1 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: That you can feel your best without feeling obsessed, and 2 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,600 Speaker 1: that that the why we is just out maybe more 3 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: important than the what we eat? Hello and welcome back 4 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: to UM the newest episode of You Need Therapy. Happy Monday. 5 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: If this is a Monday. If you're listening to the 6 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,559 Speaker 1: episode when it comes out, UM. If you are, thank you, 7 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: I love you extra special a lot for being on it. 8 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: UM an up to date. If not, If you're listening 9 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,639 Speaker 1: to this on a Tuesday or Thursday, I also love you. 10 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: So today is exciting. I have Brenna from the At 11 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: the Wealthful to talk about. We actually talked about a 12 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: lot of stuff. UM. But she is a virtual dietician 13 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: that you know. I can't remember if I'm already followed 14 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 1: her or if I found out about her through the 15 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: Outweigh series that I was on with At the Well 16 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: Necessities Lisa and at Radio Amy Amy Brown, UM who 17 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,399 Speaker 1: did that series. If you don't know what Outweigh is? 18 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 1: Amy Brown, who hosts Four Things with Amy Brown, did 19 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: a mini series with Lisa from At the Well Necessities 20 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,400 Speaker 1: on disordered eating and UM, I was on that and 21 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: so I if you haven't listened to that, go listen 22 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: to it. It's amazing. It's only four episodes. It's really good. UM, 23 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: and it's been super helpful to a lot of people. 24 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: And Brenna was one of the dieticians that they interviewed, 25 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: and I think that I was already following her, but 26 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 1: you know, I also can't remember, but she has an 27 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 1: awesome Instagram account, and I just remember like loving everything 28 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: and reposting all this stuff she was posting. And UM, 29 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: then we kind of connected when Outweigh came messaging back 30 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: and forth about each other's episodes. UM. When Outweigh came 31 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: out and then UM, I asked her if she wanted 32 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: to come talk for you need therapy, and she said yes, 33 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: And so we have her UM here today. If you 34 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: don't follow her, go follow her her. It's at the 35 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: Wealthful UM T H E W E L L f 36 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: U L UM. And so today we talked about a 37 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: lot of stuff. We talked about eating disorders. You talked 38 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: about disordered eating, We talked about diets. We talked about 39 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: starting her business and how she did that. UM and 40 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: so it was a pretty good conversation. It's funny. So 41 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: it was my first Zoom interview, so we are not 42 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: in the same place and also social distancing. Right, So 43 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: we did a video chat on zoom and at the 44 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 1: end of it not ideal, but the end of it. Uh, 45 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,920 Speaker 1: I'm not blaming her, but she did say it was 46 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 1: her internet cut out. It could have been mine. I'm 47 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: not sure, but our our connection was lost and then 48 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: we couldn't get connected before each of us had um 49 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: to go into our next session. So it gets cut 50 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: off at the end, and I was about to ask, 51 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: like the wrap up question. I didn't, so we're just 52 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: in our heads going to pretend that that happens. And um, 53 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: so you'll notice that it probably will end abruptly. However, 54 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: because this episode was a little bit shorter, I decided 55 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:24,519 Speaker 1: to try out something new and stay tuned after our 56 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 1: my interview with Brennan is done because I did a 57 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: Q and A so I talked about that when I 58 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: introduced it later in the episode. But basically I asked 59 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: on Instagram, you guys to send me questions about anything. 60 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: You sent me a lot. I picked three or four, um, 61 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: and so stay after we talk about relationships, we talk 62 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 1: a little bit about attachment, and then I talked about myself, UM, 63 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 1: when I was younger, and UM, yeah, so that ended 64 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: up being cool. I had my friend Kelln come on 65 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: and do that with me. So yeah, a little bit 66 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: different of the episode today. I'm excited about it. But 67 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: let's not just waste time. Let's get into it. Here 68 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: is my conversation with Britta. Hello, how are you right? 69 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: It's so nice to meet you. You too? You too? 70 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 1: I can't remember if I I think that I was 71 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: already following you before I listened to Amy's podcast. I 72 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,360 Speaker 1: think I don't know. I think I definitely found you. Well, 73 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: I think I found you before there's even aired, because 74 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 1: I feel like in all of their previous they were like, 75 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: we have this great conversation with Catherine, and I was like, 76 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: who is Catherine? That's so funny and I'm so glad 77 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: I did that me too. It was so good. Yeah, 78 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 1: I was really. I feel like that was also like 79 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,840 Speaker 1: I feel like it was like such an approachable way 80 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: of talking about things that are because I feel like 81 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: it's like sometimes there's such extremes with you know, like 82 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 1: what this looks like, or like feeling like sick enough 83 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 1: for all those different things, and I feel like there 84 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 1: was so many pieces of just like everyday things that 85 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: you know someone who wouldn't otherwise think any of it, 86 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: you know, with like identify it was awesome anyway. On 87 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: that say, I was like, Okay, now I have to 88 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: get Brenda on my podcast. And I knew so I 89 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: started in December. It's newer, and most of my like 90 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,720 Speaker 1: community and my followers and my clients they're all eating 91 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: disorders image or something along that those lines. That I've 92 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: had two dietitians. One we just talked about diets and 93 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: kind of trusted myths of diets, um like the more 94 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: fatty ones that are out right now. And then another 95 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,159 Speaker 1: one also is a fitness instructor, so she talked about 96 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: like fitness and how like we get that wrong and 97 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: what that really means. And then so there's only two 98 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: dietitians and I haven't had any e d therapists on yet, 99 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: but I just like getting different opinions, and I want 100 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 1: to talk about like your philosophy and your way of 101 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: doing things today, just to get another piece of feedback 102 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: out there for people. But before I kind of just 103 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 1: want to get to know you, because I usually I 104 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: know my guests really well, but I want to get 105 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: can you say like what you've got you started in 106 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: all of this, and I mean, like where you're from 107 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 1: and like what you do for fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. 108 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: So I'm from upstate New York, like about two hours 109 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: outside of New York City. So I grew up in 110 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: like a really small town, which was really fun but 111 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: just you know, kind of in the middle of nowhere. 112 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: And I wasn't really exposed to anything about nutrition, you know, 113 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: from an early age. But steeliak runs in my family, 114 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 1: so I um started having the digestive issues and like 115 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: tenth ish trade. So that's really where like my nutrition 116 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 1: knowledge and interest came from. UM kind of about the 117 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: necessity of like needing to figure out how to do this, 118 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: and like a lot of my cousins were already in 119 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,359 Speaker 1: that world. So I grew up always like loving food 120 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: and like you know, cooking and watching the Food Network 121 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: and like recreating recipes like pasta from scratch and those 122 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: kinds of things. But then I think that brought like 123 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: an actual layer of hyper awareness a little bit, because 124 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 1: like needing to figure out what gluten reminded um. And 125 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 1: then also I think that also added to this actual 126 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: layer of awareness about what I was eating, because before 127 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: that time, I wasn't really over thinking about what I 128 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: was eating, And I think that's colored kind of my 129 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: interest now I'm working with people because I think that 130 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: when you have food allergies or intolerances or just it's 131 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: interesting what kind of sparks you or someone you know 132 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: becoming more aware of their relationship with food or how 133 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: food makes them feel. Are those different things. So I 134 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: think that was kind of one of those pieces for me. 135 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: And also being like at a time in high school 136 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: where you know, I think your body is changing, everything 137 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: is changing, You're kind of like insecure a little bit, 138 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: and like there's all of these different pressures. So I 139 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: think I definitely had some pieces of like disordered eating 140 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: around that and just more perfectionism and uh, wanting to 141 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: do that right, but then also getting credit kind of 142 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: that being gloom for your having in food allergy was 143 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: kind of healthier and getting that label thrown on top 144 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: of it. But really that was like my own piece. 145 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: And I went to college thinking I was going to 146 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: study marketing and just yeah, just it was just kind 147 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: of like I had this experience of nutrition. I saw 148 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: a dietication. I loved her, but never thought about it 149 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: as a career. Um I wanted to do marketing, wanted 150 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: to like work for food companies, and I ended up 151 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: getting an internship after my freshman year that was with 152 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: this green smoothie company in Brooklyn and was doing like 153 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: marketing and sales for them. And as I was doing that, 154 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,839 Speaker 1: would like be doing store sampling events like that person 155 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: and whole food to you like avoid and um. And 156 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: I realized that there was just so much confusion and 157 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: information about you know, food marketing, and that we were 158 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: giving so much credit to people who you know, make 159 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: these products versus and like realizing that there's not really 160 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: necessarily any nutritional education behind the people who make these things. 