1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 1: Couch Talks. I'm so glad that you guys are here today, 3 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 1: whatever day you're listening, and if you're new, couch Talks 4 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: is the bonus episode of You Need the Therapy, where 5 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: I do a little Q and A and I answer 6 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: questions that you guys send into me via Catherine at 7 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy podcast dot com. So if you have 8 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: a question you want me to maybe answer, send it 9 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: my way and hopefully I can get to it now 10 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: up top, I'd like to remind everybody that this is 11 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: not therapy. This is just a therapist who's talking about 12 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: some things and answering some questions. But this actually is 13 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: not therapy, and I can't give anybody therapeutic advice via 14 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: a therapeutic relationship via a podcast. I wish it were different, 15 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: but just the way it is, so speaking on that, 16 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: I would like to address this too, because I'm just 17 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: get a lot of emails about people wanting to work 18 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: with me, and just f y, I I can only 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,479 Speaker 1: see clients who live in the state that I am 20 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: licensed in, and I am only licensed in Tennessee, and 21 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: I plan to only be licensed in Tennessee for the 22 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: foreseeable future. And I'm also only accepting local clients, so 23 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: if that helps anybody, before you send an email to me, 24 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 1: you have to be in the Nashville or surrounding area 25 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: right now. I'm actually not taking on new clients. However. 26 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: Stacy is who works with me at Three Courts Therapy 27 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: and she's awesome. If you want to learn about her, 28 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 1: you can go to three Courts Therapy dot com and 29 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: click on Stacy's page and you can actually message her 30 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: directly from there. So I just wanted to say that now. 31 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 1: Like I said, this is the Q and a I I episode, 32 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: and we usually do two questions. I keep them anonymous, 33 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: and I think it's time to get into the first one. Here. 34 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: It is, Hi, Cat, I have seen you post about 35 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: self care and self mainten but I am confused with 36 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 1: the differences. Can you explain the difference between self care 37 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: and self maintenance for me or let me know where 38 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,239 Speaker 1: I can find this info if you've already addressed it before. Thanks? 39 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: Oh yes, okay, So I don't think we've talked about 40 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: this in a while, so I think this is a 41 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,679 Speaker 1: great time for me to bring it back up rather 42 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: than direct you somewhere else to find it. And you know, 43 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: I've seen self care kind of get tangled up in 44 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: the past couple of years as it's become more popular 45 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: and more well known and something that the average person 46 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: understands to an extent. And I stay that that average 47 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: person because when I was in grad school I learned 48 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: about self care for the first time. It wasn't that 49 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: long ago, and I had never even heard the term before, 50 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: Like it wasn't a familiar term. I think that it's 51 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: way more familiar now. And I also didn't when I 52 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: learned about it, understand the importance of it, how important 53 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,079 Speaker 1: it was, and why it was even important and why 54 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: it mattered until later, Like I learned about it and 55 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: then I was like blah blah blah whatever. But now 56 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: I understand it very differently, and I think that's because 57 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: self care is one of those things that sometimes gets 58 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: overlooked until it's too late. Right, So it's kind of 59 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: how I used to live. Well, sometimes I still live 60 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 1: in this area, but I try not to, but it's 61 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: how I used to live in a lot of areas 62 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: in my life. Part of this was because I had 63 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: anxiety that I didn't know was anxiety. But I do 64 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: think that self care is something that is very important 65 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: for us to develop as an everyday regular practice, and 66 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 1: it can look a lot of different ways. Now, when 67 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: I talk about self care often, I want you guys 68 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: to know that I'm talking about very simple, small things 69 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: that in isolation one time don't really make a huge difference. 70 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: But over time doing them and having that routine, they 71 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 1: do make a huge difference, and they do really really 72 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: really matter, and they can actually change the trajectory of 73 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: your life and how it's going. Now, the difference in 74 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 1: self care and self maintenance. I actually adopted this and 75 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: then developed my own and put my own spin on 76 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: it after hearing Cleo Wade talk at a book tour 77 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: event at Parnassis Books in Nashville. I think she was 78 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: promoting Hart talk, which if you don't have that book, 79 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: go get that book. So I say that because self 80 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: care and self maintenance isn't something that I like learned 81 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: in grad school. It's something that I heard this idea 82 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: and I kind of developed it into something that I 83 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: talked to my clients about and then I have made 84 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: a routine in my life to distinguish between and I'm 85 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,479 Speaker 1: gonna tell you the difference. So I look at self 86 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: maintenance as something that we do to maintain part of 87 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: our holistic health. So I say holistic health, I mean 88 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 1: whole like w H O L E. I mean that 89 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,480 Speaker 1: it doesn't just have to do with our mental health. 