Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Last
Speaker 1: week he held a quote news conference but made sure
Speaker 1: reporters couldn't have microphones, and then yesterday he improved on that.
Speaker 1: He held another quote news conference, but made sure reporters
Speaker 1: couldn't have any questions asked.
Speaker 2: God has something to do with it. It's a miracle,
Speaker 2: and God had something to do with it, And maybe
Speaker 2: it's we want to save the world. This world is
Speaker 2: going down. This world is going down. So as you know,
Speaker 2: the Supreme Court world recently on immunity and I'm immune
Speaker 2: from all of this stuff that they charged me with.
Speaker 1: You added more people to your campaign today. Is that
Speaker 1: a sign of a shifting strategy. No.
Speaker 2: I think it's a sign of we want to close
Speaker 2: it out. We had great people. Susie as fantastic as
Speaker 2: you know, and Chris is fantastic. They're leading it. Corey
Speaker 2: Lewandowski's coming in. He'll be, you know, a personal envoy
Speaker 2: or he'll be at some level.
Speaker 1: Corey Lewandowski personal envoy, personal envoy to Christy nome am
Speaker 1: I right.
Speaker 2: She certainly attacks me personally. She actually called me weird.
Speaker 2: He's weird. It was just a SoundBite and she called
Speaker 2: jayd and I weird. He's not weird. He was a
Speaker 2: great student to Yale. He went to Ohio State.
Speaker 1: Hey, this just in Trump is nuts. Trump is also
Speaker 1: weird as too weird. I'm also beginning to think CNN
Speaker 1: is weird, or at least the owners are weird, and
Speaker 1: they're trying to destroy the value of the network. For
Speaker 1: some reason, they carried that entire shit live as somebody
Speaker 1: hired by CNN as its first year ended in nineteen
Speaker 1: eighty one. I have a secret for them that is
Speaker 1: apparently no longer known by anybody at the network. That
Speaker 1: acronym CNN stands for cable News Network. Boys, you are
Speaker 1: no longer news. Cut to a test pattern fire everybody
Speaker 1: start from scratch, which I guess also applies to Trump's
Speaker 1: running mate. I am beginning to suspect that JD. Vance
Speaker 1: is actually a Democratic plant. New Kensington, Pennsylvania at VFW
Speaker 1: Post ninety two. That would be another acronym. Veterans of
Speaker 1: Foreign Wars VFW Post number is ninety two, and there
Speaker 1: is still the Sarah Palin rule as it's great to
Speaker 1: be here, it's great to be part of VF post.
Speaker 1: VFW post ninety two. I've actually got the card right
Speaker 1: here in my pocket. So JV there forgot the number
Speaker 1: of the post. He forgot the Sarah Palin rule, and
Speaker 1: he called it the VFA like it was the Toria
Speaker 1: Football Association or the Verband forschender arzenimittel Hairsteller, which is
Speaker 1: the trade association of the German pharmaceutical industry, Like you
Speaker 1: didn't know that. Oh, and he was reading all of
Speaker 1: that off the business card of VFW post ninety two,
Speaker 1: and he still couldn't pull it off because he forgot
Speaker 1: where he had put the card and he had to
Speaker 1: go searching his own pockets for it, and he forgot
Speaker 1: the Sarah Palin rule. And the Sarah Palin rule is,
Speaker 1: if you are running for vice president and you are
Speaker 1: an idiot and there's something you really really need to remember,
Speaker 1: just write it on your goddamn hand. Just write it
Speaker 1: on your hand. Sure, it's a little embarrassing, but it's
Speaker 1: not as embarrassing as that. It's not as embarrassing as
Speaker 1: forgetting the VFW is called the VFW and not the VFA,
Speaker 1: and that the number of the one you're in is
Speaker 1: number ninety two. I mean, it's like this guy has
Speaker 1: never been outside before. Oh. In a photo turned up
Speaker 1: of JV. Vance in the British rag the Daily Mail,
Speaker 1: JV in high school standing next to three girls who
Speaker 1: are pretending to use urinals in a boys bathroom, which
Speaker 1: I believe is the whole anti trans libs of TikTok
Speaker 1: wants the death penalty for this. Oh how dare Tim
Speaker 1: Walls put tampons in school toilets? Thing, isn't it? And
Speaker 1: then we got all the liberal blowback about, oh, we
Speaker 1: should make a big deal about this. Kids are kids,
Speaker 1: and everybody has a dumb high school photo and what
Speaker 1: would life be like for us if there been social
Speaker 1: media when we were in high school doing done things
Speaker 1: like that? And the answer is, I don't know. This
Speaker 1: happened in two thousand and three. It wasn't on social media,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't shot with an iPhone. It was in JD.
Speaker 1: Vance's high school yearbook, senior year and the three girls
Speaker 1: were the student body president, the secretary, and the treasurer,
Speaker 1: plus JD who was vice president. And last time he'll
Speaker 1: ever be able to say that that was all intentional,
Speaker 1: So don't tell me about.
Speaker 2: Oh, don't make a big deal about it.
Speaker 1: Everybody looks like a crazy man. And the force at
Speaker 1: the Pennsylvania VFW number ninety two, if you've forgotten, is coincidental,
Speaker 1: but perhaps it is explanatory of this new Franklin and
Speaker 1: Marshall University poll in Pennsylvania Harris forty six, Trump forty three.
Speaker 1: Their previous poll was June when Trump was head by six,
Speaker 1: so she has created a nine point swing in Pennsylvania. Nationally,
Speaker 1: new Emerson poll it's Harris fifty Trump forty six, and
Speaker 1: their last poll was Trump by six, so she's created
Speaker 1: a ten point swing nationally. And after all those cook
Speaker 1: electoral polls swung to Harris Wednesday, they have a new
Speaker 1: Electoral College score and it is Harris two hundred and
Speaker 1: ninety seven, Trump two hundred and twenty five. And the
Speaker 1: Lee the item at Politico yesterday in the wake of
Speaker 1: all this a story about Trump pivoting, Trump pivoting, Trump resetting.
Speaker 1: But this this one is different than every other political
Speaker 1: story about Trump pivoting or Trump resetting because in it
Speaker 1: the reset was suggested by vivike Ramaswami. That's a scoop, huh.
Speaker 1: I mean, never mind the polls almost every last God
Speaker 1: damned one of them turning around on a dime and
Speaker 1: going off on a rocket ship in the opposite direction
Speaker 1: in just the first three and a half weeks since
Speaker 1: Kamala Harris succeeded Joe Biden as the nominee. This over
Speaker 1: here with vivid Ramaswami, this is groundbreaking journal mondalism. Vivike
Speaker 1: Ramaswami insisting Trump should stick to policy and then he'll win,
Speaker 1: as if this were possible, as if this were possible,
Speaker 1: even if Trump was just back from Lord and every
Speaker 1: laying on of hands mystic in the world, as if
Speaker 1: this were possible. After that news conference that had no
Speaker 1: news in it, and was it a conference? The next
Speaker 1: one he holds, I'm thinking the only thing left he
Speaker 1: can remove from the equation is himself. It'll be a
Speaker 1: Trump news conference, without news, without a conference, and without Trump.
