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Speaker 1: M K. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

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Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for joining me for session one nineteen of the

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girl's podcast, and a huge shout out

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Speaker 1: to y'all for listening and sharing because we just hit

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Speaker 1: five million downloads of the podcast. Y'all are amazing and

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you and your support infinitely. So picture this.

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Speaker 1: You met someone six months ago while out with some friends.

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Speaker 1: You exchange numbers, really hit it off, You see each

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Speaker 1: other several times a week, you text NonStop, and you

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Speaker 1: genuinely enjoy each other's company, and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you just don't hear from them for a week. You

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Speaker 1: reach out by phone, email, text, You do a drive

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Speaker 1: by to see if their cars in the driveway, and

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Speaker 1: maybe even try to get ahold of their best friend

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Speaker 1: to see if everything's okay. It's very likely they're fine,

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Speaker 1: but it sounds like you, my friend have been ghosted.

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Speaker 1: In our common lexicon, ghosting occurs when you've been spending

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Speaker 1: a significant amount of time with someone and by all accounts,

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Speaker 1: everything is going great, and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you don't hear from them anymore, and they don't return

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Speaker 1: any of your attempts to contact. It's just as cruel

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Speaker 1: as it sounds, and sadly, I'm hearing that it's happening

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Speaker 1: quite a bit these days. So I wanted to spend

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Speaker 1: some time digging into what might drive someone to ghost

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Speaker 1: and how you can take care of yourself if you've

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Speaker 1: been ghosted. So most often, I think the reason that

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Speaker 1: people disappear without any kind of explanation is that they

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Speaker 1: are not comfortable having a direct conversation. For whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: they may have changed their mind about how they feel,

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Speaker 1: or may be confused about how they feel, and instead

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Speaker 1: of actually acknowledging their feelings, they just disappear. I think

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Speaker 1: many people have difficulty engaging in conversations where they know

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Speaker 1: someone's feelings will be hurt or that someone will be disappointed,

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Speaker 1: So instead of subjecting themselves to a situation where they

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Speaker 1: may be uncomfortable, they just disappear. I mean, how many

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Speaker 1: times have you heard someone say, I just don't want

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Speaker 1: to hurt our feelings. And while of course it stings

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Speaker 1: to learn that a relationship that you thought was promising

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Speaker 1: may not be so promising, it hurts a whole lot

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Speaker 1: worse for someone to just disappear from your life. So

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Speaker 1: how can you take care of yourself if you've been ghosted?

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Speaker 1: So first, I think it's important to acknowledge that the

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Speaker 1: pain in the situation like this is very, very real.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I think others can attempt to minimize the pain

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Speaker 1: of our relationship ending, especially if it wasn't one that

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Speaker 1: lasted a particularly long time or it didn't seem really

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Speaker 1: serious from the outside. But research has actually found that

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Speaker 1: the social rejection that we feel after something like being

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Speaker 1: ghosted activates the very same parts of our brain that

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Speaker 1: are activated when we experience physical pain. So the first

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Speaker 1: step is acknowledging for yourself that this pain that you're

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Speaker 1: experiencing is very you. Next, I think it's important to

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Speaker 1: be kind and gentle with yourself and try your hardest

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Speaker 1: not to beat yourself up. Being ghosted brings up lots

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Speaker 1: of questions like why didn't I see this coming? And

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Speaker 1: how did I fall for this? And it's important to

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Speaker 1: remember that at any given time, we're all just making

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Speaker 1: the best decisions we can based on the information we have.

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Speaker 1: It's very likely that there's nothing you could have done

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Speaker 1: differently that would have resulted in a different outcome. Third,

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Speaker 1: try not to pick yourself apart looking for answers to

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Speaker 1: questions that they've left you with. I think the cruelest

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Speaker 1: thing about being ghosted is the ridiculous amounts of questions

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Speaker 1: and anxiety it can create in your life. In the

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Speaker 1: absence of something definitive, it's only natural for us to

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Speaker 1: create our own stories about what happened and why something happened.

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Speaker 1: So when you been ghosted, it's very easy to fall

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Speaker 1: into thinking that you weren't enough somehow, or that you

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Speaker 1: didn't do enough to prevent this from happening, and that

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Speaker 1: is just absolutely not the truth. Someone else's poor decision

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Speaker 1: making is not at all a reflection of you it

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Speaker 1: says much more about them than it does about you.

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Speaker 1: And finally, make sure that you get some support to

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Speaker 1: sit with you and your feelings and to help you

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Speaker 1: process the situation. Like I mentioned earlier, it's not uncommon

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Speaker 1: for an experience like being ghosted to result in increased anxiety,

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Speaker 1: a depressed mood, and possibly impairments to functioning in other

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Speaker 1: areas of your life. Talking with a therapist or process

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Speaker 1: this experience and receive some support maybe a really good idea,

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Speaker 1: especially if you're feeling like your friends and family are

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Speaker 1: getting tired of hearing you discuss it. You deserve the

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Speaker 1: space you need to heal from this. So I know

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Speaker 1: that me of you have had the unfortunate experience of

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Speaker 1: being ghosted, and I'd love for you to share with

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Speaker 1: us what kinds of things have helped you to take

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Speaker 1: care of yourself in the weak of this experience. Make

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Speaker 1: sure to share your thoughts with us on social media

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Speaker 1: using the hashtag tv G and session so that others

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Speaker 1: that may need some suggestions can hopefully find them. And

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Speaker 1: if you have a girlfriend that you know is struggling

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Speaker 1: with being ghosted, please share this episode with her. If

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Speaker 1: you're searching for a therapist in your area. Be sure

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Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to

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Speaker 1: continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters

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Speaker 1: in your area, come on over and join us in

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Speaker 1: the Yellow Couch Collective where we take a deeper dive

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Speaker 1: into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else.

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Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot

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Speaker 1: com slash y c C. And don't forget to check

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Speaker 1: out our online store where you can grab a copy

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Speaker 1: of our guided affirmation track, break up Journal, or your

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Speaker 1: favorite Therapy for Black Girls T shirt or mug. Go

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Speaker 1: ahead and grab your goodies at Therapy for Black Girls

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Speaker 1: dot com slash shop. Thank y'all so much for joining

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Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continue in

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Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care