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Speaker 1: Hey, I'm cadine and we're the ellises. You may know

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Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading

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Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll

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Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh, and one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention. We're married. We are we

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the Lens of a millennial married couple, dead adds

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Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Were about

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Speaker 1: to take phillow talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. What are how you're feeling? Any

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn people in the building with my Brooklyn People in

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Speaker 1: the building? Yes. Any New York people in the building? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Any Jersey people in the building? Yes, I ain't gonna

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Speaker 1: lie of you. I'm tired. Sign Jackson was like Daddy,

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Speaker 1: so what he says? You gotta get sturdy. So I

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Speaker 1: said what is getting sturdy? I'm old now. So I

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Speaker 1: started doing all these dances and ship and I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna get dirty. I think I might

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Speaker 1: have told my meniscus just now that ship is no joke.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to everybody, first and foremost, before we get started.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you, because we had to make some adjustments.

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Speaker 1: You guys came in. You guys that we're here early.

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Speaker 1: You smiled, you love doing us, you are appreciative, so

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Speaker 1: we appreciate you, guys. So give yourself a round of applause.

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Speaker 1: But without any further ado, I know the real reason

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Speaker 1: why y'all here. It ain't because of me. It is

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Speaker 1: not because of me, all right, and I'm gonna tell

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Speaker 1: Yall something right now. This young lady that's about to

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Speaker 1: come out, it's a freaking beast because three days ago

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Speaker 1: she had oral surgery and I wanted to cancel the show,

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Speaker 1: as she said about there's no way we cancel the

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Speaker 1: show on these people. I'M gonna put some ice on

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Speaker 1: my face. Love you too. Roll she puts some mice

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Speaker 1: on her face and she said, baby, that's gonna make

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Speaker 1: some magic and spread some love. So, without further ado,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to bring to the stage my queen, the

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Speaker 1: Queen of not one, not two, not three, but four

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Speaker 1: ways ladies and gentlemen, taking I look good. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: You look good, baby, you look good. Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Do you see? What's up, y'all? Oh, I have seen, seen,

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Speaker 1: have a seen. Yes, man, I got up hear and

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Speaker 1: it just got hot instantly. You know what? I think

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Speaker 1: it is, too. What's up? I think it's the beautiful

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Speaker 1: faces that I see out here in the audience. Chocolate city,

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Speaker 1: chocolate city, chocolate cities. Yes, Oh, look goodness, that's what

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do. We always start who here listen to

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Speaker 1: the podcast every Wednesday. All right, this is this is

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Speaker 1: a little birthday present. Friends. Talking makes you right. I'm

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Speaker 1: have been working, y'all. I'm have been working. You know,

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Speaker 1: nine months ago we had a little Dakota. So my

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Speaker 1: people down front listen. I told him last night and Philly,

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Speaker 1: I got my spanks on, you know. So if you

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Speaker 1: see a little space speak through at the bottom, you

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Speaker 1: let me know. Y'All gotta hold me down right, all right,

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Speaker 1: and if I passed out from holding it in, Y'all

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Speaker 1: know what. I love it. I love it. So you know,

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Speaker 1: we always do karaoke right, but this is very, very

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Speaker 1: different for us because this is dead as podcast live.

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Speaker 1: So this is ain't about us, it's about you. So

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Speaker 1: we want y'all to sing along with us. This is

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Speaker 1: a very popular song for Karaoke and it's going to

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Speaker 1: speak and and and begin what we want to talk

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Speaker 1: about today, which is about loving each other, serving each other. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so DJ give us that Karaoke Baby. See If y'all

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Speaker 1: know this song. Yes, thank you so much. Good job.

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Speaker 1: Y'All did. Y'All already know if you listen to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: The girl'll be trying. But that is not my ministry. Okay, thinking,

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Speaker 1: it's not my ministry, so I'm staying in my lane,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk and we're gonna have a good time tonight. So,

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Speaker 1: D C Oh, we love thank you so much. So

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Speaker 1: we were just in DC a little while ago, two,

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Speaker 1: three weeks ago, with the boys, so we did a

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Speaker 1: whole family trip out here, because we thoroughly believe in

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Speaker 1: making sure that we are taking our boys around to

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Speaker 1: experience not only just having the family experiences in the

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Speaker 1: bonding moments, but learning about who they are, their culture,

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Speaker 1: their roots, where they've come from, all that good stuff.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Are giving them a show now. They they

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Speaker 1: ain't paid for that. Listen that titties popping out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: holding down again. Remember, I told Y'all SPANKS and titties. Okay,

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Speaker 1: thanks and titties. So next story time, I'M gonna take

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Speaker 1: y'all back, way back to three days ago. Three days ago, y'all,

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Speaker 1: remember the time? What were y'all doing? Three days ago?

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Speaker 1: I heard somebody singing. Remember the time. Who was singing?

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Speaker 1: Remember the time. Let me hear them vocals. Real Christ,

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Speaker 1: who hold that thought? We have so much more to say,

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Speaker 1: but not before we get into these ads. Will be

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Speaker 1: right back, y'all. Welcome to dead as podcast. This is

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Speaker 1: a safe space where you have to feel comfortable being

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Speaker 1: exactly who you are without feeling the need of being judged.

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Speaker 1: You understand me, and it's important that we tell you

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Speaker 1: guys that because, like I said, this podcast is not

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Speaker 1: about us, it's about you. So we're gonna be playing

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Speaker 1: a game today and the game is going to involve

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Speaker 1: three couples that are in this audience, right here. So

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Speaker 1: pretty much what happened was we had prompted you guys

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Speaker 1: to write into us. This is the moment where the

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Speaker 1: guys who are here with their significant others get real nervous.

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Speaker 1: Because they're like all ship, don't tell me you wrote

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Speaker 1: us in. Don't tell us you wrote us in. Last

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Speaker 1: night in Philly, this dude down front was just like, please,

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Speaker 1: set you right. You write us in, did you? And

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Speaker 1: of course they were one of the couples. Second, second,

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Speaker 1: second couple. We met an elementary school said he knew

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Speaker 1: that was the story. So pretty much y'all had to

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Speaker 1: write into us. We had triple, our producer, who y'all

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Speaker 1: met a little bit before we came on stage. Give

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Speaker 1: it up for you guys. Are finally able to see

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Speaker 1: trible and you meet her a little bit, because we're

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Speaker 1: always talking about her on the podcast. She's the one

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Speaker 1: that holds us down. She's been with us since the SHURET's.

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Speaker 1: IHEART radio, so we love triple. Triple is also single,

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Speaker 1: in case you didn't tell y'all. Alright, she is single

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Speaker 1: and she's looking for a lovely female. So if there's

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Speaker 1: anybody in the audience that's single, it might be interested

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Speaker 1: in triple. Hit Her in the D M S. that's

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Speaker 1: where it goes down. She's welcoming them. So I am

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Speaker 1: going to read the three love stories of the couples

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Speaker 1: who were selected. All Right, I'm not gonna say the

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Speaker 1: name at first. I'm going to read the love story

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Speaker 1: and then at this point you'll kind of figure out

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Speaker 1: who it is because you know that you wrote in,

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Speaker 1: and I'll announce the names and you guys are gonna

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Speaker 1: make your way over to this side where Donora is standing.

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Speaker 1: Raised your hand to Nora. Everyone, give it up with

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Speaker 1: do nora manager, all right now, and you are gonna

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Speaker 1: make your way up on stage and we're gonna have

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Speaker 1: a little fun tonight. All right, all right, first couple

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Speaker 1: up we are and they gave our their instagram handle.

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Speaker 1: We are crunch field. We are I guess that's their name. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're celebrating twelve years of marriage August, but fourteen years together.

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Speaker 1: My husband was a church boy. I was straight off

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Speaker 1: the streets, okay, I mean drug dealing, rocket wear, jacket,

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Speaker 1: pastuko jeans, Tim's chick. Okay, okay, two thousand six. He

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Speaker 1: saw me at a church women's event. Oh, at a

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Speaker 1: church woman's event. What was doing? A Church Women's event?

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Speaker 1: She was. She was doing hand to hands. That's what

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Speaker 1: she was doing. She had a different kind of offering plane. Huh. Okay, look,

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Speaker 1: I had just got saved and wasn't for no stuff

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Speaker 1: and definitely no pretty yellow boy does she mad gangster.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to see what she looked like, y'all.

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Speaker 1: But about six months later, after he kept trying to

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Speaker 1: get at me, I shot my shot in his myspace messages.

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Speaker 1: We're taking it back to my space and we have

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Speaker 1: been inseparable ever since. Y'All, give it up from Michael

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Speaker 1: and Carrie Crutch all right now. So as Michael and

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Speaker 1: carry make their way down, we're gonna move on to

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Speaker 1: couple number two and as you hear your story, make

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Speaker 1: your way on up. All right. Oh, we have some

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Speaker 1: newly weds in the building. So we are newly weds

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Speaker 1: and we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary on October one.

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Speaker 1: No words could describe our love story. Dead Ass. It

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Speaker 1: was nothing but God. In a nutshell, we met mate.

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Speaker 1: We're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. September, after ten months, we

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Speaker 1: had a bad breakup. Didn't talk for ten months, got

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Speaker 1: back together December. Went through a hell of a healing process. Okay, baby,

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Speaker 1: that's how works. That's how works. Six years later, February,

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Speaker 1: raw proposed. In October one, we got married. I'll give

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Speaker 1: it up for Katrina and rubber, all right, and while

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Speaker 1: we wait for Katrina and Robert, I will bring up

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Speaker 1: the third and I know couple. I'm nosy. I'M gonna listen.

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Speaker 1: I want to read it to a game something my

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Speaker 1: seeing the words right. All right, in that part two,

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Speaker 1: I get hit. All right. Now, most would say it

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Speaker 1: had to be loved, as capital H D had to

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Speaker 1: be loved. That drew an almost forty year old, forty

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Speaker 1: year old woman, never married and no children, to a

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Speaker 1: forty year old divorced father of seven. Check. Heyyy Hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: no judgment, no judgment. Guys, Sky, sky, sky, it's sky's skys. Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: come on up, listen. Listen, y'all. Can Save Y'all judgment

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Speaker 1: for ten P M when the show was over. Okay,

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Speaker 1: not hit us. So not just seven children, but get this,

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Speaker 1: seven preteen, teenage girls. Baby that they don't say that.

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Speaker 1: It's my man, you have the patience of Joe. Michael

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Speaker 1: J K A house and to Chico officially met in

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Speaker 1: twenty Oh nine, fell in love, married in twice and

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Speaker 1: closed the sister circle in officially making House a girl

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Speaker 1: dad of Eight. Wow, congratulations. All right, now he only

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Speaker 1: got the recipe for one type of baby. We've facts.

