Speaker 1: Nicky Nicky. Hello here I am. It's a Nicky Glazer podcast.
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday. Welcome to the show. UM, got a good
Speaker 1: one for you. I'm feeling it in my bones. We
Speaker 1: were just talking about wicky feet. Uh noah, and I
Speaker 1: I am reluctant to even pull up my wiki feet. Gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look just so that I know. I can
Speaker 1: just tell you right now I have it up. UM.
Speaker 1: People say I'm a size ten, Yeah, I am. Probably
Speaker 1: that's what they estimated shoes eyes, it's really a nine
Speaker 1: and a half. If you're gonna send me shoes, let's
Speaker 1: do a nine slash nine and a half. Ten is
Speaker 1: always gonna be too big, but it's probably the shoes
Speaker 1: size I should wear because um my feet though have
Speaker 1: shaped two and nine because I've made them. Um My
Speaker 1: bunyans have made my tos curve in to to fit
Speaker 1: a nine, So UM, I don't wear ten now. UM
Speaker 1: a lot of uploaded pictures I have a three star rating. UM.
Speaker 1: I would really like to implore my besties to create
Speaker 1: a wiki feed account and get my score up if
Speaker 1: you want to. You know what it is. All my
Speaker 1: scores are based off of UM I would say mostly
Speaker 1: this image that I gave to people of my mangled
Speaker 1: foot on Not Safe when I was doing that show,
Speaker 1: and it is a groteste picture. I remember, uh, one
Speaker 1: of my producers coming into my office during those days
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, we're doing this foot segment, like
Speaker 1: can we just get a picture of your foot? And
Speaker 1: I just took out my you know, sweaty, pale, mangled
Speaker 1: claw of a foot and just put it on this
Speaker 1: sad carpet of Hollywood Center studio stages and my toneail
Speaker 1: is like purple. It's so, I mean, it still looks
Speaker 1: the same. It's very thin, My foot looks very um,
Speaker 1: my phot looks into rectic. It's like really sad. It
Speaker 1: looks like a nine eight year old woman's foot. Um,
Speaker 1: without question. So um, it's how brave of me to
Speaker 1: put that out there. And then there's other pictures of
Speaker 1: my foot that are taken from Instagram that have been
Speaker 1: uploaded where people can see and yeah, so people are
Speaker 1: oh and people have actually stolen still images from my
Speaker 1: Instagram story, just flashes of my feet that they've stolen
Speaker 1: and uploaded, and yeah, my feet aren't great. Um a
Speaker 1: three out of five. I don't think it's very good
Speaker 1: for the site. I think most of these people are
Speaker 1: pretty generous. And um, yeah, that's a sad rating. And
Speaker 1: how many how many ratings do I even have? We
Speaker 1: probably have more than reviews of our podcast. Um it
Speaker 1: doesn't say, but it should say. I want to know.
Speaker 1: Six hundred sixty five total votes. Oh I see yes,
Speaker 1: and one seventy three say beautiful, thank you. Let's get
Speaker 1: that number up. Hundred six say nice, hundred seventeen say okay,
Speaker 1: and a hundred forty uma say bad, um, bad and ugly.
Speaker 1: I love that those are different. Bad is slightly better
Speaker 1: than ugly. Um, you know what, it's whatever. I don't
Speaker 1: I really don't care. Like I can't control my foot.
Speaker 1: There's nothing I can do for my feet other than
Speaker 1: manicure it to change it. I could get surgery. Then
Speaker 1: I'd be off my feet, and then I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: able to exercise. Then the rest of me would change,
Speaker 1: and then I'd get taken down for the rest of me.
Speaker 1: It's like, you can't you can't win. So not doing
Speaker 1: anything to my feet love my Bunyan's love the pain
Speaker 1: it brings me because I like pain and I like
Speaker 1: having the massage even though no one does it for me.
Speaker 1: The other day, UM, Andrew and I did a uh
Speaker 1: foot massage sixty nine or each grabbed because I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: massage my feet please, and he was like no, no,
Speaker 1: And I was like just for like ten seconds, He's like,
Speaker 1: you massage of mine. I was like, great system. I
Speaker 1: was so good. I was really he knows how good
Speaker 1: I was, and he likes a foot massage just as
Speaker 1: much as me. No. It. We used to go in
Speaker 1: New York every day and we used to get two hours.
Speaker 1: We used to start with a half hour and then
Speaker 1: we'd just be like, you want to go into the
Speaker 1: half hour and then we bump it up, then we
Speaker 1: go another half hour. The dollars for an hour you
Speaker 1: pay fifty bucks and then I tipped like insane amounts
Speaker 1: because I mean, that's just so cruel to put someone
Speaker 1: through all that. Um, but I just love a good
Speaker 1: foot rub and man, that faced massage. I can't stop
Speaker 1: thinking about it. I gotta get another one of those.
Speaker 1: That was life changing. Um I am Uh, Kirsten's gone,
Speaker 1: she left and I'll miss her. Um. She was sleeping
Speaker 1: in my bed the past five nights. Was so fun.
Speaker 1: It was fun to be at home this past weekend.
Speaker 1: I've been out on the road every single weekend um
Speaker 1: for like, I don't know, it's probably it's abelt like
Speaker 1: seven or eight weeks in a row. I'm going to
Speaker 1: Cancoon to Marrow, which we will be putting those that
Speaker 1: episode will come out eventually. I'm thinking for Thanksgiving. Okay, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's a good idea. A little yeah, everyone's gonna be
Speaker 1: around their families, a little vacation in your head, in
Speaker 1: your ears. Um, that'll be fun. We're going to Cancoon.
Speaker 1: It's like all these comedians. It's gonna be who's on
Speaker 1: her I want to get that itinerary because it looks
Speaker 1: so good. It's like I'm doing goddamn comedy jam, which
Speaker 1: is when a bunch of comedians play with a band
Speaker 1: and sing songs. And I'm gonna play guitar for the
Speaker 1: first time and do just an acoustic version of blank Space,
Speaker 1: which I did last week on the UM Live podcast.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna do that again, and then the band's
Speaker 1: gonna join me for like the last chorus because I
Speaker 1: just want to do so low and um yeah, that'll
Speaker 1: be so fun. That's what I'm looking forward to. And
Speaker 1: then I'm also doing an hour show and also a
Speaker 1: live podcast, so it's a lot to do. While I'm
Speaker 1: in Cancoon, I'm going to get a spray tand today
Speaker 1: to prepare for it. I haven't even thought about swimsuits
Speaker 1: and wearing them in front of other comedians and how
Speaker 1: that will feel. And how do you feel about being
Speaker 1: around so many comedians? It's been so long? Right? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's well, I guess when I go to l A,
Speaker 1: I'm around them a little bit and I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess it's been so long since. It's been like
Speaker 1: a lot in one space, but also no because on
Speaker 1: the road, I bring a meal in Andrew and Anya
Speaker 1: and Matt and it just feels like a bunch of artists.
Speaker 1: It feels a comedians all hanging out like I've been
Speaker 1: getting really good hangs in. But I am excited to
Speaker 1: just hang with um. I think Jim Jefferies is there,
Speaker 1: Andrew Santino, Um, who else girls girls, Matteo. I'm excited
Speaker 1: to see Matteo and his sculpted fig um. He has
Speaker 1: the best body vegas short for figure um. He's he's
Speaker 1: an adonis. Um. Yeah, I I just Uh, I'm excited,
Speaker 1: and I really don't. I haven't even given a single
Speaker 1: thought to being in a bathing suit in front of comedians.
Speaker 1: I will be I don't give a f I look fine.
Speaker 1: It's not like the best I've ever looked. Uh, But
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm just gonna I'm gonna just enjoy being
Speaker 1: in the sun and being able to be um at
Speaker 1: a resort, and I'm gonna live it up. And I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna worry about that stuff. I haven't even thought
Speaker 1: about it. That's my new thing, is not worrying about
Speaker 1: it until it arrives, you know, like just staying. Um,
Speaker 1: my pants are flooding whatever that they've arrived, the floods arrived. Um,
Speaker 1: these pants are so good and I never wear them.
Speaker 1: And now I know why because I they flood and
Speaker 1: they make me so sad because I think I shrunk
Speaker 1: with them. Um, I shrink everything. It's just I should
Speaker 1: buy everything in an extra large, an extra long so
Speaker 1: that I can shrink it, because it's gonna get shrunk
Speaker 1: no matter what. It's always there's gonna be there some
Speaker 1: part of me when I take the wet clothes to
Speaker 1: the dry clothes, where I go Nikki, you should go
Speaker 1: through each individual black blob in here. But then I go, nope,
Speaker 1: let's just roll the dice and I'm probably gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: And then inevitably there's like a really nice sweater that
Speaker 1: looks like it's made for an American girl doll. After
Speaker 1: I dry it, Um, the plus size American girl doll.
Speaker 1: They should have had a plus size American girl doll.
