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Speaker 1: Coming up on Keep It Positive, Sweetie.

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Speaker 2: Marriage is not about kumba, y'all. It's about commitment. It's

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Speaker 2: about I said I was gonna lock in with you,

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Speaker 2: Kristal and be your best friend, and no matter what happens,

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Speaker 2: I already forgive you, and no matter what happens, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 2: conversation and divorce ain't an option. So we have no

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Speaker 2: other option but to bring resolve in this friendship. And

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Speaker 2: if my friendships aren't on that foundation, that's what I

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Speaker 2: don't want them. Hi.

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Speaker 3: I'm christ Hneate Hazlet and this is the Keep It

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Speaker 3: Positive Sweetie Show, A say Stacey, Heal, Laugh, grow and love.

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Speaker 3: Today's show is all about mental health, the keys to

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Speaker 3: good communication, and the pathways to living your best life.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Cheyenne Brian is here, and between her viral interviews

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Speaker 3: and tell like it Is demeanor, there's a lot we'll

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Speaker 3: be able to talk about with an unapologetic delivery and

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Speaker 3: honest reads of the social, romantic, and professional lives of

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Speaker 3: some of the biggest names in the entertainment industry. Doctor

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Speaker 3: Cheyenne Bryan's brand is buzzing. I'm so excited to talk

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Speaker 3: to her about her love life, the formula for communication

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Speaker 3: without conflict, and how we can all attain mental and

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Speaker 3: emotional wellness. Doctor Brian, thank you so much for coming today.

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Speaker 3: This has been long awaited. Our fans were blowing you up,

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Speaker 3: they were blowing me up about getting you on the show.

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Speaker 2: So I'm so excited we got to make this happen. Yes,

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Speaker 2: thank you for having me. And then when I seen

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Speaker 2: you coming off the elevent I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: come here, give me. We're both like as if we

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Speaker 2: had just like been friends for years. I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god. Yes, I was like, they want us

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Speaker 2: to do this thing, and you were just just so

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Speaker 2: amazing with making it happen and so quick working with

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Speaker 2: my time and your time. So thank you, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Honored to be on your show.

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Speaker 1: Thank you as such a busy woman.

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Speaker 3: Every time I turn on my phone, I feel like

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Speaker 3: there's a clip of you.

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Speaker 1: You have been everywhere.

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Speaker 2: One day they love me and the next day they

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Speaker 2: hate me. But the cool thing is that every day

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Speaker 2: I love myself.

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Speaker 1: That's all that. Yes, I love that.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 1: So we've we're going to get to the deep stuff.

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Speaker 3: We see you on the phone on the interviews, give

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Speaker 3: having deep conversation, always therapizing and helping people. But I

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Speaker 3: want to know, what does doctor Bryan Do you pour

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Speaker 3: into everyone?

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Speaker 1: How do you pour back into yourself?

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Speaker 2: I love that well one having an amazing ecosystem. I

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Speaker 2: have best friends Lola, Gina, Kia that just surround me

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Speaker 2: with love. When I say they support me, sis, these

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Speaker 2: women root for me. And these are twenty five plus

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Speaker 2: your friendship. I could be all of myself, the loving, nurturing, catering,

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Speaker 2: submissive me, the fussy Brady. I'm just hungry. It's that

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Speaker 2: time of the month, you know, I want a burger

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Speaker 2: from McDonald's. Me. They just get me and it's reciprocal.

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Speaker 2: My best friend travels with me everywhere. She's my assistant

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Speaker 2: as well. Lola. Yeah, she's very protective over me, and

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Speaker 2: so that gives me cushion. My mom, who is my

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Speaker 2: only living parent now, she cooks, cleans, she lives with me,

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Speaker 2: and she treats me like I'm four years old. And

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Speaker 2: as crazy as that sounds, I feel like it's important

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Speaker 2: for all of us to be somebody's baby, no matter

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Speaker 2: how old we are, and still being her baby. It

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Speaker 2: just it's my It's like it helps me be vertical

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Speaker 2: and it gives me a lot to stand on it.

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Speaker 2: So no matter where I'm at in the world, no

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Speaker 2: matter what the blogs or the people are saying in

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Speaker 2: that moment, in that space, I have these people that

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Speaker 2: I stand on and so it feels really good. In

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Speaker 2: an addition, I meditate every day for twenty minutes. I've

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Speaker 2: been doing that for ten years. I'm big on Abraham Higgs,

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Speaker 2: Bishop Jake's I'm always listening to my audio books. I'm

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Speaker 2: not a TV person, although I don't watch TV, but

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Speaker 2: I did love Your as a Team, a show I

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Speaker 2: can't lie. I used to go in there like I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna to watch this with I don't watch TV, but

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Speaker 2: so I do all those things and that helps keep

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Speaker 2: the outside chatter completely outside. A ship sells as long

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Speaker 2: as the outside water doesn't get inside and the ship

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Speaker 2: that the material that the ship is built with, I

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Speaker 2: always say, is your friends, your family, the people who

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Speaker 2: support you, who love you. And so if you got

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Speaker 2: folks who are solid and who are built, that ship

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Speaker 2: is going to sell no matter what. And their job

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Speaker 2: is to make sure that the outside chatter stays out,

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Speaker 2: and then my job is to do that as well

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Speaker 2: with them, and we do a damn good job over here.

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Speaker 2: We do. I mean, I have a team. I'm telling

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Speaker 2: you because we have a real marriage where marriage is

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Speaker 2: not about kumbaya, it's about commitment. It's about I said,

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Speaker 2: I was gonna lock in with you, Crystal and be

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Speaker 2: your best friend, and no matter what happens, I already

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Speaker 2: forgive you, and no matter what happens, I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a conversation, and

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Speaker 2: divorce ain't an option, so we have no other option

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Speaker 2: but to bring resolve in this friendship. And if my

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Speaker 2: friendship aren't on that foundation, that's what I don't want them.

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Speaker 3: I don't want you live what you preach, even in

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Speaker 3: your friendships, because we talk about your relationships and you

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Speaker 3: give advice on relationships. But it sounds like you do

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Speaker 3: that also in your friendships. That's amazing I do because.

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Speaker 2: The boy I tell my girls all the time, my

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Speaker 2: best friend may be like, you don't have to say

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Speaker 2: it like that. I said, girl, what we gonna do

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Speaker 2: to get over because you ain't going nowhere? You ain't

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Speaker 2: going nowhere? Girl would body slam you. And she's always like,

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Speaker 2: I'm hearing you got me? Do you have you a boy?

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Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm not, but I.

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Speaker 1: Will about it.

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Speaker 2: Say you you think you walking out this door? I

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Speaker 2: love you. You ain't going nowhere.

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Speaker 3: I love that in your downtime. I don't know how

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Speaker 3: much downtime you get.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 3: What is like your favorite place to go on vacation

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Speaker 3: just to get away.

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Speaker 2: As crazy as it sounds, I have a you know,

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Speaker 2: and I say this with all humility. I have a beautiful,

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Speaker 2: really big home or lot, not the property or a

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Speaker 2: lot of twenty four thousand square feet or horse zone.

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Speaker 2: We got to pull a pool house or game room,

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Speaker 2: and we don't always have that. We always said we

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Speaker 2: went from the hood to the hills. And my favorite

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Speaker 2: place is like a retreat there vacation is and I

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Speaker 2: have the big mama houses at home with my mom,

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Speaker 2: and we have a pool day and my friends and

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Speaker 2: family come over, and my bishop comes over, my pastor

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Speaker 2: comes over with first Lady, and we have board games

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Speaker 2: and we drink our wine and we have our drink

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Speaker 2: and we're just shooting the shit literally and talking loud

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Speaker 2: and having a good time. And my hairs and the

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Speaker 2: birds nest and I running around in a bathing suit

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Speaker 2: and everybody is at home, And as crazy as that sounds,

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Speaker 2: that's my vacation. I like to be there. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: No, I feel the same way. A lot of times.

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Speaker 3: We go so much and the home can be a

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Speaker 3: vacation and actually enjoying your home. I remember telling a

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Speaker 3: friend I was working so much leading up to COVID

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Speaker 3: that when I had to sit home, I was like, wow,

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Speaker 3: like I finally got to appreciate where I lived because

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Speaker 3: it's literally just going to sleep there because I was

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Speaker 3: working and on the gost so much that I realized,

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Speaker 3: oh my goodness, this is a blessing and I can

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Speaker 3: actually sit in this for a minute.

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Speaker 2: So I get it sounds like refuge, yeah yeah. And

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Speaker 2: then being with my with my my mother, she is

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Speaker 2: a ball of energy. She is hilarious, she's so, she's catering,

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Speaker 2: she's loving, she's so for me, Like she creates this space.

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Speaker 2: Right Like I always say, I bought the I did.

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Speaker 2: I bought the house, but my mama makes it a home,

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Speaker 2: she really does. And so but for me, that's where

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Speaker 2: I go home, and I'm just like mommy mama, you know,

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Speaker 2: and and so that's that's my that's my vacation. And

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Speaker 2: so I mean, we gotta we gotta plan vacation. But

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Speaker 2: my mom she's like, if it's over four hours, I'm

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Speaker 2: not traveling, no acting where. I'm like, Ma, you have

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Speaker 2: to go my brother, and not even trying to get her,

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Speaker 2: like you have to go on a vacation. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: No, It's funny.

