Speaker 1: Hey, I'm cadine and we're the ellises. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll
Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh, and one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention. We're married. We are we
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the Lens of a millennial married couple, dead adds
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Were about
Speaker 1: to take phillow talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. What are how you're feeling? Any
Speaker 1: Brooklyn people in the building with my Brooklyn People in
Speaker 1: the building? Yes. Any New York people in the building? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Any Jersey people in the building? Yes, I ain't gonna
Speaker 1: lie of you. I'm tired. Sign Jackson was like Daddy,
Speaker 1: so what he says? You gotta get sturdy. So I
Speaker 1: said what is getting sturdy? I'm old now. So I
Speaker 1: started doing all these dances and ship and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna get dirty. I think I might
Speaker 1: have told my meniscus just now that ship is no joke.
Speaker 1: Shout out to everybody, first and foremost, before we get started.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you, because we had to make some adjustments.
Speaker 1: You guys came in. You guys that we're here early.
Speaker 1: You smiled, you love doing us, you are appreciative, so
Speaker 1: we appreciate you, guys. So give yourself a round of applause.
Speaker 1: But without any further ado, I know the real reason
Speaker 1: why y'all here. It ain't because of me. It is
Speaker 1: not because of me, all right, and I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: Yall something right now. This young lady that's about to
Speaker 1: come out, it's a freaking beast because three days ago
Speaker 1: she had oral surgery and I wanted to cancel the show,
Speaker 1: as she said about there's no way we cancel the
Speaker 1: show on these people. I'M gonna put some ice on
Speaker 1: my face. Love you too. Roll she puts some mice
Speaker 1: on her face and she said, baby, that's gonna make
Speaker 1: some magic and spread some love. So, without further ado,
Speaker 1: I'd like to bring to the stage my queen, the
Speaker 1: Queen of not one, not two, not three, but four
Speaker 1: ways ladies and gentlemen, taking I look good. Thank you.
Speaker 1: You look good, baby, you look good. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Do you see? What's up, y'all? Oh, I have seen, seen,
Speaker 1: have a seen. Yes, man, I got up hear and
Speaker 1: it just got hot instantly. You know what? I think
Speaker 1: it is, too. What's up? I think it's the beautiful
Speaker 1: faces that I see out here in the audience. Chocolate city,
Speaker 1: chocolate city, chocolate cities. Yes, Oh, look goodness, that's what
Speaker 1: we're gonna do. We always start who here listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast every Wednesday. All right, this is this is
Speaker 1: a little birthday present. Friends. Talking makes you right. I'm
Speaker 1: have been working, y'all. I'm have been working. You know,
Speaker 1: nine months ago we had a little Dakota. So my
Speaker 1: people down front listen. I told him last night and Philly,
Speaker 1: I got my spanks on, you know. So if you
Speaker 1: see a little space speak through at the bottom, you
Speaker 1: let me know. Y'All gotta hold me down right, all right,
Speaker 1: and if I passed out from holding it in, Y'all
Speaker 1: know what. I love it. I love it. So you know,
Speaker 1: we always do karaoke right, but this is very, very
Speaker 1: different for us because this is dead as podcast live.
Speaker 1: So this is ain't about us, it's about you. So
Speaker 1: we want y'all to sing along with us. This is
Speaker 1: a very popular song for Karaoke and it's going to
Speaker 1: speak and and and begin what we want to talk
Speaker 1: about today, which is about loving each other, serving each other. Okay,
Speaker 1: so DJ give us that Karaoke Baby. See If y'all
Speaker 1: know this song. Yes, thank you so much. Good job.
Speaker 1: Y'All did. Y'All already know if you listen to the podcast.
Speaker 1: The girl'll be trying. But that is not my ministry. Okay, thinking,
Speaker 1: it's not my ministry, so I'm staying in my lane,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk and we're gonna have a good time tonight. So,
Speaker 1: D C Oh, we love thank you so much. So
Speaker 1: we were just in DC a little while ago, two,
Speaker 1: three weeks ago, with the boys, so we did a
Speaker 1: whole family trip out here, because we thoroughly believe in
Speaker 1: making sure that we are taking our boys around to
Speaker 1: experience not only just having the family experiences in the
Speaker 1: bonding moments, but learning about who they are, their culture,
Speaker 1: their roots, where they've come from, all that good stuff.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Are giving them a show now. They they
Speaker 1: ain't paid for that. Listen that titties popping out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: holding down again. Remember, I told Y'all SPANKS and titties. Okay,
Speaker 1: thanks and titties. So next story time, I'M gonna take
Speaker 1: y'all back, way back to three days ago. Three days ago, y'all,
Speaker 1: remember the time? What were y'all doing? Three days ago?
Speaker 1: I heard somebody singing. Remember the time. Who was singing?
Speaker 1: Remember the time. Let me hear them vocals. Real Christ,
Speaker 1: who hold that thought? We have so much more to say,
Speaker 1: but not before we get into these ads. Will be
Speaker 1: right back, y'all. Welcome to dead as podcast. This is
Speaker 1: a safe space where you have to feel comfortable being
Speaker 1: exactly who you are without feeling the need of being judged.
Speaker 1: You understand me, and it's important that we tell you
Speaker 1: guys that because, like I said, this podcast is not
Speaker 1: about us, it's about you. So we're gonna be playing
Speaker 1: a game today and the game is going to involve
Speaker 1: three couples that are in this audience, right here. So
Speaker 1: pretty much what happened was we had prompted you guys
Speaker 1: to write into us. This is the moment where the
Speaker 1: guys who are here with their significant others get real nervous.
Speaker 1: Because they're like all ship, don't tell me you wrote
Speaker 1: us in. Don't tell us you wrote us in. Last
Speaker 1: night in Philly, this dude down front was just like, please,
Speaker 1: set you right. You write us in, did you? And
Speaker 1: of course they were one of the couples. Second, second,
Speaker 1: second couple. We met an elementary school said he knew
Speaker 1: that was the story. So pretty much y'all had to
Speaker 1: write into us. We had triple, our producer, who y'all
Speaker 1: met a little bit before we came on stage. Give
Speaker 1: it up for you guys. Are finally able to see
Speaker 1: trible and you meet her a little bit, because we're
Speaker 1: always talking about her on the podcast. She's the one
Speaker 1: that holds us down. She's been with us since the SHURET's.
Speaker 1: IHEART radio, so we love triple. Triple is also single,
Speaker 1: in case you didn't tell y'all. Alright, she is single
Speaker 1: and she's looking for a lovely female. So if there's
Speaker 1: anybody in the audience that's single, it might be interested
Speaker 1: in triple. Hit Her in the D M S. that's
Speaker 1: where it goes down. She's welcoming them. So I am
Speaker 1: going to read the three love stories of the couples
Speaker 1: who were selected. All Right, I'm not gonna say the
Speaker 1: name at first. I'm going to read the love story
Speaker 1: and then at this point you'll kind of figure out
Speaker 1: who it is because you know that you wrote in,
Speaker 1: and I'll announce the names and you guys are gonna
Speaker 1: make your way over to this side where Donora is standing.
Speaker 1: Raised your hand to Nora. Everyone, give it up with
Speaker 1: do nora manager, all right now, and you are gonna
Speaker 1: make your way up on stage and we're gonna have
Speaker 1: a little fun tonight. All right, all right, first couple
Speaker 1: up we are and they gave our their instagram handle.
Speaker 1: We are crunch field. We are I guess that's their name. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're celebrating twelve years of marriage August, but fourteen years together.
Speaker 1: My husband was a church boy. I was straight off
Speaker 1: the streets, okay, I mean drug dealing, rocket wear, jacket,
Speaker 1: pastuko jeans, Tim's chick. Okay, okay, two thousand six. He
Speaker 1: saw me at a church women's event. Oh, at a
Speaker 1: church woman's event. What was doing? A Church Women's event?
Speaker 1: She was. She was doing hand to hands. That's what
Speaker 1: she was doing. She had a different kind of offering plane. Huh. Okay, look,
Speaker 1: I had just got saved and wasn't for no stuff
Speaker 1: and definitely no pretty yellow boy does she mad gangster.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see what she looked like, y'all.
Speaker 1: But about six months later, after he kept trying to
Speaker 1: get at me, I shot my shot in his myspace messages.
Speaker 1: We're taking it back to my space and we have
Speaker 1: been inseparable ever since. Y'All, give it up from Michael
Speaker 1: and Carrie Crutch all right now. So as Michael and
Speaker 1: carry make their way down, we're gonna move on to
Speaker 1: couple number two and as you hear your story, make
Speaker 1: your way on up. All right. Oh, we have some
Speaker 1: newly weds in the building. So we are newly weds
Speaker 1: and we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary on October one.
Speaker 1: No words could describe our love story. Dead Ass. It
Speaker 1: was nothing but God. In a nutshell, we met mate.
Speaker 1: We're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. September, after ten months, we
Speaker 1: had a bad breakup. Didn't talk for ten months, got
Speaker 1: back together December. Went through a hell of a healing process. Okay, baby,
Speaker 1: that's how works. That's how works. Six years later, February,
Speaker 1: raw proposed. In October one, we got married. I'll give
Speaker 1: it up for Katrina and rubber, all right, and while
Speaker 1: we wait for Katrina and Robert, I will bring up
Speaker 1: the third and I know couple. I'm nosy. I'M gonna listen.
Speaker 1: I want to read it to a game something my
Speaker 1: seeing the words right. All right, in that part two,
Speaker 1: I get hit. All right. Now, most would say it
Speaker 1: had to be loved, as capital H D had to
Speaker 1: be loved. That drew an almost forty year old, forty
Speaker 1: year old woman, never married and no children, to a
Speaker 1: forty year old divorced father of seven. Check. Heyyy Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: no judgment, no judgment. Guys, Sky, sky, sky, it's sky's skys. Hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: come on up, listen. Listen, y'all. Can Save Y'all judgment
Speaker 1: for ten P M when the show was over. Okay,
Speaker 1: not hit us. So not just seven children, but get this,
Speaker 1: seven preteen, teenage girls. Baby that they don't say that.
