Speaker 1: You're listening to comedy Central Ukraine. For months now, tensions
Speaker 1: have been building on the border of Ukraine, as Russia
Speaker 1: has sent one hundred thousand troops to the region, and
Speaker 1: now it's looking like war could break out at any time.
Speaker 1: With Russian troops massing along Ukraine's northern, southern, and eastern borders,
Speaker 1: Europe now teetering on the brink of war, US officials
Speaker 1: ordering the evacuation of family members of US embassy staff
Speaker 1: in Ukraine. The order comes as tensions mount in the region,
Speaker 1: with some fearing of Russian invasion could come at any time,
Speaker 1: despite consistent denials by the Kremlin. Now the New York
Speaker 1: Times reporting that President Biden is weighing sending thousands of
Speaker 1: US troops, warships and aircraft to Eastern Europe. Secretary of
Speaker 1: State Anthony Blincoln reaffirming US support for the Ukraine government.
Speaker 1: If a single additional Russian force goes into Ukraine in
Speaker 1: any aggressive way, as I said, that would trigger a swift,
Speaker 1: a severe, and a united response from US and from Europe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you heard the man. Russia better not enter Ukraine in
Speaker 1: an aggressive way. But if the whole army just kind
Speaker 1: of shimmies in though. That'll be kind of cute. You know,
Speaker 1: we'll let that slide. Excills me, skills me, coming to
Speaker 1: the coming to the come through police. And look, those
Speaker 1: are strong words from America's Secretary of State. But if
Speaker 1: I'm a Ukrainian, probably gonna hedge my bets. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll look at what happened with Afghanistan and I'll book
Speaker 1: my seats on that evacuation flight now. And this isn't
Speaker 1: just about Ukraine, by the way, many countries, many countries
Speaker 1: are worried about what this war could mean for the
Speaker 1: entire region, help even for the entire world. It could
Speaker 1: spiral out into a bigger war like World War three.
Speaker 1: And personally, I don't think America is ready to fight
Speaker 1: Russia over Ukraine. I mean, has been fighting brown people
Speaker 1: for so long, doesn't even remember how to fight white people.
Speaker 1: At least Ukraine has time to prepare though. And that's
Speaker 1: the thing about war these days. The elements of surprise
Speaker 1: is gone. And you've got a satellite, you see them
Speaker 1: hundred thousand Russians at your border. Back in the old days,
Speaker 1: you could launch a surprise attack, but now you send
Speaker 1: troops to the other border. Ways just tells everybody, Hey,
Speaker 1: the Russian army is causing slowdowns on your route, so
Speaker 1: you probably want to avoid the freeway. The thing I
Speaker 1: don't get is why Russia even once Ukraine so badly, Like,
Speaker 1: what do you want? Have you seen a map of Russia?
Speaker 1: Just just go to Siberia. There's a Ukraine sized piece
Speaker 1: of land with one guy living on it. You don't
Speaker 1: even have to fight Ukraine. You can just fight Dmitri.
Speaker 1: I know why Russia is doing this. They're doing it
Speaker 1: because we're in between James bonds right now. I mean,
Speaker 1: who's gonna stop Russia if it's not for having one
Speaker 1: British alcoholic guy. We gotta pick a bond, got to
Speaker 1: pick a bond. I would have never thought of that
Speaker 1: as being the reason, But it's we are bondless. We're bondless.
Speaker 1: It's not that hard. We gotta pick someone. I think
Speaker 1: it is hard. I mean there's so many of them. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: but we've got a lot of great choices. You could
Speaker 1: do it. Are you putting up me? You could do it? No,
Speaker 1: I couldn't, Yes, you could. I don't like I don't
Speaker 1: like vodka. Well you can fake it though it's a part.
