WEBVTT - Older Don't Mean Better 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.400 and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:18.880 on the air. Welcome back to you. Got another Carefully 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.440 Reckless episode with your girl Joss. Hilarious. I'm gonna jump 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:24.400 straight in, just fix my mess again. We got some 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.000 voice notes this time, y'all. Thank you, because I'm getting 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:30.600 tired to read y'all. Long ast synopsis. All right, y'all, 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.519 don't be spelling right or nothing. I keep telling you 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.680 all the proof read or send in your voice. But 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:38.800 I love y'all either way, so I guess I'm gonna 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:42.239 just had to keep reading. Here we go. Hey, Jess, 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:45.159 I've been listening to your podcast. It's the very beginning, 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:48.600 and I've always wanted to send in something, but I 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.199 just never had the courage. So today I'm doing it. 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:55.400 So I'm twenty three years old and I've been dealing 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.440 with the guy four five years now. Actually yes, they 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:04.080 made it years. We've been on and off. We somewhat 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.920 have a relationship, and I will break that down to you, 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.320 but I believe me being young and um, I've accepted 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:12.920 this and allowed it to go on way longer than 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:15.840 it has. And I really think I know it's best, 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:20.840 but due to also doubted myself, I'm not sure. So 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.440 I really like advices on this. So the guy I've 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:28.120 been dating for the last five years talking to, I 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:31.040 would say when I met him, initially, I was twenty 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.240 years old and by the time he was thirty eight 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:37.120 years old. So fast forward, I'm twenty three today and 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:42.720 he's forty one. I know, huge huge age gap between 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.839 the two of us. We've worked at that. That's really 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.320 never been a problem for me, the age thing, and 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:50.760 he's never been a problem from him. But relationship wise, 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.240 since day one, since I've known this man, he got 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.240 my number, we went out and then till I went 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:59.320 to his house and it's been like this every since. 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.640 Like he called me every day, We call each other 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:04.960 every day. Then it went from him calling me baby 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:09.000 pretty face, to telling me this is forever. So now 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:13.000 I'm believing in my head this is a relationship. This 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:16.560 man wants me forever, and you know, I should be 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:20.000 acting as if I want to be wanted forever. You know, 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.960 I should do my wifely duties. Now, that's what I'm thinking. 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.560 So for the past five years, that's what I've been doing. 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.400 Although we don't live together. I'm at his house a lot. 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:33.080 He will come and get me and I'll be there 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:37.880 for maybe sometimes up to a month. I'll be you know, 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:41.320 with him, or you know, whatever may be the case. 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:43.480 I am a mother, so you know, I have my 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.720 own schedule. Of course, I'm doing my thing on the 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:50.040 side as my mother. I've never you know, select on 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:53.880 my mother's skills to be with him. But this relationship 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.040 has taken a lot from me in my twenties. You know, 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:02.680 I've been only about him um and it's been feeling weird. 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:05.359 These are red flags that I know I should have 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.160 paid attention to a long time ago, but he has 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:10.720 filled my head up with so many excuses that I 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:13.720 thought it was normal. So I haven't met his mother, 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:16.400 I haven't met his sister. He only has one sip 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.440 where I've never met any of them. He doesn't post 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.400 me on social media. It was hard to get a 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.600 date out of this man. And literally, as I'm sitting 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:30.720 here telling you this story, like I know, I know, literally, yeah, 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:33.600 it's time for me to walk away fast. For five 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:38.440 years later, I've been sucking and scking this man. You know, 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:42.360 I've been doing all that to him, I've been cooking 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:45.120 and cleaning, and I come to his house and wash 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.080 his fucking walls and clean his fucking shower, and make 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:52.080 up dinner, bakeup cakes, like all of the above. And 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:54.920 I know I'm doing too much. And as a twenty 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:58.160 three year old, there's so much more. There's so much 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.400 more to be experienced in life. And why I said, 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:03.800 you know, it hasn't been a full blown relationship because 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.360 like I said, nobody knows we're in this relationship, literally 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:10.840 except for us, you know, and that seems weird in 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:14.680 the year of two. I just don't think it's okay too. 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.600 I understand being private, but this is a secret. I'm 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.880 a secret. This is in privacy anymore. Anytime I brought 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:23.880 up the fact that i'd like to meet as parents, 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.680 we've never spend holidays together. Anytime I bring things like 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.360 that up, he tells me, I'm being childish. That's a 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:34.360 little ship and I need to get over that. But 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:36.520 why is it important to me his family when his 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:39.320 mama don't really care to meet nobody else, She don't 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:41.680 want to meet no more women, things of that nature. 