1 00:00:14,076 --> 00:00:22,436 Speaker 1: Pushing. You know, I did have one white friend who 2 00:00:22,476 --> 00:00:26,476 Speaker 1: I won't name, and his parents conveyed to me that 3 00:00:26,516 --> 00:00:30,196 Speaker 1: I was a bad influence on him. Really, I don't 4 00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:31,996 Speaker 1: think if it would do with race, It just had 5 00:00:31,996 --> 00:00:35,556 Speaker 1: to do with me, big asshole. Oh that's funny. 6 00:00:40,476 --> 00:00:41,956 Speaker 2: I'm Khalil Jibron Muhammad. 7 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:45,956 Speaker 1: I'm Ben Austen. We're two best friends, one black, one white. 8 00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:49,636 Speaker 2: I'm a historian and I'm a journalist. And this is 9 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,516 Speaker 2: some of my best friends are. 10 00:00:51,836 --> 00:00:55,156 Speaker 1: Some of my best friends are dot dot dot. In 11 00:00:55,236 --> 00:00:58,956 Speaker 1: this show, we wrestled with the challenges and the absurdities 12 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,796 Speaker 1: of a deeply divided and unequal country. 13 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:07,516 Speaker 2: And today we are finally talking about us. The interracial 14 00:01:07,556 --> 00:01:09,196 Speaker 2: friendship the show is based on. 15 00:01:09,596 --> 00:01:12,156 Speaker 1: That's right. We're going to tell you how you too 16 00:01:12,276 --> 00:01:16,196 Speaker 1: can have a successful interracial friendship. Three quick ways to 17 00:01:16,236 --> 00:01:17,676 Speaker 1: do it, guarantee. 18 00:01:17,196 --> 00:01:18,596 Speaker 2: And make your life happier. 19 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:23,276 Speaker 1: Just kidding, but we are going to talk about interracial friendships. 20 00:01:23,676 --> 00:01:26,356 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the social science behind them, 21 00:01:26,756 --> 00:01:29,436 Speaker 1: what the social science gets right, what it gets wrong, 22 00:01:29,996 --> 00:01:33,756 Speaker 1: and why these friendships are important. 23 00:01:41,596 --> 00:01:44,396 Speaker 2: So I've been thinking a lot about our friendship. Man, 24 00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:46,836 Speaker 2: Remember that time that makes me happy? 25 00:01:46,836 --> 00:01:47,116 Speaker 1: To hear. 26 00:01:47,916 --> 00:01:51,436 Speaker 2: Remember that time we were on the like this big 27 00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:54,476 Speaker 2: public radio talk show promoting some of the Best Friends Are. 28 00:01:54,796 --> 00:01:57,476 Speaker 1: Of course, that was one of our first promos that 29 00:01:57,516 --> 00:02:00,316 Speaker 1: we were on a show, and we were talking about 30 00:02:00,356 --> 00:02:02,556 Speaker 1: basically the conceit of our show, which is, you know, 31 00:02:02,596 --> 00:02:04,596 Speaker 1: one of us is black, one of us is white, right, 32 00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:09,516 Speaker 1: and that our friendship didn't necessarily mean a lot as 33 00:02:09,556 --> 00:02:12,916 Speaker 1: far as changing structural issues, but we're here to talk 34 00:02:12,956 --> 00:02:15,076 Speaker 1: about to talk about what we are trying to do, 35 00:02:15,276 --> 00:02:15,716 Speaker 1: that's right. 36 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,876 Speaker 2: So here we start taking all these calls. It's a 37 00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:21,996 Speaker 2: call in show, and people are like, well, I'm so 38 00:02:22,036 --> 00:02:24,316 Speaker 2: happy to talk to you Ben and Khalil, because you know, 39 00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:28,196 Speaker 2: my daughter's sixteen and she's white and she just offended 40 00:02:28,236 --> 00:02:30,316 Speaker 2: this black girl at our school and she has no 41 00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:32,436 Speaker 2: idea what to do. Can you help us figure this out? 42 00:02:32,956 --> 00:02:35,196 Speaker 1: And it was caller after call her. So the next 43 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,356 Speaker 1: caller was a black woman who was like, this woman 44 00:02:37,396 --> 00:02:39,276 Speaker 1: at work is trying to be my friend, and I'm 45 00:02:39,276 --> 00:02:42,796 Speaker 1: not sure if I like her. We became the interracial 46 00:02:42,836 --> 00:02:46,036 Speaker 1: buddy whisperers, that's right. It was sort of the opposite 47 00:02:46,036 --> 00:02:49,796 Speaker 1: of what we were hoping to do, but we leaned 48 00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:52,196 Speaker 1: into it. You know, we were like, we weren't going 49 00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:53,756 Speaker 1: to tell people we were going to do this, and 50 00:02:53,796 --> 00:02:56,116 Speaker 1: that's right. In a way, maybe we were like, hey, 51 00:02:56,156 --> 00:02:59,076 Speaker 1: this is this is much more professionally lucrative, like guess 52 00:02:59,076 --> 00:02:59,836 Speaker 1: is what we should be. 53 00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:02,516 Speaker 2: Doing, or just you know, maybe much more helpful. So 54 00:03:02,996 --> 00:03:06,196 Speaker 2: it got us to thinking about how rare these friendships are. 55 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,516 Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, And what does. 56 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:12,596 Speaker 2: The actual research on the frequency and significance of interracial 57 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:14,276 Speaker 2: friendships actually tell us? 58 00:03:14,516 --> 00:03:18,116 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so you're right. So let's look at some research, 59 00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:21,196 Speaker 1: some social science, and maybe we're going to learn something 60 00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:25,116 Speaker 1: about about interracial friendships, but maybe we'll also learn something 61 00:03:25,116 --> 00:03:28,956 Speaker 1: about ourselves and what makes us friends. I like that 62 00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:31,756 Speaker 1: it's a win win, or maybe what we discover is 63 00:03:31,756 --> 00:03:44,676 Speaker 1: like we shouldn't be friends. So we looked at this 64 00:03:44,796 --> 00:03:49,476 Speaker 1: study conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute and they 65 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:53,676 Speaker 1: did surveys of American friendship friendship networks in twenty twenty two. 66 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,196 Speaker 1: And what we found is there's a ton of other 67 00:03:56,236 --> 00:04:00,036 Speaker 1: research it also supports their findings, including from Pew, and 68 00:04:00,436 --> 00:04:05,676 Speaker 1: what they found is white Americans their friendship networks are 69 00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:09,116 Speaker 1: on average ninety percent white so of all their friends, 70 00:04:10,076 --> 00:04:11,956 Speaker 1: nine out of ten of them are white. Yes, and 71 00:04:11,996 --> 00:04:15,876 Speaker 1: more than that, sixty seven percent their friendship networks are 72 00:04:15,916 --> 00:04:19,036 Speaker 1: like one hundred percent white. Are all white? No friends 73 00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:20,996 Speaker 1: who are outside their race, That's right. 74 00:04:21,076 --> 00:04:23,396 Speaker 2: If you go to their Facebook pages, there is not 75 00:04:23,476 --> 00:04:27,076 Speaker 2: a single black or brown face anywhere to be found. Now, 76 00:04:27,276 --> 00:04:30,596 Speaker 2: turns out for black folks they are a little bit 77 00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:31,956 Speaker 2: more engaging. 78 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:32,836 Speaker 1: Outside of the race. 79 00:04:33,276 --> 00:04:36,476 Speaker 2: The study said that Black American friendship networks were around 80 00:04:36,516 --> 00:04:39,996 Speaker 2: seventy eight percent black, so not quite as bad as 81 00:04:39,996 --> 00:04:43,556 Speaker 2: white folks, but surprisingly not as good as it is 82 00:04:43,556 --> 00:04:44,756 Speaker 2: for Latinos and Asians. 83 00:04:45,196 --> 00:04:47,996 Speaker 1: Some people would think that Latinos and Asians would be 84 00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:52,196 Speaker 1: even more exclusive, but it's actually the opposite. They have 85 00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:55,636 Speaker 1: more friends, even more friends who are outside their social circles, 86 00:04:55,636 --> 00:04:56,876 Speaker 1: who are of different races. 