00:00:08
Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences presents enough, and I already had too much stuff.

00:00:35
Speaker 2: So how do you dare to surbey me?

00:00:47
Speaker 3: Welcome to, I said, no gifts. I'm bridgerd Winecker. We are in the backyard, which is always for me a personal thrill. It'll never stop being a thrill. I'm never going to take it for granted.

00:01:00
Speaker 2: Not on zoom.

00:01:01
Speaker 3: We're in the backyard. There's an occasional bird chirping. What a day I'm having? What did I do? I've washed the dog, I've you know. I sat just kind of floated around the house for a while, considering lunch options. I eventually ate an egg. A van almost backed into me on my way to get coffee, and that leads us to now we're here. We're in the backyard. Everyone's safe, my heart has steadied, and I'm thrilled about today's guest. It's Brandon Scott Jones. Brandon, Welcome to, I said, no gifts.

00:01:36
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:38
Speaker 4: I feel like, now that I know the story, behind the coffee that I'm looking at right here.

00:01:42
Speaker 2: I'm very grateful you're alive.

00:01:45
Speaker 3: It was maybe the most dangerous drive of my entire live now, I'm not kidding. I'm the drive is five minutes away, uh huh. And the amount of dangerous driving that I witnessed today was like something I've never seen before.

00:01:59
Speaker 4: You were seeing a large amount of it, that's what you're saying. You were seeing like it was happening repeatedly, over and over it.

00:02:04
Speaker 3: Every driver was doing something different and off the rails in a way that it felt like a personal challenge.

00:02:12
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a theory about that. I have a theory I want to hear of that one person starts that chain reaction. I was thinking this, Yeah, yeah, it's it's basically I'm somebody. I lived in New York for many years, and so when I came out here, I was a very anxious driver. You know, I hadn't really driven since I was a teenager, and so I was sort of always hyper aware, hyper conscious of everything going on behind the wheel and on the road. And then when I feel like anytime I would see somebody making an aggressive move, it would send me into a frenzy, and I could imagine that if anybody else was like that on the road, then it would just be like this chain reaction. So you're seeing so much of it because of one one person having a bad driving there.

00:02:51
Speaker 3: Right, it's I can't quite remember how the atom works, but like when an electron bounces off and it creates some sort of chaos than the molecule or what have you.

00:03:02
Speaker 2: I was, yeah, I was.

00:03:04
Speaker 3: As I was driving, I thought, maybe it's the first driver of the day that sets the mood. Maybe the first driver of the day did something incorrect exactly and it all led to me, or maybe I'm a bad driver and all of those people are now telling their loved ones. Right, this guy was all over the road, he was too slow, he got in the way of my van.

00:03:25
Speaker 2: It's but I'm not going to acceptlain.

00:03:27
Speaker 4: And no, don't don't, because this van, as you mentioned, almost backed into you.

00:03:31
Speaker 3: Right, And it was a professional van. It wasn't just kind of a van it was the driver should have known better, but you could tell despite it being like a business's van, there was already a huge dent in it. And which leads me to believe, yes, that driver their time at that company is probably limited, yes, or the company supports it because he's still driving this damage van right right?

00:03:54
Speaker 4: Or that's sort of like his scarlet letter. They don't forget don't forget it.

00:04:01
Speaker 2: What's her name in scarletter? Is a Hester print? Hester Print?

00:04:04
Speaker 3: Yes, I was gonna say Pristine, which is a great nagor Pristine, Pristine, this is my daughter Pristine. No Hester, He's kind of the Hester of the vans.

00:04:17
Speaker 2: Yes. Have you ever driven a van? I did? I've driven a van.

00:04:23
Speaker 4: Well, actually, the last time I drove a van, I got into a head on collision.

00:04:27
Speaker 2: What yeah, in New York City? Tell me about it? Well, it was I was.

00:04:30
Speaker 4: It was I was moving, I'm moving apartments, and I had decided that I didn't have enough stuff to warrant me hiring a moving company, and that sort of led into I didn't have enough stuff to warrant I felt like at the time having any friend help me, So I basically was going to do this by myself. No, And so I got my U haul van and I remember very specifically them asking me like, do you want the insurance? And I said no, and I out And then as I was walking, I was like I haven't driven in a long time. I mean again the year in New York City and I rarely would drive. So I walked back in and I got the got the insurance, and I moved my stuff successfully and then I was on my way to return the van and then boom head on collision total the view haul.

00:05:21
Speaker 2: How fast were you going? Not very fast.

00:05:23
Speaker 4: I was stopped and I had pulled out and so and then this other car. It was it's a no fault state. What does no fault state mean? I think I don't know other.

00:05:35
Speaker 3: Than this podcast, if you don't know exactly what we're talking about legally.

00:05:39
Speaker 4: No, I'm so sorry. All I know is that the state of New York did not blame me.

00:05:44
Speaker 2: I can't. I don't know if the if the other drivers blamed me, who were fine? Who were fine? In fact, I.

00:05:50
Speaker 4: Was so so scared about it that I remember that they had, you know, just by like a protocol that they called like the ambulance ambliance. Oh my god, ambulance lance amblance that's how they say it where I'm from. Uh. But then they were like taking my blood pressure just by again protocol, and they were like, sir, you have got too calmed. I was so concerned about the other people, who were absolutely fine, But I was so concerned about them that they were going to have some sort of like internal bleeding. They were like, sir, if you were going to pass away right now, if you do not calm down.

00:06:23
Speaker 2: My blood pressure was so high.

00:06:24
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what were they driving another van?

00:06:27
Speaker 2: No, they were driving an uninsured vehicle. Oh but it was very old and small, large, smaller, smaller than mine. That's what I mean, Like the head on Clay.

00:06:37
Speaker 4: I was surprised that the vehicles got got totaled right, but thankfully everybody was okay and sent me into like a real, real mental mental funk.

00:06:47
Speaker 3: While so, they must have been going at probably regular road speed.

00:06:51
Speaker 4: They were going at regular road speed, and I was I was making a left turn.

00:06:54
Speaker 2: Here comes Brandon in the van.

00:06:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, here comes Brandon the van screaming, which is like my resting. That's my breasting mode when I'm driving.

00:07:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was I mean?

00:07:04
Speaker 3: I'm always curious when a friend or someone gets in a car accident. I always want to know what, what did you say or what was your immediate reaction upon the crash.

00:07:15
Speaker 2: I was listening to glamorous by Fergie and I'm just glamorous situation them so glamorous driving a U haul a rattle a u au. And when I happened, it happened so quick.

00:07:29
Speaker 4: It happened in like slaw motion, and the airbags went off, and it was this weird thing where like you're sort of just sitting there and you're in this moment and then you just hear like g L A M and you're just like, oh no, that So that moment was really subverted by by whatever emotions that I just remember it echoes in my brain whenever I hear this. It's like a sense memory now when I hear that song, which I hear all the time because I do still love it.

00:07:57
Speaker 2: That's incredible.

00:07:58
Speaker 3: Whenever I'm listening to a song that I'm like a guilty pleasure song or mildly embarrassed in the car, I'm very aware of if the car flips yes and rescue services come and this song is blaring out while my body unconscious is there, this is gonna be.

00:08:14
Speaker 2: A very strange situation for everyone. Yeah.

00:08:17
Speaker 3: Wow, And that's as close as I've heard that that's happened.

00:08:20
Speaker 2: Wow, what is the thing? I know? But you must feel closer to Fergy. I do. I do. In a lot of ways.

00:08:26
Speaker 4: She was you know, I think there's near death experiences and her voice was very present of that. So I do conflate that with what I can only assume our angels.

00:08:37
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Fergy's your angel, Fergy's my angel. Has Fergie ever driven a van? That's my question.

00:08:43
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like there was probably a period of time where Fergie was heavy into van culture, like.

00:08:51
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

00:08:52
Speaker 4: Like she's kind of tough, said openly that, Like there was like a dip, like there was her Christian music trio I think I was, and then she had that song Wild Orchid was the name of that band that she was in. She had that song follow Me, Oh my god, it was so good. But then I feel like she went away for a while, then be came back and was Fergie with the Black Eyed Peas. I feel like in that in between period there was some van van stuff happened.

