Speaker 1: This is it.
Speaker 2: You only get one round of this at least in
Speaker 2: this body, you know, like, yeah, man, how do I
Speaker 2: do this life?
Speaker 1: A little bit? Like better?
Speaker 2: Easier, softer, funner, funnier, whatever it is that week that
Speaker 2: you're focusing on, right, And I do think like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, am I getta get my period? Like why
Speaker 2: am I like on the verge of crying again?
Speaker 1: Annoying?
Speaker 2: But like I do, I don't know what you're putting
Speaker 2: me on the verge?
Speaker 1: More better, more and better A little bit more better, more.
Speaker 1: Welcome to more Better a podcast where we stop pretending
Speaker 1: to have it all together and embrace the journey of
Speaker 1: becoming a little more better every day, or at least
Speaker 1: trying to. That's most promarow and that is Sephanie Beatrice
Speaker 1: and Welcome Well More a Better Podcast. Final episode.
Speaker 2: Podcasts have seasons now, and in this season, this is
Speaker 2: our last one.
Speaker 1: Anyway, how are you, Melissa, I'm doing I'm doing good.
Speaker 1: I'm doing good. I'm you know, thinking about how we've
Speaker 1: done a whole season of this and it's been really fun.
Speaker 1: I've enjoyed uh selfishly for me, it's been really great
Speaker 1: for me to get to see you and hear your
Speaker 1: voice and see your face and get friend time, especially
Speaker 1: while I've been in Atlanta being isolated and like living
Speaker 1: in my little show bubble, and like, at least I
Speaker 1: get to see Stephanie in Toronto. That's how I was
Speaker 1: in Toronto.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I get some time to like
Speaker 2: talk to Melissa today, which is nice.
Speaker 1: You know, like I agree, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten to like know you a
Speaker 1: little more better. It seems like been a nice little
Speaker 1: added bonus to this.
Speaker 2: I mean, I knowed pretty well beforehand, though I knew
Speaker 2: everything about you, and there have been some surprises.
Speaker 1: There were let me see if there were any surprises
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think, you know, not to bring it back
Speaker 2: to the drunk drawer, but I do think the junk drawer.
Speaker 1: Was a surprise.
Speaker 2: I think that was a deep surprise for me. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, no.
Speaker 1: Same a revelation. It was. I was like, oh, we
Speaker 1: haven't strongly disagreed about something. It truly felt like I
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, I've seen into something inside her deep
Speaker 1: dark like secret place, and I don't like it. It's
Speaker 1: not organized and I want to empty it out and
Speaker 1: help her. But I would never I would never do
Speaker 1: that to you. I mean, I think we just have
Speaker 1: keep different definitions of organization.
Speaker 2: I think you're right, and it's it's there's room for
Speaker 2: everyone more better. Today's episode is very very special because
Speaker 2: it is the final episode of season one Bibitty Boot
Speaker 2: Boot Boop. We've done a lot of episodes, uh, I think,
Speaker 2: like in terms of the actual pod though, I think
Speaker 2: my favorite episode episode was probably the one that we
Speaker 2: did with Ril when we.
Speaker 1: Had I loved that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really like that one. And I've used tip
Speaker 2: like she remembers how she was like, you should keep
Speaker 2: a measuring tape in your person. That way, when you're
Speaker 2: vintage shopping, you can thrift shopping or whatever or take
Speaker 2: your actual measurements with a little measuring tape and then
Speaker 2: you know if something's going to fit you or not
Speaker 2: and you can order offline. I ordered two pairs of
Speaker 2: vintage genes for myself for my birthday based on measurement alone,
Speaker 2: and they were both two totally different sizes, same brand.
Speaker 2: They were like vintage Levi's, same brand, two totally different sizes.
Speaker 2: Both of them feit like the glove was. I still
Speaker 2: think about that all the time carry the I carry
Speaker 2: the tape measure in my person.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I loved that one. There were so many good tips. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I really loved the wine episode we did because that
Speaker 1: was great. It was so great, It was so fun
Speaker 1: and I did feel smart. Yeah, I did feel smart
Speaker 1: during it. I was I was like, well, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: more wine smart than I thought I was. But she
Speaker 1: gave really great tips, particularly about like shopping for wine,
Speaker 1: and also we found out what wine goes with hot cheetos,
Speaker 1: and that is just information everyone should have for the
Speaker 1: rest of their life. I don't remember what it was now,
Speaker 1: but I have that episode that I go back and
Speaker 1: have to listen to that episode and find that part.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you know what. I did love listeners. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I want to take a moment to say thank you
Speaker 1: for all the EDM remixes of me saying Zato a schism,
Speaker 1: because they made my fucking day and I was really happy.
Speaker 1: And wait, we're just gonna uh, We're just gonna pause
Speaker 1: the pod for a second to play some of them.
Speaker 1: Sato masochism, Sato wow. Great, thank you so much, thank
Speaker 1: you for indulging me. Thank you. Wow. Uh I let's
Speaker 1: see what else. Today.
Speaker 2: Oh I really loved the I mean, this is absolutely selfish,
Speaker 2: but I loved the episode where we talked. This is
Speaker 2: very recent when we talked about reality television.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love reality TV. It just really makes
Speaker 1: me so well. I learned of more reality TV than
Speaker 1: I than you thought I did. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So to celebrate the end of the season, we are
Speaker 2: dedicating the last two episodes to you. If you listen
Speaker 2: to the one before this, you heard a lot of
Speaker 2: listener letters and some questions, and thank you again for
Speaker 2: your emails and your positive reviews, positive reviews, and for
Speaker 2: following on Instagram and TikTok and all the things. So
Speaker 2: we are continuing today with our listener mail bag extrava
Speaker 2: Ganzo Banonza from the last episode. We're going to answer
Speaker 2: some questions and read some emails. So let's see. This
Speaker 2: is an email from Grace him. My name's Grace, and
Speaker 2: I've recently started listening to your pod. Absolutely adore. It
Speaker 2: makes me feel so human in who I am and
Speaker 2: my life. That's really sweet. I should keep the commentary
Speaker 2: to myself. Okay, You've taught me so much on so
Speaker 2: many different topics, and I feel a lot more better
Speaker 2: knowing than other people go through similar experiences that I have.
Speaker 2: You to have a knack for making everyone feel more
Speaker 2: better just by talking about your experiences. I just finished
Speaker 2: listening episode the episode I have a lot of power
Speaker 2: in my group chats, and it sparked an idea. Recently,
Speaker 2: especially after the election inauguration, I felt a little bit
Speaker 2: of despair and anxiety over what the future behold, especially
Speaker 2: in the United States. I was wondering if you too
Speaker 2: could discuss how to handle these big feelings when everything
Speaker 2: feels like it's changing. I'd love to know your perspectives
Speaker 2: and thoughts.
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean to keep it on a listen. This
Speaker 1: could get really dark really fast.
Speaker 2: To try to keep it in a place of what
Speaker 2: we can do moving forward, I think is to keep
Speaker 2: talking about the stuff with friends, to keep being who
Speaker 2: you are openly and publicly and not Nava Mao said
Speaker 2: this the other day at the glad Awards that I
Speaker 2: was lucky enough to attend. She said, don't silence yourself
Speaker 2: before they silence you. Don't do it for them, And
Speaker 2: I thought.
Speaker 1: That was such a beautiful way to express how like
Speaker 1: just by being yourself, living your truth and being who
Speaker 1: you are and talking about the things that you believe in,
Speaker 1: whether it's you know, whether it's things like.
