WEBVTT - Sara Al Madani: Stop Falling for “Potential” (Look for THIS Instead So You Don’t Waste Months on the Wrong Person) 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.840 Toxic people are consistent, you know, That's the beautiful thing 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:04.320 about them. They never change. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:06.439 What should be a deal breaker in dating. 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:10.880 My BS eliminator is having that straightforward conversation from day one, 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:13.239 and if the man runs away, he's not ready for 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:14.320 a serious relationship. 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:16.599 What do you think is the difference between someone who 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:19.680 wants a relationship and someone who needs a relationship. 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.720 If I need you, that means I am operating from love? 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.120 Are you what you're trying to manifest? Because you cannot 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:27.040 attract what you're not. 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:32.640 Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:36.440 come to become a happier, healthier and more healed. Today's 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.519 guest is going to dive into the topic that I 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.560 know is on your hearts and minds the most love, 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.680 dating relationships, the part of our life that brings so 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:48.560 much joy that equally can create so much pain. Today's 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:50.240 guest is someone I've been excited to have on the show. 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:53.280 I finally have her in the hot seat. Her name 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:57.560 is Sarah al Madani. She's an entrepreneur author who transformed 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:01.400 her own pain into powerful guidance for others. Sara is 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:05.120 known for exposing the hidden patterns of toxic relationships. If 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:09.600 you've ever felt confused, controlled, or disconnected from yourself, Sara 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:13.479 will help you understand why and teach you to identify 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:17.720 narcissistic behavior, break trauma bonds, and heal the parts of 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:20.600 you that were taught to settle for less. If you 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.319 don't follow Sara on social media already, I know you 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.480 will after this episode, and if you're interested, you can 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:30.360 grab her copy of Dear Narcissist. This is the book 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:31.640 that I want you to go and grab. We'll put 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:33.960 the link in the comments and we'll be talking about 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:38.800 it throughout the episode. Please welcome to On Purpose Sarah Madani. Sarah, 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:40.080 it is great to have you here. 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.160 I've manifested this on my birthday. So on my birthday 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:44.720 I was like, I'm going to be on Jay's show, 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:45.839 and here i am. 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:46.920 When was your birthday? 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:49.520 Twentieth of jam that's amazing. 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:50.960 And that was this year you had this vision. 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.280 Yeah, yeah, and everyone was like, oh, you're crazy. I'm like, no, 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:55.440 it's because I'm a manifestor so I knew it was 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.080 going to happen, and here it is. 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:58.640 I love that. Well. I've wanted to have you on 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.280 for a long time. I'm on. So it just was 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.320 waiting for you to manifest because I've been wanting to 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:04.960 have you on. I've been following you for years, and 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.240 I've always stopped to listen to what you have to 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:08.840 say because I think there have been so many moments 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:10.560 where I've just found, Oh, this is the right thing 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:12.240 to send to someone, and this is the right thing 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.600 that's going to resonate with someone. And so I'm a 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:16.600 big fan of yours and I love the work you're doing. 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:18.040 I love the way in which you do it. You 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.320 also have the coolest style. So there's so many things 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:23.520 I want to talk about today, but the first thing 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:26.120 I want to talk about is right now we're experiencing 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:27.919 all of our listeners, and I'm sure you experience this. 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:32.440 People feel lonely, they feel disconnected, they feel like they 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.600 want love in their life. They want to find the 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.880 right person, they want to find the right partner. What 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:42.000 should someone be asking themselves before they start dating. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.840 It's an understatement of we know how people say I 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.919 want this kind of guy or that kind of girl. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.640 I want to manifest this kind of love or that 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.040 kind of love. The true question that a lot of 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.040 people don't actually look deep into is are you what 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:59.720 you're trying to manifest? If you want a successful man, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.200 you successful. If you want a kind loving man, are 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.000 you kind and loving? If you want hardworking person, are 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:09.080 you the things you want to get? Because you cannot 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.440 attract what you're not. And I think this is something 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:13.400 that people don't pay attention to. They just don't want 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:15.280 to put in the work. They just want to get 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:17.760 it easy. But that's not how life works, because in 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:20.200 the end, you will attract who you are from the insight. 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.480 So if you're broken, you will attract broken people. I 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:26.079 used to think I don't hurt anybody. I'm such a 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:29.320 nice person. I'm making money, I'm working hard. You know, 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:32.519 I'm a single mom. Life is great. I don't have traumas. 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:34.760 I've been through a helen back, but I'm okay now. 