1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: What's Up Tribe, Welcome back to Mindful March. This week's 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: episode is brought to you by Christine Michelle Carter. That's right, 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,959 Speaker 1: our girl believes so much in self love and mindfulness 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: that she sponsored this episode. Not only that, but she 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: wrote a beautiful and unapologetic memoir about self love and 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:25,280 Speaker 1: leaving a toxic relationship called mom AF. Let me tell you, 7 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: if you read anything this month, let it be mom AF. 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: It's real, it's raw, it's hilarious, and it will help 9 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: you understand more about relationships, marriage, and most importantly, yourself. 10 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:42,200 Speaker 1: You know, good moms love a real, raw, funny, unapologetic mama, 11 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: and Christine Michelle is that. If you haven't checked out 12 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: our episode with her, it's called Divorced AF. But please 13 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 1: go pick up MOMAF on Kindle or on Christine Michellecarter 14 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: dot com, where you can read an entire chapter for free. 15 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: That's right, you can read an entire chapter free on 16 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,759 Speaker 1: Christinemichelle Carter dot com. And you don't want to miss 17 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: this inspirational book. Do yourself a favor and pick up 18 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:20,680 Speaker 1: mom AF today. 19 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 2: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 20 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 2: I'm Meela, And it's Wednesday, y'all. Happy Wednesday. 21 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: Happy Wednesday, my love, It's hump day. And how are 22 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: you feeling. I'm doing good. 23 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 2: I am relaxing. My house is clean. The weather's crisp, 24 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:47,119 Speaker 2: so yeah. It feels very wintery in La today, which 25 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 2: is rare. 26 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: It is a bit chilly. The sun is out though. 27 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: I mean, if La people say it's wintery, it's a 28 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: fucking lie. It's sixty nine degrees. I know, I know, 29 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,559 Speaker 1: I know, And we're playing in winter wonderland over here. 30 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 2: I know. And actually we have a guest that I'm 31 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 2: really excited to introduce, and I was looking at her 32 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 2: story and she's in fucking real winter over there. 33 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 3: So I was just gonna say, you know, I don't 34 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 3: know when I'm allowed to start talking, but I'm about 35 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:12,919 Speaker 3: to get. 36 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 1: Upside about to curse us out. 37 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 3: It's crispy and wintery outside. I'm in fucking minus fifteen, right. 38 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: I know. 39 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. This is disrespectful, you guys. We have Sarah 40 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 2: Nicole Landry at the Birds Papaya of the Papaya Podcast, 41 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 2: So welcome to the show. 42 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Thank you for saying quite articulated 43 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 3: Papaya so many times because I still haven't been able 44 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:37,959 Speaker 3: to manage that. 45 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 2: The papaya paa. I'm like, say papaya like ten times last. 46 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 2: It's actually a podcast tongue. It flows off the tongue good. 47 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 3: When I was first starting the podcast, I jokingly called 48 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 3: it the Papaya Podcast because I could not think of 49 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 3: a name for it, and so I was stuck and 50 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 3: everyone just kept calling it the Papaya podcast. And then 51 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 3: when I was like having to record stuff for it 52 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 3: and say it in promos and all those like little 53 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 3: blips that you have to do, I could not get 54 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 3: papaya out multiple times. It was just so I'm so 55 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 3: impressed by you right now. Obviously I've learned, I've managed, 56 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 3: I've gotten myself there, But who was journey? 57 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 2: I feel you. 58 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: Every time I think of papaya, I think of like 59 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: a natural skin like treatment. 60 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, or it is you know, it's good for brightening. 61 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,959 Speaker 1: It's appeal, I know. I'm like my esthetician is like, 62 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: I need to do appeal. What does birds of Papaya 63 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 1: come from? What is the origin of your name? 64 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,359 Speaker 3: So I started blogging back when I was a stay 65 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 3: at home mom of two kids, and I did it 66 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 3: because I was genuinely just lonely in the experience of motherhood. 67 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 3: And you know, we were talking about this before we started, 68 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 3: but like everyone used to have really like adorable names 69 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 3: for their blogs. Everything was very cute, see, you know, 70 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 3: it was fingerprints on the Fridge and tater Tots and Jello. 71 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,839 Speaker 3: These are real blog names, and I think there's still 72 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 3: gold by those now, but they all had very cute names, 73 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 3: and so I was like, well, I want a cute name, 74 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: and so I ended up naming it after my two 75 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 3: daughters and their nickname. So I had two little girls 76 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 3: at the time, and it was Jemma Birdie and Maya Papaya. 77 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 3: So it just is what's stuck. And what I don't 78 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 3: think that people realize is like when you create a 79 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 3: brand or you create a name, there's a lot of 80 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 3: that that comes with you. And so even though everyone's 81 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 3: kind of now defined by their first name, it's really 82 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 3: hard to go back and change your Like I can't 83 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 3: find the handles for my actual name because I'm verified. 84 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm even able to or allowed 85 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 3: to change my name. I'm sure there's like a way 86 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 3: to do it, but I have to buy the rights 87 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 3: to my name from the person who currently has it, 88 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 3: I'd have to go through this whole process. So part 89 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 3: of me is like, you know what, whatever it is, 90 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 3: what it is, and it's kind of cute. It's like 91 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 3: the origins of the name or the origins of my story, 92 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 3: which is essentially being really lonely in motherhood and being 93 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 3: stuck at home with kids and wanting a way to 94 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 3: connect with other people. 95 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: I guess did you always did you always want kids? 96 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 2: Cause I think that that's like people let me talk 97 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 2: about this obviously a lot. I think most moms now 98 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 2: are having a lot more conversations and being honest about 99 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,799 Speaker 2: the fact that, like, motherhood can be fucking lonely as fuck, 100 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 2: Like it can be super isolating, and although it's this beautiful, 101 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 2: joyous experience, Like I think a lot of times people 102 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 2: that even were dying for kids or really always wanted kids, 103 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,919 Speaker 2: I mean, for me, like I didn't always want kids, 104 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 2: Like how has the journey been in that space? Like 105 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 2: did you assume that you're gonna have a kid and 106 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 2: just feel like immediately fully fulfilled and happy and just 107 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 2: yeahats and whatever the hell the other name? 108 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 3: Podcast talk and Della you know, I got married at 109 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:38,280 Speaker 3: nineteen to my first husband, and I was pregnant at 110 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 3: twenty and there was still like this little bit of 111 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 3: a baby. I was a baby, but I didn't have 112 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 3: like I wasn't going to university or college. I didn't 113 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,039 Speaker 3: really have anything like I had like a job, but 114 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 3: there wasn't a lot that was like pushing my world 115 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,840 Speaker 3: in a sense, right, and having a baby was like 116 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 3: this really exciting notion it. It was kind of like 117 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 3: playing house in my head. When I look back on it, 118 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, that was like really cute and 119 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 3: fun and being pregnant, being the first one of my 120 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:10,040 Speaker 3: friends that was pregnant, and you know, going through that experience. 121 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 3: But I also have to say, like I never liked babysitting, 122 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 3: so I was terrified to have my own kids. I 123 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 3: was very much like, ah, how am I going to 124 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 3: like these children at all? Because I don't like babysitting. 125 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 3: I never did. I grew up My mom did day 126 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 3: care for twenty five years, so I grew up in 127 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 3: a setting of children. I liked being around them, but 128 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 3: I didn't like the responsibility of taking care of them, 129 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 3: and then financially could not afford childcare. I made less 130 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 3: money than childcare costs, so that put me into the 131 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 3: role of being a stay at home mom. And I 132 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 3: know for a lot of people that's like a really 133 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,360 Speaker 3: exciting journey to take. That's like their goal to do it. 134 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,799 Speaker 3: Wasn't my goal, But I also didn't have any other goals, 135 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 3: so I just did it right and I look back 136 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 3: on it with some fondness. But I also recognized that 137 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 3: that was probably one of the hardest seasons of my 138 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 3: entire life because I just didn't have I don't think 139 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,679 Speaker 3: I was ready for it. I don't think that nothing 140 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 3: really prepares you. And now I just had my fourth 141 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 3: child and a new marriage and ten year separation between 142 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 3: my last child, my third child to my fourth, and 143 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 3: now I have the opportunity to have childcare. I'm in 144 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 3: a much different relationship. I've got teenagers that can help. 145 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 3: It's an entirely different story. And I guess I really 146 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 3: love having conversations like this because motherhood essentially is not 147 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 3: a singular experience, and through conversations with other people, learning 148 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 3: like how many people struggle with fertility to have a 149 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 3: baby and then be feeling like feelings of stuckness and 150 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 3: feelings that they don't feel like they can talk about 151 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 3: like are you allowed to say that you don't like 152 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 3: being at home with your kid after you spent how 153 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 3: much money and how many years trying to get there 154 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 3: or how much you dreamed about this and it just 155 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 3: isn't doing it for you. I mean, I think we 156 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 3: need to talk about it. I think it's a big conversation. 157 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 3: But overall, I love being a working mom more than 158 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 3: I did being a stay at home mom, and I 159 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 3: don't feel sorry about that at all. But it's complicated 160 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 3: being a working mom for sure. 161 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: Is it? 162 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 2: I mean the guilt, the mom guilt that is that 163 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 2: is ensues, that is unavoidable, that we. 164 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 3: Get the question mom guilt is literally a hashtag? And 165 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 3: where's the dad guilt hashtag? 166 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 2: Oh god, it doesn't exist. 