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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's now offering elderly folks banana

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Speaker 1: peel insurance. What what, It's not a scam. It's just

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Speaker 1: if they can prove they were walking down the street

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Speaker 1: and slipped on a rogue banana peel resulting in injury. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he'll cover almost fifteen percent of their new walker they have.

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Speaker 2: They almost have a grand piano clause in case one

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Speaker 2: gets pushed out of a window and lands on top.

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Speaker 1: Of you working on that net. No medical coverage though,

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Speaker 1: because that's ridiculous. It's a laser story, the segment where

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we have a laser. Those banana

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Speaker 1: na sayers just don't. This first lazer stories out of Japan.

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Speaker 1: Last Sunday, around eleven o'clock in the morning, an eighty

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Speaker 1: five year old man walked into a convenience store, put

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Speaker 1: two packs of condoms in his pocket and tried to leave.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like, just take it, bro Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 1: The manager of the store saw him do it. She

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Speaker 1: stopped him at the door and said, sir, I think

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Speaker 1: you accidentally put something in your pocket without paying for it.

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Speaker 2: It's a polite way to say you're stealing.

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Speaker 1: His reply, move out of my way. I need to

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Speaker 1: get back to the assisted living facility pronto. Well he

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Speaker 1: got three hours before the effects were off.

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Speaker 2: This guy. Yeah, film, I'm glad, glad he's using protection.

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Speaker 2: Wouldn't want to get anybody pregnant.

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Speaker 1: After he pushed her, she told another employee to call

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Speaker 1: the cops. When officers showed up, they told the man

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Speaker 1: to either pay for the profilactics or hand them back

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Speaker 1: to the store owner. Yeah, and that's when he made

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Speaker 1: a shuffle for it.

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Speaker 2: This guy has so much confidence. Yeah, not only from

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Speaker 2: what he's stealing, but that he actually thinks he can

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Speaker 2: get away.

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Speaker 1: I did say shuffle and not run. So he was

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Speaker 1: easily apprehended. Yeah, no word on charges, but police say

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Speaker 1: the condoms were valued at about fourteen bucks. A local

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Speaker 1: reporter was quoted as saying, if this guy actually had

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Speaker 1: plans to use these at his age, they should have

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Speaker 1: just said congrats for real.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and I hear there's a lot about breaks

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Speaker 2: of issues in those senior living homes. Problem.

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Speaker 1: The next Lazer stories out of Manlius, New York Manlius.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I know you're just saying that New York was manly,

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Speaker 2: honestly sorry, I heard the same thing Brooke did, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't think I've ever heard. Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's go there, Jeff.

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Speaker 1: The townspeople of Manlius are so proud of the swans

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Speaker 1: in their local pond that they have hats, shirts, and

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Speaker 1: even the city's website covered with them. Yeah, that's why

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Speaker 1: residents were panicked after they woke up earlier this week

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Speaker 1: and noticed one of their precious swans was missing. What

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Speaker 1: they when swan is missing? I said, the swan was

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Speaker 1: gone from the pond. You got bars?

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Speaker 2: Well, John got here anything.

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Speaker 1: Police were notified and the town launched a full investigation.

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Speaker 2: Also, didn't it just fly away? Can't swans do that?

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Speaker 1: I think they can't. I think these are clips swans. Plus,

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Speaker 1: the swan had four babies who were also missing, and

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Speaker 1: that's when authorities were able to trace the crime back

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Speaker 1: to three teenagers. They were quickly arrested and charged with

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Speaker 1: grand larceny and criminal mischief.

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Speaker 2: Wow, it feels big for just taking a swan.

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Speaker 1: While the babies were recovered and are in good health,

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Speaker 1: the police received not so great news about the mother

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Speaker 1: swan because one of the teens confessed that his family

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Speaker 1: ate it for dinner. Brook, don't do a fist pump

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Speaker 1: over there, it's inappropriate. He said his parents had been

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Speaker 1: stressed about finances, so he was just trying to do

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Speaker 1: his part to help put food on the table.

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Speaker 2: The babies, the babies back to watch. The babies probably

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Speaker 2: were much more tender. Yeah, the babies. I'm just saying,

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Speaker 2: if they didn't have.