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Speaker 1: We know all about that, right, they've. We've now been

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Speaker 1: rocking and rolling for eleven years. A blended family like

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Speaker 1: no other team broadband has managed to ride the heights,

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Speaker 1: muddle through the lows and continued together to tell the

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Speaker 1: story and the journey continue. Written. Michael Tshiko, come on,

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Speaker 1: you look beautiful, all of you, all right, so give

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Speaker 1: us your name so we know who's who. We could

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Speaker 1: put the story together. Michael and carry Michael and carry

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Speaker 1: giving up a Michael and carry Yaller one. And we

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Speaker 1: have Katrina, Robert, Katrina and Robert, yes, Girl Dad, and Tasha,

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Speaker 1: Tasha Co all right now, so good to have y'all

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Speaker 1: with US tonight. All right, y'all. So I'm gonna give you,

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Speaker 1: the guys, the rules Um audience. You can also listen

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Speaker 1: to loan, so you can. She'll help us keep score

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Speaker 1: and all that good stuff. All right. So each couple

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Speaker 1: will be standing back to back and you have your

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Speaker 1: marker and your notepad. Let's go back to back, back

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Speaker 1: to back, de Val and I will ask the women

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Speaker 1: and men questions respectively, allowing them to answer for what

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Speaker 1: you believe your spouse would say. So, for example, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to ask the question to the ladies about what

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Speaker 1: the men would say, and Conde is going to ask

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Speaker 1: the question to the gentleman about what the women would say,

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Speaker 1: and you both are answering what you think your spouse

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Speaker 1: would say. You have since y'all, y'all got eight kids.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give You'all eight seconds. Eight seconds to answer,

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Speaker 1: all right. So each player will write down their answer

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Speaker 1: without consulting with their spouse to see who knows they're

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Speaker 1: partner the best. And when the timer goes off. Time

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Speaker 1: is up and we will share the answers book for

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Speaker 1: the last time. No matter what the answer is. Do

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Speaker 1: Not Judge these people until you leave here. Somebody says, listen,

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Speaker 1: all right, all right, are we ready? Babe, you have

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Speaker 1: question number one. Do you remember your question? You need

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Speaker 1: a cute card. I'll do this, all right. Go ahead,

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Speaker 1: let me see if you remember question number one. Ladies,

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Speaker 1: if your husband where did he asked right now how

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Speaker 1: many times a week y'all have sex? What would his

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Speaker 1: answer be? All right, so everyone should have something written

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Speaker 1: down and just read the question again. About the question is, ladies,

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Speaker 1: how many times a week, would your husband or spouse

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Speaker 1: or significant others say y'all have sex per week? How

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Speaker 1: many times people you have sex? Couple number one. All right,

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Speaker 1: let's show the answer at the same time. The show

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Speaker 1: one possible. We have a player over here, Ladies and gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: we have a space player. She said. When in the possible?

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Speaker 1: He said three. So now this is what's funny about this.

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Speaker 1: This was funny about this. We've been doing this for

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Speaker 1: a while. Every time we asked this question, the women

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Speaker 1: always be like no, he's gonna say we never have sex,

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Speaker 1: and the man gonna be like, yeah, we need to

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Speaker 1: have more sex. So to answer always vary. That's a fact. So,

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Speaker 1: like thee with different answers, nobody the truth. You said,

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Speaker 1: he we'll be tied. Understand this. Couple number two still

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Speaker 1: a point. You'RE gonna have a port, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: reports to have and the possible for pot y'all kids. Yeah, kids,

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Speaker 1: and when Y'all got married? I told her first Er.

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Speaker 1: So y'all not really newly? Well, that's two years. Wish. So.

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Speaker 1: So wait, real quack brother. So what do you think?

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Speaker 1: Seems to be the hole back here. I'm a smart man.

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Speaker 1: I won't answer that question. He said he's gonna Smile. Man,

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Speaker 1: listen to two years. He learned a lot. Don't never

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Speaker 1: go against your wife in public. That's a fact. Y'All.

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Speaker 1: Have that conversation in the car. Alright. Now, couple number three,

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Speaker 1: you have seven kids, so you seem like you active.

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Speaker 1: Let's just be honest. He'd probably be walking on a

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Speaker 1: house like this. Definitely to what turn. Oh, see, know

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Speaker 1: each other, know each other. I see you. So we

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Speaker 1: have one point. I have a point. Zero points, but

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Speaker 1: you will have a chance to redeem yourself. Time to

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Speaker 1: redeem yourself. Question number two. All right, if you ride

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Speaker 1: in the car with your spouse and their mother, who

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Speaker 1: would your spouse want to sit in the front? All right,

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Speaker 1: but the mothers exam. Were talking about mom here. J

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Speaker 1: what about that song, Bro, that was you. Number two.

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Speaker 1: Couple of one, mother, mom is riding in the front.

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Speaker 1: So now listen, listen. I told you I don't be judging.

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Speaker 1: Sound like judgment out there. I'm gonna tell you why

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Speaker 1: this is important. I'm gonna tell you why it's important.

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Speaker 1: They both agree that his mom is going to be

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Speaker 1: in the front. Right. So what difference does it make

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Speaker 1: if everybody else feels something different. If they're in agreement,

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Speaker 1: it don't matter. That's how marriage works. There we go.

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Speaker 1: So now you got wanted to have point. Couple of

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Speaker 1: number three. Three to one. Wife. Okay, wife Down Front. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: that's two points, y'all. On the point, he said, my

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Speaker 1: mother been in the car. What's your mother saying? She

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Speaker 1: don't want to be in the front. See, my mom

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Speaker 1: literally said the same thing. My Mom said Hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is after we got engaged, because before we got

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Speaker 1: engaged my mom used to be in the front. After

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Speaker 1: we got engaged, my mom came over to me. She

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Speaker 1: said Hey, baby Tekadine, go ahead and get in the

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Speaker 1: front seat, and I was like why? She said trust me.

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Speaker 1: I was like all right, then I started to realize

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Speaker 1: what was happening here. She was like, your wife always

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Speaker 1: has to come first. Over your mom was something that

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Speaker 1: I learned and was something I learned and I worked

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Speaker 1: for us. Couple number one me wife all day. Wife. Wife.

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Speaker 1: All right. So here we go. We got three correct answers.

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Speaker 1: Three correct answers. That means they're on the same page.

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Speaker 1: They definitely are. Yes, all right, you got your next

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Speaker 1: question ready? Yes, I do. All right, now it's right

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Speaker 1: up in here. Ladies, if you had to give you

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Speaker 1: a partner an a plus in this sexual position, every

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Speaker 1: question about sex. Do you notice that the car you

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Speaker 1: picked all the sex questions? It was on the car ahead?

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Speaker 1: If you had to give your partner a plus in

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Speaker 1: this sexual position, what would it be? So who are

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Speaker 1: we asking? The ladies were asking ladies. So, if you

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Speaker 1: were giving your spouse an a plus in the sexual position,

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Speaker 1: what would it be that he does that? Just you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, pens down, see people trying to change things.

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Speaker 1: Don't be peeking over that shoulder. We got, we got take.

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Speaker 1: We can rewind coping on the three of you guys

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Speaker 1: up first, three to one. Bang, Oh, missions, they disagree. Okay, y'all,

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Speaker 1: gotta recap that one. Like to look into your eyes.

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Speaker 1: Lay Down, baby, let me see you while I'm here

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Speaker 1: right now. That's why you got so many kids. You're

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Speaker 1: making love right. That's a fact. Do you know what

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Speaker 1: we've been doing? Every day? Every day? Number number one,

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Speaker 1: number one, eat that thing, eat that thing, he said.

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Speaker 1: All of them, all of them. See, start with your

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Speaker 1: first a freak couple. Number two. There you go, boys too.

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Speaker 1: I love that just like me. Oh Yeah, when the

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Speaker 1: time comes, if you would like children, chances are that's

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Speaker 1: the recipe right there. All right, so this question is

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Speaker 1: for my ladies. If you were to give your spouse

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Speaker 1: a whole pass, what celebrity would they use it for?

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Speaker 1: or which celebrity would they use it for? It's funny.

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Speaker 1: Every time we asked this question right, all the men

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Speaker 1: start sweating. It's hypothetical. It's hypothetical, hypothetical. All right, all right,

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Speaker 1: who's up? Two, you're up first. Three, two, what go? Christina, Milia,

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Speaker 1: Laura Lonley, Laura London, Christina Milian. I mean you gotta

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Speaker 1: Type Right. They kind of have a tight they go

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Speaker 1: to the same person. There you get another half, a point,

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Speaker 1: another halt, because on everything I thought that Lauren London

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Speaker 1: wasn't loved, an't cost the thing, but that was Christina. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: couple of number three, three to one. Oh, did they

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Speaker 1: get it? I'll with them, y'all, with them. They know

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Speaker 1: each other, y'all, they know each other. Janet Jackson essence

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Speaker 1: fest this year. Did anyone go to essence festancy Janet perform?

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Speaker 1: Baby Jane has not missed the beat. Okay, all right,

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Speaker 1: she was bombed a couple of number one. So now Lathan,

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Speaker 1: and who you have? You had nobody. What happened? Celebrity

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Speaker 1: right there? Give me four, give me, yes, say that

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Speaker 1: you go, Girl. How many years you been in the game? Twelve.

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Speaker 1: That's why, from I don't know, nobody got your celebrity right.

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Speaker 1: Nobody but you baby talk about you're gonna half a

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Speaker 1: point for that because it was a dope answer. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: she even out the possible. Over I see it. She

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Speaker 1: did said one of the possibles. All right, last question

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Speaker 1: of the day. Last question of the day. WHO said

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Speaker 1: I love you first, and where did they say it?

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Speaker 1: It's a two part question. If you get both right,

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Speaker 1: you get two points. Now this is where the fights

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00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 1: always happened, right here. Now, this is the portion of

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Speaker 1: the show, Lord, so we're gonna start coming up with two.

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Speaker 1: Breathe to one go. All right, so they got one

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Speaker 1: part right. She said it first, but this is a description.

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Speaker 1: Whether it was that apartment or let me ask a question.

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Speaker 1: Were you in your apartment on the phone? I mean,

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Speaker 1: there we go. I mean, Y'all get two points. Y'All

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Speaker 1: got two points. Coming on a three, three to one. House, home, Um,

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Speaker 1: but who said it first? Oh, your name is house. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm a what the fuck? We forgot confused. She answered

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Speaker 1: the second question twice, like you know, people are high

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Speaker 1: stool on those ships, so they gonna see, see, see, see, see.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, poor thing. Okay, so you get

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Speaker 1: two points. Yes, yes, the House said it in the House.

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Speaker 1: Very nice. Okay, very good. Okay, so we agree that

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Speaker 1: it was he said. At first he didn't know where, though.

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Speaker 1: She said on the steps at Kiana's house. We want

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Speaker 1: to know WHO's Kiana? No, so they got one point.

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Speaker 1: So who won? I'm gonna Tell You who one I'm

358
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Speaker 1: gonna tell you who won. Everybody, Ush your mouth, Hush

359
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,959
Speaker 1: your mouth. I think it was three. They all win.

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Speaker 1: You want to know why? Anybody who is brave enough

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00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: to come up in here and speak the truth in

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00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: front of a crowd of strangers always wins. Yes, get

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Speaker 1: all the stay. No, everybody getting around. The drinks on me.

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00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 1: Make sure you go to the back. Tell him that

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00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 1: the val sent you. Come on. Yes, bartend and staff,

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00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: how come up with some drinks. With some drinks, don't

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00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: enjoy yourselves. Get real sauces. Go home tonight. Don't have

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00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 1: no more kids already. Don't got no, no diapers. There

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00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 1: was already a similar shortage all summer. Now we know

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00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: why bet when you and nick cannon. All right, before

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00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: you keep going, let's stop for a quick second. WE'RE

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00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 1: gonna go pay some bills. We're gonna be right back,

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Speaker 1: so hold that thought. Now we get into the podcast.

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Speaker 1: We typically like to do that as an ice breaker

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Speaker 1: because we like to get to know y'all. You know,

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00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: this isn't really about us. Um, there is no blueprint

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00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 1: to love or life. were all out here guessing. Figure out. Alright,

378
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: they already told me at the ball you got shots

379
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: for everybody. On my cut right, cut, Hilton stab off.

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00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 1: But no, Um, baby, what's up? Let's talk a little

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00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 1: bit about D c. We Um, you know, we almost

382
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: moved to d C. Yes, it was two thousand and nineteen. Yes,

383
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: the pandemic was like on his break. In the beginning

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00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: we were living in Calabasas, and Calabasas just didn't feel

385
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: like us. You know, we east New Yorkers, were Black Yorkers,

386
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: came down. Oh yes, yes, yes, definitely, okay, I sing. Y'All.

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Speaker 1: How about my island? Massive. Anybody from Jamica, JEMERICA, rich? Yes,

388
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 1: love it. Before you started, there was a couple that

389
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: just got married. I was gonna shout them out. We

390
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 1: sort them in the meet and greet. Where are they?