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.800 But I want someone good. And every time I went 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.760 out there and I opened my heart, I attracted something bad, 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.120 not knowing that the reason I attracted bad things is 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:48.440 because even though trauma sometimes is not loud, it's hiding, 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:52.120 but it crawls around in situations and shows up as 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:55.800 triggers or like in your decisions or choices you take 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:58.640 and This is where good people don't understand that even 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.880 if you're good, you still need to do the work. 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:03.800 Even if you're good, you still need to be whoever 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.240 you want to attract. So I think that's something people 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:07.400 don't want to look deep into. 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:10.480 I really appreciate that distinction. I'd never thought about it 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:12.720 like that. Really, Yeah, like what you just said that 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:15.600 people are good people and they're wondering why bad things 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:17.279 happen to them or why they end up with the 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.160 wrong partner or the wrong person. And I couldn't agree 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.240 with you more that. I think that when you're doing 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.599 that work, you naturally set better standards, and you naturally 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:31.000 don't deal or accept less than you deserve. Because if 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:36.800 you're already happy, successful, organized, joyful, ambitious, whatever those qualities are, 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.839 you know what it takes to be that. And so 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.159 now when you meet someone, that person can either match 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.880 your energy or they're going to show where their gap is. 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:47.120 And it becomes really relevant. What do you think is 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.640 the difference between someone who wants a relationship and someone 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.040 who needs a relationship? 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:55.880 Look, once comes from abundance, it means that I have 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:59.080 nothing missing. I want you for who you are. I'm 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:02.560 content happy, I'm fulfilled. I don't need anything from you. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.320 There's no hidden agenda. But if I need you, that 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.600 means I am operating from lack. So there is a 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:10.640 hidden agenda. It means that, Okay, maybe I want to 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:12.560 be with you because you make me happy. Maybe I 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.839 want to be with you because you financially fulfill me. 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:16.880 Maybe I want to be with you for whatever reason 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:20.560 it is. Need is not a good reason to obtain 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:23.800 something to I shouldn't need you, I should want you. 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.360 I always try to teach people this, and it's hard 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:29.839 because we've been taught growing up that we need love, 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:31.839 and we need and we need to be in a relationship, 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:33.560 we need kids, we need all of these things, but 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:37.240 we actually don't. We're here to experience life. Whether love 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.320 or children is part of the experience great, whether it's not. 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.200 You should be content with yourself only when you are 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.680 content and you don't need anybody. This is when you 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:49.080 actually bond with someone and you purely love them. But 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:53.080 if you need them, it's like there's always a hidden agenda, 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.640 and once that need is fulfilled, you feel like you're 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:58.400 disconnected from them because you didn't really want to be 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.039 with them. From the get go, you just needed some 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.320 thing from them. So this is why I always say, 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:05.880 be whoever you want a date, be whoever you need 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.479 for yourself, and then go out there and get whatever 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:12.120 you want. It's hard because we've been programmed all our 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:14.960 life not to think like that. So imagine after thirty 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:17.200 something years, I'm trying to change the way I think. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:20.599 Neuroscience they say neuropaths can be created in twenty one days, 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.080 so you can. It's not impossible. We just have to 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.279 remove the limiting belief. And that's the hardest part. 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.800 What's a dating non negotiable you have today that would 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.760 shock your younger self? What has changed for you that 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:34.839 you would have negotiated with before. 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.000 When I was younger, And I think a lot of 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:40.240 people agree. I thought mysterious men were so sexy. I 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:43.400 thought the more mystery, the more beautiful it is the 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:45.760 more But now now if I could look at my 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:49.640 younger self and I go like, that's unattractive. Clarity is attractive. 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:53.320 Mystery and not understanding where you stand with someone or 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.720 who they are, what they do, it's not attractive. It's 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:57.640 actually such a turn off because it shows you the 0:06:57.640 --> 0:06:59.640 person is not aligned and the person is not a 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:03.000 leader and not transparent and honest. That's something like five 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:05.440 books in myself. Every time I used to see a 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.720 guy who's mysterious, I'm like, oh my god, that's so hot. 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:11.000 Now it's like, oh, our biggest red flag ever. Is 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:13.360 there a part of you that's still like I killed 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:15.240 every part of me that wanted that. 