Speaker 1: Nick Nick, Hello here I am. I almost just hurt
Speaker 1: my neck like jamming out to that song. I'm like,
Speaker 1: sometimes I do a dance and I'm like, oh, like
Speaker 1: a little fun jig. I'm gonna go. I'm getting too
Speaker 1: old to have to be like fun, to be like
Speaker 1: to just have a moment of like random like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, um, how's it going? Everyone? Happy Monday.
Speaker 1: I hope you had a great weekend. I my weekend.
Speaker 1: We don't even know what it's gonna be yet because
Speaker 1: it's Friday. Let me just be honest with you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm pre taping this because Monday I am going to
Speaker 1: be um traveling to Lost Vegas. I usually say Vegas
Speaker 1: and people do not care for that. Um, but I
Speaker 1: do believe eve that is the way it should be pronounced.
Speaker 1: And I think I'm right. Um, But every time I
Speaker 1: say Loss Vegas, I have to picture v A dub
Speaker 1: v A y g us because I guess two years
Speaker 1: ago we were going to Las Vegas and I kept
Speaker 1: saying Vegas. People go, you say that weird, and I'm like, Vegas, Vega, Vegas, No,
Speaker 1: it's Vegas. Who said that? Who said that? And isn't
Speaker 1: it Spanish, and how is that pronounced Spanish? That is
Speaker 1: the right way. Probably, I don't know what did you
Speaker 1: take Spanish? Do you know how to pronounce Spanish words? Um?
Speaker 1: I did take Spanish for a while. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: I usually say Vegas, but I love when you say
Speaker 1: Vegas and bagel. I don't know bagel, like how you
Speaker 1: say bagel, waiting it bagel, bagel just's like it. Hold on,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go at a bagel. I love wait a
Speaker 1: second lost bagel. Oh that is so funny. I do
Speaker 1: say bagel weird. Oh my god, it's bagel. That's me
Speaker 1: as a New Yorker. That's how I see a Y
Speaker 1: g U L bagel bagel. Um, that's really funny. Um,
Speaker 1: I love mispronunciations. Did you ever take that quiz that
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with? Did you ever do that? On? You? Up?
Speaker 1: You guys. If you want to show yourself a really
Speaker 1: good time, there's a quiz all you google, honestly, because
Speaker 1: every time I don't ever remember how to actually find it.
Speaker 1: You just google? What is going on? Right with? Fun? Um?
Speaker 1: You google uh quiz regional dialect. Let me see if
Speaker 1: that pulls it up. Yeah, and It's called how y'all use?
Speaker 1: And you guys talk? The New York Times. It's from
Speaker 1: two and you just take a quiz. It's so wild.
Speaker 1: It's such a fun game at parties, or like when
Speaker 1: you're with a group of people and you're like board,
Speaker 1: pull this up. It's called how y'all use? And you
Speaker 1: guys talk? And there's twenty questions and they just ask
Speaker 1: questions like how would you address a group of two
Speaker 1: or more people? You all use you lot, you guys,
Speaker 1: yun's yen's you other or y'all. And then you go
Speaker 1: through and you answer questions that are just like those
Speaker 1: kinds of questions, like what would you call a um?
Speaker 1: There's one that's so funny, goes what do you call
Speaker 1: a rainstorm? Or like when it's raining and the sun
Speaker 1: is shining and it's like a sunshower. We don't have
Speaker 1: a word for this. The devil beats his wife Donkeys
Speaker 1: Tuesday Deluxe. It's just like who would ever giving birth
Speaker 1: a wolf? It's giving birth? Yes, it's so weird. Did
Speaker 1: you ever have a Did you have a name for that? Uh? No,
Speaker 1: I don't. I think I would be the one. I
Speaker 1: have a term for it. Yeah, well, I we call
Speaker 1: that Patricia takes her cat to the market. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it's like, what is this? But the weirdest
Speaker 1: thing is you guys, And I'm no joke. Every time
Speaker 1: I've run this test, maybe once it didn't work because
Speaker 1: someone had moved around a lot because they were like
Speaker 1: a military kid or um a gypsy and uh they
Speaker 1: it will it will show you a map of At
Speaker 1: the end of the twenty five questions, it will generate
Speaker 1: and no boop, and then at the end of it,
Speaker 1: it will show you a map like a heat map,
Speaker 1: you know where it's like red is where it thinks
Speaker 1: you're from, and it will be down to the county
Speaker 1: where you are from in the United States. It's wild.
Speaker 1: It's so cool and it freaks people up. People go
Speaker 1: no way, and it'll be like, yeah, you're from a
Speaker 1: southern you know, suburb of Baltimore, and it's like, what,
Speaker 1: there's a great Baltimore um dialect or like accent thing
Speaker 1: on that's making a rounds on TikTok I saw it
Speaker 1: and Reddit. But it says it's it makes these guys.
Speaker 1: It says, if you're from Baltimore and have a Baltimore
Speaker 1: accent read this sentence, and what the sentences is Aaron
Speaker 1: a a r o n Earns e a r n
Speaker 1: s iron Earns. You r n s like Aaron Earns
Speaker 1: iron urns. And if you're from Baltimore, you go arn
Speaker 1: Earns earn earns. And these guys go, there's this guy
Speaker 1: doing it. He's like, arn arn't our arn't air earns
Speaker 1: our earn't. And then he goes, guys, what the hell
Speaker 1: is this the way we talk? Because he's hearing it
Speaker 1: for the first time, I'm going like, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: the same thing over and over. That's why I love
Speaker 1: that one. Have you ever heard the one of buffalo buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo,
Speaker 1: Like that's a sentence because buffalo is an adjective. Let
Speaker 1: me find it. It's so interesting. I love this ship
Speaker 1: buffalo buffalo buffalo because buffalo is an adjective of adverb
Speaker 1: and and nown uh, I don't think it's an adverb,
Speaker 1: but it's um oh yeah, here he goes buff so buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo,
Speaker 1: buffalo buffalo. So it's one, two, three, four, eight buffaloes
Speaker 1: in a row is a grammatically correct sentence in English,
Speaker 1: often presented as an example of how hominems and homophones
Speaker 1: hey this sense. The sentences anti gay um can be
Speaker 1: used to create complicated linguistic constructs through Okay, so anyway
Speaker 1: buffalo is um a pronoun So Buffalo Buffalo. So as
Speaker 1: a pronoun or, it's a proper down Buffalo, New York.
Speaker 1: And then as a verb meaning to bully, harass, or intimidate,
Speaker 1: So Buffalo Buffalo. So the h buffaloes from Buffalo bully Buffalo, okay,
Speaker 1: and uh Buffalo, and then they bully other buffaloes from Buffalo.
Speaker 1: And it's like, but anyway, it's saying buffalo eight times
Speaker 1: in a row is a real sentence in English that
Speaker 1: checks out. And that's just interesting to me. Um, I
Speaker 1: love like wordplay stuff like this. It was interesting today
Speaker 1: We're trying to come up with the top one bottom
Speaker 1: one segment and Noah said, you are not good with
Speaker 1: lyrics because I said maybe lyrics, and you go, I
Speaker 1: just don't. Can we just like not do lyrics because
Speaker 1: I just like I just don't know lyrics? I wait,
Speaker 1: why is it? Because every song you listen to us
Speaker 1: like ral Fan how good you are with that by
Speaker 1: the way, But yeah, that's pretty much it. Like I
Speaker 1: guess I never paid attention to lyrics. That's not what
Speaker 1: pulled me into like a song. For me, it was
Speaker 1: just about the music. So I know, I was like,
Speaker 1: I could not be like I mean, I do love
Speaker 1: melody and like instrumentation, but it I think I couldn't
Speaker 1: be more opposite of you in that respect, Like there's
Speaker 1: no you don't like, there's no lyrics that you go like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, like this lyric just like nails it, Like,
Speaker 1: do do songs like illicit feelings for you? Just based
Speaker 1: on their like the sound that comes out of these
Speaker 1: men's throats. Well, I recently started listening to like pop music,
Speaker 1: and I really like listening to Rihanna. Like her lyrics. Okay,
Speaker 1: she's very horny, come out, come on S S S
Speaker 1: S and m m um, Yeah, I love I love
Speaker 1: her lyrics too. She's super wet when she records. Do
Speaker 1: you know she has to put up an album for
Speaker 1: like eight years or something. She recently became one of
Speaker 1: the richest women. She's in like billionaire status. She's I
Speaker 1: feel like, if you reach that when you put out
Speaker 1: a makeup line. That's like what every time a girl
Speaker 1: does a makeup line, it's like billionaire. It's like that's
Speaker 1: what was what would Kylie be like make money from?
Speaker 1: Otherwise Kardashians pay an episode. Probably it's got to be
Speaker 1: these this makeup. I gotta start a makeup line. She
Speaker 1: has a lingerie line called fenty Oh that's our makeup
Speaker 1: line too, and her lad she has like really wants
Speaker 1: need more makeup or lingerie. It's like, it's just it's
Speaker 1: all none of this. If I was to make a
Speaker 1: product and like put my name on it, it would
Speaker 1: have to be something that doesn't exist anymore. That's like
Speaker 1: a new technology or like a new like I came
Speaker 1: up with. There's some idea I had that I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: that actually is a thing like I want because it
Speaker 1: doesn't exist yet. I every color of eyeshadow has existed,
Speaker 1: every pigmentation, every shimmer, every kind of you know, Oh
Speaker 1: no this primer goes on smoother. No it doesn't, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: They're all the same, stop it um and they're not
Speaker 1: all the saying but I honestly, girls, you don't have
Speaker 1: to spend two dollars at Sephora like old glazed dog
Speaker 1: over here. I really, I just haven't been to a
Speaker 1: Walgreen's in a really long time. There are times when
Speaker 1: my whole makeup bag is Walgreens stuff, like you know,
Speaker 1: drug store makeup, and it works just as well as
Speaker 1: when I go to Alta or Sephora or you know,
Speaker 1: uh mac, Um, I just, is there any makeup product, Noah,
Speaker 1: that you are like or any kind of like product
Speaker 1: in your life? Girl? Product? I mean, I don't want
Speaker 1: to say girl, but um, you know, is there any
Speaker 1: product that you have used forever that's like you're kind
Speaker 1: of the serum you know that I use that I'm
Speaker 1: so like obsessed with and if it got discontinued, I
Speaker 1: just don't know what I do. I do have that
Speaker 1: and I've been using it since I found it in
Speaker 1: my mom's makeup bag when I was a kid. It's cocaine,
Speaker 1: were not Suplets to talk about that. Um, it's the
Speaker 1: Nars like highlighter stick and the colors Copacabana. I think
Speaker 1: it's just like this, like like pink bar and I
Speaker 1: just I love it so much. I put it like
Speaker 1: under my eyes and then I do like a line
Speaker 1: on my nose to try to like look at to
Speaker 1: make it look reduced, you know, right, Oh my god, Okay,
Speaker 1: Nars highlighter stick Copacabana. Yeah, that's mine. I love that
Speaker 1: And that's so cute. You got it from your mom? Like,
Speaker 1: who knew? I didn't even know Nars was around back then.