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00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: Where are they? Well, there was a couple that just

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00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: got married. We had all actually, I'm just a Asia

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00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: and Q. Those are the two names I remember. A couple. Yes,

394
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: but we almost moved to D C because we learned

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00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: a lot about the history and of course it's called

396
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: chocolate city. Did you know that D C was the

397
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 1: place where most free black people started in America? Did

398
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: you guys know that? Yes, right, and of course during

399
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: reconstruction they migrated west and they migrated north looking for

400
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: work and stuff like that. But D C has a

401
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: lot of history, especially with all of the great universities

402
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: that here. We were just recently here with the boys,

403
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: and part of the reason why we wanted to move

404
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: to D C is because we wanted to raise our

405
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 1: children in a place that looks like them. You understand

406
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: what I'm saying? And, Um, we do. We do say

407
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: a lot of jokes. We'd like to break the ice,

408
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: talk about sex and stuff like that. It's funny, but

409
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: we really want you guys to leave here feeling like

410
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: you've been filled up, you know what I'm saying, like

411
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: I feel better. I want to be better tomorrow than

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00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 1: I am today. So we want to talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit about creating a safe space for our young people.

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Speaker 1: How many parents do we have here in the building?

415
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 1: All right, yea deep, deep, deep, deep. And how many

416
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: singles in the room? Singles, my brother single. Did Mark?

417
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: I know that already. Tristan raised a hand. We're looking

418
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: for a nice young lady for him. All right. Is

419
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: He mingling? He's probably mingling. Knowing him, he probably mingling,

420
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: probably buying people drinks on my time. I mean, you're

421
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: gonna have a that's a real little brother ship for sure.

422
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: And then our married couples, all right, and then our

423
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 1: couples who were dating in situation ships. You know well

424
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: that dating couples like nobody. Put the phone over there

425
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: because they're gonna pull me up for a game now. Right.

426
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: And can this couple right here, they're about to get married,

427
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: right here, right, yes, everybody, send them some love. They're

428
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: getting married to weeks start getting married. Were sending all

429
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: the positive energy and positive love that and they downfront

430
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: and center. They're like weld trying to get all the

431
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: gyms today right. Yes, but no, we actually loved D

432
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 1: see a lot because of the history and we wanted

433
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: to kind of talk a little bit about how we

434
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 1: create safe spaces for our boys. Um for example, like

435
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: I said, we were living in Calabasas and I'll never

436
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: forget Jack came home one day and it's the first

437
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: time he had corn rolls and he said people kept

438
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: trying to touch his here and they were like man,

439
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: you're cool, you got braids. And then another kids said

440
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: to him, you know, you're really, really cool. You Got

441
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 1: Braids and you got Jordan's which, if you're not black,

442
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: you don't understand, like that's a microaggression for you cool

443
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: because you're black. And I'll never forget this story Jackson.

444
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: As y'all know, we're fair skin we go to his

445
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: class and he's the only black kid in his class, right,

446
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: and there's a bunch of pictures on the wall, right,

447
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: and the pictures are self portraits, and we're looking at

448
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: all of these pictures and all of the pictures are

449
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: painted pink because the white people painted themselves pink. And

450
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,959
Speaker 1: we see one little picture right and it's the darkest

451
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: shade of Brown I've ever seen in my life. Right.

452
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: So now all the parents are looking up there and

453
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: they're just like looking for the green eyes. I'm trying

454
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: to figure out, you know, the Blue Eyes. Which one is.

455
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: Megan and I woke up in between them. I say

456
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: I'm looking for the Brown eyes. I'm trying to find out,

457
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 1: and they didn't know whether to laugh or not. But

458
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: it kind of like resonated with me that when you

459
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: put your children in places where they don't feel comfortable,

460
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 1: it's difficult for them to exist freely, and I realized

461
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: that that's part of the reason why we moved to Atlanta,

462
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: was because we wanted to put our children in a

463
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: place where they can see themselves and see people around

464
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: them be successful and if we when I look at

465
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 1: this audience, I see a bunch of happy, successful, loving people.

466
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: So shout out to y'all. Anybody out here been to HBCUS?

467
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: I know that I'm so jealous. I really wish that

468
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: we did develop I went to Austra, out in Long

469
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: Island and New York and I think that's one of

470
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: my biggest like if I could do it all over again, moments,

471
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: I would have definitely attended. Ah, see you. Yeah, somebody

472
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: needs to like bring me on. It's like an honorary

473
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: and well, and this is the funny thing, because we

474
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: don't speak about why black people choose to go to

475
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: P W wise, for instance. I I was the thought

476
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 1: process was, I have to learn how to deal with

477
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: what the world looks like, right, so if I go

478
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,919
Speaker 1: to a college that's predominantly white, the world is predominantly white,

479
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: I'll learn more about how to deal with that situation.

480
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: But now I have friends who graduated from H B

481
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: C us and they tell me how they've been prepared

482
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: for the world and taught their history. All I do

483
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 1: is spend time teaching my son's history and I realized,

484
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: like man, they couldn't really benefit from going to Hbcu.

485
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: So we're starting to ingrain in them from young like

486
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: we know you athletes. You could be one of the

487
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: first generations to say I'm a five star, I'm gonna

488
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: go to Howard or I'm gonna go to Hampton or

489
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to Spellman, and that's I hear you.

490
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: So shout out to all of y'all for going to

491
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: H B C us. But look, we have about thirty

492
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: seven minutes and you know what we want to do

493
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: with these thirty seven minutes. We wanna talk to Y'all

494
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 1: want you want to talk to Y'all in the podcast.

495
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: But first of all, who's listening to the season of

496
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: the podcast? Yeah, and I've been asking in every stop.

497
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:16,840
Speaker 1: What's been a favorite episode this season so far? Family, selling,

498
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: GRANDMA's your spouse. Very nice. That was a good one.

499
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 1: Nice Selling Granny's house. Anybody listen this week? Selling? All right,

500
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: so we're gonna do listener letters live. We're gonna DO

501
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: I've listened to this because you know it has my

502
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 1: favorite part of the show, because I'll be only your

503
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 1: business because y'all do right in. So we had normally

504
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 1: on the show will have you guys write in and

505
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,919
Speaker 1: triple will go through and she'll pick some listener letters

506
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 1: and we will answer them at the end of every episode.

507
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: But what we're gonna do here today is we're gonna

508
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:47,439
Speaker 1: have a microphone that I believe Donora or a triple has. Okay,

509
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: so we have triple over here, we have donora on

510
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: this side. So we want to hear from y'all if

511
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,320
Speaker 1: you have any questions. You want to talk about some stuff,

512
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: what's on your mind? We want to hear from you.

513
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 1: So put your hand up and we will make our

514
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 1: way over to you. So go ahead, y'all. I see

515
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: a hand right here in front. That was the first hand.

516
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: Don't be shy here. Okay, trouble's gonna come around to you. Okay,

517
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm a little embarrassed. They're gonna judge you at the

518
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 1: ten o'clock okay, I'm drea from D C. Happy to

519
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: be here. Yes, okay, so this is super deep. Okay,

520
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: so I was with my college sweetheart for forever. Um,

521
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,760
Speaker 1: we got engaged a year after well, during the pandemic,

522
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: in October, and so January, Um, about February actually, he

523
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 1: decided he didn't want to get married anymore at when

524
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: we decided, but he wanted to push it back a

525
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: year until okay, so fast forward to two thousand and

526
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:07,839
Speaker 1: one to one, Um, October. He then decided, Um, I'm

527
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: really not feeling like I want to get married anymore. Right.

528
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: So I'M gonna ask from you guys from you know,

529
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: being together from college. I don't want to say like

530
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 1: an immature what should I do, but, like I'm feeling

531
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: like part of me wants to write it out, you know,

532
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: with the man that I love, who I thought was

533
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 1: my soulmate. But then the other part of me is like,

534
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: do I just drop this man and move on? We

535
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: also should. We also should add that the primary driver

536
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: of this is probably Um, a family member. We won't

537
00:37:52,600 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: announce who that family member is. Don't you start his

538
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: mother out out, okay. So seriously, I come from a

539
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: family who they were together, the only people they've ever

540
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 1: been with. Right. So they're like, write it through, you

541
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 1: got this. But then the other part of me is like,

542
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 1: is this normal? But but he was clear about the

543
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: fact that he doesn't think he wants to be married.

544
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: He was clear that he wanted to be married, but

545
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: then he wanted to get to know each other more

546
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: after he already proposed. I had a ring on my finger.

547
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: I clearly don't have a ring on my finger anymore,

548
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 1: but I still love this man. So I think that's

549
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: the dilemma. Is like, we've been together on and off

550
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:50,760
Speaker 1: since but seriously, since twenty nineteen. I am so boom.

551
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 1: I mean this, this is the first thing I'm gonna say.

552
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: All Right, oh, it's the first thing I want to

553
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 1: say thank you, thank you, thank you. We like to

554
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: have fun, but this is a serious situation, I feel

555
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: so thank you for sharing that with us so understanding.

556
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: It's that everything we say is always going to be

557
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 1: in jest because it has to be fun, but we're

558
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 1: gonna give you some truth, all right, the first thing,

559
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: this is the first thing, when someone is honest with

560
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: you about what they want and what they need. Believe now.

561
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: So if he says he doesn't want to be married

562
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 1: and you want to be married, that may not be

563
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: the person that you want to be married too. Or

564
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: it made me that y'all may not be available at

565
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: the same time, but since this is a time where

566
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: you feel like you want now here is, I'm gonna

567
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: ask a question. Are you willing to try to meet

568
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: other people to see who is willing to get married,

569
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: or do you love this man so much you are

570
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: willing to wait until he's ready to get married? Don't

571
00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 1: listen to nobody else but yourself. You stand what I'm

572
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: saying because you're the only person has to live with

573
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 1: this situation. Yeah, you under staying. The main thing we

574
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: do is we feel pressure from other people to not

575
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: look quote, unquote stupid. I don't want to look stupid,

576
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna do what everybody else says I should do.

577
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's not just pressure to feel stupid, but

578
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: there's that societal pressure. There's the pressure that you have

579
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: this timeline or this clock that's ticking, which is very real.

580
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: Talk about that, and there's a timeline that you have

581
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: in your mind that you're saying, well, ship, we've been

582
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 1: danking for the past what you said, two thousand nineties.

583
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: That's three years. You knowing each other for about seven

584
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: years and you kind of feel like you're invested in

585
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: this situation and it's about time that something happens. Val

586
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: and I had that similar situation. Yea. Although we both

587
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: wanted to be married, we had different time frames of

588
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: when the marriage would happen, but we had a similar situation.

589
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,320
Speaker 1: And all of black twitter cuss me out because I

590
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: said that she pressured me. But I'M gonna be honest

591
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,399
Speaker 1: about this. Right there is an undeniable pressure that goes

592
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: into marrying a woman when you ask her, and it's

593
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 1: your responsive response as ability as a man to provide

594
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 1: for her right. So when I asked her to get married,

595
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: I was under that influence, like this is my wife,

596
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna ask her to have kids, I have

597
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,879
Speaker 1: to be able to pay the bills. If she's having

598
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 1: a baby, I have been able to take on all

599
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: the financial responsibilities. During the time I had just got

600
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,759
Speaker 1: cut and lost my job. So I was like, I

601
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm ready to get married now, not

602
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: because I'm not in love, but can I handle that responsibility? Codeine. Admittedly,

603
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 1: so says she was only focused on having a wedding,

604
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 1: and this is a part that women don't like to admit,

605
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: but she says she was focused on the wedding. I

606
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 1: was focused on the marriage. So I felt pressure and

607
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: when I said I wasn't ready to get married, she

608
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: was taken back, like what's wrong with me? And I'm like,

609
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with you, I gotta make sure my

610
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: house is in order. And a lot of times I

611
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 1: feel like men get that bad rap when we're not

612
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,919
Speaker 1: when we say not ready, and sometimes it's fear. It's fear.

613
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,879
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with you, that's his own

614
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 1: insecurities that he's projecting, but sometimes we don't know how

615
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 1: to express it. I didn't express it, probably to her

616
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: when we were at that moment, because I didn't know

617
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: what to say. I was also only twenty seven at

618
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 1: the time, so I was just like, uh, I think

619
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,959
Speaker 1: we just need to wait, and she was like why?