167 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 3: It's just it does working dads. That's not even a know. 168 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 3: We don't even say that. 169 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 2: I saw I saw this post that you did. It 170 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 2: was like your last post on Instagram was this reel 171 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 2: of like the questions that your husband never gets asked, 172 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 2: And I thought it was so interesting, It's so true 173 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 2: because we have we've had this conversation too about like 174 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 2: this is dad guilt actually exist? And then men will 175 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 2: be like, yo, yeah, I feel bad sometimes, and I'm like, 176 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: I do. 177 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 1: Have dad guilt. 178 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 3: I'm like, single dads were the only ones that I 179 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,720 Speaker 3: was like, that's legit, like because they were talking about 180 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 3: But I also think that people would automatically say it 181 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 3: to a single man because they don't have a woman, 182 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 3: because the second the woman's in that role, they assume 183 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 3: everything is done by that woman. So I even while 184 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 3: the single dads were like popping up in the comments 185 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 3: and validating their own experiences as they should, I also 186 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 3: was like, it's still women perpetuating these questions. We're the 187 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 3: ones who are doing it. I've never been asked these 188 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 3: I've never been asked about mom guilt or being a 189 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 3: working mom by a man. It's always been women. 190 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 2: Right, I guess that's true. 191 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,079 Speaker 3: Yeah, we recycle the patriarchy just as much. 192 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 2: I know it's true. It's I don't know. I mean, 193 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 2: I think that men experience some level of guilt. I mean, honestly, 194 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 2: I don't know, because I'm not with I'm a single mom. 195 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 2: I haven't had a man in a while, unfortunately and 196 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 2: fortunately unfortunately, but I think that exists in some capacity, 197 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 2: but it's just not the same, because there's a different 198 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 2: like rooting that happens when you're a mother and you 199 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 2: give birth to a child, Like there's a connection. And 200 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 2: I'm not disvaluing the connection that fathers have with their kids, 201 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 2: but it's just different and there's a level of Like 202 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 2: me and Mila went on to retreat and were gone 203 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 2: for three weeks from our kids. That's the longest I've 204 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 2: ever been gone, and like I know her father has 205 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 2: been gone for substance, like way longer than that, like working, 206 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,359 Speaker 2: and I was like miss like staring at her photos 207 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 2: like Loki like crying in the bathroom, and shit, that 208 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 2: man is not crying in the motherfucking bathroom. Okay, it's 209 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 2: not happening. It doesn't exist. No, it just doesn't. It doesn't. 210 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: And like it's just it's it's such an uneven playing field, 211 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: like like you said, like I can maybe single dads 212 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: feel some level of dad guilt, but like single dads 213 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: usually like everyone swoons over them, like, oh my god, 214 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: you're doing it all by yourself, I mean, and more so, 215 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: like I feel like my experience as a single mom 216 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: is like, wow, that seems really hard. How are you 217 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: doing that? Like whereas men it's like, oh my god, 218 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: you're amazing. I can't believe that you're doing that. And 219 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: for women it's like, oh, what did you do to 220 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: put yourself in this position. 221 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 3: My now husband, when we were dating, really wanted to 222 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 3: be intentional about my kids, so he was like, if 223 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 3: I'm going to date you, I need to date them. 224 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 3: So he would take them out individually without me right 225 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 3: and spend time with them. And the one time he 226 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 3: took my one daughter, they went to go see Beauty 227 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 3: and the Beast and just come out in theaters and 228 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 3: they went out for dinner and he was like, we 229 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 3: got free desserts at dinner. They were so nice to us, 230 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 3: And I was like, what the And he's like, I 231 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 3: don't even know why they did that. I'm like, I 232 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,199 Speaker 3: know why they did that. I know exactly why they 233 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 3: did that. We swoon over a man doing like the 234 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 3: like it's so funny. Were one person was saying to 235 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 3: me that like whenever their husband's like doing the groceries 236 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 3: with the kid, they're like, oh, I look at you 237 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,680 Speaker 3: like doing it all. 238 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: Doing stuff for your household like you're supposed to fucking do. 239 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: Look at you contributing what the fuck you know. Oh 240 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm so interested in like your journey. I 241 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,160 Speaker 1: think like for us as single mom's, you know, like 242 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 1: it's so nice to see another mom who's you know, 243 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: been married, been single, found another fit you know, it 244 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: fits better, and like it's like a success story in 245 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: a single mom and the single Mom crew, like, oh 246 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: my god, you got remarried. It worked. I'm always just 247 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: like so cueious about like the journey, because we grow, 248 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,839 Speaker 1: right Like, you have one baby, you grow, you have 249 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: another baby, you grow, You have a marriage, a relationship, 250 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: every relationship that we part from essentially we grow from. 251 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: And I love that. I love that your now husband 252 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 1: took the time to like spend with your daughters and 253 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,959 Speaker 1: take them out individually. And I really love that because 254 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: I think, unfortunately, like this, our society also really like 255 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, like looks down at single moms and 256 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: how they date. I've found like even with my family, 257 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 1: like if I date a guy, like you're not leaving 258 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: her home alone with him, are you? I'm like, what 259 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: the fuck do you think I am dumb? Like I'm 260 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: not gonna first of all, I'm obviously there's predators out there. 261 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: Let's be clear, and sometimes they are fucking like wolves 262 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: and sheep's clothing, you know. But I think that's like 263 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: every single mom's biggest fear and every mom in general 264 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: is to protect they're young, Like that is our mama 265 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: bear instinct. But I think it's super healthy that you have, 266 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 1: you know, a man that when you come in and 267 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: dat a woman that has kids, that you are making 268 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: an effort to show that you actually give a fuck 269 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: about the kids too, and the relationship that you have 270 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: with those children. And obviously that happens over time and 271 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: with comfort. But I just I really love that, like 272 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: that was his approach. Did he have kids? Does he 273 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 1: also have kids? Oh? 274 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 3: Okay, no, well we have one together now. But when 275 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 3: you know, as a single mother, when you go into dating, 276 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 3: first of all, it had no intentions of ever getting 277 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 3: into another marriage. To me, I didn't succeed at marriage, 278 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 3: and that wasn't something that I found super enjoyable for 279 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 3: the most part, especially coming through divorce. It just felt like, 280 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 3: how long were you married? 281 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:36,839 Speaker 1: Happy? 282 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 2: You don't ask? 283 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 3: I was together with him for thirteen years and married 284 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,559 Speaker 3: for eleven. Oh wow, So I got divorced at thirty 285 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 3: and had and like not had to I got to 286 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 3: move in with my parents. It was actually a really 287 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,959 Speaker 3: fun time. I moved in with my parents. Again, I'm 288 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 3: trying to switch to this narrative because we do kind 289 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 3: of are like, Oh, I used to tell the story 290 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 3: and I'd be like, how humbling was it to like 291 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 3: have to move into my parents Yes? Humbling? But also 292 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 3: I got to wake up every day in my parents' house. 293 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 3: Y all nice? That is like it was. It was 294 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,679 Speaker 3: some of the best memories I think we have. When 295 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 3: I look back on the photos, I was like, oh, 296 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 3: that was the. 297 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 2: Well, you probably needed that nurturing too, I mean, especially 298 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 2: if you have like a supportive family in that way, 299 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 2: which just sounds like you do, like after being a 300 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 2: wife and having to carry the children and do all 301 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: these things, to be able to go back to your parents' 302 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: house and be taken care of a little bit, maybe 303 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 2: probably those kids being taken care of a little bit 304 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 2: more than maybe Hoppy does, because we all know like 305 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 2: they they like look at us, so like Candle it 306 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 2: this is your role. 307 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was a stay at home mom. So 308 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 3: I went from being a stay at home mom to 309 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 3: working two jobs within two weeks of getting divorced. That 310 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 3: was my life. 311 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: Damn me were fucking around. 312 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 3: No, I had no choice. I was working as a 313 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 3: server at nighttime, working around my ex husband's schedule before. 314 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 3: So as soon as we split, I was like that, 315 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 3: I can't financially sustain on this one job that I'm working, 316 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 3: So I came into having a second job, which really 317 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 3: heavily relied on my mom to be able to help 318 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 3: with the kids and stuff as well. But I agree 319 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 3: with you, there is sort of this sentiment around single 320 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 3: mothers that immediately brings on feelings of hardship, needing to 321 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 3: help them, needing this, and this is I actually just 322 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 3: wrote about this not long ago, because single motherhood, oftentimes, 323 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 3: when we refer to it in the past, it's referred 324 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 3: to as something that we get out of or that 325 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 3: we like got through. And it's not to say that 326 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 3: those aren't valid feelings, but I also don't think I've 327 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 3: ever had another time in my life that I felt stronger, 328 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 3: more capable and willing to like do like I don't know, 329 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 3: like there was so much more to that time. And 330 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 3: it's funny because we kind of refer to it as 331 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 3: being these things that we got out of because it 332 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 3: seems so scary and uncertain and vulnerable. But the truth 333 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 3: was so was dating, so was marriage, so was divorced. 334 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 3: So it has been so many different jobs that I've had, 335 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 3: and so much a part of life is scary and uncertain. 