Speaker 1: It's an acting role you can do. And I saw
Speaker 1: that Shimmy Simmy cat fake drinking vodka because if you
Speaker 1: you when you drink it, it's like it's still you
Speaker 1: taste it and then you like, I throw up. Try
Speaker 1: a little LSD. You could be a dry bond, but
Speaker 1: then replace it with LSD. Oh. I like that. I'll
Speaker 1: call your agents. Thank you, daisy, you're welcome. I'll take
Speaker 1: my LSD shaken, we'll workshop it. Okay, let's move on
Speaker 1: from a wall that might never start to one that
Speaker 1: never end. The battle over COVID vaccines after what shoes
Speaker 1: should Eminem's wear? Asking where the vaccines are good is
Speaker 1: literally the dumbest thing people can fight about, But they
Speaker 1: are fighting, And yesterday thousands of people held a rally
Speaker 1: in Washington, d C. To hear why vaccine mandates are
Speaker 1: worse zan Hitler. In the nation's capital. Sunday, demonstrators gathered
Speaker 1: at the Lincoln Memorial, many voicing opposition to the COVID
Speaker 1: nineteen vaccine, others protesting vaccine mandates. Among the speakers, Robert
Speaker 1: Kennedy Jr. Sonator Maye, New York Senator and Attorney General
Speaker 1: Robert F. Kennedy. What we're saying today is what I
Speaker 1: call turnkey totalitarianism. They are putting in place all of
Speaker 1: these technical, technological mechanisms for control, and we've never seen before.
Speaker 1: Even in Hitler, Germany, you could you could cross the
Speaker 1: Alps into Switzerland. You can hide in an attic like
Speaker 1: an frankte the man is right. Who could argue? No
Speaker 1: one ever talks about how good and Frank had it
Speaker 1: free room and board, all the time in the world
Speaker 1: to write pretty shot deal. If you ask me, I
Speaker 1: will say, though, crazy is relative, because RFK maybe saying
Speaker 1: wild ship about the Holocaust, but half the people he's
Speaker 1: talking to don't even believe the Holocaust happened, and just
Speaker 1: standing there like and Frank and realize this guy was
Speaker 1: such a liberal. Huh. Joe Byron, the president who puts
Speaker 1: the hip in hip replacements. Like most presidents, Biden has
Speaker 1: a complicated relationship with the media, which I get. You know,
Speaker 1: they nitpick everything he says. They challenge all of his decisions,
Speaker 1: and they even get their own room in his house,
Speaker 1: which is insane. Nobody else has to set aside a
Speaker 1: guest room for their haters. Well, yesterday, Biden's true feelings
Speaker 1: about at least one member of the press slipped out.
Speaker 1: On Monday, when a Fox News reporter asked him a
Speaker 1: question in about inflation, Mr Biden fired off an insult.
Speaker 1: Deucey says. President Bide later called him to clear the
Speaker 1: air and to say his comments were not personal. Within
Speaker 1: about an hour of that exchange, he called my cell
Speaker 1: phone and he said, it's nothing personal, pal, And we
Speaker 1: went back and forth and we were talking about just
Speaker 1: kind of moving moving forward. And I made sure to
Speaker 1: tell him that I'm always going to try to ask
Speaker 1: something different than what everybody else is asking. And he said,
Speaker 1: you've got to and that's a quote from the President,
Speaker 1: So I'll keep doing it. You see, this is what
Speaker 1: happens when you've been on zoom calls for two years.
Speaker 1: You forget that real life doesn't have a mute button.
Speaker 1: Son of a bitch? Was that alloud? Sorry? Now a
Speaker 1: lot of people are asking if Biden even knew that
Speaker 1: the microphone was on, But guys, please come on, right
Speaker 1: He's sitting there talking into a giant microphone, so there's
Speaker 1: at least he knew it was there. And a lot
Speaker 1: of people online are dunking on the reporter saying that
Speaker 1: he deserved this because he's just some Fox News guy
Speaker 1: asking a dumb question, and they're right. You know, do
Speaker 1: you think inflation is a political liability? Is a very
Speaker 1: stupid question. I mean, what's Biden is supposed to say? No,
Speaker 1: I think people like spending more money to buy the
Speaker 1: same ship. I mean, if you get to ask the
Speaker 1: president's a question, you should ask him real questions like
Speaker 1: why can't the CDC get its messaging straight on COVID?
Speaker 1: Or can you ask your dog to stop chewing my arm?
Speaker 1: And because of this moment, there are many people who
Speaker 1: are saying that this shows that Biden and Trump treat
Speaker 1: the press with the same level of animosity. And I'm sorry, guys, no,
Speaker 1: I can't accept that. I cannot believe that people would
Speaker 1: even say something so disrespectful about my man, Donald jiu
Speaker 1: Jitsu Trump. First of all, he wouldn't mumble that into
Speaker 1: a hot mic, so he would screen that ship into
Speaker 1: your face. He'd be like, get that son of a
Speaker 1: bit out of here. So rude, so rude. My crimes
Speaker 1: are my business. Biden dropped one offhanded dishonor reporter. He's
Speaker 1: no legend. Attacking the press was Donald Trump's whole thing.