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Speaker 3: I just took my parents to Europe for the first time.

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Speaker 3: They've never been, and I just love traveling overseas.

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Speaker 1: And at first my dad was like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: that long flight.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, Dad, come on, and he was like,

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Speaker 3: it's just I don't know if I can fly that long.

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Speaker 3: And a friend of his is like, if my daughter

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Speaker 3: is going to take me overseas, I've been on the

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Speaker 3: first thing smoking And he called me back and he goes,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I'm going to do it. And it

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Speaker 3: was the best decision he made, and they had. They're

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Speaker 3: still talking about they have the time of their life,

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Speaker 3: but I get it, you have they have to travel.

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Speaker 2: They have to Yeah, And she's like just stalling on

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Speaker 2: getting her passport. It's so cute. So we took her

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Speaker 2: to her wife, and she hit about that third hour

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Speaker 2: on that flight, she was fussing and cutting up. Me

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Speaker 2: and my brother. We were like, oh my god, like

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Speaker 2: mom stopped stop. She was like this is too Oh

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Speaker 2: my god, I'm so embarrassed. The people next to us

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Speaker 2: were like, can you move this woman. I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: What did she have fun when she got there?

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Speaker 2: She had a time. She put a little bathing suit

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Speaker 2: on and she was just We went a dolphin watching

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Speaker 2: and swimming with the dolphins. It was adorable. We had

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Speaker 2: a good time. I love it.

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Speaker 1: You're very open about dating.

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Speaker 3: And we spoke offline about you're from Los Angeles, but

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Speaker 3: you are here working a lot, and he talked about

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Speaker 3: how the dating, it's not really a lot going on here.

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Speaker 2: It's not what Also, I'm in session from eight am

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Speaker 2: to five pm. I leave at five point fifteen to

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Speaker 2: go on set at six to feel my new talk show,

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Speaker 2: and then I'm home at eleven thirty. It's true Talk,

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Speaker 2: and so it's called True Talks on Fox. Thank you,

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Speaker 2: Thank you. So I don't think I've really been getting

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Speaker 2: out as much. I know. At home in LA I

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Speaker 2: have this thing where I practice what I preach. I've

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Speaker 2: committed to get out minimum twice a week to do

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Speaker 2: something non work related, in super social and be in

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Speaker 2: the environment with the men who I would want to date.

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Speaker 2: And so I may sure I do it at home

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Speaker 2: in la but in Atlanta I haven't done it. But

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Speaker 2: also I'm like, where do I go? I don't have

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Speaker 2: any friends, I don't know anyone, but I don't see

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Speaker 2: a lot of just men out where. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I want to flirt back, Hi, how you doing it?

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Speaker 3: You said something that stood out, making sure that you

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Speaker 3: put yourself in the places to attract the type of

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Speaker 3: unity want. I just talked about that because my friends

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Speaker 3: will I was looking today, they were like, well, where

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Speaker 3: are you going? I'm like, nowhere they looking today?

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Speaker 2: You ain't dating no more.

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Speaker 3: I'm dating now. But like I wasn't like I'm dating someone.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I was like one of those things are like

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Speaker 3: what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't go anywhere.

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Speaker 3: And it was then I was like, I have to

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Speaker 3: start putting myself in places. So what are some of

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Speaker 3: the places that you go to attract the band that

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Speaker 3: you want?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Girl, you know? So I do rooftops a lot.

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Speaker 2: I know, I do rooftops. I'm president of ina A

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Speaker 2: CP in Los Angeles and so I go to a

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Speaker 2: lot of political events I do. I go to a

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Speaker 2: lot of This was election year, so I was at

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Speaker 2: a lot of different campaigns that you know, my cow

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Speaker 2: group put together fundraisers. We did fundraisers for our mayor,

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Speaker 2: Karen Bass, and the read a lot of really good looking,

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Speaker 2: you know men there who were contributors to the campaign.

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Speaker 2: So we know they got the money to contribute. We

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Speaker 2: know they know they're politics, so they're intelligent. They good talk.

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Speaker 2: So I was there and met a couple guys, went

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Speaker 2: on some dates. And I do have guys that I

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Speaker 2: go on dates with, and no disrespect to them because

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Speaker 2: they're all amazing men. But there hasn't been anyone that

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Speaker 2: I've been on dates with that I want to just

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Speaker 2: continue to date for the rest of my life. And

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Speaker 2: so I say I've been saying for the past since

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Speaker 2: I turned forty two in September, I'm like, I'm in

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Speaker 2: my choosing stage. I'm going to choose, yes, but I

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Speaker 2: ain't got no one come that I want to choose.

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Speaker 2: And it's not to say they're not amazing and they're

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Speaker 2: not really good men.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, what are those things that you're like?

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Speaker 2: That's what I love this. I love this. So I

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Speaker 2: have this thing where I tell my clients is all

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Speaker 2: the time, even the ones who are already married, I said,

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Speaker 2: did you choose marriage or did you choose him or her?

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Speaker 2: Because see, I'm not a woman who's choosing marriage, right.

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Speaker 2: I had a father, And no put attention to the

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Speaker 2: fatherless girls because that's it's a hard space to navigate,

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Speaker 2: and you know, I don't understand that personally, but I

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Speaker 2: understand that that been helping women navocate that for sixteen

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Speaker 2: plus years. But I had a father. He was participatory,

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Speaker 2: He was my best friend. He doted on me, he

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Speaker 2: loved me. I was his everything. I was his one

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Speaker 2: of his biggest investments, besides all the other six of

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Speaker 2: us that he has. But I said that to say, so,

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Speaker 2: I'm not choosing marriage because I need a title, validation

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Speaker 2: or something that I can just hang up like an ornament.

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Speaker 2: I'm really choosing a person. And so when you choose

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Speaker 2: a person, that's when marriage lasts. Because if I'm choosing you,

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Speaker 2: I'm plugged into you, and that means that I literally

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Speaker 2: can't go outside of you and find another you. But

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Speaker 2: if I choose marriage, I could take that title and

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Speaker 2: put that on anybody. Right. So that's how marriage is

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Speaker 2: able to dissipate so quick and the divorce rate is

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Speaker 2: so high because it's like, look, I was choosing marriage

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Speaker 2: to begin with. I never chose you anyway, so I

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Speaker 2: can just go choose me another pretty thing like you

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Speaker 2: put a marriage on her and be in a marriage,

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Speaker 2: but not in a relationship. And so when I'm out

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Speaker 2: with men, I'm like two things. Would I want my

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Speaker 2: son to be like you? If it's a no, then

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Speaker 2: it's a no. Can I really choose you? Like when

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Speaker 2: things get hard, am I willing to just forgive you

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Speaker 2: about everything? Because I'm not leaving my husband. And that's

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Speaker 2: why I don't think women are Men who stay through

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Speaker 2: anything except abuse, of course, are dumb. You know, I

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Speaker 2: don't think IV acts me. On Breakfast Club, he said,

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Speaker 2: do you think if a woman stays in a marriage

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Speaker 2: after she's been cheated on, she's dumb? I said, I

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Speaker 2: don't think she's dumb. No, that's her husband, that's her family.

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Speaker 2: If she wants to stay, I think she needs to

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Speaker 2: get the right tools to learn how to be in

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Speaker 2: an infidelity relationship, because that takes a shift in who

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Speaker 2: you are as a woman so that you can still

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Speaker 2: be submissive to this man and still treat him as

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Speaker 2: a king and not see him as less valuable in that.

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Speaker 2: So for me, it's just it's like, well, I God

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Speaker 2: forbid you end up stepping out on me or doing

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Speaker 2: things that dishonor me because you're human, not because you're

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Speaker 2: a bad man. Will I want to work that out

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Speaker 2: with you because you're my person. Yeah, when that presents itself,

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Speaker 2: I'm locking in. Yeah, I'm having babies and I don't

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Speaker 2: condone the cheating, but I'm not leaving my husband. I'll

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Speaker 2: leave a man. I'm not leaving my husband, your husband exactly.

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Speaker 3: I was watching something on you know, all these it's

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Speaker 3: a lot of relationship talk on Instagram, and I cannot

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Speaker 3: remember who it was, but he was saying that the marriages.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I think it was.

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Speaker 3: The pastor of twenty nine to eighteen, Philip Mitchell. I

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Speaker 3: think I don't want to miss Cody his name, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but pastor here, And he was saying that marriages can

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Speaker 3: be stronger sometimes after infidelity if the both partners work

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Speaker 3: towards it and they can kind of learn more about

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Speaker 3: yourselves and what you can handle. But then going in

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Speaker 3: and doing the work together to change you sometimes you

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Speaker 3: can come out even stronger on the other side of that.

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Speaker 2: I love that because I always say the Bible says

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Speaker 2: seek White's counsel and want it's referend to seeking White's counsel.

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Speaker 2: When it comes to marriage, folks have been married fifteen, twenty, thirty,

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Speaker 2: forty years. They're not teaching you how to be happy.

