Speaker 1: The Nickser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am, It's
Speaker 1: nickles a podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Thursday, everyone,
Speaker 1: we made it. We got through the week. I'm in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, California. Still I don't know what I'm talking
Speaker 1: like this. Um, I feel like maybe that's how Meg
Speaker 1: and Marcole sounds on her podcast Dignified. She has a
Speaker 1: new podcast out. If you haven't heard it yet, don't. Um.
Speaker 1: I haven't listened to it yet. But is that what
Speaker 1: it's called. It's called like Renegades. No, it's it's no,
Speaker 1: it should be. That's such a good point. Um, I
Speaker 1: think it's called it's called like Archetypes. It's just like,
Speaker 1: come on, is it just her talking in the bathroom? No,
Speaker 1: she has a guest, but apparently the first episode was
Speaker 1: with Serena Williams and she didn't get let Serena get
Speaker 1: a word in, and I go, wow, I'm just like
Speaker 1: MiG and Markle. I felt for the first time. I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, we're similar. You could I used to do.
Speaker 1: I loved just being like in a closet, like, welcome
Speaker 1: to Archetypes. Don't tell Harry or anybody that doing this.
Speaker 1: I know, I can get murdered for talking, are you.
Speaker 1: I was thinking the same thing about it. I was like, man,
Speaker 1: she's because she apparently they're like the most controversial thing
Speaker 1: she said in the first episode was like, oh no, no.
Speaker 1: His second episode, Maria Carrey was on and Mike Carry,
Speaker 1: I guess I don't know why I'm saying that all
Speaker 1: like Myke Carrey, Mike Carry said turning into you. Um,
Speaker 1: you know we all carry the way of Marian Carrey.
Speaker 1: It's it's all of our burdens culturally. But she apparently
Speaker 1: said to her, like to Megan, Maria was like, well,
Speaker 1: you've got a little enter like you got a diva
Speaker 1: and you and Megan was like, like it was nervous.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm getting all this from the Daily Mail,
Speaker 1: who's like, you know, any time the celebrity walks out
Speaker 1: there like Rebel Wilson flaunting her flawless pins and it's
Speaker 1: like she just was walking to her car. She wasn't
Speaker 1: flaunting anything. So it was like, I read it on
Speaker 1: the day email because they're obsessed with her, but um,
Speaker 1: she does have to tread so carefully, especially in light
Speaker 1: of watching the Diana documentary, Like but she's free from
Speaker 1: the royal family, Like that's the point, Like she can
Speaker 1: do anything she wants, even though I cannot imagine what
Speaker 1: how much money she's making from that podcast, and rightfully so,
Speaker 1: I mean it's everyone, it's number I think it's number one.
Speaker 1: But I mean, what do you think, Oh, well, she
Speaker 1: lives in California. You know that, right yeape get over
Speaker 1: so hot to me that Harry left his entire family
Speaker 1: for her and like said goodbye to all of that
Speaker 1: for her to protect her because she got suicidal, Like
Speaker 1: his mom, it's not fun over there. He's not having
Speaker 1: a good time to leave that though, Like it's like
Speaker 1: leaving Mormonism, like it might be hell, but it's all
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, I don't know. I know
Speaker 1: you are, but it's I do find it like so
Speaker 1: fucking attractive that, um, he did that for her and
Speaker 1: like just how by her you can tell that he
Speaker 1: just like loves her so much and you know, risk everything.
Speaker 1: But I was thinking that, um, this podcast that she's doing,
Speaker 1: I was like it, like I would be worried even
Speaker 1: though she's free of the royal family, Like she has
Speaker 1: to still tread so carefully because everyone's watching her. Every move,
Speaker 1: wanting her to funk up um, even me, you know,
Speaker 1: manifesting it in my daily rituals, just being like, please
Speaker 1: let Megan Margo missed up. But but she's I I
Speaker 1: love that. I forget that interview she did with Oprah
Speaker 1: where she said she was suicidal, which anyone of that nature.
Speaker 1: Admitting as someone who has those thoughts as well, admitting
Speaker 1: that publicly is so brave. And maybe I'm chooting my
Speaker 1: own horn, but like I was just talking to last night,
Speaker 1: Whitney and Ben Gleeb. We're at the comedy store and
Speaker 1: we were talking about admitting things that you think I
Speaker 1: forget where we're saying something about but if you say it,
Speaker 1: people won't want to work with you, like if they
Speaker 1: if you if you say too much, you might become
Speaker 1: a liability. And that's always been my worry about saying
Speaker 1: I have suicidal thoughts. Is like, well, we don't want
Speaker 1: to give her the tonight show. She's gonna kill herself,
Speaker 1: and then what what we're we gonna do? It's like, well,
Speaker 1: it'd be great advertising, it would be great for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if I do it live on air. No, I'm I'm like,
Speaker 1: but it's not. No, one cares. No one people people,
Speaker 1: you know, Chris Farley was on a path to death,
Speaker 1: and people were not intervening, Like as long as you're
Speaker 1: making people money, they don't They're not looking if you're
Speaker 1: a liability down the road. They want to make the
Speaker 1: dollar right now. So it's like, it's almost sad that
Speaker 1: no one cared that I was suicidal when I said
Speaker 1: it on like that. None of my reps were like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you need a break or like, can you say
Speaker 1: that more? Because that got you a lot of press.
Speaker 1: There was a bump and I'm going to do a
Speaker 1: couple to feel better. Um, but oh, I was thinking
Speaker 1: about It occurred to me when I was doing Kimmel um,
Speaker 1: and I was, you know, we're talking about the hardest
Speaker 1: part of the show for me was like trying to
Speaker 1: be present during the interviews. Hear what they were saying, laugh,
Speaker 1: set them up for good stuff, not try to make
Speaker 1: it about me. Don't try to chewhorn punch lines. No
Speaker 1: one is going to go wow, great comeback with like
Speaker 1: just be natural. And there was a point that I
Speaker 1: wanted to make when he was talking about and maybe
Speaker 1: I have gotten cut because I didn't see the interview,
Speaker 1: but he was talking about um mel Brooks and Arnold
Speaker 1: doing voices for his cartoon and how it all happened
Speaker 1: during COVID, and I just wanted to say, like, picture
Speaker 1: Arnold under a blanket, like doing voice. It's such an
Speaker 1: inside thing of like people who do audio. No, like
Speaker 1: how like crazy it looks like so that you're under
Speaker 1: a blanket, like in a closet in a hotel room,
Speaker 1: being like Dave Matthews Band Radio Channel thirty this week
Speaker 1: on Labor Dave Weekend, like inside one of his horses,
Speaker 1: you know, like like like inside of Clydesdale. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do this formal ces. Why did I give him
Speaker 1: a British check? Why could he? Why do I picture
Speaker 1: him in a horse? That's weird because he horses. He's
Speaker 1: all about horses. Oh yeah, there's like a pony like
Speaker 1: walking around his house in the face in one of
Speaker 1: his movies. I love that scene because you can tell
Speaker 1: it's so fake, like she didn't actually hurt the horse
Speaker 1: because the horse kind of just there's a minute, it's
Speaker 1: a beat where it kind of goes like someone off
Speaker 1: camera goes fall and then it like falls. There was
Speaker 1: a conversation where Arnold was like, look, I want to
Speaker 1: hit the horse. It's got to Should I just do it?
Speaker 1: You can go to lunch earlier. Um, They're like, we might.
Speaker 1: I bet. Back in the seventies though, there were like
Speaker 1: a little bit of lax laws about like stuff like
Speaker 1: you know what, hit it with your left hand, Arnold.
Speaker 1: Animals were getting punched it with your laugh Give it, yeah,
Speaker 1: give it any animals and brave Heart fell don't break
Speaker 1: its leg because we'll have to kill it. I did that,
Speaker 1: but Brave Heart they got hit all with spikes. Remember
Speaker 1: they Oh well, Meldon cared the horses were Jewish. Um.
Speaker 1: He made sure to have Jewish horses for heaven. Andrew
Speaker 1: your I did not see it your your show. I did.
Speaker 1: I kind of texted you late on Tuesday night to
Speaker 1: see how it went. I assumed. I mean, I had
Speaker 1: no doubt it was going to be like epic and
Speaker 1: I hate that word. But how was it tell us
Speaker 1: about it? I mean had founding cheesy. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: got to finally, I didn't know the only other time
Speaker 1: I've ever done an hour you saw it was when
Speaker 1: I did my one many an hour and a half. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I like, so I have no question time. I
Speaker 1: was still worried about the time, especially, you know, because
Speaker 1: you know there it's more laxed about. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do these longer stories. I'm gonna can
Speaker 1: put them in there. I don't give a fuck. And um,
Speaker 1: I don't know the stories. It's just you've done it
Speaker 1: so many times. But the timing and of doing an
Speaker 1: hour versus like fifteen to twenty minutes. I don't tell
Speaker 1: the stories though, dude, that's different. But but it's like
Speaker 1: this like feeling of like blah blah blah blah, like
Speaker 1: getting joke after laugh laugh, but like you could have
Speaker 1: moments where they're still listening. And I was just proud
Speaker 1: of myself where like I wasn't crushing at some point
Speaker 1: at some points and there was some quiet and it
Speaker 1: was like and I just kind of sat in it
Speaker 1: and I was very present, and I wondered about that.
Speaker 1: You're good. I watched you even in your smaller sets
Speaker 1: that you do, and I I sometimes resented because I
Speaker 1: can't do it. But you are able to get them
Speaker 1: back to a place where they're like calm down again
Speaker 1: and they're like on the edge of their seats. You
Speaker 1: do not need to fill the silence. You're not insecure
Speaker 1: in that way on stage, and I think that I
Speaker 1: don't know how I'm not. I don't know either, dude,
Speaker 1: because it doesn't fit anything else about you. But you
Speaker 1: really can do this thing where you just kind of
Speaker 1: like we'll be you'll just take your time, and I
Speaker 1: know that you know what's next, and sometimes you'll say
Speaker 1: like you'll make it like casual, but you just can
Speaker 1: be in those moments you can like take your time.