Speaker 1: I wonder if they have like chunky, chunkier dolls just
Speaker 1: to create for everybody image of little kids. Um, did
Speaker 1: you have American girl dolls? No? No, just the I'm
Speaker 1: like old enough to know the cabbage patch Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. I never of course, but never got into
Speaker 1: those for some reason. They just didn't look like people
Speaker 1: to me. I wanted more realistic. I never appreciated abstract
Speaker 1: dolls like Bratt's dolls. I mean those were were way
Speaker 1: too old for those. But mm hmm, like cabbageg dolls,
Speaker 1: I knew they grew in the gardens. So the children
Speaker 1: aren't supposed to look human. I'm supposed to resemble a
Speaker 1: you know, gassy vegetable. But their faces and their hair
Speaker 1: was yarn. I want like, I wanted hair to be
Speaker 1: like mine. There were obviously body standards and hair standards
Speaker 1: in doll world that made me a little bit insecure
Speaker 1: as a fine haired child. But you know, I'm grateful
Speaker 1: that I had a choice of dolls that looked like me,
Speaker 1: that you know, with no vagina and no nipples and
Speaker 1: a uh a waste that if I had it, you know,
Speaker 1: they didn't they do the measurements of Barbie. And if
Speaker 1: you had those measurements, you wouldn't have a stomach and
Speaker 1: you would just be dead, like it would you would
Speaker 1: all your organs would have to be removed. Um. But
Speaker 1: I also suspended disbelief enough to be like, oh, this
Speaker 1: isn't what I'm supposed to look like. I think I
Speaker 1: could as a child, go this is for Barbie. This
Speaker 1: isn't for me. Um. But I do believe that. You know,
Speaker 1: when someone says you look like Barbie, it's like the
Speaker 1: nicest compliment because it's like this perfect version of what
Speaker 1: you should be. So I guess, I mean it does
Speaker 1: create a beauty standard. I mean I just always remember
Speaker 1: being in the bath and feeling my hair in the bathtub,
Speaker 1: Like when I would lay in the bathtub and it
Speaker 1: would just the way it would like flow and feel
Speaker 1: so like silky and just it would be soft and
Speaker 1: straight but also bend in the right way and have
Speaker 1: this weight to it that just felt luscious. And then
Speaker 1: I'd get out and it'd be like thin and whispy
Speaker 1: and like, you know, like Ebenezer Scrooge. When I got
Speaker 1: when it would dry, and I'd be like, why can't
Speaker 1: it just I remember thinking why can't it be the
Speaker 1: way it is when it's wet, like not understanding physics,
Speaker 1: still don't understand physics, but just wanting my hair to
Speaker 1: be like Ariel's. Um did you ever what was your
Speaker 1: first like uh female insecurity as a girl? Noah, like
Speaker 1: being like, oh I wish I had that. And it's
Speaker 1: like a kind of like a sexual thing or like
Speaker 1: oh or catering to the male gaze kind of thing
Speaker 1: where you're like, oh my god, I wish I had
Speaker 1: boobs or whatever. Do you remember what age? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course. Um My, when I went through puberty, I
Speaker 1: think my body just didn't do it in the correct order,
Speaker 1: and my legs were always like so skinny, but my
Speaker 1: butt started to grow so whenever I would put a
Speaker 1: skirt on, it would just look like two legs in
Speaker 1: a bucket. That's what I would always like, this looks terrible,
Speaker 1: Like if you did a handstand, it would be like
Speaker 1: two mops in a bucket. Yeah, exactly. I just like
Speaker 1: girls so and even even until today, like I don't
Speaker 1: know how to wear skirts. I feel so uneven in
Speaker 1: them and it's just so like misshapen. Interesting, that's such
Speaker 1: a thing that's carried over because you have such a
Speaker 1: great body, such a great eggs. I mean, anyone can
Speaker 1: wear a scart. It doesn't matter if your legs looks
Speaker 1: like mop bucket mops in a bucket. Um, but that
Speaker 1: is interesting and such a very like perfect description of
Speaker 1: what I made. It probably kind of looked like or
Speaker 1: someone said something like that to you. I remember someone
Speaker 1: saying I had um like thin like chicken legs or something,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, my legs, they're like so thin,
Speaker 1: and being said about that, and then like the next
Speaker 1: day it was like someone said, my like, when I
Speaker 1: sat down, you know how your thigh goes when you
Speaker 1: sit down, and like like the muscle softened and goes
Speaker 1: to the side, and someone being like, look at your thoughts,
Speaker 1: and like, from one day to the next, feeling skinny,
Speaker 1: too skinny, too fat. I'm too fat now you're too
Speaker 1: thin to get get there's a Britney Spear song about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's like I love that Taylor Swift quote from her
Speaker 1: UM documentary where she's like, if you have enough fat
Speaker 1: on your body to have a butt end people, then
Speaker 1: you have a tummy. And if you don't want to
Speaker 1: have a tummy, e, then you don't have a butt
Speaker 1: or boobs. And it's like, you can't fucking win. And
Speaker 1: I just loved that because it's true. There's just no winning,
Speaker 1: So stop trying to play the game. I you know,
Speaker 1: I've just I'm so glad that I get to share
Speaker 1: the way that I feel about my body now with
Speaker 1: people because it really doesn't change. Like even when I
Speaker 1: was really depressed the other day, and that's usually when,
Speaker 1: you know. I used to go to my therapist years ago,
Speaker 1: my abusive therapist, and I would sit down and go,
Speaker 1: I feel fat today, and of course I wasn't, and
Speaker 1: she would say, you're depressed, Like that's where your mind
Speaker 1: goes the first thing you go to. Now I go to,
Speaker 1: you're not a real woman. You'll never get like, no
Speaker 1: man wants to love you. You aren't possible of being
Speaker 1: a homemaker or like yeah, maternal, but it doesn't go
Speaker 1: to your fat and um, you know, and people can go, well, NICKI,
Speaker 1: you're not fat, so why would you go to that.
Speaker 1: So maybe that's why I don't think that's it, because
Speaker 1: I really did feel that way no matter what it,
Speaker 1: what didn't wasn't about. I would find something about my
Speaker 1: physical appearance that was just not okay. And I still
Speaker 1: do it, like I still look in the mirror sometimes
Speaker 1: and you guys have heard me say this, and just
Speaker 1: I just go like and it I started to go
Speaker 1: down that rabbit hole of like, oh my god, like
Speaker 1: zooming in on picture. I saw a picture of myself
Speaker 1: the other night where my crow's feet were a pop
Speaker 1: in and it was just the way I saw my
Speaker 1: face for the first time where I go, there's some
Speaker 1: age on that face, like that looks like a thirty
Speaker 1: seven year old woman's face, like she's she's getting close
Speaker 1: to forty. Like that, there's no denying it. Her face
Speaker 1: is showing it. And I looked like my mom, To
Speaker 1: be honest with you, I looked like my mom when
Speaker 1: I as I when I was a teenager, I looked
Speaker 1: like what my mom looked like, and um, you know,
Speaker 1: I could vividly remember my mom's face as a teenager,
Speaker 1: more so than when she was younger, obviously, and I
Speaker 1: just lose like my mom. And there's a part of
Speaker 1: myself that was like, I want to get those crow's
Speaker 1: feet taken out. They're always trying to put botox on
Speaker 1: my crow's feet, and I always like those because they
Speaker 1: just like, I don't know, they've never bothered me. But
Speaker 1: the other night, I'm just zooming in and I'm like, God,
Speaker 1: you look old, and so what I mean, like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's just was I just moved on to
Speaker 1: the next thing. I just can't be bothered with it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a little bit. The other day, Chrison
Speaker 1: is talking about micro needling and all this stuff, and sure,
Speaker 1: I'm going to look into it, but I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's other stuff I gotta worry about, and it just
Speaker 1: it's just a waste of my time. I've wasted so
Speaker 1: much of my life worrying about my body. And I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say that it's not going to happen again.
Speaker 1: But man, you can just die tomorrow and then what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Just pinching yourself and looking in the mirror.
Speaker 1: I'm tired of mirrors. Um. And yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get over it. For I
Speaker 1: don't it's it's not easy to do it. But I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful that I'm kind of done with that ship.
Speaker 1: Are you kind of done with it? Noah? Like I
Speaker 1: have the voices quieted in that way for you. With
Speaker 1: body stuff, I have my my moments, but they're never long.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of like whatever. Yes, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like you have a different history with body issues than
Speaker 1: I do, so I, Um, I can't say that I
Speaker 1: relate to what you're saying. But for me, it's very
Speaker 1: easy to brush it off. I never really had, you know,
Speaker 1: besides the whole legs thing and you know, the chicken skin.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just kind of stopped caring about it.
Speaker 1: I just wonder, though, when we brush it off like that,
Speaker 1: if we're not if it's just going somewhere else, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like, you know, yesterday, it was
Speaker 1: going through a feeling where I was maybe having to
Speaker 1: like close a chapter of my life with a relationship
Speaker 1: of friendship, and I was like, really, getting sad about it,
Speaker 1: even though I was like, oh, this is probably for
Speaker 1: the best, and I just was really getting like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to mourn this, you know. I was gearing
Speaker 1: up to like have a cry fest because I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I thought, I'm gonna have to say goodbye to this
Speaker 1: person for a really long time, if not forever, because
Speaker 1: of just a circumstance. And I just was like, you
Speaker 1: know what I was telling person, I don't want to
Speaker 1: feel this. I just don't want to do it. Is
Speaker 1: there any way I can just not, I can just
Speaker 1: noumb out and just just and not with drugs, not
Speaker 1: with anything, just truly robot head, just like say bye,
Speaker 1: and just when the feelings bubble up, push them down,
Speaker 1: and I just know that's not true. It's gonna go
Speaker 1: somewhere else. And so I wonder when I look in
Speaker 1: the mirror and I go, no, you're not dealing with this, Yes,
Speaker 1: you hate the way your arms look, not today? Does
Speaker 1: it just go somewhere else? Or do I have to
Speaker 1: like honor my arm and be like honor the pain
Speaker 1: I feel over my arm and like mourn the loss
Speaker 1: of tone or whatever that's I'm experience and sing, I
Speaker 1: wonder where it goes, because everything goes somewhere. I really wish,
Speaker 1: and I am good at just shutting down, and I'm
Speaker 1: very bad at goodbyes. I would rather a friendship and
Speaker 1: with like, oh we just kind of ghost each other,
Speaker 1: then having the talk and being like and and saying
Speaker 1: it was we had really good times, and then starting
Speaker 1: to bad at goodbyes. I'm shocked. Really, I hate goodbyes.
Speaker 1: Hate them. That's why I always leave, like very abruptly,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I'm going like I don't like this,
Speaker 1: like tedious, like all right, well this was so fun,
Speaker 1: I'll miss you. Like even today with Kirsten, I'm like
Speaker 1: chose to put in my laundry when she was leaving
Speaker 1: because I just wanted to be distracted and not like
Speaker 1: have the hug her and go oh this was like
Speaker 1: it's because it's it means it's over, and I get
Speaker 1: really sad when things are over. I've seen you, I
Speaker 1: guess like more like professional goodbyes, and I've always like
Speaker 1: admired how you handle them. I looked up to it,
Speaker 1: but I guess personal even when we challenge ended you up,
Speaker 1: it was like I didn't mention it until the day
Speaker 1: of even though I knew it was coming. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to, like have any kind of lead. I
Speaker 1: don't want to I don't want to prolong a goodbye
Speaker 1: because if I if I talk about how great it
Speaker 1: was and all the good times, I will be so
Speaker 1: much more sad when I have to end it, as
Speaker 1: opposed to just done. Does anyone relate to that? Let's
Speaker 1: talk to Andrew about it. Why, hello, Andrew? Are you
Speaker 1: good at goodbyes? Um? How do you feel about him
Speaker 1: in regards to any relationship or any like, you know,
Speaker 1: just anything, like you know, you know how I just
Speaker 1: leave everything very abruptly. I'm just like, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: and then I'm gone. I'm just I don't like going.
Speaker 1: Well this was fun, yeah, Like I hate revising going.