161 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 1: So I would say that's and so from there kind 162 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: of then delved more into like our relations with food 163 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: combined with food marketing and how to kind of marry 164 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: those two. So that's kind of how I got into 165 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: like roundabout that kind of got into nutrition in general, 166 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 1: like kind of on accident, yes, kind of on accident, right, Yeah, 167 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: And then I kind of transferred schools and decided to 168 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: go the r D route. Didn't know anything about what 169 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 1: that really meant, but it's kind of been like a 170 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 1: learning process from there and kind of just like building 171 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 1: to you know, enter more of that world and like 172 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: taking those different pieces, which I think that that is 173 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: like such a good point and even thing to talk about, 174 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: like the food marketing and these products that are being 175 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: like pushed so heavily and at the same time, what 176 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 1: you're saying is from behind the scenes, these people weren't 177 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 1: educated on nutrition. They just knew that like green smoothies 178 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: are cool, and so people would buy them, right is 179 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: your Yeah, And just like the conflicting pieces, right like, 180 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: oh this is like healthy because has this ingredients that's trendy, 181 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: or I don't want this because there's you know, there's 182 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: fruit in it and fruit as sugar, and like just 183 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 1: like whatever it is, the total spectrum of people would 184 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: either love this product, didn't even matter what it was really, 185 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: But it was like I would just be able to 186 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: see in a really objective way how everyone had their 187 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: own like data sat kind of of information that they 188 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 1: have learned about what they thought healthy was in kind 189 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: of a hamster real type way of like not necessarily 190 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 1: what someone themselves was thinking was like in quotes healthy, 191 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: but was like this information they had gotten from these 192 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: other sources. Kind of like this seeking of the best option, Yeah, 193 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: which will probably I would kind of like want to 194 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: come back to that even too, because what I find 195 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: is so I mean, even for me sometimes I get 196 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: so confused. But I'm like going shopping and I'm like, oh, 197 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: I just need something, and it's like, Okay, what am 198 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,959 Speaker 1: I supposed to have? I can't have that. I'm not 199 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: si to have that. That just they just said that 200 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,199 Speaker 1: you can't have that anymore, but I should have that. 201 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: But it's mixed with that, it's like, oh my god, 202 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: and our bodies are also differ rent, and so not 203 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: everybody needs the same exact ingredients and like you don't 204 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: need to have a perfect smoothie that like enjoy a smoothie. 205 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: So we'll come back to that. I think that's cool. 206 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: That's a cool story of how you even got directed 207 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: into doing what you're doing. So why don't you can 208 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: you tell us, like what is your food philosophy and 209 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: like what even as a food philosophy, and how do 210 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: you view um working with your clients and even like 211 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: fueling yourself. Yeah, I was saying, uh, food philosophy. I 212 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: think there's like a lot of different ways of going 213 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: about that. So I think everyone's just like, you know, 214 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: how someone would define that, it's kind of different, but 215 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: I think of it as like how you're approaching I guess, 216 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: like as a dietection, how I'm approaching like nutrition in 217 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: both like myself and also in teaching that to other people. UM, 218 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 1: so definitely we're from a non diet and health at 219 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: every size approach through an intuitive eating lens, and I 220 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: talk a lot about like that you can feel your 221 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 1: best without feeling obsessed, and that that the why we 222 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: eat is just out and maybe more important than the 223 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: what we eat, and so kind of trying to shift 224 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 1: that emphasis off of you know, exactly what we're eating, 225 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: are really hyper focusing on that into like what's the context, 226 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: Like what else is going on? Like what's our purpose 227 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: behind these decisions, and like what's influencing that? Yeah, well 228 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 1: I love that why we versus what we eat. I mean, 229 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 1: I feel like that's probably what I've said a million times, 230 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: but I've never said exactly like that. And I think 231 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: that's so important because people are like so focused on 232 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,440 Speaker 1: I need to go to dietician, I need to get 233 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: a meal plan, and I need them to give me 234 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: recipes and I need to do this and I'm like, okay, 235 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: but like what if you don't need that, Like what 236 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: if you just figure out what's going on with you 237 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 1: and it's not so important if you have like four 238 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: pieces of broccoli and this and that and on your plate. 239 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: It's what's going on when you're eating, when you're sitting 240 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: down and and all of that. So I think that's awesome. 241 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,199 Speaker 1: Do you see a lot of clients come in and 242 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: want that from you, of like I want you to 243 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: tell me exactly what to do? Yeah, I would say. Also, 244 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: I think I think yes, And I think that's also 245 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: how we've all kind of been conditioned to think about food. Yeah, Like, 246 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: and that's also I'm so grateful to be able to 247 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: like have clients who are also working with such great therapists, 248 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,599 Speaker 1: you know, and because I think it's such a team 249 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: piece of you know. Even I think sometimes the things 250 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,719 Speaker 1: that I feel like I'm saying, maybe you feel the 251 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 1: same about nutrition or about food or relationship with food, 252 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: is like we wouldn't really need to say them if 253 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: our context was in diet culture, do you know what 254 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: I mean? Like a lot of the times it's kind 255 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: of like unraveling these things that are only spun to 256 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 1: us from these other messages, right, But like, if the 257 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 1: context wasn't that like what you eat and hyper folk 258 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: like that focus on that was so prominent, then we 259 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 1: wouldn't need to like have that almost permission piece or 260 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: talking about you know, the why, it would already be there. Yeah, 261 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: which this makes me think of, Um, okay, so a 262 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: lot of people might not even know that are listening. 263 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: You might not know what diet culture even means. Can 264 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: you get a nutshell explain what diet culture is in 265 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: how it is harmful? Yeah, So diet culture is the 266 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: assumption or the message that we should be in pursuit 267 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: of changing our bodies a lot of the times too, 268 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: a smaller body, and that a smaller body equals more desirable, morally, 269 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: more valuable. And it's something that like I'm putting this 270 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 1: in quotes, but like the assumption that we all have 271 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: the ability to do this, right, like that it's and 272 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: it's something that we should be doing. And by doing that, 273 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: a lot of the times it's fitting more of like 274 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 1: a Eurocentric beauty standard and eliminating people based on body size, 275 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: based on you know, grace, based on all these other 276 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: ability all of these other things too. That get wrapped 277 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: up in it. So really it's harmful for everybody, and 278 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 1: it can be especially harmful to people the farther you 279 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: are away from that whatever that beauty standard is that 280 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of of the moment, it kind 281 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: of evolves, but so it harms everybody, but it just 282 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: proportionately harms, you know, people who are farther away from 283 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: that in books, and you're saying that like the assumption 284 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: that everybody has the ability to fit that, Like, not 285 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: everybody has the ability to fit that, And I think 286 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 1: that's where I mean it, Like honestly breaks my heart. 287 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: I have experience with my own eating disorder, and my 288 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: body does not have the ability to fit the standardized 289 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: beauty experience of what is put out there in magazines 290 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: and media without me engaging in disordered behaviors. Like it's 291 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: just not possible. And I think that is what you're saying, 292 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 1: this idea that everybody could look like this and you 293 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: should and if it's and if you can't just naturally 294 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: be that way, here, we have five different ways that 295 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: can help you get there, and you should try them. Hm, 296 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: We're going to give you a better life, right, And 297 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: actually not true? Yeah, I saw a quote recently that 298 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: was um so I'm not sure who who really said this, 299 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: but it's not me, but it was something about um 300 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: that like our society treats like a six smaller body 301 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: better than healthy larger body or something to that extent, 302 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: which is that a sad a sad scary thing to 303 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: think about too, but kind of goes with that, like 304 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: it's almost like the other assumption of diet culture is 305 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: like at any cost to like being smaller, is you know, 306 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 1: quote worth it, or like what you should be doing? 307 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: But it really and sometimes that's wrapped up into like 308 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: this package of like that that is also healthy, but 309 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: really it's kind of like no, it's it's really valuing 310 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: that size over any sort of semblance of health or 311 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: whatever that is. Yeah, when you really think about it, 312 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: it's like why. And that makes me think about when 313 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: I was in college. Do you watch The Real Housewives? Oh? 314 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: I don't. Sorry, it was fine. I don't watch them 315 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: anymore either, but it was in college and it was 316 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: the New Jersey. I think it was Caroline who said this, 317 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: but she had lost a lot of weight and I 318 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 1: had gotten so much praise for it, and this is 319 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: the same time. Um, I was in my like probably 320 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: the depths of my eating disorder. And she had a 321 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: quote that said, I have worked too hard to look 322 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: this good to eat a piece of cake and feel bad. 323 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 1: And she said that after because she's Italian and like, 324 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: you know, like I'm Italian, like cooking is a big 325 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: thing and eating around like just like having big meals 326 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: is a big thing, and like just like loving people 327 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: through food is a big part of like our family 328 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: and hers as well, and um, when she said that, 329 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, me too, Like I've worked too 330 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: hard to look this good to eat a piece of 331 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 1: cake and feel bad. And looking back, I'm like, wait, 332 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 1: I didn't feel good, Like I did not feel good 333 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: working that hard to look like that, eating a piece 334 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 1: of cake probably would have felt really good. And I 335 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: think that is another like parallel to that whole idea 336 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: that it tricked me. I thought that, I thought that's 337 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: what I wanted. And So when you have clients that 338 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: come in because that you work with specific population and 339 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: they're kind of immersed in diet culture, how do you 340 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 1: help And you might do this differently depending on who 341 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: they are, but like what how do you help them? 342 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: Kind of like pull apart from that when everything on 343 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 1: the outside is saying like no, this is the way 344 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: in the light and the truth. Yeah, yeah, I mean 345 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: it's hard, but I think I think parts of it 346 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 1: are like thinking about who made that rule, like kind 347 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 1: of flipping it, like who why is that? Or like 348 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: getting kind of curious about like those different rules, and 