Speaker 1: It's really I want to get better at being slower
Speaker 1: like that. But I remember Louis saying like, you can't
Speaker 1: have the highs without the lows. Like if you're going
Speaker 1: on a roller coaster and the whole thing is just down,
Speaker 1: you're by the end of it, you're just like, well,
Speaker 1: we gotta have to You're gonna have to have moments
Speaker 1: where everyone goes, what's he like, wait, what's next, Like
Speaker 1: we're kind of like back down to But I always
Speaker 1: get worried that because I know about human psychology and
Speaker 1: sociology and what people remember, that they're going to remember
Speaker 1: the moments where they didn't have faith in me to
Speaker 1: keep going. But the truth is they do have faith
Speaker 1: in you. I am thinking that they don't think like
Speaker 1: I can. Artists you do that, yeah, you know, but
Speaker 1: I'm it's like I'm fine watching you. I don't get nervous,
Speaker 1: Like there is a way to do it where you
Speaker 1: take beats. I gotta I gotta learn how to do that.
Speaker 1: So present, I felt like there was a hundred people there,
Speaker 1: So I was really amazing. Do you think it's because
Speaker 1: you played sports as a kid that it helps me
Speaker 1: for moments like this? Yeah? No, because I never was
Speaker 1: like the man on sports either, like no, no, but
Speaker 1: I was always like the fifth best guy on the
Speaker 1: team or something, you know, like why would that help? No.
Speaker 1: So I was playing with my nephew the other day
Speaker 1: and he's you know, like into sports and stuff, and
Speaker 1: we were playing like monkey in the middle and he
Speaker 1: would like come up to me and try to tackle me,
Speaker 1: and he had like no hesitation about it, and I
Speaker 1: was thinking, like, wow, I wonder if this is going
Speaker 1: to like translate to later in life where you just
Speaker 1: go into something with no hesitation, and um, I just that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. The older I got, the more fear
Speaker 1: I hadn't in sports. Sometimes with stand up it's the
Speaker 1: same way. It's kind of a weird thing. You'll go
Speaker 1: to like a a competition and a person that's like
Speaker 1: two months in will have the most confidence in the
Speaker 1: room because they just haven't felt pain of failing. They
Speaker 1: don't know how that it feels to get tackled yet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like your nephew has not been in the face or
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like he doesn't know because
Speaker 1: that's when you start flinching. Is when you know, when
Speaker 1: you burn yourself on the stove. Otherwise you're putting your
Speaker 1: hand on the stove. And yeah, that's interesting. Like I
Speaker 1: think you're right, Like the more you do it, the
Speaker 1: more you you have more data where you're like, I
Speaker 1: know how bad this can go. Badly this can go.
Speaker 1: I did a set last night where I was trying
Speaker 1: to be more slow and measured. The audience was terrible.
Speaker 1: Like no offense to people who are at the comedy
Speaker 1: store last night on Wednesday, but main room you were drunk.
Speaker 1: It was not all of you, but there was like
Speaker 1: a couple of people that were just too drunk, laughing
Speaker 1: at the wrong times, like trying to make the show
Speaker 1: about them and like when they laugh and so it
Speaker 1: was just I heard it backstage and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: this set that I'm going to try to get something
Speaker 1: done on, it's worthless, like I heard Tom Poppa said.
Speaker 1: And then when Tom brought me up and we crossed
Speaker 1: paths and I just go, he goes they are drunk,
Speaker 1: and I was like And then it became so fun
Speaker 1: because I was like this all I don't have to
Speaker 1: I can just experiment. I'm gonna go through like new
Speaker 1: stuff and it was um easier. And there were times
Speaker 1: where I was like, I'm not doing well like I am.
Speaker 1: I these setups are longer. Um. There was just moments
Speaker 1: where there's like too much silence for me where I
Speaker 1: start to go into your bombing if there's not laughter.
Speaker 1: But I got off stage and Ben Glee watched me.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just being nice, but he was like that
Speaker 1: was awesome, Like it was great. It was actually great
Speaker 1: because it wasn't that I wasn't funny. People were just
Speaker 1: listening and it was interesting and they're just lit and
Speaker 1: it's yeah, I know it's that and we need huh
Speaker 1: really okay, I'm still listening Like that's what comedians need
Speaker 1: is like constant, like are you still there? And that's why.
Speaker 1: That's what laughs confirmed. But otherwise you think they're they're
Speaker 1: tapped out when they're just listening. We had we we
Speaker 1: definitely had a Bestie's there last uh two nights ago,
Speaker 1: and there was this one guy and there was a
Speaker 1: couple of funny moments with like crowd work because like
Speaker 1: I was really happy with my crowd work and like
Speaker 1: going back to the guy and bringing it in and
Speaker 1: like really just the rhythm of it. But one guy
Speaker 1: had his shirt unbuttoned all the way down to like
Speaker 1: his his belly button, and I was just like this
Speaker 1: is and you're sitting in the front row facing the
Speaker 1: I was like, you're what what is this? Like this
Speaker 1: can't be your look and whatever. Like I went in
Speaker 1: on the guy, but like in a fun way, and
Speaker 1: and uh called like Benjamin unbuttoned, did you like have
Speaker 1: a fun Well listen, I'm in a relax state, right No, no,
Speaker 1: but no, But my my point is is that so
Speaker 1: I'm like rasing him a little and his girlfriend goes
Speaker 1: he passed a kidney stone and still came to your show.
Speaker 1: It was like yeah, And then I go, can anyone
Speaker 1: beat that? Does anyone have seven fun? And who has
Speaker 1: a better story of like what they overcame to get here?
Speaker 1: How far did you drive? Like how many people like?
Speaker 1: But I went right into cancer, like like late cancer,
Speaker 1: and it hit pretty get there eventually it would hit
Speaker 1: harder though if like I probably didn't pick the most dude,
Speaker 1: how that's comedy for you. It's just like taking a
Speaker 1: risk like that and then going man, I was on
Speaker 1: the right path, but I overshot it a little bit,
Speaker 1: like his buttons. Um, I've done that so much where
Speaker 1: I go, I take it. Oh my god, this is
Speaker 1: so embarrassing. I don't even want to say it because
Speaker 1: I don't even know how I can say this without UM,
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to be obviously more private about my UM,
Speaker 1: my personal life and my relationship because I like, I'm
Speaker 1: so obsessed with it right now and it's just the
Speaker 1: best thing in the world. And it's because I've chosen
Speaker 1: to be UM just more loving and like not as
Speaker 1: freewheeling with It's like I could just say anything about
Speaker 1: my relationship, like I'm trying to respect it more. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna try to get through this without
Speaker 1: breaching anything because I think it's funny. I was on stage,
Speaker 1: and people already kind of know that I don't get.
Speaker 1: I was talking about jealousy and being jealous of j Loo,
Speaker 1: and then I was talking about I honestly, I've said
Speaker 1: it before, like I don't care on stage, so I
Speaker 1: think it's okay. I don't care if my boyfriend like
Speaker 1: hooks up with other girls. I'm actually turned on by it.
Speaker 1: And these two really hot girls in the front row
Speaker 1: like front ish row original room in the store. If
Speaker 1: you've been there, it's like kind of like a more
Speaker 1: like intimate setting. Yeah, it feels like like a bar show.
Speaker 1: I was talking about, like, you know, I've been the
Speaker 1: other woman before. No women admit to it, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't care if you like I I went after
Speaker 1: a guy that had a girlfriend. I didn't care, and um,
Speaker 1: I don't really feel that bad about it. And I'm
Speaker 1: grappling with that, and they were like, well we're gonna
Speaker 1: and I go, no one ever admits of being another woman,
Speaker 1: and the girls go, and I go, except these fucking
Speaker 1: oars and they go, we're gonna suck your boyfriend. And
Speaker 1: I go, it's funny you say that, you think that
Speaker 1: I would be threatened by that, but I actually like that,
Speaker 1: you guys are very hot, honestly, DM me, I will
Speaker 1: set it up. I will be turned on by that.
Speaker 1: And and then I just took it one step too far,
Speaker 1: like do you ever Like the audience was kind of
Speaker 1: on board with it because it's just such an outrighteous
Speaker 1: thing to say. But then I took it to a
Speaker 1: place where things I say in the bedroom that are
Speaker 1: like the shorthand that Chris and I have in our
Speaker 1: intimate bedroom setting of like the kind of dirty talk
Speaker 1: that we do. I'm so used to talking that way
Speaker 1: and having it be totally line and like acceptable and
Speaker 1: almost sound like that's just the way you're talking about room.
Speaker 1: Everyone must talk that way. That I said the most
Speaker 1: filthy thing I've maybe ever said in the bedroom, but
Speaker 1: it's something it would be, you know, it's up there.
Speaker 1: And I said it about them fucking my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: then like what I would do afterwards, and it shut
Speaker 1: the room down and suck like it was crickets so
Speaker 1: fast where people were like, like it was it was
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, like someone saw my porn search history.
Speaker 1: Like it's almost like I opened my laptop at a
Speaker 1: Starbucks and like my porn from the last night was
Speaker 1: like and you're just like, oh my god. They just
Speaker 1: like it was. Yes, it was so gross that everyone
Speaker 1: was just like ah. And it was so funny because
Speaker 1: I also had this guy from Esquire magazine who's following
Speaker 1: me around that night and watching my sets, and he
Speaker 1: witnessed that, and I I hope he does he refers
Speaker 1: in some way because it was such a perfect example
Speaker 1: of me just being like, too, We're I'm exposing a
Speaker 1: part of myself that I think. Me being such an
Speaker 1: open person, I say everything. There are still things I
Speaker 1: can say that can absolutely shock people. And it was
Speaker 1: but you know what it was. It was kind of
Speaker 1: like I've talked about it before, how I would like
Speaker 1: to do porn someday. Like it was impressively, impressively pornographic
Speaker 1: in a way that I think the silence was also
Speaker 1: people being like horn too horny for it. I hate
Speaker 1: when I said morning goes oh, but like horny nous
Speaker 1: and comedy don't mix, like your dick if it's like
Speaker 1: has blood rushing to it. You know, I've talked about
Speaker 1: it my special so I think it was that too.
