Speaker 1: Carol, she's queen. She's getting not afraid of thing, So
Speaker 1: just let it flow. No one can with cry Carol ca.
Speaker 1: So this is a great episode today because I know
Speaker 1: so many of us. We you wake up one day
Speaker 1: and you're like, man, I have this vice, or I've
Speaker 1: been like drinking, or I have been like doing this
Speaker 1: certain thing in excess, and I didn't even realize that
Speaker 1: I was. I didn't even realize that what was once
Speaker 1: a fun little habit and fun way to like, you know,
Speaker 1: just enjoy life and kind of kind of accentuate life
Speaker 1: has now become something that's taken over my life. And
Speaker 1: I am no longer it's no longer serving me. I
Speaker 1: am not happy with the way my life is, with
Speaker 1: this particular substance or addiction or whatever it is that
Speaker 1: has taken too large of a role in your life.
Speaker 1: There comes a point where for some people, some people
Speaker 1: never hit this point, but there comes a point where
Speaker 1: you're like, you know what, this is not serving me,
Speaker 1: and I want to make a change. But the problem
Speaker 1: is when you want to make a change and you've
Speaker 1: been living your life a certain way for a really
Speaker 1: long time and a certain kind of lifestyle, making a
Speaker 1: big change where your move something, let's say, alcohol out
Speaker 1: of it. It can be scary, It can be intimidating.
Speaker 1: It can make you feel like you don't know who
Speaker 1: you are anymore, how to exist in social settings anymore,
Speaker 1: how to exist with your old friends anymore, how to
Speaker 1: even exist with your own life, Like sometimes you have
Speaker 1: to get to know yourself. Because I'm talking to Kate
Speaker 1: Madgree today. She is a host, actor, comedian, and sober
Speaker 1: now for over two years, and she is here to
Speaker 1: share this because you are in the heart of the
Speaker 1: entertainment industry, you're in the heart of alcohol, being at
Speaker 1: the center of pretty much everything. And then you're fame
Speaker 1: and industry. And I also am in the country music industry,
Speaker 1: and it's the same thing. It's glorified, it's a part
Speaker 1: of everything. It's celebration. It's every country song is written
Speaker 1: about getting drunk, you know, and every every movie people
Speaker 1: are getting hammered. I mean, it's just like it is
Speaker 1: our culture. So when you take alcohol out of your life,
Speaker 1: it can be really scary, but you have done that,
Speaker 1: you have taken it out of your life. And I
Speaker 1: was telling Kate my husband and I are recently almost
Speaker 1: one year sober on October eight, And it has been
Speaker 1: so amazing. But it is such a lifestyle change and
Speaker 1: a mental mindset change, and I am just so excited
Speaker 1: to talk to you about your journey, how you got here,
Speaker 1: why you got here, and the struggles that you've had
Speaker 1: getting here, and then also the payoff, like why it's
Speaker 1: worth it and what has been so amazing about making
Speaker 1: this choice. So welcome Kate, Hi, Oh my gosh, what
Speaker 1: a fantastic rundown. I love all of that. It's so true. Wow. Well,
Speaker 1: let's just start with the fact that, like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a struggle, it's hard. So you touched on a really
Speaker 1: good point, which is that a lot of people never
Speaker 1: get to the places that we've had painted in movies
Speaker 1: or in songs of hitting rock bottom and blowing your
Speaker 1: life up. And that's great, and I think it's important
Speaker 1: to like know that one there's a good chance that
Speaker 1: you're not going to get there and too. Kind of
Speaker 1: the evolution of that thought for me was I don't
Speaker 1: have to get there in order to step away. I
Speaker 1: don't need to blow up my life in order to
Speaker 1: become sober a non drinker. However, you feel like identifying
Speaker 1: and I love that phip before your life blows up,
Speaker 1: Like why not like check for some warning signs and
Speaker 1: go ahead and like not get to the freaking explosion. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: like if you hear that tick tick tick tick tick,
Speaker 1: and that tick sounds different for everyone of that bomb
Speaker 1: that's about to blow. For me in my life, I
Speaker 1: just felt so unhappy. I wasn't feeling like I had
Speaker 1: anything anything that was good in my life. I feel
Speaker 1: like I was letting it expire because I was so
Speaker 1: absent and numb for the majority of it. And there's
Speaker 1: alcoholism in my family, and there are people with substance
Speaker 1: abuse or disuse order, and it had never really been
Speaker 1: like um labeled, handled even really spoken about. Like in
Speaker 1: my family, you had a big fight the night before.
Speaker 1: You woke up the next day and you went to
Speaker 1: your mom's friend's house and you listened while they talked
Speaker 1: about how great everything was, you know, putting everything under
Speaker 1: the rugs, under the rud sweep, sweep it under the
Speaker 1: rug we do the floors of you have to bury
Speaker 1: it deep, like whatever you got to do to just
Speaker 1: keep it all pretty. And but you know, I feel
Speaker 1: like that's sort of like the past generation a little bit,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I can feel such a difference
Speaker 1: with like mental health and really checking ourselves and checking
Speaker 1: our habits and checking our lifestyle, like that is so
Speaker 1: much more present and like our generation because I feel
Speaker 1: like even our parents generation like to go to therapy
Speaker 1: to unearth all these things that like we're like put
Speaker 1: sweeping under the rug. It just wasn't the thing. And
Speaker 1: I feel like, do you feel like because I'm rabbit
Speaker 1: trailing And one of the things my listeners always tell
Speaker 1: me is they're like, stop interrupting your guests. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I want you to get back on track. But I
Speaker 1: wonder if your life has affected your families and like
Speaker 1: you making this change, if it's allowed them to step up. Okay,
Speaker 1: but go ahead. Yeah. So it's like, yes, question, it's
Speaker 1: one that's a perfect question, and I'll circle back to
Speaker 1: what I was saying. But like, yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's something I talked about in therapy.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, is my change gonna
Speaker 1: like in bactory family like in like a good way.
Speaker 1: But look, I didn't make my change to try to
Speaker 1: impact people that I felt could benefit from it. I
Speaker 1: really just focused on me. And that's really like the
Speaker 1: first tip that I could give to anybody out there
Speaker 1: who's listening is like, be selfish with this. You are
Speaker 1: absolutely allowed to be selfish with your choice to become
Speaker 1: an on drinker. And look, the fact is is that,
Speaker 1: like when I was thinking about not drinking, and I
Speaker 1: think of fear that a lot of people have, especially
Speaker 1: when you're like I'm a twentysomething or all that is
Speaker 1: social life. I had a friend group, I had uh
Speaker 1: clubs and bars and dinners and drinks, and that was
Speaker 1: my anchor of my social life was drinking, as is everybody's.
Speaker 1: But I think one of the fears is that you
Speaker 1: know you're gonna lose these friendships and these dynamics that
Speaker 1: you have, and and I think it's like okay to
Speaker 1: do that. In order to look further in you have
Speaker 1: to say no to other people to say yes to yourself,
Speaker 1: and that's like really okay to do um. So yeah,
Speaker 1: but then I guess, okay, now all wind back to
Speaker 1: what I was saying of I actually don't even know
Speaker 1: what I was saying. Was you're talking a yeah, you're
Speaker 1: talking about your family and how like you everything was
Speaker 1: swept under the rug, like there'd be a big site
Speaker 1: like if people were I don't know if that was
Speaker 1: evolving drinking or whatever, but like you just kind of
Speaker 1: didn't acknowledge it. The next day you just sort of like, yes,
Speaker 1: go back into live hang out and everything's great and
Speaker 1: we got a rose colored glasses on tight we are rocket. Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. That's exactly true. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of how I learned to deal with my uh lack
Speaker 1: of control with alcohol. Of like i'd wake up, I'd
Speaker 1: be hungover. One first I'd throw shame really hard at
Speaker 1: the wall. And the wall is like the inner wall
Speaker 1: of myself shame, guilt, remorse. What would you say? What
Speaker 1: you showing negative? Like how could you do that? Why
Speaker 1: did you do that? Why would you get that way?