349 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: then also like how have those things kind of like 350 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,199 Speaker 1: you were just saying, like how have those things been 351 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: helpful in the past, or like how have they not 352 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 1: really held up to those you know, assumptions about how 353 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: that would be better or feel better or and so 354 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,640 Speaker 1: kind of like looking more about I think that your 355 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 1: own past experience can be so helpful of like how 356 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: has that actually worked out in the past, you know, 357 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: and not not in a judgmental way, but like truly 358 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 1: like we get all of these different messages about like 359 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 1: what you should be doing or should be eating, or 360 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: like how this should look for you, and it's like, Okay, 361 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: that's something that's like these messages or how what someone 362 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 1: else has felt like those different things, but then like 363 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,880 Speaker 1: how has that actually been for you? And like your 364 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 1: own experience, And then I think also sometimes it's like 365 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 1: combining with um, you know how bodies work to write 366 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 1: of like so helpful. Yeah, you know that bodies worked 367 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 1: really well when we have food consistently, you know, throughout 368 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: the day, every day, and that that pushes against some 369 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 1: of those different die culture messages to like righte like 370 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: if we feel like we like over eight or like 371 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: eight more than was comfortable, there's this assumption that then 372 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:35,679 Speaker 1: we need to compensate or do something about whatever that was, 373 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 1: whatever that feeling was, but really like your body will 374 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,880 Speaker 1: be able to digest that food and it will still 375 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: need more food and you know that it's it's okay, 376 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,679 Speaker 1: like kind of so I think it's a lot of 377 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,679 Speaker 1: like taking the charge away from those different messages and 378 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 1: then also unraveling truth from whatever diet culture or those 379 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:58,640 Speaker 1: other things are kind of saying, which I just want 380 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,199 Speaker 1: to validate to especially for people that are listening to this. 381 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: It's like it's actually very hard because I figured about 382 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 1: we're not even talking about like body neutrality or positivity 383 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 1: or acceptance like that is like a whole another animal. 384 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: And of even getting the idea that like I don't 385 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: have to follow these food rules is really really hard, 386 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,960 Speaker 1: especially if your body does change and the science has 387 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 1: been so helpful for my clients, which I can't really 388 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: give them, And so that's why I think that one 389 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,359 Speaker 1: of the reasons dietitians are so important in this work 390 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: is I can't give you why you need this and 391 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: what really happens in the body. But I was listening 392 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 1: to a podcast about brain development yesterday and I forgot 393 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,919 Speaker 1: the first part, which I need to go look up. 394 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: But he was talking about what percentage of energy from 395 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: uh food that our brain needs and talk about through 396 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: the early development, and it was like a huge number. 397 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: But he said the adult brain, this could be you 398 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 1: could know a different number, but he said the adult 399 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: brain uses at least twenty three of the energy from 400 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: food that in take. And I'm like, that's just your brain. 401 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,120 Speaker 1: That is only your brain. And so when we think 402 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: about that, and when I work with clients about like okay, 403 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,360 Speaker 1: like you're okay, like you're fine eating however many calories 404 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: you're eating every day, but imagine how much more functional 405 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: you could be. I don't think a lot of people 406 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: realize that, like I'm in brain fog, or like when 407 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 1: people start getting like cold all the time, or their 408 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: hair is falling out or all that stuff. I'm like, 409 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 1: that's because your brain is probably taking like the as 410 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: much as it can and then it doesn't have enough 411 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 1: energy to use the other for the other parts of 412 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,239 Speaker 1: the body to function. And I think that part is 413 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,239 Speaker 1: so important for people to learn about. I was like, 414 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 1: wait a second, what actually do I need to just 415 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 1: like lay in bed right right? And that you still 416 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 1: need even if you do just lay in battle, like, 417 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 1: you still need food. You still need you know, food 418 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: regularly throughout the day. And I think facts like that 419 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,639 Speaker 1: are can be so helpful too, because I think, you know, 420 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: even like your brain needs a hundred and not that 421 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: you need to be counting your grams of anything, but 422 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 1: like your brain needs like hud grams of carbs each day, 423 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,439 Speaker 1: which is like just to function. And I feel like 424 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 1: that kind of a fact can be helpful in you know, 425 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 1: pushing against the idea that like cards are bad or 426 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 1: you know, these like different kinds of fears, which it's 427 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 1: it's okay to like have that fear and like that's 428 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: valid and it's you know, that's something to kind of 429 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,719 Speaker 1: work through. But then it's helpful also to you know, 430 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 1: just know that that is true or like that that 431 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,280 Speaker 1: exists and I think that those pieces can be kind 432 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: of stocking but also helpful to have as like you know, 433 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: a back up almost of like you might feel that way, 434 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,719 Speaker 1: but then also like, yeah, that's really how like what 435 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,920 Speaker 1: your body needs and feels really good with two Yeah, 436 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 1: and so here's have two questions and I'm trying to 437 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 1: split them up. So one, how do you approach because 438 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: you have this like, um, what from what I'm understanding, 439 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: like there's no morality with food, no good food, bad 440 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: foods kind of thing like taking that out? How do 441 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: you approach the feedback? Because I get this all the time. 442 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 1: I don't understand what are you saying? I can't just 443 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 1: eat twinkies all day? That's not going to help me 444 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 1: this whole idea of like, and I think food freedom 445 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: gets very confused, um with like social media, and that's 446 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: becoming more of like a like fad word. And so 447 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,119 Speaker 1: how do you approach that idea? And what does the 448 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 1: no good food bad food food freedom mean to you? Yeah? 449 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: I think it means taking the label away from the 450 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: food so that food can just be food and we eat. 451 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,679 Speaker 1: And then that's kind of how I like bring in 452 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 1: those like wise, which is like we eat for pleasure. 453 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 1: We eat because food taste good. We eat because it's 454 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: a convenient food that you can bring. We eat because 455 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 1: it's affordable. We eat because you know there's nutritional value 456 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: in it. We eat because it makes you feel good, 457 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: whatever it is like. And I think that taking those 458 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: labels of like good or bad or guilty especially um 459 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: is then lets it be just I mean with a 460 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,120 Speaker 1: lot of work, but like, lets it be more neutral 461 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: and that you can make those choices and feel like 462 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,439 Speaker 1: each of those choices is valid, right, Like there's no 463 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,880 Speaker 1: we do Like sometimes your schedule is funky and like 464 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,439 Speaker 1: you don't have your ideal choice of lunch or whatever 465 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 1: it is, but you can kind of like make it work. 466 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 1: And if you're thinking about that from a more neutral perspective, 467 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,360 Speaker 1: then you know it's not that that was a bad 468 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: lunch or you know, something to feel guilty about, but 469 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: you gave yourself something to eat, and you know we're 470 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: able to kind of like get through the day. It 471 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: becomes a little bit more functional, and I can also 472 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 1: become more pleasurable, Like if you're invited to go out 473 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: with friends, instead of it feeling like a cheap night 474 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: or whatever, kind of feeling that might be. It's like 475 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: I was able to like enjoy time with my friends 476 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,080 Speaker 1: and I had something that teased to really good. It 477 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 1: was part of this experience. So I think it kind 478 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 1: of helps to separate those pieces. And um, I think 479 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: there's layers to that too, Like I think having that 480 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 1: foundation of your relationship with food, which is kind of 481 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 1: like debunking a lot of those rules and like becoming 482 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,959 Speaker 1: more aware of diet culture and those different messages and 483 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: your own relationship with food so that you can then 484 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: put those pieces to better use, right, Like, and then 485 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,400 Speaker 1: when you do here maybe some nutrition information or more 486 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: specifics or are interested in learning more about nutrition. Maybe 487 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: from that perspective, when that foundation is a little bit 488 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: stronger and more stable than um, you can put it 489 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: onto like the more stable base basically without it being 490 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: kind of this like rocky piece of trying to search 491 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: for that best option or what you should be eating 492 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:52,200 Speaker 1: or you know, the good instead of guilty thing. Yeah, 493 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: and like I think that uh, in my my personal 494 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 1: I'll just speak for me, my personal experience, which so 495 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: many people can relate to, is this very restrictive lifestyle 496 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,639 Speaker 1: where foods were good and bad and what happened is 497 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 1: like like food became like this magic thing, like magic, 498 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: and I would spend hours reading recipe books or recipe 499 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: magazines or going on Pinterest and looking at recipes and 500 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: going to the grocery store and looking at ingredients and calories. 501 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: Spent so much time on it, and it was like 502 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,639 Speaker 1: I couldn't stop thinking about it. However, I couldn't have 503 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: it most of the stuff that I wanted because it 504 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 1: was in the bad category. And so what would happen 505 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 1: is if I were to have something, I went like 506 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,360 Speaker 1: balls to the wall, like I wasn't having just like 507 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: a cookie, I was having seven cookies, and like a 508 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: whole gallon of ice cream kind of thing. And it 509 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 1: turned into this restrict binge cycle, which then brought its 510 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,800 Speaker 1: own level of like shame and all of that stuff. 511 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: And with food, freedom for me has been so helpful 512 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 1: in the way that I look at it, which is 513 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,080 Speaker 1: like what you're talking about too, is that they are 514 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: is a habituation that I have now had with food 515 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: of like I see a cookie in the fridge and 516 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 1: it doesn't I don't go to my bedroom and keep 517 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: thinking about it. It's there and then I walk away. 518 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: And if I want it, I'll eat it, but I 519 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: can have one. I could have three if I wanted three. Um, 520 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: but it doesn't take up so much space in my brain. 