Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to you. Got another Carefully
Speaker 1: Reckless episode with your girl Joss. Hilarious. I'm gonna jump
Speaker 1: straight in, just fix my mess again. We got some
Speaker 1: voice notes this time, y'all. Thank you, because I'm getting
Speaker 1: tired to read y'all. Long ast synopsis. All right, y'all,
Speaker 1: don't be spelling right or nothing. I keep telling you
Speaker 1: all the proof read or send in your voice. But
Speaker 1: I love y'all either way, so I guess I'm gonna
Speaker 1: just had to keep reading. Here we go. Hey, Jess,
Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast. It's the very beginning,
Speaker 1: and I've always wanted to send in something, but I
Speaker 1: just never had the courage. So today I'm doing it.
Speaker 1: So I'm twenty three years old and I've been dealing
Speaker 1: with the guy four five years now. Actually yes, they
Speaker 1: made it years. We've been on and off. We somewhat
Speaker 1: have a relationship, and I will break that down to you,
Speaker 1: but I believe me being young and um, I've accepted
Speaker 1: this and allowed it to go on way longer than
Speaker 1: it has. And I really think I know it's best,
Speaker 1: but due to also doubted myself, I'm not sure. So
Speaker 1: I really like advices on this. So the guy I've
Speaker 1: been dating for the last five years talking to, I
Speaker 1: would say when I met him, initially, I was twenty
Speaker 1: years old and by the time he was thirty eight
Speaker 1: years old. So fast forward, I'm twenty three today and
Speaker 1: he's forty one. I know, huge huge age gap between
Speaker 1: the two of us. We've worked at that. That's really
Speaker 1: never been a problem for me, the age thing, and
Speaker 1: he's never been a problem from him. But relationship wise,
Speaker 1: since day one, since I've known this man, he got
Speaker 1: my number, we went out and then till I went
Speaker 1: to his house and it's been like this every since.
Speaker 1: Like he called me every day, We call each other
Speaker 1: every day. Then it went from him calling me baby
Speaker 1: pretty face, to telling me this is forever. So now
Speaker 1: I'm believing in my head this is a relationship. This
Speaker 1: man wants me forever, and you know, I should be
Speaker 1: acting as if I want to be wanted forever. You know,
Speaker 1: I should do my wifely duties. Now, that's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: So for the past five years, that's what I've been doing.
Speaker 1: Although we don't live together. I'm at his house a lot.
Speaker 1: He will come and get me and I'll be there
Speaker 1: for maybe sometimes up to a month. I'll be you know,
Speaker 1: with him, or you know, whatever may be the case.
Speaker 1: I am a mother, so you know, I have my
Speaker 1: own schedule. Of course, I'm doing my thing on the
Speaker 1: side as my mother. I've never you know, select on
Speaker 1: my mother's skills to be with him. But this relationship
Speaker 1: has taken a lot from me in my twenties. You know,
Speaker 1: I've been only about him um and it's been feeling weird.
Speaker 1: These are red flags that I know I should have
Speaker 1: paid attention to a long time ago, but he has
Speaker 1: filled my head up with so many excuses that I
Speaker 1: thought it was normal. So I haven't met his mother,
Speaker 1: I haven't met his sister. He only has one sip
Speaker 1: where I've never met any of them. He doesn't post
Speaker 1: me on social media. It was hard to get a
Speaker 1: date out of this man. And literally, as I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here telling you this story, like I know, I know, literally, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's time for me to walk away fast. For five
Speaker 1: years later, I've been sucking and scking this man. You know,
Speaker 1: I've been doing all that to him, I've been cooking
Speaker 1: and cleaning, and I come to his house and wash
Speaker 1: his fucking walls and clean his fucking shower, and make
Speaker 1: up dinner, bakeup cakes, like all of the above. And
Speaker 1: I know I'm doing too much. And as a twenty
Speaker 1: three year old, there's so much more. There's so much
Speaker 1: more to be experienced in life. And why I said,
Speaker 1: you know, it hasn't been a full blown relationship because
Speaker 1: like I said, nobody knows we're in this relationship, literally
Speaker 1: except for us, you know, and that seems weird in
Speaker 1: the year of two. I just don't think it's okay too.