00:09:14
Speaker 3: Hundred percent in a van seeing the country. Yeah, well, I am stumbles across her in this van and mate, I feel like all of those people were probably driving a van at some point and probably met while in vans in a parking lot somewhere exactly.

00:09:29
Speaker 4: It's a very very like sixties vibe the Black Eyed Peas formed around.

00:09:34
Speaker 3: Wow, well this Who would have thought that that van almost backing into me would have led to this revelation?

00:09:40
Speaker 2: You never know? God bless, Godless? Where are you? Where are you coming from today? Where am I?

00:09:46
Speaker 4: I'm coming from a silver lake in Los Angeles, California.

00:09:50
Speaker 2: What did you listen to on your way here?

00:09:52
Speaker 4: Oh, I'll tell you. I listened to meatloafs. I will do I would do anything for love.

00:09:55
Speaker 3: What is happening in your guide? It's not it's not pretty. It is just yeah, it is chaos. Just wait to usee me.

00:10:02
Speaker 4: Like go through a drive through, It's like the same thing, like the easiest way I get a quate. Like my driving music is also like drive through food, you know what I mean? Like there's nothing actual satisfying, but it's there's nothing of any value.

00:10:17
Speaker 2: Right but anyone but feels good. My brain feels incredible, like you're on coke at all times.

00:10:23
Speaker 4: One hundred percent. And I listened to the same song over and over and over again. So like when I when I'm like on a kick with a song like I will just play it constantly and constantly and constantly.

00:10:35
Speaker 2: Just absolutely grind it to dust, just.

00:10:37
Speaker 4: Grind it to dust to the point where like the it's the lyrics mean nothing anymore.

00:10:42
Speaker 2: Like I heard like David Fincher.

00:10:43
Speaker 4: As a director like makes actors do like a thousand takes right til like it just gets to be nothing and just very very simple and commonplace. And it obviously works because those movies are good. But I feel like I do that with music and me, yes, me and meat Loaf. Yeah, meat Loaf is now just Sunday dinner.

00:11:01
Speaker 2: How did I mean? Are you a Meetloaf fan? Or am I a meetloa fan?

00:11:07
Speaker 4: Why you're Basically, I feel like the root of this question is why were you listening to yes?

00:11:12
Speaker 3: Because it does feel like a real choice. I, Yeah, it does.

00:11:15
Speaker 2: It does.

00:11:16
Speaker 4: I think I'm a real fan of songs that start and have like motorcycle voices, you know, like, uh, you know there's a couple of Michael Jackson one you know, law song, Yeah exactly. I think that they're really really cool, and so I think I was just thinking about that today and I was like, oh, this one feels it feels like a motor I have no desire to ever ride a motorcycle.

00:11:42
Speaker 2: I just like the sound of it on screen.

00:11:45
Speaker 4: And then I mean, I guess when you said when you asked if I was a meetlow fan, I mean, obviously, like towards the end there he was getting a little dicey in terms of his socio political views that I clearly did not agree with and wondered why he held and held so publicly anyway, But I know that when he passed away, I was like, really for a moment, I was like.

00:12:03
Speaker 2: Oh, meat loaf.

00:12:05
Speaker 4: Yeah, I said, but that song is like a constant for me, Like I have a friend. I remember when I moved to New York City and I was like eighteen, and you could like go into bars and so forth. I remember, like my I we would like play a song on on like their jukebox or whatever, and I would always play that song and like the groans that would come from not just my friends, but like the people at the bar, like they'd be like, oh God.

00:12:26
Speaker 2: Why are you playing this? And I'm like, all right.

00:12:29
Speaker 3: I feel like if you're at a bar with the jukebox, that's fair play here that meat loaf is on the menu.

00:12:35
Speaker 2: Here, that's the thing. A jukebox is saying, play me. Yeah. Does that make sense?

00:12:39
Speaker 4: It's not like saying this, there's no jukebox for songs we don't want, right, you know.

00:12:44
Speaker 2: It's like that, though, don't put it on. You control the jukebox.

00:12:47
Speaker 3: They could have removed meatloaf from that. Uh, those options, they absolutely could have. They absolutely could have, and they could have truly participated a meat loaf of rasure on that jukebox, and they absolutely did.

00:12:59
Speaker 2: He's a jew. He is the soul of the jukebox.

00:13:01
Speaker 3: Is any artist that has a song that begins with motorcycle noises will eventually end up in a jukebox one hund and they should ride. Of course, it all makes perfect sense. Yes, put a put a motorcycle noise at the beginning of every song.

00:13:14
Speaker 2: You rot up the mood in such an incredible way. Motorcycle noise right into my heart will go on. That would be so good.

00:13:23
Speaker 3: Just the rumble, the rumble, the harp or whatever.

00:13:29
Speaker 2: There's really no song that wouldn't be better because of.

00:13:32
Speaker 3: A Truly I really liked that idea. Have you ever driven a motorcycle? Do you drive a motor you ride a motorcycle.

00:13:38
Speaker 2: I think you ride one, but you have to get a license to drive it, right, license to ride to ride. It's truly like like the Nickelodeon bad Boy, you know what I'm saying.

00:13:52
Speaker 3: Like license to ride you just like a tense speed mountain bike, a.

00:13:57
Speaker 2: Ten speed mountain bike. Ride feels so passive. It's not an active thing to do.

00:14:05
Speaker 3: No ride ride, but to drive I feel that you need a steering wheel.

00:14:10
Speaker 4: Yes, or at least you're having some command over the direction of the vehicle.

00:14:14
Speaker 2: Right, You don't have the handlebars, yeah, but you ride a roller coaster, you don't drive a way.

00:14:19
Speaker 3: I mean, I would love to at the wheel of a roller coaster and I'm hitting the gas baby.

00:14:25
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

00:14:28
Speaker 3: Roller coasters should have steering wheels, and so should motorcycles. I would love a motorcycle with kind of a bus steering.

00:14:34
Speaker 4: Wheel, yeah, exactly. You know, they also have like windows on the side.

00:14:37
Speaker 3: And on the additional seats, additional seats, stereo windshield. No. I also feel like most cars should have a bus steering wheel. That's a more fun thing to do. The twist the bus.

00:14:52
Speaker 4: Steering wheel specifically, I think is a fun steering.

00:14:55
Speaker 2: Wheel it's the most fun.

00:14:56
Speaker 4: It's the closest we'll ever get to like an old like pirate Captain ship.

00:15:01
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I'm saying.

00:15:02
Speaker 3: And it's kind of almost twisting the lid off of the jar situation. It has a little bit of everything for everyone.

00:15:10
Speaker 2: Really, there's something for everyone, and yet we only let bus drivers access exactly also, which I think you have to have a specific license for I hope. So, yeah, it's a large vehicle.

00:15:20
Speaker 3: It is to just be going seventy miles an hour in something that carries.

00:15:23
Speaker 2: What seventy miles an hour on a bus? Don't tell me how to drive a bus. Oh my god, Let's talk about speed. Yeah, let's do it, because I think they could wait speed speed was about going faster than the speed limit or they I think speed was about yeah, speed.

00:15:40
Speaker 3: I would love if it was actually go under twenty five.

00:15:43
Speaker 4: You have to go over to undertowin and just like hordes like enraging the people of Los Angeles with like the slow public transportation.

00:15:50
Speaker 3: You can't hear any of the dialogue over the sound of horns beeping.

00:15:55
Speaker 2: That's speed three. Speed three is keep.

00:15:58
Speaker 3: It between twelve and twenty five in Los Angeles.

00:16:01
Speaker 2: That seems more dangerous to me.

00:16:03
Speaker 4: It absolutely does, because the people that would come for you. I mean, then it becomes like an assault on Precinct thirteen situation where it's just like malicious are forming to take down this bus that won't stop, but won't go faster.

00:16:18
Speaker 2: It can't stop, it just has to move so slow. It is scary to see a bus on the freeway.

00:16:24
Speaker 3: Yes, it's I mean, especially like a city bus or you know, like occasionally you'll see a tour bus or whatever. It's like it makes sense, you've got to get get across the country. But when I see like a Los Angeles city bus on the freeway, I'm wondering, what's happened.

00:16:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're talking like a like a like a commuter bus with stops and right, not like a coke situation.

00:16:42
Speaker 3: I would I mean, And then are people pulling the little rope on the freeway? Yeah, like, I'll get this kid out here, Exit fourteen. Please drop me off on the shoulder. I'll be fine.