Speaker 1: That's so cool. I love that. Did you used to
Speaker 1: get into I loved my grandma's makeup and the smell
Speaker 1: of the bag and the smell of the powders, and
Speaker 1: like I loved that stuff because it just smelled so good.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I was a kid that was
Speaker 1: like I can't wait to wear makeup. When did you
Speaker 1: start wearing makeup? It started with eyeliner. Oh yeah, that's
Speaker 1: where I think, like sixteen or seventeen, and I can't
Speaker 1: live without it. Eyeliner was my last thing that I
Speaker 1: ever did. What was your first? I think it was
Speaker 1: like blush because it's like that's what you like? Who
Speaker 1: needs blush? And eighth grade? I remember his eighth grade,
Speaker 1: but it was like I remember I found one of
Speaker 1: my friends notes Curson, if you're listening, I've never let
Speaker 1: this go and I need to do some work on it.
Speaker 1: Probably it's leading to you know, me acting out even today.
Speaker 1: It's why, you know, sometimes I want to kick my
Speaker 1: room ba um, because I found a note from one
Speaker 1: of my friends. I think it was Halla wrote to
Speaker 1: Kurson or Kurson wrote to Holla, and they were making
Speaker 1: fun of me wearing makeup and being like Nikki's wearing
Speaker 1: makeup now and she looks ridiculous, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I was just trying, like a new thing.
Speaker 1: I remember one time, Hollow, we were all putting on
Speaker 1: makeup in Hollow, never wore makeup. And her last name
Speaker 1: is Holly. That's why we called her Holla, because we
Speaker 1: got lazy, and then it eventually turned into her. So
Speaker 1: now we just go like Hair called me yesterday and
Speaker 1: her name is Laura. Laura Holly turned into Laura. Halla
Speaker 1: turned into really trying to her. And so one time, Hala,
Speaker 1: if you're listening, bitch fucking wrote about me in eighth grade. Um.
Speaker 1: I think I never called them out on it because
Speaker 1: it was so embarrassed, but she one time put um,
Speaker 1: you know how sometimes concealer can come in like a lipstick,
Speaker 1: almost like things. I bet your nurs thing is like
Speaker 1: a stick, right, um. She thought it was lipstick and
Speaker 1: she put concealer. Like we were all like she was
Speaker 1: like this color, what this particular We're like, Halia, that's concealer. Um.
Speaker 1: I want It's always fun to interview men about what
Speaker 1: they think different things are. There's a lot of tiktoks
Speaker 1: of that of like what is this product? And there's
Speaker 1: like dumb boyfriends being like, I don't know, put that
Speaker 1: on your toes and it's just like, no, it's a
Speaker 1: brow jowl. And it's just like I don't know that
Speaker 1: a nipple creame' is like no, that's you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know something else the thing I can't think of it.
Speaker 1: It's like I want to start getting into TikTok. By
Speaker 1: the way, I gotta do it, and my bestie sent
Speaker 1: me Taylor Swift's latest TikTok. Taylor Swift is joined TikTok
Speaker 1: and she did this one where she was she showed
Speaker 1: a interview from Regis and Kelly or something. She was
Speaker 1: talking about getting a second cat because she had one,
Speaker 1: and she was like, I'm worried about getting a second
Speaker 1: cat because like, when you have cats, does that make
Speaker 1: you like a cat lady? Like does cat's equal cat
Speaker 1: lady and some and she was talking to a friend
Speaker 1: and my friend said, no, three cats as a cat lady,
Speaker 1: two cats is a party. And then it cuts to
Speaker 1: brampt and it's like her in two thousand twenty one,
Speaker 1: and it's her holding one cat and she walks across
Speaker 1: and she's just kind of like whatever. And then then
Speaker 1: the next then you see her walk into frame again
Speaker 1: she's got two cats, and it's like and it's like
Speaker 1: a party. Um, speaking of party, you're getting a cat,
Speaker 1: you're getting half a party. I am your friend found
Speaker 1: a cat. Was a pro by a cat. This cat,
Speaker 1: I mean seems to have found my friend in a
Speaker 1: hotel parking lot and uh, it's a kitten. It was
Speaker 1: so friendly and um, she said, Okay, this cat is
Speaker 1: so sweet. I'm gonna just let it be and if
Speaker 1: I come back at the end of my work day
Speaker 1: to the hotel and um he's there, I'll take him.
Speaker 1: So she ended up leaving and at the end, when
Speaker 1: she was gassing up her car, she's like, okay, I can't.
Speaker 1: I need to go back and find it. She like
Speaker 1: went and looked all over for it, and he came
Speaker 1: out of these bushes and she that it was like,
Speaker 1: if he comes out naturally, I'll get him. And then
Speaker 1: she went digging for him. Yeah, she's saved like so
Speaker 1: many animals from the side of the road. She's like
Speaker 1: this magical. So animals just kind of like find this
Speaker 1: woman that she has three dolls, search for them. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I think she's an angel. She's so good. That's so nice.
Speaker 1: So you said I will. She told you about it,
Speaker 1: and you were like, we need a cat, let's do it.
Speaker 1: And so you're going to fly to New York and
Speaker 1: get this cat and then fly back. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: like I'll check off seeing some some family members too,
Speaker 1: to make the most of it. But it's just like
Speaker 1: a cat that likes to be held like a baby,
Speaker 1: and he purrs and he's so sweet. And I don't
Speaker 1: know a lot about cats. Do most cats not like
Speaker 1: to be held like a baby. Some of them are
Speaker 1: aloof you know, it's just like in their personality. So
Speaker 1: this one's very special because he is so friendly and
Speaker 1: I can't resist. Have you ever owned a cat? Never?
Speaker 1: Have you ever been a catwoman? I've I call myself
Speaker 1: a crazy cat lady on Instagram because I follow a
Speaker 1: ton of cat accounts. Oh so you love cats on Instagram?
Speaker 1: You're already like in it. See I'm not someone who
Speaker 1: watches cat videos and I want to be because Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift is and I'm just not. But I think there.
Speaker 1: You sent me a video of your cat and it's
Speaker 1: so cute, and I so that's you already. Like I
Speaker 1: wonder if I could become a cat person or if
Speaker 1: you're like born one I became. So I was watching
Speaker 1: Beth Sterns cat videos. Oh yeah, she she posed great
Speaker 1: ones and yeah right, and from that I just was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I need all these kittens and old body gonna name it.
Speaker 1: We don't know yet is Avi and two cats? Yeah
Speaker 1: he loves all animals. Oh my god, that's so exciting.
Speaker 1: Congrats I'm getting a cat. Isn't it crazy that you
Speaker 1: are going to, like in eighteen years, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: this animal. If all goes well, you're gonna have this
Speaker 1: animal that and your life is gonna be so different.
Speaker 1: You could have a child, Like let's just say, like
Speaker 1: you could have a kid in high school and this
Speaker 1: cat will still be around all because your friend was
Speaker 1: at a hotel one day. I'm fine with it. That's
Speaker 1: so crazy how the world works like that, and like
Speaker 1: you're committing to something though that it is going to
Speaker 1: be around for a while. I mean, it's unfortunate that
Speaker 1: they don't live forever as long as humans, Like that's
Speaker 1: one of the saddest things. But that's quite a commitment.
Speaker 1: I mean the other day I was at Whole Foods
Speaker 1: and I was picking up toilet paper and I was like,
Speaker 1: do I get the twelve pack or the four? And
Speaker 1: I go, I'm gonna get the four. And it's like,
Speaker 1: why you can carry the twelve. This isn't about a
Speaker 1: bulk issue. You have the money for the twelve, and
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, are you not going to live
Speaker 1: long enough to wipe your ass that much? Like, of
Speaker 1: course I'm gonna need twelve rolls? Does it have to
Speaker 1: do with the fact that maybe I think Andrew needs
Speaker 1: to get a pack sometimes and maybe maybe no, I
Speaker 1: don't know what it was like Sometimes Q tips like
Speaker 1: Q tips, I'm like, that's a commitment. I don't someone
Speaker 1: what if I die, Someone's gonna get rid of those
Speaker 1: Q tips and then they go to waste because no
Speaker 1: one wants to like get Q tips from goodwill. My
Speaker 1: mom probably would. Let's get Andrew in here is he available?
Speaker 1: He is in Connecticut? Which is how I say it
Speaker 1: when I spell it, because that's how you spell it.
Speaker 1: I was forget there's that extra t. Let's get Andrew.
Speaker 1: Hey Andrew? What's that? How's it going in Connecticut? Connecticut's good?
Speaker 1: A lot of kids, A lot of kids. They how many?
Speaker 1: I feel like they've have kids? Now? There could be
Speaker 1: thirty forty of them running around. It's it's um, it
Speaker 1: feels like that it's three of them. Uh. A lot
Speaker 1: of knocks on the door while your boys trying to uh,
Speaker 1: you know, lay it down. You really they knocked on
Speaker 1: the door while you're trying to have sex. No, No,
Speaker 1: but you could feel I'm anticipating it, so you know
Speaker 1: I got one hand on the door, one hand on
Speaker 1: that ass, you know what I mean? Um, that was
Speaker 1: That was a question I had for you yesterday. Like
Speaker 1: you guys hadn't seen each other for a little bit.
Speaker 1: Did you want to bang like right away? But you
Speaker 1: had to meet the kids? We did you did bang
Speaker 1: right away in the car? No? And no, no, that
Speaker 1: would have been badass. We had an uber driver. Uh No,
Speaker 1: we didn't bang in the car. But when we got
Speaker 1: to the house, Uh, did you just pretend like you
Speaker 1: had to go take a ship or something? Yeah, we
Speaker 1: both took ships. But how did you avoid like not
Speaker 1: hanging out right when you out there? I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think we I think we got here. We said hello,
Speaker 1: then we went in the bag, saying, oh, we gotta
Speaker 1: change for the pool or something. Okay, we had a
Speaker 1: really quick sash and then there was a knock at
Speaker 1: the door and then it's or no. We started hearing
Speaker 1: Hubert dog drink out of a bowl in the laundry room,
Speaker 1: and uh, are you sure that was Hubert? It could
Speaker 1: have been me. We both flash that's all I heard.
