaker 2: I went out to this beautiful pier that like you
Speaker 2: have a great view of Manhattan and just like, look
Speaker 2: at you, you glittering tim dress, and I went, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: oh you didn't talk to them.
Speaker 6: I was like, if you talk to them, Jordan's I'm
Speaker 6: gonna I don't know what, do something to change change
Speaker 6: your ways. But that's good. You just thought it. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I just thought it.
Speaker 1: It's funny being selfish. We think of it as a
Speaker 1: bad thing, right because we know a lot of cunts
Speaker 1: and people who are cunty, and people who always want
Speaker 1: to monopolize the conversation or your time or even micro
Speaker 1: dose your personality, whatever the fun, whatever the fuck people
Speaker 1: are doing. But I really have to start thinking of
Speaker 1: being selfish as like is it self preservation? Is that
Speaker 1: where I'm going? I just blacked out, Like I need help,
Speaker 1: I need to take where's my tambourine? Like I need
Speaker 1: to take care of myself because a lot of times,
Speaker 1: you know, between work, marriage, and twins, not necessarily in
Speaker 1: that order, my feet are always black. I feel like
Speaker 1: that chef at the end of any top chef, you know,
Speaker 1: moment where they're just running around the kitchen like get
Speaker 1: out of the point, like that's you know, I'm just
Speaker 1: like the nugget try that.
Speaker 7: You know, self preservation is not selfish for everyone, but
Speaker 7: if that's your level because you give so much, then
Speaker 7: that's like a good recontextualizing.
Speaker 2: To aim for. Okay, final kiss y'all for me, which
Speaker 2: is this so after party, so good, so funny, loving it.
Speaker 2: Love that you're on there with my homegirl, Genevieve as
Speaker 2: well Geneviev Vanilson. Yes, I hooked her up with their
Speaker 2: boyfriend Matchmaker. Matchmaker, make me a match, not a big deal.
Speaker 1: Just wondering, Oh god, you like mom.
Speaker 2: And plotting out here. I'm just wondering, Okay, Like what
Speaker 2: was it like to be a first time parent and
Speaker 2: work on a major project because before that you'd done
Speaker 2: Broad City when hadn't been parental.
Speaker 7: I was pregnant, I wasn't a parent, wow, and it
Speaker 7: was insane.
Speaker 6: I was like, hey, hello.
Speaker 7: I felt like I was like the moon Man, the
Speaker 7: MTV Mean Man or whatever and everybody else on earth.
Speaker 6: I was like in a different.
Speaker 2: Like air it plays so well, but.
Speaker 7: I was bopping around and also I was vomiting all
Speaker 7: day talking about my running to the bathroom. I was like, hey, guys,
Speaker 7: a little it was like and also like it's such
Speaker 7: a weird thing, that type of nausea where I'm like,
Speaker 7: do I hate to take cure this?
Speaker 6: It was so bizarre. So I was like it was
Speaker 6: almost like I had a ghost no one could see,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean, where I was.
Speaker 7: Like talking and I was I was talking to my
Speaker 7: baby and my be was like you and it was
Speaker 7: pregnant and it was pre vaccine during COVID. So I
Speaker 7: was kind of losing my mind in a personal show.
Speaker 6: But in the professional way it was so much fun.
Speaker 6: And that was another thing. It was volatile because like
Speaker 6: I was like so sensitive and vulnerable in the personal way,
Speaker 6: but professionally it was so funny and fun.
Speaker 7: And that cast is saying Jennevie was so talented, but
Speaker 7: something was incredible.
Speaker 6: Chow Tiffany.
Speaker 3: How is Tiffany's.
Speaker 6: Universe in a room?
Speaker 1: You know she's a black uniforn Yeah, yeah, Ike, his
Speaker 1: name is Michael.
Speaker 6: It's so funny. It was fucking funny, but it was wild.
Speaker 6: I always think of.