Speaker 1: You remember that guy ship. You can't compare these two.
Speaker 1: It's like comparing Steph Curry to a random guy who
Speaker 1: makes one half court shot during halftime show some respect.
Speaker 1: Compare him to Trump? Can you imagine? Yeah? I know,
Speaker 1: but you know you gotta know about the hot mics, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta know. That's when I'm on the show here.
Speaker 1: You know, I know that if I want to talk
Speaker 1: some ship, I gotta cover up my mic. And our
Speaker 1: audio guy he put for me. He puts it on
Speaker 1: my on my wrist, so I cover it up and
Speaker 1: I can say to you, our audio guy sucks. You
Speaker 1: know that, right, is one of the worst audio guys
Speaker 1: I've ever met in show biz. I'm embarrassed. But then
Speaker 1: once you pull it up. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: he count he couldn't hear anything, right, My boy sucks. Right,
Speaker 1: He's what It's great, dude, See what I'm saying. The yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: this ship works all the time. He's a clown. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Right, You got him because that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Hey, no one else heard that, So
Speaker 1: that's how I stay alive in this biz. Dude, and
Speaker 1: you've got a long career ahead of you. All right,
Speaker 1: let's move on to the Winter Olympics. You know, it's
Speaker 1: that time of the year where we all sit on
Speaker 1: our couches and critique athletes doing sports we just learned existed.
Speaker 1: We are now a few weeks away from seeing our
Speaker 1: favorite athletes sliding down an icy track head first, and
Speaker 1: also fate first, and also crammed inside a giant dildo.
Speaker 1: But it seems like the main event of these Olympics,
Speaker 1: we'll be fending off COVID, and right now China is
Speaker 1: doing everything it can to win the gold with a
Speaker 1: winner games less than two weeks away. Cities across China
Speaker 1: are scrambling to contain COVID outbreaks, and officials in Beijing
Speaker 1: now urging local districts to stay in what they call
Speaker 1: full emergency mode. Authorities are tracking down anyone in the
Speaker 1: city who's bought medicine in recent weeks that could be
Speaker 1: used to treat fever or other symptoms, even something as
Speaker 1: simple as ibuprofen, and sending text messages ordering them to
Speaker 1: get COVID tests. Entire buildings are being locked down, sometimes
Speaker 1: without warning to the people inside. You know, China does
Speaker 1: not play games. I mean they will in two weeks,
Speaker 1: but not now. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine
Speaker 1: your building being locked down without any warning, no warning, nothing,
Speaker 1: especially just after you've broken up with someone. Well, guess what, Sheila,
Speaker 1: We're through. And by the way, I slept with your sister. Yeah. Look,
Speaker 1: we all said a lot of things back there about
Speaker 1: sleeping with your sister. You know she But this is
Speaker 1: this is way too much oppression for the Winter Olympics.
Speaker 1: Can we agree on that. I mean some Olympics, sure,
Speaker 1: oppress all you want, but you can't be locking people
Speaker 1: in their apartments for sports like curling. Even the curling
Speaker 1: athletes are like, guys, guys, we're just sweeping ice. Chill, chill.
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but the story gave me
Speaker 1: perspective because Americans complain so much when a restaurant asks
Speaker 1: them to wear a mask. But then China will shut
Speaker 1: down your entire block because somebody bought advil. And I'll
Speaker 1: tell you now, nobody in Beijing is sitting inside their
Speaker 1: house like damn. This is just like communist New York.
Speaker 1: Because this is what real authoritarian control looks like, a
Speaker 1: government tracking your eyebuprof and purchases. That's not for the
Speaker 1: government to know. That's between you and your pharmacy and
Speaker 1: your credit card company. And the Google adds after you
Speaker 1: type in head hurt wife. Supreme Court. Yes, the second
Speaker 1: most powerful court in the United States, right off to
Speaker 1: judge Judy. Out of all the justices on the Supreme Courts,
Speaker 1: the oldest one is Stephen Bria. And you know how
Speaker 1: it goes with old Supreme Court justices. Eventually, whether they
Speaker 1: like it or not, they go and meet the one
Speaker 1: true judge. So Democrats have been relentlessly pesterring Brier to
Speaker 1: step down so that they can replace him before Mitch
Speaker 1: McConnell comes back into power and makes a rule that
Speaker 1: all Supreme Court justices have to have been platinum Q
Speaker 1: and on members in the past. And today Bria finally
Speaker 1: made the democrats dreams come true. Breaking news a bombshell
Speaker 1: announcement out of the U. S Supreme Court, reverberating across
Speaker 1: the nation's legal and political landscape. CNN has learned that
Speaker 1: Justice Stephen Bryer plans to retire. Briar is eight three
Speaker 1: years old, and he has resisted calls to retire from
Speaker 1: liberals who wants than Joe Biden to have a Supreme
Speaker 1: Court nomination slot that he can use this year. Apparently
Speaker 1: Brier has decided to move forward with that retirement now,
Speaker 1: and it sets up a political battle here for President Biden,
Speaker 1: who will have the opportunity to nominate a Supreme Court justice.
