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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff mom never told you?

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Speaker 1: From House top works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the podcast. This is Kristen, This is Molly. So Molly,

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Speaker 1: have you ever been the target of bullying? Bullying? Um? No,

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Speaker 1: I haven't, And I'll give you my secret for for

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Speaker 1: how to avoid being bully. Whenever I meet someone, I

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Speaker 1: immediately size up whether I could take them in a

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Speaker 1: fight and then punched him in the face. You don't

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Speaker 1: even have to do that, Chris, and I have to

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Speaker 1: do is like have this look in your eyes that

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Speaker 1: basically like just says to the person, you're not gonna

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Speaker 1: mess with me. You know that. I think about when

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Speaker 1: when you and I met on our first day of

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Speaker 1: employment here and all stuff works. Maybe, yeah, didn't I

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Speaker 1: give you a little bit of a look. I was

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Speaker 1: a little terrified, like, don't cross me, but I can

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Speaker 1: snap you. So it sounds like you might be the bully.

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Speaker 1: It's possible. It's possible. No, I'm so sweet, Um, but

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Speaker 1: I do immediately size up people about whether I could

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Speaker 1: take them in a fight or not. And so I

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Speaker 1: think that you know, I think that's kind of actually not.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we're gonna go into like tips to avoid

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Speaker 1: being a bully, but I think it's not a bad tip.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you should probably try and do it with

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Speaker 1: less violence in your heart. But um, you know, pulleys

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Speaker 1: tend to pick people that they know they can get

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Speaker 1: away with bullying. And if you meet people and just

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Speaker 1: give them a look like don't cross me, then they

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Speaker 1: might not cross you, or maybe just demonstrate confidence. That's

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Speaker 1: probably a nice way to put it. Um, But a

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Speaker 1: lot of times I think we tend to think of

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Speaker 1: the typical stereotypical bully as you know, the big big kid,

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Speaker 1: the big boy on the playground. Yeah that you know,

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Speaker 1: all the little kiss down. Yeah. I was. When I

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Speaker 1: was researching bullies for this podcast, Kristen, I found a

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Speaker 1: quote in Psychology Today that said, um that a typical

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Speaker 1: bullies line is give me the jump rope or I'll

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Speaker 1: kill you. Okay, So I'm just saying that's the kind

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Speaker 1: of like meanness we associate with bullies, like just blue force.

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Speaker 1: I was happy to know that kids were still jump roping,

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Speaker 1: I know, but like, yes, brute force on the playground,

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Speaker 1: like the playground is mine, and we think of bullies

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Speaker 1: typically as males. Yeah. In two thousand eight, the Boston

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Speaker 1: Globe had a list of the most intimidating pop culture bullies,

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Speaker 1: and girls took up only three of the slaw three

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Speaker 1: of fifteen went to girls. Now, they did pick some

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Speaker 1: pretty pretty good email bullies. We've got Nellie Olson from

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Speaker 1: Little House in the Prairie was blonde curls. She scared

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Speaker 1: the crap out of me when I was little. I

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Speaker 1: felt so bad for Laura Ingles. We got Regina George

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Speaker 1: from Mean Girls, such a good bully, yes, and conservative

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Speaker 1: commentator and culture but let's go back. Let's just skip

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Speaker 1: over an culture and go back to Regina George from you,

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Speaker 1: because rarely do we ever think about m Lindsay Lohan

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Speaker 1: changing our cultural conversation for the better. But I think

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Speaker 1: this movie Mean Girls really did bring to light the

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Speaker 1: the subject the title of the movie, that girls could

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Speaker 1: be really mean Mean girls friend of Me comes to mind. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you know, the kind of backstabbing teenage girl motif. And uh,

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Speaker 1: the thing is it, it isn't that far from reality.

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Speaker 1: Well that's because it was based on a nonfiction book

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Speaker 1: written by Rosalind Wiseman queen bees and wannabes, helping her

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Speaker 1: daughter survive clicks, gossip, boyfriends, and other realities of adolescence.