Speaker 1: But it was just it was that thing that you
Speaker 1: talked about where you're just like, oh man, I had
Speaker 1: them and I lost them on a dime because I
Speaker 1: just said something so gross. But I do stand by it,
Speaker 1: and those girls can dm me and I would like
Speaker 1: to set it up, but um no, that's not my
Speaker 1: relationship right now. It's a you know, not. Everything he
Speaker 1: says about it has to be a reality. I just
Speaker 1: have to say I'm very happy in my relationship. It's
Speaker 1: the best it's ever been. And he's been in Iceland
Speaker 1: for eight days. It's awesome. Um do you find the
Speaker 1: distance makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah? No, it does,
Speaker 1: if for sure? Um, I mean I was only gone
Speaker 1: for two days, but yeah, no, when you get back,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was driving back and I was
Speaker 1: listening to someone talk about how much they love they
Speaker 1: have for their partner, and I was like literally getting
Speaker 1: teared up while driving back, thinking like, wow, this person
Speaker 1: really does love me for just just my who I am,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, just like the love. I was
Speaker 1: thinking about the love she has for me, not how
Speaker 1: much I love her, but like how can someone love
Speaker 1: me so much? And I was just like driving like
Speaker 1: like I just had that too. It's sad to say that.
Speaker 1: I just let that in after nine years with this
Speaker 1: person or like going through so many different phases of
Speaker 1: our relationship. But I just had that too of like
Speaker 1: I think, you know, I hate to speak in like
Speaker 1: you know, f boy Island talked at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, his walls are coming down, and so are
Speaker 1: mine because I had to bring my walls down first.
Speaker 1: I did not realize in my relationship that I was
Speaker 1: the one that is avoidant and scared of commitment and
Speaker 1: scared of forever and scared of like I think that
Speaker 1: I got into this archetype. Talk about archetypes now on Spotify,
Speaker 1: but I got into the archetype of the girl that
Speaker 1: is like, why doesn't this guy want to marry me?
Speaker 1: I want to get married. He's fairy of commitment. Like
Speaker 1: it's easy to play that character where you know, even
Speaker 1: on my reality show, it's like I was pursuing Chris,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to get married. It's just a that's
Speaker 1: a role I play. But I'm the one that is
Speaker 1: creating this vibe from him that that then makes me
Speaker 1: this desperate character. I'm setting the stage for that. Like
Speaker 1: if you you you don't realize, like you can create
Speaker 1: the narrative about yourself that you want by having people
Speaker 1: like and it kind of showcases you, like like I
Speaker 1: was listening to the the same but like like you can
Speaker 1: make up, not make up, but you can make a
Speaker 1: story where it's like my mom did this, so then
Speaker 1: UM like this and maybe you like for me, like
Speaker 1: maybe I'll even like you could have exaggerated or whatever
Speaker 1: to make yourself. You're not a bad person. You're not
Speaker 1: like yeah, someone else repeccable investigate this more read of
Speaker 1: this break. Yeah, we're talking about love and feeling loved
Speaker 1: before we went to break and yeah, I'm just starting
Speaker 1: to be like, oh my god, this person because I
Speaker 1: was so depressed last week and he was so like
Speaker 1: I just kept telling him, like get run away from this,
Speaker 1: like who wants to be with this? Like how could
Speaker 1: you possibly want to be around such a negative Nellie?
Speaker 1: And like I just picture him like he's in having
Speaker 1: the time. He's holding up like a like a steak
Speaker 1: that he used to climb the mountain and he's like yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're on the other end, Like I just told
Speaker 1: him to stay, I go back to your friends. Yes,
Speaker 1: I was like I run away from me and I
Speaker 1: wasn't trying to push him away. I was really like this,
Speaker 1: just check back in when I'm a better person, Like
Speaker 1: just forget you have a girlfriend, because this is not
Speaker 1: fun to deal with and there's nothing he was just
Speaker 1: like he just was like I am not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: I don't care, Like this is this is it? Like
Speaker 1: this is like this is what you are and like
Speaker 1: it's just the way it is. Like it was almost
Speaker 1: kind of like sickness and in health, like and he
Speaker 1: thrives in that state too, Like it's a he's he
Speaker 1: likes being there for me in those times and just
Speaker 1: not having to fix it, but just like listening being there.
Speaker 1: It's um, I think it makes him feel closer to
Speaker 1: me when I can be, you know, really honest about
Speaker 1: how ship, like how bad I feel, and I sometimes
Speaker 1: go because I remember in our relationship prior, like I
Speaker 1: would talk bad about myself or I would say I'm
Speaker 1: so like ugly or whatever I was struggling with, and
Speaker 1: I would be like I remember him. Maybe he didn't
Speaker 1: say it, but I just remember someone being like when
Speaker 1: my partner talks like that about themselves, like why would
Speaker 1: I want to be with someone that doesn't even like themselves?
Speaker 1: Like what do you think of me if I'm with you,
Speaker 1: and I think whether he said that or I heard
Speaker 1: that somewhere back then, it's not the way he feels
Speaker 1: now like he the love we have for each other.
Speaker 1: It's I could say anything bad about myself and it's
Speaker 1: not going to make him go oh, I never saw
Speaker 1: that about you. I was always kind of scared of
Speaker 1: revealing something that's like now you're going to see the
Speaker 1: real thing, and now you're gonna run away. It's like
Speaker 1: he's I could become you know, I could be in
Speaker 1: an assile attack and have no face and he would
Speaker 1: still be attracted to me. He would still want Yes,
Speaker 1: he accepts me, and that really confounds me. Though I'm
Speaker 1: kind of similar, I think to you in a way
Speaker 1: where I don't like to ask for help. I don't
Speaker 1: like people helping me a lot until it gets to
Speaker 1: the point where like I need all the help sometimes
Speaker 1: and like I feel like so much strong in so
Speaker 1: many ways where it's like this person doesn't need anything
Speaker 1: at all, and then it's like no, I do. And
Speaker 1: because I think, like some people like go oh, you
Speaker 1: can help me today, like like it's like little increments
Speaker 1: of help, you know what I mean? And so then
Speaker 1: it's like and that's he likes to be of service.
Speaker 1: He like and it makes him feel good. It makes
Speaker 1: anyone feel good to help out others. I always talk
Speaker 1: about it whenever i'm if you're depressed, out there the
Speaker 1: number one way to get out of it. And I
Speaker 1: should have told myself this past weekend, but I was not.
Speaker 1: You know, depressed people are not in a state to
Speaker 1: figure out things that will make them feel better, because
Speaker 1: the problem with depression is that you convince yourself this
Speaker 1: is the state that you should this is reality, and
Speaker 1: anything to get you out of it would be in
Speaker 1: a lusory dreamlike world where you don't want to be
Speaker 1: one of the sheep. You want to know how bad
Speaker 1: add life is, and so you get stuck in it.
Speaker 1: So I really don't want to take advice. But anytime
Speaker 1: I'm just like, can we start talking about me? Can
Speaker 1: I just like hear about your life and like give
Speaker 1: you some advice, like helping someone else takes you out
Speaker 1: of it. But he, um, he loves doing that ship
Speaker 1: and I think that, um, I just need to get
Speaker 1: it depressed more often for our relationship. Now. It's it
Speaker 1: was really like I don't know, I was just like
Speaker 1: sometimes it does strike me where it's the same thing
Speaker 1: with what my mom says she loves me, and I go,
Speaker 1: but why, Like I want actual I want information about
Speaker 1: what you love about me because I feel like I
Speaker 1: want to hear like you're you make me feel this
Speaker 1: like I get it from my friends, but sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, when people just love you, um
Speaker 1: unconditionally the way that you know Brenna loves you and
Speaker 1: conditionally the way you're talking about where it's just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, someone like deeply loves me in a
Speaker 1: way that like my mom does, just because I exist
Speaker 1: and I'm that person, Like that's what I'm replacing it,
Speaker 1: Like that's what you get a partner for, I believe
Speaker 1: is because your parents die and that unconditional someone who
Speaker 1: is supposed to love you unconditionally is going to leave
Speaker 1: this earth and you need to replace them with someone
Speaker 1: else that is just like I'm in it. I'm family,
Speaker 1: and I have that from my friends, but I'm really
Speaker 1: starting to feel that like, Okay, I just have to
Speaker 1: stop questioning why Chris loves you even though he puts
Speaker 1: up with all this stuff that you think makes you unlovable.
Speaker 1: Just surrender yourself to the fact that he does. And
Speaker 1: it's just like the way your dad or your mom
Speaker 1: loves you, like it's it's that deep now that there,
Speaker 1: it doesn't need definition, it doesn't need evidence in proof.
Speaker 1: I would fine tune that and take out puts up
Speaker 1: with two accepts. Well, I guess I'm saying. I'm saying
Speaker 1: I was saying puts up with to be the most
Speaker 1: negative version of myself in that scenario. But you're absolutely right, accepts.
Speaker 1: But you're right, But in my most negative state, I,
Speaker 1: oh god, what am I offering him? Except like, I
Speaker 1: know sex really, like I blow it out of the
Speaker 1: park every fucking time. But like that is not enough
Speaker 1: to keep a relationship going. And it's certainly I know
Speaker 1: him enough to know that, like it takes more than that.
Speaker 1: So sometimes I'm like, what is he getting out of this?
Speaker 1: And um, and I think that that just is me
Speaker 1: needing to I do need to know more of Like
Speaker 1: I need to know what I do that makes him
Speaker 1: feel like he loves me so much so I can
Speaker 1: do more of it. And I figured out that with
Speaker 1: men just from reading read it really and having male friends,
Speaker 1: but really read it. And I've talked about this before.
Speaker 1: Men are starved of hearing what they mean to you.
Speaker 1: What how complimenting them about their personality there looks like
Speaker 1: men are so thirsty for it. And I think that
Speaker 1: in the past with Chris, I was so I watched
Speaker 1: Jerry McGuire last night, and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is our relationship. Like if you remember that movie
Speaker 1: was up till three watching it. I'm just going through
Speaker 1: all my favorite movies with Harry mat Sally, Jerry McGuire.