Speaker 2: Your political position or who you are in this world,
Speaker 2: or the groups that you might represent. I think being
Speaker 2: open about those things and trying to also mesh those
Speaker 2: things with the loving kindness that everybody has access to,
Speaker 2: not saying that everybody uses it, that everybody has access
Speaker 2: to a loving kindness in their hearts. Meshing those things
Speaker 2: together is the only way that we're going to be
Speaker 2: able to keep a positive like mindset moving forward and
Speaker 2: not again allow ourselves to be pushed into a place
Speaker 2: where we feel like we have to be silent before
Speaker 2: where we feel like we have to be silent period.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. And I you know, I
Speaker 1: find when I'm feeling really overwhelmed and powerless like that,
Speaker 1: you know, And I think I feel like Elsa even
Speaker 1: talked about it in these uh in this episode of
Speaker 1: this of the podcast, like kind of what you were
Speaker 1: saying too. Just now just like doing things, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Whether like I've ano Sophia Robb who's
Speaker 1: on the show with me, and I'll find out the
Speaker 1: name of it. But there is like an app that
Speaker 1: can quickly show you like all the phone numbers of
Speaker 1: your representatives or like representatives in a plate, you know,
Speaker 1: and it takes like fifteen minutes to just like make
Speaker 1: some calls and read a script of like hey, my
Speaker 1: name is Da Da Da, and I care about this
Speaker 1: and I want you to vote this way or whatever.
Speaker 1: And just taking those fifteen minutes sometimes to make your
Speaker 1: voice hurt can just feel good because I think that
Speaker 1: we feel really powerless as citizens and at the mercy,
Speaker 1: but we have to remember that, like, you know, we voted,
Speaker 1: those people were voted in, like, so it's important to
Speaker 1: show up to the polls. It's important to call reps.
Speaker 1: It's important to like do those little actionable things because
Speaker 1: they do work for us at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: It's important to continue paying attention because like maybe maybe
Speaker 2: you were promised things.
Speaker 1: And it's important to continue paying attention. Like yes, we
Speaker 1: all need to like protect our peace and like yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah sure, and like take breaks, but like yeah yeah, also,
Speaker 1: but don't live in oblivion, right, like don't like don't
Speaker 1: kid yourself because it's there no matter what.
Speaker 2: And like also the attention if if if you did,
Speaker 2: you know, vote for the powers that are in office
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 1: Pay attention.
Speaker 2: Are are you being given what you were promised?
Speaker 1: Are you? Is it actually getting better for you? Have
Speaker 1: your grocery prices come down? Him?
Speaker 2: Or is it like maybe uh smells a little bit
Speaker 2: like a oligarchy a little bit.
Speaker 1: You know, like maybe many people.
Speaker 2: That have tons of money shouldn't be allowed to, like
Speaker 2: I don't know, uh, storm government offices and do whatever
Speaker 2: they want.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Yeah, policy for for middle class
Speaker 1: and lower class family, Yeah, you know. And like when
Speaker 1: I have never been one, I get it.
Speaker 2: It's a very uh, it's very easy to sort of
Speaker 2: look in the opposite direction and go like, oh, well
Speaker 2: it's gonna be fine or whatever.
Speaker 1: But you know, just pay attention, more better, more better.
Speaker 1: Next next, let's say into the next question segway into
Speaker 1: an email from Alice. Hello, Stephanie and Melissa. I would
Speaker 1: just like to share that I'm a huge fan of
Speaker 1: the podcast. I find you both so insightful, relatable and hilarious.
Speaker 1: Thank you. That's many thanks to the producers and everyone
Speaker 1: behind the scenes who I'm sure helped make it all
Speaker 1: happen as well. Yes you do, yeah, Leo, Sophia and
Speaker 1: Isis We love you our free producers who are amazing.
Speaker 1: I am currently a twenty one year old English student
Speaker 1: and would love all caps to hear your thoughts on
Speaker 1: getting through your twenties. I don't know. It can be
Speaker 1: a difficult time for a lot of people and could
Speaker 1: be useful to hear two successful women talk about how
Speaker 1: tumultuous and rewarding it can be. Looking forward to listening
Speaker 1: to whatever you guys come up with, and maybe even
Speaker 1: getting a little more better at this life business. Oh
Speaker 1: my kindest regards, Alice. What. First of all, your email
Speaker 1: is very eloquent, Alice, So I feel like you are
Speaker 1: gonna be just fine. I kind of no. Yeah, twenties
Speaker 1: is such an interesting decade because I was about to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I loved my twenties, and then I remembered,
Speaker 1: like the back half of it was truly awful, and
Speaker 1: I considered quitting acting, and I was struggling so hard,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Eh, that's so hard. But in
Speaker 1: hindsight's I was twenty twenty, right, so I didn't have
Speaker 1: kids yet, I wasn't married yet for the first half
Speaker 1: of my twenties, and I think I only bring that
Speaker 1: up in the spirit of my one regret about my
Speaker 1: twenties is that I didn't try my shit. One well regret,
Speaker 1: my one biggest okay, now my one, my biggest, my
Speaker 1: biggest regret is that I didn't try more to do
Speaker 1: more shit. Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, Also to try more stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you didn't try You didn't try more,
Speaker 2: try more stuff.
Speaker 1: I wish I would have, like taken some writing classes.
Speaker 1: I wish I would have like I almost took a
Speaker 1: photography class once and then bailed and like didn't do
Speaker 1: it for like stupid reasons. I did learn how to cook,
Speaker 1: and I am always thanking my younger self for doing that.
Speaker 1: Like when I wasn't working, I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: really learn how to cook, and I'm gonna this is
Speaker 1: where I'm gonna put oh my like frustrated energy. And
Speaker 1: I kind of wish I had done that with some
Speaker 1: other skills because then when I did finally get closer
Speaker 1: to a place that I wanted to be in my
Speaker 1: career in my thirties, and then I had kids and
Speaker 1: like everything got so fucking busy and then you just
Speaker 1: don't have time for that. Yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I feel like your twenties is like a time
Speaker 1: to try as many many things as you can. Don't
Speaker 1: judge the journey, like there's no deadlines, there's no timeline
Speaker 1: for when you are Like I think you do feel
Speaker 1: that so much in your twenties, and then you go
Speaker 1: along and you're like, oh, that was so made up,
Speaker 1: like there was no If you find success in like
Speaker 1: greatness in your twenties, you're I don't know, like the
Speaker 1: point five percent, you know, Like I think it's a
Speaker 1: time of discovery. I think it's a time of uh,
Speaker 1: like discovering yourself and what you want, but also just
Speaker 1: like trying to expose yourself to it. I think I
Speaker 1: wish I had traveled a little more in my twenties,
Speaker 1: even if it was like, you know, not necessarily had
Speaker 1: to be like big extravagant things like just gone more places,
Speaker 1: you know, And I wish I would have been a
Speaker 1: little braver like with friendships and like creating new ones.
Speaker 2: Oh that sends yeah, I mean sad.
Speaker 1: But now I feel like I'm just I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm just going through like a laundry list of my
Speaker 1: regrets in my twenties. But I think that's what everybody,
Speaker 1: but I think that back. I think everyone does that.
Speaker 1: But like, I think I put so much pressure on
Speaker 1: myself in my twenties and while that may have at
Speaker 1: times made me work hard, which I also think, like
Speaker 1: your twenties is your time to freaking like work hard,
Speaker 1: like and jack and go after shit and be as
Speaker 1: ambitious as you can, and like you're never going to
Speaker 1: have this level of energy and stamina and like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like it will that shit will
Speaker 1: only get harder as you get older, so like utilize
Speaker 1: your youth to grind so that hopefully you don't have
Speaker 1: to grind as hard in your thirties and forties, you know.
Speaker 1: But yeah, and I think just like explore more and like,
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to try shit, and you know, expose
Speaker 1: yourself to different things, see if you like it, you know,
Speaker 1: pick up some new skills, like just keep learning, like
Speaker 1: you're a student right now, Alice, don't lose the like student,
Speaker 1: I think spirit, you know. So I think your your
Speaker 1: twenties should be more of that, like more exploring and
Speaker 1: figuring out what you like and what you don't like
Speaker 1: and acquiring and acquiring fucking skills. Man, learn how to sew,
Speaker 1: learn how to cook learn your older self.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you, you know, it's a very responsible advice.
Speaker 2: I feel like I, yes, how you give the other
Speaker 2: side absolutely fucked more people, which I had, sorry in
Speaker 2: advance of listening to this with your children, but I
Speaker 2: do I wish I had fuck more people because like,
Speaker 2: and I'm not saying like in a dangerous way, like
Speaker 2: you know, in the safe you know, save sex and
Speaker 2: in an emotionally safe way, but.
Speaker 1: Like I think I was raised. I was raised so Catholic.
Speaker 1: I was raised so like you.
