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Speaker 1: Advice shog nice t. Hello, Hello, this is naughty but

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Speaker 1: nice with Rob Shooter. But of course this isn't Rob Shooter.

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Speaker 1: This is Miss d Delana Dixon. Well, I am turning

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Speaker 1: the tables for this very special episode. We are going

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Speaker 1: to talk to Mr Shooter about his new book the

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Speaker 1: foreword answer. Are you there? Rob? Hey? This feels so strange,

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Speaker 1: but I sort of love it. I've a good hands.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for doing this, Misdy. We're going to spend

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Speaker 1: the whole episode today, twenty minutes talking about my new

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Speaker 1: book beforeward answer. And I couldn't be happier to be

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Speaker 1: doing it with anybody, but you, Misdy. Thank you again.

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Speaker 1: Of course. Well, let's just start at the beginning. What

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Speaker 1: is the foreword answer about? It's a really good question.

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Speaker 1: So every super successful person I've ever met, ever met,

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Speaker 1: and I've worked with some of the big stars in

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Speaker 1: the world j Lo did He, Alicia Keys, Jessica Simpson,

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Speaker 1: Bon Jovi, even British Royalty. So every super successful person

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Speaker 1: that I've ever worked with or met can describe themselves

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Speaker 1: in just four words. It's that easy, Misday. It might

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Speaker 1: be the most important question a person, a personality, a brand,

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Speaker 1: could ever ask themselves who are you? Who are you

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Speaker 1: in just four words? I know during my PR days

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Speaker 1: that entire PR departments, branding departments, marketing departments were paid

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Speaker 1: a lot of money to figure out who you are

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Speaker 1: or who your brand is and then promote it in

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Speaker 1: just for words. Let me tell you this, though mystique,

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Speaker 1: I think this is really the basis of this book.

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Speaker 1: Only those comfortable enough in their own skin know the answer,

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Speaker 1: and only those who know the answer will be successful.

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Speaker 1: Jane though, knows who she is in four words? Did

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Speaker 1: he does? Alicia Keys does, Jessica Simpson does. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to help you discover who you are in forwards in

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Speaker 1: my new book, I love that one of the words

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Speaker 1: you say that all your clients have in common is

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Speaker 1: the word kind. In fact, you have an entire chapter

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Speaker 1: dedicated to being kind, which is really what I want

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Speaker 1: to focus on today. So you write, nothing is kinder

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Speaker 1: than accepting yourself. That is deep. Give us a little

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Speaker 1: explanation behind that. I really dug deep, I really did

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Speaker 1: in this book. It took me many years to write it.

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Speaker 1: So acceptance is the cornerstone of kindness, it really is,

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Speaker 1: which is why you've got to accept yourself, and the

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Speaker 1: more you practice, the easier it becomes. Like everything in life,

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Speaker 1: you've got to do it over and over and over again.

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Speaker 1: If you want to pass exams, you've gotta you've got

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Speaker 1: to study. If you want to be super fit, you

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Speaker 1: got to go to the gym. If you want to

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Speaker 1: accept yourself, you've got to practice. So most people think acceptance,

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Speaker 1: and I used to think this was being totally honest

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Speaker 1: with everything you are. However, it's actually more than that.

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Speaker 1: Totally accepting yourself is being honest with everything you are

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Speaker 1: and everything you are not, and you've got to accept it.

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Speaker 1: I I played the trumpet. I'm not a very good

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Speaker 1: trumpet player. I enjoy it, but I know I'm not

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Speaker 1: very good at it. I accept that, and that's why

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Speaker 1: playing the trumpet misty is something I do as a

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Speaker 1: hobby for some fun. But I accept I'm never going

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Speaker 1: to be in the New York phil Harmonic, and that's

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Speaker 1: quite fine. I think another thing we do in life

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Speaker 1: is we dream about wouldn't that lives to be better

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Speaker 1: if I had skin like Brad Pitt? But that isn't true.

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Speaker 1: We've met these celebrities and they have things about themselves.

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Speaker 1: That they have to accept to nobody is perfect. I

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Speaker 1: also too, in this chapter, really dig deep into getting

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Speaker 1: us all to turn down that cruel voice in our

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Speaker 1: head telling us that we're not good enough. If you've

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Speaker 1: got a voice in your head telling you you're not

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Speaker 1: good enough, you don't deserve success, then you haven't accepted yourself.

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Speaker 1: So in the book, we really really go through processes, methods,

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Speaker 1: techniques that a lot of celebrities do use to accept yourself. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I think that's so important. I mean, people do say

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Speaker 1: really mean things to themselves. So what's one of the

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Speaker 1: tips that we can use to stop those cruel voices

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Speaker 1: in our head? Good question, But let me just preface

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Speaker 1: it by saying this. Paul McCartney, he's worth a billion dollars,

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Speaker 1: he might be the most successful musician of our generations.

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Speaker 1: He said, he still has that cruel voice in his

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Speaker 1: head telling him he's not good enough. So if the

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Speaker 1: Beatle has that voice, then it makes sense the rest

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Speaker 1: of us do. In the book, I teach you how

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Speaker 1: to turn down the volume. Turn down the volume because,

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Speaker 1: and this is the key, it's a lie. You are

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Speaker 1: good enough. In fact, that voice in your head, it's

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Speaker 1: just an echo, and it's repeating cruel things that other

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Speaker 1: people have told you before. They weren't true then, and

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Speaker 1: they are not true now. So stop calling yoursel off

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Speaker 1: names and turn up the volume of kindness. Don't be

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Speaker 1: defined by the worst moments of your life, or even

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Speaker 1: reduced to the things about yourself that that you hate,

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Speaker 1: because the truth is we all have natural gifts. Some

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Speaker 1: of us they're easier to see than others. My sister Christine,

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Speaker 1: it drove me crazy growing up. She could sit at

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Speaker 1: the piano and was just brilliant at it, where I

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Speaker 1: had to work really, really hard to even blow my trumpet.

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Speaker 1: But the truth is you are good enough. And one

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Speaker 1: of the techniques we talk about in the book is

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Speaker 1: when you get frightened and nervous, think about the most

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Speaker 1: successful average person you know. Think about them. There's somebody

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Speaker 1: in your office that's the boss, somebody in your life

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Speaker 1: that's in charge, that has an amazing job, and they're

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Speaker 1: not very talented. So what I'm saying is used that

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Speaker 1: as inspiration. Because Winston Churchill said the following, and I

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Speaker 1: love this quote. Success is not final, failure is not fatal.

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Speaker 1: It is the courage to continue. The counts keep trying,

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Speaker 1: keep moving forward, and don't compare yourself with people who

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Speaker 1: have talents. You don't look around you. In our business, mystery,

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Speaker 1: in the TV business, the radio business, there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of really successful people who are kind of average. We

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Speaker 1: know that, we know people that are not necessarily that talented,

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Speaker 1: but they gave it a try, they kept going, they

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Speaker 1: did the work, and I think in life you have

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Speaker 1: to find that person. But mind Sarah Palin, she ran

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Speaker 1: to be the Vice President of the United States. I

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Speaker 1: have her autobiography on my desk, and whenever I get

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Speaker 1: nervous if I'm going to go on the Today Show

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Speaker 1: or Wendy Williams, there's voices in my head pop back up,

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Speaker 1: You're not good enough. Why are you on Wendy Williams.

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Speaker 1: I put my hand on Sarah Palin's or the biography

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Speaker 1: like it's the Bible, and I say to myself, if

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Speaker 1: she can do it, Rob Shooter, you can talk about

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Speaker 1: Kim's bottom for ten minutes on Wendy Williams. So think

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Speaker 1: about people in your life who are really successful but

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Speaker 1: that talented. I promise you that's one of the tips

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Speaker 1: in the book that really helps you to silence those voices.

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Speaker 1: I think we look around and we think all these

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Speaker 1: superstars are brilliant. Let's be honest. Madonna herself and she

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Speaker 1: can't sing that well, but it didn't stop her. There

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Speaker 1: are a lot of people in our lives. Look around

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Speaker 1: your office, look around where you work, who were really

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Speaker 1: successful and not that talented. Why shouldn't one of those

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Speaker 1: people be you? Because the truth is you are good enough,

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Speaker 1: but you don't. Sometimes there are people around you we're

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Speaker 1: just not kind to you. You're you're trying to make

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Speaker 1: yourself better. They're not saying the right things to support you.

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Speaker 1: What do you do when people can't be kind to you? Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's so interesting to talk about this in the book.

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Speaker 1: If they can't be kind, they have to go. We

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Speaker 1: all deserve to have a squad that cheers us on.

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Speaker 1: The only way to get a squad, mystery is to

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Speaker 1: build it. Surround yourself with people who are kind, and

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Speaker 1: it starts with you. You've got to get into the

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Speaker 1: habit of cheering your self and your friends are Because

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Speaker 1: the only reason people cannot be happy for others is

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Speaker 1: they can't be happy for themselves. That's the truth. Remember

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Speaker 1: the next time somebody doesn't give you the response you want.

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Speaker 1: It's their problem, not yours, because the truth is misdy.

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Speaker 1: You don't need anyone's permission to go after your goals

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Speaker 1: and trying to win support from people who can't be

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Speaker 1: excited for you. It's a losing game, and it's a

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Speaker 1: game that you can only win when you stop playing.

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Speaker 1: This used to happen to me all the time, and

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Speaker 1: it stopped since I started using the forward answer. I

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Speaker 1: would let a total stranger ruin my day. So if

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Speaker 1: somebody said something mean about me on Twitter on Facebook.

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Speaker 1: I remember us on the Today Show, the number one

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Speaker 1: morning show in America, and afterwards somebody left a really

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Speaker 1: mean comment, not about what I said, but about my arm.

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Speaker 1: I damaged my arm when when I was born, and

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Speaker 1: somebody left this really mean comment, and it really spiraled

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Speaker 1: out of control for me, and it became my whole day.

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Speaker 1: That's changed now. I don't let that happen. If you

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Speaker 1: come after me, I walk away. And when you can't

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Speaker 1: unfriend somebody, you'll cut them out. So somebody that's anonymous,

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Speaker 1: some troll on Twitter, you can walk away from. But

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Speaker 1: what happens if it's a family member, somebody that's been

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Speaker 1: in your life for a really long time. The only

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Speaker 1: answer is empathy. Instead of getting hurt, get empathetic mystery,

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Speaker 1: and when they can't show you kindness, you must. I

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Speaker 1: guarantee you, and I promise this is true. The crueler

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Speaker 1: they are, the more pain they are in. It's all

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Speaker 1: about empathy. So sometimes when we're trying to change ourselves,

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Speaker 1: we think that we are broken. But in the book,

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Speaker 1: you say you're not broken. There is something that is though.

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Speaker 1: Explain that to us. You read this book. I'm so

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Speaker 1: happy you did. I'm so glad, I said into advanced

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Speaker 1: to idea of friends. I thank you were reading it.

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Speaker 1: There is nothing broken with you except the way you've

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Speaker 1: been thinking about yourself. So you're in control of your mind,

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Speaker 1: and you have a choice between the negative or the positive,

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Speaker 1: between the cruel or the kind. Train yourself to always

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Speaker 1: choose the optimistic path. Let me give you an example.

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Speaker 1: Instead of telling yourself I don't know anything, say I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to learn this. Instead of saying I'm ugly,

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Speaker 1: focus on what you love about yourself. Amy Schumer said

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Speaker 1: the following, and I love it. She said. I say

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Speaker 1: if I'm beautiful, I say if I'm strong, you will

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Speaker 1: not determine my story. I willer. So you're much stronger

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Speaker 1: than you think you are, and you've already overcome so much.

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Speaker 1: We've all overcome so much. Once we embrace and except

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Speaker 1: that we are different, all those flaws disappear, honestly, misdeake

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Speaker 1: those flaws disappear and actually become a strength. Where you

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Speaker 1: are kind to yourself, You're not a failure because you've

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Speaker 1: previously failed. That's not true. That doesn't make you a failure.

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Speaker 1: Failure is not a personality trait. It's something that does

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Speaker 1: not define you unless you let it. And let me

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Speaker 1: be really honest, and I've worked with some of the

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Speaker 1: most successful people in the world. The road to success

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Speaker 1: is paved with past failures. Try and fail, but never

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Speaker 1: fail to try. We are getting deed today, shooter. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you tell me that all the time. There's going to

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Speaker 1: be a million failures, but you have to fail to

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Speaker 1: get Yes. I fail all the time. Mystery. I tried

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Speaker 1: to write two books before this talk. Nobody wanted them.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't get them published. I kept trying. That is

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Speaker 1: being kind to yourself. Keep trying. Yes, And when you

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Speaker 1: are kind to yourself, something magical happens, start about it.

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Speaker 1: What happens. You're absolutely right, be kind to yourself, and

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Speaker 1: kindness will surround you. You've got to set the tone

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Speaker 1: in your life. If you beat yourself up, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: surround yourself with people that beat you up. To your

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Speaker 1: the center of your world. You're the most important person

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Speaker 1: in your life, which is why you've got to treat

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Speaker 1: yourself with kindness. And the secret to having the greatest

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Speaker 1: circle of friends, which I'm really lucky to have it

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Speaker 1: started with me. Get in the habit. Have been involved

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Speaker 1: in your friends lives on a regular basis. I send

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Speaker 1: texts and emails to all my close friends at least

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Speaker 1: once a week. I check it in on them. Relationships

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Speaker 1: are like seeds that you've got to grow and grow

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Speaker 1: under the right conditions. Make sure you're providing the environment

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Speaker 1: for this to happen. It doesn't have to be a

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Speaker 1: dazzling or witty text mystery I send you, because the

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Speaker 1: truth is the fact that I'm just checking in. Its

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Speaker 1: more important than anything I have to say. The superpower

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Speaker 1: we all have is in the palms of our hands.

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Speaker 1: It's your phone, and so check in with people, be

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Speaker 1: involved in their lives. And most importantly, check in with yourself.

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Speaker 1: I actually do this, and people are going to laugh

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Speaker 1: and think it's silly. I send myself a text every night,

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Speaker 1: and then when I wake up in the morning, I

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Speaker 1: have a lovely note. The first text, the first email,

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Speaker 1: the first note I read every day is guaranteed to

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Speaker 1: be a love letter because I sent it before you

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Speaker 1: go to bed tonight. Say something nice. Don't open it,

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Speaker 1: just text it to yourself, and then in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I promise you it sets the tone for a great day.

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Speaker 1: So smart, and I will say, you do send the

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Speaker 1: nicest texas. I mean once a week, twice a week,

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Speaker 1: three times a week, and it always makes my days

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Speaker 1: so much better. And I'm so excited about all these tips,

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Speaker 1: all these great information that you're giving us. Sometimes, though,

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Speaker 1: when you're trying to put it into play, cruel old

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Speaker 1: habits returned because they're so easy, easy to go back to.

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Speaker 1: What do you do to start that from happening? Change

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Speaker 1: is hard, and there's naughty old habits do come rushing back.

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Speaker 1: I think we're all creatures of habit, which is why

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Speaker 1: we need to remind ourselves every single day that we're

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Speaker 1: making a choice. Let me say this really clearly. If

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Speaker 1: you're not choosing it, you're not changing it. I'll say

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Speaker 1: it again. If you're not choosing it, you are not

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Speaker 1: changing Dick. Making no decision at all is actually making

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Speaker 1: a really big choice. So think about New Year's Eve

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Speaker 1: when we all make those resolutions. You don't need to

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Speaker 1: wait until New Year's Eve to change something, to make

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Speaker 1: a choice. I think of my life like a TV show,

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Speaker 1: and it's broken down into our episodes. So at the

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Speaker 1: beginning of each hour, I start a new episode. And

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Speaker 1: you know what this means, Mr do. It means that

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Speaker 1: I can no longer procrastinate for very long. So when

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Speaker 1: the clock strikes at the top of the hour, I

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Speaker 1: start again. I reset. It's a button I press in

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Speaker 1: my mind and it changes things up. So when those

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Speaker 1: cruel habits come creeping back, they have to stop on

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Speaker 1: the hour, because that's when you reset. Remember when you

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Speaker 1: change your decisions, you change your life. It's that easy.

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Speaker 1: Reset your life whenever you want. Don't wait until tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of us fall into this habit,

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Speaker 1: mis Steve saying I'm having a terrible day, I'll have

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Speaker 1: a better day tomorrow. No, I say I'm having a

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Speaker 1: terrible hour. I do. I am having a terrible hour,

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Speaker 1: but I've got to I've got to just wait twenty

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Speaker 1: more minutes and then I'm gonna start a fresh hour.

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Speaker 1: So I restart my life at least four times a day,

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Speaker 1: maybe longer if i'm up away, if I'm out late

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Speaker 1: with you, m d but at the top of the hour,

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Speaker 1: restart your life. So if you're miserable, now you tell

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Speaker 1: yourself in ten minutes, twenty minutes, however long it takes

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Speaker 1: to get to the top of the hour, you're going

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Speaker 1: to start again. You don't need to go to bed

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Speaker 1: to start your life. Just close your eyes for a second,

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Speaker 1: look at the luck, countdown like Cinderella, to the top

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Speaker 1: of the hour, and then start over. These are the tips,

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Speaker 1: the tricks, the methods that I learned from celebrities, some

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Speaker 1: of the most successful people in the world. And I

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Speaker 1: charged him a lot of money for it. Mistake. I

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Speaker 1: used to charge them thousands of dollars every month. You

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Speaker 1: can get all of this for the price of a book.

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Speaker 1: I'm really proud about this book. And who doesn't love

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Speaker 1: a juicy new episode. Okay, so I have a question

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Speaker 1: for you. I think everybody wants to know. This are

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Speaker 1: your four words revealed in the book. Absolutely? Absolutely, And

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Speaker 1: you know what Two years ago, I didn't know who

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Speaker 1: I was mistake. If you said to me, who are you, Rob?

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. Now I know and get this. I

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Speaker 1: start my morning after I read that text to myself.

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Speaker 1: I go to clean my teeth and I look in

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Speaker 1: the mirror and I say, Rob, shooter, you are boom

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Speaker 1: boom boom boom. If I'm having a bad moment, I

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Speaker 1: close my eyes and I say my four words. If

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Speaker 1: I'm having a bad an evening, I go to the

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Speaker 1: bathroom that close my eyes and say my four words,

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Speaker 1: and I get it. We all have difficult lives. There's

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Speaker 1: a lot going on. Take a second to remind yourself

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Speaker 1: throughout the day who are you? Nobody wanted to grow

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Speaker 1: up to be a villain in a James Bond movie.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be a mean sister in Cinderella.

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Speaker 1: I want to be the hero of my own story. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: I had a tough daynasty. I must have reminded myself

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Speaker 1: about my four words, maybe five times, maybe ten times,

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Speaker 1: and it really works. Think about it tonight, Who are you?

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Speaker 1: In four words? Start coming up with the words are

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Speaker 1: you kind? Are you funny? Are you cheeky? Are you important?

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Speaker 1: Are you sexy? Are you naughty? Are you nice? Come

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Speaker 1: up with those four words? Wouldce you do? It will

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Speaker 1: change your life? And I promise in the foreword answer,

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Speaker 1: We're going to find these words together. The other thing, too,

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Speaker 1: I love about the book is it's full of emails

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Speaker 1: and texts and conversations I've had with real people. It's

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Speaker 1: not just about celebrities. We've been talking about this now

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Speaker 1: for over a year, and I'm lucky enough to have

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Speaker 1: a platform with the podcast on my website and the

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Speaker 1: TV shows to have built a little bit of an audience.

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Speaker 1: We call ourselves the Noughty Ears, and several people from

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Speaker 1: that group are included in the book. And if they

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Speaker 1: can do it and I can do it, so can you.

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Speaker 1: Well you've got to tell us where can we get

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Speaker 1: the foreword answer? Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. It's

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Speaker 1: on Amazon dot com. It's also a Bonds and Nobles

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Speaker 1: wherever books are sold. It's now available. It comes out

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Speaker 1: in less than two weeks, so if you preorder it now,

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Speaker 1: you will get it in just a couple of days.

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Speaker 1: The dates released it will be on your doorstep and

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Speaker 1: we can all figure out who we are together in Forwards.

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Speaker 1: It's that easy. That's the whole concept of the book.

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Speaker 1: In Forwards, who are You? I did this with every

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Speaker 1: single one of my clients, j Lo did Alicia, Jessica Simpson.

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Speaker 1: I knew who they were in four words, and every

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Speaker 1: opportunity that came across my desk for them it had

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Speaker 1: to match three of the four words to get a yes.

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Speaker 1: And if he didn't, we passed. Only say yes in

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Speaker 1: life two things that are right for you, and you'll

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Speaker 1: only know what's right for you if you know who

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Speaker 1: you are. We have gone to school today, Mr Shooter.

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Speaker 1: I am putting in my second order. Okay, that's how

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Speaker 1: good this book is. I gotta give it to a

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Speaker 1: friend The Forward Answer. You can get it on Amazon

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Speaker 1: dot com go order so you have your copy by

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Speaker 1: September twenty one. Thank you, Mr Shooter. It's fun to

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Speaker 1: be in the driver's seat. You know. I might have

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Speaker 1: to add that to my four words. Well, this has

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Speaker 1: been naughty but nice with a Rob Shooter, a production

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Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. Make sure you tune in every

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Speaker 1: weekday to hear our show about all the best celebrity

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Speaker 1: gossip and we'll you to bye bye. Take care of this.

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Speaker 1: It's naughty but nice with ro