1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:26,796 Speaker 1: Pushkin. If there's one holiday I adore, and you can 2 00:00:26,836 --> 00:00:30,956 Speaker 1: ask anyone who knows me well, it has to be Halloween. 3 00:00:32,476 --> 00:00:37,716 Speaker 1: The candy, the costumes, all the general creepiness. I love it. Sadly, 4 00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:41,596 Speaker 1: I've never been all that enthusiastic about Christmas. It's never 5 00:00:41,636 --> 00:00:43,756 Speaker 1: really been my thing. I also know a lot of 6 00:00:43,756 --> 00:00:46,356 Speaker 1: people who have a really tough time during the Christmas season, 7 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:49,316 Speaker 1: and so I wanted to do something to change that. So, 8 00:00:49,436 --> 00:00:51,996 Speaker 1: even though we're busily working on a special New Year's 9 00:00:51,996 --> 00:00:55,196 Speaker 1: season of the Happiness Lab, one that will launch January sixth, 10 00:00:55,476 --> 00:00:57,796 Speaker 1: I wanted to bring you a few super super quick 11 00:00:57,836 --> 00:01:00,396 Speaker 1: tips for how you can feel a little bit happier 12 00:01:00,516 --> 00:01:04,796 Speaker 1: this holiday season. So, without further ado, welcome to The 13 00:01:04,796 --> 00:01:08,036 Speaker 1: Happiness Lab's very very short guide to having a merrier 14 00:01:08,116 --> 00:01:20,876 Speaker 1: Christmas with me, Doctor Laurie Santos. The Christmas season provides 15 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:24,276 Speaker 1: lots of opportunities for improving your well being, things like 16 00:01:24,396 --> 00:01:27,756 Speaker 1: getting together with other people, taking time off to celebrate, 17 00:01:27,756 --> 00:01:31,396 Speaker 1: and relax. All of these are practices that science shows 18 00:01:31,436 --> 00:01:34,436 Speaker 1: can make us feel happier. But the holidays can also 19 00:01:34,476 --> 00:01:37,236 Speaker 1: be really stressful, and so here are some useful things 20 00:01:37,276 --> 00:01:41,036 Speaker 1: that might help the first lesson involves the power of giving. 21 00:01:43,396 --> 00:01:46,436 Speaker 1: Finding Christmas presents for everyone on your list can feel 22 00:01:46,436 --> 00:01:49,636 Speaker 1: like a stressful chore for a distraction from the thing 23 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,716 Speaker 1: we really want to do, which is buying stuff for ourselves. 24 00:01:53,316 --> 00:01:55,876 Speaker 1: But research shows that this might be another spot where 25 00:01:55,876 --> 00:02:00,596 Speaker 1: our minds lead us astray. Liz Done, a professor at 26 00:02:00,596 --> 00:02:03,316 Speaker 1: the University of British Columbia, has done some great research 27 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,756 Speaker 1: on this. You know, I don't think treating ourselves is 28 00:02:05,756 --> 00:02:09,076 Speaker 1: a terrible idea, like spending money on ourselves can be good. 29 00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:11,676 Speaker 1: It's just that spending money on somebody else could actually 30 00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:15,556 Speaker 1: be helpful, I think is especially easy to overlook. She 31 00:02:15,676 --> 00:02:18,716 Speaker 1: asks people to spend money either on themselves or on 32 00:02:18,716 --> 00:02:21,956 Speaker 1: a gift for someone else. People predict that treating themselves 33 00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:25,276 Speaker 1: will feel the best, but it turns out they're wrong. 34 00:02:25,956 --> 00:02:28,996 Speaker 1: Subjects who buy nice things for others report feeling happier 35 00:02:28,996 --> 00:02:30,916 Speaker 1: at the end of the day than people who buy 36 00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:34,636 Speaker 1: nice things for themselves, and that effect holds even when 37 00:02:34,636 --> 00:02:37,876 Speaker 1: relatively large amounts of cash are involved. Liz also finds 38 00:02:37,876 --> 00:02:40,276 Speaker 1: that doing nice stuff for others doesn't even need to 39 00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:43,156 Speaker 1: involve money. In fact, she's run these same kinds of 40 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:46,796 Speaker 1: gifting studies with very young children using the kiddy equivalent 41 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:51,236 Speaker 1: of cold hard cash goldfish crackers, And so we gave 42 00:02:51,316 --> 00:02:54,796 Speaker 1: these little kids a windfall of goldfish for themselves, as 43 00:02:54,796 --> 00:02:56,756 Speaker 1: well as a chance to give some of those goldfish 44 00:02:56,796 --> 00:02:59,836 Speaker 1: away to a puppet named Monkey. Even children under the 45 00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:02,916 Speaker 1: age of two seem to exhibit pleasure from giving their 46 00:03:02,996 --> 00:03:06,796 Speaker 1: resources away. It's kind of just reassuring. As many problems 47 00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:08,716 Speaker 1: as we have in the world right now, it's like 48 00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:12,916 Speaker 1: the tiny humans are starting out with this proclivity to 49 00:03:12,996 --> 00:03:18,076 Speaker 1: derive joy from giving their stuff away like that. To me, 50 00:03:18,716 --> 00:03:22,356 Speaker 1: I don't know, it makes me optimistake again about the world. 