336 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: So when it comes to the single momhood of things, 337 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 3: if I'm looking reflectively, that's the one time in my 338 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 3: life I thought nothing can stand against me because I 339 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 3: came into this season of life with not a dollar 340 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 3: to my name, and I got through it, Yes, with 341 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 3: the support of others, But why can't we have support 342 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 3: of others that doesn't make me weak, that doesn't make 343 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 3: me anything, that makes me strong, to be able to 344 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 3: still persevere and like push for things. There was discomfort 345 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 3: in the fact of uh trying to steady myself emotionally 346 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 3: with loneliness. I had a friend once who was dating 347 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 3: a lot, and she realized that she was just dating, dating, dating, dating, 348 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 3: but had never been alone, like never truly just let 349 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 3: herself be comfortable alone. And I found myself trying to 350 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 3: get really distracted. I was going out on the nights 351 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 3: I didn't have the kids, and on the nights that 352 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 3: I was home by myself. Those were some of the 353 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 3: hardest nights, and I realized I really had to work 354 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 3: on that. I really had to figure out who the 355 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 3: fuck I was, What did I like to do when 356 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 3: I was by myself, and what were those choices that 357 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 3: I was going to make, And that now that they 358 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 3: look back on it, I'm like I was dating myself. Yeah, 359 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 3: I was romancing myself. And nobody talked about this before too, 360 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 3: So I apologize if this is repeats for anyone. But 361 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 3: we don't freaking have ceremonies for that, don't. We don't 362 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 3: have engagements to that, we don't take pictures for that. 363 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 3: We don't celebrate the relationship with ourselves. And that's the 364 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 3: one thing that's going to stand the test of time. 365 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 3: Our kids will eventually grow up and away from our homes, 366 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 3: like we will lose our parents at a certain phase 367 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:22,880 Speaker 3: of life. There's variables in all of our relationships. They 368 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 3: are so unsteady, and you got one shot at one 369 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 3: life and one relationship with yourself. That's the only one 370 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 3: that's guaranteed. And I think we have to pay more 371 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 3: attention to that. And so I a single motherhood gave 372 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 3: me that, and then so coming into dating, of course, 373 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 3: was not something I expected to do. And when it 374 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 3: comes to meeting somebody, you have basically three choices, somebody 375 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 3: who doesn't want kids, somebody who has their own kids, 376 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 3: or somebody who might potentially want their own. And I 377 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 3: didn't know how to date and kind of come into 378 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 3: that when I'm like, I have three kids, like I'm good, 379 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 3: I don't really want to have more. And so when 380 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 3: I met my husband, he was very much like, I 381 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 3: don't have this internal gut feeling of having my own kids, 382 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,239 Speaker 3: but I love kids. I love being around them, and 383 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 3: I think that that made him somewhat exceptional to me, 384 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,520 Speaker 3: and to the point of him dating my kids. There's 385 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 3: a there's something that I don't often hear talked about, 386 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 3: and that's that when you're dating somebody and it's a 387 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 3: secondary relationship from the one that you've had with their father. 388 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,920 Speaker 3: Even in a lot of cases, if you split and 389 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 3: you share custody in any regard, that person is still 390 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: in their kids, in your kid's life, they're still there. 391 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 3: But when you break up in a secondary relationship, that 392 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 3: person isn't. And so the burden on me is that 393 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 3: it started to build up in my relationship with my 394 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 3: now husband, was if this doesn't work out, I have 395 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 3: to rip him away from them, and I can't. I 396 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,719 Speaker 3: don't know how to hurt them with this, And so 397 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 3: it made it very hard to move through the relationship 398 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:56,119 Speaker 3: confidently or feeling like I could constantly push from my 399 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,199 Speaker 3: needs with things when I had this cloud over my 400 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 3: head a little bit. And so there was one day 401 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 3: where he kind of pulled me aside and he said, listen, 402 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 3: I want you to know I love you, but I 403 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,239 Speaker 3: want you to know I've fallen in love with your 404 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 3: kids too, So if anything ever happens, I, if you're 405 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 3: okay with it, I'd like to still be in their 406 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,959 Speaker 3: lives afterwards. And that just took every little bit of 407 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 3: weight off of my chest and that I'm good cry 408 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 3: and not thinking about it because I didn't realize how 409 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 3: much it was a burden to me that I felt 410 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,880 Speaker 3: like I had to make this new relationship work or 411 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 3: I was going to hurt my children. So knowing that 412 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,159 Speaker 3: I could move through the relationship good or bad and 413 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 3: leave being in it or not, and that he was 414 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 3: still willing to pursue them and be there for them 415 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 3: afterwards in a supportive role meant everything to me. It 416 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,159 Speaker 3: meant that it was no longer hinged on how I 417 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 3: felt and how I was doing. But also he was 418 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,640 Speaker 3: just wanting to be in their life because he had 419 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 3: fallen in love with them too. He didn't just date me, 420 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 3: he dated all of us. 421 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,880 Speaker 1: That is so incredibly beautiful I could cry. Also, I think, 422 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: will you talk about this recently a lot and just 423 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: in general, how we all really just long for safety 424 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: and you know, and like this security and like a 425 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: lot of times men don't understand like if you offer 426 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: a woman safety in certain ways, like we're going to 427 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: be loyal forever, you know. And I've also experienced that 428 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: dating people my kid getting attached and then they literally 429 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: disappear after I've had this conversation, And so absolutely is 430 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: a fear. Absolutely there is a you know, a responsibility 431 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,400 Speaker 1: to your kids that you're not like furthering their trauma 432 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 1: with attachment issues with men that you've date. I mean, 433 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 1: like speaking back to what you said initially, I'm reading 434 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,440 Speaker 1: this book right now called Women Who Run with Wolves 435 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: and I'm probably going to reference this book like four 436 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 1: hundred million times down. Please write it down. It's fucking amazing. 437 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: It's like, honestly, I feel like it's the Bible. No 438 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: one ever gave me. And yesterday I was reading this 439 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: portion of the book and it's a book of tales, 440 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 1: but the tales are then dissected in a way that 441 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: kind of frames the wild woman and how we're under 442 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 1: attack and how we've been, you know, attempted to be domesticated. 443 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: And there's a story about a little girl who it's 444 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: kind of like a Cinderella story. Her mom dies, she 445 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,159 Speaker 1: has a step mom and like two evil stepsisters. Anyway, 446 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: she goes out into the woods. Anyway, the whole story 447 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: talks about we have an overbearing mother, Psyche. It's our 448 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:22,199 Speaker 1: need as women to feel safe. But how if we 449 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: stay too close to that overbearing mother, or if we 450 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 1: overbear as mothers, you kind of take away your the 451 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,160 Speaker 1: option to step out on faith. And oftentimes the things 452 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 1: that we step out on faith into, like the woods, 453 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 1: those are the things that sharpen our intuition. Obviously, there's 454 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: always like the comfort of staying close to something, staying 455 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: in a marriage, staying in a relationship, doing the things 456 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,479 Speaker 1: that's safe because we want to be taken care of. 457 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: But it's actually on the journey into the woods and 458 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 1: to the darkness that you sharpen your intuition and you 459 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:57,160 Speaker 1: learn really who you are and like how powerful your 460 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: intuition is. And it's just like it really made me 461 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,360 Speaker 1: think about when you said that. It made me think 462 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: about how you know, when a lot of times a 463 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,439 Speaker 1: woman do transition into this space of being single moms, 464 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 1: it's more like oh no, you know, like instead of 465 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: like the celebration of oh that didn't work for you, 466 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 1: and you recognize it and you walked away from what 467 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,880 Speaker 1: was not comfortable for you and you decided to rip 468 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: the band aid off and do it anyway. Those are 469 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 1: the things that sharpen your intuition and make you confident 470 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: in who you are and like even dating the next time. 471 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 1: And the same when I first got single, like I 472 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 1: wanted to feel bad for myself, but you know, it 473 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: was the little things that made me feel strong, like 474 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: taking out the trash alone, like walking my dog and 475 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: carrying my baby. I was like, I can do this shit. 476 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 2: Well, I think when you are like open to that, 477 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 2: like and those kind of things like you said you 478 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 2: didn't even realize you were dating yourself, like those things 479 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 2: like intuitively, as women, when we really do start to 480 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 2: like notice our power step into our like, oh okay, 481 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 2: I can handle this, Oh I got this, You like 482 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 2: really start to just move towards that space. The actions come, 483 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 2: like the messages come, The things that you're supposed to 484 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,879 Speaker 2: do in order to empower yourself naturally come. And then 485 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 2: of course, hopefully you have sisterhood, Hopefully you have tribe 486 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 2: that are going to kind of reinforce that in you 487 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: and give you examples, and honestly, like hopefully thank God 488 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 2: for podcasts because there's so many you listen to podcasting 489 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 2: you realize like, oh my god, people are having some 490 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 2: conversations like what yeah, and. 491 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,400 Speaker 3: We're having it in a way that feels safe, right right, 492 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 3: Like is that not also what it is for podcasts? 493 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 3: It's a space that you can speak and people won't 494 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 3: immediately respond and not somehow feel safe too. 495 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it's true. But I do think that there 496 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 2: is a like it's so scary becoming a single mother. 