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Speaker 1: Was definitely a hard year for all of us, and

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Speaker 1: I want to speak to someone that specializes in grief.

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Speaker 1: Her story, The Grief Doctor is so powerful and she's

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Speaker 1: super knowledge with so I know y'all will enjoy this one. Also,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing to give away on her book, so the

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Speaker 1: first person who emailed me with grief in the subject

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Speaker 1: line will receive a free copy. Email address is hello

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Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast dot com. I hope you all

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Speaker 1: enjoy this week's episode and happy holidays everyone, until next

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Speaker 1: time later. Welcome you are now listening to the Professional Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls and nass your girl eban a from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast. The only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from women an honestly on stories that were enlightened

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Speaker 1: and expand on taboo topics. Now if you hear someone

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Speaker 1: that sounds familiar, mind ABIs to page you child. If

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Speaker 1: you like the PSD podcast, please rate, review and subscribe

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Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold me down,

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Speaker 1: don't hold me up. You can connect with me on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl at the psc podcast

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Speaker 1: and last not least at and a Beauty. If you're

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Speaker 1: all caught up with episodes, listen to bonus episodes by

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Speaker 1: supporting the psc podcast Patreon account. To support, please visit

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Speaker 1: www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PSD podcast. Now.

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Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests are

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Speaker 1: an honest So let's begin this week's episode. I am

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Speaker 1: super excited about this week's guest. She has over thirty

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Speaker 1: years of professional experience within the grief and death care industry.

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Speaker 1: Our guests have five degrees, including a doctorate and religious

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Speaker 1: philosophy and pastoria psychology, as well as certificates of completion

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Speaker 1: and several specialty areas such as suicide prevention, great trauma,

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Speaker 1: crisis counseling, and marriage therapy. So to my guests, welcome

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Speaker 1: to the show, and how are you feeling. I am

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Speaker 1: feeling great. Thank you so much for having me. Yes,

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Speaker 1: how has the pandemic been treating you? Well, that's a

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Speaker 1: loaded question. I didn't know. I didn't know if I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask that question. At the beginning, I was like,

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Speaker 1: she's coming out of the box. In the very beginning.

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Speaker 1: In the beginning, it was a little rocky, her, a

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Speaker 1: little anxiety going on. But now I've I've learned how

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Speaker 1: to apply some tools, so I'm really coaching through because

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Speaker 1: I changed my mindset. So it's okay. It really it's okay.

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Speaker 1: Even though I've had some loved ones to die, it's

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Speaker 1: still I feel like because of the pandemic, it made

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Speaker 1: people take grief awareness more seriously. Do you agree, absolutely, ma'am.

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Speaker 1: That's one of the things that I do appreciate about

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Speaker 1: this time is that it brought grief awareness to the

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Speaker 1: forefront because we are experiencing loss, uh in a massive amount,

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Speaker 1: I mean just people, uh plethora, a number of people

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Speaker 1: dying daily. So yes, we're forced to deal with our grief. Now.

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Speaker 1: Now you are known as a grief doctor, so but

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Speaker 1: those little listens not that doesn't understand exactly what do

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Speaker 1: you do. What is a grief counselor a Greek counselor.

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Speaker 1: I help grieving and hurting individuals transition from loss to life,

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Speaker 1: pain to purpose, and it kind of recognize that there

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Speaker 1: is life after laws. It's just a different one. That's

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Speaker 1: the angle I approach. But really, again, just helping people

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Speaker 1: go through life transitions because the reality and a grief

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Speaker 1: is not just about death. It's really about laws, and

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Speaker 1: that's why we're experiencing on such a global level. Is

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Speaker 1: because most people didn't understand that they were experiencing grief

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Speaker 1: when they didn't have anyone to die, because that's that's

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Speaker 1: what they think. Well, i didn't have anyone that died,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not grieving. Yes you are, Yes you are?

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Speaker 1: Are they staying like requirements in order for you to

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Speaker 1: become a grief counselor. There are several roles that you

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Speaker 1: can go. Of course, you can be a counselor like

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Speaker 1: an LPC and then licensed professional counseling that you can

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Speaker 1: specialize and specialize in grief education. I am a mortician

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Speaker 1: and a hospice social worker, and so I went that

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Speaker 1: route and then I went to get a master's in counseling.

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Speaker 1: Uh So, my love for working in the death care

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Speaker 1: industry started early on, but it took a turn kind

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Speaker 1: of midway towards the grief arena. But if you want

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Speaker 1: to do something you don't necessarily have to do counseling,

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Speaker 1: you could do what they call grief facilitation. You can

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Speaker 1: facilitate grief support groups and there are lots of resources

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Speaker 1: out there where some and can get certified to like

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Speaker 1: lead a particular group in that particular setting. About grief.

