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Speaker 1: Listen. If any of you out there are into making music,

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Speaker 1: please send us your sample with Melissa saying sato mascoism

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Speaker 1: over it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, please, it would make my day.

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Speaker 1: We will play it on the pod.

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Speaker 2: We promise more Better, More Better, More.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to more Better, a podcast where we stop pretending

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Speaker 3: to have it all together and embrace the journey of

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Speaker 3: becoming a little more better every day.

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Speaker 1: I mean we're trying to that's Melissa for marrow Melissa.

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Speaker 1: That's Melissa, and that's the beats. Hi.

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Speaker 2: Hi.

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Speaker 1: If you didn't know, now you know, that's what you're

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Speaker 1: gonna get today on this podcast. We're hanging on by

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Speaker 1: a thread, like just off you probably are treading water. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's we're doing great. We both have coffee. My coffee

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Speaker 1: of choice is iced. Melissa is doing what I'm.

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Speaker 3: Doing, espresso in a little tiny cup with some honey.

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Speaker 3: So it's like my slightly healthier version of a Cuban coffee.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, not five tablespoons of sugar.

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Speaker 1: Is that what you're doing? That's more better this week?

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm doing more better in this moment right now.

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Speaker 3: The rest of the week is not really a more

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Speaker 3: better situation.

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Speaker 1: Oh, got it.

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Speaker 2: What have you been doing lately? It's more better, Stephanie.

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Speaker 1: I mean I've been trying to go to pilates. Oh

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying. That's a big one, Lotties. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's you know, the studio that I go to doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a mirror, which is great because I'm not looking

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Speaker 1: not myself, but I am looking at other people, so

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Speaker 1: it can be very I'm trying to go and just

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Speaker 1: have the experience of like being in my body and

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Speaker 1: trying really hard. But I'm like equal parts distracted by

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Speaker 1: everyone's beautiful bodies and also very competitive. So like the

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Speaker 1: person next to me on the reformer next to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm like constantly, like I can see them out of

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Speaker 1: the corner of my eyes, so I'm like trying to

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Speaker 1: do better than they are, you know. Yeah, yeah, well

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Speaker 1: I feel like you understand this.

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Speaker 3: I do because that's the pro and con of going

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Speaker 3: to classes. I like going to classes because I feel

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Speaker 3: like I get because I'm also competitive, and then I

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Speaker 3: feel like I get more motivated than when I'm by myself,

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Speaker 3: Like I push myself harder, right, but then also you're trying, yeah,

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Speaker 3: not to compare. It's like this weird double edged sword

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Speaker 3: thing that's happening.

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Speaker 4: M M.

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Speaker 1: I find by myself, I will, I will work out sometimes,

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Speaker 1: but if I'm in a class, if I'm gonna class,

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Speaker 1: I'm like this, this costs twenty something dollars. I gotta

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Speaker 1: but you know I'm getting every single Yeah, I got

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Speaker 1: a sweat, you know what I mean? Like this was expensive.

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Speaker 2: I got a sweat. I gotta stay till the end.

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Speaker 2: The end.

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Speaker 1: I'm going hard.

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Speaker 2: Baby. When I'm by myself, I'm like, eh, that was enough.

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Speaker 1: Sets.

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Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I'm good.

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Speaker 3: I know I do that. Dude, I'm gonna skip the

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Speaker 3: last five minutes today.

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Speaker 1: She was like, do the blue spring. If you want

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Speaker 1: to challenge, if you need it to be less light,

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Speaker 1: you could use the red spring. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's a blue spring for me immediately, like blue spring

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Speaker 1: or whatever. I might have those backwards, but yeah, so

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm trying to do. That's more better.

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Speaker 2: That's a good one, you know.

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Speaker 1: And again it is distracting. It's distracting to look at

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Speaker 1: everybody's hot bods. Yeah, it's why I don't want to gym.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 2: I hate I hate working out in a gym.

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Speaker 3: I just had to do it when I was out

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Speaker 3: a town in the hotel gym, and every time there

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Speaker 3: were people in there, I was just.