Speaker 7: Michelle like, uh shooting, And because the twins thing is
Speaker 7: just like still mind blowing, I'm like it's like by
Speaker 7: the time they're like ten, you'll be like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 7: I have on wins, but I'm like, it's so like
Speaker 7: amazing and miraculous and insane.
Speaker 8: So I don't know how you do it.
Speaker 6: And with like things coming up that I'm shooting, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 6: does everyone just hurt all day? Do mothers hurt all day?
Speaker 1: Do some people not?
Speaker 6: And they're like, I like kind of envy them and
Speaker 6: they're like thank.
Speaker 7: God, oh my god, stupid family whatever, But yeah, does.
Speaker 6: It just it just hurts all day?
Speaker 1: Kind of It's like this weird thing where I feel
Speaker 1: guilty if I'm not with them, and when I'm with them,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I got shit to do. Yeah, So like
Speaker 1: being pred in whatever moment I'm in is like reminding
Speaker 1: myself to work out and drink water. Like I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: just this is just what life is. Like, You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to wait in long lines, you're gonna be stuck
Speaker 1: in traffic, you have to remind yourself like you know,
Speaker 1: like that's just totally yeah, that's just what life is.
Speaker 1: But God, we are so mother fucking fortunate that we can.
Speaker 2: Just do it now.
Speaker 6: I know it's wild, you know, to.
Speaker 8: Be a mom. Now I'm like thank you and not
Speaker 8: like the I think of like confusion of the eighties
Speaker 8: and the suburbs and my mom and oh my god,
Speaker 8: like to.
Speaker 7: Be able to step outside and just see people and
Speaker 7: they'll be so isolated it's like oo and then all yeah,
Speaker 7: and comedy.
Speaker 6: Like we get to do not just work, but comedy.
Speaker 6: It's it's really yes, beyond it's beyond.
Speaker 2: Right. You also get to go out at night, which
Speaker 2: is something a lot of people don't get to do,
Speaker 2: ask for.
Speaker 1: I know, it really is wild, wild, and there's still
Speaker 1: so much work we still have to do, you know,
Speaker 1: but it's just so much better than it was even
Speaker 1: just twenty five short years ago. Speaking of work we
Speaker 1: have to do. Just kidding, We're going to keep you
Speaker 1: a little bit longer for ten more minutes and answer
Speaker 1: some questions from the audience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 6: I'm enjoying the hell out of this.
Speaker 2: We want you to get to pop Patrol. We want
Speaker 2: you to do it all.
Speaker 1: Yes, we're gonna get to Cocoa melan. But we do
Speaker 1: have some questions that people have asked us, and we
Speaker 1: love to get your mother the fucking take first question,
Speaker 1: how do I break up with a friend? I've tried
Speaker 1: texting less declining hangouts. But it's been a few months
Speaker 1: and the text keep coming.
Speaker 2: Did you write this question about me? Michelle?
Speaker 1: Stop? No, this is interesting. This is the first question
Speaker 1: in here. Okay, we legit get this question all the time,
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, it's hard because you do grow apart.
Speaker 1: You do grow apart.
Speaker 7: The thing I had like a friend breakup that was
Speaker 7: super clear because I think it was the beginning of
Speaker 7: COVID and they were and like everybody's truth was coming
Speaker 7: to a head, and they like reached out to me
Speaker 7: and was like, I feel like we're not as close
Speaker 7: as we used to be, and they were more pursuance
Speaker 7: of our friendship enough. I was less, and I was,
Speaker 7: I guess in my own COVID truth. I was like
Speaker 7: straight up where I was like, yeah, I don't feel
Speaker 7: I feel like we've grown apart, and that makes sense
Speaker 7: because of how life has unfolded, and.
Speaker 6: That's okay with me. And it was hurtful because it's
Speaker 6: like I don't want to.
Speaker 7: Put the same effort into this that you do, right,
Speaker 7: But I also don't want to pretend to you that
Speaker 7: I find that like more disrespectful, you know.
