Speaker 1: Toxic people are consistent, you know, That's the beautiful thing
Speaker 1: about them. They never change.
Speaker 2: What should be a deal breaker in dating.
Speaker 1: My BS eliminator is having that straightforward conversation from day one,
Speaker 1: and if the man runs away, he's not ready for
Speaker 1: a serious relationship.
Speaker 2: What do you think is the difference between someone who
Speaker 2: wants a relationship and someone who needs a relationship.
Speaker 1: If I need you, that means I am operating from love?
Speaker 1: Are you what you're trying to manifest? Because you cannot
Speaker 1: attract what you're not.
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you
Speaker 2: come to become a happier, healthier and more healed. Today's
Speaker 2: guest is going to dive into the topic that I
Speaker 2: know is on your hearts and minds the most love,
Speaker 2: dating relationships, the part of our life that brings so
Speaker 2: much joy that equally can create so much pain. Today's
Speaker 2: guest is someone I've been excited to have on the show.
Speaker 2: I finally have her in the hot seat. Her name
Speaker 2: is Sarah al Madani. She's an entrepreneur author who transformed
Speaker 2: her own pain into powerful guidance for others. Sara is
Speaker 2: known for exposing the hidden patterns of toxic relationships. If
Speaker 2: you've ever felt confused, controlled, or disconnected from yourself, Sara
Speaker 2: will help you understand why and teach you to identify
Speaker 2: narcissistic behavior, break trauma bonds, and heal the parts of
Speaker 2: you that were taught to settle for less. If you
Speaker 2: don't follow Sara on social media already, I know you
Speaker 2: will after this episode, and if you're interested, you can
Speaker 2: grab her copy of Dear Narcissist. This is the book
Speaker 2: that I want you to go and grab. We'll put
Speaker 2: the link in the comments and we'll be talking about
Speaker 2: it throughout the episode. Please welcome to On Purpose Sarah Madani. Sarah,
Speaker 2: it is great to have you here.
Speaker 1: I've manifested this on my birthday. So on my birthday
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to be on Jay's show,
Speaker 1: and here i am.
Speaker 2: When was your birthday?
Speaker 1: Twentieth of jam that's amazing.
Speaker 2: And that was this year you had this vision.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and everyone was like, oh, you're crazy. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: it's because I'm a manifestor so I knew it was
Speaker 1: going to happen, and here it is.
Speaker 2: I love that. Well. I've wanted to have you on
Speaker 2: for a long time. I'm on. So it just was
Speaker 2: waiting for you to manifest because I've been wanting to
Speaker 2: have you on. I've been following you for years, and
Speaker 2: I've always stopped to listen to what you have to
Speaker 2: say because I think there have been so many moments
Speaker 2: where I've just found, Oh, this is the right thing
Speaker 2: to send to someone, and this is the right thing
Speaker 2: that's going to resonate with someone. And so I'm a
Speaker 2: big fan of yours and I love the work you're doing.
Speaker 2: I love the way in which you do it. You
Speaker 2: also have the coolest style. So there's so many things
Speaker 2: I want to talk about today, but the first thing
Speaker 2: I want to talk about is right now we're experiencing
Speaker 2: all of our listeners, and I'm sure you experience this.
Speaker 2: People feel lonely, they feel disconnected, they feel like they
Speaker 2: want love in their life. They want to find the
Speaker 2: right person, they want to find the right partner. What
Speaker 2: should someone be asking themselves before they start dating.
Speaker 1: It's an understatement of we know how people say I
Speaker 1: want this kind of guy or that kind of girl.
Speaker 1: I want to manifest this kind of love or that
Speaker 1: kind of love. The true question that a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't actually look deep into is are you what
Speaker 1: you're trying to manifest? If you want a successful man,
Speaker 1: you successful. If you want a kind loving man, are
Speaker 1: you kind and loving? If you want hardworking person, are
Speaker 1: you the things you want to get? Because you cannot
Speaker 1: attract what you're not. And I think this is something
Speaker 1: that people don't pay attention to. They just don't want
Speaker 1: to put in the work. They just want to get
Speaker 1: it easy. But that's not how life works, because in
Speaker 1: the end, you will attract who you are from the insight.
Speaker 1: So if you're broken, you will attract broken people. I
Speaker 1: used to think I don't hurt anybody. I'm such a
Speaker 1: nice person. I'm making money, I'm working hard. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm a single mom. Life is great. I don't have traumas.
Speaker 1: I've been through a helen back, but I'm okay now.
Speaker 1: But I want someone good. And every time I went
Speaker 1: out there and I opened my heart, I attracted something bad,
Speaker 1: not knowing that the reason I attracted bad things is
Speaker 1: because even though trauma sometimes is not loud, it's hiding,
Speaker 1: but it crawls around in situations and shows up as
Speaker 1: triggers or like in your decisions or choices you take
Speaker 1: and This is where good people don't understand that even
Speaker 1: if you're good, you still need to do the work.
Speaker 1: Even if you're good, you still need to be whoever
Speaker 1: you want to attract. So I think that's something people
Speaker 1: don't want to look deep into.
Speaker 2: I really appreciate that distinction. I'd never thought about it
Speaker 2: like that. Really, Yeah, like what you just said that
Speaker 2: people are good people and they're wondering why bad things
Speaker 2: happen to them or why they end up with the
Speaker 2: wrong partner or the wrong person. And I couldn't agree
Speaker 2: with you more that. I think that when you're doing
Speaker 2: that work, you naturally set better standards, and you naturally
Speaker 2: don't deal or accept less than you deserve. Because if
Speaker 2: you're already happy, successful, organized, joyful, ambitious, whatever those qualities are,
Speaker 2: you know what it takes to be that. And so
Speaker 2: now when you meet someone, that person can either match
Speaker 2: your energy or they're going to show where their gap is.
Speaker 2: And it becomes really relevant. What do you think is
Speaker 2: the difference between someone who wants a relationship and someone
Speaker 2: who needs a relationship?
Speaker 1: Look, once comes from abundance, it means that I have
Speaker 1: nothing missing. I want you for who you are. I'm
Speaker 1: content happy, I'm fulfilled. I don't need anything from you.
Speaker 1: There's no hidden agenda. But if I need you, that
Speaker 1: means I am operating from lack. So there is a
Speaker 1: hidden agenda. It means that, Okay, maybe I want to
Speaker 1: be with you because you make me happy. Maybe I
Speaker 1: want to be with you because you financially fulfill me.
Speaker 1: Maybe I want to be with you for whatever reason
Speaker 1: it is. Need is not a good reason to obtain
Speaker 1: something to I shouldn't need you, I should want you.
Speaker 1: I always try to teach people this, and it's hard
Speaker 1: because we've been taught growing up that we need love,
Speaker 1: and we need and we need to be in a relationship,
Speaker 1: we need kids, we need all of these things, but
Speaker 1: we actually don't. We're here to experience life. Whether love
Speaker 1: or children is part of the experience great, whether it's not.
Speaker 1: You should be content with yourself only when you are
Speaker 1: content and you don't need anybody. This is when you
Speaker 1: actually bond with someone and you purely love them. But
Speaker 1: if you need them, it's like there's always a hidden agenda,
Speaker 1: and once that need is fulfilled, you feel like you're
Speaker 1: disconnected from them because you didn't really want to be
Speaker 1: with them. From the get go, you just needed some
Speaker 1: thing from them. So this is why I always say,
Speaker 1: be whoever you want a date, be whoever you need
Speaker 1: for yourself, and then go out there and get whatever
Speaker 1: you want. It's hard because we've been programmed all our
Speaker 1: life not to think like that. So imagine after thirty
Speaker 1: something years, I'm trying to change the way I think.
Speaker 1: Neuroscience they say neuropaths can be created in twenty one days,
Speaker 1: so you can. It's not impossible. We just have to
Speaker 1: remove the limiting belief. And that's the hardest part.
Speaker 2: What's a dating non negotiable you have today that would
Speaker 2: shock your younger self? What has changed for you that
Speaker 2: you would have negotiated with before.
Speaker 1: When I was younger, And I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people agree. I thought mysterious men were so sexy. I
Speaker 1: thought the more mystery, the more beautiful it is the
Speaker 1: more But now now if I could look at my
Speaker 1: younger self and I go like, that's unattractive. Clarity is attractive.
Speaker 1: Mystery and not understanding where you stand with someone or
Speaker 1: who they are, what they do, it's not attractive. It's
Speaker 1: actually such a turn off because it shows you the
Speaker 1: person is not aligned and the person is not a
Speaker 1: leader and not transparent and honest. That's something like five
Speaker 1: books in myself. Every time I used to see a
Speaker 1: guy who's mysterious, I'm like, oh my god, that's so hot.
Speaker 1: Now it's like, oh, our biggest red flag ever. Is
Speaker 1: there a part of you that's still like I killed
Speaker 1: every part of me that wanted that.
Speaker 2: So No, but it's important to reflect back like that
Speaker 2: because I think we can all remember a past version
Speaker 2: of ourself and how we were either trained or conditioned
Speaker 2: to be attracted to a certain type of person, and
Speaker 2: how that changes over time as you grow and you mature.
Speaker 2: And that's proof of what you just said, that you
Speaker 2: date who you are or who you become totally because
Speaker 2: you're saying, oh, as I've grown, my taste has changed. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think we've all experienced that in different areas of
Speaker 2: our life, that as we grew older, as we matured,
Speaker 2: as we became wiser, our taste changed in so many things.
Speaker 2: So why not in people? But it feels like we
Speaker 2: keep going back to the same people for.
Speaker 1: So many years before doing the inner work and all
Speaker 1: that my taste was changing as in like looks wise, height, twise, whatever,
Speaker 1: they do in life wise, but it was still the
Speaker 1: same man in different bodies.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: So it was the same toxic traits. I think it's
Speaker 1: because we attract what's familiar to us. They say, better
Speaker 1: the devil I know than the angel. I don't know, right,
Speaker 1: because I know how to deal with the devil. I
Speaker 1: know where ends. I know this is not forever. I
Speaker 1: know the hurt and the pain that comes with it.
Speaker 1: This is why I kept on going to what's familiar.
Speaker 1: I remember when I finished doing the inner work and
Speaker 1: finished my healing, I was like, even looking at pictures
Speaker 1: of my axes, I'm like, what was I thinking? But
Speaker 1: it's trauma bonding. So a lot of people might think,
Speaker 1: oh no, I was in love. I really love reflecting
Speaker 1: on old relationships, and I would love people to also
Speaker 1: sit and reflect on their old relationships after doing the work.
Speaker 1: Do this game where you put their names and you're right,
Speaker 1: why were you attracted to them? And you realize where
Speaker 1: were you? Trauma bonding and only when you can pinpoint
Speaker 1: these things is where you grow Jay. Because a lot
Speaker 1: of us we threw ourselves into healing. It's like walking
Speaker 1: into a supermarket and saying I want to bake a cake?