Speaker 1: Back to the Politico thing. All this was was today's
Speaker 1: entry to win the Van Jones memorial. Trump's Head is
Speaker 1: Half full, not Trump's head is half empty competition. Politico
Speaker 1: wrote twenty eight paragraphs about Viviq Ramaswami saying how they
Speaker 1: can win if Trump sticks to the issues. Quoted Ramaswami
Speaker 1: thirteen different times, including him insisting Trump is quote receptive
Speaker 1: to his advice on this and that the Republicans can
Speaker 1: in fact still win a landslide. And you wonder if
Speaker 1: whoever edits this crap has just moved here from the
Speaker 1: planet's skyron and the galaxy of Andromeda. At least Politico
Speaker 1: did not include in this story and update on which
Speaker 1: overpriced Washington restaurant Tammy had Ad was just spotted at
Speaker 1: Ramaswami insists Trump is starting to heed the advice Politico Rights.
Speaker 1: Turns out it's Rachel Bade who did the interview, So
Speaker 1: it's Rachel Baide who then writes, We're not so sure
Speaker 1: figured that one out for yourself. Huh Rachel Baide after
Speaker 1: the press conference yesterday without questions or press or conference,
Speaker 1: ms Baide self identifies, in addition to working for Politico,
Speaker 1: as an ABC contributing political correspondent, and all I can
Speaker 1: think of is I wonder if ABC knows about that.
Speaker 1: Forgive me, but I am now quoting Frank Luntz two
Speaker 1: days in a row, seriously like he was not this
Speaker 1: bizarre mixture of extensive experience and total lack of credibility. Wednesday,
Speaker 1: Frank Lunz told CNBC, we are nearing the moment at
Speaker 1: which we will have to start asking how big Kamala
Speaker 1: Harris's coattails would be. Yesterday, he told MSNBC quote, I'm
Speaker 1: starting to wonder does Trump want to lose? Because no
Speaker 1: sane person would campaign the way Donald Trump is campaigning.
Speaker 1: Geez Frank, there's your answer right there. Incidentally, in the
Speaker 1: right wing alternative universe, which is shrinking rapidly, Trump's social
Speaker 1: media site is filled with demands that he fire Susie
Speaker 1: Wiles and Chris las Savida as his campaign runners, and
Speaker 1: it is filled with calling them traitors. And he is
Speaker 1: now bringing in new new leadership, and sure enough, yesterday
Speaker 1: he brought in Corey Lewandowski and Tim Murtau and Alex
Speaker 1: Brucewitz and Taylor Butterwitch, all of whom he previously got
Speaker 1: rid of, but all of whom have the singular advantage
Speaker 1: of not doing time at the moment. What is missed
Speaker 1: here by the fascists, and I'm sure it will be
Speaker 1: missed by Politico today or Monday at the latest, is
Speaker 1: that Trump is no longer in charge of this election.
Speaker 1: I don't mean he's no longer in charge of his campaign.
Speaker 1: No matter how crazy he gets, no matter how incoherent,
Speaker 1: no matter how committable, He's still in charge of his campaign.
Speaker 1: It's just that his campaign, his team is part of
Speaker 1: the whole, is now utterly the submissive part of the campaign.
Speaker 1: For this, too, Trump remains in charge. He has long
Speaker 1: held that he is one of the great judges of
Speaker 1: people and talent of anybody who's ever lived on Earth,
Speaker 1: when the exact opposite is true. He has an almost
Speaker 1: unbelievable ability to sort through dozens of candidates and select
Speaker 1: exactly the worst one, or, in the cases of many
Speaker 1: of them, like Mike Pence or General Kelly, exactly the
Speaker 1: one most poorly fitted for the job. JV Vance is
Speaker 1: an example of this. Wait, I've got that business card
Speaker 1: with me somewhere, the one that tells me where I am.
Speaker 1: Maybe I put it in my other suit. Hold on,
Speaker 1: let me just give me another four or five hours.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'll know where I am then. But never
Speaker 1: mind JV for the moment. There's also this new campaign spokesperson,
Speaker 1: Caroline Levitt. This is I'm saying this to you like
Speaker 1: you don't already know. The former center fielder of the
Speaker 1: Saint Anselm College softball team and former Stephanick Comms director
Speaker 1: who got smoked as the trumpested eight for the first
Speaker 1: congressional district in New Hampshire. There's no polite way of
Speaker 1: saying this. Caroline Levitt is a moron. On Monday, Caroline
Speaker 1: Levitt went on the podcast hosted by the fascist Stephen
Speaker 1: Crowder and insisted, and not for the first time, like
Speaker 1: Trump and everybody else with his campaign has insisted, and
Speaker 1: not for the first time, that Trump has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with this amazingly dystopian roadmap that has resonated through
Speaker 1: this campaign, Project twenty twenty five. Quoting Caroline Levitt again Monday.
Speaker 1: Monday of this week, he has unveiled hundreds of policy
Speaker 1: proposals on his website Agenda forty seven. Caroline Levitt added,
Speaker 1: the media likes to talk about Project twenty twenty five,
Speaker 1: which has nothing to do with our campaign. It is
Speaker 1: Agenda forty seven. Caroline Levitt worked on Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: She worked for the creators of Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: As Media Matters notes, Caroline Levitt is in a Project
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five training video, a training video called the
Speaker 1: Art of professionalism and as an aside art is clearly
Speaker 1: one fella. Trump is never met. This whole video, more
Speaker 1: than half an hour, is just Caroline Levitt and some dude.
Speaker 1: In the Project twenty twenty five training video, that's just
Speaker 1: Caroline Levitt and some dude. Trump's campaign spokesperson talks about
Speaker 1: having worked in the Trump White House, offers tips on
Speaker 1: how to work in the federal government. The Project twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five logo is visible, still visible at the one
Speaker 1: minute thirty eight second mark of this video. Visible at
Speaker 1: the two minute five second mark of this video is
Speaker 1: Caroline Levitt. She starts talking about ninety seconds later. Half
Speaker 1: an hour later the video end and it ends with
Speaker 1: Caroline Levitt, so best of luck and if you need
Speaker 1: us as a resource, we are here to help. And
Speaker 1: scene and over the music you just heard there the
Speaker 1: Project twenty twenty five logo. Well, I think Trump and
Speaker 1: his spokesperson have done a clear and convincing job of
Speaker 1: delineating this impenetrable wall separating the campaign from Project twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five. And this will never ever come up again again.
