1
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:02,759
Speaker 1: I feel like I just tried to do the ending

2
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,960
Speaker 1: at the beginning, you know, like when my brain completely

3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,560
Speaker 1: parts and I can't think of anything. I literally just

4
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:08,559
Speaker 1: looked at you know, I was like, I'm trying to

5
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 1: think of a way to start. I don't I don't know.

6
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,920
Speaker 1: It's been a long day, it's raining. I feel water logged.

7
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,279
Speaker 1: You've been cleaning your water log but yeah, okay, So

8
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,040
Speaker 1: it turns out I have a little league in my basement,

9
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,560
Speaker 1: which is like, which is a big league when it

10
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,440
Speaker 1: rains for five days. Yeah, it's been raining a lot

11
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,080
Speaker 1: in Nashville, So my basement pretty much flooded over the week,

12
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:34,000
Speaker 1: which it was just one of those things. It's just

13
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,200
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I have a house and a roof

14
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,240
Speaker 1: over my head. I've really been trying to like focus

15
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,800
Speaker 1: on the positives of life lately and that it's like

16
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,280
Speaker 1: if you can get really worked up about the stuff

17
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,360
Speaker 1: that's happening, or you can just be like, Okay, here's

18
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,879
Speaker 1: what's happening, and so what do I need to do?

19
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,960
Speaker 1: And that's sort of what happened. You hooked me up

20
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,839
Speaker 1: with this guy who came over and like vacuate it

21
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,280
Speaker 1: out for me. But I did try to do it

22
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,320
Speaker 1: myself first. I wish I could see you work in

23
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,000
Speaker 1: that mob. Oh my god, I've worked the mop like.

24
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 1: I actually was kind of stressed that day too, and

25
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,000
Speaker 1: it was a little bit therapeutic to just try to

26
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,000
Speaker 1: like shovel water. At first, it was really annoying, but

27
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,560
Speaker 1: I didn't really get very far because there was a

28
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,280
Speaker 1: team morning. It probably was coming in faster and you

29
00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,240
Speaker 1: were getting rid of it. It's exactly right. And so

30
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,480
Speaker 1: what happens though, is um, whenever this has happened one

31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,560
Speaker 1: other time, but when water gets in my basement, the

32
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,080
Speaker 1: breaker shuts off, and so the lights in my kitchen,

33
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,720
Speaker 1: my laundry room, my TV, and my internet were out.

34
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,880
Speaker 1: Like it was just one of those things that I

35
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,800
Speaker 1: was like, Oh my god, you just don't think about

36
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,640
Speaker 1: how simple things like lights like we just take it

37
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,880
Speaker 1: for granted. The candles, Oh my gosh. Yeah. But it

38
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,560
Speaker 1: was fine and now it's fixed and I'm very grateful.

39
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:47,240
Speaker 1: And it's still raining enough raining it's like we're like

40
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:51,720
Speaker 1: under flood warning downtown. Are you serious? Wow, it's happening

41
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,559
Speaker 1: all over the country. The weather is weird, it's wild.

42
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,120
Speaker 1: It's I feel like I'd wake up every morning and

43
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's going to be hot or cold. Everyone's

44
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,920
Speaker 1: always sick. It's just, yeah, it is what it is.

45
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 1: Let's focus on something more positive. Um. While last weekend

46
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,920
Speaker 1: we went to the beach. A friend of ours sold

47
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 1: her beach house and so we said goodbye. It was

48
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:13,080
Speaker 1: the last hurrah down there. And while we were down there,

49
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,240
Speaker 1: we set up a little profile on okay Cupid for

50
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,560
Speaker 1: Chip to tell us everything. Well, first of all, I

51
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,360
Speaker 1: felt like it took the whole trip to set it

52
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,120
Speaker 1: up because it was so detailed. Yeah, like you can

53
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,920
Speaker 1: answer over questions, and I thought she was like exaggerating

54
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 1: when she said, well, let's go back and if you

55
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 1: haven't listened to the episode with Melissa Hobbley, she is

56
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 1: the CMO of okay Cupid, and she was super helpful.

57
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,560
Speaker 1: She came on the podcast and told Hip and I

58
00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,800
Speaker 1: just all of the ins and outs of dating apps,

59
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 1: like how to work with the algorithm, how to set

60
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,600
Speaker 1: up your profile. Because as much as you might want

61
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,640
Speaker 1: to fight it, like, this is the day and age

62
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,680
Speaker 1: that we live in where dating apps are where you're

63
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,280
Speaker 1: going to meet people. I'm not dating right now, but

64
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,120
Speaker 1: Chip is kind of opening up to the idea and

65
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,760
Speaker 1: I think ready to maybe that. I mean, look, I

66
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,919
Speaker 1: mean I think the whole time, I mean I've been

67
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,080
Speaker 1: I've been open to it forever. I think I've just

68
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,680
Speaker 1: been going about it the wrong way. And what do

69
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,360
Speaker 1: you mean by that? I think I was more looking

70
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,240
Speaker 1: for like instant satisfaction and not and I don't mean

71
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,400
Speaker 1: just like looking to get laid. Like I think I

72
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,520
Speaker 1: was just looking at the wrong places, um, because I

73
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,600
Speaker 1: think most of the people where I was looking, we're

74
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:24,720
Speaker 1: just looking to get laid. And look, everybody wants to

75
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,480
Speaker 1: get laid, but like that's not all I'm looking for.

76
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,240
Speaker 1: And there I was just really intrigued when we talked

77
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,480
Speaker 1: to her because this seemed like it was really different

78
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,640
Speaker 1: from the places that I've been using before. Yeah. Um,

79
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 1: so you know, she offered to let us try it

80
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:45,040
Speaker 1: for free, so I was in Um. And what's interesting

81
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 1: about it is, I mean, you can literally answer over

82
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,800
Speaker 1: five questions I'm at it tells you how many I've

83
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,400
Speaker 1: answered two hundred and sixty four questions, which took at

84
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,800
Speaker 1: least an hour. You have to put the thought into

85
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,680
Speaker 1: them because it's like, you know, like there's different ways

86
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,800
Speaker 1: that the answers, and then you have to say how

87
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 1: you would like your significant the people that you're looking for,

88
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,360
Speaker 1: what the answer that you want out of them, And

89
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,520
Speaker 1: then it goes through and it tells you like the

90
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:16,120
Speaker 1: things that you UM. It lists basically um people that

91
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,880
Speaker 1: you match with, and it gives you a percentage based

92
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,279
Speaker 1: on your answers um of like what your matches, and

93
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,640
Speaker 1: it will show you like you agreed on sixty seven things,

94
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,880
Speaker 1: you disagreed on a hundred things. And then there's a

95
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,200
Speaker 1: like a mystery thing where um, when you're going through

96
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 1: the survey, you can mark like I'll answer that, you know,

97
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,560
Speaker 1: we'll answer that privately. So it's something that it can

98
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,599
Speaker 1: cause banter or whatever. UM A lot some people like

99
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,840
Speaker 1: answer all of them privately, which I just think are

100
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,760
Speaker 1: a lot of them privately, which I think is weird.

101
00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:51,680
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't much rather no upfront. UM, So I'm active.

102
00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,520
Speaker 1: I'm still kind of figuring it out. Like something that

103
00:04:54,560 --> 00:05:00,560
Speaker 1: I learned too late is UM that just king someone

104
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,440
Speaker 1: if they don't have if they don't have the premium,

105
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,560
Speaker 1: they're not seeing that you liked them. And I went

106
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:13,000
Speaker 1: through I was liking people before I realized that yes,

107
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,720
Speaker 1: and I can't, And I messaged Melissa because something is

108
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,400
Speaker 1: a little confusing, Like for people that once I caught on,

109
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,159
Speaker 1: if there was someone that I thought was really cute,

110
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,320
Speaker 1: I would not just like him, I would message him,

111
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,000
Speaker 1: but I can't find those messages. It's I can't. I

112
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,359
Speaker 1: think I have to wait until he responds to be

113
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,200
Speaker 1: able to communicate. Kind of sucks because I'm like, maybe

114
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,800
Speaker 1: I should have been a little bit more clever, or

115
00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:37,279
Speaker 1: maybe I could follow up as something that first message,

116
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,400
Speaker 1: But I know it's like now they're gone, like they're

117
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,320
Speaker 1: not going to fall back into my algorithm because I've

118
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:47,720
Speaker 1: already responded. Yeah, so I've shot my shot. Oh my gosh.