Speaker 1: As a result, Justice Stephen Brier, the leading liberal on
Speaker 1: the Court, he will retire. We're still not exactly sure
Speaker 1: of the timeline, but presumably not until the end of
Speaker 1: this term, which ends up usually at the end of June.
Speaker 1: Is big, y'all? Justice Brian is retiring. Yeah, probably to
Speaker 1: focus more on his ice cream brand. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But honestly, no one, no one should be surprised by
Speaker 1: this news, right It probably isn't fun being hounded old
Speaker 1: day by people screaming at you to retire. I mean, imagine,
Speaker 1: think about every where this guy goes, people are telling
Speaker 1: him he should be retiring. He's probably in line at
Speaker 1: the grocery store and people like, retire bitch. Is it Starbucks?
Speaker 1: The name of the cup is retire bitch. He's at
Speaker 1: the synagogue and the rabbis like, retire bitch. Right now,
Speaker 1: A lot of Democrats are relieved, but I don't know. People.
Speaker 1: I feel like the only winner here is gonna be
Speaker 1: Mitch McConnell. Maybe I'm just God. Yeah, because even though
Speaker 1: the Republicans don't control the Senate, don't be shocked. Don't
Speaker 1: be shocked, and Mitch still makes it happen. He's just
Speaker 1: gonna come out like March, a long standing shout a
Speaker 1: tradition that we're kinter confirmed or Supreme Court justice. In
Speaker 1: a year where there's no season of Ozark or Netflix ma,
Speaker 1: we're all gonna watch it first and the process what
Speaker 1: happened crazy share? Since olcross started, countless kids around the
Speaker 1: country have gotten infected or they've had to isolate because
Speaker 1: some kids in their class got infected. And when you
Speaker 1: think about it, it's disorienting not to know what each
Speaker 1: day is gonna bring. Are they going to be in class,
Speaker 1: are they going to be home? Is the bullying going
Speaker 1: to be in personal or cyber? You need to plan.
Speaker 1: It's been chaos for students, which is why some schools
Speaker 1: have decided to do away with the indoor parts of
Speaker 1: indoor learning altogether. The pandemic has many parents in school
Speaker 1: districts still struggling with remote versus in person learning. But
Speaker 1: some schools are finding a compromise in the great outdoors.
Speaker 1: Despite frigid temperatures in Wisconsin and Maine, these schools moved
Speaker 1: some classes outside to help prevent the spread. Seventeen schools
Speaker 1: in Portland, Maine, built outdoor learning spaces, plenty of winter
Speaker 1: gear and WiFi with windschill it's minus seven. Yeah, that's right, COVID.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna get these kids because they're gonna freeze
Speaker 1: to death. First checkmate, and look on all those classrooms
Speaker 1: might be colder than the middle of a trade of
Speaker 1: Joe's burrito, but there are probably a lot of benefits
Speaker 1: for the students. Yeah, younger kids get to play in
Speaker 1: the snow, and high schoolers they don't have to worry
Speaker 1: about spontaneous erections anymore. Everybody wins not to mention. These
Speaker 1: kids will be the first generation that can outflex their
Speaker 1: grandparents about how hard they had it. I used to
Speaker 1: walk ten miles in the snow just to get to school, bitch,
Speaker 1: the snow was my school. But if kids are stressed
Speaker 1: out by everything that's going on, it's also hard on
Speaker 1: the teachers. A lot of them are staying home because
Speaker 1: they're either worried about getting COVID or they already have it,
Speaker 1: which is why there's a big teacher shortage right now
Speaker 1: all across the country. And that's a problem because without teachers,
Speaker 1: you don't have a school. I mean now, it's just juvie.