Speaker 1: What wait this just in? Wait this just in. It
Speaker 1: is soon to be released new book Heritage Foundation President
Speaker 1: Kevin Roberts. The tour of Project twenty twenty five has
Speaker 1: attacked a Washington, DC dog park, the Swamppoodle Park, says
Speaker 1: Roberts of Project twenty twenty five, which has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with the Trump campaign except Roberts keeps saying Trump
Speaker 1: is lying when he says that he says the park
Speaker 1: has too much room for dogs to play in, not
Speaker 1: enough room for kids to play in. And this is
Speaker 1: because of quote, the anti family culture shaping legislation, regulation
Speaker 1: and enforcement throughout our sprawling government. We hell the Swamppoodle
Speaker 1: dog Park and an organization affiliated with it called Fond
Speaker 1: Friend of Noma Dogs Noma North of Massachusetts Avenue. They
Speaker 1: are fighting back. The press release should have asked Trump
Speaker 1: about this at his not News not conference yesterday, begins.
Speaker 1: Fond rejects mister roberts mischaracterization of swamp Poodle Dog Park
Speaker 1: and the Noma neighborhood. Swamp Poodle was first conceived by
Speaker 1: a group of local friends who wanted a place for
Speaker 1: their dogs to play from that has bled awesome to
Speaker 1: family friendly environment that enriches the lives of the neighborhood
Speaker 1: and the district. So it's its opening in twenty eighteen,
Speaker 1: Swampoodle has become a staple for DC dog owners and
Speaker 1: families of all shapes and sizes. As residents know, Noma
Speaker 1: and the surrounding neighborhoods are home to many parks and
Speaker 1: areas for children and families. In addition to the dog park,
Speaker 1: Swampoodle also has a conveniently located play area for children
Speaker 1: where you can find kids playing on its unique play
Speaker 1: structure throughout the day and throughout the year. Just across
Speaker 1: the street is the recently built Swampoodle Terrace, which provides
Speaker 1: a safe, enclosed, pet free space for families with infants
Speaker 1: and toddlers. A few blocks away are playgrounds at the
Speaker 1: Hayes Wellness Center and Jo Wilson Elementary School, large open
Speaker 1: play areas for sports at Ludlow Taylor Elementary and It's
Speaker 1: Okay is another list of thirty seven other areas in
Speaker 1: the neighborhood that you can play with your kids. These
Speaker 1: are just a few of the examples of outdoor, family
Speaker 1: friendly areas that residents and visitors to the Noma area
Speaker 1: can enjoy. Fond's Board of directors can testify to this fact.
Speaker 1: Our president has two young children and the co located
Speaker 1: children's play area has become a convenient go to community
Speaker 1: resource where his entire family, including his dog Luna, can
Speaker 1: play and be with friends. As a transplant to DC,
Speaker 1: he and his wife have met friends and other families
Speaker 1: with children at Swamppoodle that truly demonstrates it takes a village.
Speaker 1: FOND rejects efforts by Roberts and others to sow division
Speaker 1: in our community, the district, and our nation. As members
Speaker 1: of the NOMA and DC community, FOND prides itself in
Speaker 1: supporting a family friendly environment where pets and kids can
Speaker 1: safely play and build lasting friendships with our neighbors. We
Speaker 1: will continue to support our community and the district in
Speaker 1: building a safe, inclusive, vibrant, family friendly city. Best Board
Speaker 1: of Directors, Friends of NOMA, Dogs, Parentheses, FOND Your Turn,
Speaker 1: Project twenty twenty five. Kevin Roberts, the Trump campaign, Maybe
Speaker 1: it's time for you to respond to defend your agenda
Speaker 1: to institute your anti dog, anti child, anti family, anti
Speaker 1: families with dogs and children authoritarian regime. Perhaps you could
Speaker 1: have a suitable spokesperson take up your banner and insist
Speaker 1: that you Project twenty twenty five trumpists are not weirdos
Speaker 1: who hate dogs. May I suggest to you for this
Speaker 1: role the most qualified person in America, Governor Christy Nome.
Speaker 1: They're all stoned, aren't they? Isn't that the only possible explanation?
Speaker 1: Also of interest here, that's right, a Republican candidate for
Speaker 1: the House is an ex cop who had to settle
Speaker 1: a case in which she was accused of handcuffing an infant.
Speaker 1: And if you think that's the worst, here's where we
Speaker 1: are as a species today. Throwing out the ceremonial first
Speaker 1: pitch yesterday before a Major League baseball.
Speaker 2: Game, was.
Speaker 1: The haktua woman, Clean your palate if you so desire,
Speaker 1: because that's next. This is countdown.
Speaker 2: This is countdown with Keith Olberman.
Speaker 1: Stella ahead of us on this edition to countdown. I
Speaker 1: have not lately given you the Theurber story. That is
Speaker 1: basically all of my interests run into one. There's baseball
Speaker 1: in it. There's baseball broadcasting in it. There's the etymology
Speaker 1: of Americans slang in it. There's the broadcasting immortal Red
Speaker 1: Barber in it. There's Thurber's usually unremarked upon fascination with
Speaker 1: crime in it. There's the saga of the story itself,
Speaker 1: which somehow wound up as a movie starring Peter Sellers
Speaker 1: in it. Fridays, Thurber coming up first, there are still
Speaker 1: more new idiots to talk about. The daily roundup of
Speaker 1: the miss Grants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who
Speaker 1: constitute two days worst persons in the World. Sellers does
Speaker 1: it in a Scottish accent. So today's worst persons in
Speaker 1: the World, bad Scottish accent Lebrons worse. Alison Esposito you
Speaker 1: can already guess. Alison is a Republican and she's running
Speaker 1: for Congress in New York in the eighteenth and her
Speaker 1: job used to be cop in Witchborough, Brooklyn in the
Speaker 1: seventieth precinct twice, it turns out, reportedly she was the
Speaker 1: subject of lawsuits that the City of New York had
Speaker 1: to settle once for unlawful arrest cost the city ninety
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars. And then there was this. In twenty sixteen,
Speaker 1: Posito and another officer entered an apartment building on East
Speaker 1: one hundred and first Street and quote did unlawfully stop, assault, frisk, handcuff, detain, arrest,
Speaker 1: and imprison unquote an infant named Rebecca Quavas, According to
Speaker 1: a complaint later filed by Quabas's mother, Chantalbasquez, I'll just
Speaker 1: read that operative part again quote did unlawfully stop, assault, frisk, handcuff, detain, arrest,
Speaker 1: and imprison an infant to continue the story. An attorney
Speaker 1: for Esposito responded to the complaint by denying the allegations,
Speaker 1: arguing that plaintiff's culpable conduct caused or contributed in hooleor
Speaker 1: in part to their injuries or damages. The City of
Speaker 1: New York still settled the case for twenty five thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: An infant allegedly frisked and handcuffed an infant. We don't
Speaker 1: have an exact age for this Rebecca Quaves, other than
Speaker 1: she was an infant. The house seat the fascist running
Speaker 1: Esposito four is currently held by Pat Ryan, who is
Speaker 1: a human being. But if you want to go and
Speaker 1: make a joke about how the Republicans are interested in
Speaker 1: babies until they're born and then afterwards they're going to
Speaker 1: stop and frisk them, go right ahead. The runner up
Speaker 1: worser RFK Junior. Sure he tried to get Trump to
Speaker 1: give him a cabinet spot in exchange for dropping out
Speaker 1: and endorsing Trump, and when that didn't work, sure he
Speaker 1: tried to get in to see Kamala with the same offer.