Speaker 1: I heard, and I was like, okay, any two of
Speaker 1: us can do that, and uh and so whatever. So
Speaker 1: we both thought it stopped slobbery and we went back
Speaker 1: out there, me and Hubert and Brenna. It was great.
Speaker 1: It was a good hang. Um. You know kids, when
Speaker 1: when you're not around kids and then you eat dinner
Speaker 1: with I mean, they're they're very loud and uh, they
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck about anything, and it's awesome, But
Speaker 1: I just don't like, Yeah, the other night when you
Speaker 1: were saying like I think you were just kind of
Speaker 1: like open to having kids or something. You were talking,
Speaker 1: we were talking about kids, and you were like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like I go, you're not gonna be able
Speaker 1: to like golf four hours a day. I know that.
Speaker 1: And you're like, but you can bring the kids, like
Speaker 1: once they get old enough, they can golf with you.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, but they're gonna require your attention.
Speaker 1: You can't just like focus on your swing. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to like look at their the thing they're showing
Speaker 1: you on their iPad. Even if they're old enough to
Speaker 1: be on an iPad, let's say, like they're gonna you
Speaker 1: don't have to talk to them and like be present
Speaker 1: and um people, Yeah, I don't think you understand. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you get to see this. Like even my sister's
Speaker 1: other night in the baseball game was saying like, because
Speaker 1: I go, I knew you know it's gonna be hard.
Speaker 1: No one says that parenthood is easy, Like, you know
Speaker 1: it's gonna be harder than you think it's going to be.
Speaker 1: Is it harder than you thought it was gonna be
Speaker 1: even knowing that it was going to be And she
Speaker 1: was like, yes, it's more work, Like I just I mean,
Speaker 1: we talked about this so much into Loom Noah about
Speaker 1: like why would you do that to your life and
Speaker 1: like like and it's and it's I understand once you
Speaker 1: have the kids, like you're not gonna get rid of
Speaker 1: them because you're like, no, these amazing, But why would
Speaker 1: you I want to create something that you might not
Speaker 1: even like you don't even know what kind of love
Speaker 1: that is yet, Like you love your dog and you
Speaker 1: love your cats and stuff, so you understand that kind
Speaker 1: of love. But like, um, isn't about like wanting kids
Speaker 1: so bad that people would invite that chaos into their
Speaker 1: lives where they'll never for probably you know, eight years,
Speaker 1: never have a r where it isn't like let's just say,
Speaker 1: you know, five years and then if you keep having kids,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be for another until those kids
Speaker 1: are five or six and you can sit at the
Speaker 1: dinner table and not scream and go I don't want
Speaker 1: it and push it away and like run around and
Speaker 1: squirm in their chair. Like when I go to eat
Speaker 1: with my brother in law and sister, there's no one
Speaker 1: there's no conversation that gets had. Nothing, Everything stays on
Speaker 1: the tarmac. No, there's no subject that catches flight and
Speaker 1: becomes an actual conversation. It's just constantly wrangling them in,
Speaker 1: like eat your broccoli, eat your chicken, Come on, you
Speaker 1: gotta eat this. Do you want dessert? Do you want dessert?
Speaker 1: Do you want to eat this? Eat this? Oh you
Speaker 1: don't want to eat this? How about eat this? Eat this?
Speaker 1: Eat this? Dinner is over. Yep, there's no there's no
Speaker 1: like what did you do today at work? And um,
Speaker 1: what's going on with that thing that you know? There's
Speaker 1: just there's no room for any conversation to happen. And
Speaker 1: I think you just go through five years of never
Speaker 1: having an actual conversation and and and I feel so
Speaker 1: bad for you know, single mothers or single fathers stuck
Speaker 1: at home and they don't have a lot of like
Speaker 1: adult interaction. All of their interactions are with our like
Speaker 1: eat this, do you want that? Take nap? Like and
Speaker 1: just begging your child to want to nap as much
Speaker 1: as you do. I just I just don't understand why
Speaker 1: people want to do it. Yeah, I mean, I just
Speaker 1: think it's I don't tell me what you think it is. Really? Instead,
Speaker 1: I think I think no, I'm thinking I'm I think
Speaker 1: you have to keep the family going. I think that's
Speaker 1: a responsibility to not have your the family going. What
Speaker 1: is wrong with people like this that is such a
Speaker 1: selfish need to be like I want my lineage to
Speaker 1: go on. I mean, I know we're all humans and
Speaker 1: we want to make more thin. But like the opposite
Speaker 1: of selfish, I think it's selfless to put yourself through
Speaker 1: that to make sure that your family keeps going. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I think that's what people like. I think
Speaker 1: that's why people moved here from Russia and risk starvation
Speaker 1: and got away from their motherland to start a family
Speaker 1: and to grow a family and to keep that. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's so much history behind where you're sitting right now.
Speaker 1: If everyone goes, hey, you know, I'm gonna be selfish,
Speaker 1: you never would have been sitting there. Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: wouldn't know that I wasn't here, like saying there will
Speaker 1: be someone else here, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: the fact. But this is all the argument I have
Speaker 1: for when why people don't adopt and they're like, we
Speaker 1: need to have our own, and they go through these
Speaker 1: treatments because they need to have their own. And I
Speaker 1: understand wanting to be pregnant, and some women really like
Speaker 1: want that, but like, and I understand adoption is expensive,
Speaker 1: but it's this need I want the thing to look
Speaker 1: like me and to remind me of my dad and
Speaker 1: look and have the same genetic code. And it's just
Speaker 1: like it's so egotistical and yeah, and and this is
Speaker 1: coming from a person who's just you know, I just
Speaker 1: had people write dozens of essays about how I'm egotistical
Speaker 1: and narcissists. So I don't understand why I don't have
Speaker 1: this desire to keep my genetic code and d n
Speaker 1: A and like keep it going. Do you think that
Speaker 1: your sister didn't have kids you it would be you'd
Speaker 1: feel more inclination to have them. No, I don't. And
Speaker 1: but this isn't even about let's just let even say kids,
Speaker 1: Like it's about there are kids that don't have homes,
Speaker 1: Like why don't people have the like find a way
Speaker 1: to have those kids in their lives And like if
Speaker 1: you if you're so desperate to love something that much,
Speaker 1: like everyone, you don't birth your own dog, yet you
Speaker 1: still love it. Your dog doesn't have your genetic But
Speaker 1: I think the adoption process is people say that all
Speaker 1: the time, but then people go through in vitro and
Speaker 1: spend five thousand dollars to go through that and then
Speaker 1: tear up their pussies and do all this. Like you
Speaker 1: can say it's it's tough, but it's really about I
Speaker 1: don't want a baby that doesn't look like Oh, but
Speaker 1: it might have um, you know, genetic mutations that we
Speaker 1: can't It might have alcoholism or uh, you know, psychosis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: look at your fucking family tree. You have that too, buddy.
Speaker 1: It's all lurk. You can't guarantee your child's going to
Speaker 1: be exactly like you, and God, let's let's hope it's not,
Speaker 1: you know, like I hopefully it has better thumbs for sure. Like,
Speaker 1: but I just think it's just I think there's a
Speaker 1: embedded narcissism in human beings that we must need to
Speaker 1: have so that we make care. But adopting, we just
Speaker 1: stop having people. Why do animals? Why do chimpanzees have kids?
Speaker 1: Why do they're not doing it so that you know
Speaker 1: their their child has their legs? But maybe they are.
Speaker 1: I think do you think it's about like I want
Speaker 1: my baby to look like me. I've I've been with
Speaker 1: guys before where I go, oh my god, our kids
Speaker 1: would be so cute, and it's like, well, that's not
Speaker 1: a reason to have kids. Yeah, I mean, I just
Speaker 1: think the love for a kid. You you'd say it
Speaker 1: all the time with you talk to parents and they go,
Speaker 1: I never I knew what the love would be until
Speaker 1: it looks Why I don't adopt then, like I said,
Speaker 1: because adoption makes you love a kid less than that's
Speaker 1: a whole other argument that we need to explore. And
Speaker 1: maybe that is true, and people don't want to People
Speaker 1: don't like to talk about that. I have I have
Speaker 1: cousins that tried to adopt. They have they both had
Speaker 1: great jobs, they both like the difficulty of a'm I
Speaker 1: could be wrong, but they ended up adopting two kids
Speaker 1: from Russia that like, we're two years old, that like
Speaker 1: you could almost tell that these kids saw more in
Speaker 1: like their first four years of life or whatever. That's
Speaker 1: a good point. So I just I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would say that that would be I just And
Speaker 1: like you said, it could be expensive. You have to
Speaker 1: fill out a form that's probably more than three pages,
Speaker 1: which could be tough. That's always my argument as people go,
Speaker 1: it's expensive and there's a lot paperwork, and it's just
Speaker 1: like if you don't like paperwork and you don't like
Speaker 1: spending money, you shouldn't have a kid anyway. Like I
Speaker 1: just feel like if you can't do and that's maybe
Speaker 1: that's your career, Like if you didn't love your job
Speaker 1: as much, maybe you would need something to fill that void. Now.
Speaker 1: Is that selfish? I don't think that's true, because there
Speaker 1: are women that love their careers that want kids to
Speaker 1: I just don't. I mean, and it's not that I
Speaker 1: don't have the desire to have a guy coming me
Speaker 1: when I'm having sex. There's like there's something about that
Speaker 1: that I'm like, please come in my vaginant, Like there's
Speaker 1: something biological that makes you want that to happen. So
Speaker 1: I understand how people get pregnant, but I don't understand,
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm sure people are just screaming at
Speaker 1: me and not really liking this tirade. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I'm the one that doesn't get it, you know, like
Speaker 1: I am the outlier here, Like I'm just looking at
Speaker 1: this is the way I felt Intoloom when I was
Speaker 1: like at that hotel, being like who would ever pay
Speaker 1: for this to be to be in this bare bones,
Speaker 1: shitty like hut in the woods. Who would pay thousands
Speaker 1: and thousands of dollars for this experience? That is not
Speaker 1: luxurious at all when you can go the four seasons
Speaker 1: in Maui and be treated like a Saudi prince. So
Speaker 1: that's the thing, is like I just don't understand, like
Speaker 1: I want to understand, like I would understand why you
Speaker 1: have been eating pizzas in our apartment for weeks. Every
Speaker 1: single day you eat at least one pizza and we
Speaker 1: don't have a pizza slicer. That's I don't understand that.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know there's knives, knives I can I
Speaker 1: could eat a whole, I could eat it from the crust.
