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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat and I'm the host.

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Speaker 1: Before we get started on anything, I just want to

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Speaker 1: remind everybody, especially if you're new, that although I'm a

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Speaker 1: therapist and the podcast is called You Need Therapy, this

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Speaker 1: podcast does not and can't serve as a replacement or

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Speaker 1: substitute for actual mental health services. However, I always like

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Speaker 1: to say it may add to your journey, and it

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Speaker 1: also might encourage you to go to therapy and might

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Speaker 1: encourage you to talk about something new in therapy, and

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Speaker 1: it also just might be a nice thing to listen to.

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Speaker 1: So a couple of weeks ago, I recorded an episode

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Speaker 1: of this podcast called Social Sessions, and it's a podcast

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Speaker 1: about social media strategy. And what we talked about it

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Speaker 1: was supposed to just be an EPI said about how

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Speaker 1: social media can affect mental health and all that comes

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Speaker 1: along with that. You guys know that I love to

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Speaker 1: talk about that, and we ended up talking a little

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Speaker 1: bit about how authenticity and vulnerability have become somewhat trends

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Speaker 1: for influencers, whether it's on TikTok or on Instagram or

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Speaker 1: whatever other platform you're using. And although I had seen

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Speaker 1: that and realized that and noticed that in my head,

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Speaker 1: I had never kind of heard it put into just

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Speaker 1: words like that, Oh, authenticity is trending on social media.

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Speaker 1: And so then a week or two later, I was

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Speaker 1: reading an article on Psychology Today and it was talking

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Speaker 1: about secrecy, and the whole magazine, that whole edition of

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Speaker 1: the magazine was about secrets. And it was this article

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Speaker 1: about secrecy and why we keep certain secrets and what

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Speaker 1: kind of secrets actually hurt us, and what kind of

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Speaker 1: secrets are like okay to keep. And I just had

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Speaker 1: this lightball moment and was like, my god, we need

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Speaker 1: to have a little conversation on you need therapy. So

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Speaker 1: this is that conversation. So I want to start out

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Speaker 1: with this idea of something being trendy. What does it

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Speaker 1: mean for something to be trendy? And according to vocabulary

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Speaker 1: dot com or trusted source, trendy describes something that's stylish

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Speaker 1: or popular, like skinny jeans or fancy coffee drinks. If

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Speaker 1: your shoes are the newest, coolest kind of sneakers, they

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Speaker 1: are trendy. If all of your neighbors seem to suddenly

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Speaker 1: have great day and puppies you can say that's a

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Speaker 1: trendy dog breed in your neighborhood. And oftentimes something that

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Speaker 1: is trendy is something that a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: doing that at first it seems like weird or off

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Speaker 1: for like kind of like akins like almost cringe. E. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: When nineties style came back last year and I specifically

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Speaker 1: remember somebody wearing those like Steve Madden black platform shoes

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Speaker 1: with like the stretchy thick band on the front, I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh no, Like those shoes are so ugly.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe we ever wore them. And now a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are wearing them and they're like cute

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Speaker 1: and cool, and to be honest, I'm like, I wish

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Speaker 1: I still had mine now. Staying on trend essentially kind

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Speaker 1: of keeps you like in the in crowd. It allows

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Speaker 1: you to fit in, and there's a lot of enticement

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Speaker 1: to this, right, Like, after all, I think most of

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Speaker 1: us would agree that we want to be liked, we

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Speaker 1: want to be well received, we want to be admired

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Speaker 1: or thought highly of. And the thing about trends is

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Speaker 1: that it's not just about clothes. It's really about anything.

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Speaker 1: It can be the language you used, the food we eat,

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Speaker 1: like when cauliflower everything became a thing, when gluten free

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Speaker 1: everything became a thing, Like the diets were on, when

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Speaker 1: keto was cool and paleo was cool, like all this stuff,

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Speaker 1: the hobbies we engage in, the workouts we do. Like

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Speaker 1: just being in the fitness industry myself, I've seen how

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Speaker 1: like the different workouts have changed and developed in what

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Speaker 1: people like now and where they want to be seen

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Speaker 1: and all that. And this can even go to like

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Speaker 1: the vacation spots we visit, like it's cool to go

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Speaker 1: here now, it's cool to go here. Now, everybody's going

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Speaker 1: to Asheville, and everybody's going to Nashville, and everybody's going

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Speaker 1: to l A and everybody's going to the Almafi Coast,

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Speaker 1: and you know, the list goes on. And another thing

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Speaker 1: about trends is I think we should note this. They

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Speaker 1: come and they go, They're constantly changing, and to stay

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Speaker 1: with the trend, you have to constantly be changing as well.