Speaker 1: So basically, the RFK campaign is an extortion racket. No. No,
Speaker 1: but this is not about RFK Junior, per se. This
Speaker 1: is about Kristin Davis, not the great actress from Sex
Speaker 1: in the City, but a different Kristin Davis, who was
Speaker 1: the former Manhattan Madam. Radar reported last week not O'Reilly
Speaker 1: the magazine that she was working as an advisor to
Speaker 1: a Kennedy pack. She went to jail for her Manhattan
Speaker 1: Madam era stuff. Now David Corn at Mother Jones reports
Speaker 1: what she has been advising RFK on. No, it's not
Speaker 1: about keeping your fly unzipped while you pose for a
Speaker 1: photograph with a dead bear you may or may not
Speaker 1: have stabbed. No, it's using artificial intelligence to exploit the
Speaker 1: data on your phone and my phone and use it
Speaker 1: to determine if and how RFK should send you political advertising.
Speaker 1: Just quote Korn's piece to utilize AI technology to create
Speaker 1: custom messaging and personalized marketing campaigns working off mobile advertiser
Speaker 1: ID numbers. A mobile advertising ID or made is a
Speaker 1: unique identifier that is assigned to each mobile device. As
Speaker 1: Davis explains it, everything you do on your cell phone
Speaker 1: is monitored by the provider, what you read, what you
Speaker 1: listen to, what you purchase. There are companies that take
Speaker 1: that data and use AI to create profiles of the users.
Speaker 1: They know You're attitudes, values, and beliefs based on data
Speaker 1: from your cell phone provider. For instance, what Facebook groups
Speaker 1: you are part of?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: Am I missing something here? The RFK hired this woman
Speaker 1: to scrape your private phone data. Ms Davis insists it
Speaker 1: was not hard to switch fields. I've been working in
Speaker 1: politics for fifteen years, she tells David Corn. My former
Speaker 1: business was far more honest. You knew what was involved
Speaker 1: in the transaction. In politics, everyone is for sale and
Speaker 1: you don't know what the price is. Is this where
Speaker 1: the JV Vans quote about having skin in the game
Speaker 1: comes into play? But our winner is the worst Your
Speaker 1: New York Mets who finished their series against the Oakland
Speaker 1: and or Sacramento and or Las Vegas climate change victim
Speaker 1: athletics with a day game yesterday. Every ball games now
Speaker 1: seemingly every ball game has a ceremonial first pitch. Somebody
Speaker 1: trots out to the mound or near it, wearing a
Speaker 1: shirt with the team's name on it, and throws a pitch.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's funny because they throw it wrong and
Speaker 1: it winds out on the dugout, and other times it's
Speaker 1: funny because they throw it wrong and it hits the
Speaker 1: photographer in the private parts. Yesterday, the Mets had a
Speaker 1: ceremonial first pitch that was done by a woman they
Speaker 1: described as a viral sensation named Hailey Welch. Who's Hailey Welch.
Speaker 1: Hailey Welch is best known by her sort of self assigned, inadvertent,
Speaker 1: unplanned nickname of Hawk Tua. If you don't know Hailey
Speaker 1: Welch or Hawk Tua, I'm not gonna tell you, but
Speaker 1: you can look it up. While this audio of hawk
Speaker 1: Tua's first pitch plays in the background, it is customed
Speaker 1: to have a player or coach catch the ceremonial first pitch,
Speaker 1: but oddly enough for the Mets yesterday, Hawk to a
Speaker 1: lady did not throw her first pitch to a player
Speaker 1: because all the players are too smart for that. You
Speaker 1: don't want to catch anything from hawk to A. So
Speaker 1: her friend, I think her friend from the Hawk to
Speaker 1: a video caught the pitch, and then they ran up
Speaker 1: towards each other and chest bumped. And all I can
Speaker 1: say is just remember Baseball's rules are explicit about this.
Speaker 1: The pitcher is not allowed to touch their fingers to
Speaker 1: their mouth while on the mound. But the Mets now
Speaker 1: know who to turn to if ever they are in
Speaker 1: a blowout. And I assume she threw a spitball, New York,
Speaker 1: get your last les in with the Hawk to a woman,
Speaker 1: Mets two days, worst persons in the world. Could you
Speaker 1: get anybody out? We need relief fetching whoa I'll will beat?
Speaker 1: She must come cheap, she must come cheap to the
Speaker 1: number one story on the Countdown. And since it is
Speaker 1: the weekend edition, it's time for some James Thurber. The
Speaker 1: Catbird Seat combines two of my all time favorite things,
Speaker 1: Thurber and baseball broadcasting. As Thurber will reveal in the story,
Speaker 1: the title comes from a catchphrase used by the Brooklyn
Speaker 1: Dodgers legendary announcer Red Barber, the man who trained Vin
Speaker 1: Scully and is my late friend Vin's only true competition
Speaker 1: for greatest baseball play by playing man of all time.
Speaker 1: I met Red Barber. Once I interviewed him for CNN.
Speaker 1: He called me Keith throughout the interview. I was so starstruck.