Speaker 1: It's my man, you have the patience of Joe. Michael
Speaker 1: J K A house and to Chico officially met in
Speaker 1: twenty Oh nine, fell in love, married in twice and
Speaker 1: closed the sister circle in officially making House a girl
Speaker 1: dad of Eight. Wow, congratulations. All right, now he only
Speaker 1: got the recipe for one type of baby. We've facts.
Speaker 1: We know all about that, right, they've. We've now been
Speaker 1: rocking and rolling for eleven years. A blended family like
Speaker 1: no other team broadband has managed to ride the heights,
Speaker 1: muddle through the lows and continued together to tell the
Speaker 1: story and the journey continue. Written. Michael Tshiko, come on,
Speaker 1: you look beautiful, all of you, all right, so give
Speaker 1: us your name so we know who's who. We could
Speaker 1: put the story together. Michael and carry Michael and carry
Speaker 1: giving up a Michael and carry Yaller one. And we
Speaker 1: have Katrina, Robert, Katrina and Robert, yes, Girl Dad, and Tasha,
Speaker 1: Tasha Co all right now, so good to have y'all
Speaker 1: with US tonight. All right, y'all. So I'm gonna give you,
Speaker 1: the guys, the rules Um audience. You can also listen
Speaker 1: to loan, so you can. She'll help us keep score
Speaker 1: and all that good stuff. All right. So each couple
Speaker 1: will be standing back to back and you have your
Speaker 1: marker and your notepad. Let's go back to back, back
Speaker 1: to back, de Val and I will ask the women
Speaker 1: and men questions respectively, allowing them to answer for what
Speaker 1: you believe your spouse would say. So, for example, I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask the question to the ladies about what
Speaker 1: the men would say, and Conde is going to ask
Speaker 1: the question to the gentleman about what the women would say,
Speaker 1: and you both are answering what you think your spouse
Speaker 1: would say. You have since y'all, y'all got eight kids.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give You'all eight seconds. Eight seconds to answer,
Speaker 1: all right. So each player will write down their answer
Speaker 1: without consulting with their spouse to see who knows they're
Speaker 1: partner the best. And when the timer goes off. Time
Speaker 1: is up and we will share the answers book for
Speaker 1: the last time. No matter what the answer is. Do
Speaker 1: Not Judge these people until you leave here. Somebody says, listen,
Speaker 1: all right, all right, are we ready? Babe, you have
Speaker 1: question number one. Do you remember your question? You need
Speaker 1: a cute card. I'll do this, all right. Go ahead,
Speaker 1: let me see if you remember question number one. Ladies,
Speaker 1: if your husband where did he asked right now how
Speaker 1: many times a week y'all have sex? What would his
Speaker 1: answer be? All right, so everyone should have something written
Speaker 1: down and just read the question again. About the question is, ladies,
Speaker 1: how many times a week, would your husband or spouse
Speaker 1: or significant others say y'all have sex per week? How
Speaker 1: many times people you have sex? Couple number one. All right,
Speaker 1: let's show the answer at the same time. The show
Speaker 1: one possible. We have a player over here, Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: we have a space player. She said. When in the possible?
Speaker 1: He said three. So now this is what's funny about this.
Speaker 1: This was funny about this. We've been doing this for
Speaker 1: a while. Every time we asked this question, the women
Speaker 1: always be like no, he's gonna say we never have sex,
Speaker 1: and the man gonna be like, yeah, we need to
Speaker 1: have more sex. So to answer always vary. That's a fact. So,
Speaker 1: like thee with different answers, nobody the truth. You said,
Speaker 1: he we'll be tied. Understand this. Couple number two still
Speaker 1: a point. You'RE gonna have a port, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: reports to have and the possible for pot y'all kids. Yeah, kids,
Speaker 1: and when Y'all got married? I told her first Er.
Speaker 1: So y'all not really newly? Well, that's two years. Wish. So.
Speaker 1: So wait, real quack brother. So what do you think?
Speaker 1: Seems to be the hole back here. I'm a smart man.
Speaker 1: I won't answer that question. He said he's gonna Smile. Man,
Speaker 1: listen to two years. He learned a lot. Don't never
Speaker 1: go against your wife in public. That's a fact. Y'All.
Speaker 1: Have that conversation in the car. Alright. Now, couple number three,
Speaker 1: you have seven kids, so you seem like you active.
Speaker 1: Let's just be honest. He'd probably be walking on a
Speaker 1: house like this. Definitely to what turn. Oh, see, know
Speaker 1: each other, know each other. I see you. So we
Speaker 1: have one point. I have a point. Zero points, but
Speaker 1: you will have a chance to redeem yourself. Time to
Speaker 1: redeem yourself. Question number two. All right, if you ride
Speaker 1: in the car with your spouse and their mother, who
Speaker 1: would your spouse want to sit in the front? All right,
Speaker 1: but the mothers exam. Were talking about mom here. J
Speaker 1: what about that song, Bro, that was you. Number two.
Speaker 1: Couple of one, mother, mom is riding in the front.
Speaker 1: So now listen, listen. I told you I don't be judging.
Speaker 1: Sound like judgment out there. I'm gonna tell you why
Speaker 1: this is important. I'm gonna tell you why it's important.
Speaker 1: They both agree that his mom is going to be
Speaker 1: in the front. Right. So what difference does it make
Speaker 1: if everybody else feels something different. If they're in agreement,
Speaker 1: it don't matter. That's how marriage works. There we go.
Speaker 1: So now you got wanted to have point. Couple of
Speaker 1: number three. Three to one. Wife. Okay, wife Down Front. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: that's two points, y'all. On the point, he said, my
Speaker 1: mother been in the car. What's your mother saying? She
Speaker 1: don't want to be in the front. See, my mom
Speaker 1: literally said the same thing. My Mom said Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: this is after we got engaged, because before we got
Speaker 1: engaged my mom used to be in the front. After
Speaker 1: we got engaged, my mom came over to me. She
Speaker 1: said Hey, baby Tekadine, go ahead and get in the
Speaker 1: front seat, and I was like why? She said trust me.
Speaker 1: I was like all right, then I started to realize
Speaker 1: what was happening here. She was like, your wife always
Speaker 1: has to come first. Over your mom was something that
Speaker 1: I learned and was something I learned and I worked
Speaker 1: for us. Couple number one me wife all day. Wife. Wife.
Speaker 1: All right. So here we go. We got three correct answers.
Speaker 1: Three correct answers. That means they're on the same page.
Speaker 1: They definitely are. Yes, all right, you got your next
Speaker 1: question ready? Yes, I do. All right, now it's right
Speaker 1: up in here. Ladies, if you had to give you
Speaker 1: a partner an a plus in this sexual position, every
Speaker 1: question about sex. Do you notice that the car you
Speaker 1: picked all the sex questions? It was on the car ahead?
Speaker 1: If you had to give your partner a plus in
Speaker 1: this sexual position, what would it be? So who are
Speaker 1: we asking? The ladies were asking ladies. So, if you
Speaker 1: were giving your spouse an a plus in the sexual position,
Speaker 1: what would it be that he does that? Just you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, pens down, see people trying to change things.
Speaker 1: Don't be peeking over that shoulder. We got, we got take.
Speaker 1: We can rewind coping on the three of you guys
Speaker 1: up first, three to one. Bang, Oh, missions, they disagree. Okay, y'all,
Speaker 1: gotta recap that one. Like to look into your eyes.
Speaker 1: Lay Down, baby, let me see you while I'm here
Speaker 1: right now. That's why you got so many kids. You're
Speaker 1: making love right. That's a fact. Do you know what
Speaker 1: we've been doing? Every day? Every day? Number number one,
Speaker 1: number one, eat that thing, eat that thing, he said.
Speaker 1: All of them, all of them. See, start with your
Speaker 1: first a freak couple. Number two. There you go, boys too.
Speaker 1: I love that just like me. Oh Yeah, when the
Speaker 1: time comes, if you would like children, chances are that's
Speaker 1: the recipe right there. All right, so this question is
Speaker 1: for my ladies. If you were to give your spouse
Speaker 1: a whole pass, what celebrity would they use it for?
Speaker 1: or which celebrity would they use it for? It's funny.
Speaker 1: Every time we asked this question right, all the men
Speaker 1: start sweating. It's hypothetical. It's hypothetical, hypothetical. All right, all right,
Speaker 1: who's up? Two, you're up first. Three, two, what go? Christina, Milia,
Speaker 1: Laura Lonley, Laura London, Christina Milian. I mean you gotta
Speaker 1: Type Right. They kind of have a tight they go
Speaker 1: to the same person. There you get another half, a point,
Speaker 1: another halt, because on everything I thought that Lauren London
Speaker 1: wasn't loved, an't cost the thing, but that was Christina. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: couple of number three, three to one. Oh, did they
Speaker 1: get it? I'll with them, y'all, with them. They know
Speaker 1: each other, y'all, they know each other. Janet Jackson essence
Speaker 1: fest this year. Did anyone go to essence festancy Janet perform?
Speaker 1: Baby Jane has not missed the beat. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: she was bombed a couple of number one. So now Lathan,
Speaker 1: and who you have? You had nobody. What happened? Celebrity
Speaker 1: right there? Give me four, give me, yes, say that
Speaker 1: you go, Girl. How many years you been in the game? Twelve.
Speaker 1: That's why, from I don't know, nobody got your celebrity right.
Speaker 1: Nobody but you baby talk about you're gonna half a
Speaker 1: point for that because it was a dope answer. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: she even out the possible. Over I see it. She
Speaker 1: did said one of the possibles. All right, last question
Speaker 1: of the day. Last question of the day. WHO said
Speaker 1: I love you first, and where did they say it?
Speaker 1: It's a two part question. If you get both right,
Speaker 1: you get two points. Now this is where the fights
Speaker 1: always happened, right here. Now, this is the portion of
Speaker 1: the show, Lord, so we're gonna start coming up with two.
Speaker 1: Breathe to one go. All right, so they got one
Speaker 1: part right. She said it first, but this is a description.
Speaker 1: Whether it was that apartment or let me ask a question.
Speaker 1: Were you in your apartment on the phone? I mean,
Speaker 1: there we go. I mean, Y'all get two points. Y'All
Speaker 1: got two points. Coming on a three, three to one. House, home, Um,
Speaker 1: but who said it first? Oh, your name is house. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm a what the fuck? We forgot confused. She answered
Speaker 1: the second question twice, like you know, people are high
Speaker 1: stool on those ships, so they gonna see, see, see, see, see.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, poor thing. Okay, so you get
Speaker 1: two points. Yes, yes, the House said it in the House.