Speaker 1: I could do whatever I want, you know, but do
Speaker 1: you would you prefer a slice of pizza that was
Speaker 1: like easily slice? There's never adopt a little Italian boy
Speaker 1: that will cut my pizzas. Maybe I'll do that right.
Speaker 1: And also like an oven mitt, like there you have
Speaker 1: struggled with the pizza coming out of the oven, and
Speaker 1: you've never been compelled to buy an oven mitt Like
Speaker 1: oven pizza guy. This is all very new to me.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll get a slicer, and I'll admit, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: make a firestone pizza uh thing in the living room
Speaker 1: next to your band practice, and we could have fun.
Speaker 1: It could be part of our Instagram live. There's some
Speaker 1: guys that build like fire pit pizza things outside that
Speaker 1: are caused like thousands of dollars. That's how much he
Speaker 1: wants to ignore as kids, That's what I'm saying. It's like,
Speaker 1: why do you have kids if it all leads to
Speaker 1: building some kind of beer brewery system in your back
Speaker 1: shed so you can avoid them and like getting and
Speaker 1: getting obsessed with golf so you don't have to hang
Speaker 1: out with them. Like I just it's so funny to
Speaker 1: me that people would take on It's like when people
Speaker 1: climb like go you know, ice ice pick climbing or
Speaker 1: something like that. It's like, why would you do that? What?
Speaker 1: I just want to understand that. I want to understand
Speaker 1: my fellow human because I feel so left out, you know,
Speaker 1: I really do. I like I do a lot of
Speaker 1: human things that people like, you know, people I know,
Speaker 1: but that that makes sense to me. But the things
Speaker 1: that I that other people do that they find joy,
Speaker 1: and like, why can't I find joy in that. Why
Speaker 1: can't When I'm watching a TV show and it sucks,
Speaker 1: I don't give it eight episodes. I just tap out,
Speaker 1: whereas you will watch the whole thing, Like I want
Speaker 1: to understand that, Like, why keep going on something you
Speaker 1: don't like? I don't really, I rarely do that. What
Speaker 1: show have I done that? With? Mr Corman? Every show
Speaker 1: you've watched, there's there's a lot of time. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: there's been times they're they're terrible shows and you you complete,
Speaker 1: Oh I do love not alone. People do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't think they're They're terrible in a good
Speaker 1: way things can be, you know what I mean. Like
Speaker 1: they're mind numbing. They're not genius writing. It's literally like, dude,
Speaker 1: did you go to prom with Dave? That's an I
Speaker 1: don't understand why people would watch that instead of like
Speaker 1: VEEP or real reality TV is like because dude, it's
Speaker 1: like when I watch What's the show that you love?
Speaker 1: With Alec Baldwin and thirty Rock, It's just a lot
Speaker 1: on your brain. It's so many jokes. It's like blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. It's like, dude, just give
Speaker 1: me some dumb writing like the o C a little
Speaker 1: bit of drama, and I could just turn my dumb
Speaker 1: noggin off for a minute. I just I don't. There's
Speaker 1: something about me that makes me feel like I just
Speaker 1: cannot watch dumb things. And I don't think reality TV
Speaker 1: is dumb, Like I will take like I'm learning about
Speaker 1: humans and behavior, so I don't when people say, well,
Speaker 1: you watch rud t V, I'm like, it's not the
Speaker 1: It's not Walker Texas Ranger, like this mind numbing, bad writing,
Speaker 1: bad acting like things like that, like or Touched my Name,
Speaker 1: like knows that people are soap operas. It's like, why
Speaker 1: would you watch that? I just don't see the Georgia
Speaker 1: and Jinny or whatever that show is that at the
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift joke. I watched one scene of that. I go,
Speaker 1: how could anyone enjoy this? It's absurd to be But
Speaker 1: I know, I'm not saying like I'm an intellectual. I
Speaker 1: only like thirty Rock. I just I get bored. Let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. I like boredom. Oh boy, it's
Speaker 1: Monday somewhere. It's Monday somewhere. Actually it's not. It's actually
Speaker 1: not Monday anywhere right now. It's not even closed to Monday. Well,
Speaker 1: in your head, you've you've been living on a different
Speaker 1: calendar this week or last wee. I've been watching Texas
Speaker 1: Ranger um all right. So see ice at the South
Speaker 1: Pole has rebounded in to the levels of the Some
Speaker 1: three deck aids Ago sciences are explaining sea ice is
Speaker 1: coming back? Is this Trump's doctor saying this? That's got
Speaker 1: it like in that weird coat with a long gray hair.
Speaker 1: I don't believe any good climate change news. No Onah
Speaker 1: sent me this as a positive story. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it sounds good, but there's just no way that any
Speaker 1: good is happening. Can I tell you something I was
Speaker 1: in I was in agreement with you, and that's so
Speaker 1: I did another search. I typed in, is Noah correct?
Speaker 1: And uh, I would love this to be real. So
Speaker 1: the Antarctic is rebounding. The Arctic is falling apart for
Speaker 1: some reason, something with mountains. I don't know what. I
Speaker 1: didn't really get too into it. So one, I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure the Arctic is collapsing for other reasons other than mountains.
Speaker 1: The mountains are very mountains of human waste that are
Speaker 1: polluting the seas and causing you know, mountains of cow
Speaker 1: waste that's causing carbon emissions that are making it rapid race.
Speaker 1: That makes scientists like scientists are all buying suicide like
Speaker 1: cyanide pills. Everyone knows it's the end, is no no,
Speaker 1: no non. I Well, the Antarctic is coming back. So
Speaker 1: if you're looking for a place to stay out of
Speaker 1: four seasons, they're gonna start building them on where the
Speaker 1: glaciers used to be. I mean, I'm guessing it's it's
Speaker 1: uh because of climate change, like I bet, I'm guessing
Speaker 1: it's like coming back in like almost a scary way,
Speaker 1: not in a scary way. It doesn't seem to be.
Speaker 1: It appears that oceanic cycles play major roles on Antarctic
Speaker 1: sea ice veriability, not literally increasing CEO two, which we
Speaker 1: don't know. And then there's some graph that Noah put
Speaker 1: in that I have no idea what is their slope
Speaker 1: and percentages and it's like a bar graph of some sort.
Speaker 1: Maybe we could try to break this down, it would
Speaker 1: be easier for the So that's that tells me nothing.
Speaker 1: That was the richer scale of when Andrew and Brenna
Speaker 1: we're getting it on next to Hubert Bruno what's the
Speaker 1: dog's name, Hubert hubert Um. Yes, no, I know what
Speaker 1: this is saying, so I guess that's I. Then it
Speaker 1: goes down, and then it really goes down in two
Speaker 1: thousand three, and then it starts coming back. Then it
Speaker 1: went Really it looks pretty static to me. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like showing as many ups and downs. I just
Speaker 1: don't believe that there is any good climate change news.
Speaker 1: You guys, the world is like the world's not ending.
Speaker 1: Humanity is being like you know, it's like when your
Speaker 1: body gets a fever to burn off the virus. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you can so that it kills off the
Speaker 1: thing that's making it sick. And humans are making the
Speaker 1: planet six so it's heating it up, like the planet
Speaker 1: has a fever. When would you admit you're wrong if
Speaker 1: a sign into were actually frong and the Earth was
Speaker 1: like fine, like saying that this this. I believe that
Speaker 1: it's getting better there, but I don't think that overall
Speaker 1: looking good for old Mother Earth, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you can you can have um stage five cancer
Speaker 1: and your nail beds can look nice yeah yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: or like your toe might not be broken, but you're
Speaker 1: still gonna die. I don't know. My toe nails have
Speaker 1: never looked better. I think I'm fine. That's a bad example.
Speaker 1: I bet your nail beds would be pretty bad if
Speaker 1: you had stage five cancer. And I'm not making light
Speaker 1: of that, but I'm just saying, if you have a
Speaker 1: terminal illness and but you have like rosy cheeks or like,
Speaker 1: oh your eyelids are you know you have all your
Speaker 1: eyebrow hair, people are gonna be like, well, I guess
Speaker 1: that's a bad example to you know what I'm saying. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it's gotta be weird to be dying like that and
Speaker 1: like you wake up. I'm sure they're I've read some
Speaker 1: things are not really at him, just heard you know,
Speaker 1: from hubert Um in between the slodt and he goes,
Speaker 1: you know some days on cancer, did you read about dying?
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was probably during what was the
Speaker 1: end of that thought? No, so cancer, like when you
Speaker 1: have cancer, there's some days where you feel completely fine.
Speaker 1: So it's got to be such a mind fuck to
Speaker 1: like be like you wake up one morning, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe it's gone, you know, and then it's like it's
Speaker 1: like when you have to ship and then it goes
Speaker 1: your stomach, ach goes away. Oh my god. Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's actually a good analogy from two people who don't
Speaker 1: know anything about cancer. Well, yeah, so I learned through osmosis,
Speaker 1: you know. Oh yeah, because he passed because he had
Speaker 1: you and you weren't adopted. Yeah. Because I have the
Speaker 1: same dick as my dad, I know everything about hematology oncology.
Speaker 1: Next story. Okay, yeah, is it the same as yours? Well,
Speaker 1: I saw it when I was a kid. So a
Speaker 1: dad's dick when you see we always see our dad's
Speaker 1: dicks when our dicks are really small, so we think
Speaker 1: they're so you think they're huge. Yeah, it's like the
Speaker 1: Antarctic ice. Okay. A teen rescued a bumble bee with
Speaker 1: a crumpled wing and now it won't leave her side,
Speaker 1: even sleeping in a jar by her bed. This reminded
Speaker 1: me of the video you posted recently. Wait, it's gotta
Speaker 1: be the same thing, no different be Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with bees. Now if you guys go to
Speaker 1: the Dodo, which is like that Instagram where they just
Speaker 1: have like animals, beautiful animal videos that make you cry.
Speaker 1: But when I posted the other day of this woman
Speaker 1: rescuing a bee with no wings, a bumblebee. This be
Speaker 1: like like music, it hangs out. Now now everyone's getting bees.
Speaker 1: This one had a crumpled wing. Yeah, this one had
Speaker 1: a crumpled wing. The other one had no wings. So
Speaker 1: I guess if you're trying to get a bee on discount,
Speaker 1: go with wingless or it's you know, all the bees
Speaker 1: are dying and like disabled now anyway, So man, we
Speaker 1: are turning positive news into very negative news. And no,
Speaker 1: I love this, like if you can, if you if
Speaker 1: you watch that B video, I just don't understand how
Speaker 1: you can't can't be a vegan and like realized that
Speaker 1: every single animal is capable of like deep connection and
Speaker 1: a personality. It's like everyone. After I posted that B
Speaker 1: video of this woman that found a b without wings,
Speaker 1: she took it in, put it in a little terrarium.