Speaker 1: I just hate going over anything, whether it's my act,
Speaker 1: whether it's a show we just did. I don't want
Speaker 1: to have a postmortem about how it went because there's
Speaker 1: first of all, it could be critical, or it could
Speaker 1: be it could stir up just like emotions that make
Speaker 1: me go like so fun and then I get sad
Speaker 1: as ending. So I just would rather go like fight,
Speaker 1: cut and dry, I'm I'm more like you. I definitely
Speaker 1: like if I'm leaving like friends that I know I
Speaker 1: won't see for like who know, six years, I'll be
Speaker 1: like what later, dude, instead of like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: see you and so long. You know, I just don't
Speaker 1: even know I'm gonna do without you in my life,
Speaker 1: because dude, we really do throw a football well together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like it's not. And that's partly because it's like I'm
Speaker 1: afraid of those emotions coming up, Like I wish I
Speaker 1: could hug and like actually like hold my dad while
Speaker 1: I'm leaving him and be like, God, I really do
Speaker 1: love this moment. It's more like, alright, dad, see seeing
Speaker 1: in Hanakah. That's what it is. It's that not wanting
Speaker 1: to possibly have to cry or it's just pushing my
Speaker 1: feelings that are just like for me, maybe they're waste
Speaker 1: of time because I just go, I got stuff to do.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't be crying. If I cry, it's everything.
Speaker 1: I'm on camera too much and I have to be
Speaker 1: like on for things. So if I cry during the day,
Speaker 1: it pushes my schedule, it pushes things that I can't
Speaker 1: and and not that that's the different than anyone has
Speaker 1: to go into a meeting at work or have lunch
Speaker 1: with a person, or jump on a zoom call whatever
Speaker 1: it is like, or be around your kids. You don't
Speaker 1: want to be like weepy you there's never enough time
Speaker 1: to cry? Does that make sense? Our whole I mean,
Speaker 1: our whole life is designed like with business, you've got
Speaker 1: to separate business from uh personal. You gotta you You're
Speaker 1: not gonna go to your client and be like please,
Speaker 1: I want you sign up so I can make money
Speaker 1: to feed my children. Like that's really the emotion you're feeling.
Speaker 1: But instead you're like, well, here are in the numbers,
Speaker 1: seven percent, you know all the percent. But like it's interesting,
Speaker 1: like where it gets taught to like push these things
Speaker 1: down just so essentially so we can cope with life,
Speaker 1: I guess, But then it hits yet, like when you
Speaker 1: have a heart attack or you need therapy or you
Speaker 1: know you're you look back or just break down on
Speaker 1: a podcast or like truly, I mean when when people
Speaker 1: cry and they say they cry like I cry, Like
Speaker 1: it's a um a storm in Florida, Like it just
Speaker 1: passes by real quick within it goes it's a rainstorm
Speaker 1: last fifteen minutes, not ten minutes, whatever it is, and
Speaker 1: you when it comes on though, you go, Okay, let's
Speaker 1: cancel the whole fucking day. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: the sun comes out and you're like, I can't believe
Speaker 1: it's even raining and the ground is like shimmery, and
Speaker 1: you're like, what the hell happened? Um? That's how I
Speaker 1: feel like. I sometimes want to cry for a really
Speaker 1: long time, but it just feels like a burden to
Speaker 1: those around me who have to comfort me, or if
Speaker 1: I go off by myself and cry and the people that, like,
Speaker 1: you know, the other day, I was crying because I
Speaker 1: was depressed and like there's only so much your friends
Speaker 1: can say or do, which is pretty much nothing when
Speaker 1: you're super depressed. And then I just wanted to go
Speaker 1: cry in bed, but I had to wait till like
Speaker 1: the house was cleared out because I didn't want anyone
Speaker 1: to think that I was like I'm sad, Like I
Speaker 1: didn't want to hear you me. I didn't want you
Speaker 1: guys to hear me weeping through the door because I
Speaker 1: thought you might think that I was trying to act
Speaker 1: sadder than I was, Like it always steers stirs up
Speaker 1: in like I'm I'm trying to get attention. I get that.
Speaker 1: I mean because we do. Let's we do try to
Speaker 1: get attention in so many parts of our life, so
Speaker 1: why wouldn't crying be another trying probably is a way
Speaker 1: to get attention because funeral. When I'm at a funeral,
Speaker 1: I don't cry because I don't want the attention on me.
Speaker 1: It's about the dead guy or dead girl, like or
Speaker 1: like I know, I know, but I just it does.
Speaker 1: I have the same kind of thoughts though, like of
Speaker 1: like woe me, or or like I hate when people
Speaker 1: like come for me, like I can't handle it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just don't like, I just don't like hates pity too.
Speaker 1: It's her least favorite emotion on her of likes they
Speaker 1: glue up there or whatever. Yeah, it's well, I thought
Speaker 1: that a lot too as a kid, of like what
Speaker 1: are you crying about? That's ridiculous? And but for some
Speaker 1: reason when I love that, when um, I want the
Speaker 1: opposite of what I got as a kid, which was
Speaker 1: like not a ton of comfort. And sometimes but my
Speaker 1: mom would sometimes when I was sick, my mom was
Speaker 1: really good about you, poor thing, like really good about
Speaker 1: like being nurturing and making me feel like I deserve
Speaker 1: to be sad when I was sick, and so sometimes
Speaker 1: when I get it sick, I would get really like
Speaker 1: I'm a baby, and I just because I do deserve it,
Speaker 1: like and I give it to people too when people
Speaker 1: are sick, I just go, oh, my god, you like
Speaker 1: it's just the worst. And but I think that emotionally,
Speaker 1: I don't have any I don't give myself permission to
Speaker 1: feel sorry for myself when I'm emotionally sad. I just
Speaker 1: think though, like the idea of like the sun clear,
Speaker 1: like thank god our brains are like that. I just
Speaker 1: don't think that I get high enough though, because I
Speaker 1: just go, oh, I mean, the fact that I can
Speaker 1: cry it all is good and better than before. I
Speaker 1: used to just be a fucking you know, desert and
Speaker 1: and just there was a drought. But now when it rains,
Speaker 1: it's just like sometimes you need a little bit more.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like I don't even That's why
Speaker 1: I don't like to cry, because I'm like, I know
Speaker 1: that I won't get It's like masturbating and you know
Speaker 1: you don't get to come, but you know, I like
Speaker 1: to do anyway. But like you just know that there's
Speaker 1: not going to be the actual release because the person
Speaker 1: or getting a massage, Like you don't even want a
Speaker 1: massage for two minutes, that's not worth it to you
Speaker 1: if the person, if you knew after two minutes the
Speaker 1: person was going to be like, I fucking hate doing that.
Speaker 1: So how long do you want to cry for? I mean,
Speaker 1: there's you know, like until I I am to not
Speaker 1: because I'm done for other people. And you say the
Speaker 1: other day you were crying and then you were flying.
Speaker 1: You were like, whoa, what was that? Like the sun
Speaker 1: came up? Yes, but then isn't at the end. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I made it. It just so happened that I
Speaker 1: felt better afterwards. But I think that I needed more
Speaker 1: because later that day I was a little bit more weepy,
Speaker 1: and I was just I just couldn't do it because
Speaker 1: I had to go over to my sister's house for
Speaker 1: trick or treating and I didn't want to get there
Speaker 1: and and be, you know, the crying girl, even though
Speaker 1: that's a cool costume. But if I gave you five
Speaker 1: days to cry, I think no, I wouldn't take them.
Speaker 1: That's too long you cry? How long does it last?
Speaker 1: On ap uh. I mean I don't like, no, no
Speaker 1: more than five minutes. I don't even think that's maybe
Speaker 1: that's long enough, but I think that is us being
Speaker 1: like I gotta this is just too indulgent. I gotta
Speaker 1: wrap this up. It's like a quickie and sometimes you
Speaker 1: need like really like you need Kama Sutra for like
Speaker 1: it doesn't it's it doesn't you know, like do you
Speaker 1: when you finish up crying, does it is it because
Speaker 1: you feel like, okay, this is a little too much
Speaker 1: or is it just like you get it out? Do
Speaker 1: you feel complete thinking about like the last things that
Speaker 1: like what made me cry? And I think it was
Speaker 1: like mourning the loss of my dog. And um, I
Speaker 1: mean I guess I just like lose track of time,
Speaker 1: so I can't tell you how long. But um, when
Speaker 1: he first passed away, I didn't cry at all, and
Speaker 1: then like it just came yeah that's wish. When when
Speaker 1: he died, like I didn't really cry. I was like
Speaker 1: in this weird like mode. And then maybe like a
Speaker 1: month later is when it hit me and I just
Speaker 1: let myself cry as much as possible. Um. It was
Speaker 1: also helpful that I wasn't like like at actual work.
Speaker 1: I was at home, you know, I was um. But
Speaker 1: now but then like you know, like even like a
Speaker 1: year later, I would start thinking about him more if
Speaker 1: I would see his photo and like I would tear
Speaker 1: up and stuff. But it doesn't. I guess I just
Speaker 1: kind of like say, okay, you can let it out now.
Speaker 1: And then I just I'm like, Okay, I don't want
Speaker 1: to go into this sad place. Let's think of something
Speaker 1: happier him. And I'm realizing what it is that makes
Speaker 1: me feel so uncomfortable about crying. What is it? It's
Speaker 1: not crying, it's it's that when after you cry, you're happy,
Speaker 1: and it feels like the change, the sudden change is
Speaker 1: like so abrupt that it seems like whatever you were
Speaker 1: upset about was fake and that you tricked everyone around
Speaker 1: you to get the attention and then suddenly got out
Speaker 1: and now you get the attention, and so you're suddenly
Speaker 1: happy because you got Like I feel like people think like, oh,
Speaker 1: Nicky just wanted us to get around her and like
Speaker 1: stop down and make everything about her for a second,
Speaker 1: and now she's happy, and she's so happy that it
Speaker 1: no one could be that sad and that happy right away.
Speaker 1: But the fact of the matter is because I cried,
Speaker 1: I'm able to get it out of the way and
Speaker 1: be happy. But it feels like it feels fake, you know.
Speaker 1: It feels like someone pretending they're drunk or something, or
Speaker 1: someone pretending there. It feels embarrassing. It feels like coming
Speaker 1: a little bit of like it feels out of control,
Speaker 1: and you're just like like making weird noises, making weird faces,
Speaker 1: and then afterwards you're just like, okay, like let's go
Speaker 1: back to north, like it's so embarrassing. You're like picking
Speaker 1: up your clothes, like the tissues. It's like where's my underwear?
