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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, my boyfriend refused to marry me, but he

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Speaker 2: promised his late wife.

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Speaker 1: I think you got your order of operations mixed up.

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Speaker 1: O boo boo boop. You make promises to the one

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Speaker 1: that can still talk to you.

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Speaker 2: For context, I have been with my boyfriend for almost

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Speaker 2: two years now. Throughout our relationship, he has been the

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Speaker 2: most attentive, loving and thoughtful partner.

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Speaker 1: We share house stores.

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Speaker 2: He would buy me little gifts every now and then.

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Speaker 2: You'll call me every day while I'm on my way

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Speaker 2: home from work. He always talks about me with his mates,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. Like I can't even find a

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Speaker 2: single irritable thing about this guy. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from a peony diary, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime stub reddits. Well, except that he won't marry me

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Speaker 2: because he promises late wife that she will be his

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Speaker 2: only wife. That is the thing we are up against

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Speaker 2: She passed away so six years ago from an illness,

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Speaker 2: and he was pretty effed up for about three and

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Speaker 2: a half years. After lots of therapy working on himself,

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Speaker 2: he gradually opened up and we met through a board

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Speaker 2: game group. He never really spoke about her until we

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Speaker 2: became serious. According to him, she was the one that

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Speaker 2: made him believe in true love and the idea of

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Speaker 2: his soulmates. He also claims that she has moved on,

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Speaker 2: but to honor her memory and promise to her, he

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Speaker 2: will never have.

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Speaker 1: A second wife. After we have discussed this, he.

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Speaker 2: Has never mentioned it again. It's our second anniversary soon,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just thinking about what I want in my life.

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Speaker 2: I really like to get married. I want someone to

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Speaker 2: propose to me.

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Speaker 1: I want to groom with tears in his eyes as

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Speaker 1: he sees.

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Speaker 2: Me walk down the aisle. I love this man with

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Speaker 2: all my heart, and he has given me everything I

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Speaker 2: could ever want in a husband, except he won't be

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Speaker 2: my husband. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I

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Speaker 2: know it's common thing for partners and it's all just

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Speaker 2: paper and all, but I guess I'm a bit of

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Speaker 2: a traditionalist. I feel like maybe deep downside of him.

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Speaker 2: I'm still second to her. How do I navigate this?

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Speaker 2: And we have some comment first comment comes from annamr

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Speaker 2: sixty nine. So his late wife made a promise at

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Speaker 2: thirty four that he would never marry. I would never

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Speaker 2: do that to my husband. I would want to make

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Speaker 2: happy again.

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Speaker 1: Good point. Does he have children?

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Speaker 2: Does he want any more? Do you want them? If

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Speaker 2: marriage is a deal breaker, you know what you have

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Speaker 2: to do. But I wouldn't worry about being second to

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Speaker 2: someone who.

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Speaker 1: Would leave such a legacy. God rest her soul.

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Speaker 2: And I am trying not to speak ill of those

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Speaker 2: in eternal sleep, but just saying opie response, No, she

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Speaker 2: didn't ask him for that promise. Very important to clarify.

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Speaker 2: He made it willingly when she was still alive and healthy.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't have children and doesn't want one. I'm on

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Speaker 2: the fence in that regard on whether she wants kids

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Speaker 2: or not. And we have the big update. A lot

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Speaker 2: of people share their view with me in my previous post,

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Speaker 2: so I thought of sharing an update.

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Speaker 1: As I expected, he is adamant in his stance.

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Speaker 2: He was also a bit upset that I made him

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Speaker 2: bring up the topic of his late wife as he

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Speaker 2: doesn't like talking about her. I think he just doesn't

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Speaker 2: like remembering that she's passed away. But he also understood

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Speaker 2: that I could have doubts about his commitment and where

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Speaker 2: I stand in his life. Yes, I'm not quoting him exactly,

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Speaker 2: but he says something like this and my words of meaning,

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Speaker 2: and because this, you know, when I make a promise,

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Speaker 2: I mean it. I said that I will stay with

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Speaker 2: you forever, So I will stay with you forever. If

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Speaker 2: you want a ring, I will give you a ring.

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Speaker 2: If you want to wear a pretty dress, we can

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Speaker 2: get you a pretty dress. But please don't make me

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Speaker 2: go against my word. Because if I do, nothing I

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Speaker 2: say will mean anything anymore. I could promise to love

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Speaker 2: you and maybe stop loving you one day, and you

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Speaker 2: cannot hold it against me. Just really quick, Why did

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Speaker 2: he say if you want a ring, I'll give you

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Speaker 2: a ring? Because he's like, I won't marry you.

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Speaker 1: This guy's not backing up anything. This guy's so wishy.

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Speaker 1: Was is this guy the dumbest guy ever? He's like,

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Speaker 1: I promised my wife who passed away that I'll never

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Speaker 1: have another wife. So then in my dumb brain, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna make you my wife in everything but

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Speaker 1: the actual like legal document. Hey guess what, buddy, that's

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Speaker 1: going against what you said.

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Speaker 2: Dummy.

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Speaker 1: It's not a loophole, Like, you can't loophole the promise

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Speaker 1: you made either don't be with anyone else or be

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Speaker 1: with somebody else. This guy can't pick a lane, man,

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Speaker 1: he really can't. Though.

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Speaker 2: And also again the argument of like if a go

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Speaker 2: against my word, it will mean nothing. It's like, bro,

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Speaker 2: just look at the situation.

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Speaker 1: Come on anyways, It's like, come to reality. Man, She's

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Speaker 1: not here anymore. It's okay.

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Speaker 2: Mary was my first love after a string of broken relationships.

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Speaker 1: I love the way I love because.

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Speaker 2: I learned it from her. I am who I am

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Speaker 2: because of what I experienced before. Please understand that sort

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Speaker 2: of impact on my life. I have never compared you

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Speaker 2: to her. I've never actively brought her up in our conversations.

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Speaker 2: I don't even keep mementos of her in our home.

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Speaker 2: I know he keeps them in the bank out.

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Speaker 1: Of respect for you.

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Speaker 2: So why do you question my commitment towards you? I

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Speaker 2: honestly don't know how to respond. At the end of that,

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Speaker 2: my mind went completely blank, and I felt like I

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Speaker 2: bawled my eyes out, and he just comforted me. We

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Speaker 2: live in a country where de facto partners have these

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Speaker 2: same legal rights as married couples, so I wasn't worried

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Speaker 2: about those issues. I guess I just really needed to

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Speaker 2: hear him affirm his feelings towards me. Those who commented

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Speaker 2: that I merely wanted a wedding could be right as well.

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Speaker 2: Maybe what I wanted was the grandiosity of the wedding.

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Speaker 2: So that's something that I have to think about. And

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Speaker 2: also I won't lie. I was extremely jealous of his

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Speaker 2: late wife. Resentment for her is definitely something that I

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Speaker 2: should also think about. Someone said couple's therapy, but I

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Speaker 2: think the one that actually needs therapy is me. Hold on, sister,

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Speaker 2: because you man might also need some therapy as well.

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Speaker 1: That is the wildest take I've ever seen. That guy

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Speaker 1: needs therapy. He needs grief counseling. Yes, yes, he needs

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Speaker 1: to learn how to move on.

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Speaker 2: Yes, right, that is exactly what he is. Virginia Historio says,

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Speaker 2: this guy needs therapy. It's okay to love his late wife,

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Speaker 2: but still it's not the new spouse's issue to deal with.

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Speaker 2: He needs to find healthier ways to cope with her

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Speaker 2: loss and moving forward.

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Speaker 1: With his life.

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Speaker 2: That is absolutely true, because again, now you're doing the

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Speaker 2: disservice to the new partner. And why did you even

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Speaker 2: get at a relationship with new partner in the first place.

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Speaker 2: If this is where you're at, he's not being responsible.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that's about it.

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Speaker 2: I'm probably staying because I know he loves me, and

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Speaker 2: I do love him. Lots of introspection for myself from

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Speaker 2: here on. Thank you everyone for your kind comments and suggestions,

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Speaker 2: and I hope you have a lovely today, and those

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Speaker 2: comments and suggestions are not over because we're diving into

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Speaker 2: these next Timely egg Tart says, I swear all the

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Speaker 2: widow relationship posts and right it sound like a nightmare.

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Speaker 2: Ninety two PJ says, I feel like if marriage is

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Speaker 2: what you want, you should end the relationship sooner than later.

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Speaker 2: You said you're staying, but I feel like you can't

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Speaker 2: easily get rid of a desire to get married. It

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Speaker 2: could nag you for a long time and resentment will grow.

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Speaker 2: I Administrative sixty' five says, you chose a broken pot

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Speaker 2: and it doesn't want to hold any water. Can you

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Speaker 2: accept it for what it is if you really need water,

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Speaker 2: then you need to let that pot go very gently.

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Speaker 1: And obvious throwaway.

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Speaker 2: Avy says, nope, nope, I did this once too, And

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Speaker 2: there's nothing more soul crushing than watching someone you love

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Speaker 2: neglect your needs for someone who isn't around to care.

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Speaker 2: Put it like that, Yeah, that's yeah, that sounds tough.

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Speaker 2: Promises like that aren't made for late exes. They're made

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Speaker 2: for themselves. The late ex is not doing it for you.

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Speaker 2: He's doing it to you, and he's still currently making

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Speaker 2: you suffer because someone unfortunately passed away. Even if you

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Speaker 2: try to make this work, you're going to get tired

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Speaker 2: of being neglected when you're the one who's there. You're

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Speaker 2: going to eventually feel like that, even though you've been

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Speaker 2: around him longer than the relationship, if you stick around

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Speaker 2: for that long, that you're still not going to be

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Speaker 2: enough for him to move on in the next chapter

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Speaker 2: of life. And even that, if somehow you're convinced to

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Speaker 2: be okay with this and you get to watch later

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Speaker 2: in life when it's his turn to go and you

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Speaker 2: hoped to be at his bedside to hold his hand

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Speaker 2: through it, you get to be locked out of that room.

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Speaker 2: And forced in the waiting room with no idea what

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Speaker 2: is going on because no one will answer any of

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Speaker 2: your questions and all you can do is wait. This

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Speaker 2: is harsh, This is really hard.

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Speaker 1: WHOA.