Speaker 1: Can you help me? It's like, what cake do you
Speaker 1: want to bake? I need to give you the right ingredients.
Speaker 1: So when people go to do the inner work, they
Speaker 1: just throw themselves into healing, not knowing what are they
Speaker 1: healing from? Where did this all start, what's the root
Speaker 1: of it all? So people don't go so deep. They
Speaker 1: just want to heal the surface. My last relationship, the
Speaker 1: relationship before. But all of this starts away from childhood.
Speaker 1: Doesn't start from a relationship, right. I mean, it's an
Speaker 1: entangled thing to do the inner work, but it's not easy,
Speaker 1: but it's such a fulfilling, rewarding thing to do.
Speaker 2: What's the difference in your mind between compatibility and chemistry.
Speaker 1: Chemistry is tricky because I cannot depend on chemistry because
Speaker 1: it's hormonal. It's endorphins, you meet somebody, excitement. Last year
Speaker 1: I learned that when you're nervous on a date, or
Speaker 1: when you're feeling all these things, it's actually a red flag.
Speaker 1: It means your nervous system is not calm. It's trying
Speaker 1: to tell you something. But the movies and they taught
Speaker 1: us that to interpret them as butterflies, and they're the
Speaker 1: right one, and that's how it should feel like. A
Speaker 1: friend of mine once told me quote that actually made
Speaker 1: me sit at home for hours and think about my
Speaker 1: life so much. He told me, don't look for a firecracker,
Speaker 1: look for a fireplace. Firecrackers when you have all these
Speaker 1: butterflies in your stomach and that's not a good thing.
Speaker 1: You should look for a fireplace. The boring guy, the
Speaker 1: calm guy. That's your guy, you know. And it took
Speaker 1: me time to realize that. But chemistry is tricky because
Speaker 1: it might be misleading. Compatibility is more sexy for me,
Speaker 1: and it's more long lasting. I treat relationships as business,
Speaker 1: so a business partner that has so much money, or
Speaker 1: an investor and they have so many companies. Chemistry very attractive.
Speaker 1: But if there's no compatibility in the way we think
Speaker 1: are ethics and morals, I'm investing my money and I'm
Speaker 1: throwing everything out down the drain because it's not going
Speaker 1: to go anywhere. It's not a good investment. I look
Speaker 1: at compatibility, and if there's compatibility, chemistry can come later.
Speaker 1: I don't need to have chemistry from the get go.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you noticed, if you ever watched
Speaker 1: movies where you were like, what the main character and
Speaker 1: you're like, they don't look that good, and then halfway
Speaker 1: through the movie you're like, oh my god, they're so hot.
Speaker 1: It's because you fell in love with the character in
Speaker 1: the movie, right, But it just shows your chemistry can
Speaker 1: be delayed. It's not a prerequisite.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love the fireplace and firecracker analogy because I
Speaker 2: feel like it's all about the feeling you get from
Speaker 2: being in that person's presence. And when you said that,
Speaker 2: I was thinking, a fire place can actually be beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's not boring at all, and it makes you feel warm,
Speaker 2: and it has this sense that you want to be
Speaker 2: around it, Like if you see a nice fireplace, you
Speaker 2: usually want to go sit next to it. You have
Speaker 2: beautiful conversations while it's there, like you're really present around
Speaker 2: the fireplace. True, because if you think about a firecracker,
Speaker 2: you crack it for one moment, you experience it, and
Speaker 2: then it's over and it's done. Love is almost like
Speaker 2: I want to see that person first thing in the morning,
Speaker 2: and I want to be around them at the end
Speaker 2: of the day. I want to see them when I
Speaker 2: have the best news to share. And I love that
Speaker 2: they're there for me when the worst thing's happening, and
Speaker 2: totally I can't wait to home to them. And at
Speaker 2: the same time, I'm really excited when I see them
Speaker 2: every day. Like it's so much more about peace and
Speaker 2: comfort and warmth, which the five place versus this quick
Speaker 2: big bang. No one ever says that about love, Like
Speaker 2: when you really talk about someone you love, even if
Speaker 2: it's a family member or a friend, you don't really
Speaker 2: talk about it in that way, but we do with love. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you keep talking about the inner work, and you mentioned
Speaker 2: it a few times already. What is inner work? Because
Speaker 2: people throw themselves into it, as you said, or a
Speaker 2: relationship whatever. But I think also people throw that word around.
Speaker 2: We just say, oh, do the inner work, but what
Speaker 2: is in a work?
Speaker 1: The word inner work and healing is trending like kale
Speaker 1: and avocado and macha, you know what I mean. Everybody
Speaker 1: has a tattoo of it or it's on their bio
Speaker 1: on Instagram. But as cute as it is seeing that
Speaker 1: growing and there's like this whole culture and everybody's talking
Speaker 1: about it, it's so important to live, not to exist,
Speaker 1: And if you're not doing the inner work, you're just existing.
Speaker 1: What is the inner work? The inner work is going
Speaker 1: deep down inside removing all the masks that life and
Speaker 1: society and everything you went through had to put on
Speaker 1: your face, and you lost your identity throughout the way.
Speaker 1: Doing the inner work is removing mask by mask, mask
Speaker 1: by mask until you finally reach who you truly are.
Speaker 1: So basically, who are you before people told you who
Speaker 1: to be, how to be, or what to be? Who
Speaker 1: are you really before this conditioning? And I always say,
Speaker 1: we are born with blueprints. My name is Sarah, that's
Speaker 1: my religion, this is my family, that's my country, this
Speaker 1: is what I eat. This is wrong, this is right.
Speaker 1: So I'm born already with a blueprint. Who am I
Speaker 1: beyond that blueprint? Who am I beyond that?
Speaker 2: Yes? And no?
Speaker 1: And this is wrong? And this is the curiosity I
Speaker 1: want people to have. And the only way to find
Speaker 1: the light is to clean the corridor. And if the
Speaker 1: corridor is messy and there's trauma and there's all these things.
Speaker 1: Can you live in life without doing the inner work?
Speaker 1: You can? But I don't call it living. I call
Speaker 1: it existing because there is much more to life after healing,
Speaker 1: Like the grass is greener where healing is the inner work.
Speaker 1: How do you do it? It doesn't matter how do
Speaker 1: you do it. Some people go to therapists, some people
Speaker 1: do hitno therapists. Some people do plant medicines, some people
Speaker 1: do whatever it takes to find your way back home?
Speaker 1: And what is home?
Speaker 2: Home? Is you?
Speaker 1: This body?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: I used to hear it all the time. I never
Speaker 1: understood it until I sat down and went deep spiritually.
Speaker 1: When people say we are a fragment of God, like
Speaker 1: my soul is a piece of God. Therefore this body
Speaker 1: is a temple, I always thought it was a metaphor
Speaker 1: a metaphor beautiful by God? How beautiful is this saying?
Speaker 1: Until I realize, oh crap, God does live inside this temple,
Speaker 1: and this is the temple. So now I'm more careful
Speaker 1: about where I take this temple, Who touches this temple,
Speaker 1: who gets in this temple? How I treat this temple?
Speaker 1: Because it's like, where are you dragging God to? I
Speaker 1: want people to go deep. I want them to be curious.
Speaker 1: I want them to declutter, to remove all the darkness
Speaker 1: so they can find the light. And the light is
Speaker 1: to go back home, back home to this and this
Speaker 1: is not home until you remove everything that's distracting you,
Speaker 1: everything that's in the way of the light. But I
Speaker 1: cannot pinpoint one thing. Jane tell you this is the
Speaker 1: recipe to hear. No, whatever you're doing, as long as
Speaker 1: you're doing it, just go out there and try.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that take on in or work. It's before
Speaker 2: the world told you who you are, what you are, yeah,
Speaker 2: why you should be. And it's so true. I think
Speaker 2: about that all the time of how many of our
Speaker 2: values are adopted and inherited versus chosen. Yeah, and so
Speaker 2: many relationships don't work out because you have an inherited
Speaker 2: value and your partner has an inherited value and you
Speaker 2: both don't even care about that value, but you both
Speaker 2: believe in it because it came from each other's parents.
Speaker 2: And now here you are dealing with someone else's inherited problem.
Speaker 2: And it's almost like an inherited disease where you end
Speaker 2: up having something and now it's affecting your life today. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you didn't get to choose. But with your values,
Speaker 2: you actually get to choose. You actually get to decipher
Speaker 2: whether they or not. And it almost feels easier and
Speaker 2: more comfortable not to do in a work. What was
Speaker 2: the first step of in a work that you did.
Speaker 2: What did you see when you started to do it?
Speaker 1: All my life, I've been in five relationships. Okay, two
Speaker 1: of them were marriages that didn't work out, and I
Speaker 1: was just confused the first marriage, the second marriage, the
Speaker 1: relationship after that, and after that, I was like, there's
Speaker 1: something weird because I feel like I'm with a different men,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm with the same men. And
Speaker 1: I didn't understand anything about narcissism or toxic relationships back then.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a lot of information online and podcasts
Speaker 1: and all that and awareness. When you're curious, you go deep,
Speaker 1: like you enter the rabbit hole, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what's happening here? Instead of me focusing on oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're bad, they're this pointing the finger and being a
Speaker 1: victim all the time, which a lot of us do
Speaker 1: because it's comfortable to be a victim. I didn't hurt anybody.
Speaker 1: They hurt me. Look at me. I'm the broken one.
Speaker 1: I realized being a victim does not serve me, does
Speaker 1: not make me grow, doesn't get me in anywhere. And
Speaker 1: only when I started pointing the finger on myself because
Speaker 1: it takes two to tango. Where did I go wrong?
Speaker 1: What did I do? Where's my contribution to this? Because
Speaker 1: I need to grow out of this? And only then
Speaker 1: I started looking at my life differently and like looking
Speaker 1: into healing. My journey started with some therapy I just
Speaker 1: did not like after every therapy session, the therapist would like,
Speaker 1: see you next week, see you next week, see you
Speaker 1: next week. I'm like, but I feel like I need
Speaker 1: you now. I feel like I'm depending on you. How
Speaker 1: am I learning? And I'm a very stubborn personality ever
Speaker 1: since I was a kid, so I was always curious
Speaker 1: and asking questions. So I was like, why see you
Speaker 1: next week? See you next week? It was a bit expensive.
Speaker 1: I was young, I had my own business at that time.
Speaker 1: Insurance did not cover that. So I was like, why
Speaker 1: do I keep going back? And then I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me now that the therapist pinpointed what's wrong, let
Speaker 1: me move to something else. So I went to hitno therapy.