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Speaker 1: Time, I will say swan nuggets. Okay. Well, the babies,

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Speaker 1: luckily are being returned to the pond in a few

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Speaker 1: weeks when they're old enough to survive on their own,

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Speaker 1: along with a sign that specifically states these birds are

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Speaker 1: not for consumption. The state of the world we're in.

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Speaker 2: Come, Yeah, you steal a chicken? Nobody looks twice, right,

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Speaker 2: I don't think anybody would just because the swan's prettier.

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Speaker 2: Now we're upset about it, Okay, come on?

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Speaker 1: His next laser story? Is that a food news Many

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Speaker 1: fast foodies are saying this is the best McDonald's toy ever.

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Speaker 2: What is it?

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Speaker 1: I say that because in China, McDonald's is giving out

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Speaker 1: a plastic chicken nugget that has a little screen you

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Speaker 1: can play tetris on.

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Speaker 2: My kids just got a happy meal the other weekend.

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Speaker 2: It was like a little Mermaid Sebastian toy, the one

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Speaker 2: we talked about you.

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Speaker 1: This nugget also plays Tetris's classic theme tune out of

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Speaker 1: tiny speakers and based on the logos on the back,

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Speaker 1: is officially licensed. There's a photo. Looks even cooler when

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Speaker 1: you see a picture of it.

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Speaker 2: It looks like an old game boy, but shape like

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Speaker 2: a nugget.

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Speaker 1: It's no cheap knockoff. This is the full fat Tetris

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Speaker 1: experience on a chicken nugget.

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Speaker 2: Is three sell it? I want one?

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Speaker 1: But why why have Tetris on a nugget? Well, it's

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Speaker 1: the fortieth anniversary of the humble McNugget, which launched in

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Speaker 1: nineteen eighty three.

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Speaker 2: Is that the same year Tetris came out.

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Speaker 1: Tetris was launched a year after that, in nineteen eighty four.

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Speaker 2: So dude, my neighbor, it's just like a Tetris champ.

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Speaker 2: It's so crazy, my neighbor.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, I guess the two years being closed that tenuous

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Speaker 1: link was good enough to green light the promo over

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Speaker 1: at McDonald's hqkay. According to Mickey D's four hundred thousand

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Speaker 1: units are being made available in mainland China restaurants. If

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Speaker 1: you want to get one off of eBay, they're selling

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Speaker 1: for twenty five bucks if you can find them.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that's pretty good. I thought you're gonna say twenty

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Speaker 2: five thousand or something ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: Suiting You're free Originally, that's a pretty big word.

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Speaker 2: I'll take a twenty five piece nugget.

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Speaker 1: His next lazer. Stories Out of Maryland, the state Motor

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Speaker 1: Vehicle Administration has just admitted that their special War of

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Speaker 1: eighteen to twelve license plates, the default plate in the

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Speaker 1: state from twenty twelve to twenty sixteen, has a URL

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Speaker 1: that now sends you to an overseas Filipino gambling set.

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Speaker 2: Somebody forgot to renew.

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Speaker 1: That you are. The domain is star Spangled two hundred

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Speaker 1: dot org and it was originally affiliated with a nonprofit

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Speaker 1: that raised money for bi centennial projects and events, but

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Speaker 1: they either stopped paying for the domain or just gave

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Speaker 1: it up. Either way, an opportunistic gambling website that has

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with American patriotism snagged many estimates that

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Speaker 1: the URLs printed on almost eight hundred thousand active license plates.

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Speaker 2: Stop it is so much free advertising.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's why they're making it clear they have nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with the current website. Although you can get

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Speaker 1: twenty dollars off your first bed of one hundred bucks

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Speaker 1: or more. That's a pretty good deal. They talk about

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Speaker 1: a merryland. They say they're working on options to resolve

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Speaker 1: the issue.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't have enough money to resolve that.

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Speaker 1: They're not doing crap. I just wonder if this guy,

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Speaker 1: what would happen if he had a r L on

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Speaker 1: his show? Where would it send us store? I just

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Speaker 1: clicked on it went on a strange version of only

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Speaker 1: fans only and FIBA fans.

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Speaker 2: Okay, he's into some weird stuff, I get it.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, that means Laser Stories is over for the day.

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Speaker 1: We're going to do it again, same time on Friday.