Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, Welcome to the
Speaker 1: show and the Glaser Podcast. Here I am. I'm in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, California. Um, i am visited by visited by?
Speaker 1: What is this night before Christmas? Uh? Andrew Colin is
Speaker 1: haunting me from I'm guessing his apartment in St. Louis.
Speaker 1: Am I I think so? I recognize that wall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm home and we have Noah in Arizona
Speaker 1: and also joining us this week on the show. Um,
Speaker 1: is my dear friend one of my I would say,
Speaker 1: I would say best friends, and that's not just something
Speaker 1: I would reserve to say after you're like you've passed.
Speaker 1: I think people sometimes bump up people and ending once
Speaker 1: they've passed. But one of my best friends. Uh, he's
Speaker 1: a comedian. He has a new special out on YouTube
Speaker 1: that you can watch for free right now called The
Speaker 1: Mad King. Please welcome to the show, Ben gleebe thank you, Nick.
Speaker 1: What's up girl? Hi? Ben? How has uh premier weekend
Speaker 1: been of your stand up special? It has been good.
Speaker 1: It's been really good. People's comments have been really nice,
Speaker 1: and some really nice people have been You read comments.
Speaker 1: I read comments only for big events. I don't read
Speaker 1: them for most things, but for big things that I've
Speaker 1: been working on for a very long time. I'm curious.
Speaker 1: But that said, i feel like I'm being shadow banned
Speaker 1: by YouTube. It's on YouTube, and I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: talking about a lot of things in the podcast that
Speaker 1: I mean the podcast, in the special that you're not
Speaker 1: maybe supposed to talk about. I feel like I'm being
Speaker 1: shadow banded, Like the views have not been great, even
Speaker 1: though the reviews. Let's change that. The reviews are insane
Speaker 1: and they should be. I you know, I'm I would
Speaker 1: like to support my friend, my friend Ben is I
Speaker 1: know hilarious. It's been like a while since I've seen
Speaker 1: your stand up. I mean I've watched you. You would do?
Speaker 1: You host a lot of shows it you have like
Speaker 1: a comedy club in your apartment called Club Nowhere. Would
Speaker 1: you started during zoom Um where you do a lot
Speaker 1: of improv sets and different shows on that. But it's
Speaker 1: been a while since I had seen your stand up.
Speaker 1: I mean maybe since like two thousand nine or something. Dude,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to admit that, but it had been, you know,
Speaker 1: since I was I don't watch anyone stand up, but
Speaker 1: like maybe saw you at the Improv back in the day.
Speaker 1: Your stand up special The Mad King is so freaking funny,
Speaker 1: so good. I was live texting you about it the
Speaker 1: other night when I was watching it, and I was
Speaker 1: blown away. Man, I mean, I knew you were funny,
Speaker 1: but I really thought that because you're such an improv guy,
Speaker 1: and you're such a guy that's does these specific shows
Speaker 1: where you play characters you do like filters on your
Speaker 1: face where you'll do different impressions and they're so fun.
Speaker 1: I encourage everyone to check out everything Ben has going
Speaker 1: on because he's just one of the funniest But this
Speaker 1: stand up social is like top notch. Your stand up
Speaker 1: is great. Thank you so much. That's very kind of you.
Speaker 1: Your text change to me was very encouraging during my
Speaker 1: premier night. That made me feel very good. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: just put it on and I started writing to him
Speaker 1: as I was watching, like all the bits I loved,
Speaker 1: and I was watching it on two like one point five.
Speaker 1: I think I started at one point seven, but you're
Speaker 1: a fast talker, which I appreciate, so I had to
Speaker 1: take it down to a one point five. And as
Speaker 1: soon as I started going, I know that Ben is
Speaker 1: so neurotic, just like I am that I go by
Speaker 1: the way, Ben, I don't think that I'm like skipping bits.
Speaker 1: I'm watching it on double the speed, so that you
Speaker 1: you you you're not only taking care of you're not
Speaker 1: only being nice watching it, but you're taking care of
Speaker 1: my psyche and you, Oh yeah, I would have been
Speaker 1: so confused. You were like, I think YouTube is glitching
Speaker 1: because I was going too fast for it's in And
Speaker 1: you're like, your clothes is incredible. I love how you
Speaker 1: closed out the show with those credits, and and she
Speaker 1: like live live texted me for the first like two
Speaker 1: dropped off and then like an hour later I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: so you hate the last third of my I know.
Speaker 1: That's how not good of a friend I was. I
Speaker 1: didn't tell you that I dropped off because I assumed
Speaker 1: that you would think, like, there's no way I would
Speaker 1: not like keep going even if it sucked. I would
Speaker 1: like find something to like about it, even if I
Speaker 1: but I had to. I got distracted because someone was
Speaker 1: like I need this answer on something, so I had
Speaker 1: to go. Ship's geared, So I haven't finished it, but man,
Speaker 1: I like I was. It made me and that's the
Speaker 1: mark of something great. It made me want to really
Speaker 1: like buckle down and focus on my writing. And it
Speaker 1: was just so tight because I know you. You and
Speaker 1: I are very similar in the sense that we're both
Speaker 1: we can get very tangentle, very quick, and we it
Speaker 1: can be we just get distracted. We're very a d
Speaker 1: D on stage, Andrew, are you do have something in
Speaker 1: your mouth? Because it is an active slapping of the gums.
Speaker 1: I can't, but I've been here two minutes and I
Speaker 1: was going to not say anything, but it's it's very
Speaker 1: it's too much eating caffie. Yeah, I mean I'm eating
Speaker 1: air heads. Uh there are you tying a cherry stem
Speaker 1: into it? Not with your mouth right now to impress
Speaker 1: us look impressed. I've lost a few teeth over the weekend.
Speaker 1: Four I thought you. I thought you said, well, you
Speaker 1: know what it is, so I thought, I never do.
Speaker 1: I never have an answer. It's my shitty mouth mouth
Speaker 1: for my dad. You gotta go back and listen to
Speaker 1: what that. Yeah, it sounds like a sea lion eating chips.
Speaker 1: I know I'm bad. I'm bad. I'm disgusting. I get it.
Speaker 1: That's not what I was saying. Oh, if you would
Speaker 1: have known how long I let it go before I
Speaker 1: said something. I I'm drinking coffee. I hears about my jokes.
Speaker 1: That's how it always. Oh my god, But seriously, I'm
Speaker 1: drinking coffee. That's what it is. I'm drinking it is. Well.
Speaker 1: I don't know if your deaths are allowed to do
Speaker 1: their own ad reads, but if you'd like coffee that
Speaker 1: makes your gums wet, try the New Wet Coffee Company.
Speaker 1: It is okay, you know what it is. I think
Speaker 1: I think I did figure it out. I have food
Speaker 1: in my teeth and you're trying to get it out
Speaker 1: six weeks ago. I don't know. You have water pick? Brother,
Speaker 1: How does food get stuck in your teeth when you
Speaker 1: don't have any I don't know. I mean there's sockets,
Speaker 1: those those empty sockets. You gotta get a water pick.
Speaker 1: You're keeping sockets or pockets. If you promote three beaks,
Speaker 1: dude sockets our pockets is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 1: Dude sockets. Well, go back and listen to what I
Speaker 1: was the sound effects that were going on while I
Speaker 1: was talking about about a special It sounded like a
Speaker 1: there was It was just so wet. It sounded like
Speaker 1: a bathroom that was like leak, like a leaky bathroom. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know for good. You know a lot of
Speaker 1: radio shows have a cough button. Andrew needs a mouth sounds.
Speaker 1: But you know what I need. I need one of
Speaker 1: those dentists to carry around one of those vacuums. I
Speaker 1: love when you get to suck on one of those.
Speaker 1: When I don't think, oh you don't hold on you,
Speaker 1: it holds onto you. I feel like I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: stuck into the machine completely and everything you think, who
Speaker 1: going in there like an ectoplasm thing and gholst butter
Speaker 1: sucking me in there like slimer and hopefully the black
Speaker 1: released me at midnight into the street. And it's funny.
Speaker 1: Every mouth on earth has something. Do you think you are? Man?
Speaker 1: How skinny I think you are? It's a tiny tiny
Speaker 1: man is the sucker always like gets the water first,
Speaker 1: it's like and it does his job, and then it
Speaker 1: goes like it's just like holds on for dear life
Speaker 1: to like skin and it just like starts freaking out
Speaker 1: and you can like pull it off, like the nurse
Speaker 1: needs like help from her friend to get it off.
Speaker 1: Just push the corner that sucker thing always like it's
Speaker 1: like a It's like me dating in my late twenties,
Speaker 1: like it just is cool at first and then don't like,
Speaker 1: look I get it. Yeah yeah, I was. Every human
Speaker 1: sucked on the plastic like three times that day already
Speaker 1: it's not very clean at that dentist. But you know what,
Speaker 1: I will say that Ben has some Ben is some
Speaker 1: great like just bits about just what I like about
Speaker 1: your special is that the part I saw the third
Speaker 1: I saw which I read thirds of books, I watched
Speaker 1: thirds of specials I did. I saw, I saw two thirds,
Speaker 1: but that's a third exactly. It was you talk about
Speaker 1: things that I was like, God, this is there's no
Speaker 1: way that you could. There's like stuff that's just it
Speaker 1: that you think has been done, but it hasn't. Like
Speaker 1: your stuff on religion, which whenever someone starts talking about religion,
Speaker 1: I'm always kind of like I'm out because I don't
Speaker 1: really know about religion and I don't really know what
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to know. And I feel like I used
Speaker 1: to think Kane and Able were like the two characters
Speaker 1: from Cheers that sat at the bar, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: know anything about religion, so I don't know what, but
Speaker 1: I learned a little bit, like I love Can I
Speaker 1: just can I like spoil one of your beds? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's bad if I do. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: what you were talking about, how why has God never
Speaker 1: shown up again? Then he did? Can you just can
Speaker 1: you kind of like run us through that? But it's
Speaker 1: just only talk to us once thousands of years ago,
Speaker 1: during an era of very poor record keeping. Why was
Speaker 1: that he chose to speak? He didn't even have pens.
Speaker 1: We didn't have feather pens. Had to carve ship into
Speaker 1: stone to get your method to cross. God's on Moses
Speaker 1: on top mountain sign. He's like, slow down, I'm on one,
Speaker 1: you're on seven. Shall not kill I'm carving this running that.
Speaker 1: That's a great point. It makes talk time. The carving
Speaker 1: makes it so official. You know, like if just wrote
Speaker 1: it in notes on his phone and came down and
Speaker 1: was like, hey, you shouldn't kill a guy, It's like
Speaker 1: that's in your notes that you like your voice to Dick.