90 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: It can be physical health, emotional, relational, spiritual, it's all. 91 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: It's something that we do to maintain the health and 92 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: the structure of our lives. And an easy example if 93 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: you don't really enjoy let's say, eating vegetables of any kind, 94 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 1: but you make a side of broccoli with your dinner, 95 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: you wouldn't call the self care because you don't like 96 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 1: broccoli and you don't enjoy this. It might feel good 97 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: in the end eating a food that gives you nutrition, 98 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 1: but you don't like get excited to do it, and 99 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 1: it doesn't feel good in the moment, maybe when you're 100 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 1: eating it because you don't like the taste. I don't know. 101 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: This is probably a bad example, because I also don't 102 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: believe we should be forcing ourselves to eat foods that 103 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: we don't like the taste of. So maybe we just 104 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 1: need to give you a better broccoli recipe. But you 105 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: get the point of what I'm saying you're you're making 106 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: the broccoli because you know that it offers your body 107 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: the nutrition that it needs and it desires, but it's 108 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: not something that you necessarily would find peace in as 109 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 1: a practice, if that makes sense. Now, let's say you 110 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: love vegetables, and then you can call spending time cooking 111 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: a meal centered around your favorite vegetable self care. Unless 112 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: you hate cooking, then you wouldn't call that self care. 113 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: Now let's say here's another example, and I think this 114 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: might make more sense, probably better than the food example 115 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 1: I just gave. But let's say you hate getting your 116 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: nails done, but you feel whether it is more put 117 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: put together if you have them done, or it helps 118 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: you not bite your nails, which is something you might 119 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: struggle with. So getting a manicure wouldn't be self care 120 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: because you don't enjoy getting your nails done, but it 121 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: would be self maintenance because it helps maintain some part 122 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 1: of your life or some part of your health, whatever 123 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: part it is. Self maintenance is doing something that we 124 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 1: do to maintain ourselves. Now, self care is something we 125 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,279 Speaker 1: do to express unconditional love and attention to ourselves. It 126 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be anything specific. It doesn't have to 127 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: be huge, it doesn't have to be teeny tiny. I 128 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,719 Speaker 1: think often we look at things like getting a massage 129 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,599 Speaker 1: or doing a face mask, getting a facial, and those 130 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: can be self care. But also self care doesn't have 131 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: to be that. It doesn't have to cost a lot 132 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: of money. It can be pulling weeds in your yard. 133 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: It could be drinking a cup of tea, watching your 134 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: favorite TV show, getting your favorite coffee on Friday morning. 135 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: It could be calling a friend saying no. It could 136 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 1: be going to bed early, going for a walk. I mean, 137 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: I could just keep going on and on and on 138 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: and on and on with the things that it could be. 139 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: But how we distinguish between self care and self maintenance 140 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: is self maintenance is something we do to maintain part 141 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: of our listic health, and self care is something we 142 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: do to just express unconditional care and love and attention 143 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: to ourselves, whatever they that might look like. Now. In 144 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: the end, we need both of these things, And I 145 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: believe that it's important to distinguish between the two because 146 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: if you're I don't know, if you're thinking like we 147 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: need both, what's the big deal? Why do we have 148 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: to separate them? I think it's important to distinguish between 149 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: the two, because if we're calling something self care that 150 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: we don't actually enjoy doing, we're going to be less 151 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: inclined to engage and practice self care. Right, So, if 152 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: self care involves things that we don't like, I might 153 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: be less apt to do it, and the experience of 154 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: it is going to feel different within my body. And 155 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: then those little things that we do that actually end 156 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: up becoming those big things like I talked about, they 157 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: never happen. And so that's why I think it's it's 158 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: important to separate, because we do have a different conversation 159 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: with ourselves as we engage in self care than we 160 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: do when we engage in self maintenance. And both are needed, 161 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 1: both are important, but there's the separation between the two. 162 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: I could talk about self care for about a year, 163 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: but we're gonna stop there and we're gonna move on 164 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: to the second question. Alright, Hi, Cat, I love, love 165 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: love the podcast. I found you recently and started listening 166 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: from the beginning and I got hooked. I especially love 167 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: the episode on purpose and Passion and got a lot 168 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: out of it. I have kind of a more personal 169 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: question for you specifically, but I ask because I often 170 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: struggle feeling stuck in a career that I like, but 171 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to do it for 172 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: the rest of my life. So my question is, do 173 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: you feel like you're going to be a therapist forever? 174 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: It seems like you're good at it, you like it, 175 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: and you're successful in the field. I feel the same 176 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: way in my career, but also that's one of the 177 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: reasons I feel stuck sometimes. I'm not sure if this 178 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 1: makes total sense, but I'm sure that you can read 179 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: through what I'm trying to say. Thanks for doing what 180 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: you do, Okay, So, in short, this is a great question. 181 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: They're all great questions, But in short, my answer would be, 182 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: I have no idea if I'm going to do this 183 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 1: for the rest of my life or how long I'm 184 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: gonna do that. What I do know is that I 185 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: like what I'm doing now, and I like doing it now, 186 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: and I enjoy it now. You're totally right, but I 187 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: don't think we always need to have a plan for 188 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: the total future of our lives. We can have plans 189 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 1: for parts of our lives and certain things that we're 190 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: working towards. But I think it's also okay sometimes to 191 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: not have a plan, and by me not having a plan, 192 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: I don't feel stuck because I have the idea in 193 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: my head that I don't have to do this forever. 