Speaker 2: Can't dun't And you're like, was he gonna buy the
Speaker 2: town and he could get the milk for free?
Speaker 1: And like what does that even mean?
Speaker 2: Like first of all, I said, even fucking yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean I know what it means, but like gross, you know,
Speaker 2: Like and I wish I had just like not you know,
Speaker 2: I was constantly sort of like searching for this idea
Speaker 2: of like, oh, you gotta have like a partner. You
Speaker 2: got you want to like have a like a partner,
Speaker 2: And it's like why whatfore? Like I was great, I
Speaker 2: didn't end up with any of those people that I've
Speaker 2: dated in my twenties anyway, I mean you did, But
Speaker 2: like I didn't, and I wish I had allowed myself
Speaker 2: the freedom to party sober.
Speaker 1: I wish I had not depended so much, leaned so
Speaker 1: heavily on. I'm like, I gotta get loose.
Speaker 2: I gotta have some alcohol, because like that's not safe, right,
Speaker 2: Like just yeah, you know, like being in party situation
Speaker 2: with alcohol in your system, it.
Speaker 1: Can it can lead to like people.
Speaker 2: Making choices that aren't always great. I mean, listen, people
Speaker 2: get drugged in their diadector peppers.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, like.
Speaker 2: I wish personally I had allowed myself the dare of
Speaker 2: like can I go to this party and stay sober
Speaker 2: and like see if I actually like any of these people.
Speaker 2: Can I go to this lom and go dancing and
Speaker 2: like just let myself have all my life and feel
Speaker 2: sexy and have fun and like meet people and not
Speaker 2: have like wait what did I say? And like what
Speaker 2: did she look like? And you know, like not in
Speaker 2: my brain, it's just like I just went and met
Speaker 2: people and had a good time.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I wish I had. I mean a lot of my
Speaker 2: twenties financially was just trying to survive. I mean, I
Speaker 2: was just Sureryan to survive for so much of.
Speaker 1: My twenties money. That's like another good one I think
Speaker 1: for your twenties is like figure out how to budget,
Speaker 1: figure struggle do that ship now because hopefully it will
Speaker 1: never be as hard as it is in your twenties,
Speaker 1: but it might. But if you can figure that but
Speaker 1: it might be hopefully it won't. But if you can
Speaker 1: figure that ship out, how to budget, how to stretch
Speaker 1: a dollar, how to you know, make it work and
Speaker 1: be really on top of your finances.
Speaker 2: You don't need all the old self you think you need,
Speaker 2: like you need not shit, Like you don't need all
Speaker 2: that like no bullshit skincare that you're buying, or like
Speaker 2: clothes or like the luxury whatever boop dooop, you know,
Speaker 2: like you don't need. Like if you want it, save
Speaker 2: up for that ship, save for it, absolutely save for it.
Speaker 1: I'm couragey to save for it.
Speaker 2: Yes, I remember overdrawing my account all the freaking time
Speaker 2: because I was out partying and drinking.
Speaker 1: It was like what are you doing? Like what is
Speaker 1: the point of this? You know, like what is the point?
Speaker 1: Because that can have fun?
Speaker 2: It's like, no, you could probably have that fun sober
Speaker 2: you just don't even know if you can or not
Speaker 2: because you're so.
Speaker 1: Wasted, right, And I love it. I love the way
Speaker 1: you phrase that of like challenging myself to see if
Speaker 1: I could do this and what the experience would be,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I don't think that I ever like even
Speaker 1: occurred to me in my twenties, Like I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think there's a few like twenty seven year
Speaker 1: olds in my life and they have no idea how
Speaker 1: how much they're spending. And I'm always like, right, write
Speaker 1: it down five, there's not there's definitely an app, but
Speaker 1: there's multiple apps. Bit for a month, for one month,
Speaker 1: write down be like so annoying if you have to
Speaker 1: carry around a notebook witch like savior receipts, like write
Speaker 1: down every single day how much you spend, and I
Speaker 1: promise you'll be shocked.
Speaker 2: I promise you, and then you'll see you'll be Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's areas where.
Speaker 1: You could do it. That's that's part of why they
Speaker 1: don't want to do because they know, yeah, in the
Speaker 1: back of the brain there like I'm spending too much
Speaker 1: money on weed, Like they know, they know.
Speaker 2: But if you want to get real and you really
Speaker 2: want to enjoy this, time, which, like you said, look,
Speaker 2: I'm not an advocate for like being sober all the time,
Speaker 2: not necessarily if that, if you want to cool, you
Speaker 2: also will never recover from hangovers the way that you
Speaker 2: did in your twenties. So enjoy, enjoy the time because oh.
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah yeah yeah, yeah, you're not here, take advantage
Speaker 1: of that shit. Yeah you're not special, You're not You're not.
Speaker 2: It's not going to be like, well, I don't really
Speaker 2: get hungover, so I guess that'll just continue into my
Speaker 2: thirties and forties. No, babe, that was me. I was like, no, no,
Speaker 2: really get hungover, like it's not a problem for me.
Speaker 1: No, boom boom, No, the day of your thirtieth birthday
Speaker 1: and you will have your first hangover. It will change,
Speaker 1: It changes overnight, overnight.
Speaker 2: The money thing is such a big deal, right, Like
Speaker 2: I you know, I was surviving, but part of why
Speaker 2: I was surviving was because at a certain point I
Speaker 2: remember this so so so clearly. And I don't know
Speaker 2: if I've talked about on the pod before, but I
Speaker 2: remember being like short two hundred dollars for rent or something,
Speaker 2: and I called my mom and I was like, I
Speaker 2: need two hundred dollars, like I'm not going to make
Speaker 2: rent this.
Speaker 1: Month, like I'm I'm I'm fucked, and my mom was like,
Speaker 1: I would give it to if we had it.
Speaker 2: We don't have it, Stephanie, like, we don't have an
Speaker 2: extra two hundred dollars. And that's when it really dropped
Speaker 2: for me that I was like, oh, I have no
Speaker 2: safety net. I have none. I there's nowhere to go
Speaker 2: to find this extra. I don't have a family that
Speaker 2: has even two hundred dollars, which, like you know, might
Speaker 2: not sound like a lot to a lot of people,
Speaker 2: but at the time for me, it was the difference
Speaker 2: between like getting kicked out of my worst a lot, yeah,
Speaker 2: and my family didn't have to give me.
Speaker 1: I have a question about this moment. Do you feel
Speaker 1: as scary? And I'm sure also you know, I have
Speaker 1: to process that moment was that you did realizing you
Speaker 1: had no safety net? Did you also feel like that
Speaker 1: forced you to get your shit together? That's exactly where
Speaker 1: I was gonna go next, because like I was like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, I have to figure this out.
Speaker 2: So you know, I talked to my landlady, convinced her
Speaker 2: to like give me an extension on it, and then
Speaker 2: I started really like being aware of how I was
Speaker 2: spending my money and really like down to this is
Speaker 2: how much I have to shop to grocery shop this week.
Speaker 2: This is how many times I'm gonna eat at home.
Speaker 2: This is when I'm gonna buy a bagel, and it's
Speaker 2: gonna be like breakfast and part of my lunch, you know,
Speaker 2: Like I was, like, I got my fucking shit together.
Speaker 2: I did because I had to, because I had to.
Speaker 1: And like I I wish that my parents had shown
Speaker 1: me how to do some of that like when I
Speaker 1: was younger.
Speaker 2: But they didn't know how to do either. So like
Speaker 2: your twenties is also an amazing time to go, Like,
Speaker 2: do I choose the path of going like, well, nobody.
Speaker 1: Taught me how?
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know it? Or do I go hmm,
Speaker 2: I've got the Internet in my pocket, I've got a
Speaker 2: library at my disposal. I can learn how to do
Speaker 2: these things. I don't need money to learn how to
Speaker 2: do these things. I don't need learn money to learn
Speaker 2: how to budget. I don't need money to learn how
Speaker 2: to cook. I can just read books, right, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't even need money to like maybe take some
Speaker 2: of these classes that you were talking about, right, Like
Speaker 2: I could teach myself some of the stuff right the
Speaker 2: twenty your twenties. I can watch YouTube videos.