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Speaker 2: He's not just condemning you to being viewed as essentially

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Speaker 2: less valuable, but he's also condemning you to a fate

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Speaker 2: of loneliness and loss greater than what he's experienced, all

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Speaker 2: because he fails to understand that marrying someone and moving

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Speaker 2: forward in life with someone is not a replacement or

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Speaker 2: a previous person, but an entirely different experience that is

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Speaker 2: new and not the same. That is not okay, it's

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Speaker 2: not fair to you. And from my own experience, I

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Speaker 2: feel very strongly I think we can see that that

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Speaker 2: you are emotionally being taken advantage of, and you're in

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Speaker 2: a position to be gasolt and blamed however.

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Speaker 1: You feel about this, get tired of it, and.

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Speaker 2: Then you're too pushy. But if he gives you what

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Speaker 2: you want, then it's your fault and he decides to

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Speaker 2: lie and cheat, get mad at him for wasting your time,

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Speaker 2: and he gets to claim he's always been the nice

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Speaker 2: guy and told you how it is, and that ambiguously threatening.

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Speaker 2: If you make me a dishonorable person, no good on

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Speaker 2: my word if you do this to me, fing Man up, dude,

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Speaker 2: and stop making someone accountable for your own choices.

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Speaker 1: The way he like processed that just makes me think

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Speaker 1: you don't even know what lying is. You don't know

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Speaker 1: what breaking your word is, because you're like, well, as always,

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Speaker 1: they don't do literally the exact thing that I said.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, you like, well, it's I promise I won't

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Speaker 1: cheat on you with any women. It's and then it's

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Speaker 1: just like you're like, I cheated on you with men.

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Speaker 1: I told you that I wouldn't cheat on you with women.

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Speaker 1: It's like you still did something bad. You still something bad.

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Speaker 2: Back to my previous statement, I didn't do exactly that.

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Speaker 1: I do this a few thumb back to our relationship agreement,

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Speaker 1: you'll see that the men were totally on the table.

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Speaker 2: But yes, in adult life, sometimes people make promises they

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Speaker 2: realize they can't keep. And yes, that is life. I

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Speaker 2: promise and never break up with my high school boyfriend. Surprise,

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Speaker 2: I'm forty and I'm not with my high school boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Oh, liar, how dare you liar?

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Speaker 2: Deceiver? But that doesn't mean my whole life is alive.

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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry going through this so be. I really

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Speaker 2: feel for you, and this threat in particular triggers me

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Speaker 2: because I went through four years of this in a

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Speaker 2: relationship that lasted longer and had more life events than

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Speaker 2: what the dude with this late ex did. For all

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Speaker 2: the times I held him when he cried, all the

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Speaker 2: sacrifices I gave, all the love I poured into the relationship,

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Speaker 2: and all the times I put his needs first, from

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Speaker 2: taking care of a cenow dementia mother who wouldn't stop

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Speaker 2: threatening me, to risking myself pulling his dog out of

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Speaker 2: a freaking fire having us back. It's never enough to

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Speaker 2: finally accept building a legitimate future and all the privileges

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Speaker 2: that come with it. And you don't get the house shopping,

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Speaker 2: you don't get to be the one in the no

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Speaker 2: during emergencies. You don't get the oh, it's nice to

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Speaker 2: finally meet his wife when he starts a new job.

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Speaker 2: You get the if you are such a great girlfriend,

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Speaker 2: why doesn't he marry you? And the Nope, we're not

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Speaker 2: going to discuss procedures and costs with you because you're.

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Speaker 1: Just a girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: And if you stick around until end of life, either

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Speaker 2: it's you can't take time off work to mourn is

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Speaker 2: passing because mariemut leave is for family only. And you

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Speaker 2: also need to find a new place to live because

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Speaker 2: that's his house and his family decided to run the

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Speaker 2: eviction process on you.

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Speaker 3: So now you're homeless, my god, and still have to

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Speaker 3: go to work, and you might be lucky to go

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Speaker 3: to the funeral, but you're not gonna be able to

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Speaker 3: keep anything to remember him by because his family wants it.

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Speaker 1: Holy moly, and I think we just got the whole

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Speaker 1: story right there.

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Speaker 3: Hey, this was the craziest story within his story exception.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: I mean the comment's not over, by the way, there's

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Speaker 2: still more to comment. That was just the end of that,

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Speaker 2: like insane, like crescendo. That was crescendo is the perfect

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Speaker 2: word for that.

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Speaker 1: They just made OPII realize, Hey, I've been through this.

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Speaker 3: If anyone has been through it is commenter right here.

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Speaker 1: I don't mean to sound like I'm projecular, it's a

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Speaker 1: little but please please don't do this to yourself.

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Speaker 2: You're going to end up with a complex if you

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Speaker 2: stick around where she has weener blocked your entire life

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Speaker 2: despite you being the one there to do the heavy lifting.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes jealousy is not supposed to be ignored, so please

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Speaker 2: move on. Don't do four years like I did. It's

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Speaker 2: been a while now, but I now have to do

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Speaker 2: therapy to be able to function in the relationship that

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Speaker 2: is actually is living the dream for me, and that

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Speaker 2: commenter just just takes us on home because that is

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Speaker 2: the end of that story. I want to push for

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Speaker 2: our relationship, but it feels like he gave up already.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes fight already over.

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Speaker 2: And this story comes from our very own community, ladies

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Speaker 2: and gentlemen, so get ready for one from our very

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Speaker 2: own I thirty nine female and my partner fortymail have

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Speaker 2: been together for four years. When we met, it was

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Speaker 2: an instant connection and from day one we became a couple.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Affectionate Will in nineteen

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Speaker 2: ninety five. And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddits now. To

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Speaker 2: provide some context, I got divorced six years ago. It

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Speaker 2: was an extremely marriage that lasted thirteen years, and I

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Speaker 2: have three sons. It took two years to heal and

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Speaker 2: find myself before I even considered entering into dating. I

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Speaker 2: didn't actually set up my Tinder profile. A friend did

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Speaker 2: while we were sitting through a long surgery. It became

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Speaker 2: really funny to go through profiles. Some were absolutely hilarious

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Speaker 2: to pictures. Om gee, ah oy, way. This is how

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Speaker 2: I met Coral, not his real.

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Speaker 1: Name, Coral Coral. Carl is a software developer.

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Speaker 2: He's brilliant, insanely skilled in talent dev We had been

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Speaker 2: together for a few months when my circumstances changed dramatically.

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Speaker 2: Karl offered to let me move in with him. I

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Speaker 2: was apprehensive and excited at the same time. The thing is,

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Speaker 2: he stayed in a different city, not far, only forty

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Speaker 2: five minutes, but it's one hundred and eighty degree difference.

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Speaker 2: I went about repainting. His house was literally empty. He

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Speaker 2: slept eight existed in his office bed and there in everything,

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Speaker 2: so the house had not been maintained at all. Now,

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Speaker 2: when I moved in, I started fixing things, repairing or painting,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, which he really liked and made it feel

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Speaker 2: like a home. The commute to my kids joint custody

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Speaker 2: when it was my time with them was the most heavy.

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Speaker 2: They didn't like it for obvious reasons. No friends around,

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Speaker 2: different house, totally different vibe of the city.

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Speaker 1: I won't lie.

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Speaker 2: It was an incredibly difficult adjustment.

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Speaker 1: I uprooted, had.

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Speaker 2: No friends around, and my family lived in a different

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Speaker 2: part of the country. I had no bearings. The people

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Speaker 2: in the city were not nearly as open minded and

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Speaker 2: friendly as those in my city, and in this.

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Speaker 1: Way, I felt very isolated.

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Speaker 2: Of the people I did meet, only a small handful

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Speaker 2: were authentic and intellectual and weren't offended by different opinions

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Speaker 2: of viewpoints. It was hard, really hard. And to top

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Speaker 2: it off, I wasn't working. Carl never showed me around

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Speaker 2: the city, and the people I saw the most were

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Speaker 2: his parents.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if Carl is literally sleeping in his office,

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Speaker 2: I have a sneaking suspicion. He's not a paint the

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Speaker 2: town red kind of guy. I was battling to adjust,

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Speaker 2: and Carl suddenly had to start traveling for work, like

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Speaker 2: for two months at a time, so I was completely alone. Backstory,

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Speaker 2: his boss was an a hole, true nie in every way,

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Speaker 2: not the oh he's a way a real one. The

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Speaker 2: red flags were on display when I brought it up.

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Speaker 2: Carl got angry. If I mentioned anything negative around this dude,

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Speaker 2: it was met with serious anger. Carl literally couldn't see

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Speaker 2: that his boss didn't give an f about him, but

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00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,520
Speaker 2: I could. This caused so much tension. Even the suggestion

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00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,840
Speaker 2: of getting a CV out there to feel around was

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Speaker 2: a taboo subject to bring up, So off he went

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Speaker 2: diligently as instructed. He'd be gone for months, back for

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Speaker 2: a couple of months, and then gone again. His life

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00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 2: revolves around his boss. But I loved and still love Carl.

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Speaker 2: I do have to admit it was super hard for me.

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Speaker 2: We fought a lot while he was away, and I

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00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 2: realized when I did cause a fight, it was because

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00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,200
Speaker 2: I was desperate for connection and also what I think

349
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,520
Speaker 2: was a little jealous that he was having all these

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Speaker 2: experiences and making memories out of exciting new places that

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Speaker 2: I could not share with him. He was going to

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Speaker 2: a hotel and sitting in a whole.

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Speaker 3: Nother chair without her, dude, a whole.

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Speaker 2: Brand new chair.

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Speaker 1: Dude. He was thinking of all the chairs he sat

356
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Speaker 1: in without me. He watched TV on a couch, that is,

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Speaker 1: without her. Come on. He watched a rerun of the

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Speaker 1: History of paint on the History Channel.

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Speaker 2: Dude, you might as well just get married to someone

360
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:40,760
Speaker 2: else in an.

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Speaker 1: Equally beige hotel room, Colleen. He's like, I just want

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Speaker 1: to know where the beige paint I love so much

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Speaker 1: comes from. It's the truest fashion.

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Speaker 2: I did explain this to him once I had figured

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Speaker 2: it out, though either way, I was committed. I was

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Speaker 2: in this one hundred percent. I loved him, I wanted

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Speaker 2: to stand by him. But things got crazier and crazier

368
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Speaker 2: with his work, and he started assimilating the toxic attitude

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Speaker 2: of his boss and treating me as though I wasn't

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Speaker 2: a person. But I still tried. I'm an independent thinker.

