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Speaker 1: Hi guys, Hi everybody, It's Thursday, Thursday. Today's Thursday. That

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Speaker 1: means it is October twelfth. I'm performing at the Pantagious

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Speaker 1: tonight and tomorrow night, and I am coming to the

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Speaker 1: Arizona Financial Center on Saturday.

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Speaker 2: This Saturday night. You guys can still get tickets for.

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Speaker 1: That Arizona Financial Center in Phoenix.

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Speaker 2: And then next weekend.

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Speaker 1: I have Cleveland, Ohio October twentieth, Columbus, Ohio October twenty first,

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Speaker 1: and then Pittsburgh October twenty second at the Hines Theater,

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Speaker 1: so please get tickets for that in those areas.

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Speaker 2: This week has.

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Speaker 1: Been a very difficult week because of all the violence

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Speaker 1: and terrorism going on in Israel and how complicated that

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Speaker 1: situation is.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, a lot of mixed emotions.

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Speaker 1: I don't think we'll get into it here, but I

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Speaker 1: think that it is important to be as educated as

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Speaker 1: you can and to understand that Hamas is a terrorist

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Speaker 1: organization that does not represent most Palestine, just like MAGA

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Speaker 1: right wing nuts don't represent most of Americans, just like

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Speaker 1: jihattists don't represent most Islamicists. And to remember that there's

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Speaker 1: really no room to say this is justified. I understand

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Speaker 1: how complicated the history of that region is, and that

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Speaker 1: Israeli government is not innocent in the oppression of the Palestinians,

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Speaker 1: and the Palestinians their governments have not been innocent as well.

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Speaker 2: So it is a two way street.

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Speaker 1: And it really would be wonderful if we could have

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Speaker 1: peace somewhere in this world.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it is such a complex situation. I wonder.

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Speaker 4: It always leaves me wondering, like what can we do?

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Speaker 4: And I wonder if there's some like human rights organizations

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Speaker 4: we can help.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there is a human rights organization you can donate

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Speaker 1: to my friend Shelley. They're helping people on the ground,

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Speaker 1: and not just Israelis. They're helping any Palestinians who have

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Speaker 1: been since there is a blockade in Glaza. Israeli isn't

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Speaker 1: letting anyone go into Gaza. But there is an organization

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Speaker 1: that is helping anyone, anyone whether they are Israeli or

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Speaker 1: Palestinian it is on the ground that needs help. It's

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Speaker 1: called at Global empower Mint Mission, Global Empowerment Mission, and.

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Speaker 2: They're giving aid to everybody. They're already in there.

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Speaker 1: I put it on my Instagram page and you can

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Speaker 1: follow Mindful Skater Girl also, and she gives information on

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Speaker 1: that as well.

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Speaker 4: I'll make sure to put a link to that in

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Speaker 4: the description as well, so if you want to donate,

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Speaker 4: you can go there and help out Chelsea. I do

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Speaker 4: have kind of a lovely response to our episode last

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Speaker 4: week with Ruby Warrington about not having kids.

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Speaker 3: This comes from Deborah.

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Speaker 4: She says, I am a seventy two year old woman

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Speaker 4: who recently lost the love of my life after forty

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Speaker 4: two years. Although he loved children, he respected my decision

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Speaker 4: not to have any of our own. Between us, we

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Speaker 4: have six nieces and nephews who have produced ten children.

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Speaker 4: I love all my great nieces and nephews and have

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Speaker 4: a really good time when I'm with them. They consider

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Speaker 4: me the fun aunt. I'm always open to whatever challenges

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Speaker 4: they present me with, and I've never regretted my descis

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Speaker 4: to not have kids. The wonder of children and their

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Speaker 4: curiosity of life is a joy that does not necessitate

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Speaker 4: being a mother or a grandmother. My husband and I

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Speaker 4: have followed you for many years and have always enjoyed

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Speaker 4: your comedy and insight.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Deborah well Amen Shellem.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I just love that. Thanks for writing in Deborah.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, Chelsea? Where have you been?

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Speaker 2: Right now?

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Speaker 1: I am living in my neighbor's house because my house

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Speaker 1: is still not done Jeeve, so I am this is

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Speaker 1: about eight months delayed, Chelsea.

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Speaker 3: Day promise right now.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, I like to focus on the positive things in life,

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Speaker 1: and that is that I have Bernie back in my arms.

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Speaker 1: She's looking fitter than ever. Here is a beautiful little baby.

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Speaker 2: Look at her.

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Speaker 1: Look she's lost weight. My Belle put her back in

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Speaker 1: tiptop shape. And she's so sweet. She's even sweeter than

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Speaker 1: when I left her. So I mean, I guess yeah.

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Speaker 1: My Moll's a really good influence. I mean she only

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Speaker 1: speaks Spanish, but that's fine because my Spanish has improved also,

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Speaker 1: that's true.

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Speaker 5: Giving there we.

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Speaker 3: Go, fantastic.

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Speaker 4: I have a question for you when you need to

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Speaker 4: have a laugh, who do you go.

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Speaker 5: To a laugh?

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Speaker 3: A laugh?

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Speaker 5: Myself? Fuck, I can't depend on anybody for that.

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Speaker 3: No one else can be responsible for that.

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Speaker 5: Nah, I don't know who I go to for a lot.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I go to anyone for specifically no.

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Speaker 4: Or like Okay, if you do need to have laugh,

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Speaker 4: would you go book or would you go like comedy

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Speaker 4: special TV shows.

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Speaker 5: No, I don't get that either.

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Speaker 1: I don't go I mean, I think there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of natural laughter in my life like that. I don't

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Speaker 1: have to seek that out. I go to people for

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Speaker 1: other things, you know, but not laughter. No, I'm supply

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Speaker 1: my own entertainment for myself. Yeah, yeah, can I have

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Speaker 1: a fucking blast with myself?

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Speaker 5: I mean, nobody gets me like I do.

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Speaker 4: You know, I do think that that's the perfect answer.

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Speaker 4: I think also, like when you can make yourself laugh,

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Speaker 4: I'm definitely somebody. Like if I'm doing like a post

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Speaker 4: on Instagram and I think it's funny, I'm like, I

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Speaker 4: don't care if anybody else thinks it's funny, Like I'm

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Speaker 4: cracking up about it for the next five minutes.

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Speaker 3: I just love it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I don't know a lot

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Speaker 1: of books that make me laugh.

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Speaker 3: No, there are not a lot of funny books.

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Speaker 4: I think that's why yours stand out because they're just ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, mine are really ridiculous. And David Sedaris will make

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Speaker 1: you laugh.

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Speaker 5: That's a good author.

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Speaker 1: And then there are you know, Sarah Silverman special made

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Speaker 1: me fucking laugh my ass off, and she's got a

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Speaker 1: new special that'll make you laugh. Yeah, no, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So our guest today is somebody who I have. I'm

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Speaker 1: very excited to talk to you because I've read a

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Speaker 1: lot of her stuff. She's an essayist and the author

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Speaker 1: of METI We are never meeting in real life and wow, no,

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Speaker 1: thank you.

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Speaker 5: Her new book is called Quietly Hostile.

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Speaker 1: It came out in May, so please welcome humorist Samantha Irbie.

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Speaker 5: Hello, Oh look who's there? Media scion Samantha Rbie.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, look at you guys. You look so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Why do you have half of your face cut off?

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Speaker 1: How are we supposed to even recognize you?

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Speaker 5: Fully? You have to flip it and reverse it, back

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Speaker 5: it up.

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Speaker 6: Okay, here's the thing. My desk covered in garbage, and

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Speaker 6: I can't push.

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Speaker 5: Die down and just pop your head up.

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Speaker 6: So oh wait, here we go.

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Speaker 5: Thank you ye of your full face? That's all. Hi,

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Speaker 5: Samantha Irbie, how are you? I am?

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Speaker 6: My sweetheart? Okay, I know everybody comes on and it's

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Speaker 6: probably like Chelsea, I love you so much, but I

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Speaker 6: really do.

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Speaker 1: They don't do that, and they don't.

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Speaker 5: Okay, well then I forget.

