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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then there's you swipe right.

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Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 1: It's Battle of the Tender Dates.

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Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that encourages you to go

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Speaker 3: ahead and drink that half empty beer bottle you found

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Speaker 3: in the alley outside. It's Battle of the Tender Dates,

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Speaker 3: where two of our listeners square off to find out

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Speaker 3: whose love life is the most tragic. You'll explain the

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Speaker 3: rules in just the second. First, let's meet today's contestants.

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Speaker 3: In this corner. His trick to seducing any woman is

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Speaker 3: to throw on a grass skirt, then break open a

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Speaker 3: raw coconut using nothing but his teeth.

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Speaker 1: Oh Hawaiian Brian left just needs one good one to

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Speaker 1: crack it open.

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Speaker 3: And in the other corner, all the ladies say one

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Speaker 3: night of passion with him is like a never ending

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Speaker 3: nasal COVID test, And that's how he got the nickname

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Speaker 3: Swabby Robbie.

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Speaker 1: What's your current status, Robbie?

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Speaker 3: God?

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Speaker 4: Hey guys, thanks having me.

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Speaker 3: Well, here's how the game works. One contestant will start

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Speaker 3: by telling one of their worst date stories, and then

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Speaker 3: the other will try and counter with the nightmare story

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Speaker 3: of their own We're gonna go back and forth for

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Speaker 3: three rounds until we declare a winner.

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Speaker 1: Let's get it started with Hawaiian Brian.

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Speaker 2: All Right, I once had a date asked me if

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Speaker 2: I wanted to watch a movie at her place.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so I bet you're excited about that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I was on the right track, but I was

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Speaker 2: foolish and chivalrous in that I let her pick the movie.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: She chose the Taylor Swift eras tour.

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Speaker 1: Hey, low key, good excuse to want? Right, isn't it

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Speaker 1: like three and a half hours long? I may it's longer,

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Speaker 1: very long.

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Speaker 2: Every single song she stood up and she performed it lifting.

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Speaker 5: So it was like watching it with the twelve year old.

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Speaker 2: If I one word during any one of the songs,

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Speaker 2: she would pause it, rewind it, and then restart.

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Speaker 1: It because that was rude. One story down, Robert, we're

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Speaker 1: over to you.

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Speaker 4: Hey, all right, So I meet a girl for drinks

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Speaker 4: and there are other two guys there with her already.

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Speaker 1: Oh that was a surprise. Interesting.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I asked what was going on and she

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Speaker 4: told me not to worry. That she books three dates

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Speaker 4: at once so that she could see who's the best match.

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Speaker 5: Away very efficient.

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Speaker 1: I like that the other two stayed after they were

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Speaker 1: told that, yes.

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Speaker 5: That's true. That is that guys.

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Speaker 4: Well, she was pretty hot, so I would then. So

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Speaker 4: she switches every five minutes, and a little while later

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Speaker 4: she made her way back to me.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, story, Yeah, Well.

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Speaker 4: She accidentally called me Barney, and then it happened two

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Speaker 4: more times before I let Barney.

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Speaker 1: Well, Robbie, Barney, it's pretty close. All right, we're on

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Speaker 1: the round too. We're throwing it back to Brian.

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Speaker 2: So this other date came over to my house and

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Speaker 2: we were going to cook together. Yeah, adorable. I start

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Speaker 2: cooking the meat. She cooks a salad.

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Speaker 1: You don't really cook a salad, but okays it.

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Speaker 2: She worked on it, and we sit down and I

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Speaker 2: look at my salad and I noticed that the leafy

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Speaker 2: greens are a bit different because they're huge, oh like.

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Speaker 1: Big old row ice craves or yeah.

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Speaker 2: It turns out she cut off parts of my house

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Speaker 2: plant because I didn't have any lettuce in the fridge,

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Speaker 2: and she used it as the salad.

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Speaker 1: That's a big.

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Speaker 2: One of them was plastic.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, Swabbi, Robbie, can you count?

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Speaker 4: So I invited a girl to a steakhouse and she

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Speaker 4: brings a briefcase to dinner.

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Speaker 1: Huh spot fancy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So she opens it up and it's full of knives.

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Speaker 1: What what, Harry?

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Speaker 4: She it was really weird, and she told me that

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Speaker 4: she refuses to eat using restaurants a silverware.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: I thought she was going to be some mid level

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Speaker 2: marketing scheme where she's selling them to.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I didn't know what to think. So she says

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Speaker 4: she doesn't trust it and offers me to borrow what set.

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Speaker 4: So I say okay, and the knives were awesome. They

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Speaker 4: worked great. So I ended up dinner and a set

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Speaker 4: of them off of her for one hundred sixty dollars.

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Speaker 1: That sounds like a great date. You're supposed to tell

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Speaker 1: your worst date stories here.

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Speaker 4: I never saw her again, but I still use the knives. Okay,

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Speaker 4: by the toughest steak and she's just like you see

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Speaker 4: how that glides like butter.

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Speaker 1: On that note, we're on to our third and final round.

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Speaker 3: We need your best stories here, gentlemen, So Hawaiian Brian,

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Speaker 3: let's bring it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, This last girl I met at work. I'm a

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Speaker 2: checker at Trader Joe's and she comes in all the time.

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Speaker 2: So one day after work, she asked me to go

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Speaker 2: back to her place. And when I get to her room,

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Speaker 2: I see that she has this wall of Trader Joe's

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Speaker 2: employee name tags.

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Speaker 4: Huh.

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Speaker 2: And it turns out that that's her type and she

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Speaker 2: keeps them like trophies from all the employees that she

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Speaker 2: soaked up with.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: It was like a horror movie, only it got worse

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Speaker 2: when I saw my foster's name upstairs.

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Speaker 3: Oh his was higher up the wall than your name was.

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Speaker 1: That doesn't bode well. All right, Swabi Robbie, this is

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Speaker 1: your last chance.

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Speaker 2: All right.

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Speaker 4: So I went to the movies with the girl and

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Speaker 4: she went to the bathroom and her phone started ringing

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Speaker 4: in her purse. So I knew I shouldn't look in there,

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Speaker 4: but I had to shut it off because you know, during.

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Speaker 1: The movie in her purse that's her bad I mean.

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Speaker 4: So I reached in there and it's full of loose

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Speaker 4: chicken nuggets.

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Speaker 3: Bonus, you were cold, just cold chicken nuggets.

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Speaker 1: God.

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Speaker 4: And after she came back, she actually started eating them

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Speaker 4: and she ate them throughout the rest of the movie.

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Speaker 1: Oh, she didn't even offer you any No.

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Speaker 4: I think she thought that I didn't notice, So that

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Speaker 4: was the o'bell.

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Speaker 3: That means the match is over. We need to score

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Speaker 3: at judges. So alexis, who do you think. I gotta

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Speaker 3: go Brian for getting all your plants chopped up into

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Speaker 3: a salad. One vote for Brian, keep him alive, dude,

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Speaker 3: I'm going with Brian for the Trader Joe's girl. That

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Speaker 3: means congratulations Hawaiian Brian. Your dating history makes Kanye's love

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Speaker 3: life look pretty stable.

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Speaker 5: Alright, alright, alright, I'm gonna okay, alright man, man, that

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Speaker 5: was Battle of the Tender Dates text in seven A five,

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Speaker 5: nine to two.

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Speaker 3: If you want to appear on the next edition, your

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Speaker 3: phone taps coming up right after

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Speaker 2: This brooking Jeffrey in the morning,