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.480 But you're telling me that we're gonna be together forever. 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.680 You're even doing the things to you know, we're doing 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:49.719 the things to make a baby here, you know. So 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:54.520 I know it's time to stop fooling around and to 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:58.760 just grow up. And although he's gonna tell me whatever 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:01.800 I need to hear to stay, I'm really ready to 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.359 walk away. We had an actual talk yesterday and he 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:09.440 told me finally that he wouldn't be able to marry me, 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:11.760 not right now at least, and I really feel like 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:14.520 I need to take that his face value and get 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:19.320 the funk away. Jess, help my mess aside. No, he 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.520 is a wealthy man and at this point he's a 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:26.680 shiny ass penny. Yes I said it, regardless of what 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:31.240 he has, or how good he loves, or why the 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.680 way he has treated me has been I feel like 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:38.120 mental mind gaze in that sick me, and I feel 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.920 like he's better than that, and I'm better than that, 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:43.880 and I should do us both of favorite and walk away. 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:46.280 But Jess, I need you to straighten me up. I 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:49.640 need you to tell me this. So when I think 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.280 about answering those calls again, when I felt like talking 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:54.839 to him again, no no, no no, no, we're not doing that. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.880 I want to be done I need better. I want 0:05:57.880 --> 0:05:59.719 to be a wife. I want to find my husband, 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.719 and I really do bad all about myself. It's how 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:04.960 I'm not gonna be your wife. So I just need 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:09.640 some encouraging words. Please, yes, thank you, So girl, I'm 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:11.359 gonna beat you down, then I'm gonna build you up 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.360 and encourage you and seeing you on your way because 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:15.680 you asked for this, all right. First of all, you 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:18.360 already know because you kept saying it while you were 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:20.800 telling me. You know, you know what type of man 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:23.680 this is, you know, And he caught you very, very young. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.559 He caught you when you were eighteen. He was thirty eight. 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:30.360 What the funk are you doing? What a baby? Now? Listen, 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:34.440 I've done this as well. When I was sixteen, I 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:38.520 was in a relationship with a thirty I think he 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.479 was thirty eight too. I met this man when I 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.640 was four, saying he was thirty four. Yeah, he was 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:44.640 twenty years older than me, twenty years older than me 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:49.080 when I was sixteen. So I absolutely know exactly how 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:52.080 you feel. I know your pain. That ship makes you 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:54.600 feel special. You know what I'm saying, especially in your 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.440 little young mind. I'm speaking to eighteen year old you 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:00.200 and your young mind or doing a damn thing cause 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.200 you gotta niggle that drive. And he older, he dies, 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:04.520 and he that, and he dies and he that, and 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.880 you know what that has done. It's kind of took 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:11.080 you out of the dating pool to date your age, 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:13.200 or to date a little older than you until even 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:17.360 experience what peer love could be like. You didn't even 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:20.760 get to experience what you don't like. You know what 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.400 I'm saying, or what turns you off about an older guy, 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.560 because you ain't never been dating no younger guys, you 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:26.920 know what I'm saying. Now, you said you have a baby, 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.160 and apparently that's not his baby, obviously, and I'm very 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:32.120 glad that it's not. So Apparently you you've been doing 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:34.480 some other fucking and sucking outside of this man and 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.280 I and listen, more power to you because you do 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:40.240 not need to be with him. You didn't have no 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:42.000 business band with him. He was eighteen. He didn't have 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:44.560 no business fucking praying on you when you were eighteen 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:46.680 years old. Now listen, this is something that he does. 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.040 And I'm gonna say this because this is something that 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:51.200 the guy that I was dating when I was sixteen 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.400 did as well. You think you're the only one, and 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.040 you're not. He has a bunch of y'all little young girls. 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:58.160 And I think he also may be married as well. 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.880 He's probably bored and his married. He probably is never 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:03.960 gonna leave his wife or whoever the funk he got 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:06.200 at home, which is why you never see him on holidays. 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.560 But you are his fun now. He's been doing this 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:11.160 for a long time, so he knows how to keep 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:13.680 up these relationships and make each one of y'all feel 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.320 like y'all are the priority. You said. He talks to 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.040 you every day, y'all flirt every day you're able to 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.760 see him. You just don't get to spend the times 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.240 of the year that means the most to people usually, 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:27.160 and that those are holidays, birthdays and stuff like that. 