Speaker 1: Like it's the naked state afterwards where you're like and
Speaker 1: I feel that I feel like a phony because I
Speaker 1: feel so much better after I cry. That it's embarrassing
Speaker 1: of how and then I feel like everyone's like she
Speaker 1: was just faking it. Everyone used to fake crying. I
Speaker 1: think maybe as a kid to get attention, and maybe
Speaker 1: that's what's but everyone wants you to be happy, like
Speaker 1: it would be a weird friend to be like, man,
Speaker 1: she didn't earn it. She's not really sad enough to
Speaker 1: get attention, but she's she's come up with she can
Speaker 1: switch on a dime so fast that it makes you
Speaker 1: think like this person's there could be an unstable person
Speaker 1: that like that uses tears for her advantage or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I feel like if it's like being like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, and we'll be right back with them, and
Speaker 1: we'll be right back with a fun trip to the
Speaker 1: county fair. Okay, John, get over it? Like that kind
Speaker 1: of like fakeness of like you you can like show
Speaker 1: biz people where they're like, so on, were such a
Speaker 1: good day to day and I don't want to kill myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if it was like if you were crying over
Speaker 1: like a Starbucks order. If no, but you had your
Speaker 1: heart hurt, you had lack of sleep, you're overworked. There
Speaker 1: were a lot of reasons of why this happened. But
Speaker 1: then suddenly the sun comes out and it's like fake,
Speaker 1: why was she doing? No, that's in your head because
Speaker 1: maybe that's what I think of other people sometimes. Then okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think like kids do that. They're like when I
Speaker 1: asked you later in the day and I was like,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling, You're like but better, and it
Speaker 1: made me happy, like I was happy that you got
Speaker 1: through it. It wasn't like, dude, that was kind of
Speaker 1: fake earlier, like she was just acting to get you know,
Speaker 1: candy of of attention. Like there were no thoughts like that.
Speaker 1: It was literally like, oh, I'm glad she got some
Speaker 1: rest finally, and now she can you know, kind of
Speaker 1: you can view things easier, you can you can understand
Speaker 1: things when you're in that state. Dude, you can't control
Speaker 1: it and you don't think that you're in that state
Speaker 1: because you're drawn, like drunk people don't know that. They're like,
Speaker 1: I'm fine, I can drive like they don't know that
Speaker 1: they're impaired, like you don't when you're when you're depressed,
Speaker 1: you don't know that you're not. You think you're off,
Speaker 1: but like you can't explain it and you think you're right.
Speaker 1: You're like when I get depressed, just like I'm seeing
Speaker 1: things the right way, Like I I'm like a drunk
Speaker 1: person who's like I could drash, shut up, like I
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing, get out of here, like and
Speaker 1: it's like, no, we have to take your keys. You're
Speaker 1: you're drunk, And people say, like you're depressed, you're not
Speaker 1: looking at yourself the right way you like, and I
Speaker 1: just don't believe it, and I'm just and then I
Speaker 1: get in the car and I slam into a tree
Speaker 1: and that that's what happens. And also as as the
Speaker 1: friend in the scenario, Andrew, I'm sure that you're the same.
Speaker 1: But if my friends are feeling sad or emotional over something,
Speaker 1: I never go, oh, don't be sad. It's nothing, because
Speaker 1: who wants to hear that. There's there's versions of that
Speaker 1: that everyone can't help but do because they go, they go,
Speaker 1: but come on, look at your life. You've done that.
Speaker 1: Like I get that all the time for my parents.
Speaker 1: Of like last summer when I was depressed, I remember
Speaker 1: my mom saying, you just hosted Jimmy Kimmel. And she
Speaker 1: had a good point because I was like, I want
Speaker 1: to kill myself. And she's like, but everything you've dreamed
Speaker 1: of is coming true. And I'm like, yeah, you're right, mom.
Speaker 1: Back in second grade, I said I wanted to guest
Speaker 1: host Jimmy Kimmel from an abandoned mansion in Hollywood during
Speaker 1: a pandemic, and it is coming true. It's crazy that
Speaker 1: I predicted that. No, but it's like people will try
Speaker 1: to I think that's it. I just was raised by
Speaker 1: parents that are like but starving kids in Africa and also, look,
Speaker 1: you have food and clothes and parents who love you.
Speaker 1: What are you crying about? And then I feel like
Speaker 1: on your end, like you almost you feel like you
Speaker 1: need to justify your sadness, like your depression, Like you
Speaker 1: need to find a reason. Sometimes I feel like your
Speaker 1: brain like searches for something to be negative to match
Speaker 1: how you're feeling emotionally. Yeah, and like you almost like
Speaker 1: out hard is it to feel depressed when there's nothing wrong?
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing? No, I know, I know you have to
Speaker 1: find something, Like it's like a survival mechanism of like
Speaker 1: you're drowning and you're grasping for something to justify into,
Speaker 1: like almost hold you up and like give you a
Speaker 1: because if you find that thing that you can go
Speaker 1: that's what's wrong. At least it gives you hope that
Speaker 1: if I fix that, or if that wasn't there, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be drowning. But if you're just drowning with nothing
Speaker 1: to point to, it feels like I'm going to just
Speaker 1: die out here, I guess, And I guess you just
Speaker 1: gotta figure out how to not get in the water.
Speaker 1: Without being able to swim. Before you start looking for
Speaker 1: something to justify the water is gonna come. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: fall off the boat sometimes. And I think that everyone
Speaker 1: listening that has depression, you're gonna I'm gonna be depressed again.
Speaker 1: It's gonna come up. I just have coping mechanisms of
Speaker 1: knowing that it's okay to ask for to spend a
Speaker 1: great beautiful day outside in bed and get a nap
Speaker 1: in It's okay. It's okay too. I can journal about it.
Speaker 1: I can ask my friends, like, do you mind if
Speaker 1: I just sing a bunch of songs really loud to
Speaker 1: get my feelings out? I can, you know, I can,
Speaker 1: just I can. I can treat myself like I'm sick
Speaker 1: and like give myself the same kind of leeway and
Speaker 1: um softness and gentleness and ask for it for my
Speaker 1: friends that I do. If I had the flu, like
Speaker 1: I just got to start treating the depression depression like
Speaker 1: the flu. And that's why I mean when I get sick,
Speaker 1: I I had a commitment on Sunday that I just
Speaker 1: said I have the flu of the brain like I
Speaker 1: have legit uh contagious because I'm going to bring everyone down.
Speaker 1: I can't be around people and look and I go.
Speaker 1: Unless I can take some cold ease and get rid
Speaker 1: of this, I'm not going out tonight because I can
Speaker 1: infect everyone. Yeah, And the reaction was was, I'm that
Speaker 1: totally staying Like I just I hope that we can
Speaker 1: just as a culture like embrace calling and depressed and
Speaker 1: not have it be like did And that it's because
Speaker 1: because I don't get physically sick, and it's like a
Speaker 1: bummer to me because I don't get to ever call
Speaker 1: in sick, and if I do, it's a lot, it's
Speaker 1: a if I if I say I'm feeling sick, I
Speaker 1: rarely get physically sick. I get mentally sick, and people
Speaker 1: just it creeps people out. It makes them worried in
Speaker 1: a way that you know, being physically sick doesn't. And
Speaker 1: but it's the honest truth that sometimes I just can't work.
Speaker 1: You know, I've had depression where you can't pinpoint it
Speaker 1: and you're just like stuck in bed and you can't
Speaker 1: call your friends and say I can't come to that
Speaker 1: because I'm depressed. You just have to say I'm not
Speaker 1: feeling it, which you know is the same thing. Yeah, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard. It's hard. I mean I've I've gone through
Speaker 1: months of depression in the past, but I've don't your
Speaker 1: depression look like though you don't have the voice saying
Speaker 1: killed myself. I say kill Nikki, kill Nikki, And people
Speaker 1: do get homicidal depression for sure. Oh I don't think
Speaker 1: I have that. I I mean, I I don't even
Speaker 1: know if we have a weapon. But um, I've looked.
Speaker 1: But oh shit. But then I gotta go down to
Speaker 1: my car and you're gonna blood all over them. You
Speaker 1: just got them. You have to trade them in a again,
Speaker 1: and they'll be like, well these have pieces of and
Speaker 1: they'll be like that, sir, step right up. All right,
Speaker 1: that's pretty dark. But no, my depression is going. I
Speaker 1: still go to my room and I just lay down
Speaker 1: and I just recoup. And that's why when you're like
Speaker 1: you go to your layer a lot, I go, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I go there to just met alone time. I just
Speaker 1: worry that sometimes I guess I'm projecting, Like that's why
Speaker 1: I feel bad when I take a nap when I'm depressed,
Speaker 1: because that's also the thing I want to do. That's
Speaker 1: like my cutting when I'm depressed, because they go in
Speaker 1: there and I think about killing myself. But I don't
Speaker 1: know the difference between I need a nap and I
Speaker 1: want to just check out from the day, And I
Speaker 1: know that checking out from the day is not what's
Speaker 1: good for me. That's why I had to stop and
Speaker 1: stay out in the kitchen so long until I realized, like,
Speaker 1: are you wanting to go to bed to escape from
Speaker 1: the day or because you're really tired, And it was like,
Speaker 1: I'm tired for you, yeah, But for me, it's just
Speaker 1: like it's a balance. Like we talk here for an
Speaker 1: hour and a half, then we might shoot some stuff
Speaker 1: for a cup three hours, and then I hit golf
Speaker 1: ball us for two hours, and then I just go
Speaker 1: in bed, I put on a show I want to watch.
Speaker 1: I'm not like overthinking it, like oh no, but I'm
Speaker 1: talking about when you're depressed, but when I'm depressed, when
Speaker 1: I'm depressident could almost look a lot like that too.
Speaker 1: That's why that's why I'm saying when you do usually depressed,
Speaker 1: Hey are you okay? Yeah, I'm good. I'm just I
Speaker 1: call Brenna a lot of times, like we check in
Speaker 1: and I hear you talking sometimes and then I go, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just like hanging out with your girlfriend. And I
Speaker 1: get it. Like if I had a TV in my room,
Speaker 1: I definitely wouldn't use it, but if there was something
Speaker 1: in my room, but if there was a friend in
Speaker 1: my room, I might hang out in there. Let's get
Speaker 1: to the news. Someone to whisper, nothing, just to yes,
Speaker 1: I do Luigi first. I think Luigi's interactic. Well, they
Speaker 1: say the dogs take on the Yeah, thank you. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, have you noticed it's back? Baby. It's like
Speaker 1: a dog knows a storm is is coming before the
Speaker 1: storm comes. You're gonna look great at two months next.