87 00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:59,636 Speaker 2: Yeah, and some researchers speculate it's the smallness of at 88 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,156 Speaker 2: least for the Asian population that they kind of can't 89 00:05:02,196 --> 00:05:05,076 Speaker 2: help but have people outside of their community, even their 90 00:05:05,116 --> 00:05:07,796 Speaker 2: size in the population. All right, So big summary for 91 00:05:07,836 --> 00:05:11,796 Speaker 2: this research. Essentially, compared to people of color, white people 92 00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:14,516 Speaker 2: have the smallest percentage of friends who are not white, 93 00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:18,836 Speaker 2: and even more interesting than that like, the more education 94 00:05:18,956 --> 00:05:23,116 Speaker 2: white people get doesn't change this. It's still the same problem. 95 00:05:23,316 --> 00:05:25,716 Speaker 1: Come on, white people, come on, white people, Come on, 96 00:05:25,796 --> 00:05:28,636 Speaker 1: my people, Come on, my people. We need to work on. 97 00:05:28,636 --> 00:05:34,116 Speaker 2: This, so listen. In nineteen fifty four, this researcher named 98 00:05:34,156 --> 00:05:36,316 Speaker 2: Gordon Allport wrote this book. 99 00:05:36,076 --> 00:05:39,076 Speaker 1: Called The Nature. You're using the way back machine. We're 100 00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:41,156 Speaker 1: going all the way back to nineteen fifty I'm a historian. 101 00:05:41,236 --> 00:05:43,596 Speaker 1: Don't I get to it? I interrupted you, but keep 102 00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:44,596 Speaker 1: on going, all right, all right. 103 00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:47,156 Speaker 2: So this is important because this is kind of like 104 00:05:47,196 --> 00:05:49,036 Speaker 2: where this whole set of ideas came from. 105 00:05:49,276 --> 00:05:50,796 Speaker 1: And it's called what's the name of the study? 106 00:05:50,756 --> 00:05:52,716 Speaker 2: Again, I'm say the name of the study is called 107 00:05:52,716 --> 00:05:57,956 Speaker 2: The Nature of Prejudice. And Gordon Allport is famous now 108 00:05:58,076 --> 00:06:02,596 Speaker 2: for establishing what's called contact theory. And basically it's really simple. 109 00:06:02,636 --> 00:06:05,636 Speaker 2: He argued the different racists spending time together in pursuit 110 00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:09,516 Speaker 2: of a common goal would reduce prejudice. Okay, And he 111 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,636 Speaker 2: actually was doing this research at a time when the 112 00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:15,956 Speaker 2: military had just been desegregated in nineteen forty eight, a 113 00:06:15,956 --> 00:06:18,716 Speaker 2: little bit after World War Two, and some of our 114 00:06:18,716 --> 00:06:21,636 Speaker 2: listeners who recognized nineteen fifty four was a pivotal year 115 00:06:21,676 --> 00:06:24,916 Speaker 2: for Brown versus Board of Education what schools were desegregated. 116 00:06:25,076 --> 00:06:28,116 Speaker 1: So this was so this is really thinking about about 117 00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:33,316 Speaker 1: right at the start of integrated America and how to 118 00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,316 Speaker 1: do it out of it segregated America. 119 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:38,956 Speaker 2: Yeah, because the segregation was essentially supposedly on life support. 120 00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:42,316 Speaker 2: And so Allport was a social psychologist and he figured, hey, 121 00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:45,956 Speaker 2: we psychologists should be able to help solve for how 122 00:06:46,076 --> 00:06:51,596 Speaker 2: white people in particular get comfortable with getting to know 123 00:06:51,716 --> 00:06:55,876 Speaker 2: black people and opening up society. So he theorized that 124 00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:58,836 Speaker 2: in order for prejudice to be reduced, in order for 125 00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:03,956 Speaker 2: interracial friendships to thrive, like hours, four conditions would need 126 00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:06,316 Speaker 2: to be met. And I'm just going to simplify things. 127 00:07:06,396 --> 00:07:06,996 Speaker 1: Yeah, So like. 128 00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:14,636 Speaker 2: There's equality, cooperation, and clear rules. So does this make sense? 129 00:07:15,196 --> 00:07:19,316 Speaker 1: Yes, equality, commonality, cooperation, and clear rules. Maybe maybe a 130 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,196 Speaker 1: way to understand it is that apply it to our friendship. 131 00:07:22,516 --> 00:07:25,276 Speaker 1: You have this, we have this lifelong friendship. That's right. 132 00:07:25,316 --> 00:07:28,196 Speaker 1: We've been friends since freshman year of high school yep, 133 00:07:28,476 --> 00:07:31,716 Speaker 1: and here we are, you know, thirty some years later. 134 00:07:33,196 --> 00:07:38,196 Speaker 1: And I think in terms of commonality, let's start there 135 00:07:38,596 --> 00:07:41,956 Speaker 1: that you and I surprisingly only had one class in 136 00:07:42,036 --> 00:07:45,556 Speaker 1: high school together, but we're in the same school and 137 00:07:45,596 --> 00:07:48,916 Speaker 1: we actually meet at a workplace. We work at Hyde 138 00:07:48,956 --> 00:07:52,356 Speaker 1: Park Computers together in ninth grade. We start a job together. 139 00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:56,476 Speaker 2: Yeah, our real origin story is I'm fourteen years old 140 00:07:56,836 --> 00:07:59,396 Speaker 2: working in a computer store as a freshman in high 141 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:03,036 Speaker 2: school and at some point I break my thumb and 142 00:08:03,076 --> 00:08:03,716 Speaker 2: I need help. 143 00:08:04,076 --> 00:08:07,556 Speaker 1: And here you get hired, You get high, get hired 144 00:08:07,596 --> 00:08:10,636 Speaker 1: to do the most rude, mentary work, and you're my boss, 145 00:08:10,676 --> 00:08:15,036 Speaker 1: you're my superior. And yeah, I mean we didn't instantly 146 00:08:15,076 --> 00:08:17,676 Speaker 1: become friends, but we sort of at least like in 147 00:08:17,716 --> 00:08:20,076 Speaker 1: this idea, we're in the same space, we're hanging out. 148 00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:22,396 Speaker 2: Yeah, let's pause on that for a minute, because this 149 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:25,876 Speaker 2: whole thing about commonality and equality is really about like 150 00:08:25,996 --> 00:08:29,436 Speaker 2: people meeting us peers where there isn't hierarchy because you know, 151 00:08:29,756 --> 00:08:32,476 Speaker 2: the old, the old historical problem is that you know, 152 00:08:32,516 --> 00:08:34,836 Speaker 2: black people were slaves to white people, and so it 153 00:08:34,876 --> 00:08:38,036 Speaker 2: wasn't about like proximity or simple contact if it was 154 00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:41,876 Speaker 2: a very hierarchical relationship. So we are in this workplace 155 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,676 Speaker 2: experience together, which is really when we start to become friends. 156 00:08:44,956 --> 00:08:48,076 Speaker 2: And then that was like September October I remember our 157 00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:51,156 Speaker 2: freshman year. By spring we're both playing tennis together on 158 00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:51,716 Speaker 2: the tennis. 