Speaker 1: It's pretty much all I remember from the interview. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Bert Lancaster bought the movie rights to this story and
Speaker 1: he got Billy Wilder to commit to direct it. Well,
Speaker 1: how come you've never heard of this perfect sounding film,
Speaker 1: The Catbird Seat, directed by Billy Wilder. They sold the
Speaker 1: rights and in nineteen sixty the film was made, but
Speaker 1: they relocated it from Manhattan to Scotland, starring Peter Sellers
Speaker 1: dressed up as an old man as mister Martin. It's
Speaker 1: okay unless you've read the story or had it read
Speaker 1: to you from the Thurber Carnival nineteen forty five, The
Speaker 1: Catbird Seat by James Thurber. Mister Martin bought the pack
Speaker 1: of camels on Monday night in the most crowded cigar
Speaker 1: store on Broadway. It was theater time, and seven or
Speaker 1: eight men were buying cigarettes. The clerk didn't even glance
Speaker 1: at mister Martin, who put the pack in his overcoat
Speaker 1: pocket and went out. If any of the staff at
Speaker 1: F and S had seen him buy the cigarettes, they
Speaker 1: would have been astonished. For it was generally known that
Speaker 1: mister Martin did not smoke, and never had. No one
Speaker 1: saw him. It was just a week to the day
Speaker 1: since mister Martin had decided to rub out missus old
Speaker 1: Jean Barrows. The term rub out pleased him because it
Speaker 1: suggested nothing more than the correction of an error, in
Speaker 1: this case, an error of mister Fitweiler. Mister Martin had
Speaker 1: spent each night of the past week working out his
Speaker 1: plan and examining it as he walked home. Now he
Speaker 1: went over it again for the hundredth time. He resented
Speaker 1: the element of imprecision, the margin of guesswork that entered
Speaker 1: into the business. The project, as he had worked it out,
Speaker 1: was casual and bold. The risks were considerable. Something might
Speaker 1: go wrong anywhere along the line, and therein lay the
Speaker 1: cunning of his scheme. No one would ever see in
Speaker 1: the cautious, painstaking hand of Irwin Martin, head of the
Speaker 1: filing department at F and S, of whom mister Fitweiler
Speaker 1: had once said, man is fallible, but Martin isn't. No
Speaker 1: one would see his hand, that is, unless he were
Speaker 1: caught in the act, sitting in his apartment drinking a
Speaker 1: glass of milk. Mister Martin reviewed his case against missus
Speaker 1: Old Jean Barrows, as he had every night for seven nights.
Speaker 1: He began at the beginning, backing voice and braying laugh.
Speaker 1: Had first profaned the halls of fns on March seventh,
Speaker 1: nineteen forty one. Mister Martin had a head for dates.
Speaker 1: Old Roberts, the personnel chief, had introduced her as the
Speaker 1: newly appointed special advisor to the president of the firm,
Speaker 1: mister Fitweiler. The woman had appalled mister Martin instantly, but
Speaker 1: he had not shown it. He had given her his
Speaker 1: dry hand, a look of studious concentration in a faint smile. Well,
Speaker 1: she said, looking at the papers on his desk, are
Speaker 1: you lifting the ox cart out of the ditch. As
Speaker 1: mister Martin recalled that moment over his milk, he squirmed slightly.
Speaker 1: He must keep his mind on her crimes as a
Speaker 1: special advisor, not on her peccadillos as a personality. This
Speaker 1: he found difficult to do. In spite of entering an
Speaker 1: objection and sustaining it. The faults of the woman as
Speaker 1: a woman kept chattering on in his mind like an
Speaker 1: unruly witness. She had for almost two years now, baited
Speaker 1: him in the halls, in the elevator, even in his
Speaker 1: own office, into which she romped now and then like
Speaker 1: a circus horse. She was constantly shouting these silly questions
Speaker 1: at him. Are you lefting the ox cart out of
Speaker 1: the ditch? Are you tearing up the pea patch? Are
Speaker 1: you hollering down the rain barrel? Are you scraping around
Speaker 1: the bottom of the pickle barrel? Are you sitting in
Speaker 1: the cat married seat. It was Joey Hart, one of
Speaker 1: mister Martin's two assistants, who had explained what the gibberish meant.
Speaker 1: She must be a Dodger fan, he had said, Red
Speaker 1: Bob announces the Dodger games over the radio, and he
Speaker 1: uses these expressions, picked them up down south. Joey had
Speaker 1: gone on to explain one or two, tearing up the
Speaker 1: pea patch meant going on a rampage, Sitting in the
Speaker 1: catbirds seat meant sitting pretty like a batter with three
Speaker 1: balls and no strikes on him. Mister Martin dismissed all
Speaker 1: this with an effort. It had been annoying, it had
Speaker 1: driven him near to distraction, but he was too solid
Speaker 1: a man to be moved to murder by anything so childish.
Speaker 1: It was unfortunate, he reflected, as he passed on to
Speaker 1: the important charges against Missus Barrows, that he had stood
Speaker 1: up under it so well. He had maintained always an
Speaker 1: outward appearance of polite tolerance. Why I even believe you
Speaker 1: like the woman Mispaired, his other assistant, had once said
Speaker 1: to him. He had simply smiled a gavel wrapped in
Speaker 1: mister Martin's mind, and the case proper was resumed. Missus
Speaker 1: Aul Jean Barrows stood charged with wilful, platant and persistent
Speaker 1: attempts to destroy the efficiency and system of fn S.
Speaker 1: It was confident material and relevant to review her advent
Speaker 1: and rise to power. Mister Martin had got the story
Speaker 1: from Miss Paired, who seemed always able to find things out.
Speaker 1: According to her, Missus Barrows had met mister Fitweller at
Speaker 1: a party where she had rescued him from the embraces
Speaker 1: of a powerfully built, drunken man who had mistaken the
Speaker 1: president of F and S for a famous retired middle
Speaker 1: Western football coach. She had led him to a sofa
Speaker 1: and somehow worked upon him a monstrous magic. The aging
Speaker 1: gentleman had jumped to the conclusion there and then that
Speaker 1: this was a woman of singular attainments, equipped to bring
Speaker 1: out the best in him and in the firm. A
Speaker 1: week later he had introduced her into F and S
Speaker 1: as his special adviser. On that day, confusion got its
Speaker 1: foot in the door. After miss Tyson, mister Brundage and
Speaker 1: mister Bartlett had been fired and mister Munson had taken
Speaker 1: his hat and stalked out mailing. In his resignation letter,
Speaker 1: Old Roberts had been emboldened to speak to mister Fitweiler.
Speaker 1: He mentioned that mister Munson's department had become a little disrupted,
Speaker 1: and hadn't they perhaps better resumed the old system there.
Speaker 1: Mister Fitwiler had said, certainly not. He had the greatest
Speaker 1: faith in missus Barrow's ideas. They require a little seasoning.
Speaker 1: Little seasoning is all, he had added. Mister Roberts had
Speaker 1: given it up. Mister Martin reviewed in detail all the
Speaker 1: changes wrought by missus Barrows. She'd begun chipping at the
Speaker 1: cornices of the firm's edifice, and now she was swinging
Speaker 1: at the foundation stones with a pickaxe. Mister Martin came
Speaker 1: now in his summing up to the afternoon of Monday,
Speaker 1: November two, nineteen forty two, just one week ago. On
Speaker 1: that day, at three pm, missus Barrow's had bounced into
Speaker 1: his office. Boo, she had yelled, Are you scraping around
Speaker 1: the bottom of the pickle barrel? Mister Martin had looked
Speaker 1: at her from under his green eye shade, saying nothing.