51 00:03:25,116 --> 00:03:27,956 Speaker 1: So the big happiness lesson is that giving feels better 52 00:03:27,996 --> 00:03:30,876 Speaker 1: that our lying minds realize, and science shows that the 53 00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:33,876 Speaker 1: price tag isn't the important part. It really is the 54 00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:37,076 Speaker 1: thought that counts. My second Christmas tip is about the 55 00:03:37,196 --> 00:03:40,116 Speaker 1: kinds of gifts we should be giving others. It turns 56 00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:42,836 Speaker 1: out that there's one kind of holiday present that can 57 00:03:42,836 --> 00:03:46,756 Speaker 1: be super valuable and hugely happiness inducing, and that is 58 00:03:47,996 --> 00:03:52,436 Speaker 1: the gift of time. Psychologist Ashley Willins from Harvard Business 59 00:03:52,476 --> 00:03:56,236 Speaker 1: School looked into this. So we ran this experiment where 60 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,636 Speaker 1: we gave people forty dollars in one week to spend 61 00:03:58,636 --> 00:04:00,636 Speaker 1: in a way that would save them time, and forty 62 00:04:00,636 --> 00:04:02,916 Speaker 1: dollars in another week to spend on a material purchase 63 00:04:02,956 --> 00:04:05,676 Speaker 1: for themselves. And what we found is that on weeks 64 00:04:05,676 --> 00:04:08,916 Speaker 1: where people made this time saving purchase, they felt happier, 65 00:04:09,436 --> 00:04:12,516 Speaker 1: less stressed. But it wasn't about the objective amount of 66 00:04:12,516 --> 00:04:15,756 Speaker 1: time they saved. It was that these time saving purchases 67 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:19,076 Speaker 1: getting a house cleaner, ordering takeout help people feel like 68 00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:21,956 Speaker 1: they were more in control of their time, and that 69 00:04:22,076 --> 00:04:24,716 Speaker 1: was what was driving the happiness benefits, not the fact 70 00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,796 Speaker 1: that people saved an hour and a half from cooking, 71 00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:29,036 Speaker 1: but that people all of a sudden felt like they 72 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,836 Speaker 1: had a windfall of time, that they were more in 73 00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:33,916 Speaker 1: control of their schedule. Our third holiday tip is to 74 00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:38,436 Speaker 1: take time this Christmas season to experience gratitude. The reason, 75 00:04:38,556 --> 00:04:42,516 Speaker 1: according to gratitude expert Robert Emmons, is that feeling thankful 76 00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:45,956 Speaker 1: can give us the strength we need to weather tough situations. 77 00:04:46,676 --> 00:04:49,996 Speaker 1: For me, I think the most important good of gratitude 78 00:04:50,436 --> 00:04:54,236 Speaker 1: is that it helps us live resiliently. There's no resilience 79 00:04:54,476 --> 00:04:58,716 Speaker 1: without gratitude. I mean, it's just impossible gratitude is absolutely 80 00:04:58,796 --> 00:05:02,476 Speaker 1: indispensable for I think you know, just for growing an 81 00:05:02,556 --> 00:05:07,036 Speaker 1: unshakable center, a core of calm, strength, and happiness. And 82 00:05:07,436 --> 00:05:09,476 Speaker 1: it helps us to deal with the slow trip of 83 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,116 Speaker 1: every day's stress, as well as the massive trials and tribulations. 84 00:05:13,236 --> 00:05:15,956 Speaker 1: And also it widens our perceptual feel. It helps us 85 00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:18,516 Speaker 1: see the big picture and the opportunities in it, and 86 00:05:18,596 --> 00:05:21,996 Speaker 1: of course it connects people together. Robert's work has shown 87 00:05:22,036 --> 00:05:24,636 Speaker 1: that taking time for gratitude can have an important impact 88 00:05:24,676 --> 00:05:27,516 Speaker 1: on your happiness, whether you're trying to navigate the usual 89 00:05:27,596 --> 00:05:31,116 Speaker 1: seasonal aggravations or even facing a more profound sense of 90 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:34,196 Speaker 1: holiday malaise. So take a second to jot down a 91 00:05:34,236 --> 00:05:37,676 Speaker 1: few things you're thankful for each night this season, or 92 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,996 Speaker 1: steal a fantastic gratitude tip from my colleague here at 93 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:44,676 Speaker 1: Pushkin Industries, the economist Tim Hartford, who has a fantastic 94 00:05:44,716 --> 00:05:48,156 Speaker 1: new podcast called Cautionary Tales, which I hope you'll check out. 95 00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:51,636 Speaker 1: Tim's holiday gratitude hack is making his children write a 96 00:05:51,676 --> 00:05:54,676 Speaker 1: thank you letter whenever they open a present, not the 97 00:05:54,756 --> 00:05:57,796 Speaker 1: end of the whole pile, but each time an individual 98 00:05:57,836 --> 00:06:01,476 Speaker 1: gift is unwrapped. I really love this idea. It lets 99 00:06:01,476 --> 00:06:04,596 Speaker 1: Tim and his family savor more time together by slowing 100 00:06:04,636 --> 00:06:08,036 Speaker 1: down the whole unwrapping process. It forces Tim's kids to 101 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,476 Speaker 1: think about what we're seeing each gift feels like, and 102 00:06:11,556 --> 00:06:14,156 Speaker 1: the act of writing a thank you note, organizing our 103 00:06:14,196 --> 00:06:17,436 Speaker 1: feelings of gratitude and setting them down on paper. That's 104 00:06:17,476 --> 00:06:20,556 Speaker 1: great for our happiness too. Now this might seem like 105 00:06:20,596 --> 00:06:23,276 Speaker 1: a hokey family ritual, but that gets to my final 106 00:06:23,356 --> 00:06:25,676 Speaker 1: Christmas tip, which is that if we want to be 107 00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,756 Speaker 1: happier this holiday season, then we need to embrace dumb 108 00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:33,236 Speaker 1: rituals just like this. In fact, research from Harvard Business 109 00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:36,116 Speaker 1: School professor Mike Norton shows that rituals have a way 110 00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:38,476 Speaker 1: of making us feel a little bit more connected during 111 00:06:38,476 --> 00:06:41,636 Speaker 1: the holiday season. If you report having a ritual, you're 112 00:06:41,716 --> 00:06:44,436 Speaker 1: more likely to keep getting together with your family for 113 00:06:44,476 --> 00:06:47,756 Speaker 1: the holidays, and it's more likely to go well when 114 00:06:47,836 --> 00:06:50,396 Speaker 1: you do get together. If you've ever been to a 115 00:06:50,516 --> 00:06:54,396 Speaker 1: family holiday, after a few years, sometimes it occurs to 116 00:06:54,436 --> 00:06:56,276 Speaker 1: you in your head that you have nothing in common 117 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:59,036 Speaker 1: with these people. You know, they have different political beliefs, 118 00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:01,836 Speaker 1: they have different lifestyle choices. You're kind of wondering, why 119 00:07:01,876 --> 00:07:04,916 Speaker 1: am I related to them. It seems as though rituals 120 00:07:04,956 --> 00:07:07,796 Speaker 1: provide kind of a framework for the fact that we're 121 00:07:07,796 --> 00:07:11,156 Speaker 1: a family, because as we've always been eating Nana's roles 122 00:07:11,396 --> 00:07:14,516 Speaker 1: for the past fifty years, so I guess it's something 123 00:07:14,516 --> 00:07:17,156 Speaker 1: that we all do together. The other thing the rituals 124 00:07:17,196 --> 00:07:20,076 Speaker 1: do for family events like that is which is almost 125 00:07:20,076 --> 00:07:22,116 Speaker 1: as important as they tell you what to do at 126 00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:24,676 Speaker 1: each moment. So again, if you've ever been to a 127 00:07:24,716 --> 00:07:29,116 Speaker 1: family holiday, mainly it's people standing around awkwardly hoping that 128 00:07:29,236 --> 00:07:32,236 Speaker 1: arguments don't start based on something that happened in seventh grade. 129 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,876 Speaker 1: Rituals tell everyone exactly what they should do at all time. 130 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,876 Speaker 1: So it's you and you go out and do that, 131 00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:39,836 Speaker 1: and then we'll do this in the kitchen while you 132 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,836 Speaker 1: do that over there, and then we'll get picked together 133 00:07:41,876 --> 00:07:43,756 Speaker 1: at four and watch the thing, and then dinners over 134 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,436 Speaker 1: at six and then we're done. And it actually allows 135 00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:50,756 Speaker 1: the day to happen where everyone kind of sorts themselves 136 00:07:50,836 --> 00:07:53,796 Speaker 1: in a way that's optimal, and then suddenly it's all 137 00:07:53,836 --> 00:08:00,396 Speaker 1: over and nobody killed anybody. Ah, yes, the true meaning 138 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:05,476 Speaker 1: of Christmas. We got through it and nobody killed anybody. Anyways, 139 00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:10,156 Speaker 1: I hope you found these short tips helpful. The Happiness 140 00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:13,476 Speaker 1: Lab will be back on January sixth for four special 141 00:08:13,516 --> 00:08:16,956 Speaker 1: shows exploring how you can become happier in twenty twenty. 142 00:08:18,316 --> 00:08:20,076 Speaker 1: I hope you'll join me in the new year to 143 00:08:20,196 --> 00:08:23,116 Speaker 1: learn how the science of psychology can boost your well being, 144 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,836 Speaker 1: and if you can't wait, sign up for our newsletter 145 00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:31,756 Speaker 1: right away at Happiness Lab dot fm. So until we return, 146 00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:35,956 Speaker 1: Happy holidays from the Happiness Lab with Doctor Laurie Santos.