Speaker 6: I was like, yeah, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 7: But I understand why people do it, because it's like
Speaker 7: it feels hard and yeah, maybe easier, although I like,
Speaker 7: is it because you're like it's every single time both
Speaker 7: people kind of know also, but I don't know. I
Speaker 7: wouldn't have instigated that unless somebody asked me. I would say, probably,
Speaker 7: I mean, this is so shitty, like okay, maybe it's
Speaker 7: more like act the way that you actually feel authentically,
Speaker 7: which is if not responding is.
Speaker 6: If you're like I can't respond to this, then don't
Speaker 6: and then if they want to talk about it, be honest.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: I'm on the struggle bus with this one because sometimes
Speaker 1: it's very easy and clear cut, even if we're not
Speaker 1: on the same page, and other times it feels wild
Speaker 1: like I have my own version of this truth and
Speaker 1: then you have your own version and we can't even
Speaker 1: meet in the middle. So, you know, I've tried to
Speaker 1: break up with people and they're like, well, why would
Speaker 1: you do that? What do you mean? I don't see
Speaker 1: that it's And the answer is, I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 1: you can like write us back and give us more info,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say one thing, which is you need
Speaker 2: to first establish whether or not like and say to
Speaker 2: yourself and it's okay to become cite specific friends. Your
Speaker 2: friendship goes from like checking in on that person all
Speaker 2: the time to if you see them, you cannot wait
Speaker 2: to like learn catch up, see how they're doing. You're
Speaker 2: a fan of theirs. But life moves on, you know,
Speaker 2: And we have site specific friends all the time in
Speaker 2: this industry.
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 2: The hair and makeup people that we love, right, the
Speaker 2: people different does.
Speaker 6: Work if they're asking for like real friendship.
Speaker 7: It's just like, why can't we treat friendship like we
Speaker 7: do romantic relationships, which we do in so many other ways.
Speaker 7: And it's like, sometimes you break up and then yes,
Speaker 7: you do check in on someone later when it's nothing.
Speaker 7: Also sometimes you get back together with somebody, but like, yeah, guys,
Speaker 7: we're getting.
Speaker 6: This question all the time. That's pretty interesting all the time.
Speaker 7: I think that's an interesting area for conversation is just
Speaker 7: break up. And it sucks when you break up with someone,
Speaker 7: you feel like an asshole. But it's also like doesn't
Speaker 7: make sense to go on and pretend that you're in love.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're just turring it along. Sometimes I just have
Speaker 1: like a big old party once a year where I
Speaker 1: get to just invite everybody, even the peripheral circle, and
Speaker 1: be like, Hi, nice to see you this one time,
Speaker 1: and goodbye. You know what I mean, because because it's
Speaker 1: not like I'm mad at you, it's just that we
Speaker 1: don't like I still want the best for you, but
Speaker 1: like we don't have anything in common anymore. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: go on to another question, because I feel like we're
Speaker 1: never going to figure that out. But I do appreciate
Speaker 1: you guys asking us. Ooh, this is a good question.
Speaker 1: When is the right time to argue and when's the
Speaker 1: right time to let it go? You guys, these are
Speaker 1: some deep relationship COVID questions. I feel like, damn, oh my.
Speaker 7: Gosh, I guess I mean, this is so an infuriating answer.
Speaker 7: But it depends, doesn't It depend?
Speaker 1: It does, and it's not just an adult diaper.
Speaker 2: Bottling up makes it worse, right, Bottling up makes it
Speaker 2: worse than you're trying to be two different people. Just
Speaker 2: make it messy. Say what you're gonna say, like a
Speaker 2: cosmic fart, better out than end, and the person will
Speaker 2: get over it. I am a classic avaiter. I do
Speaker 2: not like to argue.
Speaker 1: Michelle will tell you I know it's so annoying. I'm
Speaker 1: not even trying to argue. I'm just trying to have
Speaker 1: a conversation.
Speaker 2: If I were on trial, I would plead no contest.