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Speaker 1: You know what's so funny. When I was younger, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be a makeup I want to do makeup,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't want to be a makeup artist. So

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be a mortician. Yeah what happened? Why

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Speaker 1: can't you? I don't know, I don't I don't even

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Because I love scary movies. I love

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Speaker 1: the whole like Googley things, and certain things don't like

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Speaker 1: make me nervous. I don't know why I didn't go

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Speaker 1: down that path. But I really thought I was gonna

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Speaker 1: be a mortician. Yeah, that's what I grew up and

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Speaker 1: the little girl wanting to do uh is to be

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Speaker 1: a mortician. And I just stumbled up into hospice because

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Speaker 1: I went to college first. Um and because if I

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Speaker 1: didn't go there, I knew I wouldn't go to uh

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Speaker 1: more mortuary school meeting. I wanted to get that degree

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Speaker 1: first and then go to more Treary school. But um yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so I made it in social work. And they

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Speaker 1: both just complimented each other. So well, now do you

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Speaker 1: think there are misconceptions about grief? Absolutely there there. That's

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Speaker 1: what my book is mainly about. Its people trying to

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Speaker 1: change the mindset and the perspective about grief and hopefully

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Speaker 1: try to embrace it open their mindset. Many people, again

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Speaker 1: as I just mentioned, think it's about death and it's not.

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Speaker 1: It's about law um, and thinking that it only happens

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Speaker 1: during certain times. Um, that's a misconception. There are many

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Speaker 1: many myths that many people think. Uh. Grief has to

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Speaker 1: be experienced several different ways, you know, physically, spiritually, emotionally

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Speaker 1: and behavior. So yes, ma'am, there are many misconceptions about it.

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Speaker 1: Can you explain what grief work is? Because when if

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Speaker 1: that was my first time actually heard the term? Because

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Speaker 1: never her book is grief work essential not optional? And

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Speaker 1: to support all right, doctor, please make sure you visit

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Speaker 1: the link in the show notes below. But I never

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Speaker 1: heard that's terms. So why is this so essential? It is?

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Speaker 1: I mean, especially during this time of the pandemic, when

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Speaker 1: you hear the word essential all over the place. We

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Speaker 1: have the essential workers you know, out in the trenches

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Speaker 1: and are continuing to work during this particular pandemic. What

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Speaker 1: I have discovered Greek work as a term that we

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Speaker 1: have to learn, uh in mortuary school or if you

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Speaker 1: studies grief psychology. That is a term that we must learn.

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Speaker 1: It's the actual psychological working through the process of grief,

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Speaker 1: and it's really talking about the effort, the work that

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Speaker 1: has to be put into the actual grief process, and

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Speaker 1: it takes place mentally, which that's why a lot of

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Speaker 1: people are tired. Many people are experiencing what we call

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Speaker 1: COVID fatigue because they are experiencing grief and we're dealing

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Speaker 1: with it with our mindset. So it's really the work

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Speaker 1: of processing through your grief from a psychological standpoint. That's

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Speaker 1: what grief work is defined as. Now what it looks like.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna look different for everybody. Uh on the I

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Speaker 1: guess the commonality would be, of course talking about it,

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Speaker 1: going to some type of setting for counseling one on one,

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Speaker 1: or you go to a grief support group that's doing

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Speaker 1: your grief work. But for somebody else that may be exercising.

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Speaker 1: Journaling is another great way to do it. Gardening, whatever

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Speaker 1: that thing is that you need to do to make

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Speaker 1: sure that you process wholly and fully through your grief

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Speaker 1: is doing your grief work. Okay, the sense it's knowledge

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Speaker 1: is thinking because another misconception is people think that everybody

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Speaker 1: grieves the same. Yes, yes, grief looks different. And the

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Speaker 1: reality is grief really never ends. It changes and it

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Speaker 1: softens if people do their grief work. If they do that,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna change and it's gonna soften. Um. But but

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Speaker 1: for one person it may look like anger, it may

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Speaker 1: look like fear uh. And another person again, it's gonna

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Speaker 1: look like even joy, happiness, its sadness, all of those

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Speaker 1: is gonna look different for everybody. And what we have

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Speaker 1: to do is give people permission to just express their leaf,

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Speaker 1: hopefully in a in a healthy way. That that's what

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Speaker 1: I try to do. Let's let's let's approach it in

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Speaker 1: a healthy way, because we do process it. The question

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Speaker 1: is is it healthy or And that's gonna be my

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Speaker 1: next question. Doesn't one ever get over grief? You don't

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Speaker 1: get over it. You adjust, true, you don't, you don't.

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Speaker 1: And when it's a loved one that dies, uh, and

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Speaker 1: you love them, your love never died, but they died,

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Speaker 1: so that's your grief is really just a badge of

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Speaker 1: love for them. Many people will ask why does it

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Speaker 1: hurt so bad? Because you love them? And if you

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Speaker 1: think about there are some people that died. You didn't love,

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Speaker 1: You didn't grieve because there was no connection. There was

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Speaker 1: no connection. Yeah, so you don't get over it. You

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Speaker 1: are just my grandmother. And she transitioned like five years ago.

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Speaker 1: Okay not but that's not that's not a long time

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Speaker 1: first of all. But look, I have a question for you.