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.920 He's keeping you exactly where he wants you to be. 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.000 He's gonna tell you anything you want to here to 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.319 get you to never leave, because that's exactly what he 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:38.439 was doing when he met you. That's why he prays 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.040 on y'all so young. That's why he dates y'all so young. Now, 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.280 mind you, I'm saying y'all because you're not the only one. 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:47.760 That should be evident enough this is me straightening you up. 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:50.760 That should be evident enough for you to be like, oh, yeah, 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.480 I'm done. Yeah you're not his only little young baby. 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.680 And while he's not old enough to be a sugar daddy, 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.120 oh he on his way, and I can say you're 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:01.079 a sugar baby. He may not be a sugar daddy, 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:04.880 but baby, you are a sugar baby. Believe that that's 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.959 what it is. I think you know what to do. 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:09.840 And I know you said I want to be a wife. 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.960 I want to be married, just I want, I want, 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:15.760 I want, But not at the expense of your hearts, 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:19.160 not at the expense of who you are, your mind, 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:22.760 your dignity. Girl, do not rob yourself. You're dodging a 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.480 bullet leaving that ship alone. You're doing him a favor 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.360 and your favor, and his wife a favor, or his 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:31.360 girlfriend a favor. You're doing a favor for all three 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.400 of y'all at this point. But the fact that you've 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:37.440 been cooking and cleaning and like, this motherfucker is training 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.360 you to be a wife that you'll never be so 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.839 actually trained you for somebody else, you know, because you're 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:46.360 gonna make someone a very lucky husband one day. It 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:49.160 just cannot be that, nigga. It cannot and it won't be. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.319 If it's anything I can do in my power, I 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.679 will not let you do that. Ship girl, Hell no, 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:56.520 you're twenty three. You're supposed to be worrying about what 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.959 fucking career choice you want to pick. You supposed to 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.079 be worried about, you know, like, come on now and 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:06.160 then you and your early twenties, we are in different times. 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:08.840 Now you're supposed to be thinking about starting the fucking business, 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:10.559 going back to school if that's what you want to do. 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.079 You're supposed to be worrying about other ship, how you 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.600 can get ahead in life, how you can be setting 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:19.600 yourself up so you can be well off in your thirties. Okay, 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:21.760 you're supposed to be going to parties and ship. You're 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:25.640 supposed to be dating around, not waiting for old ass 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.240 man to leave another woman, because that's exactly what you 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:30.760 will be waiting for, And you don't even know that's 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.160 what you will be signing up for. Don't nobody know 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.920 about you, and ain't nobody going on about you. Imagine 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:39.880 him bringing your little young ass to his mother. Imagine 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:43.480 that he wouldn't do that if he wasn't with another woman. 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.400 You're too young, I would feel Harrid was a forty 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.520 one year old man bringing my twenty three year old 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.839 girlfriend to meet my mother. What it's nothing that he 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:55.240 can even learn from you. A relationship is given, take everything. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.640 It's benefit for both everything. I want a man I 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:00.439 can learn from, but I also want my man to 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.200 learn from me. It ain't nothing that he can learn 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.600 from your little ass. Nothing. I'm not saying that you're dense, 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:10.679 or you're stupid, or you're not intelligent or anything. No uneducated. 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:14.040 That's not to say that he has been twenty three before. 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.960 And I understand you're very mature dealing with his old ass, 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.520 but you still can't teach him ship. That's why he 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:22.640 wants to control the situation, because you know he manipulates you. 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:25.640 You can't teach him anything. You're not even in control 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:27.600 of the situation. But you're gonna take control. You're gonna 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.959 leave that ass. That's how you get revenge, that's how 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.400 you control. You leave it and let him deal with 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.080 any other little young girl he's gonna deal with. Let 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:41.720 him sell them drink to somebody else. Okay, seriously, raise 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.320 your baby and date date. I don't feel bad telling 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.719 young girls data around, data around, How the funk? You 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.679 know what you want if you've never had nothing to 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.040 compare it to? How the fun? You know you're comparing 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:54.640 everybody this old ass man girl. What somebody gonna meet 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.920 you and rock your world? Sweep you off your fucking feet, beautiful, 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:03.240 don't let it go? All right? I love you, like 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.520 literally like I love you. Hold up, Hold up? I 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:08.559 know the ship getting good. But listen to just a 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:10.520 couple of seconds of a commercial with you love me. 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:15.240 You'll listen moving on. This is an update, and then 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.360 she has another problem and she would like for me 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.679 to fix. Listen pages. I was just listening to you 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.160 on the Note for Sure podcast, and it reminded me 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:27.360 that I forgot to actually fucking update you. But I 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.880 listened to your advice, and you know what, I literally 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:33.080 put my pride aside for no reason. I had always, 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.199 you know, wanted to hit them up, but I was 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:38.160 just scared or whatever. And I once I heard you say, 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.800 you know, either pray for new friends to come into 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.839 your life, or hit them up because you missed them 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.320 or whatever, I literally was crying listening to it, because, 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.319 like I genuinely really missed them, like it's it's like 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.920 a part of me is grieving because I missed him 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.079 so much. So I did what you said, and I 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.760 texted both of them, and one of them was like, 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:59.640 she was like awkwardly texting me as if like why 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.280 are texting me? Or like what did you here? So 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.360 I just stopped texting her, and the other one left 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:06.400 me on red. So I just want to thank you 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.080 for taking the time out to listen to my story 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.439 and help me with that. And I'm gonna pray for 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:13.920 some new friends because the hosts it's not ship. Thank you. 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.880 I love you by exactly, baby, I love you too, 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:20.120 and listen, that's no love loss there. If you want 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:22.040 to continue to pray for those ladies, you can. If 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:23.760 you just want to leave it there, leave it there, 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:27.240 don't reach out again. You missed them so much and 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.920 you love them still with everything in you because you 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.800 guys grew up together. Those were your first real friends. 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.199 But people grow up and certain people evolved and some 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:40.040 people don't. When you grow, everybody won't grow with you. Unfortunately, 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:43.160 everybody grows at their own pace. Those girls are still 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:46.800 stuck in the motherfucking hood fighting and ship. They want 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.120 some zoos network ship. Now you want some HBO ship. Baby, 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:54.240 go ahead, keep on going, keep on fucking going. Okay, 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.880 no love loss, and don't even regret hitting them, because 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.439 maybe that's the closure that you fucking need it. A 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:03.440 lot of people don't realize closure doesn't have to always 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:07.640 be positive. Closure doesn't have to always bring you back together, 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:11.719 because if it's closure, then it's not closed. You're reopening, 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:15.839 you're rehashing. No closure is exactly what the funk you got? 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.040 All right, left me already? All right, I'll reached out. 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.480 I love you, guys. I'm gonna love y'all from a distance. 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.120 That's it. If you still choose to. But you said it, 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.120 I didn't them holes ain't ship and it wasn't ship before. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.120 But you loved them. Y'all had a relationship, you know, 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.440 you had friendship, and it's nothing wrong with that. That's it. 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:35.880 They just gave you the closure that you needed. Now 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.840 you have another story. I'm gonna play hey, just so 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:41.560 I'm back, and I just want to get your advice 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:45.360 on this situation to see if it's really the deal 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:49.280 I'm making it or if I'm overreacting. So to give 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:53.080 you a little background history. I let my man about 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:56.120 four years ago and we've been in a relationship for 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:01.000 three years together. We have one kid, but he came 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.000 with one and then I had one, so we have 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:07.560 three kids all together. The relationship is really well, It's 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.680 a typical relationship. We argue some days, but we're always 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:14.160 good most of the time, so that's really good. He's 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.960 a good man. He's good to me. He really does 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.240 a lot for me, for my son. We all love him, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:25.240 but I kind of feel like, in a way, he 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.560 belittles me, and it's honestly starting to funk with me. 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.400 He's a few years older than me, like about five 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.800 years older than me, so he has some more experience 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:38.040 in life, and I never take away from him. He 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:40.840 did like three years in jail, so he has a 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:44.160 lot of knowledge. Now. The problem is when it comes 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:48.120 to me expressing anything to him, I feel like he 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:52.360 makes it seem as if I'm dumb. He belittles any 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.200 knowledge that I talked to him about, and it's kind 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.160 of starting to put me in a place where I 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:00.080 feel like, you know, I don't want to be with 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.160 this man because he doesn't look at me as smart, 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.160 like sometimes when I explained things to him, it's you know, easy, 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.920 but other times it's like he's trying to belittle what 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.200 I'm saying or my point of view. So for instance, 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.960 I was talking to him because he's in jail now. 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:18.840 And now I didn't meet him in jail. He just 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.760 with the jail this year, So don't do that. But 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:24.840 so for instance, he's in jail, so of course he 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:27.960 doesn't have any access to any internet or anything. And 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:30.680 he said that the TV is always on sports. So 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:33.240 I was telling him about the ten year old boy 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.520 who killed his mom and Missouri, and I was telling him, 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.320 you know, what the news reporter said. I constantly stated 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.760 what the news said or what the article said, or 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:44.760 what this, this and that said. And then it's like 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:47.640 I was like, you know, a little bit emotional because 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:50.360 I'm a mom myself and I have two kids, and 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.800 I feel like it was just like heartbreaking as a mother. 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.080 So I was talking to him about it. I was 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.600 really vulnerable. It was really bother me, something that still 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.920 bothers me because it's really new. But it's like he 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.920 brushed off how I was feeling, and he was just saying, 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:10.680 you know, will I don't know what happened, but I 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:13.880 don't believe everything that be on the news. I feel 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:17.960 like people believe anything somebody tell them, and I feel 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:21.240 like it's always like that. Even when he explains things 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:23.760 to me, he starts talking by saying, well, I know 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:26.800 you don't know, or I know you don't think like this, 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.840 or you know. He basically just always tries to make 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.440 it seem like I'm this a dumb as bitch, and 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.040 it's honestly starting to bother me. Like I told you, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.399 We've been together three years, so this is three years 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.600 of this ship been built up. We have talked about 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.560 him untiple of times, and I have told him that 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:44.720 I would prefer him not to say those type of 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:48.920 words before we're discussing anything. Don't tell me, will you 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:51.840 know I don't think like this or you know, because 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.280 you don't know what the funk I know, you don't 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.560 know how the funk I think. And it's really starting 0:17:57.600 --> 0:17:59.720 to bother me to the point where I'm starting to 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.080 for a lot of love with him because I feel 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:07.040 like he doesn't look at me as a black educated 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:11.040 woman that I carried myself to be. And usually people 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:14.359 break up with people for cheating or being abusive, and 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.000 it's literally none of that. And that's why, Like I've 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.240 asked one other person besides you, and they said that, 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.560 you know, it's just how he is because he was 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.680 in prison. You know, a lot of people who went 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:28.520 to prison before are really educated because they don't have 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:32.040 anything to do but read and learn upon things, which 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.960 is also true. He is a you know, educated black man. 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:37.760 He's highly educated, and I give him that props, but 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:39.920 I just feel like when it comes to me, it's 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.160 nothing like he belittles me all the time. No matter 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:47.639 what we're talking about. I always feel like he just 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:50.639 puts me down when it comes to being educated, and 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:53.360 it's starting to bother me. When I do tell him 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.560 stuff like what's bothering me or what he's saying that 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:59.399 he shouldn't say. He he does apologize, and he honestly 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:02.359 takes my feel is in consideration for the moment, and 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.280 he might not say it for about a week. But 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.960 then it's like when we're talking about something else that's 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.800 going on in social media or for our future, he 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:14.080 always mentions that, you know, I know you don't think 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.720 like this, and it's just starting to like annoy the 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:19.159 hell out of me, and I don't want to be 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:21.520 with him. So I just want to come to you 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:23.840 and see if I'm over reacting. Is it not a 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:27.239 big deal, Because, like I said, I carry myself as 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:30.080 an educated black woman. I am young. I'm only twenty 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:33.200 one and he is twenty six, so we do have 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.080 like a little bit of an age difference. And I 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:38.840 know that could be not a big deal to most 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.680 because I'm considered younger to him and I haven't been 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.440 through that much in life. But I still feel like 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.680 I carry myself well and I would like other people 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:51.879 to notice how educated I am, especially my man. If 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:54.480 nobody else noticed, then I would at least want my 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:57.240 man to know, you know, hey, I have a beautiful 0:19:57.320 --> 0:20:00.800 black woman who is also educated. It like, I don't 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:02.800 want him to just think that, you know, I'm just 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:05.800 dumb bitch. And even if he doesn't think it, because 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:07.800 he always says that's not what I'm thinking, that's not 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.840 what I mean, I just don't like the tone when 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:13.720 we're talking, to the point where I have just stopped 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:17.000 talking to him about ship that I know he would 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:21.840 respond in that type of manner about. So, yeah, girl, 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:24.200 I just want to know, am I OVERREACTA Is it 0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:26.840