Speaker 1: She had begun to wander about the office, taking it
Speaker 1: in with her great popping eyes. Do you really need
Speaker 1: all these filing cabinets, she had demanded. Suddenly, mister Martin's
Speaker 1: heart had jumped each of these files, he had said,
Speaker 1: keeping his voice even plays an indispensable part in the
Speaker 1: system of f and s. She had brayed at him,
Speaker 1: well don't tear up the pea patch, and gone to
Speaker 1: the door. From there she had bawled, but you sure
Speaker 1: have got a lot of fine scrap in here. Mister
Speaker 1: Martin could no longer doubt that the finger was on
Speaker 1: his beloved department. Her pickaxe was on the upswing poison
Speaker 1: for the first blow. It had not come yet. He
Speaker 1: had received no blue memo from the enchanted mister Fitweler,
Speaker 1: bearing nonsensical instructions deriving from this obscene woman. But there
Speaker 1: was no doubt in mister Martin's mind that one would
Speaker 1: be forthcoming. He must act quickly. Already a precious week
Speaker 1: had gone by. Mister Martin stood up in his living room,
Speaker 1: still holding his milk glass. Gentleman of the jury, he
Speaker 1: said to himself, I demand the death penalty for this
Speaker 1: horrible person. The next day, mister Martin followed his routine
Speaker 1: as usual. He polished his glasses more often and once
Speaker 1: sharpened and already sharp pencil. But not even mispaired noticed.
Speaker 1: Only once did he catch sight of his victim. She
Speaker 1: swept past him in the hall with the patronizing Hai.
Speaker 1: At five point thirty. He walked home as usual and
Speaker 1: had a glass of milk as usual. He had never
Speaker 1: drunk anything stronger in his life, unless you could count
Speaker 1: ginger Ale. The late Sam Schlosser, the s of F
Speaker 1: and S had praised mister Martin at a staff meeting
Speaker 1: several years before for his temperate habits. One of our
Speaker 1: most efficient workers. Neither drinks nor smokes, he had said,
Speaker 1: the results speak for themselves. Mister Fitweller had sat by,
Speaker 1: nodding approval. Mister Martin was still thinking about that red
Speaker 1: letter day, as he walked over to the Shafts restaurant
Speaker 1: on Fifth Avenue near forty sixth Street. He got there
Speaker 1: as he always did, at eight o'clock. He finished his
Speaker 1: dinner and the financial page of the New York Sun
Speaker 1: quartered at to nine. As he always did, It was
Speaker 1: his custom after dinner to take a walk. This time
Speaker 1: he walked down Fifth Avenue at a casual place. His
Speaker 1: gloved hands felt moist and warm, his forehead cold. He
Speaker 1: transferred the camels from his overcoat to a jacket pocket.
Speaker 1: He wondered as he did so, if they did not
Speaker 1: represent an unnecessary note of strain. Missus Barrows smoked only luckies.
Speaker 1: It was his idea to puff a few puffs on
Speaker 1: a camel after the rubbing out, stub it out in
Speaker 1: the ashtray, holding her lipstick, saying luckies, and thus drag
Speaker 1: a small red herring across the trail. Perhaps it was
Speaker 1: not a good idea. It would take time. He might
Speaker 1: even choke too loudly. Mister Martin had never seen the
Speaker 1: house on West twelfth Street where Missus Barrows lived, but
Speaker 1: he had a clear enough picture of it. Fortunately, she
Speaker 1: had bragged to everybody about her decky first floor apartment
Speaker 1: in the perfectly darling three story red brick. There would
Speaker 1: be no doorman or other attendants, just the tenants of
Speaker 1: the second and third floors. As he walked along, mister
Speaker 1: Martin realized that he would get there before nine to thirty.
Speaker 1: He had considered walking north on Fifth Avenue from Shrafts
Speaker 1: to a point from which it would take him until
Speaker 1: ten o'clock to reach the house. At that hour people
Speaker 1: were less likely to be coming in or going out,
Speaker 1: But the procedure would have made an awkward loop in
Speaker 1: the straight thread of his casualness, and he had abandoned it.
Speaker 1: It was impossible to figure when people would be entering
Speaker 1: or leaving the house anyway, there was a great risk
Speaker 1: at any hour if he ran into anybody, he would
Speaker 1: simply have to place the rubbing out of old Jean
Speaker 1: Barrows in the inactive file forever. The same thing would
Speaker 1: hold true if there was someone in her apartment. In
Speaker 1: that case, he would just say that he had been
Speaker 1: passing by, recognized her charming house, and thought to drop in.
Speaker 1: It was eighteen minutes after nine when mister Martin turned
Speaker 1: into twelfth Straight. A man passed him and a man
Speaker 1: and a woman talking. There was no one within fifty paces.
Speaker 1: When he came to the house halfway down the block.
Speaker 1: He was up the steps and in the small vestibule,
Speaker 1: and no time pressing the bell under the card that
Speaker 1: said Missus ol Jean Arrows. When the clicking in the
Speaker 1: lock started, he jumped forward against the door. He got
Speaker 1: inside fast, closing the door behind him. A bulb in
Speaker 1: a lantern hung from the hall ceiling on a chain
Speaker 1: seemed to give a monstrously bright light. There was nobody
Speaker 1: on the stair which went up ahead of him along
Speaker 1: the left wall. A door opened down the hall on
Speaker 1: the wall on the right. He went toward it swiftly
Speaker 1: on tiptoe. Now, for God's sakes, look who's here? Bawled
Speaker 1: Missus Barrows, and her braining laugh rang out like the
Speaker 1: report of a shotgun. He rushed past her like a
Speaker 1: football attacker, bumping her. Hey, quit shoving, she said, closing
Speaker 1: the door behind them. They were in her living room,
Speaker 1: which seemed to mister Martin to be lighted by a
Speaker 1: hundred lamps. What's after you, she said, Here's jumpy as
Speaker 1: a goat. He found he was unable to speak. His
Speaker 1: heart was wheezing in his throat. I yes, he finally
Speaker 1: brought out. He was jabbering and laughing as she started
Speaker 1: to help him off with his coat. No, no, he said,
Speaker 1: I'll put it here. He took it off and put
Speaker 1: it on a chair near the door. Your hat and
Speaker 1: gloves too, She said, you're in a lady's house. He
Speaker 1: put his hat on top of the coat. Missus Barrows
Speaker 1: seemed larger than he had thought. He kept his gloves on.
Speaker 1: I was passing by, he said, I recognized. Is there
Speaker 1: anyone here? She laughed louder than ever. No, she said,
Speaker 1: we're all alone. You're white as a sheet, you funny man,
Speaker 1: whatever has come over you. I'll mix you a toddy.
Speaker 1: She started toward a door across the room. Scotch and
Speaker 1: so to be all right, But say you don't drink,
Speaker 1: do you? She turned and gave him her amused look.