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Speaker 1: Did you get grief support of some kind? Um? Eventually

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Speaker 1: I had to go to therapy because that was my

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Speaker 1: first time experience somebody that close to me, because I

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Speaker 1: looked at her as my mother. That um, that transition,

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Speaker 1: So I never experienced death before, and I was having

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Speaker 1: a mental breakdown because I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand

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Speaker 1: how somebody can no longer be here. That's right, You're

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Speaker 1: exactly good for you, Good for you? You went and God,

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Speaker 1: yeah I had to How important is it to know

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Speaker 1: the language of grief while healing? Oh? It is so

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Speaker 1: important because you can, um, because the subject is so sensitive. Uh,

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Speaker 1: we can easily offend people, uh and not even knowing

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Speaker 1: it what and and saying platitudes and cliches like they're

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Speaker 1: in a better place um or or God knew what

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Speaker 1: he was doing those things. I try to encourage people

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Speaker 1: to shy away from because it really impacts the people

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Speaker 1: in a negative way. So it's important to understand that

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Speaker 1: language and the basic language that I always like to share,

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Speaker 1: just like you said, understanding what grief work is. But

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Speaker 1: if you can understand the difference between grief and mourning,

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Speaker 1: they are different, they are not the same. Grief. Grief

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Speaker 1: is internal, It's an internal response to any kind of laws.

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Speaker 1: It's the emotion that we feel. And absolutely everybody grieves,

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Speaker 1: whether they know it or not. That's what's happening in

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Speaker 1: our world today. In grief is just like COVID. COVID

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Speaker 1: has made it from the white house to to the

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Speaker 1: poor house, to every house over this world. Grief crosses

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Speaker 1: all cultures and backgrounds. That doesn't matter who we are, rich, poor, black, white,

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Speaker 1: whether we have faith and no faith at all. Everybody grieves.

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Speaker 1: Here's the difference. Another terminology you need to know. Other

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Speaker 1: terminology you need to know is mourning. Mourning is the

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Speaker 1: external expression of that grief, and that's really what Greek

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Speaker 1: work allows people to do. It teaches them how to mourn,

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Speaker 1: to get it from the inside to the outide. So

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Speaker 1: if you can understand those two grief and mourning. We

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Speaker 1: experienced them both. They don't have to happen at the

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Speaker 1: same time. However, I encourage people to try to do that,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of times we don't because we don't

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Speaker 1: know that there is a difference between the two. So

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Speaker 1: it's important to understand what grief and mourning is. Uh

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Speaker 1: as just the foundational principles to understand. Do you think

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Speaker 1: corporate America supports grief? And the reason why I asked,

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Speaker 1: because three to five days is just not enough time

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Speaker 1: to process the loss of someone or something, not at

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Speaker 1: You're exactly right. Um A colleague of mine, she UH

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Speaker 1: is a grief recovery specialist, and she and I and

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Speaker 1: my mentee we just did a be volunteered the last

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Speaker 1: three months to two times a month October November December.

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Speaker 1: We did some virtual grief support and she her background

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Speaker 1: is also um ARE, and she off about that subject.

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Speaker 1: And that is exactly right. That is not enough time,

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Speaker 1: and and we're expected to be back at world performing

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Speaker 1: a level shape. Absolutely, and that is unrealistic because the

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Speaker 1: reality is one of the biggest mistakes that people will

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Speaker 1: make when you're dealing with a loss, especially a dead loss,

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Speaker 1: is that we all try to go back to like

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Speaker 1: nes to be and you cannot. Your whole life has changed,

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Speaker 1: so you're trying to figure out who you are, finding

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Speaker 1: your you've heard this before, especially now you're new normal.

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Speaker 1: So yes, I think corporate America, we we need a

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Speaker 1: little bit more. UM. I think sensitivity and just uh,

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Speaker 1: just like they have diversity training, I think we need

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Speaker 1: great training and sensitivity training uh to meet the needs

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Speaker 1: of your people, because if you can meet them where

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Speaker 1: they are again, they'll be able to perform better for you.

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Speaker 1: But but it's unrealistic to think that people are gonna

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Speaker 1: be at their peak level in from three to five days. UM.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of us experienced this type

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Speaker 1: of grief in and I think a lot of us

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Speaker 1: didn't know the correct term for it. And I learned

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Speaker 1: this within your book. So can you please explain what

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Speaker 1: disenfranchise grief means? Yes, that is one that's disinfrench I

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Speaker 1: A grief again, is grief that is not publicly sanctioned

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Speaker 1: or recognized. UM. For example, to say my mother died,

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Speaker 1: you know what's the common response? People are gonna say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, or your laws. But if I said, uh,

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Speaker 1: Tupac died or someone publicly, they're gonna say, how can

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Speaker 1: you grieve that person? You've never met them before, That's

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Speaker 1: what Because there's a disconnection and there are men and

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Speaker 1: men I have. It could be if you were divorced, um,

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Speaker 1: and you more in the death of your ex um

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Speaker 1: kobe Y, who died earlier this year. You know, at

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Speaker 1: the top of the year, even before the pandemic came.

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Speaker 1: We were all, I don't even like basketball, but I

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Speaker 1: was just hurt behind it. Yes, I was hurt behind them.

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Speaker 1: So I just listened the book several people that were

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Speaker 1: experiencing get disenfranchised grief with what about Black Crown? Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I was like, that's absolutely of course, we

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Speaker 1: know George Floyd and Brianna Taylor and and just the

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Speaker 1: whole list. Eddie van Halen died and and even since then,

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Speaker 1: since I wrote the book, some other people have gone

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Speaker 1: since then. So again, yeah, it's that grief that um,

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Speaker 1: it's a loss that we have that's not openly acknowledged.