Speaker 1: So schools around the country are trying to solve their
Speaker 1: staffing problems with whoever they can find. As O Macron
Speaker 1: surges on, teachers are calling out with COVID, leading to
Speaker 1: a potential crisis across the nation. Schools with record numbers
Speaker 1: calling in sick. Thousands of schools have been forced to
Speaker 1: close schools scrambling to keep kids in the classroom, forced
Speaker 1: to come up with creative solutions. In Miami, a staggering
Speaker 1: sevent teachers called in sick today. It was all hands
Speaker 1: on decks. Even the districts superintendent filled in as a
Speaker 1: substitute science teacher. In Michigan, lunch ladies and school bus
Speaker 1: drivers are stepping in to supervise classes. School districts facing
Speaker 1: teacher shortages are asking parents and alum to fill in
Speaker 1: as substitutes. Hundreds of parents in Powell, Alto, California are
Speaker 1: volunteering at schools doing anything from light custodial work to
Speaker 1: food services. Have clean tables. I've swept floors. In New Mexico.
Speaker 1: The governor now calling on the National Guard to teach kids.
Speaker 1: In Oklahoma, off duty police officers are now stepping into
Speaker 1: teach wow, using cops as substitute teachers. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: one way to get the black kids raising their hands
Speaker 1: in class. Kevin, did you did you have a question? Sir?
Speaker 1: I just don't want any trouble. It would actually be
Speaker 1: pretty funny if the teachers and cops switched jobs permanently,
Speaker 1: because you gotta. It would be so nice to get
Speaker 1: pulled over by a teacher for a change. Could they
Speaker 1: just be like, sir, do you know how fast you're going?
Speaker 1: Because you see you left tuls at three or eight
Speaker 1: pm and arrived here two hours later, which means I'm
Speaker 1: not hating. Though I'm not hating. I think it's great
Speaker 1: that people from the community are stepping up. But let's
Speaker 1: not forget there's no way to replace a professional substitute teacher. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you think anyone can just show up, pass out
Speaker 1: a worksheet and then get roasted for eight hours by
Speaker 1: a bunch of eleven year old No, that is an
Speaker 1: art form. So a lot of these pandemic policies have
Speaker 1: been hard on students and teachers, but the people making
Speaker 1: the policies aren't getting off easy. And I'm talking about
Speaker 1: the local school boards. Yeah, they're stuck in the middle
Speaker 1: between parents who are terrified of their kids safety and
Speaker 1: parents who are terrified that the mosques their kids wear
Speaker 1: will turn their kids into tiny little fauci's. I'm home
Speaker 1: from school, mom, and all the data supports me getting
Speaker 1: some mac and cheese right now. Follow the science, mommy.
Speaker 1: So school boards are in a tough spot, and uh
Speaker 1: not every parent is showing their appreciation this school or meeting.
Speaker 1: In Virginia taking a wild tern Thursday, as a Page
Speaker 1: County parent was arrested and released on a five thousand
Speaker 1: dollar bond after she was captured on tape threatening to
Speaker 1: bring guns to her children's school if a district continued
Speaker 1: to enforce their mask mandate. My children will not come
Speaker 1: to school on Monday with a mask on. All right,
Speaker 1: that's not happening, And I will bring every single gun
Speaker 1: loaded and ready to I will call every that's three
Speaker 1: minute if you've gone past your path. It's a policy
Speaker 1: thank you, m M. I'll see y'all on Monday. So
Speaker 1: you don't want to hear the end of the threat.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know there's a time policy, but someone's
Speaker 1: threatening to kill me. I want to hear what they
Speaker 1: have to say, so I don't know how to escape.
Speaker 1: I mean, this does show you how often school boards
Speaker 1: get deaf for that's screamed at them. Do you see
Speaker 1: how calm those people were. This woman is talking about
Speaker 1: bringing every loaded gun to the school, and they're like,
Speaker 1: time is out. Thank you. The next speaker is Jennifer Higgins,
Speaker 1: who has a proposal for burning down our houses. Go ahead, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: and please remember keep it to three minutes for more
Speaker 1: on the disruption that overcron is causing with schools. Let's
Speaker 1: go out now to Roy Wood Jr. Who is standing
Speaker 1: outside a random school. Do I have to be out here, Trevor,
Speaker 1: it's gold as hail. I could just talk to you
Speaker 1: in the studio. I'm sorry, Roy, that's not possible. This
Speaker 1: is how the news is. You see, we're talking about
Speaker 1: a school, so you have to be at a school. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: how old the people trust what a school is? Anyway,
Speaker 1: let's talk about all the chaos in schools right now, Roy,
Speaker 1: it almost feels like we're back in rights. It's sure
Speaker 1: as ship does. I'm so fat up with overcron man.