Speaker 1: I And it's so interesting to see these movies from
Speaker 1: an adult lens because in that movie, I thought Renee's
Speaker 1: Elwigger and Jeremy Ware liked each other equally and then
Speaker 1: it just didn't work out. But she was so in
Speaker 1: love with him, put him on a pedestal, would do
Speaker 1: anything to make it work. He did not love her
Speaker 1: in that way because he wasn't capable of it, and
Speaker 1: also she he shouldn't have because she loved him blindly,
Speaker 1: so he didn't actually feel. You can't love someone that
Speaker 1: you go, I don't really this person loves me and
Speaker 1: they don't really know me. He didn't feel seen because
Speaker 1: he didn't let his walls down. She shouldn't have loved
Speaker 1: him that way. So eventually she says to him, like,
Speaker 1: this was a mistake. It was my fault. I I
Speaker 1: thought I could love us enough for both of us,
Speaker 1: and it's not the case. So then they get, you know,
Speaker 1: they separate, and then he finally, you know, lets his
Speaker 1: walls down and like and loves her, and it kind
Speaker 1: of happens a little too quick for my taste upon
Speaker 1: second viewing, but it's a movie and they gotta get
Speaker 1: it under two hours, um, because I used to respect
Speaker 1: your time back in the nineties with movies. But I
Speaker 1: just feel like, um, I used to want Crystal love
Speaker 1: me so much and just get that like I love
Speaker 1: you that I um that I didn't leave him space
Speaker 1: to actually do it, and I think once and now
Speaker 1: I'm so cagy about putting too much love on him
Speaker 1: because I used to not get it back enough, like
Speaker 1: I feel like I love you so much, And then
Speaker 1: he'd be like, I love you too, you know, like
Speaker 1: he was trying to match me to be polite, but
Speaker 1: I can tell it wasn't the same as what I
Speaker 1: was feeling or But the truth is I didn't love
Speaker 1: him in that way, so he was reacting the right way.
Speaker 1: You know, like, but now I feel like I need
Speaker 1: to be more confusive about my feelings because he like
Speaker 1: I think with Jerry McGuire, and I think maybe even
Speaker 1: with you a little bit like but honestly kind of
Speaker 1: like he Jerry McGuire, like the whole point of the
Speaker 1: movie is like he searched for, you know, as many
Speaker 1: clients as possible and being a ruthless agent, and his
Speaker 1: career was fucking everything and that's where he found his
Speaker 1: happiness is signing the most money and and all this
Speaker 1: like ego stuff. And I feel like with you where
Speaker 1: you've like you couldn't you had your head down so
Speaker 1: much for your career this whole time, that like how
Speaker 1: could you love someone if you're that focused on, you know,
Speaker 1: finding happiness in your career and finding from the outside
Speaker 1: from from yeah yeah, validation that is so and that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean anything. And then the end, but you have
Speaker 1: to go through it to learn that. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like the monkey in the middle with Noah's like nephew,
Speaker 1: it's like he doesn't know that, like, oh this he
Speaker 1: never You experienced so many highs in this business already
Speaker 1: and you're gonna only get more. But it's like trying
Speaker 1: to feed that like whatever, like that validation related to
Speaker 1: that movie, right, I related to her and him and
Speaker 1: fucking Cuba Gooding Junior to it all, and and the
Speaker 1: baby boy wears glasses and has blue highs. And though
Speaker 1: I would have liked to see this woman be a
Speaker 1: little bit old her in his age, he's thirty five
Speaker 1: and she's twenty six, And I'm like, well, couldn't she
Speaker 1: have been thirty four in the movie? Like I'm glad
Speaker 1: they've cast her and it was probably based on that,
Speaker 1: but like I don't need her to be so young.
Speaker 1: And but it makes sense because she's maturity wise, they're
Speaker 1: kind of at the same place because he's so stunted
Speaker 1: from having this like a career, and she's grown up
Speaker 1: more because she's a single mom. So it does make sense.
Speaker 1: But man, I just feel like, um, do boys do men?
Speaker 1: I should say, like it's I think that you if
Speaker 1: you want more from people, you've got to give it first,
Speaker 1: Like you gotta be the one like if I and
Speaker 1: I think that I've just been so cag about showing
Speaker 1: like being so loving to Chris because I used to
Speaker 1: not get it back that if I give him that
Speaker 1: again he won't give it back. But our relationship is
Speaker 1: different now. It's like I'm dating a different person, so
Speaker 1: I have to be I want to be more effusive
Speaker 1: because he seems to really respond to it. And then
Speaker 1: I get it back and it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: whoa this is? I think I've just been So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's exactly like the monkey in the middle thing of
Speaker 1: like I got tackled too much early on with the
Speaker 1: same person and I didn't get back, and it hurts
Speaker 1: so much that I don't want to give up anything
Speaker 1: now and I'm more cag with my feelings and I
Speaker 1: just have to I have to realize, like, uh, I
Speaker 1: gotta do the uncomfortable thing if I want to get
Speaker 1: that back. Well, what's so cool about well life in general,
Speaker 1: but with relationships, like let's say nine nine times in
Speaker 1: a row, the person doesn't respond how you want them
Speaker 1: to respond, and then but then like let's say, you know,
Speaker 1: the eighth and ninth time, you finally speak up and
Speaker 1: you go, Okay, this isn't working like this, like whatever,
Speaker 1: like you gotta change, and then the tenth time they
Speaker 1: actually like change. It's not like life. You're like whoa,
Speaker 1: They're gonna go back to you. You're like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is who they are now and and this is great
Speaker 1: and let's go from here like that. Like that, it's
Speaker 1: hard to you know what I us. They will like
Speaker 1: you will relapse, You will have those moments where you
Speaker 1: go back to the first nine times you were doing
Speaker 1: it because that it's so ingrained us and it and
Speaker 1: by the time we're thirty five, I'm learning this from
Speaker 1: this book that I've actually I'm finishing you guys. Um
Speaker 1: Breaking the Habit of being Yourself by Joe to Spenser.
Speaker 1: I have so much to say about it. I want
Speaker 1: people to read it because I want to make fun
Speaker 1: of it so bad. That are so And you gotta
Speaker 1: listen to his meditations because I love this guy's writing
Speaker 1: so much. But Joe, if you're listening, your meditations are
Speaker 1: fucking insane and I can't. I just need you, guys,
Speaker 1: to do one of his meditations on YouTube, and just
Speaker 1: so I can make fun of it. We can talk
Speaker 1: about it, um and see if you can get through
Speaker 1: it because I could not. Um. But what you're saying
Speaker 1: is um. Yeah, Like I I actually was on a
Speaker 1: run recently and I told Chris because we were doing
Speaker 1: We're just on such a good stretch of loving each
Speaker 1: other so much. And I He's like, hey, if you
Speaker 1: put in this effort that the things I need from you,
Speaker 1: my love language, if you work towards doing these things
Speaker 1: that for you, you just don't think like why would
Speaker 1: that me matter to him? But it does, Like you
Speaker 1: need to understand these do so please. And I said
Speaker 1: the same to him. And I said to him, I
Speaker 1: was on a run recently and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell him. This analogy of our relationship is
Speaker 1: going to be like a run, a long run where
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not gonna stop running, but they're going
Speaker 1: to be stretches of it where it looks like I'm walking,
Speaker 1: almost like there's going to be times where I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna give up. I'm giving you that promise, like I
Speaker 1: obviously haven't yet, but just know that my I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna always be sprinting. It's not always gonna look that impressive,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna look but I'm not gonna I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna walk. Like you know, if you if you go
Speaker 1: on to run your runner and you start walking, you
Speaker 1: don't run again. I mean, it's rare where you go.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just take a break and get some water,
Speaker 1: and then you get up to a pace again. Once
Speaker 1: you stop, you're kind of like, well, I'm gonna stop
Speaker 1: my app Nike Run app. And then they say something,
Speaker 1: you know, like, hey girl, you got out there today
Speaker 1: and every run is just a little change in the
Speaker 1: penny jar and someday you're gonna cash out, and you're
Speaker 1: like that is insulting. Um, it's like Hussain Bolt being like, whoa,
Speaker 1: I saw you out there today. You almost caught up
Speaker 1: to me. I gotta watch my back, and you're like,
Speaker 1: stop this condescension. But um, that's how it feels like.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to stop running. And it might
Speaker 1: look like I'm one of those old men who runs
Speaker 1: like they're throwing a baseball where they're just like limping,
Speaker 1: like the old man in town that you would see
Speaker 1: running on the side of the road constantly. It might
Speaker 1: look like that. And I told him I was like, Chris,
Speaker 1: I am always going to I'm not gonna walk, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna sit down. I'm not gonna give up on
Speaker 1: this run. I gotta complete it. But it's gonna be
Speaker 1: it's not gonna be perfect. I'm going to forget dates
Speaker 1: that you tell me to save. I'm going to schedule
Speaker 1: things sometimes without thinking about you. Um, I'm gonna forget stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to forget it, and my intention
Speaker 1: is not too But I'm gonna slip up again. And
Speaker 1: it's does that is that kind of like what you're
Speaker 1: saying about let's feel like I'm well, I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: with the run analogy like the tortoise and the hair
Speaker 1: like I feel like your very hair like like with
Speaker 1: your life because your life is fast moving and it's
Speaker 1: hard to pay attention to think. So it's like maybe
Speaker 1: run like a little. I want to do that with everything.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited about the surgery because it is going
Speaker 1: to make me I cannot talk, so I will be
Speaker 1: listening constantly. I will just be observing. It will be
Speaker 1: a completely almost meditative experience. I want to get quiet
Speaker 1: and calm and slow. I need like purposely. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think your life has been your life has been on
Speaker 1: one point eight speed or maybe maybe to talk so
Speaker 1: and that is actually for my vocal healthy Remember vacation, No,
Speaker 1: because you've never been on one. I thought you met
Speaker 1: the movie. You know what I mean. No, No, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, like your vacations are even work, you know,
Speaker 1: like you just haven't let yourself because you've had no
Speaker 1: but for two days. This is the best thing. I
Speaker 1: would not have been able to do this break where
Speaker 1: I don't do any podcasts. I don't do like I
Speaker 1: just posted a tweet yesterday that said, normalize free time
Speaker 1: as not something that means I. It was something about,
Speaker 1: like free time doesn't mean that is I'm available, Like
Speaker 1: free time does not equal oh, we should like put
Speaker 1: some press interviews in here or like, because there's always
Speaker 1: something I can put in there. And the only way
Speaker 1: that I was able to get actual free time is
Speaker 1: to have my turn into Ariel and to have Ursula
Speaker 1: take my voice. I'm calling doctors, I tell us Ursula
Speaker 1: because he's taking my voice from me, and I have
Speaker 1: to figure out I it's the only because otherwise if I,
Speaker 1: let's say I took a break from the road and
Speaker 1: was like, I can't go on the road, like I
Speaker 1: pull a Jonah Hill and I go it's giving me anxiety.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this part of my life. There's always
Speaker 1: something else I can do. I could do zoom interviews.