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Speaker 1: Another would be as a martician, this was a true story,

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Speaker 1: uh A, A man died in the bad businstress Mike

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Speaker 1: and and my question to people, do you think she

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Speaker 1: she has a right degrees and the ash that's right,

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Speaker 1: it does, it does. I don't want to asking my

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Speaker 1: wife for the reality. Yeah, I wouldn't do. But technically

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Speaker 1: because she was in relationship with him, she's connected, but

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Speaker 1: she cannot come to that funeral and publicly that distant

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Speaker 1: franchise Greek where you have to do it in so

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Speaker 1: within our commarantee, we was always taught that what happens

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Speaker 1: in the house stays in the house. So why is

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Speaker 1: it important? And it's a downstup thing too, because my

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Speaker 1: mom used to tell me that it's so important for

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Speaker 1: someone to share what they're going through as or as

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Speaker 1: you would say in your book, to store the beans. Yes,

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Speaker 1: because again it's a what I call it a a

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Speaker 1: cleansing or an empty because unresolved grief, hurt and pain,

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Speaker 1: whatever the issue is, it doesn't go away. Mysteriously, we

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Speaker 1: must address tod And what I have found in my

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Speaker 1: counseling and coaching practice is that people will come to

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Speaker 1: me before this year, of course with the grief, uh

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Speaker 1: loss or death or something like that, but I really

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Speaker 1: help people connect. They say, well, I don't need to

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Speaker 1: come to you because I didn't have anyone to die said, well,

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Speaker 1: then they start talking, well they they were raised when

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Speaker 1: they were younger. Well, they did lose they lost their uh,

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Speaker 1: the agility, they lost their identities, that innocence. So I

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Speaker 1: help people connect connect the two. But it's important for

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Speaker 1: you to release that because it remains on the inside

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Speaker 1: and it makes us sick. Just like grief. If you

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Speaker 1: allow your grief to stay on the inside, it will

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Speaker 1: make physically sick. Think about it. The love that you

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Speaker 1: have for someone and the hurt and the pain that

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Speaker 1: you feel after they die. You don't verbalize that at all.

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Speaker 1: You don't journalize, journalist or anything where where the emotion going.

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Speaker 1: It's staying on the inside and it's going to yourself.

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Speaker 1: It's all your level. And there's research out there again

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Speaker 1: that has connected diseases such as cancer, uh, prostate cancer

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Speaker 1: of course, hoblot pressure, collect all of those are connected

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Speaker 1: to unresolved. Now after reading your book, because I was

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Speaker 1: kind of key King before we started this episode, and

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Speaker 1: I read the book within two hours and just doing

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Speaker 1: more research on you, and I was telling our guests

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Speaker 1: how she has such a powerful story, and I'm just

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Speaker 1: really thankful to have you on the show because I

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Speaker 1: feel like your story is not being told enough, and

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Speaker 1: I know it's gonna have somebody else, So can you

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Speaker 1: please tell us in the beginning when you first met

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Speaker 1: your former husband. I met him years ago. We went

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Speaker 1: to church again, we were friends, and so it was

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Speaker 1: several years and we were married for nine and we

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Speaker 1: knew each other for several years prior to that. So

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Speaker 1: we met in church and serving under our spiritual father

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Speaker 1: together years ago. And along with being newly married, like

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Speaker 1: a series of events cursor as your mentor being murdered,

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Speaker 1: your new born baby transition, and you become the first

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Speaker 1: lady of the church that you built. But you're from

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Speaker 1: a husband. So how are you juggling with all that?

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Speaker 1: Why are you laughing? I look back on that every

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Speaker 1: day because again, when when you are going through trauma

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Speaker 1: or hurt in pain, you don't recognize, um what you're in.

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Speaker 1: So now that I'm out and you you probably hear

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Speaker 1: vision again, you can see really clearly. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how I did that again. I think I had fallen

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Speaker 1: into of the the the place of wearing a mask

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Speaker 1: and having to perform um and and make other people

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Speaker 1: feel better because you know, I'm a social worker, and

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Speaker 1: and and and again, and and my hart is to

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Speaker 1: serve other people, so it was tough juggling. But actually

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Speaker 1: I can't even ask. I don't know how I did it.

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Speaker 1: Just by the gate and I was saying, how are

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Speaker 1: you doing all this or just dealing with everything? I was, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: to the best of my ability. Actually, I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: you brought that word dealing with it. I really didn't

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Speaker 1: start doing my grief until eight years ago with my

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Speaker 1: h with the divorce, not all the other deaths and losses.

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Speaker 1: I spiritualized them all. Like you said that the Black

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Speaker 1: community I mentioned earlier about grief is experienced uh several

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Speaker 1: different ways physically, spiritually, emotionally, and behaviorally. And in the

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Speaker 1: African American community, we have a tendency to spiritualize absolutely everything.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I did. I spiritualized all of those

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Speaker 1: losses until I got to that divorce, and that was

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Speaker 1: the one that opened my eyes, uh, to where I

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Speaker 1: realized that, oh, I haven't dealt with with my other

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Speaker 1: losses from an emotional standpoint, So I think I was

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Speaker 1: just kind of masking it. That's why I was able

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Speaker 1: to go as far as I did. But as you

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Speaker 1: can see, it as you read the book. I mean

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Speaker 1: about within your book was, um, you mentioned red Flash Collector,

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Speaker 1: And I thought that was so important because I think

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Speaker 1: that a lot of times, looking back, you see it

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Speaker 1: so clearly, but when you in it, it's nothing like