521 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 1: I don't feel bad anymore for eating them, and like 522 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 1: like going to dinner with friends, it's like, yeah, it's 523 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: just an experience that I'm eating what I want. I can. 524 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 1: I can then stop when I'm done because I know 525 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 1: I'll be able to have it again. And that is 526 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 1: such a like simple concept to talk about. But I 527 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: think that it's also more complex because a lot of 528 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 1: people who are in that cycle don't understand that, Like, wait, 529 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: what you think that me letting myself have cookies will 530 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 1: stop me from binging every time I have a cookie? 531 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: Does that mean that I'll be eating cookies every day? 532 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: And I'm like, you wouldn't. I promise you wouldn't. You 533 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 1: might have a period of time where you are because 534 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 1: you're learning an you skill, So you might have period 535 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: time where like it's really it is hard and you 536 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: don't have self control because intuitive eating can't just come 537 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: right away, like that is a process that could take 538 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: over a year, mum. And I think that part is 539 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,640 Speaker 1: really scary for people too. But yeah, I think food 540 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,399 Speaker 1: freedom people are like that means that I can just 541 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,440 Speaker 1: have pizza every single day for lunch and I'm gonna 542 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: have that. And I'm like, but you probably wouldn't if 543 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: you had fo m hmm. Yeah. And it's like and 544 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: and thinking about like, um, you know if you did, 545 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 1: Like there's just like a point where if you really 546 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,479 Speaker 1: are allowing those foods, then like you just are truly 547 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 1: naturally interested in other foods, like even if it's a 548 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 1: favorite thing in the whole world, right, Like we just 549 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 1: do like variety when we're given that freedom. And I 550 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 1: think I relate to you know, what you were just 551 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 1: saying too, of like when I think about for me, 552 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: like what food freedom or like flexibility or um has 553 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: been has been more that like flexibility of like being 554 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 1: able to go to different event and not always know 555 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: like family events, so that kind of a thing like 556 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: not really know what's going to be served or what's 557 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,479 Speaker 1: going to be there, or you know, just like taking 558 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: that brain space having that for other things than just 559 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 1: kind of monitoring or being worried about or thinking about 560 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,480 Speaker 1: what you're going to eat or what that next meal 561 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: might be too. Yeah, And um, I saw somebody posted 562 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,719 Speaker 1: You'll see this all the time on Instagram, but like 563 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 1: somebody posted something like having pizza with like salad on 564 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: the side or whatever, and you know it's funny. Last 565 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: night I went to get pizza, and um, I was like, oh, 566 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,960 Speaker 1: I really want like a salad too, And in in 567 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,719 Speaker 1: my history, I would have forced myself to have If 568 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have pizza, I better have a salad. But 569 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 1: because like I could have whatever I wanted, I was like, Okay, 570 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 1: pizza sounds really good, but like that sounds good too, 571 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 1: so can I get both? And it wasn't because I 572 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: felt like I had to to get all of my 573 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 1: like food groups. It's just what my body was craving, right, 574 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: Um So I think that's really like important that you 575 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 1: said that, and then on that I want you, I 576 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:11,480 Speaker 1: want your opinion, and you point on intuitive eating because 577 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: it's also all freaking over social media. I don't think 578 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,719 Speaker 1: most people know what it means. And I mean I 579 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 1: work with and I started working with high like a 580 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 1: cute eating disorder to like intuitive eating was not the 581 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: goal was the goal. And they all had meal plans 582 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 1: and they had to eat a certain percentage of their 583 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: meal plans and they had supplements. And so when I 584 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: work with clients out patient that maybe arnest at que 585 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: and some of them are, it's really confusing why I 586 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: would want them to see a dietician if I'm trying 587 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: to get them to intuitive eat and listen to their 588 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 1: hunger cues that they might not have, but they don't 589 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 1: have them. So can you talk a little bout that, 590 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,719 Speaker 1: like why it is important to intuitive eating? Isn't like 591 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: the first goal? Right? Yeah? So I think into de 592 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: meeting is UM was like coined by two dieticians Evalent 593 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: Tripoli emilest rash and in the nineties and it's since 594 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:15,480 Speaker 1: evolved and UM you know, is now more weight inclusive. 595 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,120 Speaker 1: I think as their research has gone on in their 596 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 1: newest iteration of their book will be also And but 597 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: basically it's kind of like the listening to internal cues 598 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,239 Speaker 1: more so than external cues. So external cues are like 599 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: a meal plan or like a calorieccount or reading nutrition 600 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: labels or what those diet culture messages tell us. And 601 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 1: then your internal cues are like your hunger, fullness, satisfaction, 602 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: your own knowledge of your body, like what food do 603 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 1: you like? Those kinds of things, and having that more 604 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: like permission around food. So I think that's like a 605 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 1: summarized definition of it. But then the reason why it's 606 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 1: not necessarily something that we can just like flip a 607 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: switch and jump into always is because there are a 608 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: lot of reasons why you might not be connected to 609 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,480 Speaker 1: those cues, and so one reason can be like an 610 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: active eating disorder or history of you need to disorder, 611 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: history of just ignoring those cues for a really long 612 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: time and not listening to them. Um, because then you're 613 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 1: you're kind of, like like you said before, like learning 614 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 1: a new skill like you're or a lot of new 615 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 1: skills of like understanding what hunger and fullness feels like 616 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: and not just that those are like good and bad feelings, 617 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: which is sometimes like the message that we might have 618 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 1: right like just that like or or that they're like 619 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: black and white and that like hunger means start and 620 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: fullness means stuff. Like there's much more new nuance around that. 621 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 1: So yeah, I think that into a devating can be 622 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: like a goal or like maybe what we hope that 623 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 1: there's like an element of in our relationship with food 624 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 1: moving forward to have more of that flexibility and bringing 625 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,960 Speaker 1: space and those different things. But it's also like sometimes 626 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,280 Speaker 1: you do need that more foundational and more structure around 627 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 1: it to ensure that you're having enough to ensure that 628 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,560 Speaker 1: while you're going through that process, you're being supported, and 629 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: like having the tools around that you can become better 630 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: in listening to those cues and become more autonomous in 631 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,840 Speaker 1: um navigating those messages or understanding what that really looks 632 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 1: like for you. Yeah, and even like when you said, 633 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 1: like history of eating, disorder, disorder eating even just a diet, 634 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,960 Speaker 1: and it screw with your hunger cues, and also with 635 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 1: that trauma can skew with your hunger cues, and like 636 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,640 Speaker 1: just the things that you were taught growing up about 637 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,479 Speaker 1: food can skew with your hunger cues. And if food 638 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,720 Speaker 1: was a coping mechanism, whether it's to eat or restrict, 639 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 1: that's gonna skew with the connection of your what your 640 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 1: head is telling you, your emotions are telling you, and 641 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,800 Speaker 1: your body is telling you. And I think that is 642 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 1: something that would need people just need education on and 643 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: it's not so easy. Of like when you're hungry, when 644 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 1: your body feels hungry, sometimes your body is not hungry, 645 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,480 Speaker 1: but it's getting that message because I feel overwhelmed right now. 646 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 1: And when I was overwhelmed as a kid, it I 647 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: knew that like food kind of helped calm me down 648 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: or the opposite of I feel anxiety right now, and 649 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 1: I when I felt anxiety as a kid or in 650 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 1: any part of my life, I would restrict. And so like, 651 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: it just can skew it in so many ways. And 652 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 1: part of that work is bringing the body mind feelings 653 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:24,480 Speaker 1: connection back, which is like hard work to explain to 654 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: somebody in a first session or on Instagram or whatever. 655 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: And so I love the intuitive eating and I want 656 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 1: us to have that. But I think it probably took 657 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: me like five years, not kidding because it wasn't fluid either, 658 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: because it's like, Okay, I'm doing the work. I'm doing 659 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,439 Speaker 1: the work. I've had a really bad day. I'm gonna 660 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: go use some of my like negative coping skills and 661 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,640 Speaker 1: then I and then I kind of screw it up again. 662 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 1: And um also I might not like keep this in there, 663 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 1: but uh, what's it called internete fasting? I can get 664 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 1: like hot on some internete fasting because I've heard people 665 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,760 Speaker 1: sit talk about how much it helps them have boundaries 666 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 1: right And at the same time, what boundaries. Why do 667 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 1: you need boundaries? Because what you're doing when you have 668 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: to cut off or start at a certain time is 669 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:19,279 Speaker 1: you're literally telling your body shut up, I don't want 670 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 1: to hear it. Yeah, And so because that's been so 671 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 1: prevalent right now, have you had, like what's your experience 672 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: working with clients and pulling them out of that. Has 673 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 1: it been hard or easier? Yeah? I think it's I 674 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:37,759 Speaker 1: think it's hard because it paints itself as this thing 675 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense, you know, and and 676 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,800 Speaker 1: to some degree, like I understand where you would see 677 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 1: that it makes lot or that it feels like a 678 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: relief in a lot of ways because you're kind of 679 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:53,880 Speaker 1: putting up those that structure and I think structure or control. 680 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: A lot of this is probably more control than structure, 681 00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,360 Speaker 1: but it feels really safe. And I think that's what 682 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,160 Speaker 1: like diets give us, or that illusion of like control, 683 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: and like that feels safe because it's like there are rules. 684 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 1: I can follow the rules, you know, and then I 685 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 1: will have this supposed outcome or whatever it is. And 686 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 1: I think intermittent fasting does a good job of that 687 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: because it tries to kind of like the way that 688 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: a lot of the times it's averagised, and I guess 689 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 1: is that you can eat quote whatever you want, but 690 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,359 Speaker 1: you just eat within this period of time. And so 691 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:27,360 Speaker 1: it's kind of like the pseudo control pseudo freedom piece. 