Speaker 1: And after hitnotherapy, I went into spiritual healing, and I
Speaker 1: went into meditation, and I went into this and this
Speaker 1: and tried so many things. This is why I'm trying
Speaker 1: to tell you. If if you tell me which one
Speaker 1: of them worked. I tell you all. So there is
Speaker 1: no right recipe or a location map I can drop
Speaker 1: you so you can come to the healing space. It's
Speaker 1: anything you try, anything you do for yourself is valid
Speaker 1: and can help you in some way. And once your
Speaker 1: heart is open to that topic or that journey, everything
Speaker 1: comes to you like people call me up, Hey, you
Speaker 1: want to go to this retreat, and then this post
Speaker 1: comes online. It's like Instagram's algorithm. You know when you
Speaker 1: go on your for you page on Instagram. If I
Speaker 1: want to know Jay, all I have to do is
Speaker 1: go on your for you page and I would know
Speaker 1: exactly what type of person you are because of the algorithm.
Speaker 1: Similar thing with the universe. Whatever you think, whatever you believe,
Speaker 1: it becomes your algorithm. You attract it, just like instagram
Speaker 1: for you page. Once you set your goal and your
Speaker 1: mind to do the inner work the way, it just
Speaker 1: shows up. Once you start walking, just the way shows up.
Speaker 2: The number one thing you said in your answer that
Speaker 2: resonate really deeply was in a work started the moment
Speaker 2: you stopped pointing the finger outwards and took responsibility. I
Speaker 2: think that is the definition of the first phase of
Speaker 2: inn work is being able to say, this is where
Speaker 2: I'm responsible for my own pain, this is where I'm
Speaker 2: responsible for my own suffering, this is where I'm responsible
Speaker 2: for my own choices. And that's not saying you're taking
Speaker 2: the blame. I think the word blame is bad both ways.
Speaker 2: You don't want to blame anyone else, but you definitely
Speaker 2: don't want to start blaming yourself. And so when you
Speaker 2: can take responsibility and accountability, now you can actually make
Speaker 2: progress because now you've transformed life from what you can't
Speaker 2: control to what you can control. You can control what
Speaker 2: you do and what you did, and how you behave
Speaker 2: and what your beliefs are. And you can't control how
Speaker 2: someone treats you, no matter how good you are, but
Speaker 2: you can decide how long you tolerted and how long
Speaker 2: you accept it for how does someone today set their standards?
Speaker 1: You have to first understand what are you okay with?
Speaker 1: And I think the biggest blessing in my life was
Speaker 1: not knowing what I wanted knowing what I did not want,
Speaker 1: because that gave me so much clarity. Because when you
Speaker 1: do the healing and you do the work, it's like
Speaker 1: you're meeting yourself for the first time. So I remember,
Speaker 1: I took time away from people so I can get
Speaker 1: to know myself. I used to know the old me.
Speaker 1: How she reacts, how she thinks. After the healing, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so what does she do now? How should she react now?
Speaker 1: So it's like a blank page and you get to
Speaker 1: meet who you are and you get to mold her
Speaker 1: to the best version or him to the best version.
Speaker 1: I feel like boundaries and how you set the tone
Speaker 1: or what's okay with you? What's not? What do you
Speaker 1: want what's not? It all depends on you. It depends
Speaker 1: on your expectation of life. How do you value relationship,
Speaker 1: what you look at, what do you want the most?
Speaker 1: Like what is your love language? So it differs from
Speaker 1: person to another. For example, I don't think love is
Speaker 1: a feeling, okay, because like children when they're born, they're pure.
Speaker 1: They love everything, animals, they love everything. They don't need
Speaker 1: you to provide to be successful. They don't need you
Speaker 1: to have a label or anything. It's like love is
Speaker 1: God's language, so we're born with it. It's natural. It's
Speaker 1: like even if I meet someone in the street, I
Speaker 1: don't need to know you to love you. I love
Speaker 1: you on a certain level, right. But for me, love
Speaker 1: in a relationship is a decision. It's a decision to
Speaker 1: stick to the person whether things get hard or not.
Speaker 1: That's why they say in sickness and health and rich
Speaker 1: and poor, that all these things, because it's a decision.
Speaker 1: If I decide to be with you, whether things are
Speaker 1: the way I want or not, I have to stick
Speaker 1: to my decision. Similar to if I've invest in a business,
Speaker 1: I cannot right now as a CEO and an investor,
Speaker 1: say I don't feel like going to work today, You can't.
Speaker 1: You don't show up. It dies you don't show up,
Speaker 1: people vote you out. You don't show up, things don't
Speaker 1: work out. Similar to how you feed energy into a business,
Speaker 1: marriage relationship is a business. If you don't show up
Speaker 1: every day, it's not going to work. It's like bread.
Speaker 1: You have to bake it fresh every morning otherwise it's
Speaker 1: not gonna work. And people also comfortable in relationships. They
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, once I got the kids, once I
Speaker 1: got married, I don't need to put the work. And
Speaker 1: then they complain, Oh, what's the secret to a long relationship?
Speaker 1: How come your marriage is working?
Speaker 2: In mind?
Speaker 1: Is not it's because George Jenna, the same amount of
Speaker 1: energy you put into your business and to your work,
Speaker 1: put it into your relationship. It's as simple as that.
Speaker 1: It's an investment. It's definitely a decision because emotions go
Speaker 1: up and down. Like have you ever felt like you
Speaker 1: know you love your parents to death? Right, but sometimes
Speaker 1: you feel like you just can't stand them. You want
Speaker 1: you just want to mom get away from me, you know,
Speaker 1: not today? But I love her, Which means if my
Speaker 1: relationship depends on my feelings, one day, I'm up, one
Speaker 1: day I'm down. It fluctuates. Emotions are unsteady. But if
Speaker 1: I made a decision, whether I'm feeling it or not,
Speaker 1: I will show up because I made that decision. So
Speaker 1: love is a decision. It's beyond an emotion.
Speaker 2: I feel like people have deal breakers in dating right now? Yeah,
Speaker 2: what do you think is a healthy way of knowing
Speaker 2: what a deal breaker is? Or what is a deal
Speaker 2: breaker in dating? What should be a deal breaker in dating?
Speaker 1: A deal breaker? Okay, let me explain to you how
Speaker 1: I date first. Yeah, so from the get go, I
Speaker 1: sit down. I do not waste your time or mine
Speaker 1: out of respect for both. Right, So I'll sit with
Speaker 1: the guy, and I'll be very honest. I say, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm forty next year. Okay, I don't have time. I've
Speaker 1: been married twice. I'm a single mom. I want to
Speaker 1: settle down. I don't know how long I'm fertile for. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I want to start a family. What do you want?
Speaker 1: And the thing is a lot of men run away
Speaker 1: because they think I'm saying I want that with you. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want that with you. I just met you.
Speaker 1: I don't want that with you. I want that in
Speaker 1: the future, whether it's with you or with someone else.
Speaker 1: So bs eliminator is having that straightforward conversation from day one,
Speaker 1: you know. And if the man runs away, then he's
Speaker 1: a boy. He's not ready for a serious relationship. Because
Speaker 1: even if he didn't want this, you can still sit
Speaker 1: and have an honest conversation about it. Right, If he
Speaker 1: sits and talks about it, I'm like, Okay, there's potential there.
Speaker 1: He's mature enough to hold a heavy conversation like this.
Speaker 1: I believe in honesty from the get go. I believe
Speaker 1: in in transparency. I don't believe in wasting your time
Speaker 1: or mine, three four or five dates, dinners and all that.
Speaker 1: Why why am I going through all of this? The
Speaker 1: only thing I can take back is time. And because
Speaker 1: I have respect for the person in front of me,
Speaker 1: whether I'm interested in them or not, as a human being,
Speaker 1: I respect them. I am being honest to respect them
Speaker 1: in return as well. And if that works, it works.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't, it doesn't. But for me, deal breakers
Speaker 1: in a relationship is, for example, on a date, a
Speaker 1: guy who doesn't want to have a serious conversation, an
Speaker 1: honest conversation, that's a deal breaker. Someone who is, for me,
Speaker 1: someone who's like comfortable and not ambitious as a huge
Speaker 1: deal breaker. Someone who is in their toxic masculine as
Speaker 1: in like they want to show off, they want to
Speaker 1: put their voice louder, they want to treat people bad,
Speaker 1: just to be more masculine, but on the toxic side.
Speaker 1: And you know, toxic masculinity, you can smell it, you know,
Speaker 1: day one. And then narcissistic people like this is like my, I.
Speaker 2: Think, how do you know that?
Speaker 1: First of all, it's the eyes. All narcissists have one
Speaker 1: thing in their eyes. It's undeniable. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've ever been with a narcist, or had a friend
Speaker 1: that's a narcist. It's like their eyes give it away.
Speaker 2: Interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a theory that I talk
Speaker 1: about in my book. I'm not sure if it's real
Speaker 1: or not, but somehow, deep down inside of me, I'm
Speaker 1: so convinced it's true. Do you believe that we live
Speaker 1: in a simulator?
Speaker 2: Right? That's an interesting taste.
Speaker 1: I mean, not a simulator. This is this is an experience.
Speaker 1: We can name it anything in the simulator. How does
Speaker 1: it get more interesting? How do I learn if everyone's good,
Speaker 1: if everyone's life is easy and all that. So I
Speaker 1: feel like, just like when I'm playing PlayStation you know,
Speaker 1: have you ever played like for example, Brent Theft Oil
Speaker 1: or whatever. Right, you've seen the MPCs around. They are
Speaker 1: real people, but they're not real people. They're just bodies
Speaker 1: to describe you, to make the game more interesting for you.
Speaker 1: Looking into a narcissist's eyes.
Speaker 2: Okay, like looking at MPCs.
Speaker 1: I feel like they're not human. I feel like they're MPCs.
Speaker 1: I feel like they're just bodies put on earth to
Speaker 1: make the experience harder so you can learn.
Speaker 2: But they're not real.
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I bet you anything. Anyone listening
Speaker 1: to this, they go like, oh my god, yes, that's
Speaker 1: so true. They're dead inside. There's no soul inside of them.
Speaker 1: There's no empathy, there's no soul, there's nothing. Even their
Speaker 1: brain scans are different. Like it's like, I feel like
Speaker 1: they're not real. I feel like they're just here as
Speaker 1: obstacles for us to grow and learn. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's that's my theory.
Speaker 2: No, I love the theory, but learn. It's just that
Speaker 2: I've never heard someone say it's amazing, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: It's the first time for everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: But also easy giveaway is their behavior or their body language.
Speaker 1: But for me, the first thing is the eye. Sometimes
Speaker 1: even the shape of the eye, for example, if the
Speaker 1: pupil's too small, so the space between the white space
Speaker 1: is too big. It can also be like a dead
Speaker 1: eye and narcissic dead eye.
Speaker 2: So you're just there staring at people's eyes trying to
Speaker 2: figure them out.
Speaker 1: I don't need to stare at you. You know what's crazy.
Speaker 1: I smell them when they're sitting somewhere. I think I've
Speaker 1: done so much research and been through so much that
Speaker 1: I've like asted.