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Speaker 1: So authenticity being trendy kind of seems like an oxy

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Speaker 1: moron to me, Like how does that work if they

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Speaker 1: always change and you have to always change. But authenticity

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Speaker 1: is something that's static. It's just like who you are, Like,

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Speaker 1: how is that you know? It? Just it's confusing. But

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Speaker 1: right now the reality is authenticity and vulnerability are words

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Speaker 1: that are sure to help, like you're like s e

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Speaker 1: O if you are using them regularly. It's what the

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Speaker 1: people want, as they say. But my question that I

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Speaker 1: kind of want to dig into is is it really

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Speaker 1: what they want? And are we actually giving them that?

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Speaker 1: Are we actually giving authenticity, are we actually giving vulnerability?

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Speaker 1: Are we giving something else? So today I do want

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Speaker 1: to talk about how these two things are showing up

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Speaker 1: in our world, why it's good because honestly, part of

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Speaker 1: it is good, and how can actually sometimes cause more

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Speaker 1: harm than help. So let's get into it. I want

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Speaker 1: to start where I even first remember hearing the words

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Speaker 1: vulnerability and authenticity in a new way. So I started

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Speaker 1: hearing about the power of vulnerability in two thousand and

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Speaker 1: twelve when I was a therapist at a treatment center

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Speaker 1: and I was actually an intern therapist, and I was

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Speaker 1: in a group and part of the group was this

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Speaker 1: therapist handed out these laminated cards and the cards had

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Speaker 1: a quote from Burnet Brown in which when I got

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Speaker 1: the card, I pronounced her name bren Brown. I had

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Speaker 1: no idea who this woman was, and I was directed

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Speaker 1: to go watch a couple of TED talk videos that

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Speaker 1: she had recently done, and I immediately did it that

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Speaker 1: and I remember in my bed. I was living in

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Speaker 1: East Nashville and this like weird loft thing that had

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Speaker 1: didn't have a door, and I just remember getting in

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Speaker 1: to my bed and being stucked into these videos and

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Speaker 1: and her first TED talk, which was called The Power

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Speaker 1: of Vulnerability, which is like one of the most downloaded

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Speaker 1: to this day. I don't know what the exact numbers are,

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Speaker 1: but like crazy, crazy viral. Bernie started this conversation that's

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Speaker 1: still going on today, Like that's when I started really

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Speaker 1: hearing about like what it means to be vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: why we want to be that way. And then that

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Speaker 1: TED talk was then followed by her TED talk Listening

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Speaker 1: to Shame. Both are amazing, I mean both sent me

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Speaker 1: immediately to the bookstore to pick up Darren Greatly, which

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Speaker 1: is one of her books. So if you haven't read that,

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Speaker 1: I highly highly highly recommend it. And if you haven't

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Speaker 1: listened to her TED talks, I highly recommend those. You

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Speaker 1: can just search the Power of Vulnerability or listening to

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Speaker 1: Shape honestly, you can just search for a brown ted

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Speaker 1: talk You'll probably find more than that. So even as

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Speaker 1: a therapist, I'm not gonna lie to you guys. You

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Speaker 1: guys know I like to be honest one here. I

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Speaker 1: was not somebody who was routinely sharing my feelings with

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Speaker 1: my friends and family. I was quite the opposite. I was,

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Speaker 1: even in the beginning, uncomfortable like even being a therapist,

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Speaker 1: Like it wasn't natural for me. To this day, it's

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Speaker 1: a mystery of how I really got into this profession.

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Speaker 1: But I'm glad I did. But my family didn't really

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Speaker 1: talk about feelings growing up, and instead of talking about things,

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Speaker 1: we kind of just like swept them under the rug.