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Speaker 2: They're teaching you how to stick through the bs that's

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Speaker 2: gonna come with life, whether you're single or marriage. Right,

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Speaker 2: no matter what you're doing, life is gonna life. And

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Speaker 2: they're teaching you that when y'all get to this space,

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Speaker 2: when you get to this red seat, don't get weary

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Speaker 2: and well doing it is split, right, And so it's

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Speaker 2: telling you when you get to the other side, and

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Speaker 2: you know there's a promise land or a wilderness depending

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Speaker 2: on what you choose, and if you choose to complain

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Speaker 2: after the red sea has split, God to give you

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Speaker 2: a man and water to help you sustain that wilderness.

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Speaker 2: But here puts you in that wardness for forty years

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Speaker 2: before you gets to the Promised Land. And so that's

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Speaker 2: why I said, it's not about a woman or a

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Speaker 2: man being dumb for staying through anything in their marriage

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Speaker 2: or even relationship. It's about do you have the effective

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Speaker 2: tools to not end up in a wilderness twenty thirty

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Speaker 2: more years in your marriage because you're resentful for staying

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Speaker 2: with this person for what you know they did. How

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Speaker 2: do you actively forgive because forgiveness it's an action word.

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Speaker 2: And how can you still love them and honor them

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Speaker 2: when they've just dishonored you? Because that's real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the real work.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I'm working on that. I get into that,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like me coming and open minded without

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Speaker 2: all of these conditions in compartmentalizing like I did in

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Speaker 2: my younger days when I was engaged, coming in with

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Speaker 2: these conditions. If this happens, if this happened, that I'm done. Well, baby,

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Speaker 2: you're already done, baby, because something's going to happen. Them

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Speaker 2: things is going to happen. Yeah, you're done, that's really

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Speaker 2: you know. And if you have this favorite tale ideology,

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Speaker 2: fairy tales end at some point that was me.

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Speaker 3: That was me for the longest, Like, and I feel

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Speaker 3: like Disney just kind of warped our minds and I

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Speaker 3: wanted that and I had. I dated a guy and

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Speaker 3: he goes, you just want this fairy tale and it

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Speaker 3: does not exist, and I'm like, yes it does, and

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Speaker 3: he's give it to me now, yes, He's like, no,

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Speaker 3: it does not, and I'm finally realizing it does not.

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Speaker 3: And it's because after I hear people talk about their

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Speaker 3: truths that have been made for so long, and I'm

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Speaker 3: literally like idolizing their relationship, like that's what I want,

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Speaker 3: that's what I want, and they tell me, no, honey,

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Speaker 3: it was not all roses. It still isn't, but this

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Speaker 3: is my person. So it's so true.

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Speaker 2: And you got to learn how to see in others

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Speaker 2: what you want to see in them and what you

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Speaker 2: want to experience. That has been one of my biggest

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Speaker 2: blessings is what do I want to experience with Crystal?

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Speaker 2: So what lens do I have to see or have

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Speaker 2: to see that in her? Because I'm responsible for my

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Speaker 2: experience absolutely. And in a marriage or relationship, do I

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Speaker 2: want to see my husband as having to be perfect

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Speaker 2: so that I'm always having to find something I can

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Speaker 2: criticize for or can I just accept them for being

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Speaker 2: a man and say that's my husband. That's just the

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Speaker 2: stuff girl girl, and I take them in dosage sometimes, right?

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Speaker 2: How do we do that? And then the other thing

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Speaker 2: is the Bible says marriages for discipline people.

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Speaker 1: You were just speaking on the records floor.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And that's because I have to be disciplined

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Speaker 2: enough to know also how to self soothe. When you're

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Speaker 2: only at sixty percent of satisfying me? What do I

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Speaker 2: do with that forty percent? Do I self soothe? Do

383
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Speaker 2: I cheat? Do I ridicule you? Do I e masculate you?

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Speaker 2: Does he disempower you? Is? Does he have a side

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Speaker 2: chick for the forty percent you can't cover that he

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Speaker 2: knew you couldn't cover when he first met you. You knew this.

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Speaker 2: When you got with this woman, you knew this, Or

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Speaker 2: when you become the mother of his children? How does

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Speaker 2: he self soothe while you're transitioning from mommyhood to duality

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Speaker 2: of wife and mommy?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's so yeah, I heard, yes, yeah.

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Speaker 2: You know. And I had my first fiance's mom. She

393
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Speaker 2: was so amazing at this we got when we first

394
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Speaker 2: got engaged, she took me on this ryde girl and

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Speaker 2: she was like, okay, honey, I got to talk to you.

396
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Speaker 2: And I'm like okay, and she's like, you know, I

397
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Speaker 2: buy you lingerie for birthdays and Christmas. That's from my son,

398
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Speaker 2: which I loved. I was like okay, and she was like,

399
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Speaker 2: you know, and when y'all have your first kids, I

400
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,040
Speaker 2: just want you to know. She just wants you to

401
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,080
Speaker 2: know now that that whole down there may not work,

402
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,959
Speaker 2: but as a wife, you have other holes and you

403
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Speaker 2: have a mouth. His mom let me tell you how genius.

404
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Speaker 2: Though I thought that was because she was looking out

405
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Speaker 2: for her son. She was saying, as she had been

406
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Speaker 2: married about forty years to his father at that time,

407
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 2: as a married woman, she's saying, let me just tell

408
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Speaker 2: you what has worked for us, and possibly maybe the

409
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Speaker 2: mistake she might have made that yeah, And I just thought, Wow,

410
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Speaker 2: if more moms would have that real authentic conversation versus

411
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Speaker 2: just you know, I need to just get married and

412
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Speaker 2: and you know, ride off on a horse in the

413
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Speaker 2: midnight hours that it doesn't work, it's not no. What

414
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Speaker 2: do we do when I have this baby and he

415
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Speaker 2: has needs and I can't deliver? What are the alternatives?

416
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Speaker 2: How do we communicate that how do I make sure

417
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Speaker 2: that baby and father, her husband both feel seen and loved.

418
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Speaker 2: How do I communicate to him that my hormones are

419
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Speaker 2: crazy and I need more reassurance. Yes, I'm not in

420
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Speaker 2: the hearing. If I am, so what support me in this?

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00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 2: I don't care what title you put to it. Then

422
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Speaker 2: it's insecure. Then you really need to help me become

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Speaker 2: more secure. I just I just birth your baby. Yeah,

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00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 2: this face? What does that look like? Right?

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Speaker 3: Friends, male and female like, and I've been on the

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Speaker 3: receiving of hearing both the woman of the wife and

427
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,040
Speaker 3: the husband vent about those things, and I'm like, we

428
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,400
Speaker 3: need to understand her body's going through all these different changes.

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Speaker 3: And then the guys like like the same thing, like, well,

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Speaker 3: I mean, let me get some head or something.

431
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but can I ask you this? I mean,

432
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:32,880
Speaker 2: do you think that's too much for a man to

433
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 2: ask for you had a baby? I mean I'm not

434
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 2: saying the day you come out, right, for damn, I

435
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 2: mean a couple of weeks into it. Do you think

436
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 2: it's too much for him to not demand it, but

437
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 2: to say baby?

438
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 1: Because it's been a long time.

439
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 2: I mean, it's been reason we used to have a

440
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,679
Speaker 2: really active sex life. I mean, can I get some

441
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 2: heads yeah in between? Is that too much? Or is

442
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 2: that just adult team and him being vulnerable enough to

443
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 2: say I got needs. I got needs, and I'm not

444
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 2: even thinking about stepping out on you job mount job.

445
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 2: I mean now, I don't have any kids, so I

446
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 2: say this now without mother. But my thing is like,

447
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 2: absolutely hold on, give them ten more minutes to be

448
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 2: hold on. Yeah, let's not Crystal Crystal, but can't you

449
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 2: hurry up? I'm like, and I'm dripping. Any wife I'm

450
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 2: listen is dedicated wife on my white baby wife. But

451
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 2: that's teamwork. What we're talking about here is teamwork because

452
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 2: while he's on the road, I got me.

453
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: Yeah that's real.

454
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 2: While you're doing things, I need to be seen. So

455
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: text me when you land, ask me where I am.

456
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: Buzz me throughout the day. I want to be loved.

457
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 2: Love me like this. Don't love me like this, because

458
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 2: if you love me like since we got a problem,

459
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 2: love me like okay, both ways, y'all in and out

460
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 2: the badger me like this.

461
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: Yes, that is hilarious.

462
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I love this.

463
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: This is what I wanted to get into. So say

464
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 1: that you're on a first date. What are some first

465
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: aid questions?

466
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 3: Because me and a Shan and so my girls even

467
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 3: talking about questions, the wildest questions that we've been asking

468
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 3: some turn offs.

469
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: What are some questions that you.

470
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 3: Feel are important to ask on a first date when

471
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, this is going in a good direction.

472
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 2: This is such an unpopular opinion. But when I said

473
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 2: all the women tend to go yes this, I feel

474
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 2: the same way. But he said I was insecure. I've

475
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 2: always asked, how do you feel about your woman having

476
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 2: your password to your phone or to your laptop and

477
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: having full access. That's the first thing I want to know,

478
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 2: because again, being loved like this means we're orbiting, means

479
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 2: I have access, and I'm not allowing you to access

480
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 2: my body. Yes, if I can't access your shit, I'm

481
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: not doing it. I have not and I won't. And

482
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 2: so that's the first question. And what are the answers. Oh,

483
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 2: I've had some men be like like password to my phone?