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Speaker 2: Like, fuck, it's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: I can't do it like gay, it's embarrassing.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think maybe I'm a little bit prude about people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure more better.

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Speaker 3: So, on today's episode, we're going to be talking about

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Speaker 3: owning your sexuality.

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Speaker 1: Well, if you have kids in the car, if you're

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Speaker 1: listening to this with kids or preteens, this is not

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Speaker 1: child appropriate, it's not preteen appropriate. Just say turn it

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Speaker 1: off now, you know it's adults only for this combo

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Speaker 1: only because we're talking about sex stuff and it's not rude.

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Speaker 2: I'm so rude about it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I mean I think I I Yeah, I am too.

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Speaker 2: I'm sweating.

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Speaker 3: I'm already sweating and we haven't even started yet. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I'm just gonna be giggling like a non adult person.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, this is so embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: Why did we choose.

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Speaker 2: This, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Because we're trying to challenge ourselves.

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Speaker 1: You know what, that's the thing It's like I remember

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Speaker 1: watching Sex and the City and being like wow because

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Speaker 1: at the time, yeah, I was living in New York

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Speaker 1: and like, you know, in my twenties, like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: people are talking about women having sex, are talking about

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Speaker 1: orgasms and blow jobs and like and and you know, uh, contraception.

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Speaker 1: It was a revelation. It was at the time. It

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Speaker 1: was wild because no one had ever talked about it

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Speaker 1: on TV, not in that way. And like they all

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Speaker 1: had different sexual partners and like multiple different kinds of

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Speaker 1: sexual partners and like and very rich fulfilling ish sex

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Speaker 1: lives and like, I don't know, I guess I thought it.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well, I guess as I grow

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Speaker 1: into my thirties, I'll get more and more comfortable with

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Speaker 1: my sexuality. And it did like a kind of I

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Speaker 1: mean I kind of did I don't know, did it

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Speaker 1: happen for you were like, yeah, I'm like in control

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Speaker 1: of this part of my life.

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Speaker 2: No, I mean.

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Speaker 3: I definitely remember being very influenced by that show and yeah,

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Speaker 3: watching it and going, oh my god, like, nobody is

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Speaker 3: shaming these women. They're they're not shaming themselves. They don't

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Speaker 3: feel bad, like you know, which it was kind of

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Speaker 3: holding a mirror up to like, right, I think all

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Speaker 3: the the pressures or opinions that I didn't even know

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Speaker 3: I had about my sexuality or other people's sexuality or

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Speaker 3: being loud about sexuality.

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Speaker 2: Right, Like that.

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Speaker 1: Was the show was perfect, But there were no there

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Speaker 1: were great things.

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Speaker 3: It was just at the time, at that particular time,

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Speaker 3: there was nothing like it. And it was kind of

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Speaker 3: the first show to do that in a way that

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Speaker 3: loudly and yeah and then I yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't Sometimes as we were like prepping

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Speaker 3: this episode, I was like, what is owning your sexuality?

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Speaker 2: Like what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: I mean, the super cheesy answer is that it's different

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Speaker 1: for everybody, right, But like I think for me, for me,

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Speaker 1: part of it was coming out as by That was

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Speaker 1: part of it, but also was it was like embracing

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Speaker 1: a little bit of my own you know, like I

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Speaker 1: am a little prude, Like I'm not always comfortable when

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Speaker 1: there's like a lot of like sexy talk going on

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Speaker 1: with everybody, you know. I for me, I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of keep it between me and my partner.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That being said, I'm really loving this advent in all

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Speaker 1: of the smut books that's happening right now because I

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Speaker 1: love them. I think they're so hilarious. The fairy smut,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love it so much. Have you

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Speaker 1: read any No, what is you not real? This is

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Speaker 1: a trend?

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Speaker 2: No, my god.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So my hairdresser she was like, oh, I'm reading

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Speaker 1: this series right now. It's called I think it's called

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Speaker 1: a Court of Thorns and Roses.

