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Speaker 1: Lauren Salon is a transformational facilitator, somatic coach, and feminine

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Speaker 1: embodiment expert dedicated to empowering high achieving women to break

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Speaker 1: free from boss babe hustle culture and embody their wildly

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Speaker 1: magnetic feminine energy. Lauren specializes in helping successful women heal

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Speaker 1: their nervous systems, reprogram their subconscious minds, and attract their

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Speaker 1: dream relationships by embracing their authentic feminine essence. Hi, Lauren, Hi.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited

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Speaker 2: to talk about all of this stuff. We already were

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Speaker 2: starting to chitchat a little bit before we hit records.

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Speaker 2: Have even more excited.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I was saying to you before the podcast, I

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Speaker 1: feel like this is something that I have talked about

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Speaker 1: with my friend group for a decade now, because we've

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Speaker 1: all been in these positions, and now that I'm in

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Speaker 1: what I feel like is my healthiest relationship so far,

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Speaker 1: I'm realizing some of the stuff that I let go

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Speaker 1: of pattern wise in the exact stuff we're going to

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Speaker 1: talk about, and it's probably why this relationship is working

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Speaker 1: a little bit better for me in past relationships. So

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Speaker 1: I think it's a really important topic, and we'll just

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Speaker 1: go ahead and get right in. But I figured when

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Speaker 1: we mentioned that you specialize in working with high achieving

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Speaker 1: women and their dating experiences, I'm assuming you were seeing

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Speaker 1: a need around the world for this topic to be

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Speaker 1: covered in address. So can you tell us more about

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Speaker 1: what you were seeing and why you decided to dive

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Speaker 1: into working with high achieving women.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, so, I've been doing coaching for high achieving

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Speaker 2: women just generally like life coaching, coaching around confidence, self expression,

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Speaker 2: people pleasing, like overcoming, overachieving, and worthiness struggles, all of

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Speaker 2: that in a more generalized capacity to support women in

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Speaker 2: achieving their goals, in designing their lives around the things

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Speaker 2: that they really love. And started to see something that

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Speaker 2: was a recurring theme for these women that they were

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Speaker 2: also struggling with dating and relationships. And the one of

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Speaker 2: the common threads was like, oh, I can like I

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Speaker 2: am all these things, like I'm checking every single box,

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Speaker 2: like all this kind of stuff that that women right

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Speaker 2: like this kind of women think woman thinks that she's

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Speaker 2: checking Because that's an important thing too, is that what

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Speaker 2: we think is on a man's checklist isn't necessarily what's

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Speaker 2: on a man's checklist is part part of the issues sometimes.

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Speaker 2: But I was seeing these these women who, like you

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Speaker 2: would look at them and they have like everything figured

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Speaker 2: out right and and all all the things, like they're

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Speaker 2: doing it all right, making it all happen, and amazing

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Speaker 2: women but struggling with their dating lives, and often would

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Speaker 2: say like, oh, I just I need to meet a

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Speaker 2: man who's more masculine than me or who can lead

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Speaker 2: me right, like he needs to be more of a

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Speaker 2: leader than I am. And I will also say like

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Speaker 2: I very much for a while felt that way myself

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Speaker 2: because I'm one of those same kind of women, right,

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Speaker 2: And so I was I had been doing this kind

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Speaker 2: of work for myself for a while, just because not

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Speaker 2: from a place of for dating and relationships, but from

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Speaker 2: a place of Okay, I want to heal this unworthiness stuff.

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Speaker 2: I want to heal this perfectionism, the people pleasing, all

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Speaker 2: of those sorts of things. I knew that I needed

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Speaker 2: to get more balance in my masculine and feminine polarity

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Speaker 2: with myself, and so I was starting to do that work,

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Speaker 2: and a natural byproduct of that was my dating life improved, right,

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Speaker 2: And I started saying those things like where all them

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Speaker 2: masculine it right, Like I wasn't having those kinds of

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Speaker 2: frustrations myself so much, and I'm like, oh, all these

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Speaker 2: things that's helping over here. And so while my work

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Speaker 2: has tended for a long time was mainly kind of

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Speaker 2: general life coaching for women like this on a lot

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Speaker 2: on how to soften, how to be able to be

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Speaker 2: that high achieving woman but feel more anchored and grounded

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Speaker 2: and like back in her feminine essence, and started coming

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Speaker 2: to the service that like a lot of there was

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Speaker 2: a lot of frustration or angster confusion around dating because

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Speaker 2: it's one of those things where this kind of woman

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Speaker 2: is used to being hyper independent, being able to figure

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Speaker 2: everything out herself and like having the answers and like

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Speaker 2: doing everything really really well. But then with dating, it

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Speaker 2: was like why can't I figure this out though? Right?

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Speaker 2: But it was so frustrating for so many women. And

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Speaker 2: so that's where I was like, Okay, maybe I should

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Speaker 2: like lean into some dating stuff for this time, and

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Speaker 2: not just dating, because relationships as well. I've worked with

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Speaker 2: women who are married and have been in long term

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Speaker 2: relationships too, and so yeah, so it was definitely from

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Speaker 2: like a lot from personal experience which has always been

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Speaker 2: where my coaching has come from, because I wanted to

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Speaker 2: figure out an issue I was having so a lot

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Speaker 2: from personal experience, but then also seeing it so much

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Speaker 2: with the women that I was working with, and they're.

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Speaker 1: A specific thing that comes to mind when you think

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Speaker 1: about a high functioning type of woman, Like we're talking

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Speaker 1: about really bumping up against the difficulty of finding a

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Speaker 1: quote unquote masculine man, like, is there something that we're

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Speaker 1: all just completely missing? Like, what's the first thing that

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Speaker 1: comes to mind?

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Speaker 2: A few of the key things are that women like

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Speaker 2: this they're used to being hyper independent and being self

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Speaker 2: sufficient is not a bad thing. You should be self

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Speaker 2: sufficient and frankly healthy masculine men, they want a woman

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Speaker 2: who is self sufficient, right, who's got her stuff together,

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Speaker 2: who can take care of herself, all of that, even

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Speaker 2: if they view themselves as like I'm the protector provider, like,

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Speaker 2: let me make your life easy, even if that's their mindset,

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Speaker 2: they don't want like a needy like person they have

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Speaker 2: to drag along that doesn't have their stuff together, right.