484
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 2: Like I just feel like, you know, if you're going

485
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: to trust me, then you trust me and you don't

486
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 2: need to have access. And in my personal experience, I

487
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 2: go red flag womanizer red flag womanizer and womanized just

488
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 2: means you got something going on, you're manipulative, you're sneaky,

489
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 2: you got something that you're not transparent about. I am

490
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: not into honesty. I'm into transparency. I don't want to

491
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 2: have to ask you fifteen questions to get you to

492
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 2: be honest with me. I like transparency. Baby. I was

493
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 2: on my way home and I got an email from

494
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 2: my ex girlfriend and I forwarded to you. This is

495
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 2: what she said. Okay, daddy, you hungry. I got dinner cooked.

496
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 2: That's me. I don't want to have to ask you

497
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 2: anything because I'm not the woman that's see and because

498
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 2: I'm not going to sneak and go through your phone

499
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 2: and I don't want it. I'm not going to try

500
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 2: to learn your password. I need to make sure that

501
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 2: I have full access because in my last relationship I

502
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 2: have full access and I would sit with him in

503
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 2: bed and be like, Bay, let me see your phone

504
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 2: real quick, and he would just go now. Sometimes because

505
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 2: I think he knew, like okay, I think it is

506
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 2: mind knowing my personality. He was like, either she's doing

507
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 2: it to flex her control, I'm just being transparent and

508
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 2: being very accountable, or like thebe like, how many times

509
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: are you looking off phone before you're reassured. I'm just

510
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: speaking real from what I felt a man would think, right,

511
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 2: But he would always go right to the game. And

512
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: sometimes I would joke and I'd be like, nervous. You nervous.

513
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:32,719
Speaker 2: And this is even like two years in and when

514
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 2: a big rock on my feet and we engage the

515
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 2: wedding is like in too much And he'd be like,

516
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 2: he'd be like, you look in it anyways, I know

517
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 2: you do. But he also had access to mine. And

518
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: so if the phone, well, if I'm in the shower,

519
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,919
Speaker 2: he go, your mama call him. So you're looking to

520
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,119
Speaker 2: see who calls, or sometimes I say, baby, text her

521
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: back and tell her this this and that. I did

522
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 2: that for one or two things. One I wanted him

523
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 2: a text mama back, right, But two I wanted him

524
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 2: to know I'm reassuring you too, and you can text back,

525
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 2: you can respond. You have that access, you have that authority.

526
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 2: You're my man. Your minds were getting married, and I'm transparent.

527
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 2: And if there's something you see in there and we

528
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 2: need to talk about and I need to shift, I'm

529
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 2: willing to shift it. No big deal. But luckily knock

530
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 2: on wood. With both of my engagements with full access,

531
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 2: I've never ran into anything. I've never seen it. I mean,

532
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 2: I've had access to Facebook pages, social media, but for me,

533
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 2: that is my reassurance and I like that type of access.

534
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 2: And so again, on the first day, if a man

535
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 2: is like, now, that ain't me, and I don't just

536
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 2: walk off the dinner. I'm mature, but I do understand

537
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: that that's not my type of guy. And I've had

538
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 2: men follow up like date number two, and I say, look,

539
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 2: I don't want to waste your time. I am a

540
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 2: woman who's an access woman, and I just would never

541
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: even be intimate with you if I can't access what's

542
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 2: going on, because if there is a disease or if

543
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 2: there is something coming from someone, it's in that phone.

544
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 2: It's in that phone. And I'm not playing with my body,

545
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 2: I'm not playing with my heart. Yeah, and so I'm good.

546
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 3: I love that with your engagements, and you are still

547
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 3: a woman who who wants to be loved, aspires to

548
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,640
Speaker 3: be in a relationship.

549
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: What kept you still wanted that?

550
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 3: Because I know some people when they've been engaged and

551
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 3: maybe it didn't work out that happened twice for you?

552
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,880
Speaker 3: What kept you saying no, this is I still want love?

553
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 2: You know what's crazy? Chris So And again I say

554
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 2: this with all the compassion for the women who have

555
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 2: been left. Yeah, I think if I was the one

556
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 2: being left, I probably would be on the other side

557
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 2: of the emotion. I probably would maybe feel a little

558
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 2: disempowered or kind of like what am I not doing right?

559
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 2: Or why me? But being that I was the one

560
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: that was pursued obviously right, and I pursued back once

561
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 2: I wanted them, and acts right and chosen and chose back,

562
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 2: and then I did the leaving, and I called off

563
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 2: both engagements or both weddings. As crazy as it sounds,

564
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 2: it does put It gives me leverage. It puts me

565
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 2: in a position of power, not a power where I'm

566
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 2: taking advantage of the power of I did the leaving,

567
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: so I'm still the woman who was desired pursued. They

568
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 2: still wanted the relationship when I left, and I didn't

569
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 2: leave because they weren't great men. I left because they

570
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 2: weren't my men forever and I wasn't going to continue

571
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship even with my last fiance,

572
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 2: where I was fully taken care of. I didn't pay

573
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: a bill by a grape. I made sure he had

574
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 2: food I was cooking. I was definitely fully submissive to

575
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 2: whatever he needed, which I loved, by the way. I

576
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: love that. I love that role. Just so you men know,

577
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 2: I love fascimission role. You could take care of me

578
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: any day. But I still wasn't going to stay and

579
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 2: allow him to take full care of me. Right knowing

580
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 2: that I didn't want to be with this man. I

581
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,439
Speaker 2: wasn't staying to use him or I wasn't staying to

582
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 2: be taken care of. He didn't take care of me

583
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: because I didn't have my own I was a doctor already,

584
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 2: I have my own money, I have my own reserves.

585
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 2: And I also didn't need him to support me in

586
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,639
Speaker 2: the sense of once I left, you know, he was

587
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 2: giving me money to leave. No when we left, we left,

588
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 2: and my last text message to him was I left

589
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 2: the house, thank you for taking such great care of me.

590
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: I am so grateful for you. Continue blessings. And he

591
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 2: text me back and said same to you. You know,

592
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 2: thank you for everything, Continue blessings. It wasn't bitter, but

593
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 2: I thanked him because that man took care of us.

594
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 2: I mean like literally was a retired basketball player and

595
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 2: was doing okay. But when it got a second regular job,

596
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 2: Christal to make sure he can fit me into his world,

597
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 2: and to me, that is just so just admirable, you know.

598
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 2: And when you see a man putting that much effort,

599
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 2: my opinion is, I don't care how alpha you are,

600
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 2: you pique, you'll submissive. And that was my first time

601
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 2: where I literally organically my alpha was like doormatt and

602
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: my submissive was like fully play. And I fell in

603
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 2: love with me, probably more than he did because I

604
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this saw her so miss a woman

605
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 2: is She's everything. I love this. And yeah, anything he needed,

606
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 2: he can come home at twelve and working out and

607
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: he's like I'm hungry. I'm like, what do you want,

608
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 2: No problem, put my little gospel music on, and I'm

609
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: in that kitchen at twelve am cooking, having a good time.

610
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 2: So they do exist, but you just have to make

611
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: sure that you're choosing what works for you.

612
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, at what point were you like this amazing guy,

613
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: he's doing all these amazing things, going the extra mile

614
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 3: to get that extra job. What was it that you

615
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 3: were like this isn't my forever person, because it sounds

616
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 3: like a great race is where.

617
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: Y'all gonna eat my ass up. And I'm okay with that. Okay,

618
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that. I actually love myself, so I

619
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 2: don't date men with kids. Oh and he knew that

620
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 2: when we first started dating. I obviously knew that he

621
00:29:55,360 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 2: had two beautiful young adult daughters. But we still both

622
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 2: continue to pursue each other and ended up in a relationship,

623
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 2: ended up loving each other and engaged. And we would

624
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 2: sit in bed, Crystal, I'm not it. We'd have the

625
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 2: most amazing day, things would be good, and I would

626
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 2: just lay in bed and I say, Babe at night,

627
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 2: I'm like baby, He's like yep. I'm like, I'm having

628
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 2: those fills again. And he's like what. And I'm like,

629
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 2: I love that we're a family because we were like

630
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: the girls would come and we'd have dinner. I'd cook,

631
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 2: you know, and so but I'm like, I love our

632
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 2: family unit. It's not your girls at all. They did

633
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 2: nothing derogatory to the relationship. I mean, he made it

634
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 2: a breeze. There was no baby mama drama. I never

635
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 2: even met their mama's the oldest daughter would talk to

636
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 2: me about her mom and some concerns they would have.

637
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 2: It I would totally facilitate it, be open. I would

638
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 2: work out what his girls eat. I mean, it was

639
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 2: never then, and even after we broke up, me and

640
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 2: his daughter, she still kept in contact. But I said

641
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: that to say, I would say, it's not you, it's

642
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 2: not them, it's me. My spirit isn't letting me go

643
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: against my values of what I don't want. I come

644
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 2: from my father who has six of us by five

645
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 2: different women. And since I can remember speaking and thinking,

646
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 2: I used to say, Daddy, I love all my siblings,

647
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 2: but I don't like that you did this with five women,

648
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,239
Speaker 2: and I don't want that. And my extance had two

649
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: beautiful girls by two different women.

650
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: So you were saying that.

651
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 2: My dad was like, Baby said, and I know you

652
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 2: think he's different, because it's too he's not. Wow, he's not.