Speaker 2: I can usually tell how I feel about someone's energy
Speaker 2: from the words they use and how they speak.
Speaker 1: That can give its usually.
Speaker 2: For me, like as someone who I consider myself quite intuitive,
Speaker 2: and I feel like when I sit with someone, I
Speaker 2: can very quickly figure out how I feel about their energy.
Speaker 2: And but to me, a lot of it's based on
Speaker 2: words we used, the things we talk about, how people
Speaker 2: you know, and so I'm using a lot more information
Speaker 2: that they're giving me. And then there's a general body
Speaker 2: I agree with you on, like body language, body posture,
Speaker 2: all of that kind of stuff as well.
Speaker 1: Which is next time look at the eyes I will.
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to start. So today you help people
Speaker 2: with dating. You've written a book called the a narcisis
Speaker 2: like you're talking to people about their relationship. You talk
Speaker 2: to people about in a work. How did you know
Speaker 2: in both of your marriages it was time to leave.
Speaker 1: When it's abusive physically, mentally, emotionally. Yeah, when you go
Speaker 1: through that and you tolerate it for a while, one
Speaker 1: day you wake up and you're like, what's going on? Like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is this? This is not okay, this
Speaker 1: is not what life is about. And then you look
Speaker 1: at at the relationships around you and you're like, no, no,
Speaker 1: something is off. This became the norm. But then one
Speaker 1: day you'd wake up and say, no, this still doesn't
Speaker 1: feel normal, although it happens every day. I have to
Speaker 1: put my ego aside to understand the whole situation. Why
Speaker 1: do I say ego Because in our culture and our upbringing,
Speaker 1: you know how they say the is not the best
Speaker 1: thing right, it's front upon, even if I'm from the
Speaker 1: Middle East, even in the West, it's front upon. So
Speaker 1: people sticking marriages and relationships because they fear what the
Speaker 1: outside would say about them, or she failed in the relationship,
Speaker 1: and you know, sadly women get the blame most of
Speaker 1: the time. My ego made me stay longer than I
Speaker 1: should because I was like, well will the family say?
Speaker 1: What will the people say? And then, especially in the
Speaker 1: second marriage, when the same story started happening all over again,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, what do I do? Now?
Speaker 1: Do I get divorced? And people say she's done it twice?
Speaker 1: My ego was now my m ego at that time,
Speaker 1: and it made me stay longer than I should.
Speaker 2: Did you stay longer in the first one, the second one?
Speaker 1: First one? Yeah, second one was nine months, which is
Speaker 1: great because I already started doing some inner work, but
Speaker 1: the first one was almost dating in marriage thirteen years.
Speaker 2: It's heartbreaking because I think also there's the ego part,
Speaker 2: but then it also seems like there's the part of
Speaker 2: not feeling worthy of more. Yeah, that's there too. There's
Speaker 2: the go of what will people say? But you're basically
Speaker 2: saying I would rather accept this than people saying bad
Speaker 2: things about me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was also my case. It's like people pleaser,
Speaker 1: you know. I just want to be loved by everybody
Speaker 1: and chosen by everybody. I want everyone to see me
Speaker 1: in the best image ever. But that's zero authenticity. Yes,
Speaker 1: I did this because I wanted to make sure everyone
Speaker 1: is okay. And then I realized that everyone was okay
Speaker 1: except me. And this is when I was like, no,
Speaker 1: some people they don't mind having a war internally to
Speaker 1: maintain the peace on the outside, you know, and I
Speaker 1: don't want that. I used to go home have a
Speaker 1: war internally every day, but on the outside I maintained
Speaker 1: the piece. Now it's the complete opposite. I'd rather burn
Speaker 1: everything around as long as I have inner peace. But
Speaker 1: all of that, why didn't you walk away, Why did
Speaker 1: you care about what people say? Your ego, blah blah.
Speaker 1: All of this comes to one conclusion, lack of self love.
Speaker 1: It's as simple as that. If I loved myself respected myself,
Speaker 1: I would have never been in those marriages. I would
Speaker 1: have never been in these relationships. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful and thankful because they were my teachers
Speaker 1: as well. Whoever hurt me was my master, was my teacher.
Speaker 1: And I have a beautiful son that came out of it.
Speaker 1: If you ever tell me, if I give you a
Speaker 1: magic wand and I'll take you back and you can
Speaker 1: rewrite your story, I would rewrite it the same exact
Speaker 1: story all over again. I would not even change one
Speaker 1: inch of it because then I wouldn't be sitting right
Speaker 1: here in front of you. So I am the woman
Speaker 1: I am today because of what I went through. There's
Speaker 1: a quote that I love so much. It says you
Speaker 1: cannot break someone who sees beauty and everything, even pain.
Speaker 1: So a lot of people think they broke you, But
Speaker 1: for me, pain is a teacher. It either makes you
Speaker 1: bitter or better, So you can't break me. If I
Speaker 1: find beauty, even in the ugliest darkest places. That's what
Speaker 1: I live by every day. And darkness is where everything starts.
Speaker 1: A baby in the womb, a seed underground, it all
Speaker 1: starts in darks. So instead like of people thinking, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we got the best of her, no, you
Speaker 1: created the best of me. I'll comeing. You know, I'll
Speaker 1: take whatever you gave me and I'll create something way
Speaker 1: more beautiful for the world.
Speaker 2: What's your message to men and women who are in
Speaker 2: toxic relationships right now?
Speaker 1: My message is that I've been there, and I know
Speaker 1: it's not easy to leave. I know it's not easy
Speaker 1: to understand, and I know there's a cloud on top
Speaker 1: of your head. And no matter what we tell you,
Speaker 1: you're not going to listen. And sometimes the best gift
Speaker 1: you can give someone is to let them suffer so
Speaker 1: they can learn. But if I can give you any
Speaker 1: piece of advice, is that remaining in that toxic relationship
Speaker 1: or remaining in that place is slowly killing you. Day
Speaker 1: by day. You're losing yourself. Let's say you're going to
Speaker 1: live until you're seventy. We're talking about seventy winters, seventy summers,
Speaker 1: you know, seventy autumns. That's not a lot. Every single
Speaker 1: day wasted is day wasted. You are deserving of a
Speaker 1: new story. You are deserving of rewriting your story. You
Speaker 1: are the captain of the ship. You are the director
Speaker 1: of the movie. Rewrite your story. The endings like people
Speaker 1: are always scared of ending things, you know, but endings
Speaker 1: are so beautiful because it's an opportunity to start something
Speaker 1: completely new. And I want them not to be scared
Speaker 1: of going out there and fighting for the life they
Speaker 1: deserve instead of sitting behind the window and watching their
Speaker 1: life pass by. I wish, I wish, I wish what if?
Speaker 1: I why?
Speaker 2: Why? What if?
Speaker 1: Just go out there and do it. It will upset and
Speaker 1: piss a lot of people off when you live your
Speaker 1: life the way you want. But guess what, you're not
Speaker 1: here to please anybody. You're you weren't born with the
Speaker 1: permission slip that needs a signature. You don't need this
Speaker 1: or that or him or her to approve anything. The
Speaker 1: only approval, the only signature you need is from yourself.
Speaker 1: So the thing is a lot of people want to
Speaker 1: be free, but they don't understand that freedom is freeing
Speaker 1: the mind and what They also don't understand that the
Speaker 1: key to that cage is in their hand, always waiting
Speaker 1: for others to open it for them. No, go out there,
Speaker 1: rewrite your story. I have a sister and a brother,
Speaker 1: and my sister's not married. My brother just got married.
Speaker 1: And I was sitting with my mom and I said, Mom,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of getting married again. She's like, don't you
Speaker 1: ever dare to even say that two weddings is more
Speaker 1: than enough. Your sister's not even married. You have cousins
Speaker 1: that I even stop it. Leave them alone, Leave them
Speaker 1: alone in her mind, God bless her soul. She you know,
Speaker 1: based on culture and all that and everything. She's like,
Speaker 1: you've done it twice. You make money, Go live your
Speaker 1: life with your kid now. But I don't want to
Speaker 1: live my life the way my mom expects me to live,
Speaker 1: or my society expects me to live. If I have
Speaker 1: to get married ten times and get divorced, so be it.
Speaker 1: And I always tell my parents. When I die and
Speaker 1: somebody takes my story and wants to to make it
Speaker 1: a movie, it has to be a freaking good movie.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm going to keep rewriting my story over
Speaker 1: and over again. So my advice is that to anyone
Speaker 1: that's in a toxic relationship. I dare you to go
Speaker 1: out there. I dare you to experience. I dare you
Speaker 1: to have the balls and the guts to say I'm
Speaker 1: worthy of something more than the breadcrumbs or whatever I'm getting.
Speaker 1: You deserve not to be hit. You deserve to be respected.
Speaker 1: You deserve flowers in the morning. You deserve the bare
Speaker 1: minimum that you beg for. You deserve this on a
Speaker 1: daily base. My advice is just this for them, Just
Speaker 1: go out there. You know, I have the courage to
Speaker 1: live life, not just to exist.
Speaker 2: How did you find that strength when you're in that
Speaker 2: painful position, because it's almost like when you're on the
Speaker 2: receiving end of any form of abuse, you feel like
Speaker 2: you're weakest, because not only is that person beating you
Speaker 2: up sadly, but there's also you beating yourself up for
Speaker 2: accepting that. What did you do and what have you
Speaker 2: helped others? Do find that courage and give themselves that
Speaker 2: permission in that moment when it feels like it's impossible.
Speaker 1: The anger when I was doing the healing, the anger
Speaker 1: towards myself was way bigger than the anger towards them.
Speaker 1: Because toxic people are con you know. That's the beautiful
Speaker 1: thing about them. They're shitty, and they're shitty all the time.
Speaker 1: They never change. They show you who they really are.
Speaker 1: You're the one that's agreeing to stay. So the anger
Speaker 1: towards self because I'm in this situation, I'm agreeing to
Speaker 1: stay and all that. That is what takes a toll
Speaker 1: on your body. You asked, how did I manage to
Speaker 1: rise from all of that and everything?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Rock bottom? Rock Bottom has a basement. Have you ever
Speaker 1: heard of it? People think rock Bottom is the end.
Speaker 1: There's a basement down there. Every pain, every heartbreak, every
Speaker 1: agony is an opportunity for you to meet God. That's
Speaker 1: where I'm at God, not on rock Bottom, in the
Speaker 1: basement of rock Bottom. These hardships are an opportunity for
Speaker 1: you to meet God. And when I'm at God and
Speaker 1: fix my relationship with God and got closer and understood
Speaker 1: that relationship, then my self love journey started. A lot
Speaker 1: of people. They remember God when they are in a
Speaker 1: bad situation. When they're in a good situation, they forget
Speaker 1: him right or for example, well, if anything goes wrong, God,
Speaker 1: why are you doing this to me? No, Martha, you
Speaker 1: chose George who was toxic. He beat you up day one.