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Speaker 2: Aqatar, I'm in. I'm already in.

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Speaker 1: It's this fantasy series where the first one is kind

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Speaker 1: of loosely based around I think it's kind of loosely

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Speaker 1: based on the Beauty and the Beast tale, and it's

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Speaker 1: this young woman who like is like her family's starving

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Speaker 1: and she has to go and hunt in the woods

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Speaker 1: and there's there's wolves in the woods and they may

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Speaker 1: or may not be magical wolves that maybe turn into

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Speaker 1: hot men. Like it goes on from there. I mean

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Speaker 1: it's very sexy. There's like a lot of like build up.

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Speaker 1: I would say, like, uh, literary foreplay. Yeah, And to me,

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Speaker 1: so that's it. That, to me is the really interesting

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Speaker 1: thing about those books, right Like, I think one of

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Speaker 1: the things that gets forgotten about female sexuality specifically is

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Speaker 1: that and I can't speak for everybody, but I need

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Speaker 1: to like build up to this this moment of like

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Speaker 1: whatever it's gonna be. Yes, It's not like I can

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Speaker 1: just flip it on and off like a switch for me.

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Speaker 1: Other people might be able to do that, but I can't.

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Speaker 2: And so, like, I think that's common for a lot

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Speaker 2: of women.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that depends on the person.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think some people are like in a very

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Speaker 1: horny stage in their life and they don't need that.

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Speaker 1: They don't need that.

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Speaker 2: There's like, let's go right away.

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Speaker 1: I'm like backstage of the horny stage, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Like yeah, and stage they're like really jamming out.

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Speaker 1: I am backstage in the bowels of the the backstage area,

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Speaker 1: I mean like in the in the holding room with

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Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. I'm on the couch

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Speaker 1: in the VIP room with a heated blanket on my lap,

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Speaker 1: in the green room of the theater next door, cocktail

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Speaker 1: in my hand.

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Speaker 2: I get that. I get that.

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Speaker 1: That being said, those books are there horny and they're fantastic.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 1: Highly recommend, highly recommend you guys.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna get me some fairy smut.

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Speaker 1: Books Melissa talk to me about. Okay, So I just

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Speaker 1: want to preface this by saying, I remember when we

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Speaker 1: were in the beginning of Brooklyn nine nine and we

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Speaker 1: were all doing our You had a friend that was

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Speaker 1: like doing our star charts or whatever.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we were shooting a Halloween episode and we

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Speaker 3: were waiting around for like eight hours to get one sequence,

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Speaker 3: and my friend Dan shout out, Dan did all of

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Speaker 3: our birth charts.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember anything about mine, but I remember someone

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Speaker 1: who will remain nameless. I will not. I will not.

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Speaker 1: But they were like, oh, something about their chart, and

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Speaker 1: they said, oh, that explains why me and my partner

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Speaker 1: were so horny when we first got together. And you

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Speaker 1: were like, oh, yeah, that explains mine too. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I don't remember that because at that

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Speaker 1: point I knew I knew David too, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to think about my friends having sex.

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Speaker 1: The mom and dad don't have sex.

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Speaker 2: But I thought it was.

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Speaker 1: Really interesting that, like you were just like totally okay

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Speaker 1: saying that at work, but it was about your husband,

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Speaker 1: you know, So like right, I don't know, did that

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Speaker 1: was that a part of it or did you really

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Speaker 1: feel like in in your own sexuality before you met

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Speaker 1: David Well.

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Speaker 3: I met David really young, and so I think, yeah,

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Speaker 3: there was you guys were young twenty two, I know,

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Speaker 3: and I think that I was a little bit in

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Speaker 3: a phase of I get, not discovering my sexual.

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Speaker 2: But maybe like exploring, I guess, or just.

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Speaker 3: H a feeling myself. I guess I was very very

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Speaker 3: prude in high school and like half half of college.

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Speaker 2: Of college.

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Speaker 3: And then I will say I did have one experience

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Speaker 3: in college. I did a show in college and it

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Speaker 3: was Andrew Lippa's The Wild Party. Oh yeah, amazing, incredible score.