620
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 1: I was like, because there's just some things I need

621
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 1: to work out and I just don't know if I'm

622
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: ready right now. That's horrible communication, but at seven, how

623
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 1: do you know how to communicate? In my mind, I think, Um,

624
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: what develop has done a great job of doing, at

625
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 1: least with me since we met, was actually trying to

626
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: be a good communicator. You tried and in having such

627
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 1: great faith in Him and knowing his work ethic and

628
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 1: his drive, and I just felt like, you know, at

629
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: that time we had already owned two properties because you

630
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: were coming out of the NFL, you were in transitions

631
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,800
Speaker 1: because you just lost your job and retired. But I

632
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: just had the utmost faith that we were gonna figure

633
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 1: it out, like we were going to do it together, guardless,

634
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: and and it didn't matter how it was gonna happen,

635
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: but it was gonna happen. So whether we had the wedding,

636
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:05,800
Speaker 1: he's like, do you want the wedding or do you

637
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: want the house? I'm like shout. I want both. Like,

638
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: how is that gonna Happen For us? You know, because

639
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 1: also to like I said, in my mind I'm like ship,

640
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm rolling on. I want to have my first kid

641
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: by thirty, I want to have a house. There all

642
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 1: these things in my mind that I had mapped out.

643
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 1: And what happens when she don't go according to plan?

644
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: So I understand how you feel. You understand how you feel,

645
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: but only you can make a decision to you really

646
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 1: want to sit and Wagh that out, and I think

647
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: it's worth having more open dialogue and conversations with him

648
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: if he is the type to communicate out loud for it.

649
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: Have you ever expressed to him, as you want to

650
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: get married, why you want to get married and what

651
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: your needs are? Have you ever expressed that to in

652
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 1: so what she said was she's expressed that she wants to,

653
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 1: but she hasn't given a why. And the reason why

654
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 1: that's important is because if he doesn't understand why it's

655
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,439
Speaker 1: important for you to get married right now, he can't

656
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 1: even fathom why it's that important period. So you have

657
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 1: to express that before you make a decision and be

658
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 1: ready for whatever his response is, because if you give

659
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 1: him the Y and he says, I don't care. Now

660
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: you have the right to say I'm ready to move

661
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: on because we're not aligned. But if you say the

662
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: Y and he goes, Oh wow, I never thought about that.

663
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 1: Let's make a plan. That's somebody you want to work

664
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,839
Speaker 1: together with. So don't just discard it, don't just throw

665
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: it away. Have the conversation and trying to figure out

666
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: how y'all can meet in the middle. Alright, good, Lexus Drea,

667
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: dre A, right, good luck to you. Yes, all right,

668
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: that was a good first question. What's next? Okay, what

669
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 1: do we have? I said a couple of hands coming up.

670
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: I got a question. Wait. Yeah, everybody giving up? The

671
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 1: woman who keeps my husband fine, caroline sharp Um. So

672
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: how do you deal with a per uson as defensive like,

673
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 1: where it's hard to have? Don't look at me like

674
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: it's hold on, hold on, because the first night we

675
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 1: did to show in New York. You're saying how you

676
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: was defensive at first. How did you handle that and

677
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: still be able to carry on the conversation without not

678
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: being able to get past the confrontational part? You know,

679
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: long walks and alcohol, hell, little marijuana facts yeah, I

680
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,879
Speaker 1: tend to be the one who developed claims to label defensive. Wait,

681
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 1: I label you defensive. All you defensive. There needs to

682
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 1: be some accounts that have defensive moments. I have defensive

683
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: moments and that's just something that I think stems from

684
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 1: just my upbringing, my childhood, things that were never discussed

685
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 1: when I was younger. So it's just like, okay, when

686
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: it comes to communicating and having to I've always had

687
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: to portray, portray, and I've always tried to be that

688
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 1: perfect child and that perfect wife and that perfect mom.

689
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,320
Speaker 1: So if I feel like someone is putting me in

690
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 1: a position to or not, I do have moments where

691
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: I may get defensive. Yes, I do have moments, but

692
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't think it's me being defensive. I feel

693
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: as though if my husband, I feel as though if

694
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: my husband is in a position where he feels like, okay, Kadine,

695
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: you did something that I'm not in agreement with. I

696
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 1: don't this make me happy, I don't approve of what

697
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: you did, I feel like I owe to him an

698
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 1: explanation of how I arrived at my choice. Would you

699
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: say that's fair? Okay, because, because I'm not about to

700
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: be doing stuff just willing nearly for no reason, as

701
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: if I'm being irresponsible. So there's a lot of times

702
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 1: thought and decision that goes into me arriving at a

703
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: particular destination. DEVO does not like to hear that. At times,

704
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 1: devout prefers, he prefers for me to just listen to him,

705
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: to understand where he's coming for Um, and then that

706
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 1: be it. I can listen to you, I can understand

707
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, but does is it not worth

708
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: me than saying I understand how you feel, but here's

709
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: why I made the decision I made. I feel like

710
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 1: that's just necessary in a conversation. But in his eyes

711
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: that's me being defensive and making an excuse and trying

712
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: to backtrack and backpedal, and I'm like, Bro, no, I'm

713
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 1: just trying to take you through the chain of events.

714
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: So you know how how I arrived at this destination.

715
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 1: But label made defensive. Baby, labeled me defensive. Are you

716
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: are you know I'm about to give you a solution,

717
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: because she's done being defensive. So y'all literally got a

718
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 1: chance to see what I go through sometimes in a relationship.

719
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: I'm not asking you why you did something because your

720
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 1: why doesn't matter to me. For example, if you slap

721
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: me in the face, do I care why you slap

722
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 1: me in the face? No, I'm just trying to explain

723
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,360
Speaker 1: to you how that slap affected me. And when you

724
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: when I'm explaining to you how the slap affected me,

725
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: you not acknowledging that you slap me and it hurts,

726
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: hurts me again, while you spend time defending why you

727
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: had to slap me that. That doesn't work for me.

728
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. This is how I feel

729
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,399
Speaker 1: if someone comes to you and says, listen, you did

730
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: something that hurt me. When my wife comes to me

731
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 1: and says hey, devout, I feel a way about this,

732
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 1: my first response isn't let me give you all the

733
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: reasons why I did what I did. My first thing is, wow,

734
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: what did I do and what can I do to

735
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: be better so that I don't repeat the behavior? So

736
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 1: as let me listen, I slapped you in the face. Okay,

737
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:51,399
Speaker 1: how did that make you feel? Baby? I Apologize. I'm

738
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 1: not gonna slap you in the face no more. I'm

739
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 1: gonna work on being better. I'm not gonna spend hours

740
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 1: trying to convince her why my slap was justified, and

741
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: that's what being defensive is, and I think a lot

742
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 1: of people, I think a lot of people who are defensive,

743
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: don't realize that they're doing that. You understand what I'm saying? No, no,

744
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. Does anybody understand where I'm

745
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 1: coming from? Because we we literally argue about this all

746
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,320
Speaker 1: the time. Doesn't like apology. So he says apologize and

747
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 1: say x Y Z. Devel would be like, don't apologize.

748
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 1: To me, change behavior is the best apology. Right. Yes,

749
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that. Okay, cool. So I'm not gonna say,

750
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 1: you know, I'm sorry, I did X Y Z, but

751
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: you don't at least want to know why I arrived

752
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: at that, that flat, for example. So this is a

753
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 1: this is very important. This is very important because tiff

754
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: acts the question right. Being defensive doesn't only only mean

755
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: that you defend your point, it means that you're not

756
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 1: even willing to have an open conversation and you keep

757
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,359
Speaker 1: trying to defend your point without hearing what your partners saying.

758
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: That's what you literally just did that just now, before

759
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: I get to say a word, you started defending all

760
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 1: of your points. Did she not ladies and gentlemen. So

761
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 1: y'all gotta Y'all got a chance to see it in

762
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 1: real time. Being defensive it's not only defending your point.

763
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: Being defensive means my words are more important than yours. So,

764
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: no matter what you say, I'm going to defend my

765
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 1: point first. That's what being defensive is. So I think

766
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 1: it takes one of the partners to say, you know what,

767
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: I understand how my partner communicates. This is what I

768
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 1: learned to do tiff. I don't I don't blame her

769
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: and I don't shame her for being who she is.

770
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 1: So I don't say, Oh, she's defensive this. I let

771
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 1: her say her point. Because so what tiffs said was,

772
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: do I feel like I lose my voice because I'm

773
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: letting her speak first? I don't. We're doing we're doing

774
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,399
Speaker 1: this for life, which means we have nothing but time.

775
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,760
Speaker 1: So to me, it doesn't matter who says it first.

776
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: I learned. I've learned to say, you know what, I'm

777
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 1: gonna Talk. Okay, how she I feel, and before I

778
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:17,440
Speaker 1: can finish saying how I feel, she's going to tell

779
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 1: me eight thousand reasons why she did what she did

780
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 1: to avoid the argument I'm gonna let her get all

781
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: of that out. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that

782
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 1: I understand why you did what you did, but I'm

783
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 1: gonna still tell her I understand what you did, why

784
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: you did what you did, but it still hurt me.

785
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:39,840
Speaker 1: And do you understand that? No matter how you justify

786
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,479
Speaker 1: what you did, it still hurt me? And we've learned

787
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: to communicate that way. A lot of times people say

788
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,320
Speaker 1: I gotta speak first or I need to have the

789
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,800
Speaker 1: last word. I don't give a shit about having a

790
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:51,719
Speaker 1: last word. I just want to make sure we both

791
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: have an understanding. When you understand how your partner communicates,

792
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: I no longer be like your defensive this I'm not

793
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 1: having a conversation. I let her speak the same way.

794
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: I'm mule headed, I'm very strong minded, so I believe

795
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,800
Speaker 1: my way is right all the time. So she's learned

796
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,800
Speaker 1: to be like, you know what, let me listen to

797
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Yes, we've kind of had it down

798
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:14,839
Speaker 1: to like a recipe. So it's the point. We don't

799
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 1: even really get into arguments like that. No more tip.

800
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 1: It's not even like a defense battle. It's literally like,

801
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: all right, here's the process here is okay, here we

802
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 1: gotta disagreement. Here we go. So it's literally like a

803
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: sparring match, but it's a very amicable one at this

804
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: point because we literally just letting each other air out

805
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 1: what it is, seeing if we can come to some

806
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,320
Speaker 1: sort of agreement, if it's required. Where is we have

807
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 1: moments where we're like, you know what, we're not, we're

808
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:37,919
Speaker 1: just not gonna agree on this. And is it really

809
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 1: that big of a battle that we really have to

810
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 1: continue to take at? Are we just gonna let this

811
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: year rock right now? Um, but in real time, y'all,

812
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: you can see how we go back, for it's literally

813
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 1: how it is. But the most important thing is the

814
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: acknowledgement of understanding. She can be defensive and I can

815
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 1: be narrow minded, but if I can acknowledge that I

816
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,840
Speaker 1: understand what she's coming from and she can acknowledge that

817
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 1: she understands what I'm coming from, we can come to

818
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:02,240
Speaker 1: an agreement. Being defensive is just one way to argue.

819
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 1: Being mule head is just one way to argue. Once

820
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 1: you realize that about your partner, just be like, all right, well,

821
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 1: I understand how she's gonna Respond. Let me get my

822
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 1: point across and understand her point. So you're never gonna

823
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 1: stop a defensive person from being defensive, the same way

824
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: you're never gonna stop a mule headed person from being

825
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 1: mule headed, but you have to agree to work on

826
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 1: understanding their perspective, and that's really what it is. And

827
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: as long as you can agree that I understand where

828
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,359
Speaker 1: you're coming from, you can work on being better because,

829
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: like I said, okay, I don't know. I don't believe

830
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:35,759
Speaker 1: in apologies. The best apologies change behavior. Don't apologize and

831
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: slap me in the face again. You know what I'm saying.

832
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 1: Apologize and then say I'm going to do better and

833
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: live better. So I gotta I gotta Stalker alert. Back here.