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Speaker 1: So what you might have chalked up to is just

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Speaker 1: writer Tina Fay's crazy imagination and bringing mean girls to

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Speaker 1: the screen was probably based on a real teenager. There

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Speaker 1: was this New York Times article where, um, the writer

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Speaker 1: of the article went to the high school and met

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Speaker 1: the girl who basically laid out rules for her her

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Speaker 1: posse in terms of what they wore each day, much

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Speaker 1: like Regina George did in the movie Monday was black

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Speaker 1: panther skirt. And we do have some research to back

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Speaker 1: up this gender equality among bullying, if you will, if

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Speaker 1: that's a good thing. We've got finished researcher cos b

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Speaker 1: York Histick York. Uh. He found that girls are no

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Speaker 1: less aggressive then boys, but the girls just bully a

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Speaker 1: little bit differently. Whereas boys will tend to inflict more

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Speaker 1: physical aggressions such as the playground fighting threats over jump probes,

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Speaker 1: girls play subtle mind games. Yeah, this is I don't

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Speaker 1: know if this is something to be proud of. Uh.

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Speaker 1: The article kind of frames it in terms of this

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Speaker 1: higher emotional intelligence that girls have that they actually know,

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Speaker 1: like how to wound their enemy a little bit better. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: while boys might crush your face, girls will merely crush

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Speaker 1: your soul. Yeah, and which one, which one lasts longer.

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Speaker 1: The soul cannot be healed by a mean girl. But

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Speaker 1: I thought this was interesting. Until the age of four,

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Speaker 1: um kids will show the same types of aggression and bullying.

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Speaker 1: But we had a little study from Brigham Young University

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Speaker 1: that found it after age four, girls start learning how

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Speaker 1: to do this psychological manipulation. Such a young age, I know,

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Speaker 1: you can't. They haven't even been to kindergarten yet, and

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Speaker 1: they're learning how to tell secrets about other kids so

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Speaker 1: that those kids don't like the girl that they don't like.

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Speaker 1: And even thinking back to kindergarten, Molly, I can remember

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Speaker 1: a couple of specific girls who, you know, it's even

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Speaker 1: at such a young age, or a little little bullying.

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Speaker 1: You're playing games, they're kind of mind games stuff. You know.

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Speaker 1: They never like pushed me down because I was the

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Speaker 1: tallest kid in my class always, but and you had

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Speaker 1: that look in your eyes, and I had the fist

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Speaker 1: look in my eyes. The congres gaze. But no they

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Speaker 1: you know, even then girls were. But see that The

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Speaker 1: thing is is I I think in some ways girls

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Speaker 1: are you know, I don't want to to bash males,

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Speaker 1: but you know they almost have this intelligence to say,

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Speaker 1: no one can really catch me if I'm just playing

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Speaker 1: mind games. Yeah, you can't. See how can you crushing

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Speaker 1: in action? How can you prove a mind game? Um?

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Speaker 1: Whereas you know if you if a boy punches another boy,

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Speaker 1: someone's gonna get caught, probably if anyone is paying attention,

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Speaker 1: which they should be. And there's even a different term

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Speaker 1: to denote this specific type of adolescent girl two girls

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Speaker 1: girl on girl bullying. Uh, and they call it relational aggression. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and that's because you know, the playground bully whose mail

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Speaker 1: he may just go after a weak kid. He doesn't

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Speaker 1: know him, you know, doesn't care about him that much.

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Speaker 1: Relational implies that these girls go after their closest friends. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you lure them in, you find out all their secrets.

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Speaker 1: You know, you have the slumber party where everyone tells

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Speaker 1: their most embarrassing story and then lo and behold, somehow

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Speaker 1: your crush finds out about your most embarrassing story because

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Speaker 1: the mean girl because girls deal in that currency of

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Speaker 1: you know, secret secrets. Like at the slumber party. You know,

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Speaker 1: you can just see some girls like minds the wheels turning, like,

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Speaker 1: oh this is juicy. It's like that awful game which

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Speaker 1: I thankfully never was a part of UM, where you

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Speaker 1: would secretly like bring girl into the you know, the bedroom.

