WEBVTT - 3 Ways To Get The Most Out Of Therapy & How Therapy Isn't Only for Big Issues and Problems 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:05.040 They're now instead of challenges or problems, they're friends that 0:00:05.120 --> 0:00:08.280 I can bring closer and sit down and calm them 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:10.880 down so that they don't rattle me. Because at the 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:13.039 end of the day, I'm still the one in control. 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:16.880 My emotions are a reflection of the internal side, but 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:21.000 they're actually not what makes the decisions. That is the eye, 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:31.000 the congruent eye in the middle of all of that. Hey, everyone, 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:34.839 welcome back to this very special episode of On Purpose. 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:39.040 Thanks to our partners at Better Help. For this episode today, 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.960 I'm joined with Hay Sugo, licensed therapist and head of 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.839 clinical Operations at Better Help. Also, I just want to 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:49.239 remind you that just because you might hear something on 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:53.000 the show that sounds similar to what you're experiencing, beware 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:56.480 of self diagnosis. You want to find a qualified professional 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:00.760 to assess and explore diagnosis if it's important to you. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.640 Better Help would like me to mention the following trigger 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:08.280 warnings for racism, bullying, and relationships with food. Today, we're 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:11.759 joined by a very special guest, Ulado Sam, who's going 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.280 to be sharing his own experiences, his own thoughts, his 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.280 own journey in the world and in life through his 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.720 lens and our goal with these episodes is to show 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.679 you the insides or the inner workings of what a 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.200 therapy session can look like. So what we're going to 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:31.720 be doing is guiding you Lardo through some therapy questions 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:35.600 that is going to help him reflect, share his experiences, 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.759 share his thoughts in a way that hopefully shows you 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.360 that therapy is accessible, it's approachable, and I'm hoping that 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:45.160 these give you a sense of what a real session 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.360 could look like for you, so that if you've had 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:50.880 any fears or any doubts or any challenges with finding 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.640 a therapist or going to therapy, that hopefully some of 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.320 those will go away. And of course hopefully you download 0:01:57.360 --> 0:02:00.320 better help and use it in your life to make 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.560 there be really accessible and affordable and approachable for you. So, 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:06.520 hey sou, it's always good to have you back in 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:09.320 the studio, Yolao. It's good to have you in the studio. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.240 Nice to meet you for the pleasure time and for 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:15.440 a few moments i've spent with you just now, I 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.960 can tell that you're very thoughtful, reflective individual, and so 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:22.640 I'm grateful that you've allowed us this opportunity to be 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.959 a part of this experience. Thank you so much for 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:28.000 bringing me into the space. As always, curating a space 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.720 of wellness is something that is really necessary but also 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.560 difficult to do. So already the fact that we have 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:38.040 this easy breath and you know, the nerves and jitters 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:41.240 aren't necessarily bubbling to the top. I'm really excited to 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:43.119 be able to have this conversation with you both. I'd 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.560 love to hear more a bit about you and then 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:47.680 that can go further into what you would like to 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.480 talk about today. First and foremostself saying and from the 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:52.960 land of wood and Water, the birthplace of reggae Dan 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.480 Saul and the fastest man and woman on the planet 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:57.840 and none other than King's Sun, Jamaica, So you have 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:01.640 to represent you know. But out of that growing up, 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.240 I've always been into athletics and I come from a 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:11.440 really unique family structure. My mom's from England, but my 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:14.760 brother and I born and raised in Jamaica, And on 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.720 top of that we have this eclectic sense of family. 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:23.119 And as I was maturing, my mom sort of saw 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:28.360 an opportunity where my mental health was concerned. Moving from 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:32.040 spaces and schools where there were so many things brought 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:34.760 together all at one time, growing up in Jamaica, you 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:37.640 realize that once you get to a particular school, probably 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:40.400 high school, which starts in grade seven, there are so 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:44.160 many communities that come together all at one time. It's 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.080 not as spaced out as a United States. So on 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.480 an island, you can have someone that lives two three 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:52.839 parishes over that starts their journey to school at five 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:56.800 am in the city where we were. And I just 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:01.080 happened to have a challenging time where my mental health 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:04.560 was concerned, and that was when I met doctor Agree Irons. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.640 It was a really unique experience because I was so young, 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.840 I didn't even know what therapy was. But in this space, 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:16.360 not only were we dealing with anxiety and depression, but 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:19.080 we were also dealing with family structure. How can I 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.880 show up as the best version of myself so that 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:24.080 I can be the best brother that I can be 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:28.000 older brother at that and then also simultaneously be the 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.040 best son that I can be. Because that was my 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.800 first sense of duty that I can really think of 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:38.240 outside of being my own individual, I realized I had 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:42.160 this other title. I had son, and then soon thereafter 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:45.640 I had big brother, and I really started to find 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:49.359 out what those two terms meant through sitting down with 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:53.920 doctor irons really connect with other people, and I see 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:57.520 the identity is really tied to context of you in 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:02.680 relationship with your family. Yeah, family is where it starts, 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:06.080 I believe, and then we open from that to culture, 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:10.279 because then the wider scope or the wider lens looks 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:14.520 at the fact that this really nuanced and I would 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:18.200 say it was somewhat of a benefit that was offered 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:20.800 to me and my brother wasn't something that a lot 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:25.279 of people around me had the opportunity to experience. And 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.520 I thank my mom for working so hard for that 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.839 because it's been something that has shaped the relationship that 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:34.080 I have with both of them to this very day. 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:39.680 And so in those spaces, I realized that relating to 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:42.599 other people is not just something that you do to 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:47.039 survive or to move yourself forward, but it's something that's 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.920 actually necessary to humanity. We can't sort of exist isolated, 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:56.200 and finding ways of communicating are super important, as we've 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.440 learned over the last maybe two and a half years 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:01.640 as well. So I'm glad that those skills have sort 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:04.640 of stuck with me. Skills of being able to communicate, 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:09.400 relate with other people. You mentioned your mom saw an opportunity. 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:12.520 That's the way that you mentioned to get you into 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.000 you know what, a lot of people will say services 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:19.320 into therapy. You are struggling, What would you say you 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.920 remember about your own struggle, not what your mom noticed 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:26.680 about you, but what did you feel? And if you 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:31.279 even remember that kind of thing. I can honestly say 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.599 in the simplest form, the things that I remember are 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:42.120 being exceptionally present with myself, but not fully understanding what 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:46.320 that meant. So there are these things happening internally. There 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:49.360 are these thoughts that are running a little faster than 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:52.960 I can keep up with my body's responding in particular 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:57.799 ways that I'm not able to check and really bring back. 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:01.960 And before I knew it, I was competing heavily in 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:04.279 track and field. It's something I did all the way 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:09.200 up through college, ran internationally as well, and I found 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:13.280 myself constantly in this not just a space of doubt, 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:16.720 but then also saying I'm not the biggest on the field. 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:22.120 And sometimes when you perform in like a space like Jamaica, 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.320 where we have like the biggest high school track and 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:28.520 field meet in the Western Hemisphere high school Champs, there's 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:32.360 a lot of pressure because again, we're a nation where 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:34.720 this is one of the ways that you can make 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.280 your way out. Big up to you saying bowl to 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:40.760 Soffer Powell, handsl Parchment. Those are some of the people 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.360 that I had the fortune of whether being able to 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:47.840 watch train or being part of high performance track team 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:51.239 with Fitz Coleman, those individuals brought me into a space 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:54.400 where I saw what was tangible and I put a 0:07:54.440 --> 0:08:00.520 lot of pressure on myself not just to perform, but 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:04.280 then also to make a mark. My desire was to 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.480 make a mark on the world, and that was the 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.840 first way I understood it. And a combination of like 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:13.880 just being in high school, going through puberty, and then 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.800 also performing at a high level in a sport put 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:22.640 me in this intersection of, well, who's helping this athlete 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:26.160 to process what he's feeling on and off the track. 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:29.600 And I think that's the opportunity that my mom saw 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.000 because there was a big moment in high school where 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:37.240 I just everything froze and it was my actually my 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:42.040 first absence seizure that I realized that I had, and 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:46.120 that was the impetus to say, hey, he's not having 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:50.280 the craziest of physical responses, and that's how I ended 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:53.880 up in my first therapy session. And in that session, 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.160 I imagine here a lot going on. You said something 0:08:56.200 --> 0:09:00.680 really poignant here about like being extremely self aware but 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.920 not understanding what that means. And now you're reflecting on 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:06.160 that later in life, you've gone through a lot of things, 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:09.880 including that therapy. So what do you understand about yourself now? 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:13.720 That's different from then? When I was small, there were 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:18.480 the doubts, the pressures, as my favorite author Anthony C. 