Speaker 1: You state God has nothing to do with it. We
Speaker 1: tend to hang our mistakes on God and say call
Speaker 1: it fate. And this is what happens. When you don't
Speaker 1: do the inner work. You will choose bad You'll go
Speaker 1: through bad things, and you always end up labeling them
Speaker 1: as faith, Oh God, oh faith, or that's my destiny.
Speaker 1: It's not your destiny. You wrote this destiny, you chose this.
Speaker 1: You're the author, you're the participant, You're all of that.
Speaker 1: This is how I got out of it is when
Speaker 1: I'm at God in rock Bottom and I felt that
Speaker 1: deep love. Although I was in a bad situation, I
Speaker 1: felt so much love, and then I realized that I
Speaker 1: have to give that love to myself before trading it
Speaker 1: and giving it to others. And the reason why I
Speaker 1: was always broken is because I gave it to others
Speaker 1: before giving it to myself. I'm an EmPATH, but this
Speaker 1: is where empathy becomes toxic. You know, you become a
Speaker 1: toxic EmPATH. I love using this word with a lot
Speaker 1: of the people that I coach and all that I
Speaker 1: say mpath without boundaries as like a house with no doors.
Speaker 1: Imagine just an opening without a door. Would you stay
Speaker 1: in this house?
Speaker 2: No, definitely not.
Speaker 1: Would you buy this house? Would you stay for long?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, it's unsafe. Right, So, people who are are full
Speaker 1: of empathy but have no boundaries or are not safe.
Speaker 1: That's why nobody stays with them. That's why no matter
Speaker 1: how much they give, people leave because they can't even
Speaker 1: put it in words. People just can't stay. You know,
Speaker 1: only when you build that door, not a wall, because
Speaker 1: a lot of people build walls, but whiles they stop
Speaker 1: bad things and good things. Build a door, open it
Speaker 1: for good, close it for bad. Build a door. Protect yourself,
Speaker 1: protect what's in the house. If somebody enters that house,
Speaker 1: make them feel like they're safe. Show them your leadership
Speaker 1: skills and the decisions you take in life so they
Speaker 1: can trust your leading. All these things are just important.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were saying that you coach people today. What
Speaker 2: are the most common things people come to you with? Like,
Speaker 2: what's the thing you hear the most.
Speaker 1: Either like love interest or auto trauma? The thing is,
Speaker 1: I'm an awakening coach. So what I do is I
Speaker 1: awaken your senses, your spirit, your healing abilities. I teach
Speaker 1: you and then I ask you to never come back
Speaker 1: to me again, because if you keep coming back, I'm failing. Like,
Speaker 1: this is not how it should work. I think what
Speaker 1: triggered that is my therapist. Remember how I told you
Speaker 1: the beginning. She's like, come back next week, come back
Speaker 1: next week, and I will tell my patient don't come
Speaker 1: back next week.
Speaker 2: Don't come back.
Speaker 1: If you come back to me. That means I'm not
Speaker 1: doing something right. It's just you awaken to show them
Speaker 1: their true powers because they should not depend on anybody.
Speaker 1: They are the healer, they are the teacher, they're the master,
Speaker 1: they're everything. But they just don't know that. You just
Speaker 1: need to show them their own powers.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: We use the power of meditation, immersive experience, using sound,
Speaker 1: using vibration to show them their power, and it works
Speaker 1: most of the time. So that's how we teach them.
Speaker 2: You talked about meeting God in the basement, yeah, of
Speaker 2: rock bottom, and that was the empowerment that you needed
Speaker 2: in order to get out of that space. What was
Speaker 2: that journey like for you? Like, talk to me about
Speaker 2: what it looked like to build a relationship with God
Speaker 2: that gave you that strength.
Speaker 1: The relationship with God was number one to stop blaming
Speaker 1: God for everything. I have a free will, you know,
Speaker 1: and if you have a free will, a free will
Speaker 1: doesn't come with a butt. God can say, I give
Speaker 1: you free will, but I will do this is free will,
Speaker 1: your choice, your decision, your life, everything. However, our choices
Speaker 1: sometimes are pre chosen for us because I cannot choose
Speaker 1: my parents, right, So I came through the parents. The
Speaker 1: parents have the trauma, they passed the trauma, they passed
Speaker 1: this upbringing, the teachings and all that. So I am
Speaker 1: part of a cycle.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like I enter the game. I'm already like part
Speaker 1: of the whole game. So fixing the relationship with God
Speaker 1: God is understanding that I cannot blame God for everything
Speaker 1: bad that happens, but I should have gratitude for God
Speaker 1: for everything good that happens, because without him accepting and
Speaker 1: seeing how hard I'm working, I wouldn't have gotten that blessing.
Speaker 1: So understanding that God is not angry. God is not
Speaker 1: waiting to punish anybody. God is full of love. We
Speaker 1: are all his children. There's no segregation between who we are.
Speaker 1: He sees us at one Once you remove these doubts
Speaker 1: from the image people created about God, Once you remove
Speaker 1: that and you look at the divine part of who
Speaker 1: God is and how unconditional his love is, it rubs
Speaker 1: on you. You have no choice for to start loving yourself
Speaker 1: because you are a fragment of Him, and if you
Speaker 1: love him, he is inside of you. Your soul is
Speaker 1: a piece of him. You have no choice but to
Speaker 1: start respecting and practicing self love. That was my biggest
Speaker 1: lesson ever, just fixing my relationship with God. It fixed
Speaker 1: my relationship with work, with family, with everything around me.
Speaker 1: Because if you have an idea of the creator, guess
Speaker 1: what that idea imprints on everything in life. If God punishes,
Speaker 1: how can I trust him? How can I trust her?
Speaker 1: If God is angry, of course they're angry. Of course
Speaker 1: he's beating her up. God also punishes. So it's like
Speaker 1: understanding that I fear God. Yes, I have respect for God.
Speaker 1: If I do wrong, karma will serve me as well.
Speaker 1: Understanding the game of the universe and how life works
Speaker 1: is also important. But at the same time, I am
Speaker 1: the author of my karma. I cannot say, oh, why
Speaker 1: is this happening to me? I have to reflect on
Speaker 1: what I've done in the past that this is happening
Speaker 1: to me. I feel like, out of everything in the
Speaker 1: universe that I've learned about how it works and all that,
Speaker 1: Karma is the most fascinating one, you know, because there
Speaker 1: is no one sitting there just watching and pressing the
Speaker 1: button for karma. It's an algorithm. You know, you do good,
Speaker 1: you get good, you do bad, you get bad. But
Speaker 1: you know how everyone says Karma's a bee, right, I
Speaker 1: don't think karma's a bee. I think Karma's very intricate.
Speaker 1: She's very smart, she's very eloquent. She knows when to come.
Speaker 1: And Karma does not fall the sheet of the table
Speaker 1: when it's empty. It pulls it when the table's full.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it delays the response, it takes time. But I
Speaker 1: love the system of karma that we have, and it
Speaker 1: just shows you how balanced and how fair God is.
Speaker 1: Because you're the author you give, you get fixing that relationship,
Speaker 1: understanding how God works, and building that love. Just you
Speaker 1: have no choice but to love yourself. That's it, as
Speaker 1: simple as that.
Speaker 2: I love that. I want to put you into some scenarios.
Speaker 2: These are people that I know right now dealing with
Speaker 2: dating challenges. So I'm going to ask you their scenarios.
Speaker 2: I have a friend who she was seeing this guy.
Speaker 2: They really hit it off, sparks, chemistry, everything. They're seeing
Speaker 2: each other every day for three months, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, he goes cold. He doesn't want to
Speaker 2: continue to see her, and she's trying to figure out
Speaker 2: what's going on. And then a month later he's just
Speaker 2: not interested anymore. No big breakup, no big message, no
Speaker 2: big reason, no cheating, no nothing. It's just I'm not
Speaker 2: ready for a real relationship right now. But three months
Speaker 2: of seeing each other every day, amazing relationship, great dinners,
Speaker 2: great meals, all the rest of it.
Speaker 1: Sounds like love bombing. Okay, and I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: he's a narcissist, but narcissists do that for three months.
Speaker 1: They have to act, pretend to be a role. Sometimes
Speaker 1: three months. Some of them are so good they can
Speaker 1: do it six months. I don't know if he's a
Speaker 1: narcissist or not, but it looks like he was love
Speaker 1: bombing her. Let's remove the narcissism out of the equation. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's just talk human language now. If he goes too
Speaker 1: then act like you don't see him. Because ghosts are
Speaker 1: things we don't see Okay, so pretend like he doesn't
Speaker 1: exist because he just walked away after sparking your interest.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very disrespectful when a man awakens
Speaker 1: something in a woman and suddenly decides to just disappear. Okay,
Speaker 1: to me, it's so unattractive that I wouldn't even cry
Speaker 1: about it. Don't cry over spilt milk. If he's gone,
Speaker 1: he's gone. You're worthy of much more. And thank god,
Speaker 1: it's three months. Imagine if it happened in three years.
Speaker 1: At least you're protected, you're safe.
Speaker 2: The language you use is so interesting when you said
Speaker 2: when man, or even in any situation, awakens something in
Speaker 2: someone else. And I think that's the painful bit. It
Speaker 2: is like, even the language you used, I was like, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's what's so painful for this person. It's they felt
Speaker 2: this like generation of energy that was so exciting to them. Yeah.
Speaker 2: They weren't even saying forever. They were just excited about
Speaker 2: the next few steps with this person.
Speaker 1: But I'm pretty sure if you had a conversation with her,
Speaker 1: not now, maybe in two three months, and you ask her,
Speaker 1: did you see any red flags? From the beginning, there
Speaker 1: was red flags, but guess what they were blurred with
Speaker 1: the chemistry. This is why chemistry is very tricky.
Speaker 2: What are the red flags we miss?
Speaker 1: For example, if you meet someone and from the get
Speaker 1: go they're like, oh my god, I want to marry you.
Speaker 1: You're the love of my life. It's like, Bro, you
Speaker 1: don't even know my middle name. You don't even know
Speaker 1: what I like to eat. You don't even know how
Speaker 1: do I handle stress? What if I'm evil? You don't
Speaker 1: know anything about me. I feel like when people push
Speaker 1: too much, it is sexy, it is exciting, It makes
Speaker 1: you feel wanted, and it's so beautiful. If a man
Speaker 1: doesn't push and takes it easy, we feel like, what's
Speaker 1: wrong with him? Why is he pushing faster? But it's
Speaker 1: healthy to not push fast. It's healthy to take it
Speaker 1: step by step. It's healthy to take the time as
Speaker 1: a man and a woman to look into things and
Speaker 1: not rush. But this sounds very rushing. And also my
Speaker 1: advice to that girl is that you see that rush
Speaker 1: the guy gave her at the beginning, She should have
Speaker 1: that rush with herself. She shouldn't need a guy to
Speaker 1: give her that. I think she was just in love
Speaker 1: with the version of her that he brought out, and
Speaker 1: that version should exist anyways without him. But in the
Speaker 1: end of the day, if he goes too we can't
Speaker 1: see ghosts. So pretend like he doesn't even exist. That's it.
Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, I mean, I've always said I'm like,
Speaker 2: don't fall in love too fast. It's so easy to
Speaker 2: fall in love really really fast and speed things up,
Speaker 2: and you have no idea what this person's history is,
Speaker 2: and you're planning a future, you have no idea what
Speaker 2: this person did yesterday, and you're already excited for tomorrow,
Speaker 2: and you get lost in this vision and imagination that
Speaker 2: you built over having a tiny bit of information with them.
Speaker 2: And yeah, you shouldn't fall in love to with For us,
Speaker 2: it's scary and crazy to do that.
Speaker 1: Another mistake we do is we romanticize potential.
Speaker 2: Tell me about that.
Speaker 1: It's like you look at a guy and you tell
Speaker 1: your friend, hey, maybe you know, if he works harder,
Speaker 1: he'll be somebody. Maybe if he does this, he'll do that.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe maybe maybe you're romanticizing potential. Can you look
Speaker 1: at who's in front of you and be with the
Speaker 1: person in front of you, because that's who you're getting
Speaker 1: the potential is beautiful. You're looking at it. He might
Speaker 1: never reach it. It's false hope. You're feeding yourself false information.
Speaker 1: My only advice for this is look at the person
Speaker 1: and believe what they say and who they say. They
Speaker 1: are as simple as that.
Speaker 2: We have this very interesting approach where we're constantly like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I love everything about them apart from this one thing.
Speaker 2: I w they just work on this. And there's a
Speaker 2: part of us that's well intentioned because we're like, oh,
Speaker 2: we see this potential, we see this growth. But really
Speaker 2: what we're saying is I don't like them how they are.
Speaker 1: Let's drop the bs. Let's just say it as if
Speaker 1: no one's listening. I wish I can change them. That's
Speaker 1: the first thing you're saying. I'm walking to this relationship.
Speaker 1: I want to change them. I want to make them
Speaker 1: the way I am, because that makes me happy. First
Speaker 1: of all, selfish, wrong intention, ill intention. The intention they
Speaker 1: want is to change somebody, and that's not what it
Speaker 1: should look like. It should be accepting someone. It should
Speaker 1: be loving them for who they are, accepting them for
Speaker 1: they are. Actually, what makes relationships interesting is the differences
Speaker 1: we have between us. We should celebrate the differences, not
Speaker 1: dim each other's differences and try to pull each other
Speaker 1: on each other's side, like come to my side. No,
Speaker 1: in relationship, both couple have to work together to be
Speaker 1: the best version of themselves. So obviously we're expecting growth.
Speaker 1: I expect you, you expect me in a relationship to grow.
Speaker 1: It's as simple as that. Even trees grow, like we
Speaker 1: have to grow. But to go in and say, oh
Speaker 1: my god, she wears a lot of short clothes, she clubs,
Speaker 1: I'm a change all of that. Why leave her for
Speaker 1: a man that loves her for who she is? If
Speaker 1: your intentions to change day one wrong relationship to walk in.
Speaker 1: It's as simple as that.
Speaker 2: I completely agree. I also think that the people who
Speaker 2: end up changing people it happens by example, not by
Speaker 2: what they say.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: And I've transformed my life so much by watching my
Speaker 2: wife's habits as opposed to her telling me to do
Speaker 2: those things, because I'm so inspired by the fact that
Speaker 2: she's committed to certain habits, like I've seen her eat healthy, workout,
Speaker 2: whatever it may be. And I've learned so much just
Speaker 2: by watching her where she's not telling me to do
Speaker 2: those things. And I always feel example is the best
Speaker 2: most attractive thing. If someone just does the right thing
Speaker 2: without making them look like the right person, it's the
Speaker 2: most attractive thing in the world because you're like, well,
Speaker 2: you just do that because you see the value in it.
Speaker 2: You're not trying to get the value of people think
Speaker 2: of you or how I perceive you. You're not trying
Speaker 2: to impress anyone. You do it because that's your commitment
Speaker 2: to it, and that's even more attractive because you don't
Speaker 2: see that that much anymore.
Speaker 1: This is the way children are as well. Children they
Speaker 1: don't understand by what you say, no matter how much
Speaker 1: you sit and scream and tell them. They watch how
Speaker 1: you do and then they become I think all of
Speaker 1: us humans were like that. If people tell us, we
Speaker 1: become stubborn and we fight back, and we were a
Speaker 1: bit resistant. We want to remain authentic to our personality.
Speaker 1: But when you watch something and you watch how much
Speaker 1: value brings to someone's life, you slowly, you know, join them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, whenever anyone asks me like how do I change
Speaker 2: my partner, my honest advice is just do the thing. Actually,
Speaker 2: if you do the thing, they'll do it over time
Speaker 2: because they'll see the value. If it's that valuable. Do
Speaker 2: people change?
Speaker 1: I believe people change, But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: don't believe it's my responsibility to give enough chances until
Speaker 1: somebody changes, Like, it's not my job to wait on
Speaker 1: someone to change, because what if they don't? You know,
Speaker 1: So there is a chance there, right, and I'm not
Speaker 1: willing to take your risk. For example, Let's say I'm
Speaker 1: thirty nine now, I'm turning forty next year, and I'm
Speaker 1: with this guy and he's not even sure if he
Speaker 1: wants to be in a relationship or have kids, or
Speaker 1: he's like, let's take a step by step. But I
Speaker 1: might not be fertile two years from now. I could
Speaker 1: have been with someone else who's ready and had a family.
Speaker 1: Right when you are with somebody and they there is
Speaker 1: like promises and all that, there is a risk. How
Speaker 1: much risk are you willing to take and for how long?
Speaker 1: It's not wrong if I say I'm sorry, I cannot
Speaker 1: be with you because I'm in a hurry for something else.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me
Speaker 1: a very honest person, and I'm saving you and myself time.
Speaker 1: So I just love genuine open conversations.
Speaker 2: I think people change a lot. I think people don't
Speaker 2: change for you, and they don't change for me, like
Speaker 2: they change when they want to change. And if someone's
Speaker 2: changing just for you, then they'll change back as quickly.
Speaker 2: I think the fear people have is, oh, gosh, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get that person to change, and then they're going
Speaker 2: to change for the next person. Then they're going to
Speaker 2: be so good for the next person and not for me.
Speaker 1: Okay, if I was with a guy and I've changed him,
Speaker 1: and I knew there was a chance he might be
Speaker 1: better for someone else. If I love someone, I want
Speaker 1: the best for them, and if the best for them
Speaker 1: is not with me.
Speaker 2: You're very pragmatic.
Speaker 1: Look, okay, your team here that works for you. Aren't
Speaker 1: you training them to be the best?
Speaker 2: Yeah? For sure?
Speaker 1: For one day they might leave and do a better
Speaker 1: job than what you do. Right, for sure? You don't
Speaker 1: mind that? No, I don't mind, because that's leadership. Why
Speaker 1: does leadership disappear in relationships?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 1: I want to teach my partner. I want to make
Speaker 1: them the best that even if he ends up with
Speaker 1: someone else, as long as he's happy, I'm okay.
Speaker 2: I think that's the hardest thing in relationships because and
Speaker 2: you're so right, The business analogy makes perfect sense. There's
Speaker 2: a I can't remember, it's one of these old stories.
Speaker 2: But they asked the CEO, like, you know, so you
Speaker 2: can invest in people's training, you're going to spend all
Speaker 2: this money on them, what if they leave? And his
Speaker 2: response is, well, what if I don't train them and
Speaker 2: they stay? And he's like, that would be even worse,
Speaker 2: Like if they never get better and they still work
Speaker 2: in my company, it's the worst better. And I think
Speaker 2: that's the idea that if you're not investing in your
Speaker 2: relationship getting better, you end up staying with someone who
Speaker 2: is that you're stuck with exactly, even if they're not
Speaker 2: the right person.
Speaker 1: But also, this idea of forever is such a scam
Speaker 1: because nothing is forever. I will die, you will die,
Speaker 1: everyone's going to die. Nothing lasts forever. And people mistaken
Speaker 1: love with possession, like they think, if I love someone,
Speaker 1: I need to own them their mine. Oh nobody can
Speaker 1: have them. That's wrong. Love should set your free. Think
Speaker 1: of it as raising a kid. If your mom was
Speaker 1: let's say so controlling because she wants to protect you,
Speaker 1: overprotective and all that, the kid gets sick. They want
Speaker 1: to run away every now and then. So the more
Speaker 1: you are treating emotions as possessions and people as possessions,
Speaker 1: the more they want to leave. Because love is freedom.
Speaker 1: Love is guiding them to be better even if they
Speaker 1: don't end up with you, and it's completely fine before that.
Speaker 2: Self love is at the root of all of this.
Speaker 2: For someone who's listening right now and they feel they
Speaker 2: have low confidence, low self worth, what would you encourage
Speaker 2: them to do.
Speaker 1: Self love doesn't just disappear out of the blue. You're
Speaker 1: not born not loving yourself. It's a conditioning that happens
Speaker 1: from childhood, whether you had siblings, your parents were not fair,
Speaker 1: or they didn't show you affection or love, or whatever
Speaker 1: it is. There's so many reasons for self love to disappear,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people mistaken self love by other things.
Speaker 1: For example, I have a friend who she's like, she
Speaker 1: travels first class, she buys the most expensive things, her
Speaker 1: house is great, cars are great, life is expensive, and
Speaker 1: she always feels empty. And she always says the same thing.
Speaker 1: She's like, I love myself so much, I don't know
Speaker 1: why I feel empty. Because people mistaken this three D
Speaker 1: experience which is buying the things and the house. Great,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that, but that's not what self
Speaker 1: love is. That's not the end goal because when you die,
Speaker 1: nothing goes with you.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Otherwise, why doesn't the g class go to heaven or
Speaker 1: wherever we're going?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: The point is that a lot of people think that
Speaker 1: just because I go to the gym, I color my hair,
Speaker 1: I do the surgeries, I look good, I love myself. No,
Speaker 1: this is all external, fun things to do. But self
Speaker 1: love is saying no. Self love is boundaries. Self love
Speaker 1: is putting yourself first. Self love is wearing the mask
Speaker 1: first on the airplane before putting it on others. Self
Speaker 1: love is not explaining yourself as being authentic regardless of
Speaker 1: how people perceive you. Self love is being honest, no
Speaker 1: matter what the outcome of the truth is. There are
Speaker 1: so many things to self love, and the only way
Speaker 1: to obtain it is to go back to the day
Speaker 1: where it was stripped away from you and you were
Speaker 1: told you were not enough. Was it when you're four
Speaker 1: when your dad was screaming at you? Was it when
Speaker 1: you're three when your mom was upset with you? Was
Speaker 1: your uncle?
