1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:01,440 Speaker 1: Kabooms. 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 5 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 6 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,600 Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of 7 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 2: hot takes, break Free for something special. The Fifth Hour 8 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now. 9 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:34,520 Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with me, Ben 10 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio. We have this podcast on 11 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 1: Lockdown on this Friday, the thirteenth day of March, a 12 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: very special day. On this podcast, we have the Democracy 13 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: of the Circus, fun Zone of mirrors and break lights, 14 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: and we'll see what else we have time for. But 15 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: we begin with this after doing a full week of 16 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: overnight radio, we're back here and on most nights. On 17 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: most nights in the sports radio overnight world, the stakes 18 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: are rather modest. Right you play the numbers game, there's 19 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: a few sports takes, Malard monologues for those. There's some 20 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: Insomniacs commercials for we Bowl Tire, Rack Express Pros. There's 21 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 1: a handful of callers, some of them sound like they're 22 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 1: broadcasting from inside a washing machine. But you know what 23 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: that means. Once a year. Once a year, somewhere between 24 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: the witching hour and the first time you pull over 25 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: to get a refill of coffee. I don't drink coffee, 26 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: but I'm told that many of you, you know who 27 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: you are, you gotta get that refill of coffee when 28 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: you're out there driving on the highways and the byways. 29 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 1: So somewhere between that, the circus tent goes up, and 30 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: we asked the question, why is this night different from 31 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: all other nights? Well, you're about to find out. Welcome 32 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: to the twenty twenty six Benny Awards pregame show, the 33 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: overnight radio equivalent of the Oscars. If the red carpet 34 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: ran through a truck stop somewhere in Barstow and the 35 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: nominees occasionally called up while doing a backstroke from the 36 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: Blagio fountain. If you know what I mean, the real 37 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: ones know what I mean. Yep. It is not just 38 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: the Ben Maler Show, No, no, no, no, no, It's 39 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 1: more than that, because on this night, it is the 40 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: night to celebrate the things, the quirkiness, the wildness that 41 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: make the Overnight Show. What it is the annual awards ceremony, 42 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:57,519 Speaker 1: a metaphorical black tie event, at least in spirit. No sobriety, 43 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: no sobriety. Somewhere in the dark corner of the night sky, 44 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: under the cover of the moonlight, the Malard Militia, and 45 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: you say it's Friday, the things not until Sunday night. 46 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 1: The Maller Militia is buzzy. It's a beehive that just 47 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: discovered extreme caffeine. Now is that hyperbole, of course yes, 48 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: But then again, hyperbole is the oxygen. That's what we 49 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: need late at night to do talk radio. The most 50 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: important Benny election of our lifetime. It is naturally, of course, 51 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: every year, every year the most important year until next 52 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: year when that's the most important, just like every election 53 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: is the most important election, and every reality show finale. 54 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: It is the most shocking in history. Now, the people 55 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: that do a TV we do, obviously, but the people 56 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: that new TV learned long ago that if you don't 57 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: inflate the balloon, nobody notices it's floating. Nobody notices a 58 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: Remember the late great Craig Sager sideline reporter for Turner Sports, 59 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: and it was very popular covering the NBA and he 60 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: wore these outrageous costumes when he was doing TNT. And 61 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: I ran into Craig a few times at the arena 62 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: called Staples Center which is now called something else, the 63 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 1: crypt or whatever it's called. And Craig would show up 64 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,479 Speaker 1: and do his pregame routine in just regular clothes, just 65 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: regular outfit, and go interview the coaches and go to 66 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: the meetings, the production meetings. He'd have dinner in the 67 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 1: chicken and press room, eating his food and wearing just 68 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: regular clothes. And then about half an hour, about half 69 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: an hour before showtime, before the broadcast began, Craig Sager 70 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: would go into the to the powder room, and it 71 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 1: was like his phone booth. He came out dressed in 72 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: some kind of ridiculous over the top outfit, and he 73 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 1: was ready to go, and everyone knew who he was. 74 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: He was good. But if he'd just been good wearing 75 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,839 Speaker 1: regular clothes, nobody would have known he wore these outrageous outfits. 