119
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,200
Speaker 1: Even hearing about it stresses me, I know, but it's

120
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:55,479
Speaker 1: also like, yeah, I mean, good for you something different. Yeah,

121
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,960
Speaker 1: So I will keep I wouldn't have some more updates

122
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,920
Speaker 1: as this goes along. But I do think when we

123
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 1: were spending time filling out your questions, I was understanding

124
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,800
Speaker 1: what she was talking about about. Okay, cupid um. She

125
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,640
Speaker 1: was saying that there's so many, like political questions that

126
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 1: you answer are real life questions about things that you

127
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,120
Speaker 1: truly value versus just the surface stuff. That you might

128
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,839
Speaker 1: find on other apps, which I do think is really beneficial,

129
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,200
Speaker 1: especially at our age, where like not really that interested

130
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,719
Speaker 1: in wasting time with someone who just doesn't change or

131
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 1: something that's important to you. It also, like I mean,

132
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,000
Speaker 1: in terms of sexuality, like the range, I learned words

133
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:39,120
Speaker 1: like um shipt now I'm going to forget them. There

134
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,360
Speaker 1: was a heater on UM learned so much I can't

135
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,080
Speaker 1: remember it now, so that's anti climactic. But um, just

136
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,040
Speaker 1: the spectrum because like, for example, bisexual is like should

137
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:54,560
Speaker 1: infer that you like men and women equally? Oh? Yeah, um,

138
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,960
Speaker 1: And then there's a hetero and a homo I can't

139
00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:00,279
Speaker 1: remember with the other halfics but it's like you're homoside actual,

140
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,360
Speaker 1: but you would have sex with a woman on occasion,

141
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,359
Speaker 1: or your heterosexual but you would have sex with a

142
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,640
Speaker 1: man on occasion. So um. But it's not quite right

143
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,480
Speaker 1: down the middle where bisexuality is. Got it um anyway,

144
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,840
Speaker 1: So I just think it's like they've put a lot

145
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:20,240
Speaker 1: of thought into making this um as targeted as possible

146
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 1: in your search, which would which is really interesting because

147
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,560
Speaker 1: a lot of the other ones it was just geolocation

148
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,520
Speaker 1: was all that mattered. Who's the closest to you, right,

149
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,720
Speaker 1: which is just like the most point people in London,

150
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,800
Speaker 1: And like if I like what they're saying, I'm I'm

151
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,000
Speaker 1: writing the messages. I love that because I think, yeah,

152
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,840
Speaker 1: first of all, you have lived in Nashville for a while,

153
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,880
Speaker 1: but like you're not from here. You lived in l

154
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,600
Speaker 1: A and New York, and so maybe you're not going

155
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,400
Speaker 1: to find exactly your guy in Nashville, but like this

156
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,200
Speaker 1: opens you up to finding someone who's truly compatible for

157
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,280
Speaker 1: you in your life. And I just think that's really great,

158
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,240
Speaker 1: super exciting. Can't wait for the details to come. I mean,

159
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,720
Speaker 1: hopefully I meet somebody, because otherwise we're gonna get married.

160
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:04,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you know at this point, Well, this week

161
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,280
Speaker 1: is listener email week, and um, we have a lot

162
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,920
Speaker 1: from you guys, actually, but one of the feedbacks or

163
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,200
Speaker 1: some of its feedback from stuff that's happened. This is

164
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,440
Speaker 1: the last podcast of the month of Love. Can you

165
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,880
Speaker 1: believe it? It's been a lot. We've had some really

166
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: great guests this month. I really loved our conversation with Melissa.

167
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,720
Speaker 1: I had a couple of really great conversations with some

168
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,600
Speaker 1: therapist about the wise and the wise we do what

169
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,480
Speaker 1: we do in dating, the way to find what you

170
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 1: truly value, what your core values are, and the way

171
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,959
Speaker 1: to date in a healthy way. UM. I had a

172
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,160
Speaker 1: lady one last week to talk about that. Just so

173
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,040
Speaker 1: many great things. So if you guys haven't listened to

174
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,040
Speaker 1: the podcast for the Month of Love, go check them out.

175
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,400
Speaker 1: There's a lot of good info in there about dating relationships, UM,

176
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:47,440
Speaker 1: finding your true self and your true partner that you

177
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,280
Speaker 1: really want in your life and compatible with and all

178
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: of the things. So this this message to start comes

179
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,480
Speaker 1: from Holly and she said love love the Dating App podcast.

180
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,200
Speaker 1: The last time I dated I was twenty, was twenty

181
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,320
Speaker 1: plus years ago. I'm not ready to jump into the

182
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,200
Speaker 1: dating app vortex yet. Back when I met my husband,

183
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 1: these apps didn't exist and it scares the hell out

184
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,160
Speaker 1: of me. So it's good info for when I'm finally

185
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,439
Speaker 1: ready to me. I felt like I can't meet someone organically.

186
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,679
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it, but realistically I need

187
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,040
Speaker 1: to be open to the dating app situation. This is

188
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 1: totally how I feel, you know how before my last relationship,

189
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,040
Speaker 1: I was like so anti dating apps, like I will

190
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,920
Speaker 1: never do it, um, But the reality is it's like

191
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,920
Speaker 1: I don't know where else I would meet people now,

192
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 1: because I don't really go out very much and drinking no,

193
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,960
Speaker 1: and like I mean, if I do go out, I

194
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,000
Speaker 1: want to talk to my friends, Like, I'm not actually

195
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,400
Speaker 1: trying to meet people going somewhere. So I guess the

196
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,559
Speaker 1: only ways you would meet people are to be hooked

197
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,720
Speaker 1: up by your friends, which we just know each other

198
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,600
Speaker 1: a lot. There's plenty of random places. You can meet

199
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,000
Speaker 1: somebody on the airplane, you can meet somebody at them

200
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,360
Speaker 1: all like, but you can have a little bit more

201
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,160
Speaker 1: control over this now, and you can be watching a

202
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 1: television show and meet somebody, or just if you're really

203
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,320
Speaker 1: interested in actively pursuing day eating. I do think that

204
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,400
Speaker 1: that's a really good route, but for people like Holly

205
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,120
Speaker 1: or me, it's kind of intimidating because you've never done it.

206
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,360
Speaker 1: I think it's intimidating for everyone to start with. Well,

207
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,240
Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, you have to write about yourself,

208
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 1: which is never fun, not easy because it's look, I

209
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,600
Speaker 1: can I could write about myself all the time if

210
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,520
Speaker 1: I thought nobody was going to read it. But you're

211
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,640
Speaker 1: you're writing in the hopes that it's going to attract somebody,

212
00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:32,319
Speaker 1: So which is always awkward. Yeah, well, honestly, that was

213
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,320
Speaker 1: why we sort of helped you this weekend. Our friend

214
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,120
Speaker 1: Mary is really good at writing these kind of things,

215
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 1: and so she really helps you kind of bullet point

216
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 1: the main things about you that we notice that you

217
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,839
Speaker 1: might not even think as like think of as these

218
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,959
Speaker 1: great qualities. And that's one of the tips Melissa gave

219
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,400
Speaker 1: is to really have your friends very hands on in

220
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,440
Speaker 1: the process of getting you started and even like who

221
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,880
Speaker 1: you pick on these apps and just helping you along

222
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 1: in the process because they might see something a little

223
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,320
Speaker 1: differently or more objectively than you do. For moments where

224
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,800
Speaker 1: I was like, how do I'm gonna answer this way?

225
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,680
Speaker 1: And she would be like, no, that's not Yeah, she

226
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,600
Speaker 1: would be like, no, that's not what you think, and

227
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,520
Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, you're right, because it is. It's like,

228
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,000
Speaker 1: it's such a mind funk because in one way, you're

229
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:19,760
Speaker 1: saying what you want people to think. Versions it's it's

230
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,760
Speaker 1: really tempting to say, like to try and portray yourself

231
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,840
Speaker 1: in the way that you want to be seen versus

232
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,719
Speaker 1: the way that you are. Wait say that again. It's

233
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,959
Speaker 1: like it's a it's a really easy trapped to like

234
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,079
Speaker 1: be like, this is what I want people to think

235
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 1: about me, versus actually reflecting about you are and being honest,

236
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,240
Speaker 1: which the whole point would be to be really honest

237
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,280
Speaker 1: because you're going to get yourself in a pickle later.

238
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,920
Speaker 1: And it was not like I never felt like I

239
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,760
Speaker 1: was lying. It was just like I wasn't looking at

240
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 1: it through the right lens sometimes and she would be like,

241
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,200
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I wish I could think of an exact example.

242
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,440
Speaker 1: But there were so many questions, um, and some of

243
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,520
Speaker 1: them even felt like there was One was like, is

244
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,520
Speaker 1: pizza one of your top five favorite And we were

245
00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:04,160
Speaker 1: like why, that's such a random question. But if it

246
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,720
Speaker 1: is your top five favorite food and that's important to somebody,

247
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,840
Speaker 1: then it is an important question for me. It was

248
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,120
Speaker 1: like the answers, No, so it doesn't matter. I'm not

249
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,439
Speaker 1: going to not date someone if they love Beazza totally,

250
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,320
Speaker 1: but it's a cute thing to know about someone. Maybe

251
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,360
Speaker 1: if you're planning a date later. I mean, all these

252
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,839
Speaker 1: things can come into play. Um. I just like that

253
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,080
Speaker 1: they were so detailed. Yeah, it was actually really fun.

254
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:28,240
Speaker 1: It just took forever. Yeah, I do understand what Holly

255
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,280
Speaker 1: is saying about being intimidated, and I just said, you

256
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,640
Speaker 1: just got to bite the bullet and do it and

257
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,160
Speaker 1: get some support where you can. Yeah, I mean just

258
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,120
Speaker 1: know it's it's to be honest. It's really no different.