Speaker 1: Very nice. Okay, very good. Okay, so we agree that
Speaker 1: it was he said. At first he didn't know where, though.
Speaker 1: She said on the steps at Kiana's house. We want
Speaker 1: to know WHO's Kiana? No, so they got one point.
Speaker 1: So who won? I'm gonna Tell You who one I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you who won. Everybody, Ush your mouth, Hush
Speaker 1: your mouth. I think it was three. They all win.
Speaker 1: You want to know why? Anybody who is brave enough
Speaker 1: to come up in here and speak the truth in
Speaker 1: front of a crowd of strangers always wins. Yes, get
Speaker 1: all the stay. No, everybody getting around. The drinks on me.
Speaker 1: Make sure you go to the back. Tell him that
Speaker 1: the val sent you. Come on. Yes, bartend and staff,
Speaker 1: how come up with some drinks. With some drinks, don't
Speaker 1: enjoy yourselves. Get real sauces. Go home tonight. Don't have
Speaker 1: no more kids already. Don't got no, no diapers. There
Speaker 1: was already a similar shortage all summer. Now we know
Speaker 1: why bet when you and nick cannon. All right, before
Speaker 1: you keep going, let's stop for a quick second. WE'RE
Speaker 1: gonna go pay some bills. We're gonna be right back,
Speaker 1: so hold that thought. Now we get into the podcast.
Speaker 1: We typically like to do that as an ice breaker
Speaker 1: because we like to get to know y'all. You know,
Speaker 1: this isn't really about us. Um, there is no blueprint
Speaker 1: to love or life. were all out here guessing. Figure out. Alright,
Speaker 1: they already told me at the ball you got shots
Speaker 1: for everybody. On my cut right, cut, Hilton stab off.
Speaker 1: But no, Um, baby, what's up? Let's talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about D c. We Um, you know, we almost
Speaker 1: moved to d C. Yes, it was two thousand and nineteen. Yes,
Speaker 1: the pandemic was like on his break. In the beginning
Speaker 1: we were living in Calabasas, and Calabasas just didn't feel
Speaker 1: like us. You know, we east New Yorkers, were Black Yorkers,
Speaker 1: came down. Oh yes, yes, yes, definitely, okay, I sing. Y'All.
Speaker 1: How about my island? Massive. Anybody from Jamica, JEMERICA, rich? Yes,
Speaker 1: love it. Before you started, there was a couple that
Speaker 1: just got married. I was gonna shout them out. We
Speaker 1: sort them in the meet and greet. Where are they?
Speaker 1: Where are they? Well, there was a couple that just
Speaker 1: got married. We had all actually, I'm just a Asia
Speaker 1: and Q. Those are the two names I remember. A couple. Yes,
Speaker 1: but we almost moved to D C because we learned
Speaker 1: a lot about the history and of course it's called
Speaker 1: chocolate city. Did you know that D C was the
Speaker 1: place where most free black people started in America? Did
Speaker 1: you guys know that? Yes, right, and of course during
Speaker 1: reconstruction they migrated west and they migrated north looking for
Speaker 1: work and stuff like that. But D C has a
Speaker 1: lot of history, especially with all of the great universities
Speaker 1: that here. We were just recently here with the boys,
Speaker 1: and part of the reason why we wanted to move
Speaker 1: to D C is because we wanted to raise our
Speaker 1: children in a place that looks like them. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying? And, Um, we do. We do say
Speaker 1: a lot of jokes. We'd like to break the ice,
Speaker 1: talk about sex and stuff like that. It's funny, but
Speaker 1: we really want you guys to leave here feeling like
Speaker 1: you've been filled up, you know what I'm saying, like
Speaker 1: I feel better. I want to be better tomorrow than
Speaker 1: I am today. So we want to talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about creating a safe space for our young people.
Speaker 1: How many parents do we have here in the building?
Speaker 1: All right, yea deep, deep, deep, deep. And how many
Speaker 1: singles in the room? Singles, my brother single. Did Mark?
Speaker 1: I know that already. Tristan raised a hand. We're looking
Speaker 1: for a nice young lady for him. All right. Is
Speaker 1: He mingling? He's probably mingling. Knowing him, he probably mingling,
Speaker 1: probably buying people drinks on my time. I mean, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have a that's a real little brother ship for sure.
Speaker 1: And then our married couples, all right, and then our
Speaker 1: couples who were dating in situation ships. You know well
Speaker 1: that dating couples like nobody. Put the phone over there
Speaker 1: because they're gonna pull me up for a game now. Right.
Speaker 1: And can this couple right here, they're about to get married,
Speaker 1: right here, right, yes, everybody, send them some love. They're
Speaker 1: getting married to weeks start getting married. Were sending all
Speaker 1: the positive energy and positive love that and they downfront
Speaker 1: and center. They're like weld trying to get all the
Speaker 1: gyms today right. Yes, but no, we actually loved D
Speaker 1: see a lot because of the history and we wanted
Speaker 1: to kind of talk a little bit about how we
Speaker 1: create safe spaces for our boys. Um for example, like
Speaker 1: I said, we were living in Calabasas and I'll never
Speaker 1: forget Jack came home one day and it's the first
Speaker 1: time he had corn rolls and he said people kept
Speaker 1: trying to touch his here and they were like man,
Speaker 1: you're cool, you got braids. And then another kids said
Speaker 1: to him, you know, you're really, really cool. You Got
Speaker 1: Braids and you got Jordan's which, if you're not black,
Speaker 1: you don't understand, like that's a microaggression for you cool
Speaker 1: because you're black. And I'll never forget this story Jackson.
Speaker 1: As y'all know, we're fair skin we go to his
Speaker 1: class and he's the only black kid in his class, right,
Speaker 1: and there's a bunch of pictures on the wall, right,
Speaker 1: and the pictures are self portraits, and we're looking at
Speaker 1: all of these pictures and all of the pictures are
Speaker 1: painted pink because the white people painted themselves pink. And
Speaker 1: we see one little picture right and it's the darkest
Speaker 1: shade of Brown I've ever seen in my life. Right.
Speaker 1: So now all the parents are looking up there and
Speaker 1: they're just like looking for the green eyes. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure out, you know, the Blue Eyes. Which one is.
Speaker 1: Megan and I woke up in between them. I say
Speaker 1: I'm looking for the Brown eyes. I'm trying to find out,
Speaker 1: and they didn't know whether to laugh or not. But
Speaker 1: it kind of like resonated with me that when you
Speaker 1: put your children in places where they don't feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: it's difficult for them to exist freely, and I realized
Speaker 1: that that's part of the reason why we moved to Atlanta,
Speaker 1: was because we wanted to put our children in a
Speaker 1: place where they can see themselves and see people around
Speaker 1: them be successful and if we when I look at
Speaker 1: this audience, I see a bunch of happy, successful, loving people.
Speaker 1: So shout out to y'all. Anybody out here been to HBCUS?
Speaker 1: I know that I'm so jealous. I really wish that
Speaker 1: we did develop I went to Austra, out in Long
Speaker 1: Island and New York and I think that's one of
Speaker 1: my biggest like if I could do it all over again, moments,
Speaker 1: I would have definitely attended. Ah, see you. Yeah, somebody
Speaker 1: needs to like bring me on. It's like an honorary
Speaker 1: and well, and this is the funny thing, because we
Speaker 1: don't speak about why black people choose to go to
Speaker 1: P W wise, for instance. I I was the thought
Speaker 1: process was, I have to learn how to deal with
Speaker 1: what the world looks like, right, so if I go
Speaker 1: to a college that's predominantly white, the world is predominantly white,
Speaker 1: I'll learn more about how to deal with that situation.
Speaker 1: But now I have friends who graduated from H B
Speaker 1: C us and they tell me how they've been prepared
Speaker 1: for the world and taught their history. All I do
Speaker 1: is spend time teaching my son's history and I realized,
Speaker 1: like man, they couldn't really benefit from going to Hbcu.
Speaker 1: So we're starting to ingrain in them from young like
Speaker 1: we know you athletes. You could be one of the
Speaker 1: first generations to say I'm a five star, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to Howard or I'm gonna go to Hampton or
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to Spellman, and that's I hear you.
Speaker 1: So shout out to all of y'all for going to
Speaker 1: H B C us. But look, we have about thirty
Speaker 1: seven minutes and you know what we want to do
Speaker 1: with these thirty seven minutes. We wanna talk to Y'all
Speaker 1: want you want to talk to Y'all in the podcast.
Speaker 1: But first of all, who's listening to the season of
Speaker 1: the podcast? Yeah, and I've been asking in every stop.
Speaker 1: What's been a favorite episode this season so far? Family, selling,
Speaker 1: GRANDMA's your spouse. Very nice. That was a good one.
Speaker 1: Nice Selling Granny's house. Anybody listen this week? Selling? All right,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna do listener letters live. We're gonna DO
Speaker 1: I've listened to this because you know it has my
Speaker 1: favorite part of the show, because I'll be only your
Speaker 1: business because y'all do right in. So we had normally
Speaker 1: on the show will have you guys write in and
Speaker 1: triple will go through and she'll pick some listener letters
Speaker 1: and we will answer them at the end of every episode.
Speaker 1: But what we're gonna do here today is we're gonna
Speaker 1: have a microphone that I believe Donora or a triple has. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we have triple over here, we have donora on
Speaker 1: this side. So we want to hear from y'all if
Speaker 1: you have any questions. You want to talk about some stuff,
Speaker 1: what's on your mind? We want to hear from you.
Speaker 1: So put your hand up and we will make our
Speaker 1: way over to you. So go ahead, y'all. I see
Speaker 1: a hand right here in front. That was the first hand.
Speaker 1: Don't be shy here. Okay, trouble's gonna come around to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm a little embarrassed. They're gonna judge you at the
Speaker 1: ten o'clock okay, I'm drea from D C. Happy to
Speaker 1: be here. Yes, okay, so this is super deep. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I was with my college sweetheart for forever. Um,
Speaker 1: we got engaged a year after well, during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: in October, and so January, Um, about February actually, he
Speaker 1: decided he didn't want to get married anymore at when
Speaker 1: we decided, but he wanted to push it back a
Speaker 1: year until okay, so fast forward to two thousand and
Speaker 1: one to one, Um, October. He then decided, Um, I'm
Speaker 1: really not feeling like I want to get married anymore. Right.