76 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: I also worked with a guy named Victor Brick, the Great. 77 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: We've had him on this podcast, The Great Victor Brig Jacobs. 78 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: Same situation, so same deal. Still the Benny Awards, which 79 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 1: is what we're here. This is the pregame show. Have 80 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: become something of a folk tradition with the p once. 81 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: It is a carnival of characters, and you know a 82 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 1: lot of them, you know the names. They dial the 83 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: show up. They send messages from behind their smartphones from 84 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: every time zone. People internationally emotional. It's really the emotional 85 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: zip code, if you will, of the nocturnal audience and 86 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,280 Speaker 1: think of it as talk radios verse version of the 87 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: County Fair Talent Show. But that's it's also the Mallard Palooza. 88 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: This is more to celebrate celebrate good times. So it's 89 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: kind of like a talent show every night on the show, 90 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: except the livestocks sometimes will call up and argue about 91 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:22,359 Speaker 1: the Seattle Seahawks secondary or the Salary Cap or something 92 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: like that. Now, one of the night's more charming categories 93 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: is the Rookie Caller of the Year. Everyone loves a rookie, 94 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: which kind of reads like a scouting report from the 95 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 1: world's most eccentric draft board. We've got Anthony Louisiana, who 96 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 1: has become synonymous as he calls up and tries to 97 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: flirt with Lorena Hey, Lorena, SpongeBob SquarePants. How are we 98 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: to know whether that's the real SpongeBob or not. The 99 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: cartoon character now apparently calling overnight sports radio from a 100 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: phone somewhere beneath the sea. Mikey and the Insomniac, the 101 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 1: Pride of Tampa, whose brand is exactly what the name suggests, 102 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: Insomnia with commentary. There's d Block in Miami whose heart 103 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: is in Chicago. So a little bit of a riddle 104 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: when it comes to that. Quinzel from Oakland, another proud 105 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: member of the may I Flirt with Lorena Club, a 106 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: Lorena super fan member. Dorkoh, the comedian from Hawaii, proof 107 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 1: that even Paradise has its share of lovable odd balls. 108 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: Absolutely and Bugatti the Trucker, a rolling legend of the 109 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: highways and byeways of the Northeast. You've got Snooker from 110 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: North Las Vegas. We met him at the last mallor 111 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: meet and greet we did in Vegas. An Air Force 112 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: veteran who calls in and has a hot take. He 113 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: doesn't want to talk about the mainstream sports. He wants 114 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: to talk about the the oddball, the weird sports, the 115 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: non mainstream sports. So all of these people come together, 116 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: they're all rookies, right, They're all rookies. And if Hollywood 117 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 1: had casting directors for overnight radio callers right out of 118 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: Central Casting, they could not assemble a lineup more colorful 119 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: than these characters. And that's just not just rookies, it's 120 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: pretty much everything. The intoxication indexes through the roof. You've 121 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: got the Intoxicated Caller of the Year, and I'm not 122 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: going to go through every category because it's only a 123 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: thirty five minute podcast or something like that, but the 124 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: Intoxicated Caller of the Year, which sounds less like an 125 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: award and more like a public health advisory. Get somebody 126 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,439 Speaker 1: from the White House over here. So you got keg 127 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: drinking Steve from Kansas City who hasn't called in a while, 128 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: but he leads the field. A man whose relationship with 129 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 1: beverages is less casual and more of a contract rual agreement. 