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Speaker 2: I have my own views, I have my own opinions,

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Speaker 2: and there are times where I am definitely at fault,

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Speaker 2: and I will take full responsibility for them. I eventually

374
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 2: found a job again, and it was in my city.

375
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,320
Speaker 2: The commune was two hours there, two hours back because

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00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 2: of traffic and super expensive. Carl and I agreed we

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Speaker 2: would move back to my city since he works remotely

378
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Speaker 2: from anywhere. So when we spoke about it, I put

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Speaker 2: down a timeframe, saying that as soon as my contract

380
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 2: became permanent. The move had to happen basically in seven months.

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Speaker 1: He agreed.

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00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,000
Speaker 2: I kept reminding him, but I don't know if he

383
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 2: was just wasn't paying attention, or if he didn't realize

384
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Speaker 2: it was going to happen. Things came to a head

385
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,600
Speaker 2: in August of last year. I came home on a

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Speaker 2: Friday and I told him I was going to be

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Speaker 2: leaving Sunday back to my city.

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Speaker 1: He broke down. Yeah, he broke down. I mean, is

389
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 1: this like just the chronic case of like, ah, you

390
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 1: don't know what you have until it's gone. It sounds

391
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,960
Speaker 1: like he doesn't know what life is.

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Speaker 2: He literally loves paint.

393
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 1: His life is just one beije room to the next

394
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,959
Speaker 1: with his terrible Narth boss that he loves. He has

395
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Speaker 1: Stockholm syndrome for his boss.

396
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,119
Speaker 2: Just marry the paint.

397
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, just Giro, I've married the color beige.

398
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 2: He admitted that he neglected me and had treated me

399
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 2: pretty toxically, begging me not to go. We both cried

400
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 2: a lot that weekend because we were both in pain,

401
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 2: but it was something I had to do, something he

402
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,160
Speaker 2: had known about that I had constantly reminded him about.

403
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,680
Speaker 2: He took me leaving as a sign that I was

404
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 2: leaving him.

405
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,760
Speaker 1: That was not the case.

406
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 2: I told him it was not the case, but he

407
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 2: still believed it was. He left again for Thailand in October.

408
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,119
Speaker 2: I was still committed to him, and I made this clear.

409
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,760
Speaker 2: In December, he was involved in a terrible accident that

410
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,480
Speaker 2: landed him in ICU for three days, My God, and

411
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:48,760
Speaker 2: another nine days after. In the general ward. We were

412
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 2: communicating healthily, expressing our feelings, growing and repairing us. I

413
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,119
Speaker 2: felt like the guy I had met was finally back,

414
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 2: the man I knew was back.

415
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 1: It was magical, but it was short lived.

416
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,639
Speaker 2: It was also at this time that his boss revealed

417
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 2: his true psycho colors that I had already known he

418
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 2: was for years. Carl suddenly was thrust into chaos. He

419
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,120
Speaker 2: didn't know what to do, but at the same time,

420
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 2: he stopped communicating with me. I had no idea what

421
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 2: was happening, constantly asking if he was safe in what

422
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,199
Speaker 2: was going on now. If there's one thing I know

423
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,639
Speaker 2: far too well, it's chaos and having your rold flipped

424
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,360
Speaker 2: on its head. I could absolutely, one hundred percent identified

425
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 2: with the confusion, the overwhelm, and the fear for your

426
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 2: life and safety. What kind of code is this man coding?

427
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 2: Is this like dread pirate Roberts over here? Is he

428
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 2: working for the most like trained you know, freaking coding

429
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 2: like criminal organization software.

430
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 1: Coding for the triads, the secret online mafia. He's like

431
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: Ozark but liked the penguins from Madagascar. Bro, this is

432
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 1: coding for all of those people. This is this is great.

433
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,960
Speaker 1: But also you moved in with him after you knew

434
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:56,680
Speaker 1: him for month sets too fast. This is territory.

435
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,119
Speaker 2: I know intimately. Over the course of January, I was

436
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 2: constantly trying to keep comunicate with him, constantly asking what's happening,

437
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,119
Speaker 2: how he was, what his plan was, any kind of

438
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 2: clarity that I love him and I support him. I

439
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 2: was telling him to come home, regroup, and we can

440
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,920
Speaker 2: go from there. His chance has changed day from day

441
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 2: if I even heard from him at all. It got

442
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,320
Speaker 2: to the point mid January I had no idea if

443
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 2: we were even together anymore. The whole of January was

444
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 2: I knew nothing, was told different things constantly. I was worried, anxious,

445
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 2: and so fearful for him. I hated what he was

446
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 2: going through because I knew exactly what it feels like.

447
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 2: At the same time, I was grateful he had finally

448
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 2: seen his boss for who he really is. Even though

449
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 2: I knew this would eventually be.

450
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 1: The case, I hated that Karl was in pain.

451
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,160
Speaker 2: He told me he was coming home, but that all

452
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,639
Speaker 2: has changed. Instead, what started happening was him telling me

453
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 2: that he actually didn't want to come home. He said

454
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 2: his heart was no longer there, and then we'd been

455
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 2: apart for too long.

456
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: Oh.

457
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,399
Speaker 2: I asked him if he was breaking up with me,

458
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 2: and he said no.

459
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,919
Speaker 1: Which is not what you just said, buddy. What you

460
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 1: just said was we've grown apart. We're no longer really together.

461
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 1: Are we breaking up? No? Who said that?

462
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 2: No?

463
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: Who's ridiculous? You did? You just did? Leave this man?

464
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 1: Leave this man, Please do leave this man.

465
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,439
Speaker 2: But this didn't align with what he was saying in

466
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 2: his messages.

467
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 1: I sign him videos every.

468
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 2: Morning and evening, telling him I loved him, I supported him,

469
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,680
Speaker 2: I will wait for him, but nothing apart from.

470
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 1: A thank you.

471
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,400
Speaker 2: For the last twelve days, I have literally, and I

472
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,399
Speaker 2: mean literally, been begging him to tell me if he

473
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 2: sees me in his future or not. His response was

474
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 2: that it's more complicated than that.

475
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: What does that even mean.

476
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,199
Speaker 2: When you ask someone if they see you in their

477
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 2: life and future, it's a simple yes or no. Yesterday,

478
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 2: I couldn't deal with it anymore. I have cried so

479
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 2: much for weeks, I have lived with not knowing what's

480
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 2: going on at all. I sent a text saying it

481
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 2: was a simple question to answer, and his silence and

482
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 2: things he has said in his messages are actually the answer.

483
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 2: And I'm listening now. After I sent that, I blocked him.

484
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: Nice, give him what he asked for. Yes, see me

485
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 1: in your future?

486
00:20:58,359 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 2: Now you don't.

487
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why it was complicated. You found your own answer,

488
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: which was I guess we're broken up now. If you

489
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 1: didn't think we were broken up before, you'll think we

490
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 1: are after I block you.

491
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 2: By the way, there's a way where you can never

492
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 2: break up with us.

493
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: And what way would that be?

494
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 2: Because we give you something that's so full of love,

495
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,360
Speaker 2: so full of everything you could possibly imagine, including full of.

496
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 1: Stories just like this, full episodes.

497
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 2: It's on Spotify, Apple Podcasts if you search Okay Storytime,

498
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 2: it's gonna pop right up and you have literally forty

499
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,119
Speaker 2: nine straight days of content to listen to. So if

500
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 2: you don't go there, right now and just listen to

501
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,479
Speaker 2: our full discography, our greatest hits. I just don't know.

502
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,159
Speaker 2: I just don't know.

503
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 1: Obie says, my heart is shattered.

504
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 2: I was fighting so hard, constantly telling him I love him,

505
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 2: I support him, I'll wait for him, I will fight

506
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 2: for him. Then I'll stand by him through the darkest times.

507
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,479
Speaker 2: But it's like I didn't matter to him at all.

508
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 2: Now I'm sitting here wondering how in one month our

509
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 2: relationship went from magic to nothing. I'm wondering if he

510
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 2: even cares that it's ended, if he loved me like

511
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 2: he claimed he did, or if I even mattered to

512
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 2: him at all. I kind of wish that he would

513
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 2: post his side of things, his feelings. I could at

514
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: least get some understanding of what has happened. I'm sorry

515
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 2: this is super long, even super summarized. It's staying long.

516
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: But am I ale for not fighting harder? Should I

517
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 2: have just given him more time?

518
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 1: Oh? Pe, come on, Oh Pe, you listen to us.

519
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: You're part of this family. To come on sometimes a

520
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: little forehead, kids, whah, things just need to be over,

521
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 1: and it's okay for this to be over. You didn't

522
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: need to fight harder for it. You know, the deck

523
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 1: was stacked against you all from the very beginning because

524
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 1: of them moving in together situation kind of being thrust

525
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 1: upon you. It wasn't really like a thing where you

526
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 1: guys got to a point where it's like, oh, like,

527
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: let's move in together. It was like, oh, like, I'm

528
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: in between spots. I'm in a rough spot, and then

529
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: it's like, oh well, let's just move in with me

530
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 1: into my beige palace with nothing in it except where

531
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 1: I work. My partner neglected my needs for so long,

532
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: so I'm slowly pulling away. Pull away faster, please. Firstly,

533
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 1: I want to say that I'm in love with Okay

534
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: Storytime and I watch it all the time. Yeah. Wow,

535
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: this is one of you out there. Wow. I am

536
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: one of those people that has to deep search afterwards

537
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 1: and see if any stories have more updates. It's been

538
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: a really fun distraction for me. It's almost like reality

539
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: TV l ol. I have never written anything Onwridit or

540
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 1: anywhere before, but I've been thinking about it these past

541
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: weeks as I've noticed that some people really do find

542
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: help in confiding in strangers and seeking their take on things.

543
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 1: So here we have it. Fake and ames. Of course,

544
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: I thirty three female, and my partner Mike, thirty two male,

545
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: have been together now for eight years. I've known him

546
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 1: much longer, as he was a friend of my brother's,

547
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 1: but that's a story for another time. And by the way,

548
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: this comes from user desperate Coat twenty six seventy on

549
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: the awe slash Okay storytime subreddit. Yeah, and if you

550
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, submit them there. We

551
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: were both in long term relationships before Mike's ex had

552
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: cheated on him, so I've obviously had a lot of

553
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 1: trust issues regarding relationships, and I could understand that I

554
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: hadn't been cheated on, but I was coming out of

555
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: a relationship where, for the most part I was gaslighted

556
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: and mentally mistreated throughout. Me and Mike connected through social

557
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: media when he commented on a post of mine, and

558
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 1: we soon started talking every day. You know that feeling

559
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: when you just want to stay up all night talking

560
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: to someone, or you get excited and happy when you

561
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 1: wake up and want to see if they messaged you. Yeah,

562
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: it's that feeling. We did this back and forth for

563
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: three to four months before actually ever setting a time

564
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: and place to meet and go on a date. I

565
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 1: admit after our first visit, we pretty much saw each

566
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: other every day. Mike would send me songs that reminded

567
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 1: him of me or depicted how he was feeling, lots

568
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 1: of honeymoon period stuff. Mike was always work oriented, but

569
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 1: he always made time for me. I was always a priority,

570
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,479
Speaker 1: and we moved really fast into the relationship. And some

571
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 1: more context here, we have a son, James, who's five.