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Speaker 6: Let me be the fucking first and say that are

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Speaker 6: you there, vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Is the first audiobook

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Speaker 6: I ever listened to, and I count you among one

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Speaker 6: of the few people who I ate it possible to

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Speaker 6: like talk about your bullshit in a book that people

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Speaker 6: would buy and read, and it's funny and anyway, without you,

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Speaker 6: there's no me.

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Speaker 1: Well that's wonderful because I'm actually Samantha's birth mother, and

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Speaker 1: that's what this is podcast is all about.

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Speaker 5: This is our twenty three in Me episode. And actually, Samantha,

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Speaker 5: you have a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of siblings that you're about to learn about too, So

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Speaker 1: I hope that you're in a good mood.

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Speaker 6: Okay, I'm fine to meet them, as long as you

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Speaker 6: tell me upfront that I'm your favorite.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you're my favorite, obviously. You know I'm not an

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Speaker 1: idiot about favorites. Who's whoever I'm talking to. I just

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Speaker 1: want to say that I became familiar with you by

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Speaker 1: I think it was an excerpt that they had printed

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Speaker 1: from one of your books in the La Times, and

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Speaker 1: I thought, oh wow, what a breath of fresh air.

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Speaker 1: And then right when I became familiar with you, everyone

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Speaker 1: in my world started bringing you up to me because

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Speaker 1: you have such a unique writing style and you're, I

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Speaker 1: would say, a humorist.

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Speaker 5: Would you agree with that?

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Speaker 6: Yes, it's a weird word.

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Speaker 7: Right.

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Speaker 6: It feels fancier than what it is I think I do.

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Speaker 5: Do you think essays is fancier than humorists?

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Speaker 6: Essays is too fancy because like I feel like, you know,

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Speaker 6: David from or somebody is writing like essays. But if

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Speaker 6: you say comedian, people are people assume stand up and

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Speaker 6: I would never do stand up. I'm too sensitive. I

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Speaker 6: cannot have people walking in the door like primed to

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Speaker 6: call me a fabage before they even sit down. I

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Speaker 6: can't do that. So, yeah, humorist works. There's no good

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Speaker 6: word funny person.

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Speaker 5: I know there really is.

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Speaker 1: There's a language that has so many words that mean

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Speaker 1: the same fucking thing. You think they would be able

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Speaker 1: to come up with a new one or two to

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Speaker 1: describe very particular professions moods, you know, behaviors.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, wait, what do you call yourself? Are you like actor?

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Speaker 1: I don't, I mean, I just I can't. People call

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Speaker 1: me sometimes a writer a comedian essays two, I'm like essays,

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Speaker 1: that's not I don't know an essay if it hit

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Speaker 1: me in the fucking face. My writing is like basically

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Speaker 1: just learned out of every editor I've ever worked with.

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Speaker 1: I never had any formal training except for David Sad

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Speaker 1: and reading his books, and I just started once I

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Speaker 1: realized that you could do whatever the fuck you felt

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Speaker 1: like as a writer. Not that everyone is successful at

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Speaker 1: doing that, but you can do that.

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Speaker 5: And the beautiful part about doing what.

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Speaker 1: You want and how you would want to read is

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Speaker 1: that you're being honest and you have a real point

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Speaker 1: of view. And when you have a real point of view,

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Speaker 1: that's when you attract people. You know, That's when people

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Speaker 1: become well known, is because they are sharing something very

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Speaker 1: real to them. So I loved when I heard that advice,

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Speaker 1: like just be yourself and I think that that and

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Speaker 1: you're writing too, that this is the way that you

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Speaker 1: look at things in a very authentic way and see things.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I have had I'm with you on the no

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Speaker 6: formal training. That's another reason why when when people say essayist,

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Speaker 6: I'm like, I couldn't write a persuasive essay if you

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Speaker 6: wrote half of it for me, right, That's not really

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Speaker 6: what I do. But they call it essays because that's

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Speaker 6: easier than printed out blogs or whatever the fuck I

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Speaker 6: would call it a vlog.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna speak for you right now, and I know

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Speaker 5: that you would call it a vlog.

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Speaker 6: Yes I would. I'm glad and maybe this is me

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Speaker 6: just trying to put lipstick on a pig, but I

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Speaker 6: am glad that I don't have any MFA professor voice

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Speaker 6: in my head telling me that I suck, telling me

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Speaker 6: that the form is wrong, telling me that it's bullshit.

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Speaker 6: Like people ask for writing advice and it's like impossible

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Speaker 6: to give. But what I I always say is write

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Speaker 6: what you want right because your editor's gonna fix it

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Speaker 6: and fuck around with it and change it. The publisher

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Speaker 6: is gonna have something to say. So if you start

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Speaker 6: out writing what you want, eventually it'll feel natural and

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Speaker 6: most of you will come through on the page. I'm

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Speaker 6: at the point now where they don't really change mind,

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Speaker 6: Like they fix the errors, but it's never like this

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Speaker 6: story needs a little more piss, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 6: They leave me alone, and I feel very lucky. But

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Speaker 6: I really do just like write whatever the fuck I want,

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Speaker 6: how I want, and I don't even have to convince

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Speaker 6: them that people will buy it, which is amazing. At

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Speaker 6: this point it took a few boots and now they're like, Oh,

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Speaker 6: you're gonna write about this porn you watched. Okay, people

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Speaker 6: hope we'll buy that. Well.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's something that you sam are so

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Speaker 4: good at, is inserting your personality into stuff. I was

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Speaker 4: reading just like a little listical. I think it was

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Speaker 4: on the strategist of like stuff that you bought recently.

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Speaker 3: And it's so funny. It was one of my favorite things.

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Speaker 5: I've read recently.

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Speaker 3: I was like, this sound machine sounds like something I

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Speaker 3: should buy.

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Speaker 6: Okay, you should.

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Speaker 5: It's very cheap sound. I mean, I have to listen

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Speaker 5: to sound every night. I'm like a baby me too.

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Speaker 1: I need a fan a rainstorm, and I need to

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Speaker 1: hear my dog within like six feet.

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Speaker 5: Does your dog sleep in the bed when I trap her?

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Speaker 5: Fucking ass?

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Speaker 1: She does when I trap her and pull away the

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Speaker 1: doggy steps and she has no retreat.

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Speaker 6: That's right.

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Speaker 1: But I also just started this is a little bit

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Speaker 1: more sishy, but somebody sent me a rose Quartz eyeshade.

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Speaker 5: I always wear eye.

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Speaker 1: Shades because I have to be in the dark, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes I end up just putting a T shirt over

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Speaker 1: my head, like a condom because I can't find my

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Speaker 1: eye shade because I'm too stone at the end of

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Speaker 1: the night, which has been an ongoing saga quite frankly,

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Speaker 1: and I wish somebody would be able to I can

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Speaker 1: nip it in the bud for me. AnyWho, I wore

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Speaker 1: this quartz eyeshit, and I got to tell you, like,

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Speaker 1: my face felt so good and it stayed on all night.

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Speaker 3: It's quartz.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's rose Quartz. I mean it's from some brand

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Speaker 1: that I never plugged that I'm loving.

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Speaker 6: So look at that's incredible. I'm gonna have to do

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Speaker 6: that because I too am a late night stonar. Oh

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Speaker 6: my god, Like, nothing is better.

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Speaker 5: Where do you live, Samantha. Are you in New York

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Speaker 5: or La?

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Speaker 6: No, I am in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

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Speaker 5: That's very suspect.

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Speaker 6: I am a child of the Midwest. Well, I'm from

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Speaker 6: just north of Chicago, which is better than Keith Listen.

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Speaker 5: I just had two shows in Kalamazoo a couple of

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Speaker 5: months ago.

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Speaker 6: Oh bitch, we couldn't go because they sold out.

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Speaker 1: Oh you should have contacted me. I would have totally

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Speaker 1: gotten you hooked up. That would have been Oh they

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Speaker 1: sold out. The same thing to say, there's always a way.

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Speaker 6: I don't have that kind of nerve. Now that we've

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Speaker 6: met and i'm seeing you face to face, I'm gonna

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Speaker 6: message you about everything. But then what if you were like, bitch, no,

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Speaker 6: who are you? I would have dropped dead.

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Speaker 5: No, I don't do that.