130 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:05,200 Speaker 1: Jadot in Utah. Now we lost Jay Dot, tragically forced 131 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: into the dreaded day shift, a cruel twist of fate 132 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: for someone who thrives on the neon glow of calling 133 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: a radio show at one in the morning. My personal 134 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 1: favorite is Mouthwash Mike, who has swam Swamp Swam swam 135 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: speak that would help swam in the Bellagio fountains multiple times. Now, 136 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: how do you know who mouthwash Mike is? Mouthwash Mike 137 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: is the guy that carries a bottle of yellow basic 138 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: mouthwash like a lucky charm. Then there's another one of 139 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: my favorites, Mike and Tucson, who once handed the phone 140 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: to his wife in a hospital. Right she's in the hospital. 141 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: And even for late night Radio that we had to pause. 142 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: That was wild. Another wild moment happened from the Black 143 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: Irishman who is one of our nominees in Omaha. This 144 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,560 Speaker 1: happened just a few weeks ago. If you were listening, 145 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you know what I'm gonna bring up. 146 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: But the Black Irishman, he woke up his elementary school 147 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,560 Speaker 1: age daughter at about four in the morning so she 148 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: could say hello on the show Fast Asleep Daughter sleeping, Hey, 149 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: wake up, say hello to Ben. And then there's Jed 150 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 1: who fled from the Redneck Riviera, a man whose resume 151 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: of chemical adventures is so over the top he has 152 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:37,440 Speaker 1: qualified to get a job at Walgreens or CBS. So 153 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: if the Nobel Committee ever expands into the field of 154 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: questionable decision making, the Nobel Prize for Questionable decision Making. 155 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: The Bennies already have a short list of candidates. We've 156 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: already done that. There's the woman division, which is really 157 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 1: going away. I don't know what we can do to 158 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: get more of the ladies to be involved in the show. 159 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: With the Female Caller of the Year category very straightforward. 160 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: You've got Andrea, the astrology insider who mixes sports talk 161 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,959 Speaker 1: with planetary alignment and the horoscope and all that. And 162 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: then there's Robin in Ventura, a study voice who does 163 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: not like Mike the Leprechaun. And that's it, that's all. 164 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: That's that's the big board, not a list Terry in England. 165 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: That's a big board in a carnival full of noise. 166 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 1: Full of noise. Sometimes the commis voices carry the carry 167 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: the first furthest And then there is the category every 168 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: award show secretly loves, and we're no different on the Bennies, 169 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:44,559 Speaker 1: we are no different. Worst Caller of the Year officially 170 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: branded the Beer Drinking Brian Memorial Trophy, another great character 171 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: on the show. Beer Drinking Brian from Minnesota lived in Missouri, 172 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: had half pint with him riding shotgun and there they were, 173 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: And this award the worst caller very competitive. This and 174 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: the alcoholic category right near the top intoxic kitty category, 175 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: so the beer drinking Brian Memorial Trophy. Here are the nominees, 176 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 1: including e Dog from Long Island, who's become the master 177 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: of the non sequitur. It just is he talks about 178 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,719 Speaker 1: things that are not related. Mike the Leprechaun, a man 179 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 1: whose controversial style combines a lot of sunscreen and dad jokes. 180 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: No one else has this this slice of talk radio 181 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 1: sunscreen and dad jokes, Hollering James, whose snore score has 182 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:42,319 Speaker 1: become its own form of performance art. Poppy in San Diego, 183 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 1: who thinks that you want to hear Poppy's picks when 184 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: really you want nothing to do with poppy picks. Right, 185 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,319 Speaker 1: You're like, oh my god, I need to hide. I 186 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: got to get out of here. Why did you crash 187 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 1: the party, Poppy. Then you've got Dorko, who returns for 188 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 1: a second nomination. Versatility like a human pocket knife. Dork O, 189 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 1: the comedian from Honolulu, Hawaii. Then there's Blind Scott, who's 190 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 1: been with me all these years, a caller who's on 191 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: air personality can swing from brilliant to bewildering, and the 192 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: time it takes for him to clear his throat. There 193 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: are so many personalities in there. He's like the evil 