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Speaker 2: So self sufficience is great, right, that should be on

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Speaker 2: your list, But when that crosses into hyper independence, that's

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Speaker 2: not the only thing, right, because there's plenty more. But

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Speaker 2: that's one of the things that I find is very

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Speaker 2: repelling for masculine men. And so again it's not the

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Speaker 2: like it's not being helpless, right, because I think women

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Speaker 2: can make it very black and white, like, well, if

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Speaker 2: he wants a woman who's not as like independent or strong,

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Speaker 2: then he can find someone else, right, Like, that's not

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Speaker 2: what we're talking about here. The hyperindependence is like being

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Speaker 2: annoyed if someone opens the door for you or goes like,

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Speaker 2: let me get your bags, No, I can do it myself.

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Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, of course you can do it yourself.

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Speaker 2: Of course you can, right. But if you want a

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Speaker 2: masculine man, right, one of his qualities is going to

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Speaker 2: be that he wants to provide and take action and

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Speaker 2: make your life easier and things like that. That's like

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Speaker 2: on a very basic, like some down level. And so

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Speaker 2: if you're so hyper independent that you don't let him

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Speaker 2: be in that masculine role except if you absolutely need it, right,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna repel that natural energy from him.

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Speaker 1: You're talking about me Like at when I would leave

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Speaker 1: set back in the day, and I still do this.

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Speaker 1: But if a man offers to help me with my kit,

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Speaker 1: which is a massive suitcase and it's heavy. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it is heavy. I used to really struggle with accepting

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Speaker 1: that help because I don't really know why. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what that was, if that was in my programming

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Speaker 1: to be like, no, I can't rely on a man,

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Speaker 1: or if with all the narrative going on out in

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Speaker 1: the world, you didn't want to seem helpless or whatever

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Speaker 1: it was. I just really struggle with that. And now,

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Speaker 1: I mean, maybe this is getting older too, and physically

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Speaker 1: I can't do this thing I used to do. But

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Speaker 1: I really try to lean into like when someone offers

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Speaker 1: except the help, like you don't have to do this

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Speaker 1: all on your own, you know exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's one of the key things that I

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Speaker 2: tell women like this a lot of the time and

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Speaker 2: just generally is like, Okay, just because you can do

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Speaker 2: it yourself, doesn't mean you have to, like do you

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Speaker 2: want to do every single thing always yourself? Even if

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Speaker 2: you can, like I can do so many things, like

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Speaker 2: so many things, of course, but I love having a

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Speaker 2: man in my life who is like, here, let me

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Speaker 2: take care of that for you. Here, let me do

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Speaker 2: that for you, because it makes my life feel softer,

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Speaker 2: more luxurious, Like it helps me feel more protected and

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Speaker 2: taken care of all of that, and then it's one

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Speaker 2: less thing that I have to do right. Right, And

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Speaker 2: on that topic as well, there's the hyper independence thing

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Speaker 2: that I see that a lot of women like this.

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Speaker 2: That's a quality, will say, But then it's also the

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Speaker 2: overdoing and overgiving that a lot of women like this

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Speaker 2: fall into. And even though like giving and being generous

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Speaker 2: that's such like a beautiful thing, even like nurturing, right,

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Speaker 2: can be very nurturing, when you overgive, you also shut

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Speaker 2: down a man's masculine energy. Because if we think about, okay,

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Speaker 2: on the very very basic level, feminine energy is our

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Speaker 2: being energy. It's receptive and receiving, right, And energy is

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Speaker 2: the doing energy. It's proactive, it's action oriented, right, So

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Speaker 2: it's the output energy. Feminine is the input energy. So

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Speaker 2: if you're always in the doing energy, you're going to

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Speaker 2: either attract a man who wants you to do everything

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Speaker 2: for him and like then you're kind of in that

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Speaker 2: like mommy role, which is not right sexy for anybody,

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Speaker 2: and it's exhausting as well, right, But then you're also

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Speaker 2: going to so you're gonna repel like a man's natural

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Speaker 2: masculine energy. But then you're also going to deplete yourself, right,

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Speaker 2: because you're stepping into this doing doing doing doing, And

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Speaker 2: that can be so small as like well, let me

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Speaker 2: plan a date. Oh I want to go on a

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Speaker 2: date this week, and let me let me do it

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Speaker 2: for us, right, And there's nothing wrong with I think

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Speaker 2: once you're in like a dating cadence, not in the

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Speaker 2: very beginning, ladies, but once you're like have established you're

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Speaker 2: like in a dating relationship with somebody, there's nothing wrong

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Speaker 2: with like you planning something every once in a while

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Speaker 2: or taking action. But that's something that women who again

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Speaker 2: are like hyper independent, they're go getters, they can do

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Speaker 2: a lot, they're super smart and capable all this kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff, they jump into doing so so fast to

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Speaker 2: their detriment, rather than staying in that receptive, receiving energy

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Speaker 2: and allowing the man to step in and take up

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Speaker 2: that space through his masculine actions.

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Speaker 1: It makes so much sense. Again, you're just telling my

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Speaker 1: life story I have. Yeah, I'll have a narrative in

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Speaker 1: my friend group, and it's kind of been that men

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Speaker 1: are just intimidated by I mean, all of my friends

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Speaker 1: are the same as us, right, Like, they're high achieving,

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Speaker 1: they're very successful, they're beautiful, they're talented, they're hilarious, so

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Speaker 1: they have everything. It's always shocking to me when any

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Speaker 1: of my friend they're single, because I'm like, why, you know,

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Speaker 1: the guys are missing out here? This is the woman

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Speaker 1: that needs to eat scoops up. And then on the

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Speaker 1: flip side, we just sit and talk about it like

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Speaker 1: as if it's all the man's problem and I don't

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Speaker 1: really buy in so that anymore. And one of the

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Speaker 1: narratives is, well, men are just intimidated by this. Is

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Speaker 1: there something deeper going on here with men though, when

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Speaker 1: we're presenting with as such high functioning over achievers.