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:17.720 So No, but it's important to reflect back like that 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:20.200 because I think we can all remember a past version 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:23.880 of ourself and how we were either trained or conditioned 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.160 to be attracted to a certain type of person, and 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.800 how that changes over time as you grow and you mature. 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.800 And that's proof of what you just said, that you 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.280 date who you are or who you become totally because 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.040 you're saying, oh, as I've grown, my taste has changed. Yeah. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.080 I think we've all experienced that in different areas of 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.640 our life, that as we grew older, as we matured, 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.960 as we became wiser, our taste changed in so many things. 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.000 So why not in people? But it feels like we 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:50.200 keep going back to the same people for. 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.280 So many years before doing the inner work and all 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:58.360 that my taste was changing as in like looks wise, height, twise, whatever, 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.480 they do in life wise, but it was still the 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.200 same man in different bodies. 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:04.720 That's it. 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.480 So it was the same toxic traits. I think it's 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:11.400 because we attract what's familiar to us. They say, better 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.600 the devil I know than the angel. I don't know, right, 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.200 because I know how to deal with the devil. I 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.200 know where ends. I know this is not forever. I 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:18.800 know the hurt and the pain that comes with it. 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.120 This is why I kept on going to what's familiar. 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:23.760 I remember when I finished doing the inner work and 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:26.600 finished my healing, I was like, even looking at pictures 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:28.920 of my axes, I'm like, what was I thinking? But 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.480 it's trauma bonding. So a lot of people might think, 0:08:31.520 --> 0:08:34.360 oh no, I was in love. I really love reflecting 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:37.080 on old relationships, and I would love people to also 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.800 sit and reflect on their old relationships after doing the work. 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.280 Do this game where you put their names and you're right, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.120 why were you attracted to them? And you realize where 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.560 were you? Trauma bonding and only when you can pinpoint 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.679 these things is where you grow Jay. Because a lot 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.319 of us we threw ourselves into healing. It's like walking 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:56.160 into a supermarket and saying I want to bake a cake? 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:57.839 Can you help me? It's like, what cake do you 0:08:57.880 --> 0:08:59.800 want to bake? I need to give you the right ingredients. 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.960 So when people go to do the inner work, they 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:04.800 just throw themselves into healing, not knowing what are they 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:07.960 healing from? Where did this all start, what's the root 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.360 of it all? So people don't go so deep. They 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:13.240 just want to heal the surface. My last relationship, the 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:17.080 relationship before. But all of this starts away from childhood. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.240 Doesn't start from a relationship, right. I mean, it's an 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:23.400 entangled thing to do the inner work, but it's not easy, 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:26.480 but it's such a fulfilling, rewarding thing to do. 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:30.480 What's the difference in your mind between compatibility and chemistry. 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:35.079 Chemistry is tricky because I cannot depend on chemistry because 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:41.240 it's hormonal. It's endorphins, you meet somebody, excitement. Last year 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.440 I learned that when you're nervous on a date, or 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:46.840 when you're feeling all these things, it's actually a red flag. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:50.120 It means your nervous system is not calm. It's trying 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.360 to tell you something. But the movies and they taught 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:56.160 us that to interpret them as butterflies, and they're the 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.640 right one, and that's how it should feel like. A 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:01.680 friend of mine once told me quote that actually made 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.800 me sit at home for hours and think about my 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:07.080 life so much. He told me, don't look for a firecracker, 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.199 look for a fireplace. Firecrackers when you have all these 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.920 butterflies in your stomach and that's not a good thing. 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.280 You should look for a fireplace. The boring guy, the 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.600 calm guy. That's your guy, you know. And it took 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:22.720 me time to realize that. But chemistry is tricky because 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:28.200 it might be misleading. Compatibility is more sexy for me, 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:32.360 and it's more long lasting. I treat relationships as business, 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.080 so a business partner that has so much money, or 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:39.040 an investor and they have so many companies. Chemistry very attractive. 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.600 But if there's no compatibility in the way we think 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:44.719 are ethics and morals, I'm investing my money and I'm 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.280 throwing everything out down the drain because it's not going 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:49.679 to go anywhere. It's not a good investment. I look 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:53.240 at compatibility, and if there's compatibility, chemistry can come later. 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.400 I don't need to have chemistry from the get go. 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:57.840 I don't know if you noticed, if you ever watched 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:01.000 movies where you were like, what the main character and 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.120 you're like, they don't look that good, and then halfway 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.040 through the movie you're like, oh my god, they're so hot. 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.120 It's because you fell in love with the character in 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:09.679 the movie, right, But it just shows your chemistry can 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.440 be delayed. It's not a prerequisite. 