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Speaker 1: I do I help strangers that I don't know if

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Speaker 1: they're looking for tickets. I mean, I don't help them

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Speaker 1: by giving them because word got out about that, but

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Speaker 1: I direct that to my fucking website.

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Speaker 5: Oh you know where, I'm coming to, Detroit. That's not

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Speaker 5: far from health.

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Speaker 6: Ce you in Detroit.

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, okay, we'll hook her up with Detroit tickets.

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Speaker 5: That's perfect.

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Speaker 6: I'll come see you. It'll be great. But yeah, I'm

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Speaker 6: in Kalamazoo because my wife lived here and she has kids.

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Speaker 1: Well, your wife is still living there. Actually it's not

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Speaker 1: past tests and now you live there.

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Speaker 6: So when we met, she lived here, and when we

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Speaker 6: decided to get married and live together, I had no

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Speaker 6: dog in the fight, you know, as the childless one,

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Speaker 6: I could not be like, well Chicago is better. You

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Speaker 6: know that doesn't fly. So now I live here. But

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Speaker 6: you know what, I'm getting used to it I like it.

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Speaker 1: I think, what are the differences that you've noticed, or

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Speaker 1: like the things in the beginning that you thought were

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Speaker 1: a little bit shocking but that you've since warmed up to.

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Speaker 6: Okay, well this donna sound fucked up if I say

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Speaker 6: I've warmed up to it. But there's not a lot

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Speaker 6: of ethnic food, lots of different kinds of people. But

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Speaker 6: if you want to get like Thai food or Ethiopian food,

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Speaker 6: you have to drive to another town that's probably forty

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Speaker 6: five minutes to an hour away at least. And like,

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Speaker 6: that was a you know, Chicago's a big food town,

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Speaker 6: and it was a big bummer to move here and

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Speaker 6: be like, Okay, we got like two nice restaurants we

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Speaker 6: can go to and a few others we can pick

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Speaker 6: stuff up from. But I'm used to it now and

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Speaker 6: it's fine, you know, Okay, it's fine. Well that's good.

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Speaker 6: There's no traffic.

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Speaker 1: That's nice. Yeah, that is really nice. Because you've lived

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Speaker 1: in LA and New York, haven't you.

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Speaker 6: I've lived in LA for a few months, never in

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Speaker 6: New York. I have to go there for work, But

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Speaker 6: I hate New York.

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Speaker 5: Oh you do do you?

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Speaker 6: What do you?

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Speaker 1: Because do you have you have OCD. Yeah, yes, does

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Speaker 1: that play into your hatred of New York.

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Speaker 6: Well a little because it's so filthy. It's just so.

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Speaker 6: I stepped in a bag of vomit in the middle

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Speaker 6: of Lexington. It was like ten years ago, and I

340
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 6: can still feel my toe.

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Speaker 5: I can feel what you're describing.

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Speaker 6: And I was like, this, fuck, I hate this fucking town.

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Speaker 6: Every time I'm there, something in I'd see something insane

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Speaker 6: that's totally normal to everyone who's there, and I'm like,

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Speaker 6: how do you get used to this? No ty food,

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Speaker 6: I can get used to act. The vomit in the street.

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Speaker 5: You can't get used to.

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Speaker 1: There is a feculence that is roaming. And this is

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Speaker 1: in San Francisco too, because I visit my sister quite

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Speaker 1: often and I am alarmed by what goes on in

351
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Speaker 1: San Francisco. It's just defecation on the streets. You just

352
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Speaker 1: walk by piles of human shit. And I remember the

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Speaker 1: first time someone pointed it out to me and I

354
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Speaker 1: was like, how do you know that's human shit? They're like, Chelsea,

355
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Speaker 1: you could tell the difference. I was like, since when

356
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Speaker 1: I haven't been charatering human shit to know that I

357
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 1: there was a difference between dog shit and human shit.

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Speaker 5: What is the difference and apparently there is a big one.

359
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Speaker 5: Oh God, talk to me a little.

360
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Speaker 1: Bit more about your OCD and how that works with

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Speaker 1: being such a successful writer.

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Speaker 6: The OCD I was diagnosed like nine or ten months ago,

363
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:58,040
Speaker 6: because I, Oh, forgive me for how this sounds, but

364
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 6: just work with me. I I kind of leaned into

365
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 6: the pandemic. I was like, Oh, this isn't bad. I

366
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,679
Speaker 6: had a book come out in March of twenty twenty.

367
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 6: I didn't have to tour. They just delivered cases of

368
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 6: books to my house and people ordered them and I

369
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,639
Speaker 6: personalized them and sent them out and it was great.

370
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Speaker 6: I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to

371
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Speaker 6: go anywhere. And then like a year into it, I

372
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:26,680
Speaker 6: was like, oh, I'm actually like losing my mind. And

373
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Speaker 6: then when things opened up and we could go places,

374
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Speaker 6: I found that I was terrified of everyone. And that's

375
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 6: not me right, Like I'm not I'm a friendly person.

376
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,120
Speaker 6: I'm fine out in public, but I was super hyper vigilant.

377
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,440
Speaker 6: I thought someone was gonna attack me, or someone was

378
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 6: going to run me off the road. So I got

379
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 6: a psychiatrist and just told her about myself and at

380
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,679
Speaker 6: the end she was like, I know you think you

381
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 6: have bad anxiety and depression, and you do have anxiety,

382
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,399
Speaker 6: but your biggest problem is that you have OCD. And

383
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:07,679
Speaker 6: I was like, whoa, So the way mine manifests. I

384
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 6: don't have a lot of ooh, I forget what they're called,

385
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,600
Speaker 6: but you know, like the people who scrub their hands

386
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 6: and check, I don't have a lot of those. I

387
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 6: have a few bad ones, like I can't touch money,

388
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 6: like physical money.

389
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 5: Oh good, there's none left anyway solved. I mean you

390
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,400
Speaker 5: just have to use credit cards.

391
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,639
Speaker 6: Yeah. As a kid, though, it was like if you

392
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 6: tried to hand me a bunch of loose change, I

393
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 6: couldn't touch selling.

394
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,160
Speaker 1: I wouldn't wash my hands after that, and I don't

395
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 1: wash my hands after after a lot.

396
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 5: I'll be honest.

397
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Speaker 6: You know what. The most horrifying thing on earth to

398
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 6: me is to see someone like pay for something with

399
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,919
Speaker 6: real money and then put their hands on food and

400
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,640
Speaker 6: eat that food and may, oh my god, I.

401
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,439
Speaker 1: Will That's very prevalent in New York City because of

402
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: all this dance and the like taco stance or no

403
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: taco stance in New York.

404
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 5: City, but straight food, whatever they're called.

405
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 6: I wish, I wish it could be me, but it

406
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 6: will never know.

407
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I kind of there is something

408
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: when you look at a man that does that casually,

409
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 1: like you're kind of like, oh, do you not get germs?

410
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 5: I guess you don't, Yes, right.

411
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 6: I wish I could feel so free. So that's my

412
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 6: only like, oh, it's contamination, that's my only contamination OCD thing.

413
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 6: But what I do or my OCD sort of manifests

414
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 6: in hypervigilance, which is exhausting, right to think all the

415
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 6: time that I need to be prepared in case someone

416
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 6: hits me. I have never been struck by a stranger

417
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 6: in public. I don't know where this fucking fear fucking

418
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 6: came from. I think being inside all the time I

419
00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 6: was just like everybody out there is terrifying. And my

420
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 6: psychiatrist is like, yeah, I think a lot of this

421
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,719
Speaker 6: stuff was dormant or pretty far under the surface. And

422
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 6: then being alone with your own thoughts for two years

423
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 6: fucked you up. And I ruminate a lot where I

424
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 6: just can't let go of a faux pas I've made,

425
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 6: or even better worse is if I think I did

426
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 6: something but don't have confirmation. Like if you got up

427
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 6: and left right now and just ended the zoom, I

428
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 6: would never stop thinking about what I could have possibly

429
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 6: done to make you mad. Now you probably.

430
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 7: Just or.

431
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:50,160
Speaker 5: Walkout.

432
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: Is really funny because that would be something you must

433
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,640
Speaker 1: have done, like silent, what would.

434
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 5: Require me to leave my own recording just like.