692 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: And I think that that just sounds, you know, appealing 693 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,719 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways because it's maybe it's giving 694 00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 1: you the best of both world or whatever it is, 695 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,480 Speaker 1: but it also is imposing this structure that a lot 696 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 1: of the times it doesn't even work with the way 697 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,200 Speaker 1: that you probably live your life, right, like you know, 698 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,520 Speaker 1: to wait until a certain hour to eat and then 699 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:47,359 Speaker 1: you know stop at a certain hour, And I think 700 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: it just puts up a lot of boundaries around, um 701 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,840 Speaker 1: so little eating around like listening to your hunger and 702 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 1: fullness cues around you know, a lot of different feeling 703 00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,720 Speaker 1: your body when you work out, like how do you type? 704 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,320 Speaker 1: So much to think about, like so much to think about. 705 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: But also I kind of like cut this off. How 706 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: do you with the intuitive eating versus food food freedom? 707 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 1: I think that's what people get can confused with of 708 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,880 Speaker 1: like Okay, I want food freedom and intuitive eating, but 709 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 1: you're saying that I need to go through this process 710 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,440 Speaker 1: of kind of being mindful and eating at a certain 711 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,160 Speaker 1: time every day and eating We use exchanges with the 712 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 1: dieticians that I work with. I don't know what you use. 713 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,080 Speaker 1: But when you are kind of working with a client early, 714 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:33,480 Speaker 1: what how do you help them? How do you explain Okay, 715 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: right now you need to be on a on a 716 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:40,320 Speaker 1: meal plan or have like um ranges or have structure, 717 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,760 Speaker 1: but the goal is for you not to have structure. 718 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,800 Speaker 1: M Yeah. I think that a lot of the clients 719 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,120 Speaker 1: where I see are either on very flexible meal plans 720 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: or not on meal plants anymore. So I don't have 721 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,880 Speaker 1: as much in that you know, exact area, but of 722 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,520 Speaker 1: the people who I do have who have like more 723 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,719 Speaker 1: of a you know, working on more of that structure 724 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:04,319 Speaker 1: around food. I kind of phrase it in that we're 725 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:08,520 Speaker 1: like giving yourself regular food, Like regular meals throughout the 726 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: day allows your body to become like to know that 727 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,400 Speaker 1: you're going to consistently be giving a food too, and 728 00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,359 Speaker 1: like you're kind of helping it out right, like we're 729 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 1: starting something new, and so you're giving yourself that ability 730 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:24,920 Speaker 1: to um have those different food experiences of eating different 731 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,440 Speaker 1: quantities of food and finding out how that feels, of 732 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: finding out what like fullness and hunger maybe feels like 733 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,120 Speaker 1: to you down the road, but in the meantime, giving 734 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,279 Speaker 1: yourself enough to make sure that your body can be 735 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: functioning optimally kind of thinking of it as like helping 736 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,400 Speaker 1: yourself out a little bit. Yeah, I think I asked, Okay, 737 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 1: you have to go back to square one and parents 738 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: your body a little bit, and then once it grows 739 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,879 Speaker 1: up to be this functional adult, then you can kind 740 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: of let it go, like move out of the house 741 00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,799 Speaker 1: and go to college and do whatever it wants to do. 742 00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:01,880 Speaker 1: That kind of thing. Well, come to the second portion 743 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: of this week's episode. Like I said earlier, and like 744 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,680 Speaker 1: many of you might have seen online, I sent out 745 00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 1: a little request what is that? Just a question on 746 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: Instagram on my story asking you guys to ask me 747 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:22,160 Speaker 1: anything that you wanted to know about me, life, therapy, yourself, god, tacos, 748 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 1: whatever comes through you came to your mind, um, and 749 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: I got a lot of really good questions, So thank 750 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 1: you so much for the people that did send them in. 751 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,239 Speaker 1: If you still have a question and you're like, oh man, 752 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,640 Speaker 1: I missed my chance, you can still message me with anything. Now. 753 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:43,720 Speaker 1: Some of the questions we're um ones that we actually 754 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: I sat down with my friend Kellen. Kellen's here. I 755 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 1: didn't even introduce her. I'm sorry. Many of you might 756 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,320 Speaker 1: remember her from one of the episodes. I don't know 757 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,680 Speaker 1: what number it was, but she is one of my 758 00:39:55,800 --> 00:40:00,040 Speaker 1: good friends and she's here to help facilitate. Yeah, this 759 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,640 Speaker 1: good word facilitate the Q and I is there anything 760 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: you want to share with the people before we get going? Um, 761 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: like about myself? I don't know or like about the world. 762 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: The world I think you need to say. I don't 763 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,480 Speaker 1: think so. Although it's funny. I was thinking about the 764 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,160 Speaker 1: episode we recorded because it was UM. The theme was 765 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,160 Speaker 1: I didn't think life was going to be like this, 766 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,200 Speaker 1: and it came out right before the pandemic hit. Yeah, 767 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,640 Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, you didn't think life is 768 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 1: going to be like Any updates in your life you 769 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:35,719 Speaker 1: want to share? I don't remember since that podcast. No, 770 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:41,160 Speaker 1: it's been quarantine for seven months since then. Um anyway, 771 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,759 Speaker 1: like I was saying. So we sat down and looked 772 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 1: through them together, and some of the questions I'm going 773 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,480 Speaker 1: to turn into episodes which and there was one on 774 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: shame and regret which was really good, or the other 775 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 1: ones that we wanted to do the whole episodes on 776 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,839 Speaker 1: I think grief was one we talked about. Yeah, there 777 00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,760 Speaker 1: was a lot of good questions, so thank you guys. 778 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 1: So we picked a couple, what did we do three 779 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,879 Speaker 1: or four? Yeah, yesh, we'll see what happens. This might 780 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:09,920 Speaker 1: run a little long, and so Callen, I's gonna ask 781 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,440 Speaker 1: them and then we're just going to talk about them. 782 00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,880 Speaker 1: So I guess, like one, this first time we've ever 783 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: done this, so it is very exciting. There should be 784 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,080 Speaker 1: a regular thing we do. Well, I'm not gonna say 785 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: that because I don't want to be don't overpromise yet. Yeah, sorry, guys, 786 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,919 Speaker 1: don't want to get to Okay, So Kellen, why don't 787 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:28,480 Speaker 1: you We picked them out, but I don't know what 788 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,880 Speaker 1: order she's gonna ask. Yeah, let's start with dating questions. 789 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 1: We had a lot of dating questions. You guys are 790 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,719 Speaker 1: very curious about a how to handle dating in a pandemic, 791 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: which is a valid question, be online dating? And if 792 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:49,840 Speaker 1: Katherine never gets frustrated with the prospect on specifically or 793 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:54,040 Speaker 1: like just in general, as humans do we get frustrated? 794 00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 1: And how do you handle that? Um? Yeah, so what 795 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 1: I'm hearing is answer the question how a date in 796 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,400 Speaker 1: in a pandemic? And then do I get frustrated with 797 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 1: what I'm finding on online dating sides? Okay, okay, the 798 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,440 Speaker 1: other thing, as I will to tell you guys, I 799 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: didn't like write out answers to these, so we're like, 800 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 1: it's in in the moment answers to questions. So okay, 801 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:19,440 Speaker 1: dating This is actually something that is I talked about 802 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,520 Speaker 1: with clients a lot. It comes up a lot, mainly 803 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: because my client base is mostly like eighteen two, I 804 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:34,400 Speaker 1: mean fifty and above, but like the probably the majority 805 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:40,359 Speaker 1: are like twenty two to don't forty, and a lot 806 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,000 Speaker 1: of them are single and always ask the question why 807 00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: why am I single? What am I doing wrong? Um? 808 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,600 Speaker 1: What is it going to? All of those kinds of 809 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 1: questions are really fun questions, the really fun questions to 810 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:55,399 Speaker 1: ask somebody else because I'm like, one, I don't know, 811 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,879 Speaker 1: I don't have to answer to that, and too oh 812 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,960 Speaker 1: it's a lot of like sure on me, I'd have 813 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,359 Speaker 1: to tell you that big answer. So how to date 814 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:09,960 Speaker 1: in a pandemic? Ah, well, we actually both have experience 815 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,520 Speaker 1: in dating in a pandemic, which is funny, so very 816 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:18,120 Speaker 1: creatively is how you date in a pandemic. So right now, 817 00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,120 Speaker 1: dating is not going to be normal in any sense 818 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,040 Speaker 1: because you're not able to go out and meet people 819 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,840 Speaker 1: the same way if you did want to meet somebody 820 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,839 Speaker 1: in the wild, have it. You don't have so many 821 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,040 Speaker 1: options of what to do. You might not want to 822 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,319 Speaker 1: go to somebody's house. People might be just a lot 823 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,000 Speaker 1: more cautious and anxious about stuff, so you have to 824 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,160 Speaker 1: be creative. You might not be able to meet up 825 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 1: for drinks at your favorite spot that um, you you 826 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,160 Speaker 1: are used to going to or have your go to place. 827 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,520 Speaker 1: You might have to go on a walk. And then 828 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:53,840 Speaker 1: where do you what kind of park do you go to? 829 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,960 Speaker 1: What time? Because some of the parks are really crowded, 830 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,279 Speaker 1: and do you have to wear a mask? And so 831 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,680 Speaker 1: you have to be really creative. So I'm to throw 832 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,480 Speaker 1: this a little bit. We'll both answer it, so you 833 00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:07,479 Speaker 1: can say, was there anything that you noticed that you 834 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:11,680 Speaker 1: did that helped in your experience? Um, starting to date 835 00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:15,880 Speaker 1: somebody in in the pandemic something that helped, I think, 836 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 1: and I could have done a much better job about it, 837 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,160 Speaker 1: but was throwing like expectations out the window a bit 838 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,560 Speaker 1: because I actually started dating this guy right as the 839 00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:28,920 Speaker 1: pandemic hit and so we had been on like two 840 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,920 Speaker 1: or three dates out in the public, and then all 841 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,880 Speaker 1: of a sudden we were forced to be inside. And 842 00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,240 Speaker 1: it really just like it put a lot of pressure 843 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,560 Speaker 1: on something. So it was really hard to like just 844 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,439 Speaker 1: let go of expectations and knowing that, like it's still 845 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 1: early on dating. Yeah, we're forced to be in this 846 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,560 Speaker 1: like weird spot. Were kind of stucked into a vacuum 847 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,760 Speaker 1: and you're just with that person too. Yes, you aren't 848 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,000 Speaker 1: doing group things. Yeah, you're not meeting their friends, you're 849 00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:56,520 Speaker 1: not any of that, which honestly can be a really 850 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,280 Speaker 1: great thing if you're trying to get to know someone, 851 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,879 Speaker 1: But on the flip side, maybe it would be nice 852 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:02,520 Speaker 1: to get to know their friends and how they interact 853 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:06,000 Speaker 1: in social ways. So I think it's just letting go 854 00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,120 Speaker 1: of the expectation and understanding that dating is just going 855 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,319 Speaker 1: to be different and you have to be okay with 856 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,200 Speaker 1: the newness of it and navigating that. Yeah, which is 857 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,600 Speaker 1: exactly what I would say. And all of this is 858 00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,239 Speaker 1: you have to go into it thinking that it's not 859 00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,279 Speaker 1: It's not the same thing with the I mean, look 860 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,719 Speaker 1: at how many weddings have had to be changed drastically, 861 00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,160 Speaker 1: and you can't go into it thinking this is going 862 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,920 Speaker 1: to be the exact day that How do I make 863 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:34,440 Speaker 1: it as close to the day that I had planned? 