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Speaker 2: Yes and no, so both both of those things. So

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Speaker 2: on the one hand, yes, there are going to be

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Speaker 2: plenty of men who are intimidated right because women tend

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Speaker 2: to date across and up right, Like, most women are

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Speaker 2: not going to date somebody that they view as like

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Speaker 2: below them or like behind them in terms of like

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Speaker 2: life achievements, money, that sort of thing. Women we tend

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Speaker 2: to date hypergamously, So we're going to date someone who

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Speaker 2: either has the same level of like achievement or success

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Speaker 2: or financial resources, we're either going to go the same

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Speaker 2: level or above right, right, And so that naturally eliminates

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Speaker 2: a lot of men from for high achieving like quote

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Speaker 2: unquote successful women. Right. And so there may be men

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Speaker 2: right who don't really fall into to that pool for

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Speaker 2: a woman who may still want to like shoot his

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Speaker 2: shot or try something, right, who may very well be

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Speaker 2: intimidated by that. But so so yes, to answer, yes,

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Speaker 2: there are gonna be plenty of men who are intimidated

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Speaker 2: by that. But that's usually pretty like I think, like

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Speaker 2: a man who's intimidated by you, that's going to be

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Speaker 2: pretty easy to weed out, right, He's it's it's going

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Speaker 2: to be pretty easy to weed out in like a

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Speaker 2: few conversations, if not the first conversation. And those men

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Speaker 2: I either aren't going to approach you at all, and

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Speaker 2: you don't want to be with a man that is

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Speaker 2: intimidated by you, I don't at a And so he's

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Speaker 2: either not going to approach you, or it's a man

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Speaker 2: with a very fragile ego who is going to trend. Okay,

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Speaker 2: let me like make myself feel better about myself by

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Speaker 2: trying to like get this woman who I view as

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Speaker 2: ahead of me, but not in like a healthy way, right,

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Speaker 2: but in like a let me like conquer this thing

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Speaker 2: because it's going to make my ego feel good because I,

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Speaker 2: you know, got this girl who I view as better

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Speaker 2: than me or I'm intimidated by, and then try to

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Speaker 2: kind of like bring her down in a way like

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Speaker 2: but that's like a toxic dyami. We're so sure, Well

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Speaker 2: we'll table that because we're not. We don't aren't dealing

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Speaker 2: with those kinds of guys. But I think it can

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Speaker 2: more easily be a cop out for women. Well, men

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Speaker 2: are just intimidated. The men you want to be with

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Speaker 2: aren't intimidated by you, so who cares about the ones

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Speaker 2: that are right?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: So I think it often ends up being more of

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Speaker 2: a cop out, which is like good and bad because

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Speaker 2: I know women don't because sometimes when I posted this

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Speaker 2: sort of thing about like we get to take more

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Speaker 2: accountability for the results in our life, including the dating

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Speaker 2: results in our life, right and like all that kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff that like women can have that kind of

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Speaker 2: attitude of like, well, if he doesn't want all of

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Speaker 2: me as I am, he can find less or whatever

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Speaker 2: it is, right, which is like yes, and like are

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Speaker 2: you perfect No, are you exactly right? Like no, like

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Speaker 2: you know, if you are doing the work like all

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Speaker 2: this kind of stuff, and so with that, it's it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: men are just intimidated. That's a really easy way for

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Speaker 2: you to not have to look at yourself and how

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Speaker 2: you show up if it's just like men are just

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Speaker 2: scared of me. So okay, is that philosophy working for you? Though?

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Speaker 2: If all the men are intimidated by you, Like, how

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Speaker 2: does that working in your actual life? Like, sure, plenty

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Speaker 2: of men may be, but when you're when I believe

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Speaker 2: that when you're operating from a place that truly is

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Speaker 2: in that elevated energy where like your heart is open

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Speaker 2: and you're but at the same time, like access to you,

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Speaker 2: access to your energy, your time, whatever is very exclusive

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Speaker 2: and very boundaried. When you're operating in that place, those

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Speaker 2: men who are intimidated by you, they don't even one

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Speaker 2: they're not going to be on your radar and two

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Speaker 2: like they don't even attempt to get your attention anymore

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Speaker 2: because they know they know, right, So we get to

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Speaker 2: forget about those men that are intimidated by you. And

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Speaker 2: then and it's also the okay, actually what it is

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Speaker 2: more often I've seen, is you. No, you're repelling the

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Speaker 2: men that you actually do want, like whose attention you

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Speaker 2: do want? Because you're leading with masculine energy, and so

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Speaker 2: it's not that they're intimidated, is that you're meeting them

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Speaker 2: too much with energy that feels like a man's energy.

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Speaker 1: You just answered my next question because you touched on

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Speaker 1: this a little bit earlier, and I want to just

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Speaker 1: dive a little bit deeper into the importance you have

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Speaker 1: the energy you're leading with. He said something when you

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Speaker 1: first were describing the woman operating in such a heavy

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Speaker 1: masculine and the like doing and all of that. One

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Speaker 1: I know for me, I'm completely depleted battery wise when

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Speaker 1: I do that all the time. Like if I'm overgiving

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Speaker 1: or overfunctioning, I might still be showing up, but the

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Speaker 1: energy I'm showing up with is not my highest self

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Speaker 1: by any means, And it is not definitely like the receptive,

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Speaker 1: open hearted energy. So with a woman that you're working

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Speaker 1: with or just talking to you, is saying over and

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Speaker 1: over like I just keep you know, attracting unavailable or

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Speaker 1: passive or toxic men, is there like an alarm bell

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Speaker 1: that starts to go off for you of like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well what energy are you leading with? Though, because, as

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Speaker 1: you just touched on, if you're leading from your highest

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Speaker 1: self and your feminine energy as well, aren't we just

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Speaker 1: drawing in risk more like matching energy? Is that making sense?

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Speaker 1: Where I'm gianna go lab is yes, okay, yes, I'll

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Speaker 1: like and over because I think I know and I'm

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Speaker 1: going to say yes.

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Speaker 2: That does often like send off some things in my brain.