159 00:08:51,476 --> 00:08:54,836 Speaker 1: S that's right. And then on the tennis team, you know, 160 00:08:55,196 --> 00:08:58,236 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm kind of the tennis prodigy star. 161 00:08:58,436 --> 00:09:01,996 Speaker 2: Oh is that right? Don't forget I have most improved 162 00:09:01,996 --> 00:09:03,876 Speaker 2: player two years in a row. I got a matter 163 00:09:03,916 --> 00:09:04,396 Speaker 2: of time. 164 00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:06,436 Speaker 1: I will never let you forget that. Yeah. 165 00:09:06,476 --> 00:09:10,036 Speaker 2: So it is the context. It's the classic content where 166 00:09:10,076 --> 00:09:13,116 Speaker 2: black and white people come together, you know, break down 167 00:09:13,156 --> 00:09:18,556 Speaker 2: their prejudices in pursuit of a common goal and become friends. Right, 168 00:09:18,596 --> 00:09:20,116 Speaker 2: that's the way it's supposed to work. 169 00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,796 Speaker 1: We're still equals. We're still equals in the sense of 170 00:09:23,836 --> 00:09:28,196 Speaker 1: we're operating the same sphere and under the same rules 171 00:09:28,196 --> 00:09:28,396 Speaker 1: in a. 172 00:09:28,396 --> 00:09:30,476 Speaker 2: Way, Yeah, because if you think about it, in the 173 00:09:30,516 --> 00:09:33,636 Speaker 2: moment that Allport was doing this work, like the military, 174 00:09:33,796 --> 00:09:36,196 Speaker 2: was this space where people came together as equals for 175 00:09:36,236 --> 00:09:40,276 Speaker 2: the common purpose of defending the nation with a shared 176 00:09:40,356 --> 00:09:44,156 Speaker 2: values of patriotism and clear rules of like how do 177 00:09:44,196 --> 00:09:47,276 Speaker 2: you work together? And so whether it's a sports team 178 00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,676 Speaker 2: for a lot of black and white Americans over the 179 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,516 Speaker 2: years and certainly today, or whether it's a school environment 180 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,276 Speaker 2: or even a workplace, it's this idea that if people 181 00:09:56,316 --> 00:09:59,676 Speaker 2: are in a common space, generally in a flat environment 182 00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:03,596 Speaker 2: where everyone has kind of equality, then good things will happen. 183 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,996 Speaker 1: That's the idea. Yeah, so we have to we're going 184 00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:10,116 Speaker 1: from contact, which is different from a friendship that lasts 185 00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:12,676 Speaker 1: a lifetime, essentially, Like, how does that happen? That's right? 186 00:10:13,516 --> 00:10:17,236 Speaker 1: And all right? So I'd say one is, we come 187 00:10:17,276 --> 00:10:21,116 Speaker 1: from this community. We're allowed for just this contact to happen, right, 188 00:10:21,156 --> 00:10:22,596 Speaker 1: I mean that seems pretty rare. 189 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,716 Speaker 2: Well, let's just unpack that, a man, we come from 190 00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:28,996 Speaker 2: a straight up integrated neighborhood. Like there's probably like three 191 00:10:29,036 --> 00:10:31,596 Speaker 2: of them, you know, in the state of Illinois, and 192 00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:34,476 Speaker 2: maybe fifty around the country. And I'm obviously joking a 193 00:10:34,476 --> 00:10:36,836 Speaker 2: bit here, but it's unusual that in and of itself 194 00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:37,716 Speaker 2: is a bit unusual. 195 00:10:38,356 --> 00:10:41,116 Speaker 1: Yeah, and maybe I mean, even thinking about that a 196 00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:44,436 Speaker 1: little bit, so that neither of us was the only 197 00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:46,396 Speaker 1: in the other circle. That's right. 198 00:10:46,836 --> 00:10:50,036 Speaker 2: I think, if my memory serves me correctly, I have 199 00:10:50,276 --> 00:10:53,436 Speaker 2: more white friends, meaning people I had called friend and 200 00:10:53,516 --> 00:10:57,236 Speaker 2: hung out friends and hung out with, than you had 201 00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:58,076 Speaker 2: white friends. 202 00:10:58,956 --> 00:11:01,556 Speaker 1: That's possible. In fact, I thought at some point that 203 00:11:01,596 --> 00:11:04,356 Speaker 1: I didn't want to be friends with you because you 204 00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:08,596 Speaker 1: were two, you had too many white friends. I was worried, 205 00:11:08,596 --> 00:11:12,836 Speaker 1: but then you know you you pass the test eventually. Okay. 206 00:11:12,956 --> 00:11:16,556 Speaker 2: So look, these four conditions at all port set up 207 00:11:16,836 --> 00:11:21,036 Speaker 2: defined an entire field of how do you reduce prejudice 208 00:11:21,156 --> 00:11:24,436 Speaker 2: by making friends or making contact with somebody else? Okay, 209 00:11:25,116 --> 00:11:28,916 Speaker 2: But it turns out that most people didn't have this experience. 210 00:11:29,716 --> 00:11:31,876 Speaker 2: The data we just looked at in twenty twenty two 211 00:11:32,076 --> 00:11:36,356 Speaker 2: shows us just how badly this hole turned out over 212 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,676 Speaker 2: these last several decades. 213 00:11:37,996 --> 00:11:40,796 Speaker 1: So we know that now that that that these groups 214 00:11:40,796 --> 00:11:43,796 Speaker 1: are really exclusive, that people white people, but even of 215 00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:48,516 Speaker 1: other races aren't hanging out together. Yep. And so since 216 00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:52,796 Speaker 1: the nineteen fifties, segregation is outlawed in the United States, 217 00:11:53,476 --> 00:11:56,836 Speaker 1: and yet people still aren't coming together. And so when 218 00:11:56,836 --> 00:12:00,156 Speaker 1: we think about the spaces historically or even over these 219 00:12:00,236 --> 00:12:02,956 Speaker 1: last sixty seventy years where people have different race are 220 00:12:03,036 --> 00:12:08,716 Speaker 1: coming together, So where are they? They might be in schools, right, yep, yep, 221 00:12:08,756 --> 00:12:12,556 Speaker 1: that's right, they might be in the military. 222 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:15,556 Speaker 2: That's right. Probably one of the biggest areas that people 223 00:12:15,596 --> 00:12:20,596 Speaker 2: often celebrate as places where prejudice and segregation broke down. 224 00:12:21,276 --> 00:12:23,636 Speaker 1: In fact, once we were at a baseball game in Denver, 225 00:12:23,716 --> 00:12:26,436 Speaker 1: you and me, and because we're together, everyone around us 226 00:12:26,476 --> 00:12:28,836 Speaker 1: was saying, you guys must have been in the military together, right, 227 00:12:28,876 --> 00:12:31,236 Speaker 1: because they had never seen like black and white friends together. 228 00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:34,796 Speaker 1: That's right. You know, sports becomes this kind of like, 229 00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:37,196 Speaker 1: you know, almost like a metaphor for bringing people together 230 00:12:37,316 --> 00:12:39,956 Speaker 1: under these you know, equal areas where people with different 231 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:41,436 Speaker 1: experiences could bond. 232 00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:45,436 Speaker 2: And I guess William Hollywood Movies telling this story. 233 00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:49,676 Speaker 1: Yes, in a workplace, right, so places that are beyond 234 00:12:49,716 --> 00:12:52,516 Speaker 1: your own private sphere, which are somehow public, yep. 235 00:12:53,636 --> 00:12:56,196 Speaker 2: And so for you and me, like that's kind of 236 00:12:56,236 --> 00:13:00,276 Speaker 2: our story, right. We come of age in the nineteen eighties, 237 00:13:00,836 --> 00:13:03,316 Speaker 2: meeting in our integrated high school. 238 00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:06,276 Speaker 1: And you know, so we're in this integrated space of 239 00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:10,796 Speaker 1: all these ways, and a lot of people even from 240 00:13:10,796 --> 00:13:14,076 Speaker 1: our high school and shared our experiences, didn't become lifelong 241 00:13:14,116 --> 00:13:17,476 Speaker 1: friends with people of different races, just by the statistics 242 00:13:17,516 --> 00:13:18,876 Speaker 1: we're even cited. 243 00:13:19,436 --> 00:13:22,396 Speaker 2: Which creates this really, this a conundrum, right because to 244 00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:25,716 Speaker 2: some degree, you know, we are a product of a 245 00:13:25,796 --> 00:13:28,356 Speaker 2: moment of integration in America. We grew up in an 246 00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:31,116 Speaker 2: integrated neighborhood, We go to an integrated high school. We 247 00:13:31,196 --> 00:13:35,116 Speaker 2: have these integrated experiences, and it's like it turns out 248 00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:39,556 Speaker 2: we are like rare creatures relative to the vast majority 249 00:13:39,596 --> 00:13:40,876 Speaker 2: of white or black people. 