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Speaker 1: you just keep it going. So like looking back in

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Speaker 1: your experience, where were some of the red flash that

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Speaker 1: you know is within your marriage? Uh, the the mood swings, uh,

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Speaker 1: the communication we had poor communication started out good, but

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Speaker 1: then it just kind of deteriorated. And I used to

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Speaker 1: equate it to I mentioned in the first book. I

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Speaker 1: used to say that, Um, it's like the Grand Canyon

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Speaker 1: is is being built or or or happening right before

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Speaker 1: our eyes, because it's like we're getting further and further

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Speaker 1: and further apart. Any kind of relationship you gotta invest

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Speaker 1: in that, you gotta pour back into that. So it

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Speaker 1: was it was a lot of red flags, you know,

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Speaker 1: the poor communication, Uh, just not connecting, lack of intimacy

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Speaker 1: and connection in the marriage. So it was a lot

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Speaker 1: going on that I didn't I was not eave. I

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Speaker 1: was older, but I was still not even because my

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Speaker 1: family shelter me from a lot, so I didn't know

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Speaker 1: was older than him a lot. So do you think

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Speaker 1: that played a part in it? Or M I think so,

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Speaker 1: I I do I do now because I I was

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Speaker 1: older and what I am older, but I was born

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Speaker 1: to uh my parents are older too, so I've been

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Speaker 1: around older people all of my life, so I like that.

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Speaker 1: But but he was the first guy that I really

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Speaker 1: dated that was much young ears eleven years and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I really again at that time felt that that's what

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Speaker 1: I was supposed to do by the leading of the Lord.

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Speaker 1: But but yeah, I know that the age had something

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Speaker 1: to do. Now. When I got to this part, doctor,

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Speaker 1: I was just speechless, Like so after nine years of

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Speaker 1: marriage when he told you that he no longer had

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Speaker 1: the capacities to be married to you any longer. And

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Speaker 1: when I was about some I literally said, I allowed

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Speaker 1: what you what the next thing is was? And you

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Speaker 1: was like, what does they even mean? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like what were you thinking? Those? Just like you, I

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Speaker 1: was dumbfounded. Um what I was waiting for him to

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Speaker 1: say again? Actually honestly, because at that time our communication

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Speaker 1: had had deteriorated so badly that we were communicating by

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Speaker 1: way of email, living in the same house, and so

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Speaker 1: we were trying to at least I thought we were

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Speaker 1: trying to reconnect and those kinds of things, and so

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Speaker 1: he reached out. He said, hey, I need to talk

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Speaker 1: to you um and and meet me. Let's have a

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Speaker 1: meeting or something. And I thought, I don't recall exactly

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Speaker 1: what he said, but I thought it's gonna be like

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Speaker 1: a date night, a date night, and so I'm all excited.

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Speaker 1: I said, Okay, this is progress. We're getting ready to communicate.

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Speaker 1: And when we sat down on the sofa and he shared,

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Speaker 1: you know, I know I no longer have the capacity

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Speaker 1: to be married to you any longer, Like I don't

401
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Speaker 1: know what does that mean? And then he just can

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Speaker 1: I just let him continue to talk, and then that's

403
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Speaker 1: when he shared with me. He didn't explain it. Then again,

404
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Speaker 1: that was something I had to find out and figure

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Speaker 1: out on my own. But that's what he just kept saying.

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Speaker 1: He didn't want to be because I feel comfortable speaking

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Speaker 1: to you, and I felt like, since you've been through something,

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Speaker 1: I think that people gravitate towards you because you get it,

409
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Speaker 1: because you went through a lot of emotions within this

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Speaker 1: short period of time, because because most of the voice

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Speaker 1: was settled it was reveal to you that he wanted

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Speaker 1: to be fully present in the LGBTQ community. M And

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Speaker 1: I can't even imagine how you felt, like, that's how

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Speaker 1: that's That's just a lot that was. That's why my

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Speaker 1: first book is called I Got My Marvels Back. And

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Speaker 1: so at that moment when he shared didn't want to

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Speaker 1: be married anymore, again, I still didn't know fully what

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Speaker 1: was going on, even though I had uh, gay guys

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Speaker 1: would come to me immediately after that, the world on

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Speaker 1: the street, you know, yeah, yeah it was it was yeah,

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Speaker 1: not good, it was. It was not good. It was

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Speaker 1: a public divorce. It was a public divorce and um.

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Speaker 1: And then when I was approached a couple of them, uh,

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Speaker 1: two of them asked me, have you had an age test?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why are you asking that? What for? What?

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Speaker 1: Why are you I still connect the dots. So it

427
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:45,239
Speaker 1: was just a lot emotionally that I did not know

428
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: how to process at all. So that's why I became suicidal. Yes,

429
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: uh your first lad, I love God. But yeah, she

430
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: was like I couldn't process that. Um. Again, Remember, because

431
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: I dealt with everything in life from a spiritual standpoint,

432
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 1: I didn't deal with my emotions. UM a social worker.