194 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: Canieval of switching personalities. And it's a stunt show pretty 195 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 1: much every night for Blind Scott. And every circus needs 196 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: its clowns. Radio simply gives you, guys, who are the 197 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: clowns the microphone, the big one, right, the big one, 198 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,959 Speaker 1: the one that stands out head and shoulders above all 199 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 1: the rest, and just forget rookies are great, and the 200 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: booze crews and the lovable disasters. That's all the undercart 201 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: and there's some other categories International Caller of the Year. 202 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: And we're not going to do everything here because I 203 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: want you to go and look and vote and all 204 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: that and vote on X on Facebook. There's links on there. 205 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 1: We'll send it out over the weekend so you can 206 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: keep voting. You don't have to be on social media too. 207 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,719 Speaker 1: If you want it's not rolling upstream, just send me 208 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:18,839 Speaker 1: a email at either Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. 209 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: That's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, or send 210 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: me a message at Ben Malors Show. I'll try to 211 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: get back to you as quickly as I can, and 212 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: I'll give you the link so you can vote. You 213 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: need a Google account's free to get. Don't care if 214 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: you use Google or not. But we had some people 215 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: that were futzing around with this, so we needed some 216 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: way to limit the damage that you exceptional losers are 217 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: doing by hacking our contest. So that's what we did. 218 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: That's what we did. So but anyway, the main event 219 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: is the Genie in Medford Caller of the Year, the 220 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 1: GENIEUM Medford Memorial Call of the Year. Now, to the 221 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: uninitiated in the Malad Militia, if you're relatively new to 222 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: the show, it's possible you just started working overnight and 223 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: you found the show and you're in earshot now, and 224 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 1: I begged you to listen to this podcast. So you've 225 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: started listening to this podcast. To the uninitiated, genie and 226 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: Medford might sound like just another name on the big board. 227 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: To the faithful, she is something closer to folklore. Everyone 228 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: who was around in that era of the show has 229 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: a Genie in Medford story, and they're all amazing, and 230 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: they all sound like they can't be true, and they're 231 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: all true. Just the gold standard right to the faithful again. 232 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: She is mythical. She's mythical, right radio has it does 233 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: have some legends. It's theater of the mind. It's characters 234 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: who feel larger than the medium that it's there on. 235 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: Genie was one of those voices. And we have these 236 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: great debates when things get slow in the month of 237 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: June and sports radio, the eternal arguments is it Jordan 238 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: or Lebron, Brady or Montana? That certainly seems like it's 239 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: been over. Some people are now trying to hype up 240 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: Otani versus Babe Ruth. So it's that level. The Mala 241 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: Militia has its own uncontested heavyweight chip theand of the world, 242 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 1: and that is Genie in Medford. There is no debate, 243 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: there is no recount needed. There is just reverence and 244 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: to put in perspective how beloved Genie was. And she 245 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: didn't know this. And I tried to tell her. She 246 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: was on her deathbed and I talked to her and 247 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: she couldn't even talk. She'd lost her voice from all 248 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: the drugs and the booze and all that. It was 249 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: very sad, and I told her, I want you to 250 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: know how much people love you. And I didn't even 251 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: realize how much people loved Genie and Medford. It was 252 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: only after her death when she was by herself. She 253 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: was a lonely woman and she had some family, but 254 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 1: they she was kind of black sheep or whatever, and 255 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: they forgot about her. So we raised some money for 256 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: a burial memorial for Genie and Medford, and we thought 257 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 1: we'd maybe get a couple bucks, maybe a couple hundred bucks, 258 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 1: and it was thousands. It was thousands of We were 259 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: amazed we had so much money that was donated. We 260 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 1: were able to take care of the burial and the 261 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: funeral expenses, and we had money left over where We 262 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: have a plaque at Swan Boat Park. If you ever 263 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: get to La, if you're in La, go check it 264 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,879 Speaker 1: out Swan Boat Park, where they've filmed a lot of commercials. 