1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's Terry and doctor Dim here, and we're 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: excited to bring you something a little different, a previewable 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: podcast we're really into. It's called American Sex and it's 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 1: part of our Pleasure podcast network. Hosted by sexologists, kink educator, 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: and showtime TV hosts Sonny Megatron, this award winning show 6 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: is dedicated to changing America's dysfunctional relationship with sex. 7 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 2: Our sex lives are about much more than just sex. 8 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:34,919 Speaker 2: Things like our identity, relationships, mental health, politics, and cultural 9 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 2: shame also affect how we experience and access pleasure and 10 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 2: understanding that makes all the kinky weird stuff we're secretly 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 2: into seem not so weird after all. With the diverse 12 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 2: range of guests, including experts and alternative sex lifestylers, Sunny 13 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 2: Megatron and occasional co host Ken melvoin Berg tackle taboo 14 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 2: topics with lighthearted humor, empathy, and down to earth relatability. 15 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 1: From practical BDSM relationships and sex tips to unpacking the 16 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: systemic BS that seeps into our bedrooms. Each episode celebrates 17 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,959 Speaker 1: the power in our pleasure, the subversion in our perversion, 18 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: and the endless customizability of kink and erotic play, all 19 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: while reminding us to never lose sight of the humor 20 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: and the ridiculousness of it all. 21 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 2: You can find American Sex Podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts, 22 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 2: or at americansexpodcast dot com. Now here's a clip from 23 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 2: episode one hundred and seventy of American Sex Taboo BDSM 24 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,759 Speaker 2: play with guest Melina Williams haas. 25 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 3: The thing is bro It's like feminism. The whole point 26 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 3: of feminism is that female identified people are able to 27 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 3: have autonomy and choice in their lives and be treated 28 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 3: societally as equals. Where does that say, here's how you 29 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 3: have to behave and here's what you have to do 30 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 3: with that freedom. Yeah, And this is the thing I 31 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 3: said to my mom when I came out to my mom, 32 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 3: who had some very rough questions as a black mom 33 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 3: about her kid doing freaky white people shit. Right, It's like, 34 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 3: what are you doing? You know, what about the imagery 35 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 3: and the slavery and like our ancestors. And I said, yes, 36 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:29,679 Speaker 3: here's the thing. Back in the day, my being submissive 37 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 3: to someone, our answersts being submitted to someone was a 38 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 3: consequence of who we were born as, and we had 39 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 3: no choice in the matter, I now can do a 40 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 3: great deal more. I don't have total freedom, I sure 41 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 3: as fuck don't, but I have a great exponentially more 42 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 3: than did a chattel slave, you know, one hundred and 43 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 3: fifty years ago. Right with that freedom, with the freedom 44 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 3: as a free human being, I should be able to 45 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 3: choose what I want to do. And this is the 46 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 3: same thing with feminism. In my opinion, the most feminist 47 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 3: thing you can do is to live your life in 48 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 3: a way that pisces off the establishment. And I think 49 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 3: I'm doing that. Oh yeah, Like I'm like, I don't 50 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 3: know what's more feminist than that, Like saying, oh, this 51 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 3: is the status quo I'm supposed to be X, Y 52 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 3: and Z. Here's the fucking thing. If anyone knows any 53 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 3: black women intimately, you know the pressure that we are 54 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 3: under to be strong. You know, fierce pillars of the community, 55 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 3: rock solid foundations for the family, the amen corner in 56 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 3: the church, all of these, you know, Oprah Winfrey, like, 57 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 3: all of these fucking stereotypes that we are supposed to 58 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 3: step up to. And a lot of this is coming 59 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 3: from within our own communities. So if I am to say, 60 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 3: you know what, all of that is awesome. What I 61 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 3: really want, actually is to be protected and held in 62 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 3: love by someone. I want to have space for that vulnerability. 63 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 3: And here is where I have found it, in this 64 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: consensual relationship. And to me, that is what feminism and 65 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 3: freedom is about. It's about choice. It's not about you 66 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 3: then saying you chose poorly. It's not your fucking business. 67 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 3: That is certainly not your goddamn business. Now if I 68 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 3: come into your house with that shit, then it is 69 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 3: your business. If I'm over here doing it, it sure isn't. 70 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 3: And if I'm sharing my story with people so that 71 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 3: some other young African American woman doesn't lay there in 72 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 3: bed jerking off and then crying because she feels like shit, 73 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 3: then my work is done. That's all it is. Because 74 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,720 Speaker 3: we all have dark and janky fantasies, every single person. 75 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 3: It might not be about sex. It might be about, 76 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 3: you know, becoming a mass murderer. It might be about 77 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 3: you know, overturning the government. I don't care what it is, 78 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 3: but you've had them. And yeah, what we're doing is 79 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 3: saying we're gonna take that darkness and pull it out 80 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 3: and play with it for a little bit. That's all. 81 00:04:53,920 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, like, do you think that there is a 82 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 4: point for some people, because I think this is a 83 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 4: legitimate concern that if it's something really taboo, like you're 84 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 4: like mass murder. Like I know people who who their 85 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 4: kink is like they have a dexter room, like and 86 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 4: they line it with plastic and you know they maybe 87 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 4: they do real blood play or maybe it's fake blood play. 88 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 4: But even if it's real, it's you know, safe and 89 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 4: negotiated and all of that stuff. It's not haphazard and 90 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 4: oh my god, you might really die. So but when 91 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 4: when people hear about really extreme kinks like that, they think, oh, 92 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 4: but you know what, you're inching closer to the real thing, 93 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 4: Like at what point are you going to cross the 94 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:52,240 Speaker 4: line and really do incest or really dexter kill somebody 95 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 4: or really, you know, whatever it is. 96 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 3: How do you feel, you know? 97 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 4: Because some people actually fear that within themselves, and that's 98 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 4: what keeps them from wanting to explore these fantasies because like, 99 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 4: does this. 100 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 3: Mean I'm actually a real murderer? And will I get 101 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 3: a TV show on cable? I'm just like waiting. I'm like, oh, 102 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 3: go on, go kill somebody so I can be on 103 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 3: evil lives here and get interviewed. 104 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 4: Right or or they look at other people and say, 105 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 4: you are are half a step away from being a 106 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 4: complete monster, So talk to me about that. 107 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 3: Well, we just had a case not not too long ago. 108 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 3: There was a cannibal cop case, which did you hear 109 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 3: about this? Yeah, there's actually I just watched a documentary 110 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 3: about it. Hilarious because, uh, dude is out of jail now, 111 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 3: he's he's on parole and and uh, in this documentary, 112 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 3: they talked to him, and they talked to his mom 113 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 3: and they you know, one of the establishing shots is 114 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 3: the outside of the police station where he worked, and 115 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 3: it's literally my precinct. It's my fucking precinct. I was like, 116 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 3: oh my god. I didn't pay attention. They were like 117 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 3: that they gave the name of number of the precinct, 118 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 3: but I don't know what number of my fucking precinct is. 119 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 3: But when they show the establishing shot, I was like, 120 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 3: oh my god, cannibal cop was like in our neighborhood. 121 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, and sum up give us like the 122 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 4: nutshell elevator pitch of what cannibal cop did. 123 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 3: Canible Cop was a was a gentleman who was a 124 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 3: police officer in New York, and he was indicted on 125 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 3: two charges with several charges. The main two were stalking 126 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 3: and the other was using police computers for not police 127 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 3: computer purposes. Right, because he was looking up potential quote 128 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 3: unquote potential victims using the police computers for this, there's 129 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 3: no question, go to jail. Go directly to jail, do 130 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 3: not pasco. The rest becomes thought crime because he's on 131 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 3: he's on these cannibal websites. And let me tell you. 132 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 3: When the story broke and I'm looking at the sites 133 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 3: that they're talking about, I'm like, oh my god. One 134 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 3: of the sites was an old site that a friend 135 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 3: of mine had up years ago, and it was basically 136 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 3: her as dinner in several different configurations, like tied up 137 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 3: on a platter with an apple in her mouth and 138 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 3: a carrot's sticking out of her ass, covered in oil, 139 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 3: you know, quote unquote being spit roasted literally not with dicks, 140 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 3: you know, like over a campfire, you know, being slowly 141 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 3: rotated sort of thing. And there were all these chat 142 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 3: rooms that he was going to to talk about, you know, 143 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 3: abducting and killing and eating women. This is different than 144 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 3: the German cannibal case, because that one was consensual. There 145 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 3: was a gentleman who was looking for someone who wanted 146 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 3: to take his own life so that he could eat 147 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 3: his flesh and sidebar Germany kind of like when he 148 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 3: was arrested, they were like, oh, we don't actually have 149 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 3: any laws against them. They were like, we got a 150 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 3: convict him with something and they send him away for something. 151 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 3: But the fact is that the man clearly took his 152 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 3: own life right and this other guy, uh had his 153 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 3: permission to eat him. So it was like, you know, 154 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 3: that was a bit more of a gray area. The 155 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 3: way I first found out about the cannibal cop case 156 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 3: was I received an email from The New York Times 157 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 3: asking from my opinion on whether or not fantasy role 158 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 3: play is something that people could be convicted for a 159 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 3: crime over. And I was like, how how could that happen? 160 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 3: And then they sent me the rest of the case information. 161 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, my god, so hilariously. And here's 162 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 3: the thing. I think the Times was really very savvy 163 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 3: because they had several different opinions here. They had a lawyer, 164 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 3: they had you know, psychiatrists, and then they had like 165 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 3: the pervert come in and be like, you know, because 166 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 3: because it stepped into r realm. But those were our websites. 167 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,560 Speaker 3: He was on, he was on Becom, he was on 168 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 3: alt dot com, he was he was there doing all 169 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,680 Speaker 3: of this shit. And the outcome of the case was 170 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 3: that he was found guilty on both the thought crime 171 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 3: and the other. And I was like, Oh, now here's 172 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 3: the thing. I'm not sad that a cop had to 173 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,439 Speaker 3: go because he was still an asshole for other reasons, 174 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 3: because he was certainly like a monster for other reasons. 175 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 3: So I'm like, well, karma caught up with you, and 176 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 3: you were super creepy in gathering up all these women's 177 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 3: fucking informations and details because it could look like that. 178 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 3: The thing is, you can't ever know whether or not 179 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 3: someone's going to snap and cross the line. But do 180 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,719 Speaker 3: you want to live worrying about what might happen, or 181 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 3: do you want to live and see what happens. I'm 182 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 3: personally on the ladder. I just want to live and 183 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 3: see what happens, because the time I spend worrying about 184 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,080 Speaker 3: whether or not the fact that I'm watching some brutal 185 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 3: porn of someone getting fucked to death by tentacles means 186 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,320 Speaker 3: that I'm going to actually like when I meet some tentacles, 187 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 3: permit them to fuck me to death. Is very low. Yeah, 188 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 3: it's a low likelihood. Now is the person stalking using 189 00:10:55,080 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 3: police computer stalking women who is found with a rape 190 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 3: kit in the back of his car? Like? Is that 191 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 3: another step or is it still part of his fantasy? Right? Like? 192 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 3: I like to pretend sometimes that I am a pony. 193 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 3: I have little pony ears. I put feathers on my head, 194 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 3: I have little furry hoofs that I can put on 195 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 3: and run around. I'm a pony. Now, don't talk to me, 196 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:24,479 Speaker 3: just pet me and give me fucking treats. Right am? 197 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 3: I am? I committed to that. Yes, I bought the 198 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 3: stuff I have it, So could one say, well, he 199 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 3: bought the stuff. That's a commitment. And that was some 200 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,719 Speaker 3: of the stuff that carried the day. And the thing 201 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 3: is that I do not believe that there is a 202 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 3: hard and fast, excellent rule or answer for this. And 203 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:47,559 Speaker 3: this makes people crazy, especially Americans. They hate ambiguity and grayness. 204 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 3: They hate sitting in a liminal space where maybe both 205 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 3: things are right, maybe it is incredibly dangerous, and maybe 206 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 3: you still need to have the freedom to do it. 207 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,559 Speaker 2: That was a preview of one of the other shows 208 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 2: in the Pleasure podcast network called American Sex. Tune into 209 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 2: a new episode every other Friday. Wherever you listen to podcasts, 210 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,559 Speaker 2: you can catch Domini on the Cultivating her Space podcast 211 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 2: every single week. We drop episodes every single Friday like clockwork. 212 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 2: So we hope to see you there, and lady, we'll 213 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 2: talk to you soon.