864 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,120 Speaker 1: You have to say, like, this is not the day 865 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,400 Speaker 1: that I had envisioned in my head. It's going to 866 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,920 Speaker 1: be something different, because otherwise we're just going to be comparing. 867 00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,360 Speaker 1: And so right now, like dating is different, throw the 868 00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,879 Speaker 1: expectations out. This is a new thing, try things new, 869 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 1: and when you start getting frustrated, like remind yourself, hey, 870 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:57,560 Speaker 1: like this is not what I experienced eight months ago, 871 00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,919 Speaker 1: a year ago, and I can't make it that way. 872 00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:05,840 Speaker 1: So that was a great answer, Kellen. Thanks trying to 873 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:09,480 Speaker 1: see if there's anything that anything you learned. Yeah, my 874 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,239 Speaker 1: experience was a little bit different in the sense that 875 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,200 Speaker 1: I started dating somebody that I had already dated before, 876 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,040 Speaker 1: so you kind of already knew him and were a 877 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:23,560 Speaker 1: little bit more comfortable. There wasn't the fears, not fears, 878 00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,040 Speaker 1: I don't think it would be the right word, but 879 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:29,160 Speaker 1: I didn't have the same um experience of wanting to 880 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:33,520 Speaker 1: go out, needing to go out to certain places. We 881 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,560 Speaker 1: were at a point where we already knew each other 882 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,719 Speaker 1: and we could have dinner on my back porch and 883 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,960 Speaker 1: that didn't feel too much as it might be if 884 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,160 Speaker 1: it was somebody I didn't know. That's the second part 885 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:47,280 Speaker 1: of that question. Oh, getting frustrated with online dating? Yes, 886 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 1: so okay. The question says, do I get frustrated in 887 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:55,319 Speaker 1: the lack of worthy prospects and online dating? So how 888 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,480 Speaker 1: do I want to answer this? Because because if somebody 889 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,720 Speaker 1: asked me at as a therapist and they are my client, 890 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,880 Speaker 1: I would probably answer this a little bit different because 891 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:11,279 Speaker 1: it sounds like you used me to face. I'm just thinking, okay, 892 00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:16,160 Speaker 1: because because if I obviously the person who has asked this, well, 893 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,520 Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's frustrated with the lack of worthy prospects 894 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:24,480 Speaker 1: and online dating. I personally have had moments where I'm like, 895 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:29,920 Speaker 1: everybody sucks. But I don't know that that's online dating thing. 896 00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,719 Speaker 1: I was just about to say, as you were talking 897 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,959 Speaker 1: about it, It's like, I think it's just a dating thing. 898 00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,200 Speaker 1: Dating is, Yes, it should be fun and you're getting 899 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:43,040 Speaker 1: to know people, but you're not going to be compatible 900 00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:46,880 Speaker 1: with everyone. You're not gonna be compatible with a lot 901 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:50,520 Speaker 1: of people. Yeah, And I don't know that that when 902 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,720 Speaker 1: I hear worthy prospects. I don't love the word worthy 903 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,640 Speaker 1: in there. I would say the lack of prospects that 904 00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:01,719 Speaker 1: meet what I'm looking for, because that's frustrating because, like 905 00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,520 Speaker 1: you said, there's not They're not going to be tons 906 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,440 Speaker 1: of people that me all of the expectations and the 907 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,879 Speaker 1: desires that you have for the person that you want 908 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: to spend your life with. Like there are not going 909 00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:15,680 Speaker 1: to be a million trillion people like that. There's gonna 910 00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,440 Speaker 1: be a small few. And so when you're experiencing something 911 00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:21,600 Speaker 1: like online dating, what was happening is you're getting a 912 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:27,080 Speaker 1: large amount of people that you're going through and almost 913 00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:32,279 Speaker 1: like quantity, it's quantifying qualifying them. But that's like, yeah, 914 00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:35,080 Speaker 1: that's like us going into a bar and like everybody 915 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,359 Speaker 1: has like let's say every time we went into a bar, 916 00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,080 Speaker 1: everybody had to like put on like a name tag 917 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,480 Speaker 1: that said all the things on online dating, and then 918 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:43,880 Speaker 1: he was like walk to the bar, and that's how 919 00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:45,959 Speaker 1: you decide like who you want to like stand next 920 00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,320 Speaker 1: to or hope talks to you or they bump into 921 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:49,920 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like the same thing. 922 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,160 Speaker 1: It's not the online dating. It's just the fact that 923 00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:56,400 Speaker 1: like we are in as individuals looking for specific things, 924 00:48:56,480 --> 00:49:00,880 Speaker 1: and that can be frustrating. Yes, And I think with 925 00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:06,080 Speaker 1: online dating too, because you may swipe no on someone 926 00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,480 Speaker 1: do you actually could be have a lot of chemistry 927 00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:12,400 Speaker 1: with in person And so I don't know, dating is 928 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,840 Speaker 1: just really fun. Yeah, And here's the thing here, I 929 00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,960 Speaker 1: will say this, So I have dated multiple people who 930 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:24,719 Speaker 1: if I'm if I didn't go on multiple dates with, 931 00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,280 Speaker 1: I would have written them off, or if I didn't 932 00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:32,120 Speaker 1: know about them from somebody else, I would have written 933 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,560 Speaker 1: them off after if I had met them online or 934 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,160 Speaker 1: if they had just like randomly asked me out because 935 00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,560 Speaker 1: I didn't see immediately what I wanted. So I think 936 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,719 Speaker 1: that that's another part of like being patient. And I 937 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,160 Speaker 1: know online dating tells us to make these quick judgments, 938 00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,520 Speaker 1: but that could be the issue of like we're making 939 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,440 Speaker 1: all these quick judgments and saying that somebody's not worthy 940 00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,200 Speaker 1: or good enough when we really don't know them. Right. 941 00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:56,520 Speaker 1: The other part is there are a lot of people 942 00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,560 Speaker 1: that it is I don't know if I've talked about 943 00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,080 Speaker 1: this on the podcast, but have a shitty date jar 944 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:04,360 Speaker 1: in my house because maybe we should just read some 945 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,520 Speaker 1: of those We actually should read some of them, but 946 00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:08,879 Speaker 1: just because like I wanted to take the pressure off 947 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,759 Speaker 1: of I had gone through a breakup and I like 948 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,680 Speaker 1: getting back out there and dating was just a sad 949 00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,680 Speaker 1: thing for me because I was just comparing everybody to 950 00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:21,319 Speaker 1: I who I had dated before, which looking back now, 951 00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:27,440 Speaker 1: like anybody people take anybody in that um but anyway, 952 00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,000 Speaker 1: so I we did that just so we couldn't make 953 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,319 Speaker 1: it not so serious and sad all the time and 954 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:36,920 Speaker 1: find some humor. And how like weird is sometimes to 955 00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:39,960 Speaker 1: like dating is weird, Like you're going He's like, you're 956 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,920 Speaker 1: going to meet somebody to see if you want to 957 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,640 Speaker 1: like hang out with them forever. It's weird. It is weird. 958 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,719 Speaker 1: And I think it's also important to remember they're a 959 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,759 Speaker 1: human too, Like they're dealing with all the same anxieties 960 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:54,520 Speaker 1: and thoughts that you are. Like guys may not show 961 00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:57,120 Speaker 1: it as much and I'm just making assumptions here, but 962 00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,400 Speaker 1: they just may not show it as much. They may 963 00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,799 Speaker 1: not talk about it as much, but they have those 964 00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,839 Speaker 1: same fears, those same anxieties, and like what are we doing? 965 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,240 Speaker 1: This is awkward and weird and that like really horrible 966 00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:12,960 Speaker 1: day I talked about a while ago. I guarantee you 967 00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,600 Speaker 1: that guy thought I was ku ku karacha, like he 968 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:19,000 Speaker 1: did not enjoy the day either. So it's it's just 969 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,040 Speaker 1: like we just have to laugh at that kind of stuff. 970 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,799 Speaker 1: And I also have met a lot of people that 971 00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,440 Speaker 1: I really like online, whether they became friends or I've 972 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,440 Speaker 1: dated a couple of them, and so yeah, I always 973 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,919 Speaker 1: tell clients in my office who are like going through 974 00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,239 Speaker 1: online dating is you just have to know you're going 975 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:38,080 Speaker 1: to get a million more knows and feel a million 976 00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,480 Speaker 1: more knows than yeses. And you have to go into 977 00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:45,680 Speaker 1: that knowing that. And that's again that's the expectation. And um, 978 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,759 Speaker 1: you have to be okay with being rejected too, because 979 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,080 Speaker 1: you're going to be rejected more than people are going 980 00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:53,160 Speaker 1: to probably want to date you. That is, you just 981 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,480 Speaker 1: have to go into that, um looking that way. And 982 00:51:55,520 --> 00:52:00,440 Speaker 1: it's the process. It's time consuming for most Yeah, it 983 00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:03,120 Speaker 1: is what it is, and sometimes that's what it takes 984 00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:07,920 Speaker 1: to get what we want. So yeah, I don't I 985 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,080 Speaker 1: don't know that. To answer the question shortly, like, no, 986 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:13,200 Speaker 1: I don't get frustrated with the lack of worthy prospects 987 00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:15,680 Speaker 1: just because I don't think there is a lack of 988 00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:19,120 Speaker 1: worthy prospects. I think it's just hard to find them right, 989 00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,960 Speaker 1: and yeah, I think it can just be I think 990 00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,479 Speaker 1: dating sometimes can be a frustrating process, but that doesn't 991 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,800 Speaker 1: mean that there are not worthy people. Hey man, Although 992 00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:31,080 Speaker 1: I haven't done the online dating thing during a pandemic, 993 00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:34,319 Speaker 1: so I am curious if y'all have online stories, if 994 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,680 Speaker 1: you've been like face timing someone or something. I would 995 00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,919 Speaker 1: I would personally love to hear these stories. Actually, that'd 996 00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:40,880 Speaker 1: be great if you guys could send in like your best, 997 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,040 Speaker 1: Like marsh, we should make like a shitty date jar, 998 00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:47,600 Speaker 1: like we should read some of them well if they're appropriate. 