Speaker 1: She's like very self spoken and like this little bee.
Speaker 1: They called her Ruby, I think, and she um she
Speaker 1: liked music. She would play with the cat. It was
Speaker 1: a bumblebee, you guys, without wings, And she learned how
Speaker 1: to crawl and her legs got super jacked because she
Speaker 1: was just crawling everywhere. So she looks like a little
Speaker 1: cockroach and I know that's gross, but she was a
Speaker 1: bumblebee and she liked to like sit on their shoulder
Speaker 1: when they play music because the vibrations felt good and
Speaker 1: so cute. And the bee only lives to be a
Speaker 1: month and it lived like, you know, a week longer
Speaker 1: than a month or something. But they cried for three
Speaker 1: days when the b died because they like the be
Speaker 1: at such a personality and they took care of it
Speaker 1: all the time, and it was like so beautiful. And
Speaker 1: everyone's like, you gotta watch the octopus teacher, and I'm
Speaker 1: like no, because I will ruin every dinner with my
Speaker 1: friends when they order calamari, which it gets ordered every
Speaker 1: time I go out with people. People get calamari, and
Speaker 1: I'll make everyone feel bad. I'll go that thing knows
Speaker 1: math better than you do. That thing can do the
Speaker 1: tip for our dinner better than yours, and fairness, so
Speaker 1: does your broccoli? You know, no it doesn't. Oh, I
Speaker 1: see what you're saying. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, then you
Speaker 1: I think you were doing one of those things of
Speaker 1: like planto feelings, improving the plants scream, well, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do when they prove that planto of feelings. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm really going to actually have a hard time eating them.
Speaker 1: That's the answer to that, because that's the right answer.
Speaker 1: And get out of town with this. This woman left
Speaker 1: her dog in a hot car for thirty seconds. You're
Speaker 1: eating a cheeseburger, you fucking hypocrite up in a car. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the U that you're burning diesel gas and killing the earth,
Speaker 1: and but Antarctic is fine, it's coming back rebound Antarctica. Um, oh,
Speaker 1: my god is so that's obviously the name of the
Speaker 1: Antarctica is definitely the name of this. We got it,
Speaker 1: We got it, we got it. Write it down. Um.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing though, I think like some people become
Speaker 1: friends with the animals that aren't supposed to be like friends,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, animals domesticated until we decided it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're this particular be. The girl tried to put the
Speaker 1: b back at the park. She spent an hour at
Speaker 1: the park trying to set the be free in like
Speaker 1: a flower bed or something, and then he just kept
Speaker 1: coming back to her. I mean this sounds like your
Speaker 1: friend with the hotel cat. Yeah, but different because that
Speaker 1: woman would have been searching for that cat. God send
Speaker 1: me a sign that this cat belongs in my life.
Speaker 1: Here kitty, Kitty, kitty opening in the bushes. I don't
Speaker 1: know why it was so attracted to me energy and
Speaker 1: all the catnip I had around my necklace. I want
Speaker 1: to see someone become a friend with a wasp. Then
Speaker 1: I'll be impressed, you know what I mean, like something
Speaker 1: really mean. There are people are terrified of bees, but
Speaker 1: you know when people have spiders as pets all the time.
Speaker 1: That's true, that's true, But not like someone who becomes
Speaker 1: friends with a house centipede. I might like if it
Speaker 1: didn't have legs. Those things as a vegan, those are
Speaker 1: the only animals that I go, fuck that thing. Fuck it.
Speaker 1: I won't kill one, but I sure will because but
Speaker 1: it's only because I don't want to even get close
Speaker 1: enough to it to kill it. You would chill with
Speaker 1: a scorpion? Will fuck you up? I like scorpions. Do
Speaker 1: you remember, Oh no, you weren't there. You know that
Speaker 1: um club we did in New Mexico? Yeah? Yeah, Do
Speaker 1: you had a scorpion on stage? Right? Yeah? There were there.
Speaker 1: I was on stage and all of a sudden, there
Speaker 1: was a swack to the right of the stage and
Speaker 1: I go, what the hell? It's und like a gunshot
Speaker 1: and I go, what was that? He goes scorpion and
Speaker 1: I go what and he he had a flip flop
Speaker 1: in his hand. He took his flip flip off and
Speaker 1: I go, first of all, you were wearing flip flops
Speaker 1: to my show front row? How dare you start? And
Speaker 1: he goes, I listen, I don't respect your show. I
Speaker 1: was the guy that posted on Reddit and I was like, actually,
Speaker 1: good point. So he swacked this thing. I go and
Speaker 1: I go, or is it dead? And he goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got it, and I go why He's like, why
Speaker 1: would you kill that? It was so mad because I've
Speaker 1: never even seen the scorpion and now this one is dead.
Speaker 1: And I picked it up and I kept it and
Speaker 1: um with the scorpion with a deadly kind of scorpion though,
Speaker 1: like what if it's sucked me up? But it was.
Speaker 1: I didn't pick it up by a singer. People go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm picking it up by its talent and it's dead
Speaker 1: and this talents don't have stinging it up on stage? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And people go, oh my god, you guys, it's dead.
Speaker 1: What is what are you talking about but these guys
Speaker 1: that try to become a friend with like grizzly bears
Speaker 1: and like it ends either like I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: just wild in me. You know, I'm someone beautiful video.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love seeing like a big grizzly
Speaker 1: man rolling around with a grizzly bear. And for that
Speaker 1: one video where the guy's like, hey, I'm John, I'm
Speaker 1: just here is bunny and we want to thank you
Speaker 1: for don't. I think there's a hilarious Reddit video where
Speaker 1: this guy is trying to do a commercial for conservation.
Speaker 1: No have you seen it? Oh my god? How can
Speaker 1: we find that? The bear keeps messing up to take
Speaker 1: by almost him like the playfully but like and the
Speaker 1: guy just says, cannot get this bear to stop like
Speaker 1: bear commercial p s a blooper. Well that's the thing
Speaker 1: with bears. They maull you once you're dead. A bee
Speaker 1: and it doesn't die a beato if it's stings. A
Speaker 1: lot of bees they sting you once they're dead, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Oh yeah, that's an interesting thing
Speaker 1: that a bear. Yeah, bear doesn't like maulling you once
Speaker 1: and then it's like and then it had to go
Speaker 1: off and die. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point and
Speaker 1: probably stop mauling you as much. So maybe bees aren't
Speaker 1: that nice. They're just selfish. Okay, I'm looking for the
Speaker 1: bear Blooper because it's so funny. We gotta fund Bloomer.
Speaker 1: Such a funny term. Bart the Bear. That's it, Bart
Speaker 1: the Bear outtakes there. It is no what will you
Speaker 1: play it wrong? Companion friend, Bark the Bear, You're good.
Speaker 1: You may brou and this is my lifelong friend and
Speaker 1: companion guy. Let's tell you about it was like a
Speaker 1: big guy off, get off. Hi. My name is Doug
Speaker 1: SEUs and this is my life. Now hold it keeps going.
Speaker 1: My name is Doug Seuss and this is my lifelong friend,
Speaker 1: Bark the Bear. You may recognize him as an actor.
Speaker 1: He might be big and strong, but he's also a
Speaker 1: cancer survivor. Want to tell you how grateful we are
Speaker 1: for the overwhelming companions to the professional doctors and staff
Speaker 1: in the Calade State. Look, he's almost through University Animal
Speaker 1: Cancer Center. Parts continue to save rives called today fight. Oh,
Speaker 1: my name is Doug Shoes. You gotta look a part
Speaker 1: of the barrettson one of my favorite videos I've ever
Speaker 1: made me big and strong. You might recognize it as
Speaker 1: an actor. He also it's a chacter grateful we are
Speaker 1: for the overwhelming compassion and the professional No, it is
Speaker 1: great and this is one of my favorite videos ever
Speaker 1: on the internet. I honestly think it is called Today
Speaker 1: and is pulling him to the ground, scream you were
Speaker 1: okay wherever you are, God, you're fighting you spared out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, finger, keep down, all right, we gotta keep going.
Speaker 1: This is I mean, this video the bear in space.
Speaker 1: What if he just killed him right here? Oh my god, Look,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if this is like terrible, but this be
Speaker 1: biting this guy. This bear could snap this guy's head
Speaker 1: and aff and he just keeps biting the guy's head
Speaker 1: like his full mouth goes around this old man stip.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Man, these people they're just freaking
Speaker 1: no what you gotta watch the whole video. The funny
Speaker 1: part is is like that goes on for ten minutes,
Speaker 1: like of just clip after clip of this guy going hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Doug Suites and this is Bark Shop at Bark
Speaker 1: and the one time he almost gets through the whole thing,
Speaker 1: and then it just Bart always betrays him two seconds
Speaker 1: before he's done, He's like called one eight eight got park.
Speaker 1: You bit me hot that time? But you bit me hot?
Speaker 1: What a man? What a man's man. There was that
Speaker 1: one guy that lived with real grizzly bears, like out
Speaker 1: in the wood. Yeah, and there's just a video of
Speaker 1: him getting malled to death. That was like and he
Speaker 1: didn't show it in the video in the movie it's
Speaker 1: called Grizzly Man. Yeah, guy that lived amongst the grizzly bears.
Speaker 1: I never watched that because it was just so sad
Speaker 1: that the guy got malled because he loved him so
Speaker 1: much and believed he was a bear. He was kind
Speaker 1: of like Michael Jackson with children, where you were like
Speaker 1: he's in love with bears in a way, like and
Speaker 1: it was creepy. You know, he's the guy what did
Speaker 1: you say? Like he's like how Michael Jackons thought he
Speaker 1: was a little kid. Yeah, And just like I just
Speaker 1: like being around children. How does how does Kyle Donagan
Speaker 1: do the prison chilling children? He does it with the
Speaker 1: t children? Um so uh yeah, the Grizzly Man. I
Speaker 1: just always remember hearing that that documentary ends with his girlfriend.
Speaker 1: They were like we're going to get rid of the footage.
Speaker 1: We're going to destroy the footage because no one ever
Speaker 1: needs to see this man like eating alive, because he
Speaker 1: would set up cameras and so they have his malling
Speaker 1: on camera. And before they destroy the footage, she they
Speaker 1: put a video on her of her like listening to it,
Speaker 1: and she's just like listening with headphones and she's just
Speaker 1: like I can't take them off. And so I've watched that.
