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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og okay storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 1: We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick two minute ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: My parents' marriage ended ten years ago because my mother

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Speaker 3: had an affair with their boss.

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Speaker 1: That'll do it. That will do it.

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Speaker 3: My biological parents divorced ten years ago. At the time,

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Speaker 3: my mother told me it was because some people just

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Speaker 3: don't get along forever. I was only nine at the

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Speaker 3: time and did not have a good grasp over what

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Speaker 3: was actually happening. I was never particularly close with my

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Speaker 3: father and did not feel upset at the time. A

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Speaker 3: few weeks later, my father had moved out and a

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Speaker 3: new man started visiting our house frequently.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks later. A few weeks later, and what

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Speaker 1: age was op when this happened? A nine? Nine at

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Speaker 1: the time, they were nine, okay.

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Speaker 3: My siblings and I were introduced to him as a

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Speaker 3: friend from work. He kept visiting our house, and a

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Speaker 3: year later my mother told us we were moving to

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Speaker 3: a different city to live the same apartment as him.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Even then, I still had no real idea or interest

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Speaker 3: in what was going on outside of my own life.

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Speaker 3: It was like, I have a lot going on his school,

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Speaker 3: My friends are pretty quazy.

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Speaker 1: We're learning about earthquakes.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and my mammy has a new friend. Yeah, be

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Speaker 3: exciting kiss each other. But his only friend. But it's

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Speaker 3: like a friendship, you know.

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Speaker 1: That's what she said.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from several Lime eighty thirty

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Speaker 3: on the r slash Okay storytime suppered it. So occasionally,

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Speaker 3: my siblings and I would visit our father for the weekend.

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Speaker 3: I never enjoyed these visits as I didn't have my

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Speaker 3: games to play and I did not like his house.

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Speaker 3: I can recall several occasions when I saw my father

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Speaker 3: getting emotional at the mention of my stepfather or anything

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Speaker 3: relating to our old life. This didn't affect me, and

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Speaker 3: I remember wanting to leave even more after something like

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Speaker 3: this would happen. Another year passed and my mother and

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Speaker 3: stepfather sat my siblings down and told us they were

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Speaker 3: getting married. Yet again, I had no feelings either to

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Speaker 3: this news, as I wasn't close to my stepfather but

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Speaker 3: didn't have anything against him.

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Speaker 1: But no feelings at all. Right, cool, I guess I

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Speaker 1: like Quegg.

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Speaker 3: He's kind of nice. He gives me ice cream sometimes.

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Speaker 3: We moved again, and I started to see less of

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Speaker 3: my father. Several years later, I had graduated high school

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Speaker 3: and nothing had really changed. I had no strong feelings

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Speaker 3: for both my father or stepfather. It was only ever

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Speaker 3: my mother, who I felt understood me and I enjoyed

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Speaker 3: spending time with. I can't remember when it started, probably

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Speaker 3: just too much time on social media, but I became

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Speaker 3: seriously terrified with the concept of cheating. I know it

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Speaker 3: sounds obvious, but it doesn't sit right with me, and

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Speaker 3: I can't stand the idea of it. I could never

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Speaker 3: understand doing it to someone else or fathom the pain

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Speaker 3: of having it happened to me. I confided in my

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Speaker 3: mother several times with this to try and figure out

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Speaker 3: why I feared it so much more than my friends

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Speaker 3: seemed to. She basically always dismissed it as me spending

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Speaker 3: too much time on my phone, which I thought was

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Speaker 3: weird because we usually agreed on most things, pausing really quick.

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Speaker 3: There is more to the story. If you were a parent,

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Speaker 3: hypothetically obviously wouldn't do this, But if you were a

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Speaker 3: parent that either cheated or your partner cheated. How do

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Speaker 3: you tell when you tell your kids? Do you ever

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Speaker 3: tell your kids?

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Speaker 1: It's an interesting conversation, and I think a big part

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Speaker 1: of it is like how old they are Astely at

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Speaker 1: the time, you know they were nine, and again like

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Speaker 1: only involved in their own life, as any nine year

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Speaker 1: old is, like to not really even understand relationships and

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Speaker 1: marriage and all these big concepts, and then to introduce

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Speaker 1: like this very large betrayal of a parent figure to

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Speaker 1: them might be like scarring scarring. I'm also not set

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Speaker 1: on like, don't introduce it.

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Speaker 3: I think there are adult way like or not adult ways.

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Speaker 3: There are age friendly ways to approach this conversation, like

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Speaker 3: maybe when they're younger, you don't tell them that.

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Speaker 1: It was cheating.

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Speaker 3: And also I think it is a conversation that needs

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Speaker 3: to be had with both parents, both parties involved. For

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Speaker 3: a few months, in particular, I was consumed with this

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Speaker 3: fear and started viewing everything differently, even though I'd never

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Speaker 3: questioned it before. I began digging for answers as to

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Speaker 3: why my home situation became what it was. Normally I

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Speaker 3: could speak with my mother about anything, but she was

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Speaker 3: always so cold and reversed when I asked anything remotely related.

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Speaker 3: Eventually it was clear that I was onto something. I

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Speaker 3: had texted relatives, spent hours googling for the signs, and

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Speaker 3: even went looking through my mother's marriage and divorce certificates

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Speaker 3: hunting for relevant dates. With enough suspicion, I went to

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Speaker 3: speak to my father, who I had slowly began to

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Speaker 3: contact more regularly after he moved to the same city

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Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. I asked him straight up

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Speaker 3: one day for his side of the story, and although

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Speaker 3: he was reluctant, he eventually told me that he caught

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Speaker 3: my mother lying and disappearing frequently. He said he received

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Speaker 3: a text from her once that he knew wasn't meant

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Speaker 3: for him. Later, he confronted her and asked for counseling,

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Speaker 3: but she was uncooperative and they divorced, even though I

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Speaker 3: told him I wanted to know the truth. I'm certain

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Speaker 3: now that I was not ready for it. The image

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Speaker 3: I had of my mother was instantly crushed, and I

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Speaker 3: felt so lost.

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Speaker 1: But for the record, he didn't say like.

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Speaker 3: He didn't seem to like be like attacking.

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Speaker 1: No, he didn't even say she one hundred percent cheated.

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Speaker 3: He just said like I said, I found some texts, yeah,

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Speaker 3: which I mean props to the dad for not because

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Speaker 3: I think there is a maybe.

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Speaker 1: It was never like one hundred percent clear, and it

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Speaker 1: was just like this is here and break. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The next two months I hardly spoke a word to

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Speaker 3: either my mother or stepfather. My birthday passed and no

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Speaker 3: one celebrated. I was so angry, but I had no

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Speaker 3: idea what to say or.

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Speaker 1: Do calebrated a birthday.

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Speaker 3: It was only after thinking on it for so long

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Speaker 3: that I took my mother out for lunch and revealed

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Speaker 3: my suspicions and how hurt I felt. It killed me

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Speaker 3: when she put up no defense to deny what I

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Speaker 3: was saying and looked at me with pity. I told

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Speaker 3: her that I was never close to my stepfather and

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Speaker 3: I hated him. She had nothing else to say to that,

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Speaker 3: and we went home. It's been about six months since then,

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Speaker 3: and although I've mostly repared my relationship with my mother,

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Speaker 3: I haven't spoken a single word to my stepfather. One

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Speaker 3: detail I've admitted is that five years ago my stepfather

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Speaker 3: cheated on my mother, so the mother cheated on the

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Speaker 3: opie's father, and then the stepfather kee them just get

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Speaker 3: you lose them, how you get them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, which is very sad.

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Speaker 3: Their relationship has been very close to ending, and I've

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Speaker 3: spent my time praying for it since I found out.

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Speaker 3: What's crushing me now, however, is that just as I

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Speaker 3: am beginning to feel the most resentment I've ever felt,

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Speaker 3: their relationship has been preparing and is looking healthier than ever.

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Speaker 3: I can't stand it. I don't want to be at home.

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Speaker 3: When I see my stepfather's face, I want to get violent.

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Speaker 3: When I see them being lovey dovey together, I want

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Speaker 3: to scream. I don't want my mother to be unhappy.

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Speaker 3: But I just can't understand this. Why was she able

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Speaker 3: to move on with him? How can I share the

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Speaker 3: same house as a home wrecker who ruined one marriage

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Speaker 3: and almost ruined a second. He gets to live a

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Speaker 3: happy life. I've never held a grudge this long in

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Speaker 3: my life. My feelings for him before were neutral, but

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Speaker 3: now I'm so hateful. I lose sleep, and at this point,

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Speaker 3: I think this is where you talk to your mom

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Speaker 3: and maybe go to therapy as well, because you can't unfortunately,

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Speaker 3: I mean, like you can't tell her to stop dating

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Speaker 3: this person.

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Speaker 1: Was just like this huge rupture of trust of your

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Speaker 1: own mom, which is fair. And then this man that

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Speaker 1: has kind of been neutral and like meaningless to now

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Speaker 1: you find out that he's likely involved and yeah, in

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Speaker 1: some way participated in the breaking of your your biological parent.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, which I mean, like all of OPI's feelings are

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Speaker 3: valid and so so fair. Yeah, but I do think

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Speaker 3: that if he wants to move forward just for his

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Speaker 3: own sake, I think either therapy and also talking to

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Speaker 3: his mom and having that conversation and telling her everything

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Speaker 3: that he's feeling.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, I think it's a combination of working

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Speaker 1: through those emotions and making space and learning to them

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Speaker 1: at the same time being open with your mom, being

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Speaker 1: open with you or hurt, and hopefully she could meet

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Speaker 1: you in that and totally validate what you're feeling and

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Speaker 1: understand and work to, you know, to mend the relationship

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Speaker 1: that she that she broke when she you know, betrayed

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Speaker 1: the relationship.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, I don't know what to do. I feel like

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Speaker 3: I owe a great debt to my father for not

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Speaker 3: telling me this earlier in my life, and I also

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Speaker 3: feel like crap for not valuing him more. I look

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Speaker 3: back on all my memories now and view them negatively.

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Speaker 3: I won't spend time with my family if my stepfather

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Speaker 3: is there, and yet my mother will choose to do

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Speaker 3: things with him over me.

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Speaker 1: Regardless.

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Speaker 3: I completely understand that it's stupid for me to be

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Speaker 3: so emotionally invested in someone else's relationship.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's stupid, not at all.

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Speaker 3: Really, I have no say, but this revelation has shattered

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Speaker 3: me and will likely result in my never reaching out

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Speaker 3: to my mother again. Oh wo once I move out,

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Speaker 3: if he is still in her life, I don't know

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Speaker 3: what to do. I'm so lost, and there is an

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Speaker 3: edit to finish this story off. Firstly, I have never

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Speaker 3: lost complete contact with my dad and never hated him.

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Speaker 3: I just had no real access to him after we moved,

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Speaker 3: and my feelings towards him became more neutral. Since I

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Speaker 3: got my license fourteen months ago, I have been driving

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Speaker 3: forty minutes to see him almost every other week to

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Speaker 3: go claig target shooting and fishing, things I know he enjoys.

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Speaker 3: I'm taking my siblings to go fishing with him tomorrow morning.