999 00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,960 Speaker 1: We don't want I don't want to be making fun 1000 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:53,560 Speaker 1: of anybody. We're not in the shitty I'm not making 1001 00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:55,520 Speaker 1: fun of anybody in the jar. It's more making fun 1002 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,480 Speaker 1: of the situation escause and when some people have been 1003 00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:03,240 Speaker 1: really mean, some of them are like people have been mean, yeah, 1004 00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,600 Speaker 1: and like we can laugh at and find humorous, So 1005 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,360 Speaker 1: I'm not making fun of them. I'm laughing at the 1006 00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,759 Speaker 1: fact that, like, wow, that was horrible and I really 1007 00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,640 Speaker 1: wanted to crack. But I think it's just sometimes funny 1008 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,440 Speaker 1: when two people come together and they are not compatible 1009 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,960 Speaker 1: at all and like you see the world completely different, 1010 00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:21,440 Speaker 1: like weird things happen and weird things are said, and 1011 00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:25,040 Speaker 1: it's like wait this what Yes, Like when I was 1012 00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,319 Speaker 1: a basic white bitch because I like Target, I was like, 1013 00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:34,959 Speaker 1: oh I hear you. Yes, anyway, I have an online 1014 00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:39,920 Speaker 1: data in the pandemic either I don't. Yeah, so let 1015 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,560 Speaker 1: us know how it's going out there. Yeah, I'm curious. Okay, 1016 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:48,760 Speaker 1: next question, So this kind of UM stems off dating 1017 00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,680 Speaker 1: in a way. We're going to go back to attachment styles, 1018 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:55,920 Speaker 1: which you've had one episode on two episodes on UM. 1019 00:53:55,960 --> 00:54:00,760 Speaker 1: This person asked, does avoidant behavior manifest in sically leaving 1020 00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:05,759 Speaker 1: or can it also be emotional? Okay, So for those 1021 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,520 Speaker 1: of you don't who don't know what that is, I 1022 00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:10,680 Speaker 1: recommend you listening to the first episode and then the 1023 00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:13,840 Speaker 1: one that's titled UM Attachment two point oh, and that 1024 00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,839 Speaker 1: goes more in depth into what avoidant attachment is. So 1025 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:22,160 Speaker 1: they're asking, does it manifest in physical and someone physically leaving, 1026 00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,839 Speaker 1: not just emotionally or can it be just someone just 1027 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:29,440 Speaker 1: being yeah, emotionally avoidant. Short answer, yes, it can just 1028 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:33,640 Speaker 1: be somebody emotionally avoidant, because that would be I'm going 1029 00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,120 Speaker 1: to give an exaggerated example. So if you're in a 1030 00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:40,320 Speaker 1: relationship with somebody who has an avoidant attachment, UM, they're 1031 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,160 Speaker 1: going to be more likely to self soothe on their own. 1032 00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:47,120 Speaker 1: So instead of going to you to soothe their feelings 1033 00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:53,120 Speaker 1: in a relationship, UM, they're going to go to something 1034 00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,600 Speaker 1: like this is the kind of person who would be 1035 00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:59,160 Speaker 1: addicted to porn, or would go self medicate with a 1036 00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:04,880 Speaker 1: depressant alcohol, or would um use drugs like weed or 1037 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,480 Speaker 1: something like that to escape those emotions and deal with 1038 00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:11,400 Speaker 1: them that way rather than acknowledge that they have a 1039 00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,800 Speaker 1: need and they want to connect and they want some intimacy. 1040 00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:19,360 Speaker 1: So yes, they're not that answers, Yes, I want to. 1041 00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:21,520 Speaker 1: I had a question of payback off that when they're 1042 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:27,759 Speaker 1: going to do those things, is it typically alone? Yes? Okay, yes, 1043 00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:31,399 Speaker 1: and I mean it typically, but it also could be 1044 00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,000 Speaker 1: it could look like them going to party with their 1045 00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,200 Speaker 1: friends to um and you know what, it could even 1046 00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:41,560 Speaker 1: be like partying with their partner, you can like, or 1047 00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:44,120 Speaker 1: or getting drunk or high or something like that. If 1048 00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:48,000 Speaker 1: that's what they're doing to escape with their partner, UM, 1049 00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:50,680 Speaker 1: that's not creating like probably an emotional connection. If that 1050 00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:53,960 Speaker 1: if that makes any sense. Interesting, Um, but I mean 1051 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,239 Speaker 1: it looks I can't say what it always looks like 1052 00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,200 Speaker 1: because it looks so there's so many ways that you 1053 00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:04,400 Speaker 1: can like escape, and so I can't say this is 1054 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,239 Speaker 1: what always looks like. That person could just be somebody 1055 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:09,640 Speaker 1: who goes and reads alone for hours, you know what 1056 00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,920 Speaker 1: I mean. It doesn't always have to be so drastic. 1057 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:17,239 Speaker 1: So yes, it can be that, um, especially when they're 1058 00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:20,799 Speaker 1: not fully avoidant, like they are leaning a little bit, 1059 00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,520 Speaker 1: because it's a spectrum. We talked about being on spectrum. 1060 00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:26,320 Speaker 1: That person wants to be in a relationship. There's avoidant 1061 00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,880 Speaker 1: people want to be in a relationship. It's just really tough, 1062 00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:35,040 Speaker 1: so they're not always You know what's interesting is anxious 1063 00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:39,240 Speaker 1: attached people. I run from relationships just as much as avoidant. 1064 00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:43,960 Speaker 1: It just looks differently, totally like that. How many times 1065 00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,279 Speaker 1: I have gotten a fight with somebody I'm dating and 1066 00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:51,120 Speaker 1: broken up with them is a lot, because you'd rather 1067 00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:55,160 Speaker 1: I just want right and it's a pain avoidance saying 1068 00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,160 Speaker 1: of like if I have the control and can do 1069 00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:00,279 Speaker 1: this now, then they won't do it to me later. Yes, 1070 00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,799 Speaker 1: I'm going to go ahead, like I remember this one 1071 00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,640 Speaker 1: guy who dated for a while, I gave his keys 1072 00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,600 Speaker 1: back like four or five times because the thing was like, 1073 00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,440 Speaker 1: if you leave now, you better leave your keys, and 1074 00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,880 Speaker 1: I was like okay, And I was like so afraid 1075 00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:17,160 Speaker 1: to stay and not have everything resolved and stay with 1076 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,680 Speaker 1: the person like that was so tough because I'm just 1077 00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:22,200 Speaker 1: thinking about wanting to figure out and fix it, and 1078 00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,520 Speaker 1: if I can't fix it right now, well it's not 1079 00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,720 Speaker 1: gonna be fixed. Here are your keys, I'm leaving, don't 1080 00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:29,320 Speaker 1: call me. But really, what I want them to do 1081 00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:32,760 Speaker 1: is chase after me every single time. So I'm really 1082 00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,280 Speaker 1: wanting to engage and i want them to come closer 1083 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,520 Speaker 1: to me, but then I just pushed them away, and 1084 00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:41,280 Speaker 1: then avoiding people are like, okay, peace right, they don't 1085 00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:49,040 Speaker 1: actually chase or healthy people shouldn't chase you either, because 1086 00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:55,480 Speaker 1: they're reinforcing. They're reinforcing. Interesting if if somebody were to 1087 00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:57,800 Speaker 1: chase me, it depends on what it is, but they 1088 00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:01,200 Speaker 1: it could be them. Really, if if I'm the anxiously 1089 00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:05,400 Speaker 1: attached person, I'm running because my feelings are so overwhelming 1090 00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,200 Speaker 1: and I'm afraid that it's I'm just going to end 1091 00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:09,479 Speaker 1: an abandonment anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and get the 1092 00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,080 Speaker 1: heck out of there. But really, what I'm wanting this 1093 00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:14,920 Speaker 1: for them to come closer to me. If they chase 1094 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:18,480 Speaker 1: after me, they're reinforcing my pattern to get what I want. 1095 00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,760 Speaker 1: This is what I need to do, rather than just say, Hey, 1096 00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:24,560 Speaker 1: I'm really scared that we can't figure this out and 1097 00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:29,320 Speaker 1: it's hard for me to sit in unresolved conversations or 1098 00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:34,240 Speaker 1: issues or disagreements, and that's what I really need to 1099 00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:36,120 Speaker 1: be doing, and then they can we can have a 1100 00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:40,040 Speaker 1: conversation about that, but most of the time we're not 1101 00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:44,400 Speaker 1: doing that. Have the conversation. People have to be honest. 1102 00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,320 Speaker 1: What was the second part of that? Well, I think 1103 00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:52,440 Speaker 1: you answered it all or can it be purely emotional? Um? 1104 00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:56,800 Speaker 1: But another to pay back off avoidant are talking about 1105 00:58:56,840 --> 00:59:01,120 Speaker 1: avoidant attachment? Um? Do people with avoidant attachment styles ever 1106 00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:06,760 Speaker 1: get married? Yes? I kind of I kind of answered 1107 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:08,840 Speaker 1: that in there, like avoid we have to remember that 1108 00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:13,320 Speaker 1: these people who are avoidant want relationship, and so it 1109 00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:16,760 Speaker 1: depends again how avoidant are you. So if you're somebody 1110 00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:20,440 Speaker 1: who leans avoidant but it's pretty secure, then yeah, like 1111 00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:22,240 Speaker 1: there's that's not gonna be the reason you don't get 1112 00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:25,400 Speaker 1: married if you're somebody that is like so like, there 1113 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:29,600 Speaker 1: are people that are so avoidant and unable to lean 1114 00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:33,440 Speaker 1: into the stuff they need to process and work through that. Yeah, 1115 00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:35,680 Speaker 1: they might not get married, and they might forever tell 1116 00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:38,880 Speaker 1: themselves that they don't want to. But I wonder if 1117 00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:42,440 Speaker 1: this person is avoidant or is married to an avoidant, 1118 00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,040 Speaker 1: because if you are avoidant and you're asking that question, 1119 00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:50,080 Speaker 1: that would lead into a different conversation than if you're like, 1120 00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:52,840 Speaker 1: is my husband avoided or is my wife avoid And 1121 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,800 Speaker 1: I can't tell and that's what you're trying to figure 1122 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:59,480 Speaker 1: it out. But yeah you can. I think, um, something 1123 00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:02,600 Speaker 1: you and I have talked about before, because I have 1124 01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:06,720 Speaker 1: dated avoidant men in the past, and I remember one 1125 01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,520 Speaker 1: of my complaints or being upset about the fact, well, 1126 01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,400 Speaker 1: they've been in relationship before. Why couldn't they trudge forward 1127 01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,680 Speaker 1: in a relationship with me? Why do they run this time? 1128 01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:18,840 Speaker 1: Or they end up getting in a relationship later, and 1129 01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,400 Speaker 1: it's like it's upsetting for me. It's like, what what 1130 01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:25,480 Speaker 1: did that person do right or whatever to get avoidant 1131 01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,120 Speaker 1: to commit? And something you said to me was you 1132 01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:30,280 Speaker 1: don't know the full story. You don't know the full 1133 01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:34,720 Speaker 1: picture of like maybe that person that they're dating now 1134 01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,040 Speaker 1: you don't know their level of health and you don't 1135 01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:41,080 Speaker 1: know I mean to bring in trauma, like you just 1136 01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:45,160 Speaker 1: don't know how it is affecting their relationship. And so 1137 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,960 Speaker 1: that's something that's been helpful for me. It was just 1138 01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,320 Speaker 1: like you don't know the full story. Yeah, and I 1139 01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:52,600 Speaker 1: think you know what. I'm glad you said that because 1140 01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:54,919 Speaker 1: I think the person that asked that, and I've even 1141 01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:58,560 Speaker 1: been asked this from clients, is sometimes it's like, well, 1142 01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:01,080 Speaker 1: I've found out that my partners of avoidant or the 1143 01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:02,720 Speaker 1: guy that broke up with me is avoidant, and that's 1144 01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,960 Speaker 1: why he broke up with me. Well can they still 1145 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,680 Speaker 1: get married? Because if so, I still want to go 1146 01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,959 Speaker 1: figure out how to make this work. And if that's 1147 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,479 Speaker 1: why you're asking the question, like you can avoidant people 1148 01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:17,440 Speaker 1: get married or be in relationships, I would really ask 1149 01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:21,880 Speaker 1: a couple more following questions of what is what are 1150 01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:25,680 Speaker 1: you attracted to about this person and their their ability 1151 01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:30,920 Speaker 1: to do relationship Because yes, somebody who was avoidant who 1152 01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:34,080 Speaker 1: you end a relationship with might end up in another 1153 01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,880 Speaker 1: relationship and it might be long term. But again, you 1154 01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:41,000 Speaker 1: don't know what that person that their datings attachment style is. 1155 01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:45,200 Speaker 1: And somebody who is a not anxious somebody who is 1156 01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:50,080 Speaker 1: avoidant attachment is never who is not willing to do 1157 01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:53,840 Speaker 1: their work and their stuff and find some security is 1158 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,360 Speaker 1: never going to be compatible with me. It would never 1159 01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:58,720 Speaker 1: they I will be way too much for them and 1160 01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:01,600 Speaker 1: not enough at the same time. It will just never work. 1161 01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:05,440 Speaker 1: And so I can forever be trying to chase something. 