Speaker 1: Mister Martin pulled himself together. Scotch and soda will be
Speaker 1: all right, he heard himself say. He could hear her
Speaker 1: laughing in the kitchen. Mister Martin looked quickly around the
Speaker 1: living room for the weapon he had counted on finding one.
Speaker 1: There there were and irons and a poker and something
Speaker 1: in a corner that looked like an Indian club. None
Speaker 1: of them would do it, couldn't be that way. He
Speaker 1: began to pace around. He came to a desk. On
Speaker 1: it lay a metal paper knife with an ornate handle.
Speaker 1: Would it be sharp enough? He reached for it and
Speaker 1: knocked over a small brass jar. Stamps spilled out of
Speaker 1: it and fell onto the floor with a clatter. Hey,
Speaker 1: missus Barrows, yelled from the kitchen. Are you tearing up
Speaker 1: the pea patch? Mister Martin gave a strange laugh. Picking
Speaker 1: up the knife, he tried its point against his left wrist.
Speaker 1: It was blunt. It wouldn't do. When Missus Barrows reappeared
Speaker 1: carrying two high balls, mister Martin, standing there with his
Speaker 1: gloves on, became acutely conscious of the fantasy. He had
Speaker 1: wrought cigarettes in his pocket, a drink prepared for him.
Speaker 1: It was all too grossly improbable. It was more than that,
Speaker 1: it was impossible. Somewhere in the back of his mind
Speaker 1: a vague idea stirred sprouted. For Heaven's sake, take off
Speaker 1: those gloves, said Missus Barrows. I always wear them in
Speaker 1: the house, said mister Martin. The idea began to bloom
Speaker 1: strange and wonderful. She put the glasses on a coffee
Speaker 1: table in front of a sofa and sat on the sofa.
Speaker 1: Come over here, you odd little man, she said. Mister
Speaker 1: Martin went over and sat beside her. It was difficult
Speaker 1: getting a cigarette out of the pack of camels, but
Speaker 1: he managed it. She held a match for him. Laughing well,
Speaker 1: she said, handing him his drink. This is perfectly marvelous,
Speaker 1: you with a drink and a cigarette. Mister Martin puffed,
Speaker 1: not too awkwardly, and took a gulp of the highball.
Speaker 1: I drink and smoke all the time, he said. He
Speaker 1: clinked his glass against hers. Here's nuts to that old
Speaker 1: wind bag fit whiler, he said, and gulped again. The
Speaker 1: stuff tasted awful, but he made no grimace. Really, mister Martin,
Speaker 1: she said, her voice and posture changing. You are insulting
Speaker 1: our employer. Missus Barrows was now all special advisor to
Speaker 1: the President. I am preparing a bomb, said mister Martin,
Speaker 1: which will blow the old goat higher than hell. He
Speaker 1: had only had a little of the drink, which was
Speaker 1: not strong. It couldn't be that. Do you take dope
Speaker 1: or something, missus Barrows asked coldly. Heroine said, mister Martin,
Speaker 1: I'll be coked to the gills when I bumped that
Speaker 1: old buzzard off. Mister Martin, she shouted, getting to her feet,
Speaker 1: that will be all of that. You must go at once.
Speaker 1: Mister Martin took another swallow of the drink. He tapped
Speaker 1: his cigarette out in the ash tray and put the
Speaker 1: pack of camels on the coffee table. Then he got up.
Speaker 1: She stood glaring at him. He walked over and put
Speaker 1: on his hat and coat. Not a word about this,
Speaker 1: he said, and laid an index finger against his lips.
Speaker 1: All missus Barrows could bring out was a really Mister
Speaker 1: Martin put his hand on the doorknob. I'm sitting in
Speaker 1: the catbird's seat, he said. He stuck his tongue out
Speaker 1: at her, and left. Nobody saw him go Mister Martin
Speaker 1: got to his apartment walking well before eleven. No one
Speaker 1: saw him go in. He had two glasses of milk
Speaker 1: after brushing his teeth, and he felt elated. It wasn't tipsy,
Speaker 1: in is because he hadn't been tipsy anyway. The walk
Speaker 1: had worn off all off of the whiskey. He got
Speaker 1: in bed and read a magazine for a while. He
Speaker 1: was asleep before midnight. Mister Martin got to the office
Speaker 1: at eight point thirty the next morning as usual. At
Speaker 1: a quarter to nine, Old Jean Barrows, who had never
Speaker 1: before arrived at work before ten, swept into his office.
Speaker 1: I'm reparting to mister Fitwailer now, she shouted. If he
Speaker 1: turns you over to the police, it's no more than
Speaker 1: you deserve. Mister Martin gave her a look of shocked surprise.
Speaker 1: I beg your pardon, he said. Missus Barrow snorted and
Speaker 1: bounced out of the room, leaving Miss Paird and Joey
Speaker 1: Hart staring after her. What's the matter with that old
Speaker 1: devil now, asked Miss Paired. I have no idea, said
Speaker 1: mister Martin, resuming his work. The other two looked at him,
Speaker 1: and then at each other. Miss Paired got up and
Speaker 1: went out. She walked slowly past the closed door of
Speaker 1: mister Fitwiler's office. Missus Barrows was yelling inside, but she
Speaker 1: was not brain. Miss Paired could not hear what the
Speaker 1: woman was saying. She went back to her desk. Forty
Speaker 1: five minutes later, Missus Barrows left the President's office and
Speaker 1: went into her own, shutting the door. It wasn't until
Speaker 1: half an hour later that mister Fitweiler sent for mister Martin,
Speaker 1: the head of the filing department. Neat quiet, attentive, stood
Speaker 1: in front of the old man's desk. Mister Fitweiler was
Speaker 1: pale and nervous. He took his glasses off and twiddled them.
Speaker 1: He made a small ruffing sound in his throat. Martin,
Speaker 1: he said, you have been with us more than twenty years.
Speaker 1: Twenty two, sir, said mister Martin. In that time pursued
Speaker 1: the President. Your work and your manner have been exemplary.
Speaker 1: I trust so, sir, said mister Martin. I have understood, Martin,
Speaker 1: said mister Fitwaller, that you have never taken a drink
Speaker 1: or smoked. That is correct, sir, said mister Martin. H Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: mister Fitwiler polished his glasses. You may describe what you
Speaker 1: did after leaving the office yesterday, Martin, he said, certainly, sir,
Speaker 1: he said. I walked home. Then I went to Shrafts
Speaker 1: for dinner. Afterward, I walked home again. I went to
Speaker 1: bed early, sir, and read a magazine for a while
Speaker 1: I was asleep before eleven. Ah. Yes, said mister Fitwiler. Again.