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Speaker 1: You'd like have her hide somewhere, you'd like bring the

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Speaker 1: rest of the group in, not knowing that she was siding,

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Speaker 1: and like like, okay, so what about Stacy Man, She's

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Speaker 1: a real loser. Seems Stacy would be in the closet crying.

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Speaker 1: Was with my friends, we never actually even hid. We

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Speaker 1: thought we were such good friends that would be okay,

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Speaker 1: just to go around in a circle and tell everyone

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Speaker 1: one thing we didn't like about each other, the reverse

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Speaker 1: compliment game. Girls never do this, yeah do you never? Never?

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Speaker 1: You think it'll bring you closer, but it won't. Know.

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Speaker 1: I've been, We've I've come close to playing that game

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Speaker 1: UM at certain times, and I just you know, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. Just tell me, tell me

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Speaker 1: how much you like me, build me up. Well, they're

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Speaker 1: trying to improve you. But see that's the thing is

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Speaker 1: I think This is another form of kind of the

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Speaker 1: mind game, where you know, girls will learn exactly how

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Speaker 1: they can they can stab you in your heart. But

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Speaker 1: one thing that boy and girl bullies share is kind

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Speaker 1: of the reason why are they're bullying. Both of them

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Speaker 1: both will do it in order to gain some kind

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Speaker 1: of social status. But one thing that boy and girl

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Speaker 1: bullies have in common is the reason why they are

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Speaker 1: being so aggressive, and that's to gain social status. But

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Speaker 1: the interesting thing is that while boy bullies will tend

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Speaker 1: to be lower on the social hierarchy, girl bullies tend

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Speaker 1: to be among the most popular. Right Regina George, you've

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Speaker 1: got to remain the queen of your click, and you

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Speaker 1: do that by exiling any threats. So in the movie,

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Speaker 1: when Lindsay Lohan moves to town and everyone starts us

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Speaker 1: to like her and think, oh, she's so fun, then

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Speaker 1: Regina George had to throw her out to dis her

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Speaker 1: behind her back, and they play games. They're all little

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Speaker 1: ponds in Regina George's world. Well, you're giving girls such

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Speaker 1: a bad name right now. But that's the thing is

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Speaker 1: I think that you know, when you're friends with a

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Speaker 1: group of girls and this sort of stuff goes on

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Speaker 1: where you know, they're kind of a little bit you know,

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Speaker 1: they're putting down your clothing, they're not in buying you

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Speaker 1: to every single event they do. You don't tend to

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Speaker 1: think that it's bullying. You tend to think that's just

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Speaker 1: the way girls behave. But the fact of the matter

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Speaker 1: is it is bullying. Girls can be just as bad

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Speaker 1: a bully as the guy who says, give me your jump, Roper,

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Speaker 1: I'll kill you psychology today, And of course it's not

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not all girls. You know, there's one,

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Speaker 1: uh you pointed out in the article that you actually

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Speaker 1: wrote for this about on how stuff works that you know,

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Speaker 1: parents really should remind daughters that you know, your friends

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Speaker 1: aren't gonna be manipulative and mean to you. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to remember. I think when you're in middle school

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Speaker 1: in high school and all you know, if you're at

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Speaker 1: a new school, all you want is to be accepted.

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Speaker 1: It's want to be like to have someone to go

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Speaker 1: the malt with. But I mean, if the person you

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Speaker 1: go to the mall with is constantly saying you're a

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Speaker 1: little fat for that, or you know, that's really ugly,

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Speaker 1: are you really going to buy that you did that

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Speaker 1: voice a little too well? Kristen, are you the bully

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Speaker 1: of the homeschool? I bullied my classmates so much you

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Speaker 1: arranged some stuffed animals around and are just give me

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Speaker 1: a lunch money? Uh? Yeah, Um, but you've got our

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Speaker 1: mind girls that that is not appropriate friend behavior. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's still as it sounds, your friends will not tear

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Speaker 1: you down in the in the hopes of improving you

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Speaker 1: the way of backwards compliment circle hopes to do. But

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Speaker 1: the thing is, we might associate all this mean girls

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Speaker 1: stuff with high school middle school. You know, all this

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Speaker 1: like backstabbing does sound like very very Do you've a i'll, however,

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Speaker 1: follows you into the workplace? Yes? And uh. In fact,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you first started googling bullying, all you

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Speaker 1: find is this woman on woman bullying in the workplace.