Speaker 1: I can. Yeah, like this is the time, the time
Speaker 1: which I had done more of that.
Speaker 2: I'm going to motor this. The motor's gonna come from
Speaker 2: me now, like this is the time the motor before
Speaker 2: came from your parents. Like you gotta go to school,
Speaker 2: you gotta get gregs, you gotta book book blob.
Speaker 1: But do do do do do right in your twenties,
Speaker 1: the motor your own motor. You gotta do it, babe,
Speaker 1: and like you can do it.
Speaker 2: It's a difficult time for a lot of people like it,
Speaker 2: and it was difficult for both of us in different ways.
Speaker 2: But it also like I wouldn't go back there. I would,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. I
Speaker 2: was about to say I would. I would love to
Speaker 2: be able to sit down across from myself for ten
Speaker 2: minutes back then and be like, you're so beautiful, you're
Speaker 2: so funny and sweet. Don't compare yourself to anybody else,
Speaker 2: and don't break up with all these motherfucking people you're seeing, Like,
Speaker 2: don't and break don't. Don't be in a relationship. You
Speaker 2: don't need to be in a relationship or a situationship.
Speaker 2: Just be like making out with people at parties, babe,
Speaker 2: like situation.
Speaker 1: Don't don't do any of it.
Speaker 2: You're beautiful, you're funny, you're smart, you're talented. Keep doing
Speaker 2: what you're doing, and break up with everybody. That's what
Speaker 2: I would I wish I could tell myself in my twenties.
Speaker 2: What would you say if you could like sit down
Speaker 2: with her for ten minutes?
Speaker 1: All those things, Alice or myself? You with yourself? Oh
Speaker 1: with me? Yeah, yes, all the things you said. You're beautiful,
Speaker 1: Stop comparing yourself to other people. Uh, you're smart, you're
Speaker 1: you're funny, you're nice, you're a good friend. Stop making
Speaker 1: excuses for people that are not good friends and just
Speaker 1: get rid of them. Love it. That's a good one.
Speaker 1: Try more things, teach yourself more skills and try yeah,
Speaker 1: and just go on the fucking trip. Stop being afraid
Speaker 1: that you're going to miss auditions, you're going to miss opportunities.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can go on the trip. And there was
Speaker 1: a way for you to go on the trip. Go
Speaker 1: on the fucking trip. Go on the trip. On the
Speaker 1: trip your shitty friends at home, and leave the shitty
Speaker 1: friends at home. Yeah, oh yeah, good and just really
Speaker 1: lean yeah, lean on the good friends and maybe try
Speaker 1: to find some other new friends too, because you knew,
Speaker 1: you knew, you kind of knew, just like I kind
Speaker 1: of knew. You always know, Yeah, you always knew, know
Speaker 1: because you start doing that. Oh, they're just you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes they're just like this, oh you know, sometimes they're
Speaker 1: just like yeah, overly sensitive about this, or they oh,
Speaker 1: you know, they don't like to hang out the house
Speaker 1: because they're just really like a party girl and like
Speaker 1: just always need to be out. Like, yeah, you make
Speaker 1: all the excuses and you shouldn't. Yeah, you do more, better,
Speaker 1: more better. That was a good question. We really went
Speaker 1: off on that one. Okay, that was a good Yeah,
Speaker 1: we really did. It's the next one. Next one is
Speaker 1: a voice note. Okay, I'm Claire. Okay, hi ladies. My
Speaker 1: name is Claire.
Speaker 3: I'm a longtime Brooklyn nine nine fan, and I'm so
Speaker 3: glad that I found your podcast because I could use
Speaker 3: your help being a little more better at being happy
Speaker 3: for my friends. And I hope as I explain this,
Speaker 3: other women can relate and are just like Claire, sounds
Speaker 3: like just a sad little bit. I am just in
Speaker 3: a different phase of life than a lot of my friends.
Speaker 3: And they've all been married for like five or seven years.
Speaker 3: They're all moms, and when we get together, it's all
Speaker 3: just a lot of mom talk and them offering advice,
Speaker 3: giving advice, sharing stories and struggles, and I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm just.
Speaker 1: Sitting in the corner. I feel like I can't relate.
Speaker 3: I feel inadequate, and I have that creeping feeling of jealousy,
Speaker 3: which is the worst one. I just I'm genuinely happy
Speaker 3: for them, and I want that to be where my
Speaker 3: feelings stop. And then while we're at it, I also
Speaker 3: would like to be happy for me too. I'm getting
Speaker 3: married this summer, and I'm very excited. Kind of the
Speaker 3: same thing when we're together, after you know, all the
Speaker 3: mom talk, it just it doesn't feel like the vibe
Speaker 3: to talk about my wedding, And I honestly feel silly
Speaker 3: talking about it because it seems like they've all been there,
Speaker 3: had done that, and it's not really where they are anymore.
Speaker 3: So I guess I just need help being happy. I
Speaker 3: hope that you guys are able to help me be
Speaker 3: a little more better.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Love you guys left the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh Claire, don't judge yourself so harshly. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: please for.
Speaker 2: For the first first of all, don't judge yourself so harshly, because,
Speaker 2: like we've all been in a situation with our friends
Speaker 2: where we're like, well, what about my thing?
Speaker 1: Like I want to talk about my saying, you know, there,
Speaker 1: even with friends that we'd love dearly, sometimes we're just like,
Speaker 1: what about my thing? You know, I have a friend
Speaker 1: who talk about thing, now, I want to talk about
Speaker 1: my thing.
Speaker 2: She she she had she was married, but a lot
Speaker 2: of her older friends, like friends that she'd been with
Speaker 2: friends since they were teenagers, they all had kids, and
Speaker 2: a lot of their conversations were around kids and having
Speaker 2: having their toddlers and then having their older kids, and
Speaker 2: she felt like, oh, like the connection with them it
Speaker 2: felt very like frustrating for her at times. And I
Speaker 2: remember her talking to me about this, and I also
Speaker 2: remember sitting there being like, well, why don't you call
Speaker 2: me up, like ask me to go to stuff, you know,
Speaker 2: because part of that is part of part of of
Speaker 2: having friendships, right is knowing when, oh, these are my
Speaker 2: x y Z friends, right, like, these are my friends
Speaker 2: that I, you know, do this thing with, or these
Speaker 2: are my friends that I do that thing with. And
Speaker 2: you didn't say, Claire specifically, if you've been friends with
Speaker 2: them for a really long time, but it sounds like
Speaker 2: you may have been friends with them for a little
Speaker 2: while because they've got kids and you don't, and you've
Speaker 2: watched their sort of journey. You know, when you have kids,
Speaker 2: it can be sometimes really consuming because you're if you're
Speaker 2: not asking for advice, maybe you're giving advice. If you're
Speaker 2: acting like you have it all together most of the.
Speaker 1: Time, that's extremely stressful because you don't, yeah, and you're
Speaker 1: just trying to put on that face, you know, and
Speaker 1: you know there's that's certainly something that mom friends will
Speaker 1: do when they get together, is they will talk about
Speaker 1: that part of their lives because they don't.
Speaker 2: Have anybody else to talk about it with. They're in
Speaker 2: lots of other environments where they don't get to talk
Speaker 2: about that, and they don't get to commiserate with people,
Speaker 2: and they don't have like a safe space to have
Speaker 2: advice about it or talk about it or even just
Speaker 2: like vent about it or celebrate it. They don't because
Speaker 2: people that don't have kids often don't understand it in
Speaker 2: the same kind of way. And that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1: I will say I wish that you fell. I wish
Speaker 1: that you would allow yourself to talk about your wedding,
Speaker 1: because if it is something that you're excited about, you
Speaker 1: should talk about it.
Speaker 2: I certainly have. I remember feeling kind of like embarrassed
Speaker 2: that I was so excited about my wedding really yeah,
Speaker 2: because I was like, I mean, I started saving for
Speaker 2: my wedding before I even met my husband, because I
Speaker 2: was like, I want a big wedding. I was like,
Speaker 2: I because I had been with someone before that that
Speaker 2: did not want to get married and and yeah, and
Speaker 2: then when we broke up, I was.