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Speaker 3: If you, I mean, if you've never heard it, get it,

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Speaker 3: listen to it. We did that show and in that show,

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Speaker 3: in the middle of the show, the climax of the show,

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Speaker 3: there's like an orgy that happens. And so this was

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Speaker 3: like third year of college. They're doing this musical. I audition.

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Speaker 3: I get in and it was all very respectful. It

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Speaker 3: was some people got naked on stage during that scene,

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Speaker 3: and there was I know.

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Speaker 2: And I played. I did not. I got down to bron.

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Speaker 3: Undi's which was a big deal for me, and then

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Speaker 3: I played this character Jackie who's a dancer and has

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Speaker 3: no tongue so like can't talk, like.

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Speaker 2: She's mute.

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Speaker 3: Basically in the Broadway musical it was a man, but

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Speaker 3: I played the role in this production, and so and

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Speaker 3: Jackie has a solo dance number after the orgy, while

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Speaker 3: like everyone's passed down around the stage, she has this

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Speaker 3: like moment and does this dance solo. So I also

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Speaker 3: like couldn't be naked because of that, but I did

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Speaker 3: a dance solo and like underwear, and also like the

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Speaker 3: choreography there was like simulated sex kind of moves and

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Speaker 3: the choreography and just being around naked bodies and dead

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Speaker 3: it us. So it was like this incredible experience. Half

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Speaker 3: of my best friends were in the show with me,

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Speaker 3: the whole cast. We all got very very close. It

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Speaker 3: was a great group of people. And something about doing

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Speaker 3: that show just I think made me feel for the

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Speaker 3: first time really accepting of my body. I think I

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Speaker 3: was also like coming out of an ugly phase with

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Speaker 3: body and like insecurities.

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Speaker 2: And it was a really.

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Speaker 3: Empowering moment where I felt, I mean also like let's

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Speaker 3: be real, like I was dancing so much of the time,

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Speaker 3: like I was in such good fucking shape. But still

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Speaker 3: had my friend Vernon Shade in ebs before each show

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Speaker 3: because I was self conscious about my stomach and I

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Speaker 3: was like, can you just bronze this bitch up?

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Speaker 1: And he did.

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Speaker 3: Go And but and I think experiencing my friends, the

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Speaker 3: ones who did get naked, and like, because everybody there

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Speaker 3: was nobody that was like, yeah, I'll get nude. It

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Speaker 3: was like a journey for everyone. You know, everyone was

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Speaker 3: scared to do it. Everybody was it was nerve wracking.

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Speaker 3: Everyone was really supportive.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: After that, I just was like more confident, like more open,

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Speaker 3: more like sexuality is beautiful and like owning your body

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Speaker 3: is beautiful.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, it was like such a powerful experience.

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Speaker 3: And and and it's and it's like a queer show too,

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Speaker 3: and it just was all the things, you know, and

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Speaker 3: it was just like, yeah, this is this is life.

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Speaker 2: It's not black and white.

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Speaker 3: It's colorful, it's flavorful, it's all the things.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, and then.

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Speaker 1: It's such an incredibly healthy, it really was healthy experience

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Speaker 1: that's crazy amazing.

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Speaker 2: Through like a creative expression.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and so and I met David maybe four years

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Speaker 3: after that experience. You're like demn and then came along,

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Speaker 3: and then David came along. No, but I I you know,

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Speaker 3: and I remember when I met David having like we

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Speaker 3: we fell in.

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Speaker 2: Love, like very very quickly.

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Speaker 3: It was like very whirlwind and it got there was

299
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Speaker 3: a moment where I was that was scary, and I

300
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 3: just I think I even said something like I'm only twenty,

301
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Speaker 3: like I'm young, and like this feels really serious and

302
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Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to be serious, like

303
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,200
Speaker 3: I want to have fun and be crazy, and I

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00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,800
Speaker 3: don't know, have experiences. And his response was just like okay,

305
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 3: well we can do that together. And I was like, okay,

306
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,920
Speaker 3: it's so real though, Like it's so real. There's two

307
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,240
Speaker 3: schools that thought about it, right. There's like one school

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00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:36,040
Speaker 3: of thought which is like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I want to have the same partner forever and ever,

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Speaker 1: and that's the only person I ever want to have

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Speaker 1: sex with, right, yeah, And then there's another school of

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Speaker 1: thoughts that's like you should have different experiences so you.