653
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 2: He's not. So I told you, you know, we had

654
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: this agreement. And I was like, but Daddy takes care

655
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 2: of me and he loves me and we're good. And

656
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 2: my dad was like, Baby, I'm telling you hold off

657
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 2: on the wedding. Hold off. And so I would have

658
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 2: these conversations and when I learned that there was nothing

659
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 2: he could do to shift how I felt in here

660
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: and it wasn't his responsibility to shift me had to

661
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: be authentic and really show my love for him and

662
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 2: say I can't be married and have kids. And it's

663
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 2: continued to be this burden on us, and you try

664
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: to facilitate it, and through a lot of those spaces,

665
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 2: it will cause some conflict. And he wasn't always able

666
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 2: to have the emotional intelligence needed to totally facilitate us

667
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 2: through certain things. And so I start saying, you know,

668
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 2: what if I be when I're am pregnant, We're marry

669
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 2: and are pregnant, and I'm having these these moments and

670
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 2: he's not able to facilitate me. He's shutting down for

671
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,719
Speaker 2: four or five days and we're in the house together.

672
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 2: And mind you, he was fourteen years older than me,

673
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 2: and so in my mind, I'm thinking, which most of

674
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 2: us think, older man, the matority's going to be there.

675
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 2: He can facilitate this. That's not an age thing. That's

676
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 2: just an experience and wisdom thing. And to his defense,

677
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: you know, I believe he tried his best to but

678
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 2: when it came to us having friction. The second part

679
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 2: of it was he was still very into that an

680
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 2: emotional intelligence work girl. We go five days without talking

681
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: in the same house, and I said, baby, I can't

682
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:06,719
Speaker 2: be married like this.

683
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: Don't worry.

684
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 2: So two things. It was the reality of you have

685
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 2: these beautiful girls who have nothing to do with my decision.

686
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 2: It's all my values and what I want. And the

687
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 2: other thing is you're not able to problem solve and

688
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 2: bring resolve quick enough in this house and I want peace.

689
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 1: Now.

690
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 3: Do you think that if he didn't do the whole

691
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: I can go five days without talking to you. Do

692
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 3: you think you could have maybe let the having the

693
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 3: kids slide because you love.

694
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: The girls, they love you clearly still have a great

695
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: relationship with them.

696
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 3: Is that something that maybe if that was strong and

697
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 3: the communication and maturity was there, that you could have

698
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 3: kept that relationship going.

699
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 2: I think I think no. I think God would have

700
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 2: found a gentle way like he did in this relationship

701
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 2: to sever it. Because God knows my heart. Yeah, and

702
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 2: like he said, I know the plans that I have

703
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: for you, plans to prosper you and give you a

704
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: good life. And I know that he knows a good

705
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: life for me. Is meet my husband and our babies,

706
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 2: and he God built me, so he knows how he

707
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 2: built my little territorial self, and he knows that I

708
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 2: don't want to look across the room and see my husband,

709
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 2: as selfish as it may sound for others, for me,

710
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 2: it's not selfish, it's me. I don't want to look

711
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 2: cross the room and see my husband engaging interacting with

712
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,839
Speaker 2: someone else's child that's not mine. The second thing is,

713
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 2: I'm a type of woman that if I'm with a

714
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 2: man with kids, I'm fully invested. Those kids will be

715
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: treated no different than my kids. I will love and

716
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 2: invest in them like their minds. And just like when

717
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 2: him and I when I caught off the wedding, I left,

718
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 2: He got to keep the family. I left as a

719
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 2: single woman having to go create my own family. So

720
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,439
Speaker 2: that's an investment a lot of women and men make

721
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 2: where they're coming in and being stepmom or stepdaddy, and

722
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 2: if that relationship ends, those kids are not yours. It's

723
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,879
Speaker 2: very rare that those kids roll with you when mom

724
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 2: or dad gets another relationship. Guess what, Yeah, it's the

725
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 2: next step mommy or daddy. So where did the return

726
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 2: on your investment go?

727
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, So I wanna ask you this because.

728
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 3: As we get older, the chances of having children and

729
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 3: like it gets less and less and less. Have you

730
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,800
Speaker 3: ever had thoughts of like, dang, Like may you know

731
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 3: what I'm saying? I I want this thing, but is

732
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 3: this even possible? The longer I wait for this man

733
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 3: who doesn't have children, I used to have to That

734
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 3: was one of my ultimatums.

735
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want anybody to get kids

736
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 1: like liter. I was in college saying that, and my right,

737
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 1: I used to think like that.

738
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 3: And I don't know if it was my mom or

739
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 3: a friend of mine someone I was in college and

740
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 3: I was like, I do not want anybody that has kids.

741
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 3: I just saw the baby mama drama and I did

742
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 3: not want that. Like you, My father has four kids

743
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 3: by four different ways.

744
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 2: Wow.

745
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, but my father is an incredible dad. And

746
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 3: someone had to point that out to me. What an

747
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 3: amazing far other my dad is and could you not

748
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 3: love someone who has children. That changed my mindset and

749
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 3: perspective on dating a man with children because of how

750
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 3: amazing my dad was, how he honored my mother with

751
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 3: the other women to make sure she never felt in

752
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 3: fear that there was still anything.

753
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: Going on, because you know, you had those issues too.

754
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 1: So I changed my mind on that.

755
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 3: But as a woman and we're getting older, how do

756
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 3: you wrap your mind around I'm still holding on to

757
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 3: wanting to date somebody who doesn't have kids when that

758
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,280
Speaker 3: opportunity for us naturally is fleeting.

759
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 2: Two things. One, I've dated my first fiance had no kids.

760
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 2: Look how good God is He gave me all the

761
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 2: experience to choose. Our first fiance had no kids, My

762
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,720
Speaker 2: second one had kids, two totally different men. The relationship

763
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 2: with no kids is more of the relationship for me regardless,

764
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 2: and so through my experiences, I know, no, the no

765
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 2: kid guy, that's my guy. I'm able to be fully open,

766
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 2: fully present with him. There's just that's my thing. I

767
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 2: just have to have that. That's a non negotiable. The

768
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 2: second thing is, you know, faith is an action word,

769
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: and you know I was a little girl in the

770
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: inner city or product of two parents who were teenagers.

771
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,319
Speaker 2: My mom was addicted to the drug that my father

772
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 2: sold and she's now sober, thank God, and she's killing

773
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 2: the game. VP of my company, got her own business.

774
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 2: She's doing her thing. And my father has transitioned last

775
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 2: year he passed away. But before he passed away, he

776
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 2: was a family man. He was alongshoreman, a book, he

777
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 2: was working, so he transitioned out that lifestyle. I say

778
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 2: that to say that God took a little girl in

779
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 2: the inner city with abandonment issues and took my broken

780
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 2: pieces and made peace from me. He took a little

781
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 2: girl in the inner city and took him from the

782
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 2: hood to the hills. And there hasn't been one promise,

783
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 2: he hasn't one kept or double down on. And so

784
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 2: when I had that conversation with God, he checks me

785
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 2: and he says, I'm confused. How much more do I

786
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 2: need to do for you to tryst that what you

787
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 2: want will prevail? How much more do I need to

788
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 2: do for you to understand that maybe it's your career

789
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 2: that I need you to do right now, because if

790
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 2: you have that husband, the type of woman that you

791
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 2: are that loves the way you love, you might just

792
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 2: put this career aside. And I know how you are,

793
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 2: and so let me do what I do. If you're

794
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 2: gonna be in my will, and because of my faith

795
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,839
Speaker 2: in Him and the way he shows up every day,

796
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 2: I would be completely dishonoring him and myself, completely disrespecting

797
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:33,240
Speaker 2: God and myself to believe or disbelieve that the desires

798
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,439
Speaker 2: of my heart won't come to pass. And so I'm

799
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 2: that woman. I understand Abraham and Sarah. You know, I'm

800
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: not saying I want to wait till i'm eighty. But

801
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,720
Speaker 2: what happened with Sarah. She wanted a baby, and she

802
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: she wasn't barren right, and Abraham was eighty, and she said,

803
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: we'll go on and have a baby with the maid.

804
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: And as soon as he had got the maid pregnant,

805
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 2: Sarah and their pregnant, and God said, you just couldn't

806
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,760
Speaker 2: wait a little longer. And then when the maid got pregnant,

807
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 2: Sarah said, get rid of this. Excuse my language, where

808
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 2: you got to go, because now I'm burying your child.

809
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 2: And Abraham was such a g and such a good

810
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,439
Speaker 2: man and Sarah, he told the maid good day. God

811
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 2: had a conversation with the maid in the desert and said, listen,

812
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: you go back, because you don't know who you carrying.

813
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 2: You go back, you carrying what Sarah was supposed to carry.

814
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 2: Because Sarah couldn't wait for me. Baby, I'm not listen,

815
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 2: ain't no maid and to be pregnant with my blessing.

816
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 2: I refuse and I believe in trust that when it's right,

817
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 2: it happen. And I really know that that is what

818
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 2: allows me not to react or be in despair when

819
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 2: I'm dating. That's what gives me the verticalness of being

820
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 2: able to stand vertical in what I want and not

821
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 2: waivering it because God's like what you wanna, docause You're

822
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 2: gonna get your blessing either way. You either gonna get

823
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,959
Speaker 2: it out after the maid gets it, or you're gonna

824
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 2: wait and have what you want and guess what al

825
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 2: wait ah wait.