Speaker 1: Why would you say that? Why would you let that
Speaker 1: guy smack your butt? Like why would you do all
Speaker 1: these things that you feel icky so ikey in the
Speaker 1: morning about um But in the moment you have nothing
Speaker 1: because hello, you're intoxicated. You for a reason, you have
Speaker 1: your wasted Do you have anxiety about what you said?
Speaker 1: Like do you like like memory like lapses like or
Speaker 1: you can't remember who you talked to you. What you said?
Speaker 1: Did you say something like did you divulge something that
Speaker 1: you weren't supposed to say? Did you talk about something
Speaker 1: in a way that you regret? You know, it's like
Speaker 1: all that regret. Yep. See all of the above, all
Speaker 1: of it on a constant and I couldn't. I would
Speaker 1: try to put boundaries up, um, like, Okay, if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go out tonight, I'm only gonna have like two drinks. Okay,
Speaker 1: it never happened. Or the two drinks that I had
Speaker 1: were like a triple. Okay, well that's technically I guess,
Speaker 1: only two drinks, but that's still sick shots alcohol girl.
Speaker 1: And then guess what a bureau doesn't count? Like, there
Speaker 1: were just so any red flags, those tickings that I
Speaker 1: heard where I had enough experience in my immediate family
Speaker 1: or my actually you know, my family further out where
Speaker 1: I knew that these were all red flags of your
Speaker 1: gunna explode at some point, this isn't a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: But where I was sitting is that I I didn't
Speaker 1: want to kind of admit that I was the ticking
Speaker 1: because I wanted it to be different. So I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this ticking is just like a metronome, Like I just
Speaker 1: got rhythm in my life, right, Like I'm reframing the
Speaker 1: way all these red flags. No, it's fusha, it's fusha.
Speaker 1: That's not read, that's fusha, and it's really in right now,
Speaker 1: I love a fushia flag. Yes, Like, how could I
Speaker 1: reframe it to make it seem like it was? So
Speaker 1: you're probably you're probably like, I'm really doing anything bad.
Speaker 1: I'm not like you. I don't know if you were,
Speaker 1: but like you know, I don't have like majors. I'm
Speaker 1: just going out. I'm just partying. I'm just like having
Speaker 1: fun living my life like I'm not causing harm to
Speaker 1: myself or others. Absolutely, And I think that, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it goes back to what I was saying, like
Speaker 1: these rock bottoms that we see or that we hear
Speaker 1: in like songs and on TV, of just like thinking
Speaker 1: that until I get to that point, then I don't
Speaker 1: need to address it. And the sad truth is that
Speaker 1: even if we go back to a generational point of view,
Speaker 1: I think that's how a lot of the older generations
Speaker 1: have thought. It's how they've been taught. You need to
Speaker 1: manage this relationship and you need to keep working at it, literally,
Speaker 1: like a toxic lover, like an abusive relationship, until you
Speaker 1: have a broken bone, and until it's like so bad
Speaker 1: that people are asking you about it to your face.
Speaker 1: You need to stay trying to make this relationship work.
Speaker 1: That's the mines that we've had. Let's keep our toxic lover.
Speaker 1: Let's just keep let's just do what we need to
Speaker 1: make sure it's okay. Yes, until it's so bad that
Speaker 1: other people like, what in the actual f exactly to
Speaker 1: say that we're in a relationship, because really, the relationship
Speaker 1: status that everybody wants to have with alcohol is that
Speaker 1: they're dating. You don't really want to be married to it,
Speaker 1: because then it's a problem. You don't want to be
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship. You just want to be dating. You
Speaker 1: want to be flirting and fun with booze. And the
Speaker 1: thing is is that for most people that doesn't work out.
Speaker 1: It doesn't, and it's okay if it doesn't. It's not
Speaker 1: a youth thing. And that's another thing. Like when I
Speaker 1: was first really considering the idea of becoming sober, I
Speaker 1: read Hollywoodker's book How to Quit Like a Woman, and
Speaker 1: what it's just called quit like woman, not how to
Speaker 1: quit like Woman, but gosh, she made so many good
Speaker 1: points just from a scientific point of view, but really
Speaker 1: just getting down like I had never read or had
Speaker 1: anybody tell me because I listened to the audiobook because
Speaker 1: I can't focus enough to read, but so I literally
Speaker 1: heard her voice say, like, you're not the problem. The
Speaker 1: problem is the alcohol. And once you realize and accept that, like,
Speaker 1: stop putting all the responsibility on yourself. It's an addictive substance.
Speaker 1: It's just legal, like it is literally just marketed really well.
Speaker 1: There's really nothing healthy about it. There's no health benefits,
Speaker 1: like really breaking it down, and I think for me
Speaker 1: that was the first really big time where I was like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, I'd never thought about it like that because
Speaker 1: I wanted to be dating when I need to be
Speaker 1: dating things. What was the name of this book, Quit
Speaker 1: Like a Woman by Hollywoodtaker And I ad, Yes, it's
Speaker 1: so good. I think you'd really enjoy it. I mean,
Speaker 1: even though you've been coming up on a year, which
Speaker 1: is like congrats. Absolutely. There's acts too that I don't
Speaker 1: remember what it's called, but it's so good. It changed
Speaker 1: his life. Okay, but what's the other book? You said?
Speaker 1: You had. I also read Alan Carr is The Easy
Speaker 1: Way to Quit Drinking Without Willpower, and that was uh
Speaker 1: pivotal in the way that I reframed alcohol. And he
Speaker 1: Alan Carr like wrote a book about how to quit smoking,
Speaker 1: and everybody like raised the one. This is the one
Speaker 1: that my husband read because it's like the Easy Way
Speaker 1: to control alcohol. It's called Alan car The Easy Way
Speaker 1: to Control Alcohol because it lets you know that it's
Speaker 1: not like you said, it's not you, this is alcohol.
Speaker 1: And like you think that you need alcohol to be
Speaker 1: the fun guy, to have this charisma, to put yourself
Speaker 1: out there, but really you wake up and that's what
Speaker 1: gave you all the anxiety because you don't know what
Speaker 1: you said. You feel like you have to rely on
Speaker 1: this thing. Yes, yes, even like what I mentioned earlier,
Speaker 1: like it's called wasted for a reason, and I read
Speaker 1: it from that book where it was like I want
Speaker 1: you to, like think of all the adjectives you used
Speaker 1: to describe yourself when you drink as much as you do, wasted,
Speaker 1: you know, intoxicated, And I really want you to think
Speaker 1: about those words, like what is wasted? You're not usable,
Speaker 1: You're wasted, and why would you want to spend any
Speaker 1: of your life with it wasted, and it was just
Speaker 1: I get goose bumps because you know that resonated for me,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if that will resonate for anybody
Speaker 1: listening and for you, but I think if you just
Speaker 1: start looking for those little moments, if you're curious, and
Speaker 1: if you're like I'm actually open to my perspective changing. Wow,
Speaker 1: Now I can't picture a life wasted. I can't picture
Speaker 1: a life intoxicated. And I used to literally operate from
Speaker 1: the place of how do I get there or how
Speaker 1: do I recover to get there yet? And it's just
Speaker 1: absolutely insane. I know you're in your first year. I'm
Speaker 1: coming up on um my second year. Actually I think
Speaker 1: it had said over two years, but it's coming up
Speaker 1: on my second year November. And congratulations seeing you and
Speaker 1: my um my the first year, and I'm curious to
Speaker 1: know with you and your husband name, I mean, you
Speaker 1: can't speak for your husband, but for you two as
Speaker 1: a couple, because I also got sober with my girlfriend
Speaker 1: at the same time. She's ten days after me, and
Speaker 1: having a spouse in that first year was so helpful, um,
Speaker 1: but it was also like real, it was a new
Speaker 1: dance because holy Molly, the feelings you feel it is
Speaker 1: Dr SEUs should write a sober book of the places
Speaker 1: you go, the feelings you feel, because wow, did you
Speaker 1: feel that way too? Like were you just on feeling overload?