433
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: I'm a social worker and a funeral director. Imagine that,

434
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: you know, being a caregiver. A lot of people do

435
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: that out there. That's why one of the reasons why

436
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: I'm sharing the stories, because we as leaders and caregivers,

437
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: we have to deal with our own issues so that

438
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: we can't care for other people, so that we can't

439
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: care for them. But yeah, I I didn't know how

440
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: to process that, and it just sent me to a

441
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: don with spiral uh just suicide. And that's how I

442
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:37,920
Speaker 1: ended up self admitting myself. Uh. Also shared the story

443
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:46,199
Speaker 1: about how God spoke to you through Grandpa. Yeah that

444
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 1: that wasn't the out patience uh therapy portion. But yeah,

445
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: in the hospital, I was there for six days and

446
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: six nights, and if I tell you every day, that

447
00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: was the best decision I've made from myself because I hadn't.

448
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,239
Speaker 1: I had hit rock bottom, right, I lost, you know,

449
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: my family, my church, my my kid, we had, you know,

450
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 1: adopted a kid and had taken in another young man.

451
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: Had lost all of that, my identity. So hey, I'm like,

452
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 1: I just need this pain to stop. And so that's

453
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: what I felt led to do. But for me, that

454
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: experience again was a good one because that's where I

455
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: got my healing began. And actually from a spiritual standpoint,

456
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,239
Speaker 1: that's why I really got reconnected with God. And but

457
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: I didn't know I was disconnected sitting in church every Sunday,

458
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 1: disconnected from God and didn't know it until I got

459
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: in a mental health hospital. And that's where God met me.

460
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: And again, so I know him. I as a child

461
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: going up in a Christian home and my parents again,

462
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 1: you know, taught me about God. But as you get older,

463
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 1: you you have to experience Him and know Him for

464
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 1: yourself through and and so that experience at the hospital

465
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: really caused me to know of God was with me

466
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 1: and he was. It was like I had a protection

467
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: when when you get the understand it, uh. I was like, oh,

468
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: I gotta get the first the US he hasn't COVID

469
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: and stuff. I'm like, yeah, I gotta get this because

470
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: this grief work was just amazing, especially when you get

471
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 1: into your story and you correlated with the terminology and stuff.

472
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: I was just like man like because I can't even

473
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 1: imagine how like. I mean, I'm a black woman, so

474
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: I know it is a show face, but to like

475
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 1: go through that with somebody who you thought was gonna

476
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 1: be forever and y'all was building so much like that's

477
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: that's painful, very very painful. Um, yes, ma'am. And so

478
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: it's been been eight years and uh, still doing my

479
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: grief work, but definitely in a better, better place. Um.

480
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: I'm I'm after processing through depression this year, um and

481
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: recognizing you know that came from some from my mom

482
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: and cause of that. So this pandemic has been pressure,

483
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 1: but it's been so good for me. It's been so

484
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: good as now the person has been around for centuries.

485
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: And you made a reference on King David from the Bible,

486
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, yeah, that was true because

487
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: he went to a lot so right. So why do

488
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: you within our community, especially religious people, have a hard

489
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: time with speaking about mental health issues in a tenant therapy?

490
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm because I think again, excuse me, it speaks

491
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: too many people think of it has to do with

492
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: their faith level and it makes them, you know, oh,

493
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: you don't have enough faith, or you're not spiritual enough,

494
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: you don't have your connection with God. Of those makes

495
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: you think or feel that you're less man. So you're

496
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: exactly around it it's been around. We just don't talk

497
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: about it. And what we've been doing your that statement,

498
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: I said, all the time, you know what what happens

499
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: in our house? And I found that it's not justin

500
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: I thought it was just in the black community. It's not.

501
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: I have a Caucasian, Lions Asian clients. They say, oh no,

502
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: we say that too in our community. To so what

503
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 1: we have are people peopen sweeping things under the rug.

504
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: And now what's happening in the pandemic. That rug has

505
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: been a field with with dirt. So now it's just

506
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: using out. It's coming out where we can no longer

507
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: hide it anymore. So it's a stigma that's been associated

508
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 1: with that depression to where people don't want to be identified.

509
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: Now culturally, I've spoken with some veterans, Uh, there there

510
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: is a in the military again and and and it's

511
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 1: so it's just I don't understand it for people men

512
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: and women's service, as service people who put their lives

513
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,959
Speaker 1: on the line for us. They go to war and

514
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: they see death every day, they see trauma, and then

515
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 1: but they're not Uh, it's not widely accepted for them

516
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 1: to go see a counselor or a psychiatrist. It goes

517
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: against them, like what kind of sense does that make?

518
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: So they're forced to hold it in and we wonder

519
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: why our veterans. Again, some of my venorans are not

520
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: mentally stable. It's because they didn't want to go get

521
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: the help because of what was gonna happen to them.

522
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: So it's a stigma that has been attached to certain

523
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: communities such as the military, it's such as the African

524
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: American community, such as the hispatic community. And we've got

525
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: to remove that by doing what we're doing. Realizing right

526
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: now we're talking about it, getting that filling because I

527
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: know I don't had anxiety when he's like, easy that

528
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: apple down here, that's right, it went down. Did you

529
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: ever question mhmm, oh absolutely, matter of fact, I got mad. Now.

530
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: I grew up Baptists and I was taught you just

531
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: don't don't question God. You can't be angry with him.

532
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: And I first experienced that anger when our baby died.

533
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: Like I said, I waited late in life to get married,

534
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: thinking I'm, you know, trying to do it the quote

535
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: unquote right way. It's best I could not perfect, but

536
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,239
Speaker 1: it's best I could. And then we got pregnant, and

537
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: then she died and I was really angry with God.