194 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 1: And I think what you said was very interesting that, um, 195 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: you feel stuck because you like what you do, you're 196 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: good at it, and you're successful. And something that I 197 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: would just counter with that is just because you're good 198 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: at something or it's going well, it doesn't mean you 199 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: have to keep doing it. And I would also wonder 200 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 1: what your measure of success is, because if it's just 201 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: financially based, I personally don't like that. That wouldn't work 202 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: for me. And also, I will say there's some privilege 203 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: in all of this that I need to acknowledge here, 204 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: because some people like I talked about in the episode 205 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: that you referenced, have to work to live the life 206 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: outside of work that they want or need to survive. 207 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: So I do realize that I have privileged to not 208 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 1: have to worry about that right now, and that's one 209 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: of the reasons that I don't have to have this planet. 210 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: I don't have to think about my career for the 211 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: rest of my life. I also don't think my definition 212 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: definition of success would be solely tied to how much 213 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: money I make. And the thing about therapy is regardless 214 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: of how successful you are, whatever that means, if you 215 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: hate it, or if I hated it, I would also 216 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: present my clients and then I wouldn't offer them good care, 217 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: and I don't ever want to do that. There are 218 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: about a million things I want to do with my life, 219 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: and I actually keep like a running list of things 220 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: that I think that I might like or find exciting, 221 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: or things I might want to do in my future. 222 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: And they're not necessarily goals. They're more of an idealist 223 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: And I think that when my time, if my time 224 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 1: being a therapist and comes up, I will know there 225 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: will be something that I know, and that might be 226 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: what this feeling of stuckness is for you. Like I said, 227 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,200 Speaker 1: I don't feel stuck, and that has to do with 228 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 1: two things. One, I don't feel like I have to 229 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: do this forever. I have the opportunity to not do 230 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,199 Speaker 1: this forever because I don't feel like just because I'm 231 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: good at it, I have to do it. And also 232 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 1: I really do like what I'm doing right now. So 233 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: there is that answer to that question. I love it, 234 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 1: and I think that this is going to be very 235 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 1: thought provoking for a lot of people, because I think 236 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: a lot of us can get stuck in those spots 237 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: and it makes me think of other things, like playing sports, 238 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: are doing different hobbies. It's like, if you're good at soccer, 239 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: do you have to keep playing soccer just because you're good? 240 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: But what if you don't like it? What if you 241 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: want to play volleyball. You might not be as good 242 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: as volleyball, but you might enjoy it more. And at 243 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: some point that has to be more important, right, Like 244 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 1: what's more important? And I think that goes to being 245 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 1: good at soccer and playing soccer. It's like you get 246 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 1: more affirmation and validation than being a mediocre volleyball player. 247 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 1: But that's where we can look and like really decide 248 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 1: what what matters more and what actually lasts longer self 249 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 1: validation or the validation from others. Because I believe that 250 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: there are not enough people in the world. There are 251 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: not enough people in the world who can sit in 252 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 1: front of you and tell you an affirmation that's going 253 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: to make a difference until you start to believe the 254 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 1: good things about yourself. It's very inward. It's like when 255 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: I'm doing body image work with people. I say this 256 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: all the time. There's not enough people I can get 257 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: in this room to tell you that you're beautiful, that 258 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 1: you would actually believe it until you actually decide that 259 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: you believe it, Like you have to tell yourself that. 260 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: So that's something to think about. Like what keeps me 261 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: in this stuck? Is it because I'm good at it 262 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: and I get that affirmation from other people? Is that 263 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: worth me being okay or me being not as maybe 264 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: financially successful in another job. I don't know it. Really 265 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 1: it comes down to your your value system, and that's 266 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,839 Speaker 1: individual for everybody, and there's not a right or wrong 267 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 1: way to operate your own value system. So thanks for 268 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: asking that question. It was helpful for me to think 269 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: through that too. Alright, guys, that wraps up this episode 270 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,960 Speaker 1: of Couch Talks. I hope you enjoyed it. I don't 271 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: know if you're listening to this on your way to 272 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: work or while you're getting ready, or maybe you are 273 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,079 Speaker 1: just listening to it as you're lying in your bed 274 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: trying to get up for the day. I don't know. 275 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm talking about this point, 276 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: but I hope that you enjoyed listening to it today 277 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: and again. If you have any questions, send them my 278 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: way Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. You 279 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 1: can follow me on Instagram at at cat dot defata 280 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: or the podcast at at you Need Therapy Podcast. And 281 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: I hope you have the day you need to have today. 282 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: I will talk to you guys on Monday.