WEBVTT - Conversations with Amanda Kloots 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:06.680 This is Conversationous with Olivia Jade and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:15.520 Hello everybody, Welcome back to another episode of Conversations. I 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:20.520 am really really honored for today's guests. And she's honestly 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:23.239 one of the most inspiring people that I know and 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:26.080 I've worked with and met, and she's really gone through 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:29.080 it the last year and through the pandemic, and I 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:31.160 want you guys to get to know her before everything 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:34.000 and after everything, and what she's up to now and 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.440 what the future holds. So with that being said, please 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:48.280 welcome miss Amanda Klutz. Hi, Hi, long time to see. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.320 How are you? Oh my god, Olivia. I was supposed 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.280 to go to jingle Ball. It would that would have 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:55.960 been so fun. Oh my god. I didn't go because 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:58.440 I've gone in New York before and it's so loud 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:01.440 and so like. I didn't stay for the entire thing, 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:04.240 but I stayed for a few of my friends performances, 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.600 and I was like, I was blown away. It was 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:09.160 so exciting to watch people I know up there. It 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.760 was God, who did you know? I was only going 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:13.560 to go for Ed Sheer and I was like, I 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.080 love Ed. I love Ed shere and well, I stayed 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:18.720 for him, but then I think I left after his 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:22.399 performance because I was just so tired. But my friend 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.600 Bozzy performed, which was really fun to see because I 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:27.959 felt like the crowd they would it would go in 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:30.720 waves of it being like super amped up and then 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.039 everybody's kind of mellow, and he got the crowd going. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:35.680 So it was just really fun to see. Oh cool, 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:38.759 I wish you were there because Jojo was there. Was there. 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:40.800 You guys look so cute, and I was like, oh, 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.800 we would have had a full reunion. Would have been 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:47.440 great for a little family, a little family truly. How 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:51.000 have you been? Um, I've been all right. I mean, 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:53.600 like I said to you, I mean it's slowly getting better. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:58.120 The depression is slowly getting better from like us, you know, 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:03.360 our intense lives going back to normal. Um it's been Yeah, 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.520 it's been getting better. Yeah, I know. I miss it 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:09.480 a lot actually, like random, and I didn't think I would. 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:13.360 I literally I just asked Emma and Brett. I was like, Okay, 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:16.280 so I really want to like take ballroom lessons, like 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:18.680 at least once a week. And I was like I 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.120 need advice on who to go to because I really 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.520 want to do this, Like I feel like even just 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:26.079 getting that once a week lesson will help me feel better, 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:28.480 you know for sure? Okay, I might tag along for 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:33.000 a few of those. Yeah, take me with you. Okay. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.840 So a lot of people I obviously know you from 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:38.000 the show Dancing with the Stars. If you guys don't 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:41.080 know A man and I did season thirty together and 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:43.720 it was a blast. But I feel like I don't 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:46.080 even really know this, and I know my audience probably 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:49.560 is curious to what was life like, not even just 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.640 before the pandemic. But I guess like growing up in 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.880 general and where you're from and just giving them a 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:59.280 little background of who you are. Oh sure, So I 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.200 grew up in a Hio Canton, Ohio, which you're a 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.480 football fan, is home of the football Hall of Fame. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:08.520 I mean Olivia. Like my family's the Brady Bunch. We 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.280 are each other's best friends. We all look alike, we 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:15.079 all sounded like we are all you know we we 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:17.560 we danced, we played instruments, we were in the band, 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.799 we were major atts um you know, we went to 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.440 the ice cream parlor down the street, we walked to school. 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:27.040 I mean, it's like that whole like Midwest Norman kind 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:31.680 of painting lifestyle. Um, you know, I mean not to 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.400 say that we like have this easy life or anything 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:37.280 like that. Um, but it just was like family first. 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:40.400 God first, it was just like a you know, very 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:46.520 loving U home town kind of vibe my childhood, you know. 