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Speaker 2: Know what you like.

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Speaker 1: But like, right, you know, there is a little bit

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00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,640
Speaker 1: of a meeting of those both of those things for you,

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Speaker 1: Like you just said, like we can try all those

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Speaker 1: things together. It's more like, can we grow together?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, And I think because we've grown together, Like me,

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Speaker 3: it's it's been an experience of like being in.

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Speaker 2: A partnership for so so long.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of empowerment in that, you know, and

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Speaker 3: a lot of like growth and and like knowing.

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Speaker 2: Exactly what each other likes and all that.

324
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Speaker 3: Is.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, sorry, No, I'm just kidding. No.

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Speaker 3: I think I think you're right though, Like I think

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Speaker 3: that's that's been unexpected for me, you know, like yeah

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Speaker 3: that uh oh, I started sweating again.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's so hard. It's so hard to talk about

330
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Speaker 1: this stuff. Like it's funny too, is it. You think

331
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 1: it's going to be easy with your friends? And like

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Speaker 1: with some friends, I.

333
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 2: Do think it.

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00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,199
Speaker 1: It's like hmm, you can sort of joke about it

335
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 1: or whatever, but at least for me, it again like

336
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,760
Speaker 1: I can talk about it, but there's parts of it

337
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 1: that I only want to talk about with him, you know. Yeah,

338
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: And I think that's like totally fine.

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00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,159
Speaker 2: I mean I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I remember, uh, when I first started dating Brad, someone

341
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,399
Speaker 1: close to him was like, but don't you have like

342
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,680
Speaker 1: multiple partners? And I was like, well, just because I'm bisexual.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean polyamorous.

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00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, those are two different things that some people are

345
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 3: by and polyamorous.

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Speaker 1: But THENA there's anything I would imagine And I don't

347
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 1: know if anybody's listening and they are polyamorous, tell us,

348
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 1: because I'm so curious, Like you must have to be

349
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:41,200
Speaker 1: like super open and communicative with all of your partners

350
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: about what you like, right, or maybe it's like with

351
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Speaker 1: this partner, I do this, and with this partner I

352
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 1: do that, and that's sort of how I keep it

353
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Speaker 1: keep them separated. I don't know.

354
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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I don't know.

355
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 3: I personally would be so stressed out by that situation,

356
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Speaker 3: too much of a people pleaser to handle.

357
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Speaker 1: That I could never. Never, I would never My calendar

358
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 1: would just be a fucking mess. Like I could barely

359
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 1: keep my dentist appointment straight.

360
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm saying?

361
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 1: Like I know, like I can't keep boning appointments straight

362
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: and it's.

363
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,359
Speaker 2: Not gonna all, know, are you kidding?

364
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,960
Speaker 3: I think the other interesting thing when we talk about

365
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 3: all these different topics and just the idea of owning

366
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 3: your sexuality and like another thing that I've is like

367
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,640
Speaker 3: it's it's a spectrum too, do you know what I mean?

368
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,960
Speaker 3: Like I think that it's not so black and white.

369
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 3: And I when I had that realization for myself, it

370
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,200
Speaker 3: was just like, I don't know, just just I don't

371
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:37,879
Speaker 3: know why people get so well wait, wait, let me

372
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 3: not say like that. It's about to sound like so

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Speaker 3: judgy and.

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00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 2: Oh what were you gonna say?

375
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 1: Uh? Listen, I was about to be like, why do.

376
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,360
Speaker 2: People get so hung up and like what people.

