1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM and click Submit 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live on 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: the air, just like we're gonna read this one right here, 6 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: right now. Who knows it could be yours? You never know. 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight, We got it for you 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: here readee is the Strawberry Letter, all right, thanking nephew. 9 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: Subject watch how you talk to my baby? Dear Stephen Shirley. 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been together two years and 11 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: we had planned to get married soon, but I got 12 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 1: pregnant instead. He's twenty seven and I'm twenty five years old, 13 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: and we moved in together so he could help me 14 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: with the baby. My family didn't really care for him 15 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: before I got pregnant, and they really don't like him 16 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: now since he's still not working and I'm paying all 17 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: of the bills. Let me set the scene for you. 18 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: I got a degree in finance and I work in 19 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: the financial aid office at a community college. I met 20 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,479 Speaker 1: my boyfriend at work and he worked in the maintenance department. 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: He was laid off during the pandemic when the school 22 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,119 Speaker 1: was closed, and they haven't called him back to work. 23 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: In the meantime, he's taking odd jobs here and there 24 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: to help me out financially. My parents have told me 25 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: to leave him, so I try to keep them out 26 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: of my business, but I am starting to agree with 27 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,119 Speaker 1: them about him. I have to admit that my boyfriend 28 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: and his family are very ghetto, and I questioned their 29 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,839 Speaker 1: child rearing skills. I have a one year old son 30 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,320 Speaker 1: and he started walking and getting into stuff. My boyfriend's 31 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: pet name for him is a little in word. Got 32 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: that little in word and he says the word, the 33 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: actual word, and that's what he calls them no matter 34 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: where we are. My boyfriend's father has commented to several 35 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,279 Speaker 1: family members that my son is blessed with a big 36 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: weenie like the rest of the men and the family. 37 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: He loves to call my baby. Oh God, little big 38 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: d MF. What I'm like, Come on now, it's terrible, 39 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: this is awful. The baby is one, and it boils 40 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: my blood every time he says it. My boyfriend's mother 41 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,679 Speaker 1: loves garage sales and she shots from my baby's clothes. There. 42 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 1: I told her thanks, but no things. I love my 43 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,639 Speaker 1: boyfriend and I've seen a different side of him lately, 44 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: and I can't deal with his family. Can he change 45 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: this behavior if he wanted to? Should I raise my 46 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: child without him and his ghetto acting family? Please just 47 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: please tell me this isn't really happening. I mean, just 48 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: tell me that, because your boyfriend definitely needs to watch 49 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: how he talks to the baby, and more importantly, watch 50 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: how he acts around the baby. His family needs to too. 51 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: Who calls their baby a little inn word? Who? I 52 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: don't know? Anyone? I don't know anyone who does I know? 53 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: And the other one? Yeah, and your daddy, I'm getting 54 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: to that one, Steve. Uh. We all know how impressionable 55 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: children are. And why why are you doing this? Have 56 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: you talked to your man about his behavior? And who, 57 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: pray tell, is going to talk to your man's dad? 58 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: Who's gonna talk to him? He calls his grandson little 59 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: big d m F. This is a toxic environment. I'm 60 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: sorry to bring a child up in. I think all 61 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: kids should be raised by both parents in a loving relationship, 62 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: but of course that's not always reality, and life stuff happens. 63 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: And you asked us Can he change his behavior if 64 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: he wanted to? Well, the ants, Yes he can, if 65 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: he wanted to, Yeah, he can change. The problem is 66 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: I don't think that he recognizes that he should change. 67 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: I think that he thinks this stuff is okay because 68 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: look at what he calls his own son and when 69 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: his dad calls his grandson. If you can't become a 70 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 1: better person and set a good example for your child 71 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 1: that you've brought into the world, then it must not 72 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: be in you. So in this case, I have to 73 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: agree with your parents. I mean, i'd give him a 74 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: chance talk to him first, but I don't think it's 75 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: gonna make a difference because he gets it from his 76 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: family and it's just in him, and they don't seem 77 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: to know that they shouldn't call their kid little in word, 78 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: a little big DMFF. Come on, get ready for supervised 79 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:48,480 Speaker 1: custody unless a miracle happens and he changes, which I doubt. 