Speaker 1: He wrote it on the back of a Java juice receipt.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we're gonna trust this. Wait time out,
Speaker 1: there's a job a juice back your phone that's a
Speaker 1: good point. We got a phone, you gotta have Joba
Speaker 1: juice to balance it up. Yeah, there's a tablet joke
Speaker 1: in there, boy, that there is for sure. Um, I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk. That's sad um. I Uh. Last night
Speaker 1: I posted something on or I guess it was two
Speaker 1: days ago on my Instagram story. I saw a clip
Speaker 1: from a comedian that you know, that handsome British comedian
Speaker 1: with his name Jack. Oh, yes, Jack Whitehall or something Yes,
Speaker 1: Jack Whitehall. Yes, uh, gorgeous man. Um, I was thinking
Speaker 1: of you when I saw this clip. I swear, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's rare. That it is not rare. Let me be honest.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of times when the comedians have like
Speaker 1: a really hot take on something, and most of at
Speaker 1: the time it's like the comedians hate cyclists. They hate people.
Speaker 1: They don't want to share the road with cyclists. That's
Speaker 1: such a point they like to make about like they're
Speaker 1: going too slow and like get off the road. And
Speaker 1: that just causes people to like be angry at cyclists.
Speaker 1: And it causes them too, because my dad's a cyclist
Speaker 1: and he always gets run off the road by just
Speaker 1: people that are like get off my road. It's just
Speaker 1: so stupid. Dad is always getting run off the road
Speaker 1: on his base. It used to happen a lot. He
Speaker 1: doesn't bike anymore, but when he was a cycling there
Speaker 1: would always be people that would just go right next
Speaker 1: to him just because they were like, you think you're
Speaker 1: better than me, guy in spandex. It's working out and
Speaker 1: jealous of you because you have a better you that
Speaker 1: car who was my dad's car. Every time it's um
Speaker 1: and whereas I'm someone. The other day I was I
Speaker 1: was on the sidewalk and there were people biking on
Speaker 1: the sidewalk and I was like, the get off the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: I yelled at them. I go, guys, And I didn't yell.
Speaker 1: I did it as nice as possible. There were there
Speaker 1: was three of them, and I go, Nikki, don't say anything.
Speaker 1: They're a family, they don't know. But it wasn't a family.
Speaker 1: It was like people my age. And then there was
Speaker 1: three more in this group and I go, guys, you
Speaker 1: got a bike on the road. The road is right here.
Speaker 1: It's biking is on the road and it's on the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: I'm on the right parteless deserve to be on the
Speaker 1: road on the road that people don't respect it and
Speaker 1: they're getting run off the road and you're sending them
Speaker 1: to their drivers need to be more drivers need to
Speaker 1: be more respectful. They need to give them room. They
Speaker 1: don't need to be so angry at them. It's not
Speaker 1: I love I give cyclists so much room. I'm almost
Speaker 1: in the next lane. I love giving a lot of room.
Speaker 1: I think God needs to come down and make this
Speaker 1: a commandment. Where is God now to keep cyclists somewhere
Speaker 1: in the middle. But Jack Jack Whitehall was going off
Speaker 1: about you know, I got to the airport and when
Speaker 1: people he's just so hot. So I'm watching it. He's
Speaker 1: like people, you know, when people are late to the airport,
Speaker 1: they just cut in line. I don't like people cutting
Speaker 1: in line, Whereas I'm like, you're a famous person, you
Speaker 1: have a cut people in line to get in clubs
Speaker 1: because you're like with Kate Beck and sale in to
Speaker 1: you've a dent like cut in front of people. But
Speaker 1: he's really taken up. He's taken up bridge with these
Speaker 1: people cutting in line the airport and I I just
Speaker 1: in his His thing was like their excuses, but I'm late,
Speaker 1: and it's like I get it. It's funny. It's almost
Speaker 1: like the Luis c. K joke of when someone like
Speaker 1: cuts in front of you in traffic and it does
Speaker 1: like a dumb thing, and you're like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: And the woman's like, but I want to go there,
Speaker 1: and you're like, well you can't. She's like, but I
Speaker 1: want to do it, but I can't. Like that's not
Speaker 1: a good enough reason. I get the joke, but truly,
Speaker 1: I think it's bad propaganda for people traveling. If if
Speaker 1: if you, if you everyone has been late to the airport,
Speaker 1: If someone is looking under dress and they show up
Speaker 1: at the airport and they're gonna miss their flight, and
Speaker 1: you are in line at T S A and you
Speaker 1: were two hours there early because you're responsible and all
Speaker 1: these things that you want everyone to know, Well, you
Speaker 1: should have been there earlier, just like me because I'm responsible.
Speaker 1: Well guess what not, everyone's you. So sometimes ship happens
Speaker 1: in life, your alarm doesn't go off, whatever, let people
Speaker 1: go in front of you. This is so stupid that
Speaker 1: everyone should have a wait in line. There's so many
Speaker 1: times I get to the airport late and I am
Speaker 1: fraught with like wanting to interrupt, Like if I ever
Speaker 1: see someone looking nervous about missing their flight, I'm always like,
Speaker 1: go ahead. I don't even like wait for them to ask,
Speaker 1: because it's so there should be a line for people
Speaker 1: who are late, do you And Ben wrote to me
Speaker 1: and said, I agree with you on this. I just
Speaker 1: think too many times there's there are people that skip
Speaker 1: the line, that get off the plane. Like I had
Speaker 1: a girl today or the other day. She got up
Speaker 1: right away, got in front, skipped the whole line, got
Speaker 1: off the plane, we got out of the fucking little
Speaker 1: tarmac whatever area, and then she stopped walking right in
Speaker 1: front and just blocked traffic. So she hurried to get
Speaker 1: off the plane and then was in no hurry off
Speaker 1: the plane, which kind of drove me insane because she
Speaker 1: didn't have anywhere to go, but I guess her brain
Speaker 1: had somewhere to go because she was feeling probably anxious
Speaker 1: and anxiety are are you know you're gonna find people
Speaker 1: that are going to break the rules and just line
Speaker 1: cut because they just want to. But that is I
Speaker 1: feel like it's few and far between, as opposed to
Speaker 1: like when people are late and they're gonna miss their
Speaker 1: flight because if something happened the uber, they called an uber,
Speaker 1: it canceled, like there's a million things that can not
Speaker 1: be your quote unquote fault. And then people just look
Speaker 1: at you like sorry, you should have been like me,
Speaker 1: I'm really responsible, and it's like, well sorry, I'd an
Speaker 1: alcoholic father who didn't teach me how to get to
Speaker 1: the airport two hours early, Like you bitch, like just
Speaker 1: let me go in front? Like why Andrew's a huge
Speaker 1: Andrew Whitehall fan and Jack white Hall fan, And I
Speaker 1: don't think you just love the British? Is that what
Speaker 1: he's a jackie? Because I can't I can't name one
Speaker 1: other British comedian, but god, there they you know, they
Speaker 1: mean so much they they won't they have tea things
Speaker 1: like get in the way and empathetic to them. I
Speaker 1: get it. Well, look, I I just think that you
Speaker 1: know that one I had one guy skipped me in
Speaker 1: line and I had headphones in and and I started
Speaker 1: talking shit about him, but I didn't realize I was
Speaker 1: too loud because the music was on, and so I
Speaker 1: pretended was like to yourself, yeah yeah, yeah, So I
Speaker 1: was like, you bob, motherfucker, Like it's very specific. You've
Speaker 1: never called out anyone for skipping lines or anything like
Speaker 1: you never oh, I'm not an airport. There's a difference
Speaker 1: between someone going I'm really late, I'm so sorry, like
Speaker 1: looking sad about it, and then someone who just is like,
Speaker 1: I want to get there sooner because I think I'm better.
Speaker 1: I mean, there is a total difference. Jack Whitehall's joke
Speaker 1: was about people who are late and are like, can
Speaker 1: I get in front because I'm late, And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not a good enough excuse. We're all here. You
Speaker 1: think we have all these bags so we can go
Speaker 1: buy a giant tob larone. Oh god, that's okay. That's
Speaker 1: the word. I mean, that's not a bad job by anything.
Speaker 1: L yeaherence, it's just a it's a false premise because
Speaker 1: he doesn't believe that at all either. Jack. I know,
Speaker 1: if he was late to an airport would want someone
Speaker 1: to like he was. He's a story. I have to
Speaker 1: I have to cut your loo in the air. You know,
Speaker 1: whatever I liked about your stand up special is that
Speaker 1: there aren't false premises based on like things that are
Speaker 1: you're just not angry about things that don't really make
Speaker 1: any sense, that are just for the joke, Like they're
Speaker 1: all based on actual stuff that's happening in your life,
Speaker 1: and I want to get to say more things that
Speaker 1: you talked about in the first two thirds of your special.
Speaker 1: When we would get back after this with Ben Glebe.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back with Benny Boy Glee. Ben Glebe
Speaker 1: has a new special out called The Mad King that
Speaker 1: you can check out on YouTube. We do think it
Speaker 1: has been shadow bands, so we would really appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys to watch it. You are going to to love this.
Speaker 1: Like I, I do promote people's stand up a lot,
Speaker 1: and especially my friends. I was so happy that this
Speaker 1: was actually great and really, Ben, I'm serious, like and
Speaker 1: I already told you this via text. It truly inspired
Speaker 1: me and made me go. But I mean I told
Speaker 1: I said, this was Burr levels good, like Bill Burr
Speaker 1: level is good without question like this, if any of
Speaker 1: these jokes I could see coming from they are if
Speaker 1: Bill Burr were to say them. Carlin asked, you know
Speaker 1: all these guys like it's up there with that where
Speaker 1: it's like the way you make you change the way
Speaker 1: I think about certain things. Um, I really really love
Speaker 1: what your point about. Um uh uh. I don't want
Speaker 1: to spoil it. The different TV shows and the different
Speaker 1: kind of media that women watch versus men. Yes about that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: tell me. I mean, it's just all gender roles are
Speaker 1: kind of it's confusing that people are even like so
Speaker 1: rigidly holding on to like, oh, you can't use this
Speaker 1: bathroom or that bathroom. All gender roles are blending anyway,
Speaker 1: they're kind of reversing. Like we all grew up believing
Speaker 1: that men love action movies and women love romantic comedies.