Speaker 1: So for me and I would love to talk to
Speaker 1: you about how you navigate this because when we got sober,
Speaker 1: I think I told you before we started recording, I
Speaker 1: have always known I'm not a good drinker, Like I'm
Speaker 1: really not a good drinker. And I want to talk
Speaker 1: to you about I wonder just say this allows so
Speaker 1: I don't forget about the little tick tick ticks that
Speaker 1: you hear before the ocean, like what those are and
Speaker 1: how people should look for those. And I also want
Speaker 1: to talk to you about what you have experienced after
Speaker 1: your sobriety, like the parts of your personality that have
Speaker 1: you have met that you did not even know we're there.
Speaker 1: I think that has been and I know I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not going to speak for my husband, but I've heard
Speaker 1: him say this. He has experienced parts of his personality
Speaker 1: that he had no idea were even there. Like all
Speaker 1: these new hobbies, all these new interests, like this work focus,
Speaker 1: like this amazing ability to pour into things that like
Speaker 1: he didn't even know he could. And I feel like
Speaker 1: I really gave up alcohol with him. We decided to
Speaker 1: do it together because it's never served me. I've never
Speaker 1: been good at drinking. I've always been the girl who,
Speaker 1: like before I was married, I would get drunk to
Speaker 1: try to hook up with guys and then I would
Speaker 1: like yell at them for not falling in love with me,
Speaker 1: and like I was like incredibly crazy person. I used
Speaker 1: it to have like confidence, but then my confidence would
Speaker 1: turn into share like absolute insanity, and so like I was,
Speaker 1: I would always have remorse because I was too scared
Speaker 1: to like date or like put myself out there with guys,
Speaker 1: and so I would get drunk and then I would
Speaker 1: just like go into the psycho mode and try to
Speaker 1: make out with people or try to like know why
Speaker 1: how wet it was terrible? Or I would get yell
Speaker 1: at people that I love because I had all this
Speaker 1: like inner turmoil that would come out when I was drinking.
Speaker 1: And so like I knew from an early age that
Speaker 1: I was not good at this, and I had already
Speaker 1: been trying to cut back, like I had cut back
Speaker 1: a lot from drinking because I knew if I got
Speaker 1: drunk and I lost control of my emotions in mind,
Speaker 1: like I always had to regret always, and it was
Speaker 1: always like from being mean, Like I would be like
Speaker 1: mean to someone or like yell at them or hurt
Speaker 1: someone's feelings or do something like trying to make out
Speaker 1: with a guy or yell at him or something, and
Speaker 1: I was like, it was never positive. It was never
Speaker 1: a reflection of who I wanted to be, what I
Speaker 1: really wanted. I was desperate for love. I was desperate
Speaker 1: for someone to love me. I was desperate for someone
Speaker 1: to see me. And I didn't feel like I knew
Speaker 1: how to get my personality out, and so I was
Speaker 1: relying on alcohol to do that for me. And it
Speaker 1: never did it in the way that I wanted to
Speaker 1: because it was like a freaking freight train and I
Speaker 1: so I always had regret and always had a remore.
Speaker 1: So I had already been trying to cut out alcohol
Speaker 1: for my life, and I cut back tremendously and I
Speaker 1: never really liked it. I never liked the taste of it.
Speaker 1: I hated doing shots, like I don't like that I
Speaker 1: can't drink too many beers. I get bloated, like I
Speaker 1: just don't it just alcohol has been rejecting me my
Speaker 1: whole life. And I was like no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: want you. I need to. So I was like trying
Speaker 1: to have this sexy relationship with alcohol and it is
Speaker 1: never sexy, like ever. And so when Michael was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to cut this out of my life, and
Speaker 1: he actually had like a he had a sexy relationship
Speaker 1: with alcohol. He was like fun and charismatic and like
Speaker 1: he was like he was never mean, he was charming.
Speaker 1: But then it just got it just became too much.
Speaker 1: It just you know, it just grows and grows. And
Speaker 1: so he finally was like listen, I'm done, and I
Speaker 1: was like, great, I am so ready to be done
Speaker 1: with trying to have it maintained a dance with alcohol,
Speaker 1: Like it's not working anyway. So I was kind of
Speaker 1: already in the mindset of not having alcohol in my
Speaker 1: life because I've been not I already knew it was
Speaker 1: not a good fit for me. So I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I had to totally like relearn a lot because
Speaker 1: I already had like kind of taken it out. But
Speaker 1: being in a relationship with my husband and us doing
Speaker 1: this together like we did. It was like a new
Speaker 1: dance with our relationship. It's a new dance with like
Speaker 1: what do we do for fun? Because we used to
Speaker 1: go to breweries and sit around and drink at breweries
Speaker 1: every time we were on tour. He's on the road
Speaker 1: on Tory, go find a cool brewery, sit around, like
Speaker 1: drink beers all day, and then go to a fun
Speaker 1: bar afterwards and get cocktails and dance, and it's like
Speaker 1: every thing. Or have a barbecue and have people over
Speaker 1: and have a grilla just to drink beer all day.
Speaker 1: And it's just like you know, learning how to going
Speaker 1: to shows, going to parties, having friends, night dates, and
Speaker 1: everything was centered around alcohol. So figuring out how to
Speaker 1: create a new lifestyle where you can still be in
Speaker 1: situations where people are drinking, but it's just not the focus,
Speaker 1: you know. It's like not we're not having this event
Speaker 1: or going to this thing so we can drink and party.
Speaker 1: It's like we're going because we're actually going to live,
Speaker 1: We're going to have an experience, We're going to like
Speaker 1: do something. It's made us so much more active, it's
Speaker 1: made us so much more adventurous. It's made us so
Speaker 1: much more well rested, you know how. But it has
Speaker 1: been a learning curve and there have been times where
Speaker 1: it's like, god, you know, like am I fun? Did I?
Speaker 1: Did I forget how to have fun? Like? You know,
Speaker 1: totally to tell me about you and your experience because
Speaker 1: that's us at a nutshell, But like, what has happened
Speaker 1: with you in these almost two years with Like you're
Speaker 1: in the entertainment industry, you're an actress, you're a comedian,
Speaker 1: you are hosts. Like what there's alcohol all over that stuff?
Speaker 1: What have you What has life been like? And what
Speaker 1: has it been like with your girlfriend and like y'all
Speaker 1: like rehabenting yourselves as a couple? Like what tell me
Speaker 1: your journey? Like? Because that's what I feel like people
Speaker 1: are so afraid of is what we're talking about, is
Speaker 1: like who am I going to be? Can I do
Speaker 1: life anymore? While I lose all my friends? While I
Speaker 1: lose myself? So what is your walk been like? And
Speaker 1: when was the moment when you knew the tick tic tics?
Speaker 1: Okay this, I want to set this up, the tik
Speaker 1: tik tics when you knew I've got to do this
Speaker 1: before the bomb explodes? And then what has it been
Speaker 1: like in this uncovering of the real you. Okay, So
Speaker 1: the tik tik tics were my my girl now girlfriend
Speaker 1: and I had been friends for like almost four years,
Speaker 1: and all of our I'd never dated a woman before.