Speaker 1: I like morbid ship like that, like watching people watch
Speaker 1: things other than watching them myself. I like the director
Speaker 1: and producer going, you know, I don't know how this
Speaker 1: is gonna end. I don't know if we're gonna I
Speaker 1: don't know if he's gonna like run around like how
Speaker 1: are we gonna end this? And then he's like I
Speaker 1: got it. I got it that. Yeah. They he gets
Speaker 1: all to death and they're like, um, so last night
Speaker 1: we got our ending. Um we got were wrapped on
Speaker 1: production because oh it is John sleeping end today sort of.
Speaker 1: Um so you know how yesterday he was like like alive,
Speaker 1: Well today um so tragic. Let's go let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and then come back with why do I care?
Speaker 1: All right? Andrew I'm dougs. Wait, what's that guy's name?
Speaker 1: Barn Doug Zeue and this year's bark Andrew. Let's get
Speaker 1: to why do I care? Why do I care? Bart? Um, Joe,
Speaker 1: Joe Seewa, We'll make Dancing with the Stars history. Is
Speaker 1: the first female contestant to be paired with a female dancer. Hello,
Speaker 1: who's her partner? Um, you don't know yet? Let me
Speaker 1: see you announced againsting Lindsay Arnold, m Brittany maybe Brittany. Um,
Speaker 1: that's really exciting, Um, Jojoeut No, I'm just kidding. That
Speaker 1: was we could take that out. I go off. This
Speaker 1: show couldn't get any gay or No, that's fine, leave
Speaker 1: that and that's that's that's appropriate. Um. But yes, who
Speaker 1: would you who would you have picked on your season?
Speaker 1: If you could dance with a girl that was a
Speaker 1: little less harried than Gleb oh Man. Gleb was pretty beautiful, like, um,
Speaker 1: probably searn probably Sharna because she's a winner and like
Speaker 1: really scary, and I would probably need someone to kind
Speaker 1: of scare me. Or maybe Whitney because she actually was nice.
Speaker 1: So no, I take that back, she was nice. But
Speaker 1: Jojo Seewa, I love her she came out. She was like,
Speaker 1: you know, she's like that girl with blond hair that
Speaker 1: wears like ponytails and like just like were's weird things
Speaker 1: in her hair and like it's just like so upbeat
Speaker 1: and like fun and we're sparkles and stuff. And now
Speaker 1: she's gay and she's like loving life and I'm just
Speaker 1: really happy for and yeah, Dancing with the Stars, they're
Speaker 1: talking about the season coming up and speculating about who's
Speaker 1: you know, being paired with who it's a big top
Speaker 1: secret and it's just like, um, who cares? Honestly, like
Speaker 1: who cares? Dancing with a man? I never thought I
Speaker 1: would love it, but then I danced with Gleb when
Speaker 1: he taught us our dance, and seconds I knew I
Speaker 1: had a little inkling of what you went through for
Speaker 1: a month and your boy was there was a chub
Speaker 1: going on in my pain. I mean, I was turned
Speaker 1: on by this man. This man, are you serious? Like
Speaker 1: you felt you? You really were like, wow, this guy
Speaker 1: is powerful and like hot and it was hot. It
Speaker 1: was kind of hot, Like he's a sexy man. He's
Speaker 1: like it's it's hard to argue that it's like a
Speaker 1: sexy like Rottweiler. You know, like I'm I was very
Speaker 1: like impressed by the strength and the beauty, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I could, I could acknowledge like that it was hot,
Speaker 1: you know, even though I wasn't like wanting to bang them.
Speaker 1: Well that's the thing is like dancing is such a
Speaker 1: sexual and like intimate thing, so much touching, so much
Speaker 1: like rubbing and dipping and all those and fucking what
Speaker 1: um that you like, you could be attracted to any
Speaker 1: anyone teaching you dancing because it's just you spend so
Speaker 1: much time. I feel like you could fall in love
Speaker 1: with anyone if you just like cuddle with them all day,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like a
Speaker 1: wrong guy anything you could have like a like a
Speaker 1: physical attraction, especially if they're physically like perfect. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not gay to fully spoon with a man, is it?
Speaker 1: Like without sexual touch, just beheld by a man and petted.
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I mean, I think most I
Speaker 1: think we would be uncomfortable with that. Most straight men
Speaker 1: would be uncomfortable with that because of society saying that's wrong.
Speaker 1: But like no, I think cuddling is like something that
Speaker 1: we started doing and like doing to stay warm. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hug my guy feel but yeah, a good hug
Speaker 1: from my guy friends that are bigger to me, and
Speaker 1: I could get in his nook. It's great. I'll get
Speaker 1: right in there that little nook. I love it. Many
Speaker 1: hug Yeah, dude, hugs are great. I love a good
Speaker 1: hug where you just don't want to let go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's rare that I like, I often feel about
Speaker 1: us the way I feel about massages. Like this person
Speaker 1: doesn't want to hug as long as I want to,
Speaker 1: so I like give up quicker because I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: they don't want to do this. But maybe it's like me,
Speaker 1: Like I remember Amy Schumer wrote when she was writing
Speaker 1: her memoir, she wrote a bunch of like things about
Speaker 1: her friends. She really chapters about her friends, and she
Speaker 1: sent them to us and this didn't make her book,
Speaker 1: but it like told me something about myself. And she
Speaker 1: was like Nikki h what did she say? It was
Speaker 1: like Nikki needs to be hugged, but she'll let go
Speaker 1: before she wants to, or something like that. And I
Speaker 1: was like, WHOA, I didn't know that about myself. I thought.
Speaker 1: I was like really like mmmmm, she's like Nikki is
Speaker 1: is loving and like loves to be hugged and like
Speaker 1: wants it, but she will always let go before she
Speaker 1: would like to. And I was like, damn, girl, you
Speaker 1: just diagnosed me like a decade before I could diagnose
Speaker 1: myself with that kind of ship man. That was. That
Speaker 1: was a foreshadowing. Yeah, totally. And I need a Bart
Speaker 1: the Bear that will just maul me intermittently. I am
Speaker 1: like Bart the Bear, Like I'll just sit next to
Speaker 1: you and then go I want it, and then I'll
Speaker 1: back away and then I'll bite your head. I wonder
Speaker 1: if Doug Zeus is still alive. Oh my god, that
Speaker 1: would be so funny if we did it, like seems
Speaker 1: like frame for frame, like the exact same kind of
Speaker 1: mauling and you like, bite my head. We gotta get
Speaker 1: to top one, bottom one. Today's segment, Top one, bottom one.
Speaker 1: What's the category? Noah, we know it's not song lyrics.
Speaker 1: Today's categories. Something you did for yourself recently? All right,
Speaker 1: this is a good one. Um, something you did for
Speaker 1: yourself recently which you only think of as like in
Speaker 1: a positive way, like, oh I did something for myself.
Speaker 1: That's good. Um. I uh do you guys, do you
Speaker 1: want to kick us off with bottom or top. You
Speaker 1: do this every week. We've never once started with top ever.
Speaker 1: I know I thought you would left turn it then
Speaker 1: I'd burnt the barrett and just bottom. I would say, uh,
Speaker 1: I would say bottom, Uh what did I do recently?
Speaker 1: Not pull out the rack? Yeah, I would say the
Speaker 1: rack thing. I would say, I had a trouble again
Speaker 1: that pizza out? Which No, honestly, what's the worst thing
Speaker 1: you did for yourself this week? Um or recently? I
Speaker 1: think just like, uh god, I can't can know what
Speaker 1: go first? I had a topic. Yeah, I thought you
Speaker 1: were ready. That's why you were stalling by going bottom
Speaker 1: or top. That that was you stalling even though you
Speaker 1: knew the answer. You know what, what's your bottom thinking?
Speaker 1: I think it just now? Just ye just now? Is
Speaker 1: not preparing for the segment? Oh no, no blowing my dog?
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, Tippy, your tongue gambling would have forgot that,
Speaker 1: I know, an idiot. And then is your tops swallowing
Speaker 1: your dogs? Coumk christ I will say that I was
Speaker 1: cuddling Luigi yesterday and like really like having a moment
Speaker 1: because he just like seemed so like sad and I
Speaker 1: was just like come me or you want to be held,
Speaker 1: and I just gave him like a hug and we
Speaker 1: were laying on the ground and like he was really
Speaker 1: just like I was laying on my back on the ground.
Speaker 1: He was on me like like and his I put
Speaker 1: my shoulder up so he could rest his head, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, I love you, buddy, And I
Speaker 1: was just like having just giving him my time because
Speaker 1: I'm always distracted on a phone playing guitar and he
Speaker 1: never like gets just like concentrated time, no distractions, not
Speaker 1: watching TV, just staring at the wall, holding my dog,
Speaker 1: saying I love you, kissing his head. And then I
Speaker 1: got up and he had a raging boner and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know, like his lipstick was out
Speaker 1: so far. I haven't even seen his lipstick for so long.
Speaker 1: He was like legit turned on you guys. And then
Speaker 1: I gave him the blue balls because I was not
Speaker 1: in the mood. Sorry, um, you know at the time,
Speaker 1: I've made my dog cam right, yeah, come again. He
Speaker 1: one time I was holding him during a podcast. This
Speaker 1: was when I had a podcast called not Safe, um
Speaker 1: for my not Safe show, and he was sitting in
Speaker 1: my lap. He got a lipstick, and Dan Saint Germain
Speaker 1: and Brian Frangie, my co host, were like, gross, Luigi's
Speaker 1: lipstick is out, and I was just like, guys, shut up.
Speaker 1: His penis sheath. It has a larger hole than most dogs,
Speaker 1: so it slips out more often. That's what the vet
Speaker 1: told me, um, and they were like gross, we I
Speaker 1: don't want to look at that thing. And I'm just like, okay, fine.
Speaker 1: So I took Luigi's paw and I like tapped around
Speaker 1: it because I thought I could spook it back in
Speaker 1: if I like tapped around you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like it would just go in because it was like
Speaker 1: being threatened by a paw. And so he took his
Speaker 1: own paw and then he ejaculated. Andrew, I'm not kidding you.
Speaker 1: White stuff came out of Luigi's penis and we all
Speaker 1: saw it, and I jacked my own dog off with
Speaker 1: his own pa. Have you told this on stage? Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's awful, but you just like I like it. This
Speaker 1: is a true story and it happened live on a podcast.
Speaker 1: I think it still exists. You can hear it. You
Speaker 1: would have saw it like like a dog doesn't like
Speaker 1: did you think like you know when a dog chases
Speaker 1: its own tail because it doesn't realize it's his own tail.