259
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 1: You know. I if I were Holly, I would probably

260
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 1: just be more nervous about dating in general. Um, like, look,

261
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 1: you're still going to get your you're still gonna get

262
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,520
Speaker 1: your feelings are, You're still going to get rejected. All

263
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,679
Speaker 1: of those things are going to happen. But I can

264
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,719
Speaker 1: tell you one thing. The rejection stings a whole lot

265
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,080
Speaker 1: more when it's just someone blocking you or not talking,

266
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,000
Speaker 1: you know, not responding, because they're they're two dimensional, it

267
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:02,760
Speaker 1: stings a lot more. It's us, it sings less. So actually,

268
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,600
Speaker 1: this um girl that I had on her name is Leah.

269
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,199
Speaker 1: She was she's a therapist or she's your modern therapist

270
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,240
Speaker 1: on Instagram if you guys follow her. She's got a

271
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:15,920
Speaker 1: great Instagram profile and mostly about dating. And she said, Um,

272
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:20,280
Speaker 1: when you're dating, the one thing to keep very high

273
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,520
Speaker 1: in your mind is that most of the time whatever

274
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,800
Speaker 1: is going on, if you're rejected was from someone is

275
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,720
Speaker 1: about them, And like, we actually have no idea what

276
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,160
Speaker 1: is playing into why they made that decision, if they

277
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,320
Speaker 1: ghost you or if they do whatever, And to really

278
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,959
Speaker 1: really really to try really hard to not take it personal,

279
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,440
Speaker 1: which is the hardest thing. I mean that's like soon, right,

280
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,120
Speaker 1: And I mean I considering be like, oh Chip, you know,

281
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,520
Speaker 1: funk that guy whatever. But it's like when it's happening

282
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,680
Speaker 1: to me, it feels like the end of the world. Um,

283
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,160
Speaker 1: And that's exactly why, Like I know, I'm not ready

284
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,080
Speaker 1: to put myself out there right now because I could

285
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,440
Speaker 1: not handle that yet. Like you know, when you go

286
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,679
Speaker 1: through a breakup and you're still in this like emotional

287
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,240
Speaker 1: kind of broken down alace, Like I'm just finding my

288
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,440
Speaker 1: own self again. So I feel like you have to

289
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,720
Speaker 1: kind of work through whatever it is you're going through,

290
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,360
Speaker 1: or if you're going through a breakup, Like I know,

291
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,680
Speaker 1: I have to work through my pain before I can

292
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,040
Speaker 1: actually feel confident enough in myself to put myself back

293
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,040
Speaker 1: out there. And you may even find when you finally

294
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 1: think that you're ready, that you're actually not. Yeah, you know,

295
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,120
Speaker 1: like at a certain point you're going to have to

296
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 1: just make a call. Yeah, I mean, I don't know

297
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,320
Speaker 1: what the indicators are, Like I'm you're we're gonna wake up,

298
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,920
Speaker 1: stretch one day and be like I do feel like

299
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,640
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of the pain you will

300
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,160
Speaker 1: carry with you, like as stuff that you've learned into

301
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,600
Speaker 1: your next relationship for sure. Like I think I don't

302
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,880
Speaker 1: think it just like snaps and goes away. And I

303
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,640
Speaker 1: do think that is a part of your life forever

304
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 1: in some capacity. And I think that there is a

305
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,840
Speaker 1: place that you know within yourself that you like, I

306
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,160
Speaker 1: just don't even have anything to give right now, Like

307
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,880
Speaker 1: I'm too in my own head and in my own

308
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,320
Speaker 1: ship and just grieving or you know, like my days

309
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 1: are still up and down a little bit, and like

310
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,080
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like I would have anything to

311
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,400
Speaker 1: offer anyone else. So it's that would be really selfish

312
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,760
Speaker 1: at me. Yeah, Look, I also think it's really important

313
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 1: to mention that like the world and the media and

314
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 1: everything around us feeds us that we have like that

315
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,560
Speaker 1: being single is a bad thing, Being single is fucking awesome.

316
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,040
Speaker 1: It's also and you want to be like you should

317
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,080
Speaker 1: be like why do we This is the same thing

318
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 1: I feel about drinking, Like the norm is just like

319
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,680
Speaker 1: over drinking and like why that's fine. I'm not trying

320
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 1: to judge people. It's just also like why have we

321
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,880
Speaker 1: normalized this one side and we don't ever talk about hey,

322
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,720
Speaker 1: like it's okay not to drink too. And so it's

323
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 1: like the same thing with dating. Why do we put

324
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,680
Speaker 1: so much pressure to be in a relationship, especially for

325
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,240
Speaker 1: women and especially by a certain age. Um, And if

326
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 1: you're not, then your life isn't complete or good or whatever.

327
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,160
Speaker 1: And like I want to be single right now, Like

328
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 1: I have a really fucking full life, you know, I'm

329
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 1: happy with my life. Um, but I also like I

330
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 1: want to share my life, and I've you know, it's

331
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 1: like I haven't. I look, I've dated my whole life,

332
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 1: but I haven't had that many like long term serious relationships.

333
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,880
Speaker 1: And it's I feel like some of the scars that

334
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 1: like you talk about that you've picked up along the way,

335
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 1: Like I need some of that, like just to help

336
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,320
Speaker 1: me build a stronger armor in life, you know, because

337
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 1: I do think that there are things that you dodge

338
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,640
Speaker 1: by not dating to like picking yourself up. And like,

339
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,920
Speaker 1: you know, it's some of these some of the lessons

340
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,480
Speaker 1: that you learned from dating apply to other things in

341
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 1: your life too, you know. In the same way that

342
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,400
Speaker 1: like getting fired from a job can teach you things

343
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,720
Speaker 1: that go well beyond like how to stay in a job. Man,

344
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,480
Speaker 1: I've had so many lessons I wish I could share

345
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 1: some with you. That's for another month. All right, let's

346
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 1: get into some of these questions end. Let's start off

347
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 1: with some of the easier ones, just like easing you know,

348
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 1: testa tip, you don't find it, let it happened. I

349
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,160
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't I honestly don't know what I'm

350
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 1: saying at all today. Am I here? Like you're here? Okay?

351
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,239
Speaker 1: This one comes from Rory. She said, how do you

352
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,160
Speaker 1: handle it when you're going to work social events without

353
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:22,880
Speaker 1: a plus one? Um? I mean to be honest, those

354
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 1: are the ones that I kind of feel a little

355
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,719
Speaker 1: more comfortable going by myself because I know that I'm

356
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 1: going to know people, you know other people. Yeah. For me,

357
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:34,160
Speaker 1: it's like if someone said, Hey, meet me at this party,

358
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 1: I would be like, God, I don't want to like

359
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,679
Speaker 1: if you people? Yeah? And if I had derived by

360
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,400
Speaker 1: would be one thing if my friend was like, hey,

361
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,159
Speaker 1: come to this party with me, but like they were

362
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,199
Speaker 1: like meet me at a party? Would that's what she

363
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,879
Speaker 1: would still know? They were there, I know, but still

364
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,400
Speaker 1: like you you're not you're gonna know one person? Yeah,

365
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,240
Speaker 1: I think it just for me. All I hear is

366
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,439
Speaker 1: exactly what we just said, Like it's okay to be

367
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 1: by your self, and we need to start normalizing bad

368
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 1: idea and just feeling good in your own skin. It

369
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,560
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you're not going to feel a little anxious,

370
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 1: but that's okay too. Like it's sort of like Glennon

371
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,119
Speaker 1: Doyle always says, we can do hard things, like you

372
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: can do it. Yeah. I also think too, if like

373
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: you walk into those situations with confidence, it might be

374
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,399
Speaker 1: the night that you meet the person that you're supposed

375
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 1: to be with you in with your shoulders held back

376
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 1: in your and also just like staying curious, like you

377
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,640
Speaker 1: walk into a party. Sure it may suck and may

378
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 1: be awkward if you're by yourself, you can always leave,

379
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 1: like that's an option, but also just being like okay,

380
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 1: well what's going to happen tonight, Like who am I

381
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 1: going to meet? Or um, what kind of conversations am

382
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 1: I going to have? Even if it's just to meet

383
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,199
Speaker 1: someone and be friends, Like it doesn't have to be

384
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 1: about dating. But it's just like what what's in store?

385
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: And how do I be present in this situation? Like

386
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 1: that's something I've been trying to say to myself to

387
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,359
Speaker 1: every day, is like I'm going to work and I'm like,

388
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 1: you know what, what's work going to bring today? Let's

389
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 1: see what happens. Like it's just you just don't know.

390
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,199
Speaker 1: And the more you stay curious, the more I do

391
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,560
Speaker 1: think you put out that energy of just being open

392
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,480
Speaker 1: to whatever, and you really do find more joy in life.

393
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:19,919
Speaker 1: Or that's been my experience. Uh, this is funny. You

394
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 1: read this question, You're like, I love when people send

395
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 1: you questions, but answer it. This girl said, do you

396
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 1: believe opposites attract after dating? I would say, no, do

397
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:35,719
Speaker 1: they attract? Sure? Can it work always? I don't know.