Speaker 1: I was like curious, never really thought about it. We
Speaker 1: would drink split a bottle tequila when we'd hang out
Speaker 1: and we'd make out, and I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: feels different. I love this. And eventually, like through COVID
Speaker 1: and through everything, we started hanging out with each other
Speaker 1: more and more, and basically we fell in love over
Speaker 1: tequila and that love is real and that tequila was
Speaker 1: real too. But it resulted in like not knowing really
Speaker 1: how I felt about a lot of things because I
Speaker 1: feel so sure in the moment because you're hammered, and
Speaker 1: that I'd wake up the next day with anxiety and
Speaker 1: did I say that? And do I feel that? And
Speaker 1: just honestly like kind of shaming myself for my own
Speaker 1: sexuality because I had never been introduced to it in
Speaker 1: like a sober sense like I would always been when
Speaker 1: I was drunk. And but I knew that I was
Speaker 1: in love, like because it was a love that I
Speaker 1: had never felt before. And when we decided to go
Speaker 1: forward and like start you know, dating and taking things slow.
Speaker 1: Alcohol was very much still we were like a throuble
Speaker 1: with boozts. Well, you needbably needed alcohol because you've never
Speaker 1: you've never dated a girl before. You're stepping into territory
Speaker 1: that you're probably scared to it lists to do because
Speaker 1: I'm sure like even though you live in l A
Speaker 1: and you're very progressive there, I'm sure there's still like
Speaker 1: that internal like fight that you're fighting. Was like I
Speaker 1: wasn't raised like this, This isn't right, Like I you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to do this, Like what are people
Speaker 1: going to say all that stuff? You know, like how
Speaker 1: do I navigate telling my family? What? What is the
Speaker 1: response going to be? How do I handle it? And
Speaker 1: then I also like, honestly more than that, I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I don't want this friendship to like spoil because this
Speaker 1: isn't going to work out. And the chaos that ensued
Speaker 1: when drinking because of that insecurity was just like turbulent,
Speaker 1: like through and through, and so we were like building
Speaker 1: this relationship on really unstable ground. And I went to
Speaker 1: go meet her family over Thanksgiving and was like taking
Speaker 1: shots to tequila in the closet in the gas bedroom
Speaker 1: and letting the mom just poor, poor poor Rose, I
Speaker 1: mean rose and tequila, awful mix, um whether you should
Speaker 1: be so where not, Like, don't do it, it's awful.
Speaker 1: And also that's something to notice too. It's like you're nervous,
Speaker 1: so you're doing a secret shot in the closet, but
Speaker 1: you can justify and said, this is nervous, this is
Speaker 1: nerves this helps me. But those are those tic tics,
Speaker 1: Like it's like if you have to go off to
Speaker 1: calm yourself down with alcohol, that is a red flag.
Speaker 1: It is totally a red flag. I think it's so much.
Speaker 1: It's like, um, the way that everything is marketed. Like
Speaker 1: even now, I just saw a beer commercial. I don't
Speaker 1: even remember the company and I won't even shot them out,
Speaker 1: but like a beer commercial that literally put two people
Speaker 1: who were nervous about something looking at each other and
Speaker 1: then grabbing a beer together. But that's like the worst,
Speaker 1: terrible way to say drink or terrible to people who
Speaker 1: just got dumped at dinner with the same beer company.
Speaker 1: Two people just got jumped at dinner. The people who
Speaker 1: dumped leave, they share eyes. Now they're having a beer together.
Speaker 1: It's just toxic everwhere. And the thing is, it's everywhere
Speaker 1: in society. Alcohol. It's like there's so many things that
Speaker 1: are actually good for you, that are like marketing, that
Speaker 1: people think are terrible in life, but it's like the
Speaker 1: worst thing ever. Alcohol is glamorized in every situation, even
Speaker 1: like when you have a baby toasted champagne. When you
Speaker 1: get married, you're toasting champagne. When you're heartbroken, you go
Speaker 1: get Joe drink if you're feeling It's like every big
Speaker 1: moment in life, it's like throw alcohol in with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do it to cope or do it to celebrate, and
Speaker 1: so like when you just do it, where I was
Speaker 1: just just to do it, Yeah, exactly. Nike slogan for
Speaker 1: a booze um like and it does got to feel
Speaker 1: like a Nike marathon, like you're just concert. I mean
Speaker 1: where I was at it, I felt like I just
Speaker 1: never it was like a long game, like you're tired
Speaker 1: and you're run out, but you just grab another and
Speaker 1: you keep chugging along and then you get your super
Speaker 1: powers kick in and you're ready to rock again. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's exactly that. Runners. I was just like the tequila
Speaker 1: shots like doing what they they do. But anyways that
Speaker 1: you put yourself, you take all of that knowledge of
Speaker 1: the marketing, and it's always around and there's always a
Speaker 1: quote unquote solution to whatever problem. And Sarah and I
Speaker 1: got into a huge fight in bathroom and her family
Speaker 1: heard it, and it was just like off it was
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving. It was awful, awful, awful, awful, over like
Speaker 1: the dumbest stuff. Like I look back and I'm like
Speaker 1: a girl that did not deserve like a kaboo. But
Speaker 1: that's what alcohol does. It's like it's all those tic
Speaker 1: tic tics will lead up to like a different blowout boom,
Speaker 1: And for me, that fight was my boom. And I
Speaker 1: had other mini blowouts just internally or how I saw
Speaker 1: myself or just the anxiety that I was feeling that
Speaker 1: led up to make that that explosion the most impactful
Speaker 1: for me. But I woke up the next day so hungover,
Speaker 1: so embarrassed, and I just was like, I'm ruining anything
Speaker 1: good in my life because I am so focused on
Speaker 1: escaping the parts of my life that I don't like.
Speaker 1: So I could either keep it up and like will
Speaker 1: continue to blow up anything good, or I can take
Speaker 1: a real shot at this no put intendant shot, and
Speaker 1: I can try to not be so absent and numb
Speaker 1: that I can create a life I actually want to
Speaker 1: be present for all the time. And so that's what
Speaker 1: I did. And it sounds so pretty and wrapped up,
Speaker 1: and it took a long time to get there, like
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to get there. I think you do
Speaker 1: as you learn more about yourself and you uncover more things.
Speaker 1: It's always a learning. But that was my tic tic tic,
Speaker 1: and I think for anybody who's listening, like the things
Speaker 1: that I look back on and I realized were my
Speaker 1: tic tics that I didn't realize in the moment. Was
Speaker 1: like one, I tried to make my drinking productive. So
Speaker 1: if I could make it entertaining, if I could get
Speaker 1: a beer or tequila shot and record a video while
Speaker 1: doing it, or think of jokes while I was doing it.
Speaker 1: If I tried to make my drinking productive, that was
Speaker 1: like one big tick for me. Um. Another thing is
Speaker 1: like the and I really didn't realize it. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure you you are to Like how you mentioned you
Speaker 1: don't realize how many events in your life are completely
Speaker 1: revolving around drinking anything, anything exciting, happens, it's like, let's
Speaker 1: grab let's grab a SHOT's grab a drink, let's go celebrate.
Speaker 1: And also though I feel like for me and I'm
Speaker 1: okay once again, you're sight like I'm not going to
Speaker 1: sea from a husband, But I just know that as
Speaker 1: a couple, it is so easy to when you hit
Speaker 1: something that feels stressful or like as a person from
Speaker 1: like when you hit something that feels stressful, when you
Speaker 1: hit something that feel like that triggers you from something,
Speaker 1: you know, one of our limiting beliefs that we have
Speaker 1: like wrapped around our whole existence that we have to
Speaker 1: like buy into, or something that triggers us. It's like
Speaker 1: as soon as you get that feeling, that anxiety that like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, like this feeling is so heavy, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: let me have alcohol that will relieve it. You know.