265 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: It's really a cool thing. I think they've cleaned it up. 266 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 1: I know they did. I don't know if it's back 267 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: to being skid row at the park, but it's just 268 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: a wonderful place. And right near the playground there's a 269 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: park bench, there's frogs, and there's water and the whole thing. 270 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 1: And there's a plaque dedicated to Genie in Medford and 271 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: I thought, boy, that's really cool, and that was with 272 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 1: the money. That's just because she was so beloved. So 273 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 1: the nominees for the award that bears that woman's name, 274 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,159 Speaker 1: the late great Genian Medford, the mount Rushmore of show regulars. 275 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: You've got Lucky Tony always have to have your finger 276 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 1: on the dump button, Blind Scott another a multi dimensional 277 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: performance by Blind Scott, he can win multiple Bennies. Marcel 278 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: and Brooklyn multi time Caller of the Year, Jed who 279 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,440 Speaker 1: fled from the Redneck Riviera, Rick and Maryland who's known 280 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 1: for his catch phrase morning time weed Man, Hippie who's 281 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 1: become a regular on the show, and Mike in New Hampshire. 282 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: And each of them, each of these dudes has spent 283 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:49,440 Speaker 1: countless nights dialing in to our little audio circus, hoping 284 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: to land a couple of minutes of airtime under the 285 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 1: big top. Right, and that leads us to the Democracy 286 00:18:55,720 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 1: of the Circus Award. Shows like the Bennies, Love Grand 287 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: Language and the Bennies we really lean into it. The 288 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: democracy of the audio circus is on the ballot. The 289 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:13,200 Speaker 1: soul of the maul or militia is at stake. History 290 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: is watching. One can almost picture the political slogans going up. Now. 291 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: Is it exaggerated? Of course? Of course, of course, of course. However, 292 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:33,719 Speaker 1: exaggeration is the currency of entertainment. Without it, what are 293 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 1: you doing. I had this guy, Chris called up a 294 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: couple weeks ago, and he was ranting and raving like 295 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 1: the loser that he is, and he seemed to be 296 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: upset that we try to do an entertaining show. He 297 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: wanted some boring people to do the show. And I'm 298 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 1: always blown away by that, Like, why would you bother 299 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: listening to somebody who's so bogged down with ball I 300 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,400 Speaker 1: don't understand. I don't get that. It's all about entertainment, 301 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: it's about show business and all that so and without it, 302 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: you know we're in trouble. So in truth, the Benny 303 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: Awards are something simpler and stranger. It's a reminder that radio, 304 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: especially late nighty that's one of the reasons I loved 305 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 1: as a kid radio. And they've got cameras in here, 306 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: and I got to promote the YouTube thing. But at 307 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: its core, however, at its core, radio is the greatest 308 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 1: meetum because you use your imagination and everyone's got an imagination. 309 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: Some people forget to use their imagination and they become 310 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: jaded and old, and they don't be that person always 311 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 1: enjoyed the imagination. You wonder, what does Jed who fled 312 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: look like? You know, what's this SpongeBob guy? What's that 313 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 1: all about? It calls a radio show at four thirty 314 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: in the morning to be SpongeBob? What is that so? Again? Listen? 