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Speaker 3: In fact, I haven't thrown him aside, and it's only

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Speaker 3: because I cherish our relationship now, the one I missed

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Speaker 3: out on that I feel so terrible for not having

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Speaker 3: it sooner. My father is happily married and is generally

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Speaker 3: doing much better these days. Secondly, I wrote this in

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Speaker 3: a very emotional state and definitely had my mind focused

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Speaker 3: on my stepfather while writing. I'm not letting my mother

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Speaker 3: off the hook as so much as I am aware.

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Speaker 3: She is a textbook narcissist. I've always known this about her,

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Speaker 3: and some of you are right that she has been

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Speaker 3: this way forever and will not be changing. I personally

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Speaker 3: do not know the exact reason why I feel less

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Speaker 3: raged towards her now, but know for the initial two

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Speaker 3: months she was my only target. I think most if

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Speaker 3: you were right that I'm pushing the blame on my

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Speaker 3: stepfather to make it easier for me. It's a tough

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Speaker 3: reality to face that my mother will always put herself first.

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Speaker 3: I'm not ignoring this. I've just had plenty exposure to it.

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Speaker 3: And number three, lately, I've seen a lot of comments

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Speaker 3: saying my mother is the sole issue. Well, I do

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Speaker 3: agree she has more of the blame. I don't want

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Speaker 3: to understate that my stepfather is an absolute doormat he

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Speaker 3: had a wife and two kids, and to this day,

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Speaker 3: I don't know why or when his first marriage ended,

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Speaker 3: but he ended up with my mother shortly after. Again,

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Speaker 3: I'm expecting my bias and bitterness to come through when

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Speaker 3: I say this, but despite his salary, he.

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Speaker 1: Is a loser. Good stories back to back.

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Speaker 3: Back, there's always a connection between these stories. My mother

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Speaker 3: is a very type a personality woman. She makes hundreds

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Speaker 3: of thousands a year more than him and wears the

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Speaker 3: pants and the relationship. The way he is constantly fawning

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Speaker 3: over her makes me sick because of this, even though

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Speaker 3: I know my mother is largely at fault and believe me,

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Speaker 3: she'll get what's coming to her. The fact that a

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Speaker 3: cancerous little parasite like him had there's audacity to ruin

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Speaker 3: the life of a good man. My father, by being

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Speaker 3: an open ear to my mother while being her boss

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Speaker 3: at work kills me. Your life felt a crap, so

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Speaker 3: it'll just insert yourself back into the same role into

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Speaker 3: someone else's life. It could even be that my mother

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Speaker 3: did initiate and I wouldn't even be surprised, But a

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Speaker 3: man doing this to another man seems downright evil. Maybe

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Speaker 3: I don't get like a man's coat or whatever. But

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Speaker 3: this feels like the worst thing you could do to someone.

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Speaker 3: If I was my father, there is no way I

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Speaker 3: would have been as saintly as he was. I'm definitely

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Speaker 3: my mother's daughter. Please remember that I'm venting, and while

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Speaker 3: this may be hard to convey, I do have feelings

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Speaker 3: for my mother, who has been good to me personally

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Speaker 3: most of my life. It is only now that I'm

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Speaker 3: seeing behind the curtain of Mom that I'm struggling to cope.

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Speaker 3: I never had the impression my mother was a saint,

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Speaker 3: but it pains me how flawed of a person she

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Speaker 3: actually is. I understand my writing is a little spid

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Speaker 3: because I'm talking about my stepfather as a person and

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Speaker 3: my mother as the figure she is to me. To clarify,

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Speaker 3: I have a lot of love for my mother, but

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Speaker 3: hate who she is as a woman. It's because I

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Speaker 3: know who she is as a person that I I'm

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Speaker 3: not able to make an enemy of her. And you

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Speaker 3: guys should not make an enemy of us and join

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Speaker 3: us live every Weekdad through pmpst's tap her profile and

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Speaker 3: there is a little bit more to this story, but

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Speaker 3: final thoughts. Well, first of all, the stepfather for being

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Speaker 3: a boss and you know, getting into this relationship. I

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Speaker 3: don't want to like discount any of OPI's feelings about

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Speaker 3: her mom or say that you know, this mom is

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Speaker 3: you know, perfect or anything, because she's clearly not. She's

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Speaker 3: clearly made a lot of mistakes that I've hurt a

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Speaker 3: lot of people in her life. But I do think

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Speaker 3: that ope is coming from a place as they as

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Speaker 3: she said, of like emotional turmoil. You have very emotionally

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Speaker 3: charged and I think it's like worth it to remember

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Speaker 3: that she said, for most of her life her mother

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Speaker 3: has treated her very well, and she had a really

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Speaker 3: good relationship, like at least a somewhat good relationship with

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Speaker 3: her mom, and she's never personally besides you know, her

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Speaker 3: mom lying to her, which is big. I do think

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Speaker 3: there is a way again, I think there is a

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Speaker 3: way to move forward here. And because she found out

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Speaker 3: about this instance of the cheating, like all of that

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Speaker 3: emotion is coming up because she found out, like she's

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Speaker 3: finally founding out like years later, ten years later. I

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Speaker 3: think it's like I think it's it is worth it

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Speaker 3: to I don't know, think of this mom as a

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Speaker 3: person who has made horrible mistake. But it seems like

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Speaker 3: that was a mistake that happened, you know, ten years ago,

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Speaker 3: and hopefully she is trying to be a better person.

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Speaker 3: But let's read the end of this story. I don't

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Speaker 3: make a lot of money and I'm currently studying. It's

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Speaker 3: not wise of me to blow up my home life,

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Speaker 3: something my father told me after we finished ranting about

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Speaker 3: her together. Also, I know that the third point I

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Speaker 3: just wrote is total overkill, but clearly these are the

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Speaker 3: first words that come to mind. This has been a

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Speaker 3: therapeutic release, and I don't want to alter my thoughts

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Speaker 3: too much so I can get the most accurate advice

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Speaker 3: and opinions. I could write so much more and worse

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Speaker 3: for my mother, but I've already spoken those words to myself,

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Speaker 3: so I find it unnecessary. The hate I hold now

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Speaker 3: is eighty percent for my stepfather, so that is what

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to deal with.

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Speaker 1: Thank you all again.

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Speaker 3: I honestly think writing the out and just fully being

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Speaker 3: honest about her feelings and saying I hate my mom,

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Speaker 3: I hate my stepdad is healthy. I honestly think, just

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Speaker 3: get it out. Yeah, but then you have to talk

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Speaker 3: and you have to go to therapy. And you have

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Speaker 3: to reckon like she does need to face with like

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Speaker 3: she is angry and she probably does hate her mom. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because this is a huge thing and she's totally fair

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Speaker 3: and feeling those things.

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Speaker 1: My mom published a book about resenting me as a child. Ouch. Wow, Okay,

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Speaker 1: good mom. Was it a good book? Though?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I apologize for the wall of text. My mother has

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Speaker 1: fancied herself a writer for as long as I can remember.

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Speaker 1: She's kept journals dating back to junior high school, detailing

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Speaker 1: everything from first periods, the first boyfriends, et cetera. After

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Speaker 1: numerous rejection letters from publishing houses, my mother decided to

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Speaker 1: self publish her book. She has been asking from family

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Speaker 1: and friends to review her book, and after several months

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Speaker 1: of avoiding the situation, my sister bought it. She was

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Speaker 1: skimming through it while on the phone with me and

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Speaker 1: nearly immediately advised me against reading. She's like, don't read it.

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Speaker 1: Don't it's a stupid book. You don't really badly famous.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from you dash Rhodatha bad

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Speaker 1: Seed on the r dash okay story time subreddit. So

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Speaker 1: I did, and was saddened but not really surprised to

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Speaker 1: learn that It's filled with not only memories of her

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Speaker 1: growing up, but my first years as well. I am

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Speaker 1: portrayed as both the light of her life and the

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Speaker 1: bane of her existence. Oh kids, I am extra work.

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Speaker 1: I hound her with my large vocabulary. She's too smart.

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00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,360
Speaker 1: I whine, and I am rude, and that gets in

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Speaker 1: the way of her loving me and so much more.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, my mother has always been self centered,

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Speaker 1: and as a child, I endured a ton of emotional

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Speaker 1: abuse from her. I left home early, and our relationship

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Speaker 1: oh okay, to the point where she left home early,

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Speaker 1: and the relationship is still strained even twenty something years later.

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Speaker 1: Her narcissistic tendencies have continued, and you'd impacting her relationships

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Speaker 1: with her grandchildren. Write it. I am just so done.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond to her request for

349
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Speaker 1: a book review. She cries victim every time I've tried

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Speaker 1: to tell her the truth about her behavior, and I'm

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Speaker 1: painted as the bad seed. I'm so used to her

352
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Speaker 1: behavior that while I was saddened by what she wrote,

353
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Speaker 1: resignation was an overwhelming emotion. She's never going to change.

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Speaker 1: There isn't anything I could do to make her realize

355
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Speaker 1: She's not destined to be the next Elizabeth Gilbert, and

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Speaker 1: I am done trying. She is a ear of my grandparents,

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Speaker 1: who are also malign thank you in the book, and

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Speaker 1: my stepdad, all of whom I love dearly. My relationships

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00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 1: with them would suffer if I were no contact with

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Speaker 1: my mother. Okay, there is an update.

361
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Speaker 3: But someone said, write a book about her. I think

362
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 3: you write about everything about her and you're like, wow,

363
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 3: my mom's like you a narcissist. This is my childhood

364
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,400
Speaker 3: growing up. And then you name it the same thing,

365
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 3: but you say part two.

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Speaker 1: For the daughter to one have a strained relationship with her,

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Speaker 1: her mom saying that she was emotionally abused by her

368
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Speaker 1: left early, and then for her mom to write this

369
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Speaker 1: and publishing it already. It's one thing to be like, hey,

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00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 1: I want to write something like this. Can we have

371
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 1: a conversation about it, But it's one thing to publish

372
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 1: these really intimate details without even you and your love

373
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Speaker 1: with life, without getting permission or consent, and then after

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Speaker 1: kind of have the audacity to be like.

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Speaker 3: Read my book you like, can you buy my book?

376
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 1: Give me money for it?

377
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 2: Like it?

378
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 4: Like?

379
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,920
Speaker 1: Personally I love memoir writing. I write, yeah, We both

380
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,160
Speaker 1: have writ memoir are style writing, and.

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Speaker 3: I've written memoirs where I am critical of like people

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Speaker 3: in my life. But I think there is a way

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Speaker 3: to do it that is respectful.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and also, if they're going to be in.

385
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Speaker 3: It and you're publishing it, maybe let them know.

386
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Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's just essential. I love

387
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Speaker 1: intimate memoir revealing. But if it involves someone who's still alive,

388
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 1: you still love, yeah, it's who's still in your life.

389
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 1: I think it's just mandatory that you need to get

390
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,119
Speaker 1: their consent. This is what I want to write. Is

391
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Speaker 1: that Okay? If I release this to the world, I

392
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 1: think that's just like essential. Agreed. Update number one About

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Speaker 1: a year ago, I wrote about volume one using a

394
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 1: throwaway and now I can't remember the name or find

395
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Speaker 1: the post.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Volume one implies there's more.

397
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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, guys, this will be long, but forgive me.

398
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm devastated and rambling right now. My mom is a writer.

399
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Speaker 1: Last year she self published a book on Amazon. We

400
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 1: Knew This and basically it's a collection of journal entries

401
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 1: from childhood to present. Book one was kid years until

402
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,159
Speaker 1: I was like seven or eight. Book one detailed her

403
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 1: abuse as a child, failed marriages, my birth, growing resentment

404
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,800
Speaker 1: over having a deal with husband and child, lovely stuff.

405
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,840
Speaker 1: Who's heartbreaking to read my mother's detailed descriptions of things

406
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 1: she would do when she was upset withhold attention, affection,

407
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: snap at me, yell hide. So I was never good

408
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,239
Speaker 1: enough for my mother and her journal entries explos and

409
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 1: how she knew she was engaging in these her full behaviors,

410
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 1: but did not stop. Unlike volume one, which was announced

411
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,879
Speaker 1: to Hi heaven, Mom, you're using a pseudonym. Why are

412
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 1: you announcing this to the world. This book was published

413
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: with very little fanfare. In it, I go from a

414
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,160
Speaker 1: crappy eight year old to a crappy twenty year old.

415
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 1: Twenty oh, this is like reason. Details are skewed, distorted, twisted,

416
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,399
Speaker 1: and sometimes they're outright lies. It's not just me. My

417
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 1: mother attacks everyone in my family, her parents, her husband

418
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,440
Speaker 1: that she's still married to. I wonder, like, what's going

419
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 1: on for him reading? Yeah, he's he's like, babe, interesting,

420
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 1: you call me a lute. It's shocking how much hate

421
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 1: and vitriol. What does that word means?

422
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,440
Speaker 3: Uh, It's like it's basically like h on someone you're

423
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 3: like spewing that anger, and it's a.

424
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Speaker 1: Good word this woman has, and I'm the main target.

425
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 1: She's never deeply unhappy with her life and has never

426
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Speaker 1: been satisfied, so she lashes out in misery, from detailing

427
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,400
Speaker 1: my lazy the eye to my bitterness over her divorce,

428
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,679
Speaker 1: to the fact that I was adopted, to glasses. Everything

429
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 1: is a weapon used against me.

430
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Speaker 3: That's also that is I think a really important thing

431
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,640
Speaker 3: of op is adopted and like their mom is talking

432
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 3: about them in this way. That's really hard.

433
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 1: She attacked my kids. Wow, damn coming for the grandkids.

434
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: What did they do? She attacked my kids, writing that

435
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: I had them too young and too many I have three,

436
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: and that they are a curse. Oh my goodness. I

437
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: love my kids more than anything and dedicated myself to

438
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 1: being a better parent than she ever dreamed of being.

439
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,200
Speaker 1: On most days I think I was successful. Other days,

440
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 1: like today, I just feel awful. I was used to

441
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: this when I lived with her, but I'm forty now,

442
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: mostly out of her reach. This is the lowest of blows.

443
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: Every feeling I had when I was a kid, every

444
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 1: insecurity and fear and feeling of worthlessness, is just flooding back,

445
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,919
Speaker 1: and I can't stand it. This is so sad. Confronting

446
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 1: her or even going no contact it will play into

447
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,200
Speaker 1: her status as a professional victim. If I write an

448
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: unfavorable review or even call her on her bs, she'd

449
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 1: still play the victim. She doesn't cause problems in her mind,

450
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: They just happen to her. Help read it please.

451
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 3: I think you have to limit contact with her. Honestly,

452
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 3: I don't know what you can do if this is

453
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,360
Speaker 3: her response to her grievances against her family is to

454
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 3: just air them in public, Yeah, and not tell anybody

455
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 3: in her life about it until it's out. Yeah, And

456
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 3: then have the audacity, Yeah, I have the audacity to say, oh,

457
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 3: here you go.

458
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: Read it book. That part is a wild detail.

459
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 3: I think the only tricky part here is that op

460
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 3: has said she can't go fully no contact because a

461
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 3: lot of the people in her life that surround her

462
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 3: Mom she still loves Steeply. I think maybe limiting contact

463
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 3: if we can.

464
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 1: At that point there seems to be nothing done with her,

465
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 1: but just to limit the relationship in a way that

466
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 1: is healthy for you. Hi all, I posted this rant

467
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 1: about my mother a few months back. I received some

468
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 1: wonderful advice from many of you, thanks specifically you Dash

469
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: star Cross Forever, and wanted to give a little update.

470
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: I've been no contact with her since about a week

471
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: after the last post. I sent her a brief email

472
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,360
Speaker 1: detailing the whyve at all and said I don't want

473
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 1: any contact except in the case of extreme emergency. You

474
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 1: never responded. She emailed me once before Christmas to let

475
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: me know she was mailing something to my kids. I

476
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 1: responded only with their email addresses and phone numbers so

477
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: she could contact them directly.

478
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 3: Did she get to email them like a kid's version

479
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 3: of the book. It's like a picture book version of

480
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 3: like Why I Hate my kids?

481
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like them as kids, like evil eyes

482
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: and a way.

483
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like devil horns.

484
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,640
Speaker 1: So she could contact them directly. And if you want

485
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: to contact us directly, by the way, you can join

486
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: us live on YouTube every week day at three PMPSD.

487
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 3: Just have our profile tap it.

488
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,639
Speaker 1: I don't expect her to ever heal this rift, and

489
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 1: there was no magic wand to make her love me

490
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,399
Speaker 1: and my mother will never recognize her own faults. I've

491
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: done some therapy, amazing and a ton of soul searching

492
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: and realized that's okay. I don't need the negative in

493
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 1: my life and better off without her. I spoke to

494
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: my grandparents briefly about the situation, and they were so

495
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: much more supportive than I could have hoped. Amazing. My

496
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 1: grandma gives me the occasional update, but she's as done

497
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: as I am. At least you're not alone like Judge

498
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: for owning what is most true for you exactly. So

499
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: that's it, no drama, nothing except for a close chapter

500
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: in my life and a lot less weight on my back.

501
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 1: Much love and thanks you all. We have another happy story.

502
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: I'm honestly surprised that with the mom and what we

503
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: know of her, that she didn't have this big blow

504
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,400
Speaker 1: up and create even more drama saying with with op

505
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: you know, pulling back contact. Yeah, so it seemed like

506
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: it went the best it could. And now Opie still

507
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 1: has contact with the people that and has a support

508
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: system as well who can validate her experience. So it

509
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: seems like a happy ending, even though so awful.

510
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 3: So awful in the beginning and also the middle, but

511
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 3: as as it could have gone.

512
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: With the tragedy of it.

513
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom forced me to parent my younger siblings.

514
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 3: I called her out for it. I eighteen female, live

515
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 3: at home with my parents and three younger brothers. I'm

516
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 3: about to graduate high school later this year, so I've

517
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 3: been saving up money to afford going to college. I

518
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 3: recently landed a job as a custodian at an elementary

519
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 3: school to help me save and I've been loving it

520
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 3: so far. I've been a substitute custodian for the past

521
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 3: two years, which, for those who don't know, is basically

522
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 3: like a substitute teacher but for janitors. So I already

523
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 3: know how to do the work, but this is the

524
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 3: first time I've landed in actually permanent position doing this stuff.

525
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 3: My boss and coworkers are super nice, and the job

526
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 3: itself is fairly easy. It's great, by the way. This

527
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 3: comes from Confused Potato twenty five on the arm slash

528
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 3: Okay storytime subbreddit. So earlier this week, however, I got

529
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 3: a call from one of my younger brothers, fourteen male.

530
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: While in the middle of work.

531
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 3: I answered his call and he began to tell me

532
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 3: that nobody has picked him up from school yet. He

533
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 3: tried calling my mom but she never answered, and my

534
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 3: dad is at work at this point, it's been almost

535
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 3: an hour since school got out, and he said he

536
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 3: was just waiting outside of the school, unsure of what

537
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 3: to do. Did they not have like an after school

538
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 3: program my school and an after school program? What do

539
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 3: you mean, so like if your if your parents couldn't

540
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 3: pick you up or if they forgot, you just wait forgot.

541
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I never had that in my school.

542
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we had that. Ok, Like you had like

543
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 3: an after school program.

544
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: Was it a private school? Yeah? Okay, yeah, so maybe

545
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: that was only public school.

546
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 3: Really, if anyone went to public school, let me know

547
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 3: if you had an after school program, because we had

548
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 3: a we had a before school program and then an

549
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 3: after one where like parents would There were a couple

550
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 3: of times where my friend's mom was supposed to pick

551
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 3: me up and she forgot, and so I'd be waiting

552
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 3: for a couple hours, and then I didn't have a phone,

553
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 3: so I called my mom on like a teacher's phone

554
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 3: or something. But there was one time where I asked

555
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 3: the teacher. I was like, my mom was supposed to

556
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 3: be here, and they're like, no, no, no, she's just coming,

557
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 3: she's coming, And I was like, can I call her?

558
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: And they're like no, no, no, really, they wouldn't let

559
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 3: me call her, and fine, after like two hours, literally

560
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 3: two hours, they let me call her and I was like, Mom,

561
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 3: when are you picking me up?

562
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: And she was like, your friend's mom didn't pick him up.

563
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: So the school was on a gay keep you from

564
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 1: your house? Yeah.

565
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 3: I was like, what that brig Yeah?

566
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,479
Speaker 1: I remember in seventh grade I went to public school

567
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: and that year I didn't have too many friends and

568
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: my parents were late this one time, and I remember

569
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: just being so sad, just sitting alone and like waiting

570
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 1: for like an hour. That is.

571
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,719
Speaker 3: I told him that I was at work and couldn't

572
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 3: leave to go pick him up, since work was about

573
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 3: twenty five minutes away from his school, but I would

574
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 3: try to see what I could do. I started calling

575
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 3: my mom as well, but she never answered me either.

576
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 3: I stood there trying to get a cold of her

577
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 3: for what seemed like an eternity until she finally picked up.

578
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,919
Speaker 3: I informed her of the situation and told her that

579
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 3: she needs to go pick up my brother, and she agreed,

580
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 3: though sounding a bit annoyed. I guess, come on, that's

581
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 3: your kid, go pick me up. When I came home,

582
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 3: from work. She immediately questioned about why I couldn't pick

583
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 3: my brother up from school today. I told her that

584
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 3: I can't just leave my shift at work and go

585
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 3: grab him. I didn't see an issue as to why

586
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 3: she couldn't go pick him up, as getting to school

587
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 3: is about a seven minute drive there and back. She

588
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 3: told me she wasn't actually at our home, but at

589
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 3: her friend's house down the street. She was down the street.

590
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: I was busy.

591
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 3: She stated that she was able to drop my two

592
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 3: younger brothers, eight male and eleven male at their friend's

593
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 3: house after school, and this finally gave her the opportunity

594
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 3: to hang out with her friends since she was kidless

595
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 3: for a moment. You're not kidless. You had another son.

596
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I'm just confused of is is this

597
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 1: a new schedule or something has happened before.

598
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 3: That's right, I'm wondering is this an ongoing trend of

599
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 3: ye ohp constantly kind of having to pick up the

600
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 3: slack here?

601
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 1: And if not, like, why in this moment is her

602
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 1: mom confused of? Like, why didn't you do it? Yeah?

603
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 3: Why is the expectation?

604
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 1: I'm curious what the expectations and what the responsibilities are.

605
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: It doesn't agree that's been shared yet.

606
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,679
Speaker 3: I told her that's fine, but and that that she

607
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 3: wants to hang out with her peers, but she is

608
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: still the parent of my fourteen year old brother and

609
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 3: it's her responsibility as his mother to pick him up

610
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 3: and not to leave him at school for an hour alone.

611
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 3: She started to blow up in my face, telling me

612
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 3: how terrible I am for accusing her of being a

613
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 3: bad mother, and how as his older sister, I should

614
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: have picked him up from school. She started going off

615
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 3: about how this is the first time in a while

616
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 3: she's been able to hang out with her friends, and

617
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 3: how she really needed that time alone and how I

618
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 3: ruined it by not taking my brother home. I started

619
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 3: arguing back, saying that while I do love and care

620
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 3: for my brother, I reiterated that he is not my

621
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 3: child and that it is not my job to pick

622
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 3: him up from school. Things got pretty heated, and she

623
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 3: hasn't talked to me since. Am I the a hole?

624
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: And there is an edits and some relevant comments to

625
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 3: finished this story all, but that's it.

626
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: I want more. Very curious about the responsibilities that expectations

627
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: like has this ever been expressed that like you need

628
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: to be helping out with yes, is your brother or not? Yeah.

629
00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 3: Totally different scenario if the mom had before like before

630
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 3: work or you know, I don't just that day asked

631
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 3: her daughter, Hey, like, are you free to pick your

632
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 3: brother up from school? Why did no one communicate? Like

633
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 3: why would she just expect like it wasn't even her

634
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 3: calling her daughter and saying, hey, something came up. I

635
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 3: really like, are you able to pick up your brother?

636
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 3: Which I mean even in that case, op can still

637
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 3: say like I'm.

638
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: At work, I'm at work. But none of that happened.

639
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 3: It was literally just like her brother saying I've been

640
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 3: here for an hour.

641
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the mom was.

642
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,719
Speaker 4: Like, why are seeing me out with my friends?

643
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: We were three wine glasses. Yeah, we were in the

644
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: middle of a rock car.

645
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: We're gonna do this? Like that's that You're a parent,

646
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 3: you know, I'm sorry, Like you you have to make sacrifices.

647
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: And it's totally okay to if you need a break

648
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: as a parent and you need to, you know, connect

649
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: with your friends and everything, but not expend communicated knowing

650
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: that your child would just be stranded and for the

651
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: child ridiculous, like that's a fun at all.

652
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 3: Like find it again. My mom would like if she

653
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 3: couldn't pick me up or something, she'd ask a friend's parent,

654
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 3: and then I get a hangout with my friends and.

655
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: It was a win win. Yeah. As a parent, by

656
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 1: no means like can you not get off responsibility? But

657
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: you can't just drop it? And that commits exactly.

658
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 3: But there is an edit. A lot of people are

659
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: asking why my brother didn't walk home. It's a seven

660
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 3: minute drive to the school, meaning like an hour walk.

661
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 3: This is his first year as a freshman in high school,

662
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 3: and I think he felt a little intimidated by the

663
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 3: thought of walking a distance and route he's never walked before. Okay,

664
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 3: who was in the reddit common speed like a year

665
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 3: old walk home?

666
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

667
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 3: I also think that he was just under the impression

668
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 3: that somebody was going going to.

669
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: Pick him up, because that was the expectation. They were just.

670
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 3: Late, and he didn't want to leave the school if

671
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 3: somebody was on their way, since that would create more

672
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 3: of a hassle for the person picking them up. And

673
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 3: two relevant comments to finish this story off, Athene Schmidt says,

674
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 3: you're not the parent, you were showing response ability and

675
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 3: a good work ethics staying at your job. I am, however, curious,

676
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 3: what is this why he didn't walk home?

677
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 4: What do you mean?

678
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: Also just doesn't feel relevant.

679
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get that he was expecting someone, But when

680
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 3: you can't contact the parent who was supposed to be

681
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 3: picking you up and everyone else is at work, isn't

682
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 3: walking home the obvious solution? If you were six, I

683
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 3: would get it. Befourteen. I have never once when I

684
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 3: was fourteen and my parent was l picking me up,

685
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 3: thought I'm just gonna walk oat. That's crazy, that's crazy

686
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: to expect. I'm so if they were like close, if

687
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 3: it was like a fifteen, you know, twenty minute walk,

688
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 3: and he'd done that before. Sure, if that was an

689
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: expected thing that he did all the time, I get it.

690
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 3: But for a kid to just be like, I guess

691
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 3: I'm walking home when they've never done.

692
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: It before, it's also just not the point of what's happening.

693
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: Not the point at all. The point is that the

694
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: mother just dropped off a responsibility without being expected someone

695
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: to pick it up.

696
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 3: Ohp says, You're right, I'm sure he could have walked home.

697
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 3: I think he was just under the impression somebody was

698
00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 3: going to pick him up and he didn't want to

699
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 3: leave this wool. If somebody was under way, my plan

700
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: was to tell them to walk home when if we

701
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 3: still couldn't get a hold of the mom, which we

702
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 3: eventually did get a hold of her. Yeah, these reddit comments,

703
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 3: that doesn't make any sense.

704
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, it's John Ogi host here. We're gonna get

705
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 2: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

706
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 2: break from as for more sponsors.

707
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 3: I told my girlfriend I'm acetul. Now she's saying she

708
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 3: wants to cheat on me. Yes, she is afraid she

709
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 3: might cheat on me. Quick background information. We have been

710
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 3: together for nearly four years. Partner moved to the area

711
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 3: I lived for graduate school. We met when she had

712
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 3: already moved here, so she did not move to be

713
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 3: with me, and when she finished that program, she decided

714
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 3: to stay in the area, with one of the main

715
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 3: reasons being to be with me. We got together while

716
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 3: she was in her program at the time. Now she

717
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 3: is in a different one education not completely related to

718
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 3: the first program. By the way, this comes from Sja

719
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 3: the throwaway on the r slash Okay storytime subpret it.

720
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 3: So my parents and sister really like her. They all

721
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 3: get along well, some of our parents' families know about

722
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 3: a relationship, and some don't read phobia because they are

723
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 3: both women. Things have generally gone fine with my partner. Sure,

724
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 3: there's occasional arguments and whatnot, but it's never been serious.

725
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 3: Partner and I have never lived together. I live with family.

726
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 3: Partner lives with roommates. We share many interests and try

727
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 3: to see each other at least once a week. We

728
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: agree on several important topics religion, politics, general life stuff.

729
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 3: Not completely agree on everything, of course, But something recently

730
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 3: came up that's been really affecting me. Over the past

731
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: few weeks, maybe a bit of a month. She and

732
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 3: I have been having occasional discussions about our relationship and

733
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 3: the future. There has been some disagreements, unfortunately, with some

734
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 3: bigger stuff too, like children, where we're going to live.

735
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 3: I still live with family because I'm still in school

736
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 3: and one of my parents sometimes needs additional support. Nothing serious. Plus,

737
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 3: I'm just generally close with my family. Also for context,

738
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 3: Opiu's twenty four and her girlfriend is twenty six. Okay,

739
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 3: one of the topics to come up was spicy sleep

740
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 3: and intimacy. Now I'm a sexual Something between demi and

741
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 3: ace but I for sure simply do not really crave

742
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 3: spicy sleep or spicy activity. For this post, i'll refer

743
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 3: to myself as ASEX keep it simple, and I typically

744
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 3: refer to myself as April Irl. Anyways, my girlfriend and

745
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 3: I have done those things before a few times, but

746
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,399
Speaker 3: it's been at least a couple months since we last

747
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 3: did so. There was never one moment where we had

748
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,240
Speaker 3: a conversation where I told her I'm Demi slash ACEX.

749
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,280
Speaker 3: But she's known I at least have a low spicy

750
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 3: sleep drive. I'd say within the past year or so

751
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 3: is when we had more conversations about this topic. She

752
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 3: has a higher spicy sleep drive than me. But I

753
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 3: for sure know that she knew this about me before

754
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 3: we started dating. And that's that's the important thing. As

755
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 3: long as you're being you know, upfront and saying this

756
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 3: is my drive, these are my you know needs and stuff, Yeah,

757
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 3: that that communication is pretty important. It's never really been

758
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 3: a problem before. In fact, she'd half joking slash half

759
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 3: serious say I have a hand referring to herself. I

760
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 3: am not always affectionate, but I do not identify as

761
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 3: a romantic. But in the past few weeks, this topic

762
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 3: has come up. Last night via text, I asked her

763
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: where exactly she wants us to go from here. I

764
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 3: mentioned some the current concerns we're having, including intimacy, and

765
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 3: I asked what she would like us to do about it,

766
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 3: not at all from a place of anger or upsetness,

767
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 3: just genuinely I don't know what to do. So we

768
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 3: started talking about it, and she said that she wants

769
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 3: slash needs more intimacy and affection. I let her know, okay,

770
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 3: I can be more affectionate, but I reminded her that

771
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 3: I'm ace, so there may be shouldn't be much of

772
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 3: an expectation for change there. I'm not saying that I

773
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 3: never want to have spicy sleep with her, but it's

774
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 3: far less frequently than I want to. Plus, I know

775
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 3: I'm not as into it as she is, not because

776
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 3: I don't find her pretty, et cetera, but because I

777
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 3: simply don't crave spicy sleep. She has never made me

778
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 3: feel forced into doing anything, no concerns at all there.

779
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 3: She knows I'm ace, but says she's worried of her

780
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:45,720
Speaker 3: spicy sleep desires over time causing her to do something bad.

781
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 3: I probed a little bit because by asking if she

782
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 3: thinks she would do something bad, and she said she

783
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 3: doesn't know, but she does know how she can be

784
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 3: when she's aroused in just.

785
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 4: Sausing really hick reflect on that for a second. First

786
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 4: of all, it is totally fine. We've said this for

787
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 4: other stories. It's totally fine for you guys to have

788
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 4: different like drives. Yeah, and if you don't work out,

789
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 4: if they don't align, then you know, maybe it's time

790
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 4: to just break that relationship up. You know, it sucks

791
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 4: because you probably do both love each other, right, have

792
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 4: like a good romantic relationship, but if you have different needs,

793
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 4: sometimes it doesn't you know, always work. But for her

794
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 4: to say, oh, I might cheat on someone because I

795
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 4: have needs is or I might cheat on you with

796
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 4: someone else is ridiculous. She should yeah, it should be.

797
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,879
Speaker 3: Hey, I feel like my needs are not being met,

798
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 3: Which is not to say that like you necessarily need

799
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 3: to do that, but it's saying like maybe we don't

800
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 3: work anymore.

801
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 1: But right, yeah, I know.

802
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 4: That's just it just sounds a lot like like like

803
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 4: you're not you when you're hungry it do Yeah, oh

804
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 4: I can't resist these URGENTI but it's like, you know

805
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 4: how I am, Yeah, and I want to have a

806
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 4: spicy sleep. Yeah, So I can't. I can't tell you

807
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 4: what's gonna happen. Literally, you actually can't believe it or not.

808
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: You're an adult.

809
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 4: You're in control.

810
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 3: Human, not a dog, yeah, or you know some sort

811
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 3: of animal. You can control that absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, No,

812
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: I really don't like that. There is a respectful way

813
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 3: to have that conversation where both of them would have

814
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 3: been the right Yeah, but that was not the conversation

815
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 3: that they had. I probed a little bit more by

816
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 3: asking her to explain. She said, if she's touched deprived,

817
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 3: she may get to a point where she wants that

818
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 3: type of intimacy. I assumed she meant spicy sleep, but

819
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 3: I asked if romantic affection but not spicy intimacy were

820
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 3: to improve, would she still get to that point. She

821
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 3: said she doesn't know for sure. I asked if she

822
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 3: has wanted to basically cheat on me while we've been together,

823
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 3: and she said, no, but being spicy sleep with some spicy,

824
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 3: spicyal spectual, she's sure if someone was attractive enough in

825
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 3: particular situations, she fears she might what I just I

826
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 3: probed a little bit more. I asked if she meant

827
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 3: doing that while we are in a relationship, and she

828
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 3: said if she didn't feel like she was getting her

829
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 3: needs met, love and affection, she was scared. But she

830
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 3: thinks yes, and that's when you break up with her

831
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 3: because she does not respect her reallylationship.

832
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, like she's you know you, Yeah, she's scared that

833
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,919
Speaker 4: she's gonna cheat on you, like oh no, oh no,

834
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 4: I might push you off a building, you know what

835
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,760
Speaker 4: I mean? Like that, know, I might like go say

836
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 4: these wrong things like you know what I mean. It's

837
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 4: just like you might do something terrible.

838
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 3: Know what the conversation should have been, I'm not getting

839
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: my needs met. Maybe we need to consider ending this relationship. Yeah,

840
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 3: that was the conversation. It wasn't I'm not getting my

841
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 3: needs met, So I might cheat on you?

842
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: Who's set?

843
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 3: Who knows what feeling?

844
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 4: Yeah?

845
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 3: We were also sort of texting about another topic that

846
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 3: became the focus something she was doing, and it was

847
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 3: getting late, so we called it a night. Soon after that,

848
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 3: she picked up on that I didn't feel great, and

849
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 3: I said I wasn't doing great, but said things would

850
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 3: be fine. We slept and today the topic's not been

851
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 3: brought up, She's been busy most of the day, but

852
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 3: I'm still not great. I get it, spicy sleep is

853
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 3: an important part of a relationship for many people. But

854
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 3: I am at least a little hurt that she's basically

855
00:38:58,920 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 3: admitted to.

856
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: Being air to cheating on me.

857
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 3: And you are right for feeling that, and it's not

858
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 3: You're rale. So I'm scared I'm gonna cheat. It's I'm

859
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 3: not getting my spicy sleep or romantic needs met. So

860
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 3: I'm scared I'm gonna cheat romantic stuff and affection. Yes,

861
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 3: I can be doing more spicy sleep and spicy sleep

862
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 3: activities unlikely to be much of a change. Yeah, So

863
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 3: the girlfriend needs to ask herself, if, you know, is

864
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 3: it just I just need more intimacy or do I

865
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 3: need more spicy sleep intimacy? And if the question if

866
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 3: the answer is the second one, then the relationship is

867
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 3: over because op is right and has said this is

868
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 3: this is the amount that I can give.

869
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 4: You, right, So like, yeah, she's got all her information

870
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 4: in there, she just has to make that decision with herself,

871
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 4: and I feel like she does. She's thinking about it,

872
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 4: you know, like before when she said it like, I

873
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 4: don't allowed, but yeah, right, no for sure, but yeah, uh,

874
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 4: Like earlier in the story, the OPI asks like, if

875
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 4: like a little bit of romantic intimacy would work or

876
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 4: something like that, and then uh, the partner was like,

877
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know. It sounds like she

878
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 4: really does need to think about it.

879
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: I guess I agree.

880
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 3: This is basically the first serious relationship for both of us,

881
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 3: and I'd hate for this to be a reason to

882
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 3: break up. But she's never previously given me any reason

883
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 3: to doubt her commitment to the relationship. I'm afraid she

884
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 3: may have now.

885
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

886
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm thinking there's a couple different ways to move

887
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 3: forward from here. But I'm struggling to figure out if

888
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 3: it even makes sense to be upset or hurt by this.

889
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 3: I am, but I don't know if I should be.

890
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 3: You absolutely are allowed to be upset.

891
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 1: By rights.

892
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 3: Of course, we could open the relationship where she engages

893
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 3: in those activities with other people. I personally don't want this,

894
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 3: but I also know it's maybe not fair to not

895
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 3: really want to have spicy sleep with her but also

896
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 3: expect her to be basically well, two her words, not mine.

897
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 3: I could try to be more spicy like sexual. It's

898
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,359
Speaker 3: not that I can't have spicy sleep. I just don't

899
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 3: have those urges or desires, at least to the extent

900
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 3: she has them. I'm not thrilled about this option either,

901
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,800
Speaker 3: but I guess it could maybe work. We could continue

902
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 3: the relationship as is. She's admitted to being afraid she

903
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 3: may eventually cheat, which means she'll like either have her

904
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 3: spicy sleep wants slash needs unmet, or eventually she'd at

905
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 3: some point neither. It sits well with me, and there

906
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 3: is a little bit more to this story, but you

907
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 3: know what sits well with me? You guys joining us

908
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 3: live every.

909
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: Weekday at three PMPs.

910
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 3: Team just topped. But before we finish this story, what

911
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 3: is your advice here?

912
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: Because I have some thoughts.

913
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 4: I mean, like, I guess they could they could try

914
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 4: to work it out and like just try to continue,

915
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 4: but like it kind of seems like we know how

916
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 4: it's gonna go.

917
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 3: I agree. I think of the you know, of the

918
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 3: solutions that opia is brought forward, the first one open

919
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 3: merit or open relationship. Yeah, I think if again, if

920
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 3: you're not fully on board with an open relationship, I

921
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 3: don't think it's gonna help. Yeah, it's yeah, it's just

922
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 3: gonna breed resentment and you have to be like so enthusiastic, right,

923
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 3: And then I think the second one was just kind

924
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 3: of push yourself to engage in spicy sleep even though

925
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,879
Speaker 3: you don't want to, which that's definitely neither a good thing. Yeah,

926
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 3: it should be you know, you should be with a

927
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: partner who is going to meet your need and not

928
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 3: push you to do something that you don't want to do.

929
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll just make it worse.

930
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, obviously, like there's a measure like acesuality is a spectrum,

931
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 3: and there are some people who you know, engage in

932
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 3: spicy sleep because that is their relationship with her partner.

933
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: But if you don't want to do that, don't force

934
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:19,319
Speaker 3: yourself to do it.

935
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

936
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 3: And then the third one was continue it as is,

937
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 3: which she has said that she might cheat on you,

938
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 3: which is healthy. It's not healthy to have that hanging

939
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 3: over your head of like, oh, she might cheat on

940
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 3: me if we continue, right, I think you just need

941
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,800
Speaker 3: to cut your losses. Honestly, I think this is maybe

942
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 3: this is maybe a time to break up, which but

943
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: end the story off. We could end the relationship Honestly,

944
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 3: I'm not upset that spicy sleep is important to many people,

945
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 3: and I would not be upset if a potential partner

946
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 3: would not want to be with me for that reason.

947
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 3: I respect that my girlfriend is sexual and don't want

948
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 3: her to think it's a bad thing. Alternatively, we could

949
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 3: end the relationship because of what she said, basically that

950
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 3: she's afraid she may cheat. Any advice or guidance, thank you.

951
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 3: I think I think ending of the relationship. Yeah, alas, alas, yes,

952
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 3: but that is the end of that story.

953
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 4: I called my girlfriend out for putting her ex before me.

954
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 4: Now she wants to break up.

955
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 1: Interesting. Interesting.

956
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,280
Speaker 3: He's like, hey, prioritize me, and she's like, I'm breaking

957
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,359
Speaker 3: out with you, Like, okay, choose one of us.

958
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 4: And she's like, Okay, this is going to be somewhat long,

959
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 4: but it's all true. I'm male thirty eight currently feel

960
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 4: I'm justified in my feelings and I don't feel like

961
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 4: I'm asking too much of her, but I'm open to

962
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,359
Speaker 4: being told I'm wrong. By the way, this comes from

963
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 4: you slash old Kai home eight on the r slash

964
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 4: okay storytime subreddit. To give some background, my girlfriend, female

965
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 4: thirty nine is diagnosed by polar I'm not sure if

966
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 4: it's one or two, medicated for the same, and is

967
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 4: in therapy for the same, and is currently pregnant with

968
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,399
Speaker 4: our first child, whoa we met about a year ago,

969
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 4: dated for a month. We broke up more on that

970
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 4: later for about two months, and got back together and

971
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 4: have basically been together since. We both have been married

972
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 4: and divorced, and she had another long term relationship that

973
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 4: function bla like a marriage. She struggles to make and

974
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 4: maintain friendships, and she is admirably loyal to those who

975
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 4: have stuck around. Our first stint as a couple started

976
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 4: out fantastically. I remember telling people that it was the

977
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 4: most healthy to start to a relationship I had ever had.

978
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 4: About a month in her elderly dog had a medical

979
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 4: issue and she contacted her ex boyfriend to tell him.

980
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 4: Somehow that conversation turned to the end of their relationship

981
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 4: and how he still felt like she did him wrong

982
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 4: in ending it, especially considering that they kept hanging out

983
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 4: and having spicy sleep after the breakup.

984
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: So complicated.

985
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 4: Wow, the conversation affected her deeply. The next date we

986
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 4: had involved her telling me that she was upset that

987
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 4: I had mentioned my ex the time before, followed by

988
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 4: twenty minutes of how great her ex boyfriend was, followed

989
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 4: by another ten on how she can walk away from

990
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 4: any relationship, followed by acting cold to me all night

991
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 4: and canceling the rest of our plans for the next

992
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 4: night after she thought she saw her male friend more

993
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 4: on him later in the restaurant. We were at a

994
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 4: couple of weekends and some canceled dates. Later she broke

995
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 4: We never stopped talking at her insistence, even though she

996
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 4: was hanging out with her ex again. In fact, she

997
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 4: met me for dinner on my birthday, where oddly she

998
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 4: decided to spend ten minutes talking about how amazing and

999
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 4: wonderful and interesting her male friend from the restaurant was. Oh,

1000
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 4: look at that. I remember I found a crappy that

1001
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 4: she was telling me about someone she was clearly about

1002
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 4: to start dating on my birthday. But I just let

1003
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 4: it go for the night. Yeah, you're putting up with

1004
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 4: so much. Oh we be with this really car Yeah.

1005
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 4: A month later we were back together. She was cutting

1006
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 4: off her ex for good, and I expressed my happiness

1007
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 4: with that. About a month and a half in her

1008
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 4: elderly dog needed to be put to sleep. All She

1009
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,839
Speaker 4: called me in tears to tell me, but hung up

1010
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 4: on me as I was trying to console her.

1011
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: Hope, He's like, it's okay. She's like, I gotta go.

1012
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 3: Okay, my ex is calling me.

1013
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 4: She later informed me that since her ex had been

1014
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 4: with her for five of the thirteen years she had

1015
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 4: the dog, he would be going to the vet with her.

1016
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 4: What's only five out of the thirteen? That really is

1017
00:45:55,360 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 4: what makes the cut? That's crazy, That's that's what's she knew.

1018
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 4: I didn't like that, but I said nothing. Later I

1019
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 4: admitted it wasn't my favorite because I was worried she

1020
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 4: was leaning on him emotionally again, which she assured me

1021
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 4: she wasn't, and wouldn't speak to him again unless it

1022
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 4: was about logistics for him to get some of the

1023
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,240
Speaker 4: dog's ashes. We agreed we'd just stop talking about our exes.

1024
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 4: Over the next two months, not a day went by

1025
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 4: where she didn't mention her ex or start a fight

1026
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,839
Speaker 4: with me about my not talking about our ex's rules.

1027
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 4: She'd calmed down, and I'd ask if she was leaning

1028
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 4: on him still, and she'd remind me that they weren't speaking.

1029
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 4: She went ice cold on me. We hung out less

1030
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 4: and she showed me no affection. Oh my god, suddenly

1031
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 4: one day she wanted to hang out and it was

1032
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 4: super pleasant.

1033
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 3: She sounds exhausting.

1034
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: Really.

1035
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 4: She did, however, talk about how much she suspected that

1036
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 4: her ex had been cheating on her while they were

1037
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 4: together with the woman he was seeing now. I asked

1038
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 4: her how she knew, and she said, based on what

1039
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 4: he had been telling her.

1040
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: Wait, what so the ex.

1041
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 3: You are to tell him you weren't talking, nam. Yeah,

1042
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 3: even though you said you weren't talking, n'am. That's crazy

1043
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 3: to find that out, that's crazy.

1044
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 4: She admitted that they had been talking regularly to him

1045
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 4: about all matters of life. I told her that made

1046
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 4: me uncomfortable, and I thought I would not be in

1047
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 4: a relationship with someone who was that attached to her

1048
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 4: ex that she would lie to me about it. She

1049
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 4: tried to backtrack and say they just shared memes, but

1050
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:13,879
Speaker 4: the damage was done.

1051
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 3: Memes that referred to all matters of life, matters of life.

1052
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 3: This is just make up your mind. I honestly break

1053
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 3: up with this girl. She too wishy washy, and she's

1054
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:23,959
Speaker 3: being so disrespectful, and.

1055
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 4: You're disrespecting yourself by saying with her, yeah, if our

1056
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 4: relationship was to continue, he had to be completely cut off.

1057
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 4: She agreed, but hemmed In had for three weeks before

1058
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 4: she did it, calling me unreasonable for wanting it to

1059
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 4: happen faster, and even asking for a social media exemption

1060
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 4: for him.

1061
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: She's like, I just want to DM him. Yeah, what

1062
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,320
Speaker 1: three weeks is a long time? Long time.

1063
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 4: I held firm and said the relationship could not continue

1064
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 4: with him in the background. During those three weeks, our

1065
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 4: next big issue started. Her male friend that she gushed

1066
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 4: about asked her to dinner two days after she reveals

1067
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 4: she had lied to me. I told her I wasn't

1068
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 4: comfortable with her doing that right after I found out

1069
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 4: she was capable of flying to me about men. She

1070
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:07,879
Speaker 4: insisted he was a friend, her best friend, friends her

1071
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 4: best time, they sleep together, just they're just friends. God

1072
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 4: one of the only people she could count on and

1073
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 4: was always there for her. I told her I wasn't

1074
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 4: going to make her and the friendship, but I wanted

1075
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,320
Speaker 4: to meet him soon to gauge the vibe, because frankly,

1076
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 4: the way she talked about her friend was excessively fawning

1077
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 4: and I felt uneasy.

1078
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 1: She agreed.

1079
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 3: I think there is a measure of being like, oh

1080
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:31,879
Speaker 3: my god, my friend did this. My friend like blah

1081
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 3: blah blah. I do that with my friends. I talk

1082
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,399
Speaker 3: about them all the time. Right, But I don't trust

1083
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 3: this little But she's already had some strikes against.

1084
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 4: Exactly exactly six months have passed and I still have

1085
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 4: not met him. During that time, she also concealed that

1086
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 4: we had decided to move in together from him. He

1087
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 4: only found out because he tried to ask her out

1088
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 4: to dinner on our movement date, and she told him.

1089
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 1: Why she was busy.

1090
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 4: He was shocked that our relationship was at that point,

1091
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 4: two months after the decision had been made. She downplayed

1092
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 4: it to him and to me in our discussion about it,

1093
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,280
Speaker 4: and told him that she was more interested in hearing

1094
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 4: about his travels than talking about our relationship.

1095
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: So suspicious, So suspicious.

1096
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 4: She told me about four different reasons why she downplayed

1097
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 4: our relationship to him, but eventually settled on that she

1098
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 4: was protecting herself because she thought he would judge her

1099
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 4: for being in another serious relationship. I asked why I

1100
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 4: hadn't met him yet, and she told me because she

1101
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 4: hadn't had time, Or was it that he had told

1102
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 4: her once that he didn't need to meet her boyfriends

1103
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 4: until she was ready to marry. She went back and

1104
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 4: forth between those excuses several times we moved in together.

1105
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 4: She doesn't let me sleep in the same room. What

1106
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 4: it started out as a transition period because our pets

1107
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 4: weren't used to each other but liked to sleep with us.

1108
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 3: Oh my god, sure, Oh you're so gullible.

1109
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, so gullible That transition period hasn't ended my expression.

1110
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 4: Then it makes me feel disconnected from her. She's given

1111
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 4: me several different reasons for that as well. Mostly it's

1112
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 4: because she says I always wake her up with my

1113
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 4: breathing and she just got Four weeks ago, we had

1114
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 4: a fight over how I'd been treated and how I

1115
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 4: still hadn't met this friend some five months in. It

1116
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,240
Speaker 4: lasted a few days until she angrily called the friend,

1117
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 4: threw me under the biggest buss you've ever seen, and

1118
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 4: told him I was demanding to meet him. He refused

1119
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 4: until she later calmed down and explained why I was asking.

1120
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 4: He would but one time for us to cool down

1121
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 4: before he did. That seems fair and she's like, we

1122
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 4: need a cool down, a cool down period. It's going

1123
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 4: to be just a good five months.

1124
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, just a month.

1125
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I need to have some chaste. I expressed that

1126
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 4: I was concerned that she would continue to drag it

1127
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 4: out like she did with cutting off her ex. That

1128
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 4: led to another fight.

1129
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 3: Break up with her honestly most unhealthy relationship.

1130
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,839
Speaker 4: Honestly, during this fight, she admitted that the reason she

1131
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 4: was cold to me during the months after her dog

1132
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 4: passed away was that she felt her ex would be

1133
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 4: able to be better for her emotionally than I was,

1134
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 4: because he'd just let her sit with it instead of

1135
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 4: trying to console her and make her happy like I

1136
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 4: had tried to. There's still more to the story, but

1137
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 4: I think we need a second to debriefs to just

1138
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 4: this moment of silence, because he was saying before that

1139
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 4: he was worried that she was relying too much on

1140
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 4: her ex and for emotional whatever. Yeah, and now like

1141
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 4: she denied it, and now she's saying like, yeah, that's

1142
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 4: why I talked exactly because I needed him for emotional support.

1143
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 3: No, she literally lied about talking to him at all,

1144
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 3: lied about not needing him for emotional support, and she

1145
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 3: did all of that, and now she won't like let

1146
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 3: oh meet her best friend, break up with her break up? Like,

1147
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 3: why aren't you already broken up with her?

1148
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: Right?

1149
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 2: Like?

1150
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 4: I should have read that one line like sarcastically in

1151
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 4: the beginning that was like, oh, this is like the

1152
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 4: healthiest start. Yeah, because none, none of this I've read

1153
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 4: is healthy. I'm sorry, what when when show me?

1154
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 1: Please?

1155
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 3: The healthiest part will be when you break up with

1156
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 3: her belief honestly.

1157
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 4: So the next day she decided to break it off,

1158
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 4: saying I was never going to trust her and I

1159
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 4: needed to find some where else to live. After some protests,

1160
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 4: I packed up some clothes and some animals and left.

1161
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,439
Speaker 4: Some two days later, she told me to come home

1162
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 4: and talk. The talk was to inform me that she

1163
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:11,840
Speaker 4: was pregnant.

1164
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

1165
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,280
Speaker 4: We decided to try to make things work for our child.

1166
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 4: Things were going okay. Then a few days ago, the

1167
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 4: friend wanted to go to dinner with just her. I

1168
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,240
Speaker 4: told her I was uncomfortable with it and would prefer

1169
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 4: I be there because exactly what I told her I

1170
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 4: feared would happened. She had put it off for weeks

1171
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 4: and wanted to continue on like nothing had happened with him.

1172
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 4: I expressed that between that, her gushing, her downplaying of

1173
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:41,240
Speaker 4: the relationship to him, and her varying excuses for the delay,

1174
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,359
Speaker 4: I suspected that something more was going on.

1175
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 3: There are we sure this baby is ope?

1176
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 4: That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, maybe she wants to have

1177
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,479
Speaker 4: this dinner with him alone so she could tell him

1178
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 4: that it's his baby.

1179
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 3: That's a good conspiracy.

1180
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: I see.

1181
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 3: Look what you guys think in the comments. Don't she

1182
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,279
Speaker 3: you have to put in right now, right now?

1183
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 4: She insisted that he had once demanded that if he

1184
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 4: knew she had been down and depressed, that he had

1185
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 4: to see her face to know she was actually Okay,

1186
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 4: that doesn't sound like just a friend romantic yep. I

1187
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 4: told her I was not about to have her put

1188
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 4: his needs above mine anymore. She told me she was

1189
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 4: giving him this and that was that. Like that's crazy

1190
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 4: to me though, too, because it's like, why can't he

1191
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,879
Speaker 4: also be there to see that, like to show that, Yeah,

1192
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 4: why is he being excluded from all these things? I

1193
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 4: don't there's just no reason, no reason. She went to

1194
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 4: dinner with him and set a time next weekend for

1195
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 4: us to meet. She agreed that she hadn't been the

1196
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,400
Speaker 4: best partner and wanted a happy and healthy family with

1197
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 4: We got an app that asked us questions about our

1198
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 4: relationship and showed us areas we needed to resolve for

1199
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 4: growth areas.

1200
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:50,959
Speaker 1: Okay. Unsurprisingly, that app told us.

1201
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 4: We needed to work on trust and there you go

1202
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 4: the apps. I asked her to talk about these things,

1203
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 4: and we did. I tried to express that my concerns

1204
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 4: stem from the clear demonstration that she had refused an

1205
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 4: opportunity to build a deeper emotional connection with me in

1206
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,320
Speaker 4: favor of her ex, and was consistently putting another man's

1207
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 4: needs ahead of mine, oh while my making me feel

1208
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 4: like a guest in my own home, consistently reminding me

1209
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,359
Speaker 4: that she could leave at any time, and that we

1210
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,720
Speaker 4: would need to resolve that to rebuild the trust and connection.

1211
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,319
Speaker 4: Of course, she said I was once again beating her

1212
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,240
Speaker 4: up or the past, which she can't change, and told

1213
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 4: me that I love telling her how much she hurt me.

1214
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, that's crazy wild. She said that I

1215
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 4: refuse to see that her dog's death affected her so

1216
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 4: much that she didn't realize she was running into her

1217
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 4: ex's arms and she deserves grace, and that her loyalty

1218
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 4: to her friend was important and his needs were more important.

1219
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:47,840
Speaker 1: In the moment than mine.

1220
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,839
Speaker 3: WHOA, that's and there it is, and there it is.

1221
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:54,479
Speaker 4: She will always put other people before you, she said,

1222
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 4: I have to stop beating her up if we want

1223
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 4: to move forward. By the way, if you ever want

1224
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 4: to move forward with us, you can always join us

1225
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 4: live on YouTube every weekday at three pm PS.

1226
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:05,360
Speaker 3: You just have a.

1227
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 1: Profound So there is a little bit of a blurb.

1228
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 1: Should we just finished?

1229
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 3: Should just get into it?

1230
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1231
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 4: So if you made it this farm, am I justified

1232
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 4: in being upset with her behavior?

1233
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 1: Or am I a complete ahole?

1234
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 3: You are the ahole because you're still in this relationship,

1235
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 3: the ahole to yourself.

1236
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 1: You're the ale to yourself.

1237
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,799
Speaker 3: I understand that you're about to app Okay one, yeah, DNA.

1238
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 4: Test, DNA test for shore before you have to pay

1239
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 4: child sport.

1240
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. Two.

1241
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 3: Uh, obviously even if this is your son, just you

1242
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,239
Speaker 3: want to have an effective co parenting thing, maybe go

1243
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 3: to a therapist for like relationship, you know, relationship therapist.

1244
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:42,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, but break up with her. This is not healthy

1245
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 4: wild conspiracy? Yes, is she even pregnant. What if what

1246
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:50,399
Speaker 4: if she had a Kelly from the office moment and

1247
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 4: she she just said that she was pregnant just to

1248
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 4: like get some attention in some like pity ers.

1249
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 3: Honestly, I could see it coming from her.

1250
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 1: I could see it. I can see it. What a story.

1251
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: I hope he's doing okay.

1252
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 4: I hope he's doing good. Now.

1253
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I don't know if he is. But

1254
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam.

1255
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

1256
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: minutes of fads from our sponsors.

1257
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 3: My boyfriend wants kids, but I don't. He was about

1258
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,399
Speaker 3: to propose, but I think we need to break up.

1259
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 3: My thirty female boyfriend thirty four male and I have

1260
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 3: been together for the last four years. Our first date

1261
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 3: was basically our whole life stories and just talking about

1262
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 3: everything and anything, whether it be deep or not. I

1263
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 3: would say most of our relationship has been this way.

1264
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:36,799
Speaker 3: Even when we fight, which has maybe happened a couple

1265
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 3: of times, we'll take a break and regroup once emotions settle.

1266
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 3: When we disagree, we talk it through. He looks at

1267
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 3: me like I'm the most beautiful person He's ever seen.

1268
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 3: He constantly tells me how lucky he is to have

1269
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,279
Speaker 3: me and how I deserve the world. We both love

1270
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 3: to cook and clean for the other person, so we

1271
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 3: always have a different game setup and the loser gets

1272
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 3: to relax well the winner gets to vaan for the loser.

1273
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 3: I know it sounds worse, but it works for us.

1274
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 3: This that's really cute. This is the start of a

1275
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 3: healthy relationship, all the startup health relationship. By the way,

1276
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 3: this comes from scan fifty six ninety seven on the

1277
00:57:09,239 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 3: r slash Shoaky story Time Separated. So I love this

1278
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 3: man so much, and I know he loves me just

1279
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 3: as much. But here's the problem.

1280
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't want to know.

1281
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 3: A couple months into us dating, kids thought brought up.

1282
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 3: Communication is super important to me and him. So I

1283
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 3: told him I don't I didn't want kids. He thought

1284
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 3: I was joking because all my friends slash siblings have

1285
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 3: kids at this point, and I am the fun tia.

1286
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 3: I even put together parties for the kids in fun

1287
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 3: themed days when I'm having one on one time with them.

1288
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 3: I do love kids, but I don't want any of

1289
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,920
Speaker 3: my own. I explain that, and he said, well, maybe

1290
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 3: you haven't met the right guy. I had to sit

1291
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 3: him down and explain that while I do believe people

1292
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 3: can change, he cannot be with me expecting my opinion

1293
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 3: about kids to change. Very fair, very fair. Yeah, he

1294
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 3: needs to take mine not wanting kids at face value

1295
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:58,480
Speaker 3: instead of hoping that I will change my mind, Because

1296
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 3: what if I don't change my mind? I asked him

1297
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 3: to think it through for a week or two and

1298
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 3: then we can circle back to the topic, because at

1299
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,920
Speaker 3: this point we are thinking a bit about being official.

1300
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 3: But if kids were that important to him, then we

1301
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 3: need to stop now before it gets much harder down

1302
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 3: the line. He told me later that kids are not

1303
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 3: that important to him and that he can see a

1304
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 3: future without kids in it. Fast forward to a month ago,

1305
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 3: his parents in some extended family were visiting for my

1306
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,400
Speaker 3: boyfriend's brother's wedding. We are in the US and his

1307
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,960
Speaker 3: family is from Eastern Europe. I've always gotten along with

1308
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 3: his parents and his brother, plus brother's now wife. His

1309
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 3: parents will visit a couple times a year and have

1310
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 3: always been so kind and thoughtful. At a wedding reception,

1311
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 3: I was being introduced to all of the family. Eventually,

1312
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 3: someone asked when my brother and I were getting married,

1313
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 3: and my boyfriend just winked at the question because he

1314
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 3: knew I already knew that he was planning to propose,

1315
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 3: so he just asked way too many ring related questions

1316
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 3: since he knows I hate diamonds, but wasn't sure the

1317
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 3: direction he should go in. Since I barely wear rings,

1318
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:51,040
Speaker 3: he could propose to me with the ring pop for

1319
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 3: all I care. Later, at one point, one of his

1320
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,919
Speaker 3: cousins asked how I would feel about my future kid

1321
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 3: learning their native language, to which I responded, Oh, I

1322
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 3: don't want kids, but I'm actually learning the language myself.

1323
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 3: There were a few members of the family around, including

1324
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 3: my brother's, including my boyfriend's parents. No boyfriend, though, and

1325
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 3: they all gave me the what the hell are you saying?

1326
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 1: Look?

1327
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,360
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I didn't understand why I was getting that look,

1328
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 3: so I just awkwardly laughed and asked everyone not to

1329
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 3: tell my boyfriend I was learning the language because I

1330
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 3: wanted to surprise him. I thought it would be cute

1331
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 3: to respond to his proposal in.

1332
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 1: His native language.

1333
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 3: I went looking for my boyfriend and found his brother

1334
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 3: and the bride instead. We were talking, and eventually I asked, Hey,

1335
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 3: is it weird in your culture does not have kids,

1336
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 3: because I got weird looks from your parents when I

1337
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 3: said I don't want kids. His brother proceeds to tell

1338
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 3: me that it's not weird, but that my boyfriend has

1339
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 3: always wanted kids. Ah, so it probably shocked their parents

1340
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 3: to hear that I didn't want kids. Oh no, apparently

1341
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 3: my boyfriend always wanted at least three kids, and he

1342
00:59:48,440 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 3: had always been super excited about the idea of having kids.

1343
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 3: I think his brother noticed the look on my face

1344
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 3: and backtracked a bit, saying something like, wait, ef, it's not.

1345
00:59:56,120 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 1: A big deal.

1346
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 3: He changes mind because he loves you more than the

1347
00:59:58,760 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 3: idea of having kids.

1348
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 4: Ah, that is so sad.

1349
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 1: The thing is.

1350
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 3: If he if his dream was to always have kids. Yeah,

1351
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,520
Speaker 3: there is like a ninety percent chance that he is

1352
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 3: going to resent his wife, Opie future wife, which is

1353
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 3: not fair to OPI, who has been straightforward this whole time. Right,

1354
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 3: there's a huge chance that he's not going to be

1355
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 3: happy because this is his dream, which is totally fair.

1356
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 3: But to put this on Ope and she's been so

1357
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 3: straightforward but not wanting kids.

1358
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 1: Is not fair.

1359
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's more to this. Story, but yeah, I don't know.

1360
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 4: I feel like he probably is like hoping for that

1361
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 4: to change that. Well, it's not fair for both of them,

1362
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 4: not for either to hope when someone is explicitly said,

1363
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 4: I'm not changing my mind, so well, yeah, I mean

1364
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't know if like it would be

1365
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 4: unfair for her to have the expectation of having kids

1366
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 4: and then it would be unfair for him to like

1367
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:54,360
Speaker 4: ignore his lifelong Yes, exactly, agreed.

1368
01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 1: So that's so sad.

1369
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:58,880
Speaker 3: They just unfortunately sometimes this is like we've talked about

1370
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,600
Speaker 3: other scenarios with kids and stuff, and this is a

1371
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 3: deal breaker for people because you can't have half a kid.

1372
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 3: It's just no compromise.

1373
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:07,920
Speaker 4: It's just not possible.

1374
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 3: On the ride back home with my boyfriend, I asked

1375
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 3: him if he's really okay with not having kids. He sighed,

1376
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 3: because apparently he had heard from his parents about what

1377
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 3: I had said. He apologized about it and said that

1378
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 3: he did stop talking about kids since we've been together,

1379
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 3: but that his parents always assumed we would have kids.

1380
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 3: He also sometimes wonders if I will change my mind,

1381
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,080
Speaker 3: but he doesn't think I ever will. He said that

1382
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 3: when we talked about this while we were dating. He

1383
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 3: could imagine a future without kids because he couldn't imagine

1384
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 3: a future without me. Oh this is sweet. It's been

1385
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 3: a month since the wedding, but I've started to notice

1386
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 3: little things with my boyfriend. A lot of her friends

1387
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 3: have kids, and I'm always letting my friends know that

1388
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 3: they can bring their kids over instead of having to

1389
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 3: find a babysitter. I've noticed that my boyfriend looks slightly

1390
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 3: envious when he sees our friends interact with their kids,

1391
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 3: or sometimes I see him looking slightly dejected when he

1392
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 3: sees a family with a bunch of kids. Maybe this

1393
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 3: is in my head now that I know that he's

1394
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 3: always wanted to be a dad until he met me.

1395
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 3: Maybe it's not my head. I really want him to

1396
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 3: be happy, but I know I don't want to be

1397
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:04,520
Speaker 3: a mom. I wish I felt different, and I wish

1398
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:06,680
Speaker 3: I could compromise this for him, But I would never

1399
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 3: want to bring kids into this world knowing I don't

1400
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,280
Speaker 3: want them. That's not fair to the kid, and if

1401
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 3: him being happy means he finds someone else to have

1402
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 3: kids with, I will have to live with that. He

1403
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 3: knows something is wrong because he said I feel far

1404
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 3: away lately. I think he knows why. I know I

1405
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 3: have to sit down with him and fully talk this out.

1406
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 3: Part of me feels like this conversation will lead to

1407
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 3: us breaking up because he really truly does want kids.

1408
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 3: I also am worried that if he stays with me,

1409
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:31,840
Speaker 3: he might resent me for not wanting kids like him.

1410
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:34,480
Speaker 3: I just feel terrible And there is an update, but

1411
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 3: before we get into it, I think that she cannot

1412
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 3: decide for him to break up, right, I think that

1413
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 3: if he kind My mind is slightly changed with my

1414
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 3: previous comment. Yeah, I think if he says I'm choosing

1415
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:52,360
Speaker 3: you over kids, then she, you know, should hopefully can

1416
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 3: hopefully take him at his word. Yeah, but I think

1417
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 3: they do have to have a conversation and say, like,

1418
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 3: is there any part of you that will you think

1419
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 3: might grow to resent me, you know, might miss this

1420
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 3: feeling of having kids and stuff and experiencing that. Because

1421
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 3: if if that's true, right, then we can't go forward.

1422
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 4: Because that's like that's a huge thing and like milestone

1423
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 4: in a lot of people's lives, and so it's like

1424
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 4: you can't like it's also just a very big.

1425
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 1: Like time time.

1426
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like if right now, you can see

1427
01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 4: choosing her over the idea of having kids, Like this

1428
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,200
Speaker 4: is down my line. Yeah, for a marriage for your

1429
01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:29,440
Speaker 4: whole rest of your life.

1430
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,560
Speaker 3: Do you think that will? Will you be satisfied right?

1431
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 3: Just her right?

1432
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 4: Or like when you're old and like it's kind of

1433
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 4: too late to maybe have kids or something like that,

1434
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 4: then like how would that feel?

1435
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 1: You know?

1436
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 3: But I don't think that OP can unilaterally decide this.

1437
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,400
Speaker 3: I think it's definitely a conversation.

1438
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:47,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1439
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 3: Two days after my original post, my boyfriend and I

1440
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 3: sat down to talk finally, As I suspected, he knew

1441
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 3: exactly what had been bugging me, but he didn't want

1442
01:03:55,520 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 3: to push me to have the conversation before I was ready.

1443
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:00,320
Speaker 3: He started it off with why he's okay hey with

1444
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 3: not having kids. He grew up with his parents and brother.

1445
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,320
Speaker 3: He saw the joy that his parents got from raising

1446
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,440
Speaker 3: the two of them, but he also saw how unhappy

1447
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,800
Speaker 3: they were in their marriage. Yes they're still together, but

1448
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:13,160
Speaker 3: they act more like co parents' roommates than an actual couple.

1449
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 3: My boyfriend was very cynical when it came to relationships

1450
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 3: growing up, because he felt like he never saw enough

1451
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:21,240
Speaker 3: happy couples his parents weren't happy, his friends were in

1452
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 3: and out of relationships. He was in and out of relationships.

1453
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 3: In his head, kids would bring him and his partner

1454
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:29,920
Speaker 3: happiness and purpose in a relationship. Yes, he admitted to

1455
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,920
Speaker 3: the absolute insanity that was his thinking. But when we

1456
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 3: started dating, he realized this and started going to therapy

1457
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 3: to help work out these feelings. He's been in therapy

1458
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 3: ever since. Props to the Scott Yeah, Popsiously. He said

1459
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,480
Speaker 3: when he met me, I changed everything for him, and

1460
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 3: that he knew on our second date that he was going.

1461
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 1: To marry me.

1462
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,440
Speaker 4: Oh that sweet, that's really sweet.

1463
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:53,240
Speaker 3: So one months later I mentioned I didn't want kids.

1464
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,880
Speaker 3: He was disappointed, but the main reason was because the

1465
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,400
Speaker 3: idea of having little versions of me running around was

1466
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 3: something he had thought about for the months we dating.

1467
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 3: And yes, he meant it when he said that he

1468
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 3: could see a future without kids, but couldn't see a

1469
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 3: future without me. It's why he had been super supportive

1470
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:10,440
Speaker 3: about me looking into surgeries to prevent kids being a

1471
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 3: possibility for me.

1472
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:13,680
Speaker 1: Okay, seems like a great guy.

1473
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 3: Yes, seems really good, right. It's why he never even

1474
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:20,880
Speaker 3: brings up the possibility of either of us changing our minds.

1475
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 3: Asked if he was jealous of our friends with kids,

1476
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:24,720
Speaker 3: and he laughed. He said that when he sees a

1477
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:27,120
Speaker 3: family or sees our friends with their kids, he can

1478
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 3: see that the relationship between a parent and child is special.

1479
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 3: But the freedom that we have in our relationship, along

1480
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 3: with the extra funds we have for ourselves, far outweigh

1481
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:39,080
Speaker 3: his past feelings about being a dad. See, this is

1482
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:41,000
Speaker 3: what happens when you have communication.

1483
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 1: Right.

1484
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:44,400
Speaker 4: She is self reflect and you're honest with each other.

1485
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:47,160
Speaker 3: She had already kind of decided that she was going

1486
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 3: to break up with him. She was like, well, I

1487
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 3: need to break up with him to say, but just

1488
01:05:51,960 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 3: not talk to your part.

1489
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 1: Right. What she did, and we love it beautiful.

1490
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:57,160
Speaker 3: He said that I was his family and if I

1491
01:05:57,160 --> 01:05:59,280
Speaker 3: didn't want to increase the size of our family, that

1492
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 3: he has no problem problems with that because he's already

1493
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:03,760
Speaker 3: so happy. He finally found the love of his life,

1494
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:05,800
Speaker 3: which he never thought would happen, so he doesn't want

1495
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 3: to mess with something that is perfect. He just never

1496
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:09,880
Speaker 3: brought it up with his family and was slightly concerned

1497
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 3: that they would try to pressure us. Kids are a

1498
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:14,760
Speaker 3: big thing and his family, his brother already knew and

1499
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 3: obviously had no problems with it. He said he had

1500
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 3: a talk with his parents and the relatives he was

1501
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 3: closest to about it. His parents are not exactly happy,

1502
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,560
Speaker 3: but my boyfriend admitted to me that he lied to

1503
01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 3: them and said he was the one and said he

1504
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:27,520
Speaker 3: was the one who didn't want kids first, which is

1505
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:31,760
Speaker 3: really I mean good because I think it's smart because the.

1506
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:34,439
Speaker 1: Parents might, you know, blame opee, which is not fair. Yeah.

1507
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 4: I feel like that's like like spilling something on the couch.

1508
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 4: Like if your friend came over and spiled something on

1509
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:43,880
Speaker 4: the couch, you gotta say, God, yeah, you got your fault. Yeah.

1510
01:06:43,920 --> 01:06:44,840
Speaker 1: He just wasn't.

1511
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 3: Sure what their reaction would be and didn't want me

1512
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:49,160
Speaker 3: to deal with any negative backlash. He said, if I

1513
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,120
Speaker 3: ever felt pressured about anything ever, whether it be by

1514
01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:54,560
Speaker 3: him or his family or even my family, to let

1515
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:57,320
Speaker 3: him know. Because we're partners when we work through these

1516
01:06:57,320 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 3: things together. He isn't afraid of going no contact with

1517
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 3: any one who makes a big deal about something that

1518
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 3: isn't any other business. I told him that my main

1519
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,200
Speaker 3: concern was that he was putting my happiness over his

1520
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 3: because he has a tendency to do that with people

1521
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,720
Speaker 3: he loves, and I didn't want him to regret anything.

1522
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 3: Later down the line, he said he understood my concern,

1523
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:18,240
Speaker 3: but that he swore up and down that these four

1524
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 3: years have been the happiest of his life, and the

1525
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 3: fact that I was so stressed about whether he was

1526
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 3: happy or not is further proof that we are meant

1527
01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 3: for each other, because I also have a tendency to

1528
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 3: put his happiness over my own.

1529
01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 1: Lol.

1530
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:37,440
Speaker 4: For each other just so beautiful, Oh my goodness, and.

1531
01:07:37,560 --> 01:07:40,600
Speaker 3: Then proposed to me with the original ring he bought

1532
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 3: the first year we were together. The best story.

1533
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 4: This is beautiful.

1534
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:48,880
Speaker 3: I didn't even know he had bought a ring before.

1535
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:50,800
Speaker 3: He said he would have done it that first year,

1536
01:07:50,920 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 3: but I had made a comment that I wanted to

1537
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 3: wait at least three years before getting engaged. And now

1538
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 3: he's making significantly more money, so he's been looking to

1539
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,600
Speaker 3: go all out on a new ring. And you guys

1540
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:03,040
Speaker 3: could go all out by joining us live everyredy week

1541
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:06,560
Speaker 3: did it three PMPs to you can't freaking tap our profiles.

1542
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:09,160
Speaker 3: You get more beautiful stories like this, Oh my goodness,

1543
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,480
Speaker 3: But I really love the ring he originally bought. It

1544
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:14,160
Speaker 3: isn't big or flashy, but it's a very unique design

1545
01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:16,920
Speaker 3: that's subtle and beautiful. The color is also the same

1546
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:19,840
Speaker 3: color as my boyfriend's eyes, and I'm always gushing about them.

1547
01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:22,400
Speaker 3: He has the kindest eyes. So I told them there's

1548
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:24,559
Speaker 3: no point in looking for another ring because this one

1549
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:28,479
Speaker 3: was already perfect. Oh my god, what a hell story

1550
01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:29,000
Speaker 3: to end?

1551
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:31,640
Speaker 1: This is so beautiful. Was that the end of it?

1552
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 1: That was the end of it?

1553
01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:36,439
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I will cry, Oh my god.

1554
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:40,080
Speaker 3: Why I did, like a complete one eighty because at

1555
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:41,400
Speaker 3: the beginning, I was like, you know, like a lot

1556
01:08:41,400 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 3: of times people do go to you know, resentment when

1557
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 3: they have you can't compromise, right, They.

1558
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:47,840
Speaker 1: Freaking figured it out.

1559
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 4: They figured it out, did it?

1560
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:49,800
Speaker 1: Man?

1561
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:50,479
Speaker 3: Figured it out?

1562
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:54,080
Speaker 4: There's for everyone except for the story we read before that.

1563
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:58,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, please break up. Yes, but that is the end

1564
01:08:58,360 --> 01:08:59,240
Speaker 1: of the story.

1565
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:02,080
Speaker 4: Thoughts to it just warms my heart.

1566
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:03,080
Speaker 3: My heart is on fire.

1567
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:06,679
Speaker 4: I just am imagining like Cinderella, like riding the carriage

1568
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,720
Speaker 4: in the sunset. They like, that's just how I see this,

1569
01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:12,200
Speaker 4: And it's beautiful and I love it.

1570
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 3: I love it so much. Wow, But that is the

1571
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:15,839
Speaker 3: end of the story.