435
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 6: Fuck this bye, I made a mistake. I would never

436
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 6: stop thinking about it. So it's that kind of fixation

437
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 6: on either what I've done wrong or what I could

438
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 6: do wrong, or a way I could embarrass myself. I

439
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 6: spend a lot of time just thinking over and over

440
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 6: and over about ways I might embarrass myself in a

441
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 6: failing effort, because you can't talk yourself out of being

442
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 6: humiliating to not commit that error. So I just you know,

443
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 6: if I have an event, I'm like, oh my god, Okay,

444
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,919
Speaker 6: don't fall off the stage, know who you're talking to,

445
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 6: don't look at anyone directly and make them feel weird,

446
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 6: you know what I mean. It's like that kind of

447
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 6: thing for weeks. Then the event happens and I do

448
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,679
Speaker 6: all that shit any way and like feel super crazy

449
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,439
Speaker 6: about it. Long story long, I'm on three hundred milligrams

450
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 6: of zola.

451
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 5: And does that help?

452
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 6: I think so it doesn't. I had an appointment with

453
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 6: my psychiatrist yesterday where I was like, she was like,

454
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 6: how are you doing on the meds? And I was like,

455
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 6: you know, I take them, but I still have like thoughts.

456
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 6: She's just like, that's not a problem. And I was like,

457
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 6: but honestly, I would love it if the medication could

458
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 6: wipe some of the thinking out. And she's like, I'm

459
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 6: not going to prescribe anything to you that does that.

460
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 5: And I was like, well, well, Samantha, you came to

461
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 5: the right place.

462
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 6: I was like, I'm just going to keep smoking tons

463
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 6: of weed then, and she's like, well, fine, whatever, just

464
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 6: take your pills.

465
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, as long as you can mix the two. It's

466
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 5: when you can't.

467
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 1: I mean usually that those types of meds are they

468
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: don't go well with alcohol, so weat is good for

469
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: that for.

470
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, I can't drink, so now I just have a

471
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 6: million edibles on me at all times.

472
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 5: So now talk to me about being a step mother.

473
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: What is how is that working for you and what

474
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 1: do you think you're I'd like to hear what you

475
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: think your strongest asset in that department is.

476
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 6: Don't make me lie on your podcast. I don't have

477
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 6: any good.

478
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 5: Yeah some parents, I of course, yeah say it.

479
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 6: No, I'm pretty good at it. Okay. So the kids

480
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 6: are now fifteen and seventeen. They were five and seven

481
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 6: when I met them ten years it's so first of all,

482
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 6: let no one ever talks about how like watching a

483
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 6: child grow up ages you, Like, I don't feel old

484
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 6: until I think about knowing them in kindergarten and like

485
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 6: now the one is like driving a car and has

486
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 6: a job, and I'm like, what the fuck? How have

487
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 6: ten years gone by? I do what I call like

488
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 6: adjacent parenting, which they have a mom and a dad.

489
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 6: So those people are gonna do the vaccines and you know,

490
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 6: set the broken arms, do the soccer signups. I don't

491
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 6: have to do any of that shit. I just get

492
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 6: to do the cool shit, which is talk to them.

493
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 6: They both tell me everything about you know, who broke

494
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 6: up with who, and who we're kicking out of the

495
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 6: friend group and who posted what on snapchat. I live

496
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 6: for that. But you have to play it cool because

497
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 6: if you look too excited, though, stop telling you, Stop

498
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 6: telling you.

499
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: I always look away when there's a question I'm asking

500
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: of one of my nieces or nephews. Where I need

501
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 1: the answer, I always look like, no, I'm not that

502
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: interested in the answer.

503
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 5: That usually brings them in.

504
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 6: That is the key to my step parenting is I

505
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 6: act like I have an interesting life, which I do,

506
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 6: and I tell them that my life is more interesting

507
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 6: than theirs. Like the thing about kids is for their parents.

508
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 6: I'll never forget this. One time when they were very little,

509
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,959
Speaker 6: the older one came to me and was like, Hey,

510
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 6: do you want to watch me play? And I was

511
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 6: like no, I could watch TV, Like what sit and

512
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 6: watch you play? I was like does your mom do that?

513
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 6: And he's like yeah sometimes, And I was like, well,

514
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 6: go find her. I'm doing something. And I think, why

515
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 6: you let kids know that they're not the center of

516
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 6: your universe. They give you automatic respect that automatically elevates

517
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 6: you to being a little bit cooler than they might

518
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 6: have thought you were. So I just act like everything

519
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 6: I do is interesting and I don't look up from

520
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 6: my phone, you know, I just play it so cool.

521
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 6: And then like I'll hear them tell their friends when

522
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 6: they come over, like, oh yeah, it's okay, we can

523
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 6: hang out here. My stepmom's cool. And like, I'm not

524
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 6: that cool. I just am good.

525
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 5: At ignoring being elusive.

526
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 6: It's like you know the old dating books that were

527
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 6: like don't call them for three days. We do that

528
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 6: with these kids.

529
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally too available is not what they're interested in.

530
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 6: You look needy. You look needy. Mom at the dinner

531
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 6: table is like, how is school today, and they're like,

532
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 6: we didn't go to school. But then later when they're like, hey,

533
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 6: want to hear what happened in science and I'm like no,

534
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 6: they automatically start telling me, and then I'm.

535
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: Like yes, So do you have one of your works

536
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: that you're most proud of?

537
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 6: Probably see there are some things in the New One

538
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 6: that I am proud to have in the world, mostly because,

539
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 6: like I wrote about my fail pilot, like trying to

540
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 6: make a TV show on my first book, and that

541
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 6: felt good to have in the world. So no one

542
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 6: will ask me about it again. You know, like people

543
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 6: see anything with TV and they're so excited because like

544
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 6: people fucking hate reading books, and so they're like, oh,

545
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 6: who whoa, whoa, whoa fuck your books. You're doing something

546
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 6: on television can't wait to watch And I'm like, well,

547
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 6: you could read it now and they're like, fuck that

548
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 6: can't wait to watch the show and there's gonna be

549
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 6: no show, so now they know, but I think maybe wow, No,

550
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 6: thank you is my proudest because it was the first

551
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 6: book of like my new boring Michigan housewife life and

552
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 6: it actually turned out well and it performed well, and

553
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 6: that made me, you know, not that like before I

554
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 6: was like cos playing as Carrie Bradshaw, like I had

555
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 6: some big, exciting life, but I was fucking more than

556
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 6: one person and going to shit in a big city.

557
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 6: And then I changed my life to live with a woman.

558
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 6: I don't have to fuck that often, which is great

559
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 6: because we're old and doing less. And I thought like, oh,

560
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 6: is do people want this? Or is this interesting? Well?

561
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 6: I have enough to put in a book and it worked,

562
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 6: which was a surprise to me. So that's maybe my

563
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 6: favorite child.

564
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 5: It's nice to have a favorite.

565
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, the one because I'm never going to be

566
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 6: the peron because you know how people are, They're like, oh,

567
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 6: you wrote a bunch of books, which one should I read?

568
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 6: And I'm never going to be the person who's like

569
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 6: get all of them? Like, no, get the green one.

570
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: That's what what do you think about the lack of

571
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 1: reading in this world. It's so upsetting to me. It

572
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: makes me read even more. Actually, because I have revenge reading,

573
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: I have to, like, you know, make up for I mean,

574
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: I read like four books at a time. I like

575
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 1: to go at it from like all different avenues. And

576
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: I like nonfiction, I like autobiographical, I like historical, and

577
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: I like fiction. So I like to mix it all

578
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: together because I got to tell you, the more you read,

579
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 1: the more clarity you have, and the fucking sharper you are.

580
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: And I don't know why people can't just put the

581
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 1: fucking phone down.

582
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 6: I know, I know reading is the reason I can write,

583
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 6: right because I didn't get any formal writing training, but

584
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 6: as a kid, I was a voracious reader. I continued,

585
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 6: I still just I'm reading like three different books right now.

586
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 5: What are you reading right now?

587
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 6: Right now? I'm reading this book that's about to come

588
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 6: out called mave Fly. It's by a woman, horror by women.

589
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 6: It's my thing. I'm also reading this book called mother Thing.