Speaker 1: That to be true at all these days, Like my
Speaker 1: favorite movies when Harry met Sally, and every woman I
Speaker 1: talked to, she's like, I've just been to watch twelve
Speaker 1: serial killer documentaries on the Like I couldn't have watched
Speaker 1: one of those. How do you do that? Well? I
Speaker 1: wrote that, and I was like dead. My favorite movie
Speaker 1: is when Harry met Sally and you're like, but you're
Speaker 1: so that really cut through because you're so right like
Speaker 1: the we I really loved all your stuff about gender
Speaker 1: because I'm huge trans rights advocate and I just I
Speaker 1: don't see what all the fuss is about, like just
Speaker 1: let people be what they want to be, UM, And
Speaker 1: I really loved your take on it. And I always
Speaker 1: get nervous when anyone even goes there, because I'm like, god,
Speaker 1: please don't have the wrong take. But I love that
Speaker 1: you said you go America loves we love trans people.
Speaker 1: Why are we so up in arms? We love transformers
Speaker 1: are getting me? It was such a great point, like
Speaker 1: we like like you had a really you had a
Speaker 1: lot of great takes on that, and I loved that.
Speaker 1: It was it just it just you made great points.
Speaker 1: And then you even got into more personal stuff of
Speaker 1: like you dealing you know, your girlfriend now fiance, dealing
Speaker 1: with depression during COVID her painting all the walls Gray, Um,
Speaker 1: you talked to me, Yeah, you talked about your diagnosis
Speaker 1: of having a d D, which I also was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I was just diagnosed with a d D. Um,
Speaker 1: tell me a little bit about that, because how did
Speaker 1: you not know because you're a boy, and I feel
Speaker 1: like boys usually getting a diagnosis early. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: had to go to my parents and be like, guys,
Speaker 1: so you've been aware that I've been unable to finish
Speaker 1: any to do list my entire life or get out
Speaker 1: of bed. At her focus, they focused on on something.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, we just thought that was you Like yeah,
Speaker 1: but people can have problems and still be them, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: I know that we just thought that was you is
Speaker 1: a very thing, like we just thought that's who you are.
Speaker 1: And it's like there are solutions for this thing I'm
Speaker 1: struggling with. Like fascinating though, though, because Ben, you are
Speaker 1: so highly I mean I almost would air on the
Speaker 1: side of your parents because it's like you look at
Speaker 1: you and you look at how accomplished you are. You,
Speaker 1: I mean, Ben Gleeb. If you didn't know he ran
Speaker 1: for president and I'm not kidding you, like it wasn't
Speaker 1: just like I'm going to run for president, like just
Speaker 1: as a bit. This guy really ran for president and
Speaker 1: gave it his all, and I thought it was going
Speaker 1: to kill him. I love a president. I love a
Speaker 1: president that runs on I will not do my whole
Speaker 1: to do list. I promise you I will get through
Speaker 1: four of them. I will. I will start with the
Speaker 1: big ones because I trail off. I will not play
Speaker 1: golf as much as other presidents, because I will not
Speaker 1: get out of bed most days because the walls are gray.
Speaker 1: You get a whole team. You get a whole team
Speaker 1: when you're president. You're so right. Someone recently said to me, Nikki,
Speaker 1: because I'm going on vocal rest pretty soon after surgery.
Speaker 1: And I was talking to someone who uh. I was
Speaker 1: talking to someone and he was like, who works closely
Speaker 1: with celebrities? And he was like, you're the hardest working
Speaker 1: person I know. You deserve a break. And I said
Speaker 1: harder than Fallon And he goes, Fallon has a team
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, well I have. And it's
Speaker 1: a good point. Like, once you get to that level,
Speaker 1: President Fallon you, it almost gets easier because there is
Speaker 1: so much was that did you think about that, Ben
Speaker 1: on the way to becoming president, Like, once I get there,
Speaker 1: this has got to get easier. Ben being like the
Speaker 1: only thing holding me back is I gotta get someone
Speaker 1: to get me a toothbread. No, that's like I forgot it. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, as Americans going right now, we're probably
Speaker 1: one to two years away from America being called the
Speaker 1: United States of America starring Jimmy Fallon. He will probably
Speaker 1: all have America. Oh yeah, he would, he would. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is incredible. So excited to have the
Speaker 1: president of China here. This incredible. All the toys you make,
Speaker 1: all the stuff you make, we really love it. We
Speaker 1: love it here. We still have concentration camps. Is that cool? Jimmy, Judge,
Speaker 1: I'm not here, Judge, move right back with Mary kay Olson.
Speaker 1: She's got a new hand back. She's a secretary of state.
Speaker 1: So yeah, Ben, what what's how did you? I mean
Speaker 1: you were getting it done? What? What made you even
Speaker 1: want to get a diagnosis? What made you look into it?
Speaker 1: You said that you can't get out of ad like
Speaker 1: that to me does not. When you were talking about
Speaker 1: like you was stay in bed all days sometimes with
Speaker 1: your girlfriend and your special I was like, I felt
Speaker 1: good because I was like, you seem such like a
Speaker 1: highly productive person that I felt like, oh, he never
Speaker 1: takes a day off. You're someone that I think we were.
Speaker 1: We relate to each other a lot in the sense
Speaker 1: that of of our work ethic. I think you read
Speaker 1: my thing and that interview magazine you were like, I
Speaker 1: relate to all of these answers about working. So how
Speaker 1: how how does it work for you? I don't often
Speaker 1: take out full days. I just am on a very
Speaker 1: weird sleep schedules always that you think is gonna kill me.
Speaker 1: And I think you're you know, you're gone something. I
Speaker 1: need to fix it. Like a month, three and a half,
Speaker 1: three and a half hours. It's not good and uh so,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I just sometimes when I'm relaxing,
Speaker 1: I try to like do it, but I feel like
Speaker 1: I have like sleep paralysis. In the morning when I
Speaker 1: wake up, I just my whole life. I can't. I
Speaker 1: feel like there's the world's heaviest way to blanket on
Speaker 1: me and I just can't get out of bed, like
Speaker 1: I'm in a coma. Like I wake up and I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're I can't move. I'll snooze like three times when
Speaker 1: I can. I don't have a day full of stuff.
Speaker 1: It's pretty rare. But like on the weekends, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'll just sneeze. I'll sneeze. I'll sneeze all day until
Speaker 1: being awake. People bring a little dish of pepper under
Speaker 1: my nose. Can I sleep and will? It makes sense
Speaker 1: that you once you do, is that a fear of
Speaker 1: yours about like actually going to sleep, is that you
Speaker 1: you know that the desire to stay in bed will
Speaker 1: be so strong that you almost don't want to go
Speaker 1: to sleep because it's going to be hard to get
Speaker 1: out of bed. That's exactly so late exactly right. Is
Speaker 1: that like people that get things done before, like in
Speaker 1: the morning, wake up early, like I'm gonna run a
Speaker 1: mile and then I'm gonna get I'm gonna edit this
Speaker 1: podcast and then start my day of tasks. Like I
Speaker 1: just won't ever get to anything until my first appointment,
Speaker 1: and I'll probably be late to that appointment. I'll probably
Speaker 1: be like almost late to the flight and I'll have
Speaker 1: to pass British people in line on the way into
Speaker 1: the airport. About fantasy, you said it almost like the
Speaker 1: British ghost. It was weird chocolates joining us. Um, that's
Speaker 1: so interesting, Ben, because fix that. For me, it is
Speaker 1: the one really thing The adderall help in my life.
Speaker 1: I was able to like bounce out of bed and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, humans can actually not feel like
Speaker 1: they're connected to like some kind of a I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm in a coma when I wake up normally.
Speaker 1: And it solved that. But I had to quit it
Speaker 1: recently because it was just too intense. Well, let me
Speaker 1: just ask you about this coma state, Like when you
Speaker 1: are in bed and you're not able to get out.
Speaker 1: Is it a physical like I just can't get out
Speaker 1: or is it do you I mean, everything that's physical
Speaker 1: is mental. But are you aware of the mental anguish
Speaker 1: going on? Is it like I have so much to
Speaker 1: do today? It's like if I get out, I know
Speaker 1: that it's so long before I get back in. I'm
Speaker 1: just projecting of what I kind of think about in
Speaker 1: the morning of like, here's another fucking day. Like I
Speaker 1: don't understand people that are like I love the day
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to start. I'm always like, God, another
Speaker 1: fucking day. Like I love going to bed because it
Speaker 1: feels you know the Nick Griffin joke, many suicides. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Every night you get to check out. I love you.
Speaker 1: When you're hitting that snooze, do you feel like, um,
Speaker 1: do you are you? Because you're a guy that I
Speaker 1: feel like has such a zest for life. You're always like,
Speaker 1: let's go do karaoke, let's have a pool party, let's
Speaker 1: do this. Like your you love being around people, you
Speaker 1: love socializing as part of that because you want to
Speaker 1: keep busy, because you don't want to focus on this.
Speaker 1: Be whatever happens when your mind is alone, is it
Speaker 1: are you are when you're in the in bed in
Speaker 1: the morning? What are you thinking about about your day?
Speaker 1: Do you dread your day. No, I don't dread it.
Speaker 1: It's just that I have a You're totally right that
Speaker 1: I have a big zest for things and I like
Speaker 1: to plan big events and fun things because when I
Speaker 1: go do the things I want to, I want to
Speaker 1: I'm like a sound address. I want to make the most.
Speaker 1: I want to make the most of things when I
Speaker 1: do them. But in the like some reason, like all
Speaker 1: day once I'm up and then all through the night,
Speaker 1: like I have the most energy and I want to
Speaker 1: do a million things and I'll never get tired and
Speaker 1: I can stay up and definitely like I wasn't even
Speaker 1: tired when I went to bed at four or forty
Speaker 1: five this morning. I was like I wanted to keep
Speaker 1: doing stuff and do on my phone and read the
Speaker 1: news and ship. But then in the morning, there is
Speaker 1: nothing that I want more than sleep, And I will
Speaker 1: change every part, Like as I'm about to go to sleep,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, all right, so I have to do this,
Speaker 1: and I need fifteen minutes for that, and I'll shower
Speaker 1: and I'll do that, and I need to get up
Speaker 1: at ninety five to possibly get to the thing by
Speaker 1: eleven thirty. And the morning immediately I wake up and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can get up and just speed there context.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry a little bit late. I just I just
Speaker 1: push every priority in my life. I'd rather fail at
Speaker 1: life in the morning. I don't need to. I can
Speaker 1: go with dirty hair. Let me cut off twenty more minutes.
Speaker 1: I started doing all this math to I don't need you.