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.240 So yeah, that was that was growing up. And then 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:52.000 at eighteen, I decided that I wanted to move to 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.320 New York to learn how to be on Broadway. And 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.880 so I went to a musical theater conservatory in New 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:01.680 York at eighteen and switched the switch the hometown girl 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:03.920 up to city girl. When you were when you were 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:06.600 in Ohio, were you like dancing or acting or doing 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.320 anything theatrical or were you just like in school and 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.880 living a normal life. Well, I went to a performing 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:17.520 arts middle school, so that's like how I became involved 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.680 with like dance and choir in drama. And then in 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:23.880 high school I started doing ballet and I was in 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.040 like a pre professional ballet company and so then that 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.440 was like my life. But then also choir, so I 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.599 like did a lot of singing in high school musicals 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:35.200 in high school, and then but like after school, my 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:40.080 life was I went to dance at ballet, but like ballet, ballet, ballet, ballet, 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:42.000 and then you moved to New York at eighteen, and 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:44.920 then how is the Roquettes whole situation? Is that like 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:48.520 an audition process? I don't know anything about it. Oh yeah, 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:51.080 it's the most intense. Um. Yeah. So I moved to 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.640 New York at eighteen with two goals to become a 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:58.280 Radio City Rocket and to work on Broadway. And Broadway 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:02.039 came first, and after school, which was a two year conservatory, 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.320 I auditioned for the third time the forty two Street 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.520 national tour of the Broadway show that was happening at 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.240 the time, and I finally booked it Third Times a 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.839 Charm and I went on a national tour that was 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:16.160 like my first job at twenty years old, and um 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.000 toured the country for ten months while I was touring 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:22.520 auditions for the Radio City Rockets here in New York City, 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.880 and um that was also a Third Times a Charm 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:27.480 that for that audition and booked that job while I 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:30.120 was on tour, So then left tour to become a 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:34.080 Radio City Rocket. That audition, though, was literally I think 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:37.480 like probably at least five d seven hundred girls at 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:41.839 that open call. They needed twelve girls. It was over 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:45.039 two days, ten to six pm the whole day. I mean, 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:48.040 you are it is so intense. You know, it's all 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:53.200 about perfection and and you know, looking the same so everybody. 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:58.200 You know, it's all it's so uniform and precise, and 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:00.440 you really have to fit that mold. You know, you 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.120 can't be yourself there, you have to you have to 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:06.359 be like everyone else. So it's it's very insane. It 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:08.600 sounds so intense. I remember when I was a kid, 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.680 I would any time we'd be in the city in 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:13.000 New York, my mom would take my sister and I 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:15.560 had to see the Rockuettes around Christmas time, and it 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.520 was like my highlight. I was so excited. I was 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:22.159 blown away by the way you guys can all also 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.320 move your bodies and how everybody is that flexible and 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.400 in sync. I remember being like nine years old and 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:30.919 just like, how are they doing this? And then to 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:34.080 watch that carry over and then you really like take 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.560 over ballroom, which I think is like a funny misconception 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.560 that I've seen a lot. When like you and jo 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.000 Joe and everybody was joining the show that had previous 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:46.200 dance experienced, people were like, this isn't fair, like they've 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:48.640 danced before, and it's like, oh my gosh, but if 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:51.680 you knew what ballroom training was, like, there's no way. 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:53.839 It's similar to being a roquette, like it has to 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.960 be so different, Oh, the complete opposite. In fact, like 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:02.760 everything like actually worked against me, you know, like Alan 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:06.760 was constantly like soft thin and like get low and 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.520 don't be so sharp and learn how to dance with me. 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:13.240 First of all, a rocket, you're dancing by yourself the 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.200 whole time. Even when we're kicking in a kick line, 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:17.800 you aren't allowed to touch the person next to you, 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:20.800 so you are by yourself the whole time. You do 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:25.640 not ever dance with someone. And then it's all about 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.960 being up and being sharp and being tall. And then 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:31.280 you know from being dancing with a man, it's like 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:34.480 ben journeys, get low, and especially with Alan, because I'm 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:37.000 so tall and he's like my height, like I had 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.040 to get extra low. I felt like I was dancing 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:44.040 at that show, like I felt literally I was dancing 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:48.680 in a squat like bent, like bent halfway over and 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.640 so funny, like you're dancing it and you feel like 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:53.720 I must look like an idiot. And then you watch 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:55.520 the video back, and you're like, I don't even look 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:57.520 like I'm low, and I literally feel like I'm dancing 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:00.280 on that. You didn't look like it at all. You 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.880 could not tell that you were really having to like 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.960 focus on that and bent down because everything looks so flawless. 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:08.880 But it is weird. It's just like a total change 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.800 of pace. Yeah, how is having Alan as your partner? 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.640 I obviously know you guys are great friends and everything 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:20.160 like that, but tell the listeners what that experience was like. Yeah, 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.600 you know, the minute I walked in that room, I mean, 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:26.280 you know, I had no idea who I was gonna get. 