834
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:49,960
Speaker 1: This young lady got up out of her seat, found

835
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:51,920
Speaker 1: me with a microphone and told me she had a

836
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: question by the bar. Okay, we see you back here.

837
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:03,320
Speaker 1: How are you? Hi, My name is Gabrielle. I just

838
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 1: want to say canine and De Voo, me and my boyfriend,

839
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 1: we love you all. We Watch your podcast, we watch

840
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: a show, we watch your instagram, we watch your facebook, everything,

841
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 1: everything that you can think of. Ain't that right back?

842
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right. Okay, okay, so I was late

843
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 1: and filling out the information, so I wasn't able to

844
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: put the information on about our relationship. But, as I said,

845
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 1: My Name Is Gabrielle, I am twenty seven and I'm

846
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:41,799
Speaker 1: on tour and I'm fifty seven. All right, all right, now,

847
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: does that sound like one of Y'all podcasts that you

848
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: just had? What's that? Please continue, I want to hear

849
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:58,919
Speaker 1: the question. Yeah, Y'all just had a whole podcast. I said,

850
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 1: I listened to Y'all. Right, yeah, y'all just had a

851
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:05,280
Speaker 1: whole podcast about older men's dating younger women, younger women

852
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 1: the men. Right, we've been together for six years. Okay,

853
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:16,399
Speaker 1: we're not a man. It's the math, math, we don't

854
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:20,839
Speaker 1: need no mathematicians. Okay, okay, you see the math, man,

855
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: mathematicians are here tonight. We've been together for six years,

856
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 1: ups and downs, baby, ups and downs, and we relate

857
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,840
Speaker 1: to a lot that you all talk about. Okay. So,

858
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 1: so we've meant to New Jersey, we're coming back home.

859
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 1: We're listening to your podcast and I'm like, baby, that's you.

860
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 1: He's like no, baby, that's you. He's you deval and Canine.

861
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 1: I'm you okay, the question is. My question is we

862
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 1: got the background I had to give your head. We

863
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 1: didn't get selected as one of the couples. I give

864
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 1: you that. My question is, my man loved big asses. Okay,

865
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 1: he loved that asses. All Right, now, I'm natural. I

866
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: got what I got. That's what I got. Now my

867
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 1: question is, I told him, I told him myself, baby,

868
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get surgery, so so I can get

869
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 1: what you want to look at. Okay, he don't want

870
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: me to do that because he don't want other men

871
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 1: to look at me. So my question is, how should

872
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 1: I go about him continuing to look at women with

873
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 1: big asses and I just have an average ass. Do

874
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: we got a spotlight so we can see how big

875
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,399
Speaker 1: her asses? Let's see what she's working. We're back there.

876
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 1: I mean it's moving. I'm gonna make this very, very simple.

877
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 1: It's definitely I'm gonna make this very simple. Can you

878
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: give him the MIC real quick? Can you give him

879
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 1: the mic real quick, real quick. That's very simple. Okay, awesome,

880
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 1: my man, my man, real quick, do you do? You

881
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,919
Speaker 1: Love Her ass? So then that's all that matters. Baby,

882
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:20,439
Speaker 1: I don't know why you even focus on anything. Else

883
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 1: social media will have you fucked up, because women will

884
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: look at all of this stuff and say, Dang, that's

885
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 1: what my man wants. He wants you, that's why he's

886
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: here with you. Also, don't, don't compare yourself to other women.

887
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: It's so easy to fall into that. It's easy to

888
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: do that. If he didn't want to be with you,

889
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be with you. It's that simple. But I

890
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: will say this. He never gonna stop looking. I look

891
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 1: at us all the time. Hey, look at us all

892
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 1: the time. Baby sending me assis like I do appreciate beautiful.

893
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: INSTAGRAM is an APP to look at. Right and, just

894
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 1: to be honest, here's a very transparent moment. Right, very

895
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 1: transparent moment. I hate having a beard. The ship is itchy.

896
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:13,880
Speaker 1: I hate it. But you know who likes beards? Her?

897
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 1: You know who. You know how? I know, because she'd

898
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:22,760
Speaker 1: be on instagram looking at Man with beards. Flat understand.

899
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 1: Don't gonna look at who I'm following now. I know

900
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 1: you'RE gonna go to my kids to see who I'm following.

901
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 1: That this is the truth, Bro that never changes. Just

902
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: because you meet somebody and you fall in love with

903
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 1: this doesn't mean that everybody else just instantly becomes unattractive.

904
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 1: That's not how that works. If you think that that's

905
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: gonna Happen, you in for disappointment. seriously. But when someone

906
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: chooses you, they choose you for a reason. I choose

907
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: her for a reason. I'M gonna look at women. Women

908
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:52,640
Speaker 1: are beautiful, but every day I'm gonna go home and

909
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 1: be with her. That's all that side says. How do

910
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: you feel about your ass? It's the question, because far

911
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 1: too many times that's women are doing it for other women.

912
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 1: We're doing it for other for for men. Were doing

913
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 1: it for a spouse. How do you feel about yourself?

914
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: It's really ultimately what matters. All right, you have to

915
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 1: feel good about you. Yes, and I got one more question.

916
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,920
Speaker 1: Seven you fifty seven. She'd be having you do tiktok

917
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: videos with your old life. That's what we want to know. Yes,

918
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 1: let me play up to you. I've seen a love

919
00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 1: when you got up and you hugged that woman. Age

920
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:30,040
Speaker 1: Don't mean ship. When you love somebody, you love them

921
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: exactly the way they are. So y'all go ahead and

922
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 1: keep loving each other. Appreciate y'all. Thank you for the

923
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 1: support for Real, for real. Hi Cande. So on to

924
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 1: the next my name is Brianna. I'm from D C.

925
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 1: I'm here with my husband regions. You have a marvel

926
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 1: sister fell you. Um, I have on heels, but without

927
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: them on almost five a nice so I've been following,

928
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 1: following you guys for a while. We've been married almost

929
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: two years in December and Um, read just with like

930
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: five children. Um, I went into the marriage knowing that

931
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: he does want five kids. Um House, that I can do,

932
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 1: a house with seven kids, that I gotta start now.

933
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 1: Oh Hey, okay. So my question is for read just

934
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 1: as wildly ambitious. He's an entrepreneur. I'm also a career woman.

935
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 1: We are go, go, go. We have support from family,

936
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: but my parents are married. They've been married almost forty years.

937
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: You guys have help with your four children, your mother

938
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: in the home. So I want to know a realistic,

939
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 1: Um sort of snapshot into the life of the average

940
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 1: individual who has multiple children. How would you be able

941
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 1: to prioritize your marriage, make sure that you're still pouring

942
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 1: into one another, making sure that the marriage is the

943
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 1: priority while you have children, so that you can still

944
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 1: grow in love with one another and not focus on

945
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,440
Speaker 1: the children's well, here's the first thing. Don't ever say average.

946
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: You can't be great by saying I want to be average.

947
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. So if you want to

948
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 1: live that type of life and have all the things

949
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 1: that you want and desire out of life, you can't

950
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 1: think like an average person, because the average person is

951
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:16,640
Speaker 1: never going to do that. So you have to automatically

952
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 1: believe that you are greater than everything that you've seen,

953
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 1: and that's not arrogance, that's not cocky, that's a belief

954
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 1: that God gave you. If you can see it, that

955
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 1: means he gave it to you for a reason and

956
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 1: now you have to go claim it. So if he

957
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: wants five kids and he can see himself with five kids,

958
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 1: you believe in his dream and you believe in yourself

959
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,800
Speaker 1: and you can have five kids and be an entrepreneur.

960
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:41,840
Speaker 1: Go do it. Go do it. That's all canine and

961
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 1: him and we have four. Here we are with four. Wait,

962
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 1: we managed to prioritize things. Is really trying to stay

963
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 1: as organized as possible and, like you said, leaning on

964
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 1: the village. That is everything to us. What do you think?

965
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 1: It's home right now with Jackson Cairo, Kaz and Koda

966
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,360
Speaker 1: shout out to me pop up my grand other. We

967
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 1: are so blessed to be able to call in the

968
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 1: reinforcements whenever we need that, and it's who better to

969
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:07,920
Speaker 1: be with our children when we can't be then our parents,

970
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 1: divine and I are going to a wedding with my

971
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 1: parents in November. My brother and my sister. Shout out

972
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 1: to Tristan the Zacari in the audience. We're gonna be

973
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 1: in a wedding in Jamaica and my in laws, devous parents,

974
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:20,840
Speaker 1: were like, we'll come down. Dvo's grandparents are driving Virginia.

975
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 1: Will have four family members, great grandparents and grandparents, to

976
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 1: help while we're away. So that really puts us at

977
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 1: ease to know that. But in terms of prioritizing our marriage,

978
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 1: that's something that we have to be super deliberate about,

979
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:37,080
Speaker 1: because it is so easy to mix and mingle the

980
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:40,080
Speaker 1: idea of being husband and wife, being mom and dad,

981
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 1: being business partners. It's so easy to have that kind

982
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,800
Speaker 1: of cross into each other and then the lions get

983
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:47,920
Speaker 1: blurred and sometimes I look around and I'm like Yo,

984
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,440
Speaker 1: I don't want devot my business partner. I don't want

985
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 1: devout my co host. I don't want Zack. I mean

986
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 1: sometimes I do. We Want Zach when I see them

987
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 1: sinking TV, heaving on TV. But Um, sometimes I just

988
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: want my man. I just want you to be able

989
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 1: to clock out, and he's not good with that. So

990
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 1: it's also kind of knowing you too, his personalities. You

991
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 1: say that he is a go getter. He is. His

992
01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,320
Speaker 1: work ethic is through the move. That's who I'm married

993
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 1: to as well, and he does not know when to

994
01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 1: clock out. So I have to sometimes put it in

995
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 1: our calendar, our joint calendar that we have, or I

996
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 1: have to let our manager know that there's gonna be

997
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:20,919
Speaker 1: time since where I'm gonna need my husband. I'm gonna

998
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 1: need you to block these days because I'm taking him away,

999
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 1: or these are gonna be family days for the kids,

1000
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 1: or these are gonna be days where we will decide

1001
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: that we're gonna buckle down and we're gonna pour into

1002
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 1: our business stuff, have a little let him in on

1003
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 1: the little secret that we have. I'm not pregnant, y'all,

1004
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: so don't even say it, okay, but when I say that,

1005
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:41,000
Speaker 1: to say, for example, one of the latest things that

1006
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: we're working on that will be coming out at the

1007
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 1: beginning of next year. Val and I are writing a

1008
01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: book area. So anyone who's been at any of our

1009
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 1: live shows New York, Philly and you guys here in

1010
01:03:52,840 --> 01:03:55,360
Speaker 1: DC know that to look forward to it coming out

1011
01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:57,800
Speaker 1: around Valentine's Day. And it's not gonna be how to

1012
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: and here are the five pillars of how to have

1013
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:02,560
Speaker 1: the perfect marriage. Yah, Yah, Yah, because you know, we

1014
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 1: don't believe in that. And though we are flattered that

1015
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 1: we've been hashtag relationship goals and all that stuff, we

1016
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 1: really just want to share more about our story. Um.