398
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,120
Speaker 1: I mean I think you can either be really um

399
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:43,199
Speaker 1: complimentary in your oppositeness, like it can help the relationship

400
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: drive if you both bring and accept a um appreciate

401
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 1: the other person's like what they're bringing to the table,

402
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 1: or it can really be like a thing that you

403
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: butt heads against and it's just not gonna work right. Yeah,

404
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 1: I mean it's I think this is like a conundrum

405
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 1: that I deal with because I feel like I'm often

406
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 1: looking for someone that's exactly like me, and I don't

407
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 1: think that's what I want. But I think when I'm

408
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 1: like reading profiles and stuff like on online dating, like

409
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 1: it's there's a comfort in being like, oh, we have

410
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 1: the same exact interest, We're gonna want to do everything together.

411
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,360
Speaker 1: And I do think it's really important that there are

412
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: two unique people that arrive and former relationship. Um, whether

413
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 1: that means they're polar opposites, I don't think that that's necessary,

414
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,959
Speaker 1: and I do think it can work, um, but I do.

415
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think there has to be

416
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,360
Speaker 1: a curiosity and an acceptance to what makes you different,

417
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 1: because I do think it's important to learn from your partner. Um.

418
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 1: But it certainly makes it easier when like you want

419
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: to do all the same things out of the gate,

420
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 1: but I think that would get really boring. Well, you're

421
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,120
Speaker 1: also talking about likes, and I think having similar interests

422
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 1: can be really important. Or even if it's like similar,

423
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: like we have a a friend who's getting married soon

424
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: and they love to go like they're both foodies or

425
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 1: so you know, some stuff like that I think can

426
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: be really helpful to have similar interest because it gives

427
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:17,119
Speaker 1: you things to do together ask more so started thinking about, um,

428
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: what you can bring to the table, like in a

429
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: skill set, And I think that opposite things can sometimes

430
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 1: be complementary. But the big thing of that is literally

431
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: having to look at the other person's things that are

432
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 1: opposite of you and being like, oh my god, I'm

433
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 1: so glad that you're you're really organized because I am

434
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 1: such a mess and I'm and accepting the help there

435
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: versus being like this is so annoying, and and the

436
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: other person doesn't talk much, and it's like, probably works better.

437
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 1: So I do think that there are Yeah, I think

438
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 1: that's a great example. Um, and you were sort of

439
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: getting to the core of the person, and I was

440
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: thinking more superficially, Sorry, well, isn't that just so us? Oh?

441
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 1: I like, let's take this deeper. Um, Okay, I'm going

442
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: through dating burnout. I'm so over the surface level stuff,

443
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 1: but I'm still looking for a partner. What do you

444
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 1: think she should do? Well, sign up her Okay, cute,

445
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 1: I know, but she's she's burnt out on the surface

446
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: level stuff, which is time of because that's what you

447
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: have in the beginning, you know. Um, I think that um,

448
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 1: it sounds like you need to have more conversations and

449
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: like deeper discussions with people maybe before you go out

450
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 1: with them. Do you feel like she's maybe burnout because

451
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: it's staying to service and she's looking from real connection. Yes, yeah,

452
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 1: she could just be striking out. I mean it could

453
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 1: just be a bad picker, yeah, right, which you know,

454
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 1: I relate. Um, if you do feel like it's something

455
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: deeper for you and maybe you're just continuously picking the

456
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: same type of person. First of all, listen to the

457
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: podcast this month because there's a lot of different episodes

458
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 1: that talk about that kind of stuff. Um, but maybe

459
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: you just take a break too and maybe recenter with yourself.

460
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: And the last podcast that I've mentioned a couple of

461
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: times with Your Modern Therapist, talks about like really writing

462
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: down what are your core values, what are your non negotiables,

463
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 1: Like get back in touch with yourself and really get

464
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 1: clear with yourself on what you're looking for, what your purposes,

465
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 1: if you what kind of relationship you want, and that

466
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: might give you a little more like pep into dating

467
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: again because you'll have a direction and sometimes for me,

468
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: if I'm walking around without direction, it does just get exhausting.

469
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: Because you're just like, let me try this rout. Oh

470
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: that didn't work, let me try that. It's just exhausting

471
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 1: when the burnouts real. It's like going shopping without knowing

472
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: what you're looking for. You like hiring a lot of times,

473
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: like you go out there and then it's overwhelming because

474
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: everything is either like something you want or something you

475
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: don't want, and there's no definition to it. Yeah. Um yeah,

476
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: I feel like I think that's something that I personally

477
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 1: suffer from too. Like I think that's a lesson that

478
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: I could work on, like to sit down and really

479
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: think about, like, Okay, what are the qualities of somebody

480
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: that you want? Because QUT is not enough? Yeah, you

481
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 1: know what I said on the podcast that I thought

482
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 1: was so fascinating, Like I feel like you'll laugh at

483
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: this because you'll be like, of course you want this.

484
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: I literally just realized how important it is for me

485
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 1: to have a partner who is on their own spiritual journey.

486
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 1: Of course, well, like, of course I would right, Like

487
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: that is literally probably one of the number one qualities

488
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,239
Speaker 1: of my life that I value the most, Like that

489
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: I spend the most. I mean, you were making jokes

490
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 1: all weekend at the beach where like are you centered?

491
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: Because I would go like meditate or like have a

492
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 1: quiet time or be reading a book, like I'm constantly

493
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: wanting to learn and grow about this kind of stuff.

494
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: I find it so fascinating. It's like it is centering

495
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: for me. It's the way I get back at my body,

496
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: and um, it's kind of the way I can get

497
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: through my day right now, you know, as to do

498
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,400
Speaker 1: all this extra like put extra f for it into

499
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. And do I operate like that

500
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: all the time to that capacity? No, like I need

501
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 1: a little extra leven right now there. But in my

502
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: life it's a pretty consistent theme. And so to think

503
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: about the fact that like I wouldn't have even recognized

504
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 1: that as a value or something that was like a

505
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,400
Speaker 1: non negotiable for me, that like if my partner wasn't

506
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: a person on a spiritual journey, like that's never going

507
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: to fucking work for me. Ever, why did I not

508
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 1: know that? Yeah, it's hard to see eye to eye. Yeah,

509
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: because it's also like I value something so much that

510
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to spend so much energy on it, and

511
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: then when I don't, like I'm not being myself And

512
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: so then if I try to go along with something

513
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: else or like not pay attention to that, I'm left

514
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: with this like whole inside, do you know what I'm saying?

515
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: And it just ends up being this version of myself

516
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: that I hate because then you're not arriving at the

517
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: relationship as yourself exactly. So anyway, it's just interesting. But

518
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that, and then we were having that

519
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: conversation on the podcast and I'm like, exactly, that's a

520
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: exactly why you need to have that list or sit

521
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: down and spend the time with yourself before you get

522
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: into dating and before you're like looking for this partner,

523
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 1: because otherwise you're just looking for what we don't know. Yeah,

524
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: I mean, I think maybe the um the pitfall that

525
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: people make is they think it's so much easier to

526
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, this is what I'm looking for in

527
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: a person, versus being like, this is what I want

528
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 1: if that makes any sense, you know, you're like, I

529
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: want someone who's tall, I want someone who's got a job.

530
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 1: I want someone who loves their mom. I want like

531
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: things about the person versus being like, this is what

532
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: is important about myself that I need to find someone

533
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: that matches that satisfies these things about me. I think

534
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 1: that is so important. One because what you just mentioned

535
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,120
Speaker 1: about like the being tall that I said a lot

536
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: of that too, and like you know, obviously we want

537
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: to be attracted to our partners, but all of that

538
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: is surface and it goes away. It doesn't matter how

539
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: hot somebody is. Eventually, if you're not compatible, the hotness

540
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 1: wears off and it doesn't work. Um. Then Also, whatever

541
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: I'm drinking is making me really birthy. It's a hoppy refresher,

542
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: not alcoholic abby um, but not train though I know wealking.

543
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: Oh you mentioned the thing about like they have a

544
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 1: good relationship with their mom and all those things are important.

545
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 1: I really don't remember my point. It really got me.

546
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 1: It must have been that it must not have been

547
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: that important. It'll come back to me. But dating surface

548
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: level things, Oh, everyone's got shipped. That's what I was

549
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: gonna say. Everyone has shipped and so um to me,

550
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: what I'm realizing is like, I'm not going to meet

551
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't have ship, but I want to meet

552
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: someone who has done and is still doing their work

553
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: around it and that's important to them and can accept

554
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 1: that you have ship. Yeah, obvious. I mean everyone, but

555
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: you have ship, right, I'll talk about my ship way

556
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: too much on here. Everyone knows ship. Okay, this next

557
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: question comes from Summer. This isn't a question, she says,

558
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: not a question, But thank you for being real and

559
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: making the rest of us realized we aren't alone in

560
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: our thoughts. So you told you everyone knows much. Um,

561
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 1: where is the best place to find love? Chip in yourself? Oh?

562
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: I like that answer. I mean, I think it's the

563
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: only place that you can really find it true love,

564
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: unconditional and family. I mean it's like, but even that

565
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: could be yeah, and friends, Like I mean, I kind

566
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: of that's kind of a negative answer. Um, But I

567
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: do think like the easiest way to find love in

568
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: a partner is to find love internally. I would agree

569
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: with you. I think the most important relationship is always

570
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: our relationship with ourselves. In the times where I have

571
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: felt like my relationships thrive, my friendships, more work relationships,

572
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: any of it are the time when you're failing yourself. Yeah,

573
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: when I'm really connected to myself and being true to myself.