00:16:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:16:54
Speaker 3: Oh, buses, the thrill, the mystery, the thrill and the mystery of a fireworks. Well, Brandon, yes, we have to move on. I have to discuss something with you. I think I have to imagine you came here today knowing that this would be a topic of conversation. The podcast is called I said no Gifts. The listener knows that, you know that, our producer on Alease knows that. I assume the president knows that. It's kind of all over the globe. We have a helicopter, which I mean, yeah, they probably know that. That's probably why I can't imagine there's anything else going on other than them signaling that they know about the podcast.

00:17:36
Speaker 2: Also have to have a license for that, I hope. So I would love to be a hobbyist without a license. Yeah, just look a casual chop a fly off.

00:17:46
Speaker 3: Well, their voice needed to be heard, and they've been heard. The helicopter has been heard. You come trotting up my driveway holding a little bag. Very cute cute bag, it says, hip Hip, hooray. Some thick tissue paper, I'll say, inside, almost a leathery isssue paper.

00:18:06
Speaker 2: That's Gelson's quality. That is gorgeous.

00:18:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, so this you're saying, this came from Gelson's, the most expensive grocery store on the planet. Yes, they charge about forty dollars for a gallon of milk.

00:18:16
Speaker 2: They do, but it's great milk. It's not that's the trick of Gelson's. I know, I disagree.

00:18:23
Speaker 4: It's sweeter, it's creamier, it's thicker, it's a meal. Basically, I'm eating and drinking when I have Gelson's milk.

00:18:29
Speaker 2: You are chewing your milk and you go to gelson exactly.

00:18:32
Speaker 3: I will publicly say that everything at Gelson's can be purchased at Ralph, so they don't have you know, like, it's not like a Whole Foods or a sprout situation or a I've never even been in the most expensive grocery store, which is the Farms.

00:18:46
Speaker 2: Oh I was gonna say, I think you're gonna say the air One. Oh, of course, how do we forget air One?

00:18:50
Speaker 4: I live right across the street from Airwan, and it has become like a casual like, ugh, just gotta go gut some sugar and then that's another twenty five bucks's.

00:18:58
Speaker 2: It is the most expense.

00:19:00
Speaker 3: Apologies to Gelson's, but Airone is almost out of the grocery category for me, where it's now just like I'm going to the luxury goods store.

00:19:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:19:07
Speaker 4: No, there is something about about Air one that's sort of trying to tell you, come on, this isn't.

00:19:13
Speaker 2: A gross You're not wanted here. No, you're not wanted here.

00:19:16
Speaker 4: There's like an advertisement right now that's sort of like part juice bar, part grocery store, part runway.

00:19:22
Speaker 2: Oh I know, doesn't that make you want to die?

00:19:25
Speaker 4: It's a I think it's not an actual air one. I think it's like a door dash add.

00:19:29
Speaker 3: Or Okay, so Aaron doesn't want to actually be associated with but part runway. They're not stepping in to stop it, so no, they're.

00:19:37
Speaker 2: Absolutely and it is hanging up right across the street from the air well, then they know they know there's blood on their hands. That is a big air one is very aware. Wow.

00:19:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, so air one, Okay, separate category and look at it.

00:19:50
Speaker 2: But you start talking about.

00:19:51
Speaker 3: Grocery stores with me, and I need to express my opinions.

00:19:56
Speaker 2: Please. Gelson's is a Ralph's that just is more expensive, interesting, maybe a little bit cleaner, I would say cleaner. I mean I've been in some dicey roufs. Ralfs can get a little dicey, but it is more thrilling. It is. I mean, if you want some late night cookie crisp oh, and you know I do. You're gonna be able to find it to rol. You gotta go to Ralps.

00:20:16
Speaker 3: But now my opinion is known. Gelson's come for me, do whatever you want. But that means that this tissue paper probably cost about seventeen dollars.

00:20:25
Speaker 2: And that's fine. It looks so thick.

00:20:27
Speaker 4: It does I I mean, I have to be one hundred percent. I think that maybe the correct way to use it. It's not just grab the entire pack and just wrap in your car quickly.

00:20:37
Speaker 2: Again another thing happening in my car.

00:20:40
Speaker 3: It is, it's gorgeous, and but all that aside, I have to ask.

00:20:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, is this a gift for me? It is, and it is.

00:20:49
Speaker 3: Okay, do you want me to open it here on my podcast or do you want me to do it in private? And you know secluded bathrooms and sign closed doors.

00:20:58
Speaker 4: Definitely not a public bathroom. This is a private bathroom gift. No, I think you can do it here. In fact, I mean like I'm curious to know what you would you would think. I mean, the packaging is so lovely and.

00:21:07
Speaker 3: It is truly a very cute little bag and we should get it's too I'll that you were using it. Yes, that is kind of the end goal of this podcast is to just gather expensive gift bags for a future use at parties, weddings, baby showers. So, and this is a nice one because it's kind of for any event, hip hit parade, there's no birthday, there's no happy wedding.

00:21:30
Speaker 2: This wouldn't be a funeral one. But I think that's well.

00:21:33
Speaker 3: It depends on whose funeral at the rest. It always depends on whose funeral funeral gifts do we give them.

00:21:39
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. We've got to we've got to move on.

00:21:56
Speaker 3: Let's get some tissue crunch. And that's a I We're talking about thick tissue here. I'm not kidding around. It's the full thing. We're pulling it out. We're pulling it out. It's getting stuck. It's getting stuck. Okay, okay, we're wait what is this? It says, Okay, so it's a what I'm currently looking at, listener, and we'll discover as we move on. It's kind of a soft box that says hemingway, but not in the way of you know, an earnest hemingway.

00:22:29
Speaker 2: It's h E M.

00:22:30
Speaker 3: I n G capital W E I G h as in a way I have no idea what I'm looking at.

00:22:38
Speaker 2: Oh, I think, well, I believe that this is a single yoga block. I've never even heard of a yoga block.

00:22:46
Speaker 4: No, and honestly nor have I until I recently did. I was I couldn't imagine where one would use that, right, But you can, like, I think you can like rest your hands on it, okay, And yeah you can, yeah, you can maybe your knee. And I think the company Hemingway, I'm guessing only based on the name, is sort of like heming your weight, you know what I'm.

00:23:10
Speaker 3: Saying, Like there's a bad pun at work here about body.

00:23:13
Speaker 2: Weight, yes, and drunk authors.

00:23:16
Speaker 4: And it's more of a literary part of the literary thing that I'm frustrated with, which is like, okay, really.

00:23:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, what world of Ernest Hemingway have to do with the world notoriously fit yoga freak?

00:23:31
Speaker 2: He was a yoga freak that the two things he loved so much yoga and just endless amounts of gym.

00:23:41
Speaker 3: Okay, how did you find this thing? How did it come across your life?

00:23:44
Speaker 4: Well, I, you know, was stressed out about finding a gift for you.

00:23:51
Speaker 2: I can't imagine that being stressful situation in anyway.

00:23:54
Speaker 4: No, it's never stressful, but this one time it was. And and this came across because honestly, it was kind of recommended to me on Amazon.

00:24:06
Speaker 2: Oh do you do yoga? Absolutely not? Absolutely not.

00:24:10
Speaker 3: I own a yoga matt okay, but I put my desk chair on top of it. The perfect use is it to keep the desk chair from slipping and sliding. It's to keep it from making like rolling noises during zooms.

00:24:26
Speaker 2: Okay. So was that purchased on Amazon? That was also purchased on amas Okay, So.

00:24:30
Speaker 3: That information was fed into the algorithm, and then maybe you purchased some Hemingway.

00:24:38
Speaker 2: Yes, I think that Hemingway is the brand of Oh no, I was thinking about literature. Oh God, read me? No, I don't read what.

00:24:48
Speaker 4: Am I going to sit down and open? An Old Man in the Sea? What did he write that?

00:24:52
Speaker 2: I believe?

00:24:53
Speaker 3: So?

00:24:53
Speaker 2: I believe he did. God, I mean I literally that was like the bottom of the barrel of me scraping things. Impressive. What did he have written? He wrote? That's that's the only one I've read is the Old Man in the Sea. Was it good? It's a good book I read. I read a post college.