1017
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 1: There's been things that you guys have heard about between

1018
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: us on the podcast, things about our past, but this

1019
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 1: time around we have some stories that are untold that

1020
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 1: really helped to get you guys to understand how we

1021
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 1: arrived at this destination, how our upbringing, Um our parents

1022
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 1: have kind of contributed to who we are as individuals,

1023
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:32,439
Speaker 1: and then US growing together as individuals, working together since

1024
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:35,160
Speaker 1: the age of eighteen to now. So I'm looking forward

1025
01:04:35,200 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 1: to that and I'm hoping that you guys will support

1026
01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:40,280
Speaker 1: as well and find the book to be something that's really, really,

1027
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 1: really dope. Um, but you know, each other and you

1028
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:44,920
Speaker 1: know your strengths and weaknesses. So I know that he

1029
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 1: can't clock out. He knows that I'm a procrastinator at

1030
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:49,640
Speaker 1: times and I'll take my times getting things done, but

1031
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:52,680
Speaker 1: we respect each other's processes. It wasn't always easy to

1032
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 1: get here, but I know where his strengths are, he

1033
01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 1: knows where mine are. We know when we have to

1034
01:04:57,520 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 1: kind of tag each other in and who's better equipped

1035
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 1: in the on meant to deal with whatever the situation is,

1036
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,720
Speaker 1: and really just trying to stay organized and keeping each

1037
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,120
Speaker 1: other's first, because the valve does not do well if

1038
01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 1: he doesn't have his Beste all, because be best friends

1039
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 1: up here first and foremost, before everything else. Yeah, if

1040
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 1: there's one thing I would have to just piggyback is

1041
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 1: the fact that she's my best friend. So as long

1042
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 1: as I can always reach out and be like, okay,

1043
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:23,880
Speaker 1: my friend is here, we'll figure everything else out. We'll

1044
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:27,000
Speaker 1: figure the kids, we'll figure jobs. I got my friend.

1045
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:29,800
Speaker 1: That's the basis for everything and once you can figure

1046
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 1: that out, you always be good. Thank you, thank you.

1047
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 1: Thank you, y'all. Y'LL, a joke could be here for sure.

1048
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: Next question. Next question, where we at we're triple at

1049
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:50,200
Speaker 1: someone in the back there, casis, hello, we're saying, Um,

1050
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,880
Speaker 1: my fiance is not here. My maid of honorable with me.

1051
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:57,360
Speaker 1: I get married in two weeks as well. Is it?

1052
01:05:57,440 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 1: Two weeks from today? You'll have the same date, exceptcember. Nine,

1053
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 1: s nine, okay, September. Yes, yes, yes, so I listened

1054
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 1: to your podcast all the time and I make him

1055
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 1: listen to it when there's certain situations that come up

1056
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:16,560
Speaker 1: and I'm like this is us and you need to

1057
01:06:16,600 --> 01:06:18,920
Speaker 1: listen to this and we need to discuss it. So

1058
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 1: one of the things that came up was sex. He

1059
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,560
Speaker 1: definitely dims. One of the biggest issues that comes up

1060
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 1: is sex. Um, he's forty seven, I'm thirty thirty eight.

1061
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he's forty eight, I'm thirty eight. So we're

1062
01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:37,680
Speaker 1: ten years apart. In the beginning, of course, rabbits. We've

1063
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: been together for eight years. So rabbits. But now I'm like,

1064
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:43,960
Speaker 1: Bro I'm good, you know, once a week, we're good,

1065
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:46,919
Speaker 1: and he's like no, I need more than once a week.

1066
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 1: So of course I'm like, what's the compromise? I can

1067
01:06:50,880 --> 01:06:55,000
Speaker 1: give you this mouth, you can take these lips, whatever,

1068
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,600
Speaker 1: but if I don't feel like penetration and everything else. Like.

1069
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 1: What do you suggest the compromise can be for a

1070
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 1: situation like that? Because his drive is here and I'm

1071
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 1: coming down a little bit right now, but I'm sure

1072
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:09,920
Speaker 1: it comes back up at forty. That's what that's what

1073
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:13,240
Speaker 1: I hear. Anybody in their forties, women does it come back?

1074
01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 1: She's like Eric comes back for the ladies and the forties.

1075
01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:23,760
Speaker 1: Looking forward to that. I mean, this is our struggle too, though.

1076
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:26,360
Speaker 1: It's a lot of our struggle. We've just learned to

1077
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 1: get real creative with stuff. So we've we've gotten extremely creative.

1078
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,760
Speaker 1: I think for us it was it was this understanding right,

1079
01:07:33,320 --> 01:07:36,040
Speaker 1: and this was always goes back to the monogamy episode.

1080
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 1: If you are dating a guy who you know has

1081
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:42,520
Speaker 1: a high sex drive and you like him because he

1082
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:45,400
Speaker 1: doesn't compromise on anything in his life. He doesn't compromise

1083
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:48,080
Speaker 1: on his job, his family, he doesn't compromise on his

1084
01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:50,880
Speaker 1: work or his his dreams, why would you ask him

1085
01:07:50,920 --> 01:07:53,840
Speaker 1: to compromise in the bedroom? Because it's just not that.

1086
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,480
Speaker 1: It's not that easy. So it's like I want you

1087
01:07:56,600 --> 01:07:58,600
Speaker 1: to only be and this is this is how it

1088
01:07:58,720 --> 01:08:02,280
Speaker 1: sounds to us man, right, I want you to only

1089
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:05,120
Speaker 1: be with me, but I want you to only be

1090
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 1: with me when I want you to be with me

1091
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: on my terms here and and that's that's what it

1092
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:19,240
Speaker 1: sounds like to us if you, as a woman, don't

1093
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 1: communicate it properly. And what Codeine and I had to

1094
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 1: learn was that how you communicate your sexual needs is

1095
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,679
Speaker 1: extremely important. It's don't just say to him I don't

1096
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,960
Speaker 1: want to do it. Have A conversation about why your

1097
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 1: sex drive maybe down. For example, we were rabbits all

1098
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 1: through college. We were rabbits for the most part. When

1099
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: we got engaged, she got on a different birth control.

1100
01:08:44,080 --> 01:08:46,000
Speaker 1: I didn't know that the birth control was gonna affect

1101
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 1: US sex drive. Then she got pregnant after she got

1102
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 1: off the birth control. I had no idea about how

1103
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 1: hormonal imbalances were going to affect her sex drive. As men,

1104
01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:59,280
Speaker 1: we have to learn and understand the body that we

1105
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:02,439
Speaker 1: are dealing with, and when you understand that, you become

1106
01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:06,240
Speaker 1: a lot more empathetic to what women are going through. But, ladies,

1107
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:11,400
Speaker 1: you can't just expect him to know that. These conversations

1108
01:09:11,479 --> 01:09:14,479
Speaker 1: have to be had and they're very difficult conversations. But

1109
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:17,640
Speaker 1: the problem is when you have these conversations, one or

1110
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:22,040
Speaker 1: both parties get defensive, then they feel like the other

1111
01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:26,240
Speaker 1: parties being selfish and then all communications stop and that's

1112
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 1: when sex gets stilled. For us, it was literally like y'all, Kay,

1113
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:35,800
Speaker 1: was like look, when I get penetration and I'm satisfied,

1114
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:39,040
Speaker 1: I'm good. I don't want to have penetration two days

1115
01:09:39,040 --> 01:09:42,599
Speaker 1: and that's a compliment. nony. Men feel like that's a compliment.

1116
01:09:42,680 --> 01:09:45,360
Speaker 1: Like Oh, my girl is good for good to three

1117
01:09:45,439 --> 01:09:48,760
Speaker 1: days because I put it down. Do you feel like that? No, no,

1118
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:51,160
Speaker 1: men feels like there's not one man in here. That's

1119
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:53,479
Speaker 1: just like Yo, my girl is good because I put

1120
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:55,519
Speaker 1: it down. So she's good for about two or three days.

1121
01:09:55,960 --> 01:10:04,680
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the man. No, no, no, no, no, no.

1122
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:07,599
Speaker 1: I do understand the logic right, and this is how

1123
01:10:07,720 --> 01:10:11,800
Speaker 1: men and women differ. Your logic is that ship was

1124
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:15,360
Speaker 1: so good, I'm good. For us, it was like that

1125
01:10:15,439 --> 01:10:17,400
Speaker 1: ship was so good, I want to do it again.

1126
01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:21,960
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying? So and you can't take

1127
01:10:22,120 --> 01:10:24,040
Speaker 1: you can't say that the men are wrong and we

1128
01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:26,320
Speaker 1: can't say that the women are wrong. You just have

1129
01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:29,040
Speaker 1: to learn how to communicate. So what we ended up

1130
01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 1: doing was don't judge us. K you'll be like, blow

1131
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:39,400
Speaker 1: my back out. Monday, Tuesday, I'm gonna give you the

1132
01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 1: sloppy toppy. If you're not good on Wednesday I'll give

1133
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 1: you that that happy ending massage and by Thursday she's

1134
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,760
Speaker 1: gonna be ready to go again. You see what I'm saying,

1135
01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:52,760
Speaker 1: and I am like, all right, as long as we

1136
01:10:52,880 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 1: have a plan, I know that she's putting in work

1137
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,160
Speaker 1: to take care of me. Then some days I can

1138
01:10:57,200 --> 01:10:59,880
Speaker 1: look at my white face and be like, Babe, you

1139
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:05,000
Speaker 1: just tired, go to sleep. Because for men, and and

1140
01:11:05,040 --> 01:11:07,439
Speaker 1: a lot of men will never admit this, we just

1141
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:10,759
Speaker 1: want to be wanted. It's a blow to our ego

1142
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,479
Speaker 1: when you go to your woman and you try to

1143
01:11:13,680 --> 01:11:16,559
Speaker 1: come on to her and she rejects you. A lot

1144
01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:19,080
Speaker 1: of men will not admit that. I'm willing to admit

1145
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:21,000
Speaker 1: it because I'm not here trying to date nobody else.

1146
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:22,240
Speaker 1: This is the only woman I gotta deal with for

1147
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. My ego gets hurt when

1148
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:26,439
Speaker 1: I look at my wife and she's looking good and

1149
01:11:26,479 --> 01:11:27,680
Speaker 1: I try to come onto her and she's like, I

1150
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:30,360
Speaker 1: got a headache, I don't feel like it. So then

1151
01:11:30,560 --> 01:11:33,080
Speaker 1: you start to think what's wrong with me that the

1152
01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:34,960
Speaker 1: woman and I want to be with doesn't want to

1153
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:37,000
Speaker 1: be with me, and a lot of women feel like

1154
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:39,640
Speaker 1: men don't go through that, but we do go through that.

1155
01:11:40,479 --> 01:11:43,400
Speaker 1: So imagine you on Monday half set with your woman,

1156
01:11:43,439 --> 01:11:44,960
Speaker 1: that you come back on Tuesday she hits you with

1157
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:49,200
Speaker 1: the old rain check. Wednesday's I got a headache, Thursdays,

1158
01:11:49,240 --> 01:11:51,120
Speaker 1: I got you tomorrow. It's like, Dann, why do I

1159
01:11:51,280 --> 01:11:54,599
Speaker 1: keep being rejected to? Don't get me wrong, we don't

1160
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:56,640
Speaker 1: have like an actual schedule. I think it's more of

1161
01:11:56,680 --> 01:12:00,920
Speaker 1: a mental thing. For me, that's also that fund either

1162
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:02,519
Speaker 1: when you have something that you have to clock out

1163
01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:04,320
Speaker 1: a schedule to have sex. It's like who wants to

1164
01:12:04,360 --> 01:12:06,400
Speaker 1: do that? Ship neither. There's no fire, there's no spice,

1165
01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:09,040
Speaker 1: there's no spontaneity, but it's almost like keeping that mental

1166
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:11,720
Speaker 1: check of like I did this, I threw it back

1167
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,640
Speaker 1: on Monday sor right, you know, like that's how I

1168
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:15,040
Speaker 1: kind of go through it my head. So I'm like,

1169
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:16,360
Speaker 1: all right, if he's in a little bit of a

1170
01:12:16,400 --> 01:12:18,720
Speaker 1: bad mood come day to three, then I know I

1171
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,640
Speaker 1: got to do something because I could tell in his

1172
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:26,280
Speaker 1: whole like his whole aura be off. My old come

1173
01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:28,200
Speaker 1: in the door soon, not coming to do I just

1174
01:12:28,280 --> 01:12:33,479
Speaker 1: look it up, but I'm backtracking, like what's today? Yeah,

1175
01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:35,439
Speaker 1: I can see she's going through it, and I'll just

1176
01:12:35,479 --> 01:12:40,559
Speaker 1: be like it was Monday. But women don't know how

1177
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:43,240
Speaker 1: men have built like we see y'all and we'll be

1178
01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:46,599
Speaker 1: ready to go. And I do think I might get

1179
01:12:46,720 --> 01:12:50,479
Speaker 1: killed for this. I think it's unfair for a woman

1180
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:54,240
Speaker 1: to say to a man, only be with me, but

1181
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:55,840
Speaker 1: only be with me when I want you to be

1182
01:12:55,960 --> 01:12:58,680
Speaker 1: with me. I think that that's unfair because as a man,

1183
01:12:58,800 --> 01:13:01,480
Speaker 1: I can't do that to you. Listen to this hypothetical.