538
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: I was saying things like, hey, there are women out

539
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: there having babies. They don't even want to have babies,

540
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 1: putting babies and trash cans. And then my baby died. Um.

541
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: And at that time, that was back in two thousand four,

542
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: there was not much GREEF support or resources out there

543
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: like it is today. But I did. I had to

544
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: go outside of the church again because even in the church,

545
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: a lot of churches, especially your larger churches, have embraced

546
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: mental health and they have counselors on staff and they

547
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: are helping their members, uh process that. So I went

548
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 1: and got help um outside of the church, and and

549
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: and I got permission to express my anger. And I

550
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,239
Speaker 1: started going through the Bible. I said, oh, there's a

551
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: lot of scripture in here, this four you know, grief, death,

552
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: dying and all of that. And I found that scripture

553
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: be angry, but said not so. Anger is nothing more

554
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: than an emotion. We we again have just made it

555
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: to be a negative thing. It's an emotion and it

556
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: must be expressed. So I worked through that. The divorce,

557
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: I was angry, angree about that how it went down.

558
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 1: I was angry at my my former husband. I was

559
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 1: angry at some of the members, and I had to

560
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: express that of the church I did. I said, I

561
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: I never get another plaet and that. But because I

562
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: gave myself permission, I stayed. After the divorce, I wasn't

563
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: connected to a local body for twelve years, I mean

564
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 1: for twelve months and uh and so that for me,

565
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: that because again being a church girl, and oh I

566
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: always go to church quote unquote, that was the problem.

567
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: I was going to church and had really not allowed

568
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: church to become a part of who I was. So yes, ma'am,

569
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 1: I was very angry and and I had to process

570
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: through that. And now I love him. My relationship with

571
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 1: God is closer than I have ever been because I

572
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: gave my self permission to express that anger. Another I

573
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 1: love from your book is when you said, some of

574
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: the struggles I encountered in life and not mine to carry.

575
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: Why is it important to search for the root causes

576
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 1: while doing grief work? Again, that that was something that

577
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: I learned the significance of this year, although I had

578
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: been teaching about it, uh here and there as a

579
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: social worker, But it just did the pandemic. I'm telling you,

580
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: the pandemic is putting external pressure on what was already

581
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 1: resident in our lives. That's why it's in the year

582
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 1: of exposure. So when we look at individuals and we see, yes,

583
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: it's a year of exposure all across the board. So

584
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,399
Speaker 1: for me, the depression was I got my marvels back.

585
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: You know, I wrote the book that was five years ago,

586
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: but I still had this cloud glooming, just hanging over

587
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 1: my head and I could not figure out what it was.

588
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I did some reading during the

589
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: pandemic and then met with my I had a family meeting.

590
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: Was scared to ask my sisters about that, but I

591
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: knew because our parents were deceased, they're the historians. And

592
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 1: so as a result of finding out that information. So

593
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 1: it's necessary because from a spiritual standpoint and from a

594
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: natural standpoint. Spiritually, again, the scripture that speaks of ancient

595
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: doors being open. So if you see a family that

596
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: has alcoholism, that that's prevalent. You know from generation to generations.

597
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: That means there's a route somebody generations passed with an

598
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: acrotholic and it just just passed on down. So it's

599
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: important to know your genealogy. No, it's hard now those

600
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: of the passion adopted some people parents dot. Yeah, if

601
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 1: you can. I know there are situations to where you

602
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: can't find out that information, but it's best you can.

603
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: If you have a pathway to research your roots, definitely

604
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 1: do that so you can understand some of the things

605
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 1: that you're going through is not even yours to carry.

606
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: Like my depression wasn't even mine. It was my mother

607
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 1: and it was transferred to me. It was transferred to

608
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 1: me through the pregnancy. I grew up timid and all

609
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: of that is because she was timid and and nervous

610
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: and I found out again because of life issues that

611
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,919
Speaker 1: happened to her and they didn't deal with their back

612
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: then deal with trauma. Bonda is one of the main

613
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: reasons why people stay in unhealthy relationships. Why is that?

614
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: It is because again we don't recognize that it's the

615
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: bond of trauma that's keeping us and because um, it's

616
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: because we hold on to a promise when you lose

617
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: your your identity, Like again, I had lost who I was.

618
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: I really didn't know because I was trying to be

619
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 1: all things to my husband and all things to the

620
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: church and of the first lady. So we were connected.

621
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: And again I just understood that this year during my

622
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: research instead that it was the trauma because again we

623
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: never talked about it, but his behavior again for the

624
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: demonstrates that there was some trauma, something happened to him

625
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 1: for us not to be connected, something happened to me

626
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: for us not to be connected as a couple. And

627
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: so when when you go through trauma, people who go

628
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: through domestic violence, if have you ever heard of a

629
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: person I know I have even as a social worker,

630
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:56,800
Speaker 1: where a person stays of relationship and people will say

631
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: why it's becomes a trauma bonding. It's because of that

632
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: connection that they have mentally and emotionally. Uh. Deception and

633
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,240
Speaker 1: manipulation is a part of that as well, because again

634
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 1: the person who doesn't have the capacity to leave. Uh.