Speaker 1: It's ruining everything. It's ruining things for students, for teachers, parents, everybody.
Speaker 1: Not to mention all the money I'm losing on these
Speaker 1: shirts I printed up a couple of months ago. Look
Speaker 1: at this man and sold a single one of these. Damn,
Speaker 1: Oh my crime. You don't know the overhead on that
Speaker 1: really gives you a new appreciation for all those chill
Speaker 1: viruses we have out there. Yeah, that's so wall I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: did you say chill viruses? I don't think there's such
Speaker 1: a thing as a chill virus, Roy, No, I think
Speaker 1: that's where you're wrong, Trevor. There are plenty of viruses
Speaker 1: out there just keeping to themselves, not stirring up trouble
Speaker 1: all the time, like hepatitis A. I'm sorry, Roy, Are
Speaker 1: you saying that hepatitis A is a chill virus? Yeah,
Speaker 1: totally chill virus, Trevor, Calm as hell. Nobody's getting hepatitis
Speaker 1: A just standing in line at Walmart. Only where you're
Speaker 1: getting it is if you go out to eat and
Speaker 1: the cook don't wash his hands after wiping his ass.
Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about mask or boost the
Speaker 1: shots for hepatitis. Just don't order a slippy Joe the
Speaker 1: truck stop and you're good. Well, Roy, I wasn't planning
Speaker 1: on it, but yeah, I see what you're saying. You know,
Speaker 1: like maybe we should give credit to all those viruses
Speaker 1: out there that I'm next annoying day today, Like, like,
Speaker 1: what's that virus that causes mono? Oh, you're talking about
Speaker 1: my boy. Epstein Barr or also known as the kissing disease.
Speaker 1: Now you may not know this, Trevor, but you know
Speaker 1: why they call it the kissing disease because you get
Speaker 1: it from kissing. It's one of the few diseases where
Speaker 1: the diagnosis comes with a half five. That's so true, Roy,
Speaker 1: You know, the doctor's just like I got good news
Speaker 1: and bad news. The bad news is you got mono.
Speaker 1: The good news is my man. Yeah. By the way,
Speaker 1: did you know that Epstein bar is named after Jeffrey
Speaker 1: Epstein and former Attorney General Bill Barr. It's the first
Speaker 1: collapse before Bar killed Epstein in the jail cell. I
Speaker 1: did not know that, Roy, Well, now you do. I
Speaker 1: don't preach. I teach. And here's one other virus that
Speaker 1: I've never really appreciated until Corona came along, Her Pies.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, man. I I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm ready to throw my support behind her pies. Well
Speaker 1: you should be. Did you know, Trevor, two hundred million
Speaker 1: people in this country have herpies. But it's such a
Speaker 1: chill virus that most people don't even realize they have it.
Speaker 1: It's just like Cinemax sitting up there Channel six thirty seven,
Speaker 1: just monering its own business. Heil, I bet you have
Speaker 1: her pies. No, I don't. I don't have her piece.
Speaker 1: I do not. Roy. Statistically, you probably do. I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that I don't. Roy. Thank you so much, Chad. Look,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if or how you got her pies. Man.
Speaker 1: The point is I want to take a moment to
Speaker 1: apologize to all the chill viruses out there. We took
Speaker 1: you for granted before, but no longer. We appreciate you
Speaker 1: and all you do for us. From Heape all the
Speaker 1: way to Trevor Noah's Herpies. Thank you. I do not.
Speaker 1: I do not have her pies. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: before we go. This weekend was the forty ninth anniversary
Speaker 1: of Roe v. Wade, and while it is still low
Speaker 1: in much of the country, women's reproductive rights are being threatened,
Speaker 1: but Planned Parenthood is on the ground. They're helping deliver
Speaker 1: a vital reproductive healthcare, sex education, and information to millions
Speaker 1: of people, not just in the United States but worldwide.
Speaker 1: So if you want to support them in their mission,
Speaker 1: then you can donate at the link below. What's the
Speaker 1: Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central
Speaker 1: and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has
Speaker 1: been a Comedy Central podcast