826
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 1: So I something similar to that.

827
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 3: I was on the Dear Future WiFi with Latio Sweatfield

828
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 3: and he.

829
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:15,840
Speaker 1: Asked me about.

830
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he was asking me about having children. I said,

831
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 3: I'm so sick of people saying like I feel like

832
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 3: as a woman in our women in our forties, it

833
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 3: is the most annoying question is when you're gonna have

834
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 3: some babies?

835
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 2: You know?

836
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 3: And I told him, I said, I'm my answer is

837
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 3: just to stay out of my uterar. It's like people

838
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,439
Speaker 3: have a friend that literally dms me like every few months,

839
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 3: have you frozen your egs?

840
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: Yet have you frozen your egg yet? I'm like, oh

841
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 1: my gosh, seriously.

842
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 3: And I told him, I said, I'm in a space

843
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 3: now where I've waited too late. I went to the

844
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 3: doctor and she was like, it's too late to freeze

845
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 3: your eggs because you don't want to freeze them and

846
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 3: then only one may survive. And she said, so at

847
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 3: this point, you just try to get pregnantnaturally.

848
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay and same.

849
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 3: I've used the Abraham and Sarah analogies exactly like you did.

850
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 3: And I said, you know what, where I am where

851
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 3: my faith is, if it's meant to be, it will happen,

852
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 3: you know, and it's gonna be a healthy pregnancy. The

853
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 3: baby's gonna be healthy and live a great life. But

854
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 3: I can't put that pressure on myself. But I do

855
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 3: feel like because of M the same way I literally

856
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 3: said this, we we may be tween.

857
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: Where have you been?

858
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 3: Because I s I told a friend, I said, you know,

859
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 3: I used to pray like God, I have everything, but

860
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,959
Speaker 3: this one component, like why am I missing the love?

861
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 3: Like I want somebody to share this beautiful life with

862
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 3: and it would it I'm telling you, I would like

863
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,839
Speaker 3: sit in my room and be really sad walk into

864
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 3: this big, beautiful home, sad to not have anyone to

865
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 3: share it with.

866
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,479
Speaker 1: Baby. It's a real thing.

867
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 3: And I was sitting there and I was like, but

868
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 3: I knew. I was like, I literally said, if if

869
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 3: I brought you that, I know how you are. I'm

870
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 3: always like, what you need, what you need, what you need,

871
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 3: how can I help? And I would have been putting

872
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,399
Speaker 3: so much into that person that I would have let

873
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: my career go by the wayside. That would have been

874
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 3: And I looked back at relationships and I'm like, dang,

875
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,760
Speaker 3: I wonder what it would have been like. It wouldn't

876
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 3: have been like this, right, you know, because there's amount

877
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 3: of energy that you have to put into your career

878
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 3: to get to the level that you want to get to.

879
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 1: So I'm with you on that.

880
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 2: That's good and I'm await. God blesses the bold, and

881
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:21,240
Speaker 2: he blesses at the level of our belief. So anything

882
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 2: that we want, I feel like, once we pray and

883
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 2: every thought, maybe words of prayer, prayers, not just this,

884
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,959
Speaker 2: I feel like it goes out into the download system

885
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:31,760
Speaker 2: and it sits there waiting for our belief to align

886
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 2: with it. When our belief aligns with it. It downloads. Yeah.

887
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 2: And I used to I was poking at God more

888
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 2: like I think maybe about ten years ago or so,

889
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 2: and I was like, where are you taking so long?

890
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 2: You know? And I was I'm not gonna lie. I

891
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 2: was actually mad. I was mad and I said, I'm

892
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 2: mad at you. And he's like, well, let's talk about it.

893
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 2: Talk to you. I'm mad at you. He's like, well, woman,

894
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 2: I created you, so I know exactly what to say

895
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 2: to get you to talk to me. And I was like,

896
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:05,320
Speaker 2: you do. And so, you know, I had this conversation

897
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 2: and he said, what if I told you to trust me,

898
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 2: that I know where I'm going with this and that

899
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 2: I just I know your heart, I know the plans.

900
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:20,240
Speaker 2: And I said, I commit to trusting you. And he said, listen,

901
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 2: you've always said that you want you didn't want to be.

902
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 2: I was used Kobe Bryant because I love my favorite

903
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 2: players rest in peace. You always said you don't want

904
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 2: to be Kobe Bryant's wife. You wanted to be Chyenne

905
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 2: Briant who's married to Kobe Bryant. He says, so let

906
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 2: me establish you and you know what it says, right,

907
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,760
Speaker 2: It says, those who wait upon the Lord will renew

908
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: their strength. He said, I will establish you and make

909
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 2: you perfect and count ups like egos. You're walking. I

910
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 2: get weary. You're running off fame. Babe, I'm doing all

911
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 2: right now. You're doing all of those. And I'm more

912
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 2: vertical and more healthy and I've ever been. I told

913
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 2: my best friend about a month agu I said, girl,

914
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 2: I'm the healthiest I've ever been. And I'm not just

915
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 2: talking about like because I got you know, money and

916
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 2: consciousness before even all this viral shit even happen. I

917
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,800
Speaker 2: was like, well, I'm the healthiest open. I've never felt

918
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 2: so full. And I want to tell the woman. My

919
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,919
Speaker 2: prayer was, God, Okay, if you're gonna have me, wait,

920
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 2: no problem. But can we negotiate? And he said what?

921
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,240
Speaker 2: Because he knows how I am? He's like, what, woman?

922
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 2: I said, can you just fill me up, tap me

923
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 2: off as though I already have the husband, as though

924
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: I already have the kids, so that the despair and

925
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 2: in the turmworld doesn't cause a conflict where I can't

926
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 2: show up in your will. I want to show up

927
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,439
Speaker 2: full for you. And he said back, you got a deal,

928
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 2: and I'm not playing. I have been filled up and

929
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 2: topped off as though the husband and the kids. I've

930
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 2: been so full, so full, and this has been for

931
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:56,320
Speaker 2: the past maybe three or four years. I've just been full,

932
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 2: and so I don't feel the lack of their not

933
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:02,359
Speaker 2: being a presence of my husband and my kids. I'm full.

934
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 2: So by the time the husband does get here, I'm

935
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 2: choosing again from my fullness. I'm not choosing from my

936
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 2: deficit and got to do it. I'm telling you anything you.

937
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 1: Ask will I'm a living witness.

938
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 2: You're doing, you know to your point, it's funny the

939
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 2: doctor told you you're too Oh the doctor been telling me,

940
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 2: let's freeze your eggs. You have eight follicles over here,

941
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,800
Speaker 2: and you have eleven follicles over here. Let's do it. Yeah,

942
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: but see, and then that's what I mean by just

943
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 2: people going to get expert advice on certain things. It's

944
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 2: like you got to get a second third opinion, because right,

945
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 2: and I haven't frozen. But my doctor's like, you're forty two,

946
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I know, freeze you got follicles. I'm like,

947
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: I know.

948
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 3: But even that process, people don't talk about how hard

949
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 3: that is on the body.

950
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: Going through that. It's a lot.

951
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:57,240
Speaker 2: Put your body in the phases though you are Yeah,

952
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 2: we don't.

953
00:45:57,680 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 1: Talk about that. It's like, just go phrase your eggs.

954
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, you go, like you want me to.

955
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 3: That's a whole process that I have to put my

956
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,879
Speaker 3: body through, watching functions to.

957
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 2: See the eggs are pulling out of it. Yes, it's

958
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 2: it is.

959
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 1: It's a lot.

960
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,800
Speaker 2: And I'm I know, you know what. So if I

961
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 2: do decide to do it natural without the eye and

962
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 2: frozen eggs yet, but I do know that. I told God.

963
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 2: You know, see, if God in lines with my plan,

964
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 2: he usually does it. But I tried. I tried it.

965
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 2: I did say by the end of next year, I

966
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 2: want to be in a place of where I'm doing

967
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,880
Speaker 2: the do with someone who is going to be my

968
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 2: forever dude. And we're just in our baby making season.

969
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,279
Speaker 2: But I told God, I don't want it until it's

970
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 2: on his time. Yes, but to sustain me, keep me

971
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,839
Speaker 2: topped off because I love it here. I just I

972
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:44,839
Speaker 2: love it here. So I'm like, I keep it here. Yeah,

973
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 2: and I and I it's easier for me to stay

974
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 2: directly you will.

975
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that.

976
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 3: It seems like one of your non negotiables, which is

977
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,279
Speaker 3: having a man who has children kind of also is

978
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 3: in direct line with the broken homes that you talk about.

979
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:00,760
Speaker 1: And I saw you first.

980
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 3: My first introduction to you is on Cam Newton Show,

981
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,879
Speaker 3: and you talked about broken homes and broke that down

982
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 3: to him. What was it that you saw with your

983
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 3: father and your childhood that made you say, hey, I do.

984
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: Not want to repeat this.

985
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 3: And then also, what are some things that we can

986
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: communicate just to help communicate better about that so that

987
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 3: we can try to I know it's going to be

988
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 3: hard to like stop because it's so deeply rooted, but

989
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 3: what are some things that we can help our black

990
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 3: families understand how we can break this cycle.