Speaker 2: Even if like the person had done harm to me.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I plead no contest.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, child, I don't to be honest for
Speaker 1: me when i go into not even an argument, but
Speaker 1: knowing that I'm gonna like lay my feelings out, especially
Speaker 1: if it was like one specific thing that has happened
Speaker 1: or multiple things, I make a list of pros and cons,
Speaker 1: like this is what I love about you, this is
Speaker 1: why this made me feel like I have to make
Speaker 1: a listen. I can remember it because I forget. Also,
Speaker 1: the right time to argue, okay, that is you know
Speaker 1: the time it's not on your way to something, and
Speaker 1: you know it's not in public. It's when you guys
Speaker 1: are at home, when you have private space to maybe
Speaker 1: raise your voice if you got to, definitely not in
Speaker 1: front of kids, that's my thing or family members. You
Speaker 1: better suck your own dick. The good time to let
Speaker 1: it go is that you know, if you are arguing
Speaker 1: in circle.
Speaker 2: You better suck your own dick.
Speaker 1: Talks me in front of your parents, in front of
Speaker 1: your family members, you better have a very flexible back
Speaker 1: so you can suck your own dick.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you touched.
Speaker 1: So wouldn't the world be a better place if most
Speaker 1: of the men in the Senate can suck their own dick.
Speaker 6: So instead of each other?
Speaker 2: Yeah, those fines are going to have to be very
Speaker 2: flexible because there's a lot of mushroom dicks out there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let me say this. I feel like you're totally right.
Speaker 2: There's one thing though, when it comes to when to argue. Yeah,
Speaker 2: sometimes if you can get a hold of your emojis
Speaker 2: and just like try to make it a healthy exchange
Speaker 2: of ideas and say like this upset me and just
Speaker 2: go to total like therapy talk with the other person,
Speaker 2: it'll keep things at like a cool temperature rather than discordant, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I mean, depend you're with But okay, okay, next question, ooh,
Speaker 1: what in the big titty doctor Phil is going on?
Speaker 1: My partner and I have not had sex over a month,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't seem to bother either of us. Is fascinating.
Speaker 1: I say, no, what I love.
Speaker 6: About big titty doctor Phil? Titty doctor Phil? And then
Speaker 6: I get to picture. Doctor Phil is huge.
Speaker 2: In jelous and I love that for him.
Speaker 6: I love that jee. I guess that's not a problem
Speaker 6: if it doesn't bother either of them.
Speaker 2: But they didn't take the time to write it to you, guys,
Speaker 2: they say a month, it's probably been two, you know.
Speaker 2: They're like, it's been a month. Sure, Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: that's fine if.
Speaker 6: They took the time to act, like write this like
Speaker 6: it is bothering them.
Speaker 1: Oh right, right.
Speaker 7: You know what though, I'm like, you're asking Michelle and Jordan, like,
Speaker 7: don't you mean shouldn't you talk to each other?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 7: No, No, definitely bothering this person, no offense, right, you know.
Speaker 7: I'm like, I would ask you guys too, But I'm like.
Speaker 1: There's you know, I think I think for me, at least,
Speaker 1: I've been married for eleven going on twelve years. We've
Speaker 1: been together fourteen years. To say, I'm bad at math
Speaker 1: two thousand and eight, there are a lot of things
Speaker 1: that surprise me about having a long term partner that
Speaker 1: I like, never you know, I just never thought. And
Speaker 1: it's not even like arguing, or like the amount of
Speaker 1: sex we have or don't have, or like the fact
Speaker 1: that I've seen his sneakers on our coffee table. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I just like did a death drop, like
Speaker 1: a drag queen lipsticking for my life. I'm like, you did?
Speaker 6: What? Like?
Speaker 1: There's so many boss off my head and I can't
Speaker 1: share publicly. There are just so many things that I
Speaker 1: never you just never think. You just never think. You
Speaker 1: know that that would be your life, or you would
Speaker 1: go through this, or you would say that or feel it.