572
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that things have been perfect all of

573
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: the seven years. They have not, but the attentiveness and

574
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 1: communication seemed to take a nose dive in the last

575
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 1: two years. He is one hundred percent not cheating on me.

576
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: We're not secretive people. He can look at my phone

577
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: and I can look at his, and with what his

578
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 1: ex did to him, I don't think he could ever

579
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 1: put someone else through that pain. To be honest, Over

580
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: the past four years, he got more involved in work

581
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 1: and had less time for me, which was hard. With

582
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 1: having James. It's not like I changed who I was

583
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: and what I was interested in. I just had another priority.

584
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: I'm not really a needy person. At first, I was

585
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: at a loss at what to do, but I quickly

586
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: filled the time we had shared with hobbies and other

587
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: things and friends. That's a problem though, because I'm not

588
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: really the kind of person that likes to deviate from

589
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: my plans. If you want to spontaneously surprise me, I

590
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: have ADHD. Last year, I found out in early January

591
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: that my mother, who I was really close to, like

592
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: best friends, had cancer, and my whole world really shook.

593
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: I became a mother, a partner, and a career all

594
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: in one. I would take my mother to all of

595
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 1: her appointments, and I was with her from her diagnosis

596
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: until her last breaths. My mother passed away in July

597
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 1: of last year. She deteriorated fast. In these six months,

598
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: I was mostly being a mom and being a daughter.

599
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: I gave all my time and energy to my mom.

600
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: In the beginning, Mike would offer support and say if

601
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: I needed him to ask, and after a few times

602
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: of picking James up from school, he soon got bored

603
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: of that offer and said he couldn't take the time

604
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: off work. It was literally his own business, which I

605
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: guess part of that is like true, but also like help.

606
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: Her, yeah, Like it's like, hey, we're gonna lose our

607
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 2: house if I'm not available from you know, from seven

608
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 2: fifteen to eight fifteen am every morning or something like that.

609
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you like your wife? Do you like your

610
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: job more? Well? Well, I am rather independent, I always

611
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: have been, and I don't like asking for help anyway,

612
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 1: so I suffered on me and Mike just became like housemates.

613
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 1: Really that said, I love you. At this point I

614
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: did everything with James, the bills, the housework, and when

615
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: my my mom passed away, Mike was there for me,

616
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 1: which I was glad for. I needed some time to

617
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: process and he took over a lot of the things

618
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: I normally did and helped me without asking. But a

619
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 1: few weeks after my mother passed, Mike was involved in

620
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: an accident at the end of July twenty twenty four

621
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: where he was seriously hurt, so I didn't get much

622
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: time to mourn as he needed me to take care

623
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 1: of him, which is fine. I work better this way anyway.

624
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: Distractions lol. He had a spinal injury. Thankfully he was

625
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: not paralyzed, but he came close and relied on me

626
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: to wash him and put his socks on for him,

627
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: et cetera, which I gladly did. Our relationship got better

628
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: being home and not able to work. He could see

629
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: everything I did each day. He seemed to appreciate me

630
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 1: more and appreciate the things I did, But he soon

631
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 1: spiraled into a deep depression. Even when he got better,

632
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: he lacked the drive to do anything. He stopped bathing

633
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: as often as he should. He played video games. I'm

634
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 1: a gamer, so I don't mind a game or two.

635
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: But like, let's say a game has been out for

636
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: thirty days, he would have played it for twenty six

637
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 1: of those days. Oh, which is that's a lot. That's

638
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: a lot. He would get up, turn his Xbox on

639
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: and literally play it all all day long in our bedroom.

640
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: So when I had to go to bed early so

641
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: I could take James to school the next day, I

642
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: had to buy an eyemask and earplugs. Skipping forward to now,

643
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: which that's a lot. Yeah. I would hope that some

644
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: kind of therapy can be done for the mental aspect

645
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,959
Speaker 1: of what happened to him. Sounds like he definitely needs something.

646
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 2: Definitely.

647
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: I love this man, but not much has changed. He

648
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: spends no time with me or James, even if he's

649
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: still in the same house and not working due to

650
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: his accident. A lot of the time. He just grunts

651
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: at me when I talk to him, or he doesn't reply,

652
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 1: then claims he already replied. When I ask him again,

653
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 1: he won't communicate with me. And if I prod and

654
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 1: push it him in voice how I feel, he gets defensive.

655
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 1: Then we'll post a random picture quote about depression on

656
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: social media and how nobody gets it. That's a little frustrating.

657
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: My mother, my best friend, passed away while I held

658
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: her hand. Trust me, I get it. I just have

659
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 1: to get up every morning and face the world because

660
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: I don't have anyone else to take over and do

661
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: the things I do in order for me to fester

662
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: in this depression. And I'm glad for that. Granted I

663
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: don't give him spicy sleep very often, but for me,

664
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: it's more than it's been a while.

665
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 4: Let's do it.

666
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: My love language is acts of service. I think Katie

667
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: Perry hit the nail on the head in that interview

668
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: where she was like, if Orlando does a bit of

669
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 1: tidying up, that's the grapefruit. This is me, pap, don't

670
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: worry about it.

671
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I will say, it's totally understandable that if your

672
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 5: partner is not exhibiting any behaviors that you find attractive

673
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 5: or desirable, that you are not going to find him

674
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 5: attractive or desirable in a physically intimate way.

675
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: Totally totally normal.

676
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was the event for husband that kind of

677
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 2: picked start?

678
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: I think it was probably a car accident, a serious accident.

679
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: Nearly paralyzed, yes, but not paralyzed now but could have

680
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: been right, And then I think just spiraled super hard.

681
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 2: At which again is like hey, like that totally makes sense,

682
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 2: But now op's over here and like, oh, he is

683
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: also going through a lot and taking care of your

684
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: collective child, and where is the anything here? We're not

685
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: accepting the help and just kind of like wallowing in

686
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: the sadness and not like just come together and talk

687
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 2: and nah.

688
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: When I don't feel love appreciated and I'm literally doing

689
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: everything on my own and being grunted at, why would

690
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: I want to have any spice to sleep? I feel

691
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: like I'm just pulling away from him. I want to

692
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: support his depression and be someone who helps him with that,

693
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: because it's tough and it's not all bad all the time,

694
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: but I feel recently I'm sitting down and I'm having

695
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: these conversations. I'm being blunt and if anything changes, it's

696
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: only for a day or two and then it's back

697
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: to how it was. Yep. I'm also concerned he has

698
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: thoughts about ending his life, but he won't talk to

699
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: me about them. He just won't open up at all.

700
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 1: And as an overshare kind of woman, this is super

701
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: hard and confusing for me. I'll tell you things you

702
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 1: don't even have the desire to know about, like it's

703
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: no big deal. And by the way, I'm going to

704
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: tell you that we have a great rate desire for

705
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: you to listen to full episodes with stories like this.

706
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: All I got to do is go to Spotify podcast iHeartRadio.

707
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: If you listen to podcasts, search Okay, story time and

708
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 1: boom forty nine days worth of stories to listen to me.

709
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: That's right to your heart's content. It's a sticky situation. Yes,

710
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: it's a huge problem.

711
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, he wants to to my thing. Before you know,

712
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 2: he might be so far down that it is hard

713
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 2: to come to her, like have a conversation, dialogue, change,

714
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: et cetera. And I'm not saying that he's not allowed

715
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: to have that, more so just saying that it's like

716
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 2: unfair for all of this weight to be on OP.

717
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 2: And you know OP wants to do the right thing.

718
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 2: She wants to help him through this and help him.

719
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: Out of this. I think reach out to anyone else

720
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: who's in his support system, whether it's like family or friends,

721
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: just be like, I don't know if y'all know how

722
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: hard he's going through right now. Yes, but it's like

723
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: I can't seem to get him to snap out of it.

724
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: I can't get him to feel any better. You can

725
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: tell somebody they should go to therapy, but it's like

726
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: you can't really like force them to go. Yep. So

727
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: it's hard. It's a tough tough spot to be in

728
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: for sure. See what else OP has to say. So sorry,

729
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 1: this is dragging now. I said to myself, I won't

730
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: post one of those big, long, boring ones, but how

731
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 1: do you get everything out in such a short space

732
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: that's been big, long, important? Not at all. Basically, I

733
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: just wanted to know anyone's thoughts. Counseling, antidepressants, et cetera

734
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: are pointless. He's a typical stereotype of a man's man

735
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: that deems it. So am I the A hole? What

736
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: do I do? Thank you?

737
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: But you know I be curious what they think op

738
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: he should do. It's like, hey, mother in law, Hey

739
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 2: father in law, Hey brother law.

740
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: Hey sister in law.

741
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 2: Whoever, those like kind of key people are like, what

742
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 2: do you think we should do? Particularly like those family

743
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 2: members I mentioned, because they've known husband husband's entire life,

744
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 2: so they might have a better inclination on like how

745
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 2: exactly to handle this. And again also maybe we'll be

746
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 2: someone that he listens to and is able to receive

747
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 2: care from, receive support from.

748
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: Sam.

749
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 2: Here we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

750
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 2: three of its bads from our sponsors.

751
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: My friends broke boyfriend gave me an expensive birthday gift.

752
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: I gave it right back.

753
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 4: This is too expensive for me.

754
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: Hi everyone. Last week I celebrated my birthday with my

755
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: friend group. We're all fairly close and whilst we never

756
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: discussed presents or gifts explicitly, we all kind of naturally

757
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 1: fell into an unspoken pattern around what kind of birthday

758
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 1: gifts we give to each other. We do gift, but

759
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: they're usually in the ten to forty euro range. By

760
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from a beneficial Hall fifty three

761
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: twenty God bless me and if you want to submit

762
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the RK story Time subreddit.