574
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: And look, it's a lot easier said than done. It's like,

575
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: I think, I think it's where ourselves is probably the

576
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,719
Speaker 1: hardest person to love, Like I know personally I can.

577
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: I'm like I am a giver, Like I will put

578
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: myself second all the time. Um so, and it's and

579
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 1: I also I'm the first one to like fucking talk

580
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 1: about myself or have negative thoughts about myself. So um

581
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: it's a lot easier said than done. But I do

582
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: think that yeah, when you're able to love yourself, you're

583
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: you're you're going to be much more equipped to show

584
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: up and find love and love anyone else and love

585
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: anyone else. Um. Brennan says, how do you stop bringing

586
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: negative old habits into your current relationship go to therapy?

587
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: That therapy doesn't cure all that, I mean, it is

588
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 1: a stepping stone. And I think the more we know

589
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: about ourselves and we are more um self aware, the

590
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: better we can do with our old patterns and habits

591
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 1: and you know, and just like just the awareness in general,

592
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: I think is like the first step to anything. So

593
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: if you can like go into relationship and have awareness

594
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: of some of your own defects of character, then great,

595
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: that's a good starting point. Also, like accepting criticism and

596
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: knowing that like if you're in a relationship, maybe something

597
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: happens and like either accepting it and then like making

598
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: amends were needed, and then trying to, you know, make

599
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: different decisions next time. I think that's the best we

600
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: can do. I also think it's important to sort of

601
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,959
Speaker 1: color outside the line sometimes, Like I think, Um, a

602
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: lot of times bad habits come along with dating the

603
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: same person over and over, the same type of the

604
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: same type of person. So it's like, I think, if

605
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: you can surprise yourself and do something a little different

606
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: than maybe some of your bad habits will go to

607
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: the wayside. Tom, why are you looking at me when

608
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: you say that? I don't know, because I'm talking about

609
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: felt very directed at me, Like that would be really

610
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: bad at taking Criticismed Holly said, do you think there's

611
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: a link between how a guy treats his mother and

612
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: how he treats a significant other? Absolutely, Jesus, this is

613
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: such a loaded one for me. Um, let me think

614
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: of how I want to answer this. I have been

615
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: told that yes, there is a link, and I've I've

616
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 1: been told that there's research around if a guy has

617
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: a bad relationship or treats his mother badly, they will

618
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 1: treat you the same way. Um, I don't know. I

619
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: don't know the answer. I'm not a scientist, so I

620
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 1: think you can find a lot of information about that.

621
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: And I do think that if any of us have

622
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 1: unhealed relationships with any parents, your dad or your mom,

623
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: we bring it into our relationships. So I just think

624
00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: it's important again for us to be self aware and

625
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: do our work. Yeah, that I I agree. I mean

626
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: it's I don't think there's a hard and fast, like

627
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 1: yes or no to that, because everyone's an individual. But

628
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: I would be inclined to guess that a dude that's

629
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 1: got a great relationship with his mother is going to

630
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: make a better partner than a guy that does not

631
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: have a good relationship with his mother, unless his mother

632
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 1: is an absolute piece of ship and he has had

633
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: to like draw that boundary and like push of his life.

634
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: But if you just draw a boundary and push her

635
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: out of the life, that doesn't actually solve the anger

636
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: and the you know what I'm saying. Like that's why

637
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: I think it is important for all of us to

638
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: kind of like look at what those relationships. The relationship

639
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: with your parents are so influential on all of your life.

640
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 1: I mean, it just is um and even if you

641
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: have a parent you don't like or who is it

642
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: is absent, it affects you and it's the most painful

643
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: thing to go through. But also have noticed that men

644
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: with sisters seem to be a lot more sensitive and um,

645
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't want to say loving, because

646
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: I think that that's a generalization, but like they're just

647
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 1: a little more as sensitive and understanding to females in general,

648
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: and that that's something that's interesting to me versus like

649
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: if you just had brothers or because you're just kind

650
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: of like you're completely unaware, you don't get it. Growing up,

651
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,959
Speaker 1: I had a sister who was almost She was just

652
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: about two years older than me, so it was like, um,

653
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: you know, as kids, we were best friends and then

654
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: you hit that age where you're like in middle school

655
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: and we were two grades apart. So it was like

656
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: when in Virginia you go, it goes um, fourth, fifth, six,

657
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 1: middle school, seventh and eight, and then high school is

658
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 1: nine through twelve. So when she went to middle school,

659
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: I wasn't in the school with her. And then um,

660
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: she did eighth grade and the ninth grade and I

661
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: went into middle school. So we had three years where

662
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: we weren't in the same school, and so then I

663
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 1: when I went into high school, she was like, bitch,

664
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: this is my territory. We were also of that age

665
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: age where it was like she didn't want to be

666
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: friends with her little brother anymore, you know, she was

667
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: a high school or with her driver's license, and but

668
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 1: we were in a small town, so it was like

669
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 1: I had to like learn how to deal with a

670
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: hormonal older sister. It was remained to me that I

671
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 1: still loved like she was my big sister. Um, and

672
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 1: now it's like it all when all the bullshit goes away,

673
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: you come full circle and it's like that's my sister.

674
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: And I was justthing to protect her. But um, but

675
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: you even knew about hormones and tampons, and yeah, I

676
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 1: think it's just it's just interesting to observe men who

677
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 1: have had females in their life like that, or have

678
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 1: had an active relationship like that. And there were there

679
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: were definitely times where I wish I could have beat

680
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 1: the ship out of her, but I had to remember, like,

681
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: you can't beat up your sister sometimes. Um. This one's funny.

682
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 1: What movies reflect your current love life? In your ideal

683
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: love life. Tell them what you said earlier. First I

684
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 1: said reality bites or singles singles. I don't have an answer.

685
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: I don't have a love life for it, right, I'm like,

686
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: can't buy me love? Maybe these all feel really depressing,

687
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 1: get past. I don't know. Next question, um, how do

688
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: you attract the woman you want, not the woman who

689
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: wants you? Huh? What? What? Rob? What do you mean Rob?

690
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: I mean he must be if if he's just attracting

691
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,919
Speaker 1: women that want him. I mean, this is I hope

692
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 1: I'm not like judging Rob. I don't mean this judging lye.

693
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 1: But maybe he's putting himself out there in the wrong

694
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: way and it's like he's got a flashy car and

695
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:42,959
Speaker 1: like people are seeing a mirage and he wants people

696
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: to see him. I don't know, Like I do think that, like, um,

697
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:55,479
Speaker 1: people are guilty of um attracting people in the wrong

698
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: way by being flashy or what. I don't know. You're saying, like,

699
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: you know, basically operating from a persona sake. Yeah, So

700
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, it's like I'm generalizing. But

701
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 1: when I think about like women, they get these big,

702
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 1: huge fake tips. There's a certain type of guy that's

703
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 1: attracted to that. Oh, and they're like, look at me

704
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: on the inside, and you're right, they're likes And it's like, well,

705
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 1: what do you think? Yeah, what did you think? So? Yeah,

706
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,879
Speaker 1: I mean so maybe that's what's happening to him, Like

707
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 1: maybe he's just like the way that he's presenting himself

708
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 1: is attracting the wrong type of woman, where you know,

709
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 1: maybe he needs to go meet women in other places.

710
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,240
Speaker 1: I think that's a good Yeah. I actually don't understand

711
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 1: the question at all, So Rob, if you're listening, send

712
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: it to me in another way, because I don't. I'll

713
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: answer when I fully understand what you're asking. I think

714
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: I don't really feel equipped to answer that. Okay, So

715
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: good answer for me. Um, when is it okay to

716
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: let go of a friendship? You still love them, they

717
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 1: don't but they don't give you what They don't give

718
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: what you give. One side of relationships are really it's

719
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: find to do that any fucking day of the week.

720
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,320
Speaker 1: I think that goes for all relationships in general. But

721
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: if you're the only one giving, I mean, obviously have

722
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 1: had a very public situation like this, but that was

723
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: a situation that um, yeah, it doesn't work when it's

724
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: just one side showing up or doing the work or

725
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: doing the thing or making any sort of like attempts

726
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 1: at that stuff, and it's always going to blow up

727
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: in my experience, and so you kind of got to

728
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. And if it's not working for

729
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: you or you're the only you're feeling like it's not reciprocated,

730
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: Like what you're giving is not reciprocated. Um, I don't

731
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: think it's a good relationship for you. I do think

732
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: you could try to talk to the person before you

733
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: just like yeah, and so if that, if that's the case,

734
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: like try to sit down with them, and then if

735
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't go anywhere, I mean, it's okay to let go.

736
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 1: It's just it's painful, like losing a friend is like

737
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 1: losing any sort of relationship. Yeah, but I do think

738
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: it's if you've gotten to the point where you feel

739
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 1: like the friendship is already lost and you're holding onto

740
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,720
Speaker 1: the idea of a friendship, Um, then it's probably time

741
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,839
Speaker 1: to let that bird sail, you know, like or maybe

742
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: you've just like grown apart. I mean, it's everything can

743
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: come in seasons. That's okay. They were here for research

744
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: that like, the average lifespan of a friendship is five years. Really,

745
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 1: I've had my friends for so much longer. But think

746
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: about how many people that you like, I'm still your

747
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 1: your core friends, yes, but even like some of my

748
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: best friends from high school, Like yes, when I go

749
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: home for Christmas, when I see and we can pick

750
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,399
Speaker 1: it up, but we're not talking every day, Like I've

751
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: still talked to my too, Like for my two best

752
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 1: friends since I was eight, at least once a week.