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Speaker 2: They're like, Okay, I'm going to assume, not necessarily assume,

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Speaker 2: because I'll always ask questions, but like I'm guessing all

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Speaker 2: these things are probably happening, right, And so with that,

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Speaker 2: it's like, okay, well let's back up, and I'll usually

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Speaker 2: like drill in, okay, like what did you do? How

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Speaker 2: did you show up? Like? What did he say? How

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Speaker 2: did you respond? That sort of thing. And one of

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Speaker 2: the things that I think the biggest thing for women

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Speaker 2: who are if you're repeatedly attracting a similar type of person,

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Speaker 2: good or bad, right, like, but if it's happening more

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Speaker 2: than you know, more than twice, like once it starts

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Speaker 2: snapping the third time, and it's like, oh, another emotionally

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Speaker 2: unavailable guy, another toxic guy another, right, Like it's a

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Speaker 2: you problem, which is great because that means there's a

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Speaker 2: you solution, you know, and so like like that's the

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Speaker 2: good news. It's like the news you may not want

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Speaker 2: to hear is that you're the problem. But the great

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Speaker 2: news is that that means you're also the solution and

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Speaker 2: you can change that, right. And So with that kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff, if you are consistently attracting people who are

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Speaker 2: emotionally unavailable, a few things go off in my mind

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Speaker 2: is there's likely a worthiness issue going on that you

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Speaker 2: don't feel worthy of a healthy, like good relationship. So

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Speaker 2: you're attracting like energy and people that are going to

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Speaker 2: prove that belief, right, Like, see, I just can never

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Speaker 2: meet a good guy, right, and so it's going to

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Speaker 2: reinforce that that you have. So often there's a worthiness

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Speaker 2: thing going on. There's often also some level of emotional

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Speaker 2: unavailability from the woman as well. If she's always attracting

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Speaker 2: emotionally unavailable people, that's matching some sort of unavailability of

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Speaker 2: hers as well. May not be in the same way,

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Speaker 2: but we get to look a little bit closer there, right,

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Speaker 2: So there's usually worthiness thing. There's usually some sort of

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Speaker 2: emotional block, and then we also get to look at

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Speaker 2: like the boundaries, like well I would even back up

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Speaker 2: there get really clear. Okay, what kind of relationship do

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Speaker 2: you want right now? Like whether you know some people

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Speaker 2: are like, oh, I just want to kind of date,

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Speaker 2: get back out there after a relationship nothing like crazy

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Speaker 2: serious right now. Okay, that's a certain kind of dating goal.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: If you're like I'm dating for marriage and that's it,

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Speaker 2: or my forever person and that's it, then whatever the

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Speaker 2: situation is, I'm going to go with like dating for

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Speaker 2: your forever person for marriage. We're going to back up

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Speaker 2: and be like, okay, what is that man, like, like

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Speaker 2: what are his must haves and like requirements like must

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Speaker 2: have qualities? Right, what are the nice to haves? And

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Speaker 2: then what are like automatic deal breakers right like smoking

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Speaker 2: for example, right, or it doesn't want kids automatic deal

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Speaker 2: break right like those those kinds of things, and what

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Speaker 2: are his must have and then also what are your

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Speaker 2: standards for how you want to be treated? And so

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Speaker 2: you getting really really clear on that, so that then

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Speaker 2: when you meet a man and he doesn't have one

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Speaker 2: of those must haves or he has one of those

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Speaker 2: deal breakers or something, you can easily disqualify him and

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Speaker 2: remove him right right. And so that's such an important

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Speaker 2: piece because if you're saying, well, I want this, but

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Speaker 2: then you're entertaining a lot of behavior that isn't aligned

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Speaker 2: with that. You're not holding yourself to a high enough

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Speaker 2: standard and having firm enough boundaries. And yeah, and like

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Speaker 2: too trusting or too like well maybe or or like

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Speaker 2: not okay being on your own right by yourself. That's

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Speaker 2: another thing is like people often want the attention more

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Speaker 2: than like or would rather settle for someone who's not

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Speaker 2: really what they're looking for. Yeah, it doesn't really treat

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Speaker 2: them well than being on their off.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you touched on two things that I really

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Speaker 1: resonated with just from my own experience. One was like

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Speaker 1: a sense of words, and then this second part where

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Speaker 1: we're talking about boundaries and I think on a big

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Speaker 1: public scale, something that a lot of women related to

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Speaker 1: you was when Taylor Slipped and Travis Kelcey were doing

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Speaker 1: that interview. I can't remember what podcast it even was.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even watch the thing, but there was a

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Speaker 1: viral clip going around of Taylor saying like, your energy

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Speaker 1: should be expensive, and that's so interesting to think about

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Speaker 1: in terms of a high achieving, like overfunctioning woman, because

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Speaker 1: when you touch on worth at first, it seems like

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Speaker 1: a woman like this would not have any word issues,

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Speaker 1: you know, but it it's actually been the opposite in

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Speaker 1: my life because I was hatching so much worth to

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Speaker 1: what I did, my job title, the public facing version

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Speaker 1: of me, what people thought of me, and luckily for me,

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Speaker 1: a lot of that crash and then I just left

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Speaker 1: with myself, you know. And at the time it's all awful,

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Speaker 1: but the best part of it for me was like

399
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Speaker 1: I had to really find my like inherent sense of

400
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Speaker 1: worth and just being worthy because I woke up in

401
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Speaker 1: the morning, you know, those kind of things. And what

402
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Speaker 1: was interesting with that is the more comfortable I got

403
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Speaker 1: with that piece with myself, the bigger my boundaries got.

404
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Speaker 1: Like the less I tolerated the bullshit, the less I

405
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Speaker 1: fat around and waited for a lot of time to

406
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Speaker 1: be like, look, we'll give him one more shot, or oh,

407
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna you know, like justify the not calling for

408
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Speaker 1: four days because he was so busy and he had

409
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Speaker 1: a lot on his plate, Like fuck that, no, Like

410
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Speaker 1: that's just that I don't do anymore.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and same like I relate to that so much.