Speaker 1: I understand being private, but this is a secret. I'm
Speaker 1: a secret. This is in privacy anymore. Anytime I brought
Speaker 1: up the fact that i'd like to meet as parents,
Speaker 1: we've never spend holidays together. Anytime I bring things like
Speaker 1: that up, he tells me, I'm being childish. That's a
Speaker 1: little ship and I need to get over that. But
Speaker 1: why is it important to me his family when his
Speaker 1: mama don't really care to meet nobody else, She don't
Speaker 1: want to meet no more women, things of that nature.
Speaker 1: But you're telling me that we're gonna be together forever.
Speaker 1: You're even doing the things to you know, we're doing
Speaker 1: the things to make a baby here, you know. So
Speaker 1: I know it's time to stop fooling around and to
Speaker 1: just grow up. And although he's gonna tell me whatever
Speaker 1: I need to hear to stay, I'm really ready to
Speaker 1: walk away. We had an actual talk yesterday and he
Speaker 1: told me finally that he wouldn't be able to marry me,
Speaker 1: not right now at least, and I really feel like
Speaker 1: I need to take that his face value and get
Speaker 1: the funk away. Jess, help my mess aside. No, he
Speaker 1: is a wealthy man and at this point he's a
Speaker 1: shiny ass penny. Yes I said it, regardless of what
Speaker 1: he has, or how good he loves, or why the
Speaker 1: way he has treated me has been I feel like
Speaker 1: mental mind gaze in that sick me, and I feel
Speaker 1: like he's better than that, and I'm better than that,
Speaker 1: and I should do us both of favorite and walk away.
Speaker 1: But Jess, I need you to straighten me up. I
Speaker 1: need you to tell me this. So when I think
Speaker 1: about answering those calls again, when I felt like talking
Speaker 1: to him again, no no, no no, no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1: I want to be done I need better. I want
Speaker 1: to be a wife. I want to find my husband,
Speaker 1: and I really do bad all about myself. It's how
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be your wife. So I just need
Speaker 1: some encouraging words. Please, yes, thank you, So girl, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna beat you down, then I'm gonna build you up
Speaker 1: and encourage you and seeing you on your way because
Speaker 1: you asked for this, all right. First of all, you
Speaker 1: already know because you kept saying it while you were
Speaker 1: telling me. You know, you know what type of man
Speaker 1: this is, you know, And he caught you very, very young.
Speaker 1: He caught you when you were eighteen. He was thirty eight.
Speaker 1: What the funk are you doing? What a baby? Now? Listen,
Speaker 1: I've done this as well. When I was sixteen, I
Speaker 1: was in a relationship with a thirty I think he
Speaker 1: was thirty eight too. I met this man when I
Speaker 1: was four, saying he was thirty four. Yeah, he was
Speaker 1: twenty years older than me, twenty years older than me
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen. So I absolutely know exactly how
Speaker 1: you feel. I know your pain. That ship makes you
Speaker 1: feel special. You know what I'm saying, especially in your
Speaker 1: little young mind. I'm speaking to eighteen year old you
Speaker 1: and your young mind or doing a damn thing cause
Speaker 1: you gotta niggle that drive. And he older, he dies,
Speaker 1: and he that, and he dies and he that, and
Speaker 1: you know what that has done. It's kind of took
Speaker 1: you out of the dating pool to date your age,
Speaker 1: or to date a little older than you until even
Speaker 1: experience what peer love could be like. You didn't even
Speaker 1: get to experience what you don't like. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, or what turns you off about an older guy,
Speaker 1: because you ain't never been dating no younger guys, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Now, you said you have a baby,
Speaker 1: and apparently that's not his baby, obviously, and I'm very
Speaker 1: glad that it's not. So Apparently you you've been doing
Speaker 1: some other fucking and sucking outside of this man and
Speaker 1: I and listen, more power to you because you do
Speaker 1: not need to be with him. You didn't have no
Speaker 1: business band with him. He was eighteen. He didn't have
Speaker 1: no business fucking praying on you when you were eighteen
Speaker 1: years old. Now listen, this is something that he does.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say this because this is something that
Speaker 1: the guy that I was dating when I was sixteen
Speaker 1: did as well. You think you're the only one, and
Speaker 1: you're not. He has a bunch of y'all little young girls.