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Speaker 1: We would get in fights and arguments and then we

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Speaker 1: would just like not talk to each other for a

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Speaker 1: couple of days and then pretend like nothing happened. Sounds

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Speaker 1: strange now, but like that's how we did things. And

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Speaker 1: I kind of thought, that's like just what you did

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Speaker 1: because it's what I knew. And I grew up in

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Speaker 1: a family of athletes too, so we shook a lot

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Speaker 1: of things off. We didn't complain. For example, if we

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Speaker 1: got hurt, we aren't going to complain unless something's like broken,

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Speaker 1: if we have a bruise, or if something sore or whatever,

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Speaker 1: like you don't get to complain about that. And my

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Speaker 1: mom even will joke about this. One time, I think

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Speaker 1: it was in eighth grade in a soccer game, I

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Speaker 1: broke my ankle and I like broke broke it into places,

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Speaker 1: like completely broken, and she took me to the hospital immediately,

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Speaker 1: And she will joke about now, like I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: taken you to the hospital if all the other parents

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Speaker 1: and all the other people there weren't making it a

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Speaker 1: big deal. I would have just taken you at home

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Speaker 1: and kind of seen what would have happened the next

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Speaker 1: day and see if you could walk it off. And

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Speaker 1: then we get there and it's like, yeah, your ankle

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Speaker 1: is broken into two places and this is bad and

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Speaker 1: you need to be in a cast immediately. But in

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Speaker 1: two twelve, back when I was this therapist intern, things

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Speaker 1: were different. We had Facebook and Instagram, like we had

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Speaker 1: social media. I had Facebook all through college. I got

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Speaker 1: Instagram the year after college, but they weren't what they

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Speaker 1: are today. We didn't have them the way we have

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Speaker 1: them now, and it was normal to not have an Instagram,

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Speaker 1: and there wasn't a such thing as an influencer, like

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what that was, and you kind of

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Speaker 1: really followed the people that you knew, like you followed

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Speaker 1: your friends, and you couldn't post stories. It also was embarrassing,

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Speaker 1: like over my dead body, what I post more than

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Speaker 1: one picture a week, especially post more than once a day.

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Speaker 1: And now with stories, we're posting like every hour. So

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Speaker 1: things were very different. Even if we had social media

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Speaker 1: having it was just a different experience. You weren't posting

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Speaker 1: like you did now. So obviously social media has changed

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Speaker 1: over the years, and I don't want to like beat

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Speaker 1: a dead horse here when it comes to the conversations

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Speaker 1: I've had on the podcast about social media and the

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Speaker 1: fact that it hasn't our mental health, but I do

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Speaker 1: think it's important to talk about how even things like

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Speaker 1: vulnerability are being taken advantage of now, twisted now and misconstrued,

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Speaker 1: and social media does play a big role in that.

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Speaker 1: We've talked a lot also about how words can lose

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Speaker 1: their power and they will continue to do so at

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Speaker 1: the rate work owing. Anything that happens to anyone now

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Speaker 1: is trauma. Every jerk as a narcissist, and every person

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Speaker 1: who lies as gas lighting. Like, we've just kind of

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Speaker 1: like oversimplified certain terms, so they are kind of like

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Speaker 1: overarching and we can apply them to whatever we want.

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Speaker 1: They're kind of buzzwords. They gain attention and make us

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Speaker 1: feel I don't know, some of us might feel smarter

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Speaker 1: when we're using certain words. But what I also see

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Speaker 1: happening is every person who's posting to picture without a

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Speaker 1: filter is vulnerable, and anyone who shares a photo of

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Speaker 1: themselves crying is being authentic. But wait a second, do

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Speaker 1: we even know what any of these words mean anymore?

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Speaker 1: Or are we just following the buzzwords and trends. So

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Speaker 1: back in my internship, the same one where I found

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Speaker 1: that card from Bernet Brown, I learned a lot about addiction.