377
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,200
Speaker 1: Like or don't like or like, you know, everybody gets

378
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: there though, like we're all so hung up on what

379
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 1: other people like. Yeah, you know, Americans are pretty prude

380
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 1: in general, Like I don't know, I mean, and we're

381
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: nosy as but we're so nosy. We're like what are

382
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 1: you doing over there?

383
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 3: We're so nosy?

384
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 2: But then also like clutching pearls. Dah you yeah.

385
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 1: More. That made me think of when you were talking

386
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 1: about the Wild Party and made me think of when

387
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 1: I was in New York when I was in my twenties,

388
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 1: and I remember the first time that I ever asked

389
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 1: a dude out was this guy at a party that

390
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 1: I went to. His name was Tim. He was very tall,

391
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,920
Speaker 1: and I think we got each other's cell phone numbers

392
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: and the back when you'd say cell phone, can I

393
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: have your cell phone number as your phone number? And

394
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,160
Speaker 1: now it's all one. And I asked him to go

395
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,160
Speaker 1: to the Museum of Sex. Do you remember the Museum

396
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 1: of Sex in New York. Yes, it had like just

397
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 1: opened or something, and he was so flabbercast so that

398
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,679
Speaker 1: I wanted to go there, and I got super cool,

399
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: Like I was like, oh, she's so cool. Meanwhile, I

400
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: was like shitting my pants that we were going there.

401
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 1: I was very nervous about it, but it was also

402
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,399
Speaker 1: to me, it was like a clear sign that like,

403
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 1: hey man, I'm interested in doing this with you because

404
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm taking you to this museum. So we're gonna like

405
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: talk about and look about look at sexy stuff. We're

406
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 1: gonna learn stuff and look at sexy stuff, my two

407
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: favorite things. Probably then we're gonna have sex and then

408
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,159
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex. And when we were there, I

409
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 1: remember it being rude. It was bold. I was you

410
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: know what's funny is like, now that I think about it,

411
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: I am way more prude now than I was in

412
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 1: my twenties, because in my twenties I was like whoa,

413
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, WHOA, No, I do that?

414
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is?

415
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: I think when you are a younger woman, you're like,

416
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm sexual and free, and like there's a certain amount

417
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 1: of like power that can come with that, and and

418
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 1: like this in a freedom that you're feeling for maybe

419
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:07,199
Speaker 1: the first time. Yeah, and then somewhere in there you

420
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 1: can start to feel like, oh, I don't know if

421
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm in control of that. I feel like I'm in

422
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: control of elements, but I'm actually not sure that I'm

423
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: in in in control. So like, yeah, there's a sort

424
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: of give and take and back and forth and like

425
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 1: there's no you know, it's hard, Like I remember with

426
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 1: an X one time. I feel like I've told you

427
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: this story, but like one time, I had this pair

428
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: of hot shorts that were now for the kids. Hot

429
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 1: shorts are very very small shorts. They're very teensy. They're

430
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 1: usually made out of short corduroy. Yeah, they're short shorts.

431
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 1: The dukes they were pink. They were really really cute.

432
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: They were made out of stretched corduroy, so they fit

433
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 1: me like a glove. Yeah, And I loved them. I

434
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 1: would wear them all summer with like my little wedges,

435
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 1: my little quirkys wedges, And I had a partner who

436
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: was like, why do you have those shorts? It's like

437
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 1: to feel great in them. I feel phenomenal in them.

438
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: This was in my mid twenties, and they were like,

439
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 1: why do you need everyone looking at you? And I

440
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: was like, I don't. I like took it as a

441
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: personal like challenge of like, I don't need everyone looking

442
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: at me, but really it was that person trying to

443
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: control Yeah, the response to me in those shorts, right, yeah,

444
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,400
Speaker 1: But that's the thing. It's like, the response is whatever

445
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: you wear. The response is whatever it's going to be, right,

446
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: like it's but I was choosing to wear those shorts

447
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: because I felt great in them, and I knew my

448
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 1: legs looked great, like yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that.