Speaker 1: He was silent for a moment, searching for the proper
Speaker 1: words to say to the head of the filing department,
Speaker 1: Missus Barrows. He said finally, Missus Barrows has worked hard, Martin,
Speaker 1: very hard. It brings me to report, but she has
Speaker 1: suffered a severe breakdown. It has taken the form of
Speaker 1: a persecution complex accompanied by distressing hallucinations. I'm very sorry, sir,
Speaker 1: said mister Martin. Missus Barrows is under the delusion, continued
Speaker 1: mister Fitwiler, that you visited her last evening and behaved
Speaker 1: yourself in an unseemly manner. He raised his hand to
Speaker 1: silence mister Martin's little, pained outcry. It is the nature
Speaker 1: of these psychological diseases, mister Fitwiler said, to fix upon
Speaker 1: the least likely and most innocent party as the source
Speaker 1: of persecution. These matters are not for the lay mind
Speaker 1: to grasp. Martin. I've just had my psychiatrist, doctor Fitch,
Speaker 1: on the phone. He would not, of course commit himself,
Speaker 1: but he made enough generalizations to substantiate my suspicions. I
Speaker 1: suggested to missus Barrows when she had completed her story
Speaker 1: to me this morning, that she visited doctor Fitch for
Speaker 1: I suspected a condition. Whats that she flew, I regret
Speaker 1: to say, into a rage and demanded requested that I
Speaker 1: call you on the carpet. You may not know, Martin,
Speaker 1: but Missus Barrows had planned a reorganization of your department,
Speaker 1: subject to my approval. Of course, subject to my approval.
Speaker 1: This brought you, rather than anyone else to her mind.
Speaker 1: But again that is a phenomenon for doctor Fitch and
Speaker 1: not for us. So Martin, I'm afraid Missus Barrow's usefulness
Speaker 1: here is at an end. I'm dreadfully sorry, sir, said
Speaker 1: mister Martin. It was at this point that the door
Speaker 1: to the office blew open with the suddenness of a
Speaker 1: gas main explosion, and Missus Barrow's catapulted through. It is
Speaker 1: the little rad denying it, she screamed. He can't get
Speaker 1: away with that. Mister Martin got up and moved discreetly
Speaker 1: to a point beside mister Fitwiler's chair. You drank and
Speaker 1: smoked at my apartment, she bawled at mister Martin, and
Speaker 1: you know it. You called mister Fitwailer an old wind
Speaker 1: bag and said you were gonna blow him up when
Speaker 1: you got coked to your gills on your head Heroin.
Speaker 1: She stopped yelling to catch her breath, and a new
Speaker 1: glint came into her popping eyes. If you weren't set
Speaker 1: to drab, ordinary, little man, she said, I'd think you'd
Speaker 1: planned it all, sticking your tongue out, saying you were
Speaker 1: sitting in the cat buried seat because you thought no
Speaker 1: one would believe me when I told it. My god,
Speaker 1: it's really too perfect. She brayed loudly and hysterically, and
Speaker 1: the fury was on her again. She glared at mister Fitwiler.
Speaker 1: Can't you see how he has checked us, you old fool.
Speaker 1: Can't you see his little game? But mister Fitwiler had
Speaker 1: been surreptitiously pressing all the buttons under the top of
Speaker 1: his desk, and employees of fn S began pouring into
Speaker 1: the room. Stockton said, Missus Fitchwiler, you and Fishbine will
Speaker 1: take missus Barrows to her home. Missus Powell, you will
Speaker 1: go with them. Stockton, who had played a little football
Speaker 1: in high school, blocked Missus Barrows as she made for
Speaker 1: mister Martin. It took him and fish Mine together to
Speaker 1: force her out of the door into the hall crowded
Speaker 1: with stenographers and office boys. She was still screaming imprecations
Speaker 1: at mister Martin, tangled and contradictory imprecations. The hubbub finally
Speaker 1: died out down the corridor. I regret that this has happened,
Speaker 1: said mister Fitweiler. I shall ask you to dismiss it
Speaker 1: from your mind. Martin, Yes, sir, said mister Martin, anticipating
Speaker 1: his chiefs, that will be all. By moving to the door,
Speaker 1: I will dismiss it. He went out and shut the door,
Speaker 1: and his step was light and quick in the hall.
Speaker 1: When he entered his department, he had slowed down to
Speaker 1: his customary gate, and he walked quietly across the room
Speaker 1: to the double twenty file, wearing a look of studious centration.
Speaker 1: The Catbird Seat by James Thurber. I've done all the
Speaker 1: damn and Jack can do here. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: Please share this podcast with somebody who does not listen
Speaker 1: to it. The ratings are on the rise, and as
Speaker 1: an exhibitionist, I need the largest audience I can get.
Speaker 1: By the way I have a correction to Thursday's podcast
Speaker 1: when Fox fired me in two thousand and one and
Speaker 1: the guy from Sports Illustrated wrote the article about how
Speaker 1: my career was over twenty three and a half years
Speaker 1: ago and he's retired since, and I'm still doing this.
Speaker 1: Fox tried to get me to blow myself up publicly
Speaker 1: by attacking them so they didn't have to pay off
Speaker 1: the rest of my contract. And for some reason, in
Speaker 1: retelling this yesterday, I said they had to pay me
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars year went In fact, they had
Speaker 1: to pay me one hundred thousand dollars a month, most
Speaker 1: of which I still have. Thank you, So I'm sorry
Speaker 1: God for the money for the error anyway. Brian Ray
Speaker 1: and John Phillip Shanelle, the musical directors have Countdown, have arranged,
Speaker 1: produced and performed most of our music today. Mister Chanale
Speaker 1: handled orchestration and keyboards. Mister Ray was on the guitars,
Speaker 1: bass and drums. It was produced by Tko Brothers. Our
Speaker 1: satirical and pithy musical comments are by the best baseball
Speaker 1: stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust. Sports music is the Olberman
Speaker 1: theme from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren, Davis Curtesy
Speaker 1: of ESPN, Inc. Other music arranged and performed by the
Speaker 1: group No Horns Allowed. My announcer today is my friend
Speaker 1: John Dean, and everything else was pretty much my fault.
Speaker 1: So that's countdown for this the eighty second day until
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty four presidential election, the one three hundred
Speaker 1: and seventeenth day since convicted felon dementia J Trump's first
Speaker 1: attempted who against the democratically elected government of the United States.
Speaker 1: Use the September eighteenth sentencing hearing. Use the mental health system.
Speaker 1: You have this available to you now, President Biden, use
Speaker 1: presidential immunity to stop him from doing it again. While
Speaker 1: we still hawk to a can and anti Semitic, anti immigration,
Speaker 1: gun nut Republicans, please stop shooting at Trump. The next
Speaker 1: scheduled countdown is Tuesday. Bulletins as the news requires until
Speaker 1: the next one. I'm Keith Olrumman. Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight,
Speaker 1: and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.