WEBVTT - CAIT MADRY: A sober conversation with Cait Madry. 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:18.759 Carol, she's queen. She's getting not afraid of thing, So 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:26.239 just let it flow. No one can with cry Carol ca. 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.920 So this is a great episode today because I know 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:34.360 so many of us. We you wake up one day 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:37.120 and you're like, man, I have this vice, or I've 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.080 been like drinking, or I have been like doing this 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.360 certain thing in excess, and I didn't even realize that 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.640 I was. I didn't even realize that what was once 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:51.040 a fun little habit and fun way to like, you know, 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:53.680 just enjoy life and kind of kind of accentuate life 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:56.360 has now become something that's taken over my life. And 0:00:56.960 --> 0:00:59.480 I am no longer it's no longer serving me. I 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:01.680 am not happy with the way my life is, with 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:06.400 this particular substance or addiction or whatever it is that 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:09.760 has taken too large of a role in your life. 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.440 There comes a point where for some people, some people 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:15.080 never hit this point, but there comes a point where 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:16.720 you're like, you know what, this is not serving me, 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:19.080 and I want to make a change. But the problem 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:21.440 is when you want to make a change and you've 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.440 been living your life a certain way for a really 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.600 long time and a certain kind of lifestyle, making a 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:29.720 big change where your move something, let's say, alcohol out 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:33.039 of it. It can be scary, It can be intimidating. 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:34.920 It can make you feel like you don't know who 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:38.000 you are anymore, how to exist in social settings anymore, 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.640 how to exist with your old friends anymore, how to 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:43.720 even exist with your own life, Like sometimes you have 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:45.959 to get to know yourself. Because I'm talking to Kate 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:49.440 Madgree today. She is a host, actor, comedian, and sober 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:52.920 now for over two years, and she is here to 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:55.000 share this because you are in the heart of the 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.840 entertainment industry, you're in the heart of alcohol, being at 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.240 the center of pretty much everything. And then you're fame 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:05.160 and industry. And I also am in the country music industry, 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.600 and it's the same thing. It's glorified, it's a part 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:11.840 of everything. It's celebration. It's every country song is written 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:16.040 about getting drunk, you know, and every every movie people 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.200 are getting hammered. I mean, it's just like it is 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:21.040 our culture. So when you take alcohol out of your life, 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.560 it can be really scary, but you have done that, 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:26.600 you have taken it out of your life. And I 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.160 was telling Kate my husband and I are recently almost 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:33.440 one year sober on October eight, And it has been 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.880 so amazing. But it is such a lifestyle change and 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:41.080 a mental mindset change, and I am just so excited 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.919 to talk to you about your journey, how you got here, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:47.760 why you got here, and the struggles that you've had 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:50.480 getting here, and then also the payoff, like why it's 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.600 worth it and what has been so amazing about making 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:57.600 this choice. So welcome Kate, Hi, Oh my gosh, what 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:05.200 a fantastic rundown. I love all of that. It's so true. Wow. Well, 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:07.600 let's just start with the fact that, like, yeah, it's 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:10.600 a struggle, it's hard. So you touched on a really 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:12.280 good point, which is that a lot of people never 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:15.920 get to the places that we've had painted in movies 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:19.440 or in songs of hitting rock bottom and blowing your 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.799 life up. And that's great, and I think it's important 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:27.440 to like know that one there's a good chance that 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:31.080 you're not going to get there and too. Kind of 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:35.960 the evolution of that thought for me was I don't 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.520 have to get there in order to step away. I 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.560 don't need to blow up my life in order to 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:46.880 become sober a non drinker. However, you feel like identifying 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:51.240 and I love that phip before your life blows up, 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:53.920 Like why not like check for some warning signs and 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:58.839 go ahead and like not get to the freaking explosion. Yeah, exactly, 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:01.080 like if you hear that tick tick tick tick tick, 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.000 and that tick sounds different for everyone of that bomb 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:07.240 that's about to blow. For me in my life, I 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:13.560 just felt so unhappy. I wasn't feeling like I had 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.719 anything anything that was good in my life. I feel 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:18.920 like I was letting it expire because I was so 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:24.000 absent and numb for the majority of it. And there's 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:27.000 alcoholism in my family, and there are people with substance 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:31.880 abuse or disuse order, and it had never really been 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:36.680 like um labeled, handled even really spoken about. Like in 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.640 my family, you had a big fight the night before. 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.240 You woke up the next day and you went to 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:47.520 your mom's friend's house and you listened while they talked 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:51.279 about how great everything was, you know, putting everything under 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.240 the rugs, under the rud sweep, sweep it under the 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.000 rug we do the floors of you have to bury 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.400 it deep, like whatever you got to do to just 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:03.160 keep it all pretty. And but you know, I feel 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:06.120 like that's sort of like the past generation a little bit, 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.719 because I feel like I can feel such a difference 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:12.719 with like mental health and really checking ourselves and checking 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.440 our habits and checking our lifestyle, like that is so 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:18.400 much more present and like our generation because I feel 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.120 like even our parents generation like to go to therapy 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:23.800 to unearth all these things that like we're like put 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.719 sweeping under the rug. It just wasn't the thing. And 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.960 I feel like, do you feel like because I'm rabbit 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:31.800 trailing And one of the things my listeners always tell 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:33.760 me is they're like, stop interrupting your guests. Okay, so 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:36.359 I want you to get back on track. But I 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:39.080 wonder if your life has affected your families and like 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.720 you making this change, if it's allowed them to step up. Okay, 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:44.960 but go ahead. Yeah. So it's like, yes, question, it's 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:48.760 one that's a perfect question, and I'll circle back to 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.560 what I was saying. But like, yeah, I don't know, 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:53.880 I don't know. It's something I talked about in therapy. 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.760 Sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, is my change gonna 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.640 like in bactory family like in like a good way. 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:03.520 But look, I didn't make my change to try to 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:06.560 impact people that I felt could benefit from it. I 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.560 really just focused on me. And that's really like the 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:10.560 first tip that I could give to anybody out there 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:13.360 who's listening is like, be selfish with this. You are 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:18.280 absolutely allowed to be selfish with your choice to become 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:22.600 an on drinker. And look, the fact is is that, 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.880 like when I was thinking about not drinking, and I 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:27.799 think of fear that a lot of people have, especially 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.400 when you're like I'm a twentysomething or all that is 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.159 social life. I had a friend group, I had uh 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:36.760 clubs and bars and dinners and drinks, and that was 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:41.440 my anchor of my social life was drinking, as is everybody's. 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:44.920 But I think one of the fears is that you 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:49.080 know you're gonna lose these friendships and these dynamics that 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:52.359 you have, and and I think it's like okay to 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:54.760 do that. In order to look further in you have 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:57.880 to say no to other people to say yes to yourself, 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:04.440 and that's like really okay to do um. So yeah, 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:07.880 but then I guess, okay, now all wind back to 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:11.600 what I was saying of I actually don't even know 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.280 what I was saying. Was you're talking a yeah, you're 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.960 talking about your family and how like you everything was 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:18.880 swept under the rug, like there'd be a big site 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:20.560 like if people were I don't know if that was 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.400 evolving drinking or whatever, but like you just kind of 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.080 didn't acknowledge it. The next day you just sort of like, yes, 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.400 go back into live hang out and everything's great and 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:32.600 we got a rose colored glasses on tight we are rocket. Yes, 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:36.440 thank you, thank you. That's exactly true. And that's kind 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:41.080 of how I learned to deal with my uh lack 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.920 of control with alcohol. Of like i'd wake up, I'd 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.840 be hungover. One first I'd throw shame really hard at 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.040 the wall. And the wall is like the inner wall 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:53.520 of myself shame, guilt, remorse. What would you say? What 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:57.000 you showing negative? Like how could you do that? Why 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:58.960 did you do that? Why would you get that way? 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:00.960 Why would you say that? Why would you let that 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.240 guy smack your butt? Like why would you do all 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.520 these things that you feel icky so ikey in the 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:09.640 morning about um But in the moment you have nothing 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:15.520 because hello, you're intoxicated. You for a reason, you have 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:18.559 your wasted Do you have anxiety about what you said? 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.840 Like do you like like memory like lapses like or 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:23.800 you can't remember who you talked to you. What you said? 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:26.480 Did you say something like did you divulge something that 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.640 you weren't supposed to say? Did you talk about something 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:30.360 in a way that you regret? You know, it's like 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:34.200 all that regret. Yep. See all of the above, all 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:36.959 of it on a constant and I couldn't. I would 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:41.079 try to put boundaries up, um, like, Okay, if I'm 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:44.200 gonna go out tonight, I'm only gonna have like two drinks. Okay, 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:48.079 it never happened. Or the two drinks that I had 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:52.960 were like a triple. Okay, well that's technically I guess, 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:56.240 only two drinks, but that's still sick shots alcohol girl. 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:59.199 And then guess what a bureau doesn't count? Like, there 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:02.280 were just so any red flags, those tickings that I 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:07.000 heard where I had enough experience in my immediate family 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.840 or my actually you know, my family further out where 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.920 I knew that these were all red flags of your 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:18.280 gunna explode at some point, this isn't a healthy relationship. 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:23.440 But where I was sitting is that I I didn't 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:25.880 want to kind of admit that I was the ticking 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:28.280 because I wanted it to be different. So I was like, oh, 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:31.520 this ticking is just like a metronome, Like I just 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:34.040 got rhythm in my life, right, Like I'm reframing the 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:37.680 way all these red flags. No, it's fusha, it's fusha. 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:40.319 That's not read, that's fusha, and it's really in right now, 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:44.439 I love a fushia flag. Yes, Like, how could I 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.840 reframe it to make it seem like it was? So 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:49.880 you're probably you're probably like, I'm really doing anything bad. 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:52.200 I'm not like you. I don't know if you were, 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:54.520 but like you know, I don't have like majors. I'm 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.959 just going out. I'm just partying. I'm just like having 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.520 fun living my life like I'm not causing harm to 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:05.840 myself or others. Absolutely, And I think that, yeah, I 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:07.320 mean it goes back to what I was saying, like 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:10.160 these rock bottoms that we see or that we hear 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.640 in like songs and on TV, of just like thinking 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.920 that until I get to that point, then I don't 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:19.040 need to address it. And the sad truth is that 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.760 even if we go back to a generational point of view, 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.920 I think that's how a lot of the older generations 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:26.760 have thought. It's how they've been taught. You need to 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:31.439 manage this relationship and you need to keep working at it, literally, 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:36.360 like a toxic lover, like an abusive relationship, until you 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.280 have a broken bone, and until it's like so bad 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:41.480 that people are asking you about it to your face. 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:45.280 You need to stay trying to make this relationship work. 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:49.160 That's the mines that we've had. Let's keep our toxic lover. 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:51.240 Let's just keep let's just do what we need to 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:54.640 make sure it's okay. Yes, until it's so bad that 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:58.320 other people like, what in the actual f exactly to 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.800 say that we're in a relationship, because really, the relationship 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:04.200 status that everybody wants to have with alcohol is that 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.640 they're dating. You don't really want to be married to it, 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:08.240 because then it's a problem. You don't want to be 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.800 an abusive relationship. You just want to be dating. You 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.760 want to be flirting and fun with booze. And the 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:17.319 thing is is that for most people that doesn't work out. 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:21.000 It doesn't, and it's okay if it doesn't. It's not 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.520 a youth thing. And that's another thing. Like when I 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:29.040 was first really considering the idea of becoming sober, I 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:33.319 read Hollywoodker's book How to Quit Like a Woman, and 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:35.360 what it's just called quit like woman, not how to 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:39.040 quit like Woman, but gosh, she made so many good 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.760 points just from a scientific point of view, but really 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.320 just getting down like I had never read or had 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:47.199 anybody tell me because I listened to the audiobook because 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:50.560 I can't focus enough to read, but so I literally 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:53.960 heard her voice say, like, you're not the problem. The 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:58.319 problem is the alcohol. And once you realize and accept that, like, 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:04.880 stop putting all the responsibility on yourself. It's an addictive substance. 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:09.720 It's just legal, like it is literally just marketed really well. 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:14.360 There's really nothing healthy about it. There's no health benefits, 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.280 like really breaking it down, and I think for me 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.720 that was the first really big time where I was like, 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:24.360 oh wow, I'd never thought about it like that because 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:26.840 I wanted to be dating when I need to be 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.920 dating things. What was the name of this book, Quit 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:34.880 Like a Woman by Hollywoodtaker And I ad, Yes, it's 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:37.680 so good. I think you'd really enjoy it. I mean, 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.000 even though you've been coming up on a year, which 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:47.800 is like congrats. Absolutely. There's acts too that I don't 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:49.839 remember what it's called, but it's so good. It changed 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:51.560 his life. Okay, but what's the other book? You said? 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.160 You had. I also read Alan Carr is The Easy 0:12:55.160 --> 0:13:02.240 Way to Quit Drinking Without Willpower, and that was uh 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:07.360 pivotal in the way that I reframed alcohol. And he 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:12.000 Alan Carr like wrote a book about how to quit smoking, 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:15.120 and everybody like raised the one. This is the one 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.440 that my husband read because it's like the Easy Way 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:20.640 to control alcohol. It's called Alan car The Easy Way 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.880 to Control Alcohol because it lets you know that it's 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.760 not like you said, it's not you, this is alcohol. 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.120 And like you think that you need alcohol to be 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.080 the fun guy, to have this charisma, to put yourself 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.480 out there, but really you wake up and that's what 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:36.280 gave you all the anxiety because you don't know what 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:38.080 you said. You feel like you have to rely on 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:43.199 this thing. Yes, yes, even like what I mentioned earlier, 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:46.200 like it's called wasted for a reason, and I read 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.200 it from that book where it was like I want 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.360 you to, like think of all the adjectives you used 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:55.000 to describe yourself when you drink as much as you do, wasted, 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.360 you know, intoxicated, And I really want you to think 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:02.559 about those words, like what is wasted? You're not usable, 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:05.400 You're wasted, and why would you want to spend any 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.319 of your life with it wasted, and it was just 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:12.160 I get goose bumps because you know that resonated for me, 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.040 and I don't know if that will resonate for anybody 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.840 listening and for you, but I think if you just 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:20.760 start looking for those little moments, if you're curious, and 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:25.280 if you're like I'm actually open to my perspective changing. Wow, 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:29.440 Now I can't picture a life wasted. I can't picture 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:33.680 a life intoxicated. And I used to literally operate from 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.720 the place of how do I get there or how 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:39.320 do I recover to get there yet? And it's just 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.800 absolutely insane. I know you're in your first year. I'm 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:47.840 coming up on um my second year. Actually I think 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.240 it had said over two years, but it's coming up 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:56.960 on my second year November. And congratulations seeing you and 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:02.760 my um my the first year, and I'm curious to 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:05.120 know with you and your husband name, I mean, you 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.400 can't speak for your husband, but for you two as 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.720 a couple, because I also got sober with my girlfriend 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.920 at the same time. She's ten days after me, and 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:17.640 having a spouse in that first year was so helpful, um, 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.320 but it was also like real, it was a new 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:25.760 dance because holy Molly, the feelings you feel it is 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:30.880 Dr SEUs should write a sober book of the places 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.560 you go, the feelings you feel, because wow, did you 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:36.800 feel that way too? Like were you just on feeling overload? 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.200 So for me and I would love to talk to 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:45.200 you about how you navigate this because when we got sober, 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.640 I think I told you before we started recording, I 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.080 have always known I'm not a good drinker, Like I'm 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.440 really not a good drinker. And I want to talk 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.880 to you about I wonder just say this allows so 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.920 I don't forget about the little tick tick ticks that 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.520 you hear before the ocean, like what those are and 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.640 how people should look for those. And I also want 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:08.840 to talk to you about what you have experienced after 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:12.200 your sobriety, like the parts of your personality that have 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.880 you have met that you did not even know we're there. 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:17.520 I think that has been and I know I'm I'm 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:18.920 not going to speak for my husband, but I've heard 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.200 him say this. He has experienced parts of his personality 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:26.280 that he had no idea were even there. Like all 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:29.080 these new hobbies, all these new interests, like this work focus, 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.080 like this amazing ability to pour into things that like 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:34.680 he didn't even know he could. And I feel like 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:38.400 I really gave up alcohol with him. We decided to 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:41.280 do it together because it's never served me. I've never 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:43.680 been good at drinking. I've always been the girl who, 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.440 like before I was married, I would get drunk to 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:47.200 try to hook up with guys and then I would 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:48.960 like yell at them for not falling in love with me, 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.760 and like I was like incredibly crazy person. I used 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.720 it to have like confidence, but then my confidence would 0:16:55.720 --> 0:17:00.200 turn into share like absolute insanity, and so like I was, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.320 I would always have remorse because I was too scared 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.000 to like date or like put myself out there with guys, 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:08.000 and so I would get drunk and then I would 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:10.879 just like go into the psycho mode and try to 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.960 make out with people or try to like know why 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:16.560 how wet it was terrible? Or I would get yell 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:18.760 at people that I love because I had all this 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.480 like inner turmoil that would come out when I was drinking. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.280 And so like I knew from an early age that 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.160 I was not good at this, and I had already 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:29.840 been trying to cut back, like I had cut back 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.320 a lot from drinking because I knew if I got 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.080 drunk and I lost control of my emotions in mind, 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.119 like I always had to regret always, and it was 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.560 always like from being mean, Like I would be like 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.160 mean to someone or like yell at them or hurt 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:45.679 someone's feelings or do something like trying to make out 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:47.639 with a guy or yell at him or something, and 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:51.240 I was like, it was never positive. It was never 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:53.199 a reflection of who I wanted to be, what I 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.400 really wanted. I was desperate for love. I was desperate 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.480 for someone to love me. I was desperate for someone 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.359 to see me. And I didn't feel like I knew 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.000 how to get my personality out, and so I was 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:07.040 relying on alcohol to do that for me. And it 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:08.679 never did it in the way that I wanted to 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.879 because it was like a freaking freight train and I 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:15.200 so I always had regret and always had a remore. 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:19.120 So I had already been trying to cut out alcohol 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:22.239 for my life, and I cut back tremendously and I 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.199 never really liked it. I never liked the taste of it. 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.960 I hated doing shots, like I don't like that I 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:29.159 can't drink too many beers. I get bloated, like I 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.679 just don't it just alcohol has been rejecting me my 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.200 whole life. And I was like no, no, no, I 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:38.400 want you. I need to. So I was like trying 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:41.560 to have this sexy relationship with alcohol and it is 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:45.640 never sexy, like ever. And so when Michael was like, hey, 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:47.600 I'm ready to cut this out of my life, and 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.160 he actually had like a he had a sexy relationship 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:53.320 with alcohol. He was like fun and charismatic and like 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.720 he was like he was never mean, he was charming. 0:18:57.160 --> 0:18:59.560 But then it just got it just became too much. 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:01.520 It just you know, it just grows and grows. And 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:03.240 so he finally was like listen, I'm done, and I 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:05.320 was like, great, I am so ready to be done 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:08.240 with trying to have it maintained a dance with alcohol, 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:12.600 Like it's not working anyway. So I was kind of 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:14.919 already in the mindset of not having alcohol in my 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:17.720 life because I've been not I already knew it was 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:21.000 not a good fit for me. So I don't feel 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.520 like I had to totally like relearn a lot because 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:27.320 I already had like kind of taken it out. But 0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:30.640 being in a relationship with my husband and us doing 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:33.600 this together like we did. It was like a new 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:36.280 dance with our relationship. It's a new dance with like 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:37.920 what do we do for fun? Because we used to 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:40.080 go to breweries and sit around and drink at breweries 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:42.200 every time we were on tour. He's on the road 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.280 on Tory, go find a cool brewery, sit around, like 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:46.240 drink beers all day, and then go to a fun 0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:49.680 bar afterwards and get cocktails and dance, and it's like 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:53.200 every thing. Or have a barbecue and have people over 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.120 and have a grilla just to drink beer all day. 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.920 And it's just like you know, learning how to going 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:01.760 to shows, going to parties, having friends, night dates, and 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:07.520 everything was centered around alcohol. So figuring out how to 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:11.639 create a new lifestyle where you can still be in 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:14.960 situations where people are drinking, but it's just not the focus, 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:18.280 you know. It's like not we're not having this event 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:20.879 or going to this thing so we can drink and party. 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:23.400 It's like we're going because we're actually going to live, 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:25.679 We're going to have an experience, We're going to like 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:28.879 do something. It's made us so much more active, it's 0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:31.119 made us so much more adventurous. It's made us so 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:36.640 much more well rested, you know how. But it has 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:38.600 been a learning curve and there have been times where 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:41.679 it's like, god, you know, like am I fun? Did I? 0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:43.879 Did I forget how to have fun? Like? You know, 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:50.440 totally to tell me about you and your experience because 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:52.440 that's us at a nutshell, But like, what has happened 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:56.280 with you in these almost two years with Like you're 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:58.520 in the entertainment industry, you're an actress, you're a comedian, 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:02.480 you are hosts. Like what there's alcohol all over that stuff? 0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:05.679 What have you What has life been like? And what 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:08.080 has it been like with your girlfriend and like y'all 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:10.679 like rehabenting yourselves as a couple? Like what tell me 0:21:10.760 --> 0:21:12.560 your journey? Like? Because that's what I feel like people 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:14.560 are so afraid of is what we're talking about, is 0:21:14.640 --> 0:21:16.679 like who am I going to be? Can I do 0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:18.720 life anymore? While I lose all my friends? While I 0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:21.239 lose myself? So what is your walk been like? And 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:24.000 when was the moment when you knew the tick tic tics? 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:25.400 Okay this, I want to set this up, the tik 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:27.520