Speaker 1: You were trying to make this dog think like his
Speaker 1: own claw wasn't his own claw, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: He's not gonna be afraid of his own hand. I
Speaker 1: taught him how to masturbate, essentially. You know the guy,
Speaker 1: the guy that stabbed me, His dog would blow itself.
Speaker 1: Some dogs blow themselves to complete I mean I think
Speaker 1: they just lick there junk. Maybe they maybe it's pleasure,
Speaker 1: but they're probably cleaning it. I mean he cleaned it
Speaker 1: until stuff came out. I mean, not every dog cleans
Speaker 1: his penis. That's like a thing. Okay, would at least
Speaker 1: least least good thing you did for yourself lately. No, uh,
Speaker 1: listen to this conversation produced this podcast not cut us
Speaker 1: off from talking about blowing our dogs. Um, try to
Speaker 1: submit positive topics only, yeah, I mean, jesus, you were
Speaker 1: like Today's IT Show where it's only going to be positive.
Speaker 1: I tried it, lad to like us talking about insect incest. Okay,
Speaker 1: go on, all right, Um, so just thinking of something recently,
Speaker 1: I just like had a day where I only ate
Speaker 1: funians and nothing else what and I know that it
Speaker 1: was wrong, Like it just is what your body was craving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was just what you had around and you were lazy.
Speaker 1: I was um like it was after being like really sick,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like I only want to eat funians,
Speaker 1: you know what fans sometimes like it would bother me.
Speaker 1: I think Andrew might do that because it's the only
Speaker 1: thing he has around and he doesn't want to walk
Speaker 1: to the store. But like, if that's what your body
Speaker 1: was craving, no problem with it, because I think that
Speaker 1: that's we just need to intuitively eat and be like
Speaker 1: what does my body want? Like there was something about salty,
Speaker 1: like tangy, dry, crunchy that you need it, like your
Speaker 1: body was like you have in the house. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: had a couple. I had like a couple of large bags.
Speaker 1: I've never had a funny in I don't think whoa
Speaker 1: because they always remind me of onions as a kid,
Speaker 1: and then once I get to adult age, I don't
Speaker 1: like snack food and like highly caloric fried things. So
Speaker 1: that think of that breath of yours after a day
Speaker 1: of funyans had to be intense, no comment Funians all day? Okay, Andrew.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a great answer. Would you ever put
Speaker 1: funans around obvious penis and then bite them off? When
Speaker 1: I don't even know how much a funion like a
Speaker 1: ring of a Funyon is. It depends which one really
Speaker 1: do you like? Funan? Andrew? I mean, I'm not afraid
Speaker 1: of funians. There weren't my number one even close, But
Speaker 1: I like them when I ate them, I like a
Speaker 1: disgusting food. You will literally eat anything in front of you.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Like. One of the things about you
Speaker 1: that I just find soaper plexing is that you will
Speaker 1: just you'll settle for anything. Yeah, if it's there, Macaroni salad,
Speaker 1: any kind of mannaise salad. I would rather eat a
Speaker 1: scorpion than eggs salad, or like a man easy potato salad,
Speaker 1: like any kind of those salads that aren't salads. We
Speaker 1: are so different yet so alike in so many ways. Man,
Speaker 1: I mean, that is the grossest thing. Those eggs, salad,
Speaker 1: egg salads, anything that's at a barbecue as a side
Speaker 1: is deviled eggs or even on the you probably hate
Speaker 1: deviled eggs, boy, Deviled eggs are legit my least favorite food.
Speaker 1: What about a salad. I was with my friend last night.
Speaker 1: He got deviled eggs at Whole Foods to like eat,
Speaker 1: like for dinner if you're getting like just dinner sex.
Speaker 1: He got a Whole Foods or at deviled eggs, And
Speaker 1: I was like, do you know that's the number one
Speaker 1: food that if you know, I don't need it because
Speaker 1: I'm vegan, but if I weren't, I would. It's my
Speaker 1: fear factor food. I would rather eat a grub out
Speaker 1: of a log than a deviled egg. And I'm I'm
Speaker 1: and that's an exaggeration, but not much. Yeah, well, I
Speaker 1: don't know, slimy mayonnaisy. Okay, Andrew, what's the worst thing
Speaker 1: you did for yourself? Probably hear you not like deviled eggs?
Speaker 1: I how much? How many times are we going to
Speaker 1: do this joke where we talk about the thing is
Speaker 1: the worst thing that just happened? We can skip Andrew
Speaker 1: and go right to Nikki. Yeah, what did your bottom?
Speaker 1: Nick uh? Reading Reddit comments? I mean like just seeing
Speaker 1: a thing that I didn't like and going like let
Speaker 1: me just click and read and see what it is,
Speaker 1: and then like not being able to stop, Like that
Speaker 1: was self harm in a way that like I've is
Speaker 1: just you. You can't there's there's I don't mean to
Speaker 1: be like you, but no one can understand. But there's
Speaker 1: so few people out there and I and honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: on the low spectrum of it in terms of like
Speaker 1: Noah sent me um Monica Lewinsky ted talk and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I wanted to like hurt
Speaker 1: myself yesterday based on all the or you know on
Speaker 1: Thursday when you're listening to this, when I was reading
Speaker 1: all or Wednesday night, when I was reading all the
Speaker 1: um these things about me, I like was compelled, like
Speaker 1: I know this sounds terrible, and I'm sorry to disclose this,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to cut myself, and I like I
Speaker 1: was looking for something, like I was thinking about where
Speaker 1: can I cut myself on my body? Slicer asshole every
Speaker 1: time I get vulnerable, and you had to come in
Speaker 1: with some little quip, and yes, it would make my
Speaker 1: life a lot easier. I'm sure people have cut them,
Speaker 1: but I was I was starting to think of like
Speaker 1: where are my body can I cut myself? And I've
Speaker 1: only cut myself one time in my life when I
Speaker 1: got caught shop lifting, and I just felt like I
Speaker 1: was the worst person in the world because this woman
Speaker 1: screamed at me, and I like, you know, like when
Speaker 1: when I feel like I'm a bad person and there's
Speaker 1: proof of it, which I read a lot of proof
Speaker 1: the other day, I was just like, you need to
Speaker 1: be punished, Like there's no you can't go to jail
Speaker 1: for this. You can't like, no one's gonna yell at you.
Speaker 1: None of your friend are going to yell at you
Speaker 1: about it, like, and the punishment was that, you know, like,
Speaker 1: why can't that be enough? My I used to say
Speaker 1: this in my therapist one time I spilled water on
Speaker 1: my computer. I've given this example a lot, but it
Speaker 1: might help some people because it helped me. I spilled
Speaker 1: water on my brand new computer just it opened it.
Speaker 1: I'm not even getting you like, took it out of
Speaker 1: the thing, and then within ten minutes spilled an entire
Speaker 1: glass of water that was sitting next to it on it,
Speaker 1: and I was I had to go do a set.
Speaker 1: I didn't even have time. I like, you know, I
Speaker 1: was drying it out and I was on my way
Speaker 1: to my set and I walked by a dog and
Speaker 1: I was dying for this dog to bite me because
Speaker 1: I was just like you need to be punished for
Speaker 1: what you've just done, like you're such an idiot. And um,
Speaker 1: I told my therapist that, and she was like, isn't
Speaker 1: the punishment losing your computer? Isn't that enough, like losing
Speaker 1: that spring time, like that's a punishment like that. People
Speaker 1: doll out as like you don't get your computer anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that makes sense. So it wasn't the
Speaker 1: punishment enough, like reading these things that hurt me. But
Speaker 1: I didn't cut myself. I did find, um some scissors,
Speaker 1: and I was thinking about where I could do it,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, I went at my word
Speaker 1: on my like thing again on my knee. But that
Speaker 1: wasn't that when I cut that that is not like
Speaker 1: me trying to self harm, and so it just wasn't
Speaker 1: doing the trick, and so I, um, so I just
Speaker 1: like I put it down, and I was I called
Speaker 1: a friend and then I and then I slept next
Speaker 1: to the scissors, not even knowing that like I forgot
Speaker 1: about them there there. And then the next morning I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I can't believe you grabbed
Speaker 1: scissors to like hurt yourself. But that's and and I'm
Speaker 1: only sharing that because it's such a rare thing. I
Speaker 1: haven't done that since I was eighteen or nineteen and
Speaker 1: got caught shoplifting. So, um, if you if you do
Speaker 1: self out of the mouth and then you know, last year,
Speaker 1: I like punched myself and like sometimes I want to
Speaker 1: hurt myself and in the in the chase, face and
Speaker 1: chest and like just like I was so depressed last
Speaker 1: year and like aiated myself so much. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to punch my face because I was scared it would
Speaker 1: like leave a mark and people would see it. So
Speaker 1: I was just like beating up my body. I mean,
Speaker 1: like this, I'm I'm kind of funked up, you guys,
Speaker 1: and like, please don't write mean things about me. I
Speaker 1: like can't take it. But the thing is, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to do that anymmore. And I didn't cut myself.
Speaker 1: I called a friend because I know that that's not
Speaker 1: how I want to behave and like what I want
Speaker 1: to be. And I don't have any place to go,
Speaker 1: Like you when you cut yourself, like there's people are
Speaker 1: gonna see it. I don't want to leave injuries on myself. Um,
Speaker 1: So that's my worst thing. But that's for a wart
Speaker 1: excision and that's different. No, over you so happy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If you start seeing like just awards that, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: they're just like lines like in multiple segments on my wrist.
Speaker 1: You should start being speculative. No, what's the best thing
Speaker 1: you did for yourself? Top one? Uh? Top one? Recently.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of things about a house that
Speaker 1: I don't know and that I have to take care of.
Speaker 1: And when I speak to people on the phone, like
Speaker 1: or you know, like if if they come down like
Speaker 1: landscapers or whatever, they can say whatever to me, and
Speaker 1: I would just be like, yeah, sure, whatever you say.
Speaker 1: And I started to feel kind of like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't like being in this like dark room with no
Speaker 1: light or you know, like like just not knowing. So
Speaker 1: I went to the bookstore and I got a book
Speaker 1: on like, uh, homes and like learning about like foundations
Speaker 1: and pipes and stuff like that. Yeah. So I have
Speaker 1: a girl that's amazing. Yeah. So I found that and
Speaker 1: it's UM and I browsed some other books. I got
Speaker 1: a really good book on um mentoring using the Book
Speaker 1: of Tao, which I really liked reading a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago. So I'm just trying to kind of look
Speaker 1: away from my phone and negative comments which I look
Speaker 1: at too. They're not about me because I'm not famous
Speaker 1: or anything, but I just get like sucked into this
Speaker 1: vortex of negativity on on social media. So I'm trying
Speaker 1: to like read more books and just kind of empower
Speaker 1: myself with as much information as I can retain. I
Speaker 1: love that books are, like they really do make you
Speaker 1: get off your phone if it's like a physical book,
Speaker 1: and like they open you up to a world that yeah,
Speaker 1: that reading is is the best escape. It really is.