Speaker 1: Oh you know what, I don't need to go see
Speaker 1: my sister. Okay, I'll cut that out. Like you just start,
Speaker 1: I do the same thing. Um, it is fascinating. And
Speaker 1: you found that adderall was something that you know in
Speaker 1: your special you talk about, Oh, it's this like miracle drug.
Speaker 1: It changed my life. By the time we were texting
Speaker 1: about it, you go, I I'm I'm it's it's not
Speaker 1: in my life anymore. Can you speak to that at all? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's that's the only two words in the
Speaker 1: special that I regret is what is saying that it's
Speaker 1: a miracle drug. And I would have had them cut
Speaker 1: those two words out, except I don't work. That's a
Speaker 1: good point. That's a good point, but miracle that's true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it wasn't the words I regretted in special, And I
Speaker 1: don't know if man, do I regret saying it's I
Speaker 1: could have said they are a miracle drug, and I
Speaker 1: really phrase that the very direct way that ruined everything.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you're back on Adderall, you would have it's
Speaker 1: a good point. I like that you say you regret it,
Speaker 1: and we'll get to why in a second. But it
Speaker 1: did strike me immediately when you said it. I go, oh, good, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can do it. Now it was Ben's doing it.
Speaker 1: I can do it. There is something about when someone
Speaker 1: you admire, I E. I'm watching you. You're funny, You're
Speaker 1: killing it. Everyone loves you. I'm watching the special. It's
Speaker 1: so good. You're You're operating on a level where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I need to I aspire to write some jokes like this.
Speaker 1: And then I hear, oh, he does adderall. He thinks
Speaker 1: it's a miracle drug. Okay, I'm gonna ask my doctor
Speaker 1: about it. So I like that you do acknowledge that
Speaker 1: you endure something that might inspire people to go I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go do that. And and now let's talk about
Speaker 1: the flip side. Why why you feel like that maybe
Speaker 1: was a little too uh yeah not not maybe the
Speaker 1: best thing. Yeah, I feel like snorting it out of
Speaker 1: like an asshole, like by the end of it, I
Speaker 1: would like I would also, it doesn't smell good. I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is, ship nurse. It's a pository,
Speaker 1: but you put it in a girl's ass and then
Speaker 1: you here, I don't know. I think she's tired of
Speaker 1: the shift already. She's her back hurts. She kept being
Speaker 1: downward dog all day. According to her, I don't know
Speaker 1: what this is or not. The thing was worried about it,
Speaker 1: like are we using the same straw? Are the straws clean?
Speaker 1: And so I don't regret it in the way that
Speaker 1: I know it is. It is a miracle drug store
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, So it's fine. And I
Speaker 1: didn't ask them to edit those words out because I
Speaker 1: already had made one editor quit when editing my special
Speaker 1: based on my notes, and it was gonna say, man,
Speaker 1: I want to know about that process too, But let's
Speaker 1: stand that. So, yeah, it just for me was making
Speaker 1: me like it was a marginal It helped me wake up.
Speaker 1: It was a marginal benefit to my to do list,
Speaker 1: not really because I started I had the horrible problem
Speaker 1: that I started being able to justify whatever I was
Speaker 1: doing as something that it would help me focus on.
Speaker 1: Like for a minute I was able to actually be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm using adderall on my to do list. And then
Speaker 1: once I got to the place where I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: the Adderall's helping me focus on finishing masturbating quicker, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've I've hacked the adderall and now I'm making it
Speaker 1: help me focus on whatever I'm doing, even if it's
Speaker 1: my old bad habits. And so I like outsmarted the pill,
Speaker 1: which was the problem, and it made me very irritable.
Speaker 1: I think this is the It was like, I love it.
Speaker 1: The movie Limit List was at the end He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm jerking off faster. I never saw it. Actually,
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. Him jerking off pass for two and
Speaker 1: a half hour has worn we So I do want
Speaker 1: to get back to this of um I because I'm
Speaker 1: on subreddits about a d h D and uh once
Speaker 1: I got diagnosed about different medications and everything and how
Speaker 1: some people respond to them. That is a common you know,
Speaker 1: complaint of people on these stimulants is that yes, it
Speaker 1: helps some focus on stuff, Yes it helps them get
Speaker 1: there to do list one, but then they find that
Speaker 1: they start focusing on things that things that they shouldn't
Speaker 1: be focusing on, like the stuff that because a d
Speaker 1: h D. What they what I just realized from reading
Speaker 1: this book that I am reading, you know, read a
Speaker 1: third of called the neuro Divergent Brain or whatever I
Speaker 1: think it's called. Um it, I didn't even read. I
Speaker 1: didn't read the freedom full title. Got a third of
Speaker 1: the way through that. The first word of the second
Speaker 1: third was if you don't make it to this sentence,
Speaker 1: you are neuro divergent and can't focus your brain on
Speaker 1: anything properly. It's called I'm sorry, divergent divergent minds the
Speaker 1: woman the book, so I was close, but it says
Speaker 1: that I think it was in this book. It says,
Speaker 1: you know, a d D is not People think it's
Speaker 1: about not being read the whole book, and I don't
Speaker 1: know the title, and I'm not sure the purpose. But
Speaker 1: let me tell you what I think might be in
Speaker 1: the book. Every person that this book about a d
Speaker 1: D is definitely someone who is not finished. Don't even
Speaker 1: have the it's right here, it's right here. You've just
Speaker 1: been reading the Coming alive. I've just been I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: you can see my percentages on these books. Let me
Speaker 1: just walk you through this, Hold Me Tight a book
Speaker 1: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love twelve percent. The
Speaker 1: artists Deduction Coming Alive, uh and the only ones that
Speaker 1: I've it as her Columbine books as you know. So um.
Speaker 1: But it says that like a d D is not
Speaker 1: it's not a disorder of you can't focus. Because the
Speaker 1: thing is people with a D B that's where we think.
Speaker 1: We think anyone who's like, oh, a squirrel, like, that's
Speaker 1: that's you don't. You're not able to focus. You have
Speaker 1: your you can't. You don't have attention to put anywhere.
Speaker 1: The problem is you have a lot of attention, and
Speaker 1: you focus on the wrong things, intensely on the wrong things.
Speaker 1: So I always thought of a D is like you
Speaker 1: can't hold my focus on anything. But a d D
Speaker 1: is not that. It's like we are able to focus
Speaker 1: very much so on stupid ship. And that's why for me,
Speaker 1: a d D makes me really super depressed, borderline suicidal,
Speaker 1: because I will focus intently and obsessively on the you
Speaker 1: know fact that you know, my life isn't the way
Speaker 1: I wanted to be. I don't have these things that
Speaker 1: other people have. I like, I will, I will obsess
Speaker 1: over that stuff. And that's my roote of my depression
Speaker 1: was my A D D, which I had no idea about.
Speaker 1: Do you ever, So how do you manage your A
Speaker 1: D D? Now? Ben? Yeah? So, I mean that's that's
Speaker 1: exactly why I didn't know I had it. By the way,
Speaker 1: from my whole life was I thought exactly the same
Speaker 1: thing that it was like squirrel and a million things
Speaker 1: that distract you, and it's not. I have incredible focus,
Speaker 1: Like I can be up all night editing a flyer
Speaker 1: even though that's the least important thing in the world
Speaker 1: for me to be doing. And I've got like eight
Speaker 1: other projects that will advance my life. But I'm like
Speaker 1: stuck in Photoshop world for a fly I'll probably never
Speaker 1: post and it will be eight years from now and
Speaker 1: I'll be like, why did I waste the most key
Speaker 1: time ever? And so that's what Somehow they said that
Speaker 1: adder I was able to do it beyond just keeping
Speaker 1: you focusing on one task and somehow like helped you
Speaker 1: realize like what you should be focusing on and like
Speaker 1: helps you remember like, oh this is important. And it
Speaker 1: worked for like a few months and then suddenly I
Speaker 1: just I outsmarted in the way where I was like
Speaker 1: justifying like the breaks I needed. So then I told
Speaker 1: my my brain with a pill like even if I
Speaker 1: was like again, if I was like looking at porn,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's been such a stressful day.
Speaker 1: I need this mental break. I need this relaxation. And
Speaker 1: so this half hour to maybe an hour break looking
Speaker 1: at porn is very important for the rest of my day,
Speaker 1: so I can reset and relax. And my brain was like, great,
Speaker 1: Adderall is working for you, and and I was able
Speaker 1: to It's funny when you're watching the porn on Adderall
Speaker 1: and you're just focusing on like a paper clip on
Speaker 1: the table or instead of being the pussy. So I
Speaker 1: can't focus on the pussy. I'm I'm busy looking at
Speaker 1: this fucking I think I was being untied. We are
Speaker 1: still on as I'm looking at the porn too. I'm
Speaker 1: sitting there and focused on that, and I feel like
Speaker 1: it's good. Then the nurses like, can I get up now?
Speaker 1: Or are you gonna re up? I'm really happy that
Speaker 1: you that you just admitted that sometimes you spend an
Speaker 1: hour looking at porn, because I also have a problem
Speaker 1: where I it's I don't even think it's a d
Speaker 1: D for me, it's I, I really, if I'm going in,
Speaker 1: I gotta find the perfect video. I want to come
Speaker 1: to the perfect thing. I don't want to waste it
Speaker 1: on whatever there is just there, because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff that could get me off. And there are
Speaker 1: times where I'll be watching something and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: close and this could do it, but it's this guy
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve it, this girl does this performance, this this
Speaker 1: grainy footage, whatever it is, this security camera in a
Speaker 1: massage parlor doesn't deserve it. There's gotta be better out there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get my own part of your Yes, I get
Speaker 1: my own to do list within porn, Like when may
Speaker 1: be the greatest advancement in porn is that every site
Speaker 1: now has where you can just put your finger on
Speaker 1: the thumbnail and it gives you a preview and I
Speaker 1: can tell if it's gonna be hot to my standards
Speaker 1: or not. And so I'll get a tab and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have to come back and watch that one, but
Speaker 1: this one looks also good. This one might get close,
Speaker 1: but all the way. So I'll open the next tab,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I have to go back to tabs
Speaker 1: to finish. I really want to see this verson and
Speaker 1: that one, and I think I'll probably finish back on
Speaker 1: that third tab and maybe I'll not not get back
Speaker 1: to it and hopefully remember the next day to go back.
Speaker 1: Before it's over, your vibrator stops working and then the
Speaker 1: whole operation. Vibrator always stopped working right before the end.