763
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: So think things like, oh, maybe a book, or a

764
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: voucher for theater tickets, maybe a nice little bottle of wine.

765
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: That kind of stuff. We're all young professionals or grad students,

766
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: and that just fits our general income level. A good

767
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: friend of mine brought her boyfriend to the party and

768
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: he gave me a gift of his own, separate from

769
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: my friends. Without going into too much detail, it was

770
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: a small object that had a very thoughtful connection to

771
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: a trip I took in winter. I was genuinely very

772
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,360
Speaker 1: thankful for the gift and thought it was lovely. However,

773
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: when I unpacked said item at home, something about it

774
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 1: just caught my eye. Certain parts of the item that

775
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,240
Speaker 1: I would have expected to be made of glass didn't

776
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: look like glass. I ended up googling the maker's mark

777
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: on the bottom and found the exact same item online

778
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: for the price of seven hundred and fifty euros. Now,

779
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: it'd be one thing if this guy was a trust

780
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: fund kid, for whom that kind of money was just peanuts,

781
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: I'd still feel uncomfortable, but at least there'd be some

782
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: logic to this. But my friend's relationship with this guy

783
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: already has massive problems, which are largely centered around him

784
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: being underemployed and making her pick up the tab for

785
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: their shared lifestyle to an undue degree. We honestly all

786
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 1: expect their relationship to fizzle out soon because they obviously

787
00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: aren't compatible in some key aspects. So now I've got

788
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 1: this seven hundred and fifty euro item on my shelf

789
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: and I have no clue how to handle this. Feels

790
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: extremely inappropriate to have this thing. I'd feel uncomfortable accepting

791
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: this sort of gift from almost anyone I know. But

792
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 1: the fact that it's a a friend's romantic partner and

793
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: I'm attracted to the same gender, and her boyfriend knows

794
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 1: but still and b said friend has issues with her

795
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 1: partner's handling of his finances just makes it even worse.

796
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: It's also a highly specific item that I don't think

797
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: he'd be likely to just have, so I'm pretty certain

798
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: he must have bought this for the occasion and be

799
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 1: aware of its value. So what do I do?

800
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 4: What do I do?

801
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: Lord? My friend seems to be totally unaware of the

802
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: value of the item. Do I tell her? Do I

803
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: contact the boyfriend and ask him what the f he

804
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 1: was thinking? How do you handle this? And there are

805
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: some comments here. Honestly I would just reach out to

806
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: the boyfriend. Yeah really yeah, I wouldn't. Would I mean,

807
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't close to the boyfriend. You're close to

808
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: the girl, right, But it's like, I think, just on principle,

809
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: it's like this isn't a thing where it's like he

810
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: doesn't handle his finance as well. What if ope, I

811
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: mean if what if the girlfriend didn't get in for

812
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: this holiday? Oh do you think he spent like her

813
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: money on it instead of his ex? But it's like

814
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: that's why, So you go to him first, you have

815
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: that conversation. If it comes to light that he is

816
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,399
Speaker 1: spending her money, then you go to her.

817
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 4: It could be messy, so.

818
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: We have some comments. Comment one, I'd bring it up

819
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 1: with your friend. There is a chance that he got

820
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 1: a really really good deal or even a decent knockoff

821
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: at a lower price. But honestly, if he's bad with money,

822
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: even something half that price would be pretty inappropriate. Talk

823
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: to your friend and offer to return the gift if

824
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 1: it turns out to have cost as much as you

825
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,240
Speaker 1: suspect it did let them know you are incredibly grateful

826
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: for his thoughtfulness, but it didn't feel right accepting such

827
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 1: a lavish gift, and that their company and friendship is

828
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: all that you ask for. Just be honest about how

829
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 1: you feel and let your friend decide how she wants

830
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: to proceed. Comment too, that's about eight hundred and fifty

831
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: US dollars. If your gift is the real deal. That

832
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: gift is very inappropriate from someone you barely know. What

833
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: did your friend think about his over the top generosity,

834
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 1: Opie says, my friend seemed to be totally unaware of

835
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,839
Speaker 1: the value of said object. Heck, I was unaware until

836
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 1: I realized something about this thing was off and started googling.

837
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 1: I'm ninety nine percent sure the boyfriend must be aware

838
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: of the value of the item. I see only a

839
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: very limited chance he accidentally bought a valuable antique from

840
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 1: someone who didn't realize what they were selling. I've since

841
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: resolved to contact her about this mess and am drafting

842
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 1: a message to send tonight to me. At least, it's strange,

843
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: I guess it makes sense.

844
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 4: But like the road we said earlier, there's one hundred

845
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 4: ways to get this destination.

846
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 1: I guess, so taking the dirt road, I guess. So

847
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 1: it's like I would just talk. I would get it

848
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 1: from the horse's mouth first, you know what I mean.

849
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 1: I would ask the boy.

850
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 4: I feel like you can lead a horse to an

851
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 4: interrogation room, but the horse won't talk.

852
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, But like you know, that's why you don't make

853
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 1: it interrogation. You just go, hey, I noticed something weird

854
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: about this. Where did you get it?

855
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: Sometimes you take the horse to a coffee shop to

856
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 4: just hang out and catch up, but the horse won't

857
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 4: I don't.

858
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, just try to I would try to suss

859
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: it out.

860
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 4: I see.

861
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: Anyway, there is an update. Let's go ahead and dive

862
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: in to summarize my original post. My twenty six female

863
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: friends twenty six female perpetually broke boy friend twenty eight

864
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 1: mail gave me a birthday gift and it was expensive.

865
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 1: Theories are to what happened included him not being aware

866
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: of the value, buying it from someone who didn't know

867
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:10,919
Speaker 1: what they were selling, or him trying to somehow hurt

868
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: his girlfriend or my friend, and or trying to hit

869
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: on me in a bizarre and inappropriate way. I ended

870
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 1: up texting my friend and telling her that I had

871
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 1: researched the gift and discovered it was worth a very

872
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: inappropriate amount of money. She was very surprised by the

873
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: entire situation, especially considering her boyfriend, who is now an

874
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: ex but more on that later, is perpetually broke and

875
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: makes her foot the bill for their shared lifestyle. She

876
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: came over to my place together we called him on speakerphone,

877
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: where she demanded some answers. Long story short, he stole

878
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: it from his own mother. We were right, We were

879
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 1: freaking ryde Oh scumbag is central? Wowmon, mom stole it

880
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: from your own mom. I don't know where you need

881
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: to go to fix that kind of behavior. He's still

882
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 1: being a bit shady about some details, but we managed

883
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 1: to piece together the sequence of events to a satisfactory degree.

884
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 1: So my friend was supposed to be coming to my

885
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 1: birthday party straight from work. When she left her office,

886
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 1: she realized she had forgotten the gift she planned for me,

887
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: which was a book at home. Since she was already

888
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,479
Speaker 1: running late and her place is pretty far from both

889
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 1: her work and my flat, she chose to text her boyfriend,

890
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: who was having dinner at his parents home at the time.

891
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: She knew he was there and knew his parents lived

892
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: close to me, so she asked him to just buy

893
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 1: a copy of the same book at a bookshop on

894
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,240
Speaker 1: his way to my place so they'd have a gift.

895
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: For reasons known only to him, he did not choose

896
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,320
Speaker 1: this simple, reasonable solution to the we forgot our gift issue.

897
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: Instead of leaving five minutes early to pick up another

898
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 1: copy of the book, he chose to grab a random

899
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: item off his mother's living room shelf without asking her, which,

900
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: by the way, guys, people can lie to you. We

901
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: are aware of that, right, So this reads like a big

902
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 1: fat lie. I don't know, I like it. It's I

903
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: feel like this was premeditated. He had no idea what

904
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: it was. He just thought it looked pretty, took it

905
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 1: and stuffed it in a paper bag. He also did

906
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: not text back my friend or react to her calls,

907
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: so she reasonably assumed he hadn't read her messages and

908
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: ended up going back to get the book, which was

909
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 1: why they arrived separately with separate gifts. Meanwhile, the boyfriend

910
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: had unknowingly gifted me not just any antique, no, no,

911
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,879
Speaker 1: this item had been passed down to his mother from

912
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: three times great grandmother. It had been in his family's

913
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,760
Speaker 1: possession for literal centuries and was the only tangible connection

914
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: his mother still had to her home country, which incidentally

915
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: is also my mother's home country, which he wasn't aware of,

916
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: meaning that what I thought was a thoughtful connection to

917
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: my trip was a total coincidence. Oh, he had no

918
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: idea of the item's cultural significance. What how are you

919
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: gonna steal? Now? What you steal from your mom? Not

920
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: only just that's already bad. You steal something that's been

921
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: in your own family for over one hundred years and

922
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: you just shove it in a paper bag and give

923
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,800
Speaker 1: it away. What instead of going.

924
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 4: To the bookstore getting a book?

925
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: You know what? You and he's friends boyfriend and just

926
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 1: hates books. Yeah, you could have just sig he shoplifted

927
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 1: a book. He's you, dude, he's me, he's you. He

928
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 1: hates books. It's not that I hate books, you hate

929
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 1: the letters in the books. My friend immediately made him

930
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: call his mom to fess up to the entire situation.

931
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 1: His mother had been running herself ragged trying to figure

932
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: out where this item disappeared to for days. Obviously, she

933
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: never suspected fever and was blaming herself terribly for having

934
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: lost something this important. The boyfriend actually had the gall

935
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: to try to convince her not to make her call

936
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 1: his mom and what has comebag? He wanted to sweep

937
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: the entire thing under the rug. Of course, we didn't

938
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 1: let that happen. His mother came by my place this

939
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 1: morning and I returned the item along with some apologies

940
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: for not starting investigations immediately and some nice chocolate. We

941
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: had a lovely conversation about our shared cultural heritage. I

942
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,760
Speaker 1: assured her that the item had been treated with dignity

943
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 1: for the entire time it was in my possession, and

944
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 1: we parted ways with a hug. She also told me

945
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 1: that my initial estimate of the item's value was incorrect.

946
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,359
Speaker 1: It's actually worth even more money. It would probably sell

947
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 1: for a four figure sum at off twenty four thousand, Yeah, easily.

948
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: And by the way, you know what's in the four

949
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: figure some What's the amount of hours that you can

950
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: listen to Okay story Time on your podcast platform of choice,

951
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: whether that is Spotify or Apple Podcasts or YouTube even

952
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts from es search Okay

953
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: Storytime and you will find it. And that's that's forty

954
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: eight consecutive days. So let me make sure I did

955
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: the math right in my head. I did some fast math.

