WEBVTT - Miss WTF is Happening? 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:16.040 Misspelling with tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast Tory spellings come out. 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:21.000 She's sexual with the capital s missspelling. 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.200 We cannot be physically attracted to be It's so easy 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.440 to be physically attracted or unattracted to someone. It's just 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:30.920 so hard to be mentally stimulated. It's so hard to 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.080 have your mind tickled, your soul tickled. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:34.960 You know, it's just so hard. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:37.120 To find these things. And it does exist, and I 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:39.720 see it every day more and more that people are 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:42.400 really longing for that they are so I hope it 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:44.360 happens for both of us, girls, for both the us, 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.720 because I just I mean, the rubber toys are great 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:50.479 and all, but I'd rather have a rubber cons I'm 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:51.440 around the real thing. 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:57.880 Oh we should create that next doable arguments. You can 0:00:57.920 --> 0:00:59.880 do anything like oh my. 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:02.120 God, my marketing staff. 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:08.120 I really am Yeah, put me on the payroll. I 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:15.600 need a job. But uh yeah. I think from my perspective, 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:18.400 I was all into my kids and I was just 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:22.320 wanting to be a mom, mom, mom mom. And you know, 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:26.160 he well he was a dad and great and it 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:30.480 was like where was the attention from from his partner 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:35.160 his life sexual partner, so that one connection was okay sexually, 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:40.200 and then we never throughout our relationship use protection or 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.039 did anything like. They all came when they wanted to come. 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:48.040 Is no pun intended? 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:52.600 No pun intended? But OK, my brain thinks like that. 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:55.280 Yeah, So are you a Gemini? 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:57.240 I'm a Taurus? 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.240 Oh my god, my son's a Taurus. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:01.000 When's his birthday? 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:02.560 April twenty seventh? 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.880 Oh you may may my sixteenth. 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:08.320 Laila's my third. You guys are all tourist. 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:10.720 Oh that's right, chie, I forgot, she's a tourist. 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:12.560 Tell you guys are so business See, you guys are 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.320 very business savvy. My son's been negotiating since he was 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:18.000 two years old. I don't understand it. 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:23.200 Am I business savvy? I'm creative. I can't execute things 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:26.440 to save my life lately getting it done not tech savvy. 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.560 So I give you ideas eight days. 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:32.200 You're always doing something. As long as I have ever known. 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:35.560 You, and as far as an actress on TV to 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:38.120 reality to books, to this, to this to. 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.560 This, you were always staying busy. 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.080 And that's a lot. That is very business savvy. However 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.040 you want to put it. It is business savvy. 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:46.880 When were you defining that. 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.800 I wish I could work safety. It's sexual. All that 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:52.880 in one conversation. 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.000 What's the third There must be another s there? 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure there could be. We can create anything. 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:02.080 Okay, well it is. You're the snake, so you're going 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:06.480 to make it happen. Okay, Wait, I gotta go back 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.960 to sex toys. So can I tell you why I 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:10.280 have your toy here? 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.560 Why? Okay? 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:17.960 So what am I supposed to call Dennis your business partner? 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:26.920 Yes? Yeah, here it goes. Yes, So. 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:32.520 Dennis and I are parents at the same school, right, 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:36.960 and I had never met him. But when I was 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:41.920 getting a divorce, my friend who works at the school 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.800 and is good friends with him, she said, Uh, you 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:48.880 need a nice guy, and you need someone that is 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:53.040 successful and someone that's going to take care of you. 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.080 And uh, there's a dad here I'm good friends with 0:03:56.400 --> 0:04:00.760 and he's single right now, and he's a really good 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:03.760 guy and a really good dad. Oh my god, hide 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:06.480 your eyes, your eyes say it all. It's okay, No, 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:09.440 this is a podcast. People don't know how you're looking 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:15.280 at me. And he makes sex toys. Well, I didn't 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.000 give a fuck about everything else, she said, but I 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:19.200 heard sex toys and I was like, tell me more. 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:19.480 Now. 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:24.520 I'm intrigued because I just want to know. I just 0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:27.760 like a story. I like hearing people's stories. And she said, 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:32.360 oh yeah, and then she mentioned his So wait, so 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:36.560 you guys dated originally or were just friends for years? 