250 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,716 Speaker 1: But I also don't think I don't think there are 251 00:13:43,716 --> 00:13:48,556 Speaker 1: any conversations like, you know, you should have even on 252 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:50,956 Speaker 1: the other sense, oh you should have you know, friends 253 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,876 Speaker 1: across racial boundaries, you should have more friends. I don't 254 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:57,196 Speaker 1: think it was just talked about did you have conversations 255 00:13:57,276 --> 00:13:59,436 Speaker 1: like that of like the meaning of this not at all. 256 00:13:59,476 --> 00:14:01,716 Speaker 2: I mean, at best, I would say we really were 257 00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:04,756 Speaker 2: kind of in an integrated neighborhood on the South side 258 00:14:04,796 --> 00:14:08,356 Speaker 2: Chicago and High Park. It was largely middle class, which 259 00:14:08,476 --> 00:14:12,156 Speaker 2: mitigated against the ways in which low income people often 260 00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:15,916 Speaker 2: are doubly burdened and stigmatized, and in a way that 261 00:14:15,996 --> 00:14:19,116 Speaker 2: like some people might be remembering their black friends from 262 00:14:19,116 --> 00:14:22,236 Speaker 2: their suburban high school or something like, you know, I 263 00:14:22,316 --> 00:14:23,516 Speaker 2: wasn't busted in to go to. 264 00:14:23,436 --> 00:14:26,436 Speaker 1: School with you, right, and the community. 265 00:14:26,556 --> 00:14:28,676 Speaker 2: Yeah, you didn't come from some like white part of 266 00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:31,316 Speaker 2: town to go to this integrated high school. You lived 267 00:14:31,356 --> 00:14:35,076 Speaker 2: in a black neighborhood. So there were some unique things 268 00:14:35,116 --> 00:14:37,876 Speaker 2: about being in an integrated community. And I got to say, 269 00:14:37,916 --> 00:14:41,116 Speaker 2: like I adopted your parents very early on. I called 270 00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:43,876 Speaker 2: your parents Ma and Paul, Like, I can't remember a 271 00:14:43,956 --> 00:14:46,556 Speaker 2: time when I haven't called them that. Now you called 272 00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:47,316 Speaker 2: my mom. 273 00:14:47,156 --> 00:14:51,156 Speaker 1: What shorty rough? She was a stand in mom, And 274 00:14:51,196 --> 00:14:56,516 Speaker 1: so that sense too of our larger family circle sort 275 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:58,556 Speaker 1: of you know that this is being normalized and part 276 00:14:58,556 --> 00:15:02,076 Speaker 1: of our experiences that And then I guess i'd say, like, 277 00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,596 Speaker 1: you know, it wasn't like my parents were the only 278 00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:08,876 Speaker 1: white and Jewish adults you knew, and for me it 279 00:15:08,956 --> 00:15:11,476 Speaker 1: was and like your mom was the only black woman 280 00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:14,556 Speaker 1: I knew. That's right because student for those figures, because. 281 00:15:14,316 --> 00:15:18,756 Speaker 2: You had a soon to be black mother in law Carol's. 282 00:15:18,396 --> 00:15:20,836 Speaker 1: House, That's right, I was. Yeah, So this is the 283 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:24,636 Speaker 1: other thing about in you know, as we're dating across 284 00:15:24,796 --> 00:15:27,796 Speaker 1: racial lines, do you think we ever talked about that 285 00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:31,836 Speaker 1: of like what that meant beyond you know, the either 286 00:15:32,356 --> 00:15:35,916 Speaker 1: the intrigue or the dangers or the significance. Did we 287 00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:39,156 Speaker 1: I don't remember ever having a conversation specifically about like 288 00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:41,236 Speaker 1: about about race and dating. 289 00:15:41,556 --> 00:15:43,876 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point. I mean I don't remember 290 00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:48,236 Speaker 2: like in our mutual friendship groups, there was definitely we 291 00:15:48,236 --> 00:15:51,156 Speaker 2: weren't the only ones. But I have to say, like 292 00:15:51,396 --> 00:15:54,596 Speaker 2: I mean, counterintuitive probably to other people, it was because 293 00:15:54,596 --> 00:15:57,636 Speaker 2: of your black girlfriend now wife, Danielle, that I had 294 00:15:57,676 --> 00:16:00,156 Speaker 2: two of my high school sweethearts. I mean, like it was. 295 00:16:00,276 --> 00:16:01,836 Speaker 2: It was a win win for me. No matter how 296 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:02,396 Speaker 2: we look at. 297 00:16:02,316 --> 00:16:05,196 Speaker 1: It, you might have not dated any black girls if 298 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:06,956 Speaker 1: it wasn't for me dating a black girl. Is what 299 00:16:06,996 --> 00:16:07,436 Speaker 1: you're saying. 300 00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:11,556 Speaker 2: No, that is not That is not what I'm saying. 301 00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:15,116 Speaker 2: But befive, listen, We're going to talk more about this 302 00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:18,276 Speaker 2: as we go from being boys to men and grow 303 00:16:18,356 --> 00:16:21,516 Speaker 2: up and really unpack interracial friendships and look at a 304 00:16:21,516 --> 00:16:23,636 Speaker 2: little bit more research to see how it helps us 305 00:16:23,676 --> 00:16:26,036 Speaker 2: explain what's been going on in this country. 306 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:49,996 Speaker 3: We'll be right back after the break. 307 00:16:39,716 --> 00:16:41,836 Speaker 1: All right, we are back on some of my best 308 00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:45,836 Speaker 1: friends are and Khalil and I are talking about interracial friendships. 309 00:16:45,996 --> 00:16:48,836 Speaker 1: This is a meta episode in a way. And Khalil, 310 00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:53,396 Speaker 1: we've been thinking about how how studies, how research explains 311 00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:57,276 Speaker 1: even our friendship. And so you had just said right 312 00:16:57,276 --> 00:16:59,876 Speaker 1: before the break, it's one thing to be friends as kids, 313 00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:02,396 Speaker 1: but but what does it mean to be friends as adults. 314 00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:05,476 Speaker 1: That's a whole other. A whole other issue and what 315 00:17:05,516 --> 00:17:05,836 Speaker 1: does it. 316 00:17:05,796 --> 00:17:08,676 Speaker 2: Mean you just have a friendship that lasts, right. A 317 00:17:08,716 --> 00:17:10,356 Speaker 2: lot of people were like, oh, yeah, you know one 318 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,396 Speaker 2: of my best friends was filling the blank when I 319 00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:13,876 Speaker 2: was in high school. What I haven't talked to this 320 00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:14,756 Speaker 2: person in twenty years. 321 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,516 Speaker 1: Yeah. So there's this book from twenty nineteen and it's 322 00:17:18,516 --> 00:17:22,516 Speaker 1: written by several sociologists. It's called In the Company We Keep, 323 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:26,836 Speaker 1: and it's exactly about this subject. It's about interracial friendships 324 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:31,996 Speaker 1: and about this transition from childhood to adulthood. The authors 325 00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:35,716 Speaker 1: looked at and analyzed Americans who were kids in seventh 326 00:17:35,796 --> 00:17:39,196 Speaker 1: to twelfth grade in the nineteen nineties, essentially us right 327 00:17:39,276 --> 00:17:42,236 Speaker 1: at this time when multiculturalism is being celebrated as like 328 00:17:42,276 --> 00:17:45,716 Speaker 1: the American ideal. Yes, yes, And then they grow up 329 00:17:45,996 --> 00:17:48,596 Speaker 1: and the researchers study them again in two thousand and 330 00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:51,596 Speaker 1: eight when they're between they're about thirty years old. So 331 00:17:51,636 --> 00:17:55,396 Speaker 1: we're in the Obama era, the so called post racial America. 332 00:17:55,436 --> 00:17:58,956 Speaker 2: This wholehold we go from color blindness to post racialism 333 00:17:58,996 --> 00:18:02,156 Speaker 2: with this, with these two cohorts of young people. 334 00:18:02,236 --> 00:18:04,796 Speaker 1: And a lot of people fifteen thousand people to sort 335 00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:07,476 Speaker 1: of think of that they were friends as teenagers what 336 00:18:07,636 --> 00:18:08,556 Speaker 1: happened as adults? 