Speaker 1: But I think he's not eating to get my attention
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, I'm I'm distressed. And that's what
Speaker 1: anorexia is. It's not really about like, oh I want
Speaker 1: to be thin and beautiful. It's about I am suffering
Speaker 1: and I don't know how to show it. And it's
Speaker 1: like cutting yourself slowly. And I think that he's not
Speaker 1: eating right now to tell me something like I'm stressed, mom.
Speaker 1: He could get sad. I mean, you know, when we
Speaker 1: have big highs. He had a huge high the other day,
Speaker 1: hanging out with the fam, hanging out with Marion, running
Speaker 1: around and right after he got a tooth removed, and
Speaker 1: he was on anesthesia the day before and he was
Speaker 1: on pain meds and so he had this this high
Speaker 1: euphoria day and now he's coming down and I made
Speaker 1: him say goodbye, and he like it really made him
Speaker 1: wallow in it. So maybe that's it. But apparently I
Speaker 1: hope you're having a good time out there. It's all
Speaker 1: the swells and it's Wednesday, so or it's Tuesday. You
Speaker 1: know what that means. God, I just got hit by
Speaker 1: a really good mood. Really yeah, like the coffee. No,
Speaker 1: I think it was just like the conversation. Yeah, I'm glad.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we process some stuff. It's good. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys. Yeah, of course, I like talking about this
Speaker 1: ship is so much more interesting than like, I don't
Speaker 1: know the first headline Dave Chappelle's comedy special Interesting you
Speaker 1: say that, No way, okay, Dave Chappelle. A new study
Speaker 1: finds at the height of your heels can boost your
Speaker 1: orgasm because when a woman is standing in them, their
Speaker 1: pelvis tilts enough so that the muscles repeated contract. Strong
Speaker 1: pelvic floor muscles can also mean increase sensitivity during sex.
Speaker 1: This is like, this is the shoe lobby, this is
Speaker 1: getting it there into the you know, yeah, they paid
Speaker 1: someone to do a study. I mean this is ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Like was like, how can I get women to keep
Speaker 1: wearing heels? Oh? I know it makes you come like,
Speaker 1: I mean, women are going to keep wearing wearing heels
Speaker 1: because they make your legs look fucking fantastic and they
Speaker 1: make your feet look really cute. And as someone who
Speaker 1: has a three out of five stars on Wiki feet, listen,
Speaker 1: the only pictures that are pulling that up to a
Speaker 1: three and not a one are the ones of my
Speaker 1: feet and heels. Two heels is the optimal, So that's
Speaker 1: not that high right now, It's not too bad. I've
Speaker 1: been wearing only heels on stage, not heels. Not like, um,
Speaker 1: you've seen what I hate. I brought it on the show.
Speaker 1: I just hate a pump like a tall stiletto. But
Speaker 1: I love boots. I love boots. Um, I love wearing
Speaker 1: them on stage. Tall the higher the better. It's hard
Speaker 1: to dance on them at the end of our set,
Speaker 1: but it just makes me feel I kind of go
Speaker 1: numb during when I'm performing the Analine. The second I
Speaker 1: walk off stage, It's like when mab later in the day,
Speaker 1: Do you think you're pelvic muscle? Is the question I wonder,
Speaker 1: let's try to pay attention to it. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think that's all get together and pay attention to
Speaker 1: your I mean, my sister just had a she has
Speaker 1: a tilted pelvis from pregnancy. That's a real thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what does that mean a lot of pain and she
Speaker 1: has to go do physical therapy for it. They have
Speaker 1: her walking and heels. Um they ever walking in heels
Speaker 1: that actually the top of her feet go up so
Speaker 1: that she can tilt back. She's wearing yeah. Yeah, remember
Speaker 1: those those fit flops or those fit shoes that had
Speaker 1: like the heel where if you wore them, you would
Speaker 1: it would work work you out fit fit flops. No,
Speaker 1: you got to remember these. They were all the rage
Speaker 1: about eight years ago. Look at fit flops everyone they
Speaker 1: were My mom had a pair, and they're supposed to
Speaker 1: work your cab muscles because they had a little bit
Speaker 1: more um, Like, the the sole of the shoe came
Speaker 1: at an inclined by your toes, so you're constantly like
Speaker 1: kind of working uphill. Yeah, yeah, you would walk more
Speaker 1: like I don't do keegels or any kind of vagina exercises.
Speaker 1: And I know I have those like balls that you're
Speaker 1: supposed to put up your vaginat's supposed to like you're
Speaker 1: supposed to. I don't know what you're supposed to do
Speaker 1: with them, but they're like yeah, and what does that
Speaker 1: do tighten your vagina? But right now I'm doing some
Speaker 1: kind of pelvic floor thrust and um, it doesn't make
Speaker 1: me a little bit like horny, like it gets that
Speaker 1: vagina muscle like cranking. Um, you can do keegels, uh, guy,
Speaker 1: Like I could feel it right now. It's like on
Speaker 1: the basis basically eagles, uh strong enough for a woman
Speaker 1: like your penis would be going like yeah, well it
Speaker 1: doesn't like shoot up, but you could feel it in
Speaker 1: the the head not the head, the base of your penuts.
Speaker 1: And it was apparently allows you to get harder, easier
Speaker 1: or longer, and like it helps your erection. But now
Speaker 1: it's hard whenever it takes do it for like to
Speaker 1: two times, and then I'm like that's hard. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not like if I can't see the results right away,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be doing it. And no, none,
Speaker 1: none of my partner will truly ever be are honest
Speaker 1: with me about like I don't want I would never
Speaker 1: want him to be. But I don't want anyone to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you're feeling looser than before, you're feeling
Speaker 1: tighter than like. I don't want to know. I don't
Speaker 1: want to know what it is based on other women's
Speaker 1: Like I have a friend who's like, oh, my vagina
Speaker 1: is so huge, like inside it's just like massive. And
Speaker 1: she's just like, I just have a really wide vagina.
Speaker 1: I'm just like I that is to me, the worst
Speaker 1: thing anyone could say about me. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I mean, I do know why. But and she's someone
Speaker 1: who like cares very much about looks and like body image,
Speaker 1: but she's just like, yeah, I have a really fucking
Speaker 1: wine pussy. And it's like she's very nonchalant about it.
Speaker 1: Know what, do you worry about your tightness and your
Speaker 1: keygels and your pelvic floor and all that stuff? Uh?
Speaker 1: I mean I wouldn't say that I worry about it. Um,
Speaker 1: you are reminding me of a story. Um, a friend
Speaker 1: of mine she hooked up with UM like a couple,
Speaker 1: and she was she was telling me about hooking up
Speaker 1: with the woman and she goes, you know, like it
Speaker 1: just felt like a hole in there and I've never
Speaker 1: felt anything like that before. Mmmm, that's what they say,
Speaker 1: what your asshole feels like? Well, I wonder, I wonder,
Speaker 1: Like we say all of this, but it's like, what
Speaker 1: how much bigger could have vagina? B you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like wider wise? Like are we talking centimeters?
Speaker 1: Are we talking inches? I'm I don't know. I guess
Speaker 1: you would know if like if someone hands you a
Speaker 1: super tampon and you go, oh my god, yeah right,
Speaker 1: never gonna do that. And then if for me a
Speaker 1: super tampon, no probab, let's get it up there. Like
Speaker 1: I can take it. I can take like a lot.
Speaker 1: But how wide super tampon is not wider than penis? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: it's not. But I mean there are some girls that
Speaker 1: are like how we like, And there are times when
Speaker 1: I haven't had sex in a really long time or
Speaker 1: had anything up there, and putting in a super tampon
Speaker 1: when you're not like gushing, like you're just kind of
Speaker 1: like menstruating, it hurts a little bit and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: goun it back, you know. But then there's times that
Speaker 1: there's times you leave the plastic on too. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: use magnum tampons sometimes and uh, it's just throwing a
Speaker 1: hot dog down the hallway. So wait, so tampons though,
Speaker 1: just for guys out there, I know there's like there's
Speaker 1: different kinds. Right. That's the width of it or how
Speaker 1: much it's pretty much the girth of it. Okay, So
Speaker 1: it's not about blood flow. It's not. It is because
Speaker 1: I mean a girthier tampon is going to have more
Speaker 1: cotton to absorb more. So it's it's the more blood flow.
Speaker 1: You'll pick up, bigger tampon that's going to have more
Speaker 1: of It's gonna be a tree that's been in the
Speaker 1: ground a little bit longer, more rings on that tree,
Speaker 1: you know. So what's the biggest one? Super super super plus?
Speaker 1: I believe I think you can go up to a
Speaker 1: superplus with tamp box brand now suppository, I don't know,
Speaker 1: just a little needle. It's you get the vaccine. It's
Speaker 1: a cotton vaccine up your pus. Um. Yeah you um.
Speaker 1: Diva cups are the ones that everyone uses. But good lord,
Speaker 1: that is just so scary to take out. Um. That's
Speaker 1: that collects all the blood and like a goblet, like
Speaker 1: a king's goblet, and then you take it out or
Speaker 1: sometimes it looks like a Lance Armstrong bracelet and and
Speaker 1: like it's like a very taut The thing is you
Speaker 1: can have sex with those, and you put it in
Speaker 1: and it completely blocks your vaginal hole from having any
Speaker 1: blood flow and it stays up there like you put this, um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then you you take it out and you take
Speaker 1: it out like like a cup, and then you go
Speaker 1: with this and it's just like a little bit. It's
Speaker 1: almost like a baggy. It looks like a dental damn
Speaker 1: kind of baggy and has blood in it. And I
Speaker 1: mean I've said this before, but I remember using those
Speaker 1: and taking them out when I had like white just
Speaker 1: like a light color jean on at a restaurant and
Speaker 1: I'm like, if there was an earthquake or god forbid,
Speaker 1: someone walked in the stall and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: and like spilled it slashed everywhere, or I poured out
Speaker 1: some for my homies, it would be a nightmare the
Speaker 1: other night like, can can hardly not, can hardly wait?
Speaker 1: What's the movie with Patrick Dempsey where he dances oh
Speaker 1: the American? Like oh, oh yeah, yes, it would be
Speaker 1: like that. I love when I come up with things.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get to the next story. Apparently apparently.
Speaker 1: I mean watching that video thoday was so fun I
Speaker 1: can't believe Kurston never saw it. There's some video today.