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:29.320 I had requested somebody tall. I was like, just please 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:32.120 give me a tall pro because I know I'm a 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:35.480 tall lady. Um. So I walked in the room and 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:38.319 I saw Alan. I had watched you know, many seasons 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.280 and saw him last season, especially dance with Sky, and 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:43.559 I was so excited. We immediately hit it off. We 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:47.160 just had that like really good bond and you know, 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:51.120 being able to like laugh and enjoy you know the process, 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:56.160 and feel so passionate about dancing and this competition, especially 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.480 because I'm such a huge Dancing with the Stars fanatic, 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:02.200 even before doing the show. Now I'm even more of 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.280 a fanatic. Um, so I think he appreciated that I 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:09.839 had come in being a fan already, you know. Um. 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:12.439 But then you know, we just, yeah, we really worked 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:16.559 well together. And I think, you know, throughout the process, 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.720 you spend so much time with this person, you know. 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.840 For me, it was it was it was so nice 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:28.840 because I had really missed having like somebody that I 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:31.880 spend time with my life. That isn't not that I 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:34.920 don't love my son, but that isn't my son, That 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:37.800 isn't like meeting something from me all the time. It 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.240 was so nice to be able to like go and 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:44.280 spend time learning a new skill and also gaining this 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:47.240 new friend at the same time. And you know, I 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:51.040 hadn't realized obviously spending so much time on Broadway and 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:55.559 rockets like that. Rehearsal space is so um, I'm so 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:57.520 used to that. It's like my comfort zone. Like I 0:09:57.559 --> 0:09:59.839 walk into a dance rehearsal and I'm like, oh, I 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.840 remember what this feels like. You know, like I'm immediately 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:06.440 you know, I'm grabbing your arm and and and hugging 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:09.000 you and kissing you. Just feel like that's like that 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.880 just feels so natural to me. So it was so 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:15.600 nice to like go back to that so easily, and 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:19.000 Alan made that so easily available too, and and it 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:21.280 just felt like I got to go back in time 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:23.800 to like that time in my life where things were 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.600 a little easier and and it just like was so 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:28.840 it made me so happy every day to go to work. 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.600 It really did. I think that's why I'm in depression now. 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:33.800 You know, well, you also have had like a really 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:38.120 crazy rough and traumatic and also just like completely like 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:41.600 life changing. I feel like two years or you know, 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.679 it's been it's been wild, and I like, I'm so 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.680 I admire you so much because obviously getting to work 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:49.520 with you and like see you every day, you have 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:53.760 such like strength and grace for going through something so challenging. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.800 Do you think the show helped in like a healing 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:00.440 process in a way or was this more of like 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.400 a fun distraction because I know some people get really 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:04.760 deep with the show, you know what I mean, and 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:08.240 like let's really pull something out of them. And you 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.600 know what I think it is is, I think it 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.240 hits you in this show like you are just you 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:16.760 join and you're so happy and you're like you've you've 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:19.800 watched the show and you see that transition in people 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.720 and you're like, you go in At least I go in. 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:26.200 I went in with it just being like I have 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:29.080 no expectations. I'm just here to have fun. I'm so 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:30.880 happy to be here, and I want to learn how 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.680 to ballroom dance. That was like my number one goal. 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.520 And then yes, there is. You're so right. There's this 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.240 like weird turning point in the show where like it 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:46.120 gets really emotionally difficult. You're so exhausted, you're physically exhausted, 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:50.520 and you realize it's a competition when like you don't 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.600 want it to. I never wanted this show to be 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:55.199 a competition. I really didn't want us to like all 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.280 continue on it because it was so fun to see 0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:01.560 everybody like grow each week. Like I literally was so 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:05.120 funny to tru everybody on, so like it all hits you. 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.920 And then when it does, and for me, I think 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.240 that's what happened. For me, there was like a moment 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:15.600 of like, oh God, like this is actually like really 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.959 helping me kind of heal, and Alan is really helping 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:25.640 me heal, and oh God, I'm like this show yeah, yeah, 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.800 mootional roller coaster, and so you're answer to the answer 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.000 your question, Yes, it really did, and it didn't That 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:35.959 hit me after we did our contemporary dance um in 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.400 the semifinals to nixt song Live Your Life, because I 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.080 woke up the next morning and I think the whole 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.520 week of like a lot of tears and a lot 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:48.080 of talking with Alan about it and then performing it, 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.760 and you know, on Sunday that you know, you you 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:53.200 rehearse it so much and then you perform it, and 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:56.320 then by the final performance on Monday night, I think 0:12:56.360 --> 0:13:00.200 I was so emotionally exhausted and spent from you know, 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:04.280 the whole week um let alone, just that day that 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.280 I woke up on Tuesday and I was like, oh 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.080 my god, like I feel like a new layer of 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:13.480 like healing from that week and the show and and 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.760 so it was. It was an oddly healing thing for 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:22.720 me that danced to Like definitely everybody watching felt it, 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:24.880 and that was like such a that's so hard to 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.040 do on a show like that because everybody's first of all, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.240 you're watching so many different dances back to back, and 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.120 everybody has their own like spice or flair or something 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.600 they're adding to it. That's really special. But like, oh 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.360 my gosh, the room after that dance, like everybody just 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.480 felt the emotion and it was so special to watch. 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:42.920 And I've told you in person, but I mean, it 0:13:43.000 --> 0:14:03.360 was just absolutely gorgeous. It was beautiful. I am curious 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.080 because I don't even think I've really talked to you 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.880 too in depth about this, and I'm just wondering, like, 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:11.600 what was life like pre pandemic and then what was 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.760 that journey going going through what you did and how 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.160 Nick got sick and what that whole process was and 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.600 you documenting it on social media? What was that all 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:23.120 like for you? Yeah, I mean it's so crazy because 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.239 my life pre prandemic to now is like a lictoral 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:30.720 like naty degree difference, so three six degree difference. Um. 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.880 Nick and I just moved to l A. We had 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:37.160 a brand new baby, Elvis was three months old. I 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:41.239 was just starting to get back into work. Nick was unemployed. 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:45.080 We moved here. Um. We were living in our good 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:49.480 friend Zach Braft's guesthouse, UM free of charge because we 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:53.520 had no money. UM. Nick showed that he was supposed 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:58.120 to do here kept getting postponed because of construction and 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:04.120 UM so literally like we literally had nothing, and I 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:08.760 was just getting back into teaching fitness and every time 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.560 I had come here to teach fitness before, my class 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:14.160 is sold out and it was like I was a 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.920 huge hit in l A. And so moving here, I thought, Okay, 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.840 good at least like we have that, Like every time 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.120 I've taught in l A, it's been a good success. 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.600 So good. One we moved here and nobody could care 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.200 less that I was here. Nobody was showing up to class. 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.320 I'm I was lucky to have like one person in 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:34.560 my class. I felt like such a failure. Um, nothing, 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:38.680 nothing was working. I was in I think postpartum depression 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:42.240 because of it all. Um Nick would leave the house 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.040 to like go work on music and I would just 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.480 start sobbing and immediately call him and tell me how 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:49.680 to come home because I felt like I was having 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.520 a panic attack just being alone in the house. It 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:56.360 was like it was such a weird, um, a super 0:15:56.400 --> 0:16:00.000 weird time in our life. Closer to like, and I'll 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:01.960 say March, because I do feel like that's when like 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:06.520 the pandemic kind of hit are like the United States, Um, 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.360 closer to March, things were like sort of getting better. 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.840 My class has had a little bit more energy. Nick 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:15.360 was finally doing his show. We were sort of finding 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:18.440 our pace in l a I. We had bought a 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:22.520 house that we were renovating, so I kind of felt like, okay, 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.840 we're gonna move out of Zack's. We have our own place. 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:30.040 So closer to March, things felt like, okay, we're here. 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:33.480 We made a decision. Things are kind of revving up 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.280 from myself again. Elvis is getting a little bit older. 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.600 I'm feeling better about being a mom and his and 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:42.840 he has this job that at least is like paying 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.040 the bills. So it slowly started to get better than 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:50.520 the pandemic hit and everything came to crash. We we 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.240 went back to New York because we had to move 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.520 out of our officially move out of that apartment that 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:56.440 we still had there as kind of like our cushion. 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.920 We moved out of New York. Um said goodbye to 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:05.000 everything there and officially, you know, took everything here. And 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:06.919 two days later we got back from New York and 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:11.399 that's when Nick got sick. Um and so you know, 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.800 it just it hit us like a ton of bricks, 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.840 you know. And and that first week that Nick was sick. 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:20.080 He he literally just was sleeping. He had no symptoms 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.960 of COVID. Uh that we're on the news at the time. 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.440 Even even now, if somebody was just saying that they 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.040 were tired, you wouldn't be like, oh, Olivia, you have COVID. 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:31.520 You probably just be like you're exhausted. So I, you know, 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:33.920 we did not think that Nick was sick, and so 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.439 you know, I feel bad now because it was like 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.800 the last week I had with Nick and and he 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.040 was just sleeping the whole time, and I was like, 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.960 oh gosh, my lazy husband, Like in my head, you 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.199 know what I mean, as any as any woman would do, 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.720 like come on, like, I'm tired too. I'd love to 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:55.199 take a nap um, but you know, in retrospect, what 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:58.159 can you do? So yeah, I mean it it and 0:17:58.200 --> 0:17:59.960 then it Yeah. Then I took him to the last 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.320 fital and then that all happened and it was just 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:07.119 like that storm, you know. Um. To answer your last question, 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:10.080 the reason why I started talking about on social media 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.640 was because you know, I had a small social media presence, 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:17.960 like fifty followers at the time, but they were you know, 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:22.000 very loyal to me and my fitness company and you know, 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:25.879 COVID was such a scare, especially at that point in time. 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.880 Nick was in the I c U and I hadn't 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.719 talked about it at all yet. I was going on 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.760 air every or on face on sorry, on Instagram every 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:37.600 day talking about fitness, and I just felt like I 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.439 was living like a lie, Like my life. Yeah, I 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:43.399 can't have like my husband and I see you and 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:45.840 then every day get on you know, and be like, okay, guys, 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:49.600 everything's perfect. So I was just like, I gotta comfort 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.960 with this. Also, I think it's important to talk about 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.760 the fact that, like my husband was just tired and 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:57.479 now he's laying in the I c U and no 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.720 one's staying on the news. That tired is a symptom. 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.879 So that was kind of why I started talking about it. Yeah, 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:05.560 do you feel like I don't really know much about 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.560 because I don't think I even knew that when that 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.600 was happening, that you were like documented or not documenting, 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.439 but you know, like sharing his journey and your journey 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:17.639 with that. Did that did that like support or the 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:20.200 prayers or anything like that that you received from people 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:22.639 that followed you kind of lift your spirit during that 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:24.639 time or was it just like I'm just posing this 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:27.720 and hopes to help somebody that might feel the same way. 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:31.359 And that's that. Well, it started off as that. It 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:33.240 started off with I kind of just want to bring 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.840 awareness to something. And then yeah, it literally was like 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:40.720 an everyday blood of support. It turned into this like 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:44.719 this army, and and it just kept growing and growing 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:50.040 and growing and growing, and like literally I don't know 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.760 how I would have gotten through it without all of it, now, 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:56.320 you know. I mean it was such a daily support 0:19:56.400 --> 0:20:00.280 system of talk to this doctor, you know, go year 0:20:00.520 --> 0:20:04.280 this idea, that idea. Um, you know, any time I 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.560 was questioning what the hospital was doing, I would get 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:08.359 on Instagram and be like what do you guys think, 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:10.919 and like people would send me their opinions and options, 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:15.080 and um, it was it was honestly the best thing 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:17.919 I could have ever done. And I I didn't even know, 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:20.600 you know, it was never my intention. It just like 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:24.560 ended up doing that, you know, like spelling into that. Yeah. 0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:28.600 And then so after after that all happened, now you're 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.480 doing the talk. Obviously we were on Dancing with the Stars. 0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:34.399 How did that all start to transform into like, you know, 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.080 bringing you these opportunities not only just to share your story, 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:39.280 but to actually provide like real work for you and 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:43.679 your son, because now you know you're the main provider. Yeah, no, 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.879 and and and it's so scary. Yeah. I have a 0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:49.680 new house that now you know Nick is not living 0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:52.840 in with us. Uh, you know, a mortgage, a card payment, 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:57.000 and and a son and you know, all of a 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:59.879 sudden and listen, I've always been like, I make my 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:01.960 money and I can take care of myself kind of 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:05.320 girl like. And I've always probably you know, been proud 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:08.879 of that. But um, it definitely once you're you know, 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:10.840 once you're married, and you and you feel like you 0:21:10.880 --> 0:21:15.440 have that cushion that person, it's hard to go back to. Now. Shoot, 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:18.800 it's all on you again. Um, Nick passed and I 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:22.000 think a couple of months went by and the casting 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:24.960 people at the talk said that they would love to 0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:28.640 come have me guest co host, and um, they said 0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:30.879 to my manager, we actually want her to guest co 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:34.760