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Speaker 2: And yes, because with women like that, high achieving, go

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Speaker 2: get her women who like have it all together, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, right, like that sort of thing, and who

415
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Speaker 2: are generally or maybe not, I'll speak for myself, like,

416
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Speaker 2: but most of these women are confident, right, and me

417
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Speaker 2: very extroverted and I'm always I've always been very extroverted

418
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Speaker 2: and very comfortable, like in front of on a stage

419
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Speaker 2: or things like that. Right, And so you look at

420
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Speaker 2: that person, you go, wait a second. They struggle with

421
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Speaker 2: self worth. But it's like when a woman has that

422
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Speaker 2: pattern of overachieving and like do do do do do,

423
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Speaker 2: her worth is tied to what she's doing. Right. So

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Speaker 2: I remember, like years and years ago before I started

425
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Speaker 2: digging into almost ten years at this point, before I

426
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Speaker 2: started like really digging into the worthiness stuff for myself,

427
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Speaker 2: one of my coaches and friends was she She was

428
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Speaker 2: like big sisterly kind of friendship to me. She asked

429
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Speaker 2: me something. She was like, Okay, Lauren, what if tomorrow

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00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: I told you you can't work at all, you have

431
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 2: to just sit on the couch and watch Netflix all

432
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 2: day long? How would you feel? And I was like, ugh, worthless?

433
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: And she's like ah, interesting, and I was like, oh shoot,

434
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 2: you know, And so this kind of woman ties so

435
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 2: much of her value to what she's doing, how she's performing,

436
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 2: what she's achieving all of that that it then makes

437
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 2: it very easy to get a lot of value out

438
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 2: of well, what sort of attention am I getting too?

439
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:20,719
Speaker 1: Right?

440
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 2: Does that person like me? Do they want to date me?

441
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 2: Do they want to be my friend? Whatever? It is

442
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 2: like getting so much validation from things outside of yourself,

443
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,919
Speaker 2: And so similarly to you, I went through that, like,

444
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 2: you know, when I really like dug into all of

445
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 2: this stuff, I'm like, wait, I get to like really

446
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 2: like my head shouldn't blow up when things are amazing, right,

447
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,199
Speaker 2: and I shouldn't think I'm hot shit just because they

448
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: are going really well, and just like I shouldn't think

449
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 2: I'm a piece of shit if things aren't going well, right, Like,

450
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 2: that sense of worth should be steady and anchored no

451
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 2: matter what's going on up and down, because then you'll

452
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 2: be less likely to need to find it outside of

453
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: your self. So yeah, it's something like, yeah, these women

454
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 2: are like confident a lot of the time, but the

455
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 2: worthiness is is attached to things outside of themselves, and

456
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: so it then makes it easy for women like this

457
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 2: to get into those relationships with unavailable men or narcissistic

458
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 2: men or toxic men or something where they're doing a

459
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 2: lot because it's like, well, I need to prove like

460
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 2: I'm used to proving my value in all the other ways,

461
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: so let me prove like I'm good at proving my value. Yeah,

462
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna prove it with you too. Oh yeah, that's

463
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 2: that's what ends up happening a lot of the time.

464
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And it's a recipe for being in a

465
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: relationship with a narcissistic type, like full blown. That was

466
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: my pattern over and over and over, and it was like,

467
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: let me prove to you how great I am, how

468
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: much I can do, how much I love you. And

469
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: then I've realized I'm not getting anything here, like yeah,

470
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: the battery I completed, Yes, as you hit a bottom,

471
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: and that's sometimes the greatest gift we can get. So yeah,

472
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: this that's the question that comes up for me a

473
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: lot in these discussions, and I never know how to

474
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: answer it. So I'm hoping that you have some better ideas.

475
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: But masculine and feminine energy as a conversation is it's

476
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: been really important in my life and growth and relationship.

477
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: But I do find when I'm talking about it with

478
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 1: certain people it's hard to explain how not to go

479
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: into like outdated gender roles with this kind of thing.

480
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying, Like, Okay, if you're

481
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 1: masculine and feminine energy, if you're really trying to lean

482
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: into your feminine people associate that with Okay, now go

483
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: do the dishes, cook all the meals and all of

484
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And that's not ever what I'm

485
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: trying to say with it. The best I can do

486
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 1: when I explain it is like, no, we have both

487
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: energies within ourselves. It's about what you're leaning into and

488
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 1: can you receive and all of those things. What is

489
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: your thought on that question and how would you explain

490
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: that for the listener?

491
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think there's a lot like the masculine

492
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: feminine energy and like coach and like podcasters and that

493
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 2: kind of stuff like that, and like, you know, I

494
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 2: fall into that category, but like it's become very like

495
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 2: it became very popular over the last few years, so

496
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 2: there's lots of people who who do have it as

497
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: just like a very black and white like masculine energy

498
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 2: is just like the traditional manly things and feminine is

499
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 2: traditional feminine things are stereotypical, right, which isn't exactly true.

500
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 2: There's some truth in those sorts of things, but not

501
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,199
Speaker 2: completely right because there's because like we can break it

502
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 2: down to like mothering energy, where you are taking care

503
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 2: of everybody, doing all this stuff, like all that that's

504
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 2: masculine energy. Yes, it's like we think of it as

505
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 2: like a thing a woman's doing. But the doing all

506
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 2: the things and taking care of all the things, that's

507
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 2: that's anchored in masculine energy from an energetic standpoint, you know.

508
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 2: But it's just typically a woman's role that we think about.

509
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 2: So there's I think a lot of like and I

510
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 2: don't like take in too much like the red pill

511
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 2: antosphere content and stuff like that, but there's like some

512
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 2: messaging that's like, yeah, they should you know, women should

513
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 2: just be like how they were in the fifties and

514
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 2: stuff like that, or they like stay at home off

515
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 2: all that. I'm like those women like, Okay, no, you

516
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: don't actually think that for one, And like are you

517
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 2: actually wanting like mothering energy, right? Is that what you're

518
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,680
Speaker 2: looking for? Because that's not necessarily super feminine energy either. Right,

519
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 2: So the way that I explain it is very similar

520
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 2: to how you said it. I say it, Okay, men

521
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 2: and women, we all have masculine and feminine energy within us.