80 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: Steve Well, this letter had a couple of problems in 81 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 1: it early on that I kind of picked up on it. 82 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: You and your boyfriend being together to two years. He's 83 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: twenty seven, you're twenty five. Y'all a plan on getting 84 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: married soon, but you got pregnant instead. Now just listen 85 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: to that. We were planning on getting married soon, but 86 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: I got pregnant instead. He's twenty seven, she's twenty five. 87 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:21,720 Speaker 1: You got it. Yeah, And we moved in together so 88 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: he could help me with the baby. You know, oftentimes 89 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: I find out and I'm not judging one way or 90 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: the other, but I am going to say this as 91 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: a thought for people who are considering it. People nowadays, 92 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: a lot of people think that moving in as a solution, 93 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: and you should all think about that before you do it, 94 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: because moving in is not just a solution. It's a commitment. 95 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: And if you've got to make that type of commitment, 96 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:58,799 Speaker 1: then y'all to just make the commitment. But moving in 97 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 1: as a solution oftentimes comes with the stuff that you 98 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: learned about people after they move in, because you didn't 99 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: take the time to learn it before y'all move did it? 100 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: So moving in amplifies everything. And so now we got it. 101 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: Your family don't really care for the dude because he's 102 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: still not working, and now here we go. I'm paying 103 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: all the bills and let me set the scene for y'all. 104 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: Got a degree in finance. I work in the financial 105 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 1: aid office at the community college. I met my boyfriend 106 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: at work and he worked in the maintenance department. He 107 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: was laid off doing the pandemic when the school closing 108 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: and hasn't called him back yet. Now all this is good, 109 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, hang on right there, we'll have Yeah, 110 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: we'll have for two of your response coming up to 111 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after the hour subject Watch how you 112 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: talk to my baby. We'll get back into it right 113 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: after this. You're listening to show. All right, Come on, Steve, 114 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: let's recap today's strawberry letter. The object Watch how well 115 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: all I got to is this couple. She's two years 116 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: younger than him. They were gonna get married, but she 117 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: got pregnant so that they decide to move in so 118 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 1: he could help her with the baby. Moving in almost 119 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: never solves the problem because the problem ain't really the 120 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: fact that you needed help with the baby, because if 121 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: you read the letter, you still need help with the baby. 122 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: So moving in oftentimes isn't a solution because the problem 123 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: had nothing to do with him being there. He's not 124 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: even working, so there's no financial contribution that he's making, 125 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: and that his child reading skills are quite different from yours, 126 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: as we'll find out. And when you met him at work, 127 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: you were in a degree and you had a job 128 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: in the community college and finance. There's nothing wrong with 129 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: this at all. What the man does for a living 130 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: that ain't got nothing to do with it. Great me 131 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: and do all types of work. Some of my best 132 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: friends ain't famous, rich, or none of that. They're just 133 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: the best dudes I know on this earth. So you 134 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 1: could have had one. Except the problem is you all 135 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: are incredibly unequally yoke, not just from the standpoint of education. 136 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 1: It has nothingness, but you become equal, you become unyoked. 137 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: The moment one of y'all working and the other one ain't. 138 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: We got a problem here because if he moved in 139 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: to help, where's that help gonna come from. He got 140 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,319 Speaker 1: laid off, he ain't never been back. He'd been doing 141 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: our jobs to help me out financial. Now your parents 142 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: told me to leave him, So I try to keep 143 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: out of my business when I'm starting to agree with them, 144 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: because your parents can see stuff because they're not in love. See, 145 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: so sometimes people who care about you can see things 146 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: you don't see. I have to admit that my boyfriend 147 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: and his family are very gether, and I questioned the 148 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 