337 00:18:08,876 --> 00:18:11,716 Speaker 2: Right, These are fifteen thousand respondents. This is the basis 338 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,116 Speaker 2: of the study, and here's what they found. I mean, 339 00:18:14,116 --> 00:18:17,156 Speaker 2: the simple story they found is that kids who attend 340 00:18:17,236 --> 00:18:19,836 Speaker 2: more diverse schools like the one we went to were 341 00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:23,036 Speaker 2: more likely to have what they call cross racial friendships 342 00:18:23,076 --> 00:18:26,076 Speaker 2: as adults, even if they didn't have them as kids, 343 00:18:26,076 --> 00:18:30,036 Speaker 2: meaning as younger kids. That's pretty big deal and helps 344 00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:33,876 Speaker 2: to lay the foundation for you know how. The research 345 00:18:33,916 --> 00:18:37,036 Speaker 2: tells us what are the necessary conditions for interracial friendships 346 00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:37,836 Speaker 2: to thrive. 347 00:18:38,196 --> 00:18:43,236 Speaker 1: So underlining that again, going to an interracial school is 348 00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:46,276 Speaker 1: a huge deal. This is defining in terms of having 349 00:18:46,276 --> 00:18:47,476 Speaker 1: cross racial friendships. 350 00:18:47,636 --> 00:18:53,476 Speaker 2: Yes, but it turns out that even that reality and 351 00:18:53,516 --> 00:18:56,516 Speaker 2: knowing that reality, going back to the nineteen fifties, at 352 00:18:56,516 --> 00:18:59,276 Speaker 2: the end of legal segregation in the Brown Versus Board 353 00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:03,036 Speaker 2: of Education decision, the line separating black and white people 354 00:19:03,036 --> 00:19:06,636 Speaker 2: in the United States is still stronger than any other 355 00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:10,956 Speaker 2: racial groups, meaning black and white people are still not together, 356 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,996 Speaker 2: which probably is as much a story about the failure 357 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:16,356 Speaker 2: of integration and housing in so many other spaces than 358 00:19:16,396 --> 00:19:17,036 Speaker 2: anything else. 359 00:19:17,796 --> 00:19:21,836 Speaker 1: So meaning they may not have gone to interracial schools exactly, 360 00:19:21,836 --> 00:19:25,596 Speaker 1: and even if they had, they still it didn't last 361 00:19:25,676 --> 00:19:26,396 Speaker 1: over time. 362 00:19:26,516 --> 00:19:28,556 Speaker 2: Or that they went to schools, but people were being 363 00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:32,396 Speaker 2: bussed and shuttled about and it wasn't actually extending in 364 00:19:32,396 --> 00:19:33,116 Speaker 2: the classroom. 365 00:19:33,596 --> 00:19:37,436 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. So in this same study, they also looked 366 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:42,356 Speaker 1: at interracial romantic relationships, so not just friendships but friends 367 00:19:42,356 --> 00:19:47,996 Speaker 1: with benefits and got it, and they found the same thing. 368 00:19:48,076 --> 00:19:51,316 Speaker 1: They found that you were much more likely to have 369 00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:55,716 Speaker 1: across racial romantic relationship if you went to a diverse school, 370 00:19:56,276 --> 00:19:59,076 Speaker 1: and they also found that you were more likely to 371 00:19:59,516 --> 00:20:01,916 Speaker 1: get with somebody of a different race if you had 372 00:20:01,916 --> 00:20:07,156 Speaker 1: a friend of a different race. That's me. That's the 373 00:20:07,156 --> 00:20:11,236 Speaker 1: wingman theory of interracial day. If you want to date 374 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,316 Speaker 1: across racial lines, you need a wingman who's of the 375 00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:18,596 Speaker 1: race you want to date. That's what it explains that. 376 00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:21,156 Speaker 2: So what you're saying is it's only because of me 377 00:20:21,476 --> 00:20:24,036 Speaker 2: that you have this beautiful black woman as your wife 378 00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:26,476 Speaker 2: that you've had for how long have you all been married? 379 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,316 Speaker 2: I've lost track. 380 00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:30,196 Speaker 1: Now, yeah, a little bit, a little bit, But you 381 00:20:30,716 --> 00:20:33,476 Speaker 1: might be right, you might be right, But these researchers 382 00:20:33,556 --> 00:20:36,116 Speaker 1: are actually finding that if you actually have a more 383 00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:39,916 Speaker 1: authentic relationship with another culture. It's more likely that this 384 00:20:40,036 --> 00:20:42,436 Speaker 1: is a kind of real relationship. Yeah. 385 00:20:42,476 --> 00:20:47,236 Speaker 2: So, like essentially the hot that person's exotic to me 386 00:20:47,476 --> 00:20:50,876 Speaker 2: kind of flash in the pan love interest is not 387 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:51,996 Speaker 2: what we're talking about here. 388 00:20:52,236 --> 00:20:52,516 Speaker 1: Yeah. 389 00:20:52,556 --> 00:20:54,196 Speaker 2: Well, I want to talk about when we grow up 390 00:20:54,196 --> 00:20:57,116 Speaker 2: a little bit. So let's talk about college. Because to 391 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,916 Speaker 2: be honest with you, Ben, I mean, all that we've 392 00:20:58,916 --> 00:21:01,876 Speaker 2: been talking about about our origin story, that's just four 393 00:21:01,996 --> 00:21:04,556 Speaker 2: years of our relationship. We're going on like thirty seven. 394 00:21:05,076 --> 00:21:07,876 Speaker 2: So and we you know, we didn't spend time together 395 00:21:07,916 --> 00:21:10,716 Speaker 2: really after high school for long time. We both go 396 00:21:10,796 --> 00:21:11,676 Speaker 2: our separate ways. 397 00:21:11,876 --> 00:21:13,676 Speaker 1: Yeah, And the truth is, like, so if we were 398 00:21:13,716 --> 00:21:16,836 Speaker 1: in an interracial space as teenagers, we both go to 399 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,036 Speaker 1: predominantly white colleges. 400 00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:20,836 Speaker 2: We both pronominantly white, overwhelmingly white. 401 00:21:20,596 --> 00:21:25,396 Speaker 1: Overwhelmingly white. Yes, we go into these spaces and separately. 402 00:21:25,756 --> 00:21:28,396 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, right, So you're at the University of Rochester. 403 00:21:28,516 --> 00:21:31,156 Speaker 2: I go to the University of Pennsylvania. And I have 404 00:21:31,236 --> 00:21:34,716 Speaker 2: to tell you, man, I went to pen like I 405 00:21:34,796 --> 00:21:38,636 Speaker 2: didn't know shit about structural racism. I mean, I know 406 00:21:38,676 --> 00:21:41,196 Speaker 2: it's counterintuitive. Some people might think about my identity and 407 00:21:41,236 --> 00:21:44,156 Speaker 2: all of that, and what I do today, but kind 408 00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:47,396 Speaker 2: of the specialness of my childhood did not prepare me 409 00:21:47,876 --> 00:21:50,876 Speaker 2: for what I encountered when I became five percent of 410 00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:53,716 Speaker 2: pens black population in nineteen eighty nine, when I became 411 00:21:53,756 --> 00:21:57,116 Speaker 2: a freshman and. 412 00:21:56,076 --> 00:21:58,916 Speaker 1: You had a white roommate. Freshman year, I remember, I had. 413 00:21:58,836 --> 00:21:59,676 Speaker 2: A white room mate, Peter. 414 00:21:59,956 --> 00:22:00,476 Speaker 1: Like he was. 415 00:22:00,516 --> 00:22:02,516 Speaker 2: He was taller than you, and I went from like, 416 00:22:02,716 --> 00:22:05,556 Speaker 2: you know, tall tall buddy to even taller buddy. Peter 417 00:22:05,636 --> 00:22:08,276 Speaker 2: and I got along swimmingly, but we did not become 418 00:22:08,316 --> 00:22:10,036 Speaker 2: friends right we defined. 419 00:22:09,916 --> 00:22:12,956 Speaker 1: I remember search. I remember visiting you on campus and 420 00:22:14,036 --> 00:22:16,316 Speaker 1: staying in his bed and it was kind of funky. Yeah. 421 00:22:16,316 --> 00:22:19,076 Speaker 2: Well, he wore the same blue jees literally all year long. 422 00:22:19,116 --> 00:22:20,876 Speaker 2: I just honestly, by the end of the year they 423 00:22:20,916 --> 00:22:23,556 Speaker 2: were standing up in the corner. But outside of Peter 424 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:27,836 Speaker 2: as my freshman year roommate. Out of four years at Penn, 425 00:22:28,236 --> 00:22:32,396 Speaker 2: I literally met and kept as a close friend, one 426 00:22:32,516 --> 00:22:33,036 Speaker 2: white guy. 427 00:22:33,556 --> 00:22:35,876 Speaker 1: I mean, I just want to say, they're like, they're 428 00:22:35,916 --> 00:22:37,916 Speaker 1: like twenty five white guys who are listening to this now, 429 00:22:37,916 --> 00:22:40,996 Speaker 1: and They're like, damn, I thought I thought we were 430 00:22:41,076 --> 00:22:41,756 Speaker 1: still friends. 