497 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 2: It's truly, like it's really terrifying, especially if like that's 498 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 2: not what you like, if especially like if you had 499 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: this idea that you were going to have, like you're 500 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 2: going to play house, You're gonna have this perfect little face. 501 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 1: It every ninety nine point nine percent of moms, I 502 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,200 Speaker 1: mean maybe ninety eight thought we were going to play 503 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 1: house and it was going to live happily ever fucking after, 504 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: like a fucking Disney mood. 505 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 2: And I can only imagine, like you have three kids 506 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 2: with your first husband. 507 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got two girls and a boy, and now 508 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 3: I have a fourth little girl. 509 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 2: But like having three kids, you're with one person, You're 510 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 2: in a rhythm, like you're in a flow. You are 511 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 2: like not necessarily, maybe it's not a flow, Like let's 512 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 2: maybe it isn't a flow and that's the problem, but 513 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 2: like it's. 514 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 1: The only flow that you know. 515 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 2: It's the only flow that you know, Like I mean 516 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 2: for us me and Mila, like we we had one 517 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: child with our child's father and like we did right, 518 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,679 Speaker 2: But like three that's a real investment in your time 519 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 2: and your energy and your connection with another person creating life. 520 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 2: Like I would imagine that kind of walking away from that, 521 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 2: like there's a like that's some brave shit. 522 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think there's two parts of this. One. 523 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 3: I said that I wanted to divorce three years before 524 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,640 Speaker 3: I actually did it, because there is a grieving process 525 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,320 Speaker 3: to every stage of that. And I think a lot 526 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 3: of people dance with the idea of leaving a situation 527 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 3: or changing a situation, but you have to remember, when 528 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 3: you've idealized and you've created a lot of narratives around 529 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 3: this cookie, it is very hard to take that. If 530 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,919 Speaker 3: you think of like what a cookie cutter looks like, 531 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 3: and we talk about families as being a cookie cutter, 532 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 3: and we ultimately ask the Disney dream we want this 533 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 3: cookie cutter reality. To take that cookie cutter and to 534 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 3: realize that it can be reshaped and that you can 535 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 3: change the shape that it looks like is a very 536 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 3: powerful fucking moment for you. But I will say that 537 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 3: I thought that my marriage would end in an explosion. 538 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 3: I always thought and I never talk about like why 539 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 3: we split up. That's like out of my respect for 540 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 3: my kids, especially because it's not just my story, it's 541 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 3: like all of us. But when you think about leaving something, 542 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 3: I think a lot of us go through this cycle. 543 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 3: There's so many cycles when it comes to emotions and stuff, 544 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,919 Speaker 3: but typically a breakup in any sense usually happens at 545 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,399 Speaker 3: the height of that cycle. There's some sort of an explosion. 546 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 3: And I had gone through so many cycles where it 547 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,399 Speaker 3: was like okay, it's not good. I'm ready to go. 548 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 3: I need to get out of this, and kept having 549 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,880 Speaker 3: these conversations about it and then coming back in over 550 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 3: over and over again. So when I actually did leave, 551 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 3: it was on a very, very calm Wednesday. It was 552 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 3: on a Wednesday that was uneventful Wednesday. And there was 553 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 3: something really uniquely powerful about that, because you know, I've 554 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 3: written about this before as well, but just when people 555 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 3: go through breakups, it's kind of like a car crash 556 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 3: for everybody around you, and everybody wants to rub her 557 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 3: neck and figure out what happened, Why did this happen, 558 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 3: and who's that fault here? And the reality is nobody 559 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 3: was in the fucking car with you. Nobody was in 560 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,679 Speaker 3: the fucking car with you. And it's okay if you 561 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,200 Speaker 3: just stopped the car from driving like it's okay if 562 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 3: it's not an actual crash, people will still ask the 563 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,960 Speaker 3: question over and over and over, why why did this 564 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,719 Speaker 3: end did? And it's just somebody immediately called me as 565 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 3: soon as it happened. They said, keep your circle tight 566 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 3: and keep it closed, and you do not owe people 567 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 3: an answer to why. And at the time she said 568 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 3: that I was such a people pleaser to think of 569 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 3: the idea of not an answering people didn't make sense 570 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 3: to me, but I trusted her. She was like a 571 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 3: mentor to me, and I was like, Okay, we're going 572 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:06,960 Speaker 3: to keep this tight. We're going to keep it small. 573 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 3: And over the years, I allowed myself to be spoken of, 574 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 3: be spoken down about, have stories about me out there, 575 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 3: and I just let them play out because it wasn't 576 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,280 Speaker 3: my story. And if I knew my story, I could 577 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 3: hold my head high no matter what, no matter what 578 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 3: could be said about me, no matter who made assumptions 579 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 3: about that car crash and why that car stopped driving, 580 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 3: it didn't matter because at the end of the day, 581 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,199 Speaker 3: people would eventually stop talking about it. I knew that 582 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 3: to be true because if you've ever watched somebody go 583 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,400 Speaker 3: through divorce or a breakup of any type, everyone talks 584 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 3: about it in the moment happens, but guess what, they 585 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 3: keep driving down the highway. They keep going and they're 586 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 3: not rubbernecking forever. So I kept having it in my head, 587 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 3: if I just keep going, people will stop talking about 588 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 3: this eventually, and I'll just get to keep going. And 589 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,960 Speaker 3: so that's kind of what I did, and I think 590 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 3: it was the best decision for me, and overall, my 591 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,880 Speaker 3: truth kind of remained my true then I didn't didn't 592 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 3: have to get messy about it either. 593 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 2: I think that's I mean, I think that's really true. 594 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 2: I think that I love that advice of like keeping 595 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 2: your circle tight and keeping it tight, especially as a 596 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,880 Speaker 2: people pleaser. I think that's a really great tip because 597 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 2: I think for women too, like we have this nature 598 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 2: to kind of like not nature, that's actually that's not 599 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,720 Speaker 2: the right word. We have this I guess people expect 600 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 2: us to kind of like want to talk shit all 601 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 2: day about art, like whatever's gone on, you know, and 602 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 2: like yeah, or and I think just humanly, like we 603 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,959 Speaker 2: want to place blame on someone like this is this 604 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 2: person's fault or that person's fault, and whether or not 605 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 2: it is, you know, that's either here nor there. But 606 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 2: I love the reference of like talking about like what 607 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 2: if you just stop the car and what if you 608 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 2: just get out? Yeah, you know, like what if you 609 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 2: don't have to have the whole crash. 610 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: So, you know, we've been on this healthy kick. I've 611 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: been detoxing and really trying to get my health together. 612 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 1: Same girl, Same And I'm generally like against doing meal 613 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: preps because let's be honest, they're generally nasty and I 614 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: don't want to reheat nasty food. But recently I have 615 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 1: been trying HelloFresh. 616 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 2: I love Hello Fresh right. 617 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,760 Speaker 1: It just like totally minimizes the time I'm in the 618 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 1: kitchen so I can actually enjoy my meal and spend 619 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: it with my kid. And all the recipes are delicious 620 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,479 Speaker 1: and unique and quick and easy. 621 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 2: Who wants to spend all day in the kitchen when 622 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 2: you can just have your meals delivered straight to your door, 623 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 2: ready to go, and their bomb and. 624 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: You don't have to think about going to the supermarket, parking, 625 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: standing in line, being around people. It's amazing. 626 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 2: So go to HelloFresh dot com slash GNBC sixteen and 627 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 2: use code GMBC sixteen for up to sixteen free meals 628 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,280 Speaker 2: and three free gifts. You guys, sixteen free meals. 629 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: It's America's number one meal kit and you don't want 630 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: to miss this offer. Have you ever been in the 631 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: market for like a fellow kinky person or third person 632 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: for your threesome or maybe even a couple and you 633 00:29:58,600 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 1: don't know where to look? 634 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 2: It's really hard. Sometimes it's intimidating. You want to try 635 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 2: new things, we don't know where to start. Well, that's 636 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 2: why the Field app exists. It's an inclusive app to all, 637 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 2: no matter gender orientation. It's the largest dating community of 638 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 2: progressive humans across the globe who want to connect with 639 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 2: open minded people like themselves. 640 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 1: You can choose from categories like BDSM, kink, roleplay, threesomes. 641 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 1: It's just a world of kinky things and lifestyles for 642 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 1: you to find. And right now we have great news. 643 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:33,760 Speaker 1: You can download the Field app for free and support 644 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,720 Speaker 1: our show by going to f e e l D 645 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,280 Speaker 1: dot co slash Good Moms. 646 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 2: That's f e e l D dot Co slash good Moms, 647 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 2: or just click the link in our episode description to 648 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 2: get the Field App for free. Today. 649 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 1: You know, we think about mindfulness, you know, because this 650 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,880 Speaker 1: month's theme has been mindfulness, And think what mindfulness? We 651 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 1: think about this peaceful thing and all these all these things. 652 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: But mindfulness is really just like the idea that you 653 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: are honoring yourself right And like I think, in a 654 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: lot of relationships, we assume that there has to be 655 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 1: some big crash and burn for us to walk away, 656 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: but in fact, like we're constantly growing. We're constantly evolving. 657 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 1: And like you said, like three you knew like three 658 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: years before. Same, I knew three years. I knew a 659 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 1: long time before. You know, I walked away that I 660 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: probably needed to walk away, but I exhausted every fucking 661 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 1: possibility because I listened to other people, and not only that, 662 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 1: I listened to what this cookie cutter standard was and 663 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 1: what would you know what looked good and what it 664 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 1: was supposed to be like. And the truth was I 665 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: was just growing at a much faster pace than my 666 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 1: partner at the time, and the relationship wasn't really helping 667 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: me grow. And sometimes that's enough. Yeah, if we only, 668 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 1: like you said, we only have one life and this 669 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 1: lifetime in this realm, this time, and your growth is 670 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: like being mindful of your growth and where you're at 671 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: and the environment that you keep even when you love someone. 