Speaker 1: I could like, but when you can't talk, it really
Speaker 1: is like I think it's gonna make me a better
Speaker 1: guitarist because man, I gotta figure out myself in that
Speaker 1: way together together where like area because you can't talk
Speaker 1: anymore and I have a tail? Can I be Sebastian
Speaker 1: and you brush your hair with a fork? Yes, you
Speaker 1: gotta be Sebastian. Um, I'm starting to Anthony jessel N.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Like there's no wiggle room
Speaker 1: for you then with this no voice, there's not like
Speaker 1: you have. That's why I love about it. It's like
Speaker 1: literally being thrown in prison and I'm like there's nothing.
Speaker 1: It's like bondage that I talk about where it's like
Speaker 1: you get to be lazy in bed and it's forced laziness,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, one gets to say I'm lazy
Speaker 1: in bed. I'm like, I'm tied up. I can't move.
Speaker 1: It's not my fault. Um. Is there any part of
Speaker 1: you know that goes like any part of your ego
Speaker 1: or you're like even without a voice, I'm still gonna
Speaker 1: do a special or not as special, but you know,
Speaker 1: like like you're going to figure out something people are
Speaker 1: going to actually do. I know that people are gonna
Speaker 1: steal my idea and have their vocal cords fixed because
Speaker 1: there's so many people with damage. Nearly everyone who sings
Speaker 1: as no, no, I'm just talking about you. I'm just
Speaker 1: going to accomplish so much during it. It's going to
Speaker 1: make people go, what this you know, Like when Mulaney
Speaker 1: quit drinking that was I was like, that's his special sauce, Like,
Speaker 1: I need to do what this guy does because he's
Speaker 1: on the next level. And I do believe this is
Speaker 1: going to take me to the next level, not comedically necessarily,
Speaker 1: but it's what my intention for it is to find
Speaker 1: like the artist I want to be after this and
Speaker 1: to shift into like who I want to just find
Speaker 1: who I want to be after this, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: my intention is to pull a Hannibal Burris and reinvent
Speaker 1: myself as another artist and to like start over. I
Speaker 1: really I want to do it. I cannot sing as myself.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a singer songwriter as Nikki Glazer,
Speaker 1: that's a comedian, that is a TV host. I want
Speaker 1: to get like I'm gonna do. It's so fun. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do like a character name and be because when
Speaker 1: I started doing comedy, I was thinking about it because
Speaker 1: I'm trying to write songs right now and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I cannot this is so hard to do. I keep
Speaker 1: saying I can't do it. But when I first wrote jokes,
Speaker 1: I just was like, what would Sarah Silverman right? Just
Speaker 1: right for Sarah Silverman? So I need to create right now.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, okay, right for Taylor's swift, right
Speaker 1: for dually, but like if you had to turn in
Speaker 1: the song to them, what would it be? And that's
Speaker 1: an easier way. But I need to invent a character
Speaker 1: for myself that is me, that is and I'm waiting
Speaker 1: for what that is and I think it's I just
Speaker 1: the name has to like find me. So I'm my
Speaker 1: intention is like I come out of this and I
Speaker 1: know and I'm not gonna reveal. I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna reveal who it is because I want to become
Speaker 1: famous in um in my own right without any help
Speaker 1: from my current career. And I because people will always
Speaker 1: say if you get famous, and you know, Michael Jordan
Speaker 1: maybe not would not have made the baseball team if
Speaker 1: he wasn't Michael Jordan, and they gave him an extra like,
Speaker 1: let's just see what this guy's got, you know, Like what,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, they wanted to sell T shirt? Yeah, what
Speaker 1: do you mean? He actually probably would, but he'll never
Speaker 1: know because he went in as Michael Jordan and people
Speaker 1: can always say, no, they gave him an extra shot
Speaker 1: because he's Michael Jordan's not that I'm comparing myself to him.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I don't want anyone to be able
Speaker 1: to say she's actually not good. I want people to go,
Speaker 1: I want people to go, that girl, whatever my you
Speaker 1: know name is, is so good and they go, do
Speaker 1: you know what's Nicky Glazer? Hannibal Burst is doing it
Speaker 1: with his rap career. He has to um. He started
Speaker 1: this new I forget the name of the He's good,
Speaker 1: He's great, amazing. It was like, did you hear the freestyle?
Speaker 1: It was so good. I mean, that guy's a genius
Speaker 1: artist and it makes sense like comedians are. That's what
Speaker 1: Sway was saying there. I think it was Sway, someone
Speaker 1: who was interviewing. I don't think it was say actually,
Speaker 1: but it might have been on the show, was saying
Speaker 1: to Hannibal Comedians are good at being artists and like
Speaker 1: they can bridge that stuff like look at Jamie Fox.
Speaker 1: Did you hear Jamie Foxes Trump? I saw that it
Speaker 1: was that guy is probably the most talented personalized Jamie
Speaker 1: Fox oscar Winner with things throw oh my god when
Speaker 1: they go that's how they get you. That's how they
Speaker 1: get you. Because he was like, so, what is your
Speaker 1: favorite death Death Row artists? And he was like, I
Speaker 1: see what he did there. That's like the way you
Speaker 1: guys got to watch the impression he did of Trump
Speaker 1: because it is number one almost deep fake levels of
Speaker 1: like two uh too spot on. You know, someone was
Speaker 1: talking about how deep fakes are not funny. Who was it, Oh,
Speaker 1: we're talking to um. We're talking about Kyle's on again
Speaker 1: doing impressions and how it's really funny the filter he
Speaker 1: puts on his face to do impersonations. If it was
Speaker 1: a deep fake with that voice, it's two looks too
Speaker 1: much like them that it doesn't make it funny. You
Speaker 1: need to be a little bit off to parody it.
Speaker 1: And that is what how good Jamie Foxes is is
Speaker 1: that it sounds so much like him. I mean it
Speaker 1: is I have keep watching it. I'm like this guy
Speaker 1: is the most talented person ever. And I never even
Speaker 1: saw Ray. I mean he didn't either, but uh so
Speaker 1: that reminds me of the best slide of the show,
Speaker 1: maybe Everest, when I go, how do you know what
Speaker 1: your asshole looks like? And you were like, how does
Speaker 1: Stevie Wonder play the piano? Yeah? Does he know what
Speaker 1: the keys look like? That was one of the greate Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna always know where your asshole is. Uh what?
Speaker 1: But I think, like, what's crazy about that is obviously
Speaker 1: he's a black man, looks nothing like Donald Trump, but
Speaker 1: like some of these character actors can embody and where
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, you don't even have to. If you're that,
Speaker 1: you don't even have the fun. The reason I'm good
Speaker 1: at comedy is because I wasn't good enough at acting
Speaker 1: or singing to actually do I would have been I
Speaker 1: would have been those things, right, Like those are the
Speaker 1: avenues that you learned about early on to become famous,
Speaker 1: which is what I craved being on TV. And then
Speaker 1: comedy was the low last thing I tried out of
Speaker 1: all those things, and it's stuck. But the truth is
Speaker 1: what I didn't know then, and I talked about all
Speaker 1: the time. Is like I just didn't work at those
Speaker 1: other things and comedy I just got lucky the first
Speaker 1: time and had a good set and so and someone goes,
Speaker 1: I mean, you talk about it in one of my
Speaker 1: specials of like all it takes to get a girl
Speaker 1: to blow you all the time is to be like,
Speaker 1: you're really good at this, like make her feel special,
Speaker 1: and then you'll do it forever. And that's why everyone
Speaker 1: has to be more heavy handed with compliments when you
Speaker 1: are impressed by someone. Because I was talking to, um,
Speaker 1: who was I talking to recently? Oh, the guy that's
Speaker 1: following me around for Esquire. His name is John McDermott.
Speaker 1: He's written UM so much for Esquire. He's a great writer.
Speaker 1: And he goes, I mean he can trace his becoming
Speaker 1: a journalist to one teacher going you could actually do
Speaker 1: this for a living. That the one teacher saying that,
Speaker 1: and like his whole career is based on this one
Speaker 1: person who believed in them. Um, and I just didn't
Speaker 1: get that from singing and acting, whereas I got it
Speaker 1: with comedy. But the truth is it it I could
Speaker 1: have come across someone that actually thought I was a
Speaker 1: good actress because I do have potential there, but I
Speaker 1: just never got in front of the right person to
Speaker 1: say that, or I would have been an actress because
Speaker 1: all that does is push you too then practice enough
Speaker 1: because you know you're good. You have it in your
Speaker 1: head that like, I know, no matter how bad I suck,
Speaker 1: that person who I respect thinks I have it, So
Speaker 1: I'm unwavering. That's what you need to become great is
Speaker 1: an unwavering confidence that I know I'm good somewhere and
Speaker 1: here I'm good. And if you don't have that going
Speaker 1: into something, and you also don't have the uh you
Speaker 1: haven't read a book like the Talent Code that talks
Speaker 1: about like talent is not born, it is practiced you
Speaker 1: you will not get good at things like you need
Speaker 1: that and especially the young, impressionable age. I have it
Speaker 1: now for myself. I realize, like I'm having a lot
Speaker 1: of epiphanies about being at an age where like I
Speaker 1: have to decide if I'm having kids, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what if I don't have kids, and if if let's say,
Speaker 1: my ideal daughter is like, oh, she's like this Olivia Rodrigo,
Speaker 1: like emotional artist who's like knows herself is like inspiring people,
Speaker 1: But like, why can't I give that same like opportunity
Speaker 1: that I would give my daughter to facilitate that to
Speaker 1: myself Because I don't have to pay for swim lessons,
Speaker 1: I don't have to pay for dental appointments for my kids.
Speaker 1: I don't have to I'm I can mother myself. I
Speaker 1: can start over because also, I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't pursue talents later in life because they have jobs,
Speaker 1: they have kids, they don't have time spend hours it
Speaker 1: takes to get good at something. I'm not bragging, but
Speaker 1: I have I don't have kids. I have jobs that
Speaker 1: I can actually walk away from in a responsible way.
Speaker 1: I've saved enough money. That's why Whitney last night was
Speaker 1: like you need to buy Are you gonna buy a house?
Speaker 1: And I go, no, I'm going to keep living moderately
Speaker 1: because I need to finance my pop star career. Like
Speaker 1: I need to be like Miley Cyrus is well, not
Speaker 1: Miley Cyrus' mom, but like you know these young moms
Speaker 1: of like these young girls that go like We're going
Speaker 1: to move out of Ohio, move to l A and
Speaker 1: fucking take a shot, and I'm gonna bank all my
Speaker 1: money on my daughter pursuing her dream. I can do
Speaker 1: that for myself because I would do that for my
Speaker 1: daughter no matter what she wanted to pursue. So it's
Speaker 1: a nice way to flip it in my head of
Speaker 1: like if I don't have kids, I can mother myself
Speaker 1: and and and start over. There's something about there's something
Speaker 1: about like Hannibal doing rap where the analogy the thing
Speaker 1: is is like a lot of rap is comedy. Right,
Speaker 1: It's just like one line nerds that are like left
Speaker 1: turned so that it's it's not not too far from comedy.
Speaker 1: It's not so well, that's what you're going freestyling. It's
Speaker 1: the same kind of right. It's like if you go
Speaker 1: from comedy to singer songwriter, where it's a heart and
Speaker 1: emotional and you're and you have to really it's it's
Speaker 1: a bigger leap in a way from going comedy. Well,
Speaker 1: I've already faced the back comedy of being like trashed
Speaker 1: about exactly, and that's why I'm like I gotta kill off.
Speaker 1: Nikki Glazer, singer like Matt Pond is releasing some songs
Speaker 1: with his new band, The Natural Lines, which they have
Speaker 1: a new song out. I really implore everyone to add
Speaker 1: it to the Spotify because it's my friend. And that's
Speaker 1: the Natural Lines and the new song is the Problem
Speaker 1: is Me. I recorded that song. He wrote that song
Speaker 1: for me to record, and I recorded it, and so
Speaker 1: I know it already. It's such a good song. He
Speaker 1: did such a better job with it. Obviously, it's I've
Speaker 1: been playing it NonStop. It's called the Problem is Me.
Speaker 1: I put it on my Instagram story yesterday. But that, um,
Speaker 1: what was gonna say. I he's going to release some
Speaker 1: of the songs. I think St. Lou which is the
Speaker 1: song that was on my UM show, and um this
Speaker 1: other song still not Still Summer, I forget what it
Speaker 1: was called Endless Summer. We're gonna release those two on
Speaker 1: a record next to May. And he's getting together all
Speaker 1: this record design and and it said Nicky Glazer with
Speaker 1: the Natural Lines, And I'm like, can you just do
Speaker 1: the Natural Lines featuring Nicki Glazer? Like I don't want
Speaker 1: this is the old me and like she had a
Speaker 1: she had a voice. Things are great, the songs are great,
Speaker 1: but I gotta I'm gonna reinvent and um and so
Speaker 1: that people so that I can if people go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, Nicky Glazers singing, it's embarrassing. I'm gonna go no,
Speaker 1: she's actually Nicki Lazer is not singing. She Nicki Lazard
Speaker 1: does comedy. Um, you know, George Funk is singing. I
Speaker 1: don't know even know what my name is gonna be.
Speaker 1: It might be like a boy's name. I honestly, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I get to be anyone I want. And it's so
Speaker 1: cool because it's also like having a baby. You get
Speaker 1: to like name yourself. Like I know this sounds very
Speaker 1: transy um and I mean that in the best way,
Speaker 1: but like I get to create a new person. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's just what I'm thinking now I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: But I want to be a new person with this.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking what like because Garth Brooks obviously Chris Gaines.
Speaker 1: With Chris Gaines, it was a little much because he
Speaker 1: went to like straight Hair and it was like he
Speaker 1: he just like, by the way, I love that album.
Speaker 1: I listened to it when I had mono and I
Speaker 1: was crying in an attorney house writing poems so like
Speaker 1: to but but I'm just trying to do you know
Speaker 1: what Garth Brooks, like, I forget how he did that. Uh, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there was like is that Garth was it? Like? This
Speaker 1: is it was Sasha Fears like I'm Beyonce, but this
Speaker 1: is my alter ego Ziggy start us, like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe that's how it was the only thing he
Speaker 1: changed with a straight in his hair and he had
Speaker 1: like a little soul pat. I might do wigs like
Speaker 1: I want to do with I want really like I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look like myself. I want to
Speaker 1: sing um totally, like maybe do like a dead mouse
Speaker 1: thing like in a fucking helmet or something, you know,
Speaker 1: like I want. I eventually will take it off one
Speaker 1: side know who this person is, but I might daft
Speaker 1: punk it of like I don't want me. I want
Speaker 1: people to go like I want to be. I want
Speaker 1: to disappear into it and I don't want anyone to
Speaker 1: know it's me. But I also so I probably will
Speaker 1: end up just being like Hannibal about it. Of like,
Speaker 1: don't judge this person. She's a new artist. It is
Speaker 1: me though, you know. But that's the trick is like
Speaker 1: you gotta create a separate persona. I love picturing you
Speaker 1: though doing the podcast with the daft punk helmet on.
Speaker 1: I mean I I basically do that on days or
Speaker 1: my eyes look like the sunglasses. That is another world.
Speaker 1: That's what That's what I love about Cia. I don't
Speaker 1: know if people know this, but Sia did not put
Speaker 1: on a wig and sing with her back to the
Speaker 1: camera because she was felt like she was ugly or embarrassed,
Speaker 1: like maybe those things were with those selfestee stuff. She
Speaker 1: didn't want. She wanted to have a normal life where
Speaker 1: everyone didn't know was her everywhere she went, and so
Speaker 1: she purposely did that to be separate than from the artist.
Speaker 1: Anya said to me recently that Sharon Stone was always
Speaker 1: like when people talk about Sharon Stone and the tabloids,
Speaker 1: that's not me. I'm a different person. Um, she didn't
Speaker 1: have to give herself a different name, even though Sharon
Speaker 1: Stone is an amazing, you know, pseudonym. But I gotta
Speaker 1: come up with a new name, which who knows if
Speaker 1: it's going to be like Kesha, or it's gonna be
Speaker 1: like two names, or it's gonna be I don't Cincinnati, sue, uh,
Speaker 1: Andrew's frozen again. But we'll be right back with fan Trax. Alright,
Speaker 1: we're back. Let's get to fan Trax. Hell. Yes, Let's
Speaker 1: hear what the bussies have to say this week. So
Speaker 1: many good voice nails. Let's start off with Alyssa, Hey, Nikk.
Speaker 1: You know and Andrew, I love you all, best of
Speaker 1: your life. Since the beginning of Blah Blah blah, um, so,
Speaker 1: I working at restaurant and I was listening to The
Speaker 1: Horse Side with Blend Gleab episode about how, um, sometimes
Speaker 1: the customer is not always right and everything, and I
Speaker 1: just want everyone to know that. Like what we do
Speaker 1: in my restaurant to get through it is we kind
Speaker 1: of poke fun to the customers without them knowing. Um.
Speaker 1: We have this thing called LHC and that means liquor
Speaker 1: hunter like his cock, and that means going above and beyond,
Speaker 1: but like kind of being santastic about it. So it's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, I'd love to get you an
Speaker 1: extra side of ranch apps, so fucking lutely should like that. Um.
Speaker 1: And then we also do this thing where when people leave,
Speaker 1: instead of saying take care, we say dick hare and
Speaker 1: it kind of sounds the same, and it's just and
Speaker 1: keep things light because honestly, the restaurant industry stocks right
Speaker 1: now in yeah for a reason. We love our jobs
Speaker 1: and it's fun. It's great money out there to restaurants.
Speaker 1: I love you all and love you grabbit jack rabbit
Speaker 1: um love that. Yeah. I really implore people, if you
Speaker 1: got expendable cash and you like dining out, get out there.
Speaker 1: Be nice to your weight staff, tip a lot um,
Speaker 1: help them out because it's I think it is a
Speaker 1: it's a struggle out there right now in customer service,
Speaker 1: entitled people. It's just something's changing culturally where people are
Speaker 1: just were are so mean. But I love these little
Speaker 1: tricks the out Wait, what is it? Lick lick h
Speaker 1: LHC can stop luy his coke? No, don't spit in
Speaker 1: your people, but you have to get you another ranch.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so funny. Yes, you're just being so
Speaker 1: nice that they kind of know you hate them. That's good.
Speaker 1: I used to say, Um, you could say to someone,
Speaker 1: have a good one, and they don't know that you
Speaker 1: mean death. Like to you it can mean death. You know,
Speaker 1: like you can make it for you. They don't know
Speaker 1: you sound like you're being nice, have a good one,
Speaker 1: or like I just love, I just love like try
Speaker 1: later you said, hitch, take care dig hair. I kind
Speaker 1: of see how But I can see people in their
Speaker 1: car being like day. It was like that when I
Speaker 1: went to six Flags with my dad once when we
Speaker 1: were kids and the guy goes, all right, we've got
Speaker 1: to the ticket counter or whenever. He goes all right,
Speaker 1: get your ass in the park. Um, and my dad
Speaker 1: goes what and he goes, pet dress in the park.
Speaker 1: My dad goes, or did you say get your ass?
Speaker 1: And he goes no, I said, welcome to Jurassic Park.
Speaker 1: It was like because it was raining outside and he
Speaker 1: was like making a joke that it was like really
Speaker 1: ominous weather, and um we left. We loved it because
Speaker 1: it was were yawning and it was like that guy
Speaker 1: just said get your ass in the park. It was
Speaker 1: so fun. I love. We had a moment on these
Speaker 1: where this girl would come around and she had a
Speaker 1: she goes silver, silver in the glass, silver in the glass,
Speaker 1: and we're like silver and and we're all like some
Speaker 1: souvenir glass but like the does things with your family,
Speaker 1: you go nuts like it was like, um. My favorite
Speaker 1: one of those is in Amy's movie Snatched with Goldie
Speaker 1: Hawn where they check into this hotel and the person
Speaker 1: comes up to them with like a little these little
Speaker 1: glasses of like smoothie, and he goes welcome, Welcome, and
Speaker 1: she's like, whail come, and it looks like and he's
Speaker 1: like welcome and she's like, oh no. She takes a
Speaker 1: set and it's like he goes welcome and she's like,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like this Hawaiian resort and she thinks
Speaker 1: it's whalcome. That was one of my favorite ones. VENTI
Speaker 1: please blow all right. Next, fan trax are just saying
Speaker 1: we're okay, Andrew and Noah, this is your bestie Stephanie
Speaker 1: from San Francisco. You know where Andrew had to get
Speaker 1: a new pair of shoes right before walking on this set.
Speaker 1: I actually watched y'all show on YouTube, and after I
Speaker 1: watched the current show, YouTube will just randomly place on
Speaker 1: an older episode and it re um played episode one sixty,
Speaker 1: which is without You Maria, and she is talking about
Speaker 1: a bikini being lost in New Jersey through USPS and
Speaker 1: she wasn't going to have it from Mexico. And I
Speaker 1: just now all of a sudden need um insight. I
Speaker 1: need the the follow through, I need the end of
Speaker 1: the story. I need I need the plane land and
Speaker 1: what happened to bikini. I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight
Speaker 1: if if I don't find out was was on your
Speaker 1: Mari naked? Was she able to resurface in her brand
Speaker 1: new Bikinian Mexico. I think this is so much proud
Speaker 1: to be a bestie um Dopeyka and jack anson off
Speaker 1: Um love it. Jack anson Off Um. This is a
Speaker 1: new kind of fan because I like where people because
Speaker 1: there are a lot of loose ends on the show.
Speaker 1: If you need some kind of closure, please ask for
Speaker 1: it and we'll give it to the closure here. I
Speaker 1: think Noah has the answer. So I reached out to
Speaker 1: Annya this morning and she goes, yes, I got it
Speaker 1: back eight months later. Now I'm selling it on eBay.
Speaker 1: It's brand new, extra small, It's been on sale for months,
Speaker 1: no bites. We gotta get her name on eBay so
Speaker 1: people can check it out. And by the way, she
Speaker 1: did have a bikini in the Hampton's that is so
Speaker 1: cute and perfect, and I believe it's from the same
Speaker 1: company because it was Italian, so maybe she got an
Speaker 1: extra but it is very cute. So um, yeah, try
Speaker 1: to find that. I don't know the brand or anything,
Speaker 1: but that eight month later, Jesus Christ. Um, glad we'd
Speaker 1: glad we tied up that string bikini. Um great, great
Speaker 1: frand tracks next up. All right, here's a story from Megan. Hey, Nikki,
Speaker 1: Andrew and Noah. UM, my name is Megan, and I
Speaker 1: was calling because a few weeks ago you had talked
Speaker 1: about the awkwardness of like watching a movie where the
Speaker 1: same situation is happening and it's awkward between the people watching. Um.
Speaker 1: In college, our friend's dog had just died, so we
Speaker 1: knew going into pet cemetery that it was going to
Speaker 1: be a little weird, but we kind of thought we'd
Speaker 1: like laugh my way through it. Um. We didn't know
Speaker 1: that in the movie they get burned alive. Um, and
Speaker 1: her father had been burned alive and had died that way.
Speaker 1: And instead of turning it off and being mature and
Speaker 1: looking at her and saying, oh my god, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: we were all in our early twenties. Week just watched
Speaker 1: the whole thing and then like silently filed out of
Speaker 1: the appointment and it was never mentioned. And I still
Speaker 1: am mortified, but that happened. We never talked about it
Speaker 1: with her. God so sad. So she and her brother died.
Speaker 1: Her brother was burned alive, but as right like she
Speaker 1: left her dog. It was already awkward. That was like,
Speaker 1: oh the dog, but they kind of knew going into
Speaker 1: into it. They just didn't know about that. And then
Speaker 1: she also had this other tragic thing happened in her
Speaker 1: life that is, oh, okay, wait, there's a little bit left.
Speaker 1: And then the second thing is is in the last episode,
Speaker 1: you were doing your impressions if everyone, and it clicked
Speaker 1: with me that you identify with a bird because you
Speaker 1: are like a bird that that mocks people a para keyt.
Speaker 1: I thought they are or a parent. So they noticed that.
Speaker 1: I didn't know if you had made the connection of
Speaker 1: your impersonations. Um, that's all. I got such a good
Speaker 1: point because I'm like a bird. Because I could only
Speaker 1: do two second impressions. It's like birds don't really like
Speaker 1: go places with their questions. They just do like a
Speaker 1: couple of words. Yeah, that's why. Okay, I really like
Speaker 1: that spin. I can't get over the burning. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that sucks so much. It's so sad, And I mean
Speaker 1: I've had things where it's like, you know, when I
Speaker 1: was antorectic, I remember just always just being so aware
Speaker 1: of watching anything that might make someone feel awkward about
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm struggling with this thing. Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to watch something where someone gets called out
Speaker 1: for being intorectic, because then my whole family is going
Speaker 1: to be like it's the elephant in the room, like,
Speaker 1: you know, being aware of things about me that like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if I lost my brother in up fire, I would
Speaker 1: be so cautious not about my own like trauma, but
Speaker 1: like of making of people feeling sorry for me watching things.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense, Like worry about that people are
Speaker 1: gonna be like, oh my god, this is so awgward
Speaker 1: for Nikki and being like I think that's maybe part
Speaker 1: of my personalities just to take care of other people's
Speaker 1: feelings about my own trauma instead of my own because
Speaker 1: it's easier that way. Um, next time, like maybe do
Speaker 1: look who's talking or something? To think the movie choice,
Speaker 1: whoever chose the movie the next time, choose Marley and
Speaker 1: me just go right there. Well, he's just sticking with
Speaker 1: the dog theme and you're not risking any like complete
Speaker 1: family tragedies popping up. Alright, final thought, let's go to
Speaker 1: another Okay, this one comes from Molly. You guys, I
Speaker 1: am listening to episode Trish Training Bro, and you guys
Speaker 1: are talking about in hairs and nipple hairs and how
Speaker 1: sorry to bring this up again, Noah, but you had
Speaker 1: to shave the morning after like a hook up to
Speaker 1: like control the great hair. And I feel so seen.
Speaker 1: I seriously have been so insecure about like I get
Speaker 1: like these like hairs, like I guess it's basically like
Speaker 1: a sidebird, and they grow so fast and it's so
Speaker 1: embarrassing and it makes me feel like a gross nam
Speaker 1: And now I know that like Hala and Nikki and
Speaker 1: Noah like all the same thing. And I just I
Speaker 1: should have known this sooner. But I truly feel so
Speaker 1: zeen and I just had to call in and tell
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm so glad, oh my god, because honestly,
Speaker 1: there are these things that we keep we think other
Speaker 1: people don't have, even though we have been exposed to
Speaker 1: so many people admitting their truths that you think there's
Speaker 1: still things about you that other people don't have, but
Speaker 1: you just keep whatever you got going there is someone
Speaker 1: that has it. I'm so glad you felt seen by that.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking of like another thing that you
Speaker 1: pointed out that's like such like an embarrassing thing, but
Speaker 1: it happens to just about every woman. And that's like
Speaker 1: the little joint uh toilet paper and our vaginas. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was a real big like that was learning seeing
Speaker 1: seeing those joints and realizing other women had them, and
Speaker 1: those joints, I was never been in this bathroom before,
Speaker 1: so those have to be from another woman, so other
Speaker 1: like it was a it was a moment for me
Speaker 1: in a stall when I saw those of like I
Speaker 1: know that this isn't just me. I don't think I
Speaker 1: put in the special but like even taking baths with
Speaker 1: my sister, like my vagina just sucks up toilet paper.
Speaker 1: I remember as being a kid in the bathroom my
Speaker 1: sister and having to skim the top of the water
Speaker 1: to like collect the toilet paper that I had accumulated
Speaker 1: in my vagina that would be released in the bath.
Speaker 1: As a child, even my vagina was like just swiffering debris, insane,
Speaker 1: Like I worked at like vagina to clean up the ocean,
Speaker 1: like go reverse. I love the idea too of like
Speaker 1: thank God for the Internet and shows like ours. We're
Speaker 1: very honest about our like people do in the sixties
Speaker 1: everything you were just a bearded woman in the circus
Speaker 1: like back in the day, if you embraced it. Otherwise
Speaker 1: you just didn't leave the house. But there's still things,
Speaker 1: there's I gotta I gotta think there's something that I
Speaker 1: even me that I am struggling with. I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: something that I can't even go to in my head
Speaker 1: because it is so in the recesses of like I
Speaker 1: will never tell anyone that that. Other people listening right
Speaker 1: now you struggle with it too, thinking no one else
Speaker 1: does I know there's something that is My goal in
Speaker 1: life is to get all of those things out of
Speaker 1: me and like be able to admit them freely, to
Speaker 1: free up any kind of like, you know, just even
Speaker 1: talking about um, it was so nice. I ran into
Speaker 1: a bestie. Maybe it was on a beustie. Yesterday I
Speaker 1: taped a filmed TV show and the woman that was
Speaker 1: like my onset, you know, contact was like I saw
Speaker 1: I just saw you last night at Supernova. Your pedophilia
Speaker 1: bit was so fucking good. I never thought I'd tell
Speaker 1: someone that, but I love your pedophile jokes, and I
Speaker 1: I think that is where I'm kind of getting into it.
Speaker 1: Of like I I I've had to be like, wait,
Speaker 1: what if I am a pedophile? Like you have to
Speaker 1: ask yourself that question at some point of like what
Speaker 1: if I'm a murderer, or like you know, we all
Speaker 1: have these dark thoughts of like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: just thought of pushing that person in front of traffic,
Speaker 1: like in my psychopath or like I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times guys, I think I've heard guys admit when
Speaker 1: it used to be a thing that carried more shame
Speaker 1: even though it still does uh for many people about
Speaker 1: being gay that men have to go like am I gay?
Speaker 1: Like and give it a real serious thought of like
Speaker 1: do I even want to explore that? Because if I
Speaker 1: let that out, is it going to make me gay?
Speaker 1: And I think that you know my joke, I go,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm talking about my nephew wanting to shower
Speaker 1: with me and saying to him like or saying to
Speaker 1: my sister like, no he can't, because what if I
Speaker 1: molest him? And like saying that puts it out there
Speaker 1: that like I've questioned, like like it could it be
Speaker 1: in me? And that is something I would never have
Speaker 1: admitted to even thinking before because it might mean that
Speaker 1: I am if I've had that thought, but now I
Speaker 1: know intrusive thoughts like that. If anything, the fact that
Speaker 1: I'm worried about it means I'm not, And the fact
Speaker 1: and I also know I'm not because you know, you're
Speaker 1: a pedophile by the time you're thirteen, like by the
Speaker 1: time you've reached puberty. If you're not really attracted to
Speaker 1: kids by then, you're not gonna be. So if anyone
Speaker 1: out there is ever worried about that, I've looked into
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, because I always just reason no
Speaker 1: one chooses to be a pedophile, So I don't want
Speaker 1: that to happen to me, you know, like what if
Speaker 1: you bump your head? Like what if no one knows
Speaker 1: the root cause of it? But I do know that,
Speaker 1: you know, if you are the unfortunate person to be
Speaker 1: attracted to children, and that's part of your brain fuck.
Speaker 1: We talked about it before, but it's not your fault.
Speaker 1: But it is up to you what you do with it,
Speaker 1: which I hope isn't like you know, are proactive and
Speaker 1: making sure you do not hurt anyone with it, But um,
Speaker 1: no one chooses that. And I think that there is
Speaker 1: a part of me that was always like what if,
Speaker 1: like I just got lucky that I'm not a murderer
Speaker 1: or not I'm not homicidal, or I'm not a psychopath,
Speaker 1: Like you don't get to choose your brain. But I
Speaker 1: think that that was something that for a while, I
Speaker 1: was scared to admit that I even thought like, am
Speaker 1: I could I be this? Because it's I'm so fascinated
Speaker 1: by it that And then now I have a whole
Speaker 1: little bit where it's like people kind of go, why
Speaker 1: she's so into pedophilia and I've talked about it before
Speaker 1: in the show, but it's like, well, girls are into
Speaker 1: murder podcasts and you don't go, she's a murderer. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm just you're disgusting for like thinking it or like it.
Speaker 1: I'm just my dude, joke is I'm a pederisto. You
Speaker 1: know how they call like the girls, people that are
Speaker 1: fans of my favorite murder podcasts are called like murderistas.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to make it like a cute thing
Speaker 1: of like I just like, yeah, um, I guess I
Speaker 1: gotta work on that. But it was nice. There's stuff
Speaker 1: like that that I even admitting on stage that I
Speaker 1: was the other woman in a relationship. And I pursued
Speaker 1: a guy that had a girlfriend. That was something that
Speaker 1: I go, I'm gonna have to take this one to
Speaker 1: the grave because no one's going to empathize with this.
Speaker 1: I'm a bad person. But even that, like, I know
Speaker 1: I'm not alone because I did the math on it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, if everyone says they've been cheated on, there's
Speaker 1: a lot more women that are the other woman on
Speaker 1: the other side of this, then I'm hearing about. I mean,
Speaker 1: for everyone that's cheated on, there's another woman. But why
Speaker 1: am I only hearing about women being cheated on? Why
Speaker 1: is no one talking about being another woman? It's because
Speaker 1: no one is admitting it because it's embarrassing and that
Speaker 1: you'll get villainized. But it's just as there's just as
Speaker 1: many women out there. My joke is is it just
Speaker 1: me and Leon Rhymes fucking your boyfriends? And the funny
Speaker 1: part is I saw Leon Rhymes on a flight recently
Speaker 1: and I wanted to tell her about the joke and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you're mentioned my joke, But I you know,
Speaker 1: I don't think we're there yet because I don't know
Speaker 1: her personally, and so I shouldn't probably comment on the
Speaker 1: fact that she's in a relationship with someone who was
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I feel like, I feel like if
Speaker 1: you're looking back at it, there's like a different, like
Speaker 1: a feeling of like I was the other person. I
Speaker 1: acknowledge it. I'm coming clean about it. I don't know.
Speaker 1: If I wanted to trick is to be able to
Speaker 1: do it in the moment, because then you can stop
Speaker 1: the behave you're like, if you get on. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's the first step in a program. Stuff is like
Speaker 1: I'm an alcoholic admitting that you currently are doing a
Speaker 1: bad thing. That is where you want to get to
Speaker 1: because the sooner you can address it, the sooner you
Speaker 1: can go well, this is not who I want to be.
Speaker 1: But it takes that lag. For me. It took a
Speaker 1: year and a half before I couldmit on stage after
Speaker 1: I pursued a guy with a girlfriend that I did
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't even reference it on a podcast, you know,
Speaker 1: because I didn't. I was so ashamed of it. And
Speaker 1: now because I was gonna try to make a new
Speaker 1: acronym of N d A, I think it's hand or whatever.
Speaker 1: Uh Nikki is doing adultery um, but I uh, and
Speaker 1: it is. I'm only able to talk about it not
Speaker 1: because I got space from it, which is maybe part
Speaker 1: of it, but because I'm not ashamed about it because
Speaker 1: I did. I thought about it enough, and I go,
Speaker 1: I'm not a bad person because this happened. I made
Speaker 1: a mistake. I didn't do something that I'm proud of.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be that way anymore, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not ashamed of it. I accepted about myself as
Speaker 1: a thing that I did that I don't want to
Speaker 1: do again. There's millions of other people that are flawed
Speaker 1: in the same exact way the other woman, and everyone
Speaker 1: is making you feel bad about it in your life
Speaker 1: and there's no there's nothing for you to listen. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is a part of what I want to do,
Speaker 1: is like there's no songs. When I was going through
Speaker 1: it and I was like pining for a guy with
Speaker 1: a girlfriend and I wanted someone to have a little
Speaker 1: bit of empathy for my situation, there's one fucking song
Speaker 1: for you. There's it's Alicit Affairs by Taylor Swift. It's
Speaker 1: the only song written from the perspective that I could
Speaker 1: find of the perspective of the woman who knew the
Speaker 1: guy had a girlfriend and still went after him, and
Speaker 1: it actually has some empathy for her, but it's otherwise.
Speaker 1: Most songs are like bitch, you still took my man,
Speaker 1: fuck you, or like fuck you for cheating on me,
Speaker 1: piece of sh it. It's always written from that woman's
Speaker 1: perspective that got hurt by that woman, which is a
Speaker 1: valid place to be as well, not invalidating that anger,
Speaker 1: although I do think it's misplaced on the girl often
Speaker 1: because you have to if you stay with the guy
Speaker 1: that cheats on you, you have to make the woman
Speaker 1: who she's gotten the village because you couldn't stay with
Speaker 1: the guy otherwise. Trying to just tell you, I'll tell
Speaker 1: you now. There's this woman. I gotta send you the article.
Speaker 1: She put up a TikTok. All these women were talking
Speaker 1: about her in her in her TikTok. Right, she finds
Speaker 1: the women on Instagram, sees their husbands and starts d
Speaker 1: m N their husbands, and then shows the women that
Speaker 1: we're talking about them in the comments, the receipts of
Speaker 1: how the husband wants to cheat on them. Oh boy,
Speaker 1: you I don't know how I didn't send it to you.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is this is fucking juicy. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: as fucking toxic and unhinged as that is. She made
Speaker 1: videos of it, talking to reading the receipts. It's it's
Speaker 1: so it's so good and so bad. I don't I'm
Speaker 1: glad that I wouldn't do that, But man, I like
Speaker 1: that that's out there, because what a way to show
Speaker 1: women like, fuck you, you are you the little pedestal
Speaker 1: making fun of me, judging me, and you think your
Speaker 1: life is perfect. That's what I want to do to
Speaker 1: all these people that ever comment about celebrities, including my
Speaker 1: fucking self. Whenever I have an opinion about someone, I
Speaker 1: want to go, who the fuck do you think you
Speaker 1: are having any opinion about Olivia Wilde and Harry Style's
Speaker 1: relationship when you don't fucking know anything and you think
Speaker 1: you're perfect. No one is perfect enough to judge anyone,
Speaker 1: and this woman, man, you got to send that to me.
Speaker 1: That's good people post it on our story, but that
Speaker 1: is that's diabolical. Thank you guys so much for your
Speaker 1: fan taxes, great ones. Today, um we have one more
Speaker 1: week of shows before I go on vocal rest. Um.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all your kind words this week when
Speaker 1: I was depressed, we got through it. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Andrew and Noah for putting up with me or accepting
Speaker 1: me as hell that um, I really appreciate it. You
Speaker 1: guys are the best, and love all the fans all
Speaker 1: um the best ties and I'm gonna be in Vegas,
Speaker 1: Um Vegas, that is how you say it tomorrow night
Speaker 1: at the Virgin Hotel scene. If you want to just
Speaker 1: do a last minute trip to Vegas, look at flights,
Speaker 1: come see me, meet and greets afterwards. If you want
Speaker 1: to get a meet and greet, just um DM me
Speaker 1: all caps important and I'll see it and I'll give
Speaker 1: you free meet and great if you buy tickets to
Speaker 1: come see me in Vegas at the Virgin Hotel Theater
Speaker 1: with Benedict Pelosi and uh on your Marina. So that'll
Speaker 1: be tomorrow my last show before I become an alter ego.
Speaker 1: And if you have an ideas for my alter ego name,
Speaker 1: please send it my way as well. Don't Peka and
Speaker 1: Virgin place and your voice will be new Virgin Place
Speaker 1: and poring from a Virgin place, born again