Speaker 1: Like, I want to have a big wedding. I want
Speaker 1: to have a big wedding, and I want the wedding
Speaker 1: of my dream. Your wedding. It was so much fun.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I was like I was really embarrassed that,
Speaker 2: you know, part of me was really embarrassed that I was.
Speaker 1: Am I really gonna like go all out and like
Speaker 1: have like a flower wall and you know, make separate
Speaker 1: bars for each alcohol and like have. However many food
Speaker 1: trucks I had, you know, Like I was like, am
Speaker 1: I doing this? Like?
Speaker 2: And so I was kind of embarrassed about how much
Speaker 2: attention I was putting on my wedding. So I understand that,
Speaker 2: I guess, is what I'm trying to say. I understand
Speaker 2: like kind of feeling like, but it also sounds like
Speaker 2: she wants to talk about it, and like I don't
Speaker 2: know if they've been if they all got married, like
Speaker 2: maybe they want to talk about it too, Like maybe
Speaker 2: they miss just having a fun party to talk about
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like, you know, it is everything you said,
Speaker 1: especially if their kids are little and they're just like
Speaker 1: so in it. Yeah, they probably are leaning on each
Speaker 1: other for community and just like I remember when I
Speaker 1: would get together with my mom group friends when one
Speaker 1: of my kids was doing something you know that was
Speaker 1: driving me bonkers, and it was oh so affirming to
Speaker 1: hear them be like, oh my kid's doing that too,
Speaker 1: you know, And it's just like kind of a lifeline
Speaker 1: when you're a mom. However, mm hmmm, I do feel
Speaker 1: like I try to be very conscious if I'm with
Speaker 1: a friend who doesn't have kids to at some point
Speaker 1: like change the conversation. And maybe if your friends are
Speaker 1: not having that awareness, I think that it's a perfectly
Speaker 1: fine thing to bring up. Yeah, and you know, and
Speaker 1: or or just try like being like, you know, after
Speaker 1: you let them kind of do their kid talk for
Speaker 1: a little bit, be like, hey, guys, can we talk
Speaker 1: about the wedding? Because maybe it starts with like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, make up a problem and like ask
Speaker 1: them for advice to like bring them into the to
Speaker 1: the thing, you know, or like I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, and then questions about their wedding.
Speaker 2: I mean, don't you want to know about ask them
Speaker 2: questions about their wedding?
Speaker 1: Yeah, be like maybe like what's the most you know,
Speaker 1: wish what do you wish you had done? Or what
Speaker 1: was the most memorable thing? Or you know, let's do
Speaker 1: what was your favorite moment from your wedding?
Speaker 2: You know, like that's a good one. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 2: really good one.
Speaker 1: Do you remember when you were like just like make
Speaker 1: sure that you like practice like taking snapshots of the
Speaker 1: moment because it's all going to go so so fast.
Speaker 1: You remember this? Oh? Yes, Because I tell everyone that
Speaker 1: gets married that same advice because someone had said it
Speaker 1: to us and it was the best advice ever. Say
Speaker 1: right now, say right now for Claire. So the advice
Speaker 1: is that throughout the day, every time you know there's
Speaker 1: a moment and you can feel them throughout the day.
Speaker 1: The first time you see your parents dressed up or
Speaker 1: whatever it is, when you you know that, when you
Speaker 1: turn that corner in the aisle and you see your
Speaker 1: partner for the first time. Uh. The person told me
Speaker 1: to say to myself, I want to remember this moment,
Speaker 1: like in your head, say and sometimes I even whispered
Speaker 1: it throughout the day, I want to remember this moment.
Speaker 1: There's something about doing that that like makes you really
Speaker 1: present and it kind of makes your brain take these
Speaker 1: little mental pictures. And it is such a big day
Speaker 1: that goes by so fast, and I swear my wedding
Speaker 1: is like kind of a blur except for the times
Speaker 1: that I did that. I have these like crystal clear
Speaker 1: memories of when I first saw David, when I first
Speaker 1: saw my dad in his tucks, when we had our
Speaker 1: first dance, when you know, I gave I handed the
Speaker 1: flower basket to my niece, like you know, it's just
Speaker 1: these little moments and it was such good advice that
Speaker 1: worked for me. And so I've just like every time
Speaker 1: someone's gotten married, I've made sure to tell them that
Speaker 1: like the night before or the day before. It's such nice.
Speaker 2: So the like scene, Yeah, you've been married, you've been married.
Speaker 2: You know you've been married since your twenties, right, you
Speaker 2: just talked about your wedding so like excitedly and full
Speaker 2: of love. Right, Like people just because people have been
Speaker 2: there and done that, it doesn't mean they don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about it. Like if you want to talk
Speaker 2: about your wedding, your upcoming wedding, and these friends are
Speaker 2: married or not, like talk to them at it, like
Speaker 2: ask some questions about theirs. Yeah, maybe part of the
Speaker 2: issue is like I don't know, but like it sounds
Speaker 2: like the issue is twofold, right, Like it sounds like
Speaker 2: Claire's friends don't know when to stop talking about their
Speaker 2: own kids, right they don't They maybe like don't have
Speaker 2: a sense of like is she she's feeling left out?
Speaker 2: Maybe it's like getting together like all four or five
Speaker 2: of you in a group is not the It's not
Speaker 2: the thing right now, like maybe or like at least
Speaker 2: if it is, you got to kind of know, like
Speaker 2: there's gonna be a lot of parenting talk. Maybe you
Speaker 2: separate them a little bit, like maybe it's like you
Speaker 2: just get lunch with Qutchen, You just get lunch with
Speaker 2: you know whoever, Yeah, and see if you can steer
Speaker 2: the conversation toward things that you both are interested in
Speaker 2: or like, you know, maybe it's not all parenting stuff.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's some other stuff too. I mean, I had
Speaker 2: lunch with my friend Katie the other day, and we
Speaker 2: did talk about parenting stuff. She's not a parent, but
Speaker 2: I talked about it. But then also we spend a
Speaker 2: lot of time talking about like makeup and politics and
Speaker 2: other stuff.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, try to bring them into the excitement
Speaker 1: of your wedding. Try to give maybe more cues of
Speaker 1: like it's time for the conversation to steer away from parenting.
Speaker 1: I think your suggestion too, of like hanging out with
Speaker 1: one or two of them instead of maybe the whole group.
Speaker 1: Separate these hosts because like moms like to talk about
Speaker 1: mom stuff. Separate these hose you know, yeah, we do. Also,
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe explore put some more energy into
Speaker 1: other friends that you maybe have that don't have kids yet.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, maybe there's some friends, like some new friends,
Speaker 2: like you know, like and I get it, like new
Speaker 2: friendships are harder. You have to be like, do you
Speaker 2: want to go to this thing with me?
Speaker 1: It's very like like a weird dating. It's hard.
Speaker 2: It's hard, and like you gotta do a little more
Speaker 2: work than just like, oh, everyone's going to so and
Speaker 2: So's house on Friday, are you coming?
Speaker 1: You know, it's a little more work than that.
Speaker 2: But if you are feeling some type of way about them,
Speaker 2: and also if you try these some these tactics and
Speaker 2: they don't really seem to be working, you know, I
Speaker 2: think the ultimate is kind of like sitting them down.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't sit in a group.
Speaker 2: I would say like individually yeah and expressing like sometimes
Speaker 2: I feel really left out because I think the conversation
Speaker 2: steers towards something that like I'm not a part of.
Speaker 1: And I don't begrudge you your happiness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to be I just want to
Speaker 2: continue growing together as friends, and I don't really know
Speaker 2: how to do it.
Speaker 1: If I can't really take part in this part of
Speaker 1: your life. Pick the person in the group who feels
Speaker 1: like your strongest ally but also likes the gossip a
Speaker 1: little bit, so because you got to count on that
Speaker 1: friend going to the rest of the group. Like, I know,
Speaker 1: I'm that friend in my friend group. When somebody comes
Speaker 1: to me with a problem about somebody else in the
Speaker 1: friend group, I know what they're asking of me. They're
Speaker 1: asking for advice and empathy, and then they are also
Speaker 1: expecting me to go to the rest of the group
Speaker 1: and be.
Speaker 2: Like, hey, hey, you got we got to be better
Speaker 2: reminds because we're making.