522
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 2: Women generally are going to be most at home and

523
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 2: operating from their feminine energy the majority of the time,

524
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 2: while men generally are going to be mostly in their

525
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 2: masculine energy. But I do say, but, like each person's

526
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: masculine feminine energy breakdown is unique to them, and it's

527
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 2: not something that's like static, like oh I am eighty

528
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:57,199
Speaker 2: percent feminine energy twenty percent masculine. No, Like depending on

529
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 2: the day, the time day, depending on what I'm season

530
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 2: I'm in in my life, depending on like what week

531
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 2: we're at in the month, like all of that, like

532
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 2: what activity I'm doing, like that is going to influence

533
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 2: my like which energy I'm leading with or tapping into

534
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 2: more and and the goal I think is to figure

535
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 2: out the balance that feels best to you. Like I

536
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,959
Speaker 2: used to be dominantly in my masculine energy and then

537
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 2: would like be in my feminine energy once I was

538
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 2: exhausted and depleted or my wounded feminine energy. Oh now

539
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 2: I'm like I'm so burnt out and I'm crying and

540
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 2: having a meltdown. Somebody rescue me and save me, right,

541
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 2: Like it was like hardcore masculine, and then I'm like

542
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 2: a little like the damsel in distress, like in my

543
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 2: wounded feminine right, like right right, and and so now

544
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I probably like eighty to eighty, like

545
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: eighty percent, I would say in my feminine energy. My

546
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 2: work has been a little bit busier the last six

547
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 2: months or so, so it's it's required me to lean

548
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 2: a little bit more into my masculine But there are

549
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 2: certain days where I'm like, Okay, today is more like

550
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 2: masculine energy focused. I'm going to be like doing more

551
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 2: delegating and doing more like taking care of crossing things

552
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 2: off the to do list and like all that kind

553
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 2: of stuff. And then for me, I might have a

554
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 2: more feminine energy day where I'm like, ooh, this day

555
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 2: I get to like go deeper and be more creative

556
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: on projects. So like, it honestly depends on what is

557
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 2: going on, and the goal is to be able to

558
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: ebb and flow within the energies in a way that

559
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 2: supports you best for feeling your best, for accomplishing the

560
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 2: things that you want to accomplish for what works best

561
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 2: for your relationships.

562
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: All of that, I mean, the biggest takeaway for me

563
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: to tell people now will be that doing the mothering

564
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: or like the path around the house, that's actually masculine energy.

565
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: I never thought about that, like doing the dishes, and

566
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: it's doing, it's doing the things. It's not creating, it's

567
00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: not nurturing. Yeah, that's so interesting. So when you just

568
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: said about yourself that you've been in a really busy space,

569
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: So is there a way to be wildly ambitious and

570
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: also be deeply feminine in your energy?

571
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 2: I think so yes, But it does take work, and

572
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 2: you get to be very disciplined and very boundaried, right,

573
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 2: and so the like the masculine discipline and masculine boundaries

574
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 2: are what will protect you and be able to keep

575
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: that feminine energy like flowing and really like alive. So

576
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: you can have like very some very focused like I'm

577
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: such a time blocker on my calendar, right, and so

578
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 2: for me to be and and I all sometimes have

579
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 2: times when I'm like, whoa, this this week was like

580
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 2: so much busier than I wanted it to be, and

581
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 2: it felt so much more in my masculine energy than

582
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 2: I would have wanted. So this weekend I need to

583
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 2: just like be really poured into or really like of

584
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 2: like do something creative or whatever it is, right, or

585
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 2: be like babied a little bit more from my eye

586
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 2: so that I can feel more of that like being

587
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 2: poured back into rather than just the output energy. But

588
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: what really helps with that and in being ambitious and

589
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: like achieving big goals and stuff like that is to

590
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 2: be so like disciplined with your time and your energy.

591
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: And so for me, like I love time blocking. So

592
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 2: if it's like okay, like I've got these chunks on

593
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 2: my calendar and I'm going to be like really strict

594
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 2: about how i use that time so that I'm not

595
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 2: just like it's not bleeding into everything else. And so

596
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 2: it's like such clarity and focus in the times that

597
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 2: are designated for that, So then the rest of the

598
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: time you have can be open and like more time

599
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: to like be in your kind of flow and feminine energy.

600
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 2: That's also not to say that anytime you're doing work

601
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 2: you're in masculine energy nor right now, like right now

602
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 2: when I do podcast interviews, it's a very feminine energy

603
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 2: thing for me, Like I'm this feels creative for me,

604
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 2: I am tapped into my purpose. But it's also connecting

605
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 2: right like and could take collaborative and stuff. So it's

606
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 2: a very feminine energy activity for me, right and so

607
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 2: it balances out when I'm doing a lot of the

608
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 2: like maybe delegating or like in slack or email and stuff.

609
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 2: It helps to balance that those other kinds of like

610
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 2: masculine tasks out. So it's really just like I think

611
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 2: the biggest thing for like being able to be be

612
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 2: and stay really in your feminine energy while being ambitious

613
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: is like clarity and then boundaries and being really strict

614
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 2: with your time and energy.

615
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I'm going to give the listeners a forewarning

616
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: here because we are going to talk about Love is Blind,

617
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: because I have to people know on this podcast that

618
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: I am addicted to this show and I hate myself

619
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 1: for watching it, but I can't stirtle.

620
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 2: It's one of the same. I listen, listen, this is

621
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: the only real I'm trying to think. Is this the

622
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 2: only reality show? Yes, this is the only reality show

623
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: that I watch. And I started watching it because one

624
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: of my friends was on season one and I was like,

625
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 2: I have to watch this support her, and then here

626
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 2: we are Kelly Chase.

627
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's been on the podcast I Love Tilly.

628
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 2: You love it. Yeah, she's wonderful. Yeah, so I watched

629
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 2: it to support her, and then I'm like, here we

630
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 2: are ten seasons later.

631
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: Yes, I try to sell my boyfriend because I can't

632
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: say it's the only reality show I watch. I also

633
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: Love Traders and Love Island, but they feel like.

634
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 2: I watched Love Island this summer and I regret it.

635
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 2: It was so crazy.

636
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: It's so crazy, But for me, I find it to

637
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 1: be such an interesting dive into like humans piology.

638
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is this is a social experiment. It is

639
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 2: not a datam show. I'm like, this is crazy.

640
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: So let's talk about that. So as you're not caught

641
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: up on Love Love is Blind season ten, we haven't

642
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: seen the finale yet. We're fing six six episodes and of.

643
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:52,959
Speaker 2: What we all?

644
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

645
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 2: Where I think so because we just like had our town. Yeah,

646
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: so no one's gotten and.

647
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: They haven't really they haven't really anything else yet. So

648
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: correct tomorrow I want I want to, Oh is it tomorrow? Okay?

649
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 2: I think Wednesdays?

650
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, okay, so I want to know when you

651
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: watch these types of shows, what do you observe, like

652
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 1: polarity wise, Since we've been talking so much about masculine

653
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 1: and feminine energy, like what is coming up for you?

654
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,840
Speaker 2: Well, So it's interesting because from a like masculine and feminine,

655
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,240
Speaker 2: I see so many things when I'm watching these shows.

656
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: A lot of there's, yes, gonna be some like polarity

657
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 2: type things, but then there's also like the like I'll

658
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 2: see a lot of people's patterns and like attachment style

659
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 2: stuff or like insecurity type stuff that I'm like, Oh,

660
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 2: here's what's going to happen, or like There's been so

661
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 2: many situations with these shows where I'm like, here's what's

662
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: going to happen with him, he doesn't really like her,

663
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 2: Here's here's how this literally is gonna go, and then

664
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: it goes that way, you know. And so but it's

665
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,240
Speaker 2: interesting because, like I often think, and even in this episode,

666
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 2: and we can drill into some of the like I

667
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 2: almost said, characters, These are real people. Some of the

668
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: the people on it that one I feel like they're

669
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 2: all so young, but they're not all so young. But

670
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 2: like the men who are like thirty and thirty one,

671
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 2: Like maybe it's just because I'm in my late thirties

672
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: where I'm like, these boys aren't ready to get married.

673
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 1: Oh now in their.

674
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 2: Early thirties, what are you doing? Like no, you know,

675
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 2: And so sometimes I think I watched this and with

676
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 2: the men and the women where I'm like, you shouldn't

677
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 2: like you should be going to therapy for the stuff

678
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 2: that you're talking about, not on a blind dating show, right,

679
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: And I think it's so easy too to get so

680
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 2: wrapped up in the potential of somebody and the possibility

681
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 2: of someone And I think that's what we see more often.

682
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 2: More than anything, I think we've also proven that love

683
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 2: is not blind. I think, for there have been a

684
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: couple people, a couple of people, but but but I

685
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 2: think it's yeah, right, but I think they're just so

686
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:57,240
Speaker 2: caught up in that, like you know, for like neurodivergent people,

687
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 2: we would call it limericks, right, but it's they're so

688
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 2: caught up in that like crush energy and the idea

689
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:09,720
Speaker 2: of their perfect person, not actually like what this is realistically.

690
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 2: So I don't know, there's so many things, but like

691
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,240
Speaker 2: I did, okay, go ahead, Oh no, I was gonna

692
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:19,959
Speaker 2: say so like with masculine feminine energy type things, which

693
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 2: I think is interesting. Who were they let me find

694
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: the Oh it was Chris and Jessica. So okay, you guys,

695
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 2: we're gonna some spoilers are coming out. Yeah. So Jessica

696
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 2: is the doctor, right, successful highly successful, yes, highly successful,

697
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 2: And she is with this guy who he's like parading

698
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 2: as if he's like this super masculine like alpha guy.

699
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 2: I think he called himself an alpha at some point,

700
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: like I don't know, right, but so when a man

701
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 2: has to like really assert verbally that he is a

702
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 2: leader and a masculine like all that kind of stuff,

703
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 2: that's he's usually commensating for that, right but exactly, And

704
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 2: so like they they end things, which I don't think

705
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 2: that or she ends with him. I don't think that

706
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 2: he thought she would break up with him. I think

707
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 2: he was kind of like nagging her and like kind

708
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 2: of trying to like bring her down a few notches

709
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 2: and maybe like prepare for a break right, like to

710
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 2: like a soft runway to a breakup eventually by being like,

711
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm just not that attracted to you,

712
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 2: but I'll keep trying, right, what.

713
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: You know?

714
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And but immediately after like his behavior, like literally

715
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 2: they break up, and I think the next day they

716
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 2: have this the like mixer with the other couples and

717
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 2: stuff like that, and he immediately goes for Bri to

718
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 2: be like you need to be with a masculine, like

719
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 2: a really masculine alpha man like me, like d like one.

720
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 2: And then why is Brie entertaining that conversation as long

721
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 2: as she was, like why isn't she like this guy's

722
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 2: a tool, you know, right, But then like that sort

723
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 2: of thing where that's the kind of thing that now

724
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 2: women like that, like Jessica and even like Brie, because

725
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 2: I think Bri is pretty like like decently successful and

726
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 2: has her stuff together, where a hyper independent woman who

727
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 2: hasn't necessarily done the worthiness work, and I think Jessica

728
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: has otherwise she would have kept trying, right, She was like, well,

729
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 2: agree with that, We're done that, bye, yeah yeah. But

730
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 2: where that kind of really almost like overcompensating masculine, where

731
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 2: it's like unhealthy masculine of like, well, I'm an alpha,

732
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 2: I'm I'm the leader right when her literal fiance is

733
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 2: right there, like it's so weird, And then like he

734
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 2: went to a strip club that night, like it was

735
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 2: just such bizarre behavior. Like a hyper independent or like

736
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 2: high achieving, high performing woman who hasn't done that worthiness

737
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:50,319
Speaker 2: work can often see that kind of like over assertive

738
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: energy as like, oh my gosh, this guy's so masculine,

739
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,800
Speaker 2: he's just gonna like look at him, just taking charge,

740
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 2: when it's actually like overcompensating and more toxic than it

741
00:38:59,239 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 2: is helpful.

742
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: And like I used to in the past, if I

743
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: was with a guy like that, it just made me

744
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: doubt myself even though like my body would be screaming

745
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 1: at me right, like intuition's going off, like no, it

746
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like what he's saying, but gosh, she's presenting

747
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: it so strong in that feeling an assertive it must

748
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: be true. That's just how my brain would work for

749
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 1: so long. And so I do think we're very susceptible

750
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: to falling in those traps until you really get your

751
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: worthiness figured out within yourself to where you trust your

752
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: own intuition. Like there's not a doubt in my mind.