Speaker 1: It's that instant relief of anything that boils up that's
Speaker 1: it feels like it's uncomfortable. It's like, oh, I know alcohol, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's numbing. It's numbing, and I think it's why it
Speaker 1: becomes really addictive. And I think it's why it becomes
Speaker 1: really really You can become super easily dependent on that
Speaker 1: numbing and really like the misconception that I had when
Speaker 1: I would try, because they did try sobriety in small
Speaker 1: doses and I failed because really all of my um, well,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say failed. I guess that's a hard way
Speaker 1: to look at it. These are these are all things
Speaker 1: like I think about, you know, like how do you
Speaker 1: frame relapse, missteps, circle backs? It's a salsa, Like we said,
Speaker 1: two steps forward, one steps back. You're still dancing as
Speaker 1: long as you're still mindful and you're still trying. If
Speaker 1: you're capable of trying, you you're capable of completing. So
Speaker 1: I just when I was trying and not at the
Speaker 1: result that I am today when you were trying to
Speaker 1: get sober versus when you are sober. But I will
Speaker 1: say too for me and Michael, like when we got sober,
Speaker 1: we knew like it wasn't like oh okay, let's just
Speaker 1: take a little break, let's try to detox, let me
Speaker 1: try to cut back, let me try to let me
Speaker 1: try to balance this, let me try to have control
Speaker 1: over my drinking. Let me you know, look like you said,
Speaker 1: let me do my to drink minimum, like we've done
Speaker 1: that before. All that, but like this time, it was
Speaker 1: like this is it is over. We are done. It
Speaker 1: is a lion on the sand, like the feeling it
Speaker 1: was so done that it's like if we don't, if
Speaker 1: we are not done with this, and I am choosing
Speaker 1: to let my life explode because I have chosen alcohol
Speaker 1: over having all the good things in my life anymore,
Speaker 1: because it is it was so apparent that like what
Speaker 1: was something that started off as fun and secretly you
Speaker 1: don't realize it. It was numbing to like for me
Speaker 1: to like avoid my what, I would drink and get
Speaker 1: drunk and hammered. I wanted someone to love me. I
Speaker 1: wanted to be seen. I wanted to be able to
Speaker 1: put myself out there. It was all for like love
Speaker 1: and to be validated. But it never translated like that.
Speaker 1: And so it's like it's always for something. You're doing
Speaker 1: it because you need alcohol to help you get somewhere,
Speaker 1: whether it's like get confidence, make yourself feel set, like
Speaker 1: you're talking about this beer commercials, like you're feeling all nervous.
Speaker 1: Get drunk now you can go flirt, you know, like
Speaker 1: whatever it is, or you're feeling nervous like with this interview,
Speaker 1: take a shot and you're nervous, will go down. It's
Speaker 1: all you're using. We're using alcohol to cover something up.
Speaker 1: We're using alcohol because we don't feel like we can
Speaker 1: do it by ourselves, or we're not good enough by ourselves,
Speaker 1: or we're not funny enough by ourselves, or we're not
Speaker 1: charismatic enough by ourselves, or we can't like we won't
Speaker 1: be able to ex secute whatever we want to do.
Speaker 1: We're gonna fail short, we're gonna fall short, because the
Speaker 1: alcohol is what's going to take us over the edge
Speaker 1: to really be able to land the deal. So then
Speaker 1: you get in the cycle, it's like I have to
Speaker 1: have this or I can't. I can't show up and
Speaker 1: I can't be great I can so when all that's
Speaker 1: a lie. But so it's like once you know that
Speaker 1: it's a lie, and once you see the destruction happening
Speaker 1: in your life and you have a moment like you
Speaker 1: had and like we've had, it's like if you continue
Speaker 1: on knowing what you know, that it will destroy your
Speaker 1: life because there comes a point when you realize it
Speaker 1: and you know it, and if you push on past
Speaker 1: that point, then you have and I have friends in
Speaker 1: the music industry and friends in general, who know who.
Speaker 1: It's not fun anymore, it's not good anymore. It's now
Speaker 1: they're controlled by it. They have had the explosion, but
Speaker 1: they're still in it because they can't get sober, because
Speaker 1: it's so freaking hard, because it is and it does
Speaker 1: wrap you up in its claws. I have I see
Speaker 1: people's lives going down the drain. I have seen friends
Speaker 1: get divorced over alcohol, alcohol, because alcohol plays this huge
Speaker 1: role in their marriage that like it blows up the marriage,
Speaker 1: you know, because everything good is totally thrown away in
Speaker 1: these moments of drinking. And if that's happening all the time,
Speaker 1: like I've seen people choose alcohol, not choose be subject
Speaker 1: to the addiction of alcohol, and I see it ruining
Speaker 1: lives and like like you're saying, like I know, like
Speaker 1: that could have easily been us. And if you get
Speaker 1: to the point where you know your life is gonna
Speaker 1: be ruined by this, it is you have to make
Speaker 1: the decision. And it is the hardest decision ever, and
Speaker 1: it it is it's choosing you, it's being self as
Speaker 1: it's rewiring your whole life. But like otherwise you are
Speaker 1: going to blow your life up. It's going to happen.
Speaker 1: It's inevitable. Alcohol will ruin your life if it, if
Speaker 1: it has a grasp you in its claws like that,
Speaker 1: it will take you down. There is no other way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I think that what I was thinking about
Speaker 1: when I totally lost my traded thought is like I'm
Speaker 1: want to change it. No, I mean, go go. But
Speaker 1: the part that I think is so like h sneaky
Speaker 1: is the numbing part of alcohol, because I think, like
Speaker 1: what you just said, you could blow up your life
Speaker 1: and you can ruin all these things, and you stay
Speaker 1: on this toxic track long enough, it'll happen. But when
Speaker 1: you're numb to all of it, you don't really care.
Speaker 1: And I think that when I was when my first
Speaker 1: goes with sobriety, like I'm gonna do thirty days, or
Speaker 1: I'm going to try to do a whole like a
Speaker 1: six months, or I'm going to try like a week,
Speaker 1: because like I couldn't even do that at first, And
Speaker 1: it's okay if you can't too, because like you said,
Speaker 1: it's overwhelming and it's scary, And the reason for that
Speaker 1: is because you're not getting sober to stay up, you're
Speaker 1: getting sober to lean into those feelings and to know
Speaker 1: how to manage it. You're ready to take control of
Speaker 1: that aspect of your life and not just shut it out.
Speaker 1: And I think that with that understanding and acceptance comes
Speaker 1: a smoother transition into making those choices. If you can
Speaker 1: know that you're going to feel a lot of feelings
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have to label a lot of things,
Speaker 1: and you're not going to have that bottle to numb
Speaker 1: it and stop it. And you're gonna need to do
Speaker 1: a lot of work to figure out what works for
Speaker 1: you to numb it and stop it in a healthy way.
Speaker 1: Like I just was talking to Gil Teets, who does
Speaker 1: Sober Powered and she's so funny. She's like the things
Speaker 1: that make you roll your eyes, the eye rolls, So
Speaker 1: you gotta do the eye rolls. You've got to do
Speaker 1: the like breathwork, you gotta do the like yoga, you
Speaker 1: gotta do the running. You gotta go on a walk,
Speaker 1: you gotta read a book, you gotta take a meditation.
Speaker 1: You've got to do things that people roll their eyes at.
Speaker 1: But that talk to somebody numbing You've got to talk
Speaker 1: to somebody. You've got to build a community because you
Speaker 1: have to do or not thrive in isolation. And you've
Speaker 1: got to build. You've got to build a community around you.