1: child rearing skills. We're gonna get back to that in 149 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: a minute. I have a one year old son and 150 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: he started walking and getting into stuff. My boyfriend's pet 151 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,680 Speaker 1: name for him is Louian word. Now, if you want 152 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: to call a baby of the wrong name, louiean word 153 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: is in yeah, because you're sending the wrong message to 154 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: this child. Secondly, that ain't his damn made. Thirdly, why 155 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: would you want to impress that upon a child? Now, 156 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 1: when you all become adults, full grown, me and y'all 157 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: call each other anything you want to. You can say 158 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: it's a termy dearmit. You can call anything you want to, 159 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,079 Speaker 1: but to recall it to a baby or baby has 160 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: no idea. And you say in this letter everywhere y'all go, 161 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: and it don't matter where you are. My boyfriend, you 162 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:49,719 Speaker 1: call him Lillian word, restaurant, daycare, picking him up, chestising me. 163 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: How do you chestise a child by calling him Lillian word. 164 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: You're defeating the purpose of trying to discipline him. You 165 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: undisciplined by calling him that. You disrespect him by calling that, 166 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: and then you want him to do what you say 167 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,559 Speaker 1: due So what they make you the big nd word. 168 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: See that it's not gonna help. But then your boyfriend's 169 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 1: father has commented to several family members that my son 170 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 1: is blessed with a big weenie like the rest of 171 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: the men in the family, and he loves to call 172 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: my baby a little big DML. Now that's funny as 173 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: hell to me. But your grandfather's nickname for you is 174 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: a little big DML. Now listen to me. I have 175 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: three grandsons, four granddaughters. Now let me explain something to you. 176 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 1: They've all heard me, because I'll admit that, yes, and 177 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: BJ blessed too, But I'm not calling him a little 178 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: big d him mouth because first of all, he don't 179 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: really know what's going on yet, and why would I 180 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 1: introduce that to help? And first of all, mL is 181 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: out of the question to refer to my grandchildren. But 182 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: whenie size is so damned ignorant, it's just a level 183 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: of ignorance on the adults part. It's just high level ignorance, 184 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: and it boils your blood every time he says that 185 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: my boyfriend mother here going this the last crawl. The 186 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 1: boy mama like garage sales, and that's why he helps 187 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: you buy all the baby clothes. Now what I'm like. 188 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 1: You know, garage sALS ain't nothing wrong with it, ain't 189 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with thrift stores. That's what you do to 190 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: clean them clothes. All that that That ain't me though. 191 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 1: See I grew up with enough for that. When we're 192 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: not reverting back, and people like to feel a certain 193 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: way about their children, and if you afford to do 194 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: nice things for your children, most parents do. Now, I 195 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: don't gonna get a little white kids clothes off the 196 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: little table and bring to my little black heads baby. 197 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: You know what I said. I'm sorry. I said, don't 198 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: go getting on little white kids clothes off this table 199 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: and bring them over here and putting on my little 200 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: black head baby. We don't fing to do that. I 201 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: just I'm not fitting to let you do that. So 202 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,599 Speaker 1: now you got your boyfriend is stupid, Get daddy this barfield. 203 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: Danny's stupid grandma did grandmama liked to go garage shopping 204 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: and buy your clothes off that. I can't deal with 205 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: his family. Can he change his behavior? Not at twenty seven? 206 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: Should I raise my child without him? And now that's 207 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 1: something to you, But y'all just give you this advice. 208 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: You should be with somebody equally low yo. You should 209 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: have things in coming, you'd have the same ideals. You 210 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: should have the same ideals when it come to trial 211 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: ry and you have common interest. I don't hear none 212 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:01,439 Speaker 1: of that left. So you gotta make your own decision 213 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: co parenting all right? Thank you, Steve. Post your comments 214 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: on today's Struwberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, Instagram and 215 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,719 Speaker 1: Facebook is where you can do that, and check out 216 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,679 Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter podcast coming up at forty six minutes 217 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: after Sports Talk with Junior. Right after this, you're listening 218 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.