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:16.080 Yeah. I love the fireplace and firecracker analogy because I 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.120 feel like it's all about the feeling you get from 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.040 being in that person's presence. And when you said that, 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:24.199 I was thinking, a fire place can actually be beautiful. 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.200 It's not boring at all, and it makes you feel warm, 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:30.720 and it has this sense that you want to be 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.880 around it, Like if you see a nice fireplace, you 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:34.880 usually want to go sit next to it. You have 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:38.400 beautiful conversations while it's there, like you're really present around 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.719 the fireplace. True, because if you think about a firecracker, 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:42.800 you crack it for one moment, you experience it, and 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.400 then it's over and it's done. Love is almost like 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.320 I want to see that person first thing in the morning, 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:49.800 and I want to be around them at the end 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.800 of the day. I want to see them when I 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:54.240 have the best news to share. And I love that 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:56.880 they're there for me when the worst thing's happening, and 0:11:57.000 --> 0:12:00.920 totally I can't wait to home to them. And at 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:04.400 the same time, I'm really excited when I see them 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:07.320 every day. Like it's so much more about peace and 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.800 comfort and warmth, which the five place versus this quick 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.920 big bang. No one ever says that about love, Like 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.440 when you really talk about someone you love, even if 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.600 it's a family member or a friend, you don't really 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:21.800 talk about it in that way, but we do with love. Yeah, 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.040 you keep talking about the inner work, and you mentioned 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:27.200 it a few times already. What is inner work? Because 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.960 people throw themselves into it, as you said, or a 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:33.200 relationship whatever. But I think also people throw that word around. 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:35.120 We just say, oh, do the inner work, but what 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:36.040 is in a work? 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.840 The word inner work and healing is trending like kale 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.600 and avocado and macha, you know what I mean. Everybody 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:43.560 has a tattoo of it or it's on their bio 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:47.480 on Instagram. But as cute as it is seeing that 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:50.880 growing and there's like this whole culture and everybody's talking 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:55.920 about it, it's so important to live, not to exist, 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.319 And if you're not doing the inner work, you're just existing. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.120 What is the inner work? The inner work is going 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:05.160 deep down inside removing all the masks that life and 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.120 society and everything you went through had to put on 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.000 your face, and you lost your identity throughout the way. 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.840 Doing the inner work is removing mask by mask, mask 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:17.160 by mask until you finally reach who you truly are. 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.400 So basically, who are you before people told you who 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.320 to be, how to be, or what to be? Who 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.480 are you really before this conditioning? And I always say, 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:29.120 we are born with blueprints. My name is Sarah, that's 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.440 my religion, this is my family, that's my country, this 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.120 is what I eat. This is wrong, this is right. 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:37.280 So I'm born already with a blueprint. Who am I 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:39.800 beyond that blueprint? Who am I beyond that? 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:40.520 Yes? And no? 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.680 And this is wrong? And this is the curiosity I 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:45.440 want people to have. And the only way to find 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.800 the light is to clean the corridor. And if the 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:50.720 corridor is messy and there's trauma and there's all these things. 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.640 Can you live in life without doing the inner work? 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.280 You can? But I don't call it living. I call 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:00.480 it existing because there is much more to life after healing, 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:02.960 Like the grass is greener where healing is the inner work. 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:05.240 How do you do it? It doesn't matter how do 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:06.800 you do it. Some people go to therapists, some people 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.000 do hitno therapists. Some people do plant medicines, some people 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.439 do whatever it takes to find your way back home? 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:13.560 And what is home? 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:14.120 Home? Is you? 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:15.080 This body? 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:15.320 You know? 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.360 I used to hear it all the time. I never 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:22.560 understood it until I sat down and went deep spiritually. 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:26.200 When people say we are a fragment of God, like 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.280 my soul is a piece of God. Therefore this body 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.880 is a temple, I always thought it was a metaphor 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.840 a metaphor beautiful by God? How beautiful is this saying? 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:39.200 Until I realize, oh crap, God does live inside this temple, 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:42.120 and this is the temple. So now I'm more careful 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:44.840 about where I take this temple, Who touches this temple, 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:46.960 who gets in this temple? How I treat this temple? 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:50.120 Because it's like, where are you dragging God to? I 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.880 want people to go deep. I want them to be curious. 