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Speaker 1: I learned a lot about a A, the Big Book,

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Speaker 1: the twelve Steps, and everything in between. And I never

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Speaker 1: found myself actually working the twelve steps myself. I was

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Speaker 1: never somebody who regularly attended meetings or as part of

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Speaker 1: that community. But we used that, and that was a

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Speaker 1: resource that a lot of our clients used, and so

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Speaker 1: I it was exposed to a lot of just like

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Speaker 1: their beliefs how they work, and a lot of the

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Speaker 1: sayings that come in a groups or any of those

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Speaker 1: kinds of groups, and one of them that will always

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Speaker 1: stick with me is secrets make you sick. Like I

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Speaker 1: was saying in the beginning of this episode. I read

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Speaker 1: this recent article in the July issue of Psychology Today

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Speaker 1: titled Why We Keep so Many secrets? And it was

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Speaker 1: by a man named David Luton. He's the doctor of sorts,

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Speaker 1: and in it he wrote, secrecy is intentionally withholding personal

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Speaker 1: information from one or more persons. Keeping secrets can often

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Speaker 1: be harmful in the long run, both physically and psychologically. However,

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Speaker 1: according to psychologist Michael Sleppian and Alex Coach, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I'm pronouncing their names correctly. It's not the

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Speaker 1: withholding that hurts us. Instead, it's the ruminating that harms.

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Speaker 1: And we know, and part of this we know from

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Speaker 1: Burnet Brown and her work and her research that secrecy

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Speaker 1: is the breeding ground for shame, and shame feeds off

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Speaker 1: of silence. It also feeds off of secrecy. It's suffocated

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Speaker 1: also by vulnerability and connection. So shame is suffocated by vulnerability,

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Speaker 1: which is sometimes the opposite of secrecy. But not always so.

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Speaker 1: This man later writes why are some secrets so harmful?

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Speaker 1: Concealing information can be psychologically damaging because the secret holder

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Speaker 1: has no opportunity to discuss the contents with other people.

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Speaker 1: When we have problems, it helps to share them with

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Speaker 1: others who can provide us with insight on how to

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Speaker 1: deal with them. But when it comes to secrets that

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Speaker 1: are high on the immorality dimension, we feel shame and

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Speaker 1: are reluctant to share, often for good reason. However, secrets

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Speaker 1: high on the other two dimensions are less likely to

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Speaker 1: lead to emotional harm, for instance, and disclosed information high

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Speaker 1: on the connectedness dimension reassures us that we have valuable

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Speaker 1: social or intimate relationships. So a lot of what I'm

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Speaker 1: hearing in this if it's hard to like, why are

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Speaker 1: you reading this part? It's hard to understand a lot

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Speaker 1: of what I'm hearing is that secrets can keep you sick,

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Speaker 1: and you don't have to share everything, being authentic, being real,

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Speaker 1: Being vulnerable doesn't mean that you have nothing inside of

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Speaker 1: you that everyone in the world isn't privy too. Being

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Speaker 1: vulnerable was the key to a lot of healing and

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Speaker 1: still is. After all, we know we can't heal what

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Speaker 1: we don't acknowledge. I can't help anyone work through shame

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Speaker 1: if I don't know what they are struggling with. What

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying is that we shouldn't be vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: we shouldn't try to be authentic. That is what I want,

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Speaker 1: for sure. That's I really want us to actually be

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Speaker 1: able to do those things. But it's almost becoming performative

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Speaker 1: and taking away the real promise that authenticity is supposed

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Speaker 1: to bring, which is freedom. So as the research Berne

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Speaker 1: Brown was doing became more popular, and as our culture

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Speaker 1: started paying more attention to feelings, and as therapy has

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Speaker 1: been losing its negative stigma and younger generations are tiresly

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Speaker 1: working to shake off the sweep and under the rug

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Speaker 1: attitude that have been passed down for generations, talking about

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Speaker 1: vulnerability began to become almost like a cool thing to do.

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Speaker 1: Not so much because it was becoming more accepted. I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of this was because it became trending,

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Speaker 1: and and I want to talk to you guys about

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Speaker 1: like why I think it is that way. Why I

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Speaker 1: think it's because it's trending and not because it's like

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Speaker 1: accepted or real, and I want you guys to know that,

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Speaker 1: and all of what I'm saying this is not black

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Speaker 1: and white. So I think there is a lot of

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Speaker 1: realness out there. There is a lot of real authenticity,

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Speaker 1: There is a lot of real vulnerability out there. But

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Speaker 1: we're also confusing that with a lot of performative So

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Speaker 1: the problem is when something becomes cool, people want to

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Speaker 1: do it because it's cool, and so then we're performing.