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Speaker 1: And I think they give it that sort of salacious

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Speaker 1: title to kind of draw you in, like, oh, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna see women jello wrestling or something, but um, that's

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Speaker 1: what they call it. Wow, women on women All right, Um,

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Speaker 1: but this phenomenon comes us from the Workplace Bullying Institute.

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Speaker 1: They released a survey in two thousand seven that showed

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Speaker 1: that of us workers have been bullied on the job.

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Speaker 1: And this doesn't mean that like you know, the office

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Speaker 1: bully corners you by the coke machine is like give

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Speaker 1: me your lunch money. It's more like you may not

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Speaker 1: get invited to a meeting you really should have been

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Speaker 1: sitting in on or like whenever you say something in

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Speaker 1: a meeting, like you glare at the person, you roll

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Speaker 1: their eyes at your eyes at whatever they say. Email

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Speaker 1: responses just kind of being overlooked in general. And uh,

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Speaker 1: this survey did find that males in the office tend

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Speaker 1: to bully more than females. Um Uh. Specifically, sixty percent

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Speaker 1: of the bullies and the survey were male. But the

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Speaker 1: aspect of this survey that reporters really honed in on

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Speaker 1: was the fact that females, while males in the workplace

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Speaker 1: will go bully, both males and females women in the

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Speaker 1: workplace tend to seventy of the time tend to go

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Speaker 1: after other women. That's staggering. Yeah, I mean the percentages

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Speaker 1: of you and I getting a longer stacked against us.

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Speaker 1: I know. So why is this Christian? Now? The thing

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Speaker 1: that's kind of sticky is now we're going to have

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Speaker 1: to get into some of the worst gender stereotypes. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's why people don't really know how to

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Speaker 1: talk about this is because it basically involves saying, you know,

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Speaker 1: we think that girls are sweet and nice and nurturing

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Speaker 1: and all these things that we associate as typical female behaviors,

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Speaker 1: and bullying just goes against all of those. So it's

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Speaker 1: very hard to phrase it in a way that doesn't seem,

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of offensive to modern ears. Okay, first

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Speaker 1: thing that sounds a little a little screwy to our

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Speaker 1: to our enlightened selves is that perhaps these women pick

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Speaker 1: other women because they know that women won't fight back.

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Speaker 1: They learned that lesson in high school where they got

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Speaker 1: a lot, they got away with being a mean girl,

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Speaker 1: and they know that, you know, the woman in the

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Speaker 1: workplace is is not going to fight back, and maybe

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Speaker 1: it's easier to as a woman, Maybe it's easier to

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Speaker 1: bully other women instead of other men, because you know,

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Speaker 1: going back to all those studies that show that these

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Speaker 1: even young girl bullies, you have this kind of way too.

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Speaker 1: We can get inside each other's heads and know what

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Speaker 1: gets to each other. I mean, I doubt that you can.

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Speaker 1: You know, the kind of the more emotional bullying that

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Speaker 1: women tend to do to other women would have the

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Speaker 1: same effect on a guy. You know, if you like

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Speaker 1: spread gossip about him, then he's just gonna be probably

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Speaker 1: gonna thrive on it, probably glad someone's talking about it. Um.

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Speaker 1: And speaking of women who get you know, get into

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Speaker 1: each other's head, we know that women are kind of

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Speaker 1: sensitive to criticism, so maybe this kind of works both ways. Maybe, Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, you become a bully because someone criticized you're working.