672 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 1: I read something recently it was just like everyone you 673 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: love doesn't deserve you, and that hurts. It hurt for 674 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 1: me to read it, it hurts for me to repeat it. 675 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,400 Speaker 1: Like I've loved people that I didn't need to keep, 676 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 1: and that is a very hard pill to swallow. You know, 677 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: there's a lot of people that you love and you 678 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,600 Speaker 1: have to let go. In fact, it's your journey and 679 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: your life's lesson to let go. And like, even when 680 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,640 Speaker 1: you talked about the fear of our kids being attached 681 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 1: to men when we no longer are, I've found it 682 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 1: kind of sad but also kind of a blessing to 683 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 1: be able to have that conversation with my seven year old. 684 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: She said, Nana said, you break up with everybody. I 685 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,719 Speaker 1: was like, well, Nana needs to get out of my business. Also, 686 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: everyone's not here forever. It's okay to leave people. It's 687 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 1: okay to grow out of people, and that is okay, 688 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 1: and that is a lesson I didn't get growing up, 689 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 1: and as an adult, I have a hard time letting 690 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:57,719 Speaker 1: go of people. 691 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 3: I have a chapters, right, I have to make the 692 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,040 Speaker 3: chapters in my head. That's how I have to make them, 693 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 3: or it doesn't make sense for me, because. 694 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: Like I'm like, why did you leave me? Why did 695 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: this end? Like I didn't do anything wrong. I don't 696 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 1: feel I felt like we were in a good place, 697 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,480 Speaker 1: you know, I felt like we communicated. I loved you, 698 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: And like sometimes a lot of times just loving someone 699 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: isn't enough. And honestly, It's the mindfulness that you can 700 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 1: love someone but they don't belong in the rest of 701 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 1: your book and yours ultimately the author. But sometimes we 702 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,240 Speaker 1: are so clinging to the love. 703 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,720 Speaker 2: The idea. Yeah, this idea that these future chapters you 704 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 2: wrote before they played out. 705 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 3: This is why I was so you know, when everyone 706 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 3: was so pumped about the new Adele album. I'm like, yeah, 707 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,480 Speaker 3: I love Adele like she's great, but I swear to 708 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 3: God when I turned that first when they released the 709 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 3: first song, and it was easy on me. And the 710 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 3: first line she sang with about there ain't no gold 711 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,080 Speaker 3: in this river. I've been washing my hands in forever. 712 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 3: I know there is hope in these waters, but I 713 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 3: can't bring myself to swim when I'm drowning in this silence. 714 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 3: The entire story that she began to tell about divorce 715 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 3: wasn't one that was a crash and burn. It was 716 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,839 Speaker 3: one that I just don't I don't think I want 717 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 3: to do this anymore, and I need everybody to just 718 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 3: hold so much empathy and compassion for me. And when 719 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 3: I reflected upon like my own divorce and everything, I 720 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,319 Speaker 3: think the one thing that really resonated with me is 721 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 3: like almost to me was like a burning house was 722 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 3: a burning house, and I was just putting out the 723 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 3: fire with buckets and buckets and buckets of water, and 724 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,799 Speaker 3: so eventually you realize the flames are too big. We 725 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 3: got to get out, and we all have to get out, 726 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,799 Speaker 3: not just like me, not just the kids, not just 727 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,400 Speaker 3: my ex. We all have to get out of this house. 728 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,840 Speaker 3: And you get out of the house, and everyone's like, well, 729 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 3: how did this happen? Like again with the car crash 730 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,360 Speaker 3: kind of mentality, Nobody saw you fucking carrying the buckets, 731 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,279 Speaker 3: Nobody saw you trying to put out those fires for 732 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,600 Speaker 3: so long. And we need to praise the people for 733 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,800 Speaker 3: getting out. We need to praise people for and honor 734 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 3: them and be like, how can we help you rebuild? 735 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 3: How can we be a part of your rebuild your 736 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,799 Speaker 3: personal time in rebuilding. I think that divorce is, you know, 737 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 3: it's so hard to talk about because people are really 738 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,799 Speaker 3: defensive about it and because divorce rates are so high. 739 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,240 Speaker 3: But divorce rates are high or not because we're failing 740 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 3: at marriage, but because we're becoming more mind self aware, 741 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 3: we're mindful, more mind right, and we're gah, we're becoming 742 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:29,000 Speaker 3: more financially independent too, and we need to recognize that 743 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 3: financial independence and fair wages for women especially, and more 744 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 3: support around women especially creates more safety for women. It 745 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 3: is truly empowering and it is lovely to think that 746 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,879 Speaker 3: in a world of marriages, and I'm somebody who got 747 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,239 Speaker 3: divorced and somehow got married again, I still believe in it. 748 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 3: But it's like having a bad job and then getting 749 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,759 Speaker 3: a different job, like they don't have. They're not all 750 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 3: the same when we talk about marriage. They are not equal. 751 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 3: They are never going to be equal. So we need 752 00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 3: to start looking at them as like individual things, just 753 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 3: as individual as everybody is. But when somebody gets married 754 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 3: or gets divorced, we need to kind of look at 755 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,799 Speaker 3: it as just what it is, not necessarily like a 756 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 3: statistic or like a pass or fail. Ultimately, my marriage, 757 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 3: as much as I felt like a failure in it, 758 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,280 Speaker 3: has to be a part of my success story because 759 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,720 Speaker 3: it taught me so much. It gave me these children, 760 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,799 Speaker 3: It made me who I am today. As unfortunate as 761 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 3: some of those parts are and as hard as some 762 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 3: of those parts are, I would not be in the 763 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 3: position I am today if it were not for that. 764 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,919 Speaker 3: So I think that more people need to be celebrated 765 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,840 Speaker 3: for standing up and acknowledged for you know how difficult 766 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,960 Speaker 3: it is, but also like how empowering and amazing it 767 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 3: is that we now live in a time where people 768 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,239 Speaker 3: can step away from relationships and still be. 769 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:51,320 Speaker 1: Okay, particularly women, because yes, women are really the ones 770 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,920 Speaker 1: who feel the guilt about the failure. Like I feel 771 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: like more so hold up this narrative and feel guilt 772 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 1: and shame when the shit doesn't. 773 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the midil and like no one talks 774 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,920 Speaker 2: about the like the divorce guilt, the relationship guilt, like 775 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 2: the guilt that women feel like we really carry the 776 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,279 Speaker 2: burden of this, like you didn't try hard, Like you 777 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,359 Speaker 2: have to show proof that you you have all these 778 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 2: buckets behind you that you really used, Like I really 779 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,279 Speaker 2: use these buckets. Like guys, you weren't there, but I 780 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,280 Speaker 2: swear to God I used them, Like they need the proof. 781 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 2: It's so. 782 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 1: And also I'm not supposed to suffer. While it's not 783 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,959 Speaker 1: okay for for me to suffer while we figure it out, 784 00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:33,240 Speaker 1: it's not normal to suffer because I'm attempting to uphold 785 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,239 Speaker 1: this standard, Like it's not okay, it's not normal it's 786 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:39,040 Speaker 1: not healthy. And in fact, you know, if you're in 787 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: if you're listening and you're in this position and you're 788 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,440 Speaker 1: feeling this way, and you felt this way, And like 789 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: I I think because we're like good mom's bad choices, 790 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,760 Speaker 1: I think people assume that we're like man bashing marriage, 791 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 1: hating single moms, but like Eric and I both love 792 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: love and love marriage and want to be married and 793 00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,920 Speaker 1: like have all these you know, aspirations, but we're clear 794 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,400 Speaker 1: about who we are and that you know our purpose 795 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 1: and like if it doesn't align, then we're cool with 796 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,399 Speaker 1: it not being forever, you know. And I think that's 797 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: the thing women are not really empowered to do. And so, 798 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 1: you know, I get messages like this all the time. 799 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: Someone messaged me yesterday, how did you stop having sex 800 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: with your baby daddy? And I was like, bitch, it 801 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 1: was really hard. But I'd realized as soon as I 802 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,319 Speaker 1: walked away from things that didn't serve me, blessings on 803 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 1: blessings bestowed upon me because I was strong enough to 804 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,480 Speaker 1: see through to the other side and honoring myself and 805 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 1: knowing like that feeling in my gut that this probably 806 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,480 Speaker 1: isn't healthy for me is instinctually, I know me best, 807 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: and even if it's not easy and nobody else gets it, 808 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,439 Speaker 1: I knew that I had to walk away. And as 809 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: soon as I did in the relationship sexually, all the 810 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,880 Speaker 1: extra shit it like God, the universe spirit was like 811 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,440 Speaker 1: told you, bitch, this is what needed to happen for 812 00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,120 Speaker 1: you to get to this next level. And it's no, 813 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 1: you know, to my baby daddy or to that relationship, 814 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,120 Speaker 1: because like you said, it grew me like I would 815 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 1: never be here doing this if I didn't have the 816 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,360 Speaker 1: strength and the testimony to be like I had to 817 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,040 Speaker 1: walk away to become this version of myself. 