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:20.760 Winkler will say, like the little pastor that's in your 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.360 head that's telling you right from wrong, the voice that 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.680 isn't yours yet, the voice that is probably societies or 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:31.319 your families that is there to guide you. But no 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.840 one necessarily sits down and allows that process to be 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:39.200 a very present one where we detail like how are 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:43.120 you feeling? Actually, what are you thinking about? And how 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:45.920 does life feel for you in your little body right now? 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:49.520 As you continue to develop, And so in reflecting now, 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:52.920 I realize that I'm more skilled with these techniques, I'm 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.880 more patient with them as well. As a kid, you 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:58.160 sort of want to understand, you want to do, you 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:01.400 want to get done, and yet at the same time, 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:04.960 you don't have the understanding of how to process all 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:09.400 of that, and you might center yourself under all the 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:14.000 isms and schisms that are around you. And so now 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:17.080 I found that I give myself a bit more space 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:19.760 to breathe, give myself a little bit more time to 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:25.439 relate not just to myself but to my environment, and 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:29.520 then I'm able to analyze a bit more. And that 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.280 allows me then with even some of the things that 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:35.160 I still deal with today that may not have disappeared, 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:41.360 but they're now instead of challenges or problems, they're friends 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.680 that I can bring closer, you know, and sit down 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.360 and calm them down so that they don't rattle me, 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.120 because at the end of the day, I'm still the 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:53.800 one in control. My emotions are a reflection of the 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:58.239 internal side, but they're actually not what makes the decisions. 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.719 He too. I just wanted to just share a few 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:04.520 observations for our viewers and listeners back at home or 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:06.800 wherever you are. What I love about watching a therapy 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.760 session in this way, or a conversation with a therapist 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:15.000 is you get to notice the really attentive listening that 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:19.480 HASU has of like finding like something very specific that 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:23.280 you said, and using that as an opportunity to ask 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:27.000 a follow up question, which we don't always get in 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.040 our day to day life. I was thinking about if 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:35.880 you were sharing your very honest truth on an everyday basis. 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.000 Sometimes our friends and family that they can be really 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.760 well intentioned, but it's really hard for them to ask 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:45.320 a question that does justice to what you just shared 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.760 and to really create a space of listening very attentively. 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:51.960 And I could see what Hasu was picking out, and 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.439 I'm sure you felt it too that you had to 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:56.160 say and think, oh wow, yeah, I just said that, 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.800 like what does that really mean? And I think that 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:01.600 that one of the beauties of therapy as well, that 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:04.560 you actually have someone who's sitting with you who is 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:09.720 listening far more attentively and skillfully than most of the 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.880 people we meet every single day. And then I was 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:17.560 also just reflecting to what you said. I think that 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:22.079 a lot of our listeners will be able to empathize 0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:25.640 with what it feels like being a young person who 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:30.080 has pressure on them. So whether it's sports or athletics, 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:35.520 or whether it's dance or gymnastics, or whether it's swimming, 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.080 or whether it's you know, whatever it is, that any 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.560 of us did when we were young. I think everyone 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:45.040 can empathize with that experience of feeling like I'm not 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.800 big enough, I'm not I'm not fast enough, I'm not 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:52.840 skillful enough, like and I can't can't even imagine what 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.960 it begins to feel. Also, when you feel that that 0:12:56.120 --> 0:13:01.920 is a method in your nation to create some you know, 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:04.640 impact in your life like that, if you add that 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.920 layer to it, that's a really remarkable layer. So I 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.559 just want to share some of those reflections quickly from 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.320 what I was hearing as well through these sessions. If 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:17.360 you're listening or watching right now, I hope you're appreciating 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.960 and taking in all of these cues. Thank you, I 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.640 mean you're noting. I think a very key difference from 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.439 talking to people that you care about that care about you, 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.520 your friends, your family, the folks that you generally want 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.479 to turn to first when you're going through something. Oftentimes 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.319 when they respond, when the folks that love you are 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:39.000 listening to you speak, they're trying to respond in a 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.520 way that's kind of like emotionally tied up in who 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:48.240 you are in the relationship. So you're listening to respond 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.280 with you in that response, what therapists are generally doing 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:55.400 are listening to respond to you with you and mind. 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:57.640 I'm not responding with like anything that has to do 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:59.720 with my life or trying to connect it to something 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.480 at me. And that's what people do, That's what friends 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:04.200 do with each other. Is I'm going to respond in 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.439 a way that helps us connect on this friend level. 