Speaker 1: That's I always, I always, I always toggle to is
Speaker 1: it the word toggle? Is that the word? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: toggled to reveal of the penis a little bit of
Speaker 1: a blow and then right to fucking usually on top
Speaker 1: and the backside, and that's what I toggle, and then
Speaker 1: I'm done. Three toggles. That's interesting. Well, usually they show
Speaker 1: you on porn like where you know, they have a
Speaker 1: little um I don't even know how to describe it,
Speaker 1: like it shows you the most popular part of the videos.
Speaker 1: You're looking at the end level my god, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're making your coming far too complicated. Jesus, I thought
Speaker 1: I was bad. You're like when a bar graph reaches
Speaker 1: the top and most people have talking about just passed.
Speaker 1: I can come a little harder than the rest of
Speaker 1: the population. Oh, I'm a big edger. I do look
Speaker 1: at that. Well. I always go right to the grossest
Speaker 1: part of the video, like I'll just go I don't
Speaker 1: want any tease. I'm just like, let's see what the fuck?
Speaker 1: What's I go right to you like this porn is
Speaker 1: big in Norway? Oh my god, An, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm really disturbed by is that every every porn Yeah,
Speaker 1: analytics and I will say that Ben Gley makes an
Speaker 1: analysis joke in his special Ben we have a history
Speaker 1: of Andrew wanted me to name my special anal Eyes
Speaker 1: because I talked about anal and it's like also analyzing things.
Speaker 1: But I but I also was like, but there's why
Speaker 1: the eyes partner. He's like, because you see the like
Speaker 1: if the special were about me, like talking about my
Speaker 1: like my eyes and also anal like, I could see
Speaker 1: why it would be called analize. But I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: not enough to just be so anyway, Um, we have
Speaker 1: a whole running bit about that. But I was so
Speaker 1: delighted when you also had to take on the word analysis.
Speaker 1: Can you tell us what it is? Sure? I can,
Speaker 1: but first I have to finish like picturing what you
Speaker 1: just painted for me as what Andrew's pitch for your
Speaker 1: special was getting sucked from behind, but in the front
Speaker 1: you're like an explorer looking out of the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's good that there's of interpretation. That's the beauty of it. Dude.
Speaker 1: Thank you, you are such a good salesman. I forgot
Speaker 1: that you used to work in bullshit because you did
Speaker 1: not take at the beauty so many different ways to
Speaker 1: interpret it. It's it's up to the viewer. I mean,
Speaker 1: good clean filth. It was great, don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean it never ends. Well, thank god
Speaker 1: you didn't use that title because it would have stepped
Speaker 1: on my joke maybe too closely. But what my joke
Speaker 1: is is that, look, it's important to be in therapy.
Speaker 1: Therapy has been great for me. But you know, don't
Speaker 1: overdo analyzing your life. Analysis is important, sure, but if
Speaker 1: it was that important, it wouldn't be made up of
Speaker 1: the words anal and isis. And keep that in mind.
Speaker 1: Analysis also sounds like you're fucking your sister in the
Speaker 1: ass a little bit, you know what I mean? Can
Speaker 1: I pull up the analytics? All right? We will be
Speaker 1: right back after this break more with Ben Leeb. Alright,
Speaker 1: we're back Ben Gleeb is with us here today. Um
Speaker 1: did we even? We just blew past the news? Ben
Speaker 1: as a new special on YouTube that you've got to
Speaker 1: check out. You will freaking love it. I promise you
Speaker 1: I would not be promoting it so much if I
Speaker 1: didn't believe it. It is called The Mad King. Make
Speaker 1: sure you watch it, give it a view, post about
Speaker 1: it on your Instagram stories or wherever you tell people
Speaker 1: to watch things. Um and uh, and you're gonna love it.
Speaker 1: I just was so even the start of the special.
Speaker 1: How did you open the special? Again? It was really
Speaker 1: delight Oh you go you when you you were asking
Speaker 1: the crowd, how are you? Guys? What did you say?
Speaker 1: Look out? And I'm like, I'm like, how are you?
Speaker 1: How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Are
Speaker 1: you warm? Comedians are allowed, are allowed tell jokes anymore?
Speaker 1: So it's gonna be all questions for the hour? Can
Speaker 1: make you more comfortable? Yes, it was a great comment
Speaker 1: on like, you know, comedians always all we talked about
Speaker 1: is like we're under persecution, we can't talk about anything.
Speaker 1: But it was a great comment on that without going
Speaker 1: too heavy handed, which is what I really just can't
Speaker 1: say enough. I thought so much of your special was
Speaker 1: just because you you have a tendency. You can get
Speaker 1: very political, you can get very you're passionate about certain things.
Speaker 1: I mean, you ran for president. You you were passionate,
Speaker 1: and you wanted to argue with me about One night,
Speaker 1: Ben and I at a practice debate about whether or
Speaker 1: not there wait, what are you practicing for? We we
Speaker 1: want to have a debate about free well there is
Speaker 1: fretty well past like our nine minute pre debate. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: So we recorded it and it was really good and
Speaker 1: then I was like, I've got to go to bed.
Speaker 1: We're in the lobby of my hotel and I was like,
Speaker 1: at the yeah, exactly. First he was having the first
Speaker 1: step of wet coffee, wetmouth coffee. I gotta buy an
Speaker 1: inflatable a gator in the morning. And I swear to God,
Speaker 1: that is you are one of the best people going
Speaker 1: out there. Like I always tell Ben this whenever we
Speaker 1: like end our hangs, because usually it's like very late
Speaker 1: at night or there's it's just you know, Ben will
Speaker 1: keep you until you've tried to go home hours before.
Speaker 1: But Ben will somehow keep you there. You didn't even
Speaker 1: want to go out, You tried to you, try to
Speaker 1: get out of it a million different ways, and Ben
Speaker 1: will stay on you. And Ben is a good I've
Speaker 1: always given shipped to people who make their friends feel
Speaker 1: bad about bailing. Ben is not like that. He will
Speaker 1: let you bail, but he will hear your bail. He'll
Speaker 1: hear your reasoning for bailing. He will understand it, but
Speaker 1: he will talk you out of that bail, and he
Speaker 1: will give you every reason why you can go. And
Speaker 1: if it's not fun, you can. You're very good at
Speaker 1: getting people out and getting Ben Bailey boom. Let me
Speaker 1: tell you a cash cab if you don't like my
Speaker 1: pitch to stay for the rest of the man um
Speaker 1: Thank you. I just like options to people. I have
Speaker 1: to give them. Of course, if you want to leave, go,
Speaker 1: But but you might change your mind if you knew
Speaker 1: what you get from. Where do you get just from this? Like?
Speaker 1: You are so like even you are so good, and
Speaker 1: I am very aware when people are trying to get
Speaker 1: like us, I'm very like, I'm not doing it and
Speaker 1: I know what I'm not doing, and you will get
Speaker 1: me out of that. How have you read books about
Speaker 1: like the psychology of persuasion, how to win friends and
Speaker 1: influence people. I mean, you have a lot of that
Speaker 1: going for you, but I don't feel like it's put on.
Speaker 1: It just seems to be a part of who you are. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I haven't read any of that stuff. I think it's
Speaker 1: just because I love human connection and I love hanging
Speaker 1: with my friends, and we all are so busy, makes
Speaker 1: a little time for it when we do it. I
Speaker 1: want to make the most of the night. It's like,
Speaker 1: we're probably gonna go back to our hotel room and
Speaker 1: like be on TikTok are ourselves anyway for another three hours.
Speaker 1: So I'll just like remind you that you could do
Speaker 1: that instead of you can do that anytime, but this
Speaker 1: is a rare chance we're hanging even live in the
Speaker 1: same city. I just like, I just want to make
Speaker 1: the most with my friends. I want to and I
Speaker 1: failed to getting either that that spa after karaoke twenty first,
Speaker 1: but I came close, and I think you'll give me
Speaker 1: next time recording a podcast. You even got me to
Speaker 1: go to the karaoke, which is something I wanted to
Speaker 1: bail on, Like you got. You got a lot more
Speaker 1: out of me that night than I would have ever
Speaker 1: given anyone else. I mean, there's constantly things like that
Speaker 1: with you, and I do never regret them. And that
Speaker 1: is a good point you have. You have free will
Speaker 1: to leave. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't get
Speaker 1: funny that, like the argument has now become about free will,
Speaker 1: like right, well, wait till you here are debate on
Speaker 1: free willy and whether or not that was a good
Speaker 1: movie because although it did, you know, give us a
Speaker 1: good argument for supporting the whales, it did actually probably
Speaker 1: hurt some whales in the process of making that movie.
Speaker 1: So but and I will release those stakes at some
Speaker 1: point as well. Comps over the young boy at the end.
Speaker 1: I don't know, if you notice, you look closely, he
Speaker 1: does tug on the whales dick really quickly as he
Speaker 1: flies over him. Cruelty or not, I'm out whales dicks
Speaker 1: just hang that. How do you think? How do you
Speaker 1: think over the water accident? No, I know, whales have dicks.
Speaker 1: I remember I saw a sperm whales dick and like
Speaker 1: marine biology and it was like biology, when what is that? Huh,
Speaker 1: it's a class in Florida. It's all biology. Florida is
Speaker 1: marine biology. But yeah, miss mac who would smoke cigarettes
Speaker 1: during the break. In two minutes, he'd take down a
Speaker 1: non filter. It's pretty impressive, like a hundred and forty
Speaker 1: years old. She's probably dead, but yeah, I just remember
Speaker 1: your dicks meaning so fucking like whales. Dicks are unbelievable
Speaker 1: if you gotta look into it, understand that. Like saying that,
Speaker 1: I agree and on that, I'm gonna be in bent,
Speaker 1: Secretary of Treasure. I'd like to go now to the
Speaker 1: Secretary of the Treasury, Flappy Gums to tell you about
Speaker 1: whale cop so scared when you did that? Isn't he
Speaker 1: used to that by now? He just Andrew just flicked
Speaker 1: off his cats. I don't even see him for the
Speaker 1: last ten minutes, so it's all purely imagination for me.
Speaker 1: He's got a he's got a huge cock. Penis You
Speaker 1: cocked cat walking around cock penis man, you pis, got
Speaker 1: you cock on it? Andrew my cat? He does it's
Speaker 1: in there. I did. It's not a hanger. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you park screws or something. No, it's sucks. You thought.
Speaker 1: Duck said seven vaginas too, So what's going on? Nine
Speaker 1: dicks biology? It's all beautiful. Wow, ducks have nine nine vaginas,
Speaker 1: talk about a sock and pocket. Holy sh it, No, no, no, ducks.