590
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 6: I mostly read fiction. I can't read a lot of

591
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 6: essays because I feel like I start to imitate people's

592
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 6: voices and style, and I don't ever want anyone to

593
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 6: be like, m this bitch just trying to be me.

594
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 6: But horror is a big one for me because it's

595
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 6: so different from what I do and my brain I

596
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 6: do not see jump scares coming. I never figure out

597
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 6: who the killer is, so I'm like, put more of

598
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 6: those in my hand. The people not reading thing is

599
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 6: so distressing to me, not even as a writer, because like,

600
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 6: mostly I just care that people buy it. If they

601
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 6: don't read what's inside, what am I gonna do? Just

602
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 6: give me that sweet seventeen dollars, But it is I

603
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 6: feel like when like you never hear people talking about

604
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 6: books they've read, which is so depressing because that's one

605
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 6: of the great things about a book, is hearing like

606
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 6: what someone else.

607
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: Thought about exactly exactly, and even when you read a book,

608
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: Like I read a.

609
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 5: Book and then I'm basically telling all my friends about

610
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 5: a book I'm reading.

611
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: And I'm the only one talking about the book. It's

612
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: kind of and then you sound annoying. People are like,

613
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: we're not interested. I'm like, yeah, I guess not.

614
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 6: I hate that. Well, we will exchange. I'll tell you

615
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 6: what I'm reading, you tell you what you're reading, and

616
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 6: will be the few people who read. But I don't

617
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 6: know if I mean, I know it's the phones, but

618
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 6: I feel like my own grandfather saying it's the phones.

619
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 6: But it's the phone, Why can't I mean, there's nothing

620
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 6: on my phone worth like boiling my eyeballs over. That's

621
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 6: like better than just taking a book and reading it.

622
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 6: And I think I have a really good imagination and

623
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 6: I love to be transported. I think that's another reason

624
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 6: for writing or for reading so much fiction. It just

625
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 6: makes me sad because like books are everywhere there. You

626
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 6: can get a book wherever, and it really is just

627
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 6: not to sound too cheesy, but a passport to another

628
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 6: place for however long you're in it.

629
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 1: And I feel and you feel so much better after

630
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: you read something, or complete a book, or even read

631
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 1: a few chapters. You feel so much better when you

632
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: allot yourself that time than you do when you get

633
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 1: done looking at your phone. So like, I know, the

634
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: phone is unavoidable because we live in that kind of society,

635
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: but it is. You can put your phone away for

636
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 1: an hour a day, two hours a day and read

637
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 1: a book, and the way that fills you up is

638
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: really indescribable. And I have a hard time getting it

639
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: across because I think only other people who read books

640
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: know that there's a peaceful meditativeness that comes with leaping

641
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: into another world that you wouldn't ever have dreamt up

642
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 1: on your own.

643
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 6: Most likely, Yes, yes, I read a couple months ago

644
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 6: when everyone else posted pictures of it on the Internet.

645
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 6: You never know who's actually reading the books they post.

646
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 6: But I read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, which is

647
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 6: that Gabrielle Zevin book about two video game designers and

648
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 6: their lifelong friendship. I am not interested in video games.

649
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 6: I didn't grow up in Los Angeles. I hate having friends, honestly,

650
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 6: I hate knowing people.

651
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,879
Speaker 5: It's so freeing to say that, oh.

652
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 6: It's really the best. But like you read that, you're

653
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 6: taken into this world like they're at MIT. I couldn't

654
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 6: be a janitor at MIT, right, Like it just puts

655
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 6: you in a place you're never gonna be, and you

656
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 6: can like plung into someone else's experience. I wonder too,

657
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 6: if a lack of curiosity and a lack of empathy

658
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 6: are other reasons people don't read. Because I want to

659
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 6: know my you know, all of our lives are so

660
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 6: small in the greater context. It's just me living my

661
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 6: little life over here. If I can experience someone else's

662
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 6: life by just picking up a book, I'm going to

663
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 6: do that. And I feel like there are more people

664
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 6: than not who don't have that curiosity, who don't want

665
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 6: to learn about other people who don't. And I read

666
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 6: things too that I'm trying to find community with this person,

667
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 6: you know, I feel like this is someone I could know,

668
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 6: or this person's story. I was never homeless in this way.

669
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,800
Speaker 6: I don't know where Appalachia is. I'm going to read

670
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 6: about this homeless Appalachian. But I feel like the people

671
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 6: who do that are few and far between, not to

672
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 6: make us all exceptional, even though we are.

673
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 5: There is a lack of curiosity.

674
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 6: No one cares about any anything but themselves.

675
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, very self absorbed society, and I'm very I wonder

676
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: if the lack of curiosity came before social media or

677
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 1: as a result of social media.

678
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 5: I guess both.

679
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: I guess because you get drawn into something it's so

680
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 1: mindless and thoughtless, right, and then you get to live

681
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: a life through someone else's leans. Instead of being in

682
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,720
Speaker 1: charge of what you're going to be putting in your brain,

683
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: you're looking at other people what they're doing, and then

684
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: that creates a whole list of ickiness too. I mean,

685
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,479
Speaker 1: it just doesn't ever feel good to spend hours on

686
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: your phone at a time, like it's so hiky. So

687
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: I'm glad we're on the same page on that. We're

688
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 1: gonna have to take a quick break and we're gonna

689
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 1: come back. Okay, Okay, are you stable?

690
00:36:55,520 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, yes, we're back.

691
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 3: We're back. We're back.

692
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: That's my new favorite term to describe someone that I

693
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: won't hang out with is they're unstable. That's what I

694
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: say now to my friends. I go, I don't find

695
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: them stable, and my friends are like, what does that mean?

696
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,839
Speaker 1: I go, just not stable enough for me to hang

697
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: out with. I don't want a hot mess I'm not

698
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: in the mood for that. I'm there if there's an emergency,

699
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: but I don't need hot messness dot com as a

700
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:24,240
Speaker 1: through line.

701
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 6: Right, We're past it, no hot messiness.

702
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 5: I've outgrown it.

703
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 6: Uh Uh, it's like it's Tuesday. I don't need any bullshit.

704
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 5: Yeah.

705
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 1: I saw this woman yesterday who I kind of know,

706
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: not really, but you know, no, because we're both public people,

707
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: and she came up to me.

708
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 5: She's like, I've got to talk to you. I'm just

709
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 5: going through it. I'm going through it.

710
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh god, you know. And I was interested

711
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: in the beginning, and then as she went on and

712
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: on and on and on and on, I was like,

713
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: Oh no, this isn't something that's happening to you now.

714
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: This is something that's been happening to you for a

715
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: long time, and like you need help beyond anything I

716
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: can say to you, Like she said, no, this person,

717
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: this person, and she's blaming everything and everybody, and I'm like,

718
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 1: you need a therapist.

719
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 5: It's not everybody's fault that you're in this situation. It's

720
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 5: your fault.

721
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: But of course, you know, people sometimes come up to

722
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: me and ask me these questions, and I always am

723
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: like at the outset, I'm like, oh yeah, let me.

724
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: And then once you hear the story, you're like, oh no, no,

725
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 1: you're you have a situation and I don't want any

726
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: part of it.

727
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 5: Please leave me alone.

728
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 6: I'm gonna seal that Oh no, no, no, you have

729
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 6: a situation.

730
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 1: Sounds like you're in a pick You're gonna need to

731
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: take that pickle and find out where to put it.

732
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 6: Not me, Yes, Yeah, no free therapy, especially not on

733
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 6: the street when you weren't expecting it.

734
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: I don't mind that, honestly, if somebody, if I can

735
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: help somebody, I'm not like that.

736
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:41,439
Speaker 5: I don't care.

737
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: If I'm not if I'm not in the mood off icking,

738
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,479
Speaker 1: tell them like Rondez pal like, don't come.

739
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 6: Up to me.

740
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,439
Speaker 5: But if I am, I'm totally down.

741
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: I always want to help somebody or leave somebody with

742
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: a little pep in their step if I can. I mean,

743
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen that often. It's not like I'm going

744
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: to the airport or late in the field questions.

745
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 3: I just forced her to come here once a week

746
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 3: and do it on.