1162 01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:07,760 Speaker 1: And it's not about me being like not good enough. 1163 01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,640 Speaker 1: It's about the way they do relationship does not work 1164 01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,320 Speaker 1: with me, and the way that they do relationship I 1165 01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:16,280 Speaker 1: should not want because I would have to lower my 1166 01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,240 Speaker 1: standards of connection and intimacy as well or change. And 1167 01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:21,919 Speaker 1: so I think that's the question we need to ask 1168 01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:24,520 Speaker 1: of Like you have to look at that person and say, 1169 01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,640 Speaker 1: if they did not change anything and do any work, 1170 01:02:27,680 --> 01:02:33,440 Speaker 1: do I still want to be in that relationship? M hm, yes, okay, 1171 01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:36,320 Speaker 1: tell me about that. No, Okay, then why do we 1172 01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:38,120 Speaker 1: need to figure out if they can be married or not? 1173 01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:43,040 Speaker 1: We don't because you're not marrying them. Keep going, Mike job. 1174 01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:47,040 Speaker 1: But yeah, So if you guys are if that was 1175 01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,040 Speaker 1: your question and that's why you asked it, or if 1176 01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,360 Speaker 1: you're just going through that and you're like, because I've 1177 01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:55,800 Speaker 1: dated somebody who's very avoidant, And I think the most 1178 01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:59,480 Speaker 1: helpful like ah ha moment is when I was like, 1179 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:03,160 Speaker 1: oh my god, we know he's avoided you are not. 1180 01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:05,560 Speaker 1: You don't want to. That's not the relationship or the 1181 01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,800 Speaker 1: marriage you want to be in. So I might like 1182 01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:11,400 Speaker 1: him and he's fun and like cool and like have 1183 01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:13,440 Speaker 1: a good time with him, but I am not attracted 1184 01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:15,280 Speaker 1: to what that would look like in a marriage in 1185 01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:18,360 Speaker 1: fifteen years. Right. It doesn't mean like you guys aren't compatible, 1186 01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:21,680 Speaker 1: like as far as dating and having fun and or 1187 01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:24,640 Speaker 1: that he's not a good guy, but you'd think long term, 1188 01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:30,240 Speaker 1: like building a really powerful, amazing relationship. Are your needs 1189 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:31,960 Speaker 1: gonna get met? Are your desire is gonna get met? 1190 01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:33,560 Speaker 1: Are you gonna be able to meet their needs and 1191 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:36,880 Speaker 1: their desires? What's your level of intimacy actually going to 1192 01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,520 Speaker 1: look like? Yes, it's not about being good or bad? 1193 01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:43,160 Speaker 1: So okay, next question. Um, I like this one because 1194 01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:46,440 Speaker 1: I'm interested to hear. What's one piece of advice he 1195 01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:51,760 Speaker 1: would give to your twenty something self. I can only 1196 01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:57,240 Speaker 1: pick one thing. Um, maybe I'll give you two twenty something, 1197 01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:02,160 Speaker 1: So twenty. I was a junior in college jr. You 1198 01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:05,560 Speaker 1: could make it mid twenties doing anything, because you know, 1199 01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:10,520 Speaker 1: my all my disordered eating that turned into a eating disorder. 1200 01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:12,800 Speaker 1: I was twenty one, I guess when that started, but 1201 01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:18,880 Speaker 1: twenty something. Oh well, going off of dating since that 1202 01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:21,960 Speaker 1: seems to be like the topic of the Q and A. 1203 01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:27,640 Speaker 1: I remember specifically being working a young life I would 1204 01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:30,440 Speaker 1: volunteer in the summer young life camps, and I specifically, 1205 01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:35,280 Speaker 1: you know how like when you're younger, everybody seems so older. 1206 01:04:35,360 --> 01:04:37,640 Speaker 1: So like my boss who was like what I was 1207 01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:41,600 Speaker 1: probably like nineteen at this time, my boss was probably 1208 01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:45,520 Speaker 1: like twenty three. To me, that's to me, that equates 1209 01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:47,720 Speaker 1: to somebody who's like forty. Like I just thought that 1210 01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:50,840 Speaker 1: they were so old, like had everything together. No, no, no, 1211 01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:53,120 Speaker 1: But I was like, they're not married. I know I 1212 01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,959 Speaker 1: would hate that life. I remember being like, I'm that's 1213 01:04:56,960 --> 01:05:03,160 Speaker 1: not going to be me. And I think throughout probably 1214 01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:08,080 Speaker 1: eighteen twenty four, I don't really know how to where 1215 01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:10,680 Speaker 1: to put the end on that. I always had this 1216 01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:12,840 Speaker 1: timeline in my head if I'm going to go to college. 1217 01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:16,080 Speaker 1: In college, I'm gonna meet somebody. I'm gonna get married 1218 01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:18,880 Speaker 1: the year after I graduate, and I'm going to have 1219 01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,840 Speaker 1: a kid by twenty three, Like that was my I 1220 01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,040 Speaker 1: was going to have a kid at three and then 1221 01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:27,200 Speaker 1: another another one at Can I ask you a follow 1222 01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:30,520 Speaker 1: up question? You can ask you. Let's just keep true, 1223 01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:34,200 Speaker 1: didn't know, like when you look back on that plan, 1224 01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:38,400 Speaker 1: can't you imagine your life like that right now? No? No, no, 1225 01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:41,200 Speaker 1: no no, And so no, I would not. I couldn't 1226 01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:44,080 Speaker 1: imagine it, and I would not wish it upon myself now. 1227 01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:46,640 Speaker 1: And so I think that if I could go back 1228 01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:51,000 Speaker 1: and tell my twenties something self something in regards to 1229 01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:55,280 Speaker 1: this area, it'd be like what you think you want 1230 01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,320 Speaker 1: might not be actually what you want, Like let yourself 1231 01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:02,160 Speaker 1: actually dream and wonder what your life could look like 1232 01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:06,040 Speaker 1: if it didn't follow this trajectory. Because the reason that 1233 01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:09,640 Speaker 1: that I wanted that is because it's what I saw 1234 01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,160 Speaker 1: was going to make me feel better. That's what I 1235 01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:15,040 Speaker 1: thought was. I was a broken human and I thought 1236 01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:17,800 Speaker 1: that was going to make me feel good because that's 1237 01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:21,520 Speaker 1: what basically life is about, is getting married and having kids. 1238 01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:24,200 Speaker 1: And for some people that is what they want, and 1239 01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:27,440 Speaker 1: that that is and that is okay, but it is 1240 01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:31,480 Speaker 1: not what I want it truly, is not like do 1241 01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:37,800 Speaker 1: I want it someday totally, but I don't. I'm I 1242 01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:39,360 Speaker 1: don't want to say i'd be sad because I think 1243 01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,280 Speaker 1: if that's what happened, I think I would find a 1244 01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:44,600 Speaker 1: way to like lean into it. But if I would 1245 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,560 Speaker 1: never rewrite my story that way, if I could, just 1246 01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:49,120 Speaker 1: if I could write the path, I would never put 1247 01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:52,160 Speaker 1: that in there. I would say, like, let yourself wonder, 1248 01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:55,120 Speaker 1: like what you think you want might not be what 1249 01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:59,800 Speaker 1: you actually want, and there's more out there. Yeah, I 1250 01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:04,040 Speaker 1: like people like you, so just be yourself. Yeah that 1251 01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:05,960 Speaker 1: was more than one thing, but that's what I would say. 1252 01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:07,800 Speaker 1: I like it. Let go of the you want to 1253 01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:12,320 Speaker 1: answer that question? Um, I mean I feel like mine 1254 01:07:12,360 --> 01:07:15,240 Speaker 1: would be very similar. It's like letting go of the 1255 01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:18,800 Speaker 1: what I thought life was supposed to look like or 1256 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,640 Speaker 1: what I thought was going to happen for my life, 1257 01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:26,040 Speaker 1: and um, it turned out way differently than I thought. 1258 01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:30,320 Speaker 1: But I, instead of getting married to someone out of college, 1259 01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:32,560 Speaker 1: ended up moving across the country to l A for 1260 01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:34,080 Speaker 1: four and a half years. And I wouldn't change that 1261 01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:38,200 Speaker 1: for anything. Um, And so yeah, I think it is 1262 01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:44,320 Speaker 1: trying not to get caught up in like what culture 1263 01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:50,560 Speaker 1: or society tells you should be your life's plan. Yes, okay, 1264 01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:56,160 Speaker 1: well that's enough. There are plenty more questions, so there's 1265 01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,640 Speaker 1: more to come, I'm sure, and maybe one day will 1266 01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:00,720 Speaker 1: do a whole episode. Who as, we might just start 1267 01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:03,280 Speaker 1: doing bonus episodes. So when I was brought up the angiogram, 1268 01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:08,920 Speaker 1: so oh yeah, we're working on that. We're working on that. 1269 01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:14,200 Speaker 1: So um yeah, if you guys have ideas or questions 1270 01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:17,559 Speaker 1: or anything, again, continue to send them. I really enjoyed 1271 01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:21,400 Speaker 1: reading them to some of them more funny, thanks Kellen. Yeah, 1272 01:08:21,479 --> 01:08:27,040 Speaker 1: this was fun doing this with me. All right, okay, 1273 01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,759 Speaker 1: so there is one more episode of You Need Therapy. 1274 01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:33,799 Speaker 1: Guys again, thank you so much for listening and listening 1275 01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:35,519 Speaker 1: to the whole thing and just being a part of 1276 01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:40,000 Speaker 1: the community that we are building. I am like trying 1277 01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:42,479 Speaker 1: so hard not to tell you guys about some of 1278 01:08:42,479 --> 01:08:44,640 Speaker 1: the things that I've been working on lately, because I 1279 01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:46,920 Speaker 1: have a lot of stuff, um that is about to 1280 01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:49,760 Speaker 1: come out maybe in the next two months. So it's 1281 01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:52,240 Speaker 1: only possible that I'm able to do these things because 1282 01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:55,560 Speaker 1: you guys listen and we actually are creating a community. 1283 01:08:55,640 --> 01:09:00,000 Speaker 1: So thank you so much. I would. I mean, who knows, 1284 01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:02,080 Speaker 1: I might still have a podcast even if nobody listened 1285 01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,120 Speaker 1: to it because I like to talk. But it's really 1286 01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:06,479 Speaker 1: nice that people listen to it. So again, thank you 1287 01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:09,320 Speaker 1: so much for just being part of this. And if 1288 01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:11,680 Speaker 1: you haven't signed up for my newsletter, I want you, 1289 01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:13,439 Speaker 1: guys to go ahead and do that. You can just 1290 01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:15,800 Speaker 1: send me your email through Instagram, or you can go 1291 01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:19,160 Speaker 1: to my website Three Courts Therapy dot com and sign 1292 01:09:19,240 --> 01:09:21,479 Speaker 1: up through their UM you will be the You will 1293 01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:23,960 Speaker 1: be the first to know to about the stuff that 1294 01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,439 Speaker 1: is coming out in the next couple of months. Follow 1295 01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,320 Speaker 1: me at Three Courts Therapy, follow the podcast at You 1296 01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:34,720 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast on Instagram, and again, please rate, like, subscribe, 1297 01:09:35,040 --> 01:09:37,840 Speaker 1: comment all of the things, share the episode if you 1298 01:09:37,880 --> 01:09:40,920 Speaker 1: love it. UM, I want to know that you love 1299 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,200 Speaker 1: it and which ones resonate with you and maybe which 1300 01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:45,880 Speaker 1: ones don't. What you want more of, what you never 1301 01:09:45,920 --> 01:09:50,960 Speaker 1: want to hear about again UM and yeah, So guys, 1302 01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,320 Speaker 1: have a great week. It's continuing to be a tough 1303 01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:57,400 Speaker 1: and weird world we're trying to navigate, So just know 1304 01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,640 Speaker 1: that we're all doing the best we can and I 1305 01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:01,200 Speaker 1: will they guys, and pretty Sands