Speaker 1: And I think he also may be married as well.
Speaker 1: He's probably bored and his married. He probably is never
Speaker 1: gonna leave his wife or whoever the funk he got
Speaker 1: at home, which is why you never see him on holidays.
Speaker 1: But you are his fun now. He's been doing this
Speaker 1: for a long time, so he knows how to keep
Speaker 1: up these relationships and make each one of y'all feel
Speaker 1: like y'all are the priority. You said. He talks to
Speaker 1: you every day, y'all flirt every day you're able to
Speaker 1: see him. You just don't get to spend the times
Speaker 1: of the year that means the most to people usually,
Speaker 1: and that those are holidays, birthdays and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: He's keeping you exactly where he wants you to be.
Speaker 1: He's gonna tell you anything you want to here to
Speaker 1: get you to never leave, because that's exactly what he
Speaker 1: was doing when he met you. That's why he prays
Speaker 1: on y'all so young. That's why he dates y'all so young. Now,
Speaker 1: mind you, I'm saying y'all because you're not the only one.
Speaker 1: That should be evident enough this is me straightening you up.
Speaker 1: That should be evident enough for you to be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm done. Yeah you're not his only little young baby.
Speaker 1: And while he's not old enough to be a sugar daddy,
Speaker 1: oh he on his way, and I can say you're
Speaker 1: a sugar baby. He may not be a sugar daddy,
Speaker 1: but baby, you are a sugar baby. Believe that that's
Speaker 1: what it is. I think you know what to do.
Speaker 1: And I know you said I want to be a wife.
Speaker 1: I want to be married, just I want, I want,
Speaker 1: I want, But not at the expense of your hearts,
Speaker 1: not at the expense of who you are, your mind,
Speaker 1: your dignity. Girl, do not rob yourself. You're dodging a
Speaker 1: bullet leaving that ship alone. You're doing him a favor
Speaker 1: and your favor, and his wife a favor, or his
Speaker 1: girlfriend a favor. You're doing a favor for all three
Speaker 1: of y'all at this point. But the fact that you've
Speaker 1: been cooking and cleaning and like, this motherfucker is training
Speaker 1: you to be a wife that you'll never be so
Speaker 1: actually trained you for somebody else, you know, because you're
Speaker 1: gonna make someone a very lucky husband one day. It
Speaker 1: just cannot be that, nigga. It cannot and it won't be.
Speaker 1: If it's anything I can do in my power, I
Speaker 1: will not let you do that. Ship girl, Hell no,
Speaker 1: you're twenty three. You're supposed to be worrying about what
Speaker 1: fucking career choice you want to pick. You supposed to
Speaker 1: be worried about, you know, like, come on now and
Speaker 1: then you and your early twenties, we are in different times.
Speaker 1: Now you're supposed to be thinking about starting the fucking business,
Speaker 1: going back to school if that's what you want to do.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to be worrying about other ship, how you
Speaker 1: can get ahead in life, how you can be setting
Speaker 1: yourself up so you can be well off in your thirties. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be going to parties and ship. You're
Speaker 1: supposed to be dating around, not waiting for old ass
Speaker 1: man to leave another woman, because that's exactly what you
Speaker 1: will be waiting for, And you don't even know that's
Speaker 1: what you will be signing up for. Don't nobody know
Speaker 1: about you, and ain't nobody going on about you. Imagine
Speaker 1: him bringing your little young ass to his mother. Imagine
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't do that if he wasn't with another woman.
Speaker 1: You're too young, I would feel Harrid was a forty
Speaker 1: one year old man bringing my twenty three year old
Speaker 1: girlfriend to meet my mother. What it's nothing that he
Speaker 1: can even learn from you. A relationship is given, take everything.
Speaker 1: It's benefit for both everything. I want a man I
Speaker 1: can learn from, but I also want my man to
Speaker 1: learn from me. It ain't nothing that he can learn
Speaker 1: from your little ass. Nothing. I'm not saying that you're dense,
Speaker 1: or you're stupid, or you're not intelligent or anything. No uneducated.
Speaker 1: That's not to say that he has been twenty three before.
Speaker 1: And I understand you're very mature dealing with his old ass,
Speaker 1: but you still can't teach him ship. That's why he
Speaker 1: wants to control the situation, because you know he manipulates you.
Speaker 1: You can't teach him anything. You're not even in control
Speaker 1: of the situation. But you're gonna take control. You're gonna
Speaker 1: leave that ass. That's how you get revenge, that's how
Speaker 1: you control. You leave it and let him deal with
Speaker 1: any other little young girl he's gonna deal with. Let
Speaker 1: him sell them drink to somebody else. Okay, seriously, raise
Speaker 1: your baby and date date. I don't feel bad telling
Speaker 1: young girls data around, data around, How the funk? You
Speaker 1: know what you want if you've never had nothing to
Speaker 1: compare it to? How the fun? You know you're comparing
Speaker 1: everybody this old ass man girl. What somebody gonna meet
Speaker 1: you and rock your world? Sweep you off your fucking feet, beautiful,
Speaker 1: don't let it go? All right? I love you, like
Speaker 1: literally like I love you. Hold up, Hold up? I
Speaker 1: know the ship getting good. But listen to just a
Speaker 1: couple of seconds of a commercial with you love me.
Speaker 1: You'll listen moving on. This is an update, and then
Speaker 1: she has another problem and she would like for me
Speaker 1: to fix. Listen pages. I was just listening to you
Speaker 1: on the Note for Sure podcast, and it reminded me
Speaker 1: that I forgot to actually fucking update you. But I
Speaker 1: listened to your advice, and you know what, I literally
Speaker 1: put my pride aside for no reason. I had always,
Speaker 1: you know, wanted to hit them up, but I was
Speaker 1: just scared or whatever. And I once I heard you say,
Speaker 1: you know, either pray for new friends to come into
Speaker 1: your life, or hit them up because you missed them
Speaker 1: or whatever, I literally was crying listening to it, because,
Speaker 1: like I genuinely really missed them, like it's it's like
Speaker 1: a part of me is grieving because I missed him
Speaker 1: so much. So I did what you said, and I
Speaker 1: texted both of them, and one of them was like,
Speaker 1: she was like awkwardly texting me as if like why
Speaker 1: are texting me? Or like what did you here? So
Speaker 1: I just stopped texting her, and the other one left
Speaker 1: me on red. So I just want to thank you
Speaker 1: for taking the time out to listen to my story
Speaker 1: and help me with that. And I'm gonna pray for
Speaker 1: some new friends because the hosts it's not ship. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I love you by exactly, baby, I love you too,
Speaker 1: and listen, that's no love loss there. If you want
Speaker 1: to continue to pray for those ladies, you can. If
Speaker 1: you just want to leave it there, leave it there,
Speaker 1: don't reach out again. You missed them so much and
Speaker 1: you love them still with everything in you because you
Speaker 1: guys grew up together. Those were your first real friends.
Speaker 1: But people grow up and certain people evolved and some
Speaker 1: people don't. When you grow, everybody won't grow with you. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: everybody grows at their own pace. Those girls are still
Speaker 1: stuck in the motherfucking hood fighting and ship. They want
Speaker 1: some zoos network ship. Now you want some HBO ship. Baby,
Speaker 1: go ahead, keep on going, keep on fucking going. Okay,
Speaker 1: no love loss, and don't even regret hitting them, because
Speaker 1: maybe that's the closure that you fucking need it. A
Speaker 1: lot of people don't realize closure doesn't have to always
Speaker 1: be positive. Closure doesn't have to always bring you back together,
Speaker 1: because if it's closure, then it's not closed. You're reopening,
Speaker 1: you're rehashing. No closure is exactly what the funk you got?
Speaker 1: All right, left me already? All right, I'll reached out.
Speaker 1: I love you, guys. I'm gonna love y'all from a distance.
Speaker 1: That's it. If you still choose to. But you said it,
Speaker 1: I didn't them holes ain't ship and it wasn't ship before.
Speaker 1: But you loved them. Y'all had a relationship, you know,
Speaker 1: you had friendship, and it's nothing wrong with that. That's it.
Speaker 1: They just gave you the closure that you needed. Now
Speaker 1: you have another story. I'm gonna play hey, just so
Speaker 1: I'm back, and I just want to get your advice
Speaker 1: on this situation to see if it's really the deal
Speaker 1: I'm making it or if I'm overreacting. So to give
Speaker 1: you a little background history. I let my man about
Speaker 1: four years ago and we've been in a relationship for
Speaker 1: three years together. We have one kid, but he came
Speaker 1: with one and then I had one, so we have
Speaker 1: three kids all together. The relationship is really well, It's
Speaker 1: a typical relationship. We argue some days, but we're always
Speaker 1: good most of the time, so that's really good. He's
Speaker 1: a good man. He's good to me. He really does
Speaker 1: a lot for me, for my son. We all love him,
Speaker 1: but I kind of feel like, in a way, he
Speaker 1: belittles me, and it's honestly starting to funk with me.
Speaker 1: He's a few years older than me, like about five
Speaker 1: years older than me, so he has some more experience
Speaker 1: in life, and I never take away from him. He
Speaker 1: did like three years in jail, so he has a
Speaker 1: lot of knowledge. Now. The problem is when it comes
Speaker 1: to me expressing anything to him, I feel like he
Speaker 1: makes it seem as if I'm dumb. He belittles any
Speaker 1: knowledge that I talked to him about, and it's kind
Speaker 1: of starting to put me in a place where I
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, I don't want to be with
Speaker 1: this man because he doesn't look at me as smart,
Speaker 1: like sometimes when I explained things to him, it's you know, easy,
Speaker 1: but other times it's like he's trying to belittle what
Speaker 1: I'm saying or my point of view. So for instance,
Speaker 1: I was talking to him because he's in jail now.
Speaker 1: And now I didn't meet him in jail. He just
Speaker 1: with the jail this year, So don't do that. But
Speaker 1: so for instance, he's in jail, so of course he
Speaker 1: doesn't have any access to any internet or anything. And
Speaker 1: he said that the TV is always on sports. So
Speaker 1: I was telling him about the ten year old boy
Speaker 1: who killed his mom and Missouri, and I was telling him,
Speaker 1: you know, what the news reporter said. I constantly stated
Speaker 1: what the news said or what the article said, or
Speaker 1: what this, this and that said. And then it's like
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, a little bit emotional because
Speaker 1: I'm a mom myself and I have two kids, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it was just like heartbreaking as a mother.
Speaker 1: So I was talking to him about it. I was
Speaker 1: really vulnerable. It was really bother me, something that still
Speaker 1: bothers me because it's really new. But it's like he
Speaker 1: brushed off how I was feeling, and he was just saying,
Speaker 1: you know, will I don't know what happened, but I
Speaker 1: don't believe everything that be on the news. I feel
Speaker 1: like people believe anything somebody tell them, and I feel
Speaker 1: like it's always like that. Even when he explains things
Speaker 1: to me, he starts talking by saying, well, I know
Speaker 1: you don't know, or I know you don't think like this,
Speaker 1: or you know. He basically just always tries to make
Speaker 1: it seem like I'm this a dumb as bitch, and
Speaker 1: it's honestly starting to bother me. Like I told you,
Speaker 1: We've been together three years, so this is three years
Speaker 1: of this ship been built up. We have talked about
Speaker 1: him untiple of times, and I have told him that
Speaker 1: I would prefer him not to say those type of
Speaker 1: words before we're discussing anything. Don't tell me, will you
Speaker 1: know I don't think like this or you know, because
Speaker 1: you don't know what the funk I know, you don't
Speaker 1: know how the funk I think. And it's really starting
Speaker 1: to bother me to the point where I'm starting to
Speaker 1: for a lot of love with him because I feel
Speaker 1: like he doesn't look at me as a black educated
Speaker 1: woman that I carried myself to be. And usually people
Speaker 1: break up with people for cheating or being abusive, and
Speaker 1: it's literally none of that. And that's why, Like I've
Speaker 1: asked one other person besides you, and they said that,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just how he is because he was
Speaker 1: in prison. You know, a lot of people who went
Speaker 1: to prison before are really educated because they don't have
Speaker 1: anything to do but read and learn upon things, which
Speaker 1: is also true. He is a you know, educated black man.
Speaker 1: He's highly educated, and I give him that props, but
Speaker 1: I just feel like when it comes to me, it's
Speaker 1: nothing like he belittles me all the time. No matter
Speaker 1: what we're talking about. I always feel like he just
Speaker 1: puts me down when it comes to being educated, and
Speaker 1: it's starting to bother me. When I do tell him
Speaker 1: stuff like what's bothering me or what he's saying that
Speaker 1: he shouldn't say. He he does apologize, and he honestly
Speaker 1: takes my feel is in consideration for the moment, and
Speaker 1: he might not say it for about a week. But
Speaker 1: then it's like when we're talking about something else that's
Speaker 1: going on in social media or for our future, he
Speaker 1: always mentions that, you know, I know you don't think
Speaker 1: like this, and it's just starting to like annoy the
Speaker 1: hell out of me, and I don't want to be
Speaker 1: with him. So I just want to come to you
Speaker 1: and see if I'm over reacting. Is it not a
Speaker 1: big deal, Because, like I said, I carry myself as
Speaker 1: an educated black woman. I am young. I'm only twenty
Speaker 1: one and he is twenty six, so we do have
Speaker 1: like a little bit of an age difference. And I
Speaker 1: know that could be not a big deal to most
Speaker 1: because I'm considered younger to him and I haven't been
Speaker 1: through that much in life. But I still feel like
Speaker 1: I carry myself well and I would like other people
Speaker 1: to notice how educated I am, especially my man. If
Speaker 1: nobody else noticed, then I would at least want my
Speaker 1: man to know, you know, hey, I have a beautiful
Speaker 1: black woman who is also educated. It like, I don't
Speaker 1: want him to just think that, you know, I'm just
Speaker 1: dumb bitch. And even if he doesn't think it, because
Speaker 1: he always says that's not what I'm thinking, that's not
Speaker 1: what I mean, I just don't like the tone when
Speaker 1: we're talking, to the point where I have just stopped
Speaker 1: talking to him about ship that I know he would
Speaker 1: respond in that type of manner about. So, yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: I just want to know, am I OVERREACTA Is it
Speaker 1: not a big deal? Am I doing too much? You know?
Speaker 1: Like I said, we have been together for three years,
Speaker 1: but I'm just annoyed as hell. Now we got a
Speaker 1: commercial and if you click off of this podcast, I
Speaker 1: swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Okay, No, I
Speaker 1: don't think you're overreacting at all. I don't, and I
Speaker 1: think the rest of the listeners could agree with me
Speaker 1: as well. I don't think you're overreacting. Um. I think
Speaker 1: this is something within himself. He's not happy in his
Speaker 1: life where he is. Anytime he has to just keep
Speaker 1: telling you you don't think like that, or I don't
Speaker 1: listen to everything that happens out of the Obviously you
Speaker 1: don't listen, and obviously you don't know everything thing or
Speaker 1: you would know how to keep that ass out of jail.
Speaker 1: About that, you know, now, listen, while people do go
Speaker 1: to jail, and that's where a lot of men and
Speaker 1: women both are taught a lot of things because right
Speaker 1: they don't really have a lot of things that they
Speaker 1: can do a lot of activities that can get into
Speaker 1: you know, they're in jail. They're in prison, so they
Speaker 1: do read a lot of people do read, and they
Speaker 1: and they educate themselves, and they even have classes in prisons,
Speaker 1: you know, not jails so much, but in prisons, you know,
Speaker 1: they got classes you can take and all that type
Speaker 1: of stuff. I'm not putting anything past how educated he
Speaker 1: is or not, but I also feel like that he
Speaker 1: plays on the fact that you are young, five years
Speaker 1: younger than he is. And I feel like you're kind
Speaker 1: of letting that play on you as well, because I've
Speaker 1: even heard you say, and I have really been through
Speaker 1: much in life. No, no, no, no no. I think
Speaker 1: you're letting him make you think that way of yourself.
Speaker 1: You maybe have gone through different ship than he has
Speaker 1: gone through, for sure, because he is in and out
Speaker 1: of jail. Baby, you're not. But that doesn't go to
Speaker 1: say you haven't been through anything. You know. Don't talk
Speaker 1: like that, don't you know? And it is not what
Speaker 1: he says the way he says it. You know, I
Speaker 1: do understand that that could be a point as well,
Speaker 1: because you're just like, look, don't tell me what the
Speaker 1: funk I know. He can't tell you what you know.
Speaker 1: And yes, you do want to be supportive. You do
Speaker 1: want to feel like your man is confident in you,
Speaker 1: just as you're a confident in yourself. I am a beautiful, black,
Speaker 1: educated woman, and yeah, I have a queen by my side.
Speaker 1: She's smart, she knows some ship. You know, we both
Speaker 1: don't know everything, but we know a little about a lot.
Speaker 1: And that's what I always say. I don't know everything,
Speaker 1: but I know a little about a lot. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I don't want to ever tell
Speaker 1: someone to leave someone unless they're being physically harmed or
Speaker 1: mentally abused. But I do feel like he has to
Speaker 1: take a break from the relationship and get his own
Speaker 1: self together mentally. There's something he's battling and something that
Speaker 1: is weighing on his heart and over his head about
Speaker 1: his own life. I strongly feel that, Um, I don't
Speaker 1: know what that is. You've been with him for three years.
Speaker 1: You've been with him longer, so you would know. Before
Speaker 1: y'all god together. I imagine that you guys were just friends.
Speaker 1: So I mean, I can't assume I don't. I don't know,
Speaker 1: But you know him more than I know him. You
Speaker 1: know him more than the listeners know him. You would
Speaker 1: know if there was something that he was suffering with,
Speaker 1: or that was something that he was just mentally battling,
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, we as girlfriends can't always help our men
Speaker 1: out with that. They have to get professional help, they
Speaker 1: have to actually go and seek help on their own
Speaker 1: because they're just running away from their problems. They're masking
Speaker 1: their problems and then internally shunning them, like internally shutting down,
Speaker 1: and then projecting what they're going through on others. And
Speaker 1: that's not good either, because now you're blaming everyone else
Speaker 1: for for your issues. I feel that's what he does,
Speaker 1: and I can bet you it's very very difficult for him,
Speaker 1: or very rare that he accepts accountability for ship that
Speaker 1: he does, or you know, just anything that he's Why
Speaker 1: he's in jail, why you guys argue, why he treats
Speaker 1: you the way that he does, things like that. I
Speaker 1: think you should take a break from a relationship, have
Speaker 1: him get himself together. He and jail now shift he
Speaker 1: got nothing but time and books to read. Get yourself together?
Speaker 1: Why he on inside and he needed to get himself together.
Speaker 1: Why he's away from you, and then revisit it. But
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think that it's really healthy, especially
Speaker 1: if you've been in this for three years and it's
Speaker 1: just now starting to funk with you. Oh baby, listen,
Speaker 1: you're young. You should be doing so many other things
Speaker 1: right now instead of trying to pick a man's fucking
Speaker 1: brain apart to see why he doesn't think you're smart.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, You're twenty one, all right. Get yourself together
Speaker 1: and hopefully he gets himself together. Check back in with me, girl, listen.
Speaker 1: That is the end of this episode, y'all. I love
Speaker 1: you all so much. I really love what I do.
Speaker 1: I love what Carefully Reckless has formed into. I love
Speaker 1: that it's a very therapeutic space. It's a very safe
Speaker 1: space for my listeners. It's a safe space for my
Speaker 1: girls and my guys who are sending me their situations
Speaker 1: that they need to help on, that they need me
Speaker 1: to fix, you know, or try to fix. And I'm
Speaker 1: just happy that I can be of any assistance to
Speaker 1: any of you that I have helped, and I'm sorry
Speaker 1: for those who I haven't. But make sure you tune
Speaker 1: into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday. Tuned into Reckless
Speaker 1: Discussions this evening as well as seven pm only on
Speaker 1: YouTube and in my deepest pan boys piece. Carefully Reckless
Speaker 1: is a production of i heart Radio and The Black Effect.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.