Speaker 1: And maybe that looks like he ay, and maybe that
Speaker 1: looks like a support group, or maybe that just looks
Speaker 1: like another sober friend or spouse or neighbor or mom
Speaker 1: from p t A. Like, you build your community and
Speaker 1: however you need to do, that is for you to do.
Speaker 1: And I think, like, like we've said kind of throughout
Speaker 1: this with multiple things, that the old way of thinking
Speaker 1: that there is only one way or there's one path
Speaker 1: for me, does it really true? Like I believe that
Speaker 1: however you get there, you get there. However you tango,
Speaker 1: you tango, listen to music to be present and be
Speaker 1: willing to get out on the floor and stay out
Speaker 1: and the floor that is sobriety in life. You can
Speaker 1: do it. You will eventually get it down. It will
Speaker 1: become rhythmic and you can like evolve and invite other
Speaker 1: people in and help guide people on your dance. Like,
Speaker 1: but first, get out on the floor. Focus and don't
Speaker 1: be afraid to fumble, because you're already fumbling. If you're
Speaker 1: waking up hungover one day a week, you're fumbling your life.
Speaker 1: You're already misstepping, You're already offer them, so taking risks
Speaker 1: and trying and again from just a healthier perspective, it's
Speaker 1: like it's just my biggest, my biggest advice and listening
Speaker 1: to I love how you got the tick tick tick
Speaker 1: listening to the tick tick ticks. And this is what
Speaker 1: I really want to encourage anyone. And I'm not like
Speaker 1: this sober advocate, like everyone needs to be sober, Like
Speaker 1: I don't think that. I think alcohol can be a
Speaker 1: fun thing in life if you can handle it, and so,
Speaker 1: but the thing that I want to encourage people listening
Speaker 1: is when you know it's coming, when you know it's
Speaker 1: messing up your life, when you know you have debilitating
Speaker 1: anxiety and you have so much shame for your actions
Speaker 1: and you have so much shame for drinking, and it's
Speaker 1: like you're trying to justify it every which way, Like
Speaker 1: you said, work, put it into your work life, like
Speaker 1: make it where it's like you know you have to
Speaker 1: have it where you can justify it. But like you know,
Speaker 1: when you know it in your heart that it has
Speaker 1: taken over and it is not healthy and it is
Speaker 1: starting to ruin your life. It's like you have to
Speaker 1: listen to that, and so I want to ask you
Speaker 1: their stigma. Everyone's like, but I don't want to be sober.
Speaker 1: I don't want that title. Now I feel like a loser.
Speaker 1: Now I feel like I have a problem or not
Speaker 1: a loser. But like now I feel like I'm not
Speaker 1: a loser. You're actually the biggest winner ever by being sober.
Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't want that title. I don't
Speaker 1: want people to like not feel like they can hang
Speaker 1: out with me. I don't want the stigma of being,
Speaker 1: you know, an addict or having to be in recovery.
Speaker 1: I feel, you know, weaker because I couldn't handle it
Speaker 1: or you know, it's like all these things. It's like
Speaker 1: when people want to jump in, they feel all that,
Speaker 1: what is your advice to that? And like moving past
Speaker 1: those thoughts, those fear thoughts that are going to keep
Speaker 1: you stuck in the cycle because it's gonna be like
Speaker 1: you got this, You've got this, girl, you can manage this,
Speaker 1: but it's really like you know you can't. But it's
Speaker 1: like changing your whole lifestyle and stepping into this new
Speaker 1: person and then having all of the things that you
Speaker 1: were numbing out hit you at once. That's a lot
Speaker 1: because now you're having a Look, what did you do
Speaker 1: when you have to look at all these things that
Speaker 1: you have been numbing out for so long in the
Speaker 1: eyes and deal with them and feel them to your
Speaker 1: core and process them. What was that? Like? How did
Speaker 1: you overcome the stigma? But then what was on the
Speaker 1: other side of doing that? Very hard work? And I
Speaker 1: want everyone to know, when you're doing this hard work,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be days where you feel like you can't
Speaker 1: do it, where you're struggling and you feel so overwhelmed
Speaker 1: by all of this that you're like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: want to do this anymore. The sucks, you know. But
Speaker 1: like you pushed on and here you are so like,
Speaker 1: what is on the other side of pushing on, of
Speaker 1: hitting all this head on, all of your stuff that
Speaker 1: you've been trying to avoid, the stigma? What is on
Speaker 1: the other side of doing that? Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: if you're feeling overwhelmed, that's okay, because everything you're saying
Speaker 1: is true. All those fears that you're scared of are true.
Speaker 1: But I think that what's also true is the result
Speaker 1: of losing friends that might honestly not be the best
Speaker 1: for you. Um, the reality of like what am I
Speaker 1: gonna do? What I won't be able to do the
Speaker 1: things that I used to do. Yeah, that is probably true,
Speaker 1: but guess what you can do a lot more So
Speaker 1: every fee here is valid, true, overwhelming. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna I just don't ever want to say like
Speaker 1: it's gonna be easy. You could do it, no problem,
Speaker 1: Like it's a hard thing to do. But I would
Speaker 1: guess that how you're operating right now is probably harder
Speaker 1: navigating hangovers, missteps, the anxiety, the guilt, the shame, the
Speaker 1: bad self talk, the turbulence with your partner, the turbulence
Speaker 1: and your friend group, ums of self work, we have kids,
Speaker 1: like parenting, feeling like you're not showing up as a parent.
Speaker 1: All that shames, absolutely, I can I would bet that
Speaker 1: all of that is probably pretty hard to navigate. And
Speaker 1: if you've been navigating that for this long, you can
Speaker 1: weather navigating sobriety and the hard truths that come with
Speaker 1: that and all of those fears, you are absolutely capable
Speaker 1: of looking in the eye and figuring out a solution
Speaker 1: to So what I had to do and for me,
Speaker 1: what helped me was just trying to go back to
Speaker 1: understanding that I'm capable. I am capable of it. I
Speaker 1: am capable, and I might not know how right now,
Speaker 1: and there's a book for that, or there's a person
Speaker 1: for that, or there's a group for that, and I
Speaker 1: don't have to know the answers, but what I do
Speaker 1: know is that I'm capable. And you, like you said,
Speaker 1: you absolutely leaned into support. That's another thing. Do not isolate,
Speaker 1: lean in to all of the resources out there because
Speaker 1: there are so many. Yeah, absolutely, and knowing what the
Speaker 1: support looks like is important because there are parts of sobriety,
Speaker 1: especially in the first year, where I feel like isolation
Speaker 1: is important for self preservation, like isolating from people who
Speaker 1: don't take you seriously, give you those labels that you're
Speaker 1: scared of having, um all of the things that you're
Speaker 1: fearful of, Isolating from people who are gonna you know,
Speaker 1: are going to give that to you, like peer pressure,
Speaker 1: a stigma, but we're going to like an event that
Speaker 1: you know is going to trigger you to want a
Speaker 1: drink day back from that. You're right, don't do that
Speaker 1: in the beginning. But leaning into people who are have
Speaker 1: the same mindset that you either are at or want
Speaker 1: to be at is important. Like there's like the oldest
Speaker 1: saying ever where it's like you are who you surround
Speaker 1: yourself with. And that's really true in sobriety. I think
Speaker 1: when you're the most malleable and vulnerable at the beginning,
Speaker 1: like your clay, and let the people around you that
Speaker 1: you put yourself with like be who forms like the
Speaker 1: pod or the face that you're going to be in.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes sense, okay, um, so
Speaker 1: like keeping a support system and I think really truly,
Speaker 1: like you know, you asked me earlier, what are the
Speaker 1: things that I like got to know kind of about myself?