Speaker 1: Ducks have secret pathways to their to the pussy hole
Speaker 1: that actually gets impregnated. Then they have fake outs, they
Speaker 1: have little pump fake vaginas where so when they get
Speaker 1: you know, raped, unfortunately the you know, the people that
Speaker 1: they don't want, they use the fake vagina for that. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I am on the floor right now. I'm sorry. Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm fine with human rape, but duck rapes draw the
Speaker 1: line and you're getting solemn person having a oh man
Speaker 1: where he was like a little bit scared of getting canceled.
Speaker 1: You know, ducks get raped and we gotta stop it.
Speaker 1: You can we have a moment of silence, one for
Speaker 1: each vagina. Make sure you say thanks, Donald. That was
Speaker 1: so funny, Andrew, you being like really supportive of duck duck.
Speaker 1: Don't I am crying, dude, you can't see me what
Speaker 1: I'm laughing hard? Oh god, I'm glad something else on
Speaker 1: your head is wet. Yeah, I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: tears or just spin from my own mode. Dude. That
Speaker 1: was so funny. Oh my god. So yeah, we tell
Speaker 1: us now that we've honored the rape, duck rape. I
Speaker 1: mean I think I got the point out. Beautiful, very important,
Speaker 1: My god. Okay, well, let's get to our Wednesday's segment.
Speaker 1: I feel like there's no better time we have a
Speaker 1: Today is a wild card Wednesday, so we'd pick a
Speaker 1: random segment. Today's segment, Noah is blankest thing I've ever done,
Speaker 1: and the testing and the topic will be the smartest
Speaker 1: thing I've ever done, the smartest thing I've ever done,
Speaker 1: the smartest thing of everyone who wants to go first? Noah,
Speaker 1: do you want to kick us off? Okay, I'll kick
Speaker 1: us off. The smartest thing I've ever done. I'm going
Speaker 1: to choose reading the book, getting to I do Yes,
Speaker 1: front to back, side to side, at arizing it and
Speaker 1: that well Ben, Ben might not know about this book,
Speaker 1: but talking about your special to didn't you? I did? Yes?
Speaker 1: Why do you? Why is that your answer to h? Because, um,
Speaker 1: it just taught me how to feel better about being
Speaker 1: in a relationship, how to get what I need out
Speaker 1: of it, and how to communicate better and not have
Speaker 1: such like a tumultuous relationship with my partner. Yes, and
Speaker 1: just being in a relationship. You explain in your special
Speaker 1: you also need to lie and misrepresent yourself and trap somebody. Basically, basically,
Speaker 1: once you get a guy, make sure he loses all
Speaker 1: of his free will to do any of that. I
Speaker 1: know you want to leave, but you don't have a choice.
Speaker 1: You're with me for life. I read the book chapter nine,
Speaker 1: not being able to leave for comedy. I may have
Speaker 1: misrepresented some of the themes in the book, but not
Speaker 1: even this represented exaggerated some of the things I didn't
Speaker 1: do a uh, you know, false premise, But um no,
Speaker 1: will you just dispel kind of what Ben is saying
Speaker 1: and just say what the book? Because you always have
Speaker 1: a really good response when people are like it's because
Speaker 1: sometimes I go, well, I guess, I don't know, as
Speaker 1: I get mad about the book, because I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so I'll just never drive again, I guess. So I'll
Speaker 1: always just take forty five minutes to get somewhere fat
Speaker 1: like slower because I have to let my boyfriend drive
Speaker 1: because he's a man and I gotta let him do it.
Speaker 1: And I get so mad, like I have to be
Speaker 1: a fucking handmaid. So will you talk to that? So
Speaker 1: it's it sounds like like a very like anti feminist book,
Speaker 1: But it's actually the contrary once you get past the
Speaker 1: first chapter, and basically it just taught me that you
Speaker 1: can't have the same like forces in a relationship. You
Speaker 1: have to have the you're either the giver or the receiver,
Speaker 1: and it's always got to like maintain the harmonious balance.
Speaker 1: So that was a big one. The the I think
Speaker 1: the thing that really helped me was um, the three
Speaker 1: points that she makes about knowing what you want out
Speaker 1: of relationship and letting your partner know as well. So,
Speaker 1: you want exclusivity, we're only dating each other if their
Speaker 1: sex involved. You want continuity. This is something that we're
Speaker 1: gonna work on, and like, we're gonna it's continuity. We're
Speaker 1: gonna see each other every week, and you know it's
Speaker 1: going to be something that is consistent and um, longevity.
Speaker 1: We're both in it for the long run. I was
Speaker 1: waiting for the third and I was like, so, I
Speaker 1: think like that, like just just knowing and memorizing those
Speaker 1: three paragraphs about the three John Mayer albums how helped
Speaker 1: me get in a relationship with my now fiance, and UM,
Speaker 1: it just kind of set us up for success. You
Speaker 1: don't think that you would be with right now had
Speaker 1: nothing for that book. Hell no, oh my god, no
Speaker 1: way he would have left me a long would you be? Why?
Speaker 1: Because the things that I would normally go crazy over
Speaker 1: in our relationship help. It just helped me not get
Speaker 1: to that point of like anger and instead get ahead
Speaker 1: of it, communicate my needs and just be like receptive
Speaker 1: of him making the effort after I gave him instruction
Speaker 1: for what my needs are and not left him guessing,
Speaker 1: which is what I used to do because I used
Speaker 1: to test guys all the time, like you should know
Speaker 1: what I want if you care about me, which is
Speaker 1: when did get that idea? When did that? How did
Speaker 1: that can come into the system without me? Because we
Speaker 1: feel like we know what you want and we try
Speaker 1: to meet those needs, So why don't But then why
Speaker 1: don't you tell us what we what you want? Like?
Speaker 1: That's the thing that bothers me, is that we'd like
Speaker 1: you to address a certain way that I like a
Speaker 1: TV dinner. Yeah, I love the name of that, you know.
Speaker 1: I guess My point is that if you don't know
Speaker 1: what we want, then why don't you fucking ask? Yeah? Brenda,
Speaker 1: Brenda would do this thing. She folded the clothes and
Speaker 1: then was waiting on me to to put him away,
Speaker 1: and I just never did it because I didn't know
Speaker 1: it was a test, but I guess. But then she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not testing you, but I'm like, I feels like
Speaker 1: a test, you know, like somebody's tests. You don't even
Speaker 1: know you're being tested. And then when you say it's
Speaker 1: a test, they say it's not a test. Well, what's
Speaker 1: doing here? Because I always do the laundry I folded
Speaker 1: and then I put it away. And she's like, I
Speaker 1: wonder if I didn't do this one thing, if it
Speaker 1: will ever gets done. And the answer is it wouldn't.
Speaker 1: And yeah, on the pattern, I'm not gonna suddenly I'm
Speaker 1: not a detective coming home like Sherlock Holmes in my
Speaker 1: own house. Wait a minute, what's different than the usual pattern? Oh,
Speaker 1: the laundry basket to the left of where normally is.
Speaker 1: It's not fair, it's not fair to you guys. But
Speaker 1: I do feel like there's sometimes where I'm just like,
Speaker 1: why don't why don't they ask more of what we need?
Speaker 1: Like why do we always have to tell them what
Speaker 1: we need? Like aren't they curious about how to please us?
Speaker 1: And like how to make us happier, like what could
Speaker 1: I do to make you feel more loved by me?
Speaker 1: But men don't think about things like that, like I've
Speaker 1: been I'm not kidding. You have sent Chris, my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: the love language is quiz two times now and he
Speaker 1: said I will get to it, and I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: fun to take. All you have to do is just
Speaker 1: you press on a bunch of buttons. It takes like
Speaker 1: two minutes to take. I just want to know your
Speaker 1: love language. I want to I want you to know
Speaker 1: mine will exchange them once you do it. And he
Speaker 1: always is like, you know it's not not always two
Speaker 1: times now? I Do I send it a third time?
Speaker 1: Or do I just like take it as like this
Speaker 1: isn't gonna happen, Like what what's my next approach? Oh?
Speaker 1: I think your moved. There is just to maybe find
Speaker 1: the time even when you're hanging and be like it's
Speaker 1: important to me. You have to express express how it
Speaker 1: important is do you and say it's important to me
Speaker 1: that you take this? Do you mind taking it right now?
Speaker 1: Let's just take five minutes and text take to them
Speaker 1: twice and saying babe, could you please take this? It's
Speaker 1: important You're easy to like not prioritize right, then you
Speaker 1: can know you're right. You're right. You may not use
Speaker 1: the words important, you're right. You gave my way actually
Speaker 1: made it to see, I made it seem a little
Speaker 1: less like important to me because I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to feel like this was some sort of test, even
Speaker 1: though it literally is a test, Like I didn't want him.
Speaker 1: I think it was like, this is fun, just um,
Speaker 1: but so important to me. Have you googled watched the
Speaker 1: love language of someone that doesn't fill out a love language?
Speaker 1: I'm sure I know my love language is taking quizzes
Speaker 1: about our relationship or yeah, I mean I have I
Speaker 1: my mom took it. It was so hilarious. I made
Speaker 1: my mom take it, and hers was I took it.
Speaker 1: Mine's like thirty five touch, which is like the leading
Speaker 1: like my number that's by the way, five o'clock. My
Speaker 1: mom's was zero percent touch. She wants no touch, And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, how do you want
Speaker 1: no touch? But I do think that it is when
Speaker 1: you take this quiz. It's really fun to take, by
Speaker 1: the way, and I'm not just try deck got everyone
Speaker 1: right now. It's really fun, like it's really easy it
Speaker 1: takes less than five minutes, and you learned a lot
Speaker 1: about yourself and you have fun along the way. You
Speaker 1: think you've gotten this far into the podcast. Yeah right,
Speaker 1: I can say so much. Um, you just did. You
Speaker 1: just did. Let's go into final thought because we got
Speaker 1: to get through the rest of these smart things. Um, Andrew,
Speaker 1: what's the smartest thing you've ever done? Um? Probably stopped
Speaker 1: doing real estate because I wasn't good at it. I
Speaker 1: just and follow a passion instead of money. I guess
Speaker 1: I know that sounds cheesy, but yeah, stop trying to
Speaker 1: chase money as opposed to chase something that I actually like, enjoyed.
Speaker 1: And that's probably the smartest thing I ever did. Um,
Speaker 1: I just did groast i ate actual ants one time
Speaker 1: off a log like you know, ants on a log
Speaker 1: with the peanut butter and the raisins. It's a very
Speaker 1: smart thing I've done. And why did you do that?
Speaker 1: Show the ants? Who the Mad King Is? It all
Speaker 1: comes back? Andrew is a King of Romo. The Mad
Speaker 1: King now streaming on YouTube. Check it out. Ben Gleib's
Speaker 1: hour long special brand new, very topical of the times.