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:42.000 No, we dated about twelve thirteen years ago. We dated, 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:45.360 I broke up with him after three months, and then 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:46.880 we were just friends forever. 0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:52.320 Okay, So it's so weird. When it's people you know, 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.599 you feel safer and I don't even know why. But 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:57.240 when she mentioned your name, I was like, oh, I 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:01.560 know her. I like her. Okay, we can proceed. And 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:05.360 she's like she's like, well, if nothing else, and this 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:09.480 one nowhere, but if nothing else, he has amazing sex 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.560 toys and he's very generous and he'll give you this 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.159 big ass box of sex toys. And I was like, okay, 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.159 I have no interest in dating anybody, but cool, I 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:19.840 want the sex toys just because a big old box 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:23.000 of sex toys sounds good and I am not kidding. 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:28.279 He came to school and delivered a box I maybe 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:33.120 fifty fucking sex toys in it. Yeah, the biggest box 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:37.279 I have ever seen. And I was like, I was like, 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.520 this is so funny, Like our kids go to this 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:43.760 elementary school and I'm like this nice mom at school 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:47.039 and he's perceived this nice dad at school and he's 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.200 bringing me these like naughty sex toys. But anyway, I 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:54.480 get the box and I send him a picture because 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.640 she's like, just let him know you about the box. 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:58.360 Because I was like, oh my god, I forgot I 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:00.600 got the box. I thank him. She's like, just st 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.679 a picture. So I set a picture on our group 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.880 text Chane with him and my friend saying I got 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:10.520 the box. Like look, anyway, he and I have gone 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.559 on to be friends. Nothing else never went any further 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:19.360 than that, but yeah, the box, the box. I started 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.160 opening the box and I was like, oh my gosh. 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.960 So first I see one of your sex toys. Then 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.920 another friend of mine I'm known forever shanea Moechler, her 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:34.799 sex toy. Yes, and I was like, okay, many things 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:39.600 crossed my mind. First, I was like, okay, does this 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.640 feel weird to me? Like I want to like try 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:47.200 this out? But am I putting my friend on my. 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:53.240 Clip I'm flattered? Sorry and it I. 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.719 Had a moment where I was like Okay, like I 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:58.919 I just recently told a story about the one and 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:03.640 only time I had any interaction sexually with a woman. 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.440 It was it was a threesome with a boy. And 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:11.120 this is years ago, like twenty plus years ago, and 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.520 that I was like, no, I mean, I'm into boys, 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:16.960 not girls, but this one felt like I was like, yeah, 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:18.760 I had a girl between my legs that I know 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:19.800 very well. 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:23.400 Oh my gosh. 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.720 Well, I mean I think that's a great thing because 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.240 women know how to what they're doing usually down there. 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.040 But I have not been with a woman, so I 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:33.240 don't know. I have always been strictly Dickley. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.240 I never even had. 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:41.560 I've never even had to wanting to experiment type of phase. 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.160 I love women, and I well, most people think I'm 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:46.840 a lesbian because I'm like, my god, you're so hot, 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:48.720 You're so beautiful, your boobs are. 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.280 So great, your your butt is so great, and I'm 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:53.160 doing all that. But I'm like, no, no, no, I'm straight. 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.800 The toys are great. The toys are great. Dennis was 0:07:58.600 --> 0:07:59.040 this was. 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:04.720 Like, she's like four or five, four years ago, I 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:07.520 think Sasha, I had my son. Yeah, so four years ago, 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:10.640 he said, you know, why don't we make this toy 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.520 line for you. He goes, I'm already making them. He's 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:15.440 such a large distributor. He goes, I do want this. 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.400 I just put the you know, other people's faces on it. 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.160 And at that time, they had just ended Shaws of 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.600 Sunset and they were thinking about starting something new. 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.400 At that time, it was a really cheesy concept, but 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.120 we were like, we would use this show to you know, 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.360 talk about now that I'm doing sex toys. 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:34.079 Great. 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:37.920 Fortunately that show was just it was it wasn't It 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.440 didn't go through the way we were expecting it to 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.679 go through. But now we have all these sex toys, 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:44.640 and because. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:48.240 Of Dennis's connections and my previous TV, a lot of 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:51.400 people were interested in starting to buy it. And the 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.040 you know, the quality is great, the boxing is great. 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:55.040 Everything was great. 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.360 Now it's just it's blowing up. But my relationship with 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:02.320 him was great. We're like best friend. We've always gone 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:04.760 on my trips together with family, you know, my parents 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.079 love them. Like it was just we were best friends. 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.560 That's definitely more of a friend vibe than yeah. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.160 It felt like that for me. I thought we were 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:17.760 but unfortunately, but you married him. I did in order to. 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:25.720 I was in a relationship with someone else, and he yeah, 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.480 there's a lot of mess to it. I went on 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:30.680 Jeff Lewis, and I think that was the first time 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:33.880 I ever like came out with this story because it 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:37.160 had just happened. I was in a relationship with someone 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:42.000 else for some months and he was still living with 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:44.920 the mother of his kids. And they're like teenage kids, right, 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:49.560 And the reasoning was that was his only time. 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:50.320 With the kids. 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:53.000 A few went into it, and nothing's changing, and I'm 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.240 hearing from random people, through friends and whatever that no, 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:57.200 he's still with her. 0:09:57.400 --> 0:09:58.480 They break up. 0:09:58.679 --> 0:09:59.959 This is the day you were dating. 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:01.640 This is the guy I was dating. 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.800 So everyone know this guy. Is he anybody or no? 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:04.920 I didn't. 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:06.960 I did not know he was seeing anyone. I didn't 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:10.600 know he was living with any mother of anyone. Right, 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:14.120 So after that I was understanding of it. I was like, listen, 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:16.600 you're saying that that's the case and that you're gonna 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:18.520 move out and it was just for the kid's sake, 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.080 No problem, I have a kid. 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.040 I can understand. H It kept happening. 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.240 I kept hearing about it, so I reached out to her. 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.000 I found her. I reached out to her. 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:31.360 And she did not deny a thing. She did not 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.920 deny a thing. And on top of that, she has 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.960 been seated on her so many times. 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:40.200 We we we you were still with him, and you 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:43.319 reached out to her and said, hey, here's what's happening. 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.720 I said, I know, you know who I am, and 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:46.480 oh knew. 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:50.000 Well that's what I was being told through the friends 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:53.880 that she was losing extreme amounts of weight and that's 0:10:53.920 --> 0:11:05.040 what happens every time he cheats on her. So now 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:08.839 he's telling me that he has told her that he's 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:09.240 with me. 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:10.560 This is what he's saying to me. 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:13.360 He's like, I told her she doesn't want me to 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:15.000 be with you, she doesn't want my kids to ever 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:15.800 come around you. 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.000 I have nothing to do with you. I'm like, what 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.680 the fuck? Like how is this? Like why, like you 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.720 did you see an episode or something that was she 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:26.719 a fan? And now she's you know, I don't want 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:30.440 to hate her, Like what's the deal. So when I 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.520 reached out and she didn't deny thing, and I was like, 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:35.920 I'm really sorry, Like I didn't know that this relationship 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:37.720 was going on between the two of you. I was 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.800 being told that it wasn't but I'm completely backing away. 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:42.199 I was like, I'm so sorry. 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.120 You know, I know you keep losing weight because he's 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.160 cheated on you. Every time he cheats, you lose weight. 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.640 And she goes yes. I was like, for your kid's sake, 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:53.440 please just get rid of this person, right, And she's like, 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.240 you're so right, thank you so much, thank you. 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:58.880 I swear this is the universe. Think you think, thank you. 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.440 Nothing changes, nothing changes. 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.600 He's swearing to me, he's moving out, he's swearing to 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.840 me all these things, nothing changes. I hear it again 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:14.480 now Dennis says it to me. He's like, you know, 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:19.480 this person saying to me that they definitely are still 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.280 together and that he lies about everything. He's got nothing, 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.559 and he just lies about everything. I was like, you 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:26.920 know what, if he wants to play this game, I'm 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:27.520 gonna play. 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:29.080 This fucking game too. 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:30.880 And I knew that he already knew Dennis. He had 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:32.640 been to Dennis's house a bunch of times. He knows 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.880 that that's my ex. I mean, if you see Dennis's house, 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:40.040 it's definitely definitely not me or any of my friend's 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.760 cup of tea. It's more like, like, imagine a big 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:48.000 warehouse kind of square, boxy thing with so it looks overwhelming, 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.240 but I'm sure someone who sees that things like, oh 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.400 my gosh, like he must have so much money and 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.880 all this and that, and they he knew how close 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.000 I was with Dennis, that we've been on so many 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.280 trips and this is my X and we have tattoos 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.200 of each other's you know, names and all this stuff 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:09.440 where he has like three he has my name, he 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.280 has Gigi. And then when we got Mary, we got 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.120 the numbers and then he went and. 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.560 I'll get to that. I'll get to that. So I 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:18.960 was like, fuck the dip. 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.240 I knew Dennis still had feelings for me. Everyone knew, 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:23.160 all my friends knew. 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:23.640 You know. 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:25.679 He even asked me a couple of years before that 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.160 would you be willing to try this again? It just 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:30.480 wasn't in the cards for me at that time. But 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.720 now it was like, I have a vendetta. You know, 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.800 I want this other guy to understand what it feels 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.040 like to be with an X. You're saying, that's your 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:41.880 ex that you live with. I'm going to shure you 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:42.600 what it feels like. 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.360 So we would go to know. 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:45.400 This was the plan. 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:47.240 No, he didn't okay. 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.120 So this is this is why it all blew up. 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:50.640 Yeah, he didn't know. 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.560 I couldn't tell him because I knew he cared. But 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.800 I also thought we were so close that he would 0:13:56.840 --> 0:14:01.720 be okay. I thought he wouldn't care, and he'd be like, 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:03.440 you know, kind of best friend stuff, because there's been 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.440 times in the past, well, her'll have a girlfriend or 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.240 something like that, and he posts a picture of he 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:09.040 and I together. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.120 I'm like, don't today, but get people will say He's like, 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.280 it's good, it's fine, you know. So I'm like, it'll 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:22.160 be fine. 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.480 Do you think because you had such a long friendship 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.360 that you could ever work your way back to it. 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:29.600 Never. I will. 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:36.800 Never, especially because it was happening behind my back. Because 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:41.360 even if this random marriage thing we did wasn't about 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.800 my emotions and I'm not emotionally, it's touched to him. 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:47.200 It's the principal. He's still my ex. He's still back, 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:48.960 you know what I mean. It's just awkward. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:50.720 Come talk to me married him. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:53.720 Never told me anything. She just went she went mia, 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:54.520 she went dark. 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.480 Oh wait, I'm not talking about polic I'm talking about Dennis. 0:14:57.880 --> 0:14:59.680 I want you guys to be best friends again. 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:03.440 It will never happen. I would rather I'm not even 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.920 gonna say it out loud. It will never happen. It 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:07.320 will never happen. You know. 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.560 I am a part of some new projects right now, 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:14.160 new jobs, and they want no parts to anything that has. 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.400 Anything to do with those individuals. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:19.440 It becomes a liability for me to be connected to 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.480 people like this, and I can't. I'm forty three, I'm 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:25.320 a single mom. I'm not trying to be attached to 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.280 humans who are capable of these type of things. I 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:32.760 have cleansed my energy day in and day out for 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:37.600 very many years, and I can't invite that in my life. 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.240 If someone is capable of doing that, they don't change 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:43.080 that capacity is there. 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.640 Yeah, people won't change. 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:47.760 Not those type of things. 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:48.120 True. 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:50.360 To go with one of your friends the week after 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:54.720 you just got married, that's weird, that's sociopathic. And everyone's like. 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.840 Oh my god, keep that fucking gut away from us. 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:00.120 But you married your friend. 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.320 Yes. And when I got back, I immediately text. 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.560 I immediately text the guy I was trying to hurt 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:08.000 and because he's I said. 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:09.360 What happened then? 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:11.360 Like? Did he see that you are together? 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.800 Is Yeah, it worked. We ended up going to therapy together. 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.160 We started therapy, we got back together. 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.280 It's me. I'm kind of it's been the last week 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.080 or two. I'm kind of just on the fence, just 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:24.880 spewing things down. 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.840 We've pumped the brakes a little bit for me because 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.560 I just need things to change. And I think I 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.800 also got lost in the hype of trying to the Vendetta, 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:34.720 trying to hurt him this and that. 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.400 I have so much going on right now. I just 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.600 need to focus on me, my businesses, my kid. 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:47.320 Yeah, I understand, but okay, I know this is something 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.560 we can't dive too much into. But the sperm donor 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:54.920 is this like, did you go somewhere to explore sperm donor? 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:56.920 Was it someone you knew already? 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:02.560 Now, I actually hired a company called Donor Concierge, and 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:04.280 Donor Concierge is amazing. 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:04.920 I love them. 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:09.439 They literally work scan the entire nation, all the sperm banks. 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.399 They also work with a couple of neighboring countries and 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.240 you basically sit with them and it feels like a 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:18.680 PsychEval and you go into genetics, you go into psychology 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:20.480 specifics of what you want, what you're. 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.480 Looking for who you are, your this, your. 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:26.760 Health, and then they go to work and only one 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:29.520 percent make it through to them. 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.520 Because I had a very strict thing, I was like, 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.359 I have to have photos, and they don't really leave photos. 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:40.320 So I needed a photo, whether it was childhood or not. 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:44.679 I just needed to see that my own reassurance. And 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.160 then the rest is just completely anonymous. I mean those 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:51.159 files are about fifty pages each, so I mean, I 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:55.960 know if like the donor's great grandparents has attached ear 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:59.479 lobes or you know, disconnected, if they eyes are this, 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.600 color of the heart was like this, or it's intense. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:05.359 Have you ever met the father? 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:10.320 No? No, no, no, it's very anonymous. He's anonymous. 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:11.560 Let's say. 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:13.919 You know, I feel like, unless my God forbid, if 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.120 my son ever needed like a transplant, I would find 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:20.760 him down probably and use his body parts for a chance. 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:25.000 But no, what will you do one day when he says, 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:28.040 or if he says, I want to know who my 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:30.200 dad is, I'd like to meet my dad. 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:34.520 That's something I think about too often. I think about 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:39.280 it a lot. Yeah, it's it's I don't know. 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:41.000 I think the most important thing I can do right 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:46.840 now is shaping him into being loved and loving. Therefore, 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:49.040 you know, not just being loved, but being loving to 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:52.119 me is also important. Is because you also understand you 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:55.080 have to nurture other people as well. It's not just 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.359 your feelings that are in the moment, it's also about 0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:01.240 understanding if feelings are involved, other people are having them. 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:05.240 So I really really focus on that. He when he 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.760 was like two, I was on a FaceTime call with 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:13.800 my CASTMATEE MJ. And you know, my son and her son, Champs, 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:18.479 they are besties, so always don't FaceTime together. And his 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:22.439 dad walked past or something, and Shams goes something something daddy, 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:24.679 you know, and he walks off and goes plays with 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.879 his daddy. And then Eli goes, why don't I have 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:33.560 a daddy? He was, where's my daddy? And MJ just 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:36.199 her face just went to ghosts. So I dropped the 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.840 phone so my son wouldn't see that. And I was like, oh, 0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:40.560 but you know you don't have one, but you have 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:42.919 a mommy, and you have a aunt lay Lah, and 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:47.040 your cousins and grandma's And he never asked again, but 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:51.720 I prepare myself every time, like what if that question comes? 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:56.000 What do. I say, each age is a different response level. Right. 0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:00.280 At one point I will hand him the file and 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:02.160 he can do whatever he wants. You know the picture 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:06.240 the donor left adult photos of himself and childhood. He 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:08.240 also wrote a note to the child. 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:11.119 Google reverse image of that photo mine. 0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:13.240 None of the donors did that, but he wrote a 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:17.240 very long letter to the child saying, this is what 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:19.960 I am of me, this is why I did this. 0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:22.639 You know, outside of all these filled out forms, I 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:24.000 want you to know why we did this. 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:26.639 It was really nice. I'll had him that hour to 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:27.879 him when the day comes. 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:31.240 Well. I also, as your new bestie, need to inform 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:33.639 you I'm a very good detective. 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:36.480 I found him. I found him. 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:37.880