747
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 1: Sometimes five times a week. Yeah, we've been working a

748
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 1: lot lately.

749
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 4: Well, let's jump right to a caller first. Our first

750
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 4: color is Drew. He is twenty six and I know, Sam,

751
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 4: you have some wisdom about being in your twenties. Try

752
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 4: to sleep through it, Dear Chelsea Catherine an esteemed podcast team.

753
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 4: I'm a twenty six year old gay male struggling to

754
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 4: put it all together. I come from a shitty childhood

755
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 4: full of alcoholism, affairs, divorce, abandonment, and estrangement. My views

756
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 4: on love and relationships I feel will forever be distorted.

757
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 4: I feel like relationships are only good for the two

758
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 4: people in the relationship, and everyone else gets hurt around them.

759
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 4: See how crazy that is. My father picked his side

760
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 4: piece and left. My mother picked a boyfriend and cut

761
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 4: us off. My friends are now starting to pick their

762
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 4: partners and disappearing off into the domesticated abyss. I just

763
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 4: don't get it all. I take medication for anxiety and

764
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 4: depression and have worked with a therapist for the last

765
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: two years. I find happiness and joy in my thriving career,

766
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 4: good times with friends, but that seems to be all.

767
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 4: I struggle with dating on one hand, thank God, On

768
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 4: the other, it sucks. This idea of the fairy tale

769
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 4: romance makes me gag because I've seen the ugly side

770
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 4: of it all. It's just not real. I hate that

771
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 4: I'm this way, and truly would love for Prince Charming

772
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 4: to come scoop me up and fix all my problems.

773
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 4: But again, I know that's not real. I yearn for

774
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 4: my thirties and hopes that it will all make more sense.

775
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 4: My twenties have been brutal, but so were my tens.

776
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 5: Lol.

777
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 4: What would you say to your twenty six year old self?

778
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 4: And when does it start to get better?

779
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:37,399
Speaker 3: XO Drew?

780
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 2: Hi Drew, Hi, Hi ho hard.

781
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 5: Look how you lit up right away? I was like, oh,

782
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 5: you're so cute, Hi Drew.

783
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: This is our special guest, Samantha Irvey Fame Hi Drew, Yes.

784
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 7: Hi Smith Irby, how are you, babe.

785
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 1: Good famed writer and anti socialist?

786
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 8: Fuck yes?

787
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,080
Speaker 5: True?

788
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 1: Okay, you have a very bad attitude, my friend, and

789
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: a very victim.

790
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 7: I do, I do?

791
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 1: You're playing a victim so quickly. I'm going to jump

792
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: in for Samantha. The patterns of behavior that were created

793
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: as a child, your mother, your dad leaving, it's very

794
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 1: obvious that that's the imprint. So you think when someone's

795
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: in a relationship they leave you. You're adult friends, You're

796
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: an adult now.

797
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 5: You're not a little kid anymore.

798
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: So like your adult friends when they're getting married, the

799
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 1: relationship isn't over. You can actively pursue to be friends

800
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: with a couple when they're married, even when they have children,

801
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: if you so desire. But these people are not abandoning

802
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 1: you when people get married, and so you have to

803
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: really do some work on yourself to get yourself out

804
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: of life, like make a shift mentally and emotionally to

805
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: understand that that happens to you as a little kid,

806
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: but now as an adult, you have the power to

807
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: remain in these friendships and relationships, and relationships don't represent

808
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 1: that they're only good for two people. That's your attitude.

809
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: You got to have a great attitude. Relationships are beautiful,

810
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: you know, there's maybe not a fairy tale ending for

811
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: every single person, but there's a lot of love to

812
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 1: be found. And to lower your expectations so that you're

813
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 1: not looking for the most perfect thing to come at.

814
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 5: You, you know. But moreover, like do you see a therapist?

815
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 7: Yeah? Yeah, I have for the last two years.

816
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 8: Yeah.

817
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well you want to dig in deep to this, right,

818
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: I mean sure that you've started, right, what have you

819
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 1: learned so far about placing those kind of childhood expectations

820
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: on your adult self?

821
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 7: Right now? We're really working on like un learning a

822
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 7: lot of behaviors. I'm learning a lot of patterns. I'm

823
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 7: kind of going through like a situation right now with

824
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 7: a friend where like they have just fallen in love

825
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,720
Speaker 7: with someone and just really kind of regressed and I've

826
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 7: you know, been very intentional about like letting that happen

827
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 7: and keeping the peace and trying to be just as

828
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 7: positive and supportive as possible, because I have been burned

829
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 7: in the past, and I do know that there is

830
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 7: a pattern of history here and there is a repeating

831
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 7: rhythm and that does need to change. So I'm yeah,

832
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,439
Speaker 7: we're we're working pretty she's my best seet. We're working

833
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 7: pretty hard. Right.

834
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: That's awesome, that's awesome, You're already working on it. It's

835
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: just a matter of it, like taking hold in your

836
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: life and to start to be joyful for people instead

837
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: of feeling like something's being taken away. Because when you

838
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 1: can appreciate the stuff that you do have in your life,

839
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 1: there's a sense of abundance. And this is like spiritual talk,

840
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: but it's fucking true, Like I live it, and I

841
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 1: have so many friends that live it. When you start

842
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: to appreciate the things you have, more things start to

843
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: show up. When you're bemoaning what you don't have, the

844
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: things you have slip away. So you always want to

845
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: be like you want to get up every morning and

846
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 1: whether it's saying mantras into the fucking mirror and to

847
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: writing down I'm happy, and I want to spread love

848
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: and joy and you say that into the mirror twenty

849
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 1: times a day, or if you want to meditate or

850
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: do a guided meditation, get yourself up on the right

851
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 1: foot every fucking morning so that you are starting off

852
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: in like a positive path and that you're going to

853
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: light up people around you. That's your goal, you know,

854
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: and eventually that won't seem annoying, it will seem natural.

855
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,839
Speaker 1: You have to trick yourself into getting into a more

856
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: positive Headspace's absolutely, Samantha.

857
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 6: What would you like to say, Well, I'm going to

858
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 6: take all of your advice because that was really good

859
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 6: getting up and saying a mantra. It was a word.

860
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 6: But I am going to say if you fail at

861
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 6: what Chelsea said, which I often do, you could lean

862
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 6: into just being a hater with a good career, right,

863
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 6: like you said, you like your job, right, you can

864
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 6: just be like fuck, friends, I just I'm great at

865
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 6: my career. Look at me making money. I'm doing what

866
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 6: I want. Yeah, I don't have to buy wedding gifts

867
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 6: for a bitch I don't talk to anymore.

868
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 7: So then you're off the hooksguage girl.

869
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 6: No, but you have to try Chelsea's way first by

870
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 6: the mantra.

871
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 5: Do you like her advice more than that? No, that's

872
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 5: what's great about being a person. You can.

873
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 6: I'm going to try it too, because I want to

874
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 6: spread love and joy. I like that's my the thing.

875
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 6: I love making people laugh. But there is a something

876
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 6: rotten deep inside get rid of and in case that

877
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 6: happens to you, you can just become the rot and

878
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 6: just like a right.

879
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 1: You know, our rotten sides are just our shadow selves.

880
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,240
Speaker 1: Everyone has a rotten side. You're not the only people

881
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 1: with it.

882
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,720
Speaker 5: I've got it. You've got it. Where we have those mean.

883
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: Thoughts or we have you know, where we're not happy

884
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 1: for others, or we wish something bad would happen to

885
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 1: somebody to put them in their place. That's natural, but

886
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 1: it depends do you want to ride that or do

887
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: you want to ride the positivity and be on the

888
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,479
Speaker 1: flip side of that, because that's going to yield much

889
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,320
Speaker 1: better results.

890
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 5: I hate everyone too.

891
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 1: But I work very hard to not hate everybody so much,

892
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 1: because nobody deserves to be here, you know what I mean?