449
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 1: But I was made to feel like there was something

450
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 1: wrong with that, which I think is why I express

451
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: a lot of my sexualities expressed through clothing, and like

452
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,719
Speaker 1: that's why it shifts so much all the time. Like

453
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 1: some days I'm in like a really little like tight something,

454
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: you know, mini whatever, and then other times I'm like

455
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: very very very like dressing for the sort of what

456
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: do they call it? The girl I, you know, which

457
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: is like big giant jeans and a big oversized shirt

458
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 1: and like very cool shoes or something.

459
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I think about owning my sexuality, it's also

460
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 3: like comfortable in your body and like, yeah, having those

461
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: moments it definitely took, not until I don't think I

462
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 3: It was very like on and off for me in

463
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 3: my twenties of like that same thing, you know, wearing

464
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: something with like cleavage and having usually a dude say

465
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 3: some comment about like oh why you know, like what's

466
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 3: up with that.

467
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: You're dressing up for?

468
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: Are you dressing up for? And it's like, I'm dressing

469
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 3: up for myself. But when you're younger, you're just like, oh, oh,

470
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 3: you know those like auto horrible things that boys say

471
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 3: to you that, yeah, and like there is something amazing

472
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 3: about like just like you said, wearing those hot shorts,

473
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 3: wearing the low cut thing, like just for yourself because

474
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 3: you feel fucking great and you know you're gonna walk

475
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 3: into a room and walk in with confidence because what

476
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 3: you're wearing, and it's and it's not even really what

477
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 3: you're wearing, it's just like I feel good in my body,

478
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 3: feeling how I feel today.

479
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 2: I'm in my body. I'm not commenting on my body.

480
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 3: Uh And those moments I think kind of go hand

481
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 3: in hand with just yeah, every you know your sexuality,

482
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,679
Speaker 3: you're you know how you are with your partner, just

483
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 3: like everything that means all connected.

484
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 2: But it's tricky.

485
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: Tricky is the word. We're gonna come back to a

486
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: lot in this podcast. If you want to, if you're

487
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 1: not driving and you want to just do a drinking game.

488
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: And every time we say tricky, you just take a

489
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 1: little sip. Just take a little sip, go right ahead.

490
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: The thing that I think, like I'm excited about for uh,

491
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 1: I guess the future is that like I can tell

492
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: that the kids that are younger than us are doing

493
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: this differently agree, you know what I mean? Like I

494
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 1: can I can see that like gen Z is being

495
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,719
Speaker 1: smarter or or I don't even know, more better than us,

496
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: more better.

497
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 3: Who I think, more open, I think more you know,

498
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 3: accepting more.

499
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 2: Uh my god.

500
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: I just love how they're all online with like whatever

501
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: body they're in and just like wearing whatever they want, yes,

502
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: fantastic while they're doing it. And all of them are gay,

503
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: I mean not all of them, but like so many

504
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: of them are queer. It's so nice.

505
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like gen Z is a very large percentage

506
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 3: identify as queer, which again I think goes back to

507
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,119
Speaker 3: like that idea that like sexuality is a spectrum, and

508
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 3: I think that they're kind of the first generation to

509
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 3: sort of really understand that and like the least judge generation.

510
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: That they're way less judgy of each other.

511
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,959
Speaker 2: Which gives me a lot of hope.

512
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, especially having small kids, like, oh, maybe

513
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 3: when my kids are grown, this won't be as big.

514
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: A as big of a deal.

515
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

516
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 1: Like the my kid won't be in her forties. Being like,

517
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm prude about this, Yeah, which is

518
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: also fine. It's fine if you want to. It's totally

519
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 1: too It's okay to have a little prudeness. It's fine,

520
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: it's fine. Before we wrap it up, I have to Okay,

521
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna ask you this point blank question. You

522
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 1: don't have to answer it. Do you have a sexual fantasy?

523
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: Oh?

524
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 1: Oh oh oh.

525
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 2: I was like, let's I mean, you don't have to

526
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 2: tell me.

527
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: I will say this that the eight most common ones

528
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,440
Speaker 1: I have them on a list.

529
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, number.