Speaker 1: I watched Pete Davidson's Okay for the first time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Kirsten was doing I gotta say that Kirsten's rendition of
Speaker 1: it and telling me what it was was like, I'm
Speaker 1: staring at you through the window. I'm going to stick
Speaker 1: a knife in your flesh in your face. He's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that was funnier than the sketch itself. Person is so
Speaker 1: funny unny. I said to her today, I go, honestly,
Speaker 1: the way you described and let's be honest. She was
Speaker 1: she stole an idea, like it was their idea there.
Speaker 1: But she is so funny. And I've said this before.
Speaker 1: I remembered as a kid, like I remember where I
Speaker 1: was when I go, She's going to be on SNL
Speaker 1: and it's like my dream, like to be on TV
Speaker 1: in that way, and I just I can't be It's
Speaker 1: just undeniable that this person is funnier than me. And
Speaker 1: everyone says that everyone knows it. She's just insanely funny
Speaker 1: um in a different way than I am, obviously, But
Speaker 1: I said to her this morning, I was like god,
Speaker 1: I was like you, honestly, if you tried right now,
Speaker 1: you could get on SNL. You could Leslie Jones, you know,
Speaker 1: Leslie Jones didn't get on SNL until she's in her forties.
Speaker 1: But Kirsen really could get on SNL. She started doing
Speaker 1: characters on Instagram without question. I believe if she committed
Speaker 1: to it um and especially with like my help putting
Speaker 1: her out there, it would happen. She's that good um.
Speaker 1: But she just goes yeah, like I just feel like
Speaker 1: I probably could, but like this is just my life,
Speaker 1: and like you just like there's just some life, Like
Speaker 1: you can't have every life you want. I was like,
Speaker 1: I love the idea of like she knows, she knows
Speaker 1: she's funny enough and she is and just being like no, thanks,
Speaker 1: like I would. And I guess I'm passing up like
Speaker 1: motherhood or like being a teacher. Many lives I could
Speaker 1: have that would be gratifying. But to turn down a
Speaker 1: life that could be s and now with I would
Speaker 1: say I would be eighty percent sure. I could get
Speaker 1: her on s I now if I if I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be I'm not joking. I think
Speaker 1: she's very funny. But then I think, you know, her
Speaker 1: character work is she's never had any training, a little
Speaker 1: bit of training. Honestly, I could get her. There should
Speaker 1: be like of like, uh, you know, like comedians. I
Speaker 1: could train comedians, not stand ups for some reason, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm good at sketching impressions, but I
Speaker 1: think I could train someone to begin at it. I mean,
Speaker 1: try to do try to make videos with her. I
Speaker 1: mean that's where it starts. I mean, oh, speaking of
Speaker 1: check out the Lisa Gilroy. The Lisa Gilroy. She I
Speaker 1: wrote to her and was like, I don't think I
Speaker 1: don't know if she wrote me back yet, but I
Speaker 1: discovered her the other night someone sent me Bestie sent
Speaker 1: me a TikTok of hers doing impressions And that's not
Speaker 1: even what I love the most about her. Impressions are great,
Speaker 1: she does a great ellen, but like her ship is
Speaker 1: so funny, women will really really like her. Girls. I'm
Speaker 1: not I g I l O R Y this girl,
Speaker 1: the Lisa Gilroy. Just go look at her Instagram now
Speaker 1: and go to her reels and watch five reels and
Speaker 1: if you don't love four to five of them, then
Speaker 1: you know we don't have a lot in common. But UM,
Speaker 1: it's rare that I turn you onto someone so emphatically.
Speaker 1: So check out an American woman who was hit I
Speaker 1: love these stories, who was hit by a well that
Speaker 1: sounds bad, but who was hit by an SUV and
Speaker 1: was in a two week coma now speaks and a
Speaker 1: Keywi accent and she has now never been to New Zealand.
Speaker 1: Whoa I mean, I was just listening to a podcast
Speaker 1: about this. There's some people that can speak like French
Speaker 1: like she was speaking French, she was speaking English like British.
Speaker 1: She probably spent some time in her boyfriend's British. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: so this is the thing. I was listening to, UM
Speaker 1: the Sam Harris. But she's never been a New Zealand.
Speaker 1: She's probably watched the show or something. She's had exposure.
Speaker 1: This isn't This isn't something that UM is humanly like.
Speaker 1: I was listening to the new Sam Harris Ricky Gervas podcast.
Speaker 1: It's called absolutely Mental and you gotta pay for it.
Speaker 1: But god damn is it worth it. It's you know.
Speaker 1: Sam Harris is I think the smartest person I've ever
Speaker 1: heard talk about human nature. And if if you're a
Speaker 1: fan of anything that, I say, God, you're gonna love him.
Speaker 1: And then Ricky Gervase, obviously, no matter how you feel
Speaker 1: about him, I think he's a really good person. He's
Speaker 1: a vegan, he's super funny. And these two just get
Speaker 1: on the phone and talk about just He'll be like,
Speaker 1: you know, Sam, what is anxiety? Like what is it?
Speaker 1: And Sam's like, well, I mean, it's fear. It's a
Speaker 1: manifestation of fear. It's a fight or flip, you know.
Speaker 1: And they just break it down and they and they're
Speaker 1: so funny. Sam is so funny because he's smart. But
Speaker 1: um he uh. They were talking about this about people
Speaker 1: that if if you just your body, because Ricky was
Speaker 1: talking about how if you eat. They did some experiment
Speaker 1: when where people were eating fish, like raw fish, or
Speaker 1: some guy was on an island or something eating fish
Speaker 1: and eventually he just started eating the fish's eyes and
Speaker 1: he didn't know why, like, why would that be the
Speaker 1: thing you go to? Like something in him even though
Speaker 1: it's the most disgusting part of the fish. He was
Speaker 1: just drawn to the eyes. And then they realized it's
Speaker 1: because eyes have water in them, and his body knew that,
Speaker 1: but he didn't cognitively know it. But his body was like,
Speaker 1: eat the eyes, we need water. He didn't know that
Speaker 1: there was water in those eyes. He didn't go, I
Speaker 1: need water equals eyes. His brain knew something he didn't know, right,
Speaker 1: So is it possible they were talking about two? Like
Speaker 1: you know, if you watch someone play piano and saw
Speaker 1: where the keys were all pushed, is your brain putting
Speaker 1: that somewhere and you just haven't found a weight on
Speaker 1: the head? It unlocks that part of your book? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like when if you if you listen to subliminal tapes
Speaker 1: or if you watch someone do like, can you is
Speaker 1: there way to know to unlock an accent or a
Speaker 1: language that you've heard spoken a lot, like can you
Speaker 1: unlock it? And the truth is no, unless it's like
Speaker 1: kind of practice. But I think that this accent thing
Speaker 1: is probably she's probably heard that before. But I don't
Speaker 1: mind when people have like take on the accents of
Speaker 1: places they've been because I do it. French at one point,
Speaker 1: Russian at one point, and then she set on New Zealand.
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, because I would I have my
Speaker 1: voice a little lower. Whose voice would you take if
Speaker 1: you had to comics? Who was a good voice? I mean,
Speaker 1: you think about the biggest actors, they probably have the
Speaker 1: best voices, Like thank God, I wish I had that,
Speaker 1: not singing wise, just speaking wise. No, what does anyone
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, Noah, I might take your voice. I
Speaker 1: heard you when you left me a voice memo. I
Speaker 1: guess it was yesterday, two days ago. I almost drove
Speaker 1: my car off a bridge because I was like sleeping
Speaker 1: and listen, it's just so soothing and like pleasant. It's
Speaker 1: just a dream. Um. I think I would take a
Speaker 1: New Zealand or I would take an Australian accident because
Speaker 1: it's it just sounds so crisp and cute. It sounds
Speaker 1: like they're like a chip English roles or like whatever.
Speaker 1: Then you're gonna have to I don't care about rules.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can be a comedian than any language.
Speaker 1: I would. I would truly take a crisp Australian. Australian
Speaker 1: accents I just think are adorable on women. They're so cute,
Speaker 1: you know. It's probably one of the hottest. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's so many hot accents out there. French, it is
Speaker 1: very sexy. Nor it is the only thing I can say. No, No,
Speaker 1: that's that's Australian. NOI and went to New Zealand. New Zealand,
Speaker 1: if I watch Oh my God, how funny is Jamaist?
Speaker 1: I mean recommending another podcast or just a show amazing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you watch Summer Heights High. I stopped talking like
Speaker 1: an No, you're good at that accent. I have to
Speaker 1: hear it a bunch. I'm only good at things if
Speaker 1: I hear about or if you get hit by an suv. Yeah,
Speaker 1: fingers crossed and so wild. Man, it's so wild that
Speaker 1: it just your brain. I mean it sounds cheesy, but
Speaker 1: we you know, they say what you use eight percent?
Speaker 1: What is going on in that other time? Ever? Test
Speaker 1: your brain to just like think of something. So just
Speaker 1: let your mind go and think of the weirdest thing
Speaker 1: from your past, and you're just like, I'll imagine like
Speaker 1: a thin post from my middle school. Why didn't just
Speaker 1: pick that? I had a weird thought. OK. So we
Speaker 1: had this kid who was kind of crazy, uh, in
Speaker 1: our neighborhood, and I remember him just like having a
Speaker 1: machete and like he was just nuts with That's why
Speaker 1: there's no free will. You did not choose to pick that.
Speaker 1: It just popped into it. My fifth thought, like I
Speaker 1: had to get there right, but still appeared out of
Speaker 1: think crazy think was the crazy. Oh my god, that
Speaker 1: kid that we kind of picked on to pick that,
Speaker 1: it just showed up. That's no free will. That's the
Speaker 1: perfect example. Okay, let's go to break and come back
Speaker 1: with why do I care? I wonder how many people
Speaker 1: in Florida think back and yeah, I see a guy
Speaker 1: with a machette. Oh my god, why do I care?
Speaker 1: Why do I care? All right? Um? Amy Schumer makes
Speaker 1: a statement wearing a tampon, oh yeah, Halloween costume after
Speaker 1: having a hysterectomy due to endo trisis. Let's try that again.
Speaker 1: Let's just listen. Nope, endo, you've definitely heard this word before.
Speaker 1: I'm shocked. And endometriosis. Endometrios. No, come on, you're almost
Speaker 1: there enough. You've heard this. You've had to have heard this.