1184
01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:05,240
Speaker 1: WHO HERE LIKES TO TRAVEL? Women, you'll like to travel.

1185
01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:13,040
Speaker 1: Listen to this hypothetical. List analogy. I meet you, beautiful woman,

1186
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:15,240
Speaker 1: handsome God, comes over a says baby, what you like

1187
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:18,080
Speaker 1: to do? She said, Oh, I like to travel. I said,

1188
01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:20,479
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you around the world, I'm gonna make

1189
01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 1: you see everything, you're gonna do everything. That mean we're

1190
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:25,040
Speaker 1: gonna be best friends? And she's like yes, for the

1191
01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:28,720
Speaker 1: first two months we travel every weekend. Right, because y'all

1192
01:13:28,760 --> 01:13:31,880
Speaker 1: be having sex like rabbits early right. So every weekend

1193
01:13:31,960 --> 01:13:34,559
Speaker 1: we be traveling. Boom, boom, boom. I said, you know what, baby,

1194
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:37,720
Speaker 1: let's make this exclusive. I want to be the only

1195
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:40,880
Speaker 1: person in your life you travel with. And she says, great,

1196
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:43,519
Speaker 1: we've been traveling every weekend, I can get used to this.

1197
01:13:44,479 --> 01:13:46,880
Speaker 1: So now you're traveling every weekend and out of nowhere

1198
01:13:47,439 --> 01:13:50,479
Speaker 1: you're getting your bags pack. You're like, baby, where you're going,

1199
01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:56,439
Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, I'm tired, we're not traveling nowhere.

1200
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:58,599
Speaker 1: So she's like, okay, fine, I'll give you a break

1201
01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:01,920
Speaker 1: the next week and come is around, baby, when we

1202
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:05,880
Speaker 1: traveling this weekend, I got a headache. So now she's like, well,

1203
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 1: I was used to US having travel dates every weekend,

1204
01:14:10,960 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 1: and he's just like, well, I'm just not in the

1205
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:16,280
Speaker 1: mood to travel no more. Don't you think that be

1206
01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:21,800
Speaker 1: fucked up? Be Honest, it would be up. So now

1207
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:25,160
Speaker 1: that you think that is fucked up, imagine you're giving

1208
01:14:25,160 --> 01:14:29,240
Speaker 1: a Nigga pussy a lot and then, out of nowhere,

1209
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:34,960
Speaker 1: you just be like, I don't want to give you

1210
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:39,880
Speaker 1: no more, no more. That's how men feel, and I'm

1211
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:42,040
Speaker 1: not saying that you do it on purpose, but I

1212
01:14:42,120 --> 01:14:45,400
Speaker 1: feel like we as people don't have these conversations to

1213
01:14:45,600 --> 01:14:48,960
Speaker 1: understand what the other person is going through, because if

1214
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:51,640
Speaker 1: you had these conversations, you would say, she's not just

1215
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:56,040
Speaker 1: cutting me off. There are things going on. For example,

1216
01:14:56,280 --> 01:14:58,640
Speaker 1: I didn't know we were having sex so much in

1217
01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:01,720
Speaker 1: college that it throws off a is Ph balance. When

1218
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:04,400
Speaker 1: your Ph balance gets thrown off, it throws off your

1219
01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:08,040
Speaker 1: sex drive. And what's women were? We require so much

1220
01:15:08,120 --> 01:15:11,559
Speaker 1: more to get to that point. It's not as simple

1221
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,800
Speaker 1: as just jumping up and being ready to go, because

1222
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,280
Speaker 1: if it was that simple, baby, why would I not

1223
01:15:15,360 --> 01:15:16,840
Speaker 1: want to make you happy and do what every single

1224
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,600
Speaker 1: time you wanted to? If it was that simple, I

1225
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:22,920
Speaker 1: was and that's fair. But, ladies, we don't know that,

1226
01:15:24,680 --> 01:15:27,040
Speaker 1: like we don't, and then once we, once you do

1227
01:15:27,280 --> 01:15:30,280
Speaker 1: learn it, you do have men like myself, and there's

1228
01:15:30,280 --> 01:15:33,000
Speaker 1: probably other men here who are understanding, but if you

1229
01:15:33,080 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 1: don't have the conversation because you're afraid to speak on

1230
01:15:35,479 --> 01:15:38,040
Speaker 1: what you need sexually, you'll never get to that point.

1231
01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,960
Speaker 1: So that's ultimately what it comes down to. You gotta

1232
01:15:41,040 --> 01:15:43,760
Speaker 1: talk to each other and not be afraid to say

1233
01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:45,720
Speaker 1: what you need and what you desire, because's the only

1234
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:48,280
Speaker 1: way you're gonna get it. That's your life partner. You

1235
01:15:48,280 --> 01:15:50,439
Speaker 1: should be able to be honest with her or him

1236
01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:53,040
Speaker 1: about whatever you need to want and make it fun.

1237
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,559
Speaker 1: Because that travel, vacation sex. Now did you talk about travel?

1238
01:15:56,400 --> 01:15:59,519
Speaker 1: That vacation sex. It's different. Anybody else feel like that?

1239
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:02,320
Speaker 1: Because I'm know I do, and we can take me away. Baby.

1240
01:16:02,720 --> 01:16:06,680
Speaker 1: You can tell we've been through ruts. It's easy to

1241
01:16:06,720 --> 01:16:08,400
Speaker 1: get out of ruts when you focus on each other.

1242
01:16:09,080 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 1: So just because you interrupt now, that doesn't mean that

1243
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:13,240
Speaker 1: rusts going to be the rest of your life. We've

1244
01:16:13,280 --> 01:16:15,919
Speaker 1: been in ruts and got out of ruts by focusing

1245
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,200
Speaker 1: on each other. That's a fact, and that of service.

1246
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:22,200
Speaker 1: Episode is so, so, so true. I changed my mindset

1247
01:16:22,240 --> 01:16:24,200
Speaker 1: and kind of thought of ways that I can be

1248
01:16:24,400 --> 01:16:27,479
Speaker 1: of service to devot to make his day of a better.

1249
01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:29,960
Speaker 1: Like I literally changed my mindset and was like, you

1250
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:33,320
Speaker 1: know what, even just sex aside, I literally wake up

1251
01:16:33,320 --> 01:16:34,760
Speaker 1: in the mornings now and I'm like, all right, what

1252
01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:36,320
Speaker 1: do we have to do today? How can I help

1253
01:16:36,400 --> 01:16:39,479
Speaker 1: to make DEVO's Day easier? And because I'm able to

1254
01:16:39,560 --> 01:16:42,400
Speaker 1: do that for him, he in turn is then more

1255
01:16:42,479 --> 01:16:45,560
Speaker 1: motivated to find ways to make my day easier and

1256
01:16:45,680 --> 01:16:49,920
Speaker 1: it's really just a matter of communication, reciprocity and taking

1257
01:16:49,960 --> 01:16:54,080
Speaker 1: that into consideration along the way. So absolutely, yeah, I

1258
01:16:54,120 --> 01:16:59,840
Speaker 1: appreciate you. You're fine. I love you. Tell me ask

1259
01:16:59,880 --> 01:17:04,880
Speaker 1: a questions. Did you have a good time? By those

1260
01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:07,400
Speaker 1: with some good lister letters? Do we have to time

1261
01:17:07,479 --> 01:17:13,760
Speaker 1: for one more question? Has a question. Why am I

1262
01:17:13,840 --> 01:17:18,760
Speaker 1: not surprised? All right, we'll close that with Hilton's question here.

1263
01:17:19,240 --> 01:17:24,120
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you so much.

1264
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:31,440
Speaker 1: I'm ready. What's up here? Shout out to Um Sakara.

1265
01:17:31,640 --> 01:17:36,760
Speaker 1: Interest in your brother and sister. We Love Them. To

1266
01:17:37,439 --> 01:17:44,080
Speaker 1: shout out to do. We love her too. Yes, absolutely, Um,

1267
01:17:44,840 --> 01:17:48,800
Speaker 1: and we love you, guys so, so, so much. Thank

1268
01:17:48,840 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 1: you so much. We Really, really love you, guys. And

1269
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,240
Speaker 1: you know what I want to ask you, guys, Um,

1270
01:17:55,439 --> 01:18:00,240
Speaker 1: what your love? What your love languages and when, for

1271
01:18:00,479 --> 01:18:04,360
Speaker 1: each of you, was the first moment when you realize

1272
01:18:04,439 --> 01:18:16,679
Speaker 1: that you fell in deep love with another? Hilton said

1273
01:18:16,720 --> 01:18:19,720
Speaker 1: that with the wind. You saw that right the wind

1274
01:18:19,800 --> 01:18:22,120
Speaker 1: was blown. It was a moment for Hilton over there. Y'All,

1275
01:18:23,000 --> 01:18:26,040
Speaker 1: it was definitely a moment. Thank you for that. Thank

1276
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:30,560
Speaker 1: you for that, Hilton. Um, I mean, I forget what

1277
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:32,639
Speaker 1: the whole like love language thing is like what all

1278
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:34,519
Speaker 1: five or six of them at this point? But I

1279
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:36,679
Speaker 1: know that. I definitely I know what your love languages

1280
01:18:37,680 --> 01:18:39,839
Speaker 1: let's flip it. Let's see who knows whose love language.

1281
01:18:39,880 --> 01:18:47,200
Speaker 1: Yours is definitely touch, physical touch, affection and, Um, you

1282
01:18:47,360 --> 01:18:52,080
Speaker 1: know what it is. Somebody said it. How they know me.

1283
01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:56,880
Speaker 1: WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED? Yes, yes, that's it right.

1284
01:18:56,880 --> 01:18:58,400
Speaker 1: So I can't remember all of them in this but

1285
01:18:58,439 --> 01:19:02,360
Speaker 1: where it made for sure. What am I? Your love

1286
01:19:02,479 --> 01:19:09,560
Speaker 1: languages are shopping. Come away, don't let me hit you

1287
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:15,560
Speaker 1: with the shutter. I do like, like, yeah, have surprises. No, no, no,

1288
01:19:15,680 --> 01:19:18,280
Speaker 1: she's not big on quality time. That's a lie. You

1289
01:19:18,360 --> 01:19:23,000
Speaker 1: are a Sagittarius. You spent your pregnancy by yourself. I did.

1290
01:19:23,479 --> 01:19:25,880
Speaker 1: That was hormonal, though. I was very I wanted to

1291
01:19:25,920 --> 01:19:28,360
Speaker 1: be very much alone, especially with my last pregnice. Back

1292
01:19:28,400 --> 01:19:35,080
Speaker 1: to being defensive now. No, Um, I would. I would too.

1293
01:19:35,120 --> 01:19:37,040
Speaker 1: I would say gifts, I would say words of affirmation.

1294
01:19:37,280 --> 01:19:39,320
Speaker 1: I can tell when when my wife is getting down.

1295
01:19:39,920 --> 01:19:44,040
Speaker 1: I know how to speak power into her. I know

1296
01:19:44,200 --> 01:19:48,479
Speaker 1: how you have. Yeah, it is God. God has blessed

1297
01:19:48,479 --> 01:19:50,679
Speaker 1: me because he knows what you need. So he knows

1298
01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:52,960
Speaker 1: what you need to so I could give it to.

1299
01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:54,120
Speaker 1: You do that with a lot of people. It's not

1300
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:57,320
Speaker 1: just me, like I'm actually happy to share you and

1301
01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,080
Speaker 1: that gift with people, because you have a way of

1302
01:19:59,120 --> 01:20:02,160
Speaker 1: pulling people out of, say, stuations that I've never seen before.