753
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I think, look, there's plenty of examples. I

754
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: think we can all give. But think about like people

755
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: that you loved that you hung out with a lot

756
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,280
Speaker 1: of college that like, yeah, you might not even recognize

757
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: them if they walked up on the street because you

758
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: haven't thought about them any years. There's so many. So

759
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 1: that's where I think there's statistics. I think you had

760
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: a best friend for a week and then I never

761
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: spoke to him again. So right, Okay, let's move on.

762
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: This is a really long one, but I'm gonna attempt

763
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: to read it. Um. This comes from anonymous. She wants

764
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: to be kept anonymous, and it honestly, it's really hard

765
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,839
Speaker 1: for It's a hard one um, and so I think

766
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 1: that we all want to be as sensitive as possible

767
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 1: because this is a real relationship question, she says. Long

768
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: story short, I've been in a long term relationship for

769
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: nearly eight years. My weight has always fluctuated. But when

770
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 1: my partner joined the military a few years ago, I

771
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: decided to work on myself while he was away, and

772
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: I lost a heap of weight. I looked amazing and

773
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 1: felt amazing when we then moved for his job in

774
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: life in the new city wasn't the same for available workouts,

775
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: and my job was stressful. Then COVID happened, and consequently

776
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 1: I gained all of the weight back and then some. Anyway,

777
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 1: on Sunday, my partner and I were celebrating Valentine's Day early.

778
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 1: He seemed distant and not wanting to be intimate with

779
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: me for a few weeks, and we finally talked about it.

780
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 1: He announced that he doesn't find me as attractive as

781
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 1: he did when I lost the weight, and that's why

782
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 1: we're not having great sex right or we're not having

783
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 1: sex right now. I'm aware that I've gained weight, and

784
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,439
Speaker 1: I feel pretty crappy about it, but to have him

785
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: realize or bring it up broke my heart. I know

786
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: I need to lose weight, and I want to, but

787
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 1: I don't know how to recover from it. Honestly, on

788
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: the one hand, I'm glad we can be so honest

789
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 1: with each other, but now I'm kind of going through

790
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: these stages of grief. I also feel kind of, I

791
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 1: don't know, violated or used almost about the times we

792
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: have had sex recently because I questioned if he was

793
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 1: really enjoying it or not. He's currently trying to get

794
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: help with a a and I've said I'll try and

795
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: lose weight, but I've told him we both that we

796
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: need to both do these things for ourselves. Anyway, it's

797
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: a heavy subject. Excuse the pun. I'm just confused and

798
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: upset and would love some outside advice. I should have

799
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: added that it all started because he had our said

800
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: our sex life had become boring, and then when he

801
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 1: when I dug a little deeper, he said it was

802
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 1: more because he didn't find me attractive. I think that

803
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,880
Speaker 1: she just wanted some outside advice one you know, and

804
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 1: and this is sort of like where we say, okay,

805
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 1: we're not experts, but this is like if you know

806
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 1: you and I were talking and you were like, Hey,

807
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 1: I want feedback, like what So I feel like that's

808
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: what she's asking from us. And they're not married, but

809
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 1: I think they've been together a bit. Yeah. I mean,

810
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,320
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting. There's a couple of things that

811
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: I think are interesting. And one, I mean, the way

812
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: he handled that just feels like such a dick move.

813
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: I just don't like it. So for that, for that

814
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:42,919
Speaker 1: part of it, I just want to say that that

815
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:45,399
Speaker 1: the way that he spoke to you, in the way

816
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: that he even said any of this stuff was just

817
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: really selfish and like assholey honestly. Um. I also think

818
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 1: it's interesting the part about the a A like this

819
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 1: goes this is the part where I was talking about

820
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: like everyone has ship right and so oh. I do

821
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: like that that they could be honest with each other.

822
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: But I think that maybe what I pick up from

823
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 1: some of this is like some of his own discomfort

824
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: in the changes he's having a face within himself. If

825
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm being really honest, I think this can happen a lot.

826
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: Like I've been on a recovery journey myself for a

827
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: long time. I don't do a but I do other stuff,

828
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,839
Speaker 1: And um, when you take out medicators and you take

829
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 1: out the things that were so used to using to

830
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: numb our feelings, uncomfortable ship comes up and you can

831
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 1: be really restless. I had to apologize to you for

832
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: something that happened this weekend because I don't know, but

833
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 1: I knew I was like, I was like having an

834
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: ick day in myself and I didn't have any medicators

835
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,320
Speaker 1: and that came out for me and just being snappy

836
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: or I felt like I was snappy. You said you

837
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: didn't even realize it, but but I felt like I

838
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: was snappy, and so I felt like I owed you

839
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: in Amend's and um, that's sort of what I read

840
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: in this. And I don't know if I'm just like

841
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 1: putting it too much into that because I relate to that,

842
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: but I just feel like, Um, what he said has

843
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: more to do with him than her, if I'm being

844
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: really honest. Yeah, something something that I took away. And

845
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: this isn't necessarily in response to what you said, but

846
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: the fact that she lost weight when he wasn't there,

847
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: that's interesting. Um. You know, I think, um, carrying weight

848
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: is often not about the fact that we like food.

849
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: It's about that that is the medicator is food and

850
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: the fact that she's holding weight when he's around, and

851
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: then he's telling her that she doesn't find he doesn't

852
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: find her attractive. I think is you almost points to

853
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: the root of the problem, you know, like and um,

854
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 1: maybe there it's not a good match, Like it sounds

855
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: like it's just a really unhealthy match. Well it could

856
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 1: be that, or it could be I mean if she's

857
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: mentioning that he's an a A, maybe it's like go

858
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,479
Speaker 1: check out in a non type meeting, Like there's Alan

859
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 1: and there's all the things, and like look at like,

860
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: I love what you're bringing up about, you know, the

861
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 1: weight issue and somehows being a protector or a shield

862
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: or anything like what is going on behind that? Um,

863
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 1: could be something really worthwhile to look into with the

864
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 1: therapist or in one of these programs, because maybe there's

865
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 1: more to it and an emotional connection there. That would

866
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: be a really good thing to dive into for the

867
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: relationship in general or your relationship with yourself like it ultimately.

868
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 1: But I do want to say that guy was a

869
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: dick for saying that, and you deserve more than that.

870
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: So not to say that you have to break up

871
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 1: with them, but like funk that. Yeah, And I look,

872
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 1: I'm a person that struggles with my way too, and

873
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: it's like I know, um, it can be a cage

874
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: that you live in, and um, you know, I just

875
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 1: love the idea that she like, well I saw that

876
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 1: way when she was by herself and like I was

877
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,439
Speaker 1: feeling herself. And and now if you're in a you're

878
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 1: back in an unhealthy cycle and you've gained weight back,

879
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 1: like suddenly you feel like you're not going to be

880
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 1: able to find someone else because you don't feel attractive

881
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 1: of and the person that you're with us telling you

882
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 1: that you're not attractive. And it just even though it's

883
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 1: a shitty situation, you're more comfortable in that because you

884
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: still have somebody. Yeah, and I think that, like you

885
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 1: gotta dig deep and be like is this what I

886
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: really want? Or can I be happier alone? Yeah? You know,

887
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: I like that. I hope that helped and hang in there.

888
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,720
Speaker 1: And this sounds like a tough one, so um, this

889
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: is not necessarily a question, But I get so many

890
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 1: messages still about that Sober Curious podcast we did, and

891
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: I just I'm so glad that it's resonating with you guys.

892
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: At all. Let's keep this conversation going. Like I said,

893
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: I have no judgment for people who drink or and

894
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I'm not going to ever not I

895
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 1: mean not ever drink again. Um, but for now, it

896
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: wasn't something that was serving me and I need a

897
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,800
Speaker 1: reset and because of some of the other stuff that

898
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: I'm going through with a breakup and just really kind

899
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 1: of diving into some deeper inter work within myself, alcohol

900
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: just was like doesn't have a place right now. So, um,

901
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: this message comes in from that podcast and she said,

902
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: I've list into this twice and I probably will again.

903
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven and I'm hitting the same point with

904
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 1: alcohol already. The part about it making other people more

905
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: uncomfortable than it makes you is so true. And being

906
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: an impath as well. I just want everyone to be

907
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 1: happy and having fun. So it's just tough to even

908
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,720
Speaker 1: go a week without alcohol since I started getting tired

909
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: of it. And it literally has nothing to do with

910
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 1: me actually wanting to drink. It's such a tough topic

911
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: to understand. Wait, I don't understand. I just want everyone

912
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,280
Speaker 1: to be happy and having fun. So it's been tough.

913
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 1: Oh okay, it's been tough because of the people around,

914
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,839
Speaker 1: like the judgment that she's getting for I told you

915
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 1: at the beach, Like when we've been on vacation, it's

916
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: been the hardest thing for me. And it's kind of

917
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: that same vibe, like it's just such a much more

918
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: like there's no work, everyone's kind of letting loose, like

919
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: you just want to like not have responsibility and have fun.