315 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 1: Late night radio one of the last places where the 316 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 1: ordinary person becomes a character and can make that happen 317 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: as well. The Internet. Yeah, you're on the Internet and 318 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: there's a gazillion body counts, and you know, there's so 319 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:25,239 Speaker 1: many people on there. It's like being a piece of 320 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: sand on the beach. Well, yeah, you're on the beach. Congratulations. However, 321 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: you're one of a gazillion little specks of sand and 322 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: you don't stand out, and it doesn't really matter what 323 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: you do. On our show, abracadabrajocus pocus, you've got truck drivers, janitors, 324 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: trash men, crossing guards, insomniacs, gamblers, drug dealers, police officers, 325 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 1: arresting drug dealers, night shift workers, and factories. Every voice 326 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 1: gets a moment if they want, if they want, they 327 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,919 Speaker 1: don't have to call you know, nobody has to call in. 328 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,919 Speaker 1: We're fine. We can run the show perfectly fine without 329 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: having anyone call in. We can do that, and we'd 330 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: done it. We've done entire hours or shows without calls. 331 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:15,359 Speaker 1: So some things happened, though, right, something's happened where there 332 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:18,400 Speaker 1: are these moments that just are brilliant and they're unscripted 333 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: and it just happens. Some are ridiculous, like when we 334 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 1: mentioned the black irishman woke his daughter up in the 335 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 1: middle of the night to say hello. Few were unforgettable, 336 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: just completely unforgettable, like the night weed man hippie was 337 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 1: calling in during a hurricane and was giving us updates 338 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: all night as the hurricane made landfall on a lifeguard 339 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: tower in Miami. Could have died, and I would have 340 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,719 Speaker 1: been blamed if they had figured out why he was 341 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,440 Speaker 1: on the lifeguard tower during a hurricane in Miami. I digress. 342 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: And so you just know, somewhere out there, in a 343 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: kitchen lit only by the glow of a radio dial, 344 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: someone is rehearsing their next phone call, whether it's Cowboy 345 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: John Brad or whoever. Because in the Malar circus, this 346 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: particular Mallar circus. Anyone can grab the chrap piece, even SpongeBob, 347 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: which makes a good sideline reporter. I think SpongeBob would 348 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: be a really good sideline reporter. All right, Meanwhile, I 349 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 1: want to share a brief story. Some of you notice this, 350 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 1: many of you did not notice this. But the other night, 351 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: it began with the illusion that it was normal. This 352 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: was normalcy, right, normalcy and all that. And when you 353 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles is usually the first warning sign 354 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: and it's something abnormal is about to happen when you 355 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:07,199 Speaker 1: have the illusion of normalcy. So here here, I was 356 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 1: just random overnight talk show dude and professional insomniac performing 357 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: the normal pregame ritual, the routine on all creatures of 358 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: habit to get ready for work and to be prepared. 359 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 1: So I could provide you with a marginal overnight show 360 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:36,200 Speaker 1: as most people are sleeping, and you got the TV flickering. 361 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: I got the World Baseball Classic on. I've put my 362 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: notes together for the Malard monologues, the Forbidden Fruit real 363 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: this is real hard luck story, by the way. Yeah, 364 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: so just normal, normal, normal, normal, normal normal. I packed 365 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,400 Speaker 1: up my bag with my headphones and my mic condom 366 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 1: and just another routine pilgrimage from the north Woods to 367 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:05,679 Speaker 1: the glowing citadel of sports chatter, the mothership in Sherman Oaks, 368 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: the Fox Sports Radio compound, the compound there that we 369 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 1: have in Sherman Oaks. Right at the four h five freeway, 370 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:20,200 Speaker 1: Get off there, Ventura and Sepulvida. Routine, dependable, like clockwork, which, 371 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: as it turns out, is precisely the problem in a 372 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,879 Speaker 1: place where the clock had just changed, it had just changed. 373 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: So before departure the ritual, I get a text from Sager, 374 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: who's my liaison with social media. He's the one that 375 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: rides the waves, jumps through hoops to put the social 376 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 1: media stuff up. So he's my guy, and he's the 377 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 1: digital town crier and the Mallard militia. And every week 378 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: my week begins the same way. I get a text 379 00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: from Sager, who has the devotion of a monk, and says, 380 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,680 Speaker 1: you're gonna be in studio tonight. What's your schedule now? 381 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: The answer was immediately and confidently, yes, normal week. This 382 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: is in hindsight, it was very optimistic. I was being 383 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: Benny Brightside. So I climbed into the malormobile and I 384 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: began the journey to the studio, and La, if you've 385 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: never been, is a place where travel is less about 386 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: distance and more about emotional endurance. And you don't drive 387 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: here so much as you participate in a civic obstacle 388 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 1: course filled with potholes, people walking on the highway, people 389 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:49,200 Speaker 1: riding bikes that's not allowed by the way on the highway. 