Speaker 1: It's because it's a common thing that a lot of
Speaker 1: women suffer with. Yeah, I'm not listening. Endometriosis. This is
Speaker 1: the problem. Endometriosis. Endometriosis. I guess you know her uterus removed, right,
Speaker 1: so then she can't have babies anymore. Um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's correct. I know what causes that I should know,
Speaker 1: but I know that it affects like one in nine
Speaker 1: women or something like that. It's insane how many women
Speaker 1: go through this, and it causes if you have really
Speaker 1: painful periods, more bleeding than most women. Like Lena Done'm
Speaker 1: had it. She also had the same surgery where she
Speaker 1: had her computer is completely taken out. Um yeah, they
Speaker 1: and I love that it's called a hysterectomy and that
Speaker 1: women that are crazier called hysterical. It must be related
Speaker 1: like the disease of the uterus. She's crazy her mouth, yeah,
Speaker 1: I I yeah. She also was a spokesman for Tampax,
Speaker 1: so I think maybe that's also why the outfit was
Speaker 1: being worn. Yeah, she's done some commercials with them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess she's bringing it's interesting that a blue color. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's no, I mean, that's that's the she look at
Speaker 1: the top, do you see the top, So the cotton
Speaker 1: is sticking out the top, So that's the apple. She's
Speaker 1: the applicator so it's like a plastic applicator, and then
Speaker 1: the top is coming out, and then her legs are
Speaker 1: like the thinner part of that you pushed through, So
Speaker 1: the legs you would push through and then that cotton
Speaker 1: part would come out and then it would be only
Speaker 1: that blue top part with the leg part inside. That's
Speaker 1: how you put in a tampon. I mean it is
Speaker 1: wild that like. And then does she have the string? Yes,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, she's holding in the photo. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: I love that. I liked that costume a lot, and
Speaker 1: you know, it's very Schumer and like funny, and I
Speaker 1: like I think that if Schumer wasn't being represented, like
Speaker 1: she wasn't doing it for tam backs, she would have
Speaker 1: some blood on there too. Oh my god, did you
Speaker 1: hear me? Just sit on my mom, And I wasn't
Speaker 1: just kidding. Uh yeah, Well your favorite Halloween costume? You
Speaker 1: saw celebrities, celebrities. I couldn't stand all the Megan Foxes
Speaker 1: machine gun kellies, even though I get it, there's too many.
Speaker 1: You didn't see it, but I mean I saw about
Speaker 1: fifty ted last. I didn't only saw one. I saw
Speaker 1: it out in the wild. I saw like six or seven,
Speaker 1: just walking around, driving around. It might just be jacket
Speaker 1: lost national hat and they were last. And then there
Speaker 1: are a lot of lassoes out there, and it's an
Speaker 1: easy outfit. You know. Any guy likes an excuse to
Speaker 1: have a mustache because they're they're seen as like porny. Yes,
Speaker 1: oh what's wrong with that guy? We're all less less
Speaker 1: it inside. We're all having anxiety and are kind of
Speaker 1: like questioning our choices. And I like a costume where
Speaker 1: you can see the person's I don't like wearing a
Speaker 1: mask all night. It's fucking annoying. Yes, I mean, what's
Speaker 1: your favorite costume you ever wore? Did you ever get
Speaker 1: really dressed up? I think both of us. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was Mary Kay and Nashley or like you know which
Speaker 1: one was the other one? And I was also para
Speaker 1: Sultan one year two and that was really good. Um
Speaker 1: that was that was like a really hot year and
Speaker 1: it was just like very Um I was living that
Speaker 1: night and my sister was Nicky Hilton. Yeah, there is
Speaker 1: one photo and I cannot find it anywhere because I've
Speaker 1: looked for it, but it was really good and um
Speaker 1: then I was, Yeah, I was, I was one of
Speaker 1: the Old Sans. I wanted, you know, as someone who
Speaker 1: was antarexic probably at the time, I wanted to wear
Speaker 1: a skeleton costume, you know, like like you know the
Speaker 1: way that you wear a jumpsuit with like the black
Speaker 1: skeleton and then have and then be holding a Starbucks
Speaker 1: cup with big sunglasses and like a trench coat and
Speaker 1: be like the ol Sans, because they were like, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, it's like a joke. And my
Speaker 1: favorite costume that I put a Diet coke box on
Speaker 1: my head and I Diet, I just cocatte. You get
Speaker 1: twelve cokes. That that's a good one. I liked this
Speaker 1: guy's um, Alex Bordi you know him. Uh he was
Speaker 1: a bachelor guy. He's one of my friends. I liked
Speaker 1: his costume. I'm sure it's been done a million times,
Speaker 1: but it was just all white and it said like
Speaker 1: four or four error costume not found. He just like
Speaker 1: and it was like, oh, pe was kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Pete Petelee and his girlfriend but they do they're beer
Speaker 1: pong table and just they just tied nine plastic red
Speaker 1: cups to their back and just would bend over and
Speaker 1: have people player. God, I wish I would have been
Speaker 1: invited to a party. My nephew a squid and poppy
Speaker 1: was a monster and they got really tired and wanted
Speaker 1: to go home early. It was awesome. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it was so great. All right, let's get into reddit dump. Oh, yes, there,
Speaker 1: this is your reddit dump. All right. I love your
Speaker 1: laughing that. All right, let's get to the reddit dump.
Speaker 1: I saved a lot. Oh my god, there's pictures of
Speaker 1: words coming up. Hold on, um god, I'm I love
Speaker 1: reddit so much. Oh, this one is so good. Have
Speaker 1: you ever seen this clip? I wonder if we could
Speaker 1: put superimpose it Noah into the middle thing. This is
Speaker 1: a guy. It's a it's a it's a pretty famous
Speaker 1: viral video. But it looks like, you know, uh, security
Speaker 1: footage of a street, and there's a man walking towards
Speaker 1: the camera, like on a road, and then a man
Speaker 1: comes up from behind him and just taps him on
Speaker 1: the shoulder. Just a mysterious man comes up from beyond
Speaker 1: testing on the shoulder. The man turns around the other
Speaker 1: way that the man taps him on the shoulder, and
Speaker 1: he turns around this way and as he turns around,
Speaker 1: there's this huge fence and he's like who and he
Speaker 1: runs out of the way, and it just is watched this.
Speaker 1: Watch watch, just watch this. How creepy it is? All right,
Speaker 1: I'm watching. I mean it's like dark a night, guys
Speaker 1: walking whoa watch it again? I mean, isn't that crazy.
Speaker 1: It's like this angel appears out of nowhere and taps
Speaker 1: this guy in the shoulder and then keeps walking and
Speaker 1: you just see him walk off. It comes out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: It seems like this guy just there was had an
Speaker 1: angel watching him, knew he was about to die in
Speaker 1: a final destination way of having this huge fence come.
Speaker 1: The guy would have been killed by this fence had
Speaker 1: he not turned around and seen it. But the only
Speaker 1: reason he turned around was because the guy tapped him
Speaker 1: on the shoulder right before. Really, that's real. I've seen
Speaker 1: it on read it a million times. My question, guys,
Speaker 1: if you want to see it, go to uh the
Speaker 1: subreddit next fucking level. And then search man just witnessed
Speaker 1: God himself and that's what it's My concern is that
Speaker 1: defense hit the the angel or whatever that guy was.
Speaker 1: Don't you think it could have been? Okay, here's one
Speaker 1: from ask men, which is always one I love and
Speaker 1: I love to ask you these two, what's the most
Speaker 1: superficial reason for for uh why? I think they meant
Speaker 1: to say, for why you have rejected a woman. Some
Speaker 1: of the answers include, I mean it would have to
Speaker 1: be leg hair, armpit hair, happy trail hair, any kind
Speaker 1: of hair that you don't want it to be is
Speaker 1: very superficial. But you've been on like Instagram and Twitter
Speaker 1: and seen like leg hair, just like maybe even in
Speaker 1: real life you just turned off by I'm just thinking,
Speaker 1: like what else? One person said, I feel really bad
Speaker 1: about this one. She appeared to be my age, like
Speaker 1: mid twenties at the time, but she had a cartoonishly
Speaker 1: thick Minnesotan accent. I couldn't hear her voice without picturing
Speaker 1: a middle aged hockey mom that wanted to serve me
Speaker 1: a salad that was three parts jello, one part vegetables,
Speaker 1: in five parts of mayonnaise. Andrew would have loved that. Luckily,
Speaker 1: the first date went poorly anyway, and neither of us
Speaker 1: wanted a second date. I think I laugh. If you
Speaker 1: hear a girl laugh or how they speak, you can maybe,
Speaker 1: oh man, Sometimes I hear my own voice and I
Speaker 1: go whoa boy? That guy sounds angry. Um uh, this
Speaker 1: guy said, really shitty left turn to get into her
Speaker 1: apartment complex. Yeah, I mean that's you're just rejecting her.
Speaker 1: She's not good enough to put up with that, you know.
Speaker 1: Uh oh No, her feet looked like she kicked walls
Speaker 1: for fun. You know what to the guy that wrote that,
Speaker 1: that wasn't the only reason you rejected me. Okay. I
Speaker 1: also have a grading voice and I have anxious attachment. Um.
Speaker 1: Someone said. When I was newly divorced, some friends had
Speaker 1: to get together where it was pretty obvious that they
Speaker 1: want me to meet a woman they thought I might
Speaker 1: hit off with. She was pretty funny and into many
Speaker 1: of the things. I was a very intuitive matchup. Then
Speaker 1: she started to refer to herself as the queen throughout
Speaker 1: the evening, and I was done with that. Not superficial
Speaker 1: at all, that girl needs, said gown. I would say
Speaker 1: for me, it's like loving meat. That's not superficial to me.
Speaker 1: But anyone who identifies with like loving meat or someone
Speaker 1: who you know, now when I'm swiping on bumble, like
Speaker 1: you can find me in the outdoors, someone who loves traveling, sorry,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to travel. I do it for
Speaker 1: a living. Um and then, but these aren't superficial. These
Speaker 1: are like things were not compatible, superficial No chin um,
Speaker 1: bad teeth, um bald. I don't care about short, don't
Speaker 1: care about Okay, you don't have to look at me
Speaker 1: while you're thinking of um, Like where's sweatpants? To a date? No? No? No?
Speaker 1: To a date? Like if I went over to your
Speaker 1: if you had me over, like watch a movie here
Speaker 1: at the apartment and you answered the door in that
Speaker 1: Actually that's like a nice ope, but those pants and
Speaker 1: like a dirt like I would just go. This guy
Speaker 1: doesn't even like me. He's not even trying. No, have
Speaker 1: you ever rejected someone for superficial reasons? Uh? Yeah? Uh?