00:25:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, have nothing to say, nothing bad to say about mister Hemingway.

00:25:15
Speaker 2: Gotcha, nothing bad to say. I haven't read it, have not read.

00:25:19
Speaker 4: I mean, like maybe I have read Hemingway, but I feel like I have to have it at some point.

00:25:23
Speaker 2: Right, did he write a chance? Who wrote the King? Who wrote A King in King Arthur's Court? Wait? Connecticut?

00:25:30
Speaker 4: A King in King Arthur's Court? Which is a very anti climactic Connecticut Yankee and Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's Court?

00:25:40
Speaker 2: Was that to me? Mark Twain? Maybe that?

00:25:43
Speaker 3: And maybe you know what, because you just mentioned another Mark twite novel.

00:25:46
Speaker 2: What was it? You said? Uhckleberry finn. Oh, Yeah, that's Mark Twain. You know what? Can I tell you something?

00:25:51
Speaker 4: I think the entire time we've been talking about Ernest Hemingway, I've been thinking of Mark Twain. That's a there's a big difference, there is, And I've been kind of referring to Hemingway as a big drunk.

00:26:00
Speaker 2: But I think Mark Twain was the drunk.

00:26:03
Speaker 4: And I'm about to tell you that Ernest Hemingway's real name was Samuel Clemens.

00:26:06
Speaker 2: But I think that's Mark Twain.

00:26:08
Speaker 3: Now the information's coming together for you. This is for clarity. Yes, the connections are being made. Hemingway, I can assume was a drinker. I feel like any author, any male author, from at any.

00:26:20
Speaker 2: Point, is probably a heavy drink. I think.

00:26:22
Speaker 3: So there's some horrible, annoying tradition of you drink and write, which is kind.

00:26:27
Speaker 2: Of bothers me. It bothers me too.

00:26:29
Speaker 3: The whiskey, the you know, the stupid little glass of whiskey next to your typewriter or whatever. Get over it, pression sort of thing really doesn't work for me. The aesthetic doesn't work. Yeah, what are we talking about? The linen suits, The linen suits, my gosh.

00:26:47
Speaker 2: The lack of air conditioning. Just a sweaty, weird looking man at his type, right, warm Tennessee Williams must have been writing all of his plays. You can feel the warmth in any Tennessee Williams. Well, that's the thing.

00:27:00
Speaker 4: I think that like the way you mark a bad production of any Tennessee Williams play is if you can't feel the.

00:27:06
Speaker 2: Heat on the stage.

00:27:09
Speaker 3: Okay, but back to sorry, Yes, so you had purchased a Hemingway brand yoga.

00:27:14
Speaker 2: Matt, I believe how recently.

00:27:17
Speaker 4: The I've got I mean, I well, I guess I'm actually gonna say within the past like four months, simply because I had been away for a while and I came back and I couldn't seem to find my previous yoga mat.

00:27:31
Speaker 3: Right, and then but you've given up on it so quickly, it's already under the desk chair.

00:27:37
Speaker 2: Yes, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, it's were you doing yoga before? No?

00:27:43
Speaker 4: I well, I hadn't done yoga in many, many years. And then I went on this retreat earlier in the year in January.

00:27:52
Speaker 2: This like health retreat. Where was it? It was in Malibu, Malibu in Malibu, and it.

00:27:58
Speaker 4: Was sort of like this like seven day stay, overnight hiking, vegan, live off the land, right, uh, fitness, all that stuff. I really felt like I was. I really wanted it to be a recharge or restart.

00:28:14
Speaker 2: It was like ice transformation, a transfer me. That's really what I wanted.

00:28:19
Speaker 4: I mean, like I was expecting to walk away with with abs and but no, I did it from like the second to the ninth this year.

00:28:26
Speaker 2: Okay, oh an immediate like yeah, y yes, it was sort of like that was what it was.

00:28:31
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, I'm gonna like just like recommit to health and so forth.

00:28:36
Speaker 2: And I did yoga there and it was quite nice, though.

00:28:40
Speaker 4: I really did find that it was the type of place where they really encourage you to do a good job with the yoga, but if you're not, they're happy. Just like sleep, and so I think maybe I was like sleeping with some relaxing music and thinking, Wow, God, yoga's great.

00:28:56
Speaker 2: Now did you go to this thing alone?

00:28:59
Speaker 3: No?

00:28:59
Speaker 2: I went with one of my best friends.

00:29:01
Speaker 3: Okay, So it wasn't just like a thing where you have to suddenly meet a bunch of new people.

00:29:05
Speaker 2: It was that Okay, she and I did it together. Okay, did it feel like going to camp? It did.

00:29:12
Speaker 3: It felt like a really like bougie camp and not to and that's the easiest, but it was also really hard. It was one of the most challenging things I everard because basically, you would wake up at five thirty in the morning and you would go and you would have breakfast, and then you would like lotion up your feet and then fill up your bladdered backpack and then you'd go on these four and a half hour long hikes.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: How long? How far of a distance?

00:29:39
Speaker 4: Is that a great question? I don't know. I might have climbed to space at one point. Like it was, I've never been so winded a in a way. I mean it was like almost like facing adversity that by the time you would finish the hike, you looked at everyone around you who would also the thing, whether they were in various states of health, and was just so deeply impressed that we all did this thing together. And the entire time you're up there, I really think to myself, like, the only thing keeping me going is the fear of like dying like I was, and I'm hiking in Malibu, I'm aware. I mean in the mountain, the sanmonicls. You think they're general, they are they They keep going. The thing about the other thing I hate about hiking, I realized because I've never really been an outdoorsman, the other thing I hate about hiking is that it's so inefficient. You know, if the goal is to get to the top, why do I have to like zig zag my ass up?

00:30:40
Speaker 3: Right?

00:30:40
Speaker 2: Those always bother me? What does that called a switchback?

00:30:43
Speaker 3: You're a hiker, Ah, let's just say I've hiked, you've hiked.

00:30:48
Speaker 2: I've hiked on occasion. Oh my god, I mean, good for you, good on you.

00:30:52
Speaker 3: I mean, like it's gorgeous, like I should, I'll show you the pictures of this stuff.

00:30:56
Speaker 2: Right, but it was, my god, one of the most difficult.

00:31:00
Speaker 4: And I think these people who run the retreat are so good hearted and believe so deeply in the work that they're doing, and I love that for them. However, they're like, they keep telling me like, oh, it's not that.

00:31:11
Speaker 2: They're like, it's not that bad.

00:31:14
Speaker 4: To say, I know, and then they're like, it's not you know, the rest of it's really easy, And I just kept feeling that they were lying to me, because yes, it might be easy for you, but you're talking to somebody who is you know, lives in cities and they.

00:31:28
Speaker 3: Do this as a job and they're doing it frequently, whereas they're bringing these vacationers.

00:31:34
Speaker 2: Yes, and it's not easy, right, Like I mean, I think it would be the same.

00:31:38
Speaker 4: It's the same thing as if somebody were to like go to a magician and a magician be like, here, look, just make the car disappear in front of the audience.

00:31:46
Speaker 3: It's easy. And you're like, well, yeah, but I need to practice a little bit less. Show me a few of the ropes before I embarrass myself with the magic castle. Now, four and a half hours of hiking every day, every day, and that's so let's assume that's two and a quarter hours each way.

00:32:02
Speaker 2: Is that what's happening. Yeah.

00:32:03
Speaker 4: Some of them were out and backs and other ones were loop were a loop, so yeah, so yeah.

00:32:08
Speaker 3: And at the end of the high, I mean, once you reached the destination of the hike, would you sit down and lunch, would you tell make promises to each other? This sort of thing?

00:32:17
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there was the hike. There were there. The hike was not for leisure. It was pure it was pure exercise. So like there was no moment of respite in the hike.

00:32:28
Speaker 4: Oh no, yeah, I mean like I was able to like form a little group of friends, and we called ourselves the backpackers because we were always in the back of the pack and the last to finish and and so forth. But yeah, this was not These were not like like enjoy the view. They were telling you to enjoy the views of your walkie talkies.

00:32:46
Speaker 2: Walkie talkies. Yes, yeah, there was walkie talkies. Did you make use of the walkie talkies? I think one one time? I did.