390 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: You got asphalt in patience and some kind of existential 391 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,160 Speaker 1: crisis that's going on. So I get in the car. 392 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,320 Speaker 1: I'm stopped at the light, and I did what every 393 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: modern driver does. I looked at the phone, and now 394 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 1: I also made a decision. I decided to type in 395 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:20,159 Speaker 1: my route or route on the GPS. I summoned the 396 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:24,600 Speaker 1: oracle the maps app on my phone. The address for 397 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: the Fox Sports radio compound was punched, a mirror formality, 398 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:32,920 Speaker 1: a ceremonial nod to technology, and then the number appeared 399 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 1: estimated time of arrival three hours, a three hour tour. 400 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 1: That's a dated reference. Does anyone get that three hours 401 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: to travel? What is normally? I kid around about how 402 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 1: long a community is. It's it's like get a little 403 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,639 Speaker 1: over an hour. This was double that and then some 404 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 1: three hours. Sherman Oaks three hours to what should have 405 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 1: been a very straightforward late night glide down the web 406 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:15,680 Speaker 1: of freeways that Angelino's recite like multiplication tables. He got 407 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: the five over here, the four O five, the one 408 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: oh one, the six oh five, seven ten, the one ten, 409 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,920 Speaker 1: the one oh five, fifty five fifty seven? What about 410 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:25,439 Speaker 1: the ninety one? Do I hear the ninety one? How 411 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 1: about the sixty? Do I get the sixty? Okay? Good? 412 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: I got the sixty? Do I see a ten? Is 413 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 1: there a ten? Can the man in the back? Okay? 414 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 1: For a moment? So again I typed this in said 415 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: three hours. So I thought this was some kind of 416 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: clerical error inside the app. The oracle. Surely, the what 417 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: you might call it the mysterious digital brain guiding the map, 418 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: had suffered some kind of malfunction. The dow Hickey wasn't working. 419 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: There was a hiccup, a technical sneeze. The app was closed, reopened, 420 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: and refreshed. Tutta, guess what the result? Identical? Three hours? 421 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: Three hours. At this point I made a executive decision, 422 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 1: an executive decision. The calculation became philosophical. A three hour 423 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: drive from the north Woods to Los Angeles suggested this 424 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: was some kind of cataclinic, some kind of some kind 425 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 1: of tragic thing or something. I mean, I'm trying to 426 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 1: put a words here. It's early. Bear with me, we're 427 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: recording this. But one could clearly fly from Lax to 428 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: Seattle in that time about three hours. I've made the 429 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,440 Speaker 1: flight a couple of times. It's been a Seattle a 430 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: few times. About three hours. One could watch an entire 431 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 1: baseball game and then postgame show as well. Alf could 432 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: watch a Red Sox game and watch the nests in 433 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: postgame it he'd be good to go. Ferk Dog could 434 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 1: watch an Angel game and sleep for two and a 435 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: half hours and then wake up and the game would 436 00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:01,719 Speaker 1: be over. Yeah, and you'd also age visibly. So the 437 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: freeways turned into this grotesque civic board game was more 438 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 1: like a funhouse, like Welcome to the Funhouse of Mirrors 439 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 1: and break lights. Freeway Bingo played with Rex instead of numbers. 440 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 1: Accidents on the five, A stall on the four H five, 441 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: I'm a congested on the one oh one, back up 442 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: on the one ten, and a ripple effect spreading through 443 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:33,000 Speaker 1: the asphalt nervous system of southern California. Now somewhere in 444 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 1: the distance I'm imagining a bunch of news helicopters hovering 445 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: like vultures, police helicopters. There's some kind of accident there. 446 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: The mind begins grasping and trying to find explanations. Now, 447 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: this was the day of the LA Marathon. The Marathon's 448 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: a daytime event like that couldn't have been it was 449 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 1: there a rogue UFO that landed on the seven to 450 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:03,880 Speaker 1: ten freeway. Not probably not the creeping crud of post 451 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: weekend commuters returning from San Diego to go face the battlefield, 452 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: or perhaps the simplest explanation of all, just the clocks 453 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: had changed, daylight savings time, the annual social experiment that 454 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 1: our fearless politicians will not change, A collection of people 455 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: that were confused, that apparently had quietly turned the freeway 456 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 1: system into a sleep deprived pinball situation, bouncing through traffic, 457 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 1: and all that. So, face with the available evidence that 458 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:41,040 Speaker 1: I had a reasonable suspicion that I would not make 459 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 1: it to work on time. The clock was ticking tic 460 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,240 Speaker 1: tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic 461 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: tic tic tic tic tic dick. So I made the 462 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: only logical move one could make. I made a U turn. 463 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:57,200 Speaker 1: In the elguant vernacular, very elegant vernacular of southern California motoring. 464 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: We like to say we flipped a bitch. That's right, 465 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: pointed to the car and said, all right, do your thing. 466 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: Cart flipped the bitch and headed back towards the north Woods. 467 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 1: Retreated to the subterranean broadcasting bunker, Benny's bunker, this remote studio, 468 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: which I'm in right now, in the bowels of the 469 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:24,480 Speaker 1: Malor mansion. The pilgrimage to Sherman Oaks was abandoned mid quest. 470 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: The malordmobile retreated Northwood. We went up to the north 471 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,680 Speaker 1: Woods like a general pulling the troops from an unwinnable battle. 472 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 1: If only General Custer had done that, the legend would 473 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: not have would not have ended or been that way. Rather, 474 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 1: the legend would have been, Hey, this guy's a hero, 475 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: and that there you go, safely removed from the asphalt purgatory. 476 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: Saved myself three hours of commute time at least, and 477 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: the show conduct was conducted. And because in La the 478 00:32:55,760 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: traffic is not merely transportation. It is theater. It's sociology. 479 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 1: It's the drama, o rama performed by millions of men 480 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: and women who are just reluctant actors trapped inside these 481 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:15,520 Speaker 1: metal boxes, and that's it. And on this particular evening, 482 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 1: the Freeways had won. However, I consider a win because 483 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,720 Speaker 1: not only did I do the show per normal, and 484 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: very few of you noticed that I was not in 485 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 1: the mothership and there were no gremlins. I did not 486 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,280 Speaker 1: get attacked once by gremlins. That is a win win 487 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: is that's how that goes. That's a win win. On 488 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,600 Speaker 1: that note, we will get out of here, have a 489 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,440 Speaker 1: wonderful rest of your Friday, enjoy that World Baseball Classic, 490 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,960 Speaker 1: and we'll have new podcasts for you tomorrow on Saturday, 491 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 1: and then the mail bag on Sunday. If you would 492 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 1: like to be part of the mail bag on Sunday, 493 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:57,160 Speaker 1: you can right in. And how do you do that, Well, 494 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:01,480 Speaker 1: you send an email to Real fifth hour at gmail 495 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: dot com, all letters, no numbers, Real fifth Hour at 496 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. I have not yet seen an email 497 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,520 Speaker 1: from Reggie from Detroit yet he normally emails me very 498 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,400 Speaker 1: early in the week. I'm going to assume that he's okay, 499 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 1: and we'll send an email between now and Sunday. And 500 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: I don't see anything new from alf or Ferdog so 501 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,200 Speaker 1: there's opportunity if you want to get your letter read 502 00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. That's Real fifth 503 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:29,480 Speaker 1: Hour at gmail dot com. Have a again, a great day, 504 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 1: and keep that grind going and we'll talk to you 505 00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 1: next time Later. Skater Asta Pasta got a murder. I 506 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 1: gotta go.