Speaker 1: Can you think of one? I'm trying to think. Um,
Speaker 1: I remember my home coming date, like permed her hair
Speaker 1: where it looked like she you know, put her finger
Speaker 1: in electric socket and I just couldn't. It just turned
Speaker 1: me off so much because it was like a big
Speaker 1: date for me, And I was like, this is what
Speaker 1: you decided to do. Did you say it looked nice
Speaker 1: to do? At least? Like because that's a big, a
Speaker 1: big change. You want some kind of I made a
Speaker 1: ride in the back see my explorer. No, no, I
Speaker 1: just dude, it was like it was like it was wild.
Speaker 1: Picture was what I want. I just a picture of
Speaker 1: his prom date. You're gonna love. It's been so long
Speaker 1: since I've been on the date, so I completely forgot this.
Speaker 1: But I met a guy um on an app and
Speaker 1: we met a like at a bar or whatever in Manhattan.
Speaker 1: And I looked at his hands. I'm like, I love
Speaker 1: a good hand right, and his the ends of his
Speaker 1: fingers were so like bulbousie it looked like alien nodes
Speaker 1: and saying, I was out, I get that. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's I don't I agree with that one. Um,
Speaker 1: hands are important. Have too big a hands? It could
Speaker 1: turn me off. Okay, yeah, that that would make sense.
Speaker 1: I think that UM like the way someone smells. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have been like, God, they're perfect, except like I
Speaker 1: just don't. I just don't like too in their smile
Speaker 1: like oh yeah, gummy. Yeah. Sorry to anyone who ask
Speaker 1: the thing is there? Some girls would say bald and short,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't date. But for me, I'm like, if if
Speaker 1: you're someone that has bad teeth and what did I say? No? Chin.
Speaker 1: Let me be honest, I could still love you. All
Speaker 1: you have to do is seem disinterested in me and
Speaker 1: like like you're not as me and then yeah, and
Speaker 1: grow a beard and where. Okay, here's one last one
Speaker 1: life pro tips. If you need to get rid of
Speaker 1: an unwanted direction, bend over with your knees locked straight
Speaker 1: as far as you can comfortably go, and take three
Speaker 1: or four big deep breaths. Wait, wait, what is this?
Speaker 1: If you want to get rid of an unwanted direction,
Speaker 1: you stand with your knees straight and knees locked straight,
Speaker 1: bend over as far as you can go, and take
Speaker 1: three or four big deep breaths with your in your mouth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: suck your own dick until you come and then the
Speaker 1: direction will go away. Um will that work? You think? What?
Speaker 1: Blowing yourself? Or that I could try. I'll try it later.
Speaker 1: I'll let you know it goes. Final thought, Um, when
Speaker 1: was the last time you had an unwanted direction? Do
Speaker 1: you remember getting them? In school? No? Not really, nothing
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh no, but I remember we nicknamed
Speaker 1: his kid boner because he got a boner during this
Speaker 1: like a presentation in front of the whole class and
Speaker 1: like it just he was boner, like you're just boner now,
Speaker 1: and he kind of ran with it. I like that.
Speaker 1: He like, I guess people owning if you could see
Speaker 1: your dick and some pants with a boner, you probably
Speaker 1: got a pretty good boner. I guess you can look
Speaker 1: at it that way. Yeah. I never girls never noticed boners.
Speaker 1: Uh when guys got him? Did you? Well? I remember
Speaker 1: like when I would take the subway every morning to work,
Speaker 1: there were a lot of men dressed in like those
Speaker 1: like khaki pants, and I would see so many morning boners.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, really yes, the g train bone. Uh
Speaker 1: would you be afraid if you're a guy that you
Speaker 1: would get a boner all the time? Yes? Yeah, I thought.
Speaker 1: I think. I mean it's the same as like if
Speaker 1: your period blood goes through your pants. I think it's
Speaker 1: probably the same amount of worry. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think, like when I got my first boner, Well,
Speaker 1: you get them young, like in public? Do you remember
Speaker 1: having one in public at an awkward time? Not really me.
Speaker 1: Me and my buddy Rusty in Spanish class would get
Speaker 1: boners and we make a move in our pants as
Speaker 1: jokes like that was a joke, like look at her
Speaker 1: boner move and it just me just go from the
Speaker 1: right to the left. Hard nipples. That's something girls have
Speaker 1: shame about. They shouldn't and because it means it's either
Speaker 1: the room is cold or we're turned on right, but
Speaker 1: men love like the thing is they The other day,
Speaker 1: my mom goes, NICKI you can see your boobs and
Speaker 1: I go, do you mean my nipples? She's like yeah,
Speaker 1: and I go, so what, so what I have nipples Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what. I guess it's like it's distracting
Speaker 1: and people don't want to see that. Stop rubbing in
Speaker 1: our face. My mom is very much like she doesn't
Speaker 1: like when women um try to like flaunt their sexiness.
Speaker 1: She's just like, we get it cool. She thinks she's cool.
Speaker 1: That's so queer. She says. Do you think she just
Speaker 1: isn't comfortable doing it herself? And yeah, she she hates
Speaker 1: she's never shown cleavage ever. I've never seen my mom's
Speaker 1: cleavage and my mom is okay, boobs, yeah, they're great. Okay.
Speaker 1: One more thing this said made this was on made
Speaker 1: me cry. The Supreddit says no caption needed except yes
Speaker 1: there is, because there's this is like a screenshot of
Speaker 1: a tweet and with a picture. So it's a picture
Speaker 1: of like a dirt like look at the dirty um.
Speaker 1: It's like a cement floor, and there's like a water splash,
Speaker 1: and the water splash is like a heart. Okay, And
Speaker 1: it says today is the one year anniversary of my
Speaker 1: wife's passing. As I walked into my shop, I spiled
Speaker 1: my water. She gave me a room finder that today
Speaker 1: will be just fine. And it's like, it looks like
Speaker 1: he murdered her in this cellar. I mean like it's
Speaker 1: a really dirty basement. It looks like Blair witchy. Look
Speaker 1: at the splot of water. I love little things like this.
Speaker 1: Why not you see a heart? It's this easy shape
Speaker 1: for anything to be in the shape of um. But
Speaker 1: I was also like, it's just a splot of water.
Speaker 1: Your wife also, could you know what if the water
Speaker 1: shape looked like a dick, he'd be like, she's thinking
Speaker 1: of me today, Like whatever it was, it would be.
Speaker 1: But it's it is sweet to see little things like that.
Speaker 1: I didn't make me cry, and that's for Dan. It
Speaker 1: did not. It's rare that things on made me cry
Speaker 1: even have the ability to get even a little bit um.
Speaker 1: Here's another. I didn't save this one, but I just
Speaker 1: went to made me cry and let me just see
Speaker 1: if this This has six thousand point six up votes,
Speaker 1: so this should be good. How can people say cats
Speaker 1: don't have feelings? Like when my cat got deadly six
Speaker 1: she refused to eat a single thing, and it had
Speaker 1: been days, but when I started crying, she just ate
Speaker 1: a little bit, and upon seeing how happy it made me,
Speaker 1: kept doing it whatever she could. Now whenever I'm sad
Speaker 1: or crying, she finds wherever I am with a mouthful
Speaker 1: of food and eats the pieces one by one, every
Speaker 1: time looking up at me, making sure I was watching,
Speaker 1: or eat it all because she knew it made me happy,
Speaker 1: and it does make me happy. Maybe that's what I
Speaker 1: need to do. Luigi, Luigia, he just won't eat, and
Speaker 1: I've been buying. I buy buy him one little little
Speaker 1: trays of food of like his lamb. I hate buying lamb.
Speaker 1: I pitched the lamb going bah and just being like mama.
Speaker 1: And I do it for you, Luigi, because you won't
Speaker 1: eat any food. Now It's no, he definitely doesn't because
Speaker 1: he had some of your eggs sandwich day and you
Speaker 1: loved it. He loved the eggs. Say much Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: He's really I can't I can't tell whether he hates
Speaker 1: me or loves me. And what I will say, Luigi
Speaker 1: now knows the podcast every morning, and like today, for
Speaker 1: the first time ever, he was in the podcast room
Speaker 1: before we began or before I came in. Andrew was
Speaker 1: already in here setting up, and then he was just
Speaker 1: sitting by the chair waiting for this time to happen.
Speaker 1: He really loves this. Yeah, it's rare that he just
Speaker 1: we just sit down and talk, you know, we're always
Speaker 1: like running around, and like he just loves this time.
Speaker 1: It was really sweet and I'm so glad Luigi's a bestie. Well,
Speaker 1: we don't know, he definitely is. All right, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you for listening to the podcast. He's gotta be Um.
Speaker 1: We will be in cancunamorrow, but we've got an episode
Speaker 1: for you. Don't worry about that, um. And we're going
Speaker 1: to be in d C this weekend as well as
Speaker 1: New York Huntington's Tampa Tampa Tampa Friday, Yes, DC Saturday.
Speaker 1: That's not true. Yeah, no, it's not It's uh Tampa Friday,
Speaker 1: DC Saturday. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, you're right, Okay,
Speaker 1: Tampa Friday, DC Saturday next week is New York ext
Speaker 1: next week, and then I'm going to be in New
Speaker 1: York on Monday night performing with John Stewart, Springsteen, Jim Gaffgan,
Speaker 1: Brandy Carlyle. No big deal. It's not nervous at all.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm gonna wear. Uh, not thinking
Speaker 1: about it until it happens, because there's no point in worrying.
Speaker 1: Now him, I can't wait. I've met him, I think
Speaker 1: one time in passing. But yes, I'm definitely going to
Speaker 1: try to have a moment that I can uh tell
Speaker 1: my dad about so he likes me more. Not that
Speaker 1: my dad's love is infinite, but you know, i'd like
Speaker 1: a little. He'll just think it's cool. Maybe yeah. And
Speaker 1: the Boss, I mean, come on, I mean that's like
Speaker 1: the coolest line up ever. And Brandy Carter, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know, it's sick, it's crazy. And and Nate Bargatsie.
Speaker 1: Don't forget him, I call him the Boss. So it's
Speaker 1: going to be a little awkward. Guys, we gotta go.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. Uh, we'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 1: On the pod. Make sure you subscribe on our YouTube channel.
Speaker 1: Go rate my feet on Wiki feet and leave us
Speaker 1: rate and review on on the you know where it was.
Speaker 1: Wherever you listen to your podcast, we really appreciate it. Uh,
Speaker 1: see you next time. I'm Don't be Cat and Anon
Speaker 1: Robinson