00:32:54
Speaker 4: I think one time. I was just like, how much longer do we have? I really credit the staff of this place because it was fantastic like that. I really recommend the retreat. However, I'm i I'm their challenge, you know what I'm saying. I recognize that they're kind. They say, here comes the project.

00:33:14
Speaker 2: Here comes the project. Yeah.

00:33:16
Speaker 4: Like basically, I'm the hill for them. You know, I'm their mountain to climb.

00:33:21
Speaker 2: Does this thing have a name? It does? Do you want to say? Sure? I mean, I just want to make sure that I've talked. I feel like you've been very fair to them.

00:33:28
Speaker 3: Okay, great, I really enjoyed it.

00:33:30
Speaker 2: It's called the Ranch. The Ranch.

00:33:32
Speaker 3: Yes, and they also now have one in Italy. Oh interesting, a franchise, a franchise.

00:33:37
Speaker 2: But yeah, Francis, I want to make it very very clear, highly recommend. Okay. And I'm not their demographic, though I tried to be for a little. I feel like you are though.

00:33:47
Speaker 3: You're someone who is in good health, you want to lead a healthy lifestyle.

00:33:52
Speaker 2: I want to leave it lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like you do. You're in good shape, you're a vibrant person.

00:33:59
Speaker 3: I mean you've given away a yoga block right right, But do you own a yoga mat that it's that is ready for you right when the time?

00:34:08
Speaker 4: I mean it's in the right position, there's just something on top of it.

00:34:13
Speaker 2: Have you hiked since No? Yes? At once?

00:34:16
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely I did. I just like recently I went up to Malibu and I did like a hike. Oh, but like it was like six I guess, like five months had passed, so like a lot of the what vegetation has burned down?

00:34:29
Speaker 2: So I'll just charcoal an ash an ash. So it was like basically scaling a volcano. Oh no, black lung. Yes, that's what that is, when you go into the cold in the black lung. Black lung. Okay, So you did go back? I did.

00:34:47
Speaker 4: I went back up, and I mean, like I here's what I Okay. So my my most recent foray into hiking, I wasn't upset about the the non direct path, nor was I upset about the actual like elevation that it requires. But this time I was upset about like the like how I couldn't. I didn't feel like I could see my feet, like the grass was too tall. And I'm I'm deathly afraid of snakes. Oh, and I just feel like they're they were probably I saw like a snake scan and like when So I've never been more motivated to get through something quickly, Like I might have broken a world record this last time I hike without like absorbing any of the scenery. I just powered my ass up around this mountain filled with like tall tall grass.

00:35:37
Speaker 3: Right. Yeah, you see a snake skin, and you know a snake is out there in a new outfit, it's ready to strike, it's living a new life, exactly. Yeah, And snakes are terrifying to me because well because they're dangerous, frequently dangerous, but also I'll get on a hike and have I won't have thought about it prior to it, and then I begin I'll be standing in the weeds or whatever, and I start googling my location. But by then I'm out of service, and now my mind is just going in every direction.

00:36:02
Speaker 4: Right, Like, do you have a plan, Let's just say you're in that situation, right, do you have a plan that if you get bit by a snake.

00:36:09
Speaker 2: You know what to do. I simply have no idea.

00:36:11
Speaker 3: No, neither do I I hope that my my plan is I hope my friend thought about this.

00:36:15
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, God, but it's not something you would communicate about beforehand. Oh, it hasn't happened yet. Okay.

00:36:21
Speaker 3: My other fear in these tall grasses is a tick. Yes, that's actually a little bit scarier. Have you ever had a tick? I've never had a tick.

00:36:29
Speaker 2: Not a great thing to have. No, it's bad. I went on a boy Scout trip in late elementary I was about to guess that you were a boy, sir.

00:36:38
Speaker 3: I hope I'm constantly radiating my favorite thing in the world, the feeling.

00:36:42
Speaker 2: Of a boy skit boy Scout of America.

00:36:46
Speaker 3: We love the BSA. No, I got a tick in Uh. It was in my hair, like in my head, and like the removal process is horrifying.

00:36:56
Speaker 2: You have to burn it. You have to get a match and burn the tick because I like gorge. Yeah, I became very sick. Did you get limes?

00:37:04
Speaker 3: I didn't get Oh, thank god I didn't. I got what's known as Rocky Mountain fever, which what a great name for any truth.

00:37:11
Speaker 2: It sounds like an ice cream. I have one scoop of Rocky Mountain fever.

00:37:17
Speaker 3: Please, that's a perfect ice cream. No, it's a horrible sickness. It It's like the worst flu you can have, and then it'll disappear and then come back. Got it but not lyme disease knock on wood.

00:37:33
Speaker 2: So basically you think you're better, but then it just Yeah, over the.

00:37:37
Speaker 3: Course of like maybe two or three weeks, suddenly, like four days of passing you felt fine, Suddenly you've got a fever.

00:37:43
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Yeah, that's terrible.

00:37:45
Speaker 3: Listen to those bird screech I mean, when are we going to actually tell them we're in a zoomed call and you're just adding in. I have a huge soundboard that I'm expressing different fun Yes, but they're all bird calls. I have one helicopter and then just every bird you can possibly and you're.

00:38:01
Speaker 2: Really laying it thick on the helicopter to take the pup. I don't know if the listeners hearing any of this, but you never know that. You listen back to the recording and you're gonna actually have to go back and.

00:38:18
Speaker 3: Actually draw sweeten the helicopters. Sweetened the birds get some grass. No, grasshoppers don't make a noise.

00:38:24
Speaker 2: I think they do, right, are the ones that rub their legs to get right? I mean? No crickets crickets? Is it a cricket?

00:38:31
Speaker 3: Aalise is shaking their head, Yes, it's a cricket. Grasshopper probably does make some type of noise. Yeah, otherwise why do they exist if not to I think they make kind of a clicking.

00:38:41
Speaker 2: No, it's someone to say, oh, yeah, maybe that's what it is.

00:38:43
Speaker 3: Bugs, birds, helicopters. The soundboard does it all?

00:38:46
Speaker 2: It really does those three things at least. But you didn't get you didn't get a tick, You didn't get bit by a snake.

00:38:51
Speaker 4: Not not no, not that I'm aware of, but because I again, it's it's like so much of that, like survivalist first aid is I've never investigated it, despite the deep fear of it all that I have of sort of like what do I do if I approach a rabid fox or something like? I don't even know what I would do because most of it is sort of just cobbled together through like a series of like like episodes of television I've watched over the past three years of my life.

00:39:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, and with a snake bite, I truly feel like maybe you just lay down and.

00:39:26
Speaker 4: Die, right because the other alternative that comes to my brain is I want somebody has to suck the poison out of the I'm like, I wouldn't even.

00:39:33
Speaker 2: Know where to begin. And then do they it gets in their mouths? Yeah, that seems dangerous.

00:39:38
Speaker 4: Or you'd have to start doing that thing where you like cut the trachial tube and then you stick the straw in and that probably does nothing for the snake bite. But that's what my instinct is, is to like literally like cut a hole in someone's.

00:39:48
Speaker 2: Throat imediately to the trach' immediately that's usually or like stick the stick the knife in the side to relieve the pressure, you know what I'm talking about, Where like they that happens in like a have in so many movies and TV shows.

00:40:01
Speaker 3: You're just laying the groundwork right now for a future criminal case against you for murder. Where it's like they were bit by a snake and my immediate thought was stab them in the side, cut their throat. It's not my fault that TV taught me these things exactly. I mean we have to I mean, you did mention you kind of had a with your van situation, a panic. Yeah, so you are not someone to be trusted in any high stake situation.

00:40:26
Speaker 2: No, not at all. Do not take this man on a hike, do not take him on a helicopter.

00:40:32
Speaker 4: Ride, and don't trust me in poker, baby, high stakes poker. Can't be trusted.

00:40:37
Speaker 2: So this block? Should I try it out? Yeah? Do you want to? I think what you can do? And I looked at this before. I can't. I think you can get into like a push up position, a push up position, put your one hand on Can I put this on the ground and just kind of okay, one hand on the ground and one hand on the block, So you want to move the block maybe?

00:40:57
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:40:59
Speaker 2: And then this and do like a push up. So this isn't yoga to me, No, this is exercise, right, And so I guess where would how would we use the I want to test it as a pillow because oh yeah, it could be not a comfortable pillow in anywhere. Oh you know what you could do maybe the small of your back and then yeah, oh no, I'm sorry. I feel like I know maybe you're supposed to have more than one and you could like, maybe do something like this, like a plank. Does that work? Yeah? I feel like that could be it.