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Speaker 1: You're like, oh, I hate being criticized. But maybe it's

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Speaker 1: not Maybe these women aren't even bullying so much as

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Speaker 1: trying to offer criticism and the women take it the

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Speaker 1: wrong way. Right, Because this also my go back to

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Speaker 1: um different studies that we've talked about about the perceptions

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Speaker 1: differences in perception between women in positions of authority and

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Speaker 1: men and positions of authority. So maybe the results from

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Speaker 1: the survey from the Workplace Bullying Institute are kind of

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Speaker 1: skewed because certain studies have shown that women in positions

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Speaker 1: of power are perceived as more hostile than men in

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Speaker 1: the same position. You know, I think you're completely right, Christian,

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Speaker 1: because when I was reading a lot of commentary about

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Speaker 1: these results, you know, people were saying, these women are

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Speaker 1: you know, darned if they do and darned if they don't.

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Speaker 1: If they take on sort of the typical women you

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Speaker 1: know identified role of being nurturing and being sort of soft,

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Speaker 1: then they're perceived as you know, you can walk all

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Speaker 1: over them in the workplace. They're gonna lose that way.

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Speaker 1: If they take on the more male identified aggressive role

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Speaker 1: of being you know, a leader with an iron fist,

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Speaker 1: then they're going to be thought of as you know,

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Speaker 1: too manly and too you know, hostile word that rhymes

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Speaker 1: with which you can probably be thinking of right now.

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Speaker 1: They really have no leadership style that's going to win

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Speaker 1: them kudos. And uh yet yet, and research has has

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Speaker 1: pointed to this sort of to this challenging place that

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Speaker 1: women in authority in the workplace have to navigate as

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Speaker 1: perhaps one reason why they might bully other women because

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Speaker 1: you know, right now, while we do have more women

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Speaker 1: than ever before in you know, CEO sea level positions,

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Speaker 1: it's still you know, not as common for for a

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Speaker 1: woman be able to to be able to climb the ladder,

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Speaker 1: and perhaps you know, women at the top might feel

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Speaker 1: a little more threatened by other go getters. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: very much uncharted territory, and so I could I couldn't

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Speaker 1: understand being a you know, the only woman who has

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Speaker 1: a position of leadership and a company, and you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to help all these women who

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Speaker 1: might be coming up to replace me because I just

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Speaker 1: got this job and no one helped me get it,

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Speaker 1: So why do I need to be nice to them? Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think that those are the like again,

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Speaker 1: it sounds awful to modern years, so we wouldn't all

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Speaker 1: just be like, you know, helping each other. But then again,

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Speaker 1: males aren't necessarily helping each other, you know, jump up

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Speaker 1: to vice president. But I do think also that, um,

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Speaker 1: let's say you are the only woman in position of

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Speaker 1: power and you're surrounded by all these nails. I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: that you're probably gonna be feeling a little bit worried,

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Speaker 1: maybe a little bit not up to the task. And

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Speaker 1: there's a pretty interesting study that shows that that might

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Speaker 1: be a reason why people bully each other. Right, This

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Speaker 1: pair of researchers at the University of Southern California and

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles and from the University of California and Berkeley

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Speaker 1: found that this combination of being really empowered in the

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Speaker 1: work and yet also feeling somewhat insecure about having that

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Speaker 1: power being in that position of leadership equaled more bullying.

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Speaker 1: I know, this is really interesting. They had these volunteers

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Speaker 1: think about times in which they had power but felt incompetent,

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Speaker 1: like like Kristen was saying, and they had to figure

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Speaker 1: out how they were going to um I guess negatively

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Speaker 1: and reinforce or punish these these people who were taking

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Speaker 1: like a reading test, I guess a comprehension test, and

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Speaker 1: you know, the researchers were like, you can pick a

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Speaker 1: buzz that they'll here and it'll be anywhere from you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: ten decibels two hundred thirty decibels, which is just deafening.

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Speaker 1: So they asked the people who felt most incompetent but

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Speaker 1: also had these positions of power what the punishment should be,

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Speaker 1: and they would pick these wildly loud punishments like seventy

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Speaker 1: one decibels on average, whereas everyone else was picking very

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Speaker 1: quiet punishments. You know, they didn't want to hurt others

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Speaker 1: and they were more benevolent in their power, or they

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Speaker 1: didn't have any power and thus didn't really enforce any

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Speaker 1: But the way the the researchers got those kind of

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Speaker 1: incompetent yet empowered UH participants to lower the volume without

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Speaker 1: you know, just asking them a little bit of flattery.