431 00:22:41,916 --> 00:22:46,036 Speaker 2: I thought, No, let me, I mean this sincerely, like 432 00:22:46,676 --> 00:22:49,156 Speaker 2: if I had mostly white friends in high school, it 433 00:22:49,276 --> 00:22:53,356 Speaker 2: was just the opposite. In college, my whole world became 434 00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:57,596 Speaker 2: you know, African American this and that. I had tons 435 00:22:57,756 --> 00:23:02,396 Speaker 2: of black friends. I joined a fraternity, to a black, traditional, 436 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:06,836 Speaker 2: historically black fraternity my freshman year, and I mean, it 437 00:23:06,996 --> 00:23:09,436 Speaker 2: just it made my life wonderful. I mean, and there's 438 00:23:09,436 --> 00:23:12,236 Speaker 2: no critique whatsoever. But it could not have been more 439 00:23:12,236 --> 00:23:15,236 Speaker 2: different than what I'd experienced growing. 440 00:23:15,036 --> 00:23:19,596 Speaker 1: Up, which is so interesting. So in this overwhelmingly white space, 441 00:23:20,276 --> 00:23:23,756 Speaker 1: you create your own overwhelmingly black bubble within it. 442 00:23:24,636 --> 00:23:27,276 Speaker 2: Well, I mean black people do that anyway, but you know, yeah, 443 00:23:27,996 --> 00:23:30,676 Speaker 2: most of the world, when you're in segregated Black America 444 00:23:30,756 --> 00:23:34,196 Speaker 2: or segregated white America, Yeah, black people figure out how 445 00:23:34,236 --> 00:23:38,156 Speaker 2: to make sense of their smallness of population relative to 446 00:23:38,196 --> 00:23:40,476 Speaker 2: white people in all the powerful ways white people exist 447 00:23:40,556 --> 00:23:41,236 Speaker 2: among us. 448 00:23:41,676 --> 00:23:46,116 Speaker 1: Yeah. So I'm thinking what you said, and again how 449 00:23:46,196 --> 00:23:49,116 Speaker 1: much I thought about structural racism before these dynamics. We 450 00:23:49,196 --> 00:23:51,916 Speaker 1: just took so much for granted, it was weird going 451 00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,996 Speaker 1: to a school that was overwhelmingly white. It was weird 452 00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:59,516 Speaker 1: for me. And I'm thinking back to even teen years 453 00:23:59,516 --> 00:24:02,996 Speaker 1: in youth, like one of my experiences or partly what 454 00:24:03,076 --> 00:24:06,796 Speaker 1: defined my experience of being the only one in a 455 00:24:06,796 --> 00:24:07,636 Speaker 1: lot of spaces. 456 00:24:07,916 --> 00:24:11,236 Speaker 2: Oh, you mean being the only one guy among people. 457 00:24:11,156 --> 00:24:13,756 Speaker 1: Which is which is a kind of valuable perspective to 458 00:24:13,796 --> 00:24:16,076 Speaker 1: get to think about race, you know, to think about 459 00:24:16,116 --> 00:24:19,876 Speaker 1: like what what most minorities experience all the time. It's 460 00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:23,076 Speaker 1: just like and then to know like, oh, my whiteness 461 00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:26,316 Speaker 1: is a thing rather than a neutral thing or it 462 00:24:26,316 --> 00:24:29,836 Speaker 1: doesn't exist. You know that that whiteness is also race, 463 00:24:30,076 --> 00:24:33,276 Speaker 1: because I'm being seen from my race right now. And 464 00:24:33,636 --> 00:24:36,156 Speaker 1: to enter in a space where that that calculus never 465 00:24:36,236 --> 00:24:40,596 Speaker 1: came up, it was disorienting. There wasn't the equivalent thing 466 00:24:40,636 --> 00:24:43,756 Speaker 1: to do that you just said, which is like let 467 00:24:43,796 --> 00:24:46,196 Speaker 1: me create my own Like I didn't join in all 468 00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:49,596 Speaker 1: black space, and it wasn't like let me maybe in 469 00:24:49,636 --> 00:24:53,476 Speaker 1: some really small way, I found a group of integrated 470 00:24:53,516 --> 00:24:56,636 Speaker 1: people that like, like, that's their value. 471 00:24:57,076 --> 00:24:59,556 Speaker 2: You were trying to recreate kind of what home had been. 472 00:24:59,516 --> 00:25:01,316 Speaker 1: Like Yeah, but it was impossible to do. It was 473 00:25:01,356 --> 00:25:02,796 Speaker 1: impossible to do in this situation. 474 00:25:02,876 --> 00:25:05,316 Speaker 2: That's so fascinating because I didn't feel like I was 475 00:25:05,356 --> 00:25:08,236 Speaker 2: consciously doing something in search of a black identity. But 476 00:25:08,556 --> 00:25:10,876 Speaker 2: I have to say to you like, I get it. 477 00:25:11,236 --> 00:25:14,156 Speaker 2: There weren't there wasn't home on campus. It was one 478 00:25:14,276 --> 00:25:14,676 Speaker 2: or the other. 479 00:25:15,276 --> 00:25:18,396 Speaker 1: So I'm thinking about how you and I communicated this 480 00:25:18,796 --> 00:25:23,236 Speaker 1: even during that time, Like we did, yes talk about 481 00:25:23,276 --> 00:25:28,156 Speaker 1: our experiences, we probably talked more about about some of 482 00:25:28,156 --> 00:25:30,836 Speaker 1: these racial issues as they came up and over the 483 00:25:30,836 --> 00:25:34,596 Speaker 1: summers where we hung out NonStop still because it was 484 00:25:34,596 --> 00:25:36,196 Speaker 1: just part of our experience. Yeah. 485 00:25:36,236 --> 00:25:38,836 Speaker 2: Well, I was thinking about that because I think actually 486 00:25:38,876 --> 00:25:41,396 Speaker 2: the strength of our relationship in college was less about 487 00:25:41,396 --> 00:25:43,396 Speaker 2: what happened during the school year when we were away 488 00:25:43,436 --> 00:25:46,356 Speaker 2: from each other, even with these occasional visits, and more 489 00:25:46,396 --> 00:25:49,196 Speaker 2: about how we reconnected when we came home. And in 490 00:25:49,196 --> 00:25:52,556 Speaker 2: that sense, I think our relationship deepened and strengthened because 491 00:25:52,596 --> 00:25:56,036 Speaker 2: while we were changing in these other environments that monopolized 492 00:25:56,036 --> 00:25:58,356 Speaker 2: most of our lives. You know, for those two months 493 00:25:58,356 --> 00:26:01,436 Speaker 2: we were home, man, we were actually working. And that's 494 00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:04,116 Speaker 2: when we came up with our favorite pastime, which was 495 00:26:04,196 --> 00:26:07,876 Speaker 2: competitive support. Remember that metaphor for working out together. 496 00:26:07,756 --> 00:26:10,676 Speaker 1: Or doing whatever we're doing, yeah, hanging out together, yeah yeah, yeah. 497 00:26:10,676 --> 00:26:13,316 Speaker 2: So we would challenge ourselves within the context of like 498 00:26:13,396 --> 00:26:15,396 Speaker 2: if we challenge ourselves by how much more weight we 499 00:26:15,396 --> 00:26:18,836 Speaker 2: could lift today, or how many more basketball games we 500 00:26:18,836 --> 00:26:21,356 Speaker 2: can play in one day? We'll be better at everything. 501 00:26:21,636 --> 00:26:24,276 Speaker 2: And that was really that was a special time. I mean, 502 00:26:24,276 --> 00:26:26,196 Speaker 2: our summers together in college were incredible. 503 00:26:26,796 --> 00:26:29,356 Speaker 1: And this is a question about I mean, this is 504 00:26:29,396 --> 00:26:32,156 Speaker 1: actually might be outside of race, but it's impossible not 505 00:26:32,236 --> 00:26:34,516 Speaker 1: to consider it when you think about our dynamics. But 506 00:26:34,596 --> 00:26:38,876 Speaker 1: this is just about how any two people solidify a 507 00:26:38,916 --> 00:26:42,276 Speaker 1: friendship from childhood into adulthood, because I'm thinking about two 508 00:26:42,356 --> 00:26:45,756 Speaker 1: moments between us, and one is when I was like 509 00:26:45,836 --> 00:26:47,996 Speaker 1: in my early twenties, I traveled abroad, and when I 510 00:26:48,036 --> 00:26:49,516 Speaker 1: came back, you were the one who picked me up 511 00:26:49,516 --> 00:26:51,636 Speaker 1: at the airport and you were working in Chicago. You 512 00:26:51,676 --> 00:26:53,236 Speaker 1: were dating someone I had been away for over a 513 00:26:53,316 --> 00:26:57,956 Speaker 1: year yep. And I remember us having like, in that moment, 514 00:26:59,356 --> 00:27:02,916 Speaker 1: a very like explicit conversation of how to like recalibrate 515 00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:04,996 Speaker 1: our friendship in adult terms. 516 00:27:05,276 --> 00:27:07,956 Speaker 2: I remember the feeling. I literally have an image of 517 00:27:07,956 --> 00:27:09,356 Speaker 2: this day of you getting off the air poor. 518 00:27:09,396 --> 00:27:11,756 Speaker 1: You had like this weird haircut, like a. 519 00:27:11,716 --> 00:27:13,516 Speaker 2: Buzz stud, and I hadn't seen I hadn't seen you 520 00:27:13,556 --> 00:27:17,956 Speaker 2: where with that look before. But I don't remember the conversation, 521 00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:19,476 Speaker 2: so what do we say to each other. 