Speaker 2: Was it?
Speaker 1: All starts from childhood. In science, they say your personality
Speaker 1: is created from the age of zero to eight, So
Speaker 1: that's where your personality is created. So whatever happens at
Speaker 1: that time, trauma wise, all that and everything it affects
Speaker 1: you throughout the long run. For example, me, I dropped
Speaker 1: university okay because I had a business at the age
Speaker 1: of fifteen. So my father was like, oh, no, you
Speaker 1: have to go to university. You can't do this. And
Speaker 1: I was studying film and I wasn't even started studying physics,
Speaker 1: you know. I was studying film and directing and acting.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I had a business. I
Speaker 1: had staff I had to take care of. So I
Speaker 1: had to make a decision either this life or that life,
Speaker 1: and I dropped university, which upset my dad so much.
Speaker 1: One day, my dad was sitting down and when he
Speaker 1: found out that I dropped university out of loves yet
Speaker 1: imagine he's not even saying it out of spite, because
Speaker 1: my dad's my best friend. He said, Babbah, without this paper,
Speaker 1: you're not going to go anywhere in life. No one's
Speaker 1: going to accept you. Without this degree, no one's going
Speaker 1: to take you. It's not going to work. However, I
Speaker 1: was sitting down, and I remember my reaction was like,
Speaker 1: oh no, let me show you what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: YadA YadA, YadA YadA. But when I went home and
Speaker 1: I slept, the child in me, the subconscious mind started
Speaker 1: taking these words my dad said, and they were fermenting
Speaker 1: in my head. You know, you're not worthy. You're not worthy,
Speaker 1: my dad, my best friend said that to me. And
Speaker 1: ever since, I started making choices based on I'm not
Speaker 1: good enough. I'm not going to be good enough. No
Speaker 1: one's going to notice me, no one's going to do this.
Speaker 1: And I stayed for so many years rebelling to prove
Speaker 1: that I can do it. Although I've done it. I
Speaker 1: did it, I became successful, yet years later I was
Speaker 1: still proving and proving. Instead of enjoying my success, instead
Speaker 1: of enjoying life, I was still proving. So this is
Speaker 1: what trauma does to you. It crawls and creeps and
Speaker 1: your decisions and the way you act and everything like that,
Speaker 1: even your triggers. You know, if we are conscious enough
Speaker 1: to put our ego aside and look at our triggers,
Speaker 1: we realized that our triggers are our untamed shadows. That's
Speaker 1: what they are. And this is why. You know, when
Speaker 1: you do the inner work and you do shadow work,
Speaker 1: you tame your shadow. You don't kill it or get
Speaker 1: rid of it. You can't get rid of your dark side.
Speaker 1: You're a ying yang. You exist, both of you inside one.
Speaker 1: So when you tame your shadows, you don't get triggered anymore.
Speaker 1: So even the triggers, the untamed shadows come up. And
Speaker 1: these are all trauma responses. These are all I don't
Speaker 1: care how kind, how loving, how good you are. We're
Speaker 1: all broken and we all need fixing, and we all
Speaker 1: need some work so we can find ourselves again. And
Speaker 1: I urge everyone to look deep. No matter how good
Speaker 1: you are, I can even find, for example, if you
Speaker 1: give me figures from history that have changed the world,
Speaker 1: that say, figures that have like their selfless, that have
Speaker 1: given their life to the universe and to serving humanity,
Speaker 1: I can even find trauma. You know. So, yes, you're
Speaker 1: doing great things, but that's not the point of life,
Speaker 1: you know. The point of life is not just to
Speaker 1: give up everything.
Speaker 2: Do you believe that you can ever miss something that
Speaker 2: was meant for you?
Speaker 1: Yes? And no, because if I miss it, it's still
Speaker 1: meant So look This is how I believe manifestation is
Speaker 1: because I'm a huge manifestor. I believe that manifestation is
Speaker 1: about surrendering. Okay, what does it mean. It means if
Speaker 1: I believe that I want something, and I believe and
Speaker 1: I demand it from the universe, Okay, I want it,
Speaker 1: I am demanding it. I still have to prove to
Speaker 1: the universe I'm worthy, so I still have to put
Speaker 1: the work. So putting the work is still part of manifestation.
Speaker 1: Surrendering the results is also part of manifestation. So I
Speaker 1: do the work and then I surrender all my results
Speaker 1: to the universe and whatever comes my way, it's for
Speaker 1: the best. Whether I get what I want amazing. If
Speaker 1: I don't get what I want, it's divine intervention as protection,
Speaker 1: as redirection. It's not a rejection. So this is how
Speaker 1: I look at life.
Speaker 2: It's almost saying that if it missed you, then that
Speaker 2: was meant for you too. I want to ask you
Speaker 2: your quick reactions to these classic love cliches. I'm going
Speaker 2: to read them out and then you give me a
Speaker 2: reaction to them. Okay, so opposite to a tract.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's not a factual thing.
Speaker 2: What's your take on it.
Speaker 1: I mean, opposite is great in relationships. Similar is boring
Speaker 1: as well. But I've seen people who are similar who
Speaker 1: have great lives together, so I think it's all compatibility.
Speaker 1: In the end.
Speaker 2: Love is blind.
Speaker 1: Love is definitely blind. Love is blind because our hormones
Speaker 1: drive the car. So if we are conscious enough to
Speaker 1: understand how everything works on the body, yeah, have eyes,
Speaker 1: that's the problem.
Speaker 2: What's your take on this? You know when you know?
Speaker 1: Yes, I believe in that, as I say, like being
Speaker 1: with a narcissist. You know when you know?
Speaker 2: How about love is all you need.
Speaker 1: I don't believe love is all I need. I need love,
Speaker 1: I am all I need.
Speaker 2: I like that. I like that you complete me.
Speaker 1: No, I complete me, And if you complete me, that
Speaker 1: means I'm using you.
Speaker 2: What's your take on love at first sight.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe
Speaker 1: in like at first sight. You know, I believe in
Speaker 1: attraction at first sight. I believe in so many emotions,
Speaker 1: but not love. Love takes a bit of time.
Speaker 2: What's your take on Absence makes the heart growth under
Speaker 2: I mean it.
Speaker 1: Does, but if you are with the right person, you'll
Speaker 1: miss them even when they're next to you, so, but
Speaker 1: it does when you spend time away, you miss people.
Speaker 2: One thing you said when I asked you about your relationships,
Speaker 2: your reaction was, I have a very neutral reaction to
Speaker 2: it now. Yeah, And I was thinking about how much
Speaker 2: forgiveness is a part of inner work and in a
Speaker 2: healing Even when you talk about some of this stuff,
Speaker 2: it almost comes across as you have no emotion for it,
Speaker 2: and not in a negative way. I'm saying, in a
Speaker 2: you feel very neutral, like I can sense that that's
Speaker 2: real for you. That's pretty remarkable because you said your
Speaker 2: first lian for like thirteen years, it's a lot of time,
Speaker 2: a lot of anything. Talk to me about what it
Speaker 2: took to forgive after going through a narcissistic, toxic relationship.
Speaker 1: I struggled with forgiveness a lot because I did not
Speaker 1: define it right. See the brain as a computer, and
Speaker 1: the more I break down information for it to understand,
Speaker 1: the more it acts accordingly. When I was told you
Speaker 1: need to forgive to heal, I said, how forgive physical abuse?
Speaker 1: How can I accept something like that? And then I understood,
Speaker 1: like after doing a lot of spiritual work, that forgiveness
Speaker 1: doesn't mean whatever you've done was okay? Or I forgive
Speaker 1: you for what you've done to me and I'm fine
Speaker 1: with it. No, I'm not fine with it. I never
Speaker 1: will be fine with it. But I forgive myself for
Speaker 1: choosing to be with you. I forgive myself for allowing
Speaker 1: these things to happen, for staying for so long, because
Speaker 1: you showed me who you are? You know? And am
Speaker 1: I really mad at you? Or am I really mad
Speaker 1: at myself? So forgiveness and closures is within me. If
Speaker 1: I forgive myself, I can easily give somebody. The definition
Speaker 1: of forgiveness. Once I redefined it is what changes the
Speaker 1: whole game. Also, forgiveness doesn't come with an open invitation back.
Speaker 1: That's the best part because a lot of people feel
Speaker 1: like if I forgive, I have to welcome them back now.
Speaker 1: Apology accepted, access denied. If you didn't apologize, it's okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine, access still denied. Forgiving doesn't mean I'm okay
Speaker 1: with what happened. It means I feel nothing anymore towards it.
Speaker 1: If I'm still angry, or if I hate any of
Speaker 1: my exes or anyone bad in my life, I still
Speaker 1: have feelings for them because feelings doesn't just mean loving.
Speaker 1: If I hate, I still have feelings. I don't want feelings.
Speaker 1: Some people are not even worthy of any emotions towards them,
Speaker 1: So I'm indifferent. And the way I know I'm over
Speaker 1: something or a situation, or if I've healed from it,
Speaker 1: is when i'm indifferent. If I go back and I'm
Speaker 1: still triggered or I feel something deep down inside, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have feelings. I gotta get rid of them, even
Speaker 1: if they're negative, even if they're hate, even if they're anger,
Speaker 1: which is valid certain situations. No, I need to empty
Speaker 1: the whole system from any emotions because you're not even
Speaker 1: worthy of any feelings. What you've put me through, You're
Speaker 1: I'm different with you. So when I look back at
Speaker 1: my life, even on the physical abuse, I'm indifferent. I
Speaker 1: feel nothing at all. I wish them nothing but the
Speaker 1: best and hopefully karma gets them. If it's good as good,
Speaker 1: it's bad as bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, language is so powerful. What you were just saying
Speaker 2: about the mind being a computer, this idea that the
Speaker 2: way you define words helps you understand concepts. And sometimes
Speaker 2: we don't understand forgiveness because we think that's about accepting
Speaker 2: their bad behavior or giving them permission to treat that way.
Speaker 2: But as soon as you switch it to forgiveness, is
Speaker 2: forgiving myself or tolerting that and putting myself through that
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, that's what I want to do immediately?
Speaker 2: Then you forget, yeah, immediately, And it's language is just
Speaker 2: so powerful.
Speaker 1: It is, you know, I always tell people like, similar
Speaker 1: to a laptop. Why when you write click on a computer,
Speaker 1: it says cut paste. It doesn't say cut file too.
Speaker 1: It's not long. The command is small, short words. The
Speaker 1: more the command to the computer are clear, the more
Speaker 1: you actually give commands and not wait for them, only,
Speaker 1: the better your life gets. Like, I don't wait for
Speaker 1: my brain to give me ideas because I know it's
Speaker 1: a processor. I am a soul running this show as well.