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:08.920 So I'm going to bring it back to like, Oh, 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:10.520 that reminds me of a time when I was in 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.600 high school and I was running track. Like you're going 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.160 to find that therapists generally don't do that very much 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:19.200 because the focus should remain on the client. So that 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:23.280 is something that is intentional and something that somebody can 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.480 expect when they go to therapy is this person is 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:30.520 here with undivided attention to you, which most of us 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.960 don't get in our everyday life with anybody. Definitely, Yeah, 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:37.760 you know, it allows for a relationship to form, but 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.360 it is different. It's different than what you're going to 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:44.240 have with your friends, you know, your loved ones. Yeah, 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:47.920 Like it's like that small bridge between maybe like a 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:53.720 sympathetic relationship versus an empathetic relationship, which the sympathetic, to 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.720 my understanding is oh, I've experienced that too. I know 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.200 what that feels like. Whereas what we're noting now is 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.520 just sitting down with the person and being like, I 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:08.920 actually heard what you said and you mentioned this, would 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.520 you like to speak more about that? Which allows for 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.800 the person that's actually going through something or the person 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:20.080 that is coming for help to actually express what they 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:27.800 need without this other perspective interfering. And not to say 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.720 that it isn't helpful sometimes because I do believe that 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.320 in these sessions there are obviously moments of the oh, 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.600 I know what you mean by that. Yet at the 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:41.840 same time they come even at more specific instances, and 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:44.920 so it's really a pleasure because also as a man 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:49.400 of color, having these conversations too can lead to some 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:54.960 very nuanced moments where those lines sort of get blurred 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.400 for one or many reasons. So this definitely feels great 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.560 speaking of connecting things back to something you just said. 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.720 What are these lines that get blurred? Well, I think 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:11.000 I've found that for me, I've been fortunate to have 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:16.320 individuals of color, black men and women for the longer 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.040 sessions that I've been able to commit to, and I 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:22.320 say to commit to because there's a reality that therapy 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:25.800 isn't always as affordable or convenient with the world that 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.280 we live in, and so we're trying to through something 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:32.200 like this make it feel more tangible and more accessible 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:37.960 to people. But then being in America, I have found 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:41.760 that if I do happen to work with a therapist 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.840 that may be of a different ethnicity or a different race, 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.480 there are sometimes where, depending if I haven't done enough 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:53.200 research or we haven't had enough time together, those lines 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.960 of like, well, I don't get to talk about this often, 0:16:57.640 --> 0:17:02.480 let's actually investigate this when this that they're investigating isn't 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.800 what's most important to me. It's the that. And the 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:08.880 only reason I'm able to have that a little bit 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:13.360 extra of awareness is because my experience lets me know 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:16.800 that I should be able to speak about the that 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:20.000 and not the this. You know, it's if I'm understanding 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:25.320 it sounds like you've had experiences where the person in 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:28.480 front of you is focusing in on something but that 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:33.280 isn't necessarily what you want to talk about. But it 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:35.240 sounds like you're over there kind of taking care of 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.800 this other person too, thinking like, oh, I can understand 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.680 why you would want to focus on that, So then 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.399 you go with that which takes the focus of that. 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:46.439 So what is the that for you right now? What 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.280 is something going on with you right now? I'll share 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:53.919 this is actually a genuine concern of mine. I've recently 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:57.560 moved into a new apartment, first time. It's me, my 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:01.560 one bedroom, one bath, taking care of myself. Congratulations, Thank 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:05.679 you very much. I appreciate that. And one of the 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.800 things I had to ask myself recently is how safe 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:14.000 I am in my apartment. We know the context of 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.159 what it means to be in America, and thanks to 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:21.840 more House College my undergraduate experience that the world isn't 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:26.320 as fair sometimes, and we have seen the stories on 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:30.720 the news, we hear it on the radio, we see 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:36.880 the social media posts. But Brianna Taylor's experience resonated with 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:41.159 me in a very different way. To know that you 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.640 can be in your home, in your bed, fast asleep, 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:50.600 that was something that it was real. But now that 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:55.200 I am one hundred percent on my own sitting in 0:18:55.240 --> 0:19:00.719 that space, I asked myself, how do not even how 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:04.879 do I prevent that? But is that a reality for me? 