522 00:27:19,636 --> 00:27:21,636 Speaker 1: We need to get to know each other as adults. 523 00:27:21,756 --> 00:27:25,156 Speaker 1: Whatever presumptions we have about each other, we have to 524 00:27:25,196 --> 00:27:28,116 Speaker 1: sort of think about them. Anew, let's like, let's like 525 00:27:28,436 --> 00:27:31,196 Speaker 1: not presume anything and think about also the ways that 526 00:27:31,236 --> 00:27:31,876 Speaker 1: we've changed. 527 00:27:32,076 --> 00:27:33,316 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I gets it. 528 00:27:33,596 --> 00:27:36,476 Speaker 1: It was a really useful conversation to like move forward. 529 00:27:36,676 --> 00:27:37,396 Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that. 530 00:27:37,676 --> 00:27:40,596 Speaker 1: Here here's the other thing, Khalil that when we were 531 00:27:40,596 --> 00:27:43,996 Speaker 1: in our twenties and I had gone to graduate school 532 00:27:44,036 --> 00:27:45,516 Speaker 1: and I was thinking about my next thing, and I 533 00:27:45,516 --> 00:27:49,556 Speaker 1: started teaching. You had been working as an accountant, and 534 00:27:50,556 --> 00:27:53,676 Speaker 1: at that time you decided to become a historian, to 535 00:27:53,876 --> 00:27:57,956 Speaker 1: enter a PhD program in history. And the question is, like, 536 00:27:58,756 --> 00:28:02,276 Speaker 1: if you had remained an accountant, whether we would still 537 00:28:02,316 --> 00:28:05,516 Speaker 1: be friends. That's a right question. It's like a joke 538 00:28:05,556 --> 00:28:08,396 Speaker 1: in a way, but I'm also serious, Like our interests 539 00:28:08,436 --> 00:28:12,236 Speaker 1: totally aligned, like our lifelong interest aligned. Yeah. 540 00:28:12,916 --> 00:28:16,116 Speaker 2: I think honestly, it's fair to say that had I 541 00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:20,756 Speaker 2: stayed on that route, we may not have stayed as close. 542 00:28:20,796 --> 00:28:22,636 Speaker 2: I think it would have been a closeness issue because 543 00:28:22,836 --> 00:28:24,996 Speaker 2: the things we could talk about, the things we could share. 544 00:28:26,116 --> 00:28:27,956 Speaker 2: I mean, and the truth is like it was your 545 00:28:27,996 --> 00:28:30,916 Speaker 2: father who had been who was and it continues to 546 00:28:30,916 --> 00:28:33,436 Speaker 2: be a historian at the University of Chicago as a 547 00:28:33,476 --> 00:28:35,716 Speaker 2: retired professor. Like, he's one of the first people I 548 00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:37,436 Speaker 2: talked about when I was about to make that move. 549 00:28:37,596 --> 00:28:41,236 Speaker 2: And so even thinking about, like the life trajectory I 550 00:28:41,316 --> 00:28:44,516 Speaker 2: was on ran through a relationship with your own father, 551 00:28:44,836 --> 00:28:46,116 Speaker 2: which meant it ran through you. 552 00:28:47,076 --> 00:28:51,796 Speaker 1: And then the shared interest, you know, not coincidentally, is 553 00:28:52,276 --> 00:28:55,836 Speaker 1: about race and inequity and just these issues like these 554 00:28:55,836 --> 00:28:57,436 Speaker 1: are the things that we've been talking about for the 555 00:28:57,516 --> 00:29:02,396 Speaker 1: last thirty years, and we've shared that exploration and that 556 00:29:02,476 --> 00:29:03,956 Speaker 1: path together. Yeah. 557 00:29:04,196 --> 00:29:05,956 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, the more I think about, if we 558 00:29:05,956 --> 00:29:08,436 Speaker 2: could invent a new race, it would be you and 559 00:29:08,476 --> 00:29:09,756 Speaker 2: me together. Hm hmm. 560 00:29:10,756 --> 00:29:15,756 Speaker 1: Well that's weird. Let's let's let's let's take let's take 561 00:29:15,756 --> 00:29:18,716 Speaker 1: a short break, and when we come back, let's think 562 00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:22,596 Speaker 1: about the ways that these interracial relationships, these friendships, what 563 00:29:22,676 --> 00:29:25,036 Speaker 1: do they even matter? Like what difference do they make? 564 00:29:41,916 --> 00:29:41,996 Speaker 4: All? 565 00:29:42,116 --> 00:29:42,276 Speaker 1: Right? 566 00:29:42,276 --> 00:29:45,356 Speaker 2: Man, So we've mapped basically our whole friendship, you know, 567 00:29:45,436 --> 00:29:47,716 Speaker 2: and here we are working together, we're making a freaking 568 00:29:47,756 --> 00:29:50,836 Speaker 2: podcast together and talking about our past all the time, 569 00:29:51,476 --> 00:29:53,716 Speaker 2: and so pretty clear that whatever. 570 00:29:53,476 --> 00:29:55,836 Speaker 1: Map podcast about talking about our past. 571 00:29:56,476 --> 00:30:00,236 Speaker 2: Yes, so it's pretty clear that whatever we've been up 572 00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:03,876 Speaker 2: to for a long time works because after all, after all, 573 00:30:03,996 --> 00:30:06,036 Speaker 2: like the whole point of our show, the point of 574 00:30:06,076 --> 00:30:09,356 Speaker 2: interracial friendship is also like how do we reduce use 575 00:30:09,436 --> 00:30:12,836 Speaker 2: racism and all the fucking damage and death in mayhem 576 00:30:12,876 --> 00:30:13,556 Speaker 2: that comes with it. 577 00:30:14,076 --> 00:30:17,996 Speaker 1: Yeah, now the stakes are incredibly high for this. I mean, 578 00:30:18,036 --> 00:30:21,436 Speaker 1: it really matters that people do come in contact. So 579 00:30:21,796 --> 00:30:25,036 Speaker 1: the first study that we cited that listed all the 580 00:30:25,036 --> 00:30:27,956 Speaker 1: statistics about white people and black people having their own 581 00:30:27,996 --> 00:30:30,516 Speaker 1: sort of exclusive social networks that they're not hanging out 582 00:30:30,556 --> 00:30:34,236 Speaker 1: with people across race. They also in that study asked 583 00:30:34,236 --> 00:30:37,836 Speaker 1: people questions, and they found that white people who didn't 584 00:30:37,876 --> 00:30:39,836 Speaker 1: have black people or other people of other race in 585 00:30:39,876 --> 00:30:44,676 Speaker 1: their social networks were less likely to think that the slavery, 586 00:30:44,796 --> 00:30:47,836 Speaker 1: the legacy of slavery and discrimination still mattered that had 587 00:30:47,836 --> 00:30:51,716 Speaker 1: an impact on society. They were less likely to think 588 00:30:51,756 --> 00:30:55,756 Speaker 1: that a history of racism mattered. This is like defines 589 00:30:56,596 --> 00:31:00,076 Speaker 1: our political moment our divide here in the country right now. 590 00:31:00,356 --> 00:31:04,756 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's actually a huge cost to the failure 591 00:31:04,956 --> 00:31:09,636 Speaker 2: of people to experience a meaningful integrated relationship and ship, 592 00:31:09,956 --> 00:31:12,196 Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, these folks that 593 00:31:12,236 --> 00:31:15,156 Speaker 2: you just described, you know, white people who don't have 594 00:31:15,196 --> 00:31:19,556 Speaker 2: integrated social networks, basically dismissed structural racism. And so you 595 00:31:19,596 --> 00:31:23,316 Speaker 2: can't solve for structural racism if a majority of the 596 00:31:23,356 --> 00:31:25,196 Speaker 2: white population doesn't even think it's real. 597 00:31:26,316 --> 00:31:31,596 Speaker 1: Nom hmmm. So let's think about us and sort of 598 00:31:31,636 --> 00:31:32,516 Speaker 1: as a model for this. 599 00:31:32,836 --> 00:31:35,036 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So I like to put it this way. 600 00:31:35,516 --> 00:31:40,476 Speaker 2: We know that segregation is rampant in American society and 601 00:31:40,516 --> 00:31:43,436 Speaker 2: to some degree as bad or worse in some instances 602 00:31:43,996 --> 00:31:46,836 Speaker 2: than it was in the nineteen fifties and sixties. And 603 00:31:46,916 --> 00:31:52,196 Speaker 2: so integration is necessary but may not be entirely sufficient. 604 00:31:52,196 --> 00:31:55,636 Speaker 2: So let's talk about what more we think might be required. 605 00:31:56,156 --> 00:31:59,876 Speaker 2: And I think that's when the broader set of experiences 606 00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:02,396 Speaker 2: that we had. So you could live in an integrated community, 607 00:32:02,436 --> 00:32:05,356 Speaker 2: you could go to an integrated school, and yet if 608 00:32:05,396 --> 00:32:08,956 Speaker 2: the parents and the social network that you're actually part 609 00:32:08,996 --> 00:32:12,476 Speaker 2: of this integrated isn't fully invested in your relationship, right, 610 00:32:12,676 --> 00:32:16,436 Speaker 2: then it's probably not going to be the strongest outcome. 