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Speaker 1: Like think about trends and clothes. You might think something's

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Speaker 1: disgusting and then everybody is wearing it, so you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I have to get that now too,

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Speaker 1: like the platform shoes, So it's a performance that I

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Speaker 1: really like that? Or do I like that now? Because

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Speaker 1: everybody else likes it because it's cool and because what

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Speaker 1: people are wearing. So enter performative authenticity and performative vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: Some of you guys might remember this. A lot of

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Speaker 1: you guys might remember this or even just like know

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Speaker 1: about hearing it. But in two thousand fifteen, this woman

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Speaker 1: named Rachel Hollis who mind you? I find extremely toxic

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Speaker 1: and damaging as a person of influence. Another story for

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Speaker 1: another time, but she posted a bikini picture of herself

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Speaker 1: on Instagram that went viral, and this particular picture was

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Speaker 1: one of her showcasing and in her words, this is

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Speaker 1: what she wrote her flabby skin, saggy belly button, and

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Speaker 1: stretch marks. When she posted that the internet went viral.

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Speaker 1: She became somewhat of like an icon in the body

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Speaker 1: positivity world. Mind you that is its own disaster that

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Speaker 1: we don't have time for today, and that vulnerable, authentic

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Speaker 1: picture became a really great business move. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the intention was. I don't know, but it

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Speaker 1: did become that. What this picture did is it gained

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Speaker 1: a lot of attention. And what is it that we

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Speaker 1: settle for when we don't feel good enough or that

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Speaker 1: we reach out for when we don't feel good enough

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Speaker 1: about ourselves? We go search for attention. And again I

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Speaker 1: will say, I do not know. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: Rachel Hollis's intentions were. She posted that it's it's no

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Speaker 1: secret to people who listen to this podcast regularly that

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Speaker 1: I think her way of motivating people with very damaging

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Speaker 1: and scary but into some fifteen who knows. Maybe she

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Speaker 1: was really trying to be real with people, But what

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Speaker 1: happened is being real became a strategy because of how

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Speaker 1: that picture performed on the Internet. And when being authentic

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Speaker 1: becomes a strategy, vulnerability is compromised. Vulnerability becomes calculated, and

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Speaker 1: this is not authentic. It can't be. It can't be

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Speaker 1: authentic if it's calculated, and if it's a strategy. As humans,

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Speaker 1: I believe that we have these two innate desires to

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Speaker 1: be loved and then also to be ourselves a k a.

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Speaker 1: To be authentic. Well, when we don't feel loved, we

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Speaker 1: end up creating strategies that help us maintain a manufactured

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Speaker 1: feeling of love. We settle for attention and admiration, and

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Speaker 1: the cost of that is often our authenticity. We pick

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Speaker 1: up or we drop, certain parts of ourselves to gain

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Speaker 1: this thing, to gain the attention, to gain this like

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Speaker 1: manufactured feeling of love and belonging in our world, belonging

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Speaker 1: trump's authenticity, which also is a whole thing, because when

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Speaker 1: we are changing ourselves in order to belong we're not belonging,

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Speaker 1: we're fitting in. And that's a very different thing, because

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Speaker 1: belonging to something that we do when we just get

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Speaker 1: to show up, fitting into something that we do, when

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Speaker 1: we change ourselves in order to be accepted. But that's

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Speaker 1: what happens when we can't get this one thing that

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Speaker 1: we're born, this one desire that we're born just desiring

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Speaker 1: in our core, we become really, really creative, and it

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Speaker 1: has a cost. Our creativity has a cost, and it

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Speaker 1: costs who we truly are a lot of times, authenticity

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Speaker 1: and its own right isn't cool. It isn't trendy, it

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Speaker 1: can't be. We've kind of established that we can't control

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Speaker 1: who are authentic selves are. We can only accept them

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Speaker 1: and be those people. So when people started posting pictures

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Speaker 1: of themselves crying on Instagram, I think in the beginning