Speaker 1: So I think this question reads like they're more surprised
Speaker 1: that they don't need sex. And you might just have
Speaker 1: a moment. You might be fucking exhausted from wearing a
Speaker 1: mask out all day and working and public in the
Speaker 1: back of your ears hurt, so why would you want
Speaker 1: to get your clip rubbed? Whatever it is? But just
Speaker 1: remember you are partners with this person for a reason,
Speaker 1: and one of the reasons too, is like to enjoy
Speaker 1: each other's body. And you know, maybe you just need
Speaker 1: to take a minute to enjoy your body because we
Speaker 1: should be. You're seeing pleasure when we can. But if
Speaker 1: you're tired, take a beat. You fucking deserve that rest.
Speaker 1: That's what I think at least, Yeah, I love that, and.
Speaker 2: Talk to your partner about it, because obviously this is becoming,
Speaker 2: you know, an issue, and it's like you want to
Speaker 2: broach that with them. It maybe it's on their mind too,
Speaker 2: and if they're avoiding it, you got to get to
Speaker 2: the root cause of it.
Speaker 1: You got to get to the router and the tutor, the.
Speaker 2: Ruder of the tutor. I think like planning could be fun,
Speaker 2: find out what you know. And I hate when it's
Speaker 2: like the person that writes in you always put it
Speaker 2: on them like a you know, like a women's mag
Speaker 2: where they're.
Speaker 9: Like, it's fifteen ways to make yo gavan stimulate, right,
Speaker 9: but understanding what blows your hair back and sharing that
Speaker 9: with your partner, right, hopefully that.
Speaker 1: Will blows your hair back.
Speaker 2: Oh, curls the toes.
Speaker 1: I don't know, curls the toes.
Speaker 7: Tear guys this point Also, it's like, I guess, even
Speaker 7: if it is like starting to be an issue, you
Speaker 7: don't have to panic about it because it does sound
Speaker 7: like you're both someone on the same page. And also
Speaker 7: just a suggestion is doing something physically pleasurable together that's
Speaker 7: not sexual.
Speaker 6: Go get foot rubs.
Speaker 1: Sorry, that just spoke to my foot, so you're talking
Speaker 1: sensual not sexual.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that's correct. What's the next question.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is the last question. And this has been
Speaker 1: really great. Yeah, okay, another one. I quit drinking, and
Speaker 1: now another one. I quit drinking, and now my friends
Speaker 1: don't invite me out anymore. What should I do? Get
Speaker 1: yourself friends or a mocktail?
Speaker 2: You guys, there's more to that story. There's more to
Speaker 2: that story.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's a very biased thing. And now they
Speaker 6: just don't any out right.
Speaker 2: I quit coffee, and then, like I could not shut
Speaker 2: up about quitting coffee. It's just like the thing about
Speaker 2: it is when you quit coffee.
Speaker 1: I was a part of that.
Speaker 2: It was so annoying.
Speaker 1: If he talked about green tea one more time, I
Speaker 1: was gonna like punch you, right the.
Speaker 6: God that is fascinating, Jordan, thank you.
Speaker 2: It's all mind ever matter. You know what, If you
Speaker 2: don't mind, it don't matter. And that's what it is, y'all.
Speaker 2: My body is a tabernacle.
Speaker 6: I guess.
Speaker 7: Get new friends like and not not like that point
Speaker 7: blank or whatever. I don't know if I'm saying that phrase,
Speaker 7: I don't know what the fuck that phrase is.
Speaker 6: Is that a gun thing? Forget it? O getting we
Speaker 6: could take it out.
Speaker 2: We could take it out.
Speaker 6: Point break Patrick point not that point break. It's not
Speaker 6: that point break. But it is like, I don't know.
Speaker 6: I reach out to other friends.