Speaker 1: So I'M gonna ask from you guys from you know,
Speaker 1: being together from college. I don't want to say like
Speaker 1: an immature what should I do, but, like I'm feeling
Speaker 1: like part of me wants to write it out, you know,
Speaker 1: with the man that I love, who I thought was
Speaker 1: my soulmate. But then the other part of me is like,
Speaker 1: do I just drop this man and move on? We
Speaker 1: also should. We also should add that the primary driver
Speaker 1: of this is probably Um, a family member. We won't
Speaker 1: announce who that family member is. Don't you start his
Speaker 1: mother out out, okay. So seriously, I come from a
Speaker 1: family who they were together, the only people they've ever
Speaker 1: been with. Right. So they're like, write it through, you
Speaker 1: got this. But then the other part of me is like,
Speaker 1: is this normal? But but he was clear about the
Speaker 1: fact that he doesn't think he wants to be married.
Speaker 1: He was clear that he wanted to be married, but
Speaker 1: then he wanted to get to know each other more
Speaker 1: after he already proposed. I had a ring on my finger.
Speaker 1: I clearly don't have a ring on my finger anymore,
Speaker 1: but I still love this man. So I think that's
Speaker 1: the dilemma. Is like, we've been together on and off
Speaker 1: since but seriously, since twenty nineteen. I am so boom.
Speaker 1: I mean this, this is the first thing I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: All Right, oh, it's the first thing I want to
Speaker 1: say thank you, thank you, thank you. We like to
Speaker 1: have fun, but this is a serious situation, I feel
Speaker 1: so thank you for sharing that with us so understanding.
Speaker 1: It's that everything we say is always going to be
Speaker 1: in jest because it has to be fun, but we're
Speaker 1: gonna give you some truth, all right, the first thing,
Speaker 1: this is the first thing, when someone is honest with
Speaker 1: you about what they want and what they need. Believe now.
Speaker 1: So if he says he doesn't want to be married
Speaker 1: and you want to be married, that may not be
Speaker 1: the person that you want to be married too. Or
Speaker 1: it made me that y'all may not be available at
Speaker 1: the same time, but since this is a time where
Speaker 1: you feel like you want now here is, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask a question. Are you willing to try to meet
Speaker 1: other people to see who is willing to get married,
Speaker 1: or do you love this man so much you are
Speaker 1: willing to wait until he's ready to get married? Don't
Speaker 1: listen to nobody else but yourself. You stand what I'm
Speaker 1: saying because you're the only person has to live with
Speaker 1: this situation. Yeah, you under staying. The main thing we
Speaker 1: do is we feel pressure from other people to not
Speaker 1: look quote, unquote stupid. I don't want to look stupid,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna do what everybody else says I should do.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's not just pressure to feel stupid, but
Speaker 1: there's that societal pressure. There's the pressure that you have
Speaker 1: this timeline or this clock that's ticking, which is very real.
Speaker 1: Talk about that, and there's a timeline that you have
Speaker 1: in your mind that you're saying, well, ship, we've been
Speaker 1: danking for the past what you said, two thousand nineties.
Speaker 1: That's three years. You knowing each other for about seven
Speaker 1: years and you kind of feel like you're invested in
Speaker 1: this situation and it's about time that something happens. Val
Speaker 1: and I had that similar situation. Yea. Although we both
Speaker 1: wanted to be married, we had different time frames of
Speaker 1: when the marriage would happen, but we had a similar situation.
Speaker 1: And all of black twitter cuss me out because I
Speaker 1: said that she pressured me. But I'M gonna be honest
Speaker 1: about this. Right there is an undeniable pressure that goes
Speaker 1: into marrying a woman when you ask her, and it's
Speaker 1: your responsive response as ability as a man to provide
Speaker 1: for her right. So when I asked her to get married,
Speaker 1: I was under that influence, like this is my wife,
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna ask her to have kids, I have
Speaker 1: to be able to pay the bills. If she's having
Speaker 1: a baby, I have been able to take on all
Speaker 1: the financial responsibilities. During the time I had just got
Speaker 1: cut and lost my job. So I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm ready to get married now, not
Speaker 1: because I'm not in love, but can I handle that responsibility? Codeine. Admittedly,
Speaker 1: so says she was only focused on having a wedding,
Speaker 1: and this is a part that women don't like to admit,
Speaker 1: but she says she was focused on the wedding. I
Speaker 1: was focused on the marriage. So I felt pressure and
Speaker 1: when I said I wasn't ready to get married, she
Speaker 1: was taken back, like what's wrong with me? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with you, I gotta make sure my
Speaker 1: house is in order. And a lot of times I
Speaker 1: feel like men get that bad rap when we're not
Speaker 1: when we say not ready, and sometimes it's fear. It's fear.
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with you, that's his own
Speaker 1: insecurities that he's projecting, but sometimes we don't know how
Speaker 1: to express it. I didn't express it, probably to her
Speaker 1: when we were at that moment, because I didn't know
Speaker 1: what to say. I was also only twenty seven at
Speaker 1: the time, so I was just like, uh, I think
Speaker 1: we just need to wait, and she was like why?
Speaker 1: I was like, because there's just some things I need
Speaker 1: to work out and I just don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: ready right now. That's horrible communication, but at seven, how
Speaker 1: do you know how to communicate? In my mind, I think, Um,
Speaker 1: what develop has done a great job of doing, at
Speaker 1: least with me since we met, was actually trying to
Speaker 1: be a good communicator. You tried and in having such
Speaker 1: great faith in Him and knowing his work ethic and
Speaker 1: his drive, and I just felt like, you know, at
Speaker 1: that time we had already owned two properties because you
Speaker 1: were coming out of the NFL, you were in transitions
Speaker 1: because you just lost your job and retired. But I
Speaker 1: just had the utmost faith that we were gonna figure
Speaker 1: it out, like we were going to do it together, guardless,
Speaker 1: and and it didn't matter how it was gonna happen,
Speaker 1: but it was gonna happen. So whether we had the wedding,
Speaker 1: he's like, do you want the wedding or do you
Speaker 1: want the house? I'm like shout. I want both. Like,
Speaker 1: how is that gonna Happen For us? You know, because
Speaker 1: also to like I said, in my mind I'm like ship,
Speaker 1: I'm rolling on. I want to have my first kid
Speaker 1: by thirty, I want to have a house. There all
Speaker 1: these things in my mind that I had mapped out.
Speaker 1: And what happens when she don't go according to plan?
Speaker 1: So I understand how you feel. You understand how you feel,
Speaker 1: but only you can make a decision to you really
Speaker 1: want to sit and Wagh that out, and I think
Speaker 1: it's worth having more open dialogue and conversations with him
Speaker 1: if he is the type to communicate out loud for it.
Speaker 1: Have you ever expressed to him, as you want to
Speaker 1: get married, why you want to get married and what
Speaker 1: your needs are? Have you ever expressed that to in
Speaker 1: so what she said was she's expressed that she wants to,
Speaker 1: but she hasn't given a why. And the reason why
Speaker 1: that's important is because if he doesn't understand why it's
Speaker 1: important for you to get married right now, he can't
Speaker 1: even fathom why it's that important period. So you have
Speaker 1: to express that before you make a decision and be
Speaker 1: ready for whatever his response is, because if you give
Speaker 1: him the Y and he says, I don't care. Now
Speaker 1: you have the right to say I'm ready to move
Speaker 1: on because we're not aligned. But if you say the
Speaker 1: Y and he goes, Oh wow, I never thought about that.
Speaker 1: Let's make a plan. That's somebody you want to work
Speaker 1: together with. So don't just discard it, don't just throw
Speaker 1: it away. Have the conversation and trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how y'all can meet in the middle. Alright, good, Lexus Drea,
Speaker 1: dre A, right, good luck to you. Yes, all right,
Speaker 1: that was a good first question. What's next? Okay, what
Speaker 1: do we have? I said a couple of hands coming up.
Speaker 1: I got a question. Wait. Yeah, everybody giving up? The
Speaker 1: woman who keeps my husband fine, caroline sharp Um. So
Speaker 1: how do you deal with a per uson as defensive like,
Speaker 1: where it's hard to have? Don't look at me like
Speaker 1: it's hold on, hold on, because the first night we
Speaker 1: did to show in New York. You're saying how you
Speaker 1: was defensive at first. How did you handle that and
Speaker 1: still be able to carry on the conversation without not
Speaker 1: being able to get past the confrontational part? You know,
Speaker 1: long walks and alcohol, hell, little marijuana facts yeah, I
Speaker 1: tend to be the one who developed claims to label defensive. Wait,
Speaker 1: I label you defensive. All you defensive. There needs to
Speaker 1: be some accounts that have defensive moments. I have defensive
Speaker 1: moments and that's just something that I think stems from
Speaker 1: just my upbringing, my childhood, things that were never discussed
Speaker 1: when I was younger. So it's just like, okay, when
Speaker 1: it comes to communicating and having to I've always had
Speaker 1: to portray, portray, and I've always tried to be that
Speaker 1: perfect child and that perfect wife and that perfect mom.
Speaker 1: So if I feel like someone is putting me in
Speaker 1: a position to or not, I do have moments where
Speaker 1: I may get defensive. Yes, I do have moments, but
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't think it's me being defensive. I feel
Speaker 1: as though if my husband, I feel as though if
Speaker 1: my husband is in a position where he feels like, okay, Kadine,
Speaker 1: you did something that I'm not in agreement with. I
Speaker 1: don't this make me happy, I don't approve of what
Speaker 1: you did, I feel like I owe to him an
Speaker 1: explanation of how I arrived at my choice. Would you
Speaker 1: say that's fair? Okay, because, because I'm not about to
Speaker 1: be doing stuff just willing nearly for no reason, as
Speaker 1: if I'm being irresponsible. So there's a lot of times
Speaker 1: thought and decision that goes into me arriving at a
Speaker 1: particular destination. DEVO does not like to hear that. At times,
Speaker 1: devout prefers, he prefers for me to just listen to him,
Speaker 1: to understand where he's coming for Um, and then that
Speaker 1: be it. I can listen to you, I can understand
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, but does is it not worth
Speaker 1: me than saying I understand how you feel, but here's
Speaker 1: why I made the decision I made. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's just necessary in a conversation. But in his eyes
Speaker 1: that's me being defensive and making an excuse and trying
Speaker 1: to backtrack and backpedal, and I'm like, Bro, no, I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to take you through the chain of events.