956
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure this is in the four figure territory.

957
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,840
Speaker 1: So we're gonna do twenty four hours times forty eight days,

958
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 1: and that is one and fifty two hours, so that

959
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 1: is four figures worth of Okay, story time, we know

960
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 1: they broke up, which is what you do. Who's scumbag

961
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: who steals cultural heritage nickknacks from his own mother.

962
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 4: From their mom and then goes, no, don't tell her,

963
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 4: let's just let's please help me gaslight my mom.

964
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: I don't know what she wants to do with her son,

965
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: but I hope she whoops his butt. My friend for

966
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 1: obvious reasons broke up with him. Lessons learned. Google suspicious

967
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,839
Speaker 1: gifts and lock away your sentimental slash valuable items when

968
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 1: your people you are not entirely sure about. Come over

969
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: the gall of this man. Okay, I remember reading your

970
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 1: first post, what was the gift? Why not put us

971
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,439
Speaker 1: out of our misery and say what it is? Yes, op,

972
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 1: all right, all right, it's super specific, but it's a

973
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: special kind of religious devotional triptych made in the case

974
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: of my particular one of silver and real effing rubies.

975
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:33,760
Speaker 1: They're called travel tripticks and common in my family's home Regent,

976
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,919
Speaker 1: though of course they aren't usually made of silver and gemstones.

977
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 1: I initially grew suspicious because of the maker's mark saying

978
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 1: that it's silver, and specifically saying that it's eight hundred silver,

979
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 1: which is a kind of silver used only up until

980
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: the eighteen hundreds. Modern silver work uses nine to five

981
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,280
Speaker 1: silver aka sterling silver. The religious aspect wasn't very meaningful

982
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: to me. But my family's home city is famous for

983
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: its silversmithing, and my mother's family were silversmiths, And this

984
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 1: item specifically is a beautiful maybe your family made it,

985
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 1: of course it is. It's a thousand dollars antique and

986
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 1: laid with rubies. Super specific. But this m Effer basically

987
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 1: accidentally gave me a gift that would have been if

988
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 1: it had come from someone else. Pretty dang amazing. Wow,

989
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:15,840
Speaker 1: what a cool thing. I want to I want to

990
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: look up travel trip Dick. Right now, he's.

991
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 4: Gonna look up travel trip Dick. I'm not behind the

992
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 4: computer desk to look that up. I did not have yes,

993
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 4: but you know what I'm gonna pass you. This is

994
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 4: that past that was the first story of that first

995
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 4: story of the second Let's.

996
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: Go travel triptick silver Rubies. Yeah it is. It's when

997
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, it's one of these. It's like the

998
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:43,280
Speaker 1: the foldable and then it folds up. I guess because

999
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: there's three of them.

1000
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 4: That's crazy.

1001
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,320
Speaker 1: Well it folds up. Yeah, just snag that off the shelf.

1002
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 4: It's like your it's like your own little little little

1003
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 4: prayer room. You know, you tell you wherever you want.

1004
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: Right exactly. It's like a little tiny Yeah, it's a

1005
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: little it's a little prayer portrait. That's crazy.

1006
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 4: Wow. I had a thirty year friendship over a missed text.

1007
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: Doesn't sound like an overreaction to me.

1008
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 4: Until a year ago, I had a long standing friendship

1009
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 4: over thirty years with a woman we will call Valerie.

1010
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 4: Our friendship was stood the test of time, numerous moves,

1011
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 4: her tumultuous childhood, marriage, divorce, and kids. By the way,

1012
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 4: this comes from friend Dish Curry And if you want

1013
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 4: to smit your own stories, go to our size.

1014
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 1: Okay stories, I'm subret it. Do it.

1015
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 4: Her family is next level self absorbed person I see,

1016
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 4: and frankly, if we had it growing up together, I

1017
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 4: don't think I would have believed the level of nastiness

1018
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,240
Speaker 4: that people enacted on their youngest daughter and sibling. Because

1019
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 4: I knew so much about her and her traumas. I

1020
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 4: forgave her for a lot and made excuses for her

1021
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 4: more outlandish behavior. But we got along. There were many

1022
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 4: board game nights. I planned a surprise birthday, bits cakes,

1023
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: went to barnfires, paydamniatures, baby sat her daughter one on hikes,

1024
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:56,879
Speaker 4: made handbag gifts and more.

1025
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: I wonder what kind of menatures. I wonder if they

1026
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: were like D and D or warm mm do you

1027
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: buy the plastic crack?

1028
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 4: We spoke nearly every weekday. She knew everything about my

1029
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 4: life and I knew everything about hers. We were able

1030
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:10,959
Speaker 4: to talk about our childhoods in a way the only

1031
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 4: siblings can understand. As I went by, though some things

1032
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 4: didn't add up. Valerie is an uber extrovert, a kind

1033
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: of person who thrives on constant attention. She's loud and

1034
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 4: obnoxious everywhere she goes, and it gets worse when she drinks.

1035
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: That's why I, actually that's why I don't drink that.

1036
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,720
Speaker 4: Much, which is often every job she has ever had.

1037
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 4: All the coworkers eventually loathe her. One job when as

1038
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 4: far as to not invite her on a work trip

1039
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: that the whole company intended because no one wanted her there,

1040
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 4: but she did her job well enough that they couldn't

1041
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 4: find another way to fire her. I also began to

1042
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 4: notice that Valerie only took my phone calls during the

1043
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 4: day when she was bored. She never responded to a

1044
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 4: text or a phone call at night or on the

1045
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 4: weekend because she was busy hanging out with other people.

1046
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 4: I live over an hour away. I made justifications for

1047
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 4: those two only myself, that she was being present friend

1048
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 4: and that her hanging out in person with people was

1049
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 4: more important than taking my phone call. But then I

1050
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 4: also noticed I wasn't being invited on any trips when

1051
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,280
Speaker 4: she got engaged. She invited ten people on the trip,

1052
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 4: including one of my siblings.

1053
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: Okay, that's pretty bad, that's pretty whack.

1054
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 4: The trip ended up being terrible, her fault entirely, but

1055
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 4: the fact that I wasn't even invited really bothered me.

1056
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 4: She went on numerous beach trips and never invited me

1057
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 4: to a single one, the same for other special days.

1058
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 4: In fact, the only thing I was ever invited to

1059
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,760
Speaker 4: was her birthday. But I also let this go because

1060
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,280
Speaker 4: every trip she came back with ridiculous stories and another

1061
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 4: broken friendship. So I told myself it was a good

1062
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,359
Speaker 4: thing I didn't go, or she knew I wouldn't enjoy it,

1063
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 4: so she was protecting me somehow. Enter the beginning of

1064
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:52,439
Speaker 4: her friendship breakup, Valerie suffered a passing of a very

1065
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 4: young child in January twenty twenty four. She was devastated

1066
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 4: and my heart hurt for her. After a week of

1067
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:01,760
Speaker 4: medical complications, she was scheduled to go into the doctor

1068
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 4: for a DNC. Let us know what that means in

1069
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 4: the comments. Since her urine analysis was still showing she

1070
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 4: was prego. I drove over an hour to her house

1071
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 4: the day before to spend it with her. We sat

1072
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 4: and talked while both working remotely as she processed her emotions.

1073
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 4: I tried to be a listening ear and a soft

1074
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 4: shoulder to cry. On the next day, she called me

1075
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 4: and told me that she was still prego. They thought

1076
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 4: that she passed away a twin. I was shocked and overjoyed.

1077
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 4: I cried happily tears with her. Then I went on

1078
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 4: a five day vacation where I purposely disconnected and told

1079
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 4: everyone I was pending my phone down for a few days.

1080
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 4: When I got back, I sent her an innocuous complaint

1081
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 4: but my teenager not getting out of bed again. This

1082
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 4: was how we normally communicated, just general back and forth,

1083
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,800
Speaker 4: picking up where we left off. But something had changed

1084
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,399
Speaker 4: in those five days. I should state now that all

1085
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 4: interaction with her from now until we stopped speaking was

1086
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 4: via Facebook Messenger. She immediately responded and said I was

1087
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 4: being rude. How dare I talk about my stuff with

1088
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 4: asking her how she was? And she was angry that

1089
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,800
Speaker 4: I missed the text from her immediately. I did see

1090
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 4: that she had sent me a meme of some short

1091
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 4: but I had not opened it or read it. I

1092
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 4: hopped over, read the text, responded with a laugh emoji.

1093
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 4: I was apologized and said I was trying to disconnect

1094
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 4: and wasn't trying to be dismissive. This is when I

1095
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 4: got an ear for from her, stating that she didn't

1096
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 4: feel like I was a good friend, because a good

1097
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 4: friend would be asking her more questions about how she

1098
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 4: was doing, how pregnancy was going what color she was

1099
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 4: going to paint the nursery.

1100
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 1: Dude, It's like, where was any of that energy for me?

1101
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: The friend you are chronically excluding from everything?

1102
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 4: What do you mean?

1103
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: Are you serious?

1104
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,280
Speaker 4: She's the queen that she's just using all of her ponds.

1105
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: Yeah. I wanted to say earlier that it's like, the

1106
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: reason you're getting invited to the birthdays is probably because

1107
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 1: you give her a gift.

1108
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 4: I was a bit confused by this, considering she had

1109
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 4: already had one kid, and I didn't do that with

1110
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 4: the last one because she had told me all that

1111
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 4: stuff on her own. We would chat and she would

1112
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 4: tell me how she was going to decorate in purple name,

1113
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 4: she was considering trips she was planning. I apologize again

1114
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,240
Speaker 4: and explained that I didn't simply ask a million questions

1115
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 4: of people because it felt intrusive. I kind of figured

1116
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 4: she would tell me things like she always had, But

1117
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 4: at this point she refused to accept my apology and

1118
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 4: started telling me how I was supposed to respond to things,

1119
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 4: questions I should be asking how to respond to a text.

1120
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 4: This is the type of person that every day something

1121
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 4: bad happens and they always complain about something.

1122
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 1: Explaining how to respond to a text is wild.

1123
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 4: Yes, I know how English works, and you.

1124
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 1: Know who the common denominator here is. Because oh, every

1125
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: time she goes out of town, she comes back with

1126
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 1: one less friend than she left with. Uh oh, one

1127
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 1: person comes back after going on a trip with her

1128
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 1: every time and goes, you know what, I'm done with

1129
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: the person?