Speaker 1: It's and then you can you just cut yourself with
Speaker 1: paper cuts. Um no, but it's true, Like reading is
Speaker 1: so good. And I downloaded the book yesterday. Um so
Speaker 1: you've been publicly shamed by John Ronson about people that
Speaker 1: have been canceled or you know, and I felt yesterday
Speaker 1: or the other yeah, yesterday that I had been like
Speaker 1: I was on the verge of like these people that
Speaker 1: were writing were the same kinds of people that cancel
Speaker 1: people and want to destroy their lives. Like these people
Speaker 1: actively wanted me to try to like they were cyber
Speaker 1: bulling me and like in a way that like they
Speaker 1: they knew that it would could potentially make me like
Speaker 1: harm myself. It was. It was definitely get a lot
Speaker 1: out of Monica Lewinsky's ted tuk. It's called The Price
Speaker 1: of Shame and she talks about public a humiliation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it'll be when I was I didn't finish
Speaker 1: this though, but when you sent that and I go, wow,
Speaker 1: if if what Heaven and Me has sent me for
Speaker 1: that kind of loop where I want like reached for
Speaker 1: fucking scissors. What could have Monica Lewinsky of dealt with
Speaker 1: when she was twenty two? And how much hate and
Speaker 1: how much ridicule she got. No one was on that
Speaker 1: woman's side. No one, And like if she survived it,
Speaker 1: I can survive some Reddit comments. And she didn't have
Speaker 1: a forum back then to get her point across. I
Speaker 1: know she didn't have any like that woman. I would
Speaker 1: love to meet her someday and like, yeah, she's she's incredible.
Speaker 1: She's truly what a survivor she is. And like we all,
Speaker 1: including myself, I used to like I think she was,
Speaker 1: you know, like I used to have preconceived notions about her,
Speaker 1: and now I think she's a true American hero. Um Andrew,
Speaker 1: best thing you did for yourself? I traded in my
Speaker 1: golf clubs for better clubs that I had. First, they
Speaker 1: were a little expensive and I didn't think I deserved them,
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what your deserve love and
Speaker 1: it comes with a pitching wedge through four iron and
Speaker 1: uh and boy, uh was I happy about the investment
Speaker 1: hitting them on the range. And it's just it's just invested.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just felt good to treat myself
Speaker 1: a little and feel like I was deserving of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like you, it was it a bad and like,
Speaker 1: was it an investment that was financially irresponsible for you?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I don't think so. I think
Speaker 1: it's like I don't really spend money on a lot
Speaker 1: of things. I really don't, so I felt so I
Speaker 1: felt like, you know what, this is something you do
Speaker 1: almost every day, you know it. And I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: buy other clubs now for at least three months, so
Speaker 1: I know now, you know, But like, yeah, no, I
Speaker 1: I know that wasn't even a joke. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: but no, I watched things up all the time. I do,
Speaker 1: I do, but I really I really don't spend that
Speaker 1: much money. So I just felt like I deserved and
Speaker 1: it felt good to not uh to let myself do it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I like that. Um, the best thing I
Speaker 1: did for myself was um, I think I think talk
Speaker 1: about as hard as it was, like talk about I
Speaker 1: was feeling yesterday because the outpouring that I got from
Speaker 1: all the best season the people that I keep sending
Speaker 1: comments like has been has lifted my spirits so much.
Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you to everyone. Final thought,
Speaker 1: Uh you I I expected to hear from some of
Speaker 1: you about how I got emotionally yesterday and like to
Speaker 1: um tell me everything is okay and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was like, I don't even know
Speaker 1: if I want to hear that, like it might not
Speaker 1: make me feel better, but it truly did. So many
Speaker 1: people wrote, including Noah like and all my like for
Speaker 1: ends followed up and like really were there for me
Speaker 1: my darkest time. So I really appreciate that and like
Speaker 1: the best seas that you guys don't even know me
Speaker 1: and like like you know personally and the things you
Speaker 1: wrote me were nicer than most people get from their
Speaker 1: actual friends in life. So it's like, it's so awesome
Speaker 1: that I have so many people that that feel that
Speaker 1: connected to me and that can like make me feel
Speaker 1: like they're truly they love me and like and feel
Speaker 1: loved from strangers like that, Like I felt the opposite
Speaker 1: of it. And then and you know, sometimes you don't
Speaker 1: let the negative in or the positive and as much
Speaker 1: as the negative, and it's hard to do that, but
Speaker 1: like I truly like lead in the positive and read
Speaker 1: so many like I. You know, usually when people send
Speaker 1: towers of text, I can't get through it, but these
Speaker 1: I really made sure to read all of them, and
Speaker 1: they all you guys are so I go my my
Speaker 1: fans like and I said this about the Reddit people
Speaker 1: that said mean things. They were very articulate and well spoken.
Speaker 1: And these are well written, all the insults, which is
Speaker 1: always it hurts more than when someone's like, you're you're
Speaker 1: ugly and they spell it why oh you are you know?
Speaker 1: And I go, oh, well, this person is a moron.
Speaker 1: It's you you are ugly? Um. But these Reddit comments
Speaker 1: were so like well written. I was like, God, smart
Speaker 1: people don't like me, but dude, fuck those smart people
Speaker 1: who don't like me that can write, you know, intelligible sentences.
Speaker 1: My besties that wrote me and said nice things we're
Speaker 1: just like so thoughtful and empathetic and so like they
Speaker 1: all seem to be trained in some sort of like
Speaker 1: trauma therapy. Like everyone was so compassionate. Like I just
Speaker 1: have a horde of support that even if you had
Speaker 1: one person like this writing to you, it would change
Speaker 1: your entire day. I had dozens, and they can they
Speaker 1: keep pouring in and it means so much to me,
Speaker 1: and like, I just can't thank you all enough. And
Speaker 1: I didn't expect it, and I certainly didn't want to. Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to you to feel like you had
Speaker 1: to do that. And so I'm gonna accept it and
Speaker 1: not say that I don't deserve it. I really appreciate
Speaker 1: it because it makes me feel like, um, you're getting something.
Speaker 1: The only reason you would ever write the things that
Speaker 1: you wrote to someone like me is if you cared
Speaker 1: about that person. And so I feel really cared about
Speaker 1: by just strangers, and it's like it's just the best feeling.
Speaker 1: And someone wrote to me that someone who had said
Speaker 1: that my A d D meds were ruining my personality
Speaker 1: and like someone needs to tell her, but she's on cocaine.
Speaker 1: That they did a deep dive on on their Reddit account,
Speaker 1: and that person is a recovering Heroin addict, so projection
Speaker 1: it is like my what I thought it was. And listen,
Speaker 1: I'm I talked to my doctor and I'm coming up
Speaker 1: with a plan. So all of this made me like
Speaker 1: face some things, for sure, but it's nice to know,
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't gonna go and I read a deep
Speaker 1: dive and like searts their accounts to see what other
Speaker 1: things they had posted about. But someone did that for me,
Speaker 1: and that just gave me so much relief knowing that
Speaker 1: that person that said all those ugly things about my
Speaker 1: being medicated, um said that. You know, that person was
Speaker 1: recovering Heroin added and I'm sorry for that person, Like
Speaker 1: they've been through a lot and they're projecting it onto me,
Speaker 1: which you know fucking happens. I talked to my therapist yesterday.
Speaker 1: I don't that was a thing that like so grateful
Speaker 1: getting back into therapy. That was something that Noah steered
Speaker 1: me towards and was like like had mentioned about like
Speaker 1: picking up the I was gonna say phone but my
Speaker 1: computer and emailing my therapist that I kind of called
Speaker 1: it quits with or like went on a hiatus with
Speaker 1: getting hyaenus with getting her back on the line. Talking
Speaker 1: to her yesterday was awesome. And I just therapy works.
Speaker 1: Reaching being honest and reaching out and asking for help works. Um,
Speaker 1: if it's the right people, So please do that in
Speaker 1: your own lives and um and yeah, I someone mentioned
Speaker 1: to me that was like, you know, I found that
Speaker 1: when I talked about I, I I understand like being
Speaker 1: really insecure about the stigma of being on a d
Speaker 1: D meds and like, people will judge you for it,
Speaker 1: but they only will judge you if they know that
Speaker 1: you're on them. So just don't tell people that you're
Speaker 1: on them anymore. So right now, I'm choosing to keep
Speaker 1: that to myself. And if I'm on them or not
Speaker 1: is not going to be I'll probably admit to you
Speaker 1: if I am or I'm not, but I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: to keep that private. Like, my choices of medication are
Speaker 1: none of anyone's business but my own. And you know,
Speaker 1: my loved ones will be the ones that notice a
Speaker 1: change in me and like can talk to me if
Speaker 1: something is wrong and I don't need to hear it
Speaker 1: from you know, ex drug addicts on Reddit who are
Speaker 1: like art someone goes most people are just jealous. You
Speaker 1: feel good like the people want to feel good too,
Speaker 1: and they're jealous. And you can say, no, I'm not jealous.
Speaker 1: I do that all the time too where I go.
Speaker 1: I'm not jealous, I'm just mad. It's like, no, look
Speaker 1: look at where this is coming from. If you see
Speaker 1: me a boner, just no that I might still be
Speaker 1: on viagra, but I might not be. I just want
Speaker 1: everyone to know that it's up in the air. My
Speaker 1: boner could just be from Hubert literally drinking a bowl.
Speaker 1: So it could be from the time that I cuddled
Speaker 1: you next to Luigi said you're a good boy, and
Speaker 1: you just you know. Sometimes that's arousing, as we know
Speaker 1: from my EXA for me yesterday. That's for me. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I might have taken too many milligrams a viagara
Speaker 1: that I injected through the vein and my penis to
Speaker 1: get it going. Keeping it m sincere Andrew, love you
Speaker 1: so much, and guys, thank you for listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1: As always. Oh it's it's it's not Friday. It is
Speaker 1: Friday here, but it's Monday here. We'll be back tomorrow.
Speaker 1: I think Andrew will be in studio with me. We'll
Speaker 1: both be together again. We'll recap his trip to Connecticut,
Speaker 1: we'll reach trip, my trip to Las Vegas, and I
Speaker 1: can't wait for it. Thank you so much. Don't be
Speaker 1: out there and jigit Yeah. Accrofts