893
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 7: Yeah? Yeah, And like that's fore I'm kind of at

894
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 7: this place where, like I think and I'm twenty six, right,

895
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 7: so I'm still a very baby adult. But like if

896
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 7: you have asked me twenty one, that whole like cutthroat

897
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 7: career girl who's out for only hers like that was

898
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 7: very I identified a lot with that. I really leaned

899
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 7: into that. I was like, well, obviously this is how

900
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 7: my this is the path for me right here. And

901
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 7: as I like get older, I just kind of like, damn,

902
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 7: so yeah, I mean, obviously I'm aware that that is

903
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 7: not who I want to be, right and I think

904
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,919
Speaker 7: making the steps that kind of reverse that is where

905
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 7: I need to be focusing.

906
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, And also, you can have your days where you

907
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: don't want to deal with people, or a week if

908
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 1: you don't.

909
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,479
Speaker 5: I mean, listen, I do it all the time.

910
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: I'm a recluse when I'm on tour and I come home,

911
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 1: I can't be bothered or to socialize. Everyone's annoying me

912
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: that kind of thing, right, But there's a time and

913
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 1: a place for that. And then when you're putting yourself

914
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,879
Speaker 1: out into the world, you know, there's nothing negative that's

915
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: going to come from being positive and kind of you know,

916
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 1: and it becomes infectious. Also, it's like a contagion and

917
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:53,479
Speaker 1: so it's don't think about it as yourself, think about

918
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 1: it as like spreading good vibes around because the world is, like,

919
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 1: you know, a difficult and ugly place for a lot

920
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 1: of people people, so you're not alone and having those

921
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: dark thoughts.

922
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 5: That's that's part of who we all are.

923
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, one thing that's helped me as sort of a

924
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 4: stepping stone on that way, Like you might not be

925
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 4: able to go from like having this messy experience of

926
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 4: like seeing your parents be super chaotic to like, I believe.

927
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 3: In love and Prince Charming is out there.

928
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 4: But a nice stepping stone for me was learning to

929
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:24,439
Speaker 4: be curious and saying, what if that person is out

930
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 4: there who will like me for me and treat me

931
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 4: really well? What if that is out there for me,

932
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 4: for my friends, and just sort of asking yourself when

933
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 4: you have those cynical thoughts of like it doesn't exist,

934
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 4: it's not real, what if it is?

935
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 3: Like what if it could be?

936
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 6: Right?

937
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 7: And I'm really trying to focus on unlearning the idea

938
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 7: in my head that like to need someone, to want someone,

939
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:51,879
Speaker 7: to yearn someone is a weakness because that's very much like, yeah,

940
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 7: and I really need to you know, get the reverse

941
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 7: button on that.

942
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you know what you need to do, so

943
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 1: I think you're on your way. Best of luck to you.

944
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:05,839
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling ineous afternoon. I hope he gets out

945
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 1: of that fucking office that he was sitting in and

946
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: that looked like diarrhea or the mom that Samantha stepped

947
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: in a bunch of times, which is she's never returned

948
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 1: to New York City since then.

949
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 3: I wouldn't either.

950
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,400
Speaker 4: Our next caller is Fredo. Dear Chelsea. My name is

951
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 4: Fredo and I'm a forty three year old polyamorous gay

952
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 4: man from Puerto Rico currently living in Pennsylvania with my

953
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 4: now husband. We've been together for seven years and have

954
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 4: been married for four months. We were also in a

955
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 4: very loving and committed threatble for close to two years. Sadly,

956
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 4: our third wasn't ready to receive all the love, attention

957
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 4: and responsibility and ended the threat ball nine months ago.

958
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,840
Speaker 4: We were devastated. The love we both developed for this

959
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:52,399
Speaker 4: man was very powerful and it still is. We're still recuperating.

960
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 4: At the same time, I wouldn't change the time we

961
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 4: shared together. I'm currently in therapy and I started meditating

962
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 4: in the mornings even hopping on treadmill at four thirty am.

963
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 4: I studied literature in college, so as part of my

964
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 4: self discovery, I decided to write about our love story.

965
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 4: So many good moments, many intents, and some very sad.

966
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 4: The problem lies in the fact that I'm a very

967
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 4: emotional guy, so recounting events can be tricky for me.

968
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 4: I don't deny that after a writing session it takes

969
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 4: a bit of time for all the feelings to settle

970
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 4: back again. Maybe too long. Since I've started writing, I

971
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 4: haven't felt the support from my husband about this new

972
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:32,320
Speaker 4: creative work. He doesn't take it seriously. As a writer yourself,

973
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 4: what is your take on this situation. I want to

974
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 4: keep writing and get my story out, but at the

975
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 4: same time I want to be present and happy for

976
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 4: my husband and not let the feelings take over to

977
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 4: the point that it affects him. Thank you, Love you, Attasha.

978
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 4: Is a picture of me and my husband and he's

979
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 4: here with us as well.

980
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 1: Hi, Well, Fredo, Fredo, Fredo, we're calling you Fredo. That's

981
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 1: quite a mouthful, will Fredo. No, wonder you want people

982
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: to call you Fredo?

983
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 8: Yes? How you doing?

984
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 5: Hi?

985
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: Our special guest is Samantha Irby, So you're in line.

986
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 6: Hello, Hello, Okay, can I say something As a person

987
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 6: who writes about herself and has written four books that

988
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 6: involve other people a couple of things. They make a

989
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 6: lawyer read my manuscript before they published it, And every

990
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 6: time the lawyer says, you own everything that's happened to you,

991
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 6: but you don't own everything that's happened to other people,

992
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 6: and you have to get their consent, or at least

993
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 6: make sure they're not going to sue you for writing

994
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 6: about them. So that's my first piece of advice, and

995
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 6: number two is about the emotions of it all. If

996
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 6: it's that upsetting to write about, you should wait until

997
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:58,439
Speaker 6: it's not upsetting. Because when you put work out into

998
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 6: the world, I don't put any think in a book

999
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 6: that I wouldn't be okay with being on the news

1000
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 6: because once your work is out there, people are just

1001
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 6: gonna talk to you about it all the time, and

1002
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 6: you can't break down. You can't have a breakdown every

1003
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:19,320
Speaker 6: time someone wants to talk to you. So if maybe

1004
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 6: that's a sign that you're not quite ready to be

1005
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 6: putting this to paper makes sense.

1006
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 9: Actually, my my therapist suggested something like that too.

1007
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:35,360
Speaker 1: Oh well, look at that, Samantha Irby with a clutch advice.

1008
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 5: Look at that very.

1009
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,800
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go to therapy school, thank you, Fred.

1010
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:45,720
Speaker 1: Or you could just start a podcast. That sounds pretty

1011
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: fucking right on. I have to say, I mean, truer

1012
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 1: words have never been spoken well. And of course, listen,

1013
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 1: if you do want to write about somebody that doesn't

1014
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 1: want to be written about, there are ways around that too.

1015
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 5: You can fiction live that character as.

1016
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,839
Speaker 1: All editors names, change names so that they're not recognizable,

1017
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 1: change their jobs, locations, blah blah blah, all of that.

1018
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,279
Speaker 1: But I do feel like you're doing a bit of

1019
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 1: journaling right now, more so than writing right That's what

1020
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 1: it feels like like you're It's a bit cathartic for you.

1021
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, at this moment.

1022
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 9: It's actually taking shape at this moment, so it was

1023
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 9: a little all over the place. It's kind of growing

1024
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 9: and getting into turning into something more concrete, and I

1025
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 9: really want to put it out there.

1026
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 8: I have to say that the experience of being in

1027
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 8: a THROPO.

1028
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:32,760
Speaker 9: For me, I have never been in that type of relationship,

1029
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 9: and it really changed a lot of the perspective of

1030
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 9: how we see things. It's so intense, you know, for

1031
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 9: the good parts and the bad ones too.

1032
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 8: There's you know, three set of minds together. And I

1033
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 8: have to say that I wouldn't go.

1034
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 9: Back after that part of the heart is kind of

1035
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 9: open up to another person. I really cannot. And it's

1036
00:52:57,200 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 9: not not to say that I don't love my husband

1037
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 9: like with all my life. He's incredible, but that space,

1038
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:10,200
Speaker 9: it's there. So it's been already ten months, and it's

1039
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 9: just difficult for me to sit down and write because

1040
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 9: I know that he gets a little quiet, and after

1041
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 9: I write it for a bit, then I get a

1042
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 9: little quiet because a bunch of feelings come up. And

1043
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 9: also I also have ADHD, so I'm a little scatterbrained.