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Speaker 1: Once they started to compliment their leadership style kind of reinforced,

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Speaker 1: you know, there their competence, which is a valid tip

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Speaker 1: because you know, most bullies, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute,

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Speaker 1: are going to be your boss, male or female. It's

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Speaker 1: just if you haven't have a female boss, then maybe

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Speaker 1: you'll notice the bullying a little bit more. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I think that, you know, if we do have

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Speaker 1: a woman who doesn't feel empowered or secure in her job,

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Speaker 1: then maybe she would be tending to pick loud punishments

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Speaker 1: acquiring to the study just to reinforce, hey, I'm in charge. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so if you are an underling, should be just flatter

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Speaker 1: our way into the boss's good graces. Apparently, apparently because

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Speaker 1: the other tips at the Workplace Bullying Institute offers for

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Speaker 1: dealing with workplace bullys we Christ and I have deemed

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Speaker 1: somewhat unhelpful. Yeah, it would kind of all seem like

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Speaker 1: it would lead to you probably losing your job, which

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it's not like a workplace bully

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Speaker 1: makes work a fun place to go. I think you'd

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Speaker 1: tend to be looking for a way out anyway. But um,

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Speaker 1: these tips they give you are things like, you know,

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Speaker 1: go to the doctor to make sure your personal health

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Speaker 1: is okay, and yes, bullies can be a threat stress

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Speaker 1: related diseases. But then you're supposed to go to your

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Speaker 1: boss and say, hey, this person has got to be

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Speaker 1: fired because you know they're cutting your productivity. And I

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Speaker 1: think that you know, if you went to most bosses

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Speaker 1: with these sort of wimpy lines like you have an

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Speaker 1: employer responsibility to take care of this person that's being

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Speaker 1: mean to me, and you'd be laughed at. And in

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Speaker 1: this economy, I don't know if a lot of people

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Speaker 1: would put themselves out in the line to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't get along with this person. Sure, And well,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it does seem like these tips are for

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Speaker 1: really extreme bullying, like it refers to psychological harassment, psychological violence,

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Speaker 1: and emotional abuse. And perhaps in those extreme situations you

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Speaker 1: might have so more leverage. But if you feel like

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Speaker 1: you are just the target of repeated snarky emails and

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Speaker 1: mean looks. You can't go complain that, you know, hey, sorry,

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Speaker 1: Linda is really looking at me in the wrong way.

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Speaker 1: You know they're going to tell you to, you know,

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Speaker 1: grow up. Yeah, but I mean, you know, I do

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Speaker 1: think that while I don't know, I can't see going

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Speaker 1: to my boss and saying, hey, this person is being

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Speaker 1: mean to me, because it mean sounds like what you're

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Speaker 1: not supposed to do. I do think it's gonna tell

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Speaker 1: you to call the ambulance moment um, But I do

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Speaker 1: think it's good to put a name on it. I

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Speaker 1: think it's good not to think, oh, I have a

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Speaker 1: difficult coworker. I think it's good to say, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm being bullied because that will sort of empower you

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Speaker 1: to maybe find workarounds and demonstrate that self confidence. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I know, I'm a competent worker and you're bullying me

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Speaker 1: for no reason and you know, hindering me from getting

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Speaker 1: my job done, like we said, Like we said, the beginning,

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Speaker 1: bullies will go after people who they don't think are

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Speaker 1: going to fight back, and maybe just by demonstrating a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a willingness to fight back, you can

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Speaker 1: start to nip things in the bud get sseed on

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Speaker 1: the emails you're supposed to get s seed on. But

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Speaker 1: what about what I would consider to be the really

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Speaker 1: the hardest type of bullying to deal with, which is

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Speaker 1: that relational aggression that really starts to happen a lot