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Speaker 1: it was in good nature. We had these kind of

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Speaker 1: trail blazers in their own right trying to show us

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Speaker 1: that life isn't all that it looks like on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: And for good reason, the public likes this. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I say, I don't know Rachel Hollis's intentions when

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Speaker 1: she posted that bikini picture. It could have been like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I want you guys to know I struggle too, and

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Speaker 1: my life isn't what everybody thinks that might be. I

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Speaker 1: have no idea. I didn't follow her back then. I

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Speaker 1: still don't follow her, But I feel like I needed

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Speaker 1: to say that. But I think in the beginning, when

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Speaker 1: people started posting these like more like raw images, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't to get a following. It was to say like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm

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Speaker 1: a fan of that, but I want us to be

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Speaker 1: careful because since that ends up being a good marketing

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Speaker 1: strap energy to gain a following, people started curating vulnerability

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Speaker 1: and authenticity. People started just even using those words, throwing

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Speaker 1: those words and to hook us because honestly, we're craving that,

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Speaker 1: especially as like a more like younger generation that the Millennials,

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Speaker 1: the gen zs like, we actually crave more of an

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Speaker 1: intense connection than people have in the past. And that's

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Speaker 1: a great thing. I think that we're healing a lot

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Speaker 1: of like the stuff when it comes to mental health

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Speaker 1: that was like kind of again swept under the rug

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Speaker 1: and on our past. So there's more people that are

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Speaker 1: wanting more stuff like that. But we have to be

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Speaker 1: careful when those words are used to hook us in

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Speaker 1: and get our attention rather than used in their right

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Speaker 1: because they fit whatever is happening in that moment. So now,

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Speaker 1: what do we do right, Like, should we all just

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Speaker 1: be fake so then we're definitely not creating a false

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Speaker 1: sense of authenticity. I guess that the solution, and no,

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Speaker 1: I don't think it is. I don't really think that

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Speaker 1: there is an answer at all of what we exactly

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Speaker 1: need to do and to be honest, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm even the right person to give the exact

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Speaker 1: answer to this. I think it needs to be a

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Speaker 1: conversation that we're having with multiple people, with multiple different

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Speaker 1: kind of people. People that are more in the social

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Speaker 1: media world, people that are more in the research world

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Speaker 1: when it comes to vulnerability and authenticity, people that are therapists,

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Speaker 1: people that are just regular people. I think what we

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Speaker 1: need is a constant conversation with all different kinds of

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Speaker 1: people to come up with an answer. But I want

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Speaker 1: us to start being just more aware and maybe those

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Speaker 1: conversations will then develop, because then I want us to

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Speaker 1: have the ability to choose with more autonomy what we're

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Speaker 1: taking in, what information we're taking in, what forms of

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Speaker 1: authenticity and vulnerability that we're taking in, And going back

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Speaker 1: to that secret keeping conversation, I want you guys to

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Speaker 1: know that to be real, to be authentic, and to

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable, you don't have to share everything. Not sharing

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Speaker 1: everything doesn't mean you're not real. I think it just

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Speaker 1: means you are holding certain parts of your life sacred

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Speaker 1: to you and your most connected relationships. We don't really

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Speaker 1: have the capacity to be vulnerable. Vulnerability carries a certain

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Speaker 1: level of stress that we should not be experiencing. But

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Speaker 1: just like cardio is good for us, we can't spend

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Speaker 1: all day running. That would not be good for us.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like too much of a good thing ruins it.

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Speaker 1: And if we're trying to be vulnerable seven we're either

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Speaker 1: creating a water down version of vulnerability, or we're causing

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Speaker 1: ourselves unnecessary harmage stress, or we're really not being vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: To be authentic is to be yourself. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: I'm sharing every day twelve of my life with everyone

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Speaker 1: I know. And honestly, there is a quote that I

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Speaker 1: love and I heard this on any f Downs podcast

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Speaker 1: that sounds fun. A couple of years ago, when she

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Speaker 1: was going through the angiogram, she did these like any

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00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 1: summers where she would go through every single number on

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Speaker 1: the Instagram separately. And I don't even know what number

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Speaker 1: this quote came from, but It was something along the