Speaker 1: What was like the coming home like so to say?
Speaker 1: And I think that's really what's on the other side
Speaker 1: of all this. I know myself way more than I've
Speaker 1: ever known myself. That includes the bad and the good.
Speaker 1: And I think that there's a power in knowing my
Speaker 1: weaknesses in a sober mindset because I don't feel owned
Speaker 1: by them. I feel like I know them. They're my neighbor.
Speaker 1: I like know that I'm probably want to get them
Speaker 1: out at a certain point. I don't want to live
Speaker 1: next to them forever. But they're not in my house
Speaker 1: with me. My problems and my shortcomings aren't the only
Speaker 1: thing that I have. And when I was drinking, that's
Speaker 1: what I felt like. And I think that that like
Speaker 1: release of pressure and that deeper understanding is what's on
Speaker 1: the other side, along with nights that you remember and
Speaker 1: no hangovers and literally it can be as simple for
Speaker 1: so many people as just feeling are like just feeling better.
Speaker 1: You literally can not want to drink anymore just because
Speaker 1: you don't want to have hangovers. It really you are
Speaker 1: allowed to have. It be that simple of an answer,
Speaker 1: and the fog lifting the fog, because when you are
Speaker 1: in the cycle of alcohol abuse, you're in a constant fog.
Speaker 1: It's whether like if you're like an alcoholic, where it's
Speaker 1: like maybe you just every time you drink you get hammered.
Speaker 1: That's the way one way of doing it. Where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not an alcoholic because I don't really drink, but
Speaker 1: then every time you drink you have to get black
Speaker 1: out drunk, Well that is a problem. Or if it's
Speaker 1: like every time or it's like trying to figure out
Speaker 1: your day where it's like okay, let me wake up
Speaker 1: and like where can I figure out my first place
Speaker 1: to get booze in that makes sense, that can justified,
Speaker 1: and then so your weather and then the hangover phase
Speaker 1: into the trying to get the alcohol to like you're
Speaker 1: the hangover phase. Then you get to the sweet spot
Speaker 1: where you get a little tipsy and it's kind of fun.
Speaker 1: But then Amana, it crosses over immediately into the dark
Speaker 1: place where it's like, gone too far. Whatever cycle you're in,
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's totally just now where am I going
Speaker 1: with this? You can still like whatever area you're at,
Speaker 1: like you can step back from it, like you can
Speaker 1: set it down. You don't have to date something you
Speaker 1: don't like, like it's real, like that easy, you really don't.
Speaker 1: And like the fog, I think maybe what you were
Speaker 1: saying too is like it's you're going to have fog
Speaker 1: if you have booze. It doesn't matter the level of fog.
Speaker 1: There are some people who literally can't see in front
Speaker 1: of them it's so foggy. And there are some people
Speaker 1: who are like is it foggy? I just need to
Speaker 1: clear my glasses a little bit, And it's like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I guess it is foggy. Whatever, I can still go
Speaker 1: about my day. You're putting fog in your in your way,
Speaker 1: and don't you want to see you with clarity like
Speaker 1: through life? And if you don't, that's a deeper thing.
Speaker 1: And guess what, when you're sober and you don't like
Speaker 1: the things around you, you're so capable of changing that,
Speaker 1: even if it's a marriage, even if it's a relationship,
Speaker 1: even if it's a house, even if it's the state
Speaker 1: you live in, a job of those day, a job,
Speaker 1: all of those things that like you wanted to numb
Speaker 1: or become absent from, Like cancent change with clarity? Yes? Yes? What?
Speaker 1: And what I've realized too that has been like really
Speaker 1: amazing on my heart is I always knew I had,
Speaker 1: like my husband and I had a really beautiful group
Speaker 1: of friends around us, but us choosing to get sober,
Speaker 1: and we've actually had a couple of other friends choose
Speaker 1: to get sober too, But like realizing how like loved
Speaker 1: and supported and like how proud and how amazing all
Speaker 1: of our friends have been like on that journey and
Speaker 1: like just like so happy for us to like want
Speaker 1: to like take this choice because it's making our lives better.
Speaker 1: It's like it really lets you know immediately, are you
Speaker 1: surrounded by good people who want the best for you,
Speaker 1: or are you surrounded by people who want you to
Speaker 1: be this certain way for their benefit of their habits
Speaker 1: and their lifestyle that they want to of and there
Speaker 1: some of their toxic toxic nous. It's like you really
Speaker 1: know really quickly. Are the people around me, like, are
Speaker 1: we all rooting for each other's well being? Or are
Speaker 1: we all like helping each other's demise? You know, totally? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's like a big thing. I mean, friendships
Speaker 1: are always, I think, like the biggest fear when you
Speaker 1: get sober. You're like, am I gonna lose all my friends?
Speaker 1: Or like what am I gonna do with my friends?
Speaker 1: Like friends and friends are so important. But like, if
Speaker 1: it's built on booze, it might sink, And that's okay.
Speaker 1: If it's if your relationship is boombooze and you decided
Speaker 1: to get sober and become a non drinker and those
Speaker 1: friendships sink, that's okay. But if it's built on love,
Speaker 1: like the friends that it sounds like you're describing, then
Speaker 1: it'll always float to the top. It doesn't matter what
Speaker 1: you go through, It doesn't matter if you're not drinking
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if it's built with love, and love
Speaker 1: is a foundation, um, and don't you just only want
Speaker 1: to have things around you built on love? Like to me,
Speaker 1: that just sounds like that's what I want to. Let
Speaker 1: it sink, but it's ink, and let them maybe re
Speaker 1: regain their base at a later date, you know, just
Speaker 1: let it sink if it needs to. It's okay. Tell
Speaker 1: me about the first few months and then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wrap up. Tell me about the first few months. What
Speaker 1: are absolute necessities to mindset necessities? What are how do
Speaker 1: you need to set your life up for success? Like?
Speaker 1: What are like I would say the first three months, like,
Speaker 1: because I feel like that's probably really hard to get
Speaker 1: through those. What are your mindset shifts for success? And
Speaker 1: what how if someone really wants to take this step
Speaker 1: and really wants to get sober, but they're like, I
Speaker 1: don't know how to prepare my life for this, what
Speaker 1: would you be? What would you say to how to
Speaker 1: set up for this? How to set up for success
Speaker 1: for society? I think one accepting that it's going to
Speaker 1: be a big change. I think that's the best thing
Speaker 1: you can do is to be really real and honest
Speaker 1: with yourself about the change that you're about to go
Speaker 1: through and that it will be better, but it's going
Speaker 1: to be a little bit harder first, um, harder to
Speaker 1: get easier. And I think also just knowing that nobody's
Speaker 1: journey looks the same. Sobriety is really like a fingerprint.
Speaker 1: It's so different. It's really unique to you, and it
Speaker 1: also evolves with you. So the tools that you use
Speaker 1: in these first three months, if they're really hard, like
Speaker 1: let's say you do want to try a A and
Speaker 1: you like, are like, this is really helping me. It's
Speaker 1: not something I want to do forever. Great, that can
Speaker 1: be something that you evolve through. You can evolve to
Speaker 1: going to like a meeting or just talking with your sponsor,
Speaker 1: or if you don't ever want to try a A
Speaker 1: and you want to google, there's like a Sober Girls Guide.
Speaker 1: There's so many different other alternatives, especially for women who
Speaker 1: like feel like they maybe not don't connect in a
Speaker 1: A as much. Um, there's tons of alternatives for that.