Speaker 1: You'll love it. Ben, what's the smartest thing you ever did. Wow, Man,
Speaker 1: it's hard. I'm usually thinking of the dumb. I'd have
Speaker 1: got a big list of dumb things I've done, right,
Speaker 1: But the smartest thing I've ever done, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's it doesn't have to be the smartest thing, but
Speaker 1: let's just go with a smart thing, because I know
Speaker 1: my brain goes like if I can't think of the
Speaker 1: one thing, then why I can't, Like, there's not a gun, deerd,
Speaker 1: You're not gonna like be tested at some point on this. God,
Speaker 1: I mean, the the smartest thing I've ever done is
Speaker 1: just killing it at this answer? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm really one. Well, there's another way
Speaker 1: to answer this question, is like, what is something that
Speaker 1: from your life that if you had a child, you
Speaker 1: would want them to make a similar decision for theirs.
Speaker 1: Just I think just realizing that that, like confidence, blood
Speaker 1: is ninety eight point six degrees fair enough, I can
Speaker 1: solve anybody's problem with cold, and you can all of
Speaker 1: a sudden enjoy cold temperatures in a much different level
Speaker 1: of study with the ice man. The point is, um no,
Speaker 1: I think probably it's just realizing that, like confidence is fake,
Speaker 1: so you can create it whenever you want, and you
Speaker 1: don't need to be intimidated in social situation. That's more
Speaker 1: of like advice than it is a decision. If it
Speaker 1: had to be a decision, it would be just wait,
Speaker 1: tell me, tell me about that, because that seems like
Speaker 1: they're you're you're onto something that I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people will be like, wait, do you what do
Speaker 1: you mean by that? Because so many people suffer with
Speaker 1: social anxiety, feeling less than even myself, like insecurities. What
Speaker 1: do you mean by that? Like it? You know, being
Speaker 1: confident is what do you describe? How do you do that? How?
Speaker 1: How do you hack that? So? I mean I learned
Speaker 1: this because I grew up with a very severe speech problem,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't for me. Ever, I don't think physical
Speaker 1: grew up still a child, but I speak better now.
Speaker 1: I speak to get it back at you. I mean,
Speaker 1: in the whole wet matt flabby mouth to another hard
Speaker 1: I was just running with your a leader joke. I
Speaker 1: think your mouth is wonderful, Andrew, one of the prettiest
Speaker 1: moves I've ever seen of any man. Now, this is
Speaker 1: that confidence you're talking about? That right, that's that's right,
Speaker 1: that's right. Exactly what was your speech impediment? I had
Speaker 1: a severe stutter and a disfluency. So I don't not
Speaker 1: only stutter, but I couldn't make sounds come out of
Speaker 1: my vocal cords. A lot of my life. I couldn't
Speaker 1: even say hi to a friend passing me in the hallway.
Speaker 1: My vocal cords would shut down. I couldn't talk good.
Speaker 1: Where's that Ben when you need? I don't. I think
Speaker 1: with that speech you didn't have any friends. Let's not
Speaker 1: let's be on it. Someone's podcast and they're like, where's
Speaker 1: the bend that talks lest That's not ideal? No, No,
Speaker 1: I did. That's crazy. I mean that is, honestly so
Speaker 1: the opposite of you. And it explains it. I mean
Speaker 1: oftentimes people that are so one way they come from
Speaker 1: the opposite so and it makes it makes sense. Like
Speaker 1: I used to have crippling stage right, and people like
Speaker 1: how could you? So? How how did that? How did that?
Speaker 1: When did that come to a head? And what did
Speaker 1: you do to you? Know? Well, your legs were weak
Speaker 1: from being anorexic. What crippling? Should we do? Another word
Speaker 1: about ducks? Let's just quickly so Doug word, I love
Speaker 1: that you want to explain that joke sevenths. Andrew's favorite
Speaker 1: motivational book is The Seven Pussies of Highly Effective Ducks,
Speaker 1: and it's a very good book that talked about the
Speaker 1: seven duck languages. Each pussy stands for a different duck language. Hey,
Speaker 1: not bad for a guy that I don't have a
Speaker 1: mouth until fifteen. Wait then, wait, how did you overcome this?
Speaker 1: I'm so I can't believe that. Yeah, so I couldn't
Speaker 1: talk a lot of my life and I realized I
Speaker 1: was seeing it wrong. And it leads to dealy to
Speaker 1: why confidence is something that you can always fake. Is
Speaker 1: that I always felt like you have intense pressure when
Speaker 1: you're called on to speak, when it's your turn to
Speaker 1: be perfect. You have to present perfectly and and you
Speaker 1: can't have any errors in the way you speak. And
Speaker 1: in fact, the opposite is truth that people have very
Speaker 1: low expectations. You don't realize that, Like people are barely
Speaker 1: listening to you when you speak. If they're listening at all,
Speaker 1: they want to get maybe like a kernel of a message.
Speaker 1: They don't care how you're saying anything. They're not expecting.
Speaker 1: Martin Luther King Junior up there doing some soaring oratory.
Speaker 1: They want to maybe get some nugget for themselves. They're
Speaker 1: barely paying attention, and so that reduces so much of
Speaker 1: the tension I always felt when I was called on
Speaker 1: to speak or had to speak publicly. And then I
Speaker 1: also would just take a breath and realize, like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what you're like, it only matters what you're saying,
Speaker 1: not how. And then you take a step further back
Speaker 1: and realize, like, if you think what you're saying is
Speaker 1: so important, it's so insane. There's like eight billion humans
Speaker 1: and like trillions and quadrillions of creatures and beings on
Speaker 1: this planet, and you think that what you're saying, and
Speaker 1: that's in a vast unnoble universe floating on a marble
Speaker 1: through outer space. You think that not only what you
Speaker 1: say are saying that one individual organism, but how you're
Speaker 1: saying it, the pauses you're taking means shipped to anybody.
Speaker 1: It's so vastly insignificant that it just smelt. Did you
Speaker 1: get mushrooms at such a young age? How t Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was on and off through college, so it's better
Speaker 1: starting at eighteen, but then it was through Did you
Speaker 1: have like a psychedelic breakthrough because this seems like, you know,
Speaker 1: getting into like you don't matter, your a speck of
Speaker 1: dust the world is like and you know that sounds
Speaker 1: like stuff that you achieved through some sort of uh
Speaker 1: you know, ego death. What what was there a moment
Speaker 1: for you that it all broke or was it because
Speaker 1: it sounds like epiphany type thing? Yeah, maybe, I mean
Speaker 1: I think probably we'd helped a lot, and probably a
Speaker 1: little bit of mushrooms, but mushroom would have been later
Speaker 1: in life, so the mushrooms it was, it was just
Speaker 1: weed maybe to some degree helped me see things differently
Speaker 1: and my brain kind of goes on crazy tangents. But
Speaker 1: I just realized like there was something weird because like
Speaker 1: certain times of the year I could speak great through childhood,
Speaker 1: and then certain times I couldn't. And so I knew
Speaker 1: it was like also like society based and like social
Speaker 1: environment based, and like I knew that at times when
Speaker 1: I felt confident, I could speak better at times when
Speaker 1: I was was it about you? Because there was something
Speaker 1: about like you could do it at some point, so
Speaker 1: there was you realized it wasn't in you the problem,
Speaker 1: It was something around you that was happening because I
Speaker 1: was seeing the world was wrong, because I knew there
Speaker 1: was times when I was fine and about social construct
Speaker 1: that that was affecting it and it wasn't within me.
Speaker 1: And so that's part of like how I was scary
Speaker 1: because I couldn't speak well. Like in my bar Mitzvah,
Speaker 1: I like I could sing the tour portion where I
Speaker 1: could always sing well because your vocal cords open and relaxed,
Speaker 1: but but for my speech, I was really really nervous
Speaker 1: about it. And then at my video at the party,
Speaker 1: I'm like stammering, I'm like I'm here. It was like
Speaker 1: really intense and weird and and like I would just
Speaker 1: go up and down with that kind of stuff, and
Speaker 1: I just I mean, it even came back once, like
Speaker 1: it officially kind of went away at the end of
Speaker 1: my college experience and then I started, you know, professionally
Speaker 1: pursuing entertainment and being a performer and comedian, and then
Speaker 1: it came back once. It only came back really once
Speaker 1: professionally live during an episode of Chelsea Lately on the
Speaker 1: Round Table. My speech problem came back hard and I
Speaker 1: couldn't talk suddenly, and I kept trying to make a
Speaker 1: point and I could not speak. It was And to
Speaker 1: set this up properly, you have to remember that that
Speaker 1: show was pre cancel culture and it was the most
Speaker 1: inappropriate show on Earth, and you were allowed to like
Speaker 1: roast everybody for every inappropriate racial joke or anything. To
Speaker 1: set this up, And so I'm on the round table
Speaker 1: and it's Chelsea Handler there and then Bobby slur for
Speaker 1: Asians correct, right, Yeah, my brain really wanted to market
Speaker 1: the Asian community and I couldn't do it. They had
Speaker 1: all been used at that point. So you're trying to
Speaker 1: go up with a new one. Wait, so who's on
Speaker 1: the panel? Set this team's back? I'm on the panel
Speaker 1: and his videos back right then too, I'm on the panel,
Speaker 1: sitting in between Joe Coy and Bobby Lee and already
Speaker 1: like pretty you know, intense and like or Asian performers,
Speaker 1: two of the top Asians, and and I'm there on
Speaker 1: the round table. I'm trying to make some joke and
Speaker 1: I cannot and I'm hitting a block and I'm like
Speaker 1: and then and then just like looking at immediately Chelsea,
Speaker 1: like talker ever is like, oh my god, what's happening?
Speaker 1: Not a broadcast, right, now, what's happening? Joe Coy I've
Speaker 1: known Forever's like, you're trying out speech problems coming back?
Speaker 1: Oh no, And he's like, like it's okay, and they're
Speaker 1: like all like hamd almost as kind of better that
Speaker 1: they called out. Maybe what was happening? I don't know,
Speaker 1: kind of yeah, but like and then Chelsea's like, holy
Speaker 1: sh it, should we get you a water? Like what's
Speaker 1: happening on the air? And I several times I couldn't
Speaker 1: come back, but I call it my rope a dope
Speaker 1: episode because I came back so hardcore and destroyed them
Speaker 1: seconds later. Then eventually I was able to get my
Speaker 1: breath and open the block up and came back strong,
Speaker 1: and I had two lines that I came back with.