Speaker 2: I think that there's, yeah, there might be something else
Speaker 2: going on there, and I feel as though that's a
Speaker 2: perfect time reassess what made your friendship tick and if
Speaker 2: itacity with alcohol and they were drinking buddies. Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I think it's exciting. I think it's exciting. I think
Speaker 1: this is a new chapter for you adulting wise, and
Speaker 1: you know, again getting back to like friendship breakups. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's not that black and white where someone's just like,
Speaker 1: we ain't gonna hang no more. You know, chance the
Speaker 1: rapper has us dope songs. We don't do the same
Speaker 1: drugs no more. We don't do the same drugs. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's real. You know, like, picture how good
Speaker 1: you are now not drinking all the shit. You can
Speaker 1: remember your personality is probably poppin' and be around people
Speaker 1: that are popping with you, So that's okay. My whole
Speaker 1: mantra has always been if you don't want to hear
Speaker 1: from me, you gotta hear about me. Let them drunk
Speaker 1: as drunkards with them beloaded faces. Mean, look at your
Speaker 1: Instagram page, see all the things you're doing sober and
Speaker 1: dope the.
Speaker 2: Bye Yeah, exactly know.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Just standing that it also opens the door for new
Speaker 2: people to come into your life.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine you're having good sex and you remember
Speaker 1: it come on?
Speaker 7: Yeah, and you're also reminding me of how like now
Speaker 7: this person gets to hang out with themselves.
Speaker 6: Yes, you're like running away from yourself and it's like
Speaker 6: get new friends or just like truly take yourself on,
Speaker 6: like send dates and.
Speaker 1: Enjoy your sober suess ma'am. So this is the question
Speaker 1: we ask our guests. What's the most adult thing you
Speaker 1: want to do for yourself this year that you haven't yet?
Speaker 7: Then?
Speaker 6: I want to do that's the most adult.
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 6: I want one tiny little squirt of botox?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, can I come with you? I want to
Speaker 1: come with you.
Speaker 6: An adult can do that.
Speaker 1: I don't know where were we going? When you see it, squirt,
Speaker 1: you know it's really girl, it's really just DNA.
Speaker 6: But to be honest, yeah, I'm both curious and I.
Speaker 1: Want one little, one little little dollie.
Speaker 6: What's up?
Speaker 1: I love it?
Speaker 3: So much.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on and hang
Speaker 1: out with us. This has been a thank you guys.
Speaker 6: Oh same for me. What a way to kick things
Speaker 6: off today.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, love you so much.
Speaker 6: You got me. Love you both so much. Thank you.
Speaker 4: By wow wow wow Jarden. My heart is full and
Speaker 4: my pants are tight, per uge, per usual, sign of
Speaker 4: a good time, sign of a good time.
Speaker 2: So that was great.
Speaker 1: This is really fun. You know what it is too?
Speaker 1: Oh goodness. Between work and just real life, there's no
Speaker 1: time to go out and catch up over brunch. So
Speaker 1: I feel like this podcast just fuels muscle when it
Speaker 1: comes into the big old check in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when we check in, when we like take inventory
Speaker 2: of what's going on with each other. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 2: you know, how we're going through this life in parallel
Speaker 2: ways and how we're going through it in unique ways.
Speaker 2: But at the end, I always feel so much better.
Speaker 2: My spirits are raised. Me too. My equipment was not working,
Speaker 2: but my heart is now.
Speaker 1: Are you talking about your microphone or your dick?
Speaker 2: My microphone, my microphone? Please edit this out.
Speaker 1: We should end.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go now.
Speaker 1: Buy everyone, thank you so much for joining us, and
Speaker 1: please give it up for Jordan and his microphone Dick.
Speaker 4: Yet all right, love you bye, I gotta go. I
Speaker 4: know I'm really think about my buttherts from sipping. This
Speaker 4: has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Natalie Wrinn.
Speaker 2: Senior Managing Producer is Hannah Kyle Kraige.
Speaker 1: This episode was sound designed and mixed by Andrew.
Speaker 2: Eapen and engineered by Ryobomb.
Speaker 1: Our guest booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 2: Our theme song is by DJ don Will.
Speaker 1: Photography by Chi Spender, most.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Karen Kilgarriff, Georgia Harstark and Danielle Kramer.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pot.
Speaker 1: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm