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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is great to have

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Speaker 1: you here. Back for another episode, Back for another topic.

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Speaker 2: Today.

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Speaker 1: You've read the title, you will know that we are

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Speaker 1: talking about dating apps. And I think the new reality

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Speaker 1: of dating in your twenties is that dating apps are

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Speaker 1: invariably going to be part of your story or sometimes

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Speaker 1: even your daily life if you're single, and it's also

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Speaker 1: probably one of the primary ways that a lot of

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Speaker 1: us meet new individuals and form romantic connections. It's actually

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Speaker 1: really interesting that it has taken over and really become

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Speaker 1: one of the primary ways that people are meeting I guess,

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Speaker 1: the loves of their lives and the main people that

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Speaker 1: they date in their twenties. There was a study conducted

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Speaker 1: by the Pew Research Center and it found that almost

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Speaker 1: half of us between eighteen and twenty nine have used

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Speaker 1: a dating app. And we have all heard the stories

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Speaker 1: of people finding the loves of their lives, their future

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Speaker 1: spouses on these sites, sometimes even when they weren't looking.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I currtent really say anything because I

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Speaker 1: met my boyfriend on Hinge and he is incredible, So

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely one of the success stories. Despite the fact

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Speaker 1: that for a long time I kind of had it

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Speaker 1: out for dating apps a little bit. I thought that

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Speaker 1: they were so mentally exhausting and fruitless, that everyone on

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Speaker 1: there had such different intentions and varied intentions that you

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Speaker 1: could never really meet anyone serious. But I have since

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Speaker 1: changed my mind, and I think the way that we

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Speaker 1: approach how we use dating apps to meet new people

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Speaker 1: really defines the experience that we'll have on them, you know, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble,

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Speaker 1: especially apps that exist.

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Speaker 2: On our phone.

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Speaker 1: They have completely changed how we approach dating, specifically by

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Speaker 1: how they have profoundly expanded our options for who we

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Speaker 1: can meet because the uptake of these apps has been

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Speaker 1: so massive. You know, it used to be that your

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Speaker 1: only romantic options were really limited to friends of friends

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Speaker 1: or co workers or you know, Dave at the local bar,

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Speaker 1: and now you can kind of meet anyone, not just

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Speaker 1: the people who live down the street or go to

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Speaker 1: your church, but people who live overseas. You could go

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Speaker 1: on a date in every country if you wanted to.

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Speaker 1: You could meet people you might never encounter, go on

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Speaker 1: a date every night of the week if that's your

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Speaker 1: cup of tea, and I just really think that that

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Speaker 1: is something we couldn't do twenty thirty years ago. I

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Speaker 1: think part of the inherent appeal of dating apps is

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Speaker 1: not just the number of choices it provides us, but

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Speaker 1: kind of the ease at which we can now dip

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Speaker 1: our toes in and out of the dating pool in

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Speaker 1: an extremely convenient way, often from you know, the comfort

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Speaker 1: of sitting on your couch or in bed. It's interesting

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Speaker 1: because I think that dating apps actually represent this like

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Speaker 1: broader societal shift towards convenience and efficiency. You know, we

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Speaker 1: have apps like Uber eats or Delivero for getting you know,

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Speaker 1: food delivered in ten minutes, or Amazon for when you

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Speaker 1: really need that new clothing item or thing at your

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Speaker 1: door in twenty four hours, and of course we have

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Speaker 1: dating apps. We have almost made finding love convenient digital

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Speaker 1: online something that you could do from the comfort of

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Speaker 1: your own home, and you could join at seven am

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Speaker 1: be out for drinks by six pm. That is the

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Speaker 1: appeal of these kind of platforms. I think not only

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Speaker 1: have they changed the number of options and the ease

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Speaker 1: at which we can tap into this infinite source of

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Speaker 1: potential matches, but they've also shifted our behavioral approach to

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Speaker 1: dating beyond just online swiping. They've kind of changed how

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Speaker 1: we date in real life, and I think they've done

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Speaker 1: this in both good and bad ways, in many ways

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Speaker 1: that psychology can explain. So firstly, dating apps allow us

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Speaker 1: to be very specific with our preferences, which may actually

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Speaker 1: make us more closed off to real life connection. So

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Speaker 1: when we think about things like Tinder or Hinge, you

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Speaker 1: can essentially choose your age range, you can choose your height, preferences,

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Speaker 1: even race, and all of these decisions that you're making.

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Speaker 1: They are based on what we think we are attracted to.

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Speaker 1: And there are many, many theories as to where these

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Speaker 1: romantic preferences come from, but also why they might not

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Speaker 1: be completely accurate. So often we go into these online

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Speaker 1: environments wanting someone who is six to two and someone

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Speaker 1: who is from our neighborhood and someone who is x

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Speaker 1: y ZABC, and really that might not always put us

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Speaker 1: in the best position to meet someone we actually connect with.

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Speaker 1: So we all have this inherent preference, right, and this

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Speaker 1: preference comes from things like genetics, So the role of

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Speaker 1: genetics is actually pretty important. One of the most fascinating

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Speaker 1: theories focusing on the psychology behind who we find attractive

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Speaker 1: is known as genetic imprinting. So, according to this theory,

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Speaker 1: we subconsciously seek out romantic partners who resemble our parents. Now,

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Speaker 1: this behavior is thought to be an evolutionary thing, an

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Speaker 1: evolutionary preference that helps ensure genetic compatibility and it increases

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Speaker 1: the likelihood of producing healthy offspring. You know, it also

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Speaker 1: comes down to things like hormones and pheromones, and it's

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Speaker 1: closely linked to the Freudian idea of the EATI person

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Speaker 1: eatapool complex. I actually don't like this theory. I think

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Speaker 1: that it's really strange to suggest that we are only

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Speaker 1: ever attracted to people who mimic our parents, not just

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Speaker 1: from a weird, almost vaguely incestuous way, but also because

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Speaker 1: I think that it doesn't really allow for the idea

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Speaker 1: of couples who aren't heterosexual. There's also a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff to do with things like race. You know, if

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Speaker 1: you are someone who is Caucasian. This theory says that

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Speaker 1: you inherently can't be attracted to someone who has a

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Speaker 1: different race to you, which we know very well is

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Speaker 1: absolutely not correct. So it is one theory, not the

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Speaker 1: full picture. I think our preferences also come from things

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Speaker 1: like familiarity and similarity. We are more attracted to people

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Speaker 1: we already feel similar to or who we share a

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Speaker 1: common interest with, because we interpret that similarity to mean

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Speaker 1: that we have shared values and therefore that we are

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Speaker 1: more compatible. Even deeper than that is this theory that

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Speaker 1: we are attracted to people who we see as being

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Speaker 1: equally attractive as us. So more colloquially, we would say

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Speaker 1: that is being attracted to someone who is in our league.

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Speaker 1: And that kind of comes from the influence of self

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Speaker 1: esteem and not wanting to put yourself in a place

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Speaker 1: where you can feel or are rejected, so you seek

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Speaker 1: out people who you think are on a similar level

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Speaker 1: to you in terms of the attributes that people find attractive,

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Speaker 1: you know, culture, family. It also plays a role in

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Speaker 1: who we think will be, you know, not only a

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Speaker 1: physical match, but also an emotional match, and so we

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Speaker 1: make our selections on dating apps based on this preconceived

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Speaker 1: notion of who we see ourselves with in the future.

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Speaker 1: But these preferences are not always accurate and they also

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Speaker 1: change over time. So research that has been published in

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Speaker 1: the Personality and Psychology bulletin It followed over two hundred

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Speaker 1: participants for thirteen years, and what they found was that

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Speaker 1: our conception of the ideal partner will transform as we

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Speaker 1: get older. Specifically, we begin to reduce our value on

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Speaker 1: things like attractiveness, or we stop focusing on particular physical features,

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Speaker 1: and there are certain treats that become more attractive to us,

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Speaker 1: specifically when it comes to looking for trying to find

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Speaker 1: a long term partner. So how does this kind of

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Speaker 1: relate back to the dating app theory the dating app zeitgeist. Well,

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Speaker 1: the basic premise of these apps apps is that you

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Speaker 1: don't need to meet people in person unless you want to.

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Speaker 1: You can do it all online. And so we make

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Speaker 1: judgments about someone's personality and their inherent compatibility with us

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Speaker 1: based on a very limited information that is coming from

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Speaker 1: potentially a highly curated profile, and we also make a

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Speaker 1: judgment based on our misguided preferences. I always say this,

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Speaker 1: but I think that you will never know whether someone

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Speaker 1: is right for you unless you actually have the chance

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Speaker 1: to meet them. Obviously, there are some huge red flags

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Speaker 1: that we can make a pretty snap judgment around, but

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Speaker 1: because of how many choices these apps present us, often

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Speaker 1: we actually end up ignoring or dismissing people based on

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Speaker 1: their profile who actually could have been great for us.

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Speaker 1: Another element of this is not feeling like you actually

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Speaker 1: have a connection with any of your matches because you

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Speaker 1: are so overwhelmed by choice. It's kind of the reverse

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Speaker 1: of what we call the scarcity effect. So when something

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Speaker 1: is limited or rare, like a romantic connection, we value

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Speaker 1: it more. But when something is plentiful and there is

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Speaker 1: a very large supply, like matches in a big city,

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Speaker 1: we value each of those matches. The potential for a

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Speaker 1: romantic connection within each of those we value that a

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Speaker 1: whole lot less. Have you ever had that experience of

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Speaker 1: chatting with a bunch of people on dating apps and

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Speaker 1: then one of them organizes a date and you have

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Speaker 1: to go back and remind yourself what their name was,

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Speaker 1: or you like completely forget what they look like when

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Speaker 1: their friends ask, or just feeling really overwhelmed by your options.

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Speaker 1: That is reflective of an experience known as choice overload.

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Speaker 1: Which we have spoken about on the show before. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: we find it really difficult to make a choice when

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Speaker 1: we're presented with too many options, and that kind of

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Speaker 1: seems a little bit counterintuitive. You know, surely as humans

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Speaker 1: we want more options so that we don't feel limited

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Speaker 1: by our choices, but actually know our brains can only

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Speaker 1: process so much information at once. So when we are

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Speaker 1: on a dating app and there are thousands of potential

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Speaker 1: people that we might find a little bit attractive, we

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Speaker 1: might get along with, we might see a future with,

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Speaker 1: we can actually become paralyzed by all those choices and

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Speaker 1: we can't take any action. This may explain why a

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Speaker 1: lot of us don't actually end up meeting the people

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Speaker 1: we match with or translating those online interactions into real dates.

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Speaker 1: So there was a study that I found when looking

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Speaker 1: into this that was actually really interesting when it comes

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Speaker 1: to this point, and what it said was that some

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Speaker 1: forty eight percent of people who are currently using swhite

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Speaker 1: based dating apps so tinder hinge, basically they have met

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Speaker 1: up with less than five people in the post last year,

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Speaker 1: and half of those people have never even met anyone

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Speaker 1: despite using the apps continuously. And these people who are

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Speaker 1: frequently swiping, They are frequently looking around matching with people. So,

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Speaker 1: besides from choice overload, why is that so common? Why

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Speaker 1: do we use dating apps if we're not using them

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Speaker 1: for their original purpose, which is tineo date or maybe

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Speaker 1: fine love. I think the biggest explanation for that is validation.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we have a bit of a bruised ego. We've

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Speaker 1: just been through a bad breakup, and if we're honest

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Speaker 1: with ourselves, we're not actually ready to date again. But

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Speaker 1: seeing those matches and those likes and the people who

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Speaker 1: think that we're attractive is a confidence boost. It's validating

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Speaker 1: to know that people think that you're hot or people

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Speaker 1: think that you're cute. And in our society, attractiveness is

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Speaker 1: often associated with worth, and so we find that we

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Speaker 1: feel a lot better about ourselves without ever even having

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Speaker 1: to meet these people. So sixty one percent of respondents

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Speaker 1: in this same study said that they were more interested

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Speaker 1: in discovering who was attracted to them online than actually going.

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Speaker 2: Out with anyone.

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Speaker 1: And obviously I think we need to do a little

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Speaker 1: bit more research into this would be a really fascinating

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Speaker 1: follow up study, But I think what this initial finding

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Speaker 1: shows us is that dating apps may be more of

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Speaker 1: a source of public affirmation than actually romantic potential. I

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Speaker 1: have a theory as to why that might be the case,

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Speaker 1: and it has to do with what I would call

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Speaker 1: the gamification of dating through the existence of dating apps.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think that that was intentional. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of other apps that we use on

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Speaker 1: our phone that we have used for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and when we think about the things that we often

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Speaker 1: go to our phones for, yeah, there's you know, messaging,

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Speaker 1: this phone calls, this communication, but there's also things like

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Speaker 1: social media and games, and these apps have been constructed

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Speaker 1: to be highly addictive and to keep our attention by

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Speaker 1: manipulating how we receive dopamine through likes and delayed gratification,

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Speaker 1: flashy colors and short hits or kind of rewards, and

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Speaker 1: so that pattern of consumption and that usage has been

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Speaker 1: translated to how we approach dating apps. We now approach

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Speaker 1: them like a game, like something to give us that

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Speaker 1: dopamine through validation, and so we swipe and we swipe

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Speaker 1: and we swipe, and we never actually do anything. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I think if you want any success, if you want

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Speaker 1: to actually meet people, might be frustrating to say it,

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Speaker 1: but I think it's also obvious that you've kind of

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Speaker 1: got to do the work, Like you have to be

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Speaker 1: going on dates, even if they might be horrible, there'll

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Speaker 1: still be a really good story. You have to talk

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Speaker 1: to people, you have to translate those connections to kind

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Speaker 1: of real world meet cutes, and that can be hard

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Speaker 1: for some people. They really appreciate that. I think dating

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Speaker 1: apps can make some people feel particularly down on themselves

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Speaker 1: because of things like a high rejection rate. You know,

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Speaker 1: not everyone you encounter is gonna be a winner, because

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Speaker 1: each of these people has their own reasons for being

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Speaker 1: on an app like Tinder or Hinge or Bumble. So

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Speaker 1: kind of the nature of using these apps regularly is

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Speaker 1: that people can drop off. You're gonna get ghosted, people

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Speaker 1: start dating others whilst they're still talking to you, And

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Speaker 1: I think that that is actually quite confusing and can

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Speaker 1: make us feel a little bit bitter. And that lack

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Speaker 1: of repeat failure, it's not even a failure, maybe the

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Speaker 1: lack of success or when you've had a string of

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Speaker 1: bad dates or a string of people who have ghosted

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Speaker 1: you when you really thought that you were getting along,

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Speaker 1: that's pretty exhausting, and I even have a term for it.

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Speaker 1: It's called dating app burnout. I've experienced it before. If

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Speaker 1: you've listened to my life update that I did recently,

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Speaker 1: you'll know that before I met my boyfriend, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm never going on a dating app again, Like, I

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Speaker 1: am not doing it. I'm so exhausted, I'm so sick

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Speaker 1: of people not wanting anything. And if you're in that

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Speaker 1: frame of mind right now, maybe it's time to change

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Speaker 1: tact and take a moment to pause and focus on

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Speaker 1: some other things, or change your messaging approach better yet,

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Speaker 1: match with some people that you typically wouldn't choose and

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Speaker 1: just see what happens, like you have nothing to lose.

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Speaker 1: But that does actually bring me to my final element

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Speaker 1: around the psychology of dating apps before we get into

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Speaker 1: the second part of this episode, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: really important to acknowledge some of the dangers, particularly around

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Speaker 1: misogyny and violence towards women or other people. I don't

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Speaker 1: really think I need to give you all a lesson

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Speaker 1: in online safety because hopefully we are all to date,

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Speaker 1: we're all up to speed on the dos and don'ts,

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Speaker 1: and I would say that most people are generally pretty

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Speaker 1: good people, but stranger danger is not a thing of

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Speaker 1: the past. So I think it's important to do some

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Speaker 1: of the basic investigative work before you show up at

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Speaker 1: a bar at two am to meet Mark who was

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Speaker 1: self employed from a town you've never heard of. You know.

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Speaker 1: Dating app corporations haven't always been great at taking safety seriously,

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Speaker 1: But one dating app that I think does and has

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Speaker 1: done it really well is Bumble. And I want to

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Speaker 1: quickly say this episode is not sponsored by them, by

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Speaker 1: the way. I just think that each app kind of

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Speaker 1: offers its own flavor of online dating, and when I

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Speaker 1: was single, Bumble was personally one of my favorites. So

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Speaker 1: when we come back, we are going to be talking

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Speaker 1: to Lucille. She is our very own guest member of

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Speaker 1: the Bumble team, and what I want to talk to

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Speaker 1: her about is how to A make the most out

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Speaker 1: of dating apps and b just make the most out

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Speaker 1: of dating in our twenties in general. So all of

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Speaker 1: that and more in just a second dating apps, and

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Speaker 1: the topic of dating apps comes up a lot around

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Speaker 1: dating in our twenties because I think of their popularity,

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Speaker 1: their prevalence. More and more we're hearing that people are

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Speaker 1: meeting their partners on dating apps. But I still think

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Speaker 1: some parts of it need to be explored a little

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Speaker 1: bit further from a psychological perspective, from a social perspective

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Speaker 1: as to what the role of dating apps is now

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Speaker 1: and how it's kind of replaced or complements other ways

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Speaker 1: of meeting people. And I thought, who better to have

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Speaker 1: on the show than someone who knows this topic quite intimately.

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Speaker 1: Today we are joined by Lucille and she works at

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Speaker 1: Bumble as the communications director.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, Thank you for

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Speaker 2: having me.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the rhetoric around dating

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Speaker 1: apps comes from like the users and not so much

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Speaker 1: from the people behind the scenes who have brought these

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Speaker 1: things to life. So can you explain kind of how

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Speaker 1: the idea of Bumble came about? And maybe also how

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Speaker 1: it's different to the other apps? I know, like it's

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Speaker 1: the trifecta of like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. How is

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Speaker 1: Bumble kind of standing out from the crowd.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's really interesting to look at sort

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Speaker 3: of the genesis story of Bumble, and that happened nearly

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Speaker 3: ten years ago now, when our CEO and founder Whitney

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Speaker 3: Wolf hed had left another dating app that she had

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Speaker 3: worked for, and in the process of leaving that company,

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Speaker 3: experienced a lot of internet trolling, really saw the ugly

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Speaker 3: side of the Internet that we all have seen, but

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Speaker 3: you know, back then it was you know, really dark,

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Speaker 3: and so it really inspired her to think about, you know,

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Speaker 3: why do we treat each other this way? Why do

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Speaker 3: we allow this toxicity to exist online? You know, why

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Speaker 3: do we treat each other away that we just wouldn't

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Speaker 3: treat each other in person. So while she is having

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Speaker 3: this experience, she also has, you know, experience in dating,

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Speaker 3: and those two things kind of came together in her

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Speaker 3: mind at the same time. As this was pre times

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Speaker 3: up pre me to pre so many things that we

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Speaker 3: know now when it comes to the conversation around gender,

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Speaker 3: and she was thinking, you know, I know so many

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Speaker 3: really successful women who are really smart and really powerful,

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Speaker 3: who won't ask a man out, or who won't ask

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Speaker 3: a man for their number in a bar, who just

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Speaker 3: have this like, dating seems to be the place where

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Speaker 3: we are still really traditional and still hold really traditional views.

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Speaker 3: So all these ideas and experiences are kind of playing

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Speaker 3: around in her mind, and that's where she comes up

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Speaker 3: with the idea for bumble because on bumble and heterosexual matches,

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Speaker 3: women make the first move, which means a man can't

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Speaker 3: talk to you if you're a woman, unless you make

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Speaker 3: the first move first and invite them conversation. And the

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Speaker 3: philosophy behind that was if we change the way conversations start,

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Speaker 3: maybe we can change the way they continue and the

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Speaker 3: way relationships build and sort of bake in kindness and

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Speaker 3: respect and inclusivity into those conversations, with the idea being

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Speaker 3: that men historically face so much rejection in online dating

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Speaker 3: that feeling can inspire them to behave badly, to be

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Speaker 3: aggressive because they've been told they have to be aggressive,

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Speaker 3: they have to be the pursuer, they have to do all.

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Speaker 4: Of these things. So by flipping all of that on

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Speaker 4: its head, how.

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Speaker 3: Do we change the way that men women interact with

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Speaker 3: each other and how do we hopefully create healthier and

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Speaker 3: more equal relationships off the back of that. And you know,

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Speaker 3: that was nearly ten years ago, and there's been so

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Speaker 3: many success stories since of Bumble, babies and weddings and

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Speaker 3: engagements and all these kind of things. I think the

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Speaker 3: success has been proven in terms of both as a

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Speaker 3: business and as a way of connecting people. But there

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Speaker 3: are a few things that make that's not the only

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Speaker 3: thing that makes Bumble different women making the first move.

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Speaker 3: We also are known for our twenty four hour timer.

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Speaker 3: So the idea has always been on Bumble to like

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Speaker 3: actually get people talking. The idea isn't just to collect

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Speaker 3: matches and have them sitting there. It's to actually get

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Speaker 3: people talking and with the goal of meeting in real life.

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Speaker 3: You know, I think that changed a lot during the pandemic,

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Speaker 3: which I am sure will talk about.

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Speaker 4: The impact of the pandemic during the rest of our chat.

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Speaker 3: But you know, the goal has always been to connect

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Speaker 3: you with people in your area that you can meet

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Speaker 3: when you feel safe. And the twenty four hour timer

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Speaker 3: is about making sure that people are actually starting conversations

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Speaker 3: and going on dates and getting out there and meeting people.

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Speaker 3: And if you're not familiar with what the twenty four

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Speaker 3: hour timer is, it means that in a woman has

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Speaker 3: twenty five hours to send the first message and the

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Speaker 3: man has twenty four hours to respond, And in matches

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Speaker 3: between men and men, or women and women or non

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Speaker 3: binary people and men and women, the twenty four hour time.

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Speaker 4: Are still there.

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Speaker 3: It just doesn't matter who makes the first move. So

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Speaker 3: the idea is yet to just get people talking and

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Speaker 3: get people connecting, which I think oftentimes is what people

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Speaker 3: isn't necessarily people associated with online dating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, I feel like when I was we were

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Speaker 1: talking about this before, I am. I currently have a partner,

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Speaker 1: so but I have done my fair share of matching

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Speaker 1: and swiping and online dating, and I found like the

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Speaker 1: most infuriating thing about it was the use of it

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Speaker 1: is like validation rather than actually for dating on both ends,

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Speaker 1: where it was like, wow, I just feel like all

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Speaker 1: I'm doing is accumulating these people who like whose validation

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Speaker 1: I guess I want, and then not really talking to them.

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Speaker 1: And I also think that giving women the agency to

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Speaker 1: be like I'm going to choose who I want to

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Speaker 1: speak to in my private life is so different to

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Speaker 1: how we operate publicly, where I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: the times there is this very traditional, outdated idea that

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Speaker 1: like men can approach us whenever they want, and they

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Speaker 1: can kind of interrupt our space and like come into

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Speaker 1: our private sphere and like interrupt our lives and almost

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Speaker 1: insist on some kind of romantic connection. But I think

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Speaker 1: the beauty of apps like bumble is that it is

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Speaker 1: no longer it's in the woman's hands who they decide

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Speaker 1: to let into that space. So I think it's really

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Speaker 1: really cool. On a kind of like more general note,

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Speaker 1: I think that the rise of dating apps has really

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Speaker 1: changed how we approach dating. For a few like psychological reasons.

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Speaker 1: I think it gives us this sense of like abundance

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Speaker 1: and infinite possibility, but then also kind of really has

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Speaker 1: changed how we make decisions when it comes to our

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Speaker 1: partners and the people we want to date, in that

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Speaker 1: we can be a lot quicker and discerning because of

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Speaker 1: these online profiles and in a way that we maybe

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be in our real lives or in an organic setting.

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Speaker 1: And also this idea of like the choice paradox, where

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Speaker 1: like you're kind of overwhelmed by so many choices that

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Speaker 1: you find it hard.

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Speaker 2: To choose someone.

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Speaker 1: And I still think that there, Yeah, it's really changed

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Speaker 1: quite a bit. Do you have a perspective on what

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Speaker 1: you think the major ways that dating apps have changed

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Speaker 1: how we approach romantic connections, especially in our twenties.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that there's definitely valid arguments for the

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Speaker 3: things you just mentioned about, you know, especially you know

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Speaker 3: in markets where dating apps are really established and there's

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Speaker 3: like large communities, you might feel like you're never going

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Speaker 3: to get to the end of your you know, swipe

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Speaker 3: Q all of those things, and you can't imagine there's

438
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 3: actually that many single people in your area. But I

439
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 3: think the flip side of that is that dating apps

440
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 3: have really enabled you access to a much more diverse

441
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 3: pool of people than I guess we'll call it analogue

442
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 3: dating does. I think if you were to just date

443
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 3: in the traditional way going out into the real world,

444
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: you're actually quite limited in the types of people that

445
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 3: you can meet because traditionally, pre.

446
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 4: Dating apps, most people met at work.

447
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 3: Well, I work in pr so I've never worked with

448
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 3: a straight man really, so that I'm not going to

449
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 3: meet a man at work. You know, Bumble is like

450
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 3: a female dominated company. I'm probably not going to meet

451
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 3: a man here either. And then, you know, through friends

452
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 3: is the other way that people primarily met their partners.

453
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 3: And what if you or your friends don't have eligible

454
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 3: friends to introduce you to, or what if they're all

455
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 3: married or what. You know, it's like you are limited

456
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 3: by who's at the pub when you're at the pub,

457
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 3: or you know, who's on the train that like looks nice,

458
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 3: whereas when you are online dating, you might have someone

459
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 3: that lives next door to you that you never would

460
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 3: have interacted with otherwise. And there's also research that's mostly

461
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 3: come out of the US, but I think it would

462
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 3: stand true everywhere is that there's been a rise in

463
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 3: interracial relationships since the rise of dating apps. And I

464
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: think you could put that up to a number of things,

465
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 3: but absolutely having access to a more diverse dating pool

466
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 3: is a big part of why you would see those

467
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 3: kind of trends increasing, which I think is really positive.

468
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 2: I totally agree.

469
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: I feel like it's changed so much in the sense of,

470
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: like you're look I always talk about this on the podcast,

471
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: the idea of like your epistemic bubble and like your tribe,

472
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: and that we are really quite happy existing in an established.

473
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 2: Group and not really challenging that.

474
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: And our community is And when we think about community,

475
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: we think about work, friends, we think about friends, we

476
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: think about family, we think about colleagues, we think about acquaintances.

477
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: It's not really larger than like one hundred people. So

478
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: I think it is one of those things where it's like,

479
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: oh great, now, I don't just have to marry like

480
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 1: the guy I met at church.

481
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 2: Who my parents options.

482
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like I can marry this like really cool DJ.

483
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:21,719
Speaker 1: I don't know, not that I would do that, but

484
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, you.

485
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 3: Want if you want to, Like I've met on bumble,

486
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: I've met doctors, I've met DJs, I've met bartenders, I've

487
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 3: met you know, people that work in advertise, Like you know,

488
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 3: you're you can't really necessarily walk into a bar and

489
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 3: walk up to a table of a doctor, a DJ,

490
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: a bartender and a barista. You know, like you're not

491
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: going to find that, you know, and that's just thinking

492
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 3: about occupation. That's not even thinking about like values or

493
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 3: age or you know, like a million other things that

494
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 3: go into like what makes.

495
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 4: A compatible partner.

496
00:28:58,800 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely.

497
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because people who've listened to the

498
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: show for a while will know that I used to

499
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: have like such a stance against dating apps, which is ironic,

500
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 1: I know. And the irony deepens when like I met

501
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: my current boyfriend on a dating app and like even

502
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: the like and I kind of downloaded it and was like,

503
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is the last time I'm ever

504
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: doing this, Like because I had reached this sense of

505
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: like fatigue around Oh my gosh, I'm getting all these matches,

506
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: but one of the things that I'm not getting is

507
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: like I'm not going on dates or like they fizzle out.

508
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: And I think that's why the twenty four hour thing

509
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: is great. It's like, Okay, well then I don't have

510
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: to worry about this person after twenty four hours, they

511
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: obviously like are not serious about me or about dating.

512
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: So I think it really contributes to this like dating

513
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: with intention model that we really promote on the show.

514
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: One of the things though, is, like I said, this

515
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: kind of burnout or fatigue from being on dating apps

516
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: since I was like eighteen and then like periodically being

517
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: like a this, But how can we move out conversations

518
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: on dating apps to real world conversation to real world

519
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: kind of interactions. Because I think that was why I

520
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: wasn't a proponent for a while. I now I am

521
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: a massive proponent. I think that they're a very important tool,

522
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: But how can we kind of shift out online interactions

523
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: with someone.

524
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 2: Into a real world setting.

525
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think what you just said that you

526
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 3: downloaded the app, it was the final time you were

527
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 3: going to do it. You'd had it, and that's when

528
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 3: you met someone that is not the first or the

529
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 3: second or the third time. I've heard people say that

530
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 3: is like I just gave it one more crack and

531
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 3: then I met this person that's like now my husband, wife, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whichever.

532
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 2: It might be.

533
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 3: And so I think it's really interesting to think about

534
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 3: why that is so often the case and what you

535
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 3: did differently that time around, you know, versus all the

536
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 3: other times before where you downloaded it how to go,

537
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 3: Like what was different in your attitude? What was different

538
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 3: in the choices that you made, what was different in

539
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 3: how you put yourself out there? Because like, there's a

540
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 3: reason that story is really common, and I think it

541
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 3: is because you brought a different attitude. Maybe you were

542
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 3: less self conscious, maybe you were more outgoing. Maybe you

543
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 3: that like final air attitude about you gave you an edge,

544
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 3: you know, or maybe you had a really clear intention,

545
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 3: like I want to go on a date, I want

546
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: to meet someone. I have a vision in my head

547
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 3: of who the person is that I want to meet,

548
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 3: Like it could be any of those things, that could

549
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 3: be none of them. But what do you think it was?

550
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: That is so interesting because I'm sitting here being like, wow,

551
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: Lucilla is like a spot on right now, because I

552
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: think that I went into it being like, yeah, I'm

553
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: not here to like fuck around like I've I've done

554
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: the endless dates I've done, I've had like my feral error,

555
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: I've had my relationships, I've had my situationships, and I

556
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: was like, what I really want to do is just

557
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: like actually build a connection with someone. And so the

558
00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: people who weren't willing to do that, or who were

559
00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: to like asking me like you know, one word questions

560
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: being like why, who, what, Like I just immediately was like, okay,

561
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in this. So I think that was

562
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,719
Speaker 1: one part of it. And then the person I'm now dating,

563
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: like one thing that really set him apart was that

564
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 1: he asked a lot of really interesting questions. And for

565
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: anyone listening out there who's like I want to connect

566
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,479
Speaker 1: with people on dating apps and have better conversations, he

567
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: did this thing that was like really got me where.

568
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: He was like, listen, I'm not going to ask We're

569
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: not going to start with a small talk. I'm going

570
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: to ask you ten serious questions and then afterwards we

571
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: can talk about other stuff and I was like, oh,

572
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 1: And at first I was like, oh, this is a

573
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: bit like intense. He didn't say it as intensely as

574
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: I paraphrased it, but he then asked me like a

575
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: series of really interesting questions and then he answered them

576
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: in return, and some of them were like what did

577
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 1: you learn from your past relationship? What do people think

578
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: of you? What do you think people think of you

579
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 1: when they first see you? What is your best attribute?

580
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: All of these things that I think we don't normally

581
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: do in the small talk phase.

582
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 4: Ye see, that is hot.

583
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 2: It was so attractive.

584
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 4: I was like, did you say you're talking about a man?

585
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 2: I'm talking about about it?

586
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like men like take note, and also women

587
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 3: take note that these men are out there.

588
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like for any gender. I was like, this

589
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: is just like I was like, if I ever have

590
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: to do this again, like this is a power play,

591
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: because I was like, it immediately cuts through I think

592
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 1: all of the all of the weird awkwardness of matching

593
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: with someone and being like what do they actually want? Like, oh,

594
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: is this going to be another like fizzle? It's just

595
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: going to be like another thing. Also, a great feature

596
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: of bumble is like you have to answer within twenty

597
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: four hours, so it eliminates like having to stare at

598
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: the people who go to do But I think the

599
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: other thing that really changed for me and why that

600
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: situation worked and why it was like the dating app,

601
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: Like why my final time using dating apps has proven

602
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: successful this far is because I was like, I actually

603
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: really know what I want now, and I'm able to

604
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: very clearly like discern what they want from like certain

605
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 1: things on their profile. So I think that like dating apps,

606
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 1: if people answer honestly, also give you information that might

607
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: be a little bit harder to get out, like do

608
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: you want children? It's like those questions like do you drink?

609
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: Are you looking for a long term relationship or not?

610
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: And immediately I was like anyone who was like just

611
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: looking for fun or like short term not sure? I

612
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,839
Speaker 1: was like no, I was like, if you're not sure,

613
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: I waste time.

614
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I think that's probably what you were

615
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 3: doing previously, is wasting a bit of time because you're like, oh,

616
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 3: they look fun, they look hot, they look like they

617
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 3: maybe have my shared sense of humor. But if they're

618
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 3: also telling you in other ways that they're like not

619
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 3: compatible for you, or you don't want the same things,

620
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 3: you know, but there's something about them that's like a

621
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 3: bit of you. Then you're like, oh, I'll just chat,

622
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 3: or like you know those guys that give the one

623
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 3: word to answers, You're like, oh, I'm just going to persist.

624
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 3: And it's like something really does change when you stop

625
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 3: doing that and you really look for the people that

626
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 3: are giving you what you want.

627
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: I love that perspective. Something that I get asked a

628
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,399
Speaker 1: lot that I think maybe you could shed some light on.

629
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: It's like our dating dating app expert is these two

630
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: conflicting perspectives. So when I was single, I heard a

631
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: lot like dating is just a numbers game, and then

632
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:33,720
Speaker 1: the other one was it will happen when you least

633
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: expect it. Both of those I think those are two

634
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 1: incredibly different perspectives. It's like dating is a numbers game,

635
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: is like you will reach a maximum reach number of

636
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: dates and then like the next one will be the

637
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: right date. And then the other perspective is like it's

638
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: all up to fate.

639
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 2: It's like fate versus like action and intention. Do you

640
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,239
Speaker 2: think it's a numbers game?

641
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: What would you say, like, as someone who is obviously

642
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: working in the machinery of dating apps, what is the

643
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 1: story used typically see.

644
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: I think both of those things are true and both

645
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 3: of them are incorrect at the same time for different reasons.

646
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:10,959
Speaker 4: And I think if we.

647
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 3: Start with dating is a numbers game, it is true

648
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,720
Speaker 3: in the sense that you have to actually be talking

649
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 3: to people in order to talk to.

650
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 4: Someone that you like.

651
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 3: You know, you have to actually be going on dates

652
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 3: to meet someone that you have a great date with,

653
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 3: you know, and not everyone is going to be for

654
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 3: you and you are not going to be for everyone else.

655
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 3: So in order to find the people that are for

656
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 3: you and that you're for them, you have to It

657
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 3: is a bit of a numbers game, you know.

658
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 4: It is a process of elimination.

659
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: Like you have to be out there on the streets

660
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 3: doing the work.

661
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 4: You know, you have to be out of the house.

662
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 4: You know, you have to get out there.

663
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,839
Speaker 3: You have to be the person the love of your

664
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 3: life is not going to like be in your living

665
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 3: room on a Friday night, you.

666
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 4: Know, and find you there. You know, like you have

667
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 4: to get out there.

668
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: And do it unless he's like a real week and

669
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: then you don't want him, you know.

670
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, But then on the flip side, you know some

671
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 3: you sometimes the first person you come in contact with

672
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 3: is the right person you know, and and fate does

673
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 3: have a role to play. I think that that really

674
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 3: depends as well on like your beliefs, if you believe

675
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,959
Speaker 3: that there is one person out there that you're trying

676
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 3: to find, or if there are many.

677
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 4: Possible ones for you. I think that, like.

678
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 3: It definitely can't be understated that feeling like oh, when

679
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 3: you know that you've met someone and fate has a

680
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:45,919
Speaker 3: big role to play in that, I don't. I think

681
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 3: that really comes down to, like whether you believe in

682
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 3: that our destiny is predetermined, whether you believe that like

683
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 3: big philosophical questions, but I think both are true. Like

684
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 3: you need to have faith that there is someone out

685
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 3: there and that Fate will deliver them to you at

686
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 3: some point, but you also have to be in the game,

687
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 3: playing the game to win the game at some point.

688
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 2: You know.

689
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 4: I don't really like the game analogies.

690
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 3: But like what I mean by that is you kind

691
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 3: of have to head your beds and be participating in

692
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,359
Speaker 3: the process in order to get what you want out

693
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 3: of it. And there'll be times when fate comes into it,

694
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 3: but you still have to be in the running.

695
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,399
Speaker 1: You know, I really do agree with that. Actually, I'm

696
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 1: just full of agreements for everything you're saying, because I

697
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: think it's like I also do believe that dating, especially

698
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: dating with intention, is a skill that you practice, especially

699
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: like discerning what you want from someone, being able to

700
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 1: set boundaries, knowing how to go on enjoyable dates, knowing

701
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: how to get the most out of the experience. Is

702
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: not something that we're just going to be like, oh,

703
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 1: I go on like one day in a year and like,

704
00:38:59,440 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 1: oh it's.

705
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 2: Terror Well, of course it's going to be terrible.

706
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: Like in the same way that if you didn't talk

707
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: to if you didn't try and make new friends for

708
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 1: a long time, you would probably really struggle having conversations

709
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 1: with people you didn't have like a mutual shared history with.

710
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: So I think you're right, it's like a component of both.

711
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: And then sometimes it's just like the right person comes

712
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: along and you're like, where have you been hiding exactly?

713
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: And if you look like you don't always like realize

714
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 3: that dating is a skill and meeting new people is

715
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 3: a skill, and dating is just meeting.

716
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 4: New people, you know, So the.

717
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 3: Comfort level of like sitting down for a drink or

718
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 3: a coffee or whatever activity you're doing with someone that

719
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 3: you've never met like that, no matter how confident you are,

720
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 3: the first couple of times you do that, you're going

721
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 3: to be like a weird and awkward version of yourself.

722
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 3: So you have to get better at dating. You have

723
00:39:55,520 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 3: to go on a few dates and like practice that skill. Learn, Okay,

724
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 3: what kind of questions do I want to ask? How

725
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 3: do I want to answer those kind of questions? What

726
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 3: are my good stories? You know?

727
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 2: What is it?

728
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: You know, it's like it's dating in that sense is

729
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 3: almost like public speaking, you know, or like presenting skills,

730
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,399
Speaker 3: like because there's not that many aside from work, there's

731
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 3: not that many other scenarios in life where you're pushed

732
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 3: into a one on one situation with someone that.

733
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 4: You don't know, and it is a skill to develop,

734
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 4: and it's actually a really great skill to develop.

735
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 3: It If you are really good at dating, that can

736
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 3: build your confidence and help you in so many other

737
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 3: parts of your.

738
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 4: Life as well, because it is that skill.

739
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: That will transfer into meeting new people in any context.

740
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,359
Speaker 3: But it is something that you do have to, you know,

741
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 3: have to go at and practice and that's why it

742
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 3: is good to go on dates even if you're not

743
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 3: like one hundred percent sure that you really like that person.

744
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 4: It's like, well, it's all good for.

745
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 3: The experience, you know, mean like use people as practice dates,

746
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 3: but you also never know, like sometimes like I do

747
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: this thing because I know we had them, like we

748
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: were talking before about also like not feeling a spark,

749
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 3: and like I do this thing every single date I

750
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 3: go on first date. I sit down immediately and I'm like,

751
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 3: oh nah, like you know, like really, and I have

752
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: to push through it because it's like this immediate automatic

753
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: response where I'm like, no matter if they look exactly

754
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 3: like how I imagined, no matter if their voice is exactly

755
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 3: like how I pictured it, they're wearing exactly what, I

756
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 3: just get this immediate like oh nah, got the egg,

757
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 3: And I have to push through it. And it almost

758
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 3: nine times out of ten it like goes away after

759
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 3: like five minutes of like sitting there talking to them.

760
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 3: But it's almost like this weird automatic reaction where my

761
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 3: brain's like no, no, no, you don't like this person,

762
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:53,840
Speaker 3: so weird.

763
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 4: But it's like you have to push through that.

764
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,319
Speaker 3: Kind of thing because I've had that with people that

765
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 3: i've like gone on to have like relationship it was

766
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 3: with you know, so it's like we also have this

767
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 3: kind of romantic idea, like we're expecting like sparks to

768
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: fly and fireworks immediately, and like that's not really reality.

769
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: No.

770
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: I think it's like about pushing through the discomfort and

771
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: something else else that that really reminded me of what

772
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 1: you were saying is you don't really know what someone's

773
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: like until you meet them. And I think that's the

774
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: argument for using apps in a way whereby you're not

775
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: just looking for online interactions, you're actually looking for like

776
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 1: real life situations because once you meet them. I had

777
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 1: this with someone I was dating previously where I was like,

778
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, Like his profile was not amazing. I

779
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 1: was kind of like it's giving me the ick, but

780
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: he like immediately asked me on a date and I

781
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: was like and I met him in person, and I

782
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 1: was like, felt a bit awkward, and then suddenly it

783
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,280
Speaker 1: was like the best day I've ever been on because

784
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: I've forced myself out of my comfort zone. It's also

785
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,760
Speaker 1: something that I'm like, I also have to remind myself

786
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 1: what I did when I was single, is like is

787
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: this date actually interesting or am I just an interesting person?

788
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 2: Yeah?

789
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,399
Speaker 4: Because am I carrying I? Yeah?

790
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 2: Am I carrying this?

791
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: And so one of my friends had this really because

792
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: we were talking about it a lot, and she was like,

793
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: you know, Jemmy, your your day job is talking to

794
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: people for a living and finding like finding ways to

795
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: make you know, a topic accessible and you know.

796
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 2: Speak to people.

797
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 1: So of course when you go on a date with someone,

798
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 1: you're going to be applying that same skill that you have.

799
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:33,879
Speaker 1: And she said to me, she was like, when you're

800
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 1: on a date, you need to think about how many

801
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 1: questions has he asked you in the last hour, and

802
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: it should be more than like I think five was

803
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: her rule. And notice how many times you're genuinely laughing

804
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 1: and try not to like fake laugh out of politeness

805
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: because I think that like humor and emotional compatibility and

806
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: conversation are like the three bedrocks for a good connection.

807
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 1: That's just my personal perspective. And she was like, often

808
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 1: as women, in particular, speaking as a woman, your first

809
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 1: inclination is to like be really polite and really appease

810
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: this person and make them think they're really funny and

811
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: make them think they're really interesting. But it's like, no,

812
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,439
Speaker 1: when you're dating with intention, you're the one who wants

813
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: to be satisfied here. Yeah.

814
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 3: And I also do this thing where I, if I'm nervous,

815
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 3: I will ask heapes of questions just out of like

816
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 3: it's almost like that nervous anxiety, like that energy that

817
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 3: you get. And then it's easy to just do that

818
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:39,240
Speaker 3: NonStop and then be like, hang on, this person hasn't

819
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 3: asked me anything, and are they? Yeah, what are we

820
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 3: really getting at here? And I think that's the other

821
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 3: thing when you think about dating with intention is like

822
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,240
Speaker 3: being clear on what it is you want is actually

823
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 3: kind of a hard thing to do in your twenties

824
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 3: because in your early twenties it's going to be probably

825
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 3: different in your late twenties looking out like what it

826
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 3: is that you want to get out of a date.

827
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 3: Is it just to have fun and meet new people

828
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 3: and learn things or is it to find a partner,

829
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 3: Because how you go about doing both of those things

830
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 3: is very different.

831
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: Also, it's experimentation. I think that's also why dating apps

832
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: have a lot of merit in this in this day

833
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 1: and age, is because you really don't know what you

834
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: want until you experience it and also until you experience

835
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 1: what you don't want, and that is part of that

836
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: is the value in meeting different types of people who

837
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: you might otherwise not have interacted with, who might be

838
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 1: someone who you've maybe counted out.

839
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: In the past. Like, I think that is so so important.

840
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 1: Okay, so we've obviously spent so many minutes talking about this,

841
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,320
Speaker 1: but one thing we haven't talked about is being single

842
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 1: and how we can get the most out of our

843
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 1: single days, perhaps with the help of dating apps. So,

844
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 1: I know, Bumble has this really cool I guess is

845
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 1: it a feature or is it a It's like in

846
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: the app it's Bumble Bubble BFF right, Bumble Friends.

847
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 3: So it's actually just relaunched its own new app. So

848
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 3: it used to be a mode within Bumble that you

849
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 3: could use for friend finding, and just last week it's

850
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 3: become its own app. So I think that is really

851
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 3: one of the things that we're most excited about at

852
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 3: the moment, because a lot of our research from people

853
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 3: in their twenties, like gen Z people were saying, like

854
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 3: they want to make new friends, they feel lonely, they

855
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 3: remote work and remote learning and all these things is

856
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 3: like really impacted ability, their ability to connect socially platonically,

857
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 3: So I mean we touched on this earlier, like the

858
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 3: impact of the pandemic in a number of ways. When

859
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 3: it comes to like platonic connections, people don't really know

860
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 3: where to go to make a new friend and the

861
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 3: interest thing is a lot of more than half of

862
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 3: gen Z people, so they have made new friends online,

863
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 3: but it's usually through social media or gaming or things

864
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 3: like that and not necessarily people that they can meet

865
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 3: in person. And we've been talking a lot about how

866
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 3: important it is to be able to connect in real

867
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 3: life with people, and so Bumble for Friends works by

868
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 3: the same way as Bumble Date by connecting you with

869
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 3: people in your local area who want.

870
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 4: To be friends.

871
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,320
Speaker 3: So if you're like looking to expand your social network,

872
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 3: do all these kind of things make new friends, Bumble

873
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 3: for Friends is the way to go. And then when

874
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 3: it comes to romantic connections and dating with intention, we've

875
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,959
Speaker 3: also launched a feature called in app speed Dating, which

876
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 3: is literally what it says, and it's a bit of

877
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 3: a mix of like speed dating and blind dating, where

878
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 3: you play the game on Thursdays at seven pm and

879
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 3: it's blind dating, so you get matched with someone for

880
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 3: three minutes and you can't see their photos or their name,

881
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 3: and you have to chat and then at the end,

882
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 3: if you both liked each other, at the end of

883
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 3: the game, you get matched and then you see like

884
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 3: their profile and their other information. So that's just like

885
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,479
Speaker 3: kind of a fun way of like getting you people,

886
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: getting people like actually talking to each other and dating,

887
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: because I think in this post COVID world, we're all

888
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 3: a bit like we've all become a bit like insular

889
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,359
Speaker 3: and weird, and we don't really know how to get

890
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 3: out there. So I think if you're feeling like you're

891
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 3: looking for that kind of platonic connection in your life,

892
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 3: Bumble for Friends is a really great way to go.

893
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 3: And if you're really looking to get back into dating

894
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,400
Speaker 3: and want to go on some more dates, want to

895
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,359
Speaker 3: talk to some more people in app speed dating is

896
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 3: like kind of a fun way to like do it

897
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 3: at scale, like talk to a bunch of people in

898
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 3: one go and like see who you like. And you know,

899
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 3: if you're feeling like, oh, I'm talking to these guys

900
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 3: or girls or whoever it might be, and I'm not

901
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 3: really you know, getting asked out on dates, like do

902
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 3: the asking, you know, have a thing where it's like

903
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 3: do you want to go see or Oppenheimer or whatever

904
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 3: your thing is, or like there's you know, this is

905
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 3: happening on the weekend, like you want to come with me?

906
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 3: Like just ask people out, Like I ask people out

907
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 3: all the time, and like the first time I did,

908
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 3: I was like thought I was going to die of nerves.

909
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 3: And now I'm just like, do you want to go

910
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 3: for a drink on Thursday? And if they say yes, great,

911
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:25,439
Speaker 3: If they say no, cool, Like no skin off my nose,

912
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 3: you know, you just it's a muscle you have to

913
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 3: build and practice.

914
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely.

915
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 2: I do that. Well, not anymore, but I did.

916
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you know, it doesn't really matter, like

917
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: I want to see this person, I may as well

918
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: do it. And it's always so nice when someone asks

919
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,399
Speaker 1: you on a date, so give that back to them

920
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 1: as well.

921
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:43,839
Speaker 2: Also will say I.

922
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: Used BUMBLEBFF when I first moved to Sydney.

923
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 2: I had moved from.

924
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: Canberra, didn't really have community, and I was like, I

925
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 1: want to make friends from the comfort of my bed.

926
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

927
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 1: No, like in a way where it's like, oh, these

928
00:49:57,719 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: are people that I might not interact with, I might

929
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: not run into them on the street. I might not

930
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: be doing that, they might not be working with me,

931
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: and it was really really amazing. And I think that

932
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: a big part of being single is building community and

933
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: building connection and building experiences and stories, and a lot

934
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: of that comes down to meeting new people. So I

935
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 1: think that using features like bumble, BFF or just like

936
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 1: a dating app to just go and have fun and

937
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 1: just to meet new people, even if you're not looking

938
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 1: for anything particularly serious. It's like super super interesting, Wall,

939
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 1: I have one more question for you. And I was

940
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: just thinking this and asked, like, I don't know if

941
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: I know the answer to this.

942
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 2: Do you use bumble? Yes? Or is it weird?

943
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 1: No?

944
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:43,439
Speaker 2: You do?

945
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 4: I do use bumble. It can be a bit weird.

946
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 3: Sometimes I do get asked every now and then if

947
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:56,280
Speaker 3: I'm like doing research or like, you know, spying on people,

948
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 3: But I.

949
00:50:56,920 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 4: Can assure you I am not. And yeah, I ask

950
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 4: people out all the time. I go on dates. I've

951
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 4: gone on like three dates in.

952
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 3: The last three weeks because I just like ask people

953
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 3: out and it really gets way less scary every time.

954
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 4: That you do it.

955
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:16,839
Speaker 3: So yeah, I would definitely encourage people to if they're

956
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 3: feeling like you know, we've spoke a lot about dating

957
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,359
Speaker 3: with intention, but if you don't know what your intentions are,

958
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 3: date different.

959
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 4: Types of people.

960
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:28,760
Speaker 3: You know, if you've just always dated the same type

961
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 3: of person and it's not getting you anywhere, just like

962
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 3: go on a date with someone completely different and get

963
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 3: out of this mindset that like going on a date

964
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 3: with someone is like some kind of massive commitment. Like

965
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 3: you can just go on a date with someone, have

966
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:45,840
Speaker 3: a drink with them, and like see where it goes,

967
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 3: you know.

968
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 4: But I think we.

969
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 3: Kind of have this, especially as women can get stuck

970
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 3: in this idea of like, oh maybe I'll like send

971
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: the wrong message or this will happen, or like then

972
00:51:57,440 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 3: I'll have to do all this other stuff.

973
00:51:58,760 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 4: No, you don't.

974
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 3: You can just go to date with someone, have a drink,

975
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 3: go for a walk in the park, get a coffee,

976
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 3: do whatever, and just see how it goes, you know,

977
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 3: and try and go outside your comfort zone and go

978
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:10,720
Speaker 3: outside your where you've.

979
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 4: Traditionally sort of dated.

980
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 3: And even if you don't meet the love of your life,

981
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 3: you will have great experiences. You'll meet new people, you'll

982
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 3: build those that confidence, build those skills, and you'll probably

983
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,760
Speaker 3: have fun and I think we just get so lost

984
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 3: in all of the parts of dating that make it

985
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,279
Speaker 3: feel stressful that we forget that it's meant to be fun.

986
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 3: And if you go in with that much, even if

987
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 3: you have the intention of finding a long term partner,

988
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 3: your short term goal should be to have fun, you know,

989
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 3: and to enjoy yourself and to enjoy your life. So

990
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 3: have your intentions, but also make sure that you're enjoying

991
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 3: yourself along the way.

992
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 1: I think that is a great place to conclude.

993
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 2: That is such amazing advice.

994
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 1: And I was like, I wonder if she used this

995
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 1: bumble because I was like, maybe it would come off

996
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: as like, oh, is this person like a scam, Like

997
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 1: if you don't observing us, I was like, I really

998
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 1: want to know. So it's good to hear that you

999
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: believe in believe in the app so much. Yeah, it's

1000
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 1: always a positive. It's always a positive. Well, I want

1001
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: to thank you so much for coming on today. It

1002
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 1: was amazing to have this kind of other perspective counter

1003
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: to the user experience, but also the user experience.

1004
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 4: I guess, yeah, it's a bit of both.

1005
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 2: It's a bit of both. Well, you're so welcome.

1006
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: It was so lovely to be able to.

1007
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 2: Talk to you.

1008
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,879
Speaker 1: As always, if you enjoyed this episode, please feel free

1009
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,840
Speaker 1: to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify

1010
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: wherever you are listening right now. Also go on download Bumble.

1011
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 1: If you're single, look into Mingle. I feel like you

1012
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: should give it a go. If you enjoyed this content

1013
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: as well, please feel free to follow me at that

1014
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 1: Psychology podcast if you have an episode suggestion, if you

1015
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:54,280
Speaker 1: just want to be part of the community. I always

1016
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 1: appreciate seeing you guys over there, and as always, if

1017
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: there is a friend who you think needs to hear

1018
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,839
Speaker 1: this episode, share it on, Share it forward, share the joy,

1019
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 1: and we will be back next week with another episode.