00:41:36
Speaker 3: But again, I guess I've never done yoga, so I mean I can do a child's post, but that doesn't.

00:41:40
Speaker 2: I don't feel like the block really would do anything there, Like why are you holding holding, just holding onto the block? Yeah, I'll look into it.

00:41:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there is a diagram that I think is on the page where I bought it, okay, And I kind of just briefly glanced at it, and I was like, Okay, I think I get it.

00:42:00
Speaker 2: Did you test this at all before you brought it?

00:42:02
Speaker 1: No?

00:42:03
Speaker 2: I didn't. I was I felt I didn't want to give you something used even though it's still in it it's still in its package. I would like to.

00:42:09
Speaker 3: I mean, it's still in its plastic wrap, and I want to feel a shrink with actual texture. Oh yeah on a laces hold.

00:42:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe there's a texture to it that would maybe indicate where it needs this is. Yeah, this is part of the workout.

00:42:22
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, this is and then you throw it away. You open it and then just toss it. Oh it's an actually is it very interesting texture? It's almost like a velvety eras or feel that. Oh wow, yeah, I don't mind that at all.

00:42:35
Speaker 4: Let's see if we can m hm, oh that gives me a little synesthesia, doesn't really. I have a thing with like like napkins where like my mouth becomes dry, and just touching that made yeah, made my mouth dry a little bit.

00:42:49
Speaker 3: If I could, If I just continue to do it, it will eventually drive you fully insane.

00:42:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, or at least parched. Not fully parched. He died in front of me. He went completely tried to hyd he died of dihiti dehydration in front of you. Why didn't you give him water? Because I was rubbing the yoga block. I tried cutting his throat, pouring water down his gullet. Well, this is fascinating. I'm very excited to uh use it for something, I hope, so I mean, and please follow up. I mean, I will absolutely, I'll get in touch. I don't know.

00:43:25
Speaker 4: I don't know exactly like how interactive your your your listenership is, but I would encourage them to tweet it you constantly, Hey for your how's the how's the yoga block? Tweetstagram, honestly front facing videos TikTok, reach out, reach out, ask him daily.

00:43:46
Speaker 3: So are some sort of ninety days White House dot gov petition? Yes, exactly, move on, yeah, change or change.

00:43:55
Speaker 2: There we go. Then we got to it.

00:43:57
Speaker 3: Well, I'm very excited about this, and now it's time, of course, to play a game. I think we're gonna play gift Master today. I'll tell you how it works after you tell me a number, okay, between one and ten. All right, I'll tell you what number six.

00:44:13
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:44:14
Speaker 3: I have to do some light calculating right now. You can recommend something, you can promote something, you have the mic for some amount of time.

00:44:21
Speaker 2: You have to do Okay, I have to I have to do calculating, tell me right back. Sure, no problem. I just took a.

00:44:29
Speaker 4: Personality test. Actually it's not a personality test. It's a behavioral test that my friend who is a therapist, recommended to me, and it's all about your position within like work, collaboration environments. And it's called the DISC test d I c SC and I did it and it's almost it's very horoscopy in the way that it sort of analyzes your behavior. And I think you can take it online called like disc dot org. That's definitely not it. But I think if you google the disc test, I would highly recommend it. And it really kind of tells you, like how the dynamics that you present to the world what you actually are and how you want the world to see you or something like that.

00:45:20
Speaker 2: So it's interest recommendation. Yeah, I mean I want to try that.

00:45:24
Speaker 4: It's a it's pretty I mean, like you, I mean, I got like a it's not like just like a BuzzFeed thing where like it's a picture of Harry Potter saying like gribbndor is heard of.

00:45:34
Speaker 2: It's a it's it was like a fifteen page report. Wow, that's incredible. Yeah, And I'm a dot on a circle somewhere in a graph. The last time I took anything like that was I went to the Scientology Center and took a personality test. Oh how to go? Well, it was insane, was it?

00:45:51
Speaker 3: I mean, the whole situation was truly crazy. Yeah, as you might expect. Well, I find that it's a really great great organization. Organization would work kind of you know, just everything's above board with were you were you at this? I visit the Blue Building, oh twenty fifteen. I mean, now I mean, we don't want to give them too many details. They're going to come after me. Oh my god, I get thrown in the cell with Shelley. What's yeah, Shelley, Yeah, Shelley, Shelley reaching out to you. This is how gift master works. Okay, I'm gonna name three gifts, three things you can give away. Okay, I'm gonna name three celebrities. Okay, you can tell me which celebrity you're gonna give which gift and why. Okay, does that make perfect sense to you?

00:46:39
Speaker 2: It makes it was honestly, truly efficient.

00:46:42
Speaker 3: The way you're both wonderful. I'm getting better and better. Okay, these are the three gifts you'll be giving today. Number one is an ergonomic keyboard.

00:46:51
Speaker 2: Are you familiar with what this is? This for? Like people with carpal tunnel.

00:46:55
Speaker 3: I think it kind of was. It feels like it had its day in the sun in like nineteen ninety eight. It was kind of a keyboard broken in half with a weird hill in.

00:47:03
Speaker 2: The middle, right right right.

00:47:04
Speaker 3: I'm not quite sure who it was actually for, but it felt like I had some sort of health benefits, some nebulous thing, and it was at the same time as those strange trackball mice.

00:47:13
Speaker 2: Do you remember those?

00:47:14
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, no one liked that kind of a cyclops situation. Okay, so an ergonomic keyboard. Number two, and this is the first for this podcast. Actually a listener has suggested a gift, and it's a plastic bag filled with other plastic bags. Thank you, Alexandria. You know, a grocery store plastic bag, maybe Gelson's what have you stuffed with other plastic bags? And finally, a dancer's physique. So the person you'll be giving them, you know, an incredible somebody who's.

00:47:47
Speaker 2: Are we thinking like a TikTok dancer or are we thinking more like a cheeta rivera. I think we're thinking cheetah.

00:47:52
Speaker 3: Okay, we're thinking cheetah here, and you'll be giving them to the following people. Number one du A Lipa, m h, she's you know, she's at the top of the charts at all times. Number two Nick and Vanessa Lasha, All right, are they happily married? It's impossible to say. I feel like the tabloids are stirring the simmers. Something's happening in that marriage. Look, I've seen headlines, I've seen them on us weekly I've seen them on the National Inquirer.

00:48:22
Speaker 2: They host those shows, they host those Netflix shows.

00:48:25
Speaker 3: So I hope the thing that's happening in their marriage is love, yes, but who knows what happened goes on beyond closed stores, behind closed Doors, not beyond closed Doors, but that's an interesting new turn off the closed doors. That's pretty exciting. Beyond closed Doors, Nick and Vanessa their next series, Beyond Beyond Closed Door. It's kind of an unsolved mysteries thing hosted by those two. I would watch that show. Yeah, let them host unsolved mysteries that.

00:48:56
Speaker 2: They're going hard on that soundboard right now.

00:48:58
Speaker 3: Just pounding. I'm gonna break the soundboard. The birds are singing. I need to get the natural situation happening. Okay, while we're off track here, So we've got Dualipa, we have Nick and Vanessa Lasche and finally we love her Annette Benning.

00:49:14
Speaker 2: A Nett Benning. Oh my god, can you even remember the gifts that I said, I feel like we've my soundboarding was no, I do.

00:49:22
Speaker 4: I believe the gifts were an ergonomic keyboard, okay, a plastic bag filled with other plastic bags, yes.

00:49:29
Speaker 2: And the third one was a dancer's physique.

00:49:31
Speaker 3: Set dancers physique. Okay, three gifts on everyone's wish list?

00:49:36
Speaker 2: Yes, oh my god.

00:49:37
Speaker 4: Well, first of all, I mean I know which one I would want, and so the plastic bags, Yeah, the plastic bags. Let's figure out a way to end this miserable existence. No, I all right, Well, my first my first thought going right in, like, the ergonomic keyboard is going to go to Nick and Vanessa now that I know that there's possible trouble in paradise, because I think it lends itself to two hands typing oh interest, So.