Speaker 1: I then said, after they're making fun of my each
Speaker 1: problem and all kind of closing on me, I said,
Speaker 1: that's okay. At least it's not as bad as these
Speaker 1: two guys were very excited to be here on Charisa
Speaker 1: right ray God, and it crushes the room. And then
Speaker 1: I happened to bring in my pockets for because I
Speaker 1: knew how to be on with them. I pull out
Speaker 1: to Fortune Cookies and I go, hey, in case you
Speaker 1: guys are hungry, and I throw the fortune on the
Speaker 1: table and it destroys the room and they take them
Speaker 1: out of like you son of a bitch, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1: They both eat the forkie and it was the best ending,
Speaker 1: but it was very frightening for a minute there. My god,
Speaker 1: how terrifying to have that happen on air. And I think,
Speaker 1: I really I feel like, as you're talking, I relate
Speaker 1: to this so much, and I also like I want
Speaker 1: to even say back to you, like how do you
Speaker 1: I feel as a performer, and uh, when I'm putting
Speaker 1: together a stand up set or when I'm on when
Speaker 1: I'm on a podcast, or like I should be funnier.
Speaker 1: I need to choose every word, should be great, because
Speaker 1: I do feel like that that pressure is on me,
Speaker 1: like that people are expecting that like I go and
Speaker 1: I I sometimes come across comments where people say like,
Speaker 1: she's not good, she's not that funny, she just you
Speaker 1: know she They call me off for the things I
Speaker 1: know that about myself, and then they'll say this person
Speaker 1: is like, you know the difference between someone who has
Speaker 1: a great vocabulary who is able to express themselves so well,
Speaker 1: and then someone who isn't And I feel like sometimes
Speaker 1: I do fall like could I be could I be
Speaker 1: aided in my kind of paralysis sometimes on certain shows
Speaker 1: where I'm so intimidated? Could I be helped out by that? What?
Speaker 1: What mindsets could I get into of? Like what I
Speaker 1: say is not important, just think what I'm just like,
Speaker 1: how do you relax in those moments? Because I I
Speaker 1: have that happened to me, Like when I did Conan's podcast,
Speaker 1: Like I do not like my performance on podcast because
Speaker 1: I was so intimidated by Conan, so nervous, so just
Speaker 1: like having listened to so many people on their be
Speaker 1: like Milani's and you know, uh Mulaney really just like
Speaker 1: the hater, you know, like these great comics who have
Speaker 1: like every fucking line is funny. Everything word they choose
Speaker 1: is there's no arms. They're just like so articulate and
Speaker 1: so funny. I felt like almost my level of being
Speaker 1: funny and relaxed was diminished by because I was so
Speaker 1: in my head of not about not being those those guys.
Speaker 1: What should I do next time? Well, I mean what
Speaker 1: I can tell you to that is this as a comedian, Uh,
Speaker 1: what I said earlier really doesn't apply you've got to
Speaker 1: be pretty perfect, and so yes, you do, you do,
Speaker 1: I would say that to be funny, you kind of do. Definitely,
Speaker 1: it's a much higher bar. It's a much higher but
Speaker 1: you can definitely also remind yourself in the moment. Like
Speaker 1: I used to get so insanely nervous, like it was
Speaker 1: it was kind of stage fright mixed with my speech problem,
Speaker 1: where I would just feel this enormous weight and just
Speaker 1: remind yourself in that moment. And I've come to a
Speaker 1: place that speech problem come back a little bit there,
Speaker 1: but just kind of get through because you don't care.
Speaker 1: Is that is that I've come to a place where
Speaker 1: my heart rate doesn't even raise one beat a minute.
Speaker 1: If I'm going to go on stage in front of
Speaker 1: an arena, you know, opening for some of the grades
Speaker 1: I've been able to open for, or on TV live
Speaker 1: to millions of people whatever, on the Today Show or something,
Speaker 1: and my heart rate doesn't even raise a beat because
Speaker 1: you just have to remind yourself. It doesn't matter in
Speaker 1: the grand scheme. Like you know, you're funny. You've gotten
Speaker 1: to the place where you're one of the funniest, the
Speaker 1: most sought after guests. You know, you moments, Ben, I
Speaker 1: don't know that, and I think I'm a fraud, and
Speaker 1: I have all these feelings of like what am I
Speaker 1: doing here? And it really like cripples me, Like I
Speaker 1: almost don't want to do these shows anymore where I
Speaker 1: have such reverence for the show I'm doing because I
Speaker 1: feel I have such bad showings on them, because I
Speaker 1: just I'm almost like gonna cry right now, because I
Speaker 1: just I feel paralyzed. I feel like I'm like someone
Speaker 1: off the street that just got pulled in and had
Speaker 1: a mic put in front of them as opposed to
Speaker 1: someone with like twenty something years experience, Like it's really
Speaker 1: it just feels like, uh, I don't I don't like
Speaker 1: I'm in articulate right now even talking about it, Like
Speaker 1: I really can't get past that. And and to the
Speaker 1: point where, like I've said to myself, I'm not accepting
Speaker 1: any more of these things where I have such a
Speaker 1: high bar set for myself because I won't live up
Speaker 1: to it and I will. The whole time I was
Speaker 1: on podcast, I could not relax. All I was thinking
Speaker 1: of was say something funny, be funnier. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: riff on that think of what they're saying like I
Speaker 1: was not present at all and I don't know how
Speaker 1: to overcome it. Well that I'll thought about taking ethnicity
Speaker 1: and whatever the ethnicity is, put stuff in your pockets.
Speaker 1: So like, for for coning, you can do shepherd potatoes, yea.
Speaker 1: Next for a Jewish guy throwing a couple of mots
Speaker 1: of balls, you know, a black guy. But yeah, we
Speaker 1: can talk off air about this, but I really no
Speaker 1: I can help you with that. Yeah, I really do
Speaker 1: like sledge while Andrew keeps sending racial slurs through the
Speaker 1: back around. I learned it from you, Ben. I pre
Speaker 1: was ten years ago on the show where you were
Speaker 1: allowed to say like that. I prefaced it, so he'll
Speaker 1: be taken out of context in a clipse and it
Speaker 1: will be used against you in the future and he
Speaker 1: will not be able to run for prowns of that.
Speaker 1: But I don't want anyway. That is my campaign to
Speaker 1: keep you alive, is that I appreciate that, Ben, change
Speaker 1: no context. So I mean, look, you have to realize
Speaker 1: it's just counterproductive to have those thoughts, So you just
Speaker 1: have to shut off that line of thinking. That's what
Speaker 1: to what I meant about when I said confidence is
Speaker 1: faked confidence. Is you have to remind yourself that the
Speaker 1: whole reason confidence exists is confidence. You can never You
Speaker 1: don't need confidence for something that you know for sure
Speaker 1: is going to go well, right. You don't need confidence
Speaker 1: to flip a light switch on because you know for
Speaker 1: a fact the light it's gonna come out when you
Speaker 1: flip it. So confidence only exists on things that you
Speaker 1: don't know for sure. In the whole presupposition of it
Speaker 1: is that I'm going to kill it at this thing,
Speaker 1: even though you don't know for sure, you just believe
Speaker 1: that you will. Because it's more so, look at things
Speaker 1: like a light switch, look at them like walking down
Speaker 1: the hallway, like things that I know are already foregone
Speaker 1: conclusions that is going to be successful. Don't don't just
Speaker 1: already know that it's going to be great and therefore
Speaker 1: it will be right. You're there for a reason, and like,
Speaker 1: remind yourself. All these performers have had such insecurities. Look
Speaker 1: at Conan's first two three seasons doing his late night
Speaker 1: talk show where he is like even now in the
Speaker 1: top of the game, and Bill Maher, I'm sure have
Speaker 1: the same things, and you go on these shows, it's
Speaker 1: like these are we are all people that came from
Speaker 1: this like very insecure background that brought the place where
Speaker 1: we can share what we do with the world. And
Speaker 1: so it's just you have to stop your brain from
Speaker 1: thinking that, and you have to fake it till you
Speaker 1: make just pretend that you're going to kill it, because
Speaker 1: that's what it's not gonna That's what everybody That's what
Speaker 1: everybody does. I like, that's the takeaway. The smartest thing
Speaker 1: ever did was asked Ben to articulate how he overcame
Speaker 1: that and how to help me, because I honestly, if
Speaker 1: I just think of things like the light switch was
Speaker 1: a great little trick you just gave me of like
Speaker 1: I don't go into a bathroom going like I really
Speaker 1: hope this goes well, like searching the wall being like
Speaker 1: I don't want to funk this up. Everything's writing on
Speaker 1: this Like you don't do that in so many situations.
Speaker 1: Treat the things that you get that you do feel
Speaker 1: that way about like a light switch. Just light switch it.
Speaker 1: And you're in your career where it is true for you.
Speaker 1: I mean, you've been invited back on Conan's podcast. You've
Speaker 1: already been there every show. You're gone, You're going on
Speaker 1: more and more shows, So you have to now look
Speaker 1: from now on, look at your talent and even things
Speaker 1: on talk shows or improvise things as a light switch.
Speaker 1: You already are there. You don't have to worry about
Speaker 1: it anymore. You're already at that level. So just the
Speaker 1: light bulbs. Yeah, what if it's one of those weird
Speaker 1: switches that has like the like the dots on the
Speaker 1: side and it goes like up and down and you
Speaker 1: don't know like if you hold it or if you're
Speaker 1: supposed to press it once right now? Actually, all right, well,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm guest saying kind of ruins the whole things.
Speaker 1: I am guest toasting Jimmy Kimmel Alive on and so
Speaker 1: I'm going to use this even though I'm not nervous
Speaker 1: about it. I feel like there's going to be something
Speaker 1: at some point that day when I'm doing that show
Speaker 1: of being like how did I get here? I'm going
Speaker 1: to funk this up in some way. Um, So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna use the light switch analogy on that day and
Speaker 1: watch me guest host Jimmy kim Alive. Set your DVRs
Speaker 1: Gelatre August Gelatto. I think you said you can put
Speaker 1: your dvrsto and go warp speed straight through the universe
Speaker 1: hosting Jammy Jambo Good. Ben Glee will be with us
Speaker 1: tomorrow on the show. Join us then. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for being your Ben. You're hilarious. This was so
Speaker 1: much fun. Uh is YouTube special is the Mad King.
Speaker 1: It's on YouTube right now. Check it out. Follow him
Speaker 1: on all socials. Ben gleeb g l e I Beef.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Ben, We'll see you tomorrow. Don't
Speaker 1: be cut and Je stupid mouth, dumb kid. Jesus