Speaker 1: So I would say in the first three months, just
Speaker 1: giving yourself grace, being really honest, and being willing to
Speaker 1: try all the tools that you can, um, not limiting
Speaker 1: yourself to anything. If it is there's a possibility that's
Speaker 1: going to help you. Um. I really suggest um pouring
Speaker 1: out or getting getting rid of all the alcohol in
Speaker 1: your house. I mean, for me, it took me a month,
Speaker 1: um to do that. I didn't drink it, I didn't
Speaker 1: touch it. It was tucked away, And there was some
Speaker 1: power in waiting a month because they felt like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I had thirty days and I was like, this is
Speaker 1: for sure something I'm gonna do. And it was really
Speaker 1: but there's something really meaningful about pouring something out that
Speaker 1: for me was really symbolic and it might be really
Speaker 1: symbolic to anybody else out there. What do you do
Speaker 1: when you hit a trigger? What do you do when
Speaker 1: you hit a trigger? Like? What what do you go
Speaker 1: to where you're like, oh my god, screw this, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. But you know you're you know
Speaker 1: you're gonna you know you want to keep on and
Speaker 1: you will keep on. Like but you're inner battle saying
Speaker 1: you don't have a problem. Just go back to the
Speaker 1: way it was a lot. It was so much easier.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, now, um, because that will happen, and
Speaker 1: it'll happen at any phase that it still happens to
Speaker 1: me this after almost two years, um, and it's okay
Speaker 1: and it's normal. So one I'd say, be like, take
Speaker 1: that voice and separate it from yourself and go got it.
Speaker 1: I totally hear you. I'm not going to do that,
Speaker 1: but I understand why you're saying that. And if you
Speaker 1: don't understand why that's happening, try to talk to that
Speaker 1: voice and be like, why are you saying that? Is
Speaker 1: it because I'm bored? Is it because I'm anxious? Try
Speaker 1: to get to the route. And if you really don't
Speaker 1: have the patient's time or energy to have that conversation,
Speaker 1: because I get it, it's a lot. Um. My biggest
Speaker 1: tip is get a drink that you never drink, like
Speaker 1: maybe that's it. You go to the market and you
Speaker 1: get like a cherry vanilla cola and you only drink
Speaker 1: those when you really want to have a treat. Or
Speaker 1: you get like a Lacroix, or you get a des
Speaker 1: Sas or a kin or any of these great non
Speaker 1: owl turn tives and save that as a special part
Speaker 1: of your fridge. And when you're feeling triggered, say I'm
Speaker 1: going to have this drink first, and then I'll come
Speaker 1: back to see if I really want to have the
Speaker 1: other drink, And I would that money that if you
Speaker 1: sit and you drink any drink that has no alcohol
Speaker 1: in it, and you finish it in ten minutes, that trigger,
Speaker 1: if it hasn't fully gone away, it will subside and
Speaker 1: you'll be able to maybe have that conversation or get
Speaker 1: ready to dig into why you're feeling triggered. So give
Speaker 1: yourself a sip and a second that doesn't have alcohol
Speaker 1: if you're feeling triggered, and then also of it. And
Speaker 1: what about also like calling someone who you know is
Speaker 1: an advocate for you and talking through it, or like
Speaker 1: putting on one of those audio books like you mentioned.
Speaker 1: Will you mentioned those titles one more time because I
Speaker 1: feel like that, Yes, put Like a Woman by Hollywittaker
Speaker 1: and Alan car is the easy way to quit drinking
Speaker 1: without will power. You can absolutely put those on. I
Speaker 1: I also think a really suggestion is to just if
Speaker 1: you don't want to say it to a friend, Like
Speaker 1: let's say you're insecure about your trigger, it's really early
Speaker 1: on or it's later in your sobriety, and you're really
Speaker 1: embarrassed that you're having this strong of pull and you
Speaker 1: don't want to feel any shame. You can say it
Speaker 1: into a voice note. You can say it into a
Speaker 1: voice note, but get it out of your system, um,
Speaker 1: and it gets the power of it out. I love
Speaker 1: that you are changing the world so much. And you
Speaker 1: have a podcast called Clearheaded. That's how much you are
Speaker 1: like committed to this message and this mission and it's
Speaker 1: called Clearheaded. Um. It's amazing. It's anywhere you can listen
Speaker 1: to the podcasts and it's all about like your real
Speaker 1: time walk with sobriety and your Sober Self Care podcast
Speaker 1: so everyone. So you have episodes all the time. You're
Speaker 1: covering all sorts of topics. This is another great thing
Speaker 1: if you're wanting to get sober, listen to this podcast
Speaker 1: clear Headed, where you can join in with a real
Speaker 1: conversation with someone in sobriety, walking through it, going through it,
Speaker 1: having the struggle, sharing you don't feel alone. Like these outlets.
Speaker 1: This is an amazing outlet and that's it's they're out
Speaker 1: there like this is out there for people to have support.
Speaker 1: And thank you for creating the support. Absolutely, I'm so
Speaker 1: happy to create it. I also have a website called
Speaker 1: clear headed dot com. We are working. I'm working really
Speaker 1: hard to give you all the tools to have your
Speaker 1: best alcohol free life. That means entertainment. What are good
Speaker 1: nonal cocktail recipes? What are great tools for your sober toolkit?
Speaker 1: So check out clear headed dot co if you want
Speaker 1: to spruce up your sober care routine. Amazing, I'm so
Speaker 1: proud of you, but for you, and how credible that
Speaker 1: you took this leap. And the thing also on a
Speaker 1: wrap up was saying, is I feel like the and
Speaker 1: you said this too, but like the how capable you feel,
Speaker 1: and how proud you feel and almost like you and
Speaker 1: literally do anything you set your mind to if you
Speaker 1: can get sober and create a life for yourself that
Speaker 1: is truly your life and thriving. And yes, like we said,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard. You're gonna have all these mental
Speaker 1: things that you have to deal with, but you're dealing
Speaker 1: with that a million times worse. You said it so perfectly.
Speaker 1: If you're if you're under the influence and you're living
Speaker 1: a drunk life like you're the shame, and the struggle
Speaker 1: is so much harder at least a sobriety. The payoff
Speaker 1: is you get to live this life that you were
Speaker 1: meant to live. You get to you get to know yourself,
Speaker 1: You get to be present, you get to be a light,
Speaker 1: You get to be you get to know your own
Speaker 1: ability and your own capability and your own strength, and
Speaker 1: you get to be proud of yourself and look in
Speaker 1: the mirror and be like, I fucking love you, like
Speaker 1: you are a beast and a warrior. And yes there
Speaker 1: are some hard days, but like, look at what you
Speaker 1: can do, and that to look at yourself and to
Speaker 1: know that you can do that, I feel like it
Speaker 1: translates into all so many other aspects of life. It's
Speaker 1: like if I can do this, it's just fear and
Speaker 1: like habits and like all these things standing in my
Speaker 1: way that I can get through. I know I can
Speaker 1: do this. Do you feel that it's just like free? Totally? Yeah,
Speaker 1: absolute freedom, and like you're just removing any kind of
Speaker 1: limit on yourself, your growth, your potential, and look, try it,
Speaker 1: try it and and and if you if you hate it,
Speaker 1: listen to an episode and we'll talk about it. I
Speaker 1: always wrap up with leave your light. What do you
Speaker 1: want people to know? I will guess our message this
Speaker 1: whole time is that you're really capable. You are capable
Speaker 1: of coming to clarity and claiming it as your own
Speaker 1: and living life that you want to be present for.
Speaker 1: You're capable. Freaking love it. Okay, Cat Madgerie, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for coming on everyone. I'll go check out
Speaker 1: her podcast clear Headed your Sober Self Care and go
Speaker 1: to clear your Headed dot co. Is that right? Yep,
Speaker 1: that's all right. Thank you so much for joining me.
Speaker 1: You're amazing. This is awesome. Thank you, thank you. I
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Yeah,