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Speaker 1: in adolescence. I mean, there's so much going on. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's not an hr REP that you can go to

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Speaker 1: in middle school or high school. I mean, I guess

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Speaker 1: school counselors. Chool counselors are a good place to start

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Speaker 1: because a lot of these um tips for more high

401
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 1: school middle school people. Um, you really have to It's

402
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: all about the environment that you're in. And so that's

403
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Speaker 1: why going to your boss is sort of I mean,

404
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,479
Speaker 1: it sounds unrealistic to us, but you know, maybe your

405
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 1: boss is creating a workforce in which aggression is valued,

406
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Speaker 1: and maybe you have to go to bus and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: you're cultivating a really unhealthy environment here saying with a

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Speaker 1: school counselor like hey, you know, let's say you know

409
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: it all happen online, Like cyber bowling is a really

410
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Speaker 1: big thing right now, You've got to bring it to

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Speaker 1: the counselor's attention so that someone in authority can step

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Speaker 1: in and say this is not acceptable behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: There have been countless UM cases that have been coming

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Speaker 1: up over the past couple of years about you know,

415
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Speaker 1: girls getting you know, just dreamed on Facebook, sending out

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Speaker 1: pictures they shouldn't and then those pictures getting broadcast to

417
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Speaker 1: all of their classmates. My favorite and slash least favorite

418
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Speaker 1: buzzword of two thousand nine, a lot of sexting going on,

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Speaker 1: and then those sex I'm being forwarded and I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of making a joke out of it, but it's not

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Speaker 1: a joke at all. You think about um. Back to

422
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Speaker 1: mean girls, they had that book, burn Book, the burn Book,

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Speaker 1: but now a lot of girls keep their burn books

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Speaker 1: online and you can read all about how much everyone

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Speaker 1: hates you on the internet. And the Internet is relentless.

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Speaker 1: I can say that as someone who works on it.

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Speaker 1: So the National Association for School Psychologists recommends, you know,

428
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: for parents, recommends encouraging your team to get involved in

429
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: really solid friendships and social groups. Maybe uh, there's some

430
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: kind of athletic team or youth group or some kind

431
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,360
Speaker 1: of an organization to where, you know, maybe the team

432
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 1: doesn't feel quite so well like they have a network

433
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 1: of people to rely on. Yeah, so you have more

434
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 1: than one group of friends. You know, if one group

435
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: is being too cattie for the day, then you go

436
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: work on your school newspaper and you build your self

437
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 1: esteem in other ways than through a girl who's gonna

438
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: put you down. And they do have says that show

439
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: that girls you know that have some sense of pride

440
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: in either their schoolwork or athletics or extracurricular activities are

441
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: less prone to, um, you know, completely hate themselves because

442
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: their friends are evil. Yeah, and and don't have people friends. Yeah,

443
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: And I think that I kind of, uh that helped

444
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: me a lot in high school. I had sort of

445
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: a you know, just sort of smattering of different kind

446
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 1: of groups to to bounce around too. And thinking about

447
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: it now, probably you know, did did help with those

448
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: situations because there would be weeks you know, sometimes you

449
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 1: just don't get along as well with with certain people

450
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: and you need a little bit of a break. Yeah,

451
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: you should never I think this is a good model

452
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: for life. Never put all your eggs in one basket,

453
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: don't help all your friends in one click, diversify, diversify

454
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: your stock portfolio, and uh and more extreme cases, of course, um,

455
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: counseling can be helpful, and even just you know, journaling

456
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: some stuff out, just getting don't bottle up those you know,

457
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:41,479
Speaker 1: feelings of of being bullied, right. You know a lot

458
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: of these these tip sheets say just to tell someone

459
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 1: talk to me adult about it. Because while you really

460
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: don't want your parents going into the school and something

461
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: all your problems for you, because that can get embarrassing.