00:50:03
Speaker 2: One one could be the home keys on the right.

00:50:05
Speaker 4: One could be the home keys on the left, And I think that could be a really lovely moment where like maybe like a therapist or even just a friend would suggest typing an email together, or responding to a tweet, commenting on an Instagram together and just sort of deciding together what to write and then knowing that they could type it, and so just them hovering over this ergonomic keyboard together.

00:50:32
Speaker 3: Every marriage should start with an ergonomic keyboard. Write them vows on it, baby, Two hearts beating is one? Yes, two fingers typing home row, here we come. Nick, you take the left, I'll take the right. Yes, let's uh write these divorce papers. Yeah, yeah, you take that to couple's therapy. Yeah, therapist is watching you, guiding you. What a gorgeously given.

00:50:59
Speaker 2: Gift to the it is. It's really thoughtful. I think, I mean the most thoughtful thing I've ever heard.

00:51:04
Speaker 4: Well, because I can imagine also giving them just one thing together as a unit, they would be surprised, and then I think to open it up and see that, I bet you. I wonder if there're something I think something would trigger maybe like right out of the gate, like they could kind of realize that this is, this is something deeper than just for your carpal tunnel.

00:51:24
Speaker 2: Okay, perfectly given gifts. Okay, thank you.

00:51:27
Speaker 3: Now we've got two remaining items and two remaining celebrities.

00:51:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.

00:51:33
Speaker 4: It's it's interesting because I when giving somebody a dancer's physique is interesting specifically with these.

00:51:40
Speaker 3: Two responsibility, the responsibility, the lack of food.

00:51:45
Speaker 2: I don't want. I don't wish that on anyone. However, the strong core strong core, and I believe.

00:51:52
Speaker 4: When I think of these two superstars, do Alipa Internet benning that they both already contain multitudes of the dancers physical right, But what I'm going to go now and include is the arthritis that comes along with it a dancer's physique. And for that, just because I feel like she's riding too high, I'm going to give.

00:52:15
Speaker 3: It to do weaken those knees. Weaken those knees, give her a life in toe shoes. Yes, frequent trips to the Cairo practor Cairo. I tried to abbreviate it, but then I was like, Cairo's anyway, Kyra trips.

00:52:29
Speaker 2: To Cairo.

00:52:31
Speaker 3: Interesting pun work that a chiropractor could work with their Egyptian theme. Feels like you're getting into some bad territory as a chiropractor.

00:52:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, that feels like it will only be coming back in a bad way. Yeah, but chiropractors, that's an idea for you.

00:52:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the I think a dancer's physique would go to would go to do Alipa though, And for that that regard it just because I also I really appreciate the work she's already put in, and then I think to have I think, what a lovely reward. Even more to just I'm assuming that this this this dancer's physique would be permanent.

00:53:08
Speaker 2: Yes it is.

00:53:08
Speaker 3: I feel like an eternal dancer's physique. Okay, God up until moment of death.

00:53:12
Speaker 2: Yes, up. Now the body becomes kind.

00:53:14
Speaker 3: Of a gelatinous mess, yes exactly, and as most as we know what happens when you die.

00:53:20
Speaker 2: Yes, true, and your bones become dust. Yes.

00:53:23
Speaker 4: And so I think, I think, I think, what a fun challenge it would be for for dually but to and what a what an interesting platform it would be for her to to really be the face of arthritis.

00:53:39
Speaker 3: I feel like there's a song and do about arthritis. I mean it's a you are giving her a challenge.

00:53:45
Speaker 2: Yes exactly.

00:53:46
Speaker 4: I'm giving her a challenge only because I think she can rise to it, right and Goddess is no joke, you know.

00:53:52
Speaker 3: I will.

00:53:53
Speaker 2: I will succumb to it. I'm positive I crack my terrible posture. None of us is using an ergonomic keyboard.

00:54:01
Speaker 4: No, well, they went out of style. We've got the last one, and we gave it to Nick and Vanessa to save their.

00:54:05
Speaker 2: Most will be the two that save the rest of us from arthritis. Yes exactly.

00:54:09
Speaker 3: Those two have got to work it out. They've got to work it out. Okay, well, then Annette is getting.

00:54:15
Speaker 4: Net's getting a plastic bag filled with other plastic bags. And the more I think about it, the more I'm the most excited about this one, because I believe you can give Annette Benning any material and she'll elevate it.

00:54:32
Speaker 2: That is so true. That is such a beautiful thing. A Nett, are you hearing this? You need to hear this. I know you need to hear this.

00:54:40
Speaker 3: Annett Shelley, you know, a Nette, look I Ante, I there's there's the intensity in your eyes, the grace in your performance.

00:54:54
Speaker 2: Honestly, what you would be able to do with this.

00:54:57
Speaker 3: Bag full of plastic bags would only surprise us and delight us because your performance in twentieth Century Woman, So the kids, the kids are all right, postcards from the edge.

00:55:10
Speaker 2: She does it all. She does it all with grace.

00:55:12
Speaker 4: She does it all with grace and with style, and she does it in a way that makes me excited for whatever comes next, whatever project. So I would honestly say, Annette, when I give you this, I'm going to give you this in a room filled with nothing else.

00:55:30
Speaker 2: It's just you, this bag fill of plastic bags. I'm locking the door. It's a warehouse. It's a warehouse.

00:55:35
Speaker 4: And I'll see you tomorrow because I know it's whatever you've produced is gonna be excellent.

00:55:41
Speaker 3: I think that's beautiful. And I will also just add and this is nothing but a compliment to Annett. Absolutely someone who has a bunch of plastic bags under her sink.

00:55:50
Speaker 2: Oh yeah right, it's that person that's saving the Yeah.

00:55:55
Speaker 3: Hey, yeah, no, it's fine. I can just throw it in here, we just throw it in. Here's some oranges from the backyard.

00:55:59
Speaker 2: It's fine. Yeah, I got some oranges from the backyard I have. This is salami I got from the farmer's market. Do you I'm just gonna give you some of it. I swear I'm not going to use it. I'm not going to use it. I'm trying to get off red meat. I'm trying to get off flecked meat, fat flecked meat. The Warren. That's all he eats. Warren only eats logs of He doesn't slice them. No, he's just gnawing on that thing in front of the TV like a dog eating a carrot.

00:56:31
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe the best played round of this game I've ever seen, so beautifully done. Do you really mean that That was Nick and Lache at the keyboard. If I've ever seen it, just gorgeously done, wonderful. Okay, we're headed into the final segment of the podcast. People are screaming they don't want the brakes to be hit, but I'm I'm tapping the brakes on this van. This is called I said no email was triggering.

00:56:56
Speaker 2: It was meant to be. Oh yeah, I want to keep you on your edge. On the edge. I'm having a hard time. It's the birds. It's me pushing all these buttons on the soundboard. Ya if you weren't so focused on the soundboard, I.

00:57:06
Speaker 3: Feel like, um, I said no emails. People write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. These people are begging for answers. They're out there. They need answers. They need answers to social situations, to gift situations. Their lives are falling apart. I swoop in, my guests swoops in, We carry them to gift Heaven and we answer the question. So let's start with this. This is deer Bridge, erre and fabulous guest. Which that's a nice thing to say about somebody. I know you said no emails, but I desperately need your gifting advice. My friend and I live across the country from each other, and and we had babies about three months apart, her second and my first. Okay, it's not a competition. She mailed me a baby gift, however, I haven't sent her one yet. Exclamation point was the appropriate time to send the gift? I was self absorbed with my newborn. Now her baby is about six months old? Is it too late to send a gift? If not, what should I send? Thank you in advance?

00:58:13
Speaker 2: Julie. Julie, Julie, Julie, Julie, Julie, Julie, Julie. Julie does not know how to have a baby.

00:58:19
Speaker 3: No, she had this baby and it immediately distracted her from everything else going on in her life, including did she say her best friend.

00:58:28
Speaker 2: Was her best friend who had the baby, her second second baby, which is kind of old news, Julie.

00:58:34
Speaker 3: Okay, first of all, let's just get a nice concise answer for Julie, and then we can get into it.

00:58:39
Speaker 2: Do not send the gift. I'm gonna just.

00:58:40
Speaker 3: Say, act like you don't even know the baby, don't acknowledge the baby. Not only do not send a gift baby. Ye, act like you it never happened. That's the only clean way out of this situation is just.