920
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: And so it's been the hardest times for me not

921
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 1: to drink being on vacation with you guys. Yeah, I mean,

922
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: I think the more distance you put between drinking and

923
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 1: not drinking UM, And you know, you're obviously in a

924
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:10,439
Speaker 1: different position because you weren't an alcoholic. Um. You weren't

925
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 1: drinking because you had to. You were drinking because you

926
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 1: were choosing to. UM, you might be able to say, like,

927
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm on vacation this weekend, like I

928
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: want to just have some fun, and then it is

929
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 1: about something very different than just drinking for the sake

930
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 1: of drinking. UM. But it's like it's just so crazy

931
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: to me. I've never been around someone that isn't drinking

932
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 1: being like and thought like, well you suck, like join me,

933
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 1: Like because for me, when I drink. It's about me

934
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:42,399
Speaker 1: having fun. It is interesting though a lot of people do.

935
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,840
Speaker 1: I have noticed that, and I talked about that on

936
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,280
Speaker 1: the podcast we did that it's like when some peopleople

937
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,720
Speaker 1: are people are having fun or they're in that vibe.

938
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: If you're not on the same level, I think it

939
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: makes them notice or they're just kind of like get

940
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: on a level and and it's just like I'm here

941
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: and I'm having a blast. But yeah, like I'm ship face,

942
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: so I'm not dancing around maybe as much, but I

943
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: love to dance to as I'll do that sober. But um,

944
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,879
Speaker 1: it is interesting, and I just think that the more

945
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 1: we talk about it, the more it gets normalized, and

946
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 1: it just takes away the stigma of like you're out

947
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: of party so you have to drink, Like, why do

948
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: we do that to each other? That's not fair. It

949
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 1: is conditioning and advertising. The other thing I noticed in

950
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 1: this message which she mentioned being an impath, and I've

951
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: actually had a lot of people message me, um for

952
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 1: anyone who's like a highly sensitive person, which I am,

953
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: or an impath where you absorb other people's emotions, which

954
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 1: I am not as well. Um, they talk about alcohol

955
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,800
Speaker 1: as being very low vibrationally and so coffee and alcohol,

956
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 1: which I'm like, I can't quit coffee too good. God,

957
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: I'm not a psychopath. Um. But it's just like those

958
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 1: kind of things, if you're such a feeler or such

959
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 1: a sensitive like you absorb people's emotions, can actually be

960
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 1: really bad for you, and they actually disconnect you from

961
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,799
Speaker 1: the higher good of those kind of qualities. And so

962
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: maybe alcohol just isn't right for people like us, you know,

963
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 1: like I don't know, try weed, I don't know, or

964
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 1: don't try anything like just be and have water. It's

965
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: just like I just think for some of us that

966
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 1: we don't need that extra simulation um as human beings.

967
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: So okay, let's see. This one comes from Holly Happy Sunday.

968
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: I just had to tell you Friday's podcast. You're like

969
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 1: my therapy to help center center our wordship, to help

970
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: center me if I'm feeling doubts, insecure, etcetera about the

971
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: end of my relationship. I'm fifty two, separated and almost

972
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: divorced after twenty plus years. I'm feeling all those feelings,

973
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: one being will I ever find someone I can truly

974
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: trust and be myself with and love again? I'm literally

975
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 1: sitting in the Kroger parking lot typing this and crying

976
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 1: my eyes out. I am by no means ready or

977
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: even thinking about dating yet, as I have had so

978
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 1: much I have so much work to do. But you

979
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 1: saying you will find love again gives me and to

980
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 1: stop worrying about that or what I don't know or

981
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: can't control. I've said it before, but I will say

982
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 1: it again. Thank you for what you're doing and that

983
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 1: you respond. I think she's talking about on D M S.

984
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,239
Speaker 1: I always respond to you guys, by the way, That's

985
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 1: like a mission of mine to always get back to

986
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: people you care. I don't know you, but but having

987
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,800
Speaker 1: that response is very calming to go through this hell

988
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 1: an emotional roller coaster of healing. Sorry my reading was

989
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 1: not very good on that one. UM. I think she's

990
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 1: referencing a podcast we did and I a couple of

991
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: weeks ago. It was part of the Love Thing, and

992
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: I said something about it was in the sex and

993
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: dating or dating and relationship with questions and I said,

994
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 1: you know, one of the really overwhelming things for me

995
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: going through a breakup is always like I'm just going

996
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: to be alone forever. That's one of the narratives that

997
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 1: I get stuck on in my head or the loops,

998
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 1: and um, it's so like, it's so funny because I'll

999
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: say it to my friends and they literally look at

1000
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: me like I'm an alien, Like there's no chance you're

1001
00:50:56,440 --> 00:51:00,439
Speaker 1: going to be alone forever. And because I I've gone

1002
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 1: through bad breakups before, I believe that now, like I

1003
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: can get stuck on the narrative in my head and

1004
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: then no, it's just a story. This is like a

1005
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: fear based thing. And I don't need to keep saying

1006
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: that to myself or operating from that place, because as

1007
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 1: heartbroken as I may be right now, eventually I will

1008
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: heal and eventually I'll be willing to give my heart

1009
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 1: away again to someone, and um, you'll love again, and

1010
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: that's just the reality of life. That's how life goes.

1011
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,359
Speaker 1: And he will too, and that that's been another thing

1012
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,919
Speaker 1: I've gotten stuck on that's hurt. But um, I hope

1013
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 1: that I can get to a place where I want

1014
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,799
Speaker 1: that for my ex and um, you know that you

1015
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: can just know that each person is going to find

1016
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: love again and hopefully find something that's more compatible and

1017
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: healthier and suitable for their life and I also think

1018
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 1: for the time being, Like, um, even the prospect of

1019
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 1: being alone for the rest of your life should be

1020
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,919
Speaker 1: brighter than being in a really fucking shitty relationship. Yeah,

1021
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 1: for anybody. So it's like, I think being alone isn't

1022
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: necessarily fucking terrible, you know. Um. And so it's like

1023
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: you had, like that narrative just in and of itself

1024
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 1: is dangerous because there are people that like are choosing

1025
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: to be single and have great lives. So, um, you know,

1026
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a silly narrative, I think, but

1027
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: it was something that we all get stuck on. You

1028
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,879
Speaker 1: know what. I think it is like because you're you're

1029
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: very comfortable with it right now because you've been single

1030
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 1: for a minute. And I know there's been times in

1031
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 1: my life where I've been single for years and I'm like,

1032
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: what are you so afraid of? Like sing single is awesome.

1033
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,760
Speaker 1: I get to do whatever I want all the time. Um.

1034
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 1: For me, it's been an adjustment, and you've seen me.

1035
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: It's taken months for me to kind of find my

1036
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: flow again being by myself. And also like I was

1037
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 1: living with a man and two children and so it's

1038
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: quiet at my house and that was something that really

1039
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:02,440
Speaker 1: took a lot all and still some days hits you know,

1040
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: I just missed them, and I missed the constant conversation

1041
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: or the chaos or the noise. Yeah, you just do

1042
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 1: because already you're grieving the people. But like then you're

1043
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: just sitting here in like solitude, which is good on

1044
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 1: some way. Yeah, I do too. Now I'm getting more

1045
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:21,280
Speaker 1: used to it. But it's taken me a minute to adjust.

1046
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: And I think that's the case when you've been in

1047
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: a long term relationship. It's just adjusting to be on

1048
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 1: your own again. But like also make that fun, like

1049
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: find the things that you want to do, like watch

1050
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 1: the shows you want to watch, Like I'm back to

1051
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 1: watching Real Housewives. I haven't watched it in years. Um,

1052
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 1: you know. But it's just stuff like that, Like you

1053
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 1: can do whatever you want to do, So find the

1054
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 1: power in that versus letting yourself to sit in sadness.

1055
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: This last one comes from Oh Savannah. Hey Kelly, I'm

1056
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 1: a huge fan of your podcast and you in general,

1057
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 1: especially when I got to know you on Very Cavaliery.

1058
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 1: I am I admire you as someone who is this

1059
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:12,920
Speaker 1: just like shots five quote unquote older still chasing your

1060
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 1: dreams and being single. Thanks. I think I don't even

1061
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: know how to take it. I'm only twenty eighth, but

1062
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 1: all of my friends right now are pregnant and it's

1063
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,760
Speaker 1: in my face. I wake up to a thousand bump

1064
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: picks on Snapchat or Instagram. My countertop is covered in

1065
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: baby shower invitations, and selfishly, I'm sad because my relationships

1066
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,399
Speaker 1: with these friends are now changing and I'm lonelier than ever.

1067
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 1: I know you stay busy through work, but have you

1068
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 1: done what have you done during times like these to

1069
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 1: stay positive? If I feel this one do you have?