1130
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 4: Yep, and it looks like it's your turn.

1131
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 1: It might be your turn. Yeah.

1132
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 4: I look back to her texts and noted how often

1133
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 4: this woman had ignored my text. Again. I apologized and

1134
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 4: said I didn't mean to be dismissive and just forgot

1135
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 4: about it. Next day, I receive a grainy video she

1136
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 4: was having a gender revealed party. I was not invited.

1137
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:00,840
Speaker 4: At this point I was pissed. I responded with the

1138
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,439
Speaker 4: meme and the spirit of that mistext all heck broke loose.

1139
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 4: She was furious at my response. How dare I respond

1140
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 4: to something so important so impersonally. Then she started telling

1141
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 4: me exactly what I was supposed to say and how

1142
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 4: I was supposed to say it. I was angry that

1143
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 4: this woman who had just picked a fight with me

1144
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,240
Speaker 4: expected me to be happy and excited about an event

1145
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 4: I wasn't even invited to. Yeah, at this point, what

1146
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 4: do you have to lose in this friendship?

1147
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: Nothing? You only have something to gain, which is no

1148
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: longer having a monkey on your back. Yeah, that's all

1149
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:31,880
Speaker 1: this friendship is.

1150
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:34,239
Speaker 4: I did talk to her for two weeks. When she

1151
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 4: reached out again to ask if we were cool, I

1152
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 4: told her that most definitely we were not. And telling

1153
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 4: me that I am a bad friend when I clearly

1154
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 4: have been a very good friend for years, it is crappy,

1155
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 4: thank you. That's when she told me that she doesn't

1156
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 4: think I'm a bad friend. She just feels like I'm

1157
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 4: a bad friend. She doesn't think it, she just feels it.

1158
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 4: Oh shut up, Frankly, I didn't understand the difference either way.

1159
00:51:57,680 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 4: She was accusing me of being a bad friend over

1160
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 4: what a missed text message, screw you. And she told

1161
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 4: me that I wasn't validating her feelings and started sending

1162
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:09,800
Speaker 4: me articles and videos on what validating someone's feelings looks like. Y'all,

1163
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 4: I've been a foster parent for nine years. I could

1164
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,040
Speaker 4: probably teach a class on what validating feelings really looks like,

1165
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 4: particularly for kids. So condescending. The problem wasn't that I

1166
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 4: wasn't validating her feelings. It was that I disagreed with her,

1167
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 4: And finally I asked if we could please just talk,

1168
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 4: either on the phone or in person.

1169
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: Did you just get me like that? Dude? I was

1170
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:30,800
Speaker 1: texting my mom?

1171
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 4: Finally I asked if we could just please talk, either

1172
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 4: on the phone or in person. Surely if she just

1173
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 4: heard my voice and realized how sorry I was and

1174
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 4: how ridiculous she was being, we could reconcile. She refused.

1175
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 4: She said she needed a record of her conversation. That's

1176
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 4: when something snapped. Friendship ended it for me in that moment.

1177
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,239
Speaker 4: Was she planning to use this conversation in court? She

1178
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 4: want to throw my words back at me? I was done.

1179
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 4: That's the last time we spoke. I ended up writing

1180
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 4: her a letter as a one ditch effort at the

1181
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 4: urging of several friends who was all one of things

1182
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 4: to be rectified because we were so close for so long.

1183
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 4: I assume she received it because she sent me a

1184
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 4: message but deleted it before I saw it. In August,

1185
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 4: after speaking to my therapist, I decided to unfriend her

1186
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,720
Speaker 4: on all socials. I infriended her fully because I realized

1187
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 4: two things One, the drama she brings it to people's

1188
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 4: lives is not okay, and I have been putting up

1189
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,759
Speaker 4: with it simply because she was my oldest friend and

1190
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 4: I would never allow anyone I met today to treat

1191
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,479
Speaker 4: me like the way she does.

1192
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:23,959
Speaker 1: Two.

1193
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,839
Speaker 4: I didn't miss her. I've missed having someone to talk

1194
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 4: to daily, but I didn't miss her. I would never

1195
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 4: choose to be friends with her again. I heard through

1196
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 4: the grapevine that she was very upset about this. She

1197
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,240
Speaker 4: called in October, but I let it go to voicemail

1198
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 4: and she didn't leave a message, probably just checking to

1199
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 4: see if I had blocked her. I haven't. I wouldn't

1200
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 4: have mind talking to her again. But the friendship is over,

1201
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,919
Speaker 4: and after this story, our friendship will not be over.

1202
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 4: It cannot be over.

1203
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 1: Well, it would never, at least for forty eight consecutive days.

1204
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 1: It will mess over.

1205
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 4: Do these three steps. One go to your favorite podcast platform.

1206
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,280
Speaker 1: Two search up what Okay? Storytime?

1207
00:53:56,600 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 4: Three press play and listen to how many freaking days content?

1208
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 1: Forty eight?

1209
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,760
Speaker 4: Yes, forty eights, And we have a little bit more.

1210
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:09,360
Speaker 1: I like leave your leader trash friends in the in

1211
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: the past.

1212
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 4: And kind of considering I like this way of considering

1213
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 4: what have I gained? What have I lost?

1214
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:15,399
Speaker 1: Right?

1215
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you've freight up so much more mind space.

1216
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,319
Speaker 4: I have only had one other true friendship breakup that

1217
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 4: was with a relatively new friend. Losing a friend of

1218
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,240
Speaker 4: thirty years has been hard, even with all of her drama.

1219
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 4: She was my friend. We had so many inside jokes.

1220
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 4: Feels crazy to lose a friend over a mistext and

1221
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 4: not asking more questions about nursery colors. But my life

1222
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 4: has been so much calmer without her in it. This

1223
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,399
Speaker 4: is the first time I've shared this in any public way,

1224
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 4: but it feels good to ride out Valerie. I love you,

1225
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 4: I don't miss you. I hope you can figure out

1226
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:46,399
Speaker 4: a way to be a better person so your kids

1227
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 4: don't have to suffer the way you did. Dang boom,

1228
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 4: big facts, big fat of Runo's Valerie.

1229
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 1: The better I love You, I don't miss you is

1230
00:54:55,080 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 1: a crazy bar. Yeah, that's that's wild. Well yeah, and

1231
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 1: that's actually a great example of like how to maturely

1232
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,879
Speaker 1: emotionally compute something like that. It's like, just because you're

1233
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: no longer friends as somebody doesn't mean you have to

1234
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 1: like hate them and be their absolute enemy. Hey y'all,

1235
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:14,879
Speaker 1: it's John og Host here.

1236
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1237
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 2: quick three minute break from as form our sponsors.

1238
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 1: My friend is always jealous of my romantic relationships. It

1239
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: ruined our friendship.

1240
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:27,879
Speaker 4: We don't have to do everything together.

1241
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: Jealousy, do be doing that. This is my first time

1242
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: posting one of these, so I don't really know where

1243
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 1: to start, so please bear with me for background information.

1244
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: This individual and I were friends from the ages of

1245
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 1: thirteen and fifteen. She had just turned fifteen, I was

1246
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: about to turn fourteen and ended our relationship right before

1247
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: I turned seventeen. We had met at a youth group

1248
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 1: in my area when I was twelve, and I always

1249
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: thought she was cool. By the way, this comes from

1250
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,480
Speaker 1: user neat improvement to six nine and if you want

1251
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,280
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1252
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 1: Okay storytime subreddit and submit them there. So she was

1253
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,839
Speaker 1: funny and invited me into her already established friend group

1254
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 1: of about five people including herself. She and I were homeschooled,

1255
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 1: but I went to a group co op and graduated

1256
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 1: high school early and did early college. This girl and

1257
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,439
Speaker 1: I clicked from the beginning, but we didn't become friends

1258
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 1: right away because I started dating someone in that group

1259
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: that she hated. We'll call him Duke. Duke and I

1260
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,279
Speaker 1: were together for a little over a year, and for

1261
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,919
Speaker 1: us being so young, it was the most toxic relationship

1262
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,959
Speaker 1: I've ever been in. He would tell me that certain

1263
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 1: people were toxic so that he could have me all

1264
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 1: to himself. Wow, you're all mine, little kidden. Looking back

1265
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: on it now, I realize why she hated him. Nevertheless,

1266
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 1: he left me shattered in a million pieces with no

1267
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 1: one to comfort me besides my parents as I shared

1268
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: his friend group. Going to youth group was obviously hard

1269
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 1: as Duke was there and the drama spread like wildfire.

1270
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 1: I was left alone the majority of the night, and

1271
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 1: no one wanted to sit by me because I'd become

1272
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: the depicted crazy ex girlfriend. Nearing the end of that night,

1273
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 1: my ex's best friend, Ashley came up to me to

1274
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 1: comfort me. I looked at her with tears in my eyes,

1275
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 1: so she took me to sit in her car, where

1276
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,720
Speaker 1: I started bawling to her about my ex boyfriend's situation.

1277
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 1: From then on, we were bestief. We would to constantly

1278
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: be at each other's houses and spend the night a lot,

1279
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 1: and her mom even tutored me in one of my

1280
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: classes as I struggled. The struggle was real. The first

1281
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 1: two years of our friendship were great, but then she

1282
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 1: started getting weird. She came out to me, which I

1283
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 1: was like, that's fine, hey, you do you boo. But

1284
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 1: I felt like the best friend things weren't best friend

1285
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 1: things anymore. Sharing food, holding hands sometimes in public, sleepovers, cuddles,

1286
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 1: et cetera. Were starting not to feel like they did before.

1287
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: It felt as if Ashley was putting more meaning behind it.

1288
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 1: I had made it clear to her that I was

1289
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 1: and still am straight, and even though she said she knew,

1290
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 1: it felt like she was hoping I would change my

1291
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:53,920
Speaker 1: mind or something. I ignored it for a while and

1292
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:58,160
Speaker 1: slowly started setting silent boundaries. No more sleepovers, cuddling, or handholding.

1293
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 1: As I started to become uncomfortable with her behavior. But

1294
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 1: her and my relationship we're still tight. We continued to

1295
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 1: hang out at each other's house and hang out elsewhere

1296
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 1: until late at night. One of those nights, while we

1297
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 1: were hanging out, she had asked if I would ever

1298
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: abandon her and leave her for someone else. I then replied,

1299
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 1: no way, you're my bestie, but as we get older,

1300
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 1: I will have more responsibilities. It might not be able

1301
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 1: to hang out with you as much as we do now.