Speaker 1: I am the person observing my thoughts, observing everything, So
Speaker 1: I give my brain commands. For example, I flew in
Speaker 1: here three days. I'm jetlagged, right, So what I tell
Speaker 1: my brain is I have a name for it as well.
Speaker 1: So I say Phoenix, work mode activated. And I train
Speaker 1: my brain that when I say work mode, it means
Speaker 1: even if I'm tired, even if I'm sleepy, I gotta
Speaker 1: show up. I gotta go there and the brain listens.
Speaker 1: I want people to know that you can bio hack
Speaker 1: your brain. And that's one of the things that I
Speaker 1: teach the most and my courses that I can teach
Speaker 1: you how to hack your brain, how to hack your hormones,
Speaker 1: how to stop cortisol from being released, pull it back,
Speaker 1: release on doorphins. Anything is possible. This is a machine.
Speaker 1: Just like I can hack and email a laptop, I
Speaker 1: can hack this as well. Everything is hackable. The only
Speaker 1: thing I want people to get rid of is the
Speaker 1: limiting beliefs, because with the limiting beliefs, I cannot do
Speaker 1: anything with anybody. And a lot of people might ask you, Jay,
Speaker 1: how are you the way you are? How am I
Speaker 1: the way I am? How are you guys doing what
Speaker 1: you do in life? How come out of billions and
Speaker 1: billions of people. It's that we don't have that limiting
Speaker 1: belief of the nine to five or that life is
Speaker 1: about this only. We have a broad, open belief that's accepting,
Speaker 1: open and always changing. And I wish people had that
Speaker 1: because if you don't have the limiting beliefs, you'll be
Speaker 1: able to do anything for sure.
Speaker 2: Sorry. We end every on Purpose episode with a final five.
Speaker 2: These questions have to be answered in one word or
Speaker 2: one sentence maximum, So sorry, this is your final five.
Speaker 2: Questionable one, what is the best advice you've ever heard
Speaker 2: or received?
Speaker 1: You cannot break anyone that finds beauty and everything. Like,
Speaker 1: if you find beauty and everything, no one can touch
Speaker 1: you or break you, even in the worst situations. Once
Speaker 1: I took that advice, gave my brain that command, everything
Speaker 1: was easy. There was beauty in everything.
Speaker 2: Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever
Speaker 2: had or received?
Speaker 1: A doctor once told me. He's like, you're a businesswoman.
Speaker 1: You do tech, you do blah blah, you do this,
Speaker 1: you do this, you do this. Oh, and now you
Speaker 1: want to start singing. And and I was just sitting
Speaker 1: there and I was like, and he's like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: who are you? What are you? You're everything in anything?
Speaker 1: Like He's like, you're so unfocused. I just looked at
Speaker 1: him and I said, I feel sorry for you because
Speaker 1: you think you're here to just be one thing. I'm
Speaker 1: here to be everything in anything I want. I'm here
Speaker 1: on an experience. So if I want to sing, if
Speaker 1: I want to dance, if I want to act, if
Speaker 1: I want why not? I don't want to I want
Speaker 1: to cling to one identity. I am ever changing, I'm
Speaker 1: everything and everyone. I don't want to be just Sarah
Speaker 1: the entrepreneur, Sarah the public speaker. I want to be everything.
Speaker 1: Why black or white? If there's so many colors of
Speaker 1: the rainbow, I can be so many things.
Speaker 2: For sure. Question number three, what's your favorite tattoo?
Speaker 1: I have a witch tattoo, and a lot of people
Speaker 1: see it. They're like, oh God, what does she do
Speaker 1: at night? Which means women in total control of herself?
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's good.
Speaker 1: Usually women's reputation, voice, decisions are always in the hand
Speaker 1: of other men, husband, brother, boyfriend, you, a dad, and
Speaker 1: just being a witch, being an alchemist? Is this woman
Speaker 1: in total control of herself?
Speaker 2: I like that. That's a good one. That's awesome. Question
Speaker 2: number four, what was the biggest limiting belief that you
Speaker 2: had to let go of to live the life you
Speaker 2: have today?
Speaker 1: That I can't change my mind. There might be bigger
Speaker 1: things out there as limiting beliefs that could change your life,
Speaker 1: but the ability to know that I can change my
Speaker 1: mind and it's not embarrassing, it's not okay. Doesn't make
Speaker 1: me flaky, And it's okay to change your mind. One
Speaker 1: day you might like something, the next day you might not,
Speaker 1: and it's completely okay. I was taught to think that
Speaker 1: you're flaky as a person or you're indirect. If you
Speaker 1: keep changing your mind, you can be trust But it's
Speaker 1: such a limiting belief. You're allowed to change your mind,
Speaker 1: and this is why a lot of people stick to
Speaker 1: things that are not good for them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because that applies to career, it applies to people,
Speaker 2: it applies applies to everything. All right, Fifth and final question.
Speaker 2: If you could create one law that everyone in the
Speaker 2: world had to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 1: I will not allow people to date or get married
Speaker 1: until they do the inner work. It'll be mandatory by
Speaker 1: the government, which.
Speaker 2: No, I mean, so you're gonna have like a zero percent.
Speaker 1: Yeahs being funny enough, I sat down with my business
Speaker 1: partner and we were like, because of launching a dating app, yes, everybody, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's called soul Search that AI And we sat down
Speaker 1: and I was like, if I was the king, or
Speaker 1: if I was the president, and I had to make
Speaker 1: laws and rules for love, what would it be. I've
Speaker 1: always believed dating should be traditional, like I have to
Speaker 1: meet you, I have to feel you out and all that.
Speaker 1: But this is also a limiting belief because the world
Speaker 1: is changing, technologies rise, and if I'm not part of
Speaker 1: the change, I'm falling behind. So love is blind, but
Speaker 1: AI isn't.
Speaker 2: So the AI is going to help you pay? Is
Speaker 2: that or no? What's the goal? What's different about So
Speaker 2: you don't get.
Speaker 1: To see the people. You get to see them after
Speaker 1: fourteen days if you unlock certain levels of maturity and
Speaker 1: conversation and you play games together, and there's a psychologist involved,
Speaker 1: the hypnotherapist involved on the board, a lot of big names,
Speaker 1: even the AI. For example, let's say me and you
Speaker 1: match okay, and we're chatting. The AI even tells us
Speaker 1: what to talk about. Ask about the finances, ask about children,
Speaker 1: ask about this. The AI might even tell you he's
Speaker 1: love bombing you. Watch out, it's too much for Oh
Speaker 1: why we've been feeding this AI so much information for
Speaker 1: a year and a half Because I am so sick
Speaker 1: of wasting my time dating And this is why I
Speaker 1: was like sol search AI dot AI is basically embracing
Speaker 1: the future and the change and Ai. Although I have
Speaker 1: my dark thoughts of AI and my good thoughts. But
Speaker 1: I remember I was walking in the street once after
Speaker 1: giving a speech and I was really tired, and this
Speaker 1: guy stopped me, and I was like, I'm really not
Speaker 1: in the mood to talk right now, you know. But
Speaker 1: he's like, can I ask you about AI and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. I was like, yeah, go ahead. He's like,
Speaker 1: what do you think of AI? I said, I think
Speaker 1: that AI is a dark consciousness that already existed and
Speaker 1: wanted us to bring it to life. And I was
Speaker 1: being very negative about it because I was like, why
Speaker 1: is it taking the roles of humans. Then he looked
Speaker 1: at me and he said, you're spiritual? No, And I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I am spiritual. He said, weren't spiritual people? Their belief
Speaker 1: is that were born not to work, not to survive.
Speaker 1: We can plant our own food, build our own homes.
Speaker 1: We were born to thrive in communities. I said yeah.
Speaker 1: He said, so AI came to become the slave so
Speaker 1: you can enjoy the life. And ever since he said that,
Speaker 1: everything just switched in my head. I'm like, oh my god, yes,
Speaker 1: I can go live that life, the spiritual life, and
Speaker 1: let AI fund it and do the work for me
Speaker 1: and then make my place, then do whatever I want.
Speaker 1: AI is beautiful and the way we've incorporated AI in
Speaker 1: the dating app is crazy. You can't see the person
Speaker 1: no more looking at pictures and lusting and it's all
Speaker 1: about deep conversations. In four days, you unlock a chat
Speaker 1: room where you can speak by voice, and then more
Speaker 1: and more there's hints and all that until you reach
Speaker 1: the day where you reveal, and based on the reveal
Speaker 1: you can decide whether you want to be with them
Speaker 1: or be friends and all that.
Speaker 2: But I'll be heartbreaking though. What if like for fourteen
Speaker 2: days you're like you really connected with someone, then you
Speaker 2: see them and you're like, I feel nothing.
Speaker 1: But remember the analogy of the movie when I told
Speaker 1: you you fall in love with the character halfway, I mean,
Speaker 1: then it'll be too late, and it's better than to
Speaker 1: fall in love with shallow things. What makes it difference
Speaker 1: is that all the other dating apps, you know, there's
Speaker 1: so many, so much bullshitting happening in there, and all.
Speaker 2: That this is going to be actue.
Speaker 1: Tell me what cat fishing person is going to go
Speaker 1: and say, I'm going to go catch for someone for
Speaker 1: fourteen days.
Speaker 2: No, I'm going to do that, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's basically to eliminate all that crap and just
Speaker 1: like give people some genuine connections. So although Ai is
Speaker 1: not human, but it's taking us back to being human
Speaker 1: again on the app, which is like a deep connection.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm so excited because.
Speaker 2: I'm all the best congression meet my guy on it.
Speaker 2: That would be the test. Yeah, yeah, that's the test.
Speaker 2: You got to do it first.
Speaker 1: You got to do it first.
Speaker 2: That would be the best. Yeah, I love it, Sarah,
Speaker 2: It's been so wonderful talking to you so much, as always,
Speaker 2: like I love your insights, love your thoughts, love our
Speaker 2: raw you are, how vulnerable you are, open you are,
Speaker 2: how much you wear your heart and your sleeve and
Speaker 2: talk about your own experiences in such a casual and
Speaker 2: deering way. It's really really helpful. And thank you so
Speaker 2: much for easy.
Speaker 1: It's like your energy just makes everything flow. So thank
Speaker 1: you so much for that.
Speaker 2: Very sweet. All the best, and I want everyone's listening
Speaker 2: and watching. Make sure you go follow us our on
Speaker 2: social media if you don't already, go and grab soul
Speaker 2: sach Ai because I guess it hopefully will be live yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe the website live again. Thank you so much for
Speaker 2: coming all the way. I'm so deeply grateful for your
Speaker 2: time and energy. It means the world. Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 2: If you enjoyed this conversation, you love my episode with
Speaker 2: the world's leading relationship therapist estaperrel where we talk about
Speaker 2: why your ego is ruining your relationships and how to
Speaker 2: date more effectively.
Speaker 1: I think we need to differentiate. Are you looking for
Speaker 1: chemistry for a love story or are you looking for
Speaker 1: chemistry for a life story.