635
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: There being one of my quotes from your book, I

636
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: have your book. Well you said, um, so how can

637
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 1: someone handle rejection in a healthy way? Oh? Yeah, rejection

638
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: is something I suffered with that and didn't know it,

639
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 1: especially from the from the marriage. Again, but what I

640
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: learned in is that the divorce again was a catalyst

641
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: for me to do healing, go deeper in my healing

642
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: that I didn't know I needed to regard the depression.

643
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 1: So when he left, that's why I lost my marvels

644
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 1: and I became suicidal and depressed. It is because depression

645
00:38:55,320 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 1: was already pressent, so I didn't recognize about reject action

646
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: being a part of my life. I felt, you know,

647
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 1: so abandoned. I'm like, he rejected me, he didn't want me.

648
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: So it's very important to acknowledge it and process that.

649
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:12,959
Speaker 1: Like my friend that I mentioned, a friend of mine

650
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: told me, she said, he is not going to apologize.

651
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,359
Speaker 1: I didn't know. A lot of us are waiting for

652
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: the offender to apologize. No, we cannot wait for that.

653
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,800
Speaker 1: There are many reasons why. Again, sometimes they may never

654
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:32,479
Speaker 1: ever apologize um Number two. Sometimes they may not even

655
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: be around to do that. I know many people who

656
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,280
Speaker 1: have died uh and did not apologize to the people

657
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: they have offended or heard or molested or raped or whatever,

658
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: And it leaves that person in a victimized role. But

659
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: they can process through it. It depends upon how you

660
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 1: look at rejection. So I encourage people just to embrace it,

661
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 1: acknowledge the fact because it happens every day, little by

662
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,800
Speaker 1: little Again, as a kid especially, you're not picked to

663
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: beyond the team. It goes from being a key it

664
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,800
Speaker 1: all the way up to being an adult in the

665
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: nursing home. I see it all the time when I

666
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 1: used to work in the nursing homes, you know, so

667
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: adults would not be believe it or not to play

668
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: bingo with certain people. It happens all the time. So

669
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 1: if we can just embrace that rejection, uh, and know

670
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: that it's not something that is against us personally, but

671
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:27,720
Speaker 1: it's a part of life. Wow. Man, So how important

672
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: was forgiveness in your process of healing? M It was

673
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 1: necessary to heal, It was necessary. You can you cannot

674
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: heal if you harbor unforgiveness. You cannot. So it's something

675
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 1: for us to um acknowledge it, you know, and work

676
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: through that and give yourself permission to do that because

677
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 1: some people just say you just get over it. You

678
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 1: you don't. How how do you get over someone who

679
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: brutally raped you, molested you whatever they did? You know?

680
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: So it's not something that we could do in and

681
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 1: of ourselves, because you could just like we said, I'm

682
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna die every week every Monday, because I

683
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: don't know what I like about Mondays. I'm gonna start.

684
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start on the night, and then I fall

685
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: off the wagon. That's what people say. I'm gonna forgive him,

686
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna forgive her, and then something happens. They get

687
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: angry because forgiveness it starts in the mind, but it

688
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 1: has to work through again our soul and our spirit.

689
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 1: So our soul again is our emotional makeup of who

690
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: we are. And when we've been wounded by life, whatever

691
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 1: it is, a death, divorce, molestation, whatever it is, it

692
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 1: makes it hard uh to forgive. And that's why counseling

693
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 1: helps you work through that and help you, help you

694
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 1: talk about it so that you can move to a

695
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:50,720
Speaker 1: place of forgiveness, especially if you're a personal I'm super

696
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: excited about this episode, So before we leave, do you

697
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: mind leaving some encouraging words for our listeners as we

698
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: enter into one. Oh wow, yes again, take care of you,

699
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 1: take care of you hopefully this year. Again to those

700
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 1: of your experience laws, Um again we are so and

701
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 1: I again we extend our apologies, UM for the tough

702
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 1: time that you're experiencing. Our condolences for loss and things

703
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: like that. But I encourage you if you can just

704
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: change your mindset towards life. And I found that has

705
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: helped me so much again and just um, have you

706
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: heard p says, don't sweat the small stuff? Yeah, don't

707
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 1: sweat those smalls. Don't sweat the small stuff. If I've

708
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 1: learned anything in this particular year is that life again

709
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: is just like a vapor. You want to take it

710
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: one day at a time. And I encourage people just

711
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: to be open minded and just to take care of

712
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 1: you if you can open your mind to new ways.

713
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 1: Because the life that we knew part of so we're

714
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: living that it really was, was the year it really was.

715
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 1: It was Charles Dickens Tale of Two Cities of Times.

716
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 1: It was the worst of times and the best of

717
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 1: times all in one. Yes, So that's what was. So

718
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: my encouragement to one again is you can make the

719
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 1: difference you want to see change in your life. It

720
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: starts with your mind. Do your grief work so that

721
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: you can heal, and again you will have the best year,

722
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 1: not saying that you won't have any hurt and pain,

723
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 1: but you will have a great year. And it all

724
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: starts in your mind, but I just want to say

725
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: thank you so much for turning on the show, because

726
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 1: I know you are on vacation, so I was like, oh, yes,

727
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,879
Speaker 1: please make serious knocked at my persons in her book

728
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 1: and the link below. Thank you so much to my guests.

729
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure this will not be the last time

730
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: we speak. And until next time, everyone,