462
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: They can help you problem solved. You know, you can

463
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: just say, let's bounce around some ideas about how to

464
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: deal with this. Now, that's one of those things that

465
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 1: kind of seems easy to say, like, you know, stand tall,

466
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: be brave, don't let anyone push you around. Um, you know,

467
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 1: build up that self competence. These are things that are

468
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 1: really easy to say for you friends. Yeah, because that's

469
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 1: really easy to do, Kristen. I mean, that's just one

470
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: of the great challenges of life that we're just throwing

471
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: out at people right now. Psych not too hard to

472
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: do at all. So what do you guys do when

473
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: you get bullied? Because I think that it's very easy

474
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 1: to read all these tips, but we need real, real

475
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 1: life experience. Yeah, and I'm also interested to hear um,

476
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: people who have from people who have been able to

477
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: deal with successfully deal with workplace bullys, because Kristen has

478
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: a problem. Very curious about this and I'm looking at

479
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: it right now. Yeah, I usually and bullying Kristen in

480
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: regards to the podcast, Uh so yeah. Send us an

481
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: email Mom Stuff at how stuff works dot com. And

482
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: in the meantime, Molly, let's read some listener mail. So

483
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: our first email today is from Danielle, and she writes

484
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: in response to the podcast that does birth order determine

485
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 1: your personality? She writes, I have the typical middle child syndrome.

486
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: I felt alone a lot when I was growing up

487
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: because my older sister and younger brother always left me

488
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: out of their games and just rejected me. I learned

489
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: to just ignore sometimes, but it really hurt every time

490
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: they turned me away. I was really shy with others

491
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: when I was living at home before college, and I

492
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: think I narrowed it down to because I was scared

493
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: of rejection that I always felt with my siblings. Now

494
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: that I've come on my shell, the more time I

495
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: sped away from home, I have always wondered if I

496
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: would have been different unless shy, if I was not

497
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: the middle child. Also, my parents always listened to more

498
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: to my older sister and gave into what my little

499
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 1: brother wanted instead of what I wanted. Whenever I ran

500
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: about them to my boyfriend, I just sound like the

501
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: typical middle child, and this podcast just fit. I just

502
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: wanted to share my story and give loved all the

503
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 1: middle children out there. So love to middle children who

504
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: got dumped on a little bit in that podcast. All right, Well,

505
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: I've got one here from Lily about our uh fun

506
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: podcast on placenta's yuh. She says, Traditionally, I have spent

507
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: my summers with my mother's family in Taiwan, where we

508
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: visit hundreds of extended family members. On one of these strips,

509
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: we met my mother's cousin who turned her daughter's placenta

510
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: into an official stamp. In Taiwan, instead of a signature,

511
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: a stamp is used on official documents. Each stamp is

512
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: marked with one's name, a special crest, sip symbol, or insignia.

513
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: The handle of the stamp is usually would or marble.

514
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: But my mother's cousin had sent her daughter's placenta to

515
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: be encased in plastic and sent it to be made

516
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: into the handle of her daughter's stamp. While this placenta

517
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: stamp isn't as interesting as placenta Teddy Bears, although I

518
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:48,919
Speaker 1: don't know about that, Lily, it's another eccentric use for placenta.

519
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: I'd love a placenta placentis day up. Oh my, there

520
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: you go. Can you just imagine like being at the

521
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 1: bank and be like, okay, I'll sign this placenta sent

522
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: to Sam Up. It's a pretty interesting stuff. Guys. If

523
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: you have anything to comment on any of our podcast again,

524
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 1: the email address is mom Stuff at how stuff works

525
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 1: dot com. We also are busy bees during the week

526
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: blogging away at how to stuff, which is at how

527
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: stuff works dot com. As is the article our male

528
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: Bullys and female Bullies different written by Molly, written by me.

529
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: I didn't want to say it in case I didn't

530
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 1: want to, didn't want a brig didn't want to seem

531
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: like a bully, bit bully. But to read more for

532
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: me and other bullies, you can of course go to

533
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 1: how stuff works dot com for more on this and

534
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: thousands of other topics because at how stuff works dot com.

535
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: Want more how stuff works, check out our blogs on

536
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: the house stuff works dot com. Home page brought to

537
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. It's ready,

538
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: Are you