818 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:18,640 Speaker 3: If you're in something that isn't meant to be ultimately, 819 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,280 Speaker 3: if you're somebody who maybe believes in some forms of destiny, 820 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,680 Speaker 3: which I think I do, it's not that it's not 821 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:26,839 Speaker 3: going to move forward, but it's like a train off 822 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 3: its tracks, so it's going to be really hard to 823 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:34,440 Speaker 3: push it forward. When things get into alignment and the 824 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:38,759 Speaker 3: train gets on the track, you become shocked at how 825 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:43,480 Speaker 3: quickly that train moves and how easily it glides. That 826 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 3: was my biggest shock walking away after I said it 827 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,920 Speaker 3: like it took me three years to walk away. I 828 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,840 Speaker 3: cannot tell you the amount of things that just click 829 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 3: clicklick click click. As soon as I drew that boundary, 830 00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,400 Speaker 3: I cannot. I cannot. I could go into it, but 831 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,160 Speaker 3: I mean I within two weeks landed my dream job. 832 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 3: I met my husband, did not plan to date him, 833 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,400 Speaker 3: but literally saw this man and had this overwhelming feeling 834 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,120 Speaker 3: of he's important. That was all that came. I've never 835 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,239 Speaker 3: had like a voice. I've never you know, when people 836 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:16,840 Speaker 3: are always like oh I heard God, or like I 837 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,880 Speaker 3: heard the never fuck it Like I was like, how 838 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 3: do you do? How do you do? I can't even meditate, 839 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,640 Speaker 3: Like I don't know how to do it. And so 840 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,319 Speaker 3: when I saw this man and all I heard, all 841 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,759 Speaker 3: I felt inside like that had not even spoken to him, 842 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 3: was like he's important, like ping, just what the fuck 843 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:36,120 Speaker 3: was that? And had no idea what was coming for me? 844 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,359 Speaker 3: How did that all work out? Way too quickly? There 845 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,240 Speaker 3: was part of me that like wanted to be resentful, 846 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 3: like that went a little too easily, like why did that? 847 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 3: Why is this actually going well? Which causes a lot 848 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,080 Speaker 3: of internal discomfort. I'm going to call it when you 849 00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,840 Speaker 3: feel like you don't deserve it, and that the other shoe. 850 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,840 Speaker 3: The other shoe is going to drop at some point. 851 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 3: But I've really had to look back and be like, no, 852 00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,239 Speaker 3: that's what it feels like when you're not living in 853 00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 3: the storyline supposed to be in ye and you go 854 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,120 Speaker 3: into the one that you are, or when you resist 855 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 3: that change. I think a lot of times there is 856 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,920 Speaker 3: a chapter that like the page just needs to turn 857 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,920 Speaker 3: and you're holding a bookmark, like you've got a bookmark 858 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,120 Speaker 3: there and you just need to take it out, and 859 00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,319 Speaker 3: you can tell I love analogies, but yeah, like it 860 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 3: definitely to your point, Like it's just it can be 861 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,120 Speaker 3: so hard to let go that stuff, but as soon 862 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 3: as you do, it is truly shocking what can come 863 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 3: to be. But I that's a really hard story to 864 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,160 Speaker 3: tell before you've made the chance. 865 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,640 Speaker 2: It's it. No, it feels really it feels out of 866 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,480 Speaker 2: reach and out of touch for sure, but like it's 867 00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,000 Speaker 2: so true. I mean, I think that's you know, we 868 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,560 Speaker 2: talk a lot about the power of manifestation and like 869 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,320 Speaker 2: sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it, and sometimes 870 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,479 Speaker 2: like you won't be able to invite in the things 871 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,400 Speaker 2: that you want into your life until you make space, 872 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,560 Speaker 2: until you clear out space and clearing out that space 873 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,279 Speaker 2: is often extremely uncomfortable. In fact, if it's comfortable, it's 874 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,799 Speaker 2: probably not going to work. Like you've got to get 875 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 2: used to being uncomfortable in order to invite what's meant 876 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:04,000 Speaker 2: for you, the comfortability that you're looking for, the stability 877 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,680 Speaker 2: that you're looking for. Stability doesn't come from comfort, like. 878 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,400 Speaker 1: The clarity, the clarity to hear that voice. You know. 879 00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:12,879 Speaker 1: I always see people on the internet like saying, oh, 880 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,360 Speaker 1: then I just knew oh, and it just came to me, 881 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,279 Speaker 1: And I was like, bitch, what the fuck just came 882 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,319 Speaker 1: to you? Because it's not just coming to me and 883 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,120 Speaker 1: irritate me. And now I'm I'm like, really, really, once 884 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: you really cross over that bridge things, the clarity, the voices, 885 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:31,040 Speaker 1: the alignment is actually truly that clear like it is. 886 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,359 Speaker 2: And remember we I remember as me and Mila really 887 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,040 Speaker 2: had this conversation, Like me and Mila just did a 888 00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,719 Speaker 2: retreat in Costa Rica and we were having this conversation 889 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,320 Speaker 2: about like, you know, when my celebrities go on stage 890 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,399 Speaker 2: and they like like they thank everyone, and then they 891 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,360 Speaker 2: are like, you know, this is for everyone. You know, 892 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,080 Speaker 2: believe in your dreams, like keep working, you can do 893 00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:54,360 Speaker 2: anything you want. It's like Beyonce, You're like, you're fucking Beyonce, Like, 894 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:55,040 Speaker 2: of course you can. 895 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,480 Speaker 3: I was just gonna say that when you said manifestation 896 00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,520 Speaker 3: because I'm like every time somebody talks about manifestation, they 897 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,319 Speaker 3: are like, you just gotta get up and you got 898 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,600 Speaker 3: to like just get out there and do the thing. 899 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 3: It's like with what money, like with what you've got 900 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,200 Speaker 3: the money to do it. So that always frustrated me 901 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,480 Speaker 3: in a position of like I literally didn't have my 902 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,560 Speaker 3: name on a bank a car like bank card. Yet 903 00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 3: I was thirty and had nothing. I didn't have a 904 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,759 Speaker 3: car to drive. I didn't have a job more than 905 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,919 Speaker 3: like my serving at tight time. So when people talked 906 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,080 Speaker 3: about like just manifested, I was like, fuck you, Like 907 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,960 Speaker 3: that must be so nice. So I love that we're 908 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 3: talking about manifesting in a way that's a gritty, like 909 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:32,320 Speaker 3: really truly, it's gonna be hard, but it's gonna get good, 910 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,600 Speaker 3: like you kind of have to tear down before you rebuild, right, 911 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,120 Speaker 3: And like that doesn't mean that it's easy. It's not 912 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,320 Speaker 3: the manifestation of just like buying. 913 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,759 Speaker 2: An it's not the one you want to it's not 914 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 2: the one you want to hear, Okay, Like the manifestation 915 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,080 Speaker 2: that you want to hear, like the ones that sounds cute, 916 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,640 Speaker 2: is the one where you wrote some shit down, lit 917 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,080 Speaker 2: a candle and the next day it came true. Sorry, bitch, 918 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,759 Speaker 2: it's not doesn't work like that. There actually has to 919 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,040 Speaker 2: be action, and then it has to get uncomfortable and 920 00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 2: it probably is gonna get a little ugly too before 921 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,560 Speaker 2: the manifestation cultivates. And even going back to like these 922 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 2: like a celebrity on stage talking about like or whoever 923 00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,239 Speaker 2: something successful, saying like just keep going at it and 924 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,319 Speaker 2: like your dreams are possible. I would be like in 925 00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 2: this space where I really was. I didn't know what 926 00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,279 Speaker 2: my purpose was, and I would see like I would 927 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,479 Speaker 2: watch the Grammys or whatever it was, and these people 928 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,000 Speaker 2: were talking and I'm like, what the fuck are like, 929 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,480 Speaker 2: I don't what and now and now I'm I'm in alignment. 930 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,960 Speaker 2: I'm in the space of like I'm walking in my purpose. 931 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:32,919 Speaker 2: Things are flowing to me so fucking easily, and I'm like, oh, 932 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,840 Speaker 2: that's what they're talking about. It is true. This is 933 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,960 Speaker 2: my version of it. I'm not Beyonce on stage at 934 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,680 Speaker 2: the Grammys. But like, but maybe not Grammy is maybe 935 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,359 Speaker 2: like oscars or Emmy's or something like that. But yeah, 936 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,000 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, it really is. There's a reason why 937 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,279 Speaker 2: those people are going on stage and saying that shit 938 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,279 Speaker 2: because it's fucking true. But but it does take sacrifice. 939 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,160 Speaker 2: It does take uncomfortability, It does take leaving your husband 940 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,600 Speaker 2: with three kids and saying fuck it, I'm getting out, 941 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:04,000 Speaker 2: I don't feel good, I'm going home, got to going home. 942 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:05,960 Speaker 2: I'm going back to the nest. I'm going to READO 943 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:09,520 Speaker 2: a restart like it is. It is in that it 944 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,600 Speaker 2: births from that, you know, And I. 945 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,840 Speaker 1: Feel like once you get past those really hard humps 946 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 1: and you start to walk in your alignment and you 947 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,840 Speaker 1: start to listen to your intuition and sharpen your intuition 948 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,040 Speaker 1: for going on that journey through the woods, I think 949 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:28,520 Speaker 1: that that first hump is the hardest. But now, like 950 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,239 Speaker 1: I feel so much in alignment that even when things 951 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,360 Speaker 1: do come up, even when obstacles come up, because like 952 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,239 Speaker 1: breaking up with my baby daddy and leaving wasn't like 953 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,040 Speaker 1: shit happened after that, Like everything wasn't perfect. You know, 954 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,200 Speaker 1: things are not perfect right now, But I have a 955 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,920 Speaker 1: very clear understanding that what's for me is for me, 956 00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,720 Speaker 1: and that as long as I'm walking in my purpose 957 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:55,080 Speaker 1: and honoring myself and being mindful, that everything will always 958 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,719 Speaker 1: fall in the alignment. And I would never have understood 959 00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,680 Speaker 1: that lesson as much as I do now had I 960 00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,359 Speaker 1: not taking that first sleep of faith. I am so 961 00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:05,720 Speaker 1: aware that even when shit is fucked up or hard, 962 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,520 Speaker 1: spirit will always have my back because I'm listening to 963 00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:13,000 Speaker 1: myself like it's me. I'm not listening to any outside voices. 964 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,919 Speaker 1: I'm not listening to what my friend thinks. I'm listening 965 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,440 Speaker 1: to what my mom thinks. I'm not listening to what 966 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 1: even all of what but I thought my expectation was. 967 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,600 Speaker 1: But I'm in flow and in mindfulness of myself and 968 00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,000 Speaker 1: I And even when it's like, you know, starting that 969 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 1: podcast and talking about sex with that girl you met 970 00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 1: at the birthday party probably is not a great idea, 971 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:32,920 Speaker 1: but and then I say, fuck it, I'm gonna do 972 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,319 Speaker 1: it anyway. And four years later, I'm writing a book 973 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,880 Speaker 1: with my best friend and I'm leading women at a retreat. 