Speaker 1: Them feel a certain way. Yeah, I know, I know,
Speaker 1: I'm that I'm that bitch with the big mouth and
Speaker 1: the friend group. So I will like turn around and
Speaker 1: tell the rest of the group like, we can't do this.
Speaker 1: It's making them feel Now, okay, I got good to
Speaker 1: know about you. This is actually really good to know
Speaker 1: about you. I'm like a fault to a fault, probably
Speaker 1: because I like people will be like, did you know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I did know, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: but it was like last year, and I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: but she didn't say to tell you. So I didn't
Speaker 1: say I'm a vault in general, but with my tight
Speaker 1: little friend groups, I am not okay, I am not
Speaker 1: good to know. Yeah, okay, I will, and I know
Speaker 1: that they know that I'm gonna say some shit. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: This next one is actually about kids. This one is
Speaker 2: from from Carl. Oh, what a cute name. Okay, my
Speaker 2: wife's currently pregnant. One and two of you went through
Speaker 2: the process of being pregnant. What examples do you recall
Speaker 2: of your partner being supported and what were the they
Speaker 2: could have been more better? Well, I'll tell you one
Speaker 2: positive and one negative, and molessly you do the same.
Speaker 2: How about that? Yes, one positive. I don't think I
Speaker 2: changed a diaper. I mean I could probably ten times
Speaker 2: for the first like, however, many months like the first
Speaker 2: I think we left for London when she was three
Speaker 2: months old, I maybe changed ten diapers. Like I was
Speaker 2: doing a lot of other stuff. I was growing the
Speaker 2: food source. I was like trying to do a bunch
Speaker 2: of other shit, you know, trying to get another job,
Speaker 2: all that stuff. But I didn't change the diapers. I
Speaker 2: didn't change the diapers. And it was so helpful, and
Speaker 2: you know, at first he had like a strong reaction
Speaker 2: to it, but he quickly got used to it and
Speaker 2: he got really good at it. So that is a
Speaker 2: way that you can certainly help, like suck it up
Speaker 2: and change the pup.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The way that he could have been more better, And
Speaker 2: this is partially my fault.
Speaker 1: Was he should have probably skipped his fantasy football draft trip.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It was just a few and I think it was
Speaker 2: like a week and a half after the baby was born.
Speaker 2: And like before the baby was born, I was like,
Speaker 2: I'll be fun. My sister's gonna help me. It's not
Speaker 2: gonna be a problem.
Speaker 1: No. After the baby was born and he left, I
Speaker 1: was like, fuck you, Like I couldn't believe, couldn't believe
Speaker 1: that he had left.
Speaker 2: Like and my fault, yeah, yeah, I mean the audacity
Speaker 2: of him. Your heart, Yeah, my heart. It was my heart.
Speaker 2: It was it was absolutely my heart. It was.
Speaker 1: It was your your fart in judgment. Yes, yea, So
Speaker 1: those are mine? What about you? One mine? Okay? Positive
Speaker 1: while she's pregnant. Every time my husband made me delicious,
Speaker 1: like healthy food or brought me food of any kind,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I am so loved.
Speaker 1: I feel like a goddamn princess. Something about just when
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. Every other time he's done it, I mean,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. But there was something about when I
Speaker 1: was pregnant that I was just like, oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: also just like go I think, being extra like rubbing feet,
Speaker 1: running a bath, like you know, saying let's go out
Speaker 1: to dinner tonight or let's go away this weekend, like
Speaker 1: because it is your last little bit of like the
Speaker 1: newborn phase. But everything is so intense that first year
Speaker 1: of being a new parent that I don't think we
Speaker 1: I don't think most people take advantage of like that
Speaker 1: time during pregnancy to just like be together, like you know,
Speaker 1: watch a bunch of shows, like and it doesn't even
Speaker 1: have to be like going out because maybe she's miserable
Speaker 1: and like doesn't feel like doing that, so then maybe
Speaker 1: it's like watching shows and movies together or reading a
Speaker 1: book together or whatever. Like just really feeling close and connecting.
Speaker 1: I think felt like very big to like when that
Speaker 1: would happen when I was pregnant, but just felt very
Speaker 1: like comforting and special. Uh. And then the negative, I
Speaker 1: would say is for these nine months and for the
Speaker 1: at least four years after you have a child. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, Carl. You are not allowed to make any
Speaker 1: comments about your own body, about the state of it
Speaker 1: about particularly when she's pregnant and she has lost all
Speaker 1: control over what her body is going to do. You
Speaker 1: cannot make any positive or negative comments about your own
Speaker 1: body during that time. You keep that shit to yourself.
Speaker 1: You call your friends and you tell them, but you
Speaker 1: every time, and everyone knows. My husband's very into fitness.
Speaker 1: He's very like discipline, takes care of himself. And there
Speaker 1: would just be times where he'd be like ugh, like
Speaker 1: you know, pinsion some like love handle or something, and
Speaker 1: I would want to murder a non existent nothing moment,
Speaker 1: a non existent comment on his body.
Speaker 2: Because a man or he had been fucking a runway
Speaker 2: model for like versact right, and like he was in
Speaker 2: like like he was the hot baby in a Mariah
Speaker 2: Carey video like this is not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's on another level of like human Look, he's
Speaker 1: on another level of like human fitness that is yes,
Speaker 1: And he's worked out his whole life. And it's also
Speaker 1: like he's passionate about it. It's part of his mental health.
Speaker 1: But every time he said anything about his physical appearance,
Speaker 1: I wanted to murder him, whether it was positive or negative.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you also can't be like, oh, man, I really
Speaker 2: like got in it, got it, got at it today
Speaker 2: at the gym's like, yeah, I know you can't.
Speaker 1: I can't do that.
Speaker 2: I can't bend it the waves.
Speaker 1: And I cannot be happy for you right now. No,
Speaker 1: I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you're eating extra with
Speaker 1: her and gaining some Yeah, if you're like gaining weight
Speaker 1: with her because you're eating extra with her, like great boo.
Speaker 1: Keep that ship to yourself, Yeah, keep it to yourself.
Speaker 1: Tell your friends, don't tell your wife. That's how you
Speaker 1: could be supportive.
Speaker 2: Absolutely zero zero's come to me except for to her.
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful. Yes, you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful.
Speaker 1: You know. She's like, oh my god, no, I feel
Speaker 1: like so disgusting. I hate this, And.
Speaker 2: Then you go say, I will, I'm sorry, so beautiful,
Speaker 2: you're so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I just can't take my eyes off you.
Speaker 1: Boo boo boo boom. Okay, booby boom boom boop. Next question, Okay,
Speaker 1: pressure to be perfect as a woman. Oh yikes. Hi
Speaker 1: Devanie and Melissa and team, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: giving more better to the masses. I just listened to
Speaker 1: your episode about making adult friendships and how hard it
Speaker 1: can be. As I was cooking slash cleaning in my
Speaker 1: one bedroom apartment feeling all kinds of lonely. Adult friendships
Speaker 1: are hard despite me trying to be my despite me
Speaker 1: trying my best and taking initiative. It really made me
Speaker 1: feel that I was not alone. And if you, as celebrities,
Speaker 1: go through it, then it's not surprising that someone like me,
Speaker 1: just a normal person could go through it. To you,
Speaker 1: thank you. Could you talk about how as women it
Speaker 1: can be difficult to have everything together. For example, we
Speaker 1: need to have the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the
Speaker 1: perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle to stay
Speaker 1: healthy and all that fun stuff, and sometimes it can
Speaker 1: just be overwhelming. We all feel like this right. A
Speaker 1: lot of it has to do with social media mm
Speaker 1: hm and how it portrays the best parts of ourselves
Speaker 1: and that can be difficult to escape. Once again, all
Speaker 1: the best to your team and can't wait to hear
Speaker 1: to become more better best Cartiky, I hope I'm saying
Speaker 1: that right. What a pretty name for it all, Partiki,
Speaker 1: It is a pretty name.
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, we didn't have social media when we
Speaker 2: were growing up, but we had hy am and seventeen magazine.
Speaker 1: We had those magazines. Every image in it, like every
Speaker 1: other story was like how to lose weight, how to
Speaker 1: get boys to like you, how to not be awkward?
Speaker 1: How did this? How did that?
Speaker 2: And it was like, you know, this miniature version of
Speaker 2: social medi yeah, which social media does nothing except I
Speaker 2: guess it connects people. But like it is, it's a
Speaker 2: hellscape of comparison, and it really is, and you know
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 1: You gotta get off of it. You've got to get
Speaker 1: off there.
Speaker 2: You got to like give yourself time if you want
Speaker 2: to be on there a little bit, but like take
Speaker 2: it off your phone and put it on your iPad
Speaker 2: because then you won't look at it as much. Like
Speaker 2: you got to just protect your you know, protecting your health,
Speaker 2: protecting your mental wellness or whatever.
Speaker 1: That's part of it, babe.
Speaker 2: Like you are never gonna feel any any bit of
Speaker 2: like how magical and perfect you already are if you're
Speaker 2: constantly looking at how other people are better than you
Speaker 2: and thinking that in your head and cycling on that
Speaker 2: on that thought, and like I think, you know, we
Speaker 2: all wish we'd grown up with parents who told us
Speaker 2: constantly you're so beautiful, you're so perfect, you're so loved,
Speaker 2: you're so want wonderful, and maybe some of us did. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, but if we didn't, then we have to
Speaker 2: internalize that voice. And like it took me into my
Speaker 2: you know, it took me. I'm still isn't working on it.
Speaker 2: But like, for example, she says in here, the perfect skin,
Speaker 2: she wrote, for example, we need to have the perfect hair,
Speaker 2: the perfect skin. Oh my god, the skin issues that
Speaker 2: I had and the way that I would look in
Speaker 2: the mirror and hate on myself for my skin. And
Speaker 2: it wasn't until like I first of all, I went
Speaker 2: on accutane and I helped a lot, but like that
Speaker 2: combined with like really understanding that, like I it wasn't
Speaker 2: like my skin got clear and then I got Brooklyn
Speaker 2: nine nine. You know, I got Brooklyn Miners before my
Speaker 2: skin got clear. I was, Yeah, I was done with Brooklyn.
Speaker 2: I think by the time I wasn't think so yeah
Speaker 2: the last these my skin looked great because I was pregnant,
Speaker 2: but like, yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't like the things
Speaker 2: in my life that were coming to me that I
Speaker 2: earned and like and were mine came to me because
Speaker 2: my skin was clear. You know, like right it was,
Speaker 2: it didn't happen like that, and like that whole time,
Speaker 2: I wish I had I wish I hadn't berated myself
Speaker 2: for not having good skin, you know, like.
Speaker 1: It does it.
Speaker 2: It's like you there's a certain amount of like letting
Speaker 2: go of the comparison that we have to learn how
Speaker 2: to do, and then somehow, weirdly those things that we
Speaker 2: want come.
Speaker 1: And also acutaine. Accutane is great and also acutane And
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think the second part of that,
Speaker 1: which I think you're also saying with you know, accutane,
Speaker 1: is trying to identify First of all, yes, one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: get social media off your phone because I think it's
Speaker 1: you need to detox for a minute. And I think
Speaker 1: the second part is all so really trying to get
Speaker 1: real with yourself about what are the things that you
Speaker 1: actually give a shit that are causing you unhappiness or turmoil? Right,
Speaker 1: and like for you, like it was going on acutane
Speaker 1: and like you know that you did want to improve it,
Speaker 1: you know, like and so it is like what are
Speaker 1: the things that are you know, do do I wish
Speaker 1: that I was eating healthier or whatever? You know, what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, yeah, or do I wish I was
Speaker 1: working out more? Okay, that is something we can do
Speaker 1: something about. That is something we can change. Might have
Speaker 1: to sit down and schedule it and figure out how
Speaker 1: we make it happen, and like, make a commitment, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do this for thirty days whatever it is. Like,
Speaker 1: but those are things that you can do. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then all the rest of it you might find you
Speaker 1: might discover you don't actually give a shit. It doesn't
Speaker 1: bother you. Yeah, fine, you know what I mean. You
Speaker 1: like this part of your life where you that's not
Speaker 1: you don't really care about. Like I don't give a
Speaker 1: shit about my nails. My nails look like shit all
Speaker 1: the fucking time. They do. They look like shit all
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know about that. And sometimes I
Speaker 1: would have no they do like they're they're all broken
Speaker 1: and summer long and summer short and like you know,
Speaker 1: and most of the time I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: I have moments where I see Stephanie's beautiful nails or
Speaker 1: I see another woman with beautiful nails, and I'm like, fuck, man,
Speaker 1: why don't I like And it's the comarison thing. I'm
Speaker 1: just like what I should probably care about this more,
Speaker 1: like it does look so nice on a woman when
Speaker 1: her nails are like a little bit long and like
Speaker 1: done and stuff and like. But then I realized, like,
Speaker 1: I don't actually give a shit for me personally. I
Speaker 1: love it on other women. I think it looks beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is not something that's actually important to me. And
Speaker 1: if it ever does get to me, then I just
Speaker 1: make time to go get a fucking manicure and like
Speaker 1: feel better about it, you know. I like take some action,
Speaker 1: but most of the time I don't care. And I've yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. I've gone
Speaker 1: to events with shitty bare nails and I don't care,
Speaker 1: you know, And so it's really trying to get in
Speaker 1: touch with you know, there's some actors that love doing
Speaker 1: press and publicity and it's not something that I love
Speaker 1: and I don't judge them for it, and sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel bad, like, fuck, I should care more, I should
Speaker 1: want to do I should want to do more photo
Speaker 1: shoots or things. And then but then like I do that,
Speaker 1: you know again, I just like dig in deep and
Speaker 1: I'm like I don't care. I just don't care, Like
Speaker 1: this is not something that's important to me. No. I
Speaker 1: want to support the things that I'm doing and I
Speaker 1: want people to watch them, and you know that will
Speaker 1: motivate me to like do more. But this is not
Speaker 1: something that feels important to me or that I need
Speaker 1: to do. And it's great that people love it and
Speaker 1: like you know, love to do it. I don't not
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, and that's okay, good for you, not
Speaker 1: for me. For me, Yeah, there's not for you, not
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 2: There's something really smart that you said about like narrowing down,
Speaker 2: like what is the thing that really bums me out?
Speaker 2: Or like what is the thing that I actually do
Speaker 2: want to you know, quote unquote fix about myself or
Speaker 2: and and sometimes like you do all those things and
Speaker 2: you get to the place and you go, oh, that's
Speaker 2: not the that wasn't the thing, you know, like that
Speaker 2: wasn't the thing that it was the key on off
Speaker 2: my happiness, you know, like it just wasn't because like
Speaker 2: happiness is an inside job, you know, like feeling good
Speaker 2: about yourself as a person is.
Speaker 1: An inside job. You know.
Speaker 2: I think like it's part of I mean, it's not
Speaker 2: a coincidence that I went on like a wo wo
Speaker 2: spiritual retreat and like came to terms with how I
Speaker 2: was creating my own reality. And also like the next
Speaker 2: week got on accutane. You know, like I right, it
Speaker 2: just wasn't a coincidence.
Speaker 1: So like I think sometimes you go, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: this is a good example. This is a weird example,
Speaker 1: but like.
Speaker 2: You know, when people finally hit earlier, I think it
Speaker 2: was earlier in this conversation might have been in the last episode,
Speaker 2: but you know if oh no, it was this conversation. Okay,
Speaker 2: so earlier you were like, oh, maybe you're like in
Speaker 2: your twenties and you hit it big and like you
Speaker 2: achieve greatness or whatever. But what happens if you do
Speaker 2: that in your twenties And then you go, is this
Speaker 2: it shouldn't all my problems were solved?
Speaker 1: Like now I'm perfect? You know, like what if you
Speaker 1: had what you consider the perfect hair, the perfect skin,
Speaker 1: the perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle. Like
Speaker 1: what if all those things like magically happened, and like
Speaker 1: you still felt exactly the same way on the inside,
Speaker 1: And you think to yourself, well, no, I'll feel different.
Speaker 1: I'll feel different. But like will you or will you
Speaker 1: still be?
Speaker 2: Like will you kinda like will you still sometimes feel lonely?