1070
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 1: Do you ever feel this or remember going through a

1071
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:50,879
Speaker 1: season like this? Not specifically, really, I wonder if it's

1072
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: different for girls. Um, it's because it's the pressure and

1073
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:55,920
Speaker 1: it's the same thing, especially when you're in the South

1074
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 1: at that especially at that age like late twenties, early thirties,

1075
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 1: people are like getting married and you're so you're constantly

1076
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 1: either a bridesmaid going to all these showers, You're pouring

1077
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: money into these people, or Grandma's asking a Thanksgiving um,

1078
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 1: and then everyone gets pregnant. So it was first of all,

1079
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 1: they got married, and then you're still the single one

1080
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: and then they have babies and life just does change

1081
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: when they have kids. And yes, I've gone through that season.

1082
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 1: Um to stay positive, it was sort of like what

1083
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying about finding ways to enjoy being on my

1084
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:30,799
Speaker 1: own again. Now. Um, it's just like the fact that

1085
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: you do you're not tied to anything, Like they're going

1086
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 1: to be stuck at their house with the baby. You

1087
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 1: get to go visit the baby and have fun with

1088
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 1: the baby, and then when they need to change the

1089
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:41,839
Speaker 1: diver you leave. They get to go do fun things.

1090
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: I think it is important to have single friends and

1091
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 1: so really trying to you know, mix and mingle with

1092
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,839
Speaker 1: maybe some other people you know, are meeting new people

1093
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 1: through work or other things. Yeah, other people who have

1094
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 1: similar lifestyles, so that you have stuff to do. She's

1095
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 1: twenty eight, she's a baby. Trust me, when you were

1096
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 1: thirty seven years old, you're going to sign on to

1097
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 1: Facebook and you're gonna look at those friends from high

1098
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,839
Speaker 1: school and you're gonna be like, look how old they look?

1099
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: Because because that ship ages you too. So you know, no,

1100
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 1: no shade to my friends who are married in my age. Um,

1101
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: but yeah, no, I think that like, look, there's a

1102
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 1: there's a lot of life still ahead of you at

1103
00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 1: that age, and um, there's a lot of benefits to

1104
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 1: being able to do whatever fun you want. I think

1105
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 1: it's just more about embracing where you are and not

1106
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 1: putting the pressure on you. Like everyone's life happens on

1107
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 1: a different schedule. And this is something I've gotten stuck

1108
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 1: on for so many years of like well why not,

1109
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,799
Speaker 1: why haven't I gotten married yet? Or why you know

1110
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 1: now I might not be able to have kids, and

1111
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:45,840
Speaker 1: so like, oh, why did it work out for me

1112
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 1: that way? And the truth is is just like my

1113
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,439
Speaker 1: life worked out the way it's supposed to. And yeah,

1114
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: it's not punishment for something I did or didn't do.

1115
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 1: It's just like, look at all the ship I have

1116
00:56:57,040 --> 00:57:01,360
Speaker 1: gotten to do, or um experiences or trips have gone on,

1117
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 1: work events that I've gotten to be a part of, um,

1118
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: even being on this TV show. I wouldn't have done it.

1119
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done it if I had a family probably,

1120
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 1: you know. And obviously that was probably a weird example

1121
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,319
Speaker 1: because some of it went south, but it was still

1122
00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 1: a really interesting experience and like I learned a time. Yeah,

1123
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 1: And so I just think it's really about making your

1124
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:25,800
Speaker 1: life what you want and really accepting, like it's okay

1125
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:28,440
Speaker 1: not to be in a relationship. It doesn't make you defective.

1126
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 1: It's okay not to have kids yet, Like you're twenty eight,

1127
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: you have plenty of time. Just go have fun, like

1128
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 1: enjoy your life. I think that's the best thing I said.

1129
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 1: That was the last one, but we have a one more. Well,

1130
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: it's about adult breastfeeding. So great subject. She wrote, adult

1131
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 1: breastfeeding What I am so stunn by this. I breastfed

1132
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: all three of my kids for a year and a

1133
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: half each. They were all premature births. I was so

1134
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 1: done at some point, you want your body back. Weaning

1135
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,920
Speaker 1: them was so hard. I'm kind of jealous that Chip's

1136
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 1: sister weaned itself with sister child. I literally had to

1137
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 1: leave town without my child to keep them off of me.

1138
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: I used to hear that some women had orgasms as

1139
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: a breastfed, which we mentioned during the podcast. I don't

1140
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: get that. It was so not a sexual thing for me.

1141
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 1: And trust me when I tell you I need nipple

1142
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 1: stimulation for a good orgasm, but stimulation and suckling is

1143
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 1: not the same feeling. I was not breastfed as a baby.

1144
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 1: When I was nursing, there was a full gushing feeling,

1145
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 1: nothing sentual about it. I was a food source. My

1146
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 1: husband never suckled my breast nor tasted it. Is it

1147
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 1: just me or do you hate the words suckled? I

1148
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 1: hated my breasts were off limits to him during these

1149
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 1: nursing years. But hey, no judgment to each their own,

1150
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: just not for me. I found this message interesting because

1151
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 1: I had questions. Remember, I was like, I don't understand.

1152
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: I feel like it was a baby on my boob.

1153
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 1: It wouldn't feel sexual to me. And she answered that

1154
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: she said the part about I was full gushing feelings

1155
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: like that would be that makes sense to me. Um,

1156
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 1: but yeah, I can't. I can't understand orgasms, Like are

1157
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: cases where it's like someone's breast is so hyper sensitive

1158
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 1: that to the touch. Yeah, it's still just a fascinating topic.

1159
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 1: If you guys didn't listen to that podcast, that was

1160
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 1: the topic Chip brought to me that. I was like,

1161
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 1: do what what? And our goal on our goal on

1162
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:26,000
Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge is to just have conversations that sometimes are

1163
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: hard and uncomfortable. Um, and I don't know that we're

1164
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 1: going to try to normalize adult breast meeting. But it

1165
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 1: was something that was an interesting thing because it's more

1166
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 1: normal wet is. It was more just bring awareness. I'm

1167
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 1: not really sure what we're bringing to the people on

1168
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 1: that topic, but it was just it's a pop culture

1169
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 1: thing happening in many parts of the world. That yeah,

1170
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: very very interesting. So anyway, I hope we guys. We

1171
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 1: answered you guys questions this week and this month and

1172
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 1: the Month of Love was really fun. I thought I

1173
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 1: loved our guests. February is a short month. March, there's

1174
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 1: five of weeks, and it was there's like five wednesdays.

1175
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: I know, I looked because I was planning out our

1176
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 1: next um podcast guests and all the stuff. I have

1177
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,640
Speaker 1: some really fun guests coming to you guys next month.

1178
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 1: Next month is still March is still winter, and so

1179
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 1: we're talking a lot about you're still in this winter phase.

1180
01:00:18,120 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that go on during wintering

1181
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 1: of this deep dive. It's kind of an invitation to

1182
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: deep dive into your spirit, into your soul, and so

1183
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 1: we're going to cover a lot of these topics of

1184
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 1: people who have done that and they're on their different

1185
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 1: journeys of Um, how they deeped up and then what

1186
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 1: they learned and kind of what we're coming into with

1187
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 1: this spring because spring feels like a new awakening and

1188
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:43,240
Speaker 1: so um, I can't wait within it's within our reach

1189
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: to there, hangover, I have it. I'm ready to be out. Yeah,

1190
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 1: but it's like twenty days or something until the time changes. Really,

1191
01:00:54,200 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 1: I feel like I saw somebody. Okay, we're within range. Amazing, Yes,

1192
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: this sun going down early the pit. It's the pit,

1193
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 1: So it's almost over. We're almost there. What is this

1194
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 1: last little deep dive that we're gonna do before we

1195
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 1: get to just kind of flying free in the spring.

1196
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: So a lot of fun guests coming to you guys. Um,

1197
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sticking with us on this

1198
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:18,240
Speaker 1: this journey of love. I want to know what you

1199
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: guys think about this new format. I feel like the

1200
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 1: feedback I'm getting is really positive, so keep it coming.

1201
01:01:23,600 --> 01:01:28,080
Speaker 1: I mean, especially the positive messages. But if you have

1202
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 1: some concerns or you have some other things you want

1203
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: us to address, please always email us at the edge

1204
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 1: at velvet edge dot com. You can hit me up

1205
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: on Instagram at Velvet Edge, chip at chip doorsh It's

1206
01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 1: p d O r s H and then when you

1207
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: guys are going into your weekend. I can't tell the

1208
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 1: story about the photo shoot though, Chip and I did

1209
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:53,800
Speaker 1: do a photo shoot because we're gonna be changing our profile.

1210
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 1: Pick is that what you call it? The podcast? Uh? Platforms?

1211
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 1: And the guy was like, let's do a couple of

1212
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 1: videos the photographer, and Chip was like, let's just do

1213
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 1: that ending. I freaking nailed it. How come I can't

1214
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 1: do that. I'm gonna have to post this video for

1215
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,800
Speaker 1: you guys, But I nailed the ending in one take.

1216
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 1: This was a one take wonder. I was like, what

1217
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: you were waiting for? It went by so fast that

1218
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 1: I didn't even how. I don't know. It's never going

1219
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 1: to happen again. Obviously, one take wonder here, But let's

1220
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 1: try again. If you guys are going into your weekend.

1221
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:32,439
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope that you know, as you guys

1222
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: are going into your weekend, keep living on the edge

1223
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 1: and always remember to act casual. All right. Bye,