1302
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: She stayed silent and didn't ask me again for a while.

1303
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 1: I mean, like, that's real though, Like on a real level.

1304
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 1: It's like you can be sixteen, you can be seventeen

1305
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: and be like, are you gonna be my bestie forever?

1306
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 1: And he can be like, yeah, we're gonna besties for life.

1307
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 1: But it's like with the girlfriend, it's hard. Like Ashley

1308
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:37,960
Speaker 1: was looking for more than that. She was like, or

1309
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 1: do you see me any way? Shape?

1310
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 4: Or for more than this? Yeah, because Ashley has a

1311
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 4: real sean.

1312
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: Ob point being is like, even if you do want

1313
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:46,439
Speaker 1: to be best friends with someone forever, it's like life

1314
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: gets in the way a lot a lot of times.

1315
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 1: And then also as people can change, I had a

1316
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 1: friend who changed and we don't talk anymore. Fast forward

1317
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,439
Speaker 1: a few months, there was a dance my ex co

1318
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: op was hosting that was coming up. I had asked

1319
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 1: Ashley if she wanted to be my date, so to speak,

1320
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 1: as I didn't have that many friends and didn't want

1321
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 1: to show up alone. She's not the party type, but

1322
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:04,960
Speaker 1: I thought I would ask because she was my best

1323
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:07,400
Speaker 1: friend and I thought it was rude not to invite her.

1324
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 1: Ashley actually declined, but I had already bought my ticket,

1325
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 1: so I was going anyway. About a week after I

1326
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 1: bought the ticket, the dance was now a few weeks out,

1327
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: and I reconnected with a friend, Jamal from the co

1328
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 1: op I graduated from several months prior. We reconnected on

1329
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 1: social media and started dming back and forth a lot.

1330
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: To be clear, I had a crush on him when

1331
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:29,920
Speaker 1: when we were at school together, but I never did

1332
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 1: anything because I was with Duke then and decided to

1333
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 1: be loyal. Actually noticed I was on my phone texting

1334
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:38,440
Speaker 1: a lot when we were hanging out, and jokingly snatched

1335
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 1: my phone, asking who I was talking to, and started

1336
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 1: reading the messages. Yeah, so that's that's not a joke.

1337
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 1: If she just actually snatches your phone and reads your texts,

1338
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 1: it's like not a prank. That's not a joke. She

1339
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 1: did that, thank you. I love that. So yeah, she

1340
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 1: just started reading my messages, which is again not a joke.

1341
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 1: I asked her to return my phone and explained that

1342
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 1: it was just an old friend who reached out. She

1343
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 1: asked more about Jamal as so I gave her the

1344
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 1: information she wanted. She told me to be careful, that

1345
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 1: she didn't want another duke situation to happen to me.

1346
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 1: I thought it was sweet that she was looking out

1347
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 1: for me, but unfortunately that was not the case. Coincidentally,

1348
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 1: Jamal and I were going to the same dance in

1349
01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 1: a few weeks, so naturally I talked to Ashley Moore

1350
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 1: and more about him because I was excited and found

1351
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 1: out I really liked him. However, even though I liked Jamal,

1352
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: Ashley didn't at all. Even though I liked Jamal, Ashley

1353
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 1: did not like him at all. When I would bring

1354
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: him up, she would sigh or give me a dirty look,

1355
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 1: would constantly make comments about we don't need men and

1356
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 1: all men are trash. Yeah you go girl, Now, I

1357
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 1: would say, many men are trash, but not all yep,

1358
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,520
Speaker 1: and definitely not Jamal. That was good, dude, got them all.

1359
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 1: I've got it in the bag today. Dude, Ashley refused

1360
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 1: to be happy for me in possibly finding a good

1361
01:00:56,880 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 1: guy like Jamal. She would say, they always on you.

1362
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: That's why I'm attracted to the theam Jannar. Fast forward

1363
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 1: to the night of the dance. It was a winter

1364
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 1: formal and I spent a few months making a dress

1365
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 1: for this dance. Ooh ooh talented. It was so pretty,

1366
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,960
Speaker 1: but nothing crazy. I was getting ready on FaceTime with

1367
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 1: Ashley and when I put the dress on and asked

1368
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 1: what she thought, she said, I mean, it's all right.

1369
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:20,680
Speaker 1: Remember she knew that I had worked hard to make

1370
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: said dress. I decided to do my makeup after putting

1371
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 1: the dress on. It was white, but put a robe

1372
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 1: on to ensure I didn't get makeup on it. While

1373
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 1: doing my makeup, Ashley commented, you should just wear the

1374
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: robe to the dance. You don't need to look good

1375
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 1: for people that didn't matter and things like that. I

1376
01:01:35,600 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 1: laughed it off, aha, and told her I had to

1377
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: go because I was meeting with a group to eat

1378
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: before we headed to the dance venue. I finally meet

1379
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: up at the restaurant with Jamal again after not seeing

1380
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 1: him for a long time. We clicked again, talked to

1381
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,720
Speaker 1: each other for the time there, and generally spent the

1382
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 1: night at the dance together. We slow danced and talked

1383
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 1: and just had a great night. There was a time

1384
01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: in one of our conversations, nearing the end of the night,

1385
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:00,960
Speaker 1: when I didn't know I would see him again, so

1386
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: I just rushed in with the question, do you like me?

1387
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: We talked for a while, realizing we had the same

1388
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 1: feelings for each other, and became a couple that night.

1389
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 4: Oh wow.

1390
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:12,560
Speaker 1: Coming home excited, I told my parents and facetimed Ashley

1391
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 1: to give her all the details. I see you in

1392
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 1: the chat, she made it clear she was not that

1393
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 1: excited for me. She was really dry and said that

1394
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 1: she had to go to slave because I've work in

1395
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 1: the morning. We shared schedules. She did not have work

1396
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 1: until midafternoon. A couple of weeks later, on a call,

1397
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: I was updating her on some fun things in Jamal

1398
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 1: and I's new relationship when she cut me off and

1399
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 1: said something that caught me off guard. I don't want

1400
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 1: you to talk to me about Jamal anymore. I'm sorry,

1401
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,320
Speaker 1: he's literally all you talk about, Like, I'm sure there's

1402
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 1: something more interesting to talk about than a dumb guy.

1403
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I didn't know it made you so uncomfortable.

1404
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,439
Speaker 1: I guess I'll cut it back a bit, like he's

1405
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 1: so ugly too, he's such a.

1406
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 4: Rat doobey looking like her?

1407
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:52,240
Speaker 1: At huh?

1408
01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:54,439
Speaker 4: Some dudes doo be looking like her atte. I could

1409
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 4: show you one right now?

1410
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: What what animal do I look like?

1411
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 4: All right, here's one.

1412
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 1: You realize that's you? Right. I don't really appreciate that

1413
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:12,760
Speaker 1: you're calling him ugly when you've never seen him in person. Well,

1414
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 1: he is ugly, I can tell from that picture and

1415
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:17,760
Speaker 1: how your treatment is like you're with dic Holiver.

1416
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 4: Oh, stop comparing him to do what?

1417
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 1: And she goes, you really need to know exactly who

1418
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 1: these people are before you make them your bite tie

1419
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: And I go, Okay, hang on, you've never met this man,

1420
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 1: so how can you say it's like Duke all over again?

1421
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 1: And I get we have very different ideas of what

1422
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 1: we find attractive, but the fact that you're calling Jamal

1423
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 1: ugly is not okay. And even if he was ugly,

1424
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 1: you keep that to yourself because he treats me right

1425
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 1: and I'm happy with him. Also, the fact that I

1426
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 1: can't talk to my best friend about my boyfriend that

1427
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 1: i'm happy with is conorinez. I think we should put

1428
01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 1: our friendship on pause until you're less bitter about Jamal

1429
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 1: and I and can be a good friend regardless of

1430
01:03:57,760 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 1: how you feel. Well, when all you talk about is

1431
01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 1: them all, it gets really annoying. You always turn your

1432
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 1: relationships into your whole person, not you did it with Duke,

1433
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,880
Speaker 1: and I'm not better. I'm just annoyed and hurt by

1434
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 1: you fall wannting him and shoving him in my face

1435
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 1: when I told you, Hiel, I've done nothing but voice

1436
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,680
Speaker 1: myke concerns and you just ignore them. Well, I'm sorry

1437
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: you don't feel heard when this is the first time

1438
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:23,960
Speaker 1: you've ever said anything about being uncomfortable with our relationship,

1439
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 1: and even if you did before, I've always considered what

1440
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 1: you say because your opinion has always been the most important.

1441
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 1: But when you pull things like this, I find it

1442
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 1: difficult to side with you. I think we should take

1443
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,520
Speaker 1: a break from each other for a bit. You know

1444
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,800
Speaker 1: how I feel about friendships where their friends are we're not,

1445
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 1: and you sad you'd never abund a Matt. Abandonment is

1446
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 1: one person not knowing the other has left. But you, Ashley,

1447
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:47,360
Speaker 1: know that I'm leaving yo. And by the way, you

1448
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: don't ever have to leave us, because there are full

1449
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:52,600
Speaker 1: episodes with stories like this one. All you have to

1450
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 1: do is go to your podcast platform of choice, whether

1451
01:04:55,080 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 1: it's Spotify, whether it's Apple Podcasts, whether it's YouTube, whether

1452
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:00,880
Speaker 1: it's iHeart Radio, wherever you get your podcast, Just search

1453
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: Okay story Time and you will find forty eight days,

1454
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 1: which is over eleven hundred hours worth of content of

1455
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:12,440
Speaker 1: stories that you can listen to. We have not talked

1456
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 1: since that encounter. It's been about a year since all

1457
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,360
Speaker 1: this went down, But I need an opinion. Am I

1458
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 1: the a hole for ending a three year friendship over

1459
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 1: a guy? I would say no, no, because honestly, like.

1460
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:26,440
Speaker 4: There're probably a lot more red flags.

1461
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:30,520
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like a best friend forever type scenario. Yeah,

1462
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:34,080
Speaker 1: and like you're about to graduate. Your whole life is

1463
01:05:34,080 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 1: about to completely change forever, and a lot of the

1464
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 1: friendships that we have in that era of our lives

1465
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:43,880
Speaker 1: do not always transfer over. So it's okay, Yeah, Yeah,

1466
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:44,400
Speaker 1: it's okay.