991
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Similar to your father, my dad

992
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 2: was just the daddy of the year. You know. He

993
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 2: was again a street dude, and so I was I'm

994
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,319
Speaker 2: a product of a street dude at that time when

995
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 2: I was young, So you know, he was providing for sure. Yeah,

996
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 2: we had the street money. He was definitely protecting because

997
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 2: he was a very well respected ooji in his neighborhood

998
00:47:57,160 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: and so the provision that protection was there. But he

999
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 2: was a womanizer. He always had multiple women. He didn't

1000
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 2: hide that to me or my siblings. He wasn't a

1001
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 2: daddy who would, you know, hide his hand but tell

1002
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 2: you something else. He was very transparent. And what I

1003
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 2: love most about him is he would always tell me,

1004
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 2: for man looks like me, speaks like me, smells like me,

1005
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 2: does anything like me. No red flag, Do not date him.

1006
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 2: It's you know, on you damn sure by not bring

1007
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 2: him home because somebody would end up dead or in jail.

1008
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 2: Don't do it. And I stuck to that, but I

1009
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 2: remember there was one time I was dating a guy

1010
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 2: and he was he was a street guy, and everything

1011
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: was like and daddy, you know, and he did give

1012
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 2: me the daddy vibes, I mean to my daddy vibes.

1013
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 2: And I met my dad seeing a picture and was

1014
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 2: like no, And my dad called me every day, Crystal

1015
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 2: for two weeks, two or three times a day, get

1016
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 2: rid of him, get rid of him. Of course I

1017
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 2: got rid of him, but it wasn't because my dad said.

1018
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 2: It's because my dad was right. He was right, And

1019
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 2: so for me, I just feel like when you start

1020
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 2: to create all these houses that are homeless, I think

1021
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 2: it's a self projection of men who are overcompensating for

1022
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 2: what they've been missing. I think that they are projecting

1023
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 2: onto all these houses, which is a whole generation of

1024
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 2: kiddos and women, their mommy issues, their daddy issues, and

1025
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 2: their own inadequacies. I think it's unfair to the kids.

1026
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 2: And no matter how good of a father you are,

1027
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: just like your father, you can't be in the home

1028
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 2: with all of us. And so I'm not waking up

1029
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 2: on Christmas Morning with you. I'm still having to either

1030
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 2: travel to you right or you to me. And it's

1031
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 2: just unfair to all the other kids. There's seven of us,

1032
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 2: and we're all close for the most part. My sister

1033
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 2: who is not she's my father's daughter, she's not my

1034
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 2: mother's daughter. She's at my home now with my mom

1035
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 2: staying there because she lives in Vegas, but she has

1036
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 2: a new job in LA and she calls my mom mama.

1037
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 2: My mom cooks for her, my mom cleans behind her,

1038
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,720
Speaker 2: my mom packs her lunch to go to work, Crystal,

1039
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 2: my mama. They go get massaged. When they FaceTime me,

1040
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 2: it's her and Mama, and so I love this. This

1041
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 2: is where the oxymoron comes on family. I love that

1042
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,360
Speaker 2: it's seven of us and I love that I'm the oldest,

1043
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 2: and I love that my mama is the mama to

1044
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 2: all of them. Yeah, but I tell my mom, you

1045
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 2: have to be built a certain way to do that,

1046
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 2: and she always says, yeah, but I was the first baby, Mama.

1047
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 2: That's right, Mama, she said. If I wasn't the first,

1048
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,360
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have did it. Shy, she says, So Mama

1049
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 2: agrees with you. Go get you a man like I

1050
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,919
Speaker 2: thought I had with your dad where there's no kids,

1051
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 2: and start your own family. She said, all I wanted

1052
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 2: was a family. Didn't know he was going to go

1053
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 2: out and you know, kids. So I just feel like

1054
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:40,879
Speaker 2: it's a disservice to everybody who's involved. Until everyone gets

1055
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 2: to a place of maturity and becoming older and we're

1056
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 2: able to process, how do we blend and how do

1057
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,279
Speaker 2: we all equally get our love and our time with

1058
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 2: this parent. Yeah, that's right.

1059
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 1: I love that. So I get it. I totally I

1060
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,359
Speaker 1: understand why you do that.

1061
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 3: You are the president of the Indelac I am, and

1062
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 3: we just had an election.

1063
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: I also worked on Capitol Hills.

1064
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm really big into politics. And

1065
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:13,319
Speaker 3: I just spoke at North Carolina Central University, and the

1066
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 3: students there were saying that the morale on campus is

1067
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 3: so low right now. Everyone was really pulling for Kamala

1068
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 3: to win, and now we are faced with our future

1069
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 3: and what it could be, and everybody is really in

1070
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 3: a low place. What are some tips that you could

1071
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 3: give our community just kind of help us navigate this

1072
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 3: because it's so fresh right now.

1073
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that question. I'm truly honored to be

1074
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 2: the NAACP president of in Los Angeles for things like

1075
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 2: twelve years now, I was like the youngest years. I

1076
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 2: was the youngest president to come in and within my

1077
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 2: sitting in my branch. Yeah, and I was the first woman.

1078
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 2: We had all male leaderships who did a great job

1079
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 2: before me, by the way, Yeah, but I just happened

1080
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,879
Speaker 2: to come in and continue to do their great work.

1081
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 2: I think most importantly is the messages to Kamala is

1082
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 2: that you know, since you know, you ran the best

1083
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 2: election you could run. But I think that her leadership

1084
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 2: can't stop with this loss of the election. I think

1085
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 2: that she has to still mobilize our people. I think

1086
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,720
Speaker 2: she should still be speaking to us as a leader.

1087
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 2: I think she should still be putting together different different

1088
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 2: not policies, but different call of actions for us as

1089
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 2: a community to continue to be inspired. Leadership doesn't stop

1090
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 2: when you take an ail. Leadership continues if you're really

1091
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 2: in it for the right reasons. I know she didn't

1092
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 2: show up at Howard HU, which is her you know,

1093
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 2: her alumni, to address those kids and people who supported her.

1094
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 2: I didn't think that was a good leadership characteristic. I'm

1095
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,800
Speaker 2: just gonna say it. Even though you know I supported Kamala,

1096
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 2: voted for her, I just think that wasn't a good

1097
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 2: leadership role for her to take. And then she sent

1098
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 2: a man, a black man, out there to do her job.

1099
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 2: To me, that reinforced to people who aren't ready to

1100
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 2: have a woman president and a black woman president. That says, look,

1101
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 2: she sent a man out there to do her job,

1102
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 2: you see, And so that's the letter, right. Yeah, But

1103
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 2: I think that that conversation. I think that people like yourself,

1104
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 2: people like me, you don't need a title to be

1105
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 2: a leader. You don't need an education to be a leader.

1106
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,720
Speaker 2: If you feel passionate about something, you are a leader.

1107
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 2: Take that passion, create a committee, create a group, start

1108
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 2: the conversation, and really start to try to mobilize people

1109
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 2: around what you're passionate about within your community, and then

1110
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:36,319
Speaker 2: join your local NAACP branches, join another organization who that

1111
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 2: you feel is black, brown minority that can push some

1112
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 2: things out. And I think it's important that we continue

1113
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 2: to do that. And more than that, though, Crystal, I

1114
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: feel like as as a community of black people, not

1115
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:51,240
Speaker 2: Republicans are Democrats, but black people, we need to become strategic. Listen,

1116
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 2: I must go there. White people are very strategic in

1117
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 2: their politics, They're very strategic in their business tics, so

1118
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 2: they are planning things out out. Trump appointed a Superior

1119
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:06,439
Speaker 2: Court judge four years ago who was pardoning him four

1120
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 2: years later for all of his felons. Felons he had

1121
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 2: someone ride up qualified immunity for him as a president.

1122
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,440
Speaker 2: I mean this, that's all strategy. We have to become

1123
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 2: a very strategic community and not just a very here

1124
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 2: and now what's going on now? We gotta start to strategize, well,

1125
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 2: who's the next young councilwoman or man who's black that's

1126
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 2: gonna run for our local cities. Who's gonna be our

1127
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: next black Senate because we also didn't take the House

1128
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 2: or the seats. Who is gonna be the person who's

1129
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 2: gonna run for president. I always joke and say it

1130
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 2: might be me in four years, but it might be

1131
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:41,400
Speaker 2: a Joe, not the Joe. I might have a bellt

1132
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 2: on baby number two. And I'm sad. I told y'all

1133
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 2: the christ that I was gonna run over me, but

1134
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 2: we got general. And then when say Kamala, she didn't

1135
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 2: get in office, but she needs to set up this

1136
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 2: young black leadership and start to groom them. Grooming sometimes

1137
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 2: as in the wrong way. We need to groom in

1138
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:05,320
Speaker 2: the right positive way and strategize who we put in

1139
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:08,839
Speaker 2: an office, from Senate to city council to Congress, all

1140
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,920
Speaker 2: the way through even down to police chiefs of our communities.

1141
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 2: Can we get a black woman, can we get a

1142
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 2: black young man, someone in their thirties. Let's groom these

1143
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 2: folks so that they are mobilized, they are inspired to

1144
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 2: do more, and we have to support them. One thing

1145
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 2: about one of my co host Bremnations of Millennials, she's

1146
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 2: always screaming, y She's always screaming. Now one supports us.

1147
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:34,720
Speaker 2: I'm like, girl, y'all just lazy. But to her point,

1148
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 2: there are some that are just lazy. But to her point,

1149
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 2: they do need support. They do need the people who

1150
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 2: who came before them, who are running organizations like myself,

1151
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 2: who are speaking at big schools, who are going to

1152
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 2: the capitol to say, all right, so what are you

1153
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 2: passionate about? Like I told you can join my NAACP,

1154
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 2: I will give you entire committee to put together. I'll

1155
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 2: put you on the executive board. What you're gonna do

1156
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 2: with it? I want to see you run something. And

1157
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 2: so we have to be able to be willing to

1158
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 2: put them in position and not be the crabs in

1159
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 2: a bucket. But we're not crabs in a bucket. You know,

1160
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 2: there's room for all of us and we don't have

1161
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:09,799
Speaker 2: to be in competition with each other.

1162
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:10,879
Speaker 1: That's good, and.

1163
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 2: We need leadership. We need leadership more now than ever.

1164
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, for sure, that's amazing.

1165
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 3: You also have a book called Mental Detox, and I

1166
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 3: want to ask you what do you do to mental

1167
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:26,920
Speaker 3: detoks after the day? This is like a busy day.

1168
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 3: You got more to do after this at the end

1169
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 3: of the day, what are you going to do to

1170
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 3: mental detalks?

1171
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:34,760
Speaker 2: I either FaceTime my mom or my little brother Shane,

1172
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:37,439
Speaker 2: and if he doesn't answer, I'm sending him all kinds

1173
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 2: of emojis, like, what the hell are you doing? That's

1174
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 2: my detil I get to poke at him he's eleven

1175
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:47,360
Speaker 2: years younger than me, or meditating, and then what umbrellas?

1176
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 2: All of that is. I put on a good Bishop Jakeson.

1177
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:51,399
Speaker 1: I love him.

1178
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 2: I don't play by my bishop. Listen, and if I

1179
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 2: choose you, I'm rolling with you. I tell you I'm

1180
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 2: committed like that. We're friendships. Oh well, whatever going on

1181
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 2: going on with you, my bishop. I put on sermons

1182
00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 2: from twenty five years ago up until ten years ago,

1183
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 2: and I play that, or go to a really good

1184
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 2: Abraham Hicks video on YouTube where she talks about law

1185
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 2: of attraction and she talks about the belief and your responsibility,

1186
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 2: and she also ties in the Bible verse, which is

1187
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 2: one of my favorite. Think only on these things that

1188
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 2: are good, that are prosperous in Keithy, that are praiseworthy.

1189
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 2: And so I remind myself, Shy, would you pray for this?

1190
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 2: If it's a hard no, next thought, if it's a yes,

1191
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,440
Speaker 2: I penetrate that thought. And so I go to these

1192
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 2: for me, the bishops, And you know, sometimes Sarah because

1193
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 2: she's been preaching more for him now, but I'm still

1194
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: a bis. I'm still like the Yeah, he just has

1195
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 2: a way about me, the voice and the presence. I

1196
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 2: do that and then you know, I like me time.

1197
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 2: I find that it's solitude, So I can sit for

1198
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 2: forty five minutes just be in my solitude. And I

1199
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 2: also find that that's a way for me to allow

1200
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 2: God to speak to me. And the relationship that we have,

1201
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 2: it's it's very humorous. There's a lot of you know,

1202
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 2: who's your daddy? I tell you so, and I'm always

1203
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 2: laughing at him. And when you build a relationship with

1204
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 2: God that's past principles, past biblical past church, past religion,

1205
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 2: you get to meet yourself and him the true essence

1206
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 2: of who you are. And it's really beautiful and it's

1207
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 2: really light, and it's really fun. And that's where you

1208
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 2: become extremely fearless, extremely fearless, extremely fearless.

1209
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 1: I love that.

1210
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 3: So tell the people what is next for doctor Bryant's

1211
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 3: love that.

1212
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 2: So I have my new talk, True Talks. Yes I'm

1213
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 2: Fox so Monday Friday, eight pm Eastern. I have my

1214
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 2: new book called The Divine Wilderness that should be out

1215
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:49,720
Speaker 2: next year for sure. Well, it's y'all this book we use.

1216
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm using listen the the Moses journey metaphor with the

1217
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 2: rest c and the promise and the wilderness. Yeah, I'm

1218
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 2: gonna have to be ready for this book, my goodness.

1219
00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 2: I have my online Hybrid Certification program where I certify

1220
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 2: other existing therapists and psychologists and coaches and new coaches

1221
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 2: on how to apply my hybrid modality, which is therapy

1222
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 2: and coaching. Because I started off as a marriage from

1223
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 2: a child therapist transition into a life coach psychology experts,

1224
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 2: so I couple bad and it's called hybrid effects. Anyways,

1225
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 2: I have my online school that registration has just opened up,

1226
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 2: and we have a lot of students who have taken

1227
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:30,959
Speaker 2: the course and have really amazing successful practices where they're

1228
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 2: healing and changing lives just like me, and they're just

1229
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 2: maybe not on these huge platforms, but they're doing it

1230
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 2: just as good as me, if not better. I mean,

1231
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of my students. And so I have

1232
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:45,200
Speaker 2: my speaking tour every weekend for the next year, I

1233
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,720
Speaker 2: am on a speaking to every weekend. So I am

1234
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 2: on Tonight's Conversation speaking tour coupled with my own Doctor

1235
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 2: Brian speaking tour. I have my own Chicago. Outside of

1236
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 2: Tonight's conversation, I have Iowa, I have Michigan again, Detroit,

1237
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 2: we have la and this is outside Tonight's vertation. But

1238
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 2: then we also have their tour, so I have co

1239
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 2: mingled them too. Wo Yeah.

1240
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: I have a lot of busy.

1241
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 2: And hopefully you know, I have the husband and the kids.

1242
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw that in there. I'm not rushing, you

1243
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 2: got but I am, but I'm not. But I am,

1244
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 2: I am, but I'm not, but I'm ready.

1245
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, that is incredible.

1246
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 3: Well, I just want to say thank you so much

1247
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,440
Speaker 3: taking the time, have your extremely busy schedule to come

1248
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 3: sit down and talk with me. This has been such

1249
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 3: a refreshing waiting.

1250
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 2: And thank you for having this platform because I've watched

1251
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 2: some of your some of your episodes, and they have

1252
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 2: all been so informative, so emotionally just inclined, so touching.

1253
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 2: And you know, I stick to the Bishop Jakes and

1254
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:46,480
Speaker 2: Abraham Hicks because it's hard for me to learn a lot.

1255
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 2: I resonate with a lot, but I don't learn a

1256
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 2: lot because of how much I do read and how

1257
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 2: much I am doing what I do every day. But

1258
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 2: I've learned a lot from watching your episode seriously in

1259
01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 2: your podcast, So when they were poking at me to

1260
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 2: be on the show, I'm like, go tell her, I'm waiting.

1261
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 1: Oh, I got the memo lauding we heard you.

1262
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 2: So thank you for having this platform because, whether you

1263
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 2: know it or not, and I believe you know it,

1264
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 2: you're changing lives because a lot of women can relate

1265
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 2: to you. They are relating to you, and you're so

1266
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 2: vulnerable about just your journey of the single woman and

1267
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 2: wanting to be a mom, and that is more of

1268
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 2: our story than a lot of women know. And you're

1269
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 2: giving women a space to feel heard, to feel understood,

1270
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 2: and to feel valued without having to be a mommy

1271
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 2: or a wife. And that's huge. We need that. It

1272
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 2: is and that in itself is what leadership looks like, ladies,

1273
01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 2: So thank you for doing that so much.

1274
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:45,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate you too. It's been amazing.

1275
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 3: Doctor shy Ande Bryant came through and guide us all

1276
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 3: the way together, as I knew she would. But the

1277
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 3: part of our conversation that really struck a chord with

1278
01:01:57,200 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 3: me was when she spoke about wanting mayor and wanted

1279
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 3: a family, but knowing that certain things you have to

1280
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 3: weigh on. And she used the analogy of Abraham and Sarah,

1281
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 3: and in that she also asked God to fill her

1282
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 3: up in the places that she may have felt empty,

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Speaker 3: as though they already existed.

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Speaker 1: And I love that I never looked at it from

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Speaker 1: that perspective. So I want to challenge you.

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Speaker 3: Whatever you feel like you may be missing in your life,

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Speaker 3: pray for those things, but also ask God to fill

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Speaker 3: you up as though.

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Speaker 1: They already exist.

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Speaker 3: Thank you all so much for watching and all of

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Speaker 3: your support of the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show. I

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Speaker 3: also want to thank doctor Chyenne Bryant once more for

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Speaker 3: being our guest. To keep up with all the great

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Speaker 3: things happening in season six. You can follow me on

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Speaker 3: all social media platforms at love Chriserine, and you can

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01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 3: also follow our show at Keep It Positive Sweetie. If

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Speaker 3: you want to write into our positive Outcomes listener letter,

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Speaker 3: you can send us an email at keep It Positivesweetie

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Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. In the meantime in between time

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Speaker 3: you know what to do. Keep It Positive, Sweetie, You guys,

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Speaker 3: Next time, t