530
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: Eight, Naking love and a romantic location. I mean that

531
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,719
Speaker 1: feels basic. Number seven okay, S and M.

532
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: I have a big jump.

533
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: Big jump, big jump. Six sex with acquaintances, oh. Number

534
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 1: five having sex with total strangers. Number four is joining

535
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 1: a romp, enjoying a romp in public. That one for

536
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: me is actually that I would never, but it sounds awesome.

537
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: I was never in public never, But no, it sounds great,

538
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: but right, and maybe be like you know what I mean, Like, yeah,

539
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,959
Speaker 1: I can't believe we're doing this. Yeah, here we are

540
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: in Pel's bookstore, just going at it in the stacks.

541
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 1: Number three sex with other women. Quote fifty nine percent

542
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: of women fantasize about sex with other women. No shit,

543
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: your lock, we're quantious, unsurprising. Number two a threesome. And

544
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: number one BDSM isn't any the same as S and M. No, No,

545
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: BDSM is like you know what, I don't engage in

546
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: either one of those, So I'm not an expert. We

547
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: could google it. Real paths isis Do you want to

548
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: google it and tell us the difference between BDSM and

549
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: SM and watch your algorithms change? Do you want to

550
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: just watch your entire Google search shift dressmatically the way.

551
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 3: We have destroyed Isis's algorithms.

552
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Hi, everyone producer isis here. So okay,

553
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 4: BDSM stands for bondage dominance and Sato masochism masochism.

554
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: Wait okay, so BDSM.

555
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, So the difference is BDSM is bondage dominance

556
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 4: and sato masochism and sm M is just sado masochism.

557
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 4: So satomasochism would be like whips, and the bondage and

558
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 4: dominance would be like chains. So one is both and

559
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 4: one is just one.

560
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: Oh okay, BDSM is bondage dominance and what sato masochism?

561
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: I get ready for the for the audio memes of

562
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: you doing that over some club music. Okay, bondage dominance,

563
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 1: sat o massochism. If listen, if any of you out

564
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: there are into making music, please sell with Melissa saying

565
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 1: sato masochism over it. We will play it on the pod.

566
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 2: We promise.

567
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: More better, Melissa. What did you learn today? She's crying, Melissa,

568
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: What did you learn today from this diskich?

569
00:30:51,960 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 3: Oh that it's hard to talk about sexuality, but that

570
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 3: also we should all extend your sexuality.

571
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: Oh that's beautiful, that's so beautiful.

572
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: What did you learn stuff.

573
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: You know what, I think. I learned that I'm not

574
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: quite as prude as I think I am.

575
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 2: I don't think you're prude at all.

576
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: I think I I think I get in my head

577
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 1: about it and I get kind of nervy about it.

578
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: But I thank you. I don't think i'm I don't

579
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: think I'm very prude either. No, Wow, good for me.

580
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're prude, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.

581
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: But it's also as prude as I think I am.

582
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 2: I don't think. Yeah, do you feel more better? Yeah?

583
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: I actually do feel a little more better.

584
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 2: I feel more better that this conversation's over.

585
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 1: Everybody, check out your local library and you know, just

586
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: in the off chance is a hot library, and maybe

587
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: just walk up to them and be like, hey, can

588
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: you point me in the direction of your smut? Check

589
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: out that fairy smut, check out that very smut. Okay,

590
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: we'll see you next time, see you next week. Bye,

591
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: more better. Do you have something you'd like to be

592
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: more better at that you want us to talk about

593
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: in a future episode?

594
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 3: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried

595
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:13,719
Speaker 3: one of our tips and tricks?

596
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

597
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and conclude a voice note if you

598
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better

599
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WZ Sound and

600
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and

601
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: Melissa Fumera. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,

602
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama

603
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: and Leo Clem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by

604
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 1: Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original

605
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 1: music by Madison Davenport and Hey Loo Boy.

606
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 3: Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by

607
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 3: David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,

608
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

609
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: See you next week, Sugas, bye mm hmmmm, Llo, Tokitomas

610
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: mahor