1303
01:20:02,439 --> 01:20:05,720
Speaker 1: Appreciate you, appreciate, but that's I mean, that's that's God.

1304
01:20:05,800 --> 01:20:08,600
Speaker 1: God gives us all gifts. Um, I knew I was

1305
01:20:08,680 --> 01:20:11,560
Speaker 1: spreading his love or her love to everyone and I

1306
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,840
Speaker 1: guess that's my way. So I receive that. I knew

1307
01:20:13,880 --> 01:20:18,080
Speaker 1: I was deep in love with devout after probably, I

1308
01:20:18,160 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 1: mean I fell in love with him, I feel like,

1309
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:22,000
Speaker 1: almost instantaneously, because I feel like at that age I

1310
01:20:22,040 --> 01:20:24,800
Speaker 1: had never met someone who was just so sure about

1311
01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:27,160
Speaker 1: himself and just so sure about life and what he

1312
01:20:27,280 --> 01:20:31,280
Speaker 1: wanted and had such a vigor for just being successful. Um,

1313
01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:34,040
Speaker 1: sitting back in our college dorm room back in the

1314
01:20:34,120 --> 01:20:36,960
Speaker 1: day and having conversations and just talking all hours of

1315
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:39,719
Speaker 1: the night and me driving forty five minutes from Brooklyn

1316
01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:42,280
Speaker 1: to half just to see him until I transferred. I

1317
01:20:42,439 --> 01:20:46,679
Speaker 1: just knew within maybe the first two weeks of meeting him, Hilton,

1318
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:49,439
Speaker 1: he was the one. He was in I called my

1319
01:20:49,560 --> 01:20:52,120
Speaker 1: cousin up and I was like, girl, I met my

1320
01:20:52,240 --> 01:20:54,880
Speaker 1: husband tonight. That was after our first date and she'll

1321
01:20:54,920 --> 01:20:56,080
Speaker 1: tell you to this day she was at the New

1322
01:20:56,160 --> 01:20:59,120
Speaker 1: York show my cousin Sophia, and she was like girl, please,

1323
01:20:59,280 --> 01:21:02,760
Speaker 1: this that man big. She was like he didn't even

1324
01:21:02,800 --> 01:21:04,519
Speaker 1: think that. He grew into his head. Yeah, what you mean?

1325
01:21:04,560 --> 01:21:08,680
Speaker 1: It's gonna be and she was like what? And I

1326
01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:11,760
Speaker 1: was just like there's just something so dope and so

1327
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:14,200
Speaker 1: electric about him and I just I don't understand what

1328
01:21:14,240 --> 01:21:16,680
Speaker 1: it is, but it's something. And that was October three

1329
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:22,519
Speaker 1: two thousand two and we have spoken every day since.

1330
01:21:23,439 --> 01:21:28,599
Speaker 1: Here we are married, four kids, this whole life. It's insane.

1331
01:21:29,040 --> 01:21:34,439
Speaker 1: For me, it was witnessing a woman with such drive

1332
01:21:34,760 --> 01:21:39,200
Speaker 1: and power do it with dignity. She's a Brooklyn girl.

1333
01:21:39,880 --> 01:21:43,080
Speaker 1: She came to my room and I remember the first

1334
01:21:43,240 --> 01:21:45,759
Speaker 1: night she spent the night with me right. We didn't

1335
01:21:45,760 --> 01:21:49,120
Speaker 1: have sex because she was being deliberate about being a

1336
01:21:49,200 --> 01:21:52,400
Speaker 1: lady and I wasn't pressuring her and she had on

1337
01:21:52,720 --> 01:21:56,000
Speaker 1: a two piece lavender ninety. Do you remember the color

1338
01:21:56,000 --> 01:21:58,720
Speaker 1: of Y'all? It looked it was kind of velvet, but

1339
01:21:58,880 --> 01:22:01,840
Speaker 1: it was like Velt is velvet. I planned that. I

1340
01:22:01,920 --> 01:22:08,080
Speaker 1: ain't got it a rainbow. I was like this is okay, okay,

1341
01:22:08,600 --> 01:22:11,280
Speaker 1: so it's not really lingerie, but it's a it's a vibe.

1342
01:22:11,760 --> 01:22:18,120
Speaker 1: It's a vibe. Yeah, she slept over and she slept over.

1343
01:22:18,280 --> 01:22:20,840
Speaker 1: She got up and she made sure I got up

1344
01:22:20,880 --> 01:22:25,720
Speaker 1: to go to class and I was like what is

1345
01:22:25,760 --> 01:22:28,760
Speaker 1: happening here, and she was just like hey, she's like hey, Um,

1346
01:22:29,479 --> 01:22:31,920
Speaker 1: you want something to eat? And I was like yeah,

1347
01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:33,679
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna grab some Thea. She's like you don't

1348
01:22:33,680 --> 01:22:36,400
Speaker 1: have time. I went to class. When I got out

1349
01:22:36,439 --> 01:22:39,120
Speaker 1: of class she had a bacon, egg and cheese on

1350
01:22:39,160 --> 01:22:42,519
Speaker 1: a roll from the Delhi and for me it was

1351
01:22:42,640 --> 01:22:47,400
Speaker 1: like Yo, she really just exudes everything that I know

1352
01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:49,400
Speaker 1: that I wanted a woman and at the time I

1353
01:22:49,520 --> 01:22:52,040
Speaker 1: was eighteen and I was fighting it. I was like,

1354
01:22:52,560 --> 01:22:54,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to be in a relationship, I want

1355
01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:56,639
Speaker 1: to sold my wild oats, I want to I want

1356
01:22:56,680 --> 01:23:00,200
Speaker 1: to do this. I'm an athlete and it's everything. Room

1357
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:04,760
Speaker 1: me to her like she's how beautiful she is and

1358
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:08,559
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not lying to you. That was probably

1359
01:23:08,600 --> 01:23:11,519
Speaker 1: one of the last things that was on my mind.

1360
01:23:11,640 --> 01:23:14,280
Speaker 1: It was everything else. She used to drive the Hostra

1361
01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:16,880
Speaker 1: from Brooklyn to see me twice a week. She would

1362
01:23:16,960 --> 01:23:19,519
Speaker 1: leave little love notes on the pillow, like when I

1363
01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:21,240
Speaker 1: had to go to practice, when I come back, my

1364
01:23:21,320 --> 01:23:23,280
Speaker 1: bed would be fully made up and she would have

1365
01:23:23,360 --> 01:23:29,000
Speaker 1: a handwritten love note on the pillow and I'm like, Yo, Yo,

1366
01:23:29,520 --> 01:23:32,879
Speaker 1: she I was like, who does this? Like handwritten script?

1367
01:23:33,280 --> 01:23:34,880
Speaker 1: First of all, my head was hurting trying to read

1368
01:23:34,920 --> 01:23:37,320
Speaker 1: this ship because nobody writes the script no more. But

1369
01:23:37,400 --> 01:23:40,200
Speaker 1: I was like, it was the details, no, it was.

1370
01:23:40,320 --> 01:23:42,960
Speaker 1: It was just those details made me realize, like, no

1371
01:23:43,120 --> 01:23:44,559
Speaker 1: matter what, this is the woman I want to spend

1372
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:46,800
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with, and I just felt

1373
01:23:46,880 --> 01:23:50,280
Speaker 1: like I could envision myself taking over the world with her.

1374
01:23:51,040 --> 01:23:54,880
Speaker 1: And you see what we're doing here. It's all coming

1375
01:23:54,920 --> 01:23:58,920
Speaker 1: to fruition. So, and that's all thanks to y'all. Yes,

1376
01:23:59,040 --> 01:24:00,800
Speaker 1: it is all thanks to y'all, because y'all love her

1377
01:24:00,840 --> 01:24:03,320
Speaker 1: so much, but realistically, that's what it was, man. She

1378
01:24:03,400 --> 01:24:05,000
Speaker 1: just told me. He showed me her true self. She

1379
01:24:05,080 --> 01:24:07,360
Speaker 1: never held back. She told me she loved me in

1380
01:24:07,439 --> 01:24:12,400
Speaker 1: two weeks. Um, I said thanks, because I didn't I

1381
01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:15,040
Speaker 1: didn't know how to respond, and this is what she said.

1382
01:24:15,120 --> 01:24:18,639
Speaker 1: She's like, that's okay, and I was like fucking girls

1383
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:23,400
Speaker 1: just so and I just fell in love with her

1384
01:24:23,439 --> 01:24:30,360
Speaker 1: and I've been loved with her ever since. So did

1385
01:24:30,400 --> 01:24:34,320
Speaker 1: y'all have a good time? I'm asking my time. Did

1386
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:37,320
Speaker 1: y'all have a good time? We had such a great

1387
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:45,560
Speaker 1: time with y'all tonight. Man, best before we leave, I

1388
01:24:45,640 --> 01:24:48,120
Speaker 1: like to do this with everyone because we always want

1389
01:24:48,160 --> 01:24:49,800
Speaker 1: everyone to leave here feeling like they are going to

1390
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:52,719
Speaker 1: be better tomorrow than they were today. So I asked

1391
01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:58,160
Speaker 1: for everybody stand up. I want you to close your eyes,

1392
01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:02,800
Speaker 1: close your eye, just be quiet for a minute. Close

1393
01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:08,920
Speaker 1: Your eyes, envision the perfect life, the life that you want,

1394
01:25:09,600 --> 01:25:12,559
Speaker 1: with the person that you want, doing all the things

1395
01:25:12,640 --> 01:25:14,760
Speaker 1: that you want, and I want you to take a

1396
01:25:14,840 --> 01:25:17,760
Speaker 1: minute and understand that, if you can envision it, that

1397
01:25:17,880 --> 01:25:22,200
Speaker 1: has already happened and since it's already happened, is God's

1398
01:25:22,280 --> 01:25:25,120
Speaker 1: will for you to have it. All you have to

1399
01:25:25,240 --> 01:25:29,240
Speaker 1: do is claim it. So in this moment, right here,

1400
01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:31,760
Speaker 1: before you leave, I want you to say that you

1401
01:25:31,800 --> 01:25:35,560
Speaker 1: are going to claim the life that you deserve and

1402
01:25:35,720 --> 01:25:40,680
Speaker 1: you desire, but you have to be disciplined, because discipline

1403
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:46,760
Speaker 1: over desire will determine your destination. Everybody opened up your

1404
01:25:46,800 --> 01:25:50,040
Speaker 1: eyes that life that you just saw as yours, because

1405
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:52,720
Speaker 1: me and K did that in college and this is

1406
01:25:52,800 --> 01:25:55,040
Speaker 1: what we wanted to see and we were able to

1407
01:25:55,120 --> 01:25:57,720
Speaker 1: get it. So that's what we're not gonna do. We're

1408
01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:00,920
Speaker 1: not gonna say goodbye because we're gonna you everybody here again.

1409
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:04,240
Speaker 1: We family at this point. All right, we're gonna give

1410
01:26:04,240 --> 01:26:06,000
Speaker 1: you what we call is that Ellis Goodbye. When I

1411
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:09,080
Speaker 1: say Ellis Goodbye on three, you pat your thrust your

1412
01:26:09,120 --> 01:26:12,120
Speaker 1: chest three, two times, one two and you say peace,

1413
01:26:12,120 --> 01:26:14,640
Speaker 1: because we're gonna spend love and peace to everybody. So

1414
01:26:14,760 --> 01:26:17,320
Speaker 1: Ellis Goodbye. On three, you pat your chest two times

1415
01:26:17,360 --> 01:26:23,839
Speaker 1: and we say peace. Ellis goodbye on three, one, two, three, peace.

1416
01:26:25,760 --> 01:26:28,320
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I heart media podcast

1417
01:26:28,400 --> 01:26:31,880
Speaker 1: network and is produced by the Norapinia and triple. Follow

1418
01:26:31,960 --> 01:26:34,720
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts

1419
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:35,680
Speaker 1: and never miss a thing.