974 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,440 Speaker 1: This is like that nobody told me that this was 975 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:46,520 Speaker 1: a good idea, But here we are because I listen 976 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,320 Speaker 1: to myself, and I think that that is the biggest 977 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,959 Speaker 1: lesson when you do rip that first band aid off, 978 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:55,520 Speaker 1: is that, honestly, everybody's journey is different and nobody can 979 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:57,839 Speaker 1: tell you where your journey goes but you, and it's 980 00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 1: in and it's in listening to that inner voice. Your 981 00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,359 Speaker 1: blessings will always come and always have your back. 982 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:04,240 Speaker 2: Amen. 983 00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:09,000 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that was a speech. And honestly, like 984 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,240 Speaker 3: right after Erica you said that like it's like a birth, 985 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,600 Speaker 3: like things at birth from that and it's like that 986 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:16,480 Speaker 3: just immediately made me pause and I was like, why 987 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,520 Speaker 3: are we not? Birth is like the perfect thing to 988 00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:24,080 Speaker 3: reflect on because it is. Anybody who knows labor or 989 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,719 Speaker 3: a delivery of any sort, you know that birth is 990 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:33,360 Speaker 3: not pretty. It's not pretty, it's not easy, it's not simple. 991 00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:37,880 Speaker 3: It is not it's messy afterwards, it's shocking, it hurts, 992 00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,759 Speaker 3: it's shocking. There's a lot to it. I think if 993 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,480 Speaker 3: we and we look at that and we're like how powerful, 994 00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:47,320 Speaker 3: how amazing, And yet every other birth in our lives 995 00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,479 Speaker 3: we're not looking at it the same way. We're looking 996 00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,040 Speaker 3: at it for the mess and we're not looking at 997 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,560 Speaker 3: it for the beauty. That's like when you said that, 998 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,520 Speaker 3: I was just like, and then you just went off 999 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,080 Speaker 3: on this fucking speech. 1000 00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 2: And oh my god, I need to RecA he from. 1001 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,640 Speaker 3: This form and sitting on I'm going to be listening 1002 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 3: back to this podcast is essentially in saving notes. 1003 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,520 Speaker 2: My god, you know what we forgot to do an affirmation. 1004 00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,400 Speaker 2: I feel like this is a really good time to 1005 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:15,400 Speaker 2: come back back to what the affirmation is for this 1006 00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,080 Speaker 2: episode or for today? 1007 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,000 Speaker 3: Okay, am I saying. 1008 00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:20,759 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, No, I don't have one. 1009 00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,840 Speaker 3: It's it's on you and things in alignment. So I 1010 00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,919 Speaker 3: told you I have this jar. It's the friendship jar 1011 00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,200 Speaker 3: that I have with my best friend Bailey, and I 1012 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,960 Speaker 3: made it, and so we came out with this friendship 1013 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,080 Speaker 3: jar and it has like sixty different notes in it, 1014 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,080 Speaker 3: and then you can pull whatever one you want that day. 1015 00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:38,120 Speaker 3: And today's that I pulled before this episode even began 1016 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:42,240 Speaker 3: was do what you love, not what other people want 1017 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,880 Speaker 3: you to love. That's like, just so I'm not like 1018 00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:48,880 Speaker 3: a liar here. That literally is damn like a fucking 1019 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,360 Speaker 3: theme of this episode. 1020 00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,640 Speaker 1: And then also what came back damn, I mean, hence 1021 00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:58,560 Speaker 1: what we talked about, the fucking alignment, and this is 1022 00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,120 Speaker 1: something that happens in Erican, Like I think when me 1023 00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:02,840 Speaker 1: and Erica started doing this, and like I know we 1024 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,760 Speaker 1: talk about manifesting and it's such a like hot topic word. 1025 00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:10,680 Speaker 1: But like the little signs that the universe will give 1026 00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:12,719 Speaker 1: you on your way are always like a pad in 1027 00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:15,200 Speaker 1: the back, and it's like if you're willing to see 1028 00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:18,200 Speaker 1: the beauty in the alignment and everything as small as 1029 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:21,120 Speaker 1: the affirmation that you pull out on this episode after 1030 00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,719 Speaker 1: the conversation, you know, before the conversation that we had, 1031 00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:26,520 Speaker 1: and like knowing that that is the universe way of 1032 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:28,719 Speaker 1: saying you are on the right path, my friend, and 1033 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,040 Speaker 1: actually you're doing the right thing. It's the small shit. 1034 00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:31,400 Speaker 2: You know. 1035 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,839 Speaker 1: You have to pay attention to the small affirmations from 1036 00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,120 Speaker 1: spirit because they'll come all the time. Now I'm really 1037 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,600 Speaker 1: excited to read the tarot card of the day because 1038 00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,040 Speaker 1: now I'm like, what does it say? 1039 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,040 Speaker 2: Is it for us? 1040 00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:49,480 Speaker 1: Of course it is. I picked the Queen of Cups. 1041 00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:52,839 Speaker 1: It's a woman sitting on her throne with coins and 1042 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:56,320 Speaker 1: water around her, And usually the cups is a symbol 1043 00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,920 Speaker 1: for emotion, a lot about your emotional stability, but this one, 1044 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,719 Speaker 1: this bitch looks rich, so I'm really looking forward to 1045 00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,480 Speaker 1: what she's about to talk about. The Queen of Cups 1046 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,839 Speaker 1: is a beautiful, introspective woman who sits on the throne 1047 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:09,799 Speaker 1: at the edge of the sea. In her hands, she 1048 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,600 Speaker 1: holds a golden cup adorned with handles shaped like angels. 1049 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,320 Speaker 1: Unlike most of the cups in the Suit of Cups cards, 1050 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,680 Speaker 1: this cup is closed, showing that the Queen's thoughts and 1051 00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,239 Speaker 1: feelings come from her conscious mind and the depths of 1052 00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:24,279 Speaker 1: her soul. The Queen of Cups is nurturing and caring, compassionate, 1053 00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,560 Speaker 1: and sensitive. When you see her in a tira reading, 1054 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,799 Speaker 1: you're embodying her nurturing mother energy. You support others by 1055 00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:35,000 Speaker 1: listening with your heart or yourself, being compassionate and caring 1056 00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,560 Speaker 1: for them deeply. You are empathetic and consense the needs 1057 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:40,000 Speaker 1: of others by tuning into your intuition, and you hold 1058 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:42,560 Speaker 1: the space for others to express their emotions and be 1059 00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,600 Speaker 1: in the truest, most authentic versions of themselves. You have 1060 00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,120 Speaker 1: mastered this in such a way that even though you thought, 1061 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:51,120 Speaker 1: even though you hold space for emotional expression, you don't 1062 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:55,000 Speaker 1: take on other people's energy or emotional issues because you 1063 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,360 Speaker 1: are well grounded and know where to create healthy separation. 1064 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,880 Speaker 1: The Queen of Cup says you're a highly intuitive, creative 1065 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:07,080 Speaker 1: and inflow with the surrounding energies and your interactions with others. 1066 00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:08,879 Speaker 1: You can easily read other people to get a sense 1067 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:13,120 Speaker 1: of how to communicate effectively. May be you may be 1068 00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:16,200 Speaker 1: a healer, counselor, or intuitive coach, or maybe just a 1069 00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:19,239 Speaker 1: good friend. You recognize the divine energy in everyone you meet. 1070 00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,680 Speaker 1: Your creative projects and endeavors, you feel your way into them, 1071 00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,680 Speaker 1: trusting your heart and your inner guidance to lead you 1072 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:26,280 Speaker 1: in the right. 1073 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:31,799 Speaker 3: Or wow, holy shit, Yeah, and. 1074 00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:35,440 Speaker 1: There it is again with the alignment and the birth. Yeah. 1075 00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,200 Speaker 2: I recently read something on Instagram. Someone posted a meme 1076 00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:40,080 Speaker 2: or something that really spoke to me and it was 1077 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,920 Speaker 2: my biggest flex is keeping my heart soft and my 1078 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,439 Speaker 2: boundary strong. And I thought like, wow, that's so true, 1079 00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,279 Speaker 2: and what like, what's that's something to aspire to? Right? 1080 00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,840 Speaker 2: Is like to be able to have your boundaries but 1081 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,600 Speaker 2: keep your heart soft, be open to people, being able 1082 00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:59,520 Speaker 2: to help and serve, but not like taking on their shit, 1083 00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,120 Speaker 2: you know, not taking on their shit and staying focused 1084 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,560 Speaker 2: on whatever is meant for you. Because ultimately, if you 1085 00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,880 Speaker 2: just are in flow with that. We are fucking unstoppable women. 1086 00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,200 Speaker 2: We are so unstoppable, and I'm so happy to be 1087 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,879 Speaker 2: alive in this time where things are shifting and women 1088 00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,960 Speaker 2: are coming finally coming together, and it's not cool to 1089 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,360 Speaker 2: be a bitch, you know, like it's not cool to 1090 00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:23,160 Speaker 2: hate on another woman. Yes, like if you are hating 1091 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,160 Speaker 2: on another woman, like you're out, You're out of here. 1092 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,200 Speaker 2: So I just love conversations like this. Thank you so 1093 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:33,319 Speaker 2: much for coming on today, Sarah. I really appreciate it. 1094 00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:34,560 Speaker 2: You dropped so many jets, but you. 1095 00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:36,640 Speaker 3: Didn't ask my horri do you want to say? God, 1096 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:41,000 Speaker 3: please share more stories? But this is the closest one 1097 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:41,680 Speaker 3: to my horror story. 1098 00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,120 Speaker 1: Okay, tell do tell. 1099 00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:54,160 Speaker 3: Whose stories? I? As I mentioned, I got married at nineteen. 1100 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,200 Speaker 3: I was a good Christian girl, so there's nothing that 1101 00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,640 Speaker 3: happened before that. And so when I got divorced, I 1102 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,959 Speaker 3: was like, oh my gosh, I'm stepping into my whore years. 1103 00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:06,440 Speaker 3: And I was so stoked, Like I genuinely was excited. 1104 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:07,840 Speaker 3: I thought it was going to be the most exciting 1105 00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,400 Speaker 3: time in my life. So when I met my now husband, 1106 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,680 Speaker 3: I was a little disappointed because I was like well, 1107 00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,280 Speaker 3: this isn't what I thought was gonna This is gonna 1108 00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,440 Speaker 3: cut it real short. But he let me get it 1109 00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:20,920 Speaker 3: out in different ways because when I was obviously living 1110 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,600 Speaker 3: with my parents and you know everything, there was no 1111 00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:28,960 Speaker 3: bringing him home. So one day after work, we this 1112 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,239 Speaker 3: is like the most vanilla horror story, but this is 1113 00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 3: the most mint chocolate chip there is for me. So whatever, 1114 00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:39,680 Speaker 3: we ended up going to like a nearby rock at 1115 00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:43,440 Speaker 3: a children's rock late at night to have sex. Yeah, 1116 00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,799 Speaker 3: a rock, genuinely a rock. The best part about this 1117 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:52,239 Speaker 3: story is that later when we got engaged, he engraved 1118 00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,160 Speaker 3: my ring with I can't actually show it. There's like 1119 00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:59,000 Speaker 3: little tiny engravements right here, and it has a location. 1120 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,759 Speaker 3: It's it's a Google location. So he said, I want 1121 00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:03,319 Speaker 3: you to after he proposed to me, He's like, I 1122 00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,560 Speaker 3: want you to go and check out what the encryption is. 1123 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,239 Speaker 3: And it was the fucking location of the fucking rock. 1124 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:14,520 Speaker 3: So and then it's where you got Yeah, it's where 1125 00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:15,399 Speaker 3: we fucked on our rock. 1126 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,800 Speaker 2: So you consecrated your love on that fucking rock, Okay, 1127 00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,000 Speaker 2: in the playground. 