Speaker 2: Like I mean you might get hit on maybe like
Speaker 2: a little more if like you're hair is so shiny
Speaker 2: that everyone in the room turns and looks when you
Speaker 2: walk in. But like I don't know, like, are you
Speaker 2: gonna get hit on by the kind of people that
Speaker 2: you want to spend time with? I'm not sure, Like
Speaker 2: I don't know the answer to that stuff. But I
Speaker 2: think like thinking about these things in terms of like
Speaker 2: what is actually important to me as opposed to what
Speaker 2: does everybody else say is important? Yes, really big, big
Speaker 2: kind of difference in like how what's going to make
Speaker 2: me like actually happy, you know, like actually deeply happy
Speaker 2: because like I mean, yes, my skin's clear now, but
Speaker 2: like so also like I take antidepressants.
Speaker 1: Because like right, right, yeah, there's still stuff, there's still stuff,
Speaker 1: there's still stuff. Yes, it's yeah, it's letting, it's letting
Speaker 1: go of what other people's perceptions of perfect are. And
Speaker 1: just I think it's just discovering like what is perfect
Speaker 1: for you, m right, like inside and out right, Like
Speaker 1: what yeah if you if if there's external things you
Speaker 1: can change or be better at, you know, working on
Speaker 1: because they make you feel good, great, do that, And
Speaker 1: also are there internal things that you need to reckon
Speaker 1: with or talk about or get to the root of,
Speaker 1: because the external things are not going to do anything.
Speaker 1: They're not going to change that part. Right, It's got
Speaker 1: to be inside out, and it's got to be whatever
Speaker 1: your version is. You can't you can't get that what
Speaker 1: the idea of that is from other people. You really can't.
Speaker 1: That's not you can. You can get it implanted when
Speaker 1: you're a little kid, Yeah, you can, certainly, like right,
Speaker 1: but like it's your job to deprogram yourself. It's your
Speaker 1: job to like on brainwash yourself from all that garbage
Speaker 1: that you might have been fed, like figure out actually
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, uh huh yeah yeah, and get that social
Speaker 1: media off your get it off your doing and just
Speaker 1: put a dad.
Speaker 2: You're not on your iPad all the time, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 1: No, you got to look for it. You gotta make
Speaker 1: sure it's charged.
Speaker 2: Yeah, make sure it's charged. You gotta make sure it's
Speaker 2: not sticky if you have kids.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. More better. I what did you learn this season?
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I what did I learn?
Speaker 2: I learned that my uh my headphones hurt if I
Speaker 2: wear them for longer than an hour. I learned that, uh,
Speaker 2: when I laugh really hard, you can see all the
Speaker 2: way back into the back of my uh throat and
Speaker 2: my feelings, which I'm trying not to do on camera
Speaker 2: as much because everybody loves to laugh joyously.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to be caught with their mouth open like
Speaker 1: a puppet. No. I learned that. You know.
Speaker 2: One of the reasons we decided to do this was
Speaker 2: when initially, I think, like when the writer's strike happened
Speaker 2: and then when the actors strike happened, to both of
Speaker 2: us were like, what can we do that is creatively
Speaker 2: fulfilling over this time, and that's when we started kicking
Speaker 2: around the idea of doing this podcast. And then yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, having this time and space to be able
Speaker 2: to do this felt very grounding.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it felt like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I have to record today, and like I
Speaker 2: don't have any more energy, and I don't know where
Speaker 2: I'm gonna pull it out.
Speaker 1: From my brain is bright, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: But in general I think it felt very grounding, and
Speaker 2: also I hope one of my hopes coming through this
Speaker 2: or out of this is like, you know, people, I
Speaker 2: think probably a lot of people that listened to this
Speaker 2: found us because they were fans of Brooklyn nine nine,
Speaker 2: and like that is totally one part of us.
Speaker 1: And but you know, we're multifaceted. Barf, I've heard it.
Speaker 2: So but like you know, we're pretty I think both
Speaker 2: of us are interesting people and have interesting perspectives, and
Speaker 2: I think we're constantly both trying to like learn about,
Speaker 2: like how I can get more better at this because
Speaker 2: like this is it, This is it. You only get
Speaker 2: one round at this at least in this body, you know, like,
Speaker 2: and so both of us are trying to be like,
Speaker 2: how do I do this life a little bit like better? Easier, softer, funner, funnier,
Speaker 2: whatever it is that week that you're focusing on, right,
Speaker 2: And I do think like.
Speaker 1: I do think that I'm oh.
Speaker 2: My god, am I getting my period? Like why am
Speaker 2: I like on the verge of crying again? Annoying?
Speaker 1: But like I do, I don't know what you're putting
Speaker 1: me on the verse.
Speaker 2: In some ways it really helps. It has helped me
Speaker 2: do that, right, Like we've both been through like very challenging,
Speaker 2: especially through work, challenging like things were like you know,
Speaker 2: and in different ways, but like I think it I
Speaker 2: think some of the stuff that I've talked about with
Speaker 2: you on the podcast is like definitely made me go, like,
Speaker 2: take a breath, this isn't as serious as it feels
Speaker 2: like it might be in this moment, or like I
Speaker 2: know how to handle this because of this conversation that
Speaker 2: I had with Melissa.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, I think, And yeah, I think. The biggest
Speaker 1: thing I've come away with is, you know, I love
Speaker 1: this podcast is basically based on our dressing room talks
Speaker 1: because this is what we would do all the time
Speaker 1: and the importance of having a friend like that, which
Speaker 1: I'm very grateful I have in you, but having and
Speaker 1: I think hopefully everybody has that one friend that you
Speaker 1: can connect with and just continue to like work on yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, And like that's always been such a strong
Speaker 1: connection between you and I, and I've loved it that
Speaker 1: this podcast has like brought it back into my life
Speaker 1: in a very big way, because, uh, it's like check ins.
Speaker 1: It's like you said, it's so grounding to go like, gosh,
Speaker 1: what would I do in this situation, or like how
Speaker 1: do I handle these things? Or what can how can
Speaker 1: I be better at this? Because I want to do
Speaker 1: that because like you said, life is fucking short. We
Speaker 1: got one shot at this in this body, and I
Speaker 1: don't wanna check out. I don't wanna just kinda And
Speaker 1: we have those phases of life for sure where we're
Speaker 1: just like buried or busy or overwhelmed, or we just
Speaker 1: kind of or we're grieving or you know, whatever it
Speaker 1: may be, that we're just kind of like going through
Speaker 1: the motions. But I don't ever want to do that
Speaker 1: for too long. I wanna I want to be the
Speaker 1: kind of person that always kind of checks in and goes, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's working here, what's not working here? Or what can
Speaker 1: be better? What can fall by the wayside? Like how
Speaker 1: do we make the most of this very short life
Speaker 1: you know and present? And I get to do that
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm very grateful for it. Now to
Speaker 1: decrive and I'm not going to to do a little more.
Speaker 2: Do you feel a little more better after doing this
Speaker 2: forty times? Forty times?
Speaker 1: Forty times? Girl? Forty? I do? I really do. And
Speaker 1: also a huge I don't think we could have done
Speaker 1: forty of these without the help of our listeners sending
Speaker 1: in suggestions and questions. That has become a huge part
Speaker 1: of this and thank you so much for giving us
Speaker 1: more topics and things to think about and digest and dissect.
Speaker 1: And you're as much a part of this as you
Speaker 1: know as we are. Yeah, absolutely, yes, Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2: A sea leader.
Speaker 1: I'll see you later, Fred, Bye bye, More Better.
Speaker 2: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 2: at that you want us to talk about in a
Speaker 2: future episode?
Speaker 1: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
Speaker 1: one of our tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts
Speaker 1: and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and
Speaker 1: include a voice note if you want to be featured
Speaker 1: on the pod.
Speaker 2: Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from
Speaker 2: Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz,
Speaker 2: and Melissa Kumera. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid
Speaker 2: and Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
Speaker 2: and Leo Klem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by
Speaker 2: Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original
Speaker 2: music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy. Our cover art
Speaker 2: is by vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For
Speaker 2: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you
Speaker 2: next week, Suga bye mm.
Speaker 1: Hmmmmmm h oo. Tookitomas Mayhor