Speaker 1: So you know how how I arrived at this destination.
Speaker 1: But label made defensive. Baby, labeled me defensive. Are you
Speaker 1: are you know I'm about to give you a solution,
Speaker 1: because she's done being defensive. So y'all literally got a
Speaker 1: chance to see what I go through sometimes in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm not asking you why you did something because your
Speaker 1: why doesn't matter to me. For example, if you slap
Speaker 1: me in the face, do I care why you slap
Speaker 1: me in the face? No, I'm just trying to explain
Speaker 1: to you how that slap affected me. And when you
Speaker 1: when I'm explaining to you how the slap affected me,
Speaker 1: you not acknowledging that you slap me and it hurts,
Speaker 1: hurts me again, while you spend time defending why you
Speaker 1: had to slap me that. That doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. This is how I feel
Speaker 1: if someone comes to you and says, listen, you did
Speaker 1: something that hurt me. When my wife comes to me
Speaker 1: and says hey, devout, I feel a way about this,
Speaker 1: my first response isn't let me give you all the
Speaker 1: reasons why I did what I did. My first thing is, wow,
Speaker 1: what did I do and what can I do to
Speaker 1: be better so that I don't repeat the behavior? So
Speaker 1: as let me listen, I slapped you in the face. Okay,
Speaker 1: how did that make you feel? Baby? I Apologize. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna slap you in the face no more. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna work on being better. I'm not gonna spend hours
Speaker 1: trying to convince her why my slap was justified, and
Speaker 1: that's what being defensive is, and I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people, I think a lot of people who are defensive,
Speaker 1: don't realize that they're doing that. You understand what I'm saying? No, no,
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. Does anybody understand where I'm
Speaker 1: coming from? Because we we literally argue about this all
Speaker 1: the time. Doesn't like apology. So he says apologize and
Speaker 1: say x Y Z. Devel would be like, don't apologize.
Speaker 1: To me, change behavior is the best apology. Right. Yes,
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that. Okay, cool. So I'm not gonna say,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm sorry, I did X Y Z, but
Speaker 1: you don't at least want to know why I arrived
Speaker 1: at that, that flat, for example. So this is a
Speaker 1: this is very important. This is very important because tiff
Speaker 1: acts the question right. Being defensive doesn't only only mean
Speaker 1: that you defend your point, it means that you're not
Speaker 1: even willing to have an open conversation and you keep
Speaker 1: trying to defend your point without hearing what your partners saying.
Speaker 1: That's what you literally just did that just now, before
Speaker 1: I get to say a word, you started defending all
Speaker 1: of your points. Did she not ladies and gentlemen. So
Speaker 1: y'all gotta Y'all got a chance to see it in
Speaker 1: real time. Being defensive it's not only defending your point.
Speaker 1: Being defensive means my words are more important than yours. So,
Speaker 1: no matter what you say, I'm going to defend my
Speaker 1: point first. That's what being defensive is. So I think
Speaker 1: it takes one of the partners to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I understand how my partner communicates. This is what I
Speaker 1: learned to do tiff. I don't I don't blame her
Speaker 1: and I don't shame her for being who she is.
Speaker 1: So I don't say, Oh, she's defensive this. I let
Speaker 1: her say her point. Because so what tiffs said was,
Speaker 1: do I feel like I lose my voice because I'm
Speaker 1: letting her speak first? I don't. We're doing we're doing
Speaker 1: this for life, which means we have nothing but time.
Speaker 1: So to me, it doesn't matter who says it first.
Speaker 1: I learned. I've learned to say, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna Talk. Okay, how she I feel, and before I
Speaker 1: can finish saying how I feel, she's going to tell
Speaker 1: me eight thousand reasons why she did what she did
Speaker 1: to avoid the argument I'm gonna let her get all
Speaker 1: of that out. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that
Speaker 1: I understand why you did what you did, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna still tell her I understand what you did, why
Speaker 1: you did what you did, but it still hurt me.
Speaker 1: And do you understand that? No matter how you justify
Speaker 1: what you did, it still hurt me? And we've learned
Speaker 1: to communicate that way. A lot of times people say
Speaker 1: I gotta speak first or I need to have the
Speaker 1: last word. I don't give a shit about having a
Speaker 1: last word. I just want to make sure we both
Speaker 1: have an understanding. When you understand how your partner communicates,
Speaker 1: I no longer be like your defensive this I'm not
Speaker 1: having a conversation. I let her speak the same way.
Speaker 1: I'm mule headed, I'm very strong minded, so I believe
Speaker 1: my way is right all the time. So she's learned
Speaker 1: to be like, you know what, let me listen to
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Yes, we've kind of had it down
Speaker 1: to like a recipe. So it's the point. We don't
Speaker 1: even really get into arguments like that. No more tip.
Speaker 1: It's not even like a defense battle. It's literally like,
Speaker 1: all right, here's the process here is okay, here we
Speaker 1: gotta disagreement. Here we go. So it's literally like a
Speaker 1: sparring match, but it's a very amicable one at this
Speaker 1: point because we literally just letting each other air out
Speaker 1: what it is, seeing if we can come to some
Speaker 1: sort of agreement, if it's required. Where is we have
Speaker 1: moments where we're like, you know what, we're not, we're
Speaker 1: just not gonna agree on this. And is it really
Speaker 1: that big of a battle that we really have to
Speaker 1: continue to take at? Are we just gonna let this
Speaker 1: year rock right now? Um, but in real time, y'all,
Speaker 1: you can see how we go back, for it's literally
Speaker 1: how it is. But the most important thing is the
Speaker 1: acknowledgement of understanding. She can be defensive and I can
Speaker 1: be narrow minded, but if I can acknowledge that I
Speaker 1: understand what she's coming from and she can acknowledge that
Speaker 1: she understands what I'm coming from, we can come to
Speaker 1: an agreement. Being defensive is just one way to argue.
Speaker 1: Being mule head is just one way to argue. Once
Speaker 1: you realize that about your partner, just be like, all right, well,
Speaker 1: I understand how she's gonna Respond. Let me get my
Speaker 1: point across and understand her point. So you're never gonna
Speaker 1: stop a defensive person from being defensive, the same way
Speaker 1: you're never gonna stop a mule headed person from being
Speaker 1: mule headed, but you have to agree to work on
Speaker 1: understanding their perspective, and that's really what it is. And
Speaker 1: as long as you can agree that I understand where
Speaker 1: you're coming from, you can work on being better because,
Speaker 1: like I said, okay, I don't know. I don't believe
Speaker 1: in apologies. The best apologies change behavior. Don't apologize and
Speaker 1: slap me in the face again. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Apologize and then say I'm going to do better and
Speaker 1: live better. So I gotta I gotta Stalker alert. Back here.
Speaker 1: This young lady got up out of her seat, found
Speaker 1: me with a microphone and told me she had a
Speaker 1: question by the bar. Okay, we see you back here.
Speaker 1: How are you? Hi, My name is Gabrielle. I just
Speaker 1: want to say canine and De Voo, me and my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: we love you all. We Watch your podcast, we watch
Speaker 1: a show, we watch your instagram, we watch your facebook, everything,
Speaker 1: everything that you can think of. Ain't that right back?
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right. Okay, okay, so I was late
Speaker 1: and filling out the information, so I wasn't able to
Speaker 1: put the information on about our relationship. But, as I said,
Speaker 1: My Name Is Gabrielle, I am twenty seven and I'm
Speaker 1: on tour and I'm fifty seven. All right, all right, now,
Speaker 1: does that sound like one of Y'all podcasts that you
Speaker 1: just had? What's that? Please continue, I want to hear
Speaker 1: the question. Yeah, Y'all just had a whole podcast. I said,
Speaker 1: I listened to Y'all. Right, yeah, y'all just had a
Speaker 1: whole podcast about older men's dating younger women, younger women
Speaker 1: the men. Right, we've been together for six years. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're not a man. It's the math, math, we don't
Speaker 1: need no mathematicians. Okay, okay, you see the math, man,
Speaker 1: mathematicians are here tonight. We've been together for six years,
Speaker 1: ups and downs, baby, ups and downs, and we relate
Speaker 1: to a lot that you all talk about. Okay. So,
Speaker 1: so we've meant to New Jersey, we're coming back home.
Speaker 1: We're listening to your podcast and I'm like, baby, that's you.
Speaker 1: He's like no, baby, that's you. He's you deval and Canine.
Speaker 1: I'm you okay, the question is. My question is we
Speaker 1: got the background I had to give your head. We
Speaker 1: didn't get selected as one of the couples. I give
Speaker 1: you that. My question is, my man loved big asses. Okay,
Speaker 1: he loved that asses. All Right, now, I'm natural. I
Speaker 1: got what I got. That's what I got. Now my
Speaker 1: question is, I told him, I told him myself, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get surgery, so so I can get
Speaker 1: what you want to look at. Okay, he don't want
Speaker 1: me to do that because he don't want other men
Speaker 1: to look at me. So my question is, how should
Speaker 1: I go about him continuing to look at women with
Speaker 1: big asses and I just have an average ass. Do
Speaker 1: we got a spotlight so we can see how big
Speaker 1: her asses? Let's see what she's working. We're back there.
Speaker 1: I mean it's moving. I'm gonna make this very, very simple.
Speaker 1: It's definitely I'm gonna make this very simple. Can you
Speaker 1: give him the MIC real quick? Can you give him
Speaker 1: the mic real quick, real quick. That's very simple. Okay, awesome,
Speaker 1: my man, my man, real quick, do you do? You
Speaker 1: Love Her ass? So then that's all that matters. Baby,
Speaker 1: I don't know why you even focus on anything. Else
Speaker 1: social media will have you fucked up, because women will
Speaker 1: look at all of this stuff and say, Dang, that's
Speaker 1: what my man wants. He wants you, that's why he's
Speaker 1: here with you. Also, don't, don't compare yourself to other women.
Speaker 1: It's so easy to fall into that. It's easy to
Speaker 1: do that. If he didn't want to be with you,
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be with you. It's that simple. But I
Speaker 1: will say this. He never gonna stop looking. I look
Speaker 1: at us all the time. Hey, look at us all
Speaker 1: the time. Baby sending me assis like I do appreciate beautiful.
Speaker 1: INSTAGRAM is an APP to look at. Right and, just
Speaker 1: to be honest, here's a very transparent moment. Right, very
Speaker 1: transparent moment. I hate having a beard. The ship is itchy.
Speaker 1: I hate it. But you know who likes beards? Her?
Speaker 1: You know who. You know how? I know, because she'd
Speaker 1: be on instagram looking at Man with beards. Flat understand.
Speaker 1: Don't gonna look at who I'm following now. I know
Speaker 1: you'RE gonna go to my kids to see who I'm following.
Speaker 1: That this is the truth, Bro that never changes. Just
Speaker 1: because you meet somebody and you fall in love with
Speaker 1: this doesn't mean that everybody else just instantly becomes unattractive.
Speaker 1: That's not how that works. If you think that that's
Speaker 1: gonna Happen, you in for disappointment. seriously. But when someone
Speaker 1: chooses you, they choose you for a reason. I choose
Speaker 1: her for a reason. I'M gonna look at women. Women
Speaker 1: are beautiful, but every day I'm gonna go home and
Speaker 1: be with her. That's all that side says. How do
Speaker 1: you feel about your ass? It's the question, because far
Speaker 1: too many times that's women are doing it for other women.
Speaker 1: We're doing it for other for for men. Were doing
Speaker 1: it for a spouse. How do you feel about yourself?
Speaker 1: It's really ultimately what matters. All right, you have to
Speaker 1: feel good about you. Yes, and I got one more question.
Speaker 1: Seven you fifty seven. She'd be having you do tiktok
Speaker 1: videos with your old life. That's what we want to know. Yes,
Speaker 1: let me play up to you. I've seen a love
Speaker 1: when you got up and you hugged that woman. Age
Speaker 1: Don't mean ship. When you love somebody, you love them
Speaker 1: exactly the way they are. So y'all go ahead and
Speaker 1: keep loving each other. Appreciate y'all. Thank you for the
Speaker 1: support for Real, for real. Hi Cande. So on to
Speaker 1: the next my name is Brianna. I'm from D C.
Speaker 1: I'm here with my husband regions. You have a marvel
Speaker 1: sister fell you. Um, I have on heels, but without
Speaker 1: them on almost five a nice so I've been following,
Speaker 1: following you guys for a while. We've been married almost
Speaker 1: two years in December and Um, read just with like
Speaker 1: five children. Um, I went into the marriage knowing that
Speaker 1: he does want five kids. Um House, that I can do,
Speaker 1: a house with seven kids, that I gotta start now.
Speaker 1: Oh Hey, okay. So my question is for read just
Speaker 1: as wildly ambitious. He's an entrepreneur. I'm also a career woman.
Speaker 1: We are go, go, go. We have support from family,
Speaker 1: but my parents are married. They've been married almost forty years.
Speaker 1: You guys have help with your four children, your mother
Speaker 1: in the home. So I want to know a realistic,
Speaker 1: Um sort of snapshot into the life of the average
Speaker 1: individual who has multiple children. How would you be able
Speaker 1: to prioritize your marriage, make sure that you're still pouring
Speaker 1: into one another, making sure that the marriage is the
Speaker 1: priority while you have children, so that you can still
Speaker 1: grow in love with one another and not focus on
Speaker 1: the children's well, here's the first thing. Don't ever say average.
Speaker 1: You can't be great by saying I want to be average.
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. So if you want to
Speaker 1: live that type of life and have all the things
Speaker 1: that you want and desire out of life, you can't
Speaker 1: think like an average person, because the average person is
Speaker 1: never going to do that. So you have to automatically
Speaker 1: believe that you are greater than everything that you've seen,
Speaker 1: and that's not arrogance, that's not cocky, that's a belief
Speaker 1: that God gave you. If you can see it, that
Speaker 1: means he gave it to you for a reason and
Speaker 1: now you have to go claim it. So if he
Speaker 1: wants five kids and he can see himself with five kids,
Speaker 1: you believe in his dream and you believe in yourself
Speaker 1: and you can have five kids and be an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1: Go do it. Go do it. That's all canine and
Speaker 1: him and we have four. Here we are with four. Wait,
Speaker 1: we managed to prioritize things. Is really trying to stay
Speaker 1: as organized as possible and, like you said, leaning on
Speaker 1: the village. That is everything to us. What do you think?
Speaker 1: It's home right now with Jackson Cairo, Kaz and Koda
Speaker 1: shout out to me pop up my grand other. We
Speaker 1: are so blessed to be able to call in the
Speaker 1: reinforcements whenever we need that, and it's who better to
Speaker 1: be with our children when we can't be then our parents,
Speaker 1: divine and I are going to a wedding with my
Speaker 1: parents in November. My brother and my sister. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Tristan the Zacari in the audience. We're gonna be
Speaker 1: in a wedding in Jamaica and my in laws, devous parents,
Speaker 1: were like, we'll come down. Dvo's grandparents are driving Virginia.
Speaker 1: Will have four family members, great grandparents and grandparents, to
Speaker 1: help while we're away. So that really puts us at
Speaker 1: ease to know that. But in terms of prioritizing our marriage,
Speaker 1: that's something that we have to be super deliberate about,
Speaker 1: because it is so easy to mix and mingle the
Speaker 1: idea of being husband and wife, being mom and dad,
Speaker 1: being business partners. It's so easy to have that kind
Speaker 1: of cross into each other and then the lions get
Speaker 1: blurred and sometimes I look around and I'm like Yo,
Speaker 1: I don't want devot my business partner. I don't want
Speaker 1: devout my co host. I don't want Zack. I mean
Speaker 1: sometimes I do. We Want Zach when I see them
Speaker 1: sinking TV, heaving on TV. But Um, sometimes I just
Speaker 1: want my man. I just want you to be able
Speaker 1: to clock out, and he's not good with that. So
Speaker 1: it's also kind of knowing you too, his personalities. You
Speaker 1: say that he is a go getter. He is. His
Speaker 1: work ethic is through the move. That's who I'm married
Speaker 1: to as well, and he does not know when to
Speaker 1: clock out. So I have to sometimes put it in
Speaker 1: our calendar, our joint calendar that we have, or I
Speaker 1: have to let our manager know that there's gonna be
Speaker 1: time since where I'm gonna need my husband. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: need you to block these days because I'm taking him away,
Speaker 1: or these are gonna be family days for the kids,
Speaker 1: or these are gonna be days where we will decide
Speaker 1: that we're gonna buckle down and we're gonna pour into
Speaker 1: our business stuff, have a little let him in on
Speaker 1: the little secret that we have. I'm not pregnant, y'all,
Speaker 1: so don't even say it, okay, but when I say that,
Speaker 1: to say, for example, one of the latest things that
Speaker 1: we're working on that will be coming out at the
Speaker 1: beginning of next year. Val and I are writing a
Speaker 1: book area. So anyone who's been at any of our
Speaker 1: live shows New York, Philly and you guys here in
Speaker 1: DC know that to look forward to it coming out
Speaker 1: around Valentine's Day. And it's not gonna be how to
Speaker 1: and here are the five pillars of how to have
Speaker 1: the perfect marriage. Yah, Yah, Yah, because you know, we
Speaker 1: don't believe in that. And though we are flattered that
Speaker 1: we've been hashtag relationship goals and all that stuff, we
Speaker 1: really just want to share more about our story. Um.
Speaker 1: There's been things that you guys have heard about between
Speaker 1: us on the podcast, things about our past, but this
Speaker 1: time around we have some stories that are untold that
Speaker 1: really helped to get you guys to understand how we
Speaker 1: arrived at this destination, how our upbringing, Um our parents
Speaker 1: have kind of contributed to who we are as individuals,
Speaker 1: and then US growing together as individuals, working together since
Speaker 1: the age of eighteen to now. So I'm looking forward
Speaker 1: to that and I'm hoping that you guys will support
Speaker 1: as well and find the book to be something that's really, really,
Speaker 1: really dope. Um, but you know, each other and you
Speaker 1: know your strengths and weaknesses. So I know that he
Speaker 1: can't clock out. He knows that I'm a procrastinator at
Speaker 1: times and I'll take my times getting things done, but
Speaker 1: we respect each other's processes. It wasn't always easy to
Speaker 1: get here, but I know where his strengths are, he
Speaker 1: knows where mine are. We know when we have to
Speaker 1: kind of tag each other in and who's better equipped
Speaker 1: in the on meant to deal with whatever the situation is,
Speaker 1: and really just trying to stay organized and keeping each
Speaker 1: other's first, because the valve does not do well if
Speaker 1: he doesn't have his Beste all, because be best friends
Speaker 1: up here first and foremost, before everything else. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: there's one thing I would have to just piggyback is
Speaker 1: the fact that she's my best friend. So as long
Speaker 1: as I can always reach out and be like, okay,
Speaker 1: my friend is here, we'll figure everything else out. We'll
Speaker 1: figure the kids, we'll figure jobs. I got my friend.
Speaker 1: That's the basis for everything and once you can figure
Speaker 1: that out, you always be good. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, y'all. Y'LL, a joke could be here for sure.
Speaker 1: Next question. Next question, where we at we're triple at
Speaker 1: someone in the back there, casis, hello, we're saying, Um,
Speaker 1: my fiance is not here. My maid of honorable with me.
Speaker 1: I get married in two weeks as well. Is it?
Speaker 1: Two weeks from today? You'll have the same date, exceptcember. Nine,
Speaker 1: s nine, okay, September. Yes, yes, yes, so I listened
Speaker 1: to your podcast all the time and I make him
Speaker 1: listen to it when there's certain situations that come up
Speaker 1: and I'm like this is us and you need to
Speaker 1: listen to this and we need to discuss it. So
Speaker 1: one of the things that came up was sex. He
Speaker 1: definitely dims. One of the biggest issues that comes up
Speaker 1: is sex. Um, he's forty seven, I'm thirty thirty eight.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he's forty eight, I'm thirty eight. So we're
Speaker 1: ten years apart. In the beginning, of course, rabbits. We've
Speaker 1: been together for eight years. So rabbits. But now I'm like,
Speaker 1: Bro I'm good, you know, once a week, we're good,
Speaker 1: and he's like no, I need more than once a week.
Speaker 1: So of course I'm like, what's the compromise? I can
Speaker 1: give you this mouth, you can take these lips, whatever,
Speaker 1: but if I don't feel like penetration and everything else. Like.
Speaker 1: What do you suggest the compromise can be for a
Speaker 1: situation like that? Because his drive is here and I'm
Speaker 1: coming down a little bit right now, but I'm sure
Speaker 1: it comes back up at forty. That's what that's what
Speaker 1: I hear. Anybody in their forties, women does it come back?
Speaker 1: She's like Eric comes back for the ladies and the forties.
Speaker 1: Looking forward to that. I mean, this is our struggle too, though.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of our struggle. We've just learned to
Speaker 1: get real creative with stuff. So we've we've gotten extremely creative.
Speaker 1: I think for us it was it was this understanding right,
Speaker 1: and this was always goes back to the monogamy episode.
Speaker 1: If you are dating a guy who you know has
Speaker 1: a high sex drive and you like him because he
Speaker 1: doesn't compromise on anything in his life. He doesn't compromise
Speaker 1: on his job, his family, he doesn't compromise on his
Speaker 1: work or his his dreams, why would you ask him
Speaker 1: to compromise in the bedroom? Because it's just not that.
Speaker 1: It's not that easy. So it's like I want you
Speaker 1: to only be and this is this is how it
Speaker 1: sounds to us man, right, I want you to only
Speaker 1: be with me, but I want you to only be
Speaker 1: with me when I want you to be with me
Speaker 1: on my terms here and and that's that's what it
Speaker 1: sounds like to us if you, as a woman, don't
Speaker 1: communicate it properly. And what Codeine and I had to
Speaker 1: learn was that how you communicate your sexual needs is
Speaker 1: extremely important. It's don't just say to him I don't
Speaker 1: want to do it. Have A conversation about why your
Speaker 1: sex drive maybe down. For example, we were rabbits all
Speaker 1: through college. We were rabbits for the most part. When
Speaker 1: we got engaged, she got on a different birth control.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that the birth control was gonna affect
Speaker 1: US sex drive. Then she got pregnant after she got
Speaker 1: off the birth control. I had no idea about how
Speaker 1: hormonal imbalances were going to affect her sex drive. As men,
Speaker 1: we have to learn and understand the body that we
Speaker 1: are dealing with, and when you understand that, you become
Speaker 1: a lot more empathetic to what women are going through. But, ladies,
Speaker 1: you can't just expect him to know that. These conversations
Speaker 1: have to be had and they're very difficult conversations. But
Speaker 1: the problem is when you have these conversations, one or
Speaker 1: both parties get defensive, then they feel like the other
Speaker 1: parties being selfish and then all communications stop and that's
Speaker 1: when sex gets stilled. For us, it was literally like y'all, Kay,
Speaker 1: was like look, when I get penetration and I'm satisfied,
Speaker 1: I'm good. I don't want to have penetration two days
Speaker 1: and that's a compliment. nony. Men feel like that's a compliment.
Speaker 1: Like Oh, my girl is good for good to three
Speaker 1: days because I put it down. Do you feel like that? No, no,
Speaker 1: men feels like there's not one man in here. That's
Speaker 1: just like Yo, my girl is good because I put
Speaker 1: it down. So she's good for about two or three days.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the man. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: I do understand the logic right, and this is how
Speaker 1: men and women differ. Your logic is that ship was
Speaker 1: so good, I'm good. For us, it was like that
Speaker 1: ship was so good, I want to do it again.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying? So and you can't take
Speaker 1: you can't say that the men are wrong and we
Speaker 1: can't say that the women are wrong. You just have
Speaker 1: to learn how to communicate. So what we ended up
Speaker 1: doing was don't judge us. K you'll be like, blow
Speaker 1: my back out. Monday, Tuesday, I'm gonna give you the
Speaker 1: sloppy toppy. If you're not good on Wednesday I'll give
Speaker 1: you that that happy ending massage and by Thursday she's
Speaker 1: gonna be ready to go again. You see what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and I am like, all right, as long as we
Speaker 1: have a plan, I know that she's putting in work
Speaker 1: to take care of me. Then some days I can
Speaker 1: look at my white face and be like, Babe, you
Speaker 1: just tired, go to sleep. Because for men, and and
Speaker 1: a lot of men will never admit this, we just
Speaker 1: want to be wanted. It's a blow to our ego
Speaker 1: when you go to your woman and you try to
Speaker 1: come on to her and she rejects you. A lot
Speaker 1: of men will not admit that. I'm willing to admit
Speaker 1: it because I'm not here trying to date nobody else.
Speaker 1: This is the only woman I gotta deal with for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. My ego gets hurt when
Speaker 1: I look at my wife and she's looking good and
Speaker 1: I try to come onto her and she's like, I
Speaker 1: got a headache, I don't feel like it. So then
Speaker 1: you start to think what's wrong with me that the
Speaker 1: woman and I want to be with doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be with me, and a lot of women feel like
Speaker 1: men don't go through that, but we do go through that.
Speaker 1: So imagine you on Monday half set with your woman,
Speaker 1: that you come back on Tuesday she hits you with
Speaker 1: the old rain check. Wednesday's I got a headache, Thursdays,
Speaker 1: I got you tomorrow. It's like, Dann, why do I
Speaker 1: keep being rejected to? Don't get me wrong, we don't
Speaker 1: have like an actual schedule. I think it's more of
Speaker 1: a mental thing. For me, that's also that fund either
Speaker 1: when you have something that you have to clock out
Speaker 1: a schedule to have sex. It's like who wants to
Speaker 1: do that? Ship neither. There's no fire, there's no spice,
Speaker 1: there's no spontaneity, but it's almost like keeping that mental
Speaker 1: check of like I did this, I threw it back
Speaker 1: on Monday sor right, you know, like that's how I
Speaker 1: kind of go through it my head. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, if he's in a little bit of a
Speaker 1: bad mood come day to three, then I know I
Speaker 1: got to do something because I could tell in his
Speaker 1: whole like his whole aura be off. My old come
Speaker 1: in the door soon, not coming to do I just
Speaker 1: look it up, but I'm backtracking, like what's today? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see she's going through it, and I'll just
Speaker 1: be like it was Monday. But women don't know how
Speaker 1: men have built like we see y'all and we'll be
Speaker 1: ready to go. And I do think I might get
Speaker 1: killed for this. I think it's unfair for a woman
Speaker 1: to say to a man, only be with me, but
Speaker 1: only be with me when I want you to be
Speaker 1: with me. I think that that's unfair because as a man,
Speaker 1: I can't do that to you. Listen to this hypothetical.
Speaker 1: WHO HERE LIKES TO TRAVEL? Women, you'll like to travel.
Speaker 1: Listen to this hypothetical. List analogy. I meet you, beautiful woman,
Speaker 1: handsome God, comes over a says baby, what you like
Speaker 1: to do? She said, Oh, I like to travel. I said,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you around the world, I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: you see everything, you're gonna do everything. That mean we're
Speaker 1: gonna be best friends? And she's like yes, for the
Speaker 1: first two months we travel every weekend. Right, because y'all
Speaker 1: be having sex like rabbits early right. So every weekend
Speaker 1: we be traveling. Boom, boom, boom. I said, you know what, baby,
Speaker 1: let's make this exclusive. I want to be the only
Speaker 1: person in your life you travel with. And she says, great,
Speaker 1: we've been traveling every weekend, I can get used to this.
Speaker 1: So now you're traveling every weekend and out of nowhere
Speaker 1: you're getting your bags pack. You're like, baby, where you're going,
Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, I'm tired, we're not traveling nowhere.
Speaker 1: So she's like, okay, fine, I'll give you a break
Speaker 1: the next week and come is around, baby, when we
Speaker 1: traveling this weekend, I got a headache. So now she's like, well,
Speaker 1: I was used to US having travel dates every weekend,
Speaker 1: and he's just like, well, I'm just not in the
Speaker 1: mood to travel no more. Don't you think that be
Speaker 1: fucked up? Be Honest, it would be up. So now
Speaker 1: that you think that is fucked up, imagine you're giving
Speaker 1: a Nigga pussy a lot and then, out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: you just be like, I don't want to give you
Speaker 1: no more, no more. That's how men feel, and I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that you do it on purpose, but I
Speaker 1: feel like we as people don't have these conversations to
Speaker 1: understand what the other person is going through, because if
Speaker 1: you had these conversations, you would say, she's not just
Speaker 1: cutting me off. There are things going on. For example,
Speaker 1: I didn't know we were having sex so much in
Speaker 1: college that it throws off a is Ph balance. When
Speaker 1: your Ph balance gets thrown off, it throws off your
Speaker 1: sex drive. And what's women were? We require so much
Speaker 1: more to get to that point. It's not as simple
Speaker 1: as just jumping up and being ready to go, because
Speaker 1: if it was that simple, baby, why would I not
Speaker 1: want to make you happy and do what every single
Speaker 1: time you wanted to? If it was that simple, I
Speaker 1: was and that's fair. But, ladies, we don't know that,
Speaker 1: like we don't, and then once we, once you do
Speaker 1: learn it, you do have men like myself, and there's
Speaker 1: probably other men here who are understanding, but if you
Speaker 1: don't have the conversation because you're afraid to speak on
Speaker 1: what you need sexually, you'll never get to that point.
Speaker 1: So that's ultimately what it comes down to. You gotta
Speaker 1: talk to each other and not be afraid to say
Speaker 1: what you need and what you desire, because's the only
Speaker 1: way you're gonna get it. That's your life partner. You
Speaker 1: should be able to be honest with her or him
Speaker 1: about whatever you need to want and make it fun.
Speaker 1: Because that travel, vacation sex. Now did you talk about travel?
Speaker 1: That vacation sex. It's different. Anybody else feel like that?
Speaker 1: Because I'm know I do, and we can take me away. Baby.
Speaker 1: You can tell we've been through ruts. It's easy to
Speaker 1: get out of ruts when you focus on each other.
Speaker 1: So just because you interrupt now, that doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: rusts going to be the rest of your life. We've
Speaker 1: been in ruts and got out of ruts by focusing
Speaker 1: on each other. That's a fact, and that of service.
Speaker 1: Episode is so, so, so true. I changed my mindset
Speaker 1: and kind of thought of ways that I can be
Speaker 1: of service to devot to make his day of a better.
Speaker 1: Like I literally changed my mindset and was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, even just sex aside, I literally wake up
Speaker 1: in the mornings now and I'm like, all right, what
Speaker 1: do we have to do today? How can I help
Speaker 1: to make DEVO's Day easier? And because I'm able to
Speaker 1: do that for him, he in turn is then more
Speaker 1: motivated to find ways to make my day easier and
Speaker 1: it's really just a matter of communication, reciprocity and taking
Speaker 1: that into consideration along the way. So absolutely, yeah, I
Speaker 1: appreciate you. You're fine. I love you. Tell me ask
Speaker 1: a questions. Did you have a good time? By those
Speaker 1: with some good lister letters? Do we have to time
Speaker 1: for one more question? Has a question. Why am I
Speaker 1: not surprised? All right, we'll close that with Hilton's question here.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I'm ready. What's up here? Shout out to Um Sakara.
Speaker 1: Interest in your brother and sister. We Love Them. To
Speaker 1: shout out to do. We love her too. Yes, absolutely, Um,
Speaker 1: and we love you, guys so, so, so much. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. We Really, really love you, guys. And
Speaker 1: you know what I want to ask you, guys, Um,
Speaker 1: what your love? What your love languages and when, for
Speaker 1: each of you, was the first moment when you realize
Speaker 1: that you fell in deep love with another? Hilton said
Speaker 1: that with the wind. You saw that right the wind
Speaker 1: was blown. It was a moment for Hilton over there. Y'All,
Speaker 1: it was definitely a moment. Thank you for that. Thank
Speaker 1: you for that, Hilton. Um, I mean, I forget what
Speaker 1: the whole like love language thing is like what all
Speaker 1: five or six of them at this point? But I
Speaker 1: know that. I definitely I know what your love languages
Speaker 1: let's flip it. Let's see who knows whose love language.
Speaker 1: Yours is definitely touch, physical touch, affection and, Um, you
Speaker 1: know what it is. Somebody said it. How they know me.
Speaker 1: WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED? Yes, yes, that's it right.
Speaker 1: So I can't remember all of them in this but
Speaker 1: where it made for sure. What am I? Your love
Speaker 1: languages are shopping. Come away, don't let me hit you
Speaker 1: with the shutter. I do like, like, yeah, have surprises. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: she's not big on quality time. That's a lie. You
Speaker 1: are a Sagittarius. You spent your pregnancy by yourself. I did.
Speaker 1: That was hormonal, though. I was very I wanted to
Speaker 1: be very much alone, especially with my last pregnice. Back
Speaker 1: to being defensive now. No, Um, I would. I would too.
Speaker 1: I would say gifts, I would say words of affirmation.
Speaker 1: I can tell when when my wife is getting down.
Speaker 1: I know how to speak power into her. I know
Speaker 1: how you have. Yeah, it is God. God has blessed
Speaker 1: me because he knows what you need. So he knows
Speaker 1: what you need to so I could give it to.
Speaker 1: You do that with a lot of people. It's not
Speaker 1: just me, like I'm actually happy to share you and
Speaker 1: that gift with people, because you have a way of
Speaker 1: pulling people out of, say, stuations that I've never seen before.
Speaker 1: Appreciate you, appreciate, but that's I mean, that's that's God.
Speaker 1: God gives us all gifts. Um, I knew I was
Speaker 1: spreading his love or her love to everyone and I
Speaker 1: guess that's my way. So I receive that. I knew
Speaker 1: I was deep in love with devout after probably, I
Speaker 1: mean I fell in love with him, I feel like,
Speaker 1: almost instantaneously, because I feel like at that age I
Speaker 1: had never met someone who was just so sure about
Speaker 1: himself and just so sure about life and what he
Speaker 1: wanted and had such a vigor for just being successful. Um,
Speaker 1: sitting back in our college dorm room back in the
Speaker 1: day and having conversations and just talking all hours of
Speaker 1: the night and me driving forty five minutes from Brooklyn
Speaker 1: to half just to see him until I transferred. I
Speaker 1: just knew within maybe the first two weeks of meeting him, Hilton,
Speaker 1: he was the one. He was in I called my
Speaker 1: cousin up and I was like, girl, I met my
Speaker 1: husband tonight. That was after our first date and she'll
Speaker 1: tell you to this day she was at the New
Speaker 1: York show my cousin Sophia, and she was like girl, please,
Speaker 1: this that man big. She was like he didn't even
Speaker 1: think that. He grew into his head. Yeah, what you mean?
Speaker 1: It's gonna be and she was like what? And I
Speaker 1: was just like there's just something so dope and so
Speaker 1: electric about him and I just I don't understand what
Speaker 1: it is, but it's something. And that was October three
Speaker 1: two thousand two and we have spoken every day since.
Speaker 1: Here we are married, four kids, this whole life. It's insane.
Speaker 1: For me, it was witnessing a woman with such drive
Speaker 1: and power do it with dignity. She's a Brooklyn girl.
Speaker 1: She came to my room and I remember the first
Speaker 1: night she spent the night with me right. We didn't
Speaker 1: have sex because she was being deliberate about being a
Speaker 1: lady and I wasn't pressuring her and she had on
Speaker 1: a two piece lavender ninety. Do you remember the color
Speaker 1: of Y'all? It looked it was kind of velvet, but
Speaker 1: it was like Velt is velvet. I planned that. I
Speaker 1: ain't got it a rainbow. I was like this is okay, okay,
Speaker 1: so it's not really lingerie, but it's a it's a vibe.
Speaker 1: It's a vibe. Yeah, she slept over and she slept over.
Speaker 1: She got up and she made sure I got up
Speaker 1: to go to class and I was like what is
Speaker 1: happening here, and she was just like hey, she's like hey, Um,
Speaker 1: you want something to eat? And I was like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna grab some Thea. She's like you don't
Speaker 1: have time. I went to class. When I got out
Speaker 1: of class she had a bacon, egg and cheese on
Speaker 1: a roll from the Delhi and for me it was
Speaker 1: like Yo, she really just exudes everything that I know
Speaker 1: that I wanted a woman and at the time I
Speaker 1: was eighteen and I was fighting it. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be in a relationship, I want
Speaker 1: to sold my wild oats, I want to I want
Speaker 1: to do this. I'm an athlete and it's everything. Room
Speaker 1: me to her like she's how beautiful she is and
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not lying to you. That was probably
Speaker 1: one of the last things that was on my mind.
Speaker 1: It was everything else. She used to drive the Hostra
Speaker 1: from Brooklyn to see me twice a week. She would
Speaker 1: leave little love notes on the pillow, like when I
Speaker 1: had to go to practice, when I come back, my
Speaker 1: bed would be fully made up and she would have
Speaker 1: a handwritten love note on the pillow and I'm like, Yo, Yo,
Speaker 1: she I was like, who does this? Like handwritten script?
Speaker 1: First of all, my head was hurting trying to read
Speaker 1: this ship because nobody writes the script no more. But
Speaker 1: I was like, it was the details, no, it was.
Speaker 1: It was just those details made me realize, like, no
Speaker 1: matter what, this is the woman I want to spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with, and I just felt
Speaker 1: like I could envision myself taking over the world with her.
Speaker 1: And you see what we're doing here. It's all coming
Speaker 1: to fruition. So, and that's all thanks to y'all. Yes,
Speaker 1: it is all thanks to y'all, because y'all love her
Speaker 1: so much, but realistically, that's what it was, man. She
Speaker 1: just told me. He showed me her true self. She
Speaker 1: never held back. She told me she loved me in
Speaker 1: two weeks. Um, I said thanks, because I didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't know how to respond, and this is what she said.
Speaker 1: She's like, that's okay, and I was like fucking girls
Speaker 1: just so and I just fell in love with her
Speaker 1: and I've been loved with her ever since. So did
Speaker 1: y'all have a good time? I'm asking my time. Did
Speaker 1: y'all have a good time? We had such a great
Speaker 1: time with y'all tonight. Man, best before we leave, I
Speaker 1: like to do this with everyone because we always want
Speaker 1: everyone to leave here feeling like they are going to
Speaker 1: be better tomorrow than they were today. So I asked
Speaker 1: for everybody stand up. I want you to close your eyes,
Speaker 1: close your eye, just be quiet for a minute. Close
Speaker 1: Your eyes, envision the perfect life, the life that you want,
Speaker 1: with the person that you want, doing all the things
Speaker 1: that you want, and I want you to take a
Speaker 1: minute and understand that, if you can envision it, that
Speaker 1: has already happened and since it's already happened, is God's
Speaker 1: will for you to have it. All you have to
Speaker 1: do is claim it. So in this moment, right here,
Speaker 1: before you leave, I want you to say that you
Speaker 1: are going to claim the life that you deserve and
Speaker 1: you desire, but you have to be disciplined, because discipline
Speaker 1: over desire will determine your destination. Everybody opened up your
Speaker 1: eyes that life that you just saw as yours, because
Speaker 1: me and K did that in college and this is
Speaker 1: what we wanted to see and we were able to
Speaker 1: get it. So that's what we're not gonna do. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna say goodbye because we're gonna you everybody here again.
Speaker 1: We family at this point. All right, we're gonna give
Speaker 1: you what we call is that Ellis Goodbye. When I
Speaker 1: say Ellis Goodbye on three, you pat your thrust your
Speaker 1: chest three, two times, one two and you say peace,
Speaker 1: because we're gonna spend love and peace to everybody. So
Speaker 1: Ellis Goodbye. On three, you pat your chest two times
Speaker 1: and we say peace. Ellis goodbye on three, one, two, three, peace.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I heart media podcast
Speaker 1: network and is produced by the Norapinia and triple. Follow
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts
Speaker 1: and never miss a thing.