1128 00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:22,680 Speaker 3: So my horror story is like, that's the most horsh 1129 00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:24,839 Speaker 3: thing I've ever done, And it's engraved inside my ring. 1130 00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,279 Speaker 3: And then when my dad was like checking out the ring, 1131 00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,919 Speaker 3: He's like, oh, what is that location for? And Shean's like, yeah, Sarah, 1132 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,440 Speaker 3: can you tell your dad what that location? 1133 00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,360 Speaker 1: And I was like, I hate you. 1134 00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:34,440 Speaker 3: I never talking again. 1135 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:35,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1136 00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,239 Speaker 3: So that's the most of my story, but it's a 1137 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,239 Speaker 3: it's one of my favorites that my ring forevermore will 1138 00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:41,120 Speaker 3: be engraved with the ones. 1139 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,040 Speaker 2: I really I really like your husband. I don't know 1140 00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:46,200 Speaker 2: this man. I I love. 1141 00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,319 Speaker 1: That he encouraged you to get your horrishing out, even 1142 00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,239 Speaker 1: if it was with him, even at the park on 1143 00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,799 Speaker 1: the Rock. And I hope that you continue to make 1144 00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,200 Speaker 1: horries with your husband throughout your marriage. 1145 00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,560 Speaker 3: That's just it, right, Like you could have the you 1146 00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:00,239 Speaker 3: could have it, you could have an for it. 1147 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:00,560 Speaker 1: Ways. 1148 00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,480 Speaker 3: I think I was always jealous because I didn't have 1149 00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,440 Speaker 3: like the university experience or like as I grew up, 1150 00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:05,680 Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, I don't have all these like 1151 00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:08,120 Speaker 3: cool stories. But now I'm like in a situation where 1152 00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:09,920 Speaker 3: we can create our own cool stories. And I love 1153 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:10,359 Speaker 3: that too. 1154 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. Hell yeah, that's the best way. I think. 1155 00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:14,560 Speaker 3: I think I need a new ring. 1156 00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,680 Speaker 2: And buy your amazing husband a piece of jewelry, and 1157 00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,359 Speaker 2: you put that location in there so that you can 1158 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,879 Speaker 2: just keep trading back and forth and all your fuck 1159 00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:25,239 Speaker 2: spots will have jewelry. 1160 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,400 Speaker 1: Next time, Like next time you're like going for pizza 1161 00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,760 Speaker 1: or like on date night or something in like a 1162 00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,120 Speaker 1: medium to not very fancy restaurant, just be like, oh 1163 00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:35,200 Speaker 1: my god, let me meet me. 1164 00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:38,440 Speaker 3: As funny as it was of a story for us 1165 00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,279 Speaker 3: afterwards was the most uncomfortable situation I've ever been in 1166 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:43,760 Speaker 3: my life. It was so cold, the rock was hard, 1167 00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:46,920 Speaker 3: and like somebody pulled up at one point and we 1168 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,399 Speaker 3: were like very I was so uncomfortable the whole time. 1169 00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,120 Speaker 3: I was just it was not a sexually enjoyable experience 1170 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,280 Speaker 3: for me. I just like it was. It was exciting, 1171 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:56,480 Speaker 3: I guess, but the whole process, I was just like, 1172 00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,000 Speaker 3: oh my god, somebody goes to see es, Oh my god, 1173 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,319 Speaker 3: this is illegal, Oh my god, this is this, and 1174 00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,160 Speaker 3: oh it's me. 1175 00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:04,960 Speaker 2: Why that's the point. Next time, just bend over tomes. 1176 00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,719 Speaker 3: That's That's what I did. Rocket cars going by was 1177 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:10,719 Speaker 3: still stressful, and then like recently it was brought up 1178 00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,120 Speaker 3: that I've never liked worn laundry from him because I 1179 00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,560 Speaker 3: think I just usually striped, and so I like bought lingerie. 1180 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,920 Speaker 3: But I've never done this before. I don't know how 1181 00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:20,600 Speaker 3: this works. I've been married to this man for like 1182 00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:23,000 Speaker 3: three years. So we go away. First of all, my 1183 00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:25,440 Speaker 3: pregnancy was really complicated. We weren't allowed to have sex. 1184 00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,440 Speaker 3: And then it was like postpartums. This is our first 1185 00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:31,000 Speaker 3: night away after the baby, and we go away. And 1186 00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:34,520 Speaker 3: I processed the fact that I've bought this lingerie. It's 1187 00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:36,680 Speaker 3: very cute, but I was thrown and I forgot a 1188 00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:38,719 Speaker 3: piece of it, and I got like really in my 1189 00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,280 Speaker 3: head about the whole thing. And then I realized nobody 1190 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,560 Speaker 3: talks about how you actually come out in lingerie, Like 1191 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,319 Speaker 3: what is that process? I'm so in my head. I 1192 00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,840 Speaker 3: also had just had an edible, which didn't help the situation. 1193 00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,200 Speaker 3: I was very in my head about the whole thing. 1194 00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,480 Speaker 3: So now I'm coming Oh god, oh my god, I 1195 00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:58,239 Speaker 3: don't know what to do. Am I supposed to dance 1196 00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:01,000 Speaker 3: like the movies, everybody dances. So I just was like, 1197 00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,360 Speaker 3: I'm in laundry. And then I just came around the 1198 00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:05,840 Speaker 3: corner and I just curled up at a ball and 1199 00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:08,279 Speaker 3: he was like, is it that's laundry? And that's the 1200 00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:08,959 Speaker 3: end of the story. 1201 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:09,759 Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't know. 1202 00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,680 Speaker 3: I need to text my friends. And so then I 1203 00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:13,239 Speaker 3: texted my girlfriends and I was like, guys, I don't 1204 00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:14,840 Speaker 3: know what to do. I just came out in the laundry. 1205 00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:17,720 Speaker 3: It was like really uncomfortable. Marine from was like, yeah, 1206 00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:20,720 Speaker 3: nobody talks about that. It could be really awkward at times, 1207 00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:22,320 Speaker 3: and she was like, I'm pretty sure I came out 1208 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,520 Speaker 3: and did finger guns once and I was like, oh, 1209 00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:28,400 Speaker 3: thank god, I didn't do fingerguns, okay, but like, oh my, 1210 00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:30,680 Speaker 3: nobody talks about that. You're just like, yeah, launderie is 1211 00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:34,120 Speaker 3: so hot. Nobody talks how do you present the launderie, 1212 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,840 Speaker 3: like unless it's underneath your clothes, and like already surprised, 1213 00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,200 Speaker 3: which I should have done. It was just like a 1214 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,160 Speaker 3: holy shit, I have to now present myself from around 1215 00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:45,720 Speaker 3: the corner, right. So, yeah, we're we're getting into our 1216 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,240 Speaker 3: groove again after like having a baby. That's so it's 1217 00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:49,520 Speaker 3: been a fun little adventure. 1218 00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:53,439 Speaker 2: Music helps. Music always helps me. Just put some music 1219 00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:55,920 Speaker 2: on random, like I put some music, let's just hang out, 1220 00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,080 Speaker 2: go to the bathroom while he's turned around, then come 1221 00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,280 Speaker 2: out and wait for him to turn around and he'll 1222 00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,840 Speaker 2: be like, oh shit, and then you kind of dance 1223 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,880 Speaker 2: the music, maybe a little bit, touch your body and 1224 00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:06,320 Speaker 2: then just get on him. And then you know, you 1225 00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:06,959 Speaker 2: figure out. 1226 00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:08,600 Speaker 1: You know what I like. I like if you can 1227 00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:13,440 Speaker 1: do it quickly. Fucking holes and fucking ties. 1228 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:17,600 Speaker 2: So it's it always feels extra, but it's it's if they're. 1229 00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,360 Speaker 1: In the bathroom, if you can slip it on quickly 1230 00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,040 Speaker 1: and then just lay on the bed as a gift. 1231 00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:22,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, see that would have been a better move. He 1232 00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:25,760 Speaker 3: was on the bed. So I I reversed the whole 1233 00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,080 Speaker 3: thing and ask for music. The last time when we 1234 00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,320 Speaker 3: had like music put on, my husband actually the first 1235 00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:33,880 Speaker 3: time we like consummated our love. I'm gonna say he 1236 00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:35,880 Speaker 3: was like, I want to like set the mood. But 1237 00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,320 Speaker 3: the guy's a fucking joker, like he was the Dad 1238 00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:41,640 Speaker 3: joke before the dad joke, And he puts on like 1239 00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:45,080 Speaker 3: this really cheesy fucking jazz music for us to fuck 1240 00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,520 Speaker 3: to you, and I was like, I hate you so 1241 00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:48,920 Speaker 3: much because nothing about this is and he was just like, 1242 00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:50,960 Speaker 3: don't you look, this is our song, Sarah. And I 1243 00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,240 Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I'm gonna I literally our 1244 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,240 Speaker 3: whole time, our whole first time having sex, I would 1245 00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:58,919 Speaker 3: like in the lounge fucking giggling because it was so ridiculous. 1246 00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,280 Speaker 3: But I kind of love too. It's not always hot, 1247 00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:03,480 Speaker 3: it's like kind of funny. We joke a lot, and 1248 00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:06,720 Speaker 3: that's just kind of our relationship. So it's like one 1249 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:07,640 Speaker 3: big dad joke. 1250 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:09,600 Speaker 1: I love that. 1251 00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:12,640 Speaker 2: Well, dad jokes can be sexy, and I'm sure you 1252 00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:18,200 Speaker 2: guys will have many more geographical locations to engrave in jewelry. 1253 00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,200 Speaker 2: Can you tell our people where they can find you? 1254 00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:25,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, so if you're a podcast person, you can listen 1255 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:28,120 Speaker 3: to me on my podcast, the Papaya Podcast. But if 1256 00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:31,920 Speaker 3: you're interested in just following along on the daily, Instagram's 1257 00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,960 Speaker 3: my wheelhouse. It's where I've been the most, and I'm 1258 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,800 Speaker 3: in Instagram stories a lot, So you can find me 1259 00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:39,600 Speaker 3: at the Birds, Papaya on the grim and then that'll 1260 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:40,600 Speaker 3: link you everywhere else. 1261 00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,040 Speaker 2: Awesome. We'll make sure to include that in the episode description. 1262 00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:46,280 Speaker 2: You guys know where to find us at Good Mom's Underscore, 1263 00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,080 Speaker 2: Bad Choices. Make sure you follow our Patreon. We have 1264 00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:52,240 Speaker 2: a lot of bonus content over there. We posted some 1265 00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,360 Speaker 2: Valentine's Day hory, some other stuff. Just go check it 1266 00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,320 Speaker 2: out it's Patreon, dot com, backslash, Good Moms, Bad Choices. 1267 00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:01,360 Speaker 2: You guys, please make sure to raise and review this episode. 1268 01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:03,480 Speaker 2: If you've been listening for a while, just take a second. 1269 01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,080 Speaker 2: Go to Apple scroll to the bottom. Actually, if you 1270 01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,120 Speaker 2: have Spotify, you can also review there as well. Now 1271 01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,400 Speaker 2: it really would appreciate it. I love you and we'll 1272 01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:12,280 Speaker 2: see you guys next week. 1273 01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:19,439 Speaker 1: Bye bye,