00:58:52
Speaker 2: Too it's just truly hitting the escape key on the ergonomic keyboard. When Julie the next time this baby comes in, You're in a room with this baby. Don't even look.

00:59:01
Speaker 3: The baby is invisible to Right, that, I would say is probably the cleanest way out of this because you've made a huge mistake.

00:59:07
Speaker 2: You should have sent a gift immediately.

00:59:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is your best friend, and but I mean, who knows what else is happening to Okay, she didn't say best friend, she just said friends.

00:59:17
Speaker 2: So maybe it's someone she actually hates. But maybe she has to examine. Oh yeah, there's a lot that we can assume. Right, I can assume whatever I want. Now I'm gonna go. Now here's the thing. I really, I actually agree that that is the approach that I would take. Just do not acknowledge you, do not acknowledge.

00:59:35
Speaker 4: Completely retreat into my own self and the world that exists six inches away from my eyeballs, and then refuse to ever really participate in that person's life or that baby's life ever again. Right, Because you've missed the window. That's the way I would feel.

00:59:52
Speaker 2: So I actually feel like the advice that I mean, I'm hearing myself when you talk. My advice to her though, is that maybe the gift then you to be given is the gift of compassion toward herself up to herself. Okay, okay, so good.

01:00:06
Speaker 3: Really we need to stop thinking about the worry about the gift because you have a new fucking baby. You have a new baby that you're obsessed with. Absolutely, yes, presumably I'm assuming, I mean, but I mean it seems like she's kind of moved past to baby. She's now thinking about gifts. For all we know, she forgot about her baby.

01:00:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly one hundred percent. That's something, right.

01:00:28
Speaker 3: She got into the email and started typing, and baby is old news to her. Yeah, yeah, three months old. It's like, okay, we've seen all of your.

01:00:35
Speaker 2: Tricks, exactly. Wait to grow up and do something. Yeah, it's time to be like a fourth grader, to do something fun. Uh, do a book report, Yeah, do a book report. Let me help you with the book reporting health let me. Yeah.

01:00:49
Speaker 4: But yeah, I was I was gonna say, yeah, I would say that maybe maybe what you do is you just kind of also do the classic when I see a girl, I'm taking you out for.

01:01:00
Speaker 2: Dinner because I know you don't have any babies. Because I know you don't have any babies.

01:01:06
Speaker 3: I'm not aware of any babies in your life. So you're gonna have a girl's night. Yes, we're gonna have fun, and it's just going to be like when we were in college as best friends and potentially former lovers.

01:01:17
Speaker 2: Yes, I really love this narrative. I think that's perfect.

01:01:20
Speaker 3: And then again, if we do need to give the baby a gift, if Julie wants to give the baby a gift, I think you wait twenty to thirty years and you appear in the baby's life and you say you don't know me.

01:01:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I know you and I've known you since you were Yes, I've been biting my time and I'm ready to be your mom. WHOA. I think that's a perfect solution to this situ.

01:01:47
Speaker 3: Interesting, just kind of really coming in. So this is thirty years, thirty years in, So the baby is now thirty thirty year old baby, thirty year old, Game for Mommy.

01:01:56
Speaker 2: Looking for Mine, lost in, lost in six flags.

01:02:03
Speaker 3: Belly full of hot dogs, bellyful of hot dogs and funnel cakes. H needs a ride home, and here comes Julie. Julie, Julie, Julie.

01:02:12
Speaker 2: Don't know me, but I know you, and I'm ready to be your mom. Julie.

01:02:18
Speaker 3: At this point, is I assume eighty five ninety years old? Yes, assuming, Julie assuming maybe at sixty.

01:02:27
Speaker 2: I think is a fair assumption as well.

01:02:29
Speaker 3: Potentially some sort of record holder. And she's been having the time of her life, and now she's at six Flags. She adopts baby thirty years old and gives her that ride home that she so desperately needs. That's a beautiful story, and that's what a gorgeous Taiale, What a gorgeous tale.

01:02:43
Speaker 2: Don't you want that, Julie?

01:02:45
Speaker 4: Picture that moment you driving home a baby who's thirty years old that you've never met from a.

01:02:50
Speaker 2: Six Flags, sick to her stomach, sick to.

01:02:53
Speaker 4: Her stomach with funnel cake and hot dogs. I mean, but like, but you were there for her in that moment. And that's more than any gift you could ever give somebody.

01:03:03
Speaker 2: It was anything her mother ever gave her because she was so focused on baby one exactly, her mother left her on a goddamn six Flags, This thirty year old, helpless baby.

01:03:13
Speaker 3: She was raised by Six Flags employees. It's kind of a Mowgli situation. Absolutely, she's the king of the jungle.

01:03:19
Speaker 1: She is.

01:03:20
Speaker 3: And of Medusa's twist, which I can only assume if there's not a rollercoaster called Medusa's twist, Six Flags should be shut.

01:03:30
Speaker 2: They should or at least getten rid of one of their flags. Perfect Julie. If none of that works for you, then don't write in again. I've gotten rid of one of their flagmans they get rid of Can we edit? No?

01:03:47
Speaker 3: I can't imagine we're going to top that advice in anything so that, I mean, we did such a perfect job. Julie's life is solved. Baby's life is solved. Solutions are what we're here for.

01:03:58
Speaker 2: Interesting.

01:03:59
Speaker 4: This was a really really cool experience being on the show because it started out as like a really fun conversation and it turned into us giving this life advice that I was like, Wow, it just feels right.

01:04:10
Speaker 3: It feels as I mean, you got out of this what you did could never have gotten from the ranch in seven days. Look, you're not speaking poorly of the ranch. No, branch because I don't want the macy opinion. That is an ecosystem up there that is thriving. If the ranch wants to come for me, come get me, baby, that's what I'm saying. I'm starting the motorcycle. I'm turning on meat loaf. Yeah, it's blasting. The neighbors can hear their screaming.

01:04:36
Speaker 2: Turn it down the ranch. We know you have Shelley, miss Gavage. That's where she is at the ranch.

01:04:41
Speaker 3: She thought it was gonna be seven days and it's been fourteen years. Her husband's off riding a motorcycle tom Cruise.

01:04:49
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

01:04:50
Speaker 3: The situation gets worse and worse with each passing day. Yeah, somebody save Shelley. Exactly, Brandon, I've had a wonderful time with you here.

01:04:58
Speaker 2: I've had a wonderful time too. I now have a block that can do whatever I want to do. It's truly a building block. It can prop up my computer while I'm on zoon. Honestly, maybe that's what it's for. Yoga. Yoga yoga equipment is meant for the office. I've always said that in this.

01:05:13
Speaker 3: Post pan or what is the mid pandemic world, we need as many things for our offices as we can get.

01:05:20
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh man, that just made me depress for a second mid pandemic. You're right, no, because you're not wrong, you're.

01:05:26
Speaker 3: I hate that I even said that. I apologize to listener and non listener.

01:05:32
Speaker 2: I apologize to listener. Oh no, something's gone terribly wrong.

01:05:41
Speaker 3: Speaking of the listener, it's the end of the podcast, right, we've got to wrap it up. We've got to send them on their way. Listener, I don't know what you're what's next for you today? I hope it's something exciting. I hope you are staying hydrated. We're deep summer. I hope you've got your summer jam ready to go.

01:05:59
Speaker 2: Next. Who knows what it'll be Dua Lipa's arthritis. Yeah, it could be.

01:06:05
Speaker 3: It's up to It's basically up to one person, and that's Dua. But this is the end of the podcast.

01:06:09
Speaker 2: I have to let you go.

01:06:11
Speaker 3: The birds have stopped. I'm going to stop. The birds haven't stopped. But you probably can't hear that one. Please move on with your day. I love you, goodbye, I said.

01:06:25
Speaker 2: No.

01:06:25
Speaker 3: Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson and it's beautifully mixed by John Bradley. The theme song, of course, could only come from Miracle Worker Amy Mayon. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?

01:06:51
Speaker 1: Line? Why did you hear? Funa?

01:06:55
Speaker 3: Man?

01:06:56
Speaker 1: Myself perfectly clear? But here I guess to my home, you gotta come to me empty And I said, no, guest, your own presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do

01:07:18
Speaker 2: You dare to surbey me