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.880 I want them to declutter, to remove all the darkness 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:57.880 so they can find the light. And the light is 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:00.440 to go back home, back home to this and this 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.680 is not home until you remove everything that's distracting you, 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:05.720 everything that's in the way of the light. But I 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.160 cannot pinpoint one thing. Jane tell you this is the 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:11.240 recipe to hear. No, whatever you're doing, as long as 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.400 you're doing it, just go out there and try. 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.320 I appreciate that take on in or work. It's before 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:21.480 the world told you who you are, what you are, yeah, 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.000 why you should be. And it's so true. I think 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.000 about that all the time of how many of our 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:31.840 values are adopted and inherited versus chosen. Yeah, and so 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:36.200 many relationships don't work out because you have an inherited 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.240 value and your partner has an inherited value and you 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:41.720 both don't even care about that value, but you both 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:44.360 believe in it because it came from each other's parents. 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:48.320 And now here you are dealing with someone else's inherited problem. 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:52.240 And it's almost like an inherited disease where you end 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:54.920 up having something and now it's affecting your life today. Yeah, 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:56.520 but you didn't get to choose. But with your values, 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:59.400 you actually get to choose. You actually get to decipher 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.720 whether they or not. And it almost feels easier and 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.200 more comfortable not to do in a work. What was 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.640 the first step of in a work that you did. 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.480 What did you see when you started to do it? 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.160 All my life, I've been in five relationships. Okay, two 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:15.240 of them were marriages that didn't work out, and I 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.640 was just confused the first marriage, the second marriage, the 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:22.000 relationship after that, and after that, I was like, there's 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:25.120 something weird because I feel like I'm with a different men, 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:27.880 but I feel like I'm with the same men. And 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:32.200 I didn't understand anything about narcissism or toxic relationships back then. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.320 I didn't have a lot of information online and podcasts 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:38.800 and all that and awareness. When you're curious, you go deep, 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.000 like you enter the rabbit hole, and I was like, 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.720 what's happening here? Instead of me focusing on oh my god, 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.360 they're bad, they're this pointing the finger and being a 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.800 victim all the time, which a lot of us do 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.080 because it's comfortable to be a victim. I didn't hurt anybody. 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.840 They hurt me. Look at me. I'm the broken one. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.280 I realized being a victim does not serve me, does 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.960 not make me grow, doesn't get me in anywhere. And 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.560 only when I started pointing the finger on myself because 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:05.720 it takes two to tango. Where did I go wrong? 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.480 What did I do? Where's my contribution to this? Because 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:11.520 I need to grow out of this? And only then 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.600 I started looking at my life differently and like looking 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:18.879 into healing. My journey started with some therapy I just 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.240 did not like after every therapy session, the therapist would like, 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.000 see you next week, see you next week, see you 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:26.520 next week. I'm like, but I feel like I need 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:28.679 you now. I feel like I'm depending on you. How 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:31.479 am I learning? And I'm a very stubborn personality ever 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.240 since I was a kid, so I was always curious 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.600 and asking questions. So I was like, why see you 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.000 next week? See you next week? It was a bit expensive. 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:41.320 I was young, I had my own business at that time. 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.560 Insurance did not cover that. So I was like, why 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:45.520 do I keep going back? And then I was like, okay, 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:49.160 let me now that the therapist pinpointed what's wrong, let 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.160 me move to something else. So I went to hitno therapy. 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.439 And after hitnotherapy, I went into spiritual healing, and I 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.720 went into meditation, and I went into this and this 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.080 and tried so many things. This is why I'm trying 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:01.000 to tell you. If if you tell me which one 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:03.520 of them worked. I tell you all. So there is 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.560 no right recipe or a location map I can drop 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:09.000 you so you can come to the healing space. It's 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:12.479 anything you try, anything you do for yourself is valid 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.280 and can help you in some way. And once your 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.520 heart is open to that topic or that journey, everything 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:21.000 comes to you like people call me up, Hey, you 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:23.159 want to go to this retreat, and then this post 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:26.119 comes online. It's like Instagram's algorithm. You know when you 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:29.639 go on your for you page on Instagram. If I 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.359 want to know Jay, all I have to do is 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:33.439 go on your for you page and I would know 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.159 exactly what type of person you are because of the algorithm. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.760