611 00:32:17,156 --> 00:32:18,756 Speaker 1: Yeah. So we were talking about you know, both of 612 00:32:18,796 --> 00:32:22,196 Speaker 1: our parents, our sets of parents were like embraced each 613 00:32:22,236 --> 00:32:28,356 Speaker 1: other fully as their standing child. Everyone around us was like, yeah, 614 00:32:28,436 --> 00:32:33,836 Speaker 1: that friendship is meaningful. Yeah, our bosses, our coaches, our 615 00:32:33,876 --> 00:32:34,556 Speaker 1: other friends. 616 00:32:34,636 --> 00:32:38,116 Speaker 2: That's right, John, mister g shout out. The whole community 617 00:32:38,196 --> 00:32:40,836 Speaker 2: to some degree supported you and me. And I'll just say, 618 00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:44,276 Speaker 2: for the record, I don't have any other white friends 619 00:32:44,596 --> 00:32:47,356 Speaker 2: from my high school years. All those people I talked 620 00:32:47,356 --> 00:32:49,356 Speaker 2: about at the top of this show, like, I didn't 621 00:32:49,356 --> 00:32:51,676 Speaker 2: have any relationships with their parents. I mean I went 622 00:32:51,676 --> 00:32:53,516 Speaker 2: over their houses a few times to have to have 623 00:32:53,556 --> 00:32:55,956 Speaker 2: a meal, you know, for one reason or another. But 624 00:32:56,796 --> 00:33:01,236 Speaker 2: there was nothing that came anywhere close than my relationship 625 00:33:01,236 --> 00:33:02,236 Speaker 2: with Ralph and Ernestein. 626 00:33:02,716 --> 00:33:04,636 Speaker 1: There are some old Jewish people in Hyde Park who 627 00:33:04,796 --> 00:33:08,876 Speaker 1: just like calling their lawyers. They're changing their will right now. 628 00:33:09,316 --> 00:33:11,756 Speaker 1: You had been in it and now you're out. 629 00:33:11,836 --> 00:33:15,196 Speaker 2: I'm talking about my high school friends, high school friends only. 630 00:33:15,556 --> 00:33:15,716 Speaker 1: Well. 631 00:33:15,716 --> 00:33:18,476 Speaker 2: I have one final takeaway, and it's an important one 632 00:33:18,596 --> 00:33:22,916 Speaker 2: because I teach about Kenneth Clark, the famous social psychologists 633 00:33:23,116 --> 00:33:25,836 Speaker 2: who did the Doll studies in the nineteen forties that 634 00:33:25,996 --> 00:33:30,116 Speaker 2: ultimately helped to inform the story that segregation was deeply 635 00:33:30,156 --> 00:33:33,516 Speaker 2: harmful and led to the Brown versus Board of Education decision. 636 00:33:33,916 --> 00:33:36,476 Speaker 1: So Kenneth Clark described, yeah, describe yeah a little bit. 637 00:33:36,556 --> 00:33:39,156 Speaker 2: So it kind of encapsulates all that we've been talking about. 638 00:33:39,196 --> 00:33:43,436 Speaker 2: So ten years later, in nineteen sixty five, Ish Kenneth 639 00:33:43,476 --> 00:33:45,676 Speaker 2: Clark writes a book called Dark Ghettos. And in this 640 00:33:45,796 --> 00:33:49,636 Speaker 2: book he's looking at the failure of integrated high schools 641 00:33:49,676 --> 00:33:52,436 Speaker 2: in New York City. And so here's a guy famous 642 00:33:52,436 --> 00:33:56,436 Speaker 2: for helping to desegregate Southern schools. But ten years later 643 00:33:56,476 --> 00:34:00,156 Speaker 2: he's like, schools in New York City are so segregated 644 00:34:00,196 --> 00:34:03,556 Speaker 2: they are also deeply harmful to not just black kids. 645 00:34:03,556 --> 00:34:07,836 Speaker 2: And here's the biggest takeaway. He said, an integrated school, 646 00:34:08,156 --> 00:34:11,276 Speaker 2: whether it was in New York or Birmingham, Alabama, was 647 00:34:11,316 --> 00:34:14,916 Speaker 2: not just about increasing literacy at test scores and what 648 00:34:15,036 --> 00:34:20,116 Speaker 2: kids learned. It was about building relationships. It was about 649 00:34:20,116 --> 00:34:24,556 Speaker 2: a social contract. That is that democracy itself depended upon 650 00:34:24,676 --> 00:34:28,916 Speaker 2: black and white people being together for long periods of time, 651 00:34:29,356 --> 00:34:32,196 Speaker 2: getting to know each other, and working together to solve 652 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:35,796 Speaker 2: complicated problems, even if they were math problems in third grades. 653 00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:40,796 Speaker 2: It was the fundamental building block for a democratic, just racial, 654 00:34:40,796 --> 00:34:42,116 Speaker 2: egalitarian society. 655 00:34:43,316 --> 00:34:46,436 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the sense of that the schools an integrated 656 00:34:46,436 --> 00:34:49,436 Speaker 1: school is so vital to have any of this going on. 657 00:34:49,636 --> 00:34:53,836 Speaker 1: And what we know is that that doesn't even exist today, 658 00:34:54,276 --> 00:34:58,676 Speaker 1: that seventy years after desegregation, we still have these structures 659 00:34:58,676 --> 00:35:03,436 Speaker 1: that keep us apart. And basically, you know, if people 660 00:35:03,436 --> 00:35:06,716 Speaker 1: are in proximity to one another, if they're in contact 661 00:35:06,756 --> 00:35:09,756 Speaker 1: with one another, that's not going to that's not enough. 662 00:35:09,796 --> 00:35:11,196 Speaker 1: I mean, we've talked about all the ways that we 663 00:35:11,236 --> 00:35:14,276 Speaker 1: have more, but that is the start that people need. 664 00:35:14,596 --> 00:35:17,636 Speaker 1: They need that start, they need that contact to begin something. 665 00:35:17,876 --> 00:35:20,356 Speaker 2: Yeah, and without it, the bottom line is you can't 666 00:35:20,396 --> 00:35:23,436 Speaker 2: build on it. There's no foundation. It's all broken. And 667 00:35:24,516 --> 00:35:25,916 Speaker 2: so this is where we begin. 668 00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:26,436 Speaker 1: Folks. 669 00:35:26,596 --> 00:35:29,116 Speaker 2: Next time you call us, who'll say, The next time 670 00:35:29,156 --> 00:35:32,476 Speaker 2: there's a proposal to do something with our schools that 671 00:35:32,556 --> 00:35:34,916 Speaker 2: open up access to them, you say, yes we can. 672 00:35:35,396 --> 00:35:37,636 Speaker 2: The next time there's a new zoning proposal to the 673 00:35:37,956 --> 00:35:42,196 Speaker 2: township officials to do affordable housing, you say, yes we can, 674 00:35:42,716 --> 00:35:45,916 Speaker 2: because those are the fundamental structures that keep us apart 675 00:35:46,036 --> 00:35:48,116 Speaker 2: and make it nearly impossible to see the kind of 676 00:35:48,156 --> 00:35:51,236 Speaker 2: friendships that you and I have lived, loved and enjoyed 677 00:35:51,236 --> 00:35:51,876 Speaker 2: all these years. 678 00:35:52,676 --> 00:35:55,556 Speaker 1: Yes we can, Obama, I like that Khalil, You're loving 679 00:35:55,596 --> 00:36:00,116 Speaker 1: on some Obama. I love you man, love you too. 680 00:36:06,836 --> 00:36:09,236 Speaker 2: Some of My Best Friends Are is a production of 681 00:36:09,276 --> 00:36:12,636 Speaker 2: Pushkin Industries. The show is written and hosted by me 682 00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:15,796 Speaker 2: Khalil Dubron Mohammad and my best friend Ben Austin. 683 00:36:16,156 --> 00:36:19,716 Speaker 1: This show is produced by Lucy Sullivan. It's edited by 684 00:36:19,756 --> 00:36:23,596 Speaker 1: Sarah Nix with help from Keyshel Williams. Our engineer is 685 00:36:23,636 --> 00:36:28,996 Speaker 1: Amanda Kwang and our managing producer is Constanza Gallardo. 686 00:36:29,476 --> 00:36:33,796 Speaker 2: At Pushkin thanks to Leitol Molad, Julia Barton, Heather Fain, 687 00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:39,316 Speaker 2: Carly Migliori, John Schnarz, Greta Cone, and Jacob Weisberg. 688 00:36:39,636 --> 00:36:43,396 Speaker 1: Our theme song, Little Lily, is by fellow chicagoan the 689 00:36:43,476 --> 00:36:47,396 Speaker 1: brilliant Avery R. Young from his album Tubman. You definitely 690 00:36:47,436 --> 00:36:50,436 Speaker 1: want to check out his music at his website Averyaryong 691 00:36:50,516 --> 00:36:51,116 Speaker 1: dot com. 692 00:36:51,556 --> 00:36:54,716 Speaker 2: You can find Pushkin on all social platforms at pushkin 693 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,596 Speaker 2: pods and you can sign up for our newsletter at 694 00:36:57,676 --> 00:37:01,836 Speaker 2: pushkin dot fm. To find more Pushkin podcasts, listen on 695 00:37:01,876 --> 00:37:06,036 Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you like to listen. 696 00:37:06,196 --> 00:37:08,556 Speaker 1: And if you like our show, please give us a 697 00:37:08,556 --> 00:37:11,196 Speaker 1: five star rating and a review and listen even if 698 00:37:11,196 --> 00:37:12,836 Speaker 1: you don't like it, give it a five star rating 699 00:37:12,876 --> 00:37:15,756 Speaker 1: and a review, and please tell all of your best 700 00:37:15,756 --> 00:37:21,836 Speaker 1: friends about it. Thank you. 701 00:37:29,036 --> 00:37:37,996 Speaker 4: Ebony and Ivory, Perfect Harmony and Perfect Time Money side 702 00:37:37,996 --> 00:37:41,076 Speaker 4: by side on my piano keyboard. 703 00:37:41,436 --> 00:37:43,676 Speaker 1: Why don't you love Me,