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Speaker 1: lines of be authentic with everyone and transparent with few,

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Speaker 1: And I love that. Because I can be myself with

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Speaker 1: everybody doesn't mean that everybody is getting the same exact

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Speaker 1: intensity of who I am. But I can be myself

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Speaker 1: with everybody like me. Not sharing everything with everybody is

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Speaker 1: not me being fake. That's just who I am in

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Speaker 1: those certain circumstances, like when I go to a new

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Speaker 1: group of people. When I'm in a room full of

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Speaker 1: new people, I'm not going to be the same that

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Speaker 1: I am when I'm with my best friends. I'm not

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Speaker 1: being fake. I'm still being myself. I'm being the most

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Speaker 1: real version of myself that I'm comfortable being in that moment.

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Speaker 1: So I really like this and be authentic with everyone

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Speaker 1: and transparent with few. Not everybody needs to know your deepest,

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00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: darkest secrets. Not everybody needs to know what happened on

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Speaker 1: your worst day. Not everybody needs to know when you're crying.

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Speaker 1: Not everybody needs to know when you're happy. Not everybody

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Speaker 1: needs to know when you had tragedy. Not everybody needs

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Speaker 1: to know what you said in your therapy session this week.

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Speaker 1: Not everybody needs to know that. I think there is

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Speaker 1: a sacredness, and there is something we get out of

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00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 1: having certain relationships that have more information and more intensity

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00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 1: and more denseness in them than others. I think there's

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00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 1: a sacredness and there's an importance of us having conversations

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00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: with whether it's a therapist or a best friend, that

436
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 1: we don't then go share on the internet. I think

437
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: that there's something about that. It can create some really

438
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: good feelings inside of us when we think back on

439
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: those relationships. I love thinking about my relationship with my therapist,

440
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 1: knowing she knows more about me than anybody in the world.

441
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: She really does. She knows things that my best friends

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00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,399
Speaker 1: don't know. She knows things that my parents don't know,

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00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 1: and I'm I don't ever plan on telling them those things,

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00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 1: but I'm able to be vulnerable with her, work on

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00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 1: those things with her, and that alleviates that secrets keep

446
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: you sick. Thing that alleviates some of that. I can

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00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 1: share that with one person and it lets go of

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00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,239
Speaker 1: some of that for me. So that really kind of

449
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 1: sums it up that last quote. I can be real

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00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 1: with someone and them not know every insecurity I have

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00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 1: of that's not being fake. So I hope this was helpful,

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00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 1: and I hope this kind of created some thinking in y'all.

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00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 1: Whether it's what you are going to choose to follow

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00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 1: and see on Instagram, what you are going to choose

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00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: to post on Instagram, how you share your life. You're

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00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: in charge of that, and there's not one right or

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00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: one wrong way to do it. It's very individualistic because again,

458
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 1: we're all different. I I say that all the time.

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00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: I feel like in every episode everybody needs something different

460
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 1: because we're all different. But I hope this just kind

461
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: of makes you think a little bit more when you're

462
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: seeing what content is doing well and when we're looking

463
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: at what am I going to post? And why Am

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00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: I doing this because I want the illusion of being

465
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: authentic because what that might bring. Because I need attention

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00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: because I don't feel loved, because I don't belong right now?

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00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: Am I doing this because it feels right? Am I

468
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 1: doing this because this is a challenge for me? And

469
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: my doing this because this is what I need to

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00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: do right now authentically. If you have any questions about

471
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: this episode, you can send them to Catherine at You

472
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast, And if you have a question about

473
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,880
Speaker 1: the episode or anything, really, I might not always answer

474
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,360
Speaker 1: those questions, but you can send them to Katherine at

475
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: you Need Therapy podcast dot com. If you want to

476
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: follow me, you can follow at Cat dot de fata.

477
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 1: That is my personal Instagram, And if you want to

478
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: follow the podcast, you can follow that at you Need

479
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. Again, I hope that you enjoyed listening to

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00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 1: this and it kind of brought up some ideas in

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00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: your head. And I hope that you guys have the

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00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: day you need to have, the week you need to have,

483
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: the morning you need to have, and I will talk

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00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: to you guys on Wednesday for couch Docks