753
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 1: My intuition never leads me wrong. Yes, so, and I

754
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 1: feel it. I don't even have to explain it to

755
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 1: myself anymore. I don't figure out the why. I just

756
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 1: I just go with it and it makes sense later.

757
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 2: Usually, Yes, we're so similar in that, because that's another

758
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,760
Speaker 2: thing too. This kind of woman is very much living

759
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 2: in her head, right, Yeah, overthinking, overanalyzing, trust like very sharp,

760
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 2: smart brain, right, So like a good good, good brain,

761
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 2: super sight, you're smart, right, but overthinks and spends too

762
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: much time up in her head and not enough time

763
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 2: connected into her body and has likely lost that kind

764
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 2: of connection to her body and that connection to her intuition.

765
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: So where what literally what you just said of like, well,

766
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 2: I'm hearing all the right things, and his actions look

767
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:18,479
Speaker 2: like they're in ligned with that. They look right, there's

768
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 2: some sort of like unease in my body or like

769
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 2: this dissonance in my body and my nervous system's not settled.

770
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 2: But I'm seeing and hearing what I think I'm supposed

771
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 2: to be seeing and hearing. So I think we have

772
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,479
Speaker 2: to go with right. And so it's like that sort

773
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 2: of thing causes a lot of women to bypass their

774
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 2: intuition because they just are so disconnected from it and

775
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 2: have lost They've lost that relationship with their body and

776
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 2: their intuition and their nervous system to where they're like, oh,

777
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 2: my head in my ears think it's all right, so

778
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 2: I'll override what my body's telling me, which like, yeah,

779
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 2: same thing for me, Like I had to learn that

780
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 2: lesson the hard way to where now I'm like, if

781
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 2: my intuition tells me something's off, I don't have to

782
00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,919
Speaker 2: go investigate it, or like I don't have to see

783
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 2: the proof of it. We just know.

784
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: No, it's just it's been for me dog on that moment. Yeah,

785
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,839
Speaker 1: all right. For women listening who might be resonating they

786
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,839
Speaker 1: feel exhausted or discouraged in dating, I have so many

787
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 1: people just specifically right now it feels like dating feels hard,

788
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 1: you know, just like the apps and all the things,

789
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 1: or they're just feeling confused. Like what would you first

790
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: want them to understand?

791
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 2: I would say, I mean back to what I kind

792
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 2: of already said, is that if things are feeling hard

793
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 2: and frustrating, or you feel like you know there's no

794
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 2: good guys out there all of that, that you have

795
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,799
Speaker 2: so much more power over that than you realize. Right, Like,

796
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 2: there's so many things that you can do, and it's

797
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 2: not about like up leveling to get a man or

798
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 2: doing all this stuff for a man or so that

799
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 2: I can go on dates and stuff like that. It's

800
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:53,800
Speaker 2: not that, it's that you stepping into your next level

801
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:57,720
Speaker 2: self and continuing to improve yourself like that kind of stuff,

802
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 2: Like like you have so much more more power and

803
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 2: control over the people that come into your life, dating

804
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: and relationship included, than you realize, So that I think,

805
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 2: hopefully is a very hopeful thing. Yes, it does require work,

806
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 2: but it's not dependent on other people, right, It's very

807
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 2: dependent on you. And then what I would say is like,

808
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 2: and I truly truly believe this because it's what happened

809
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: for me and my relationship, which is the healthiest, like

810
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 2: most amazing relationship I've been in up until this point.

811
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 2: And I when you stop being so fixated on that

812
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 2: stuff and you are more focused on like, Okay, what

813
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 2: makes me become like my ideal version of me?

814
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: Right?

815
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,919
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, you can have an idea of like who

816
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 2: is that dream guy that you want to be with

817
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 2: your future husband or whoever it is. But then also

818
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 2: being like, Okay, if I want a man like that,

819
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 2: what are the things that are on his list for

820
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 2: his future wife? Rights? What's on my list for my

821
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 2: future self that I want to become and grow into.

822
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 2: And then when you focus on the stuff that you

823
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 2: can control, which is becoming the best version of you,

824
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 2: doing the things that light you up, all of that

825
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: and just filling your life up with things that are

826
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 2: so so amazing and make you genuinely happy, that like

827
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: that's when the people start coming in like the better.

828
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 2: That's when it happens, you know, when you like let

829
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 2: go of like where is he? Where is he? It's like, yeah, no,

830
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 2: you can still want him to come into your life,

831
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 2: but like get clear on what he's like, and then

832
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 2: you have boundaries that are will weed anyone out who's

833
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:35,479
Speaker 2: not that, and then also get clear on like okay,

834
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 2: then who do you get to become to have that

835
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: dream relationship in your life? And you just focus on

836
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 2: the piece that you can control, which is you, you know,

837
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 2: So like I think it's a lot more like cause

838
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 2: there are good men out there. There are a lot

839
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 2: of not good men out there, but there are definitely

840
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 2: good men out there.

841
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love you. If there's a U problem, there's

842
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 1: a U solution that is like the biggest takeaways that's

843
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 1: so good, Well, Lauren, It people want to keep up

844
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: with you, or even work with you. Where would they

845
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: find you?

846
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 2: Absolutely so you guys can check out how to work

847
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,760
Speaker 2: with me. I have some I have an amazing texting

848
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 2: guide to teach you how to like text and communicate

849
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 2: from your feminine energy. It's on my website, along with

850
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 2: how you could book a coaching call with me. That's

851
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: just Lauren Salon dot com. My last name is spelled

852
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: s A l a u N. I'm also active on

853
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok, so if you want to connect with

854
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: me directly, you can see what I post there, slide

855
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 2: into the DMS, ask me a question.

856
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: All of that awesome and as always, I'll put that

857
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,959
Speaker 1: in the description of this podcast for you guys. Lauren,

858
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 1: thank you for being here. It was so nice to lead.

859
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me this was This was so fun.

860
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 2: I love it.

861
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 1: I know easy.

862
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 2: When you're talking about scrat you've been through exactly. Mike's

863
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 2: name Fiah exactly.

864
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening.