Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison Company from the home office in Austin, Texas,
Speaker 1: excited about the show. Today, we have a return guest
Speaker 1: because well, her life has changed so much it basically
Speaker 1: made the last interview we did completely obsolete talking about
Speaker 1: Jana Kramer, country music singer, author, podcaster, mother now about
Speaker 1: to be another mother again. Last time Jana and I talked,
Speaker 1: you know, this is a woman who has been publicly
Speaker 1: so unlucky in love, and we've all learned so much,
Speaker 1: and she's taken us on this journey. Well, last time
Speaker 1: I talked to her, she was about to go red
Speaker 1: carpet official with her new boyfriend, Alan, And I mean
Speaker 1: that night like we were hours away from them stepping
Speaker 1: out on the red carpet and everybody was about to
Speaker 1: find out about this relationship. Well that was only a
Speaker 1: few months ago, and in that timeframe, Jana is pregnant,
Speaker 1: her and Alan are engaged, they have finished a new house,
Speaker 1: he's moving from overseas to join her in Nashville. Her
Speaker 1: life couldn't to say it's done a one point eighty
Speaker 1: would be a gross understatement. So I felt like we
Speaker 1: needed to put a big pen in that last conversation
Speaker 1: because we have so much more to talk about with
Speaker 1: Jana Kramer. And Jana joins me. Now from are you
Speaker 1: in Nashville? You home?
Speaker 2: I'm in Nashville.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is this the new home?
Speaker 2: This is the new home. This is the house that
Speaker 2: I've been buildin for the last year.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we talked just a few months ago. Oh
Speaker 1: how life can change. You were about to go red
Speaker 1: carpet official that night with your boyfriend Alan, who knew
Speaker 1: nobody knew about. Now you are engaged, you are pregnant,
Speaker 1: you are living in a new home in Nashville. Holy crap, Jana.
Speaker 2: You know it's about our interview. Is I found out
Speaker 2: the day before that I was pregnant?
Speaker 1: Shut up? You were pregnant in that interview.
Speaker 2: I was pregnant. I had just found out. We obviously
Speaker 2: we were in La. Yeah, we were in LA for that,
Speaker 2: and I just like something felt off right. And then
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, it's a woman's intuition to
Speaker 2: go and you've.
Speaker 1: Done this before.
Speaker 2: The body remembers the body, The body keep score. And
Speaker 2: so I was I went back to my calendar and
Speaker 2: started counting days and was like, oh hmm. I was like,
Speaker 2: I might be a day or two off here, but
Speaker 2: I'm not like alarmed yet. But something remember my last pregnancies,
Speaker 2: I had this metallic taste in my mouth and I
Speaker 2: felt that taste again. I go, hey, I think we
Speaker 2: need to go to CBS and get a pregnancy taste.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, the day before the awards, we took
Speaker 2: the test and I was just like, and you could
Speaker 2: just you know, see the very yeah. I was like, okay, like,
Speaker 2: you know, very very faint line. But then that's when
Speaker 2: I was even like, you know, my dress got like
Speaker 2: a lot of crap or whatever. But I was like,
Speaker 2: at that point I knew I was pregnant. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be wearing this probably ever anything
Speaker 2: like ever in my entire life. So I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: going to Like that was kind of my like little
Speaker 2: joke to myself for that.
Speaker 1: What was your reaction? What was his reaction to being pregnant?
Speaker 1: Because I mean, is this something y'all had talked about already?
Speaker 1: Had you planned this at all?
Speaker 2: So it was one of the things where when I
Speaker 2: was dating in previous relationships, I would say really truly
Speaker 2: I'm I'm done, Like, I really don't want any other kids.
Speaker 2: I have two beautiful children. I'm good. And with him,
Speaker 2: he had asked me, he said, do you want another kid?
Speaker 2: And I said, well, you know I've said no, but
Speaker 2: with you, something feels different, like I want want to
Speaker 2: say yes, but that also scares me. And you know,
Speaker 2: I'm about to be forty and how does that even look.
Speaker 2: And I've lost so many pregnancies and I've struggled conceiving,
Speaker 2: and so I'm like, if that's something you really want,
Speaker 2: I might not be the right one for you. And
Speaker 2: this is a conversation we had, you know, early on
Speaker 2: just hit me, you know, both us saying like do
Speaker 2: you want kids? Do not? And U And then when
Speaker 2: we really started really talking about and getting more serious,
Speaker 2: I told him, all right, well maybe we should We
Speaker 2: could just try this year and let's not put any
Speaker 2: pressure on it. And you know, once I hit forty,
Speaker 2: it'ull be like, Okay, we tried it, it didn't happen.
Speaker 2: There's no regrets or no like, man, we maybe we
Speaker 2: should have tried when we had the chance. And it
Speaker 2: was the first month trying and I'm like, and again
Speaker 2: for me, because I've had multiple miscarriages. My first instinct was, no,
Speaker 2: I'm going to lose it and I really want this
Speaker 2: like that that was the feeling, I know, and that's
Speaker 2: but when you've lost before, it's like that's Unfortunately. What
Speaker 2: came to my mind was no, like, don't, don't. Don't
Speaker 2: give me this beautiful thing and then and then take
Speaker 2: it away. I don't want to. I don't want to
Speaker 2: feel that pain again, especially in this new beautiful situation
Speaker 2: that I'm in, and I don't want to have to
Speaker 2: go through that with him, and I want to be
Speaker 2: able to. So it was it was a very scared.
Speaker 2: But when I was like, I call him up because
Speaker 2: we were staying at his friend's house and I was like, Alan,
Speaker 2: you please come up here, and he's like, is that
Speaker 2: a line, I'm like, I think it is so. And
Speaker 2: then a few days later we got the actual and
Speaker 2: we both got teary eyed and gave each other hugs
Speaker 2: and was like, Okay, that's that's so.
Speaker 1: You were pregnant on that red carpet that day, that is,
Speaker 1: by the way, and he was poker face.
Speaker 2: Thank you, I know. I was like, oh god, pers
Speaker 2: if you only knew and what I just would have
Speaker 2: just happened, because that day too, I took another test
Speaker 2: to see if it was still a darker line.
Speaker 1: So, and you guys have gotten engaged. Yeah, have y'all
Speaker 1: talked about getting married? Do you get to try?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: How far long are you?
Speaker 2: I've got like seven weeks left?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Well yeah, because I obviously you stood up a
Speaker 1: second ago, and obviously you were very much showing and
Speaker 1: very much pregnant.
Speaker 2: And I've got a bump.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling? How has this been?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's been it's been harder. I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna lie. It's definitely more challenging pregnancy. The older you get.
Speaker 2: Things just gravity and uh things things gravity.
Speaker 1: Gravity is undefeated, my friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just things hurt a little bit more. We've
Speaker 2: been working against a fibroid this entire pregnancy too, where
Speaker 2: the first who I had a hemorrhage in the beginning,
Speaker 2: which it was like, okay, fifty to fifty you might miscarry,
Speaker 2: and then now we got this, now the baby has
Speaker 2: to grow bigger than the fibroid. And then so it
Speaker 2: was just we've we've been up against this. You know,
Speaker 2: a few things in this pregnanc scene, but it's he's
Speaker 2: been so amazing because what I hear from the doctor
Speaker 2: is oh, we're going to miscarry, and he's like, that's
Speaker 2: not what she said. She said you can, there's a chance,
Speaker 2: and it's a higher chance, but that you also won't
Speaker 2: you might not too. Yeah, And so he's just been
Speaker 2: very good for my freak out levels of like it's
Speaker 2: going to go it's going to be the worst. I'm
Speaker 2: going to go to the worst, and uh, I've just
Speaker 2: never been I mean, he's he's just he's so sweet.
Speaker 2: I obviously this is the third pregnancy now, but he
Speaker 2: has been the most loving and just anything I need
Speaker 2: and like, babe, don't do this, don't care like, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, babe, I'm fine. I'm not like I can
Speaker 2: do it. I'm just pregnant. Like, but it's been it's
Speaker 2: been really sweet. Is he witness and.
Speaker 1: Shelly moved over from Scotland?
Speaker 2: He is, Yeah, so he was in England. He still
Speaker 2: goes back. He's got his son over there, but uh,
Speaker 2: he's still yeah, he travels back and forth, but no,
Speaker 2: he's he's living here. He got his visa and so
Speaker 2: it's and then we're talking wedding next year.
Speaker 1: Okay, so have the baby and.
Speaker 2: Then yeah, do it. It's not and we just want
Speaker 2: to do something super small, like it would just be
Speaker 2: like very small with the kids and close family and friends.
Speaker 1: Just a little something. I'll walk in, I'll officiate, and
Speaker 1: we'll knock it out.
Speaker 2: Just televised on No I'm not, I can't, I'm not,
Speaker 2: I'm not cool, like that.
Speaker 1: Network television show. It's such a beautiful thing, and it is.
Speaker 1: I think you are speaking to a lot of people
Speaker 1: right now who have been touched by having a miscarriage before,
Speaker 1: and how much that weighs on you. The mental emotional
Speaker 1: baggage you carry trying to do it again, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: It's a lot to carry, and it's it's a conversation
Speaker 1: that'll I don't think we have.
Speaker 2: Enough well because you can't really you're not spoke to
Speaker 2: tell people until twelve weeks, right, and so all the
Speaker 2: things that happened before that are when obviously the most
Speaker 2: miscarriages happen. And then after that you just feel kind
Speaker 2: of for me personally after the many that I had,
Speaker 2: it was, well, how can I even call myself a woman?
Speaker 2: Like I can't even keep a baby? It just I
Speaker 2: lose it, And that is where I was like, I
Speaker 2: don't I where I was hesitant of trying again because
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to have to like go through
Speaker 2: that or feel that again. But yeah, it's I also
Speaker 2: I look at it and go when I was trying
Speaker 2: with my ex, I think there was a reason why
Speaker 2: I lost. I'm not saying the stress and everything. I'm
Speaker 2: not saying he caused my miscarriages, but I do think
Speaker 2: stress plays a huge part into loss interesting and it
Speaker 2: can at least. And so I think when I look
Speaker 2: back the struggles that we face and having to do
Speaker 2: IVF and everything else and my body, and I think, again,
Speaker 2: I believe that, you know, there's your stress holds it
Speaker 2: and it affects everything. So for me, you know, I
Speaker 2: kind of look at my life now, I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm not carrying all that toxicity and the stress of everything.
Speaker 2: So I think that's why it was a little easier
Speaker 2: this go around. I make up that at least.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. You have talked to your ex about this.
Speaker 1: What was his take on you being pregnant, you getting
Speaker 1: engaged so quickly and all of this.
Speaker 2: You know, we were just talking about that the other
Speaker 2: day because I think he's going to come on the
Speaker 2: podcast in like a month or so and just kind of,
Speaker 2: you know, talk. And one of the funny stories that
Speaker 2: we have is he he's the one that knew that
Speaker 2: I was pregnant, Like he knew it right away. He goes,
Speaker 2: are you pregnant? Because I did something really that I
Speaker 2: had done in years past being pregnant, and this was
Speaker 2: like early, early, early on, and I wasn't ready to
Speaker 2: just you know, because again I didn't know we were
Speaker 2: the hemorrhage at the point, and I'm like, I just
Speaker 2: I'm probably gonna lose it, and you know, that was
Speaker 2: where my mind frame was, and so yeah, but he
Speaker 2: it's it's gonna be funny to hear him tell that
Speaker 2: story back because he he definitely was the one was like,
Speaker 2: are you pregnant? Because I think I made a sound
Speaker 2: or something that was very similar because I'm trying not
Speaker 2: to puke, right because I was very like sick with
Speaker 2: both with all my pregnancies, and he I said, I'm
Speaker 2: not going to answer the question, and he goes, I remember,
Speaker 2: he said, if it's true, I'm really happy for you,
Speaker 2: and I just said thank you. Yeah, So he was
Speaker 2: and he's been he's been very sweet about it, and uh,
Speaker 2: you know, Alan, when he goes out of town and stuff,
Speaker 2: he's like, if you ever need anything, you know, you
Speaker 2: can always call. So oh that's right. Yeah, it's been
Speaker 2: really really really nice. Like he's not gonna the baby's
Speaker 2: not going to call him uncle Mike or anything. But
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, like, but it's it's it's a very
Speaker 2: we've evolved a lot good.
Speaker 1: That's that's a very powerful and very healthy thing as
Speaker 1: you guys, because you're still co parenting and you will
Speaker 1: continue to co parent for many, many many more years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's the thing that you know,
Speaker 2: something where we've kind of come to is we've had
Speaker 2: we've done it not right or not not good. The
Speaker 2: last two years. We've had wins, we've had bad times.
Speaker 2: We've let our past triggers on both sides come into
Speaker 2: our conversations. And I think one of the things we've
Speaker 2: realized was we have a new relationship now and it
Speaker 2: has to look different than our old relationship. So how
Speaker 2: I talked to him in years past, how he talked
Speaker 2: to me, how the triggers and everything we have to
Speaker 2: leave that behind because now we do have a new
Speaker 2: relationship and it's it is a co parenting relationship and
Speaker 2: we have to be in each other's lives for our kids,
Speaker 2: and we both want to, you know, be together at
Speaker 2: certain things and and have you know, the kids see
Speaker 2: us both happy in the same place, will more together.
Speaker 2: And like, I'm like, I just I'm at a place
Speaker 2: where I just don't want any negative energy. I don't
Speaker 2: I even like ex'es and that you know, we're awful.
Speaker 2: I just like I don't. I hope everybody's happy, Like genuinely,
Speaker 2: I just don't want any negative.
Speaker 1: I read something the other day, someone puts something up
Speaker 1: on Twitter x whatever the hell it is, and basically
Speaker 1: they were saying, you get to an age and it
Speaker 1: does happen around forty, I'm fifty where you want less
Speaker 1: people in your life, and those people in your life
Speaker 1: have to be value adds only positive less, stress less,
Speaker 1: drama less ever. You know, all that is so true
Speaker 1: as you get to this point in your life and
Speaker 1: you really do find yourself holding a lot less animosity
Speaker 1: for ex's, for people that have done you wrong. It's
Speaker 1: just it's not you realize, it's just not worth the burden.
Speaker 2: MM hmm. Yeah. And I've you know, I've said sorry
Speaker 2: to the people in my past that if I go okay,
Speaker 2: is there's someone that I need to say sorry to
Speaker 2: that I that it would bother me if I don't
Speaker 2: ever apologize to them. So there was two people that
Speaker 2: I reached out to that I was like, I'd like
Speaker 2: to sit with you and apologize, and I don't want
Speaker 2: anything back. I don't wanna I forgive you, I don't
Speaker 2: wanna anything. And was so interesting about that was because
Speaker 2: I genuinely I'm like, I just a'm like and you
Speaker 2: don't even have to like me after you write, and
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to defend. I just want to say
Speaker 2: I'm sorry because I was a total dick when I
Speaker 2: was twenty something to you and it's always sat with
Speaker 2: me bad and again like I'm not asking to be
Speaker 2: your friend or whatever. But it was interesting when I
Speaker 2: did do that too, they were like, well, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I didn't say I want to sorry, Like no,
Speaker 2: because we all play a part in things. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: the thing, Like there's not just like my ex isn't
Speaker 2: just a bad person, like I played my part in
Speaker 2: that too. We all play a part so, but can't
Speaker 2: we all also wish everyone happiness and good things, like
Speaker 2: I hope they even the you know, people that have
Speaker 2: hurt me the worst, like go on, and like everyone
Speaker 2: deserves to have like happiness in their life and move
Speaker 2: on and not be defined by what they did five
Speaker 2: years ago or last week or whatever. It's just like
Speaker 2: life is too short. It is.
Speaker 1: I can't your life is too short, and it's equally
Speaker 1: too long to be miserable to be carrying that. And
Speaker 1: people have you know a lot of people have asked
Speaker 1: me when I went through what I went through with
Speaker 1: the show and the network and all that, like are
Speaker 1: you pissed off? Are you mad? I'm not, Like, I
Speaker 1: just it's not worth my time, my energy, my effort.
Speaker 1: I have so many blessings in my life to be
Speaker 1: grateful for. Were there some bumps and bruises along the
Speaker 1: way and some bad bounces, Yeah, but there were a
Speaker 1: lot of good ones too, and you got to take
Speaker 1: the good with the bad. And and again I wish
Speaker 1: those people, well, let's all move on. Yeah, it's not
Speaker 1: worth me losing a day of sleepover or you know
Speaker 1: that negative energy that I think it really does it
Speaker 1: manifests in so much of your life. What I find
Speaker 1: interesting is this you redefining your relationship with Mike. That's
Speaker 1: a very powerful statement that you thought about it enough
Speaker 1: to realize if we keep going the way we're going,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be good for our kids, our families.
Speaker 1: To redefine it and let everything else go and start
Speaker 1: anew is easier said than done. That's really powerful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and it was hard, and it's still
Speaker 2: there's still moments. I'm not going to be like, oh
Speaker 2: we just how are like? So there's still moments where
Speaker 2: things come up. But I mean I used to when
Speaker 2: he'd caught I would just get the worst triggered feeling,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I got to stop this from me
Speaker 2: because now he's taking joy out of the moment that
Speaker 2: I just had in my day. Like I don't want
Speaker 2: him taking that from you know, from me, And he
Speaker 2: doesn't even mean to be doing that, but that's just
Speaker 2: like from the old triggers of everything. So I think
Speaker 2: it was just really kind of just sitting down and going,
Speaker 2: all right, I got to bury all of that, And yes,
Speaker 2: things will still come up. I still get frustrated, he
Speaker 2: still gets frustrated if he feels like I'm trying to
Speaker 2: control or whatever. But again I just I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I always go what's new relationship? Old relationship? So and
Speaker 2: every time I talk to him like, this is our
Speaker 2: new relationship. You got to act how you want to
Speaker 2: act in this new one.
Speaker 1: Speaking of new relationships, you're going to get married. Lauren
Speaker 1: and I are discussing this, which is why I want
Speaker 1: your opinion. Are you going to change your name? Will
Speaker 1: you hyphenate your name or are you now of the
Speaker 1: age like Lauren is. It's like, no, no, that that's
Speaker 1: an old custom. I'm keeping my name moving on.
Speaker 2: So I swore up and down I will never change
Speaker 2: my name again. I've changed it a few times, so
Speaker 2: I was like, I will never do again. Not only
Speaker 2: is it annoying with like the dsas and the airplane
Speaker 2: and stuff like you know, it just there's so much
Speaker 2: paperwork with changing your name. I've never wanted to be
Speaker 2: a Russell more than than anything, Like I I cannot wait.
Speaker 2: I still think it's the thing to do, And you know,
Speaker 2: I would like to be one of my children's last
Speaker 2: names too, you know, like now we'll have a son
Speaker 2: that will be. It kills me that my kids don't
Speaker 2: have we don't share the same last name, but at
Speaker 2: least with you know, our baby, we'll have the baby's
Speaker 2: last name.
Speaker 1: So it will be Jana Kramer Russell or so I mean, I'll.
Speaker 2: Obviously keep Jana Kramer for like the the Wark stuff,
Speaker 2: but I will be Russell with any other thing going forward.
Speaker 2: We were just at it. We went away for like
Speaker 2: a little getaway, and I had it under Kramer, and
Speaker 2: so all weekend he's like, they're like mister Kramer, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, sorry, then yeah, it's like I promised.
Speaker 1: That's not gonna we get that a lot. Whoever puts
Speaker 1: the card down at you know, down below that you
Speaker 1: pick up the phone, they're like, mister Zima and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good ring to it.
Speaker 2: Sure, yeah, but no, I think I don't know. I
Speaker 2: just I'm kind of old school in that way. I
Speaker 2: still I still think it's and maybe who knows, maybe
Speaker 2: I can think about the hyphen a little bit. But
Speaker 2: I do like the middle name, so I would never
Speaker 2: want to drop my middle name. I don't know, what
Speaker 2: do you what do you guys leaning towards?
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. And what's interesting is obviously you
Speaker 1: were sitting there with child, and I think that has
Speaker 1: such a profound effect on everybody's answer, because you want
Speaker 1: to share that name with your husband, your child, you're
Speaker 1: and so you know, for us, children will not be
Speaker 1: a part of it. We've made that decision and so
Speaker 1: the name is not that important to us.
Speaker 2: Was that a tough decision to make? No kids? Because
Speaker 2: I know you have your older I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have two and that are in college and
Speaker 1: so twenty two. Just he just turned twenty two the other.
Speaker 2: Day, because she's she's close to my age, right, she's
Speaker 2: a little younger.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and uh yeah, Lauren is and so and my
Speaker 1: daughter's nineteen about to turn twenty so and yeah, Lauren's
Speaker 1: about your age. And so, you know, it's something that
Speaker 1: we definitely talked about right away. It was, you know,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a really important decision and an
Speaker 1: important conversation to have up front, especially when you're this
Speaker 1: age and you don't want to waste somebody's time. You
Speaker 1: start dating, and you have that conversation much earlier than
Speaker 1: you probably should, because you know, if you see yourself
Speaker 1: falling for somebody the last thing I want is five
Speaker 1: years later to be like, oh, we should now talk
Speaker 1: about this after we've just wasted half a decade. So
Speaker 1: it's an important conversation. It was luckily we were both
Speaker 1: on the same page and it was a very easy conversation.
Speaker 1: But you know, there were definitely relationships that weren't that easy.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, Okay, Well that's good. I'm happy.
Speaker 1: And it'll it'll remain Lauren's ema, okay saying yeah and uh,
Speaker 1: her exactly. And so much of it, you know, with business,
Speaker 1: as you said, I mean, you're about to publish another book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, the name on the book, the Instagram,
Speaker 1: the so much of it is already kind of spoken
Speaker 1: for now in our lives. It's tough. It's tough to
Speaker 1: unwind that.
Speaker 2: Oh wind down though, maybe we can wind down and
Speaker 2: talk about it.
Speaker 1: In the book you did, you talked about, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of taking care of your past and dealing with it.
Speaker 1: And one of the things was your ex and how
Speaker 1: he belittled you.
Speaker 2: Which one, which one? Which one? Which name? In the book?
Speaker 1: I always think it's Mike, but maybe I'm not. Maybe
Speaker 1: I was wrong.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, that and that was uh, you know, I
Speaker 2: think we can all go back and go And I
Speaker 2: know he would say this too, and he's he fights
Speaker 2: with his words. That's something he always did and that
Speaker 2: was where he knew. We always know how to push
Speaker 2: other person's button, right, and that was his that was
Speaker 2: what always hurt the worst. And I'm like, man, I'd
Speaker 2: almost rather take something else than because the words always
Speaker 2: stayed with me. Those are the words anytime anyone ever
Speaker 2: say anything to me, or he'd belittle me, or he
Speaker 2: would say something mean, those are the things that I
Speaker 2: actually kept on like, I carried those words with me.
Speaker 2: So when we got divorced, that was all the work
Speaker 2: I had to do. Post was taking everything he put
Speaker 2: on me and not having it be mine and not
Speaker 2: owning it.
Speaker 1: Was that something that you had before you got married.
Speaker 1: Was that something a part of your relationship was like?
Speaker 1: Was that a red flag? Okay?
Speaker 2: Well, but it was one of the things where and
Speaker 2: this is something where I've said, you know with my
Speaker 2: fiance is I always say that. People always say why
Speaker 2: do you love him? I go, he respects me so much?
Speaker 2: And I had this like light bulb moment and I
Speaker 2: was like, because it's for the first time, I'm demanding respect.
Speaker 2: I never asked for respect, right, So I never had
Speaker 2: respectful men in my life. They were mean, they were abusive,
Speaker 2: they were awful because I didn't think I deserve that
Speaker 2: I was told at a young age.
Speaker 1: And establishing the terms in your relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So of course he can talk to me like
Speaker 2: that because I've allowed him to talk to me like that,
Speaker 2: and I believe that what he's saying is true. So
Speaker 2: when he says that I'm x Y and Z, I
Speaker 2: have had those messages told to me before from another
Speaker 2: prior relationship that I believed and carried. So of course
Speaker 2: I believe him and I can't leave him because who
Speaker 2: would want me?
Speaker 1: And now that you have established better and sought out better,
Speaker 1: you have found better.
Speaker 2: Healthy attracts healthy, right, Yeah, so that is that is
Speaker 2: the thing, you know.
Speaker 1: I think it attracts it, But it also if you're
Speaker 1: not ever allowing that in I'm sure maybe you went
Speaker 1: on dates with other people before Alan or while y'all
Speaker 1: were dating whatever that wasn't healthy and you cut it out,
Speaker 1: oh for sure.
Speaker 2: And that's the thing. Even in my book, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: talk about this guy named Seth, and it's like Seth
Speaker 2: is a great person for someone else, but at the
Speaker 2: time I was still so wounded in my own stuff
Speaker 2: that like and but yes, he was the same person
Speaker 2: that wasn't honest. I picked it again, a non honest person,
Speaker 2: which then ignited all my insecurities. And it's like, well,
Speaker 2: of course I'm going to act this way because this
Speaker 2: is you know, this is the same frickin' pattern all
Speaker 2: over again. Like I've done no growth whatsoever, so of
Speaker 2: course I'm picking the same thing.
Speaker 1: That's interesting, and it's fascinating, I know what you're saying about.
Speaker 1: Once you establish those parameters and live by it, you
Speaker 1: find you attract good people. Probably not just Alan, I
Speaker 1: bet you have if you think about it, it's manifested
Speaker 1: itself throughout your life in business, people you're dealing with now,
Speaker 1: I bet it's been not just him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's you know, yeah, it's business, it's friends. And
Speaker 2: having said all of that, I still have you know,
Speaker 2: I just had therapy yesterday. I just still working on
Speaker 2: things because it was it's been thirty something years of
Speaker 2: believing all these messages to now going My work now
Speaker 2: is believing that I deserve the goodness that's here because
Speaker 2: I'm for so long I'm like, well I don't deserve that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: But now I'm like, so now I'm constantly thinking, am
Speaker 2: I about to get sick? Am I dying of cancer?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Why is this happening? Like why is this goodness happen?
Speaker 2: Like I'm like, it's hard for me to accept it,
Speaker 2: and I'm just constantly thinking the shoe's going to drop
Speaker 2: because that's what I'm used to. I'm used to not staying.
Speaker 2: It was almost like the drama in my past relationships
Speaker 2: were comfortable, and so when I met Alan, it was
Speaker 2: so respectful and loving and safe, and it was that
Speaker 2: scared the living daylights out of me.
Speaker 1: Well, enjoy the season you're in.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's I'm trying to. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Look, I mean, as I said before, it's like you
Speaker 1: have to enjoy and expect the highs, but you have
Speaker 1: to appreciate that there are lows and there will be lows.
Speaker 1: Things are going to happen. Sure, it's life. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: comes at you. And you know, just when we think
Speaker 1: we get it all figured out, you know, God shows
Speaker 1: us we don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes he does.
Speaker 1: You're about to launch this book. I think it comes
Speaker 1: out late October correct.
Speaker 2: Actuaber twenty fourth or fifth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so around around Halloween look for the new book
Speaker 1: from Jana. And when you are dealing with your past
Speaker 1: and putting so much of your own person onto these pages,
Speaker 1: what is the most what did you find was the
Speaker 1: most difficult chapter of your life to deal with?
Speaker 2: This is interesting when I and I I haven't spoken
Speaker 2: about it a lot, and every time I do are
Speaker 2: always good emotional because it's just a piece that's really
Speaker 2: hard for me to speak about, even though I've done
Speaker 2: years and years of therapy around it and I can
Speaker 2: write it all day long. I've journaled about it for years,
Speaker 2: and I remember doing the audio recording of my book
Speaker 2: and I had the hardest time through the abuse chapter
Speaker 2: because I still like when I wrote about hiding in
Speaker 2: the bushes, I still almost judge that girl in the bush,
Speaker 2: going what the hell were you doing? Why were you
Speaker 2: hiding in a bush from a man that was trying
Speaker 2: to kill you? Like? What were you? And I still
Speaker 2: placed judgment on her. I still am shamed, like I
Speaker 2: have shame around that being like that was me and
Speaker 2: and that's I think that's just a hard kind of
Speaker 2: that's that's just always been a really hard piece for
Speaker 2: me to talk about, which is why I don't really
Speaker 2: if I'm honest.
Speaker 1: What do you think you have to do to forgive
Speaker 1: that girl, because you know you should. You know, that's
Speaker 1: an unfair burden to put on yourself and that girl
Speaker 1: that was in the bushes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's And you know, I spoke about
Speaker 2: it on the book and just kind of the journey
Speaker 2: of just all the years of and not realizing that
Speaker 2: I was carrying all the shame and going Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: of course she thought she deserved abuse because she witnessed X,
Speaker 2: Y and Z. She thinks you should stay when someone
Speaker 2: hits someone. She thinks that you should, you should be
Speaker 2: allowed to be talked that way, and then it's their fault.
Speaker 2: So it's like I have empathy for her, it's still
Speaker 2: just hard as a woman now, like if someone was
Speaker 2: to ever touch me, or if my daughter ever felt
Speaker 2: that way, and like that's where it's like when someone
Speaker 2: DMS me and they've been in abusive situations, I'm like,
Speaker 2: get out, but I know it's so hard to get out.
Speaker 2: You know, I've gone back to the same men that
Speaker 2: have hurt me countless times before. So it's like it's
Speaker 2: it's such a journey and it's it's sometimes you just
Speaker 2: want to shake the person you know. And I would
Speaker 2: love have loved to have been the older, wiser person going,
Speaker 2: don't why, Like it's not your fault.
Speaker 1: But I hope you will find some peace and some
Speaker 1: grace and give yourself some grace in that. Yeah, forgive
Speaker 1: that girl because look at the woman that she's turned
Speaker 1: out to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and you know, hopefully for me, I flip
Speaker 2: it with I hope telling those stories can help other
Speaker 2: people realize that it's those things are just not okay.
Speaker 2: And it's and again when I read DMS and people
Speaker 2: like is that normal? And I'm like no, but I
Speaker 2: also ask the same question, Yeah, you know, but it's
Speaker 2: so crazy. I'm like, of course it's not normal. It's
Speaker 2: not that's not okay, it's.
Speaker 1: Not that's nothing you need from thirty thousand feet, it's
Speaker 1: so simple. Yeah, but when you're when you're there at
Speaker 1: ground level and you're in that storm, it feels so
Speaker 1: big and.
Speaker 2: It feels really and just like when you're going through
Speaker 2: a divorce, I mean, covers up. I'm never going to
Speaker 2: be loved again, No one will ever love me. Like
Speaker 2: everyone that gets divorced, has that like or again I
Speaker 2: make up people feel that that they're never going to
Speaker 2: find love again, and it's like, that's just not the truth.
Speaker 2: Now I found it in different ways, and then I
Speaker 2: found Alan.
Speaker 1: So you, uh, and you mentioned journaling. You you've journaled
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, the ugly.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: You keep it by your bed and you just constantly journal.
Speaker 1: Is that something you've always done or is it something
Speaker 1: you kind of learned through therapy.
Speaker 2: No, I've just always written stuff down, even like I mean,
Speaker 2: I like to even write out my plan I have
Speaker 2: a planner, Like I like to just write things out.
Speaker 2: I like to check it off. I like to like
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just I'm just I love to write
Speaker 2: things out. I've got I've got journals for both kids
Speaker 2: that I write for them.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that's really cool. I wonder if they will
Speaker 1: pick that up and do that as well.
Speaker 2: I hope.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 2: But you know, my daughter has, she's got her a
Speaker 2: little diary. I give her diaries sometimes. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: here are you going, honey.
Speaker 1: And by the way, we we know we're having a boy,
Speaker 1: right is it?
Speaker 2: It is a boy?
Speaker 1: Okay? And so the kids excited about having a little brother.
Speaker 2: They're so excited, and I was, honestly, I was worried
Speaker 2: about my son, just because you know, he's the baby
Speaker 2: and he's my little boy. But he's so pumped to
Speaker 2: be a big brother. It's so cute. He kind of
Speaker 2: outgrew one of his an old lovey, little stuffy. He's like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go give it. I'm gonna go put it
Speaker 2: in the baby's room. He can have it now. And
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, buddy, have.
Speaker 1: You and Alan started talking names yet, Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: We have the name. I've slipped a million times and
Speaker 2: I'm always like, cut it, cut it. It's like I
Speaker 2: share everything. I'm going to keep one thing private.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. You should, yeah, because well here's the thing
Speaker 1: when you when you announce a name, everybody then puts
Speaker 1: their spin on it, whether it's a positive or a
Speaker 1: negative of like, oh I hated this Sally girl that
Speaker 1: I went to school with, like or you know whatever.
Speaker 1: It's like, whatever name, it's never going to be perfect
Speaker 1: for everybody. So just keep it a secret and then
Speaker 1: just announce it and we can all live with it.
Speaker 2: We started taking suggestions because I had I narrowed it
Speaker 2: down like one was Jagger because I kind of wanted
Speaker 2: to keep the j name going. Jolie Jay's Jagger. We
Speaker 2: want a Jagger. I wanted Jackson, but his last name's Russell,
Speaker 2: to close to a dog. So and then we had
Speaker 2: a few other ones and there was just too many opinions,
Speaker 2: and so I was like, you know what, We're gonna
Speaker 2: just name what we want to name. And it's funny
Speaker 2: because the one best friend of mine, I'm actually going
Speaker 2: to call her right now, it's Lee Bryce's wife, Sarah Bryce.
Speaker 2: She's one of my best, best best friends. She does
Speaker 2: not like the name, but yet one of her suggestions
Speaker 2: was Alfredo. So I was like, you can't have a
Speaker 2: say when you tried to name our baby Alfredo.
Speaker 1: You named our baby after a sauce.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't actually care about what you think.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Your opinion no longer matters. That's amazing. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: it's going to be whatever it turns out to be
Speaker 1: to be beautiful, it's going to be perfect.
Speaker 2: And thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you in this season of your life,
Speaker 1: with the book coming out in October, the baby coming out,
Speaker 1: and the new house, the new life, it really is
Speaker 1: crazy to think that we were sitting there talking about
Speaker 1: going you know, Instagram and Red Carpet Official too. You're
Speaker 1: sitting here now rubbing your belly in your new house.
Speaker 1: Life can change. And maybe that's the takeaway from all this.
Speaker 1: No matter how low or how defeated you feel, the
Speaker 1: season can change so quickly in an instant, and if
Speaker 1: you believe in that and you can hold on, things
Speaker 1: will get better. This too, show pass and that's a
Speaker 1: great lesson to learn. If Janet can do it, you
Speaker 1: can do it too.
Speaker 2: Just keep believing in love. You know. I'm like I'm
Speaker 2: the guinea pig. You just got to keep going until
Speaker 2: you find it.
Speaker 1: Well. I'm very happy for you, my friend.
Speaker 2: Thank you, viv. I appreciate it. I'm happy for you too,
Speaker 2: bid up with the wedding and everything, and I'm excited
Speaker 2: for you guys.
Speaker 1: And I will talk to you soon.
Speaker 2: Okay, perfect, Bye, guys, Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever,
Speaker 1: and make sure to write us a review and leave
Speaker 1: us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.