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:08.920 And the sad answer in some senses is yes. There 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:13.320 is the small chance that if I haven't introduced myself 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:18.920 properly to my neighbors, or if I leave at different hours, 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.399 if I wear particular things, I might be seen as 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:27.639 suspicious instead of mysterious and cool. You know that, I 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.439 always want to be that low key sexy neighbor, like, 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:33.280 oh my gosh, he's leaving. He said, Oh he's coming back, 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:36.639 you know. But the reality that I also have to 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:41.320 navigate is that before they get to meet me, they're 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:47.320 AWE might actually be, I guess, colored by the hue 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:51.320 of my skin, and it's something that I have to 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:55.520 be aware of regardless of where I am, and it 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:58.120 just so happens that I live here, and so all 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:01.639 the contextual matters of like what it means to be 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.119 black in America like sort of came back to me 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.160 all that one time. So thank you for sharing that. 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:11.520 For many other people who are describing to folks like 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:14.240 I just moved into my first place of my own, 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:16.159 the first thing that a lot of people are going 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.960 to think is like, that's almost awesome. Congratulations, that's amazing, 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:21.920 And then you continue to share that, actually, you also 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.440 have to be concerned about your safety. This is not 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:28.439 something that many people have to think about and you know, 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:31.080 as you're speaking, I also have a lot of my 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.479 own emotional reaction to hearing you. Because our homes are 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.520 supposed to be our sanctuaries. Our homes are supposed to 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:40.320 be the safest place where we can let our hair down, 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.479 where we can feel comfortable, where we don't have to 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.320 be on edge about anything. What I'm hearing is that 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:50.040 for you, that is not always the reality. Yeah, and 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:55.640 you want me to believe in this progress, right, And 0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:59.760 yet at the same time, on the news, I'm able 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:05.679 to literally see a physical representation of my features going 0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:11.240 through these extremely traumatic experiences. Right, I'm seeing it not 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:16.800 only represented by people advocating for it, but also sensationalized 0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:23.720 and debated as to whether, oh, it's just or not, 0:21:24.640 --> 0:21:29.120 when in reality, there are so many faces that look 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:32.600 like mine, that dream like I do, that sound like 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:38.719 I do, that are slowly absorbing all of that information, 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:45.560 and without proper resources, without spaces like this, the discussion 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:49.199 around empowering you in the face of that adversity is 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:52.800 somewhat lost, and that is probably one of the goals 0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:55.439 of being a more houseman. It's to be a candle 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:59.040 in the dark, to represent that even though I know 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:04.040 this reality is around me, this shadow might be following me. 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:07.600 That's a lot of pressure for yourself again, a lot 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:10.600 of pressure to be light in a very dark world. 0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:14.840 So what are the things you'd say in your life 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:19.280 that continue to motivate you to overcome that pressure, to 0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:23.879 meet that pressure. I think of my granddad that recently passed. Again, 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:26.320 we go back to family, so needless to say, my mom, 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:31.080 my brother, my grandmother, my family. But outside of that, 0:22:31.520 --> 0:22:34.920 in the world, we get some small glimmers of hope. 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.840 And one of the ideas that I constantly have is 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:42.320 what's my hope? And that happens to be my art. 0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:45.800 What gives me hope is a great story, but a 0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:49.480 story that doesn't reflect a lot of the stereotypes. I 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:51.520 don't know if you all watch my favorite movie of 0:22:51.520 --> 0:22:55.720 the year thus far, Everything Everywhere, all at once, really 0:22:55.760 --> 0:23:00.520 fantastic movie. Outside of that, I look the World Championships 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:03.960 you were earlier this summer, you know, big up, Shelleyan Phraser, Price, 0:23:04.240 --> 0:23:08.280 Elaine Thompson, big up. Haants apart the whole. Like anytime 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:12.919 I can see people like thriving, it's always big for me. 0:23:13.440 --> 0:23:19.040 I noted that there must be an immense pressure to 0:23:19.080 --> 0:23:22.280 continue to share this light that you have inside of 0:23:22.280 --> 0:23:26.479 yourself with other people, on top of also having to 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:29.040 wonder if you're safe in your own home, if you're 0:23:29.040 --> 0:23:33.600 safe in any space, like you said, and it's hope 0:23:33.760 --> 0:23:36.080 that you come back to that allows you to move 0:23:36.119 --> 0:23:40.320 through this world, continue navigating. It gives you kind of 0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:43.479 the freedom to continue to see beauty in the world. 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:48.960 What about times where it doesn't feel so easy to 0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:51.199 do that, Well, this is where the skills kick in, 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:55.440 is it not? And so it's going to the skills 0:23:55.520 --> 0:23:59.720 that I have, or taking a moment grounding myself. And 0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:03.200 when I say grounding myself, sometimes it's the difference between 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:07.600 a shallow breath and an actual deep breath and knowing 0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:10.520 the difference in my body of like what that actually 0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:12.840 feels like. There is a lot of people don't know 0:24:12.880 --> 0:24:16.600 what it means to breathe, you know, below their ribcage, 0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:22.480 and it's something that's uncanny to me because as an athlete, 0:24:22.840 --> 0:24:27.440 I was also never taught to breathe. I learned it's 0:24:27.600 --> 0:24:31.040 an important thing I learned about aerobic and anaerobic respiration, 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:34.480 but no one ever gave me an exercise to expand 0:24:34.560 --> 0:24:38.400 my lung capacity. Right, I'm putting my body under due rest. 0:24:38.440 --> 0:24:40.800