1044
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 9: So I would like to ask him some stuff, some

1045
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 9: details about what happened.

1046
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:36,280
Speaker 8: And I don't know how to enter that.

1047
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: You know what, it has been ten months, but your

1048
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 1: emotions aren't wrapped up yet, right, You still.

1049
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 5: Have lingering feelings.

1050
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: So maybe it would be time to just take a

1051
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: little break, like just to say I'm going to take

1052
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,359
Speaker 1: a month off of us doing this because you are

1053
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 1: it's not like you're writing without infringing on his space

1054
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,240
Speaker 1: as well, because you're asking him to help you write,

1055
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: so that's a little different. I think maybe you should

1056
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 1: take a month off and when you come back, try

1057
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: and do it on your own, and then you could

1058
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 1: set a time deep in the future that you go

1059
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: to him for the details that you're missing. You know,

1060
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 1: don't make him part of your writing routine, because that's

1061
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:15,280
Speaker 1: not his desire, it's yours. So find a private area

1062
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: to do that in And if you can do that

1063
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: right away, then great. But if you can't, take some

1064
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: time off and just give yourself a break, because that

1065
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:25,360
Speaker 1: sometimes when you're writing, I know, is a great reset.

1066
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're writing and you're writing and it's like it's

1067
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: not right, this isn't working, this isn't making sense, this

1068
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 1: isn't the kind of language I want to be using,

1069
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: and you know, there's a reset time.

1070
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 8: Yeah, makes sense.

1071
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 9: My worry is that I would miss the intensity of

1072
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 9: the details that I have myself, that I would forget

1073
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 9: or you know, you.

1074
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:46,399
Speaker 6: Can make notes, you could jot down notes, you could

1075
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:50,760
Speaker 6: use your notes app to remember things like that's.

1076
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:50,920
Speaker 4: What I do.

1077
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 6: I text myself if there's something I want to remember.

1078
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 6: I do want to ask because I think it might

1079
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 6: help you. Is it possible for you to write outside

1080
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 6: of your house? Can you take your laptop somewhere because

1081
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 6: if your tents and do you know whatever emotions are

1082
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 6: coming up for you, and then your partner is seething

1083
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:17,200
Speaker 6: in another room while you have your computer out, and

1084
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 6: then you both have to decompress from that. If you

1085
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 6: could maybe remove like show him that you are caring

1086
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:28,919
Speaker 6: for his feelings and remove yourself while you're writing, that

1087
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:30,839
Speaker 6: might help too.

1088
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I do have the time, and I could

1089
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 8: go someplace else.

1090
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,759
Speaker 9: But you know, sometimes just before bed, just randomly that

1091
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 9: I would, you know, have to want to write something.

1092
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 9: I put all my tablet and he already looks at

1093
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 9: me and said, are you sure you're want to write

1094
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,399
Speaker 9: that right at this time of time at night?

1095
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:48,359
Speaker 8: And I know, you know, I get it.

1096
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I think just have a little bit more

1097
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 1: respect for doing it privately, right m m.

1098
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1099
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: And you can jer to like, yeah, you can bombit

1100
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: out all your thoughts in the next three weeks and

1101
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 1: put them all and then take a break and be like, Okay,

1102
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 1: I got all the details down. They don't have to

1103
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 1: be in the perfect order or the perfect arrangement, you know,

1104
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:08,879
Speaker 1: it's good to just kind of vomit your thoughts out

1105
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 1: when you're feeling this intensely about something, And.

1106
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 4: You might do some like physical reset stuff after you've

1107
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 4: been writing, before you interact with your husband, Like say

1108
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,160
Speaker 4: it's during the day and he comes home from work.

1109
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 4: You know, you can go for a walk, you can

1110
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 4: take a shower, which will help reset your nervous system,

1111
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,360
Speaker 4: do some breathing exercises. But like giving yourself ten minutes

1112
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:29,279
Speaker 4: to just like put yourself in a different frame of

1113
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 4: mind before you have an interaction with him might be

1114
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:32,840
Speaker 4: really helpful.

1115
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 9: Yeah, this podcast has been very, very helpful during this

1116
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 9: couple months.

1117
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 8: So I feel like I'm home.

1118
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 2: I love that.

1119
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: I love that, And thank you for calling in and

1120
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 1: sharing with us. Take some of what we said to heart,

1121
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 1: and you know, just change it up a little bit,

1122
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 1: and I think you'll get a different result and then

1123
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 1: your partner won't feel so depleted.

1124
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 8: Also, thank you, thank you so much.

1125
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 4: Thank you, Fraido.

1126
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 1: I well with Fredo was worth the way you girls?

1127
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, I love to.

1128
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 4: I know.

1129
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,399
Speaker 6: I don't want him to fuck up his relationship though

1130
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 6: with the writing.

1131
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 5: Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1132
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 6: We're back.

1133
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,920
Speaker 1: Whenever I hear about threupples, I'm like, I don't know

1134
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: how people do it. It's just too much drama. There's

1135
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: enough drama in one and one relationship. I understand not

1136
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,200
Speaker 1: staying with the same person your entire life, I get that,

1137
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: but having multiple people in and in relationships is just

1138
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 1: so unsettling. It gives me such an unsettling feeling like

1139
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 1: someone is always going to get their heart broken.

1140
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 6: So much work, yes, always, and there's one person who

1141
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 6: has an option to leave. Well, it seems like there's

1142
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 6: always one person who has an option to leave and

1143
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 6: the other two people have to stay. And it's like, yeah,

1144
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 6: how do you How do you relax when your third

1145
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 6: could just walk out it anytime. I suppose your main could,

1146
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 6: but still.

1147
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 1: But also the concept of comforting each other over the

1148
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 1: loss of another lover to me is like, wait, what.

1149
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:08,560
Speaker 4: Is it?

1150
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1151
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 1: Okay, anyway, Samantha Urbie, you're coming to my show in Detroit.

1152
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 1: We're going to dinner first, you and your lover come.

1153
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,160
Speaker 1: We're gonna go to dinner. We're going to have had

1154
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 1: some conversation. I'm very looking forward to hanging out with you.

1155
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 5: I can't we finally fucking met my.

1156
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 6: Queen me too. You did a show with Megan Steelestra

1157
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:35,840
Speaker 6: in Madison, and she's one of my closest friends. She

1158
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 6: reads all my stuff and I couldn't go to the show,

1159
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 6: but I felt like I was like, give Chelsea some

1160
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 6: of my love and energy. Hopefully she did. Maybe she

1161
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 6: kept it to herself. But you are everything.

1162
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 2: So I love you.

1163
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 6: You know that.

1164
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 5: Thank you so much. I love you.

1165
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 6: Thank you for having me. This was great. Bye, my gorgeouses.

1166
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 5: Fam.

1167
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 1: Okay, second shows have been added for those of you

1168
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 1: coming to see my new stand up tour, which.

1169
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 2: You have to come because I'm having the best time.

1170
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: We added a second show Insto Cincinnati, Los Angeles, which

1171
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: is actually October thirteenth. There are still tickets for October

1172
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:19,520
Speaker 1: thirteenth show in Los Angeles. We added second shows in Chicago,

1173
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 1: the Chicago Theater, Portland, Oregon, San Francisco. They're both almost

1174
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 1: completely sold out, Detroit, Michigan, and then we added a

1175
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 1: second show in Cincinnati in the daytime at five o'clock PM.

1176
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 2: I'm doing my.

1177
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: First show because I don't have a night where I

1178
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 1: can go back, so we added a second show at

1179
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,200
Speaker 1: five pm. And the original show is at eight PM.

1180
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: Original show is sold out. Second show tickets are available Cincinnati.

1181
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Cleveland on October twentieth, and then

1182
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:50,760
Speaker 1: I'll be in Columbus October twenty first and Pittsburgh October

1183
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 1: twenty second. So those three shows I still have tickets available,

1184
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: And you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for

1185
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 1: other tickets and other information. And if you want to

1186
00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 1: buy some of our merch, that's all available on Chelseahandler

1187
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 1: dot com.

1188
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 5: And yeah, guys, I'll see you on the road.

1189
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1190
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1191
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1192
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1193
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1194
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 4: com